What is the Caregiver's Dilemma | Janet Fouts | TEDxBeaconStreet
Every day a family member steps up to care for someone they love. A friend, a family member, a child, a parent, a partner. Often without any idea what challenges they are about to face. Caregiver and mindfulness coach Janet Fouts shares her journey and practical ways to reduce burnout and care for yourself as you care for those you love.
Janet Fouts is CEO of Tatu Digital and Nearly Mindful, a human potential facilitator, coach, speaker, and advocate for family caregivers. Her passion for mindfulness-based emotional intelligence training grew from her own experience as a caregiver and entrepreneur. She's authored 7 books including "When Life Hits the Fan- A Mindful Guide to Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
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Taking a 'pause', to me, seemed natural. As a caregiver for my now departed wife for 4yrs, suffering with dementia, screaming into a pillow was the best stress reliever I found.
I've been a caregiver to my daughter for 9 yrs already... it is exhausting. Having someone physically depend on you for everything can be depressing at times..especially if they are nonverbal. Now you're reading her mind on top of picking her up all day and catering to medical needs like a CNA/LPN.... I felt all the emotions in this video but more importantly... I'm just grateful my little one gets to see another day that we were not promised. I always try to keep that at the center. Yes, I'm tired but I'm learning to care for self before anyone else.. and also learning to care for my future loved ones, one day. Something I've never done or thought I'd learn before knowing her.. but the dilemma is hard. How do we do both? Start with you first and then handle your business? Even if that means starting early or taking breaks just for YOU throughout the day.. but always remember to BREATHE through the pain, and frustration. Wishing everyone peace of mind so they can get through whatever it is. We all have problems, no doubt. Even if not bigger than the next person's, it still matters that you acknowledge. Take care everyone ❤
@selinak8704
3 жыл бұрын
Wish you many happy and easy days beyond
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
i think Earth is Father Earth not Mother Earth. Like BREATHING. Meditation and Yoga can not be all about Breathing and Functionality. There is transmission from Heart to Heart. When the voice is Heard and Hearts are close. You and your Daughter are one unit. A family. Cornersone of society ... This is how i see it.
@neshayrobinson
3 жыл бұрын
@@lunarious87 very interesting perspective. I will try to think of it that way.. and so funny you wrote this because the other day I had a mini epiphany that I was looking at our situation all wrong... it is about the HEART to HEART (at the core of this)..not just about "meditation" "breathing" or whatever people consider yoga... and for her... she knows nothing about these things because she doesn't have to, she is already present + open to receive... her life is based on LOVE + I need to align myself with her more often. Thank you for your words
@neshayrobinson
3 жыл бұрын
@@selinak8704 Thank you + You as well
@corabiz08
3 жыл бұрын
I have been a caregiver to my daughter for 4 years now as well, she is also no mobile and nonverbal. I agree 100% with your post, and I thank you for sharing your idea of just being grateful for an extra day with her. It can be easy to get sucked into the stress of therapies and care and forget to remember each day with her is an extra gift 🎁
Why do we get all these people telling us to care for ourselves but no one talking about how we need support from those who are not caregivers and legislation that recognizes and supports us?
My mother has Alzheimer's disease. Living with her and looking after her has taught me a bunch of things I didn't know about me. Not all of them are good. Many people live their lives having a self image which is far from matching reality. How lucky they are without even knowing. Alzheimer is a behemoth of an illness, a truly juggernaut. It eventually destroys the sick person's brain and the carer's soul. It is a battle you do know you will never win. But you have to fight. Maybe there lies the epic of that gigantic, Sisyphean task. And the beauty? The beauty is hidden in the love you need to resist until the end.
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
Alzheimer's is an incredibly difficult disease. So hard on everyone and it's heartbreaking to hear the stories. I'm sorry Jorge.
@jorgeromera3861
3 жыл бұрын
Thanks so much, Janet. I appreciate your words.
I had a breakdown, watching my mom... but- it's been totally worth it.🥰🙏
@itsjeninMass
3 жыл бұрын
Yes. I know exactly what you mean. 💜
@itsjeninMass
3 жыл бұрын
@Aesthetic Beauty by Sylvia 💗💗💗
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
It's so very hard, many of the caregivers I've talked to went through much more than I did. Sending you a big hug Marque
@marquepoolejewer9427
3 жыл бұрын
@@JanetFouts thank you, Janet.. I took that hug in! 🙏😊
Excellent talk, Janet!
Thank you for A Simple Solution....it definitely won't solve all of our problems, but This Mindfulness can certainly help❤
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
Absolutely Delonda, Mindfulness helps us be more resilient and better able to handle all that life throws at us!
Truly inspired message. I can hear the peace in your voice, thank you for teaching me!
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much Rachel!
Thank you for sharing...
Your idea inspires caregivers!
We're stronger, smarter and more capable than we think or believe.
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
@April Showers You're both right!
We are strong and we can do this
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
YES!!!
We lost our mother to pancreatic cancer in April '06. I, being a 15 year nurse assistant / registered MT at the time, I do really feel you, Blessup🙏
@Blessedup69
3 жыл бұрын
Hi
@dineshdinesh-oq9xt
3 жыл бұрын
May god bless you 🙏❤️👍
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry for your loss Jason. Hugs to you and your family.
I'm glad mindfulness works for so many of you but when I tried mindfulness meditation, it left me feeling more stressed and depressed. The only pause that has helped me is getting respite care whenever possible. When it's not, which is most of the time, mantra meditation for five minutes works better for me than mindfulness.
@JanetFouts
2 жыл бұрын
I understand Sandra, I felt the same way when I first started learning and it was so frustrating until I stopped thinking it would "fix" everything overnight. Regular practice and some of the ones mentioned here helped me get my life back. I'm happy to hear that respite is giving you some...respite! If 5 minutes of mantra meditation helps too, that's great.
Thank you so much 🙂🙂
Hello dear Thank you very much dear
I'm an Occupational Therapist, worked for many years in geriatric care (nursing homes, home care). There are people who simply are not good caregivers. Nothing wrong with that. Not every person is made to provide care for another person.
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
True. Not everyone can do it, some definitely don't want to do the hard work, or can't handle it. It is definitely not an easy task.
I love this talk so much. I have been there. We had in home care, but I was STILL snowed under, trying to manage everything. Still, I wouldn't have changed a thing.
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
💗
Thanks so much
Thank you
Thank you for this!
@bukurie6861
3 жыл бұрын
God bless all women that are disease ...And a day to s😍❤m😍❤i😍❤l😍❤e 💑o💑n💑l💑y 💑and their f👭a👫m🙎i👪l👬y💑💑👋!
Gracias. Muy útil.
Love thy self Love thy neighbor Love thy brother
Had a little cry listening to this, I too found a mindfulness course (Kain Ramsey’s) helped me incredibly and from there I studied NLP and life coaching, it got me through 4 years of caregiving. The burn out and not dealing with your own medical issues is a real thing, excellent information.. breath and just be.. a valuable tool.
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
Oh, I've seen Kain's courses, very helpful indeed! I'm glad you found this useful too :-)
Thnkz
Listening to you in this video was definitely my little moment : ) thank you for the reminder👍❤🙏
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
Aw, thank you! We need those little moments don't we?
@em.c9093
3 жыл бұрын
@@JanetFouts we sure do : )
It’s a new year with bright and beautiful ideals , hope you’ll got a huge list for this 2021 . Coz last year was messed up due to many weren’t wise enough to consider investment . But the question, what will you achieve this year?
@wilsonjoe7992
3 жыл бұрын
Nothing other than the gift of life. And I have consider venturing into something lucrative and profitable , last year was a lesson to everyone especially me . Well seeing 2021 is enough reason to sit down and think about your financial life .
@jacobfelix9125
3 жыл бұрын
I almost slept at the streets last year when my rent was due 😭 but thanks to a friend who introduced me to Dr Lydia Virginia Woodruff ,a financial adviser.
@marshaljames2766
3 жыл бұрын
Dr Lydia Virginia Woodruff is holding a very high prestige and reputation in personal financial management. I’m happy you mentioned her. My wife recommended her to me after investing 3 grand and she really helped us in times of this bad pandemic crisis. I’m close to my retirement and this has been and well remain a good survival for me
@marshaljames2766
3 жыл бұрын
She trades cryptocurrency more especially bitcoin for her clients. Making them profits and having commission for that.
@investwithqueenie5491
3 жыл бұрын
If you knew about bitcoin since 10 years ago you won’t be poor ever again . But the truth is that is never late to bitcoin , this year bitcoin is hitting the moon.
Wow, such a powerful talk. It reminds me of a line from a poem by Neil Hilborn that I always turn to when everything around me feels so hard to go through. “Build a house, even if all the walls lean to the left. Love it anyway.”
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
Thank you Max. Love it all, just as it is. 😊
@sampreston1791
2 жыл бұрын
It's a lot like the zen poem "the song of the grass roofed hermitage". It might not be perfect but it's home
I am strong💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
I ❤this gal
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
Aw, thank you
What a wonderful speaker, even at 1.5x speed. :)
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
ha ha! thank you
Tears right after first couple of sentences. Me being a mom😭😭
@giftedgreen2152
3 жыл бұрын
Hahahahaha
@titanicgirl774
3 жыл бұрын
@April Showers they are making fun of the point the original comment specified that they are a mother. This person replying has no idea and so they mock it.
Her voice is just so damn soothing!
I Die or share with the right direction
Janet you is Beautiful Woman.
@nectarshrub
3 жыл бұрын
???????😂
@titanicgirl774
3 жыл бұрын
@@nectarshrub tf you don’t understand?
@nectarshrub
3 жыл бұрын
@@titanicgirl774 Rosie chill ✋🏻
It's as big as Britain is in on it and others as well
Question. Do you mind telling me about my under-standing of mind-fullness? I think as The Qur'an and appearently Buddhism suggests I should be *empty* (of energy) and in Muslim terms *surrendering and submitting* and adopting Forms to our Essence.
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
I reject "Pause" for me. Because for me, it feels like acting. I call myself Royal Guard with Islamic Prayer and Karate as Background, this is not acting.
@JanetFouts
3 жыл бұрын
The mindfulness I teach is simply about being aware in this moment. Almost all formal religions have some form of teaching that can be relatable.
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
@@JanetFouts Circular Religions are different from Linear Religions grossly.
Waw I like youu😁
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I want to be a speaker some day
@miss.marjan1869
3 жыл бұрын
God willing
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
Yes, Inshallah ... Do you want to make videoes and upload to youtube?
@miss.marjan1869
3 жыл бұрын
@@lunarious87 i want but i can not speak prefect
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
@@miss.marjan1869 The "Form" and Form-at is KZread. KZread can speak English. But You in Your video you can speak your own language. ... You can find help to make video on youtube. It is easy. If you have The Tools it is easy :) ... I can maybe help you. Where are you from?
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
I will sleep now. It is beyond mid-night here. No I'm lying :P Soon though.
Pause gave me goosebumps.
To learn English ,guys, you should only do one thing. you should practice. Yaeh practice try to go back in time and imagine yourself as a baby. How could you learn your mother language? By listening, right Listening and trying to speak. try and make mistakes. it's fine, But in the end i promise you. you will do it
I'm sorry and I agree with you but when you care get my providers I live in a group home with disabilities open multiple houses it wears them out it's not a smart thing yes it is not a smart thing to open multiple group homes I repeat it's not smart I have been and really bad as a client in bad situations because they didn't think if you thinking about owning a group home think about how the clients I'm going to live their daily life it's your job to help them you're getting paid for it if they're not getting the services or if they're not happy and you're doing it wrong you're being tired all the time then obviously you're not setting it up right for yourself
!!!😍❤❤❤❤
I am not the first😭😭☹☹
I like metaphor of bottle, you can pour to everyone around you, but at some point you need to get up and go fill the bottle again, and even pour yourself a glass so you dont die of thirst. No bottle can keep pouring without reffilling.
What is woo-woo?
@someonerandom6379
3 жыл бұрын
It’s a word for something seemingly New age’ ...’hippyish’.....
@yoso585
3 жыл бұрын
Well, anything that supposes the supernatural can be considered woo-woo too.
@titanicgirl774
3 жыл бұрын
@@someonerandom6379 how can new age and hippieish be synonymous? They’re literally two separate ideals
Frist one
I cant tell if the background is fake or not
@ahki-adhamash-shakur7723
3 жыл бұрын
It is
@titanicgirl774
3 жыл бұрын
Yes you can 🙄
@bluesdirt6555
2 ай бұрын
Me either
First
Pourquoi vous parler pas en francais
I no longer playing this game now my people can hunt
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
What do you mean?
@siyaindagulag.
3 жыл бұрын
I get that...go forward !
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
Awakening is limitless
We are the tru north we have the world's biggest magnetic pull
Queens pe
اللهم أنى أسألك بنور وجهك الكريم وبحق أسمك العظيم أن ترزق كل أخت وأخ وكل من يشترك فى قناتى فرحه ورزق يسجد لهم باكيا وأن تحقق لهم أحلامهم وترحم والديهم وتشرح صدورهم اللهم أنك أنت القادر على ذالك وأنت الكريم اللهم أمين
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
احسنت ... كلام به نقطة مخيفة (اخاف المجهول انا)
@zeinaba_j8676
3 жыл бұрын
@@lunarious87 هاي اخذي فرة بقناتي واذا عجبتج اشتركي بيه واني اشترك همين بليز مصدر رزقي الوحيد💕
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
@@zeinaba_j8676 ان شاء الله خير راح اشترك اول و بعدين اشوف، امي تتابع نساء مصريات :) سوف اخبرها
50$ can save my life!😰😥😥 i need hospital😭
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
Pray
Yay!!!!! Another lady giving a Ted Talk. Keep the emotions coming.
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
Are you ... passive-agressive?
@giftedgreen2152
3 жыл бұрын
This channel has fallen further than the Catholic Church.
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
@@giftedgreen2152 No. Please.
@MolemanSA
3 жыл бұрын
Are you actually trolling a TED Talk comment section with hilariously impotent attempts to mansplain? Clearly, you’ve got a lot of successful things going on in life, champ.
@titanicgirl774
3 жыл бұрын
@@MolemanSA what??
You’re not mindful, mindfulness is achieved by separating emotion from logic.
@lunarious87
3 жыл бұрын
I "think" this is True ... but she is separating emotion from logic
@noellewithane6111
3 жыл бұрын
Huh
@boredfangerrude
3 жыл бұрын
Mindfulness is being aware of one's self, whether that be realizing you're acting irrationally due to emotion or because you're being over logical. Also, reason and logic are intertwined, you cannot fully separate them, nor should you. Some logic is only possible due to emotion and some emotion like calmness can only be possible due to logic.
@boredfangerrude
3 жыл бұрын
@@JanetFouts The problem with that definition is that it means you are unaware of a significant amount that you SHOULD be aware of. With my definition, it incorporates that and much, much more so it helps you more.
@giftedgreen2152
3 жыл бұрын
Janet Fouts you can't have an abundance of emotions and be mindful. Sorry, it doesn't work that way.