My dad has NPD. He's needed a few surgeries lately - well, the surgeons were running late which made my dad furious (as he feel he should be FIRST). If you criticize my dad watch out - he goes ballistic because he takes any criticism as a major insult.

I'm 47. I guess I was diagnosed npd when I was a teenager. I only found this out a few years ago when my mother told me. Had I known this earlier I would have done something about it. Anyway. These videos are helping me make sense of some things.

@tessw9744

5 жыл бұрын

Most people with NPD experienced extreme invalidation by their caregivers in childhood. If your mother is just now telling you this, consider that maybe it's a manipulation tactic on her part, geared towards deflecting her own bad treatment of you. I'm not saying this is definitely the case, but narcissists aren't usually made in a vacuum. Narcissists usually have at least one narcissistic parent. And secondly, the fact that you accept so readily that you are a narcissist is another red flag. Narcissists don't usually admit to being narcissists. If you have the means, you should get the opinion of a specialist...someone who specializes in personality disorders, because to me?......something sounds off about the info you received from your mom.

@Skylark_Jones

5 жыл бұрын

If you are worried - naturally so, in light of what your mother said to you - seek professional advice and counselling if you are troubled. Maybe you should investigate if there is any truth in what your mother says about you having been diagnosed at 17: it would surely show up on some medical record? You might also want to look up the nine main narcissistic traits as described by Dr Grande, Dr Carter, Inner Integration and others on KZread. Be scrupulously honest: ask yourself if you fit any of the descriptions given. Narcissists are not terribly self-aware and not particularly great at acknowledging their own errors. They usually don't think that there is anything wrong with them. They don't own up. They don't readily accept what someone else says about them. More likely they'll turn it against the other person. Even if you did have some narcissistic traits (and remember: it is on a spectrum) you sound like you're willing to question yourself: that is a good sign, because believe me, if a narcissist questions anything at all, it's everyone else! They're not soul-searchers. They lie a great deal, they project a great deal as well. They are charming schemers who use and manipulate others for their own ends. They'll be nice to you - even claim to care about you - just to get something from you. They don't do anything unless there's something in it for them. They'll turn against you, sometimes out of the blue or by way of protecting their own false self image especially after being confronted on wrong-doing. I know all this almost instinctively because I've lived with and been around narcissists all my life without even knowing it until recently.

@funnypapers9668

4 жыл бұрын

Best wishes to you Manuel Rocha.

@njstorozuk

4 жыл бұрын

It's a little late now. You have the power to change your habits, but being that old makes it extremely hard. If you have children then man up and change for them. Other than that, fuck the world my man.

@renrah5902

4 жыл бұрын

I commend you for being honest with yourself. Most people with this disorder would deny it fully. Wishing you the very best!

I know someone with full blown NPD. That person is the saddest person I've ever met. Not that they are sad, I feel sad for them because their life is so pathetic.

They love things, and use people instead of the other way around.

Narcissist I know has admitted to being both a narcissist and a sociopath. I am definitely moving on.

About manipulation, you have saved my life, not literally but, I was so depressed. I was worried that I had hurt the feelings of an aquantance who was manipulating me to do something against my boundaries. Thank you I feel so much better now.

my father used to say to me "after i die do whatever you want" ...not so close to unconditional love to your child...when he bought me a car to go univercity in the first day he told that he bought it to drive only to univercity and back home not for rides...he didnt let me be with my friends to enjoy parties and occasional drinks...he didnt like i have friends so that was a reason i never invited them to home and because it was easy for him to make me feel shame by saying bad thinks about me that were lies ....now he passed away but sometimes i feel emotionaly empty ...i think he sucked my life in a way ...i know i have to be strong for me and for other people that i love ...also i feel ashamed for being treated like that as a man...i just hope not to lose my faith

Why am I only now, at nearly 30 watching this and understanding my problems in life 😟

Someone told me I have this, and I got so upset and cried a ton. Then I watched this video and I definitely have too much empathy and I appreciate the comments below from everyone suggesting a professional diagnosis! We shouldnt let mean people diagnose us :D

This guy from work was actually diagnosed with npd by the veterans admin. and beyond personally witnessing nearly everything stated in this video, the additional behavior which I observed was an extreme display of sentimental attachment to his pets. He spent literally thousands of dollars keeping all four little dogs alive way beyond the normal point of when a sane person would euthanize them, and we suspected that he made life difficult for the various veterinarians who worked for him. he would berate their services and change vets often. We called him "the dog torturer"

Exactly! Ever-deflating self-esteem. Both in overt and covert narcissists. It's like a balloon with a hole - an overinflated balloon in case of overt narcissism, and a deflated balloon in case of a vulnerable, depressive covert narcissist

My therapist told me there's something called "hidden", "secondary" or "indirect" narcissism, where you believe you are worth NOTHING and thus try to make yourself more appealing, try to perfectionate yourself to compensate for your lack of worth. What about that?

A very objective and clear assessment of this terrible disorder ; I have met such folk, unfortunately, over the years but didn't understand what made them tick! Such folk can get very nasty in situations when such triggers touch on them and subsequently they emit their traits delineated by Dr Grande above!

very informative and interesting...well, explained.

My mother was diagnosed with NPD. Despite this, she still thinks that she is fine, and everyone else in the problem. Is that normal?

Low self esteem of course:) I have narc traits since I have bpd and that is ok.

Narcissists, resist the urge even when you suffer because it's not about them, it's about you. Save yourself.

Thank you for your videos!

Yeah, he has an abnormal sense of entitlement, very demanding, insensitive and very insecured and abuser...

Thank you. Enjoyed your presentation.

Very well taught. Very understandable and interesting. 👍🏻 💗

@DrGrande

5 жыл бұрын

thank you so much

I’m 31 and my father is a competitive bodybuilder in his 60s has been working out all his life has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and it’s sooo terrible to be around a person like that even though it’s my dad and I love him but it’s just soooo terrible .

@RTC1655

4 жыл бұрын

I'm also the son of a narcissistic father. I feel with you, bro -- and I have one advice: Come to grips with your father's narcissism before he passes. It'll ease your struggles in the future.

You describe my father and my ex narc

In no way have I understood how this is bad for the individual. I understand the actions against others is unacceptable and unfair. However, someone who has such a high level of admiration and positivity for themselves will definitely go somewhere in life. Just my opinion

Very interesting and helps me understand better the person I love (fam member )

Super helpful. Work with organisations and recognise NPD now and the havoc caused.

NPD is such a grand defense mechanism. The worthlessness and pride in them are polar opposites. Once they feel that worthlessness rise up, they use the pride to put a lid on it. This is why they are never wrong and can't apologize. If they admit they are wrong it only would compound the worthlessness they already battle 24/7. They can never admit fault, that would destroy their fragile ego.

My NPD spouse is a covert abuser - he rarely demonstrates any traits outside of our home. Can you do a video about NPD projection? I get blamed for literally everything and accused of things that he, not me, is doing.

@andreasleonlandgren3092

5 жыл бұрын

Nancy Luckhurst they are always like that dont be alone w em

@faithmomma2416

5 жыл бұрын

I know the feeling, my ex was the same.

@garimaheath

5 жыл бұрын

He sounds exactly like my narc-ex.

@Skylark_Jones

5 жыл бұрын

People are so fooled by them, especially the covert chameleon type. It's because they are charm personified, usually very talkative, trying hard to impress and are considered great to be around. How they appear to others is very important. So no wonder they won't want people to know what things are like behind their closed doors.

@madisonhanks2200

5 жыл бұрын

😮 wow I know you left this comment many months ago. And I hope you’ve gotten away from the psychological and verbal abuse since🙏🏽. I am also with someone exactly like this. The things I get blamed for would sound comical if my partner wasn’t dead set serious about the accusations. I could be across the country and get blamed for something he lost or if misplaced something he claims I’m playing a game with him and I did something with it. If a business meeting doesn’t go in his complete favor it’s because I’m in his life🤷🏽‍♀️. If he’s having unrealistic desires in life like becoming a millionaire in the next 3 months and I speak realistically about goals he says I don’t believe in him and I’m against him. I encourage his success i just know it’s impossible. He says evil and cruel things to me. Even blaming me for a loved ones death 🤷🏽‍♀️ when I have no control over something like that and I care so much for that loved one who passed id never even had a thought of causing them harm. If he’s in a narc rage and someone he knows walks up he will immediately put his mask back on and continue being the best most friendliest man around. I’ve reached out to people and some don’t believe it because he’s that friendly and nice to them that they can’t fathom him behaving that way. Thought I’d share A bit of my story. Thanks for sharing yours 🌺

Dr. Grande I know someone who has NPD and Bipolar Disorder. Can you please do a video about how having those two mental illnesses together affects someone's life? This person denies that he has NPD. When I attempt to talk to him about it, he blows up, goes into a rage and verbally abuses me.

A narcissist is a shark who thinks he's a dolphin. He looks like a dolphin, he swims like a dolphin but when there's blood in the water he can't help but revealing his true identity. A narcissist must be in constant activity in order not to sink - that's why he's often successful. The carcasses strewn along his way are invisible to the narcissist. If anything they are only results of other's weaknesses. When his ego is undernourished, the narcissist will enter a feeding frenzy and there will be no mercy, no remorse for anyone standing in his way.

@MrTrainer1200

4 жыл бұрын

Not all narcissists are monsters, some were just raised that way and they need help, not more hate by idiots like you.

They have low self esteem. The self esteem which is seen from outside, a fake one as Dr.Grande mentioned this as a "superficial charm". Yes my partner had and he was a musician. I understood it when I left him. He started to cry and beg like a weak child. His mask was dropped. But surely after watching these videos I did not believe his different games to make me to return. Probaply he would harm me more and leave me one day to get revenge. I am very sure by now.

What kinds of dynamics can occur when two narcissists meet and get involved either in a friendship or romantic relationship?

@njstorozuk

4 жыл бұрын

Pure hell

@michaelg.5650

4 жыл бұрын

Two Narcs can’t really be in a relationship together as a couple. There was nobody to use in that scenario because each Narc is looking to consume and use and abuse another, So they’re generally only attracted to codependents and empathetic people. And generally Co-D and empaths are drawn and attracted to Narcs because of their initial charm and willingness to stay with them if they see issues with the Narc. It is possible for 2 Narcs to be in a friendship, but they both have a sense of competing against one another too. However, some narcs join up with other Narcs To become each other’s flying monkeys when needed.

@theshape7214

4 жыл бұрын

Michael Gessinger wow. So true. 😭

Another thoroughly informative video. I dated a man few years back, who was undergoing mental health treatment. This explanation of npd reads like his life story. I'm not a qualified mental health professional, but this really does sound like my ex. Would you be willing to discuss the differences between narcissistic personality disorder and paranoid personality disorder?

Can a narcissist fake concern for affect?

Very interesting!

My dad was very successful at many jobs, but they didn’t last long. He was always a CEO level and very bright. He came off as arrogant, but somehow worthy because he was movie star handsome. Like women would stop him while I was with him and give him their number. He’d always ask me if he was handsome or a good father. Well…. After he died I found an index card with affirmations. He suicided. Abusive childhood, so he overcompensated and abused his kids, except me. That really messed with my head.

I remember my brother, as a third year in college and in a frat, he said he didnt want to invite a friend from his frat/friend group bc he didnt “add anything” to the “vibe”. He was just shy and easy going, and by american social standards, physically unattractive. My bro was also a closet gay/bisexual. I remember his comment always pissing me off, like how do you say that about a person. Bro wanted everyone around him to cater to his needs instead of just enjoying their company. This was especially noticeable bc of how mediocre my bro is. Failing business major, no job, delusions of being rich, denial alcoholic, homophobe, racist, lacked the traits he required to be “a man” but expected everyone he met to meet them, addicted to video games, conventionally unattractive, etc. Sorry for the rant. Im recovering from abuse and what Dr. Grande said about devaluing others contributions, I feel really applies here-for anyone who needed a non-professional/non-workplace example.

Hi Dr. Grande Very interesting lessons learned from this video. Questions: 1.) Do NPDs often demonstrate the tendency to be sex addicts? 2.) Could it be that potential NPDs patients may have had problems from the beginning (childhood) like attachment disorder? 3.) My third question is coming from a complete different area. I am only using this medium to ask because I do not know how to send in my questions. Here it goes: Dementia: is dementia a mental disorder or a neurological disorder? Can dementia patients be given mental health counselling? Thanks a million Dr. Grande!!!

Hi Dr. Grande, thank you for this explanation. As another commenter mentioned, it was very informative. With regard to what you said about a narcissist's inability to empathize, what are your thoughts on the so-called "cold empathy" of those with cluster B personality disorders?

Thankyou Dr. Grande..😀😀😀😀🥰

It’s sad if you care for some with this illness, because you find yourself blaming yourself for a lot of the problems they bring they never want to hear there faults and they struggle to hear the truth.

Ty Dr.Grande

You say sometimes the exploitation by narcissists can be intentional. How does one distinguish between intentional and unintentional exploitation?

I have a question and I have had this question for a few years now 1 what happens when 2 narcissist get together in a relationship because they would always be wanting attention off each other and love 2 if a friend needs cheering up would the narcissist help the other person 3 if the narcissist had a child would he/she look after the child or love the child Thanks for replying

Hi Dr!

omg! you just linked Bipolar Disorder II with NPD

Actually I think a lot of people find criticism hard. Depends on the context and the way it's delivered, surely? Why is this a particularly NPD trait?

@sinister8098

4 жыл бұрын

Sam Edwards Yes, most people do. But I think he meant even if it’s light criticism, a person with Npd will take it too harshly. Like it could make them feel less superior I guess?

used to be called immature

What do you think about imago therapy? Would this be helpful as a form of therapy in a marriage to a narcissist?

What is the essence of this disorder? The glitch of our gene that primarily make people the way they are or its is a phenomenon that everyone has a chance to get if life throws too much on them? By the way, can somebody from a biological healthy family (no families or ancestors ever has narcissist disorder) get the disorder? and its all about hard life ?

I know several people that claim whatever you are talking about yhey claim that they have done it, seen it, had it ,made it, or know it, or whatever more than you and it was better. What type of disorder is that, if it is any type of disorder?

Excellent!!

Doesn’t everyone get humiliated with criticism? If someone criticizes me I’m embarrassed cuz I’m an introvert to begin with so when I put myself out there then get criticized it Hits me hard

Why does he keep on referring to MPD? Its, NPD. Apart from that, he is very good at informing in a slow and calm manner. Looking at esp. NPD in our hyper-modern society, as I call it, most people have taken on a new approach to themselves, the world and life as such, meaning, in my mind, we're all way more narcissistic in our thinking and behaviour today, compared to when I was a child and adolescent. Theres a huge difference to say the least. So some kind or level of Narcissism is a requirement in society today, meaning the line here is very fine......

Yup Narcissist is the best way to describe American history if I ever heard one. No wonder this shit is running ramped.

Yup,they beleive they are the misunderstood, special people, and their sense of entiltlement is laughable. These people live in La La Land!

@amylee7305

4 жыл бұрын

These people have a mental health disorder... they dont live in "lala land" Your ignorance and prejudice is laughable.

@yasminealice

4 жыл бұрын

@@amylee7305 perfect answer

Hummm...I think know somebody like that at work...🤔

This is my ex. His been diagnosed with it but he refuses to believe it. Last night with the last straw it’s how I’m the abuser and how his trapped in a toxic rship with his abuser. I am an empath but he had all these traits it’s all god complex, money and power. I’ve made the hard but easy choice to leave Because I just can’t anymore I’ve tried but it’s killing me

Does anyone know what model would best fit someone with narcissistic personality disorder?

How cd u hv low self esteem but at the same time feel a sense of entitlement and feel too special to be understood and such. Thats confusing.

Could you please explain how exploiting people can be unintentional/unconscious? For me that sounds like a contradiction.

I had a friend who was narcissistic. She went to a job interview for a cosmetic company. The asked her what her qualifications were and she said I am beautiful. When she received her doctorate she carried in her purse and showed everyone she met. As her brother lie dying she asked him to find her a husband! He was really suffering. She was molested as a child and I wonder if the two go together?

Do you have a Patreon channel?

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

Yes I do: www.patreon.com/drgrande

I really think the rate of NPD is closer to 25% of the population. If it was 1%, then why do I know so many people who fit every single criteria for NPD, and are akin to monsters from the uncanny valley? Is it that the narcasists I know are just way on one end of the spectrum, but somehow don't cross that threshold for the full blown personality disorder? Maybe, but if that's true, why does their behavior seem compulsory, they repeat patterns for decades, and it has negative impacts on their own lives? Seems 1% is a lowball.

My partner used to tell me all the time "You'll leave me when something better comes along." That made me very sad. In fact, I was angry at first and yelled, "What do you take me for?!" Then I thought that he must be like that - always looking for something better. But it was low self-esteem. I think he was dumped a lot because of his npd really. It's hard to see a good person behind this pattern. I mean, he pretends to be better than he really is, when in reality his real self is so much better than what he's trying to project. I hate when I hurt him and this happens when I criticize him in front of other people. The last time it happend because he wasn't wearing a face mask around some children, and they weren't wearing one either. So I tried to make him put it on. I was scared and didn't stop to think. He was really hurt and later he asked me nicely not to do it again. He was trying to look brave in front of those kids and I called him stupid. I cried after that. I'm afraid he would catch covid and die because he's old. I think his risky behavior, showing off and being 'brave' could kill him. Our town has one of the highest rates of covid cases in Serbia. I can't relax and I don't know how to avoid these situations.

Why do narcissists envy so much? What's behind it?

@joesmith3650

5 жыл бұрын

He has said that they were badly damaged as children.

@michaelg.5650

4 жыл бұрын

They don’t feel hey love and respect for other human beings because of the fact they basically can’t. They have a mental disconnect of not being able to have empathy for others, so it makes it almost impossible for them to really love or understand normal people. They are envious because they know they don’t experience this like normal people would and they tend to mirror the source of supply they are with and admire and envy. And NPD traits and symptoms can get worse or better and people too. NPD is actually a defense mechanism, that is actually used as an offensive weapon, and it is inevitable that the fate of their New source of supply will be discarded at some point during the devalue stage of their cycle.

Sounds like my old girlfriend.....

So... like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

I had a boss who I'm pretty sure had NPD. He kept picking on me, I fought him and went to HR about him and he went off sick (fake sick btw). I won a kind of victory. No one liked him, he was an arsehole.

Go grande or go home 🎉😂❤

Why is he describing me?

You actions towards others calling them inferior or being condescending is projection.

I shall not be afraid walking through the valley of narcissists. For I am the meanest narcissist in the valley. Jokes aside I prefer company of accomplished, self aware narcissists, for they are not as envious as non-narcissists, because they already think they are awesome.

It was only a matter of time before someone with NPD would rise to the office of President of these United States! God help us!

I wonder of trump had low self esteem

Donald Trump

@renaissance5300

5 жыл бұрын

I d love to be his friend or family he made everyone successful and very well off I am tired of dirt poor narcissist that I have to support who feel entitled to what I have earned and inherited and are lazy, disengaged, freeloaders

@mountainmermaid8

5 жыл бұрын

I'm not a psychologist but I ran him through the criteria and out of the 9, he definitely had at least 7, and you need 5 for a diagnosis. So yeah.

i think Donald Trump has this condition anybody else agree