"It feels like I just have ways to avoid the fact that my battery is empty." Goddamn. You hit the nail on the head.

@mapuggs

8 күн бұрын

Preach

For me right now, self-care means going a step further on basic needs. Like if I cut my finger, instead of just stopping the bleeding, I put pain-relieving anti-biotic cream on it. Instead of suffering with an itchy bug bite, I put AfterBite cream on it. Instead of just buying clothes, I take the time to be intentional about what works best for me. That sort of stuff.

@DavidLindes

12 күн бұрын

Yeah, I was going to say something similar -- something one does for oneself that one might not normally do. And that doesn't mean it has to be particularly exceptional that you do it, it's just... instead of the bare minimum, taking an extra step or two to make it a little more. Maybe it's plating a microwave meal, maybe it's taking a moment to just take some deep breaths between getting that cut and stopping the bleeding. Maybe it's saying "it's ok that I just want to watch a show right now" to yourself, instead of just watching the show without saying that. Just some little extra something that you do as an act of self-love. That's my take, anyway.

@Christine83507

12 күн бұрын

Totally agree!

Ultimately, I think self care is just finding a way to physically show yourself that you love yourself. Do your favourite things and do them with ritual. Do them intentionally and without guilt. Block booking an entire day to watch a series in your comfiest clothes with your favourite snacks is absolutely self love

I think anything that helps in a positive way is self care.

I tend to think of self-care/maintenance/whatever as having two categories. 1, stuff that I have to do or else I feel like shit. For me, that's nails, laundry, cleaning my apartment, etc. I have let it slip completely recently bc I'm in burnout and I hate it - seeing clutter, feeling my nails be dirty and jagged and too long, having to change plans for the day because I ran out of clothes. Usually, I just dedicate one day a week to these tasks (clean my space then clean my body) and I have a precise checklist and order that I stick to so it feels calming and then it's done and I'm clean and everything is clean and I am no longer anxious. 2. stuff that helps me actually feel like myself. Walks in nature (which allow me to engage in my interest: I collect rocks, plants for drying, and information about local ecosystems), reading (I like books but sometimes it's easier to get like a collection of poems and go one at a time), rewatching comfort shows in a blanket cape, observing strangers/cars, stimming intentionally, journaling (incl. drawing badly). For me, the way I find out these are my self-care things is that I'll have an actual little impulse/craving to do the thing - I am extremely high masking (and got trauma ayo) and it took me years to start doing things that I wanted (even like... stepping off the sidewalk to smell a flower, I didn't allow myself to do). A few days ago I had a little thought of "learning from that driver's ed book kinda sounds appealing right now" when I have never once been interested in that book for fun. But I allowed myself to pick it up, to ignore that I am so behind on work and everything, and just learnt a little bit about road signs until my brain said cool that's enough now. Earlier that day I had laid down on my balcony for a couple hours, feeling the breeze (good sensory) and watching some nearby construction - and once I had my fill of feeling connected to the city and the construction stopped being interesting, I just went back inside. I keep it short and without a goal in mind - that seems to be key for me. So like, no pressure to actually learn the road signs. Burnout definitely makes #1 hard to do and #2 seem like... something I should only get as a reward once I take care of the backlog of tasks. So it's hard to think of, or hard to do bc I'm anxious about the things I'm supposed to be doing. (Or kinda like you said, once you've finished watching your shows, it feels like you have to do something productive now.) But getting these going, even in tiny doses, is actually what's helping me feel better and feel like myself again (after my first step, which was just to stop feeling like shit, which meant decreasing my responsibilities, esp. social demands, and addressing some sensory issues).

@_lyraspan

27 күн бұрын

(unfortunately?) relatable

I never get the exercise dopamine either. I envy those who do, and I really wish they'd shut the hell up instead of insisting that if only I'd do as they do I'd get the same results. They seem to think I've never exercised before. I'm sorry if I ever mistakenly thought you were asking for advice. It's a mistake I often make. I'm still working on it. Unsolicited advice can definitely be annoying -- especially if they'd know it wouldn't even work if they were really listening -- or even worse, when you said nothing at all. I think self care is whatever routines help you physically and/or mentally. It's always existed, but now it's the next commercial fad. If there's anything that refills your batteries, consider it self care, and if it doesn't cost much, all the better. I refill my batteries by watching tv, movies, and YT videos, playing some games (other games refill one battery and drain another), talking to certain people (online or off), sleeping, and caffeine in the morning. My batteries are small. None of this supercharges me, but it helps.

@gigahorse1475

27 күн бұрын

Even as an athlete I can understand. I don’t feel good after exercise. I don’t really like physical activity. I only do it because if I stop running I lose emotional regulation and feel antsy. The only time I feel the endorphins now is after I’ve ran a race so hard I collapse at the end and feel like I got beat up for a week. Not exactly worth it for the temporary high!

We’re definitely fed the idea that doing facemasks, and bathing and red light therapy and things like that will inherently be self care and its super confusing and very frustrating. For me self care is doing the tasks that make me happier/healthier over time in (ideally) a very kind and sensory-friendly state. I often think about it like sims haha! Like we have a bunch of elements of our quality of life and we got to keep the bars in the green :) i recommend Hayley Honeyman’s “How to ACTUALLY Rest if you have ADHD!” It’s about rest from the perspective of each need that humans have, and things you can do in each area, and I found it super helpful. Also i definitely recommend The Thought Spot’s “Simple ways I regulate myself 🌿 Living with AuDHD”, because being constantly overstimulated was a huge thing I had to address before I felt like I actually started taking care of myself

100% identify. I wish someone could suggest something to me that would actually feel calming and nurturing

I find going out for over an hours walk helps, noise cancelling earphones and what I want to listen to like ‘Dana’s’ KZread videos 😀. I do like to listen to a video on my interests. Reading a good book also helps me relax, Harry Potter, or similar.

I don't think self care is all just to make you feel better in the moment. That's definitely part of it, but it's about doing what's best for you. That includes things that aren't necessarily the most enjoyable, but are important for your well-being. Like working out and taking care of your hygiene and skin. Like making an effort to eat enough and healthier. Like working on bad habits and going to therapy. Things that make you healthier and more stable long term. You wouldn't take those things from children or pets, because they're necessary for their well-being. Obviously, if you're burned out, do the things that relax and and replenish you. That's setting priorities in the moment. Edit: But self care is what you make it. It doesn't need to be a 20 min skin care routine. Cleanser and moisturizer are enough. Going for a walk regularly and maybe doing something to strengthen your muscles is enough. No need to start hitting the gym 7 days a week. There's no right way to do it. Anything is better than nothing.

This is a really good point, I definitely feel this a lot. Rewatching my favourite TV shows is definitely one of my special interests, too, so I understand what you mean. Maybe try to be kinder to yourself when you do your special interests and try to ignore the internalised capitalistic, productivity-driven self-critic, and just allow yourself to be happy existing and doing something you enjoy, even if it has no other value - much easier said than done, I know! Hope you find a way to care for yourself that works for you 😊

I'm constantly exhausted, and because I work full time, I have to push through. My idea of self care is to stay in bed all day on my weekend and fall asleep watching or listening to KZread. Just not leaving the house or having to talk to people is basically escape, but is self care

The concept of self-care is definitely highly commodified. I do enjoy some things (like baths) but others are sensory hell (looking at you, pedicures) or feel like obligations/work (exercise), just like you describe. I think one reason self care is tricky when you are in more of a burnout state is that it does expend energy to even think about what to do or to set up whatever "self care" thing you are trying to do. So you need a certain level of energy already present to even initiate the thing. I don't think a lot of my personal self care things will work for you, sorry, but I hope some other folks can make suggestions that fit your needs!

Sometimes some things make me feel better, and other times they just don't work for me. So it's hard to say that something is self care, because it works only part of the time. The worse I feel, the more I need for it to work, and the less it does work. I think though that actual self care is doing something to make you feel better. Sometimes I know what that thing is, and sometimes I don't.

Taking care of myself feels like a chore to me as well. I don't usually enjoy making myself look pretty. I don't overall enjoy baths. Soaking in the tub is ok. But it doesn't make up for the work and I hate the feeling of the air hitting my wet skin when I get out. I hate being cold as well.

I like to think of self care as what keeps you going and happy to keep going

Yeah I think the whole "self care" thing has become a bit of a gimmick. The best way I interpret it is to make time to sort of pamper yourself, and that means different things for different people. Personally I can feel pampered by setting aside enough time at the end of the day to be alone, playing games, watching stuff I like, eating foods I like, blasting my favorite music etc. All that stuff is great for recharging but sometimes I'm just not interested in any of it, or it's just not doing enough for me. And I agree that exercise and keeping up with personal hygiene is defiantly not something I do because I enjoy them, they're tasks.

I have tried to take up swimming a few times over the years. It only lasts a few weeks at most. Last time I tried lockdown happened. Yeah, swimming can give you a high. Trouble with me is with every swim I do more and more until I eventually burn myself out or I just get sick of doing it. Am not a great swimmer anyway. The only swim I can do is dog paddle and my legs are just dead weight. I can float in the water though. I love just floating in the deep end and relaxing. When I went it was usually first thing in the morning when the kids are in school. Had a swim then had a wash in the showers(you are not supposed to do that lol).

I'm right there with ya, in a constant state of burnout and have been for a couple of years 😔

@DanaAndersen

27 күн бұрын

It just shouldn’t be so difficult to exist 😩

@UnvisibleGirl

27 күн бұрын

@@DanaAndersen ikr 😭

Yes, self care is a dream being sold to us. As if it can be achieved by toweled hair and nail polish. The woman in the self care stock footage looks serene so we need to become serene or else what's wrong with us, right?

I wouldn't be taking him too much by the consumerism most of the stuff online you don't need I love your Doctor Who jackets and you are looking beautiful

I think you may be right about the “self-care” thing being a money making thing. It really does all feel like work!

Capitalism has co-opted self-care to be about consuming products and services. I think true self-care is about what you said: things that replenish us. And looking after our health as well.

@buri.bii3

27 күн бұрын

Yes I can agree. If you look at socials, self-care for most is spending extortionate amounts of money on materialistic products. If you have the money, fair enough but to me it isn't self-care. My idea of self-care is simple rest and using my journal to express my emotions (either that or writing stories as my best ideas come through when depressed if I make sense...). Either that or reading and walking in parks and nature during sunny days/painting/drawing...

I totally understand this. I don't know what self care is either

instead of doing something for self-care, try literally just doing nothing. just lay in bed and think

@DanaAndersen

27 күн бұрын

Doing this gives me panic attacks 😅

@august8679

27 күн бұрын

@@DanaAndersen hm, maybe try doing repetitive activities that don't require much thought, like playing color by number games

@blairvines5809

26 күн бұрын

These things might not work for everyone. Especially because our brains may be wired differently there isn’t a one size fits all for self care.

@august8679

26 күн бұрын

@@blairvines5809 i know, i'm just suggesting things that might work

You like art? What did you love as a kid? You said you liked reading. And Oat-man of course.

personally i find yoga, meditation and spending time in nature really helpful not in a productive way but just making time for myself to be with my thoughts and feel my feelings and things. sometimes i just lay on the floor and do some breath work, or i play with my cats and eat my favourite food. my special interest is reading so that i like doing that. but i totally understand those things don’t work for everyone. also i agree with what you said about how self care is being commercialised. hope you find what works for you :)

I think about this every day... Definitely not something I think I have general answers to, but I agree with the idea that there is a cultural/societal trend in the 20th/21st century to make up this notion of self-care as "things people should be doing to feel ok and functional (///normal///) enough". I think this often arises from the pressures and incentives of capitalism and the cultures and ideas that it came from, in this recent timeframe. If you are interested, Robert Chapman has written a book I like that, in part, discusses this among other related things called "Empire of Normality: Neurodiversity and Capitalism. He has discussed his ideas in some podcasts and such that I've found on KZread, for anyone who'd rather listen than read it. The following is not necessarily anything close to reliable or failsafe for me, but I can say that one of the ways I have found that I do some kind of mental regulation/recovery is by learning about things and trying to engage with my curiosities about the the world, the way things have and do and might happen, why things in modern societies are the way they are, how we got here, where we might go, etc etc etc etc ad nauseum... I guess, vaguely, wondering and exploring, and maybe then also sometimes trying to interact/discuss/play around with someone else about it all. Or just rambling and meandering through randomness, goof, and nonsense!😅 This doesn't really cause me to feel a particular way or anything, but I think it helps me to get more mental room to sort out some of the reasons that I might possibly be feeling worn down beyond focusing on ways to explain that I'm just not keeping up with some kind of self-maintenance that society projects that I "should" be doing to feel ok being alive.

Self care for me is just doing stuff that you enjoy but when I'm feeling especially needing of it I'll put my phone away for an hour or two and fully focus on what I'm doing. Video games, netflix, feeding the birds in the garden, organising my Pokémon cards, listening music or a podcast, wearing cosy clothes, having a nice cup of green tea, a nice pizza, reading, just so many different things. I think people who are Autistic tend to be better at self care because we tend to take time out for our hobbies more. Some of my nerotypical friends work 5 days a week and when they get home they eat sit on there phone then go to bed, there often stressed and say they don't have time to do self care things but it's not that it's that they don't prioritise it. Idk I just typed alot.

If we define self-care as something that increases your spoons/battery, I think it takes a lifetime of exploration to be able to figure out what that means for you. I think self care is about assessing where your needs are at in any given moment and honouring those needs, if you are able. If I have absolutely no spoons left at the end of the day, for example, I might skip a few steps in my nighttime routine that I hate as a form of self-care. I have a tiny back porch, and I found that the most effective/accessible way for me to recharge my battery is to sit out there, listen to a podcast or audiobook and feed seeds to some chipmunks and stim. If there is too much sensory stuff going on outside or if my anxiety is too high to enjoy something so passive, I play video games. If I'm really burnt out or going through a depressive episode, everything just feels bleh and nothing works, TBH. Maybe some ASMR videos while I lie in bed, or reaching out to someone to share how I'm feeling would be the best thing I could do as self-care in periods like that.

Love your thoughts on this. I just found out that ‘relaxation’ is like an opposite for NDs, and that intensely focusing on something IS relaxation/regulation. Which gets tricky when you’re physically tired or chronically ill. I can sometimes release the pressure valve by intensely focusing on something I would usually avoid at all costs, like an unpleasant emotion or my body, or something I really want to happen, which would usually seem pointless. But only for a few minutes or even seconds. Sometimes it brings a genuine feeling to do something more healthy, without searching externally for the dopamine hit.

I think self-care is about tending to your needs. So the first step is to try to listen to what your body is telling you. If you have poor interoception, that may be difficult. But self-care can also mean doing less and not beating yourself up about it. For you, it seems like letting go of all the "shoulds" would be the most self-caring thing you can do, since you seem very stuck on the idea of doing what you're "supposed to" or doing things "right." Other people aren't you and you may not function the same way. The things that help other people are often draining for you. So to tailor to yourself, you have to figure out what works for you. And that can be really tough, especially when you're disabled. Ultimately, you're not going to be able to "self-care" your way out of disability. There is no magic formula of things you can do that will make you not disabled and function like everyone else. So perhaps the caring thing is accepting that about yourself, accepting that you are good enough as you are, and just allowing yourself to be disabled. (And yes, I realize that on some level, this requires privilege, because if you have to care for yourself and don't have the help you need, you are just going to end up stressed and in burnout repeatedly, because your environment is not catering to your needs. I don't think there is a solution for that, except to fix society so that disabled people actually get the support they need.)

I don't have space for self care. But if you can you definitely should take time for self care.

Personally, I don't worry about what most women do for self care. I just do the basics to look and smell ok. That way I have more energy to do other things.

Oh also chewing on potato chips, I think you guys called them crisps, is helping me at this moment. I have been feeling understimulated, but too tired to do anything for about a week now.

im wondering about my youngest son. he HATES showers, i dont care WHAT i do. i got loofas, animal rags on the washclothes, long loofas, nozzle that are extendable BUT when were at a watearpark the fun never ends, swim wear, swimshoes, goggles. im confused

@DanaAndersen

24 күн бұрын

It’s ofc not an option for everyone and your son might not be anything like me, but I really wish my mum had just bathed me more as a kid than putting me through showers, there’s just so much less sensory input to having a bath than there is when showering, and I feel more in control of when there’s going to be water touching me!

I have ASD and ADHD and found this video interesting, I had no idea thede was 7 different types of rest!!!! I'm going to try some of the things she mentions....How to ACTUALLY rest if you have ADHD-Hayley Honeyman. Would love to know if you watch this video and find any of the things helpful if you try them xx

@gothboschincarnate3931

27 күн бұрын

the Spiritual rest is crap...nobody does it right.

I am the same, i dont have time for hair, nails and all that crap lol its just not fun at all lol, it stresses me out to be fair lol.

I'm terrible for showering. I tend to get around to it every couple of weeks ... but I once went 8-months. Yes. *Months.* Don't worry, i was unemployed and living with my gran without bills to pay but until summer rolled around again, it hitmme (no, not the smell) I'd wash my hands and face all the time (nuts and feet too) but yeah, terrible for it. I still hate getting dry, otherwise I'd probably shower everyday. But no, nowhere near.

Self-care is NOT something you do to keep yourself functional, you rightly point out that this is a flawed idea. In my view, self-care is an indulgence people allow themselves to relax, to not do the things they need to do, in favor of the thing they want to do, so they can recharge their batteries so they can return to the things they need to do refreshed. When you have no responsibilities to just switch off (I don't work, I do not have a family of my own) and indulging yourself is the norm to just fill your days with content, self-care becomes a meaningless concept. Doing something that becomes the standard, will become the norm, it will stop feeling special, it will stop being satisfying, fulfilling. That's I think where your sentiment is coming from that you feel like you're just avoiding facing the fact that your battery is empty. Doing things you like will not leave you satisfied after you've done doing them, because they aren't a break from your norm (self-care); they are your norm. Overindulging in your special interest might introduce anxiety over things you should have done instead, but especially when I'm binging entire seasons worth of shows, between episodes I usually do just one thing. Throw the clothes in the hamper, clean up a bit of my desk, things that take less than 3-5 minutes. Then I return to watching the next episode satisfied that I did something. This downtime is also beneficial for watching content because it allows me to contemplate on what I've seen so far, instead of jumping right back in to the continuation. Tasks feel like chores when you dedicate a time slot for them... just don't. Do them as winding down from special interests, to give you a meaningful little break from what you're doing, instead of making them their own thing. This helped me reduce any ill-feelings toward them. Case in point, while I thought about how to be more effective with the wording of this comment to avoid misinterpretation, I did most of my dishes and cleaned up my desk on my left hand side.

I wonder if you're taking the concept of "self care" too literally? Perhaps it would be better to frame it as "down time"? It sounds to me like watching stuff is good for you, but that you are influenced by external voices that say "screen time" is bad for you and should be limited. It's something I come across as well. I know that watching stuff is good for me, and a lot of autistics thrive with screen time. I think we need to learn to filter out the voices of people who think they know better than we do about what works for us.