Girl once took me back to her place after a date and she had a huge soviet banner on the wall. That was a big red flag.

@rtsharlotte

3 жыл бұрын

I'd asked to to wear it whilst using a Russian accent 😁 Everyone has their kinks. Lol

@wolfzmusic9706

3 жыл бұрын

wtf 😂

@palmtree1958

3 жыл бұрын

ahAH- that got me

@discordiasreturn1222

3 жыл бұрын

and her name was Katya? :D

@destinitra

3 жыл бұрын

xD

When it comes to 'picky eaters', I wouldn't be so quick to judge personally. There's a difference between not being willing to try new things and for whatever reason not wanting to eat certain things.

@conors4430

3 жыл бұрын

But also, why does it matter whether somebody is willing or not willing to try new foods? It has no bearing on anything except the controlling nature of the partner who seems to insist this person lives a life the way they accept even though the particular thing in question has absolutely nothing to do with the other person whatsoever. My food goes in my mouth, your food goes in your mouth, people need to fucking get over it. It’s not picky eating, it’s picky dating. It’s a Quillivant of saying, somebody isn’t willing to listen to a different style of music. It is such a small sliver of insequencial nonsense to judge somebody on. Unless you are judging them looking for a reason to not give them a chance just because they aren’t 100% perfect

@volvoblues

3 жыл бұрын

I would see it as negative because I am interested in food and enjoy sharing that with my partner. But it wouldn't be what determines if there will be a second date. My boyfriend doesn't drink alcohol, and I do miss having a glass together with a partner. I guess it's one of those small things that sums up and as long as it's not too many it's overall fine.

@heatherclawson8686

3 жыл бұрын

@@conors4430 If you're the type of person who enjoys trying new foods and going to new restaurants, then a picky eater will be a HUGE red flag. If you don't care so much about it, then it's not an issue. I guess this one should be categorized as a "Situational Red Flag." Also, it's been my experience that someone who is a picky eater also tends to be picky about a whole range of other things -- what movies they want to watch, what music they listen to, your friends, etc. Obviously that's just my experience, but it's definitely something to pay attention to otherwise you end up in a relationship that's almost entirely controlled by the person who is the pickiest. 😄

@martumont9928

3 жыл бұрын

@@heatherclawson8686 maybe it stands in the category of eh maybe we are not compatible but not in the 'red flag' one.

@davelewis8270

3 жыл бұрын

A lot of people have dietary requirements too. It's tricky because you can hardly say "I can't eat that because I'll shit my guts out later" on a date no matter how true it is.

When guys on dating apps describe themselves as "blunt" or something code for "rude but can't be arsed to change"

@rtsharlotte

3 жыл бұрын

Blunt can also mean honest especially where I'm from in Yorkshire. Would you consider being blunt as rude?

@JeM130177

3 жыл бұрын

@@rtsharlotte not always for sure! But if a guy has gone out of his way to put it in the one sentence bio he has on his dating app profile I'm more suspicious 😂

@FrogsOfTheSea

3 жыл бұрын

@@rtsharlotte honesty is generally a positive - blunt to me means honest, but in a very harsh and abrupt way, which is less positive

@rtsharlotte

3 жыл бұрын

@@JeM130177 I hope you can break out of the suspiciousness and with time you would see it as a positive thing. I consider myself as a blunt person and have problem calling people out who are rude to me.

@JeM130177

3 жыл бұрын

@@rtsharlotte well as the above person said I'd choose a better word like honest or....i dunno straightforward...but yeah I'm sure it's not a bad thing every time.

one time i was on a first date, and she got her phone out to check notifications and said "oh yay, I just got a match on tinder!!" this was my personal first date as well so i'm no expert, but I feel like that is kinda rude

@violetskies14

3 жыл бұрын

I'm no expert on dates either but I think being on tinder during a date is pretty bad too lol.

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

Oof

When they say: "I think Hitler had the right idea." (That's an exact quote.) Within two seconds, I was on my feet and walking out of there.

@henryginn7490

3 жыл бұрын

They might have been saying Hitler had the right idea about animal rights

@hughtube5154

3 жыл бұрын

As long as you weren't goose stepping.

@pragmatastic

3 жыл бұрын

@@henryginn7490 He really, really wasn't, lol. His previous sentence had been about Jewish business leaders throughout the world.

@flappetyflippers

3 жыл бұрын

Wth

@pragmatastic

3 жыл бұрын

@@hughtube5154 Haha.

I once had a first date with a guy who would not stop talking about his female room mate. She was a "good friend" and they did literally everything together. He even showed me photos of them together on his phone. I'm cool with men having female buddies but this was EXTREME. He was so obviously in love with her. It was super weird.

@Jessica-om9oh

3 жыл бұрын

You could've given him the courage to ask her out like a wing man

@monikaczajkowska112

3 жыл бұрын

Ohhh that’s actually super sad, maybe he didn’t have courage or just wasn’t really realising it because of the “room mate” label

Of my my faves is when a guy starts acting like he's found a unicorn when you say you like anything vaguely nerdy or start assuming what i do and don't like because I'm a girl. "Omg girls don't normally like this", mate if you know so little about and so few women that me saying I enjoy watching Iron Man is gonna make you want to marry me you need to get out more and not with me 😂

@pheonixrises11

3 жыл бұрын

yikes

@bethany8157

3 жыл бұрын

about 2 years ago a guy tried to explain to me what reddit is, like ??? bro i've heard of reddit, it's not some niche nerdy guy thing lol

@JeM130177

3 жыл бұрын

@@bethany8157 LOL right? I used the term MVP once and some dude was like "gasp?! How u know that?!" 🙄

@film9491

3 жыл бұрын

One time a guy was surprised I had heard of the band Radio Head

@ai_sight

3 жыл бұрын

What can be just as bad is when they don't believe you like that nerdy thing and proceed to quiz you on every aspect of it. Like bruh, how am I supposed to remember what every Stan Lee cameo was in the Marvel movies.

5:22 It says "raw sex" on the first date...Sex with no protection, not just sex. Yeah, I think that's a pretty big red flag

@justynafigas-skrzypulec3349

3 жыл бұрын

This. A hundred. Times.

@mybittersweetme

3 жыл бұрын

Oooh that's what that means. Thanks!

@pheonixrises11

3 жыл бұрын

I didn’t notice that!

Having kids and not talking about them on a FIRST date isn't that bad. Never ever talking about them, on future dates, yeah a bit sus.

@SuprousOxide

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, I could see wanting to keep them a little private until they get to know you better. My wife had children before we met, and I knew it was a bit of a minefield. Once you bring the children into the relationship, you kind of realize you need to either go all in or get out.

The picky eater thing being a red flag is a bad take in my opinion because there are some foods that I can't eat either because I have issues digesting them or in some cases because they can interact negatively with my medication. Hearing someone say that picky eating is a red flag to me almost seems a little ableist because it's erasing the fact that some of us have to be picky because we have chronic illnesses/Disabilities that have to be our first priority, not eating whatever food is on offer just to make somone else feel more comfortable or happy. I am only one disabled person and I can't speak for the whole disabled community but I feel like it's something that maybe more people should be aware of before they judge people for being picky eaters. Why should we have to eat or drink something we know is going to cause us problems with our illnesses/disabilities just to make someone else feel more comfortable, especially when us being more selective about what we eat really doesn't have any effect of the other person/people there.

@gthjzby887

3 жыл бұрын

I think by picky eater he meant not eating a lot of food just because you haven't tried any of it before, not because of allergies.

@roisinhackett4320

3 жыл бұрын

Yes. I can't drink alcohol anymore because I developed epilepsy and alcohol triggers my seizures. It's awkward trying to explain that to new people. Maybe on a date you don't want to have to disclose you're disability/chronic illness at the beginning when your ordering drinks and food because it changes the mood.

@magicmidnightstorm

3 жыл бұрын

Plus for the people that have sensory issues eating can be really difficult

@wandirs

3 жыл бұрын

I think different strokes for different folks. The fact that it's a red flag for Evan doesn't mean it has to be for everyone. It's a preference thing imo

@unexpectedspider

3 жыл бұрын

@@gthjzby887 if you are on a first date, how would you know if that's the reason that someone doesn't want to eat something.

When they constantly try to convince you to go home with them (when it was clear from the beginning that wouldn't happen) and constantly try to get close and touch you in very inappropriate ways. I wish I could tell my younger self to kick that guy in the nuts, years later the thought of him still makes me retch. YIKES!

@LadyQAB

3 жыл бұрын

I hate that this is common, I also have a story along those same lines

Constantly taking about their exes. Not even slagging them off, but bringing them up at every opportunity.

@LunaNovaTarot

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah they’re clearly not over them if that happens. Or if you do ask them why they are single and they say “oh I always attract the wrong type, all my ex’s are psychos “ REEEEEED FLAG!!

regarding the picky eaters thing; a lot of neurodivergent people are picky eaters, like with me texture of food is a big deal so it limits what i’m willing to eat, so it doesn’t necessarily mean that the person isn’t open minded. i know what you were talking about though and i get what u mean, although a lot of neurotypical people are also fussy eaters due to other reasons and it doesn’t correlate with their adventurousness/ open mindedness

@lilja2357

3 жыл бұрын

I actually know a lot of neurotypical people who are picky eaters for very understandable reasons that have nothing to do with how adventurous eaters they are/would be without their limitations, so it isn't really applicable to neurotypicals as whole either

@GIAGKenny

3 жыл бұрын

Raw tomato and mushrooms are both disgusting texture imo

@Maura237

3 жыл бұрын

An old classmate of mine can't smell, which is hard to notice for outsiders and easy to forget. It also makes textures a lot more important to him. A lot of things just taste like nothing and some things have weird textures (to him anyways). He doesn't like a lot of things. He is definitely not neurotypical, but I can imagine similar responses from people who are. I mean, haven't we all thought of some structures as odd? I mean, whould we eat it if we could barely or not taste it at all? Structure influences our taste perception, I can only imagine how much more if you can't smell and thus hardly taste. A current classmate of mine has bowl problems, that makes certain foods upset her digestive system. But it is not the same foods for everyone with that condition, everyone has to figure that out on their own. And stop eating those products. I'd say she is probably very particular in what she doesn't eat, but I wouldn't necessarily call bowl problems first date material. Some people's allergies or intolerances are more sensitive than others, sometimes making going out to eat a Russian roulette. Maybe they are just trying to choose the gun with the least amounts of bullets probable, hopefully none (choosing the place that has the most options for them and the lowest probability of cross-contamination), and dodge the bullet when it does come (choosing a specific dish or overspecify it). Okay, I hope this makes sense, I definitely got a bit carried away and am in need of sleep

@jacoL8

3 жыл бұрын

Also allergies.... Lots of people are allergic to things you wouldn’t think you can get allergic to... for example me and oral allergies syndrome... can’t eat fruits or veggies raw...

@SinaJulia

3 жыл бұрын

@@Maura237 the not having a sense of smell is such a big one! I have a friend like that too and it’s so hard to imagine what might be gross and what not. I constantly forget whether he hates grapes or raisins, one of them he detests and the other he loves. Very adventurous person though

Being a "picky eater" is a red flag? What if they have allergies? What if they're Autistic or just have Sensory issues about certain foods? I mean, if you consider me being Neurodivergent or being unable to eat chitin without dying as a deal breaker, honestly that's a huge red flag for ME.

@lilja2357

3 жыл бұрын

Honestly, same. I have always had certain foods that I just have physical reaction to (nothing more but nothing less than severe gagging and inability to swallow) and if someone starts to police my eating I will consider having dodged a bullet if it is issue for them. Good for you for never having had to sit down in a meal and just lie that you aren't hungry to avoid the judgement for your eating habits, but my home is my safe space to eat only foods that I actually can eat (while still being healthy)

@violetskies14

3 жыл бұрын

As another autistic person I agree. Me being sensitive to bitter things or not being able to stand grainy textures shouldn't be a red flag.

@amiscellaneoushuman3516

3 жыл бұрын

To me the phrase "picky eater", or variations thereof, specifically implies that there isn't a reasonable explanation. So I would never think to describe someone with allergies or the like to be "picky".

@amyhall1670

3 жыл бұрын

I'm not autistic but there are a lot of everyday foods that I'm allergic to and when people don't know me it makes them assume that I'm a picky eater even though I'm not I just don't want to throw up everywhere, so I agree with you 100 percent.

@Rain-np7tk

3 жыл бұрын

Honestly same, I will die if I eat any type of nuts and I wouldn't consider it a red flag

Welcome back to a man who doesn't see the "raw" in "raw sex".

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

Hahahha

@The98597thMark

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, biiiiig difference. lol I don't think sleeping together on the first date is an automatic red flag at all (if that's what you're both keen to do) but the "raw" part... yeah, RUN

@rebekahl840

3 жыл бұрын

Hmm whats does the raw part mean

@aliyahsattar7601

3 жыл бұрын

@@rebekahl840 no contraception which leaves you open to catching a whole range of STDs and/or pregnancy 😭✋🏼

@alexandraw909

3 жыл бұрын

Was coming here to say this! Glad he saw and commented! I hope he mentions it next time, just to see 'what' he'd say lol

yes talking about yourself all the time is bad BUT for ppl with adhd (and probably autism etc but i don’t know about that) that find it difficult to communicate, talking about personal anecdotes is a way to do that!! It’s a way for us to show we relate. e.g. if you spoke about your bad maths teacher and we respond by telling our own story about our bad maths teacher we’re trying to show we relate, not act like we have it worse/only wanna talk about ourselves!! not necessarily a red flag, just our way of communication!

@coolstertothecore

3 жыл бұрын

Yep, also an autistic thing. I grew up in a ND household so I just assume that people will talk rather than waiting for me to ask them a specific question. I find it really weird that someone would hear me speaking about visiting a country, for example, and then not say that they have also visited that country unless I stop and ask them "have you ever visited X?". Also I feel quite uncomfortable being asked questions directly - I'd rather choose how much information to share. Luckily my partner is also ND. 😁

@catherinerowe221

3 жыл бұрын

Definitely an autistic thing too! I communicate like that too.

@n1khedon1a

3 жыл бұрын

@@catherinerowe221 yeah i thought it would be!! i’m not autistic nor know any autistic people closely so didn’t wanna comment on it if it wasn’t true :]

@catherinerowe221

3 жыл бұрын

@@n1khedon1a that’s definitely very appreciated! It’s always very nice to see someone admit they’re not sure instead of being uneducated and speaking over us about our own issues as unfortunately that happens a lot. 🙂 There are definitely a lot of similarities between Adhd and autism, but it’s always best to check.

@lxix_lxix

3 жыл бұрын

YES!!! Both my partner and I are ND (I have adhd, he has OCD) and I also live in a primarily ND household. That is basically how I grew up learning how to hold a conversation. 😂

ah something to actually do on my valentines day

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

hahahaha

@cleversmosh

3 жыл бұрын

True tho

@trinkab

3 жыл бұрын

Same....

@DieAlteistwiederda

3 жыл бұрын

Don't worry I am in a relationship but still haven't done anything really. It's not that important.

@NoorAnomaly

3 жыл бұрын

I painted my hallway closet! Because I rock valentines day! :D

The “picky eater” thing has always been weird to me. Why would it be bad for a person to not want to put something they don’t like in their mouths? If I don’t like the taste of something I’m not gonna force myself to eat it? I don’t think it’s a lack of open-mindedness, it’s more like self preservation

@dreamyasever939

3 жыл бұрын

This. Also, if I know that I probably won't like something (based on preferences, previous experiences etc.), why would I choose to eat it on a first date in front of someone I don't know/hardly know? It would be way more embarrassing for me to leave a plate almost full because I hate the food than to order something that I know I'll like.

@wandirs

3 жыл бұрын

I think it's moreso about when someone is unwilling to try something at all. It's one thing if you've tried it and know you don't like it, it's another thing to just flat out reject it without ever tasting a single bite of it.

@Moonlitconversations1717

3 жыл бұрын

@@wandirs But that goes with what dreamyaserer said. I personally will not eat anything with beans in it because I hate the texture of beans. I will also not eat anything with big tomatoes chunks because of the texture. I would rather get something I know I like at a food place than to pick at my food because it has ingredients I will not eat due to the texture. For me personally the texture of the food is a major part of me liking the food. Even if it has a good flavor but the texture is horrendous, I will not eat it.

@TheGeographyWatch

3 жыл бұрын

@@Moonlitconversations1717 Well that’s your problem then. Lots of people like to try a variety of different types of restaurants and it can be infuriating when the other person simply won’t try anything new purely out of choice and not because of a medical reason.

@lulus8122

3 жыл бұрын

@@TheGeographyWatch who says trying a new restaurant is not an option? But if at that new restaurant I look for a dish on the menu that I’ll probably like and not something completely new because I know the tendency is I probably won’t like it (because it’s too spicy or mostly made of components I don’t like) why should that bother anyone else?

‘Picky eaters’ as a red flag lmao? Allergies, intolerances, medical conditions, neurodivergence, eating disorders? Looking out for their health/ trying to eat more healthy for whatever reason?

@thesupervideogamenerdmore3171

2 жыл бұрын

What he means are those people that go Pepperoni pizza only, grilled cheese only, won't accept mexican food except taco bell, etc.(unnecessarily picky eaters)

@SR-zp4je

2 жыл бұрын

Same, I’m coeliac and allergic to shellfish so there’s a lot I can’t eat off the bat. Plus I’m going teetotal, there are a few things I just don’t like (e.g black pudding, offal) and spicy stuff irritates my stomach. That’d probably come off as picky to a lot of people, but 🤷🏻‍♀️

@tgwtg9428

2 жыл бұрын

I don’t think that’s what he meant….

A friend of mine really liked a young woman he had been seeing. He wanted to take her on a very special first date to an upscale restaurant here, in the U.S. He felt that the server had done an outstanding job. So, to give him a tip over and above what he had included on his card when paying the bill, my friend placed $20 on the table so that the server would have it immediately. He and his date then got up and headed for the exit. My friend noticed that his date was no longer with him as he approached the door. He turned and looked back to where they had been seated in time to see his date as she scoopped the $20 bill off of the table and jammed it into her purse. He said that he figured that she now had cab fare so, he left the restaurant and went home... without her.

@ItsAsparageese

2 жыл бұрын

WOW, that's ... freakishly tacky. I've been poor/homeless more often than not for a long time, to the point where I can relate to looking at cash and pining for it, but I'd absolutely never gank it from someone else who it rightfully belonged to, least of all someone in the service industry (I also have always tipped, even while poor -- if I can't tip, I can't afford the thing, period), and LEAST of all on a DATE, yikes! There's not only no justifying that choice, but also no level of financial desperation that even could slightly mitigate it. I'm not conjecturing firmly but that strikes me as a possible sign of kleptomania/impulsivity issues, or possibly some other source of compulsion towards it such as drug addiction. That's just nuts. I'm sorry for your friend having to experience that disappointment so abruptly like that after a nice date, but glad he happened to see the event in time to dodge that bullet, and I like how he responded by just ditching her. I hope that woman is making better choices now, sheesh.

I don't like it when someone your on a date with says: "A girl like you must have an easy time getting a guy". I don't like that sentence because no it hasn't been easy and although he might mean it as a complement it doesn't feel like one

@FiveOClockTea

3 жыл бұрын

So True. I just don't like what they implied with that...

@pheonixrises11

3 жыл бұрын

it’s kinda like they’re calling themselves special for getting your attention

@sophies131

3 жыл бұрын

I always think... Yes anyone can get a guy.. Getting a person is not the problem... The problem is finding someone were you are actually mutually vibing

One HUGE red flag is when they are pushy about stuff. If you can't respect the fact that i said i do not want to answer a certain question or can't stop being pushy about doing something else, how should i expect him to respect my boundaries when it comes to taking the relationship to the next level physically??

@shamidkpzd

3 жыл бұрын

YES. A huge red flag. I used to think that I was being too judgmental at first but those guys did not respect my boundaries later on. Definitely gotta nip it in the bud.

Didn't hear this talked about but the biggest red flag for me has always been someone coming on too strong too fast. For example: they start talking about going on a second date before you go on your first, they tell you they have been dreaming about you on the first date, they pay you way too many compliments, they start talking about marriage, etc.

When this guy thought "A friend and I hit a cat once with our car, didnt know what to do so we drove of laughing at how it looked crawling in the street" was a good respons to my: "I volunteer at an animal rescue center on the weekends". I got up and left 2 seconds later, barely said "talk to you never"

@kiedragerl8119

2 жыл бұрын

holy shit.....what in the ever loving hell?

Lots of good points about the (likely unintentional) ableism of seeing 'picky eating' as a red flag, but I'd like to add that abled people shouldn't be judged for that either. I hate onions just because of their slimy texture, and if a date got on at me for avoiding them it would feel wayyyy too much like they're trying to police my eating habits on the first date, and can't handle a difference of preference. Evan can't say that discussing what the other person eats is rude, but then in the same breath judge what they're not eating as 'close mindedness', ESPECIALLY if it turned out they were autistic etc and just. Didn't want to explain that very personal part of themself on date 1.

@gthjzby887

3 жыл бұрын

I think its less not liking for example onions but if you went on a date with someone and they said they dislike everything on the menu.

@abbystafford7549

3 жыл бұрын

@@gthjzby887 at that point it's more a problem of communication... Say they intentionally picked a restaurant they didn't like the food of, that would be a red flag in possibly the manipulation category? Like,,, guilting their date for eating when they knowingly picked a place they didn't like. Alternatively, their date picked the restaurant and they refused to communicate beforehand that they didn't like it/didn't like their type of food.

@wolfzmusic9706

3 жыл бұрын

@@gthjzby887 who is so picky they dislike everything on the menu? unless it’s a specific type of restaurant they don’t like

@rosejade3001

3 жыл бұрын

Loved everything else about this video but sorry Evan, that comment also didn’t sit well with me. As a neuro-divergent myself, I really struggle with trying new foods because of the different textures/tastes and I’m constantly being referred to as a picky/fussy eater by people who mean no harm but have no knowledge about not being neurotypical.

@kaycollarfeild

3 жыл бұрын

I have possible autism (therapists have said and waiting so long for the second specialist to see me, first is a long story.), and I didnt know people thought picky eating is a red flag. I have entire restaurants I cant go to cuz of my issues.i eat really basic food out of the house because I also have anxiety around wasting food

I really think you have an inaccurate idea of what the “crazy ex” really is. Sure, sometimes it is the way you’re assuming it is. But sometimes it’s real. Sometimes it’s like that time I sat on the phone with my little sister for five hours as her crazy boyfriend piled every single one of her possessions in front of the bedroom door that time she threatened to leave him, and he effectively blocked her inside and created a fire hazard. She’s crying. She doesn’t know what to do. I tell her to call the police. She refuses because he has her feeling as though SHES the problem. I end up in the next town over the following morning to mediate their fight and he’s telling her he’s going to kill himself if she leaves him. So yeah. I’m thinking maybe change your perspective on the “crazy ex.” That’s some behavior that causes big trauma. And it needs to be brought up sooner rather than later in some cases because YOU (the new person) deserve to know why your date is behaving in an extra nervous manor so you don’t just assume they’re too nervous or not interested. Generally you can tell the difference between “MY EX WAS CRAZY LMAO” and “Yeah my last bf abused me, so I might be a handful at first.” Am I making sense?

@mouseluva

3 жыл бұрын

It's very hard not to bring up the exes that caused me trauma when I'm trying to build a healthy thing with someone new. All I know is what not to do, so we gotta learn together.

@mybittersweetme

3 жыл бұрын

The problem is (at least in my experience) that they usually say "my crazy ex" to refer to someone that just had boundaries or valid reasons to end the relationship but the person just refused to acknowledge it was them whowere at fault. So, for example, say that you to told them not to call you during work hours and they still did and then you break up with them because they refused to listened to your needs. Then, you're the crazy ex who broke up with them just because of a call. Or you agree to watch a certain movie and when the time comes they want to watch another movie and they do this every time, so you break up with them, but to them you're the crazy ex who dump them because of a movie. There are certainly real crazy exes out there, but in my experience, every time when they use that wording, it's been something similar to my examples. I feel like when talking about abusive exes, the wording is usually different, like my abusive ex, or a bad relationship or simply won't want to talk about it much because it's painful.

@wordsbykasey

3 жыл бұрын

@@mouseluva it really is a tough thing to navigate, huh? I wish there was a definite answer I could give you to maybe make things easier, but I think it’s different for every person. At the end of the day, you gotta do what you think is best for you. I’ve got trauma of a different kind that I was upfront about pretty early on with my boyfriend and he’s been super understanding.

@wordsbykasey

3 жыл бұрын

@@mybittersweetme VALID POINT! Definitely 100% correct. I’m sure that’s what Evan was actually talking about in the video. The comment I left was just my personal experience and my experience isn’t everyone’s. My sister and a couple of others I know use the term “my crazy ex” especially if it’s early in a relationship because they feel it lightens the mood and makes it easier to talk about the trauma. I myself would much rather be more forward and straight up say “my abusive ex” but that can be seen as a bad phrase as well. And to be fair, dealing with someone else’s trauma that early on is uhhhh not what the other person was expecting. It can be a complicated situation for sure. I went to school with my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend and she recently found out I was dating him. She caught me off guard at the gas station once and told me to be careful because he’s “unhinged.” He’s really good to me, actually. And I was honest with him about that encounter and he told me the story of how they broke up. Apparently she was so paranoid about the family moving in next door (they were POC) that she walked home from his house (several miles) to make sure they didn’t steal anything from her house. Racist. She’s out there crying CRAZY EX even though she was the crazy ex. Long story short, I stand corrected. I do believe I took Evan too seriously.

@narayanima1294

3 жыл бұрын

​@@wordsbykasey I don't think the problem is with the phrase "crazy ex" itself or "abusive ex". I think something to keep in mind is when someone talks about ALL of their exes in a negative way as well as most friendships in a negative way, then it could be considered a red flag. Not just one person. Like the question of are they even capable of healthy relationships? I can't judge so much, but you and your sister have a healthy relationship so people should not consider that as a red flag for her. But if someone talks negatively about all their exes and friends, then at that point it should be questioned whether every one of their exes and friends are crazy or whether the one constant person throughout all the stories, the date themselves, is crazy. (sometimes abusers use it as a tactic to isolate their current partner from believing stories that might come up about their past.) I suppose it's about how the person talks about their exes as well. Your sister had gone through a lot. and you're right, if she talks about her crazy ex to someone it's going to be a vulnerable moment for her and something that takes her a lot of courage rather than when someone is being too cynical, disrespectful, spiteful and maybe misogynistic( kinda like what he reads at 6:18). It would be wrong to judge her opening up as a red flag because it comes across as victim-blaming. The lines do get blurry because a lot of victims sometimes feel like they are judging their abuser too much and they feel like they are being too cynical. So there is a lot of self-doubt there. But I assure you when they say that that is a red flag, they are not talking about survivors like your sister. I hope she's healing btw. Take care both of you.

As a picky eater myself, there's nothing wrong with it as long as I don't interfere with your own meal. If my choices are preying on you, or you need to find a restaurant that suits me specifically, sure that's a problem. But if all I'm doing is choosing the chicken every time, then leave me be.

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

oh that's totally fine! But in the realm of relationships, then we wouldn't be a good match is all no bigs

@DeziVlogs

3 жыл бұрын

@@evan why not? I’m happily married to someone who enjoys lots of stuff and flavors on his plate. I can’t or it makes me sick. We still enjoy meals together and if he’s helping me put together my plate, he knows what I can and can’t handle. He actually benefits from my picking off certain things from my plate because it goes right onto his plate. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t think this should be a deal breaker in relationships.

@zompired2998

3 жыл бұрын

@@DeziVlogs it definitely doesn't have to be a deal-breaker for everyone, but it can be for some people and that's okay. My ex and I both have fairly restrictive diets without much overlap at all, and I found that challenging. It's not the reason we broke up, but it's something I'll bear in mind for future relationships.

Hi and welcome back to a man who speaks faster than the flash runs

@becca8840

3 жыл бұрын

thats what being from nj does to you bahaha!

@worryworm

3 жыл бұрын

I like it. I am a fast talker myself, and my particular combination of autism and add really kicks in when people talk too slowly.

@rebekahl840

3 жыл бұрын

Ooh the flash

Honestly my personal red flag is when people are too attached/clingy too quickly, like of course there’s nothing wrong with being open about personal things and being enthusiastic about the other person, but if we’ve talked online twice and met up once and the person goes “omg i love you so much let’s go on a weekend trip immediately and also i’ll call you first when i have a mental health emergency!!!!” i get really weirded out because i am the kind of person who will lose all interest if a person gets too clingy towards me.

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

I think for me it depends on the person

@hatschiknuddel

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! Some guys on Tinder after 5 Minute "you're really nice, I think we would make a great couple" And I'm like (in my mind) "Our conversation was just smalltalk. You know nothing about me beside that I'm fine and had a nice weekend"

@JeM130177

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. Like it's cool if both sides are equally enthusiastic but I've deffo come across guys on dating apps who get a super vague idea of you and you're just having pleasant small talk and are being a polite and friendly normal human and they're like "omg you're perfect" and get stuck with it it's like dude i could be a psychopath you wouldnteknow in 5 minutes of talking 😂

@FreakigesSternchen

3 жыл бұрын

@@evan Omg I got acknowledged 😩 But yeah it depends but I've had dates where we met once and it was all fine and good and then two days later they're like "hey can i stay with you for a weekend because (personal drama)" and I just think to myself does that person not have any other friends or what?

@LauraAnimalgirl

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah I had a neighbour who put a note under my door asking me out the very day I moved into my flat. He did it again the next day, and the next, despite me showing no romantic interest in him besides having a regular friendly conversation. A chat like I'd have with a normal person. Day four he puts a long note under my door, saying "I think we really built up a connection, I would like to ask you out." Woah creepy cowboy. You know nothing about me! We have only talked about bread rolls and pea soup and you're already asking me out?!?

Is it bad that when “treats the server like shit” I was like well yeah if anyone treats technology with disrespect that’s a huge red flag! ... oh ...

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

Hahahha

@autumnhd

3 жыл бұрын

*sends the server 100s of requests per second*

@catherinerowe221

3 жыл бұрын

I literally thought the same thing! Was a bit confused for a minute there 😂

@ItsAsparageese

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah for a split second my brain interpreted it as a game server, like if someone were hacking or just being rude, before my brain autocorrected itself lol

NO! Knowing all the best vegan hot spots is a green flag! Also noooo! I'm a picky eater because any degree of spice, even pepper, makes me really really ill (like vomited, faint, dizzy ill) but am really open minded! I blame you and Notion for getting me back on Reddit! Also very randomly, love that hoodie.

@henryginn7490

3 жыл бұрын

Yeh, veganism is actually the open minded skeptic position, it is hard to realise your beliefs weren't consistent and make such a big change

@carry7712

3 жыл бұрын

You might be allergic to peppers. I vomit and get light headed because of peppers too and it's an allergy. There are many different types of allergic reactions, they're not all anaphylaxis.

@Miss_Lexisaurus

3 жыл бұрын

@@carry7712 interesting! I never say I'm allergic because I haven't been tested. It's all spicy food, even if it's super mild and other people can't taste it. Thanks!

@carry7712

3 жыл бұрын

@@Miss_Lexisaurus you're welcome! I went to an allergist and they confirmed it for me. It's a capsicum allergy (includes bell peppers, hot peppers, cayenne, paprika, chili). There's a chance you might also react to other foods in the same plant family, like tomatoes, potatoes, and eggplant.

@FiveOClockTea

3 жыл бұрын

That's not being a picky eater though 😅

When they say they're not political. It usually means that their Political beliefs turn a lot of people away.

@writeonshell

3 жыл бұрын

Or that they are so privileged and so blind to that privilege that politics doesn't impact them. Either way, it would be a big red flag for a bleeding heart liberal like myself 🤣

@billyt.7306

3 жыл бұрын

Some people genuinely aren't political. I know several people who have never voted in their lives and never speak about politics, mainly because their life is so busy. They could care less. Then there's people like me who were taught not to discuss politics, especially in public or when meeting new people because it's just rude as hell. Personally I could give a damn about American politics - both sides are lying, cheating frauds who only serve their own pockets and their own inflated egos - especially over these last 20 years. Not everyone is "literally Hitler" or "literally Stalin" just because they don't discuss politics - that's a common American misconception, and one that is very toxic.

@rosalindhoffman6175

3 жыл бұрын

@@billyt.7306 yes. 100%. But theres also tons of people in America that aren’t political because it just doesn’t effect them, which is indeed a sign of privilege. I live in a pretty wealthy area and I used to be like that. In America, a lot of people only get involved if it effects them directly, and that’s just as toxic as thinking anyone without a political opinion is bad 🤷‍♀️

@autumnhd

3 жыл бұрын

@@rosalindhoffman6175 There's also people who aren't political because it makes them anxious as hell. Not everyone that isn't politic is like that because their privileged.

@sallyjonesie3886

3 жыл бұрын

@@billyt.7306 I agree.

Hello and welcome back to a man that has a space scene outside his window

Being so 'close' to their mother/father/parents in general that they need their approval for everything. I went on a date with a friend's cousin and not only did his mother have to approve of his outfit, but she actually drove us into town even after I had already told him we could get the bus (we live in a small village so have to go to the next town to do pretty much anything). From my friend I know that she is like this with all of her children (3 of the 4 are adults), she needs to be involved in every aspect of their lives 😳😬 I only went on one more date with him

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

Omg true

@violetskies14

3 жыл бұрын

Eek I'm close with my mum (I'm disabled and she's my carer so she does my housework & helps take care of me when I have a flare) but there's close and then there's creepy close. If you're an adult you should be able to make your own decisions and tell your parents when to back off.

As a parent I just wanted to chime in here: We often get told as single parents, especially if we're young, that we shouldn't talk too much about our kids, that we need to make sure we have a personality outside of that, and anxious people may avoid the topic altogether for fear they'll get carried away and only talk about their kids

When you say ‘no’ to something, and they keep asking... doesn’t really matter what it is, it shows they don’t respect your right to say no

okay the only talking about yourself, a lot of people with adhd listen to people’s story’s and then say “oh that’s like when X happened to me”. It’s literally a way of communicating which a lot of people interpret as talking about themselves but it’s actually a way of relating to the conversation

@sertaki

2 жыл бұрын

I was amazed when I found out in my 20s that's not how most people talk XD

@MLX1401

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for bringing this up... I'm constantly saddened about the thought of ppl misinterpreting me as being egocentric when I'm actually just using my own experiences as a "tool" to understand them better :(

when someone physically grabs you for the first kiss, so you don't have the physical capability to turn away or not kiss them. 🚩🚩🚩

@susanmullen5105

3 жыл бұрын

That happened to me on a date... he defended it by saying I'd told him during chat I was 'tactile'!! I just meant I was comfortable with holding hands, close contact etc. once I got to know someone...not being grabbed for a full on snog 2 hours after meeting! 🤦‍♀️

Picky eaters sometimes have eating disorders, food anxiety, etc.! In general, it’s best to not comment on people’s food preferences

A red flag doesn't necessarily mean that the other person is bad, just not a good match

@silverkitty2503

3 жыл бұрын

agreed

I tend to talk about my ex a lot but because I'm trying to explain my trauma that came from him abusing me .... I also have a lot of anxiety so I will forget that I should be asking about them too

As a single parent, I do purposely try to keep my kids out of first date conversations. I'll give the basics, but nothing too personal about them. The date is about that person and myself. I also don't have photos of my kids on my dating profile and only mention them in my bio. Great way to weed out the guys who get shocked when you mention the kids via text messages.

@barvdw

3 жыл бұрын

I understand your position, but if they are interested in you, they will have to take your kids with it, it's a package deal. You can't separate yourself from being a parent completely. While I agree you should be allowed to keep a little privacy at a first date (you never know what creep you're dating), it would seem odd when my date would hardly acknowledge their kids' existence. There must be a balance somewhere..

I completely disagree with the asking to put their phone away. If they are on a date to spend time with you and you are just sitting there while they’re on their phone, I think it’s absolutely fine to ask them to put it away. Of course there are different ways to ask, don’t be rude about it but you can politely hint/mention it

So like, I'm 100% not qualified to talk a out having kids, but I feel like not wanting to talk about your kids on a first date is perfectly understandable? Protecting the kids privacy??? Like, you don't really know the person all that well on a first date, I think it's perfectly reasonable to not want to share info about kids

@eddieamazon

3 жыл бұрын

My kids are the light of my life but that also means I’m fiercely protective about them. I may mention I have kids but I won’t tell someone everything about them because I don’t know if the other person is a stalker child molester? I agree with this 1000%

My parents have been separated for 5 years and aren’t divorced. My mum has a boyfriend. I feel like it’s only a red flag if they’ve only been separated for a short period of time

@beatrix1120

3 жыл бұрын

Out of curiosity, do you know why they didn't get divorced?

@trude8073

3 жыл бұрын

But why don't they just get a divorce?

@emmaRBC

3 жыл бұрын

Completely agree! Depending on the country it's expensive and/or takes ages to get divorced. I think as long as you aren't just seperated, it's fine!

I lolled at the “Hydrohomies” joke.

Oh babey the flashbacks from "seperated, not divorced". Worse if they still live together. Even worse if it's a bad breakup. Most toxic shit I've been through, never again.

@FrogsOfTheSea

3 жыл бұрын

If they still live together, how are they separated?

@allisonmarie9658

3 жыл бұрын

@@FrogsOfTheSea They’re not romantic or together anymore, I guess. Just living together.

@elizabethgrosvenor153

3 жыл бұрын

People have spare rooms. Selling houses takes time and usually money. And the kids are right there so it's probably better for them if the parents can stand it. It happens.

Slight note on the picky eaters - used to agree with that and now have ulcerative colitis and can't eat a lot of stuff. Wouldn't discuss uc on a first date, so would probably come across as a picky eater. Anyway, my point is - there maybe a valid reason.

As a picky eater I try to avoid going to a restaurant with new people. It's not something I can control and I'm not at all finicky. I will try anything, then try it again later in a different way if I didn't like it the first time. For a lot of people it's not a personality trait or due to 'not wanting to try new things', but a legit sensory issue that's hard to get around. If people find it offputting that's their perogative, but if it's annoying for 'normal' eaters, imagine how annoying/frustrating it is for the 'picky eater' themselves. I would LOVE to eat whatever was set in front of me and actually enjoy it, that sounds like an absolute dream.

To be honest, even talking about past relationships to any extent even if positive is not a great sign. I say this as someone who couldn't stop talking about one particular ex in almost every conversation for nine months or more after we broke up. Always positive. Turned out I had some major unprocessed trauma from unrecognised psychological abuse that ex had put me through and I was in nooooooo fit state to start anything new till after I'd started dealing with that.

@ItsAsparageese

2 жыл бұрын

This seems a little overgeneralized to me. Context matters a lot. When the past relationship is fresh, yeah, I agree it's a significant indicator of whether the person is over their ex or not. But I personally talk about at least a couple of my exes really often because they're also some of my best friends, and it's been years since I dated either one (over a decade for one of them). They're just still important buddies in my life and come up in my best stories a lot, and sometimes it's germane that we dated because sometimes the wild or funny story happened when we were dating, or whatever. So I'd say it's important not to generalize and to take more variables into account, like the nature of the story, whether the person brings up their actual past relationships-in-particular a lot or just events/stories/etc. that happen to be related to it, and of course whether they're speaking not just positively but also respectfully and objectively. I do absolutely get what you mean about the way psychological abuse can mess with your perspective though, and how it can take a long time after a breakup to really see things differently. I fully support that those things take time to learn about oneself and take even more time to heal, and that it's not healthy to go into new relationships until inner work like that has progressed a good long way first. Sorry you experienced that and glad it sounds like you've come a long way with your own healing.

i’m a pretty picky eater (like i will pretty much only order off the kid’s menu if i can) but mostly because 1) i just don’t like the idea of eating animals- i’m not a vegetarian but the only meats i eat chicken and turkey because i grew up with that and i’m used to it (i used to eat beef too but it’s a lot worse for the environment) 2) i’m afraid of mushrooms for no reason but i absolutely REFUSE to eat anything with mushrooms also a lot of autistic/neurodivergent people are picky eaters but that doesn’t mean they’re close-minded!!

@wolfzmusic9706

3 жыл бұрын

omg i hate mushrooms cuz of the texture and also the taste. sooo gross

@xxxthestuffxxx

3 жыл бұрын

I'm with you on the mushrooms. All I can think about when they're on a plate is spores spores spores SPORES SPORES SPORES.

Hey hey hey! I date a vegan, and there ARE really good vegan places around town! You are OFFICIALLY canceled in Veganburg! seriously though, you can order the vegan dish without being vegan...

@LinniC93

3 жыл бұрын

Yes! I'd love to date someone who knows all the best vegan places!

@RosLanta

3 жыл бұрын

Yes exactly. I'm vegetarian now, but years before I decided to become vegetarian I ate a lot of veggie food - e.g. I would sometimes order the veggie breakfast rather than the full English. Not because I wanted to impress someone or pretend I was vegetarian or something, just because I... liked the food. Amazing isn't it 😂

That last one about ordering vegan meal then eating meat, it is possible that a meat eater might have just liked the look of the dish that happened to be vegan...? There are so many reasonable explanations, how did someone think it was a red flag?

@barvdw

3 жыл бұрын

I'm not vegan, not even vegetarian, but I do like restaurants with limited but inventive menus, and I will not hesitate to take a vegan dish if it sounds interesting. I like meat, but I also like veggies. Had a great celery root steak, with a Portobello mushroom, potato salad and a fresh celery salad, recently. Will take it again.

@jonathon3787

3 жыл бұрын

Totally. I like vegan foods and try them out a lot for interest but I’d happily have a bite of steak at the same time.

@kajamiletic3223

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, this is based on the assumption that a dish can't be good without meat. I'm a meat eater but I often eat vegan food just because I like it better, and I also find that the meat-free options of certain cuisines taste better to me than their meat-included options (I much prefer Indian food that's vegetarian, for example).

@NothingOfNoteToSeeHere

2 жыл бұрын

I once ate a vegam meal, because I hadn't the appetite for meat. There was no chicken available and I'm picky, aka, I love chicken.

@leeloftin5252

2 жыл бұрын

some people also might have lactose intolerance or a dairy allergy and be fine with meat but not dairy products. I know I almost always go for vegan pastries when I can, but still eat meat. All the dietary red flags just seem weird, like you're just supposed to go into detail about your health and/or personal ethics on the first date to justify what you eat???

Hi hello yeah I'm the picky eater, because I'm allergic to lots of food, and it's uncomfortable as it is, so when people are irritated by my inability to eat something due to my health condition - it's also not cool :/

@Rain-np7tk

3 жыл бұрын

Yes

@gthjzby887

3 жыл бұрын

I think by picky eater he meant not eating a lot of food just because you haven't tried any of it before, not because of allergies.

@jullin4061

3 жыл бұрын

@@gthjzby887 maybe, but I've noticed that even when I explain that I don't eat certain things because of my allergies people are still very annoyed. By the fact that *I have to restrict myself and it doesn't concern them in any way* but they still see it as me being inconvenient as if it's my choice.

@charlotte7657

3 жыл бұрын

That... doesn't make you a picky eater. Picky eaters usually only allow themselves a selection of foods that they know they like (usually from childhood) such as chicken nuggets, chips and carrots and won't try broccoli, for example, because it looks 'funny'. You won't eat certain foods because your body rejects them physically, not because you're not willing to try them based on their look/texture/smell.

@theravenmonarch9441

3 жыл бұрын

@@charlotte7657 but even then, that'd still mean that for Evan, Autistic/Neurodivergent people can be a deal breaker and if that's the case then yikes

Gotta disagree with the "doesn't talk about their kids" one. If a single parent is on a first date, maybe they want to see if they actually like the other person before having the "by the way, I have kids" talk. Maybe they just want to enjoy themselves as a human being on a first date and not as a parent for two hours. Maybe they don't want to talk about their children with a virtual stranger.

Probably the best advice I got, be with your date in traffic jam to see how your date behaves during stressful situations.

My first date called his dogs “doggie woggies”. My second date kept asking me if he was having a good time. I’m never using Tinder again.

@ItsAsparageese

2 жыл бұрын

Like, "doggie woggies" just in casual conversation? I call 'em doggos and puppers and other affectionate terms all the time, but "doggie woggies" just sounds like an inconveniently long one if they're not talking to the dog directly at the time and deliberately pouring affectionate terms on the dog lol. And for the second one, is that a typo? He kept asking you if *he* was having a good time? Or did you mean asking if you were? I'm just curious, not trying to nitpick, I'm just intrigued as hell especially if it really is the former haha. And yeah Tinder is dumb.

Hi! It's a little bit ableist to just say that people who are picky eaters are not open to new things or insinuate it's a red flag. People have sensory issues and it's not that they don't want it's that they just can't. Good video tho!

@user-es7ui5mc1m

3 жыл бұрын

Not sure if that's the same for Evan but "picky eater" to me implies there is no reason other than "meh i don't like it". People with sensory issues or allergies/intolerances aren't choosing (aka "picking") to not eat those foods, so they're not "picky eaters" in my opinion. Like picky to me is someone who just categorically says "I won't try ethiopian food" or "I will not order this dish because the sauce has onions and I don't like onions". Obviously you wouldn't know immediately on a first date but yeah, overall i'd say "picky" is different from allergies, sensory issues or dietary choice (e.g. vegan)

@Miss_Lexisaurus

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-es7ui5mc1m in my experience people tend to assume you're picky, most people don't ask if there's a reason. And tbh if those that do a large portion think I'm making it up and still judge me as picky so...

@user-es7ui5mc1m

3 жыл бұрын

@@Miss_Lexisaurus Like I said, t+I'm aware it won't necessarily come up, obviously they won't ask the reason why you ordered a certain item but it has come up on dates I've been on while talking about the food in general. If people are thinking you're making it up, that's obviously a red flag on their part but I'm just trying to say that I don't think people should call Evan ableist for saying he thinks it's a red flag.

@martina4365

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-es7ui5mc1m What I think is ableist is to just say categorically picky eaters are not open to new things or that it's a red flag. I think we are all ableist and could improve on out behaviour, so I call out what I can. Besides that I don't really understand why you care what other people eat.

I would never food shame someone but I would have to make it explicitly clear that I have a complete food phobia of rice. Its almost traumatic at this point. It makes me feel like a bad person but I physically would not be able to stay if they had rice.

People allergic to gluten, this video is a red flag

Ordering for me.

@lucie4185

3 жыл бұрын

And going into detail about why you should eat the food they have ordered for you 😡

I really appreciate most of the video, but I find the picky eater comment a bit...out of taste or not quite understanding of certain circumstances, I guess? The thing is people aren’t necessarily saying that just for kicks and giggles - sometimes it’s allergies, sure, but some people have texture issues relating to food. There are many foods I can only have prepared in certain ways, and if they’re not prepared in those ways, those foods consistently trigger gag reflexes (I haven’t bothered testing to see if trying to keep eating them would make it better or if it’s actually make me vomit); I’m certainly not the only one. I hear your point about a lack of open mindedness, but food isn’t just the same across the board and there are legitimate reasons people may choose to restrict the sorts of foods they eat.

@gthjzby887

3 жыл бұрын

I think by picky eater it means choosing to not eat foods you have never tried before for no reason.

@verityclarke6267

3 жыл бұрын

@@gthjzby887 I understand the logic of that, but there is a bit of a... Well, I’m not sure of how to succinctly describe it, but there seems to be this idea that if someone discloses that they are X or that they have Y, something is no longer an issue. The issue is the requirement to disclose - someone shouldn’t have to tell their date “Oh by the way, I’m not a picky eater, I just have autism” or whatnot in order to not be labeled as a picky eater. Because that’s the issue - if people don’t say “I have X/I am X” then the automatic assumption is “ugh, picky eater”, but the requirement puts people in a very uncomfortable position because the options become: A) Disclose personal information (which you may not want to disclose so soon), no matter how uncomfortable it makes you, to avoid being seen as another picky eater WHILE ALSO RISKING being argued with by someone who doesn’t think that X exists or that you just need to “get over it” or even running into someone who is prejudiced against people with disabilities, neurodivergence etc. B) Not disclose, but thus risk being automatically labelled as a picky eater (an idea often linked to immaturity/other negative personality traits). C) Try to force ourselves to eat stuff we can’t tolerate and thus risk gagging and/or vomiting throughout dinner, something that may not even be possible to any extent for some people and which certainly isn’t a viable tactic long-term. This isn’t an issue bring brought up for kicks and giggles - either way, the choice has real implications in a world where there is prejudice against people who are neurodivergent in any way. I respect your comment and I understand you mean well, but the fact is this isn’t an issue I’m comfortable just handwaving with “of course he meant X” because that comes with the implication that either people like me have to disclose our personal medical/etc information on a first date, or we get labeled as picky eaters, or we have to try to endure misery. This is an issue that deserves more attention precisely because there are plenty of people who don’t know about this, and because there are still stigmas against neurodivergence that we need to start breaking down. Breaking down stigmas can only happen if we open these dialogues and bring these issues to light, even if a seemingly innocuous comment is the cause of it.

@gthjzby887

3 жыл бұрын

@@verityclarke6267 Rather than it being an issue if i was on a date with someone and they said they aren't going to eat this particular dish because they have an allergy/they dont like it or whatever i think it might be more a situation of you have agreed to go on a date with someone in a particular restaurant and they say they don't like anything on the menu. By the way do tell me if the argument I'm making is stupid or anything. I haven't been on a date before and so I'm just speculating possible scenarios.

@verityclarke6267

3 жыл бұрын

Another element that just came to mind: Evan has a big following, so what he says has a lot more spread that someone like me. Tackling this kind of rhetoric coming from someone like him is particularly important because he has a lot more opportunity to spread this sort of information, or to continue to perpetuate the harmful implications that are implicit in these sorts of situations and ideas. Calling Evan out on this isn’t saying that I believe he’s a bad person (I don’t), it’s saying that he said or did something that I feel has the potential to cause harm and that I’m hoping this will be a learning experience not just for him but also for the people who follow him, should he choose to bring up this idea (which you’ll note has been made by several other people) in another community video.

@verityclarke6267

3 жыл бұрын

@@gthjzby887 I hear what you’re saying, and in some circumstances what you’re saying makes sense. However, not all restaurants have easily-accessible online menus and not everyone has the means to access them either - levels of poverty still exist and there are still technological inequalities that make it impossible to research the menu in advance. That also assumes that it’s even possible to check the menu before agreeing to the date - imagine if it’s an impromptu date invitation in person. The response to someone asking “hey do you want to go on a date to X?” is most likely not going to be “hang on let me check the menu first”, and even if it were, we go right back to being either obligated to disclose personal info about health/status/etc (only /prior/ to a first date) or being thought of as at least a bit odd. Also, even if there is a chance to check the menu, not all menus have descriptions of what the food actually is or even how it’s prepared- I’ve seen plenty of menus that just give the name, the price, and maybe the main ingredients. That further complicates things - speaking for me personally, there are some foods (ex. onions and tomatoes) I can tolerate eating just fine in some forms but which do provoke my gagging reflex in other forms. Also, do you notice that there are many ifs and “in this circumstance” and “even then” about this whole situation and even this discussion? Wouldn’t it be much easier if we could break the stigma and just have people accept that some people have texture issues and that being a so-called “picky eater” isn’t necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, as opposed to having to jump through all these hoops to keep this bias that selects against a whole host of disabilities and other such conditions? Let’s not advocate for assumptions, judgements, or forcing people to disclose information in order to avoid the above - let’s advocate for breaking down the biases against (in this case, primarily) neurodivergent people so that if someone isn’t the most adventurous eater, people will be more willing to accept it instead of judging without there being an inherent obligation to justify their choices for what they’re eating by disclosing personal information before one might otherwise be ready. At least, that’s how I feel. I understand that you might feel otherwise, but I urge you to consider the implications of this whole situation and the consequences for people like me who are living these types of situations every time they go out to eat on a date and may end up unpleasantly surprised by a menu and then may have to make an uncomfortable choice.

Literally had a date where the guy pointed out the ‘flaws’ in my facial features. Apparently, my eyes are a “horrible” shade of blue 🙃🙃

@ItsAsparageese

2 жыл бұрын

Wow that's mega messed up. There's no such thing as a horrible eye color lol wtf, that guy's got serious issues, sounds like the sort to just habitually talk negatively and critically about anything. And to do it about a partner or potential partner is extra messed up, I'm not conjecturing super confidently (maybe they just have very particular sensory/aesthetic issues and no social skills lol) but that would strike me as a flag for possible abusive behavior, especially using such a strong word. The hell with that, glad you dodged that bullet! And I bet your eyes are lovely!

@hydro1355

2 жыл бұрын

There's a thing that really stupid people do called "negging" where they try to lower the other person's confidence as a weird "psychological" play. I'm 99.99% that's what you experienced, so I hope you didn't take it to heart. People can be scummy.

@ItsAsparageese

2 жыл бұрын

@@hydro1355 Yeah that's definitely possible too. My guess was in this case they just had zero social skills and were super negative but you're entirely right that they could have been intending to neg and just ALSO had zero social skills so failed to do it with any subtlety lol. Such a stupid strategy for people to do on purpose, it's kind of appalling that that's a thing. And even if they were trying to neg on purpose that's still a hell of a flag for abusive/manipulative behavior anyway. Good call bringing that up, I hope people surf past these comments who have been exposed to that PUA nonsense and realize how dumb it is

@hydro1355

2 жыл бұрын

@@ItsAsparageese Yeah it's sick for sure, and DEFINITELY a huge red flag.

Don’t agree with the picky eater thing, as someone who suffers from a lot of illnesses that limit what I eat, I can’t help it, there’s so much I want to try but can’t because it’ll make me ill.

It's crazy to me that I've been watching his videos for about 5 years and he still hasn't got a mil subscribers. He deserves it so much.

Gotta love Evan posting a video about the horrors of dating on Valentine's Day

I mean the hating on picky eaters thing is a little ableist bc a lot of times ppl can't eat stuff bc of their disabilities (autism, arfid, celiac, etc) but I get the sentiment. About the separated but not divorced red flag: Hilarious thing, my parents have been separated since i was 5 (Im now 22) and they sill are separated. They are also still married. My mom also has a boyfriend of 4 years. Everyone's fine with it. My mom wishes my dad a happy anniversary every year just as a joke xD (edited: typo in "arfed")

@violetskies14

3 жыл бұрын

I'm autistic and yeah. Lots of stuff is hard for me to eat because of sensory issues it's not like I can help it.

@wandirs

3 жыл бұрын

That's not what a picky eater is lol. My sister has celiac's and she is one of the least picky people when it comes to food that I know of. She just avoids gluten because of her disease, but there are plenty of food that don't have gluten in them. She can't eat at KFC for example, but at most other restaurants there's something for her to eat. Plus, I think if someone were to suggest her to eat something that had gluten in it, and she said, "Oh I can't eat that, I have Celiac's Disease", then that is not being a picky eater, that's just her watching out for her health.

@katherinep1010

3 жыл бұрын

Just in case anyone was trying to google stuff you meantioned, it's arfid. Probably an autocorrect issue.

@mspSelSil

3 жыл бұрын

@@katherinep1010 yes sorry thank you so much! gonna edit it!

@user-es7ui5mc1m

3 жыл бұрын

That's not picky, picky is when you just flat out won't try something for no apparent reason. He clearly doesn't have an issue with vegans and that's pretty restrictive (and I guess "picky" in a sense), so that's definitely not the same

Already hit the like, already been subbed, already planned on commenting for the algorithm... But the last four seconds of the video: highlight of my evening.

The "Auf Wiedersehen" caught me off guard. But the "Auf Wiedrsehen 'it means bye bye in German'" made me laugh :D

The meaning of picky eaters to me isn't about food preferences. It is when a person orders themselves some food off a menu, and literally picks at it and doesn't finish it. I have been on dates when first date nerves set in and my appetite disappears. I usually ask for something to drink first and to talk for 5- 10 minutes to relax with each other before ordering food 😋

Says they don't have kids on their profile but on their date they mention they do have kids

It's not just Valentines that can start out wrong by saying your political or religious beliefs are wrong but so can roommates

A lot of people in the comments don't realise that being a picky eater and having allergies/not being able to digest certain foods IS NOT the same

you talking about football just made me think of that scene from it crowd “did you see that ludicrous display last night?”

As someone who has been a picky eater I find it offensive that you would call it a red flag. Trying new foods makes me extremely anxious and so I will only try new things when I'm really comfortable. Most of us don't choose to be picky. It's fine saying maybe you prefer if someone is an adventurous eater but I think a red flag is a step too far

@katherinep1010

3 жыл бұрын

That bothered me as well. There are legitimate things that make this a problem for a lot of people.

@superhotninjacat

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, red flag is a bit strong for that. I personally prefer people who are up for trying new stuff because it fits my own lifestyle better, but doesn't mean it would be a red flag or a deal breaker if they were picky eaters.

@RubyMadigan

3 жыл бұрын

@@katherinep1010 Especially on a date where I would already be quite anxious I would aim for safe foods to limit anxiety

@moomoomackandcheese3405

3 жыл бұрын

Oh same! I’ve been a picky eater all my life and while I do try to be more adventurous with foods when I feel comfortable with it, a lot of times I do get super anxious by the look, smell, or thoughts of new foods. Family gatherings are extremely scary when all your relatives are telling you you need to try more foods and gossiping about you to your parents, saying that you’ll grow out of it. It’s the reason why I hate going over to knew friends houses for dinner or lunch instead opting to go over when many people will be there and I know there will most likely be something for me. As far as first dates go with is the reason I’d rather see a movie or go mini golfing or bowling or something. I can eat popcorn at the movies and no one will bat an eye, but if I go to a restroom and order the kids chicken strips I might get made fun of. Contrary to popular belief I’m not a picky eater because I’m not adventurous, I’m plenty adventurous and actually like trying new things (although I don’t like leaving the house but I’m just an introvert), it’s just food where I get super anxious.

@meghans5119

3 жыл бұрын

i’ve seen a lot of comments like this and it’s super helpful because i never would’ve thought of it like this ! for me, something like this would only be a red flag if it was done in a rude or snobby way, calling other things revolting etc but not because of the food, but because their attitude isn’t very warm and inviting if that makes sense. :)

I've just been watching your videos since the pandemic hit i always wanted to travel and move out of the country some day but I've never seen how it is done and what it takes but watching you has shown that it is indeed a lot LOL its also inspired me to get my life together to make it happen

Wow got here early enough to comment while it’s still new, so hopefully you will see this. I just want to say love your videos and it’s cool to see another American who loves London and also loves Germany and learning German. Hope to live in Europe like you some day, though your tax video did scare me a bit haha Cheers and thanks Evan!

Evan looks so cozy in that hoodie. I want to look and feel cozy. Can I borrow it? 🥺

I really really wanted more of these comments. Like not wanting a good film to end so sudden. Cheers Evan ^^

I'm such a big fan of your's evan! I have been for years. Keep up all the good work!

Should’ve taken into consideration when he treated the waiters badly.😅

@silverkitty2503

3 жыл бұрын

not necessarily ...

@evelynmontoya4901

3 жыл бұрын

@@silverkitty2503 Cool. Thanks for your opinion.😎 👍🏽

I'm a pretty picky eater, it annoys me aswell, but if I try something and don't like it (which is quite often the case) I'll probably never like it. Although I started to like coleslaw recently, and I've never really liked cabbage...

Loving the Reddit content recently, I don’t have a Reddit so it’s nice to see this kind of discourse, especially with your lovely commentary. Much love from a long time sub from Maryland. 💙✌🏻

I haven't watched your videos in a while but I watched this one and I totally forgot how much you make me laugh!!!

When they start bringing up other relationships they know trying to compare them.

The hand puppet at the end hahaha

Why are non vegetarians/vegans not allowed to order vegetarian/vegan food? Back when I did eat meat, I would often still order vegetarian food when I was out.

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

Honestly no clue what that guy was on about

As someone who is a huge foodie who likes the taste of everything (pretty much) I agree with his opinion on picky eaters. I understand if you’re allergic or can’t eat something for whatever else reason, and it definitely does not make you a horrible person or anything even close to that - Only that I feel like we wouldn’t be a good match. I love cooking and personally experiment in my kitchen on a daily basis so if you’re not willing to ever try anything (or can’t) it simply doesn’t fit well with my lifestyle because I like to feed the people I love and just eat together and bond over food. I wouldn’t necessarily go as far as call it a red flag though because everyone has different needs and for some people it doesn’t matter and they can still have a wonderful relationship.

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah that’s pretty much it. Relationship wise, I’d rather be with someone who fits my lifestyle better.

@hanami741

3 жыл бұрын

finally some reasonable comment. People throwing 'ableism' around and stuff, when it's all about comfortable life and similar taste when it comes to things that matter. If i'm not attracted to guys who are shorter than me or come from different cultures or races because i just don't find them sexy in this way, will I be racist then? Will I be also discriminating if i don't wanna be with a guy 20 years older or more? It's funny how some people mix tolerance towards difference with a choice of life partner

People who check the time on their phone constantly

a love a accurately themed valentines day video 🥰

@evan

3 жыл бұрын

omg I didn't do this on purpose

@theravenmonarch9441

3 жыл бұрын

@@evan Really? That makes this funny x10 lmao

The only one that might not be a red flag is the not talking about your kids on the first date. It could just be your date not wanting to devoulge too much personal information about there kids to a person they don’t know very well and more than likely just met.

Just when I thought I was going to have to give in and take my Spanish test, great timing Evan thanks a bunch!!

I don't think wanting to have sex on a first date is a red flag. Obviously not everyone wants to have sex on the first date, but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting it either. As long as you're not preassuring your date into anything or making them feel bad. To me it's no more of a red flag than straight up saying "I don't have sex on the first date"

@JustAnotherPerson4U

3 жыл бұрын

But I think to a lot of people it indicates that this person is not interested in a long term relationship and would rather get in the other's pants as soon as possible. I mean, if both of them make indications that they're fine with it then it's fine. But most who go on first dates are sussing out if this person is suitable for a long term partner.

@ava_lavender

3 жыл бұрын

I agree, but the comment was specifically saying unprotected sex, which to me is a huge red flag on the first date.

@superhotninjacat

3 жыл бұрын

@@ava_lavender oh yeah, true

Not necessarily a red flag but a personal peeve of mine is when you're trying to decide on a venue/place for your first date and the other person is like: 'I don't mind, don't have a preference, etc.'. So you suggest a place and they're: 'not that one for reasons x,y,z'; you suggest another: 'also no'. So you ask them to suggest a place, but instead they go: 'I'm happy with whatever you choose'. Again, you suggest some places and again there's a ton of reasons for not choosing this or that one. At this point, I just tell them that it's not fated to be.

As someone who has never been on a date this was very helpful. I wouldn’t have known a gun was a red flag otherwise.

@AmberClareHawleyx

3 жыл бұрын

😂

A friend was on a date and the other person said something along the lines of "Enough about me, let's talk about you - what do you think about me?" Classic....

Okay wait, as much as I agree with someone spending all their time on their phone as a bit of a turn off, sharing memes is a very specific love language that can really get at the core of who a person is. Great litmus test for a relationship, platonic or romantic is to share your favorite memes.

I'd say being a picky eater is not a problem. Saying "I eat everything... except A, B, C, ..., Y, Z" is though. In my case it turned out that "Everything" meant junk food and meat.

Hxjxjj the picky eater one made me sad, I don't eat a lot of foods because of sensory issues, and people at work make fun because I can't eat fruit etc. They think I just don't like it/aren't willing to try things

omg I totally agree with the phone one. The whole separated one instead of divorce is a bit ehhhh though. My parents separated instead of getting a divorce because they couldn't afford it.

@randomnesssdoubled

3 жыл бұрын

Amicable, no fault divorces (currently) aren't a thing in the UK and couples have to be separated for at least two years before being allowed to divorce. So not being divorced because you're legally not allowed to shouldn't be a red flag.

@theravenmonarch9441

3 жыл бұрын

@@randomnesssdoubled And even then, divorcing involves a lot of procedures, sometimes legal fees, etc. It shouldn't be seen as a requirement to get back into dating after separating. The only 2 things not being divorced changes on dating: if there is a divorce later that could cause some trouble and you can't marry someone who's still married I think, that's it.