Lisa Melillo: Parental Inversion
Lisa speaks at King of Kings Worship Center on 5/8/2024
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Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 8:1 (ESV)
There is therefore now, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

2 Corinthians 12:14 (NAS)
“… here for the third time, I am ready to come to you, and I will not be a burden to you; for children are not responsible to save up (make provision) for their parents, but parents for their children.”

2 Corinthians 12:14 (NLT)
Now I am coming for you the third time, and I will not be a burden to you. I don’t want what you have - I want you. After all, children don’t provide for their parents. Rather, parents provide for their children. I will gladly spend myself and all I have for you.

1 Timothy 3:4 (NIV)
He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.

1 Timothy 3:4
“He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.”

1 Timothy 3:4 (TPT)
His heart should be set on guiding his household with wisdom and dignity; bringing up his children to worship with devotion and purity.”

1 Timothy 5:8 (NIV)
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

1 Timothy 5:8 (TPT)
For if a believer fails to provide for their own relatives when they are in need, they have compromised their convictions of faith and need to be corrected, for they are living worse than the unbelievers.”

Proverbs 22:6 (NASB)
Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Isaiah 38:19 (NASB)
It is the living who give thanks to You, as I do today; A father tells his sons about Your faithfulness.”

Exodus 20:12 (NLT)
Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving You.

Luke 4:18 (NKJV)
The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me
To preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives
And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed.

A Prayer for Parental Inversion

Father, I thank You for caring enough for me, to help me see that in my family the parental roles came to be reversed. I see that I stepped in to fill the gap and, regardless of how necessary or how noble that may have seemed, I recognize I was wrong. In usurping my ____________’s role, denied my own childhood. You did not design my child’s shoulders to carry such a heavy weight.

Lord, I forgive my parents for ___________ (what they or did not do). I confess that I have judged them as being ____________ (be specific).

I ask You to forgive me those judgements and the bitterness they built in my help. I thought I had to do it for You. Forgive me for wounding You in that way.

I have avoided intimacy and corporateness. Father, forgive me for the way I have cut myself off from emotion. I know I did it as a child so that I could function, but now it is a defense mechanism in my life and I have hurt many people with my inability to feel. Forgive me for trying to take over for You and so control my spouse, my world. I resign Lord; I am not in charge. You are.

Father, it frightens me to ask You to take charge of me and those I love and work with. But I am tired. Bring my fear and pride to death. I want to trust in You, to rest in You.

I ask You to speak peace into my inner being and calm my striving, even as You calmed the sea.

A Prayer for Substitute Mate:

Lord, I ask that You help me to forgive my ________
for pulling me into the role of spouse. I did not, could not say “no”. I have had such mixed feelings:
pride that I should be chosen; anger that the other parent did not his/her role and protect me; and confusion because I was in a role I couldn’t understand or fulfill.

Father, I choose to forgive myself for acquiescing to the subtle coercion. I forgive my parents __________ (be specific about what they both did and did not do). And I confess and ask forgiveness for the unexplainable anger. Now I know it was toward my mother and father and You, Lord. Please forgive me.

It hurts to see how this has affected my own marriage, my spouse, Lord. I see the damage it has caused and want it t…