00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

@feliciawilliams5720

22 күн бұрын

Agreed

Everyone in the comments picking sides like the other partner is a monster. These two seems like good people and although they have some issues (who the hell doesn't), they're working through it. Props to them, I'm rooting for them and I think that they'll make it.

@DontPanicYet4590

24 күн бұрын

Thank you for bringing an ounce of humility to this comment section.

@nnennaitanyi8156

24 күн бұрын

The podcast is discussing their morals though. Good people make really bad decisions when it comes to money. Neither of them is a monster, but it's obvious that some mindsets are really harmful.

@FrostyWitchGoddess

24 күн бұрын

A lot of the comments this time don't pass the vibe check for sure. Like the comment section has been invaded by a subset of icky people. Ramit was so right - they were sucked into certain stories and just cycling back through them over and over.

@nagarpoe

24 күн бұрын

I agree with you, they are trying to come together as a team, which will help for their future. I think they will do great

@majorfomo2

24 күн бұрын

You see the tender moments despite the tension in the discussions. I have hope for them

Ive been binge watching all of your past episodes for months. I'd love to see annual follow-ups with the couples to gauge what stuck and what didn’t

@lowlowseesee

18 күн бұрын

saaaaaammmme sister. i started with the podcast when they didnt do footage. im in 2022 still but I cant wait to get back to these. ramit changed my financial life, its been great

@tyerrascott6596

9 күн бұрын

That would be amazing

@AlexGBY9

4 күн бұрын

I think this would be quite complex, but would add great value. Totally agree with you, as good as Ramith is now it now depends on the people and how they are at sticking with spending habits

I always wonder how grown adults manage to be married and have kids without first being on the same page as far as finances go.

@nono99136

23 күн бұрын

Sex?

@t4health527

17 күн бұрын

Biological clock ticking

@Erin-rg3dw

10 күн бұрын

Too many, hence why money is listed as a common cause for divorce.

I agree with the husband on this one. He pays a majority of the bills, and also takes care of all the other 'surpise' things that come up. She doesn't mind when he pays for her tires without question but gets upset because he doesnt trust her when she cant even save $100. Also he makes no bones about the condo being hers entirely. Hopefully they can get on the same page

@vulpixelful

24 күн бұрын

She drives their children in that car. They should have planned better but in the moment, he shouldn't get a medal for replacing the tires 🙄

@kelseyoakes8287

24 күн бұрын

@@vulpixelful He probably drives their kids too in his own vehicle. It's not about getting a moralitiy medal, its the fact he's responsible enough to make sure the money to take care of it. She wasn't understanding that his financial goals allow for that where hers do not and she's not seeing that

@vulpixelful

24 күн бұрын

@@kelseyoakes8287 They are in a marriage, they shouldn't have separate financial goals (for joint expenses). That's their problem. She overspends but he's not opening up either. But in the meantime, him phrasing it like it was paying for _her_ when it was a joint expense that was 100% necessary for the safety of his family...lmao no

@verb0ze

24 күн бұрын

Blindly combining accounts with someone who can't be financially responsible puts the entire family at risk. What happens when she spends the new-found surplus money on unnecessary stuff, then an emergency hits, and they don't have the savings for it? He is right to be cautious and wanting to see discipline before taking that plunge. In a marriage, you do what's beat for the family, not simply what makes a person feel good. Given their current situation, what's best for the family is separate accounts since he's the responsible one who plans for emergencies. He doesn't seem opposed to the idea of combining, but it's fair that he wants reassurance that she too prioritizes the financial safety of the family (and you don't do that by buying $400 classes and a bunch of trinkets on Amazon when you run out of money for groceries at the end of the month)

@verb0ze

24 күн бұрын

​@@vulpixelful he was paying for her because she called it HER car. HER condo. Not our second car, condo, etc. It is in the interest of the family indeed, but how come SHE doesn't prioritize having funds to take care of the car for the sake of taking care of the family? Why is HE the only one in the duo thinking about those what-ifs scenarios and planning for them? That's the issue, and it's completely understandable he fears combining finances.

I think it's telling that she feels resentment over her perception of him treating her "like a child" when he's just asking basic financial questions. I think she understands on some level that she is acting childishly towards money and is projecting that insecurity back out at him.

@BrandonBames

24 күн бұрын

While I don’t disagree, on the flip side he clearly doesn’t know how to properly communicate his needs and feelings, so he just feeds on the resentment from her not doing exactly what’s in his head the way he deems it should be done. He’s not acting like a partner any more than she is, and the whole thing is just maddening.

@pfifltrigg

23 күн бұрын

Yes, definitely insecurity and defensiveness. I can kind of relate, not about money, but when I know I should or should not be doing something, if my husband called me out on it, getting defensive and turning it back on him as if it's his fault I feel bad.

@pfifltrigg

23 күн бұрын

​@@BrandonBamesI love that there's a lot of nuance in Ramit's episodes. Usually there's no one "bad guy" in the relationship - they each have room to grow. Except that girl who was earning twice her boyfriend's salary and wanted him to treat her to dinner more often!

@muckyecm3836

23 күн бұрын

But frankly, I don't ask my husband when I want to buy something, unless I want his opinion on whether I should buy it or not. I don't need his permission to buy anything, not even with money from our joint account. Just like he can buy whatever he thinks we need from the joint account without getting my permission. We both discuss things that will affect the other person (like if he wants to buy a bike and it might be in my way, or if I want to buy a cabinet to store my craft stuff that'll take up some of our guest bedroom. If we think it won't work well, we'll figure out how to make it work for both of us. If he wanted me to ask him every time I wanted to do something, I'd feel micromanaged. This couple needs two things: 1 - communication, and 2 - mutual trust. The main problem here is she thinks he's going to look down on her for not having enough money, and by asking questions to determine whether or not to give her money he's reinforcing that feeling she has that he's looking down on her choices. So she doesn't give him the benefit of the doubt and he doesn't give her reason to think that she's wrong about not giving him the benefit of the doubt.

The thing I didn’t hear is “why” does she need the money to be shared? If it’s to spend more, say it. He does treat her like a child but honesty, he might have to do this. I’ve seen a number of couples go down the drain due to one person’s overspending. Not saying it will happen to them but that’s his fear.

I watched this episode, then I jumped to Tim Ferris's channel to listen to Ramit talk about pre-nups, and then I came to read the comments on this episode. I think what Tim was struggling with about pre-nups and what some commenters are struggling with in this episode (and other episodes with major financial imbalance) is Ramit starts with the assumption that couples love and respect each other. LOL. Many of you want Ramit to "call them out" or "bring down the hammer" on one person or the other. Find fault and blame, or worse tell the one you think is "right" to cut and run! But it's clear from how Ramit speaks that his own relationship brings him tremendous joy and that he really truly believes challenges can be address TOGETHER from a place of mutual love and respect. Ramit's Rich Life includes his wife and he presumes that when couples come on here their Rich Life includes each other. With that perspective, he's never gonna be a cut-throat jerk to the guests.

@angelarogerson6861

23 күн бұрын

Ramit doesn't have kids. Having kids changes the relationship with your spouse, I don't care what anyone says, it's the truth. The couples that don't have kids definitely focus more on developing and growing their relationship. There's not a lot of time for that with littles around.

@pfifltrigg

23 күн бұрын

Just like a good couple's therapist tries not to pick sides, Ramit does the same. He's not licensed but he's quite a good therapist anyway.

@ebonyoneill4431

18 күн бұрын

@@pfifltriggI agree, Ramit speaks like a therapist. I believe his major was psychology.

@loria606

17 күн бұрын

I agree, and I also don't think there would be anything wrong with gently asking why she can share the spending list with him, but not her partner.

@JaniVMD

8 күн бұрын

Like many things in the US of A people are made to believe pre-nups are bad and you are awful and “don’t trust” your partner, “thinking of divorce before you even marry”, etc. if you suggest it but really, I love the phrase “making a prenup is taking control of your prenup, if. Ot the government chooses it for you” and this is soooo real. Love that Ramit always talks about it and shares that he did it and how t has been an important aspect of his marriage

It’s really strange to me when pple who are married separate their finances especially when they have kids together.. “I pay for everything for the kids” (mother).. WTF, that’s pretty wild

@user-oi2sx3os9d

23 күн бұрын

You’d be surprised how easily it is to overspend on kids. Having one parent take care of extracurriculars and clothes just works for some.

@katelyndefreitas2810

23 күн бұрын

Right it’s so odd and extra confusing and more work and stress. Just pool it then transfer your own $$ for spending etc. if u don’t have kids I guess it’s fine.

@cannotgetstarted

23 күн бұрын

Why even bother being married if you're "covering" each others expenses when they're both of your children. If you wanted to be separate people with separate finances, you shouldn't have legally become one entity in the eyes of the law.

@carolellamuch9571

4 күн бұрын

But if one partner isn’t good with money and can get you in debt it’s important to separate accounts if someone is irresponsible

Buying “treats” and unnecessary things from Amazon everyday is childish when you can’t afford a $400 class. Also, if you can’t afford to take a $400 class RIGHT NOW then just save up for it until you can it’s not complicated.

@jdeux3677

24 күн бұрын

THIS

@vulpixelful

24 күн бұрын

In a marriage you _do_ functionally combine finances. What a weird point

@jackb616

24 күн бұрын

@@vulpixelfulIdeally yes but I know plenty of couples that have separate finances because of spending issues. For example one partner has a gambling problem so the other does not allow them access to their savings account or checking out of fear they will spend it all. It happens

@vulpixelful

24 күн бұрын

​​@@jackb616 If you think this is on par to a gambling problem, you have lost all form of nuance...framing a wife as wrong for thinking their finances are combined is wild

@vulpixelful

24 күн бұрын

Nice edit 👍🏾

Watching these couples makes me feel like my husband and i set things up right from the begin. We each get 15% for our personal spending (no questions asked), investments/401k come straight out of our checks. We have automated savings for big purchases and family fun. We have not once fought about money.

@CodeMonkey76

24 күн бұрын

This sounds like what my wife and I have. We use separate spending accounts for our 'no questions asked' spending that we automatically contribute to each other every month (we use Square Cash accounts, fyi, because they have debit cards linked to the accounts). On all other spending, it's a joint account that we share and budget with.

@sct4040

24 күн бұрын

You did it correctly.

@ruthgodfrey6955

23 күн бұрын

Excellent.

@LifeSoDevine

23 күн бұрын

Same my husband and i do 7% each but budget family activities from the joint money 401k set up and joint savings

@zoraster3749

23 күн бұрын

15% of the aggregate or each person gets 15% of their own paycheck?

This sounds so strange to me. You want a joint account but you don't feel like you should need to "prove" that you are financially responsible? Ina discussion about sharing finances, both of them should have been asking the questions he was asking her. The fact that she feels belittled and patronized is a really bad mindset, and I'm not surprised that it turned him way off the idea.

I feel they should have talked about this before they got married.

@faithBlondon

20 күн бұрын

Yes, or even before the kids

Prospective couples need to watch Ramit’s videos before tying the knot….. he really exposes real life issues in marriages that are tied to money! Knowledge of financial does and don’ts would save a lot of relationships

My husband and I sat down and created a budget for our household and our savings goals. This includes everything related to our household: groceries, medical bills, mortgage payment, debt payments, gas for both cars, kid expenses, vacations, dinners out, savings, retirement etc etc. We then both agreed on amounts that we were going to both put into our joint checking and savings account each month to achieve our joint goals. What each of us have left beyond that goes into our personal accounts and that's money for each of us to spend on guilt-free stuff as we please. My husband uses his money to feed his hobbies and most of mine goes to fancy coffee and a gym membership. My husband makes 4x what I make but I never feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

Because of this podcast I look forward to Tuesdays

The husband feels the wife doesn't have a plan. When he asks her about it, she feels attacked because she knows she doesn't have a plan, and she thinks it's working. He is trying to consider her feelings but objectively thinks something needs to change. The funny part is she feels like a child and he is asking her to be an adult. Hopefully, the therapy helps.

@joshs239

24 күн бұрын

At minute 32ish you see the point of the matter. She said something impulsive and frightening, "I stopped saving because that's my money" and "I didn't tell you because I wanted to see if I could do it". She knows she needs help so she feels insecure when he questions her and she deflects the problems to her husband. It's a circle and he's not allowed to say she is out of control.

@IRLSuperb

23 күн бұрын

I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt to the wife, but the more listening the more I realized that, even though the husband is not doing the right thing, per se, he certainly has a reason to not trust his wife she is not acting like an adult and I can totally see why he’s making the mistakes he’s doing such a Difficult situation to be

@mo1482

22 күн бұрын

YESSS! This is the perfect summary of the episode.

@BethAnnesBest

17 күн бұрын

I kind of feel like neither one of them have much of a plan. Which I think is part of the problem. I can def. see how they got to where they are at...but. the best way to get on the same page might be a struggle.

Thank you Ramit! I'm so grateful videos like this exists on the internet. These conversations are so insightful and you handle them with so much empathy. Ive learned so much from listening to these videos and reading your book. Best content on KZread ❤

The husband is absolutely right!! He makes absolute sense. One person in a relationship can be a reckless spender while the other person is focused on the current and future financial situation.

@jeromehenry4484

24 күн бұрын

Disagree that wife is "reckless spender" but the confusion about rental income & what/when bills get paid out of that income fund was VERY CHAOTIC. If you paid attention, you would realize wife was the partner with a large asset PRIOR to marriage, which she could have opted to protect with a Pre-Nuptial Agreement. She got the down payment for condo from her 401K. That doesn't sound like a "reckless spender".

@Anonymus-xr5ee

24 күн бұрын

@@jeromehenry4484 The couple has a net worth of 600k, of which 200k is the apartment once we subtract the debt. As mentioned, there was a significant increase in value during the time of their marriage. Very likely, she had also contributed towards her 401k during the marriage. As such, I would expect that at the time of the marriage, she had relatively little net assets.

I found this one fascinating on a few points mainly aimed at the wife. The husband is far from perfect - but it looks like he's read the book and implemented some of the techniques. 1. I think the wife has a fixed amount that she wants to sell the condo for rather than basing it on the market and lack of investment and clearing debt. With 80% fixed costs that should be the priority. She's lucky she has this get out of jail card. She also needs to realise if she holds out too long with no tenant it could end up with it costing more ,than taking an offer slightly lower than she would ideally like. 2. They didn't really address where she is spending her 1500 a month that's an insane amount of money based on their costs rather than their income. Ramit hinted that it's not small items - there will be certain things that she's spending it and but she didn't seem to want to be transparent about it 3. In the follow up she talked about "trying" to do a lot of things/changes but I couldn't really hear commitment and when she talked about what she learned it was more related to what to do with they money from the condo and less with applying the strategies and changes in behaviour that need to be made. Having said all of this - what I love about these podcasts is the bravery of the people who participate and how much we can ALL learn from them. For example, I have a number of habits in my life that I am getting away with that don't really serve me and episodes like this give me time to self reflect and remind me to take action to address them.

@BlueScarob

24 күн бұрын

Yeah the 1500 on just food is crazy, but 1500 in food, clothes, kids toys, cleaning supplies, toothpastes and such is not crazy. Would have love to have seen a break down

@MNP208

23 күн бұрын

If you've been to Bozeman, you'd understand. It's now referred to as "Bozeangeles". They could raise their income greatly just by moving to another town. The housing market there is crazy. That's why she can list her condo at that price.

@ruthgodfrey6955

23 күн бұрын

Me too

@mo1482

22 күн бұрын

@@BlueScarob agreed. We know it wasn't just food.

@missbrock3628

16 күн бұрын

I was wondering if part of the groceries was household items such as cleaners and paper products. Dan mentioned "stuff appreaing in the house" I'm willing to bet she buys house decor bc it's cute.

Definitely one of the best channels on KZread! Great episode 💯👍

I love these videos. This is relatable and personal. It’s real. I appreciate those that put their lives out there for us to relate to. Great learning material.

This couple reminds me of what a gift it was for us to be dirt poor college students when we married. We worked together as a team to grow our marriage and financial life. 52 years later we are so successful in both our marriage and financial life.

@sarahb8073

22 күн бұрын

I feel the same way! We met in college. We were broke as a couple. We made financial mistakes as a couple. We learned about finances as a couple. Now we have dreams and goals as a couple. There were definitely bumps in the road but there isn't that difference in power/parenting dynamic between us

@5trace

21 күн бұрын

@@sarahb8073 Same high school sweethearts everything we have we worked our butts off together ..so it's all in one big pot. 38 yrs this year

@eddiemalvin

18 күн бұрын

Congrats on your long marriage! Meeting a partner early is both wonderful and a bit of a gamble because they haven't yet developed into the responsible/irresponsible adult they will become. Sounds like you found a "winner". That's fantastic!

@Urmomlolllllll

Күн бұрын

My husband and I were the same. Broke college students living off ramen. Rode a bike to class together with me sitting on the handle bar. We both had very successful careers with me making a little more (both over 6figures) within a few years of working. We had a joint account but also personal ones. I was always very generous…. would buy gifts for him and his family. Nice clothes and toys for our daughter. He always said “cheap clothes will do… buy them with your money if it’s that important to you.” I didn’t mind cause I had a lot. It all changed when I became a stay-at-home mom. I couldn’t maintain my career in Finance. The belittling and accusations started quickly. That I was never able to save and “bad” with money. When in truth he enjoyed and benefitted from my generosity. I made the down payment for our home and contributed equally to our mortgage. Like the woman in this episode I had to ask for money. 20 bucks, 50 bucks to meet up with friends for drinks. My parents were furious. My friends started paying for my drinks and meals when going out, shocked at my situation. All my SAHM friends were getting allowances, no questions asked. I learned my lesson the hard way, now a decade later trying to get back to work.

Why are they using descriptions like “random chunk of money” when they’re talking about her condo investment and the huge contribution it’s brought to the marriage? I don’t think she ever gets acknowledged for this.

@whitneywillie4471

23 күн бұрын

Exactly. They make it sound like she’s hardly contributing anything. Smh.

@christinepaquette8269

22 күн бұрын

The context is that it's something that will only happen once and is not a part of any ongoing income. So although it's a big help now, it's not a sustainable solution to any ongoing budget challenges they have to face in the future.This is what they mean by "random" (won't happen again).

@craziinancy1

21 күн бұрын

She also said the rental income just sat on an account and they used it to pay for a car and appliances. Yet he said he has to cover all big expenses.

Thank you, Allison, Dan, and Ramit!

I am wondering what episode people in the comment watched, but I do not see a lot of unnecessary spending here. You are not building up 600k in net assets under 40 by being an excessive spender. I also do not see that the "fun spending" is that one-sided; it looks relatively balanced. The problem is that everything is very convoluted, so both parties are likely not fully aware of how much they spend on what.

I love this couple. Respectful communication and they think of each other's feelings. They're going to be okay. Wishing them the best!

So his money is his, her is hers, but the her condo money is "theirs"?

@wendyp3613

23 күн бұрын

i felt that

@vcortez937

23 күн бұрын

No, because he pays for the mortgage and bills and childcare

@IAmebAdger

22 күн бұрын

He did say "it's her condo, whatever she wants to do with it is up to her"

@annasirri87

20 күн бұрын

Yup, that's how I see it 😅

@Allison - Don't put that condo sale money into his account only for retirement. Make sure if he's not combining finances with you, you keep money in your own retirement account. He hasn't shared his house title with you? You are putting yourself into a very precarious situation. Trust your instincts.

@Sugarbella10

5 күн бұрын

I agree. She should also look into a post nup.

A lot of people in the comments are hard on the wife, but I think both of them are responsible for the major trust issues in their relationship. She wants joined accounts, he does not, and instead of telling her plainly "I do not want to join our accounts," he keeps setting vague goals for her to achieve - but these are not SMART goals - so they cannot really be achieved; his criterion is his own nebulous "when I will feel better". The wife has low agency and acts like a teenager, her overspending seems like a teenage rebellion because she feels disempowered. Meanwhile the husband says he does not spend on himself and yet buys a gigantic truck for his hunting (which is a hobby). He says he is a saver, yet the savings rate is too low. Wife should have done a prenup to protect her premarital asset (condo), which she is now selling to pay off the husband's hobby truck. Both of them are responsible for their situation. They earn well and are actually in a strong position just based on their income and net worth. This should not be an issue, and yet it is. Both of them should take responsibility and come together as a team.

Where was the bit where we ask 'How much of the condo money does Allison get to keep for HERSELF?' Has Dan though about asking her if he can have some?! This one blew my mind but I think Ramit navigated it skillfully so they we're able to come to a conclusion. I'm just glad I'm not married to someone like Dan.

@janefinance

21 күн бұрын

100% it's her money but apparently she is not hoarding it like him

@margie909

17 күн бұрын

Maybe she can have $400 out of the $200,000 she's bringing to the table so she can take the class she wants to take.

WHY do they need to have all of their money combined? If they have such a different approach to money they are better off not fully combining finances, imo. Why don't they each keep their own individual accounts and open 1 joint account so that they can draw from there for joint expenses in a way that is fair. Not 50/50 but more like 60/40 if he brings in more money than her. Why does it have to be all or nothing?

@Erin-rg3dw

10 күн бұрын

That's my thinking. Everyone is assuming that combining means combining all of it, when it could be portioned so that part goes into shared expenses (I.e. housing) and part goes into their respective "me" money.

Loved this episode, resonated with me because their numbers are very similar to my own family's, down to the income and number of kids. I always felt like my numbers were bad, but I struggled to see a way to improve them with the expense of daycare. It's nice to know that it's ok for the number to look not great for a number of years before the daycare ends and the numbers will fix themselves. Daycare alone takes my family's fixed costs from 58% without them, to 73% with them.

@pfifltrigg

23 күн бұрын

I'm in the exact same place with two kids in daycare! It costs more than our mortgage! They're moving to a full day preschool in the fall and we'll be saving $1200 per month but right now our fixed costs are 78%.

Love what you do, you are my new favorite person for financial advise. Looking forward to watching your couples video with my wife.

In this episode feels like Rammit is blindsided. He is not saying she cannot spend money, he is protecting the family by saving in advance because of past events. He is paying all the bills and she is buying everyday new things in Amazon. lol of course he wants an explanation of why she does not have money and wants more, I would want to! It’s not about one person needs, it’s about the family needs as they are 4 people!

@angelikalaser7778

24 күн бұрын

It is also about control. Why can they not save together for an emergency fund? Why does he have to keep it away from her? Is she an alcoholic he has to hide alcohol from?

@user-qz3kk6bg7k

24 күн бұрын

They decided not to combine finances! He's keeping his money from her ,she has her money which she has spent so she can wait until payday for her money.

@ringodax12

24 күн бұрын

Its not lost on me though that his expenses are clear cut and exact. He knows exactly how much he’s going to be paying each month. This makes it much easier for him to budget. She is paying for all THEIR kids variable stuff. Groceries are very variable, kids medial stuff SUPER variable. I bet a bunch of the stuff she buys on Amazon are for the FAMILY and thus should be a shared cost. He is able to save so easily because she is taking on the hard stuff. They also need some more transparency. He should be able to see what she is buying! And she should be able to see how much money is in savings. He says he has to cover expenses even though they are FAMILY expenses.

@Elena-rt9yu

24 күн бұрын

@@angelikalaser7778thank u….control.

@Sonia10Read

24 күн бұрын

@@angelikalaser7778 she said she don’t want to save because is her money lol. And then when asked to review the expenses in the Walmart app she was highlighting the $1 ones… and about her condo he said, it’s yours so you can decide… it’s that control? Their fix cost are 77%… I mean… I can understand why he is concerned

He actually looks like her dad 😭😭😭

@0_Katt_0

4 күн бұрын

yeah, he does not look "mid 30s" lol

I’m 20 minutes in and struggling. She does look and present herself as a teenager. It would help if she presented money topics from a more mature perspective as a team member of the family.

@jenbar308

23 күн бұрын

I have to agree…as a woman with ADHD, I wonder if Allison might have ADHD as well because it would explain the impulsive purchases, lack of cohesive plan and thinking ahead, and also her communication style. But either way, she would do well to gain some confidence and assertiveness in how she communicates, because it really does give off a parent-teenager dynamic at times

It is beyond refreshing how empathetic Ramit is and he tries to understand the nuances and origins of the issues and how people got to the place they are at. He is respectful of the guests who have shown tremendous courage to come on the show and help everyone learn from them. Love to see couples light up during the conversations and find their way back to each other.

I’m with the husband. It seams like the wife wants to spend without consequence. Husband see the consequences and keeps tight to keep the family safe. And she doesn’t see that

@stuff4232

24 күн бұрын

at the end of the day you married her. You should know her personality and how she handles things. There's probably good she brings too so you gotta deal with her bad.

I am rooting for this couple! I hope they get their exact real estate profit and get on the same page to live harmoniously with their children ❤

Dan does not seem to respect his wife and her contributions. That she was paying for all of daycare is WILD. Of course she couldn't save! He brags about new tires on the car. Sir, that's normal maintenance and your family drives in this car. I get the feeling that he has no idea how expensive kid's stuff is and how much effort and energy it all takes. And they're super little. So that means within the last few years she had to go on maternity leave and deal with all of the changes to her body. Plus you know- keeping small children alive. It is A LOT. He's vastly underestimating her expenses and the way he talks about paying for stuff for their kids is icky.

@shonna_77

22 күн бұрын

yes! thank you! she only gets one category to put her expenses in, "groceries", but she mentioned buying everything for the kids including dental and medical. plus she took unpaid mat leave so didn't have any income for a while. when she talks she's all about "we" "us" etc.. and he's all like "me" "my money" "the burden is on me". I feel like he doesn't see all she does and buys, and Ramit doesn't seem to acknowledge that stuff either. Dan and Ramit are just like "You spend $1500 a month on groceries!!" and that's basically the narrative this whole conversation is based on.

@lydia2292

22 күн бұрын

You must have made this comment before watching the full episode. Even Ramit asked her where all the money was going since she was spending $1000+ on groceries & she didn’t know what she was buying. We are looking at a woman who did not want to be held accountable for her spending decisions. Her husband asked her to come to the table with figures and she threw a fit. Also he took on paying for ALL the daycare expenses. Alison didn’t want to be an adult about money. She wanted to get access to his accounts so she could spend more money that she didn’t want to be accountable for. She needs to get on a budget asap. I wouldn’t trust her with my money either.

@jgallagher8633

22 күн бұрын

I was very concerned about some of the coercive control behaviours detailed at the start of this discussion. I hope I am wrong and was very glad that Ramit was able to get them heading in the same direction by the end of this video.

He is a saver, she is a spender.. it is very hard to come to an agreement with such different personalities…

@Playingwithproxies

24 күн бұрын

She literally has more free spending money than he does at the end of every month while making half as much and saving nothing because he is covering all the largest bills.

This episode has emphasized how important it is to marry someone who has the same financial outlook as you. I asked my wife before we were engaged about her debt and spending (shared mine as well) we created a separate budgets. She had to work n update it herself until we got married and she said she would rather I do it and update her regularly. It worked for us, she has access to all accounts and spends how she wants, she knows the goals and plans. We shared a lot and discussed a lot so the trust is there. If you are reluctant to have that conversation then you won’t have a successful financial partnership. Personally, maybe his approach needs improvement but he has the right idea and she fought it. Trust is earned, not given. I handle the budget because I earned that from my wife, I earned her trust.

Ramit, what is happening. They have 3k a month in guilt free spending and you are talking about their daycare and their home sale? They have money to allocate, why are they saying they dont have money at the end of the month???

I’m at the beginning of the podcast, and I would agree to keep accounts separate when the partners have completely different approaches to spending.

It's so important to be with someone who is financially savvy or at least willing to make changes and learn.

Hi Ramit! Do you have any guidance on how much of a portfolio would warrant a prenup?

Excellent video & couple. Ramit, hope you do a short video on how to handle a fluctuating monthly income like husband's in this video. Husband did a great job describing his income situation, but I don't feel that issue was fully discussed about financial & emotional dynamics, and how to PLAN for future down months by putting away extra funds from abundant months.

I can see why he’s cautious about combining finances as she doesn’t have a good track record of her managing her own finances and overspending. Like she said, the only reason that’s she saving money is to get his trust and not really because she wants to save money. I feel like she doesn’t get the big picture and understand the whole importance of saving money like he does which is to prepare for the future and help protect the family while she only wants to save money to please her husband and gain his trust. Like others have said here, doesn’t sound like she’s mature enough for them to combine finances.

It’s pretty unfair that the wife is categorized as the “spender”. He gets to be the hero paying for the fixed costs and she is the villain as the spender. Buying food, toilet paper, diapers, wipes, detergent for the family is necessary and expensive. He’s a big guy that requires a lot of calories I’m sure. That is a family expense that she pays for. I think he should do the grocery shopping for 2 months. If he can reduce the cost that’s great but $1500 a month for a family with young kids is not a lot. She’s also setting up the family’s financial future with the asset she brought in.

@taylamayde

14 күн бұрын

Yea no accountability spending her whole salary plus the condo income With little savings. You can't get everything you want like a toddler in the store I'd say I'd say she earned that but that doesn't make her a bad person

🔥 great podcast

There’s no point taking sides here. They’re both right and they’re both wrong. What they have in common is that they love each other. They came to Ramit expecting financial advice and were happier by the end of the session. What they got was couples therapy without even knowing it.

Love that, according to this comment section, its *his* money when it comes to monthly income but *their* money when it comes to asset allocation of the condo sale. She's brining a lot to the table asset wise and that contribution shouldn't be ignored. Ramit is spot on that they need to combine and get on the same page with their rich life.

I enjoyed watching this couple. I think they will do well in the future.

loved it!

My wife and I have separate accounts. Wow, seeing this shows me how childish I used to be. I’ve been on both sides of the fence, but more on hers and I filled with the lottery regret, especially seeing and hearing it from somebody else, just think of all the money I’ve spent. Now I make a little over 100% more than my wife and I’m starting to try to show her to save the majority of it.

So glad I stayed until the end. They have came so far. It wasn’t about who was right or who was wrong. One of the spouses had to stand down in order to come to a good resolution that worked together. The follow up was my favorite! Got to get through the rain in order to enjoy the sunshine.

@angelarogerson6861

23 күн бұрын

Yes, it was a rough first 15-20 minutes.

This started out so tense… When Allison called Dan the “breadwinner“ I just about died! Doing finances together with your mate is imperative sit down once a month and have a “financial meeting“. Both of you bringing numbers to the table. Not one person the other. My husband and I have separate accounts and one joint account, but we are on each others Accounts. I handle all of our personal and business finances because my husband hates paperwork. We went for years fighting because he was in the “parental“ role… Same as Dan. It does not work! It must to be partnership. we have accomplished SO much more working together. I’m excited for this couple.❤❤

Thanks for another great episode. Her reply was filled with lots of "trys", but it seems they're on the right path

We all need to spend some time in a mental space where we can tune out from our responsibilities and play. An escape. That place probably shouldn’t be a market and the thing we’re doing definitely should not be emotionally buying. People like this perceive a spouse asking about spending as being told not to relax, tune out, or play. Find new escapes.

By the way she talks about not having any money, I was expecting her to be making $30,000 a year 😂 sounds like she just needs to hire a CFP

@spf_500

24 күн бұрын

Right 😂😂😂 like wtf?!

@MrCleanOC

24 күн бұрын

makes 15k a month and can't afford to spend $400 in a class 😂 child woman

@journeytothevoid2899

24 күн бұрын

For lack of better terms she's a goofy and a succubus at the moment. Potentially she can change but I doubt it.

@at143tv

24 күн бұрын

@@MrCleanOC it was 15k together

@MrCleanOC

24 күн бұрын

@at143tv 🫠 too late i commented before I found that out, but 15k together is still a lot.

My husband and I have joint accounts and if there is a large purchase we anticipate to make we sit down and discuss it. We have been married for thirty three years but know each other thirty five years never in our marriage have we had separate accounts. We make purchases like food and clothes and other things we buy together and if I want to buy anything for myself I look at our finances to see if it’s a doable thing. If not I wait till the money is there. I never ask my husband for money. I’m not a child and he’s not my parent. We are a team

@sdgirlCook

20 күн бұрын

100%

I feel like this is a situation where they should consider combining money. That would make things so much simpler. They're doing so much to separate the finances that ALL the focus is on that. It's like not thinking of a purple elephant. You get attached to what you focus on, and they're focused on being at odds. In my relationship, I spend/save/allocate 80% of what we make, even though I make 3%. If my husband wanted to take it over, it would be a huge job. I work a lot less, so it falls to me to do home tasks. It looks like I "spend" a lot but it's for supporting our lives.

@spencer34716

20 күн бұрын

I don’t know why they got married. They’re roommates who share kids and “split daycare”. What?! I assume “for richer or poorer” wasn’t in their vows. What if she gets sick and needs hospitalized? She can’t afford large medical bills, so I guess she’s SOL.

@sdgirlCook

20 күн бұрын

100%

I understand couples who want to keep accounts separate, but that’s where the CSP comes in. Both people save 10% regardless of how much they make. How much you save will be relative to your CSP

@joyaustin6581

23 күн бұрын

Women live longer so he’s literally setting her up for a comfortable future and she resents him for it.

@Benthecopyboy

23 күн бұрын

Yeah, I was thinking this too. With a CSP they'd have a clear amount for guilt free spending too. The problem of 'I can't afford this' can be answered with 'Well, that's what we budgeted for'.

They dont trust one another for a reason. Throwing money at a problem doesnt fix it. Be accurate in your accountability.

@ruthgodfrey6955

23 күн бұрын

Don't you want to be trustworthy ? Put every cent you spend down on paper, and why you spent $ on it

🎉Not sure if this session helps the couple - temporarily it appears condo sell will help them. There is some work to be done by the couple to build trust and some achievable milestones. I know they can do it. Best Wishes!

I liked how they both seemed to be more self aware and open to feedback than other people are. Sure they're not perfect but they seem to work well together and I think they will be ok.

Best part of the episode 23.8 in when Ramit says No, no, no…

really interesting! lucky they had that condo. I just hope she can actually stick to the plan going forward - she kept using the word 'try' in her follow up which usually means someone is not fully committed.

$188,000 and minimal investments. They both have a problem. Let's blame her so we all feel better, but they both suck at money.

@rhondavigil795

24 күн бұрын

The his and her money except when it comes to the condo. She puts it in an "our" bucket and pays off his truck and family vacation. Yeah. She is definitely the problem. 🙄

@Playingwithproxies

24 күн бұрын

He’s making twice as much as her with an unstable income and he spends over 80% of his money on shared expenses she isn’t putting anything into savings even tho she has more free income and he has to occasionally give her money.

@rhondavigil795

24 күн бұрын

@@Playingwithproxies you missed the part that he just started paying the daycare bill. She was paying that up until they sat to do the CRP

@klick0858

23 күн бұрын

​@rhondavigil795 It's only fair that he gets part of the condo sale. He participates in being a landlord and pays for the current place she lives in by himself. They are supposed to be a team. She wants their finances together and he rightfully asked "how do you spend?", "do you save?" etc. Could he have asked better? Yes. He saw something and immediately moved to help by taking it off her plate. However, he's not comfortable with putting finances together. He seems like the only one that tries to prep for a rainy day, so it's totally understandable

We are older than this couple, and had always had separate finances. He gives me a fixed amount each month. I pay all the bills, and I pay for all my nonessential stuff. For this couple, I feel he is correct to be cautious financially. She is a spender. She spent all her money and then she wants his.

This is insane. She has 2 kids to care for. She makes less than you. Please if you are not financially ready for marriage, do not get into it and complain about spending money alone.

Girl keep that condo! Especially since it cash flows beautifully

I really think this is a couple who could benefit from a budgeting app. Set up targets and watch how they grow. It's a great feedback loop and helps you track everything each month. You know exactly what you have to spend and where you are spending. Set it up with a maximum of ten categories and they can easily manage it. Keep it simple.

@Erin-rg3dw

10 күн бұрын

I was thinking about that too - it's like they've never come up with a budget together, so everything seems unplanned.

Husband absolutely came to life when they figured out how to spend the money from her condo sale. Hmmmm. All of a sudden he is cool about "their" money from HER condo.

What happens to the money from the condo? Does She waste that as well?

People don't need to combine the accounts simply because they are married, but people need to have a plan. Deciding to keep the incomes separate STILL means they need a plan for the shared expenses. Often I think one party is the foolish one, sometimes it's the saver, usually the spender, but in this case they are both fools and they should really get a new therapist who can make them work better together as a team.

I agree with the husband and I hope she re-evaluates her perspective.

I love this content and how you help them find the solution for their situation!! Thank you Ramit!

I am proud of this couple and I am rooting for them and hoping that therapy works for them. The husband is a saver and planner and thinks about the future. The wife is a spender and just thinks about the now. If she were married to a spender like herself they’ll be a much bigger hole. Likewise if the husband were married to a saver like himself, he’ll be much further savings wise. Honestly I first I thought the wife wasn’t earning any money. She’s not managing her money well tbh and the husband is afraid that if they combine finances, all the money would be gone and they will have nothing to pay their bills. The wife feels like a child because she exhibited some childlike behaviors in this podcast.

Ramit, I watch all your episodes and i really enjoy them, but you're dead wrong for this one. Dan asking for an itemized list of what his partner is spending on isn't an attack and shouldn't be perceived as such. If she wants to combine finances, then she should be able to share with her partner everything *they* are spending money on. You talk frequently about how so many people dont track their numbers or know how much money they're making, but when Dan asks he's overstepping? And all of this is made worse by the fact that she's coming to him to ask for money to spend on more guilt free spending. You want the money in his account but feel unwilling to share what you spent the money in your account on? You can't want a partnership when it comes to money but still maintain secrecy about your money. Dan is acting reasonably given her behavior. She's not acting like a real partner.

@angelarogerson6861

23 күн бұрын

The easy answer is 1) you combine money and 2) you make a budget and stick to it. This isn't rocket science.

@madelinezillow8314

23 күн бұрын

@@angelarogerson6861 easy doesn't mean simple. If someone hasn't proven they can do step #2 and stick to a budget, then there's no reason to do step #1 and combine finances. It only works if both people are committed.

Pre nup video kzread.info/dash/bejne/aaeW08NrftSWnLA.html

Ok! She sounds as if she’s seeing the profits from the condo in a way that helps the unit. This is a big thing!

@jeromehenry4484

24 күн бұрын

Totally agree, too many people being hypercritical towards wife. As far as we know based on information provided to audience, wife was the one that had Assets PRIOR to marriage, but these negative commenters are ignoring that fact.

Combined income will be good for her. Because they can set a fixed budget on where the money is going n where not to over spend. I'm the spender, n it gives my husband peace of mind when we have a budget set. He isn't worrying what I buy because its coming from the free spending account. Spending account is low means i stay low. 😅

I love couples, it’s so interesting watching both sides be the victim and the aggressor, neither is perfect and they have co created this dynamic, it’s a good reminder to take a breath and make sure we approach situations with mutual respect and love

Obviously both people need to work on a few aspects on the communication and financial fronts. This is a communication and trust issue first. I think they need to go through and define all their expenses first and set a joint household budget and a savings - then private accounts can be used for personal spending. The system they have now is broken and may not be fair to either party

Watching Ramit's channel it starts to seem more and more impractical for couples, especially parents, to have separate accounts. Even though I see where Dan is coming from. I feel like in their case it more a matter of framing it better, improving the communication style.

According to the interwebz food costs 10% more where they live than in my area. $1500 a month can be lowered probably reasonably by $250 a month or more. $1000 i know from experience would be a stretch in that area for family of 4 especially as they get older.

The lady was very assertive numbers about her condo. So she has 'it' (the money or value pulse). With right /more acceptance from hubby, she will be homing in to their joint financial goals.

My highlight : « Be flexible it life call for it. »

New to Ramit's content. Does he ever mention any giving (charities, etc)?

I am not working right now because of a move. I have taken a career break in life too. My husband always ensures that I have enough in my account for whatever I need and never questions where I spent the money. I am also not reckless spender of course. But, this setup has been pretty much unsaid. Listening to this conversation, I feel blessed. Couples need to take care of each other's needs. People first, then money. I don't understand how such basic problems or personality differences go unchecked before getting married.

@Capycorg

23 күн бұрын

Seriously... Paying for her own mat leave and feeling broke about it 😢

So, he makes twice what she does and they make $188,000 together. So she makes $64k and he makes about $124k, roughly. He was paying 70% of the mortgage, fair. He was paying all the utilities..generous. But also those aren’t a huge percentage of fixed costs. She paid for ALL groceries and all the kids stuff including daycare, until recently. Sir. Those are your kids, too. I know people were balking at $1,500 a month for groceries, but with two kids in diapers and if the youngest is on formula, and with all the baby gear, it can get there fast. If they weren’t together, he’d be paying hundreds a month in child support. Much more than what he pays for covering her 30% of the utilities. And he’d pay at least half of daycare since they started going, not two and a half years later. I think Ramit was dead on that it is not her candies and sweets causing problems, but a lack of respecting each other. He treats her like a child so she rebels by getting sweets. But she was living like a single mom in their house. And I was pissed that her condo money is going to pay off his car. He can’t have it both ways!! If their finances are split, he pays off his own car with his own $125k per year. Until the agrees to combine all the income, that is HER money.

@joshs239

23 күн бұрын

Look at their CSP again. He said that he paid half of daycare until recently. After they had a conversation he started paying all of daycare. How can you frame that as someone who doesn't care? She can't commit to saving 100 a month. That's not sustainable.

@janefinance

21 күн бұрын

100%

Married couples don't need to combine their accounts. They don't even need to have a separate, joint account. All they need to do is have individual accounts and 1) agree on a budget, 2) agree how much each partner contributes to the budget, and 3) which partner will actually pay the bills. Here is the magic...beyond the monthly transfer to the bill paying partner, whatever is left over in each partner's individual account, they are free to spend at their own discretion. This provides an optimal combination of responsibility, security, and individual freedom.

@lizRomrell

23 күн бұрын

Ramit talks about it. This is option 1 of 2. He doesn’t prefer this method because ppl don’t generally reassess changes in financial situations. ie raises, new bills, increases in utilities etc. Option 2, and Ramits preferred method is combining accounts

@josephmarinucci9073

23 күн бұрын

@@lizRomrell What I am saying is combining accounts is not only unnecessary, in this case and many others like it, I believe it is a mistake. It gives the spender too much freedom, at the expense of the saver's peace of mind, and is only likely to increase tension. For combined accounts to work long term, it requires a single mindedness towards finances that is a rare quality in today's relationships. Practically speaking, for most couples, it is better to disagree over where to spend the money (budget changes) than where it was spent (combined account).

@NancyKlingler-qc9bu

22 күн бұрын

My husband is bad with money and doesn't really want to be involved. His entire check is deposited into my account and on the first of each month I put money in his account and he can spend it any way he wants to. My only request for him is that if he needs something or wants something, he needs to give me a 30 to 60 day notice to put it in our budget. For example he wanted a new winter coat last year so he needed to give me advance notice and an approximation on how much it was going to cost. He doesn't have to spend his money on things like that, it comes from our budget. We're both happy with the arrangement and will have 40 years this year. I do make him look at our retirement accounts, stock and bank accounts once a year just so he knows where we are financially and the only debt we have is the house.

@rory644

22 күн бұрын

@@josephmarinucci9073best thing I ever done was combine finances. We do have a shared vision and outlook on things though so that helps.

I’d max out your Roth IRAs this year and max out your 401ks through work, then use some of the condo cash to live on. For the kids: Montana allows you to deduct $6k/year as a couple for 529 contributions, so I’d spread those out over a few years. Finally, make sure you’re maxing out your medical FSAs and Dependent care FSAs. Good luck to you both!

I found out about Ramit Sethi because of Tim Ferris. ❤❤

@thewriteplaceforme6874

24 күн бұрын

Me too!

$1500 for groceries is crazy. Step one is to figure out their budgeting - together

@nono99136

23 күн бұрын

For 4 people for a month? That seems quite reasonable to me.

The husband is paying all the major bills. And the wife pays for some things like food and feels she can spend what she wants afterward... Right? Thats the way it works. The husband makes more therefore the burden falls on him to 'cover' whatever the wife needs/ wants after using all the play money beyond her bills. This is all because he makes more so it falls on him. I get it I really do. This is not fair. And correct he said, 'I want to spend too and I can't.' Again not fair to the husband.

@SuzanneU

24 күн бұрын

He does spend on himself. In his own words, he goes hunting a lot. Hunting incurs costs. It's a luxury. He justifies the big truck because he needs it to go hunting. Maybe his self-pity was masking his own self-indulgence.

@lucaspm98

24 күн бұрын

@@SuzanneUHunting can be expensive, but it can also be going out to the woods with a tent from Walmart and a $200 .22.

@vulpixelful

24 күн бұрын

So they should both talk about how to jointly save and spend. you act like he has no agency and he's just a victim

@jeromehenry4484

24 күн бұрын

Wish Ramit had suggested setting up a savings account for set-aside expenses that show one or twice a year & divide by 12 months to get the monthly amount to hit that goal. Husband mentioned that his income fluctuates; there should be another fund to put aside "extra funds" in prosperous months to cover down months.

@Playingwithproxies

24 күн бұрын

@@SuzanneUhunting can be expensive or it can be basically free it really depends on the situation he probably but you only need one gun to hunt, bullets are relatively cheep, there are free places to go hunt just a tag fee is about it. If you butcher the animal it’s basically another source of income/providing sooooo how is it a problem.

I noted that the man who can't afford to spend anything on himself, and who sells insurance, bought a large truck that uses it to go hunting. This looks like he's spending money on himself! A truck, its costs, the fuel and food for the hunting trips, the hunting license, ammunition...perhaps the self-pity wasn't entirely justified. I also noticed speech lapses - like when Dan quickly swallowed the word "borrow". Dan was seeing it as he was lending money to his wife. Allison was harping on the When are we going to combine our money string, and it looks as if that was the thing she had set up as evidence that they were bonded and acting as a couple. I get that Dan was afraid that he'd simply be giving her the sweetie jar. He wanted evidence that she wouldn't just increase her extravagance. Now that they've realized that they weren't communicating but talking at and over each other, they can make real progress.

@eileenwatt8283

24 күн бұрын

He needs to get a break from her. That's his hobby. It's better than gambling.

@CambieSweets

24 күн бұрын

@@eileenwatt8283They shouldn’t be married if a “break” from a partner is needed. There’s nothing wrong with each partner having autonomous time alone to do hobbies or spend time with other people or even travel alone if they desire. That’s totally normal. But a “break” is not where you ever want to be with a partner.

@Anonymus-xr5ee

24 күн бұрын

It might be a difference between something being viewed as one big expense versus many small expenses. I do not know how much he spends per hunting trip and how many trips he is going, but let's say it costs overall 5000$ per year for 3 trips a year. If she spends 400$ per month on random stuff on Amazon, this would be roughly the same amount of money per year. The difference is that she will have way more purchases, so let's say 4x per month instead of 3x per year. So, these small purchases are way more noticeable, even though there might be no differences regarding the total cost.

@klick0858

24 күн бұрын

So, he has a hobby that he pays for, whilst paying for everything but food and her car payments, so he shouldn't feel like he doesn't get to spend too? I feel he is completely justified in feeling how he does. She only pays for groceries and her own car, so she should have a thousand dollars left after. Given that she doesn't save, she should never need to ask him for money. It would feel unfair

@christinepaquette8269

22 күн бұрын

Yes, I see that a lot on this show and the Ramsey podcast, etc. The woman gets flack for spending on the kids or "going to Target" but the man purchases a $50-75,000 vehicle on credit and no one addresses it! Personally I think the random smaller costs and the large consumer debt costs are equally problematic, but the man's expensive toys are justified or ignored by the men who are complaining about the wife's spending.

Like everyone, both of them have things to work on. However, I must write the most disappointing part was Allison using "try" 3 times in her follow up. Hopefully that is just the way she speaks but as we saw with other parts of the episode, words matter. I also would have expected a little bit more reference in the follow-up to coming together and aligning on their rich life.