Freda and Barry sat one night The sky was clear. The stars were bright The wind was soft. The moon was up Freda drained her cocoa cup She licked her lips. She felt sublime She switched off Gardeners' Question Time Barry cringed in fear and dread As Freda grabbed his tie, and said: Let's do it! Let's do it Do it while the mood is right! I'm feeling Appealing I've really got an appetite I'm on fire With desire I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! But he said: I can't do it I can't do it I don't believe in too much sex This fashion For passion Turns us into nervous wrecks No derision! My decision I'd rather watch The Spinners on the television I can't do it I can't do it tonight So she said: Let's do it! Let's do it Do it till our hearts go boom! Go native Creative Living in the living room This folly Is jolly Bend me over backwards on me Hostess trolley Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! But he said: I can't do it I can't do it Me 'eavy breathing days have gone I'm older Feel colder It's other things that turn me on I'm imploring: I'm boring Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring I can't do it I can't do it tonight So she said: Let's do it! Let's do it Have a crazy night of love! I'll strip bare I'll just wear Stilettos and an oven glove Don't starve a Girl of a palaver Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! But he said: I can't do it I can't do it I know I'd only get it wrong Don't angle For me to dangle Me arms 'ave never been that strong Stop pouting Stop shouting You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting I can't do it I can't do it tonight Let's do it! Let's do it Share a night of wild romance Frenetic Poetic! This could be your last big chance To quote Milton To eat Stilton To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! I can't do it I can't do it I've got other little jobs on hand Don't grouse Around the house I've got a busy evening planned Stop nagging I'm flagging You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging I can't do it I can't do it tonight Let's do it! Let's do it While I'm really in the mood! Three cheers! It's years Since I caught you even semi-nude Be drastic Gymnastic Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! I can't do it I can't do it I must refuse to get undressed I feel silly It's too chilly To go without me thermal vest Don't choose me Don't use me Me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me I can't do it I can't do it tonight Let's do it! Let's do it! I feel I absolutely must I won't exempt you Want to tempt you Want to drive you mad with lust No cautions Just contortions! Smear an avocado on me lower portions Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! I can't do it I can't do it It's really not my cup of tea I'm harassed Embarrassed I wish you hadn't picked on me No dramas! Give me me pyjamas The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers I can't do it I can't do it tonight Let's do it! Let's do it! I really want to run amok Let's wiggle Let's jiggle Let's really make the rafters rock Be mighty Be flighty Come and melt the buttons on me flame-proof nightie Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! Let's do it! Let's do it! I really want to rant and rave Let's go Cause I know Just how I want you to behave: Not bleakly Not meekly Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly Let's do it! Let's do it tonight!

@jamessky9155

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for this. There has always been a few lines I could not make out. Something made me come to watch this this evening. The energy and perfection of this piece always leaves me in complete awe :)

@jamiew1664

2 жыл бұрын

Nice one! Thanks for that! She’s a great writer and singer. Brilliant lyrics

@twistywillow

2 жыл бұрын

Brilliant thank you for this. I am partially deaf so sub titles really help a lot, these are great though seeing the lyrics listed here (y)

@MotorhomeVoyagerUK69

2 жыл бұрын

Everytime I see my hostess trolley...

@stevenkmiller

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for adding the lyrics.

How on Earth did she come up with a song, over 5 minutes long, where every line was funnier than the last? She was an absolute phenomenon!

@mcfcguvnors

3 жыл бұрын

have you tried singin it ? i often wonder why she bounces on her seat ,its to get air in her lungs ,its hard man well hard to get all that out & play the tune ,she was amazing

@foxryan2971

3 жыл бұрын

@@mcfcguvnors puffed and the family bro X x gr8 fffggfggfffgggffgffgff gr8 g

@foxryan2971

3 жыл бұрын

You fffgfgfgffggggf

@foxryan2971

3 жыл бұрын

@@mcfcguvnors fry r fffdfffffgffgffffg

@foxryan2971

3 жыл бұрын

@@mcfcguvnors fry the gr8 x yfgrfffgfFancy forget about you g

I'm 16 and in January 2024 when I first heard of Victoria Wood my dad showed me this song and I died of laughter, then I figured out she died and just burst into tears, she is a pure genius and a comedy legend

@HighHoeKermit

3 ай бұрын

I live in her hometown and we have a statue of her, dressed as she was in this performance as it was widely regarded as her best and most well- known. She made some things you can watch, try Dinnerladies if you haven't seen it. 🙂

@tfe1788

3 ай бұрын

@@HighHoeKermitI was about to start it the other day but didn't get to it, but I will be watching by the end of 2024

@muddydog6605

3 ай бұрын

When I was 16 I was lucky enough to see her in concert, that was a very long time ago but it's so nice to see that people are still discovering her now. She meant so much to so many of us and I'm watching this yet again with tears in my eyes myself. Take care and I hope you enjoy other things by Victoria if you watch them in the future.

@tfe1788

3 ай бұрын

@@muddydog6605 ❤️❤️❤️

@muddydog6605

3 ай бұрын

💖

When she died Woman's Weekley had her on the front cover

The fact that she performed this in the company of fellow professionals & made them laugh so voraciously proves her true genius. Also, that it was almost 5 minutes is something many songwriters could aspire to.

35 years later and this performance is still truly brilliant and makes me laugh out loud every single time.

If that performance wasn't worthy of a standing ovation then I really don't what what is.

@petermcclenaghan5735

2 жыл бұрын

100% agree

@guitarmuso1

2 жыл бұрын

stuck up celebs on those audience with shows were always the same

@miken891

Жыл бұрын

I don't think standing ovations were allowed on 'An Audience With ...'

@chloebrindle9295

3 ай бұрын

@@miken891I wouldn’t care I’d stand anyway 😂

@bernadettegriffin8569

3 ай бұрын

I was just thinking that.

An absolute genius and the energy in this performance is incredible

This lady was pure genius. She was the best British comedienne we ever had. It's so sad that she was taken from us so early. ❤

Forever my favourite! A much missed Victoria Wood! ❤

Not bleakly, not meekly, beat me on the bottom with a woman’s weekly! Absolute genius. Such a wonderful talent, sorely missed.

I would personally say that she is one of the funniest comedians ever - so silly, but in a very educated way, and could be smutty but without coming over as being rude or swearing. Such a wonderful lady, and such a shame that she is no longer with us. I would have loved to have seen her live. 😢

@pennypickle64

11 ай бұрын

I did see her live and she was wonderful ❤

@daniellegrimsley3484

9 ай бұрын

Victoria Wood was simply a fantastic person who was taken too early from us 😢

@roberthoward1950

9 ай бұрын

Live, Victoria was fantastic.

When you look back at sheer talent like this , and then see the mind numbing shit on TV today it’s like we’re evolving backwards

@theophrastusbombastus1359

2 жыл бұрын

"Devolving," darling

@kc9602

2 жыл бұрын

Or "Regressing", even?

@paulgraham6316

Жыл бұрын

I couldn't agree more.

@cadams6563

Жыл бұрын

You're absolutely right, sadly.

Woke up at 2.30 to my husband watching this and its stuck in my head. Love this, she was an absolutely the best. This song now lives in my head 😂😂😂

I've watched this so many times and I still end up crying with laughter but end up with a tear or two in my eyes knowing she's not with us anymore. She went beyond the realms of legend. For the 27 dislikes that have appeared I doubt any comedy would make you laugh. God bless Victoria Wood

@paulgraham6316

Жыл бұрын

The problem (and very sad thing) is that when we lose people like this there aren't any to come along and replace them. Where are the Tommy Coopers, the Ken Dodds, the Benny Hills and so many greats like them?

@artful1967

Жыл бұрын

People like you are why YT felt they had to protect everyone from the nasty dislike option. I LOVE VW but will defend 100% the rights of anyone to dislike something I don't But now they can't because of butt hurt snowflakes.

@Zach90888

Жыл бұрын

Sometimes I hit it by accident

I remember watching this when it was on and the "beat me on the bottom with the women's weekly" line makes me laugh every time I think of it!

Possibly the best risque comedy song ever penned; it's a pity she died aged 62

@philfletcher3434

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for the HC.

Simply the greatest. Victoria is so desperately missed. I grew up on her work.

Victoria wood was an absolute genius everything she did. I miss her so much.

It's hard enough to write a song over five minutes, but for a stand-up comedian to write this iconic song is something future comedians should learn from And to perform that well in front of likeminded comedians takes skill.

Wow! What a brilliant and talented lady! How am I just finding her in 2024?

Definitely one of the jewels in Victoria's crown is "The Ballad Of Barry & Freda". Each verse going over the top, her performance getting more and more manic till she hits the climax at the end. An absolutely astonishing talent gone way too soon. We miss you, Victoria Wood!

Im so surprised that didnt get a standing ovation.

I have watched this so many times that I know all the words. If people don't like this, I don't know what is wrong with them. IT IS AMAZING!!!🤣🤣🤣

"She switched off Gardener's Question Time" - isn't that so British! Definitely one of the classics of the 20th century. I want it at my funeral, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that!

Oh my, I'd forgotten how funny that was. Thank you Vernon Kay on R2 this morning for reminding us and suggesting we came here. Such a talented women. One of a kind.

How I managed to watch this next to my partner, and contain my laughs enough that I didn't wake him up, is absolutely beyond me 😂

@redthorpe

2 ай бұрын

You've got a Barry

@LilyGrace95

2 ай бұрын

@@redthorpe I absolutely do not, but just in case I'll get out the hostess trolley 😂

A shy women with the guts to be a grest comedienne and actress. Bless you for all the fun dear lady.

Most funny woman on earth, one of the greatest comedians and one of the greatest women on earth

Another great talent gone! Thanks for the laughter

God we miss her genius.

Fantastic. What a star she was. Lost too young. Julie Walters and Victoria, Acorn antiques with Ms Imrie the wonderful actress in Nanny McPhee. Thanks for the memories.❤

I never get bored listening to this ❤❤❤❤

she's an excellent painist. and this is a masterclass in comic drawing room songs. she references old music hall greats like gracie fields and noel coward but delivers it in the classical musical brillliance of cole porter while making it about the mores of english culture in the 1980s. its really clever and lovable.

@danivarius

2 жыл бұрын

Pianist.

@markfox1545

2 жыл бұрын

Sentences start with capitals. I'm puzzled why you went to the trouble of overruling your phone when it did it automatically.

@muggedinmadrid

2 жыл бұрын

@@markfox1545 what’s a sentence ?

@dseray9494

2 жыл бұрын

I was going to point out she did manage to hurt her finger as a joke, but it wouldn't be funny, your comment is 7 years old, and two people have already added mediocre at best comments, so never mind

Nothing beats the respect and admiration of your peers. That audience know they are watching an elite performer.

an under rated national treasure and sadly missed. The genius of the woman was that she always wrote the funniest lines for others in "dinner ladies"

She should’ve got a standing ovation for that.

Nothing I could write here will be be enough credit for the ultra talented Victoria wood. Thank you for every laugh you have induced to man and woman kind❤️

I'm a Barry and I find this hilarious rip Victoria wood 😊😊😊

The world is truely a lesser place for her passing. What an amazing performer, writer, singer and allround decent human being.

This lady is a true comedy genius she was totally amazing and work still remains and makes us laugh so much I remember my mum watching this and laughing so much she was crying with laughter. Thank you so much Victoria Wood ❤❤❤❤❤❤

I can remember laughing helplessly at this as a kid (though I didn’t understand it all at the time). ‘Bend me over backwards on me ‘ostess trolley...’ 😂 Watching it now, it’s genius, actually. Her observations were always spot on and I love how good-matured her humour was, gently poking fun rather than excoriating her subjects like some comics. Very talented lady, and sadly missed. RIP Victoria ❤️

@londoncalling151

2 жыл бұрын

I was 14. Victoria Wood's comedy saved me.

@CarysCantDance

Жыл бұрын

Same. I knew it was rude, but I didn’t understand why. I just thought it was really funny! Same with Lily Savage’s Marlene Deitrich “there’s a lamp post attached to my mac” song. I thought it was one of the most hilarious things I’d ever watched as a kid. I watched it again when Paul O’Grady passed away & noticed all of the lesbian references that went completely over my head as a child. RIP to Victoria & Lily/Paul. Two delightful comedy legends.

I love how enthusiastic she is, particularly by 4:52! Brilliant!

Utterly superb- and who listening to Stormy Daniels is remembering that WW reference ?

She died far too young. RIP you priceless woman.

Brilliant. Made in 1988 for LWT. I remember reading an interview that Victoria did a few years before she died. She said that the Ballad of Barry and Freda "was a joy to write, but an absolute bugger to perform" The tempo goes up a notch with each verse. And she was pregnant at the time.

@Monothefox

3 жыл бұрын

Tempo AND pitch. Reminds me of a students' muscial thatre number where they raised the pitch EIGHT times in three minutes.

@rosiefay7283

Жыл бұрын

@@Monothefox The pitch going up strains the voice all the more, but it also means that the accompaniment lies under the fingers completely differently.

The Unmistakable Brilliant Comic Genius Of Miss Victoria Wood. Thank You And God Bless Miss Wood For This And Many More Monumental Memories You Have Left Us All To Enjoy.

Comedy genius, there was nothing she couldn’t turn her hand too! National treasure in every sense of the word, this song has me howling everytime, no other comedian has even come close

This song has entered my brain again 😅 It’s so catchy

One of the bloody best!! Can’t beat us British for comedy

BRILLIANT, brilliant, brilliant writing..." Smear an avocado on mi' lower portions..." AND .."Beat me on the bottom with a woman's weekly...." Just make me howl with laughter... Oh Victoria Wood you utter genius... :0)x

@jaclynhorrod2894

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely! I heard this played (a small section) on the Emma Barnett show on 5 Live, and I was howling.

@rogerstaniforth2879

2 жыл бұрын

... 7

1st time ive ever heard of her. Excellent!

How did that not get a standing ovation?

@lynne523

3 жыл бұрын

Because they were all celebs probably...

I have never been able to see a copy of Woman’s Weekly since without thinking of this…..

Pure talent 😞

I love the line “Don’t starve a girl of a palaver” 😂😂

You Cant beat a Bit Of Doddy! Daft as a brush !He Had a Unique Way Of Making Himself part of The Audience,So he Had to be And always was Brilliant

Fantastic, unbeatable. Nobody will ever be as brilliant as her.

Still laugh as hard now as I did when I first seen this on TV years ago when it first came out. Every verse just gets better and better. Laughing all the way through it but in the back of your head you still can't believe she's passed away ❤️❤️❤️

She was an absolute genius, very sadly missed

Genius. God bless her

God what a talent. Huge.

Love the way her own lines crack her up!

I remember my mum whooping with laughter when this was first played!

I’m still laughing at this every time I see and I know every word but it still gets me smiling every time. Miss you Vic!

Such a brilliant song😂😂❤❤❤❤

This never gets old - classic

Comic genius miss her so much❤️

This never, ever fails to bring me to tears of laughter. Every time from the very first to just now. This wonderful lady was a genius and a legend. There are no words to say how much I miss her.

Pissed myself laughing when I heard it back in the day,and still comedy gold to this day brilliant stuff.

There will never be another Victoria Wood…….A Talent in Comedy that nobody comes close to…….

The late, great Victoria Wood!

Can I ever eat an avocado without thinking of this?

She was the best! Not to mention, the musicality is absolutely brilliant too.

@TheNotthediver

4 ай бұрын

Cole Porter wrote the music lol

OMG! Thanks to the Dr. Who version for bringing me to this! She was Brilliant!

Never have, and never will get tired of watching this absolute comedy genius at work, and at her very best.

I laughed my head off to this song

Absolutely timeless. I said to the wife a few weeks ago, them pipes want lagging, right over her head 😂

Back when the country had a sense of humour!

This woman was an absolute genius, a rare talent. Hilarious. A great writer, poet and a superb musician. Sadly missed

Never been able to look at hostess trolley without thinking of Victoria after hearing this

@HighHoeKermit

2 ай бұрын

Or indeed a Woman's Weekly!

one note only - perhaps instead of avocado - 'Smear bread and drippings on me lower portions!'...god i love you VW!...

Wait a second here. Vic was palm rolling the keys like a concert pianist pro!

I could watch this 1020384747447482929474479 times in a row and would be on the floor laughing every single time

@HighHoeKermit

5 ай бұрын

How would you react on the 1020384747447482929474480th time? 🤔😁

@CartoonDinosaur.

5 ай бұрын

Sigh and say "I've watched this too many times it's not funny anymore" Just kidding I would die of laughter again

@HighHoeKermit

5 ай бұрын

@@CartoonDinosaur. 😂

@Jo-yp8wy

4 ай бұрын

Going to watch "Dinner Ladies" again. Right now.

Sadly we may never see Talent like this again

0:30 "Oww!" Silly simple gag, but sets me off every time!

😂 Victoria is absolutely fantastic 💕 And is definitely missed

What a treasure Victoria was. This was comedy genius. She was gone too soon. RIP you funny lady.

Absolutely priceless. She’s missed.

You really can't beat a good (well-written) silly song, and this is truly one of the best.

This was absolute comedy gold..

Whenever I feel down I give this a quick play. The woman was a comedy genius. Unfortunately I am of a certain age and I recognise nearly everyone in the audience and they are all media types, producers actors and even her long time partner Julie Walters and she has them all in stitches. Simply the funniest song I have ever heard.

GENIUS 😂

Have you ever felt proud, then realised you ain't done nothing yourself, its her thats done the work!!!! She's fantastic 😍 👏 ❤️ You're just so happy 😊 😊😂😂

Lol the way she says let's do it till our hearts go boom

Love you Vic x

She was a genius - what a big loss it was .

I love this song. It's so funny. Victoria Wood was really a great talent

Vale you wonderful, wonderful woman.

sooooo funny after all these years......i remember seeing it the first time!!!