The worst part is, when you reject an unsolicited advice, they are quick to throw a tantrum at you like a spoiled brat, guilt-tripping you into making you believe “you’re ungrateful”, or that “you have no friends to advice you” even when those friends have already their own issues to deal with, failing to take into account that you’re your own person, with different opinions, personality and needs, or that you’re an independent grownup.

@bioshock9998

3 ай бұрын

I just straight up inform them what unsolicited advice and why its rude

Thank you. I'm getting sick of unsolicited advice.

@goldengalsclazy

Жыл бұрын

me too! incidentally, does anyone need or want some unsolicited advice? LOL (just joking)

@trinap.8904

Жыл бұрын

As soon as you notice,, shut em down

@nevillewhite3451

5 ай бұрын

OK. I'm all ears... 🙂​@@goldengalsclazy

@irtzy

4 ай бұрын

Me too!

Well said, Thank you. I receive a lot of "you shoulds", "you need to" and "you have to from an older sibling. It is quite annoying to the point where I don't want to share anything.

@ericbray4286

Жыл бұрын

Same problem here, I have to put up boundaries on a regular basis.

@dalemorris7014

5 ай бұрын

@@ericbray4286 where does it end?!

Man this was a very good talk. These people have a way of getting into your head especially if you have empathic or people pleasing characteristics about yourself.

@olisanwogbo2272

Жыл бұрын

friendships are naturally broken because of unsolicited advices. People are more sensitive than you expect

@jake90009

Жыл бұрын

Yup you'll help them for example I help my sister with food by getting an EBT while she sits on her ass and I just got a job and she chainsmokes 24/7 and she keeps saying she'll do her EBT and she does do work, but it's nothing big. The other night, she gets onto me for 'doing nothing' when I've done a hell of a lot more for her. She won't take care of herself, blames the fact she lives in a hotel when my dad kicked her out 2 years ago. She hasn't done any of the things she said she will do and claims 2 miles is 'far away' and it's 'unsafe' for me to go out walking so she can try to keep me tied, part of the nosiness.

@az6462

7 ай бұрын

Thisss

This is becoming one of my biggest pet peeves.

@dalemorris7014

5 ай бұрын

Me too.

@samurai9319

Ай бұрын

Same

@Purplelove32

9 күн бұрын

Mine to and it’s about to ruin my friendship with my female friend cuz it’s so rude and unnecessary. And then the worst part is they don’t do they research on what they are suggesting half the time

I used to be the one giving out unsolicited advice, because I was insecure and just wanted to be included and helpful. Now, I hold my tongue and only offer advice if I am asked, and that’s not too often! Unfortunately, I now have to deal with a person in authority that I cannot get away from who does the same thing! What a pain when you can’t change other people who need to change 😣

I always ask someone if they'd like my advice before I give it, and that's only after they vent repeatedly on a subject I'm knowledgeable in. Otherwise, I will try just to be a good listener and ask questions to let them have self realizations. It's always better that way.

@Jessica_Dufour

Жыл бұрын

Thank you! Keep leading by example ❤️

When visiting my grandparents up North during winter, age 13, my grandmother was constantly worried to death about me. One time I wanted to go "shopping" with my friend and she tried to stop me. "You can't go outside, you're not used to this kind of cold, your toes will freeze off!".. My grandfather said "She's a smart kid, Alice. She can handle herself." My grandfather let me ride his skidoo when I had never rode one before. He just let me go out on the frozen lake with bare minimal instructions and then he went back inside the cabin to sit at the stove. He let me climb the hunting tower and was the one single adult that gave me the feeling that he trusted my wits and capabilities. Gave me confidence by just letting me try and do things and if necessary, make my own mistakes. I cried remembering him this evening.. I loved that man so much! And I cried for how I wasn't able to be more like him as a mother myself later in life. I'm dealing with this toxic unsolicited advice from others, but I realize, as a mother I have been very guilty of it myself. Time to reflect both ways.. !

@Jessica_Dufour

7 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing! Sounds like your grandfather was a great teacher. I still catch myself when I’m about to give unsolicited advice. Sometimes I just stop talking kid sentence. Lol. We are all learning still. ❤️

Thankyou. Sometimes the advice I have recieved is so off the mark and relentless it could be called blocking and interference. This is when someone resents your success.

I get the punished, fight or flight feeling when receiving criticism :( If the person has characteristics of my mother I am less controlled and angry and defensive, but also can recognize it is coming from someone whose self worth is threatened by my not being perfect (but still have the burning Coal inside). If not, then it isn't so bad and it is more internal criticism. -J

@Jessica_Dufour

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻

Thanks for sharing this was so helpful in understanding why people give unsolicited advice! It's so annoying especially for ppl that offer business advice but don't own a business! 😒

@Jessica_Dufour

Жыл бұрын

That made me chuckle b/c I completely understand. I have learned to not take advice unless the person giving it is doing really well at what I want to do well at. Thanks for sharing

@jake90009

Жыл бұрын

Yeah if you have a medical problem, they will give you unsolicited advice POSING as doctors.

@carnivoroussarah

Жыл бұрын

​@@jake90009I am guilty of that. I just try to share that there are alternatives out there and maybe what I am doing will help you too.

@janny474

7 ай бұрын

​@@carnivoroussarah Stop doing it then.

Unsolicited advice is basically She-Hulk trying to tell Bruce Banner how to be Hulk. It is extremely infuriating.

Thank You for this video. I'm getting Unsolicited advice from my adoptive mother, I'm almost in my 40s and it's Doing my head in, it's gotten to the point now where it's outright Control Freakery and potentially Narcissistic! cos she isn't happy unless things are done on her terms and throws tantrums when things aren't done on her terms

This was so incredibly validating. I came here because I was excitedly telling a friend about my plans for college and she suggested I choose a similar career that she thought made more money. I knew she meant well, but hearing “you should” over and over did in fact feel like an insult to my intelligence. I calmly explained that my plans included specializing in a field in which I would be making the same if not more money than the career she was suggesting and she backed down, but after the fact I felt my blood boiling from having to defend my choice! This video calmed me down very quickly as I was able to understand that my friend whom I know to be very well intentioned is simply displaying a codependent trait and I was able to empathize. This information will definitely help me in the future. I’m not one to react to triggers, but I’ve always found “you should” to be one of the most irritating phrases and I’m always thinking in my head “I don’t need you to tell me what to do!” Very grateful for this helpful video. Peace ❤

@Jessica_Dufour

5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing. The positive side of all of this interaction, from what I am sensing, is that you are really grounded in your next steps. Congratulations on being attuned and in-tune with what is right for you! 😀

@samurai9319

Ай бұрын

Talk about taking the wind out of your sails! 🤣I would've felt the same way. My blood boils as well when I share happy news, & am met with a different response.

FACTS 💯% I'm going through this right now and they are passive aggressive

Best explanation on KZread!

I just get one today and I was searching about unwanted advice because I'm now having difficulties to sleep because of it

This type of unwanted advice can ruin friendships.

Normally, it's better to just ask people: You want advice, or just someone who listens? If they just want a listener, just sit back and listen. Also, it's probably a good idea to say something like this if they ask for advice: Obviously, I can't tell you what to do. But If I were in your position, I would have done X,Y or Z. Every situation is different, and what's good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander.

Have had 2 covert narcissists and 2 grandiose narcissists in my life Currently stuck with my sister. She gives all kinds of unsolicited advice, acting condescending in the process. So I stay quiet because she gives me icky energy and I feel drained. I did a lot to help her too. It feels like she'll squeeze in her unsolicited advice, even if I'm just saying something, she always has that condescending remark. And the ways she says it too... Excited I have a job now and can work on the money aspect of my escape plan. Going to try my best not to spend, all I need is 1 item, and I have my own EBT so food shouldn't be too much of an issue. I know it all has to do with my sister, not me, but she has many people telling her the ways she acts is not ok and she doesn't care. She's the queen of the world in her eyes. She gets very ignorant with her advice.

@carnivoroussarah

Жыл бұрын

Good luck Jake. It takes an incredible amount of perseverance and drive to leave narcissists. I have done it myself, and slowly helped him get better because he is my dad and he asked for my help.

Thank you very much for this video. I found myself being battered this week by a family member who would not stop giving unsolicited advice despite what started as polite requests to stop and grew to that "fight or flight", trapped state. It ended badly when I wouldn't bow to their will. I've been upset all week and this video helped me know I handled it the way it should have been. I admit I tried to spare the other persons feelings but I tried too long when I should have ended the interaction much sooner.

You're right. Only give advice if people ask for it. It is great to help people, only do it if they want the advice or not. Advice can be good for us, it doesnt mean it is good for someone else. Don't listen to unsolicited advice because it may not be helpful.

@veronicapiccinini7956

6 ай бұрын

Many people fail to realize the importance of “Consent”. Unsolicited advices are a violation of consent, they don’t give you the choice on a specific matter, and that’s disrespectful

Hi thanks for your video. It was very informative.

Excellent video and explanation, including unsolicited advice from a narcissist, AND that's it's okay to say ... "I don't appreciate unsolicited advice. I am going to try saying, "I value your opinion, but I don't appreciate unsolicited advice, so I'm going to have to stop you there." I'm scared lol for real.

Really good advice, very insightful. Thank you. I love the no bullshit response. Plain and simple.

Excellent actionable tip as well. I need to practice that

OMG I love you Jessica! I am direct too and I appreciate you supporting that.

This is some very good content. I'm so glad I found your channel!

@Jessica_Dufour

Жыл бұрын

Grateful to have you here :)

Thanks ❤

Despite telling her that talking about my infertility journey is stressful and gives me anxiety, SIL continues to push because I haven’t budged. I can feel it even before she brings it up and it’s another stressful thing to anticipate it. It’s almost as if she’s entitled to know this information and I’m the weird one because I won’t tell her anything. The only “update” or news a couple should be able to share or give is when a test is positive but everything else up to that, I prefer to keep private. She manipulates these inquires with sugarcoating by saying, “…but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…” but then proceeds to keep asking anyway…. I feel like it’s a control issue and she wants to know where I am because apparently, what I’m doing isn’t working and whatever she will recommend, will be the winner. It’s frustrating.

@carnivoroussarah

Жыл бұрын

Oh honey this sounds so toxic. I feel for you and as a childfree lady I have the opposite issue with my partner trying to ask, what are the odds of you getting pregnant? Can you get an egg out and still have a baby? My tubes are tied and the answer is NO KIDS! I dump all of them that start that nonsense instantly.

This helped a lot

My whole family also my husband's family are all about unsolicited advice all the time....

This was helpful

My dad is a master on planet earth for giving unsolicited advice. And his very unhealthy does of NPD really doesn’t help that he can’t understand anything else. Every single day he tries to tell a complete stranger what and how they should be doing things. It can be traumatizing when you are around it. And if somene (whichnis mostly everyone) that chooses to not accept that advice, he will going into a very angry and aggressive way of trying to convince as to why you should. Then as family member, we get to hear for the next two weeks how they were complete idiots as he walks around in his depressive angry state until the next round.

@Jessica_Dufour

5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing. That sounds very traumatizing. I would probably have a deep belief that I would never be enough if I had to live around that.

@bocktoon5477

5 ай бұрын

@@Jessica_Dufour Thanks for commenting. Yes you are right. I have gone through most of my life feeling this way.

Really good!

Great video😊

Was a great video

Omg🤣 all I can do is laugh. I nodded my head at alot of what you said because I was the one to give unsolicited advice. I'm excited to do a 30min consultation with you because your videos resonate with a lot of what I've been searching for you have that knowledge.

@Jessica_Dufour

Жыл бұрын

Excited to meet you soon! We have all given unsolicited advice, it's just about becoming more aware. 🙂

@carnivoroussarah

Жыл бұрын

​@@Jessica_DufourYes, I am guilty. I will do better.

6:39 this is what happened with me and my neighbor today at the end she said I was a fake friend for not listening to her/ so now my plan is just simply not deal with her

Well done young lady

I felt drained because I was constantly giving unsolicited advice to my friends lol I guess I got that trait from my dad. When I would hang with my dad he would do the same to me and noticed how I feel irritated (and somehow drained) and thought wow so this must be how they feel (maybe)? So, not only unsolicited advice is bad for the receiver, it’s also bad for the giver. Balance is very important for me now, I have to keep that in mind, cool video!

@Jessica_Dufour

10 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you. Very insightful and helpful. I have a (long time) friend who endlessly wants to give unsolicited advice. From time to time she tries to work at it, others she just feels like she should be your personal guru for your own good.. My best analogy to help me understand my own feelings about this is that of someone trying to get physically intimate when you are not up for it. It’s invasive and basically disrespectful, no matter their intentions.

@Jessica_Dufour

7 ай бұрын

Yes, great comparison.

@fuzzylogics139

7 ай бұрын

*also, I had to smile when you said how direct you have become. With this particular friend, who is dear to me, I’m coming to that point where I have no other option than to be very direct. The next thing is to just cut off the relationship altogether because it will come to that point if this does not change. My patience is enabling, I’m starting to feel panic when ever I talk to her now, subconsciously I’m continuously anticipating the next attempt to critique/change me/ get into my “private parts”. Even when we’re laughing and on the surface are having fun, I’m uncomfortable. And the being direct is definitely a life lesson she (and one of my exes but in another way) are forcing me to learn. In that sense she is definitely one of life’s situational “teachers” to me. Thanks again, this was very wanted and much needed advise 😅❤️

@Jessica_Dufour

7 ай бұрын

@@fuzzylogics139 I recently had to let go of someone in my life b/c they were just too judgmental of me and others. Who you surround yourself with is who you become. Pick wisely! And it sounds like you are choosing wisely. :)

Told a friend who I rekindled with that I was interested in getting a dog probably in 2024. I have always wanted a dog after my family gave away my dog when I was 12. I miss her and want to experience another dog in my lifetime. My whole life family and people criticize me when I say I want to get a dog/animal. I have always been so lucky to get the most amazing sweetest animals. My cat is so loving she has never bit or scratched she walks away and she loves to cuddle. My old dog never whined she was potty trained in two weeks. When I had a bunny for 2 years as a child and didn’t know bunnies could even be aggressive cause she was so sweet and cuddly. I have been blessed to be with such smart and loving gentle animals. I am sick of people telling me I shouldn’t do this or that when it comes to animals. This friend has a dog herself and after telling her I wish to get another dog she tells me. It’s better to wish you had a dog then get one and regret handling it all 👍🏼. Which triggered me. She is my same age and I took it as her being an animal fanatic and trying to be helpful she loves all creatures as do I and is big on rescue. Out of spite I’m going to get my dog and train them to be the best. To show everyone I am responsible for a pet because I am being judged for actions when I was a child and couldn’t have a car and drive my dog with me everywhere like I would now. It’s infuriating. I get puppies are a lot of work they’re puppies lol! But I’ve had so much luck getting such amazing animals in my life I’m not worried about it and know for a fact it will go smoothly. I have the patience for it and I love training dogs. Always have, it’s fun!

@Jessica_Dufour

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. Dogs and animals are amazing! It sounds like your friend might have been projecting her experience of having a dog on to you. Sounds like she might be the one who is regretting handling a dog. I think their comment says more about them versus it saying anything about you. ❤️🐶

So to the other side of the coin--those that constantly are on a downer about life in general...how would you talk to them if they're constantly coming to you to vent?

@Jessica_Dufour

7 ай бұрын

I would express a boundary with them... that you don't want to hear them complain and vent to you about the same issue if they aren't going to take action to change the situation and make it better.

8:45 definitely have done it and working on myself not to do it I don’t do it much, but I know it’s here in there

People do this because I’m Bi polar they think a weak feeble kid. But I’m not I’m extremely in tune with who I am and what I feel

Ouch...

I have a bad habit of this and would accept it done to me, although I would slowly build resentment towards that person until it triggered my PTSD again. I just got done setting this boundary with a new man in my life. And I said ill stop doing it to you too. If people want my advice, they'll ask.

@Jessica_Dufour

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing. We all do it from time to time, some of us not really realizing that we are doing it, it is just a matter of become more aware and trying our best to evolve.

Thanks for this video... could you do a video for people who are giving these kinds of advices and would like to change this behavior? Greetings from Germany :-) ...(I had no idea, that it is a rude behavior of me, but it makes totally sense to me if I see it with your video from the other side of view)

@Jessica_Dufour

Жыл бұрын

Will do that’s a wonderful idea 🙏🏻

We all do not give unsolicted advice. I personally have not.

There's something wrong with one of my family members. She gives constant "suggestions" to do things a different way no matter how ridiculous or out of her normal pattern. It's like a tick. What would that be?

I hate unsolicited advice soooo much

I never gave someone onsolicited advice it's just such a asshole move. I hate when People do that

I'm one of the idiots giving advice but not receiving any feel free to dump on me maybe it will help me break free of this bad habit. I don't expect people to follow my advice as I'm not doing things I believe I should so why should they do it even if they agree... My male brain is trying to fix everything but my male friends seem to not have this problem. I only had one friend who spoke up a few years back and I'm greatful for (the irony) his unsolicited advice. I'm currently doing lots of fasting and telling people they should try it.... We are all addicted to food so not alot of people enjoy that conversation yet I keep bringing it up.... I hate it when I say can't fix stupid but I'm alone looking in the mirror 🙂

@Jessica_Dufour

5 ай бұрын

We are all a work in progress. :) It is all about learning and evolving. It sounds like you are striving to be a better version of yourself each and every day. It is wonderful that you can honestly see yourself and that you are open to evolving. Thank you for your share.

@nevillewhite3451

5 ай бұрын

@@Jessica_Dufour Thank you 🙂

ain't twitter a feed of unsolicited advice?

11:38

No matter how nicely people put it and want to help…giving unwanted advice is rude and condescending. I do appreciate support though. But don’t tell me how to do my job.

Now give advice on when you should take someone's advice.

@Jessica_Dufour

10 ай бұрын

Take it if it feels in alignment with and for you. If what someone says rings true for you and you believe it can help you… take it. 😊 hope that helps. Thank you for your comment.

Hi my name is freezo and I’m an unsolicited advice giver. :/

@Jessica_Dufour

Жыл бұрын

We all are at some point 😉

@freezo244

Жыл бұрын

@@Jessica_Dufour true! but I doing it more lately and I want to stop before it my relationship with my adult daughter is harmed even more

@freezo244

Жыл бұрын

@@Jessica_Dufour your video gave me some good places to start. Thank you 🙏🏽

@ashaki555

7 ай бұрын

Guilty guilty… realized and been working one year . You are awesome for this video. Gets lonely because those who no longer are receiving the unsolicited advice are looking like what’s wrong …. They miss the pouring into them 🤷‍♀️

After listening a 2nd time, this video is a bit pessimistic. Still valid though

Totally disagree with this advice can come from a good place and your not saying your not right your saying maybe there’s a better way. If you giving advice from an authentic place that’s good but sometimes people don’t want to hear anyone being authentic, so never be authentic with people because they only ever hear or see what they want to always be authentic with yourself but never with someone else it’s pointless, if you genuinely trying to help. This women doesn’t understand wisdom or the chance to help someone, most of the time advice is harder to give than it is to receive. This women is just thinking of terms of black and white thinking.