My husband is currently in rehab. He initiated it. I'm so proud of him. Prayers for us please.

@iolemaffei

6 ай бұрын

🙏🏻

@oodleyboo

6 ай бұрын

Keep up the good work 👍

@margaretk5783

6 ай бұрын

Best wishes!

@vonettapa4317

6 ай бұрын

Prayers up

@katherinebragg9166

6 ай бұрын

Praise God. Praying for both of you

I have to thank you for finally leading me to evict my guy friend after 7 years. He is a drug addict. I'm older and turned 70 in August. I wanted to be happy by 70! I watched your video months ago on a list of things that I had to experience with him. I had all but one! But, I did it! It's been 5 months without him, and I'M HAPPY AGAIN!

@jamesgreenldn

2 ай бұрын

Great you’re happy but what about him? I hope he's still alive

@zowiebentley5740

6 күн бұрын

Your 70 n watching yt

@gnasher688

5 күн бұрын

@@zowiebentley5740 - do you think there’s an age limit on people who can watch KZread ??

@gnasher688

5 күн бұрын

@@maxinebellows741 - hope you’re still well & enjoying your life 🙏

@angem900

4 күн бұрын

​@@jamesgreenldn what about him ? The lady gave him seven years , you so get to a do or die place , it's called survival . You think she can save him .

13 days sober, never tried to stop drinking before but my alcohol use landed me in the ER and then a week in the behavioral hospital. I'm suffering extreme depression and anxiety after medicating with alcohol for over 10 years and I feel so much that I couldn't feel with alcohol. Watching lots of videos and started AA, but getting out of bed and talking to people is extremely difficult after isolating myself for so long.

@kidkanoo

3 ай бұрын

Wishing you so much success with your sobriety, stay on track it will all be worth it soon.

@pathopewell1814

3 ай бұрын

I have suffered this tragic addiction for years, on and off. Finally in my eighties, I realise I was ill. Somehow I hope and believe I have conquered this long ging. I have been OK for twenty years. There is always hope. In my case it got to the point where the alcohol was making me really ill and also making me very poor. All est wishes, it will be worth it, promise.

@debbiekearney7020

Ай бұрын

I no its hard but aa will teach you about ur addiction from people who have done it b4 you.

@heatherhurry1011

Ай бұрын

Praying for you. ❤🙏

11:43 - They start to train you that if you bring it up, if you confront me, if you start saying something is an issue, I’m going to act so ugly, that you’re going to regret bringing that up. And every time you do that, I’m going to act that way… wow.

Yep I've done all these myself. 598 days sober for me!

@PutTheShovelDown

5 ай бұрын

Wow! that's impressive, Shelly 🤩

@judijohnson5555

3 ай бұрын

Well done

@kimmoore1738

Ай бұрын

Great for you. Keep up your hard work.

@chrisdawson6156

Ай бұрын

I am very happy for you being sober

@dianekay2713

Ай бұрын

Wow, stay with it, sweetie 👏 XOXO 🇬🇧 💕

Sadly I lost my husband of 42 years to alcoholism five months ago. I was at the end of my rope and he lost all hope. I listen to you to learn what transpired and to educate myself as part of my grief.

@michelleburstrom2548

6 ай бұрын

Sorry for your loss. It must be so difficult. I’ve watched a few loved ones taken by alcohol. It’s a very sad thing.

@mikeinmelbourne9491

6 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can only imagine how hard that must be - I wish you all the best when it comes to healing.

@marystele1197

6 ай бұрын

Hi Sorry to hear of your tragic loss. A similiar thing happened to me abour a year and a half ago with an ex boyfriend. At the end he just did not have the capacity to recover. He was just too ill and gave up. l did everything l could to help him but had to face it in end ,he was just too far gone. l am still grieving and getting help with that. So, l good luck for your future life Keep watching Amber's channel to oearn more and that you are not alone in your loss Sending you healing love from the UK. All the best from Karen 😻🧚❤🇬🇧 Xxx

@made2bamom

6 ай бұрын

Sorry for your loss!!!

@sciencenotsrigma

5 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry you lost your husband. I have lost family members and suffered with a lot of guilt, mixed with the grief. I’m so glad you are educating yourself. The more I learned, the more my guilt eased. I wish the same to you! I’m sure you did everything you possibly could!

You read my mind I did think about sending it to my husband. I'm a grateful member of Al-anon married 20 years my husband was sober for 24 years and broke his sobriety. My boundaries have become quite clear. I got a horse and a part time job and I easily identified with what made happy and what doesn't. I truly the only one responsible for my own happiness. No longer codependent or OCD except maybe with horses! Amen

@user-in8it1rx6l

5 ай бұрын

Broke his sobriety after 24 yrs😢😮 ? So sorry, are we never safe? This is so discouraging.

@jessicaharrison1401

3 ай бұрын

Sorry to hear of your story .I love horses i spend all my days with my dog im in recovery and doing the best I can .my dog is my life I spend all my time with him.all the money I used to spend on drugs I spend on him as he keeps me sain 😘❤❤

10 hard years i was addicted to cocaine, never ever thought I'd get out of it alive but here i am nearly 3 years sober 🎉 I had accepted i was going to live and die an extremely lonely and depressed person, but now I'm 6 months into the perfect relationship that I never thought would happen to me! Unreal how much sense this video makes to me as i felt everything that was mentioned.😮

@PutTheShovelDown

4 ай бұрын

I'm so happy that you're finding happiness in sobriety!

@jessicaharrison1401

3 ай бұрын

Well done you should be so proud 😘❤❤

@Animal-Reaction-Clips

3 ай бұрын

You lucky u didn't to crack or your life would have been destroyed

@lukefloyd3693

2 ай бұрын

Congratulations 👍👍👍👍that’s where I wanna be. I’m 36 and been bingeing on alcohol and cocaine for 18 years I get bk on my feet them fall and lose everything again And again starting meetings this week.

@RachelmumHar98

2 ай бұрын

​@@lukefloyd3693Good luck love. From me in 🇬🇧. 👍

I was an addict and I would say not much thought is involved. It's actually all impulse. That's why Meditation is so great. You learn to feel the impulse and sit through it and let it pass. If the addict/alcoholic says they aren't addicted or they have control it's their ego trying to repress that fact which is a coping mechanism. The bigger the ego the longer & harder the fall.

@playfulpatyy57

6 ай бұрын

Meditate on Jesus and ask his help to let pass.

@laurastclair7

6 ай бұрын

My boyfriend went to rehab and has been home a month and half. He has told me he did not go rehab because he can control it. He only went rehab to make us happy (his children and myself). He still believes he is in control but he is not. He sees himself as the victim. I am not the bad guy, and his children are. I am scared he will start to use again. I know he is depressed of getting the diagnosis of him having vascular dementia. Sometimes, it is hard to figure out if it is his disease or he is using again.

@monpsy100

6 ай бұрын

Whether one is conscious of it or not the cravings tend to take up a LOT of mental hardware, dedicated to dealing with anxiety produced by not being able to satisfy a craving, keeping track of how much others are drinking, planning out when, where, and how much one is going to be able to drink, what excuses will be used after the fact,, and how to hide the addictive behaviors, which can involvev weaviing, in advance, a tangled web of lies meant to throw people off and avoid consequences (shame, rejection, judgement, difficult conversations, arguments, other's attempts to prevent one from following through with the plan). I would argue that a great deal of thinking is often involved

@rainncorbin8291

5 ай бұрын

Meditation is awesome!!!

@maninaschiffl7649

5 ай бұрын

What do you consider a big Ego?

I’m nearly 11 years sober from alcohol. By the grace of god. I’m desperately needing serious help for disordered eating and waiting on insurance for approval. Prayers would be greatly appreciated. Glad to have this space to share with everyone and great channel, ty for teaching ppl about addiction and everyone here sharing ❤✨

@Rumar-11

6 ай бұрын

Sending healing and loving prayers for you 🙏

@sciencenotsrigma

5 ай бұрын

Sending prayers! I’m glad you found this video and comment section. It has been a great help to me to find forums, such as this one, filled with positivity! I hope and pray your insurance comes through for you! No matter what happens, please keep reaching out! I thought I would never find a treatment program that worked for me and, by the grace of God, I did. Keep asking and I pray 🙏 your recovery will be provided for. I pray for your physical protection, while you seek help. You have taken brave and important steps, for your health and happiness! ❤️‍🩹

@thomashelman3118

5 ай бұрын

Your making a mistake going to a Doctor. 80% now work for Hospital systems and can’t order the tests or recommend what might benefit you. They have to follow protocol of the Hospital system their contracted with. You would be better off watching Dr. Ken Berry and stop eating crap. Doesn’t matter what food disorder you think you have ☮️

@bernieryan1343

5 ай бұрын

Keep learning and god bless you. Good luck.

@garryanderson598

4 ай бұрын

12steps AA..12steps eating disorder...wouldn't,t hurt to try

My sister Ann died April 2023 we are now awaiting Coroners Inquest She lived alone and was totally isolated Lived a terrible life for about 2 years before death Yet I continued to visit did what I could when I visited Brought in carers etc…. Kept her house running She just had no motivation to do anything but drink I am on here because it helps me understand this dreadful disease Gabrielle Williamson

@Edelwiess1066

6 ай бұрын

I am sorry for your loss. 'The man takes a drink then the drink takes the man' as the old saying goes...

@liveandletlive9333

6 ай бұрын

Go to Alanon if you want to understand and heal.

@MeMyselfandI-kc4bi

4 ай бұрын

I'm sorry for your loss 🙏😔

@jessicaharrison1401

3 ай бұрын

Sorry for your loss 😘❤🙏

@donnataylor8022

Ай бұрын

Yeah it's a terrible disease and ppl need to realise its a disease. I was a drug addict for over 20 odd year, Godbless u and your family ❤❤

So I just relasped and started posting my journey for Help. I'm trying to not be so selfish in this selfish disease that I struggle with. I have made all the excuses in the book to drink and I'm done..working on being a better person and taking accountability for my actions. Addiction takes everything out of me literally EVERYTHING. I'm getting back on the right track and working on my relationships with my parents and loved ones.

@Xrusha_

6 ай бұрын

That's amazing, good for you! Congratulations!

@neil_down_south

6 ай бұрын

Welcome to this channel, it's invaluable. Good luck with your journey.

@nazahusic3353

6 ай бұрын

I am proud of you 👍🏻

@JuliaShalomJordan

6 ай бұрын

🙏🏻🫶🏻💞

@vonettapa4317

6 ай бұрын

You are loved!! 🖤👍🏾

My head is nodding so hard it now hurts.

@denisesatt7044

3 ай бұрын

❤

My husband is a heavy “weekend” drinker- it ruins every weekend & we end up fighting - he sees it as his reward for working hard all week - I just see it as ruining every weekend that we should be looking forward to. He won’t stop as he thinks it’s his right to do what he wants after a week of working - he doesn’t think he has a problem but it’s been going on for years.

Yes I’ve been through all the stages . My person is my child. I’m listening to everything you say. Thank you for saying all these things, just talking about these things, helps me, get through life. It’s been killing me for a long time.

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

Hi Misty, Thank you so much for your positive feedback!

@johnniepegues305

5 ай бұрын

For me its my child also sadly I feel.like with every sip her footing is moving towards the grave and I don't want to buiry .my child

My substance abuse stemmed from an intense self loathing produced by emotionally negligent parenting and child sx abuse which I blamed myself for. Once I got the psychological help to explain to me, I am not the problem, I'm a victim, the self loathing disappeared and the desire for mind altering substances left me. Diagnosed Complex PTSD, I'm well into recovery.

@jdrei5080

6 ай бұрын

Love how you explained that. I've just realised a narcissistic parent helped me become imbalanced. My meditations have helped just as you mentioned. I hope others read your words.

@Phoenix-in-flight

6 ай бұрын

@@jdrei5080 ❤️😊

@sciencenotsrigma

5 ай бұрын

Me, too! It was hurtful, to me, to hear that I was a “selfish addict,” hedonistic, etc. I absolutely used drugs to make myself more acceptable to abusive family and my abusive ex, by burying the feelings around abuse, which made me say “reprehensible lies” (according to my ex-husband and family). In short, so I wouldn’t talk about abuse and upset my abusers. In short, telling the TRUTH and being assertive got me beaten, punished, ridiculed and condemned. Telling the truth was a threat to my survival, but I was gaslit and made to believe that telling the made me a problem and a bad person. Information really helped in my recovery, but I didn’t think I could have accepted myself, without a kind, compassionate, trauma informed counselor. Once I saw that there was nothing wrong with me and I was scapegoated, so abusers didn’t get in trouble, I really didn’t need to use drugs. I had relapsed after 4 treatments, but after finding the counselor who helped me process my abuse, I was amazed that I just didn’t want to use. I’m so glad you had a similar experience of healing and finding the true knowledge that neither the abuse or your coping mechanisms were your fault. You did nothing wrong!

@sciencenotsrigma

5 ай бұрын

@@jdrei5080. Me, too! OP’s words and yours have the power to help a lot of people, in their search for healing ❤️‍🩹!

@bernieryan1343

5 ай бұрын

Well done to you

✋️. I am a very grateful recovering addict. I am 2 years sober and just started college to become an Addiction Counselor. I have learned a lot thru experience and from you and I am extremely grateful!

@PutTheShovelDown

5 ай бұрын

That's so wonderful, Sudbury! I love that you're going to use your experience to help others 🤩🤩🤩🤩

@jessicaharrison1401

3 ай бұрын

Well done your an inspiration to others it is so hard 😘❤

@judijohnson5555

3 ай бұрын

Well done

My husband is about to be out of rehab. Im so very proud. Prayers please for continued sobriety. Self initiated 😊I just pray he sees after 5 yrs it's time to just be free from the devil. Thank you for youre amazing videos ❤😊

@PutTheShovelDown

5 ай бұрын

Wonderful!

Back when my husband was drinking, my mother-in-law always told me you knew he drank before you married him that was like her favorite line to throw in my face. It always got under my skin. One time when she said this to me I asked her what does mean ? That he can’t change he can’t get better? I should just accept it? She didn’t really have an answer for me. I finally had enough left him with our eight month old. She was mad at me for taking away her granddaughter, not acknowledging or recognizing the danger her son’s alcoholism was putting her in. I made her go over and stay with him while I left and he went to rehab. When he realized I’m not going to live my life with a drunk anymore. He has been sober since. I have been able to move on from the trauma from the alcoholism has caused, but I’m finding it a hard time moving on from the words his mother said to me. love your videos. Thanks so much.

@liveandletlive9333

6 ай бұрын

You're misplacing the anger. She spoke the truth over and over and was correct. You don't like it. Put it on alcoholism and get to the healing process. Go to Alanon.

@marykinsella417

3 ай бұрын

😢😢 Ji😢6 by😢

@w0225766

3 ай бұрын

What type of resolve are you needing?

Wow…..like she is literally reading my life and what happened with alcoholic husband. I left with two kids because of anger issues…..took a year to kill himself with alcohol and on his deathbed he blamed me because i left. Tragic

If you are a heroin addict and you have been to rehab 9 tines or even a few times and it "doesn't work" get that person to a MAT program. A medicated assisted treatment program. I am a pill addict... The only thing that has ever helped me become clean was getting into an MAT. Yeah at 1st it feels like trading one drug for another but it is clean, u don't know what you're getting on the streets and its monitored by drs and nurses etc then when you're ready while working on your recovery you can titrate until you're completely off. It is the only program I could ever have done. Just trying to detox and get off and play sober in 30, 60, 90 days.... no way! They demonize the MAT program but it helps more then many know. I'll be forever grateful for it.

@kmassful

5 ай бұрын

I'm on that program too ! I feel it's best for me but I'm just tapering down I'm just nervous if the withdrawl actually get lesser

❤ I adore this video! I am trying to carry as many people up the stairs with me as I go on my journey to overcome my addictions. Thus, this video is ideal for supporting them 👌

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

That's fantastic! You're going to be blessing to many others.

I lost my 35 yr old son to alcoholism 6 months ago after 2 years of estrangement. I tried to contact every single month but he lived latterly I think in isolate with his wife . A shared psychosis that seems to have warped everything. So sad and such a waste - was brilliant but complicated.

@jessicaharrison1401

3 ай бұрын

So sorry for your pain😘❤💙🙏

@ianmangham4570

2 ай бұрын

Dang ❤

@ianmangham4570

2 ай бұрын

35 is no age ,I'm 55 and never thought I'd see more than 40 years on this rock

@kimmoore1738

Ай бұрын

I am so very sorry for your family's tragic loss.

Hi Amber - I'm in Australia so I'm watching after this live feed. I want to commend you for this channel and the Sanity that the teaching brings to my life. Using your techniques has helped me to cope, and therefore, within two years I am seeing my son take his own steps towards Sobriety ❤❤❤

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

That's wonderful! Thank you for sharing that with me! Hearingvtgese types of stories helps me stay motivated to keep going. ❤️❤️

@Xrusha_

6 ай бұрын

Yay, we need more success stories!

Amber...you are the BEST! I have been listening to your videos and incorporating your techniques and using you suggestions and THEY ARE WORKING...AMEN!

@PutTheShovelDown

5 ай бұрын

That makes my heart so happy! 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻

I've been a addict for many years and I completely agree with everything your saying. I'm currently trying to get off benzodiazepines , since my partner died 2 years ago I've been using xanax or diazepam, even before that I was a addicted to opiates which I no longer use. I'm greatfull for you because you have given me some inspiration and I think maybe strength.

👍 my son admits he’s a drug addict and says that’s just who he is. He doesn’t want to get sober or get help

@kimlarso

4 ай бұрын

And, you need to ‘accept’ that, unfortunately 😢

@carolyngray2847

3 ай бұрын

Then listen again to this video. Do what you know you have to do. Protect yourself, your sanity, other members of your family too. Someone I know didn't and she is bled dry by her violent abusive son. Keep listening over and over until you know. It's not for us to tell you ❤

@cindykemmer4840

3 ай бұрын

Thank you, I do need to listen to it over and over

Over the last 35 years I’ve often thought addiction can be a form of self harming

You are an absolute God send Amber!❤❤ I've indulged in sooo many of your videos, it definitely helps keep my brain busy vs worry, and knowledge is always key! Truly, a great WONDERFUL human you are!! Thank you for all you do w your time! I hope you know how appreciated and loved you are just for being you! ❤❤

@PutTheShovelDown

Ай бұрын

Wow, thank you!

You are so smart. Lot's of people derp themselves into self-help channels but I feel like you are actually a smart person with reasonable advice.

@PutTheShovelDown

19 күн бұрын

Awwww thanks! 😁😁

I am so happy I found your channel. Thank you for doing what you are doing 💕

@PutTheShovelDown

5 ай бұрын

I'm happy you're here!

Thank you for your time

To TRULY heal from addiction you must question EVERYTHING in your life... keep asking WHY until you the get to the bottom about everything around you. Why I'm I in this job, relationship, etc and then ask sincerely what they want from life... true recovery will mean profound change for yourself and it will inspire those around you. If the changes are not profound then relapse WILL come. The recovery process should make you highly self aware and humble to put that will be able to spot individuals who lack self awareness (even when they are not drug addicts).. you'll almost become a master of human behavior and psychologically.

Yes wil pray. Easy to get into hard to get out but if u are ready for help ! Im proud of u all. Ur husband did the right thing. Wil say my prayers now for him and others who are suffering. Amen x

Thank you for your advice. I hope that we will understand the danger of addiction from all those dangerous substances , and others that spoils our well being. until it is too late to fix it .

Excellent points. Thanks!

I'm 26 Months Sober and doing great 👍,,,no more depression,,, cool job,,, good sober friends 🙏,,

@PutTheShovelDown

5 ай бұрын

This is so great, Paul! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Keep up your powerful work in making these podcasts it really has helped me understand my poorly understood sister

Thank you SOOO MUCH for your dedication, commitment and love to educating people on such a massive topic as addiction. This was an awesome video I’ve shared far and wide! 💓🙏🏽💓

@PutTheShovelDown

2 ай бұрын

Wow, thank you!😀😀😀

I'd like to understand why alcoholics often see themselves as victims in life in so many aspects of their lives. my DUI friend who put a man in a wheelchair cried to me about his name being in the paper, and not being hired at this job and that due to his record. They don't understand that the victims are everyone around them they're effecting for real.

@rainncorbin8291

5 ай бұрын

You cannot use if you're not in victimhood. Blaming and being a victim are required for an addict. Not being a victim means taking responsibility for your life and your well-being. An addict cannot do this. So they blame everyone and everything else for their lot in life.

Thank you for helping me come to terms with the fact I am an addict. I recently got a Naltrexone prescription and it helped me bail before the owning it phase. Hearing you talk about what I was going through makes me realize how blessed I was to get out. I'm not even a religious man but maybe it's time to change that😂 I know I have a lot of work to do to keep it this way...but this helps

What if he isn’t denying his addiction but says it is all he has to do is go to bars and drink? I’m referring to an ex, who is always looking to our daughter to bail him out. He doesn’t see how he is destroying the only person left in life who really cares about him.

You have made a huge difference thank you so much

@PutTheShovelDown

5 ай бұрын

You're so welcome!

Hey Amber, I came across your videos a few weeks ago and I have been watching them ever since. My husband is an alcoholic or heavy drinker, since watching your videos, I realize I've been going about everything wrong. We have gotten in so many fights over this. He tells me that I am trying to change him and that I need to just accept him the way he is. He has a very high stress job and he says he needs to drink to decompress. He say that drinking is his vice and the only one he has and I should just leave him alone with it. He usually spends most evenings, that he's not working, sitting on the back porch drinking. He also can be very verbally and emotionally abusive. I feel like all of this comes from his family life from when he was growing up. I believe his father is a heavy drinker and he learned the verbal abuse from him. I believe he, his mother and his sister were all abused by his father, and the difficult thing to see is that he idolizes his father. His mother passed away about a year ago and it just escalated his drinking along with suicidal thoughts. When he fights with me he very much gaslights me and one of the first things he asks me is if I want him to leave. I know this is a manipulation tactic so I haven't said anything when he says that. I feel like I'm at the end of my emotional rope and if he says that to me again, I will say yes I need you to leave. I understand that it probably won't get him to stop drinking, but I need it for my own mental health. Thank you for doing these videos, they have already helped me so much!

🙋🏼‍♀️ heard all of these comments, even started to question if I was in fact being overly critical of my partner. Thank you for validating

Just began the end to our marriage with two kids. For years I've been trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing wrong and what was going on. Everything was wrong and backwards. Then I began studying alcoholism. It's heart breaking. My wife, the sober one, is an amazing woman. Such a sad story...

Im currently in Bad guy role. My son and DIL are both in denial, i was doing pretty well, but called out what was happening thru texts to DIL and son texted me back, calling me delusional. It is so hard having to deal with this while he is married with 3 kids.

Your videos are very helpful, I'm learning and already know situations and dealing with one in particular, very sad for me and difficult to let this person go, at point no other choice

My addicted daughter is in prison and in her early 30s. Her psychosis is out of control and she often brings up something that never really happened as a reason for blaming me. Last time it was.....continued

What stage of denial is someone stuck in if they are trying to get sober, like literally telling you so every few days how they want to give alcohol up completely but still keeps falling back into old behavior, and avoids conversation about any messes they create while under influence? Any tips for family members going through this situation?

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

I call that the "bargaining phase"

@paula3845

6 ай бұрын

Your loved one can only help themselves. Regardless of what they do or don’t do I suggest looking into Al-Anon. It’s not about the alcoholic, it’s about setting boundaries and taking care of yourself so that you don’t get sucked into the chaos.

@liveandletlive9333

6 ай бұрын

Tips for family members... go to Alanon. Every single answer can come from being in program for yourself.

@liveandletlive9333

6 ай бұрын

Its called manipulation. They say that so you get off their back. Anything to stop the nagging and let them drink in peace.

@reenanar3015

4 ай бұрын

Thank you Amber ❤love from India

Glad I found your channel Amber!

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

Me too!! Welcome to our little community, Brandon!

As an addict myself, it’s horrible to have problems with addiction. I truly want to stop my addictive, obsessive behavior but at times it controls me.

Hello Amber, my partner is in the last phase. He has started drinking again about 8 weeks ago after being completely off it for 4 months. During this time his physical and emotional wellbeing, as well as increased clarity, was amazing to see. He said to me so often how good he felt, how he is not going to drink again, he could see how alcohol was not good for his life. Two months ago after his mother passed away he started drinking again. Just every now and again. Daily now, I think. We are currently separated. Last week he said he is giving up working on getting our relationship back on track. Said he tried and can not see this all working out. He is also ok with drinking again, said there is nothing wrong with it. It feels like he is cutting his ties with me and just wants to be left alone. How do you get someone out of the last phase, the phase were they just resign to the fact that this is how it is??

@Xrusha_

6 ай бұрын

This sounds so hard. Sending you hugs

@davidwhitaker8470

6 ай бұрын

You need professional help to get free

@KayStevensScholerNPC4444

6 ай бұрын

Sending much love your way😘

@liveandletlive9333

6 ай бұрын

The answer is You do NOT. You go take care of you! Get to Alanon.

@kimlarso

4 ай бұрын

YOU accept it & worry about your own life, period👉there’s no reward in being a martyr 😢

My biggest problem with the addictions of my loved ones is that when they are impaired they change and are not themselves and you never know when that's going to happen. It feels like being robbed or they're being kidnapped in a way by the drug the alcohol. They defend it so hard and bring up all the problems they have with me if it's mentioned.

@angem900

4 күн бұрын

I would want to know what problems they had with me to try and resolve , if possible . I think the biggest problem , 7s they may have no idea what they did or said , so what do they have to be sorry for . Vicious cycle 😢❤

Surely u r n will make a diff wth ur persistent, intelligent info n understanding n lovin desire to help, thanks

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

Awwww thanks Peter! 🤗

Unmanageablity has far more to do with how the alcoholic or addict feels inside rarther than the obvious, extetnal "drama" and "jackpots". It's a common misconception thats it is all the external chaos, its the inner chaos and insane thinking (ie: self loathing, depression, lack of accountability, etc ) that creates the external shitstorm.This is why just stopping drinking or drugging never changes the problem since using is just a symptom, not the actual problem. This must be understood before anyone can get into honest recovery.

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

So true Todd! Also, family members can't see the internal unmanageability, which makes them think the person isn't experiencing any consequences,

Thank God I found your videos. My father was an alcoholic and this explains alot as well as men I have been involved with and my sister as well. Alcoholics have a high risk of not getting sober something like 2% make it. Alcoholism has been described as a slow trudge to the grave and that is what I have witnessed.

Lost my ex husband of 25 years to an meth/fentanyl overdose on Dec 10. I had to divorce him, and am struggling with this. 😢

@JuliaShalomJordan

6 ай бұрын

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@liveandletlive9333

6 ай бұрын

Get to Naranon. Answers for yourself and healing are there for the taking.

@laurelzacharias8431

3 ай бұрын

😢

@CowgirlKim

3 ай бұрын

@@laurelzacharias8431 thank you 🙏 ❤️

QUESTION: if a person is in the last phase you mention, how to proceed / break through those mechanisms so they can finally commit to Their recovery ?My ex BF accepted his alcoholism a while Ago and know It’s had an impact In his life. he said he’d work on getting over it, but he couldn’t do it and it’s worse Than ever. He’s a functional Alcoholic but is resistant to recovering. He’s in self Sabotage and self destruction mode and “it’s who I am” was his last phrase after we broke up last week . “We’ll all Die anyways “ is the other one… he’s a complex Case because he seems sober always and hides his alcoholism very well. What do do in this case ?? Thanks for all the info you share on your videos !!!

I want to sign up for invisible intervention and membership. Are they the same?

I wish I had looked up this video before my inability to communicate with an addict led to their arrest recently. It’s a bummer

Have you done (or could you) do a video on the physical changes during recovery. E.g. anhedonia, tiredness, etc. thanks for all the wonderful content.

@sciencenotsrigma

5 ай бұрын

Yes! I am studying addiction and it helps my recovery to learn and help others. I found out that people in active addiction and early recovery have a deficit of dopamine and, often, serotonin. Because of this. It’s extremely difficult to find pleasure in the things we did, before we used drugs. Many well-meaning people suggest that we engage in our favorite hobbies and activities and it certainly can’t hurt and will help, down the line. Still, it’s very normal for it to not be very effective, early on in the game. It may feel (or indeed be) impossible, at times. Dopamine is not just a pleasure chemical. It’s essential to having any motivation. People could not get out of bed or go to work, with very low dopamine! It’s not that we like drugs more than anything else, or want to get high, when we have cravings. At that stage, we just want to be able to do anything normal people do. People who say we choose to use, over our families, jobs, or other important things, don’t realize that, in active addiction, we can’t do any of those things without the chemicals. It takes incredible strength and effort to push through a dopamine deficit, to maintain abstinence for ANY period of time. Reading about these neuroscience findings made me feel SO much better about not “wanting”. to be abstinent, or feeling excited and motivated to enjoy my new recovery. If we can get through any little increment of time without using and remind ourselves that I

I have a son who have aalcohol problem. I am a solo mother and I used to force him to go to school earlier years. He had dificulties in learning, reading and writing.

Hi Amber you have such great insight and information. I am wondering if tou have been in active addiction personally, not everyone around you? I have a family memeber ive been directing your way and this is a question that keeping coming up. Ty for all your help.

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

AWWWWWWW, That's so sweet! Thank you so much for having my back 🥰🥰🥰🥰 You're the best!

Yup. Heard them all. My best friend of 30 years died in 2019. My younger sister died in 2022. My mother is in a care home with korsakoff's dementia. All alcoholics. Its so common and has left me without a family.

Really good - thank you 🙏🏼

@PutTheShovelDown

3 ай бұрын

You’re welcome 😊

So much much word salad. I didn’t sober up until my sponser in AA told me “ you either quit or you end up in psych ward, jail 14:22 or in the cemetery. Plain speaking and to the point stopped me from looking for more excuses to keep drinking. Only one alcoholic or drug addict in sobriety understands clearly and can see through the lies and denials.

Liked and subscribed! Have you ever dealt with your own addiction(s) i.e food, sugar, carbs? Just curious. I have. Thanks for a very helpful video.

Thank you it all helping me ❤❤

I am new to this channel. The two I've seen have the highest ratio of (information and kindness)/ length of video. Most Utubers with this quality manage to make it 15 to 30 minutes.

Truly in the midst of spiritual warfare...So difficult ❤

Thanks!

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

Thanks Janice! 💕❤️

Been through addiction all my life, drugs were everywhere where I come from, first doob at 12 first chase of the dragon was given to me when I was 14 by a 37 year old guy who was taking advantage of my mentally ill mum after my dad died she was so vulnerable and I never knew any better.. point is had my dad lived that person would never have been there and I'd never had taken it... so and so many years later I'm still battling H addition, at this point I have reserved the fact its gonna kill me one day, but I've made my peace with that.. I see people in less fortunate situations than me every day I pray for them, I pray for everything and everyone.. even lucifer as even tho he is the so called deciever.. whos praying for him.. remember love thy neighbour Even in the bad times you can still choose to be good, stay safe everyone. Thank you for the video more awareness, the better.

I have heard and experienced most of these scenarios.

QUESTION My husband and I have been separated for a few weeks (this time). He seems to fit almost all of the stages you mentioned. He’s still in the denial stage with me, meaning he will only admit that maybe he drinks too much. But with some of his friends he is ok with them seeing it as his identity and he’s kind of proud of that fact. A couple of days ago I said to him for the first time that he is an alcoholic. He gave no response and ultimately walked away. What are your thoughts on this or any advice?

@liveandletlive9333

6 ай бұрын

Yes get to Alanon. Talk about yourself and your mistakes. Not his.

For quite a while with my alcohol addiction. I justified me not being an alcoholic because I didn’t drink during the day

One Sunday afternoon I poured myself a drink and lite a cigarette put the glass to my mouth ,then a voice that was not my own said to me put it down and stop ,which I did and 11 years later I have never had the urge to drink or smoke again you are left with a big hole to fill which wasn’t easy and still isn’t but as long as the craving stays away I have learned to deal with it . Everyone’s life improves when you are not drinking there is no solution at the bottom of a bottle ,don’t lift the first drink and you can’t get get drunk and and they are good lessons to live by .Every thing this lady has talked about was me but now I wonder who that person was .The feeling of guilt is overwhelming but you have to slowly forgive yourself and realise you just can’t change the past there is loads of help and therapy out there to help you take advantage of that you won’t be sorry .❤

@debbiekearney7020

Ай бұрын

That my friend was the voice of Jesus Christ himself if you listen closely he will guide you. Recovering addict.

@carolineok11

Ай бұрын

@debbiekearney7020 yes I think you are right he is my rock .

@rpmcmurphey927

Ай бұрын

That was definitely God! ❤❤❤

@debbiekearney7020

Ай бұрын

Mine too Carolineok11

Yes I know it feels going on for 7 years so keep it up you will do think positive and keep going you owe to family and your self

Hey thanks for making this … I just wanted to ask you whether when people do say those things of a dismissive kind of nature and minimising the issue at hand do you think that people could possibly be so daunted by not knowing what the first step actually looks like ?! Like do you think that it could possibly have a bit to do with the lifestyle change and how scary it looks?

@PutTheShovelDown

5 ай бұрын

Most definitely. Admitting the problem means facing the reality. Super scary 😲

My father was an alcoholic, he knew very well, but would be released from hospital for alcohol and buy spirits on the way home. A dreadful experience of patched up clothes and shortage of food. Eventually I walked away from trying to help him, zero contact. The experience is useful now when approached by alcoholics who want money or are threatening.

You’re spot on…he says ‘you knew this when you married me’.

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

That's a classic one that I hear all the time! 🥴

@lorimcdevitt1506

6 ай бұрын

Is that them shifting the blame? Cause my response now is ‘and you knew who I was’…to me thats not taking accountability.

I have been with my girlfriend for 41/2 years. She used to drink a bottle or more of red wine Monday to Thursday and at the weekends she would drink 3 bottles. She has a very high paying job and she is very good at her job. She stopped drinking Monday to Thursday and that was amazing. In the week, she was the best girlfriend. So loving and caring. At weekends, she would get really drunk and sometimes would become verbally abusive and start arguments for no reason. She has in occasions became physically abusive. She would always promise to stop drinking but would only last a few weeks then she would be back into it. She would call me controlling and she can do what she likes. She would drink again then start verbally abusing me. The next day she would be guilty and then do it again the next weekend. I really love her but i feel like ive lost myself and my self respect.

@rpmcmurphey927

Ай бұрын

It's time to go.

I’m on day 27 🎉 , I feel great, got my life back, I’m eating like a horse, I’m on 16 mil subutex , it’s great to be alive after 2 years flat out, I just had enough, I just had enough of drug life, I’m lucky to have my wife still❤, I just want people to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel ❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏

@PutTheShovelDown

2 ай бұрын

Congratulations Nick! That's wonderful 🤩

@shaniapearcey

2 ай бұрын

What drugs?

This is a question: I would love to hear advice for husbands/father's dealing with an alcohol addicted wife. How do you deal with the teenagers who recognize and almost give up with it all. How do you deal with it emotionally when you want to figure out the best way to help your spouse when it seems like you are the only one trying?

@liveandletlive9333

6 ай бұрын

Don't ask an alcoholic or addict how to do this. Ask the people who have been through it already. Go to Alanon.

@yankalu2000

5 ай бұрын

Tell the whole family to stop drinking cold turkey, don’t go to the places where alcohol is served, do not watch any movies, because if you notice, any movie is promoting alcohol consumption, there are lots of triggers for addicts just in the movies. And most importantly she needs to work on her trauma. Any addiction typically is a way to escape trauma, to numb it.

@liveandletlive9333

5 ай бұрын

@@yankalu2000 oh yeah that will work!!! Complete control over another's life is the answer. I get the feeling you haven't dealt with nor loved an alcoholic.

@yankalu2000

5 ай бұрын

@@liveandletlive9333 I have. I am not offering complete control. I am suggesting to create a non triggering environment. And for you and the whole family to try to quit drinking yourself what so ever. Then you will know what it feels like. And it should help.

@kimwells2695

5 ай бұрын

Realising that "wives and daughters" aren't in a separate category of addicts would be my first step if I were you.

Great content about addiction! I had to share this 🤔 🙏

@PutTheShovelDown

2 ай бұрын

Yes! Thank you!

...last time it was about that she always had a fetish for feeling fabric when clothes shopping and I was somehow a bad mom for not recognizing it. I thought we were having a reasonably good conversation and I told her it would be normal to feel fabric while clothes shopping and she hung up on me. I cannot call her back but can send her emails in prison. She has not responded to any of them and not called me for 2 months. I have only been writing positive things like how I want the best for her and love her. I know her dad is sending her lots of money and I am positive she is getting drugs in prison. My husband calls my ex her drug dealer. Should I just be patient or is there something else I can write to her to break the ice? Thank you.

??? My 40 yr old son suffers from ptsd self medicating. Says he wants to heal. Wants to start over. Finding work. May I help in starting over?

My sister is so self absorbed, she doesn’t care who it affects, it’s all about her issues.

I think the best thing for an addict to make mistakes. Most families of addicts don't know this. Codependence is a problem for addicts and their families.

@victorial8764

6 ай бұрын

Thank you for this. I think my partner is using again. This video and this comment helped. I’m slowly healing co-dependence

@dylanbjug

6 ай бұрын

​@@victorial8764I'm sorry to hear that. If there's something I've learned recently, it's to trust your intuition. You know when something isn't right. The longer you ignore red flags and try to explain things away to yourself, the more betrayed you will feel when you no longer have a choice but to confront the situation. I hope that makes sense. I'm not advocating for confrontation, etc. I'm just saying that if your intuition is telling you something isn't right, address it.

👋 bro died last April, lost job next month, not worked for year, about to go back to work, in between that been depressed! Drinking n smoking. Alone in house. 56 soon, female... lot of long stories.. I'm listening to learn!

🤚..so how do I keep connected to help him?

My husband is taking an opioid and edible marijuana. He said he doesn't take much but he is a different person. I am lost about how to help him or deciding if I may leave.

@learnphoto

6 ай бұрын

I've been trying to "help" my wife for over two decades. It has been a long, painful and fruitless journey. I'm codependent but only recently have understood what that means. I"m not trying to tell you what to do with your situation, but do hope you can find a way to take good care of yourself through this struggle.

Hey Amber. I joined last week, but for one reason or ten, I can't seem to navigate the channel. I found this video by chance as I was doing my Bible reading. I have meth head by proxy i believe😅. Been dealing with this "stuff" for more than half my life. It consumes me at times. I have so much on my phone. my fb and my pc I can't keep your channels all together. Can u help ?

@PutTheShovelDown

5 ай бұрын

Hi Dianne, Do you mean you subscribed to the KZread channel or do you mean you joined our private membership? This is the link to my KZread home page: There are playlists to help keep the videos organized: kzread.info/dron/T8PE1v0xFR9zLXOijxM6hg.html If it's the private membership link you're looking for, this is the link to the website: (once you're there you'll log in: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/

Question: Hi Amber, can you please answer why Steve who is addicted to Meth why he says I put him in jail, parole put him in jail, he’s 55 years old. Doesn’t take responsibility for anything. I just worry because he goes around lying to people about me. I was with him ten years and I heard for years until watch I’ll get clean. To this year he’s been on it so badly he says u knew I had a drug problem when we met. No I didn’t because he was in jail then and wrote letters to me and said he only dabbled in it. All the lies in his letters came out afterwards. What do u do with his victim mode? King baby garbage?

@jdlife9597

6 ай бұрын

You met him in jail and knew he "dabbled"?

@liveandletlive9333

6 ай бұрын

You throw out the garbage and recycle your tru self

I have heard versions of all of these denials. The anger attack is where we have spent the most time. I have most recently heard a combo of all three denials. Once in a while isn’t a big deal, as long as I don’t go overboard….. you knew this about me when I met. I have made so many changes, can’t you just be happy that I fixed these other issues? And the coup de grace, my substance doesn’t contribute at all to his mood swings and uncontrolled behavior. Honestly it’s exhausting.

I am wondering out loud if Vagus Nerve Therapy will start to have a place in addiction counseling. It seems like anxiety from this fight or flight mechanism that fails to go back to neutral, or homeostasis, may play a significant role in why people seek out mood altering drugs, definitely including alcohol. I listen to so many people talk about anxiety and not being able to fully relax without something to "take off the edge." Just what edge are they talking about?

@PutTheShovelDown

6 ай бұрын

This is a good question, John. I did a video on this a while back. Here's the link: kzread.info/dash/bejne/h4ts0c6rmrLRkcY.html. To answer your question about why people need something to "take the edge off". Many times, the "edge" is actually withdrawal. So they need to use/drink to stop the anxiety, restlessness, etc... being caused by withdrawal.

@JohnGlen502

6 ай бұрын

Thanks for the link it was a great interview. I think there is something important in this work for some of us that have never felt safe, had an unstable home life, parents who were always anxious, whatever might be the cause. If a person has never felt that deep calmness naturally, I think we seek it out externally without really understanding why because that anxious state of mind is all we've ever known. @@PutTheShovelDown

@boogiemcsploogie

6 ай бұрын

With alcohol, prolonged use results in a reduction of GABA in the brain. γ-Aminobutyric acid (gamma-aminobutyric acid) or GABA, is the chief inhibitory neurotransmitter for us, meaning it allows the brain and nervous system to relax. Low levels of this leave one in a semi-agitated state, with unfocused general anxiety. The drink will depress the nervous system, evening things out for a time, but the problem will return with the onset of sobriety. Takes (in my personal experience) between 5 days and several weeks being sober before those levels of GABA normalize.

OMG, Amber, when I heard you describe the puffer fish personality, later say sometimes you have to take your hands off the wheel and then reading echo 12345's comment, I realize the same overlap with my step daughter relationship but with no addiction. If I remove the "addicted" word it matches my situation perfectly. The strategies, psychologically, with a wounded person seem to be the same. The bad guy, victim mentality mindset is also identi al. Ir seems to boil down to them taking accountability and responsibility for their bad behavior. I am currently backing off, just hoping her and my husband can work on their issues (that were there before I came in the picture). Don't know if or when I can re- establish a she/I relationship, cuz I strongly get the vibe now she wants nothing to do with me.😢 I have thought maybe I am dealing with Narcissist but still trying to figure it out. From what I see there is a lot of entitlement, lack of remorse, no reciprocality. Leaves me in a verrrrry awkward position. The boundary mindset you mentioned at the end, saying you won't engage when they behave this way (even being mean and disrespectful to my husband via text) is my MO right now.

"being a victim". The problem with excuses is that they are usually true. Bad and good things happen at random, if we need to give up on something, we need to give up on the random occurrences that drove us to that position.

Love this

@PutTheShovelDown

Ай бұрын

Thanks 😀

Absolutely correct !