It’s a never ending cycle. The “not like other girls” fascination was a response to female stereotypes, and toxic femininity is a response to that, and soon there will be another quirky girl phase in response to this. It just keeps going and going and going.

@michaelsperson4856

Жыл бұрын

Next it'll be "I wear make-up and wear pink, I'm not like other girls?)

@ormishen

Жыл бұрын

If "not like other girls" is sort of equivalent to being one of the boys and then would mean that to a degree apopting male anesthetics or at least ideals and personality traits, it makes sense for some women to adopt the male toxic incel (alt-right) culture.

@Ash-vv5ei

Жыл бұрын

Yep. Every ten years, it seems, unfortunately.

@BC-np8cb

Жыл бұрын

Yup. But whatever phase, it's essential to be cute/hot/pretty or whatever. That remains constant.

@zoechavez9515

Жыл бұрын

Came here to say this but you put it much better than I could have. “Uniqueness” is very marketable, but when these trends become popular and overused, they are no longer “unique” and therefore they must be rebelled against by the newest wave of “not like other girls”. As women we all fall into this trap at some point because society tells us there is a “right” and a “wrong” way to be a woman, and IMO these trends subconsciously exploit that view. But of course there are infinite ways to be a woman and we shouldn’t feel the need to commodify and package ourselves into neat little boxes just to feel like we matter. It’s a tough mindset to break, especially when even the concept of “authenticity” can fall into this trap.

I love how all aesthetics can basically be simplified to the same white skinny girl fashionista model style, yet the name changes each time

@layadaya

Жыл бұрын

REAL

@zg5672

Жыл бұрын

@@miumiumiux zuul what a cool name I might have to steal that from u

@itsvinilol

Жыл бұрын

for real

@nouhoes7040

Жыл бұрын

ur pfp 😭

@m1sniper

Жыл бұрын

Girl you are so dumb why tf y’all listen to Mina and her fake wokeness🤦🏻‍♀️

To the girls watching this, listening to Lana, Mitski and other trendy or underrated artists and liking some sort of fashion aesthetic/core doesn't make you a femcel :) don't be ashamed of liking it

@raatkikhoobsurti

Жыл бұрын

Thank you! I find it annoying that people immediately assume that if I like Lana Del Ray, I'm a coquette whisper girl, and if I like Billie eilish then I'm depressed.

@golfwang8084

Жыл бұрын

REAL

@firstnamelastname9219

Жыл бұрын

@@raatkikhoobsurti Billie Eilish is a sexist child to be fair

@sylviehyle

Жыл бұрын

Thank you! Especially when you landed on their art AFTER your life had - for other reasons that are obviously not related to the internet era - a breakdown. To the ones who know the mess it is to deal with thraumas... sending love and joy to all the warriors out there that sleeped a bit well since they've crossed such artists. ♡ you're so strong, you survived 'till now. You are full of light inside of you

@extrzq

Жыл бұрын

thank you! i’m a huge lana fan but i am not super depressed,abused,or into older men. i just love her music and it is great escapism for me.

i feel like the "sad girl" aesthetic and all of its predecessors made me want to never get better. i felt terrible all the time and i was so afraid every time i started feeling better that i wouldn't be cool anymore

@mothwood7055

Жыл бұрын

this is exactly why i say these sad girl, fleabag era, femcel core things aren't sustainable. eventually you have to stop it and try to get better or die trying

@earthycancer

10 ай бұрын

how were you able to move past that fear? I'm in the same situation, I feel as if I'll lose my personality & quirk that makes me "cool"

@Charlie_Wolfe

10 ай бұрын

Omg do I relate to this

@NA-qt1sr

7 ай бұрын

I relate to this so much

@L0veIyLamb

5 ай бұрын

I relate to this so much. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety and anorexia for years and because everyone romanticizes it I don’t WANT to get better. I want to be sad and depressed. It sucks

The "clean girl" "it girl" "that girl" "female manipulator" "femcelcore" etc. It never ends so many boxes

@mariyamsaeed8279

Жыл бұрын

Oh my god yes. We can't exist as women, just women, anymore lol

@dtulip58

Жыл бұрын

@@mariyamsaeed8279 and now we can’t even be women without men claiming they r 2

@briar2603

Жыл бұрын

@@dtulip58 trans people exist, cry about it

@dia.96

Жыл бұрын

@@dtulip58 boo tomato tomato. You people are too comfortable posting bigotry in the internet. Trans women are always welcomed, terfs are not.

@soph3378

Жыл бұрын

@@mariyamsaeed8279 What does existing as women, just women, look like to you?

i hate when they use 'sylvia plath core' as if she wasn't a real lady who had real troubles that caused her to really unfortunately take her own life. as if she doesn't have real children who are probably traumatised from her death considering the context. i hate that they use her tragedy as their cute tortured girl aesthetic. it also perpetuates the 'tortured artist' norm where people who are struggling are encouraged to suffer in silence for the art rather than seek real help

@forrestc8466

Жыл бұрын

and she was incredibly racist but no one talks about it 🥰

@meganwatkins6798

Жыл бұрын

@@forrestc8466 i'm sorry, i didn't know that. the femcel trend feels very exclusive towards the 'pretty' type of mentally ill and the very specific type of person in general which is perpetuated by the types of people they idolise - white, middle/upper class, skinny, cis etc. i suppose we haven't escaped or evolved from the 2014 sad girl tumblr after all

@chalaedit

Жыл бұрын

@@forrestc8466 right …

@gabrielleporter553

Жыл бұрын

@@forrestc8466 i remember reading the bell jar earlier this year and there’s scenes where black workers are described by her and it’s so obvious that Plath is racist- that’s how you can tell these people probably don’t even crack open the books they post in their aesthetic spreads since no ones talks about that aspect of the novel

@adeleaslan8182

Жыл бұрын

@@forrestc8466 I loved her book but her look on POC was questionable at best. For her time I guess it wasn’t too bad but looking at it with a better eye really ruins her work for me

As someone with (professionally diagnosed) bipolar and someone who has struggled with eds, I can say that this ‘trend’ or ‘aesthetic’ is so harmful. The people who willingly romanticise life-ruining stuff (such as drugs, abuse, mental illness, eds, etc) are so far from understanding what it’s actually like

@virginiaWT4237

8 ай бұрын

And as a young person your wold is so tied into it that when you start to heal and get better it’s like you don’t even know who you are anymore or where you fit in when your world and those around you are just so into the drinking the drugs the aesthetic of suicidal ideation and the aesthetic of depression and suffering ….

@Phoenix888Taylor-yr3jc

7 ай бұрын

As someone who is " 'professionally' diagnosed bipolar", I can say that this trend and washing by mainstream medicine and mass diagnosing for bandwidth effect. That. Is harmful.

@evanwiechert3168

3 ай бұрын

I have struggled with PTSD and chronic drug abuse since my late teens, so preach. Fucking preach

@hannahstriker

2 ай бұрын

But "Femcels" are not glorifying or romanticizing substance abuse. Now, obviously it is such a toxic and deeply damaging trend, but I have never once personally encountered glorification of substance abuse in said communities.

@redwoodrebelgirl3010

4 күн бұрын

Truth.

My 3 year old daughter once spent an entire day asking me, "What kind of girl am I?" I gave her every answer I could think of; a good girl, a smart girl, a girl I love, a funny girl... After each one she'd get angrier, stomp her foot and ask again, "No! What kind of girl am I?!" After a frustrating day of this, her dad came home from work. I told him how our daughter was driving me crazy and I didn't know what to tell her. Then she ran up to him and asked the inevitable, "What kind of girl am I?!" "You're a Norwegian girl!" He happily replied. She smiled from ear to ear and was finally satisfied. 😳 What had just happened. Her dad explained that he'd talked to her about ancestors and told her where hers came from. She really liked identifying with being Norwegian (we're from the US). I had to laugh...and wish I'd known that hours earlier! I think we all like that feeling of knowing what kind of girl/person we are. I guess it can also be frustrating when others don't see us as we want them to.

@ashengrotto

9 ай бұрын

this was really insightful, in a silly and simple sort of way that only kids can provide! thanks for sharing, how cute :)

@norahamre4179

9 ай бұрын

I'm norwegian too!! :)

@dogdonut3

9 ай бұрын

@@norahamre4179 :-)

@dogdonut3

6 ай бұрын

@@lapelusa993 😆Her father's family is from Norway.

@justbreathe_

26 күн бұрын

That’s very cute and the answers you gave were great

Also let's remember how all the aesthetics and movements are okay and cool if you are a physically attractive girl and it becomes "sick"and "disgusting"when you are not.

@ghostgirl1940

Жыл бұрын

exactly!! its like this aesthetic and every other is only acceptable if youre a pretty skinny white girl. this is why i could never truly relate to it, it feels like a club youre cant be part of

@theunitydev5418

Жыл бұрын

Im gonna tell you a secret we think they are better people and treat them nicer Dunno exactly the reason behind it but it is something we do without realizing it and not a conscious choice

@jeans8593

Жыл бұрын

@@ghostgirl1940 fully agreed! it's as if key parts of some aesthetics revolve around the body you have and physical attributes about yourself that you can't change in under 5 minutes (for example, your waist size, your height, your body shape/the structure of your body, some of your facial features), which then feels as though in order to appreciate an aesthetic or surround yourself in it, if you don't already look a certain chosen way, you can't do it.

@ghostgirl1940

Жыл бұрын

@@jeans8593 yesss exactly and it’s so frustrating because you never feel pretty enough for it

@mariahsisneros7572

Жыл бұрын

True and that's one of the reasons I hate these dumbass aesthetics trends!!

Can nothing be painful in a woman's tragedy? Does self-harm have to come with pretty filters? Why does the water we drown in have to be filled with lilies like a fancy bath and not just be the water someone drowned in? Why does everything about a girl have to be soft and lovely? I’m surprised they haven’t tired to turn our blood pink to look prettier when it spills

@user-lp7fc4iq3u

Жыл бұрын

underrated comment

@yutisima

Жыл бұрын

what a comment. whay a fucking comment. I'll be forever mad i didn't wrote this comment

@user-lp7fc4iq3u

Жыл бұрын

@@yutisima u said it better than I could

@hannahm5513

Жыл бұрын

so true

@adeleaslan8182

Жыл бұрын

@@yutisima that’s so sweet thank you

I believe this kind of trends are just making it harder for teenagers and people in general to find their true self and personality

Girl I’m 25 years old and was in the height of the tumblr era and all these new tiktok titles and eras give me brain damage for real, I’m ready to leave internet culture

@racheltyler4155

Жыл бұрын

Same 😂 I’m 27 and used tumblr all through HS in 2010-2014 and even into college a bit and the brain damage seeing all this is REAL 😂😂😂 get me outta here I’m too old for this to happen again I stg 😂

@vickyshinoa1270

5 ай бұрын

I’m 25 as well and I just figured this whole thing out, it’s crazy!

@marvin2678

3 ай бұрын

Why ? It wasnt better in the past

@breannasanchez5362

Күн бұрын

Same I was 16 in 2014 and it’s crazy how younger girls are feeling nostalgic about that era lol

The fact that the emotions of women either get demonized or turned into an "aesthetic" is a great example of the misogyny in our culture. Just let women feel what they feel. It doesn't have to be labelled as "evil" or "beautiful".

@riverAmazonNZ

Жыл бұрын

yeah, it’s a reflection of the way women are not seen as whole people with complex emotions

@Chloeatrandom

Жыл бұрын

exactly

@erenkasa7882

Жыл бұрын

Women are the one doing it to their selves , stop blaming other people , hold yourselves accountable for things .

@Lenci_the_Nugget

Жыл бұрын

@@erenkasa7882 Misogyny can be internalized.

@Silver-Sunshine

Жыл бұрын

@@Lenci_the_Nugget These days, l don't think a man would DARE to criticize women as he would just get canceled. It's women who hate on women the most. But to call it 'internalized misogyny' is highly simplistic and, quite frankly, a cop out. It is time to stop blaming men for your shortcomings. Sometimes women just hate other women the way men hate other men and it's got nothing to do with the big, bad wolf, also known as 'the patriarchy'. Instead, it's human nature; people want other people to fail so they can feel good about themselves. Women are no different.

On the internet, all these “sad girls” are also pretty girls. Beautiful girls. It made me feel like my sadness and mental health issues weren’t valid because I was average and awkward-looking as a teen. Only the pretty girls could have problems. Pretty white girls.

@brendameyzen6379

Жыл бұрын

Same. I still feel this way and I hate it

@mariadeiana5703

Жыл бұрын

People should give way less importance to beauty. Calling everyone beautiful in fear they'll think of themselves as ugly is so incredibly useless. People should be ok with being ugly. It shouldn't be a deal breaker.

@carlapplegate3553

Жыл бұрын

That's crazy to me that anyone would think that. In my opinion I always saw the pretty girls complaining as just a bunch of overdramatic liars who aren't really depressed, and know they can also use that for attention in addition to their looks. Because everyone gives a shit when it's a pretty girl who is sad, especially the guys. Are you sure you are not confusing it with this feeling? I am surprised someone can feel their feelings aren't valid to THEMSELVES because they feel they are not "pretty". I can understand thinking only OTHERS care about your sadness when you are pretty. You cannot let these people on the internet shape your reality, it's just sad that you would invalidate your own feelings. You matter, put yourself first, who cares about these other people, create your own reality outside of this internet you will be much happier.

@eduardochavacano

Жыл бұрын

in poor countries, lots of girls claim to be Depress because that means they own a laptop and has internet connection. It also means they may have been getting therapy which is more expensive the college education of girls from poor families.

@vengeful_souls6809

Жыл бұрын

THIS COMMENT IS EVERYTHING LIKE 😭😭

It is so hard to just exist as a woman.

@wrathengel82

10 ай бұрын

fr it's an full time torture to just exist as a woman

@Wuehewnqnejejwebdbd

10 ай бұрын

All I'm gonna say is that grass isn't always greener on the other side.........

@marvin2678

9 ай бұрын

cry me a river...

@SenorPenor1337

9 ай бұрын

Gotta be satire

@velocitor3792

9 ай бұрын

Life is hard for everyone. If you want to be a powerful girlboss, then deal with it.

I think the fleabag series is a masterpiece in many ways (even if it made me wanna smoke too often).It shows why being bitter and cynical might seem like a legitimate response to many social issues but in the end, it also shows us that we can choose not to be cynical. The series is doing a great job deconstructing the fleabag image. Once I realized that everything you see is very much her non-objective perception of things, I watched the whole thing in a completely new way.

@arianea.3830

Жыл бұрын

can you expand on the non-objective perception mentioned? i just finished the series and would like to see what i am missing so i can better understand the perspective in this show

@outlandishmuch

Жыл бұрын

I think the og comment was saying that having a cynical viewpoint/perspective is not an objective viewpoint to have. Like being objective is inherently neutral so you can't have a positive or negative outlook on life either way. I haven't seen the show, but I think that's what the commenter meant!

@zee-zm1io

Жыл бұрын

Woo this comment was helpful. Fleabag drove me to drink!

@BrendanCescon

4 ай бұрын

Just commenting to upvote anything Fleabag related

it’s interesting seeing singers/artists dragged into it. i watched one of mitski’s recent interviews where she basically just reacted to memes about her since she isn’t on social media and one meme was about someone entering her ‘sad girl/depressed’ era bc mitski’s new album was coming out, to which mitski basically said ‘hey guys, let’s ditch this whole sad girl thing, it’s not good for our mental health’ - which i think is really interesting. her music is inherently sad, like heartbreakingly so. and while it’s okay to lean into that sadness when you need to, it shouldn’t become people’s whole personalities. mitski’s goal was never to create a cult of sad girls and unfortunately that’s sort of what happened.

@sunmi2539

Жыл бұрын

Yeah lol

@Kaastengels

Жыл бұрын

Also the response to that was "hey guys mitski told us to stop being depressed" which totally misread her entire message

@RozWBrazel

Жыл бұрын

@@Kaastengels if they misread her albums as cue to become sad girl aesthetic, odds are they’d misinterpret literally anything else she said or did the worst way, too.

@journey7701

Жыл бұрын

@@RozWBrazel I feel like even just labeling mitski as “sad girl music” undersells the complexity of her music and her talent as an artist. If after listening to her music “sad” is the only adjective you can think of, you don’t get mitski lol

@supersucks

Жыл бұрын

It makes me feel sad for Mitski too. She uses her music as an art form and a way for her to express her feelings yet people exaggerate it, sometimes glamorizes it, and making it their whole personality. I get loving your artists, but not to the extent that it makes them feel more alienated by their own audience. This generation, MY generation, have this way of romanticism. May it be nostalgia, sadness, or cynicism. My generation gets a topic they like and runs with it, ironically or not. They relish and revel in being so extreme. To the point that it actually becomes disturbing.

Tbh my biggest problem with the term “femcel” is that it’s grouping interests that tend to be female dominated with ACTUAL male incels, one of the most notoriously misogynistic groups on the internet, only beaten by the alpha male-Andrew Tate types. It’s really weird to group an AESTHETIC to people who actively harm women :/

@saajalon

Жыл бұрын

^^ this!

@teas.9566

Жыл бұрын

to be fair some femcels actively harm men, have you seen the subreddit female dating advice?

@SQUELCH-zj7il

Жыл бұрын

Yeah this vid was a very uncommon L

@LaneMaxfield

Жыл бұрын

I like this... I also think sometimes the infantilization of women leads us to take harm done by women less seriously. Like, the majority of male incels are not going to shoot up a building either, they're just going to be emotionally abusive and justify their emotional abuse with the aesthetics of the community. And so many femcels do stigmatize mental health recover, encourage eating disorders, emotionally manipulate and backstab other women, etc. I don't know how to separate the difference in harm from our tendency to see women as being less harmful, and the inherent sexism of that perspective.

@hannahiseithertiredorwired6265

Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately there are some fringe-case femcels who are at the level or worse then incels (and I'm talking actual crimes and s*xual v*olence against both men and women that some of these *lovely* ladies have done), granted I'm sure there is very little overlap between these femcels and people who partake in 'femcel-core' but still certain mindsets are probably shared to a certain extent. (I know of a couple of cases, one more heinous than the other [that one had a laundry list of trigger warnings] but they both ruin your day lol)

My conclusion: fuck aesthetics or “types” or caricatures. And just doing the opposite of what you feel you’re “supposed” to do isn’t true rebellion, it’s reactionary not a revolution, I like what I like regardless of what symbols exist or expectations. Life is complicated and you’ll never find the answers in a neat definition or passing fad.

@gudinesangelicau

Жыл бұрын

up because aesthetic does bot define you, you define aesthetic-

@Sarah-re7cg

Жыл бұрын

Great comment 👏🏻 👏🏻 i need a sign with a quote capsuling the sentiment of reactionary vs revolutionary

@feena9241

Жыл бұрын

Realizing this is growing up, and that's the true answere here: the reason why all these discussions happen almost exclusively among young people is that teens and young people are at a stage of self discovery in their life and trying to figure out where they fit in but as you get older a lot of this just doesn't matter anymore and you typically get less insecure. That's why a lot of people (including myself) were passionatly identifying with a specific group like emo or any other scene as teens and "grow out of it" because you don't feel the need to attach that specific label to yourself anymore even if you still like the style. But with social media and shit like Tik Tok it seem to get a litte out of hand.

@gudinesangelicau

Жыл бұрын

@@feena9241 yes👏👏👏 and it doesnt help that even I at one point really felt that attacking or not liking my niche automatically means you hate me-😅 when interests does not define you but you define ur interests-

@thefruitman3200

Жыл бұрын

Amen

I think it’s so complicated because on the one hand, women’s mental illnesses and suffering has been romanticized, sexualized, objectified, and aestheticized to hell and back by men since the beginning of time. But I also think that when women find a sense of inspiration in their suffering and choose for themselves to put it into art like lana del ray for example, it’s feels like a reclaiming of that pain. I say let women have their rage, let them have their suffering, let them decide how they want to portray it in their art, express it in their writing. Women have constantly had their narrative written for them by men, so when a woman decides to take control of it, it should be allowed to exist in any form. Even if it’s sad or romanticized or realistic or beautiful or ugly. Which I know is a hot take, but I feel like a woman’s perspective in the world of art and media is something we need more of regardless, simply because it’s been saturated by the male gaze for so long. There’s something ironic and empowering in Lana del ray-esque feminine art. To me it reads as a woman who is aware of the way her image and pain and art will be sexualized by men. She knows exactly how it will all happen, how it will all play out, the effect it will have. It’s meta and it’s a feminine perspective and in my opinion it has value because of that

@MS-ij8ud

Жыл бұрын

While I do agree with all of your points and I definitely learn more towards that perspective… I will point out… women have been criticized and called “hysterical” ( a word literally invented to degrade women) over NOTHING since the beginning of time. A woman is slightly angry? she’s a crazy b!tch. A woman cries? she’s overly emotional and irrational. I think the emotions of women have been blown out of proportion by men in an attempt to discredit them and infantilize them for SO long. Sure on the one hand, you can say that women are reclaiming that by calling themselves “toxic” or whatever, but on the other hand I also think it is more productive to acknowledge that there is nothing “crazy” about feeling depressed, feeling hurt, feeling whatever. I also think it is a dangerous path, as mentioned in the video, because it quickly glamorizes mental illness when we should be normalizing treatment, improvement and putting our energy towards loving ourself and other women. EDIT: I also do not like the idea that everything a woman does has to be “aesthetic” or “beautiful” which is exactly what these aesthetics attempt to push, it is the heart of them- desirability and image. Mental illness is not beautiful, I think we should allow women to be fully human and the only way to do that is to admit that there are many things that are ugly.

@captainpiggz6391

Жыл бұрын

Imagine having your entire life define by your hatred of men. Fucking relax

@ilikevines

Жыл бұрын

How do men romanticise female mental illness? I do not want women to suffer mental illness.

@attorney_rosa

Жыл бұрын

Um...no?

@miimamwez

Жыл бұрын

@@ilikevines I guess because of the stereotype that men like the crazy, exciting, thrilling women archetype (not all men though). That is normal hints to real mental disorders.

I hate how mitski has become included in this..... mitski sings about her experiences as a woman of color living in white western america, tackling mental illness and misogny. like AAAARRGHHHH screams

@hnifekubra

Жыл бұрын

I know right! Her songs are amazing, especially the meaning of her song-lyrics, it's dissapointing that shes included in this type of stuff

@geebee9860

Жыл бұрын

exactly!! she herself said in an interview not to group her as an artist under the "sad girl" category

@smallestcomfort

Жыл бұрын

idk if this is a mean thing to say but I think mitski's fans have little boundaries and are over the top with forcing the whole "sad girl" thing, a while ago she said in an interview that the audience started grabbing her clothes and stuff like that which is super disrespectful, and also the comments sections of her videos or social media used to be more chill and now (last time I checked) it was full of weird comments like "sad bitch" or calling her mom. Idk it makes me uncomfortable, I listen to her music but no longer engage with the fans

@Kuxt0r

Жыл бұрын

mitski was colonized by a bunch of white girls on tiktok

@medha4961

Жыл бұрын

FRR

I never understood how Marina was sadgirl. I thought she was just like, theatrical, cool and kind of empowering.

@wargodest

Жыл бұрын

Agreed

@simsloverchick9270

Жыл бұрын

Her song, teen idle, was definitely very angsty and sad girl. Still love her though

@layadaya

Жыл бұрын

it was. Even today most people don’t know that Electra Heart was just a character

@joce3347

Жыл бұрын

Yeah if you listen to her other stuff it’s very different.

@sallynewman7320

Жыл бұрын

Most of her songs are about being mentally ill, lonely, dangerous and/or manipulative. Heartbreaker, primadonna, Lonely Hearts Club, homewrecker, power and control -manipulative, (and one mentions an ED) Teen Idol -mentally Ill , lonely lies, obsessions -lonely starring role - lonely, manipulative hermit the frog - mentally ill, dangerous numb -lonely guilty -dangerous, lonely rootless -lonely

for me, i love lana, marina, taylor, mitski, coquette, pinterest, stuff like that. i’ve always been disgusted by toxic whisper girls who bring a bad name to coquette. it’s too bad how such a beautiful style is seen so horribly

@0tocci029

5 ай бұрын

Right? I like all those things and so much more but it’s awful when the wrong people give something a wrong view to others. People really just need to discover the good side of things but also take the bad into account. Distinguish the both if they can

Men are called incels for harassing women while women are called incels for liking Lana Del Ray...

@thisguyrocks6131

3 ай бұрын

Sure but Men are also called incels for liking Weezer and The smiths

@darris1939

3 ай бұрын

Women are called femcels for being misandrist. Never saw a woman that was called a femcel in a non joking way for liking Lana del Rey… stop making excuses like these

@caciliawilhelm245

3 ай бұрын

real

@kaesalovestmnt

3 ай бұрын

@@thisguyrocks6131 no not really

@darris1939

3 ай бұрын

@@kaesalovestmnt yes really lol. also, women usually aren't called incels for liking lana del rey, they're called incels for hating men...

"Being sad was considered cool and so a lot of teenage girls who probably weren't actually battling with serious mental illnesses kind of induced traits of those mental illnesses within themselves as an attempt to fit in." Well worded. 👏 Having clinical depression and anxiety is NOT easy to live with nor should it be glamorised in any way.

@tiff921

Жыл бұрын

It really shouldn't be glamorized but talked about enough that those are suffering from mental illness have more accessible help. As an adult I'm more upset that doctors just throw birth control and anti depressants at young girls before trying to figure out what else is wrong. I think there's a lot of issues that go into this sad girl movement.

@GottEddy

Жыл бұрын

@@tiff921 The system is designed to keep you down. They profit from ignorance and illness in form of money and control. Healthy and in form ed people don't consume trash and are not easy to be controlled. The nightmare of the tyrannical abuser.

@makeawishtheresastar5

Жыл бұрын

Exactly, having mental illness is really hard I sometimes can't think of anything other than doing basic human activities

@golfwang8084

Жыл бұрын

What’s really interesting is that I was a kid around that whole tumble sad girl era. However I wanted to be anything but mentally ill, and actually masked my mental issues until I reached a breaking point sophomore year of high school. I was triple diagnosed with ocd, adhd and panic disorder after a 4 hour long psychiatric evaluation. I was absolutely devastated and embarrassed. Two years later, I’ve started college and come to terms with myself and my issues. I’m no longer ashamed of it but still hesitant to tell people irl. It’s crazy to see people using mental health as a trend, and “cool”. From the perspective of someone who actually has to take meds for this stuff, it’s crazy to me that anyone would WANT this.

@pootube2024

Жыл бұрын

@@golfwang8084 I bet they wouldn't want schizophrenia,split personality, dementia or bipolar.🙄

Aesthetics are empty, they do not define you, they only put you in a frame, limit you even. Be who you are, wear what you want, drink and eat what you like, life isn't a movie and that's not a bad thing!

@dontevenstart

Жыл бұрын

Exactly!! Why don’t more ppl realise this 🙄🙄

@piroshk1968

Жыл бұрын

100% !!!!

@_eIIa_

Жыл бұрын

@oh wow whats that got to do with placing yourself within an aesthetic...

@etherevine

Жыл бұрын

nah aesthetics definitely limit you

@WHOTHAFUCK

Жыл бұрын

The "life isn't a movie" hits so hard into millennials (and gen z). I swear to god, if there is one thing i hate about my own generation the most, its the media-induced narcissism where everyone sees themselves as some kind of "main role" in the movie that is their life. Its so cringy and yet many many people have these patterns of viewing themselves and their life. The good thing: most people get humbled by life, aging and an imperfect reality that crushes their grandiose selfcenteredness over time.

Skins glamourised depression so much that I think it may have caused my clinical depression to emerge.

@KausarAli-em4jn

Жыл бұрын

Oh I can’t describe how badly I wanted to be effy started dressing like her to the whole makeup look and everything😭😭

@annajamal781

Жыл бұрын

samee i really regret watching it in like year 7

@rosegardenmadisonsquare

Жыл бұрын

yes. I watched it WAY too young and the way it romanticized mental illness was so harmful to my (and so many others’) tween years

@Pinkfairywife

Жыл бұрын

Definitely made mine worse I watched it everyday for months especially the Cassie confused episodes

@dontevenstart

Жыл бұрын

yeah the sex in it was so overdone too when they’re just like high schoolers??

I’m so tired of women having to label ourselves under different types and boxes.

@Samanthaforestttt

9 ай бұрын

Literally. Like do we have to label every ‘style’ and people on tiktok just go around saying things like “the difference between this and that is not that difficult” and then it will be the exact sam thing 😭

@cindyneetocheeto3954

2 ай бұрын

We don’t have to! 💪🏻

“Are you still mourning the loss of tumblr?” Tumblr off screen: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE IM DEAD

@justintime3656

Жыл бұрын

Somtimes I still hear it

@shortinsomniac76

Жыл бұрын

Tumblr is mostly: DONT LET THEM FIND OUT WE ARE ALIVE

@Visplight

Жыл бұрын

@@shortinsomniac76 IKR? The only people "mourning the loss of tumblr" are the porn blogs that can no longer advertise their OnlyFans. Everyone else is damn happy in their cozy little sewer.

@IndiePoppedhearts

Жыл бұрын

@@Visplight not a porn blog and still mourning the loss of pure expression, which while contains nsfw imagery is not pornographic.

@shortinsomniac76

Жыл бұрын

@@Visplight i disagree with the corn ban but im glad it made some of the worst people move to tweeter

it's so funny to me that people think this is anything new, or even to call it back to 2014. one of my best friends in high school was just like this on xanga, that was 2007. this has been around for a long time. it's the glamorization of vanity to the point of personal detriment. like suffering is beautiful.

@___3988

Жыл бұрын

totally agree with this. I was a teenager in the 1990s and I was pretty self-destructive. I still have all my journals and collages that I used to make with polaroid pictures of my scars and suicide notes. Look at the Bell Jar, that was published in the 1960s. Humans have always been fascinated by their own suffering. and we've always glamorized suffering, ie the starving artist trope - literally making poverty glamorous.

@REChronic54

Жыл бұрын

The “suffering is beautiful” mentality has been around for _ages_ . Its just the question of how it evolves.

@Happytravellerkimmy

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, the 90s really glamorized self destruction. I thought being dark and saying morbid things made me interesting but it was just to mask my deep insecurity and feelings of inadequacy.

@courtneyrose8562

Жыл бұрын

i haven’t had the term “xanga” pass through my brain in over a decade, i think i just had a mini stroke

@rahbeeuh

Жыл бұрын

Ahh I remember the Xanga days. Wild times lol

Everytime I deep dive into topics like this I am reaffirmed in my belief that social media is not worth the trouble

Mina Le is undeniably great at constructive criticism of every single topic she covers. She’s well-spoken, well-read, and she isn’t the type to miss out on necessary details. Whatever she has in store, it’ll always surprise us, no matter where we may be or what else we could be doing as of this very moment.

@youknow7856

Жыл бұрын

No offense but this video was terribly researched

@Cryscastles

Жыл бұрын

@@youknow7856 Would you mind explaining why you think so?

@abrielle13

Жыл бұрын

@@youknow7856 If you're going to make a statement like that, at least be able to back it up 🙄

@Zihree

Жыл бұрын

if only she didn't get mad over aesthetics

@Key_kiwi

Жыл бұрын

@@Zihree we’ll have you seen the toxicity that comes with it ….

God, I am beginning to hate "-core" and "aesthetic" with a burning passion. The need to define and summarize your being with a 3-4 brands/bands/concepts (obviously, without ever diving in too deep into any of the micro-labels you choose to stick on your chest). The smallest possible box to fit your personality in. No one is truly that empty.

@twoicecreams.

Жыл бұрын

this has always been an issue though. "emos", "goths", "nerds", "preps", "stoners". it's the same thing but packaged for this generation.

@BC-np8cb

Жыл бұрын

Agree. I feel like it is also very rooted in capitalism too, in defining who you are by what you purchase, brand loyalty, certain products or visuals meant to represent way too much about a person's social position, character, etc.

@thatgirlstephanie6023

Жыл бұрын

Well, for me, we shouldn't really hate on something because it's related to a problem. I like "-cores" and "aesthetics" cuz they're interesting to see and look at. But the problem are that these girls use these to create a sort of persona in it, because they see themselves as a character stereotype rather than a human being. However, that doesn't mean it, "-cores" and "aesthetics", is inherently bad at all. Do not hate the tool, hate the user.

@h.b2774

Жыл бұрын

I've always thought those suffixes as redundant. A lot of the styles have been mashed together with OG movements---which isn't a problem because thats what fashion is---but the styles have become so watered down and lacking in character. It's sad. I hope more people realise they don't have to stick to an aesthetic

@tcrijwanachoudhury

Жыл бұрын

@@BC-np8cb this!!! Its all just consumerism and like sheep people just eat it up.

for all the impressionable teen girls like myself, don’t stop yourself from getting better ! it won’t make you less funny or less attractive 😕 healthy people are fun people to be around !

I hate how mental illness is so romanticized and easily joked about. It shouldn't be uncool to want to be happy and find help. Also society should stop treating bodies like fast fashion like wtf. Greatvideo essay thank you

This is peak « chronically online », all of this is so disconnected from reality and so romanticized but unfortunately has a real effect on mental health. And I just try to picture myself trying to explain all of that to my parents… and that just makes me want to put my phone down and go for a walk honestly.

@izzy3018

Жыл бұрын

lmaoo this comment

@astridkickass9977

Жыл бұрын

so real

@Chloe-lf2bv

Жыл бұрын

Truest comment in the thread like wtf people actually care about this in real life? Isn't all this just for some online fun?

@cinnamoroll_kinnie

Жыл бұрын

You're actually privileged if you can just go on a walk 😠/jkjkjk

@lotte1521

Жыл бұрын

@@cinnamoroll_kinnie what??

this video felt incredibly personal to me. what pisses me off about this whole movement is the lack of nuance people seem to put on it. i’m 21, i live with my parents, i’m unemployed, my country is a moral and economical fiasco, i can’t get a job and the pandemic made me so paranoid it’s terrifying and draining to go outside. i’m angry, i’m bitter, and the fact that going to therapy and being on meds is such a complicated journey makes me even more angry, why wouldn’t it? the sense of loss fleabag expresses, the protagonist of “my year of rest and relaxation” being a satire of the aspects of the beauty standards that bullied me when i was a kid, the rage fiona apple puts into her lyrics… these things personally bring me a lot of comfort. i’m at a point of my mental health journey where i’m actively looking for help to get my life together and seeing women *not* having their shit together feels really nice, but being labeled as “toxic” and “manipulative” because of it really fucking hurts. why am i toxic for relating to angry women? look at the state of the world, of course we’re angry!!

@alice45-fgd-456drt

Жыл бұрын

Couldn't have said it better myself, this was exactly what was going through my mind too. I don't think you're the only one who finds comfort in these things while ALSO trying to find help and make a better life for yourself, posting sad memes on tumblr or whatever doesn't actually mean people aren't trying to get help, but getting help takes a whole lot of time and effort, and in the meantime we're left on our own. I don't think there's anything wrong with finding a way to cope until you find a way to have a happier life. If anything, that's the opposite of toxic.

@lilartsy8369

Жыл бұрын

Girl I totally feel u 💜💜

@helenaap2042

Жыл бұрын

I relate to you a lot

@tiger-lily3014

Жыл бұрын

THANK YOU. People need to stop calling girls toxic for being angry. We have every god damn right to be angry. We have VALID reason to not give a fuck anymore.

@ShadowJinxXOX

Жыл бұрын

I agree and I think this is where the confusion lies within this video and articles about “femcels.” We are conflating too many definitions and ideologies together and thinking they are one. This Lana Del Rey, Coquette, Sad Girl Era is a subculture: A place to enjoy the music, the clothing, and aesthetic pieces through the means of capitalism. The problem with this is the consumeristic aspect of it and the possible gatekeeping which can come from it. There can also be toxic people within the subculture which use it as an excuse to not heal from their traumas, but to become an abuser themself, and glamorize mental health issues. But what makes someone a true femcel is having a nihilistic and/or derogatory point of view on men. It’s the “nice girls,” who manipulate for the guy’s approval, attention, and resources. The “man-hating feminists,” who acts hypocritically to make sure that women are on top. The “pick me,” who strives only for the male gaze or the attention of men while putting down other women and their expression of femininity. These 3 caricature types of femcels can be a part of any type of aesthetic, core, or subculture. Not just the “Sad Girl subculture” - which should be a safeplace for people to cope with their pain and struggles, and know that they are not alone; but have support systems all around them to validate their experience and hopefully encourage them to get help as well.

I almost cried when Melanie was put between them. Some of us just had a rough upbringing 😭😭😭

@lauraigla6319

Жыл бұрын

Same! I was like... some of us have a favorite Lisbon girl because some of us grew up with a lot of sisters who were also suicidal 😅

@user-lm9gf2wh6t

Жыл бұрын

Same here growing up in a ab*sive family with domestic v**lence and getting bullied and ostricized through most part of my school life (expect 2 years) really did messed up with my brain and nervous system but I do want to get better. It's just I don't know the way and I can't afford therapy. Now things are seemingly normal with my family for few years and I'm not in school anymore it's kind of feels weird to act like nothing wrong everything is normal but I feel embarrassed to be who I am after all of that 'cuz I don't want to be toxic. I swear I try my best but sometimes my true traumatised self slip of a little bit it always come of as "not like other girls" or "pick me" I try soo hard not to that's why I talk less, I always try to filter my thoughts which is kinda draining. I'm just soo scared at this point to even make friends or talk to people 'cuz now everything is seemingly normal in my life so there no valid reason for how I feel so it always come of as act of attention seeking.

@megorly792

Жыл бұрын

@@user-lm9gf2wh6t there will always be a valid reason with abuse. Abuse follows it's victims on for seemingly forever. Just because you're not being abused doesn't mean you weren't abused. The aftermath of abuse never really leaves, we just need to find a way around it. It's okay, you're valid

@nave_3030

8 ай бұрын

Exactly and some of us just like the incredibly catchy songs of Melanie and Marina 😭😭

I'm too poor to have an aesthetic.

@y2ksurvivor

Жыл бұрын

omg that's so like, thrift store anesthetic tho like fr Kidding haha. It seems anything can be turned into an "aesthetic" because it's all so shallow to begin with.

@vivwest

9 ай бұрын

real

@damnitwho

7 ай бұрын

sjdkdhfkfjf same 🥲💀

@offline3700

4 ай бұрын

real

@whatthefvksk

Ай бұрын

literally

I think a lot of this “aesthetic culture” can be linked to insecurity and identity crisis. The need to feel special, unique, or wanted. When I was in middle school and at the height of my insecurities I felt the need to categorize myself and put all of these different labels on myself. Tik tok didn’t exist when I was in middle school (thank God) but tumblr and twitter did. I was the ugly, awkward, shy girl and felt like I didn’t fit in. I felt like no one liked me and the only close friend I had at the time bullied me. I wanted to feel special and unique so I turned to aesthetics and music. If I couldn’t be the popular pretty girl then I would be the soft sad girl. I felt like I needed to categorize myself, because just being myself wasn’t good enough. Since then I have matured a bit but when I see all this aesthetic stuff online it makes me wonder how many of these girls feel the same way that I did. I’m not saying aesthetics are bad I just think that we shouldn’t be using them to cope with insecurity and identity issues.

@natn.5022

Жыл бұрын

The way I relate to this so much…I definitely think that these aesthetics can be linked to a need for belonging or acceptance, as well as a need to feel special and unique. And a lot of these feelings are created because of the desire to be “set apart from other girls” or the dreaded “not like other girls” phenomenon, which all links back to misogynistic societal views and ideals. You hit the nail on the head!

@ritaevergreen7234

Жыл бұрын

I feel this. In my early twenties when social media started using more marketing and lifestyle content it made me obsessed with imagining my made up world through these different aesthetics presented. A lot of it looking back was únrealisitc and just escapism and emotional avoidance of everything I was avoiding which was the acceptance of my journey with identity during the time. I still enjoy the little things but it’s not the center of my focus as it was before.

@Oqhixiism

Жыл бұрын

I was the same way!! I feel like I was an outcast and decided to look into aesthetics and maybe people will like me more and I would feel better about myself. I didn't feel better at all... I got called a try hard, which made me even worse than before. Eventually I stopped worrying about aesthetics and now I feel better.

@ninafigueiredo2450

Жыл бұрын

so true

@spokenme08

Жыл бұрын

Myspace launched when I was in 8th grade, and while I never used it, I had friends who went hard into the scene queen and related subcultures.One of the key differences I think talking to (pre) teen relatives is being a prep or emo or scene queen was a way to categorize yourself but they usually had IRL communities with them. I've had young cousins tell me that there is an overwhelming amount of options and that it is tiring to sort through. Sites like KZread,Twitter and Tumblr started when I was in high school but weren't super popular yet. My sister had a similar experience to you.

As a black woman at 30 I'm just interested in being me not trying to fit an aesthetic. Everyone is so fixated on a aesthetic and all these cores,I literally just wear and listen to what I want. It's upsetting women feel the pressure to label themselves and put there value in their looks. Wish we all could just empower each other to just embrace ourselves as we are.

@casy6203

Жыл бұрын

I feel the same way but I do think it's because we're now adult women and our emotions aren't so raw. It's hard being young and I definitely don't miss it.

@lavacaqueri5454

Жыл бұрын

These are teenagers maam. Why are you comparing yourself to teens trying to cope with their trauma?

@sveltekittiemelts

Жыл бұрын

I found that certain aesthetics align with me and who I am already. I was the way I am without being fixated on an aesthetic, I just discovered some and realized *they* fit *me.* And I've never been one to conform or try to fit into a box. I feel it can go both ways.

@maybemablemaples2144

Жыл бұрын

@@lavacaqueri5454 cause it's not *just* teens. It's people like the Kardashians, that adults also watch and follow, that are also doing it too. Some teens who started the movement are now adults still promoting the same toxic behaviors. We adults still need to be aware that we too can fall back into these harmful mindsets that can then be reinforced in to society.

@hannahwatkins7992

Жыл бұрын

@@lavacaqueri5454 Because they aren't all teens? There are adults doing this too. Also, by providing her age, it explains her wisdom on the matter.

Genuinely, putting some things aside it just shows how chronically online today people are. All for the sake of fitting in, the second u disagree with their self destructive movements u get called out and told “u don’t get the vision” like please, it’s like a never ending cycle.

As a teenage girl, I like to be mindful about the things I consume. I feel like i've been chronically online for a good amount of years so far and I have fell into nocive trends and hurtful tendencies, but I have also learnt about where my behaviors come from and how they are deeply connected to the internet trends. I am aware of a lot of things and the romantization of mental illness as well. I have also connected and seen how girls that I know seem to be trapped in this kind of toxic cycle. Personally, I use a lot of this aesthetic in a very ironic way because it's a teenage thing at the end of the day, but I think a lot of girls just sit with the pathetism that comes with praising this femcel eating disorder messy chaotic core and make it a big part of their personality, which is sad. Getting better is healthy, noticing your flaws and wanting to get help is also good. Girlhood doesn't have to be a painful experience and your goal doesn't have to be creating your own psychological hell. Therapy and having a happy life is cool yk. I think being aware of what's going on behind the internet trends is the best way to start healing and having critical thinking in terms of what we consume daily on the internet and how it may affect our habits and behaviors subconsciously.

can women like things without being categorized and forced into labels for once?

@sweetbunny6198

Жыл бұрын

Well men can't so women shouldn't either

@nour4828

Жыл бұрын

@@sweetbunny6198 they can and they're doing it all the time😂😂

@marimar.ramirez

Жыл бұрын

Exactly

@9PUPPE

Жыл бұрын

@rene baebae yeah words like geeks, nerds, jocks, weebs, etc don't mean anything and don't have any repercutions for men at all 👀

@rinasawayama3271

Жыл бұрын

@@9PUPPE they... really don't have any tangible repercussions for most men

I feel like the obsession with LOOKING AS IF you like certain things and not ACTUALLY liking them is like Oscar Wilde’s aesthetic theory on cocaine, oversimplified and exaggerated.

@ariellashulman9669

Жыл бұрын

I have to laugh this is so spot on

@playagamelp2441

Жыл бұрын

Can you explain?

@clairewillow6475

Жыл бұрын

Do you mean opium in Dorian Grey

@imageez

Жыл бұрын

While we are on the subject, can you guys tell me outside the Western perspective, why Oscar Wilde is considered influential? It seems like he and his gang are just middle class British blokes who like to dress up.

@u-saw-nothing-i-was-never-here

Жыл бұрын

@@imageez Oscar Wilde was Irish, not British. I don’t know a lot about his works though so I can’t comment on them

Correction making everything in aesthetics is a byproduct of consumerism since they're induced or endorsed by companies to sell. And we have to change our perspective of companies because right now I'm writing through one and consuming from one.

Girl this, girl that. Oh my god, can I just be alive and online? Is that okay? Is that cool enough?

i think that what rubs me the wrong way about this is that young women cannot have interests without being categorised in some archetype. and it just doesn't make sense at all to me because even if my tumblr blog is just about reblogging mitski lyrics aesthetics that's just. not who i am as a person. my online presence is not a reflection of all i am, i specifically use tumblr to blog about my interests and share my thoughts about them and find more people with the same interests as me to connect with them. it's not "making it my whole personality" i just don't feel the need to share any more bits of myself on a place that's specifically dedicated to my hobbies and passions, i don't owe that to anyone especially not on the internet. doesn't mean that there's nothing else to my person

@lancewalker2595

Жыл бұрын

Why you think that tendency is unique to women is beyond me.

@sara-ng4mz

Жыл бұрын

@@lancewalker2595 well as a woman i can speak on the behalf of women's experiences only, and this video in particular was focused on young girls so it was what was topical. i never said it was a unique experience to women because as a woman i frankly have no clue if men have some equivalent experiences or not. it was not my intention to exclude men from the conversation at all i just didn't speak on their behalf in the context of this video about femininity but you're welcome to weigh in at any point

@lancewalker2595

Жыл бұрын

@@sara-ng4mz My bad. I assumed you were as political, presumptuous and myopic as has become common these days. I'm sorry.

@mayalynch7901

Жыл бұрын

i’m so glad to see someone talking about this. i hate how i’m expected to put myself in a box and be defined by what i wear, consume etc i just want to wear what i want and listen to what i want without being assigned an aesthetic lol

@msunje9862

Жыл бұрын

@@lancewalker2595 another guy that wants to make every convo about males. What makes you think she can not talk about women only

i literally witnessed this aesthetic grow. from 2019 to now. what KILLS me is that it started out as a joke made by women in their late 20s on tumblr. it was actually hilarious at first the whole gatekeep girlboss girlblog whatever. then people started actually taking it seriously and it got ruined. why can’t the internet let anything be lighthearted.

@ebmage8793

Жыл бұрын

Thats exactly what happened to the term 'woke'. It originally started as a joke in real life and on Black Twitter about militant afrocentrists. Now, its this horrible thing weaponized against actual common decency and empathy. The internet ruins everything.

@aviatress5643

Жыл бұрын

@@ebmage8793 It started out as a joke? wow, i thought it was a sincere term to describe someone who was socially aware (because that’s the context i’ve always seen it in). didn’t know it was rooted in sarcasm but looking back, it was obvious cus of all the broke woke bespoke jokes. anyhow, it’s weird to see that word became b*stardized. the internet really does screw things up

@madisoncontroversial7348

Жыл бұрын

@@aviatress5643 I mean look at the flat earth theory joke . I know people now who actually believe it now 😂

@morganburt2565

Жыл бұрын

i think kids/teens found it, too young and sad to see it’s a joke. it’s a shame, those girls deserve help and real love

@Bri-ns5rm

Жыл бұрын

@@aviatress5643 Black people have been using it since the 1920s. It was used in the 70s and 90s. It even being used as a joke was it being bastardized, but at least was an inside joke between Black people and not used by goofy racists trying to prove a point.

bro i love stuff like that, listening to lana del rey, the virgin suicides, wearing ribbons in my hair, and dressing in a pretty, girly way. but I'm afraid people think I'm a femcel, I have similar tastes to them but I'm not, I find them toxic so annoying helpp😭

@plant2188

11 ай бұрын

lmao same here 😭😭😭

@turqussy

10 ай бұрын

@@pooplover770or read lolita because its an erotic and sexy book, it is not.

@Pandabreadie

7 ай бұрын

No no! You're not a "femcel" just because you like what you like! Lana del rey produces absolute bangers, ribbons are cute and the virgin suicides is just a good movie💗! There's nothing "femcel" about these things, it's the mindset that makes you one.

This is the reason whenever I tell someone that Lana Del Ray is my favorite artist everybody assumes that I'm a coquette whisper girl or smth and it's so annoying

@PotatoWaffle-sl4xf

5 ай бұрын

Lana isn’t even coquette 😭

@raatkikhoobsurti

5 ай бұрын

@@PotatoWaffle-sl4xf I know right? She was but not anymore.

As someone currently going through a bit of a mental health Time, I do sympathize with the femcelcore and girlblogging movement. It’s soooo much easier to just throw up my hands and go “ugh, the inherent trauma of womanhood, what can you do?”. And there is some dry humour in putting together a hyper feminine outfit even though I feel like I’m crumbling apart, but like??? Who does my ongoing pain serve? Who does aestheticizing feminine suffering benefit? Certainly not other women. Certainly not me. It’s much more empowering and feminist to strive for health and joy despite it all, and to uplift other women.

@biggusdickus7390

Жыл бұрын

Yes! I appreciate the “sadgirl” movement for creating a space for girls and women to express their sadness to one another and like you said, feel some sort of dark humor about it all. But the sadgirl movement doesn’t really provide anywhere to go after that. It just leaves me feeling like “Ok, we’re all sad, now what?”

@hannahm5513

Жыл бұрын

Yeah I get you, I find my outfits are a big thing for me. Like if I’m wearing this outfit people aren’t going to know that I’m struggling with ptsd, depression, anxiety etc. And to be honest I’m embarrassed to admit that because I always tell people to express how they feel but I don’t do that often enough (mainly do it in therapy but I still hold back a lot). I think the shame around mental illness is still present and people feel silenced and alone due to the toxic positivity trend. (Along with other things obviously but it’s definitely a contributing factor)

@morganburt2565

Жыл бұрын

it’d be cool to see a highly feminine coded healing community. like this might be too much to ask cuz i can imagine ppl being weird and judgy about other ppls healing journey, but it’d be cool. i have bpd and something inside me that won’t let me wallow in my misery, so i’d love a ‘genuinely trying my best’ community

@Jaaaannnneeee

Жыл бұрын

@@hannahm5513 yeah, it seems like we’re given a choice between toxic positivity (nothing’s wrong with you that a little sunshine and manifestation journaling can’t fix!) or wallowing in our misery (find a way to make your pain sexy, a commodity, something that can be sold to an audience). Neither leave room for real healing

@hannahm5513

Жыл бұрын

@@morganburt2565 yeah that’d be nice to reframe it hopefully there will be one soon

I'm not fully on board with the "femcelcore" ,"cool girl", "Lana del rey-lolita-reading-cottagecore-soft-girl" aesthetic, but I do also see the appeal in simply just complaining about things, fully conveying the constant grievances women deal with on a regular basis and finding a sense of community in relating to what we have to endure as women. Sometimes women can simply be flawed and want to express it openly! We're so quick to be told to "smile more", or to lose 10 pounds, or to get lip filler, and to also get every inch of your body waxed, or to have a "no-makeup-makeup-look". There's this clear stance placed on women in society that we need to attain a certain level of perfectionism or else we've failed in life. Sometimes I understand the comfort and joy that can come from simply bitching about shitty ex-boyfriends, or partaking in the same behaviors that make men "flawed", but are viewed as bitchy or selfish in women.

@ivy-gi9gg

Жыл бұрын

!!!!

@ryanmonaghan436

Жыл бұрын

agreed. i'm not really in the coquette lana del rey community, because i don't love the style or the romanticization of eating disorders, but i really understand the desire to categorize oneself as a 'crazy girl' or an 'angry girl'. women and teenage girls especially are criticized so much for being angry or unreasonable or anything that doesn't fit the male gaze, so it's a large comfort especially to neurodivergent (like me) and mentally ill girls to take pride in being angry, crazy, and anything that men don't want.

@naocreio1

Жыл бұрын

exactly

@davelucas7997

Жыл бұрын

This could be said for everyone in society

@sweetbunny6198

Жыл бұрын

Imagine having a 5 years shorter life expectancy due to making up 93% of work place fatalities, 98% of deaths due to war, 76% of suicides and homicides, 55% of DV victims, 26% victims of r ape and SA at the hands of a woman accompanied by no social aid or legal due process, getting 10-63% more prison time and having a higher incarceration rate to begin with for the same crimes, 79% of homelessness, significantly less illness funding, 40% less chances to be adopted and so on

this discussion is peak chronically online. I'm so happy I gradually walk away from my phone more and more now

This video is genuinely so therapeutic. I'm 19 years old and last month I was hospitalized for severe depression. Coming home, I fell into the "coquette" aesthetic on Pinterest because I liked that way of dressing, but I became introduced to this toxic femininity culture. I looked at it in awe wanting to help these women while also feeling drawn into and spiraling farther into my depression. This video helped me make sense of it all. Before my hospitalization I tried again and again to be the productive "that girl" and now my body is repulsed by productivity culture and deep in misery. I don't feel like I have the motivation to do anything and all the healthy habits "that girl" brought to us feel a bit cringy but mostly just like I'm dissolving myself down to a trend. I want to be healthy for me but every time I try to start, I am bombarded by hordes of social media content I can't digest. I'm so tired of this all. This video helped me process this pain a bit. I don't exactly have a solution yet, but it makes me more knowledgeable of the femcel trend and gives me reason to stay away from it. Perhaps I can move forward with this knowledge and make strides towards health for myself instead of doing it for a trend.

this aesthetic fills me with unspeakable rage. the romanticization of mental illnesses is particularly grating. it’s just 2012-14 tumblr but with a few new add-ons.

@ourladyofsorrowsxx

Жыл бұрын

I think it’s very similar but also different?

I think the problem with the article I’m the beginning is that they are just demonizing things popular with teenage girls. The things they listed are all just the things currently popular (Lana, Mitski, My year of rest and relaxation, etc.) but liking those things doesn’t make you a “manipulative coquette girl” your probably just a young woman.

@eunicemwicigi8104

Жыл бұрын

Ikr. There seems to be a media obsession with criticizing, patronizing and demonizing teenage girls. My whole life there has always been an article criticizing something popular among teenage girls.

@Hakurod

Жыл бұрын

tbf that happens with men too, we make fun of them if they listen to a podcast, read some author, like some type of music, etc we demonize things for both men and woman

@eunicemwicigi8104

Жыл бұрын

@@Hakurod vrai

@martinamirco395

Жыл бұрын

@@Hakurod I do not agree. The things that men are teased about usually tend to be things that are considered "girly" by society's standards or have a community that is made up of more women than men. So at the end of the day, although it does not mean that men are not mocked for their tastes, the reason for the mockery is directed at the fact that their chosen object of consumption is not considered "masculine" enough, demonizing what is "feminine" once again. Apart from the fact that the man is criticized for the object he consumes, while the woman is criticized for the simple fact of participating in that consumption, whether that object is considered "masculine" or "feminine".

@Hakurod

Жыл бұрын

@@martinamirco395 That's not true at all. One example is how we demonize guys for listening to Joe Rogan or Jordan Peterson. Those are not girly things at all, but we demonize them. Perhaps 10 years ago the prescription you made was true, but right now I dont think it applies

I'm 27 and I'll just say this: I have been SOOOO much better off since I deleted instragram... I just like what I like, dress how I want, and decorate how I want, which I'll admit, some people would call "Sad Girl" aesthetic... But I'm no longer egged on by others or like, IDK, striving to meet the standards of some niche aesthetic or what they call "______-core" nowadays lol. Anyway, for me personally it really helped when I stopped posting photos of my life because then I no longer had to live up to some imagined way of behaving or looking¯⁠\⁠⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠⁠/⁠¯

@sprotte6665

Жыл бұрын

yess delete, log off, unfollow, wisdom!

I've always semi-ironically referred to myself as a femcel because of how online I am. Can't believe it's an aesthetic now, feels good to be a pioneer B) EDIT: also i never associated femcels with manipulativeness. Being a femcel (to me) is about the failure to appropriately perform femininity as you're expected to, and a general disillusionment/jadedness about womanhood and heterosexual relationships.

@pigeondance

Жыл бұрын

oh. i fit into your definition of femcel to a T lol helloooooo

@ZijnShayatanica

Жыл бұрын

Oooh, you should watch Tara Mooknee's video on heterofatalism.

@yeayeayeah933

Жыл бұрын

Everything you've just described just sounds normal and a good thing to attain, though. "Femcel" carries a negative connotations of infamous inceldom and/or being too pathetic to land a mate. But being critical of how femininity and het relationships hurt and disempower women sounds pretty clever and observant, since het relations can and do have a high prevalence of being unfulfilling at best and destructive at worst for women.

@AsteriskLia

Жыл бұрын

Femcels should practice light misandry. I encourage this especially for girls from underprivileged countries, girls who have been harassed in public places. In my country, men complain that we don't value ourselves and that we are harassed because we have high body count, so we became celibate.

I think what’s toxic is girls being accused of faking sadness or depression “for the aesthetic” when in reality they are very much sad or depressed & their participation in those communities is their way of coping or just crying for help.

@sadangelcig

Жыл бұрын

agree w this

@JanWest24

Жыл бұрын

Completely agreed especially when it's young girls still learning to express themselves. And if they were doing this just for the attention, that would still mean they need help

@user-tz3zy3bu4x

Жыл бұрын

100% !! No happy person wants to be involved with a sad aesthetic, when you’re happy you’re attracted to happy things

@leahmoogan5419

Жыл бұрын

It is truly a chicken or egg situation. Yes you are absolutely right that many people with existing mental health issues found comfort in these aesthetics because people who were openly mentally ill were also participating in the aesthetic. However I agree with Mina that once the aesthetic itself becomes popularized (and words/phrases that imply mental illness become enmeshed in the aesthetic), many of those who outwardly present that aesthetic may not be battling with mental health issues, but are truly using it from an aesthetic standpoint and not a “subculture+aesthetic” standpoint. Regardless I don’t think that she meant everyone participating in that subculture is faking mental health issues, but as it became “trendy,” the mental health issues are used as aesthetics by people who don’t have them.

@pinksunset3668

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely! I'm so glad you spoke up. Thank you.

"Fleabag" is a masterpiece about grief and it sucks so much that it became just another internet trend for people who need outsiders to tell them who they are.

@maggiedk

Жыл бұрын

Also, it feels similar to men who idolize characters like Walter White, Rick from Rick & Morty, Patrick Bateman, etc, ignoring that the whole point of the story is that these characters are incredibly flawed and not people you should try to emulate.

@amy1031

Ай бұрын

@@maggiedk LITERALLY

the funny thing about fiona apple being associated with this "aesthetic" (and i might be wrong here) is that writing music actually helped her get out of a time in her life when she WAS manipulative

me: *watches video knowing i don’t relate to anything she is talking about* mina: “can you recite the cool girl speech from gone girl?” me: *jaw drops from the guilt of the question*

Something I realized in my late teens is that thinking of yourself as much more "defective" than others is extremely similar to thinking of yourself as much better than others. You think you are special and unique. It is narcissistic. Healing myself required me to balance my self-esteem and think of myself as "normal", good at some things, bad at others. Step one is to stop comparing yourself to others so much. I hope these women and girls wake up to this.

@MobTheGlitch

Жыл бұрын

This is a good one!

@unionunicorn6776

Жыл бұрын

I’ve never heard it put that way. It’s very interesting. Thank you.

@erica.serica7275

Жыл бұрын

Yessss!

@hiiii2873

Жыл бұрын

Yup

@aimeelelievre9280

Жыл бұрын

This. This. It's all very 'me me me'. People get in echo-chambers with similar thinking/feeling folks, and lose their perspective. Just like the incels 🙃 And, depressingly, my abusive ex either thought he was the best or the worst of people. Black and white thinking - but he was always 'exceptional' in some way. I feel that CAME from his existing mental illnesses - and also reinforced them. It also made him an asshole. Obviously.

god this trend is so infuriating to me. there comes a point where they genuinely judge people for being happy, sober, and refusing to perform an identity that is not who they are. it’s pathetic to believe you are superior to other women when all you do is replicate and regurgitate each other.

@katfujioka212

Жыл бұрын

Exactly!! It's just yet another thing that contributes to toxicity and women turning away from one another, rather than creating a safe, secure and welcoming community :( These people call themselves feminists, yet they insult and ridicule women who don't conform to a specific framework. It's so frustrating!!

@sunmi2539

Жыл бұрын

!!

@xDidonax

Жыл бұрын

@@katfujioka212 but it's the outcome of a patriarchal system. Let's not forget that !

@lavender4322

Жыл бұрын

I think a lot of them are very sad/depressed about the fact that men tend to lean more towards stable/bubbly women, so this jealousy comes off as harsh judgment.

@AelitaUndomiel

Жыл бұрын

let’s not generalize girlbloggers, there are plenty of them who are open-minded and supportive

in my country We are so poor that we have no time for art. But I try to understand aesthetics. I'm not proficient in English But I like listening to lana del rey marina and Melanie Martinez without understanding the meaning of the lyrics. I just like their style. So I think it's funny how you guys took the time to come up with a definition for girls who like these things.

@plaidsnails3755

Жыл бұрын

You're giving off gigachad vibes 🗿 I hope you have a wonderful day.

@burpie3258

Жыл бұрын

@@plaidsnails3755 Uh... how

@lvt3507

Жыл бұрын

Where u from?

@lokeshmalva7565

Жыл бұрын

Me too bro their music has unique vibe

@r0s3mary12

Жыл бұрын

@@plaidsnails3755 chronically online vibes

I think we should let women experience their emotions and be who they are without getting criticised for doing the minimum and get called toxic for it. Let women vent i didn’t see that much criticism coming upon the whole “sigma male” thing

@CrystalPepsiDog

Жыл бұрын

"Sigma male" is more of a meme and any guy unironically calling himself sigma is simply retarded. Basically alpha, beta sigma male terms are like astrology for men.

@glowfussy

Жыл бұрын

Exactly.

@utaukappasensei2

Жыл бұрын

Literally nobody supported that other than a couple of losers, it's gross and childish to want to excuse being toxic with that "but they did it too!" bs, not the flex you think it is bestie

@Fuckthisworld-kk5cc

Жыл бұрын

Who the fuck takes sigma thing seriously? Are you kidding me 🤣

@miimamwez

Жыл бұрын

Have you spent a day on the internet?

I don't think it's bad to "aesthetisize" your morning routine, workout or meal. I've started doing this in covid time 2020 and sure it started off as an aesthetic but it also opened up a new world to me. Starting something is half the work. Working out, having a routine and keeping promises to myself made me feel really good mentally and physically. I've strugled with my anxiety disorder diagnose all throughout my youth, teens and even still to this day, and these changes made a world of difference to me. Besides, I think romanticising your life can actually be benefitial if you want to be more present in your life. It means enjoying the things you do just for doing them. I did make a note to myself to never post about them on sm since that would set an expectation and it would mean that I wouldn't be doing it solely for myself.

Jane Eyre is a literary heroine, not a sad girl. She ran when she was disrespected, she didn’t take a cigarette and a selfie where she is crying in black and white photo, with a black bar over her eyes, that has a text that says “i trusted you” or some shit like that. I respect her.

@katrinehansen6038

Жыл бұрын

@acadehmic Exactly😂

@LOVEBABY138

Жыл бұрын

So accurate. This jane girl, was from everything she had to go trough, grown into an secured, fierced and tough female.

@northstar2621

Жыл бұрын

Then she returned to be with the man who lied to her, tried to make her a second wife etc. I still love the story, but I see it in a completely different light since I met a man myself who turned out to have a wife already and tried to make me another one. I can't imagine getting back together with him - even if his wife died and he showed signs of taking a 180 degree turn. Nah. Also, Jane is eighteen, or nineteen when the story progresses. People say she's mature because of her past experiences. Well, yeah, many trauma victims act "too" mature for their age. It's a thing. Sorry, I'm "that person" now. I can still love the story if I don't pay close attention to details and forget Mr. Rochester already has a wife. I'll be damned if he still doesn't - in some ways, definitely not all - represent my ideal for a man.

@LOVEBABY138

Жыл бұрын

@@northstar2621 But the wife, they tricked him to marry a disabled woman so they can get rid of her. He was in love with the beauty but didn't know she was disabled, thats why he married her and after discovering kept her away.

@katrinehansen6038

Жыл бұрын

@@northstar2621 No i can definitely see why you feel that way - i however don’t see Mr. Rochester at evil or with evil intention - he is just mostly a little dumb honestly, but i respect that she is able to both stand up for herself and leave, and then forgive a dumb and thoughtless action, because she can feel it in her heart that he is the one, and i think that is her being very honest with her self, and i can admire that.

I think so many of these problems could be solved if we put our phones down

@keylanoslokj1806

Жыл бұрын

Best comment on this comment section. That's the root of most modern problems

@x0re89

Жыл бұрын

this exactly.

@ye6023

Жыл бұрын

@천사 yeah but there’s absolutely no disagreeing with the fact social media has blown these issues up to a almost comical level

@nataliaalfonso2662

Жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💯💯💯💯💯

@Sara-zr6wb

Жыл бұрын

None of these non-real problems would be a thing if we never sat around over analyzing things and just lived our lives.

I am older than most of y'all. We used to say that women were viewed as either a doormat or a b*tch, with no in-between. We can't seem to catch a break. Sadly, not much has changed since I was a young adult; it seems to be more of the same. :( Great video!

I’m obsessed with your content. I just found your channel and your attention to detail and way of speaking/ explaining feels so well put together and informative on interesting topics. Plus you look INCREDIBLE 🖤

"feel embarrassed or sorry for inconveniencing the people they find attractive" good lord, I relate to that way too much

@puja_228

Жыл бұрын

Nobody does that, weirdo

@mcchilde2903

Жыл бұрын

@@puja_228 there are people who feel shame about stuff like this

@joelle4226

Жыл бұрын

I feel embarrassed for inconveniencing people but really it was just feeling like I wasn't worthy of existing. I'm trying not to be like that anymore

@winter9741

Жыл бұрын

whqt does that mean ?

@xMisaNyan

Жыл бұрын

@@puja_228 just because you personally cant relate to sth it doesnt mean noone else can, weirdo

There’s definitely a twisted irony in rejecting the “that girl” aesthetic only to turn around and embody a different hyper femininity. I think in a way it nullifies argument that femcel-core is rejecting modern expectations of womanhood/femininity, because the aesthetic is still informed by the male gaze.

@MobTheGlitch

Жыл бұрын

If anything they sort of agressively crawled to the extreme of toxic femininity.

@lucypage3912

Жыл бұрын

exactly!

@sunmi2539

Жыл бұрын

Yes

@punkbjork

Жыл бұрын

femininity is a cage. i hope girls everywhere soon realize that "masculinity" and "femininity" are patriarchal inventions used to keep women subservient, domesticated, submissive, docile, etc and break out of the chains of patriarchy and gender roles.

@miss_chelles1338

Жыл бұрын

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Why do we have to criticize EVERYTHING women like and do 🙄 literally every trend that passes through we get shit on and labeled as cringey

@flamingmanure

Жыл бұрын

victimhood complex is strong with u.

@irenekatona7856

Жыл бұрын

@@flamingmanure this is a concept that’s been talked about many many times deliberate tactics in pitting women against one another here is another prime example if you are unaware of this concept you need to get out more

@CatharticCreation

9 ай бұрын

because if toxic masculinity exists, so does toxic femininity. just because we’re women doesn’t mean we shouldn’t analyze ourselves.

@kumkum_rwt

3 ай бұрын

Babe Having depression is not cool or aesthetic. It eats you from inside.

@irenekatona7856

3 ай бұрын

@@kumkum_rwt You do not know me or my own struggles. And where did I say this glorifies depression? In fact, when in depression most reach out to the arts in film, music, literature, to feel understood and reduce those feelings. Should we strip depressed people of artistic expression and rob them the chance of feeling understood? Or let them have their god given right to like whatever they want as is everyone’s right or do you think denying (what you are now calling) mentally ill people that opportunity is the answer?

Girl interrupted is one of my favourite movies because Angelina and Winona are great actresses but I feel the message was lost in the writing ngl

I’ll admit, I was definitely a Fleabag era, red scare, cool girl monologue loving, toxic femininity embracing, girl interrupted syndrome type of girl……and then I got on antidepressants. Now I’m not really into that sort of thing anymore. Make of that what you will.

@SieMiezekatze

Жыл бұрын

Can you please explain what did that era meant to you? (I am not really into social media, so I can't grasp most of the references used on the video, or your comment)

@Callathetreecko

Жыл бұрын

What red scare are we talking about exactly? Because all that pops into my head, and all that pops up on google, is cold war propaganda. How does this tie in with an ED?

@Alyboba

Жыл бұрын

@@Callathetreecko Red Scare is a podcast hosted by two girls who definitely emulate the aesthetics of the girls Mina talks about in this video.

@Alyboba

Жыл бұрын

@@SieMiezekatze For a long time, I was not in a good place and toxic/troubled characters like Fleabag really spoke to me and made me feel *seen*. It was also probably a bit of a coping mechanism. Very hard to put into words honestly!

@tifKh

Жыл бұрын

@@Alyboba one day you’re going to look back and cringe at how obvious you are. How hard you’re trying. It’s not cool.

My least favorite thing about this aesthetic is how they hold up girls like Lily Rose Depp, Zoe Kravitz, and Lily Collins as #thinspo #waifspo #body goals etc. When these women have been very vocal about their struggles with eating disorders. Every other post under the Lily Rose Depp tag is also tagged with #proana or #promia. I can't imagine suffering from and ED and then having the majority of your fan base encourage it.

@mindlessb1380108

Жыл бұрын

This!!! I cant imagine how Celebs feel seeing their bodies used for ED inspiration

@fryingpandryingpan

Жыл бұрын

Lily rose depp used to have an ED, I can't imagine the stress she goes through when she sees those things

@valleyofthedolls

Жыл бұрын

what kind of "girlblogger" account have you been interacting 💀💀💀

@pabloescobarschanclas

Жыл бұрын

@@valleyofthedolls the majority of them on tumblr…..

@transitdogsays6886

Жыл бұрын

Lily Rose Depp, Zoe Kravitz, and Lily Collins are Nepo-babies. Perhaps there is a connection between having famous parents and having an eating disorder. Working class girls subconsciously glamorize a mental illness that is more common in high socioeconomic segments of society.

This video made me giggle alone in my room so much. I know it's a serious topic but the way u present is so smart and sassy it gets me every time

I don't understand this fetish, of putting people in boxes.

@decmade

Жыл бұрын

underrated comment. you can make 1,000 videos like this and throw them all out. no love loss, no love found

@peeparoni8634

Жыл бұрын

Because people love boxes and categorization. The us vs them mentality is literally evolutionary and our need to distinguish information and groups is the main drive behind all of humanitys issues. Doesnt make it fair or right, but it does neatly explain our societys need to make labels and our capability to do harm to our kin.

@luckystone2293

Жыл бұрын

Seems to be mostly an american thing. Here where I'm from general population is too poor to concentrate on this kind of nonsense.

As someone who's read these "femcelcore" books and enjoys listening to the same music I actually found the aesthetic fun at first. It was clearly ironic. Then it devolved into something despicable. Ive seen a lot of pro-ana posts on these accounts. I've also seen (what I can only describe as) soft neo-nazism. Statements like "pale skin is so angelic" and "my Scandinavian features are so dainty and underrated" are ridiculously common. Just made me feel icky and I had to block all these girlbloggers. Thankfully I've seen a couple of accounts try to be actively inclusive and feature bodies that aren't white or rail thin

@qsm2978

Жыл бұрын

wish she touched on this more in the video, the “coquette” aesthetic breeds white nationalism and eating disorders.

@lexp6099

Жыл бұрын

ding ding ding. Maybe it started organically (we've got an issue as a culture glamorizing the tortured genius and "not like other girls" is nothing new) but now it's just another online trend escorting people to the alt-right pipeline.

@espeon871

Жыл бұрын

@@qsm2978 yep

@kirbysthiccthighs

Жыл бұрын

NO FR!!! the amount of “pale sick pure white skin like an angel” shit i’ve seen is disgusting

@kirbysthiccthighs

Жыл бұрын

@@qsm2978 i wouldn’t say ednos per-say,, but yeah, def leads towards ed’s of all sorts. i struggle with one and can def say the amount of this kinda shit i’ve seen because of the “coquette aesthetic” is actually repulsive

I think we as a society should just strive for self-neutrality, can't we have like neutral femininity where you don't have to be a boss-babe 24/7 or try to be a "one of the boys" all the time...why can't women just exist without being praised or degraded.

@Jaaaannnneeee

Жыл бұрын

Right?? Like I just want to exist. At the end of the day even the femcel aesthetic centres around men and their opinions of us and how we look. It’s exhausting

@ebmage8793

Жыл бұрын

You cant sell poorly made clothes and cosmetics that way. It all comes back to capitalism

@bruh-ch3hb

Жыл бұрын

same. i'm just trying not to kms and exist and work

@beckahcruz7463

Жыл бұрын

YES! We don't need to be broken down and therefore easily digestible to the masses.

@Belle-fk7lp

Жыл бұрын

i recommend watching oliSUNvia's video on body neutrality. it brings up interesting points about body neutrality, as well as valid criticisms about it from POCs :)

i love how she explains everything so clearly. great job!!!!

I always love the points you make in your videos! Another issue i've ran into with this 'aesthetic' was how much it romanticizes BPD. As someone who struggles with this mental illness, it's not 'trendy' to have extreme mania and be insane. I understand being a girl with BPD and romanticizing the illness to live with it, but for others to do so, it's very dehumanizing.

This is so interesting. I feel like as a WOC my "aesthetic" has always been defined by Rihanna and her effortless cool high fashion alt. When she went into her Good Girls Gone Bad era it just felt like yess, this can be me. Because I was goth on the inside, but being Black in the 2000s, it felt a little weird to be Goth and Black on the outside.

@basicallyacrow

Жыл бұрын

This is more recent but her anti album had all that angsty sadness and I loved it! Must Be Love on the Brain and Desperado! Also, hi Princess!

@tulipsalinger1410

Жыл бұрын

you can be as goth as you wanna be don't let anyone tell you different! also, weird is good when it comes to being goth!

@Adronitis

Жыл бұрын

Nerdy WOC here. Still waiting for my black girl/Hispanic girl nerdcore icons.

@tayrussell

Жыл бұрын

SOOO TRUE

@lucianoe.m.918

Жыл бұрын

please i beg you to live your life, forget about celebrities and the internet

I feel like I can really empathize with the “femcels” and “sad girls.” Romanticizing your mental illness always seems very appealing when it feels like you can’t get out of it. It’s like if you’re trapped in a prison cell, and you think you have a life sentence, why wouldn’t you want to put up decorations and make it pretty and comfortable? You’re stuck there. I also think that has to do with a lot of them being teenagers. Being a teenager can feel extremely suffocating, it can feel like you’ll truly never get out of it, especially since you don’t always have the freedom to choose to change your situation. So I think they often get too harsh a judgment. While I don’t think the aesthetic romanticization of sadness is good or anything like that, I think the trend inherently comes from a feeling of hopelessness and isolation, not of not understanding how bad mental illness is. It’s a very sad place to be, and I hope anyone in it is able to get out.

@erenkasa7882

Жыл бұрын

Do u sympathise with incels too ? They have their own reasons and suffering too .

@nbv6975

Жыл бұрын

@@erenkasa7882 I can recognize they have their reasons (some of which are valid and should be addressed, some not so much), but I don’t sympathize with them the same way. Incels are often far more vitriolic, dangerous, bigoted, and potentially drastically violent than femcels. It’s a hate movement, whereas femcels are more of an internally destructive aesthetic and not so much an outwardly dangerous one. It’s a leap of logic to think sympathizing with one means sympathizing with the other.

@erenkasa7882

Жыл бұрын

@@nbv6975 then what should we call the females with an outwardly destructive attitude ? Cause a lot of people talk about incels but I have seen far more women with that mindest then men .

@kapilakhare2936

Жыл бұрын

@@erenkasa7882 you are trying so hard to turn this conversatio into something it isn't. get a life, it's clear you're not asking these questions because you genuinely care how people answer- you're pushing an agenda

@pinksunset3668

Жыл бұрын

Let's not forget the constant ableism in society. Lack of community as well. I'm really disappointed that the creator thinks seeking help is end all to mental illness or mental health issues. Seeking help is a privilege in my country and there is still a lot of prejudice in the society. How are people supposed to be feel less isolated when most societies are telling you you're being yourself wrong?

okay i just started watching, but i just HAVE to tell you how much i love your hair and just your entire look and vibe! you are BEAUTIFUL!

@sloaney_baloney

Ай бұрын

Agree. Mina is so stylish.

I’ve been watching your content for a little while now. And I’ve enjoyed every video but this one in particular I really appreciate. I actually learned a lot about myself. I too am a woman who grew up like this, and I’m even showing some traits now. And I’m learning how to safely and proactively practice, loving myself as well as loving other women. Thank you Mina! I really appreciate your content and admire you and others like you. Thank you so much! Keep going!

As someone who has suffered from severe depression, i can say there is nothing glamorous about not showering for weeks and eating just cheese cause making food is too unbearable. Wanting to die is not an aesthetic but a sign that help is needed.

@berni1011

Жыл бұрын

The thing that most people that haven't had depression don't get is just how boring depression actuelly is, it's like a really long uneventful day ; you don't even remember what you had for breakfast, your work feels like a chore, your mind too focused on nothing in particular for days and months. Before too long you become complacent to this new normal and now all tasks are slow and tedious. Showering takes immense mental fortitude, it's the shitties slowest day but all days you loosely remember are that, slow, shitty, uneventful, forgetable.

@8LyJu8

Жыл бұрын

@@berni1011 as someone with both severe depression and an autoimmune illness (depression first, BTW) I find them comparable: both attack something, and it is painful until I normalize it, and when I adapt to a new normal it attacks something else. Depression attacks everything external through my mind, the AI my body. Both function to take piece by piece of my life until I die, but in a slow way down where there is nothing "eventful"

@OzmaOfOzz

Жыл бұрын

Can't agree more with this comment.. I have an autoimmune disease causing me depression, I'm very aware of it and it's not different from "regular" depression.. I do my best to shower though.. eat (I order in, or don't eat for days, then binge on sweets or salty junk food), cry a lot, self isolate.. How the hell is this glamorous in any way.. I wonder what people are thinking. Hold on y'all, we re strong and we can get through this. 🥺❤

This glamourization of dangerous things for the sake of aesthetic needs to disappear. I thought we learnt from the tumblr era. This generation is supposed to be more aware about a lot of things i’ve never thought we would be dumb enough to repeat the same mistakes ~ (On another note, 2014 was like 8 years ago, it’s too recent for me, nostalgia isn’t even hitting.)

@frumtheground

Жыл бұрын

Gah, tumblr was so gross. I mean, I guess it shouldn't be too surprising. TikTok, Reddit, and the like (hell, 4chan/8chan is where this kind of stuff really thrives the most and there's a reason for that) create echo chambers going off of people's interests, and end up amplifying certain toxic trends. I'd hope people would'velearned by now, but apparently humanity never learns from anything. I don't get it either, but I think it's pretty clear that people like this are just always going to exist no matter how far we think we've come.

@___3988

Жыл бұрын

every generation thinks it's the smartest one but humanity is all pretty much the same and always has been and always will be. we accumulate knowledge, but we never seem able to apply anything in meaningful ways. I was collecting church candles and cutting my arms and taking Polaroids of it in the 1990s and making collages of suicide notes and eulogies for myself. this was our version of Tumblr in 1994.

@RR-on4sk

Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately, being a teen is being a teen. We all grow out of it, mostly. I don't know a single woman over 30 that still cares about being part of a label. A lot of rhetoric built around the sexes happens because we seem to think only 14-25 yr old exist, therefore we hear "god, look at how tacky & toxic women are being"... Like you mean the angst filled 15 yr old girls online? Why is anyone taking that seriously? Same with boys. How did young people become the voices for the sexes? It's a short term period in people's lives where they're trying to fit in & find themselves.... Many get over it by their mid 20s or earlier.

@mika628

Жыл бұрын

Honestly, with social media, I'm not surprised. Like Mina discussed, these women are just performing. Not living their life according to themselves but according to an aesthetic they like. They'll fake mental illnesses, listen to their aesthetic music and nothing else, and read books for the sole purpose of saying they read the book. Anything for their aesthetic, even being manipulative and abusive to their male partnes just so they can perform their aesthetic. My generation (generation z) is dumb, just not dumb for the same reason as previous generations. No other generation has had to grow up with social media at the scale it is today.

@Man-ej6uv

Жыл бұрын

tumblr is good as long as you stay in a bubble of friendly fandoms and block and hide everything you dislike. it’s hard to exist there if you’ve got no balls, but it’s easier than other platforms because it feels less direct, everything seems to be at a distance.

I feel the need to comment something about femcels. Even though the culture and aesthetic around these "modern femcels" is problematic, I totally understand the appeal of it. When I first came across it, it felt comforting to me. Seeing femcel content, I was so glad to see that other young women were struggling with relationships and felt the same way as I. I feel like media never talks about young women's loneliness and it's frustrating. I see official news sources talk about young men being lonely all the time, whereas women's loneliness is belittled because the assumption is that women can get laid anytime they want. But at the same time women are judged for having sex with random people. And what about the many people that don't want to have casual sex? Why does it feel like literally nobody cares about young women who are unable to have meaningful relationships? I'm 22 and I've never been in a relationship in my life. I'm also not interested in hook-up culture (it's fine if someone is!!). And it does feel like there is something wrong with me. So I totally understand the hurt and frustration that leads people to adapt the toxic femcel identity.

@smilee5701

5 ай бұрын

I'm 18 and after shit happened i found these femcels online and things just felt familiar and i started to feel comforted and not bettering myself although i got out of it but now i was just numb to all kind of things. this video just introduced me to the word femcel i never. now i need to get better tf

@gamesnshit1654

3 ай бұрын

As a girl who has a huge fear of being alone, i kinda feel you. Like i always see ppl talking about guys being lonely, and im like... What about women? Women can be lonely too. Feminism is (supposed to be) all about women having the same rights, treatment, respect and acts as men do which is important, why can't ppl follow and respect that? People also use the word "femcil" wrong towards women who aren't being femcils. femcil is supposed to mean women who hate/ generalize all men because they can't get laid themselves, just like the word incel.

@edorasmarauder5761

22 күн бұрын

You’re really not missing much with hook up culture tbh.

im usually skeptical about social commentary essays, but this one was remarkable. good job!!

I think it's popular because it allows young women to feel unhappy. It says it's ok to not be ok, it's ok not to smile all the time, it's ok to feel sad and angry and frustrated without feeling like you are a social pariah. Also, it says that it's ok to take care of your looks, be hyper-feminine and somewhat "vain" without feeling shame about it and feeling like you should be "above it all". I was a teen during 2014 tumblr and I'm in my early twenties for this era. There is something so comforting in allowing yourself to acknowledge bad parts of your personality and reclaiming bad days without feeling shame and like a failure

@alice45-fgd-456drt

Жыл бұрын

This is a very good point, I hadn't really thought about this because the music scene was somewhat different when I was a teenager (I'm 30+) so I mostly listened to rock bands and what would probably be classed as "emo punk" or something, most of them being bands mostly/entirely consisting of guys. The girls who made that kind of music were often quite boyish, wearing stereotypically guy's clothes and such because obviously girly stuff is bad and not cool enough, or whatever. I think there's something very positive in women reclaiming typically female things, interests, fashion etc and owning it.

@razvanradoiu

Жыл бұрын

The thing is there is a difference between acknowledging bad parts of your personality and encouraging them, which I feel like this trend does more than anything. Also who tells women that it's not ok to take care of your looks and be feminine? Men constantly make fun of women that aren't feminine enough and basically tell women that the most important thing about them is their looks, so who does it actually help to push this idea even more and act like the way you look is the most important thing? I just don't understand how we went from "people shouldn't put in boxes and can look or act however they want" back to "these are male interests and these are female interests" like why does everything need to be gendered? Why can't people just be themselves instead of constantly having to perform all these gender roles

@brynn1302

Жыл бұрын

That is very true. The thing is, this community crosses the line between the "I am not okay, and that's okay" and the "I am not okay and therefore I will have a manipulative behavior with everyone because of that reason". It lets young girls to feel heard about their mental illnesses but doesn't encourage them to seek help or get better, like a loop of infinite sadness that has become their whole personality.

@Chloeatrandom

Жыл бұрын

there is a huge issue with glamorizing your negative traits though. if you know what’s wrong with you and decide to glamorize it instead of make steps towards improving it’s really strange and says a lot about someone as a person 😭

@graceelizabethlw

Жыл бұрын

Thing is, this has never been about fitting in or trying to have an aesthetic for me, I’ve always been hyper feminine since I was young and loved it, I have also struggled with my mental health and this is just who I am, if anything I tried hard to fit in with other aesthetics growing up and trying to be more “normal” whereas now I’m just embracing who I am, the take me as I am mentality and being more genuine/transparent. Social media makes us feel like we have to be perfect and never show our weaknesses whereas now I feel people are more comfortable opening up about their struggles, idk I’m bad at explaining things so I hope I make sense

I feel like we will never get rid of the problem that women can't enjoy ANYTHING without getting judged for it. "Oh you like this music? You're a manipulative pos" "Oh you like gaming? You're a pick me!" "Oh you like make-up? You're so shallow!", etc. etc. Can we please just enjoy stuff without getting labelled?!

@pr7903

Жыл бұрын

this.

@heylol1149

Жыл бұрын

this. i like lana del rey and some of the described fashion styles. why can't teenage girls just enjoy things?? 🙁

@MobTheGlitch

Жыл бұрын

It's not about individual interests. I understand this might have given you minor pause and a moment of "am I like this??". It's like filling in one of those psychiatrists questionnaires. In order to be sufficiently labeled with a mental ilness/disorder, you need to score an X amount of points so to say. If your only trait is that you like having your room very orderly, but none of the other markers, you're not on the spectrum for example. There's also nothing wrong with liking cars and beer, but it just so happens that men known to be typically sexist, oftentimes like these things too.

@zorlockts5744

Жыл бұрын

Y’all be judging each-other other the most over using terms such as “pick me” , judging each-other based on y’all body types (where skinny / conventionally attractive women get shamed because of y’all own inner jealously link : kzread.info/dash/bejne/lo2HrNWNn5W1nJs.html) , aesthetics , fashion etc . And then y’all deflect on taking any resemblance of accountability of y’all hating on other women by again over using a term this time being “internalized misogyny” instead of just acknowledging that y’all were in the wrong , so the main problem is really within you girl’s own circles where commentary videos mocking certain tropes / aesthetics are always available .

@lexirodriguez8112

Жыл бұрын

the thing is at some point we as girls have to hold each other accountable for creating these aesthetics or categories to put ourselves into you get me like at this point it’s comes to just women creating new or diff categories to feel special which is sad because we don’t need to be put in boxes like you stated we should simply just be able to enjoy shit without it feeling like a never ending cycle of just being put into boxes

This is the first time i see your video… i sometimes get so confused about all these names, you explained very well!!!

This video is hands-down one of the best I've seen in a good while on KZread. It's very well-researched, organized and your thinking is considered and nuanced. Looking forward to watching your other content

This whole “femcel/fleabag era” aesthetic also feels like a lot of young women desperately wishing they could be like fleabag or Amy dunne or Lisa rowe and be visibly unstable and not okay when in reality they’re suffering in silence as many women are conditioned to do, it’s like a cry for help dressed up in a cool outfit

@dead70

Жыл бұрын

This is one of the only comments on this topic that makes any sense. I think making it "cool" adds a feeling of power to it... with Fleabag her whole thing is that being smug and sarcastic is a way for her to gain control and power over the pain shes obviously feeling. I think people wish they had an audience they could get validation from for their pain, the way they feel they validate characters by laughing at their antics

@meh_im_a_sheep6018

Жыл бұрын

@@princepark1013 definitely. I think mental problems in general are just stigmatized. BUT, this video is about women and their problems. That's why no one is talking about men or non binary people.

I saw this girl on tiktok who said that she felt "mass produced" and I've never related to something so much. I feel like I can't just put on low rise jeans or a workout set without having think about how people will perceive me and what box they're going to put me in. like If I wear my hair slicked back and with gold hoops everyone is going to judge my whole being because they think I'm into the aesthetic of "clean girl". I just want to live my life and not be considered "a red flag" for what I'm wearing.

@sophia1073

Жыл бұрын

i feel the same way. the best thing we can do is stop caring about how others perceive us, but the fact that this happens mainly towards women is really sad

@Chloe2000mm

Жыл бұрын

I don't think people are paying as much attention to the details of your wardrobe as you fear they are. Thinking this way is probably the result of spending too much time online.

@tylerdur7den

Жыл бұрын

used to think like that but honestly outside no one cares

@jackyyrag

Жыл бұрын

What's clean girl aesthetic 😵‍💫

@labellelace

Жыл бұрын

I just wear whatever makes me happy, and it changes wildly day to day. My sister has described my style as sexy grandma grunge lol. But I just don’t bother to care what other people think anymore, because you will never be able to please everybody, but you can do what makes you happy. Personally, clothes are one of the things that bring me joy, so making or thrifting a new piece, or wearing an especially cute outfit always boosts my mood, no matter the depression I’m in. In essence, put yourself first, be selfish, fuck everyone else

having depression is not beautiful. It eats you from the inside. Suffering is never beautiful.

videos like these are so entertaining to watch and feed my brain with so much. Thank you!