My exwife was unhappy. After 27 years, I realized I couldn't make her happy. 16 years later, I'm happy and she's not.

@steveretiredandcranky

6 ай бұрын

My ex wife was unhappy. 33 years later I'd bet my retirement husbands 2, 3, 4, and possibly 5 also couldn't make her happy but she probably blames me.

@BrillPappin

6 ай бұрын

That's because her happiness, was never your responsibility.

@jaaymze

6 ай бұрын

Congratulations. It is difficult to see the reality of not being able to provide happiness for a person who doesn’t allow herself to be happy. I just found out I’m getting divorced yesterday. Sad, but relieved because I can’t make her happy after all these years (18). I’m looking forward to growing into my better self that I know I can still be. I’ve been smiling a bit more knowing I’ll be free soon. Even if I lose half or more of everything material.

@steveretiredandcranky

6 ай бұрын

Hang in there, and remember that lessons not learned will be repeated. @@jaaymze

@sheridangatley8648

2 ай бұрын

​@@jaaymzesorry to hear that brother. It happened to me after 29 years. There is light at the end of the tunnel - have had 2 solid relationships after divorcing. Been happy since my divorce ( and tge so has been great ). Be strong and be true to yourself

Appreciation is HUGE. As men we rarely get shown any kind of gratitude or appreciation for much of anything, so it really means the world to us.

@surgonan

6 ай бұрын

Best way to show appreciation is to give us that one unselfish thing without needing to be asked…

@callen8908

3 ай бұрын

I appreciate that. That’s true

men might have trouble admitting this, but I am confident when I say that we absolutely adore the little things. if you give us giggled and light touches, if you make eye contact with us with an expression of wonder and respect on your face, just basically words and body language and playful gestures that show us how much you enjoy and are excited to be around us it’ll make our hearts melt

@alexames4951

3 ай бұрын

I totally agree with you

#1 quality to look for: “A lack of bitterness.” - Craig Ferguson

“Confidence” means not constantly seeking outside validation. Especially from internet strangers.

Wow! you've just described the lady I've been married to for the last 7 years, especially in terms of empathy, loyalty, communication, authenticity, playfulness and appreciating being taken care of! I'll be the first to admit I've been extremely lucky. I'll also add that if a woman has these traits, other issues are less of a problem to deal with as well.

I’m 65 years old and I’ve been happily married for 35 years. I watch videos like this to see what kind of world my son is facing. They’re helpful, because I learn what he’s up against in today’s dating world. On the other hand, I do scratch my head about social media influencers offering advice about marriage and relationships, when they haven’t been married. I mean, getting married, one another through illness and other hardships, raising kids to adulthood, balancing career and family life, watching your parents pass away: these are the essentials of love, life and truly enduring and sound relationships. That said, much of what you say is valid.

kindness, happiness, minimalist makeup and piercing, real eyebrows, fun, uniqueness, honesty, a nice smile.

@iamcarrot1

5 ай бұрын

Yes

@nervosadustbolt9642

3 ай бұрын

Subjective. You're naming what YOU like, not anything that ALL Men might want, regardless.

@iamcarrot1

3 ай бұрын

@@nervosadustbolt9642 she is doing the same thing.

@Missnoemit

Ай бұрын

​@@nervosadustbolt9642Hmm it seems for me these things are liked by a lot of men😊

I just ended a 8 year relationshp over her not communicating, with me, everyone around me knew everything shes ever thought, she just wouldnt tell me. Enjoy being alone, I'm finding it wonderful

@chalkster4723

6 ай бұрын

Snap. My 14yr relationship went the same way!

@jimreeds9731

6 ай бұрын

Currently my left hand and my right hand are fighting, they say the lady from five or six years ago that cheated on us shall never be repeated

Personal accountability is my big one. If she has that, just about everything else will fall into place. She won't cheat, won't trash talk you, won't blame you for everything under the sun, won't hold resentments and grudges, will communicate her needs and desires, will reciprocate energy with you, will empathize with you, and so on. Because the first thing on her mind is "what do I want" and "what if I were in his shoes, how would I wanna be treated". I hold myself to a high regard to my own personal accountability. I would hope she could do the same.

I don't know how you've learned all of these intricacies of how men think but you are hitting the head of so many nails with this. This is also why I keep watching your videos. I can't express how relieving it is to hear a woman that actually understands the plight we go through and is compassionate towards the subject instead of just constantly berating and beating down or using it as ammunition against us. Thank you, sincerely, thank you.

@Yumyumibo

6 ай бұрын

Bro this account is like my new Zen temple. We need to keep her alive with clicks and interest fr😂 As a men who gets his first flowers at his funeral, u can really relief here and learn so so much, before u can go into the next relationship. My fiancé left me after nearly 10 years. It was like november but i understand now, that she had big problems with me in late summer 2023. I tried to communicate but it didn't end well. I cant please and love her anymore cuz she got very much and i got.... a a$$kick. Learned my lesson and now i hit the gym, got out of my parents home and in my first own apartment. I plan to rescue a cat and l want to to everything for my baby then. U can get unconditional love only from animals and ur parents. A women loves under conditions. Write that down if not knowing

I love a woman who is not indecisive. More specifically what I mean is for example instead of putting a bunch a men to fight for her and she picks the absolute best. She instead genuinely picks a guy she’s talking to, closes all other conversations and allows the conversation she’s having with the one guy to build into something. Jump in all the way not half way then be confused about how she feels. Don’t talk to a man you have no interest in. It’s the connection building that pisses me of because I’m invested 100% I’m building something i have intent and goal to start a relationship. And when no matter what I do she doesn’t feel the same and won’t open her heart to feeling something and building a connection I’m going to lose period. I’m not saying jump right into marriage. But then again don’t wait 100 years to feel something. Don’t wait forever to be into someone. Have a balance and date 1 person with intent. I love that Emily has a platform that allows me to say these things. Because what women don’t understand is that with the hell they put me through they kicked me off the market. And I’m confident enough to know if any one of the women I’ve talked with in my past had allowed me a chance and actually built something with me I could provide her with a meaningful relationship. But they put me through so I said peace! And just focused on the meaningful part of life. My health, wealth, happiness, my niece and nephews and my family and friends. I’m happy I’m not alone. I’m just single. 👍

@ShitYourself7

6 ай бұрын

Ur also alone when you go home and sleep at night 👍

@marscruz

6 ай бұрын

Hypergamy is built in to the female constitution. She will always look to the “bestest” man and monkey branch in order to get him. Loyalty is very uncommon and against the drive for hypergamy and the survival instinct. Sure, you may find a woman who can overcome this instinctual programming but she will be very rare.

@SapphireKid-zh3up

6 ай бұрын

Maybe it’s how you are raised or maybe you know too many useless women? IDK. Most of my friends have careers or that extra passion for a hobby. Either way, they just want to give and get emotional support.

Luckily I hit the jackpot when I met my late wife, she had all the attributes that you’ve listed. I miss her dearly. I now have a woman who is very much the same. I’m a lucky man.

Not just appreciate a man's humor, but she has her own humor as one part of her creativity.

Emily you are spot on. She claimed she was not happy and wanted a divorce. I now living my best life building up myself and my future. I don't care about the house or material things anymore as these are temporary and my internal happiness and peace of mind means so much more to me.

Very important on the first point ladies: Communication is not just rambling on and on but not saying anything. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION where you mean what you say and say what you mean. Not hints, not constantly getting into your feelings and not a one sided set of demands where you don't let the other side openly communicate because you don't like what the man has to say. Communication means both parties get a say and both party's point of view are valued and considered. Too many women utterly fail at this and cause a man to clam up because she's shown him that he can't speak his mind. Ladies, if you don't know what your man is thinking or feeling, you likely caused him to put walls up.

@exothermal.sprocket

6 ай бұрын

It's the difference between clear, professional, beautiful music.... And horrible off tune nasty racket. The first invites one to follow, to join in, to harmonize and contribute to making a unified song that is healing to the ears. The latter is off-putting, has no clear direction, is unpredictable, invites no one to join, has no clear goal.

@apushman

6 ай бұрын

we want bullet points or cliff notes; not rambling, side tracked stories, or essays. Say what you mean or want. We don't want hints as we are not playing a game of detective, give us tasks or directives as that is what we respond to.

@emeraldtiger7135

6 ай бұрын

Wrong! The men that I know are the ones that ramble on about nothing while I listen leaving me feeling empty cause there is no substance in the conversation. Then they clam up so it's either superficial stuff or nothing at all. We ALL could do better at opening up and being vulnerable.

Whole list is spot on. As a Christian man many of these would come from our number 1, she loves God with all her heart, all her heart, all her soul and all her mind. If she loves God like that she is capable of Agape love.

Trustworthy, commutative, honesty, loyalty, respect, understanding, sense of humor

Honesty and accountability trump all else. They are also exceedingly rare...like, non-existent, in women.

@steveretiredandcranky

6 ай бұрын

You summed it up in two sentences.

Emily, you nailed it. My ex wife was an unhappy person (and probably still is) who would not communicate, talked badly about me to everyone, kept secrets from me, had no confidence in herself, blamed me for all her problems and so many other things on this list. I still cannot explain why I stayed with her for so long. Today, I have met someone that is all the things you said here and I find her to be an amazing human being.

My top ten things I find attractive in women (maybe not in an exact order) 1. Integrity 2. Sense of humor 3. Willingness to serve others 4. Compassion for others 5. Courage to do the right thing 6. Personal convictions 7. Optimistic attitude 8. A smile 9. Strong work ethic 10. Wisdom and intelligence

A truly happy person is a rare gem. That trait eclipses everything else...

The young lady I married 46 years ago was honest, loyal, not a drama queen or high maintenance. We were happy married for 43 years until I lost her to cancer. She was my best friend and lover. Being with her never got old. We had plans for when we both retired. I told her I would do most of what we had talked about doing.

After reading your headline my thoughts went straight to "body parts" what we men find attractive... lol I've never had a girl friend, not because a lack of trying... social anxiety... I'm not above buying a girl friend... lol I'm not a bad guy, I'm a nurse LPN and I take care of a pediatric patient... and I take care of my mom... Sooo I am always there for everyone else, just not me...

Being Happy is so important! 😀

@Cococokieful

6 ай бұрын

That one is just alright... I think resolve is much more important.

I've been watching a bunch of your videos because they came up in the algorithm and I think a lot of the time you are spot on. I'm going to share your channel with my daughter.

"Happy wife, happy life." My wife tells me this all the time, and never has she not meant it as a threat.

I say this in every single one of these videos! This is so accurate on all points. Absolutely spot on.

Im just damned glad I gave up on women years ago. Was married for about 4 years and had a daughter. Had another daughter with another woman 10 years later. I'm happy living alone and spending time with my girls and grandchildren.

How have you learned all these things? Almost every single YT video you've produced about men has been 100% correct! I love your channel; I love listening to a woman who gets it, who treats these things like they're obvious -- because they are! I'm 55, and have never heard a woman speak the truth like this. Granted, it's taken me a long time to (begin to) understand women, but you put my standards and feeling into words that make sense, I can look back on each of my relationships and see things jump out at me that I never realized at the time. Love is truly blind. Men, if you are young, DO NOT marry/settle for a woman who does not fulfill these things, especially #1. It only brings grief in the end. Women, LISTEN to Emily. She speaks the truth. If you want a good man, be a good woman.

Thanks Emily. Your observations are very accurate.

The root question of a midlife crisis is, "What's it all for?" In my situation I am married 43 years to someone I don't recognize anymore. The killer for me is that no matter what I do, I will be supporting her for the rest of my life. There is nothing I can do about it. I face medical issues and some days I wonder why I am working so hard to stay alive. I have tried to explain these feelings to her, and I get told it's my problem. She's critical of everything. When she comes home from work the first negative comment will come within 120 seconds. When I ask her why she finds it necessary to find fault with everything, she says it's all in my head, that her comments are not negative. I don't believe I am alone in this. The worst part of it is that her constant sniping and accusations have ruined my self-confidence.

@lowellvomhof7420

6 ай бұрын

You need couples therapy, this is the voice of experience speaking

@richardfehr1838

6 ай бұрын

I've done couples therapy and more than 10 years of one-on-one therapy. We've done marriage retreats, love languages, I've read books. I've gone on medication. Her attitude during all of this is that I need to be repaired, it's all my stuff. It just happened again.

@bostonvair

6 ай бұрын

You're not alone.

@postmodernmining

6 ай бұрын

​@@richardfehr1838 move your assets someplace she can't access them and divorce her. Never be around anyone who treats you like that.

@skepticalobserver2135

6 ай бұрын

Get a divorce.

Honesty & transparency. Clear communication & introspection.

Best show ever! You hit each behavior on the head. Such a relief to hear the truth!

The whole video I'm thinking she's missing an important one... then it ends up being number 1. You're just spot on with this. And I know exactly what you're talking about with that internal happiness. It's actually a big part of stoicism. Marcus aurelius says it perfectly in his book meditations. "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts"

Emily your absolutely right, Ty for the video.

Your videos are awesome Emily!!!😄

You are a real gem, Dr. Emily!

Thanks Emily, another great video

I truly enjoy your commentaries Emily You're so smart And knowledgeable and willing to share all of your findings with us to help us all become better people Thank you for all you do

wow this really helped me get over this breakup... helped me sort out my feelings of why i felt like it was never going to work

Interest, remembering things about me, no phone out when around me, being vulnerable, proximity, positive touch. Teamwork, authentic, not afraid to make a mistake

Something I would find that I find attractive in a woman is when she is does what she loves to do. For example, if she has a hobby in painting and she paints or she loves the outdoors so she's sporty. It not only makes her interesting, but also helps a guy know if they are complementary to each other.

Happiness is absolutely key! If she is not happy on her own it will eventually hurt the relationship. If she can't be happy single, she won't be happy in a relationship. Been there, done that with my ex-wife. Won't do it again.

You're right. Finding your channel has helped me.

The depth of your wisdom is amazing!

100% agree... Everything you just described is truly what I look for and desire in a woman.

Thank you so much for this video/info/-understanding us men. It is relieving a bit of pressure.

Loyalty, integrity, happy, can take the initiative, demonstrate gratitude, value the sum of unity, committed, carries her load, content living within our means, always has time for us, embraces who we are and doesn’t try to change us, loves unconditionally.

I have a lot of gratitude towards the woman who wasn't interested in the pass I made at her, and was clear in her negative answer. She wasn't cruel about it, but she was VERY clear that she wasn't interested, now or in the future. We remain close friends to this day, she stays with us when she's traveling through my part of the country.

Literally the words my ex told me before divorcing me: "You're a great husband, a great father. But I'm just not happy."

Well done Emily!!!

Keep it up Emily!!!

I agree with this list 100%. Thanks, Emily.

My ex only admitted she was wrong when she didn't listen to me and then things turned out bad for her. She was always like "I should have listened to you". But she ALWAYS said that. She would just humor me by pretending to take my opinion into account, then did what she wanted anyways. There came a point where I realized she didn't value my opinion, that she didn't think I was competent enough to contribute to important decision making. It was extremely toxic. I'd rather she listened to me before the outcome instead of just doing the lip service of "I'm sorry I was wrong" afterwards and then start the cycle all over again.

Thanx Em

Thank you for your help!

Great Video. I'll add... A woman that values/knows difference between "Fighting/Competing *with* us, and Fighting/Competing *WITH* us"... we need a teamworker. A woman who helps us face the world/helps bring us peace when we're home (or out) so we can have even more strength to take on the world. Tactility

Simple kindness and a good heart. A "plain" woman who is genuinely kind becomes beautiful, and an already attractive woman who has a good heart shines with unbridled beauty.

This list is on point. 🔥 Especially the clear communication and accountability. The silent treatment is a terrible way to get your point across, since we’re not mind-readers.

Can't think of anything to add, you did a good job so I hope women are listening.

Number 6.... I have found that's one of the hardest one to find... And I've also found these traits are interlocked. If you don't have true confidence, you can't be internally happy, you can't reciprocate, etcetera.

Thank you, Emily, for what you do.

I love a woman who has confidence, I mean wow, love it.

Great list. You nailed it actually. But I have one to add. Men love women who understand them and what they want. So if you're a woman watching this video, you're literally becoming more attractive right now

Very good list. Ive been married 14 years. One of the things I really appreciate about my Wife is that she stays pretty positive and is appreciative of me. No silent treatment.

Nailed it from my perspective 😂 I do agree that no matter the % of fault for relationship failure both need to take responsibility and accountability for their actions and mistakes. Learning from it is the best thing one take to prevent the same mistakes. Thumbs 👍 up you the best at what you do.

All 10 excellent!!!

Thanks for doing this! Asking men what they like is extremely helpful. This is not a perfect list, but it is a good summary. This also goes beyond just the initial attraction and goes to depth in relationships. If we want long-term relationships, we need to get beyond the surface, be open, vulnerable and honest. Good video.

After spending a few hours watching videos on what women like in men, it feels good to know that there are videos that are the other way around. A lot the videos I watched never showed what women do wrong, nice video

You nailed it again with this video. I especially love #8 - Must have a Sense of Humor. This is one of the most important ways to keep the spark alive long-term, even through thick and thin. We have to be playful, but not vindictive nor cruel. We want to tickle the psyche physically and mentally. It helps us to feel alive and promotes trust, helps to release stress, and promotes a deeper sense of love and ones self for one another. It promotes a positive relationship and we grow closer together as a team. It also allows us to learn more about each other. It does the body good to be able to laugh even in hard times. And I agree with everything else. Awesome.

I'm 57. I think loyalty comes above all as a two-way street. The woman that has my back I strive to make happy. I'm first and she is first in all matters. When one or the other comes to doubt that loyalty a fracture occurs and it infects everything else. Dig your channel. Wish my nephews would tune in.

Thanks!

Good list, falls with mines

You nailed it. Note that "looks" and "measurements" don't even make the list - and neither do Career or Her Income. Cuz all of that means zilch if the Big 10 are not there.

Thank you for the insight! I have been quiet about some personal needs for fear of scaring him away (we both have past traumas), but I see that I really need to speak up! Finding the words in a non-traumatizing way.... that's the hard part. 😐🙏🏼

@SapphireKid-zh3up

6 ай бұрын

Been married to a nice guy for 34 years. Can be scary territory sometimes but so worth it.

Intelligence, confidence, flaws, sense of humor,

@anduvo

6 ай бұрын

One important thing to realize is that narcissists mimic this qualities to perfection at the beginning of the relationship making people fall for the trap. Is important to look for narcissistic red flags too.

@JBfromFL

6 ай бұрын

( o ) ( o )

Had to pause and comment on 6. YES! This a thousand percent. Especially the gratitude part. I will change or improve my life, house, body, attitude, whatever, for just some appreciation and encouragement. And intimacy occasionally

When they smile at you When they hold your arm When they don't want to leave you When they eat at the same table with you When they tell other people they like you When they show interest in what you like When they plan to see you When they cherish our time together When they think of you first if they need help When they say what they mean

I was a college freshman in the 1980's. I remember setting by this women in class. She was average, cute looking. She was also nice to talk to. After a month she started to look a lot more attractive. I got brave and decided to ask her out. I got totally rejected...she showed me her wedding ring! I was shocked. I had no idea she was married. She did not lead me on, she was just easy to talk to! I was right out of high school and all the young girls I knew were unmarried. Needless to say from that time onward I always checked the ring finger.

100% right on. Been with my partner for 19 years now. She is all of your listed items (and more)

To #1: GIVING from the heart makes happy, not receifing more and more stuff! That is one reason for the sacrifieces men make for their wifes and children. All they want for that ist loyality, respect and real love in return.

What attracts me to a woman hmm: 1) doesn’t play games I have no use for them 2) is secure with herself…sorry I know that eliminates like what about 95% of woman? 3) can find happiness with what she has not always wanting more 4) supports and backs me 5) sense of humor 6) wears minimal make up 7) doesn’t think a relationship is a 90/10 in favor of her it comes to responsibilities That’s it all the rest will work itself out

@emilywking - I have always seen these as factors that are good for a long term relationship; not so much what MEN want, but what works best for both people in the long-run. This is an important point and one I hope you'll do a video on.

For me, reciprocity will be the main thing I will be looking for in all of my relations. Either with friends, my kids, my family or my SO, if any of these people does not reciprocate, I'm done giving them efforts. At least, nothing more than the bare minimum I should be doing. I was so mentally and physically exhausted by the end of 2023, I do not want to find myself in the exact same situation for 2024.

Women that's aren't afraid to speak from the HEART. Authenticity. Grounded. Has common sense. Loyalty. Wisdom. Aware of her surroundings (for security reasons) Non materialistic. Subtle confidence. Open minded. NATURAL hair!!!!!!!

Excellent list. Personally I'd put accountability as #1 but to each their own... Also, ladies, take note, ALL of these are within your control and changeable

@steveretiredandcranky

6 ай бұрын

They allow their biology and emotion to control everything else.

Had a difficult conversation with my girlfriend the other night and called her out on something. She didn't like it, said so and then said "On reflection though, you're right." I perceived her tone as being moderately annoyed, so I guess we'll see over time if she's going to use it against me or change her behavior for the better.

A woman going all historical on you is the worst. I don't know if a woman being happy is part of attraction it should be an essential, i was in a 22 year marriage with a woman that isn't remotely internally happy, i kept her happy for many years by doing and buying things for her, but eventually it all wasnt enough. My second wife is so different, she is internally happy, life is so much easier not being on an emotional rollercoaster.

Been single for a year after a five year relationship. Her version of communication was yelling about all the things I wasn’t doing while never giving credit for anything I was doing and when I’d communicate things I felt she could do better she’d say I was controlling and narcissistic cause it was all about me. There was little to no reciprocation, and when she did, it was always accompanied by complaints and negativity. All she wanted to do was talk…..for hours on end.

The silent treatment is torture.

Communication is the main key in any relationship.

We want someone to stay with us even when we hit rock bottom

My list is loyalty, peace, appreciation, and support. Looks are there but low on my list.

you are such a good in touch with reality woman. I love all that you say at such a young age.

I fully agree.

I fully agree with the happiness point. Recently where I work we had a new woman start. OK this is only my personal opinion but a quick look at her would be that she was attractive but when you throw in her constant smile and great attitude she lights up the area.

Great list Emily. Well done. As you were counting the two I were waiting for were good Values and Morals. Those are musts along with everything you said.

Spot on ❤

The anti Princess. Don’t get me wrong, I want to pay the bill on the first date and I want to hold the door for her. But women who don’t say “thank you” for it, who act like I’m one of her servants who is doing the bare minimum….there will be no second date.