I died at ''you see any other cars in the parking lot junior?''.

@joaquinbartsch4325

4 жыл бұрын

i did not understand that one :(

@TheMaxORyan

4 жыл бұрын

@@joaquinbartsch4325 It means that there was only both of there cars in the lot, so no one but them was in the building (ie: he would be on the other side sucking the d)

4 жыл бұрын

@@joaquinbartsch4325 keep on it...you can do it...

@joaquinbartsch4325

4 жыл бұрын

@@TheMaxORyan thanks!

@joaquinbartsch4325

4 жыл бұрын

@ i find out thank you

“For the love of the game” 😂😂 I’m dying!

@Joxn041690

4 жыл бұрын

Haha best line

@aedanmarcus3253

3 жыл бұрын

I think Tom and Bert Kreischer both use that line

@edouarddeflandre

3 жыл бұрын

I'm crying man

@hoagielamp6543

3 жыл бұрын

@@aedanmarcus3253 Except Bert's delivery is dogshit compared to Tom.

@Ironmurs

3 жыл бұрын

I’m late to the party...said the same fuckin thing! Lololol!

“She’s got a rough chin on her.” Lol. This Japanese comedian always has me rolling on the floor.

@olliefoxx7165

Жыл бұрын

Japanese?

@tavianroberts4423

Жыл бұрын

@@olliefoxx7165 SEGUURAAAAAAAA

@olliefoxx7165

Жыл бұрын

@@tavianroberts4423 🤣🤣🤣

@vistalover9607

Жыл бұрын

I love Japanese comedians and this is no exception

@georgeharrod7805

Жыл бұрын

Way undervalued comment

The international uniform for the last guy you'll ever see.

@lorenzocobos9934

3 жыл бұрын

For real

@adeptusmechanicus1029

2 жыл бұрын

Gold.

@dandabear118

2 жыл бұрын

Lol

@wadewilson6722

2 жыл бұрын

Cool comment

@gianesbaby-blues7383

2 жыл бұрын

Classic!!

This guys delivery is ON POINT. Every time.

@rome-tk5vd

4 жыл бұрын

so underrated

@MrJakefleck

4 жыл бұрын

I know this is technically “live” because it’s a Netflix special. However, actually seeing him live in person, makes his Netflix specials look like grade school stuff. He flat-out kills live.

@MuerteSigiliosa

4 жыл бұрын

That's because he is ripping off Patton Oswald's delivery If you don't believe me listen to Patton's old stuff

@flipgroove

4 жыл бұрын

Pp

@sLw1337

4 жыл бұрын

Wow so cool dude!

His timing, his delivery, his tone. It’s all so perfect. This is a very honed in set. Love it.

@JohnPaton3

4 жыл бұрын

Even when he's not speaking, his facial gestures are hilarious.

@johnnymcblaze

3 жыл бұрын

Actually, I'm guessing it just comes natural to him. We can recognize our own.

@christostine3069

2 жыл бұрын

He always is on point!

@NotTheHeroStudios

2 жыл бұрын

Dude he really is top notch

@marcdumont2275

2 жыл бұрын

He did this show sick too

I love how he totally brushes past the fact that the woman in his story was absolutely trying to hook up with him lol

@user-lm5fd6rr5b

3 жыл бұрын

That's what I thought lol Tom totally cockblocked himself there.

@EmazingGuitar

3 жыл бұрын

You don’t want to hook up with girls like that 😂 the easy ones are the super spreaders 😂💀

@chrisdraco1973

3 жыл бұрын

@@EmazingGuitar I need this on a shirt

@lynxaway

3 жыл бұрын

Love how you didn’t consider he could have easily made up that part? Lol

@jayyyjude

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-lm5fd6rr5b Or ya know the fact he is married

"She's got a rough chin on her for sure" 🤣🤣 f*cking dead.

Tom, for my mind, is probably the best storyteller in comedy. He keeps you right there in the moment and the payoffs are always great, but it’s his little throwaway jokes like “Mr. Fuck Dynasty over here” that really put him into a different class. Never stop Mr Segura. Please.

@jexanrp8642

4 жыл бұрын

Hot take but he's definitely up there. I'd put Joey up there first then Tom right behind him.

@nolangelser5534

4 жыл бұрын

Uncle joey

@ScottWaa

4 жыл бұрын

@@jexanrp8642 Joey Diaz is my favorite storyteller. Tom is always telling a great personal angry story with no malace... (but always a great guy to back you) . Diaz is almost a Ted talk. Bert is a hilarious story teller. They have a great circle of friends... Rogan Bill Burt, Joe Rogan, etc.

@RavensTalkPodcast

4 жыл бұрын

Dave Chapelle says hi. But Tom is right there

@ArtyShat

4 жыл бұрын

I find Louis CK is way a head as a comedy storyteller

So this chick was actually Chris D'elia according to the impression

@imansmith817

3 жыл бұрын

This is my favorite comment ever lmao

@sarakavandi2107

3 жыл бұрын

Hahahahahaha hahahahaha 😂😂

@brandonisthetrivium1

3 жыл бұрын

I was thinking Jason Mantzoukas lol

@patpatpatpatsquire

3 жыл бұрын

Holy shit lol lol

@TheRAGE154

3 жыл бұрын

He must of thought tom was underage

Tom Segura tells jokes with the same cadence and tone as someone reading a bedtime story to their kids but with content that gives you that disturbed feeling you get from a wrong click on chat roulette

@shaynox09

2 жыл бұрын

Ok I'll

@abdontroche

2 жыл бұрын

Hahaha, that's a coincidence because I am watching it before to go to bed

@dibidubu4168

Жыл бұрын

very good comment

“Show me what you have, I don’t wanna be closed minded “😂

4:43 “Piss fetish? I don’t wanna waste it” That’s such a lovely thing to hear when eating soup 😖

@Nonessentialsquid

Жыл бұрын

Oh no

@garagedays2988

8 ай бұрын

Yummy

If you didn’t pay a noticeable amount of money, it’s not a female on the other side

@Meatcity-sf8fm

4 жыл бұрын

Ry Hol so you need to pay a larger amount of money . I never knew that. You sir are a man of the world

@MOUNTA1N

4 жыл бұрын

hahahaha. I see what you're trying to do. you're not tricking me!

@bullzai018

4 жыл бұрын

@@MOUNTA1N Aw bless your heart lol

@whitak3r

4 жыл бұрын

Just pretend it's a girl. You can't see...Hopefully the mustache doesn't brush the shaft.

@CountDoucheula

4 жыл бұрын

A mouth's a mouth...

Picture the man in the overalls as *Louis CK...*

@fnfn9199

3 жыл бұрын

And ginger

@lupo3694

3 жыл бұрын

@@fnfn9199 Loius CK is a ginger

@muraddiab6393

3 жыл бұрын

When he said overalls I pictured squirrelly Dan from letterkenny

@lupo3694

3 жыл бұрын

@Turd Furgeson bc he looks like a prev and also is one? I mean he does like to jerk of in front of people.

@grumpyboomer61

3 жыл бұрын

Well, I am now. So, thanks for that. 😳

The girl in this story is Lumpy Space Princess

@Brian-yz8dj

4 жыл бұрын

This comment is absolute gold!

@Pedakin

4 жыл бұрын

Nice.

@JabrielMcIntosh

3 жыл бұрын

Underrated!!! lmao

@Krondelo

3 жыл бұрын

🤣 "I'm looking for a man"

@philyamascunt7518

3 жыл бұрын

I always think of Triggly Puff when guys are telling crazy fuck stories

"Well, I don't know either". I spit my drink out.

@GoodnightMoon666

4 жыл бұрын

Shoulda swallowed

When he laughs at the with, “Ok, sure.” That caused another outburst of laughter. Couldn’t hold it back and I was already laughing beforehand

“PISS FETISH?”

@karleymurphy

3 жыл бұрын

"Got a full bladder, don't wanna waste it."

@paulzammataro7185

3 жыл бұрын

@@karleymurphy 😆

@waveunleashed9585

3 жыл бұрын

@@karleymurphy please don’t

“Mom said not to forget” the voice crack sells it

I’ve never heard a comedian hit this subject before . Props to him for going there.

@thatf_inguy8220

4 жыл бұрын

louis ck did a similar bit "You are a tourist in sexual perversion; I am a prisoner"

@Meatcity-sf8fm

4 жыл бұрын

I see

@Tommyoda

2 жыл бұрын

the story 💯🤣

@quainejohnson4808

2 жыл бұрын

Mike bribiglia has a similar bit: "I ask her, have you ever masturbated while driving a car?"

@RobespierreThePoof

Жыл бұрын

Oh so brave! Dude, this subject matter has been standard drag queen humor since the 70s. His approach is funny as hell but ... There's a whole world of sex comedy out there you don't know about, clearly.

Tom Segura is like a guilt-free Louis CK

@user-sl1tg3eb9q

3 жыл бұрын

minus the talent

@ClutchClick

3 жыл бұрын

@@user-sl1tg3eb9q if you don't think he's talented why the fuck are you on his video bruh

@earthwormsim8068

3 жыл бұрын

@@ClutchClick Tom segura is good, but I don't think his content is as funny as Louis'

@ClutchClick

3 жыл бұрын

@@earthwormsim8068 That's a reasonable opinion, but the other dude said "minus the talent" which is a load of shite. Cheers anyway

@Gvaz

3 жыл бұрын

you know you can like Louis ck with zero guilt hth

Dammit... My wife, I love her, does that exact absurdly stupid laugh. Says she's nervous. Still gonna keep her.

@samanthahydeker7914

3 жыл бұрын

I think there's two types of that laugh, the obnoxious valley girl, and the shy one.

@lowkeylokii4205

3 жыл бұрын

ol but is she horby the way guys are

@DayleDiamond

3 ай бұрын

Imagine hearing that laugh from the other side of a wall.

"Cement-block building with no sign or address." He just described Giuliani's Four Seasons press conference. 😂

@TacticalDimples

3 жыл бұрын

Nice bringing politics into something that’s not political 👍

@whodoobucrew2960

3 жыл бұрын

@@TacticalDimples its always funny to make fun of Rudy. Remember when he started touching himself in front of (what he thought) was a minor?

@tesmith47

2 жыл бұрын

@@TacticalDimples not political, fact. Look at the picture

This dude in the cement building sounds like Harvey Keitel’s character from Taxi Driver but working in the pawn shop from Pulp Fiction

@meadster308

4 жыл бұрын

I was thinking the rapist in Deliverance.

@robertfan332

4 жыл бұрын

I was gonna say he sounds like the dude working the pumps at the gas station down my street but is actually employed at the the gas station across the street from that one.

@mikitz

3 жыл бұрын

Just to add the lust scene in Seven....

What a well-spoken comedian, didn't notice him saying "um" a single time!

@stayingloyaltonaymencke606

4 жыл бұрын

Hes very good yea

@tvojslauf

4 жыл бұрын

T S he says um in the first two seconds

@ts4595

4 жыл бұрын

@@tvojslauf Haha, right you are!

@sabertoothwallaby2937

4 жыл бұрын

Good point

@energeez

4 жыл бұрын

@@ts4595 i think he says um on purpose though, not like a filler for thought like most people.

That “what-the-fuck” at 4:56 had me DYING laughing!

“Universal uniform for the last guy you’ll ever see” 😂

This guy is too funny

@xamphor

4 жыл бұрын

I think he's the right amount of funny

@kendrick7385

3 жыл бұрын

Justin K i like 2 bears 1 cave but I don’t like YMH

@dtbgunn3r

3 жыл бұрын

@@kendrick7385 give it a chance bits really an episode basis tbh. Same with 2 beats

@dtbgunn3r

3 жыл бұрын

Bears

This guy could tell a story about filling up a tax form and it would be hilarious :D

Tom has gotten so much better with his performances, I love how he sets up his jokes

Absolute master of the storytelling joke. Layers of jokes leading back around to that original premise of "horny like guys are" and then the finisher. The thing is its believable. I'd buy that story.

@RobespierreThePoof

Жыл бұрын

There are details that i certainly don't believe. But I'm not telling you how i know he's embellishing

"Hey sir, how's the stock market today?" That's the line that I'm going to open up with, the next time that I'm on Grindr, and some guy that's older than my dad messages me to ask if I'm DTF?

@tannershumway6719

4 жыл бұрын

I’m stealing this idea

@gabrieladerre2862

4 жыл бұрын

@@tannershumway6719 Go for it! I don't dislike older guys, but it's never the hot ones that try it! It's the guys that leave me absolutely astonished at their level of confidence, bravado! I'm not mean, I'll have a friendly chat with nearly anyone, but good Lord! 😂😂😂

@vespaman101

4 жыл бұрын

@@gabrieladerre2862 idk if itd confidence or just not giving a fuck. I get the most absurd ass pics sent to me. Guys with man gravy on their lips. The horrors

@notnickDPT

4 жыл бұрын

@@gabrieladerre2862 hahaahha howd it go😂

@TheOpinionsOfMrJones

4 жыл бұрын

Or reply with, “PISS FETISH?!” 😆

"I don't know, you fucking guess what's in here." Classic line!

"hello sir, how is the stock market today?" Instant classic, I was wrecked from laughter!

Lmfao "41 Jump Street" 🤣🤣

@jackiechan_wtf4041

3 жыл бұрын

Coming out, Summer 2021 😅😅

I feel like he's one of the few people in this world I could have a regular conversation about sexual situations.

@tastybritches6644

4 жыл бұрын

Most of society is sexuality repressed and/or don't fully comprehend their own sexuality. I enjoy talking about sexuality and sexual hygiene just as long as you can be adult about it.

@robertfan332

4 жыл бұрын

Ye but segura is creepy AF. On stage hes good but in person... A chick came up to him and said she's horny and he got into debate with her about the quantity of horniness a woman can have.

@EikottXD

4 жыл бұрын

@@robertfan332 Not figuring how that is creepy. He just wanted to prove her wrong with a true story.

@robertfan332

4 жыл бұрын

@@EikottXD im saying Segura is a creepy dude. Seeing him laugh over and over just as hard everytime while watching a video of a guy getting seriously injured in a parachuting accident breaking both legs feels like a put on. It wouldn't be as funny even for creepy Tom by the 5th time around.

@tastybritches6644

4 жыл бұрын

@Globglogabgolab 2.0 you know it, babe.

I love you Tom. Not in a gay way but a gay way you know

@MrKwabenajames

4 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣

@pointdext4118

4 жыл бұрын

dude, of course. like I wont kiss him but like I'll kiss him

@deeznutz9998

4 жыл бұрын

that's gay.

@XboxNinjaGamer360

4 жыл бұрын

@@deeznutz9998 Grow the fuck up kid, I know 5 yr old little girls with more maturity than you.

@scurus11scurus

4 жыл бұрын

Richard Harding sure, from a dude named Dick Hard-ing talking’ to deez nutz 🙄

That’s one of the funniest stories I’ve ever heard, it’s up there with Bert’s ‘The Machine’ Russia story thank you Tom, seriously underrated, borderline criminally underrated comedian. Keep it up sir!!!!

@jairogarcia867

2 жыл бұрын

The machine is so over rated

@dominikrode8184

Жыл бұрын

the machine story is literally his only joke

"Well the story takes place in 1997" his face man lmao

7:11 ~ 'She's Got a Rough Chin on Her' XD

@SH-lt2iv

4 жыл бұрын

😆🤣

I don't even drink and I sort of want to know the address.

@bobbiusshadow6985

4 жыл бұрын

Glory holes are glorious.

@luisalfredo297

4 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂 bruhhh!!!!!

@JustinGalindoRealtor

4 жыл бұрын

Lolol hahaha

@spg1794

4 жыл бұрын

first building you see on any interstate exit is either a Cracker Barrel or a place like that...um... a friend told me

@seanwebb605

4 жыл бұрын

@@spg1794 I'm Canadian. The land border crossings are closed. Does your friend no of such a place anywhere between Toronto and Niagara Falls? Asking for another friend.

"She's got a rough chin on her for sure." 😂

LOLOLOLOL!! “You see any other cars in that parking lot??”

I like how the jokes go full circle, like this joke will set up this joke

Lmfao I blew so many straight dudes in college, that “ok sure” at the end had me DEAD 💀

@BrodyT6464

2 жыл бұрын

The accuracy

@MemerCat0

2 жыл бұрын

bro.....

@wfcoaker1398

2 жыл бұрын

They've all got faceless Grindr profiles now and call themselves "discrete". Lol

@tesmith47

2 жыл бұрын

Still available??? Please!

@rahuldahoob4513

2 жыл бұрын

@@wfcoaker1398 😂😉😈

Saw him live in Seattle as a surprise opener for his wife in 2016. He ANNIHILATED. Legend in the making for sure!

Tom is such a good comedian, such good timing.

You see any other cars in the parking lot junior ?

@lilrara1291

4 жыл бұрын

Can u explain wat that means to my dumbass

@skiepk

4 жыл бұрын

@@lilrara1291 No other cars in the parking lot = Mr. No Shirt Under Overalls guy being the only being on the premises who could be on the other side of that gloryhole.

@joaquinbartsch4325

4 жыл бұрын

@@skiepk oh thanks, the guy will do it...

@justincoleman3805

4 жыл бұрын

How do you not get it? You have a working brain, right?

@lilrara1291

4 жыл бұрын

skiepk I’m slow asl,thanks lmfao

"My man would never do that..." Then you don't know your man lol

"for the love of the game" might be my favorite description

I nearly died with this one. I haven't laughed like this in a while. Great stuff!

You see any other cars in that parking lot jr.? 💀

@ANTlVISION

2 жыл бұрын

I still dont get that line :(

@JoeUrbanYYC

10 ай бұрын

​@@ANTlVISIONthe only person who's going to be sucking on the other side of that hole is the store owner.

“Fuck Dynasty” took me out lmao

I dont know if everyone is appreciating the perfect joke story telling here. the joke starts somewhere and ends up somewhere else and then goes back! genius!

“Hello, sir. How’s the stock market today?” 😅

This video came within seconds of killing me from asphyxiation because I was laughing so hard 11/10 best comedian ever, would totally almost die again

I've had a shit week and felt really down, but this has fixed all that. Thank you, Tom Segura :)

"You're a nark thats what you are" ahhahaha

You're such a good story teller, "Seguraaaaaa!" Lmfao

My favorite comic now, he's perfection, I laughed so loud so many times, I snorted my wine then dropped the glass😂😂

I'm sad I never checked Tom's specials, I love his delivery.

@AndrewFunnyMan

4 жыл бұрын

They’re all worth it. Love reading all the people in these comments just discovering him. The wormhole goes deep, my friends; you won’t regret it

@MrOafer3797

3 жыл бұрын

Watch all of his specials on Netflix ...he’s the GOAT

@zeaferjones1404

3 жыл бұрын

@@AndrewFunnyMan I've seen him a bunch but this is the first time I've seen him during stand up. He's sort of the opposite of Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz is hilarious in a conversation or interview but his stand up is pretty good. Tom Segura seems like a nice dude in conversation but his stand up is way funnier.

@Vitaliuz

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. Discovered him couple days ago. Heard of him long ago, but never watched the videos. Better late than never, I guess.

I love Tom Segura's comedy 🎭 such a genuine talent!!!

“My man would never do that!” “Okay, sure.” That’s the best quote I’ve ever heard

His delivery, subject matter, the way he carries himself onstage. Segura is a fucking comedy Rockstar. Legendary status.

"For the love of the game" that one gets me good lol

This segment will never not be funny in my eyes. F**king hilarious

His podcast is amazing! "Your moms house" and "2 bears 1 cave" with Bert Kriesher...funny as hell!

Why have I not ever given this man the time of day I’m dying laughing over here. 😂

"The last guy you'll ever see" I cant fucking breathe

“For the love of the game” has me weak

"The story takes place in 1997"...lmao i love it

Truly hilarious everyone should see all his stand-ups

I’ve seen Tom on the Joe Rogan podcasts but I haven’t watched his stand up until now. I wish I had sooner.🤣

@cambeul

4 жыл бұрын

you should see his and his wife's podcast too

I've been hearing good things about Tom so long, why did I wait so long to check him out? This was a great way to be introduced to him!

"41 jumpstreet" lmaoo caught my ass off guard, segura and christy are goated

" lemme tell you a story" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Then later he says, " show me around" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I mean, it could still be a girl, right? She could've taken a bus.

@ilovemikerogers

3 жыл бұрын

I admire your imagination.

@MrSidney9

3 жыл бұрын

Lol sure whatever you need to tell yourself to sleep at night

@Jacksynth

3 жыл бұрын

Way to prove his point 😂

@lionnelmurimi651

3 жыл бұрын

This is what i kept telling myself until i read the comments section. I didnt want to believe it. XD

This gentleman has helped me in so many ways, just by being a funny, honest and a real man.

Tom Segura is quickly becoming one of my favorite still performing comedians.

This guy's HILARIOUS!!😃 Never 👀 seen him before.. Definitely look out for him! ☝😄

I absolutely love Tom Segura!! He is one of my favorite comedians!!! Could watch his stand up all day!!!

I freaking love this guy! My new favorite comedian!

"you see any cars parked outside, Jr?" 😂😂😂

“F*ck Dynasty” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

i have never laughed so hard as i did today. hilarious.

GOLD, again. Segura for the kill every time

One of the fav comedians!! He literally acts like he dont give a shit lmfaoo

He’s got a lot of good bits, but this has been my favorite for a while now.

Tom Segura is basically Louis C.K. without the criminal record 🤣

@mohammadmoravej2914

4 жыл бұрын

segura's funny , when I watch him I smile, but when I watch ck I laugh till my stomach hurts! and through the day I keep remembering his jokes and laugh again, I laughed a week over his jizzanthepus bit...

@BreakingBatman187

4 жыл бұрын

Louis doesn't have a criminal record. Sexual misconduct is more of an HR issue than a legal one. Deciding to spank it in your hotel room in front of adult guests can be creepy and get you shunned by society, but as long they're of age, you're not assaulting them or holding them against their will, it's not a criminal act.

@IvanaGiznya

4 жыл бұрын

TyetheRebel if the guests were invited by you and then you ask them if you can jerk off in front of them and they reluctantly say yes then it is not a criminal act.

@IvanaGiznya

4 жыл бұрын

TyetheRebel we were talking about what Louie did. You said what he did was a criminal act, I pointed out that he asked them before he did it. He didn’t just start jerking off in front of them without asking first.

@BreakingBatman187

4 жыл бұрын

@TyetheRebel I guess I can check a record of the criminal charges presented when the police arrested him. Oh wait, he wasn't arrested? Wait, he's not in jail with Bill Cosby? He's out doing gigs? Well, this is very peculiar.

One of the best bits I've heard in a while

i seen a lot of stuff from his podcast and others with him on, but i had no idea he was such a beast on stage.. glad i clicked this!

OMG this guy is hilarious best comedy act I’ve seen in along time

The funniest thing about this video is watching him pretend he didn't go there just for the glory hole. Lol Like, lo and behold look what I have found...

One of the best comedians I’ve ever heard

"41 jump Street" almost actually killed me, I'm eating dinner and legit choked

Makeup ON POINT. You go gurl!

Gained a fan absolutely hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

@dito4lyfe

4 жыл бұрын

Look up some more of Toms stuff. Also he’s done a few podcasts. The most recent with Joe is a great way to see Tom as a human.

Ba ba bs ba and then polished it off got me 😆

“I got a full bladder , dont wanna waste it” lol