I loved your commentary on this and just to expound on it I would let women(black women) know that this woman isnt the rule. She is the exception to the rule. And exceptions are rare. Usually when a man says that he doesnt want you then you should believe him and move on. Only in rare cases does he come around or change his mind. I also agree with other commenters that it is or was distasteful for him to let the world know that he didnt want his wife in the beginning. The world didnt need to know this. As a husband, especially since he changed his mind about her, he should have covered her and protected her instead of throwing her under the bus to be judged as being foolish for chasing after a man. I even took issue with his constant reiteration of his lack of desire for her in the beginning. It was unnecessary.

@hellostephco84

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly well said. I’m going to pin this comment.

@tupe7868

2 жыл бұрын

The truth of him not wanting her and making the public aware of that isn't distasteful. ESPECIALLY when at the time of telling the story they are happily married. Y'all need to either get the help suggested or get over yourselves. Had they not been together and still working with one another then ok. An instance like that would make that argument valid. But absolutely not when in the same breath he's telling you he loves this woman more than anyone on the planet and you won't find ANYONE who champions and uplift their woman more than Tobe does his wife. You won't find not one video of Tobe without Fat in it.

@tupe7868

2 жыл бұрын

When it was Steve Urkel or Roger from Sisters it was funny. In fact Michelle didn't initially want Barack. It's life. And I appreciate their candor. ESPECIALLY since they are telling it from a place of success and fulfillment.

@tupe7868

2 жыл бұрын

Here you have a black man who's intelligent, articulate, successful, champion being married, being a father yet being torn apart by black women because of their own personal unresolved issues.

@mqgriffi

2 жыл бұрын

Well said!

What Tobe and Fat failed to realize is that their audience members are human beings who will call a spade a spade. They put their story out for us to listen to and expected us to say, “Aww, that’s so cute!” Obviously, that didn’t happen because their response was to make that music video. People are allowed to disagree with actions and behaviors that go against their morals. Their viewers- who I’m assuming are black and possibly majority women- learned something from the couple’s story: that no one should jump through hoops for a person not interested in them from the beginning.

@prettyqueen573

2 жыл бұрын

If you look at the initial comments on their video from a few years ago that was the response but as BW have started to expect better from these males the more recent comments call out the toxic BS of their relationship.

@dezinechic

2 жыл бұрын

yes to that last part.......and especially one not looking like nothing

@LizNeptune

2 жыл бұрын

@@prettyqueen573 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

@aniyamarie8370

2 жыл бұрын

@@prettyqueen573 I’ll be honest: if I were younger and invested in their channel, I would’ve been praising Fat for everything she did just to get Tobe. However, it’s usually experience that alters someone’s thinking. I’m willing to bet the same women praising them in the past have been humbled; meaning, they attempted to be Fat and things didn’t work out for them. I’m glad they’re trying to get the couple to acknowledge their love story isn’t as enlightening as they make it out to be because it makes them aware of the reality others are living.

@brittw9781

2 жыл бұрын

Summed that up perfectly

I think the backlash was more about his arrogant demeanor than the story itself. Tone matters.

@OpulentAristocrat

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly!

@corpin08

2 жыл бұрын

It DOES hey... Look women reject men all the time..well I certainly have in the past. And we have seen plenty of happily married couples where it took the guy years to even get a date. Which yet when it's reversed it's socially jarring , but does happen, OK fine. He just should have taken more care in how he expressed the story...I sincerely hope this is NOT the dynamic they have now..🥴😬

How many ways can he say he didn’t like her? 😂

@heathers432

2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 He getting real creative with it now lol.

@CrystalM1917

2 жыл бұрын

I need a shirt that says Tobe: 'I didn't want you.'

@mmps18

2 жыл бұрын

Right?? He sounds like he's talking about an annoying fan not his wife!

I just can't....this will end in heartache for most women. If a man says he doesnt want you, believe it.

@Bigeyeroll

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed.. this is one video that I strongly disagree on. You don’t chase after a person that says they don’t want you. Man or woman. It doesn’t matter. It’s weird behavior.

@jadibdraws

2 жыл бұрын

@@Bigeyeroll I was thinking since Stephanie has been really open with us about doing that exact thing in the not so distant past maybe that's why she had the take she had but either way I don't think it's a healthy way to live and it shouldn't be normalized

@BlkOnyx0508

2 жыл бұрын

🎯

@tippy06

2 жыл бұрын

@@jadibdraws I didnt catch Steph saying that:( My comment was more so directed at the couple in the video.

@CrystalM1917

2 жыл бұрын

Steph basically said it wouldn't work for her but that it was working for them and shes happy for them. The truth is, it's not working for them either we just haven't seen it outwardly yet, aside from that horrible sit down, which was tragic. When someone says to you over and over again they didn't want you, makes sure its loud and clear for the whole world to hear, and makes no apologies for it whatsoever--- no amount of marriages, babies, album sales, and any other means by which one measures success, is going to change that. You can best believe this man has not changed how he feels about her deep down. That's not a blessing and some of the words coming out of Steph's mouth were giving credit where it wasn't due based on their outward appearance esp on things we know are triggers for her, like marriage, having children, career success. I have a very different perspective bc I have all those things yet my husband never told me he didn't want me...not once, and esp not over and over again and yet I still managed to have all those things. so I don't relate, can't compute and do not cosign that their 'love story' is healthy or beautiful just bc it's produced some success.

You can't put sugar on shit. That's how I felt about their response. That man dwelled on his rejection for her and reminded her multiple times that she wasn't that girl. Almost like he tried to humble her. Joking or not, I wasn't feeling it and that doesn't make me "hurt" or doesn't mean I need healing. It was disgusting to watch. He is giving me "settle" vibes. They may very well stay together because he is comfortable. Ijs

“Frivolous entree” 😩 Sounds like he doesn’t pedestalize her. He just loves how she pedestalizes him. He appreciates how much she loves him. But okay...

@jadibdraws

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly say it again it ain't nothing about the way he treats this woman that feels like he putting her on a pedestal her nickname is literally Fat. I heard the same thing you did he loves because of her deep infatuation for him. Its evident in everytime he talks about their relationship

@Babyluv_

2 жыл бұрын

@@jadibdraws exactly. I think he loves how worshipped he is by her. He knows no one else is doing that nonsense with him. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes someone may start out not wanting someone for a particular reason and they end up changing their mind. But that usually happens if the physical attraction is there and the person doesn’t like a personality trait. I think this man likes WHYTE women and that’s why he didn’t want her.

@Shalondria

2 жыл бұрын

You are hilarious! I like you!

@MoniqueD305

2 жыл бұрын

WHEW! You hit the nail on the head with this one!!!

@butterpecanrican_

2 жыл бұрын

This this and this.

Steph is really not understanding the point. It’s not the initial rejection that’s the problem. It’s the continued disrespect and belittling shown throughout the original video. And the “if the roles were reversed” argument is as flimsy as when whites use it in regards to race. We also all know that the “well at least I was honest” rhetoric that men use is emotionally manipulative. Getting picked doesn’t equate to a blessed union. Just ask Derrick Jaxn’s wife.

@voirdire30

2 жыл бұрын

💯 Agree

@lalalovesmusic7218

2 жыл бұрын

You said EVERYTHING I’ve been wanting to say!!

@peacejones7648

2 жыл бұрын

Wheeeewww! Those last two sentences ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

@TheThyckVixen

2 жыл бұрын

This needs to be a pinned comment cuz yes!

@ericabelcher8760

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheThyckVixen 💯💯

All he ever talks about is how much she loves HIM. That kinda tells me everything I need to know about their dynamic. But to each their own, I wish them success.

@mammajamma4397

2 жыл бұрын

THIS! It'd be nice to hear that

@sixteen.candles.4644

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah he doesnt love her. Sad.

@ccebs8009

2 жыл бұрын

If u watched any of his otger videos, u would see how much he professes his love for his wife. Even in that video series.

@heathers432

2 жыл бұрын

@@ccebs8009 Ok. I’m sure he does love her for loving and worshiping him.

@Misnyc

2 жыл бұрын

@@heathers432 that's your perspective not their reality though.

I was actually more put off by someone putting their partner down like that. He absolutely is using that as a tool to humble her. And that makes me think.. why would you want to humble your partner?? To me it's like those relationships on older sitcoms where all the couple does is bicker 'playfully' but they're genuinely putting each other down. There's a certain type of person that needs to feel like they helped their partner immensely and they are forever in debted to them for that help. Like him saying she dressed terribly. A LARGE part of their success now is attributed to their style. So the underccurent to these jabs are 'you wouldn't be anywhere without me'. That's weird. Why the hell would you make it sound like your partner is your charity case?

@heathers432

2 жыл бұрын

THIS!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

@ericabelcher8760

2 жыл бұрын

💯💯💯

@eyes9860

2 жыл бұрын

P R E A C H

@MissTeaq

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly her IG handle implies that there is no her without him… and like everyone says… if she likes it, love it for her… and hope she will find fulfillment in that and her family till death… because trying to figure out who you are is so much more difficult when you have given a couple or more decades to what ever you previously placed your identity in. It’s funny how they think that because we choose to comment on their “art” in a way that is not necessarily positive, it means we are losing sleep, missing meals and should see a therapist.

If the roles were reversed, the man should listen to the woman say she doesn't want him, and ACCEPT THAT AND LEAVE HER ALONE

@jadibdraws

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly period! Cause if I say I don't want a man I aint trying to be cute or hard to get I'm being serious!

@KL-ii6dt

2 жыл бұрын

What are you talking about? Women OFTEN play hard to get and expect men to "show interest" by continue to chase them.

@melchol2121

2 жыл бұрын

that's exactly what I was thinking-- if the roles were reversed its like this man can't accept no for a no. some men choose not to listen and don't take a women's word seriously when she's says no but if another man said something "oh my bad"

@trudytriad4574

2 жыл бұрын

I relate to you in a way and I love your channel. I sometimes wonder if I will ever get the love I desire or I will end up settling for someone who loves me a lot, like Tobé did, or if I will be single. A part of me has grown cold for that experience being directly mine, though I still believe in love as something existent around me as Eros and within me or closer in proximity to me in other forms. Hope I was clear in this comment.

@mammajamma4397

2 жыл бұрын

@@KL-ii6dt that's immature and dangerous. Not to mention old school. Men, as a group, need to understand that no means no, because there have been too many instances of women being hurt or killed by men who thought they were entitled to a woman just because he wanted her, her desires be damned.

In other words, he married her because she stayed and she was willing to put up with his disrespect and abuse.

@CrystalM1917

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! The simple and sad truth.

@yazzy6860

2 жыл бұрын

Aka another form of Struggle Love 🗑

@sixteen.candles.4644

2 жыл бұрын

Yup

@eyes9860

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly, periodt point blank

@anitra_g_fit5601

2 жыл бұрын

EXACTLY!!!

I don’t understand why it’s so hard to understand that most people were upset with how he was talking over her, shutting her down when she said positive things about herself and being dismissive of her feelings in general. To turn around and essentially say “y’all are just bitter” is as foolish as it gets. When we see our friends or family members being spoken to like that and we say “hey that doesn’t look/seem healthy” are we all just bitter? Or are we expressing genuine concern…Cmon now. I’m happy she got what she wanted and I think most people are, but the critical nature of the response to the original video are very valid. They knew the world would see that video and he still decided to treat her that way so honestly he asked for it.

@ericabelcher8760

2 жыл бұрын

I agree 1000%

@gleamingold4169

2 жыл бұрын

exactly! i don’t understand why that’s being stepped over.

@Queenxmarquise

2 жыл бұрын

Well said! I feel like you don’t get to call someone broken, or hurt, or a hater because they point out a problem with something you put out on the internet.

@afroaffirmations

2 жыл бұрын

Honestly I was expending more critical thinking from this poetic MOG. His responsive is so reductive, it’s insulting to his audience’s intelligence.

@OpulentAristocrat

2 жыл бұрын

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿🗣

The one thing men will always have is the audacity. I think the woman might be dealing with self esteem issues to accept all that from him. Like anyone with eyes can see that she is more attractive then him but let me leave it at that chile...

@just_by_luck

2 жыл бұрын

Ironic isnt it ? Here u are having the audacity to get urself involved in someones else love life as if it is ur own

@jadibdraws

2 жыл бұрын

@@just_by_luck girl shut thee hell up ppl like you make me sick, to even make a statement like this is contradictory. So no one can comment on anything outside themselves even if it made public cause it don't involve them? By your own logic why are you even talking to me concerned about what I'm talking about. Did I call for you? Did I mention you?

The reality is that their situation is the exception. Usually there is no guarantee that an investment will be returned when it comes to relationships. Men say all the time that they will marry you, have kids with you, buy a home with you and still leave when they meet a woman they love.

@Kelema86

2 жыл бұрын

This. Women already tend to give so much and do so much emotional labour in a long term relationship. The least we can ask for is that the man at the very least pursues and invests in us from the beginning. If there is an imbalance in the levels of attraction between a man and a woman I feel like the relationship in general will fare better if it’s in the favor of the woman. While I would never settle for a man I’m not really into I’d prefer he is more into me than I am into him.

What I find most interesting is the way couples like Tobe and Fat are considered successful and loving because of appearance and wealth. One thing that keeps being true about these social media couples: they’re rarely real.

@CrystalM1917

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly.

@kaynat.8166

2 жыл бұрын

I thought the same thing. If they were just a regular couple, without money and fame, this man would be called a narcissic dusty douchebag.

@rainerwells1573

2 жыл бұрын

Appearance

JUST SAY NO TO STRUGGLE LOVE

@dezinechic

2 жыл бұрын

thank you

@sixteen.candles.4644

2 жыл бұрын

I did and i have peace

@MindinMyBizBeinNosey

2 жыл бұрын

💯💯💯💯I COSIGN THIS MESSAGE! 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

@OpulentAristocrat

2 жыл бұрын

Pleaseeeeeeeee❤️ because it’s just not worth it.

Lol I had to read the title like 3x bc I thought it was “to be fat and undress, the criticism” lol 😂

@Sammy-nj3io

2 жыл бұрын

I read it a few times too thinking ‘I do not understand this title one bit’ 😂

@runawayshay6409

2 жыл бұрын

Same here 😂

@ashd8368

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

@MF-pk2gf

2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😭😭

@Mentalmogulmedia

2 жыл бұрын

Me too 💕🤣🤣

Don't trust overtly religious people, or people who use religion to profit or make it their personality, to make up for what they lack. They always turn out to be bullies or abusive in some way

@iamwalkingbyfaith

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly! There is more to this relationship that we don't see and I don't think it's as good as they portray it.

@ChristsChemist

2 жыл бұрын

Indeed many of them do. I'm saying that as someone who's been in "the church" for 30 years and finally left the building 2.5 years ago. But I never left my Lord and savior.

@jadibdraws

2 жыл бұрын

@@iamwalkingbyfaith first off ppl on the internet usually show the best of their relationship online its set up in a way for you to manipulate things and only show the good stuff and the fact that they thought they were portraying the brighter side of their relationship shows pure thee hell must be going on behind the scenes

@________1516

2 жыл бұрын

💯💯💯💯💯

@BlkOnyx0508

2 жыл бұрын

🎯

Tobe and Fat’s response was lame. Basically saying that if you didn’t like their video it’s because you must have been hurt?! I been married longer than them 😒

@darriahlazard

2 жыл бұрын

Right. 8 years married and 10 together and I can’t imagine my husband saying something like this. But if they like it, I love it 🤷🏽‍♀️

@CrystalM1917

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly. I have been happily married for 13 years and am 36. I didn't like it...AND what now?

@sholay706

2 жыл бұрын

@@darriahlazard I guess your husband is a beta man that follows you. U have no respect for your husband

@honeybee4dire

2 жыл бұрын

@@sholay706 Why would you fix your mouth to say something like this? Go away

@mounilazer8045

2 жыл бұрын

@@sholay706 there isn't such a thing as beta and alpha in humans, chit it doesn't even exist in animal's you need to let go of this weird terminology the only people who use it are mentally challenged men and fanfiction writer grow up

One line in the original video that will always stick out to me is when he wanted to drive home the point "I wanted someone, I just didn't want you! :) " Even if it was awhile ago it will make me forever side eye. I enjoy listening to your thoughts.

@bajantae6798

2 жыл бұрын

And the way he interrupted her to make sure that point was driven home! Then when she acknowledged it, he said “praise God”. 🥴

@KS-rs4ds

2 жыл бұрын

@@bajantae6798 yes I think at that point I said out loud " whatever love this is - just keep it away from me"

@mammajamma4397

2 жыл бұрын

Right! That would have hurt my heart! But I would have respected his honesty and went about my merry way.

@125loopy

2 жыл бұрын

If anyone is forced into love, it will not last.

@sholay706

2 жыл бұрын

@@KS-rs4ds their love is being manifested. They are building a black family unlike a bunch of single baby mamas

Steph, you’re so nice. That man loves her bc she is obsessed with him. They only work so well bc she pedestalizes him. The way he talks about about their love is always centered around himself. His tone when speaking to her tends to be borderline abusive and that’s something I can’t get over. I do wish them well bc atp they are perfect for each other, an egotistical man of god and a love starved woman looking for love in church. But I do believe it’s an unfortunate situation.

@Alyssaj1236

2 жыл бұрын

That's the way I see it.

@tsuyayaka1

2 жыл бұрын

Same.

@CheleBelle

2 жыл бұрын

"she pedestalizes him".... BOOM!!! Whoop there it is. AND no it ain't healthy no way... no how...no matter how long he endures being married to her. Good luck to all involved and no I would not set them as a positive example. 😵‍💫

@LizNeptune

2 жыл бұрын

This the one ☝🏽 Typical narcissist and supply, over-functioner and under-functioner, avoidant and preoccupied attachment relationship. He picked her cause he knew he would never find someone so obsessed and willing to throw herself into the train tracks for him.

@tasha1206100

2 жыл бұрын

Her reality is her own. It may feel abusive to you but not to her. You can’t handle his tone but obviously she understands it and is okay. We can’t put people in boxes or categories. We are all different and persevere the world differently. Only thing I don’t like is the way he exposed her while telling their story. Exposing her to everyone’s judgement on her decisions. If you’ve ever truly loved someone you will put them on a higher/different regard than everyone else. My personality couldn’t handle this type of man but I think they are perfect for each other.

I guess I have too much pride because I would never be with a dude who so clearly articulated that he never really liked me he just settled for me. Some people say that my pride will leave me single forever but I’m honestly ok with that if the alternative is to be with someone like Tobe.

@BubblyViolin11

2 жыл бұрын

I see that as self respect rather than pride, but maybe I’m biased cuz I completely agree with you. Lol.

@pelomk9022

2 жыл бұрын

I feel exactly the same way

Your facial expression in the thumbnail is sending me 😂

@noirefit5954

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Yanie!!! I liked your reaction video to them too

@James-hq2hw

2 жыл бұрын

yannieeeeeeee....I have been looking for your channel....i am about to sub.

Ain’t nothing like an Articulate, educated, self perspective, and thoughtful black woman. I think Your analysis and summary is on target and needed to be said. I hope they see this.

@MF-pk2gf

2 жыл бұрын

Ain't nothing like it.

@sashasdream

2 жыл бұрын

I swear I love her 😍 she’s my new fav KZreadr!

Yep! all I can say is yes. She is unique. I'd never tell my daughter run after a man who doesn't want you.

My thing is, for the entire relationship a man will ALWAYS find ways to throw it in your face that you pursued him. If a woman can live with that then she is better than me. I could not deal with every time someone asks how we met, he embellishes how how I chased him and how he did not want me at first....especially if the woman is really attractive. It's a big mistake to do that IMO.

@michellecruse7763

2 жыл бұрын

Yes! Jodie Turner-Smith and her husband came to mind. He did an interview and completely clowned her. I was so embarrassed for her!

My thing is them trying to conclude that those against their love, are those that never experienced love and that is a fallacy. Love is patient and kind. Love is not rude, boastful, and does not easily become angry. Tobe showed that latter all to fat and thus you have people who have experienced agape love, Gods love, healthy romantic love replying that their love is not a healthy one. It is not only those who have never experienced love. At the end of the day they are allowed to believe that their love is true I’m not going to argue there. However, to deduce those critiquing their love as never experiencing it, is poor logic.

I don't know, it's one thing to talk about how he "did not want her" but what about his love for her! I didn't see that anywhere in the video... and his love for her cannot just be framed in her persistence to love him in the face of adversity. At the end of the day it qualifies my belief that patriarchy comes out of matriarchy and how we devalue ourselves as women to 'get and keep a man'.

@sloanbanks1932

2 жыл бұрын

Amen Amen Snapple Apple Facts

@ya.baldheadedmama97

2 жыл бұрын

You’re definitely on to something. I wonder how many woman are in this same boat. He reduced her to a thirstbucket with no remorse. What I don’t like is how it’s painting this narrative that sometimes women have to beg a man to be with them in order to be married. Edit: women* not woman

@mammajamma4397

2 жыл бұрын

I can get behind this

@Ronirossoux

2 жыл бұрын

interesting

@yaee123

2 жыл бұрын

I agree w/ everything except the last part, I think it’s the other way around.

1-His response is just gaslighting! and words of love don't equates to actions. 2- you dont't call your loved ones names if you're a healthy person But NPD would do it. 3- always know that if it this bad in public it isn't better in private.

@6:55 We are not saying we dislike his experience with Fat. We are saying we dislike his emotional abuse and Fat's low self-esteem.

@camiba6773

2 жыл бұрын

I agree. It is just triggering to a majority of bw. They should have put a warning because what is for person is not for everyone

@AngeliqueW0212

2 жыл бұрын

@@camiba6773 Why need a warning??? If you don't like what you see cut it off or stop listening. You have more control of yourself than a video or someone talking to you.

@camiba6773

2 жыл бұрын

@@AngeliqueW0212 hey not trying to disrespect their relationship or anything. however as a counselor at a dv shelter. I get this scenario over and over again. It is like a record. It is heartbreaking when you hear story after story. Social media is great to display accomplishments and life but there are young girls who see this and think hey that might be men but the harsh cold reality is that most of the time it is not and bad things happen. Again I am not disrespecting anyone but I understand how their dynamic can make some upset. Bless you. I am just coming from my reality that I see everyday. God how I wish the turn out was like this but it is not. Again bless you

@AngeliqueW0212

2 жыл бұрын

@@camiba6773 understand since I lived through DV but again when I hear or see something I have the power to walk or turn something off. Nothing has anybody shackled or gun to their head while watching videos or listening to music.

@bestblerd5042

2 жыл бұрын

Why do you think she has low self esteem? Has she expressed that?

Maybe I’m not a Christian enough but this whole thing is a no. The response it’s a no. It’s all a no for me. I was with a narcissist and this smells the same.

@mammajamma4397

2 жыл бұрын

We have the same nose lol

@eyes9860

2 жыл бұрын

Girl I smell the same damn stank, and it’s pungent.

@lianna832

2 жыл бұрын

Never doubt your salvation because of what is popular or what everyone else seems to be agreeing on.

@MrsDazl

2 жыл бұрын

Nah, this isn't Christian at all

@pysq8

Жыл бұрын

@@lianna832 right, he's not treating her how he wants to be treated so we can't call it Christian.

This look is awesome on you.....the hair and makeup is perfect!!!

@Sammy-nj3io

2 жыл бұрын

First thought was she looks like a black Cher

@qnicole3333

2 жыл бұрын

She looks beautiful with any hairstyle, I personally love when she wears curly hair 🥰

her name is NOT FATIMA. it's martica. he calls her that because she's so skinny. hence it's an ironic, jab of a nickname that the entire world now knows her as.

@mammajamma4397

2 жыл бұрын

I KNEW IT!!!!!!!

@YESIMFUNNYAND

2 жыл бұрын

Well if I remember correctly Fat said he called her Fat because he thought her head was too big for her size. Either way it was said to be disrespectful to her appearance

@CrystalM1917

2 жыл бұрын

@@YESIMFUNNYAND can it get any worse?

@bonitapandora

2 жыл бұрын

@@YESIMFUNNYAND this is true. On their 97.9 the box interview he says that.

@phylliskimani6893

2 жыл бұрын

Yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Honestly, I felt like the song was gaslighting people who saw through their troubling relationship dynamic. I believe a couple can transform their relationship even if the foundation is shaky….but, I worry about young girls aspiring to this type of relationship, especially since we see this play out in the church (BW encouraged to chase down a partner/man believes he is the prize). I’m glad it worked out for them, truly. Especially since children are involved. But as a married woman, I can tell you that once you log offline & go behind closed doors, that foundation is still there & will need to be tended to by both parties to ensure there is a mutual respect & love under the surface. I think they have grown from back then; I know for a fact how you start is not how you have to finish. Like you said “what is for them is not for me!” Great commentary! 💕& you look radiant btw 🤗😘

@melchol2121

2 жыл бұрын

girl same, you read my mind

@dallasaj3000

2 жыл бұрын

I agree 1000%. Gaslighting at its finest.

@jadibdraws

2 жыл бұрын

@@melchol2121 yeah thanks for seeing through the bullshit it was definitely gaslighting like a person does not have to be in a bad relationship or going through a bad relationship to see he was on some bullshit which is literally what they were trying to say with the song.

@TomikaKelly

2 жыл бұрын

🙃🙃🙃

@kernaishaxoxo

2 жыл бұрын

Lmaooo AGREED. I feel like people were genuinely trying to help her see how callous he seems towards her and they made a song version of the Michael Jordan “stop it, get help” meme…

“We are tired of seeing our sisters be mistreated” wow …that hit me

So having legitimate critiques and concerns is being dismissed as being hurt, needing therapy (which people are misusing much like the word narcissist) and being nosey (their choice to share btw)?? Gaslighting and emotional manipulation.

Not to be off topic but you look GORGEOUS 😍

@sunflowermama4297

2 жыл бұрын

Right???? She is glowing! 😍

@cristinarivera5707

2 жыл бұрын

I seriously want to ask about her skincare regimen because she stays looking radiant!

@Kaikicm

2 жыл бұрын

Saaammmme I had to pause and I looked down and saw this comment 😍

@missysmithy25

2 жыл бұрын

This is one of her best looks

I love your fair assessment. However, there is a difference with being honest and being brutal and mean. Their courtship if we can call it that is abusive and she endured too much to get to the “pot of gold”. I guess we just have to believe it’s a healthy relationship if they say so but this looks toxic.

@CarmelQTful

2 жыл бұрын

You hit the nail on the head

@MrsDazl

2 жыл бұрын

AF!

I love that you’re breaking down what these words mean because I really don’t be knowing 💀

@simunzamwaanga3542

2 жыл бұрын

Lol

I'm tired of him reiterating that he did not want her ! Why does he have to keep dragging it out. It's not cute, it's very embarrassing for a woman to be walking around know everyone knows she wasn't first choice. He's a clown 🤡 don't ever let *anyone* tell you twice they don't want you!!!

@imanigordon6803

2 жыл бұрын

But somehow men are supposed to take it if it’s deemed the opposite? Y’all proving you can’t take rejection 😂

@w.d.2154

2 жыл бұрын

@@imanigordon6803 lol who's here telling men to accept that? Stop projecting hun 🤚

@imanigordon6803

2 жыл бұрын

@@w.d.2154 Look at steph’s recent video on making the first move and you tell me…

@just_by_luck

2 жыл бұрын

But he is not dating u ? Would it kill u to mind ur own sh*t ? Or ur life is really that boring?

@w.d.2154

2 жыл бұрын

@@just_by_luck This is a public platform for discussion. Grow up.

I don’t have an opinion on their love, whether pure or not. My only issue is the way he speaks about her to the world while she sits right beside him. He is disparaging the woman he married and the mother of his children. It is too hard to get past I couldn’t even finish the video. To me there is nothing worse than the people you love trashing you for the world to see.

@ahtrebor724

2 жыл бұрын

Yall not watching the whole video (and their other videos) perfectly explains why yall are so mad.

@kaynat.8166

2 жыл бұрын

@@ahtrebor724 Would you make a marriage proposal to a woman calling you "fat fat" instead of your real name, and going around to everyone (family, friends and the world) saying how much you're unnattractive to her and how she doesn't want you?

@Sammy-nj3io

2 жыл бұрын

@@ahtrebor724 not mad, I’m indifferent. They are strangers who are living their lives. I’m commenting on how he shows the world what he thinks of his wife. He doesn’t seem self aware and thinks he’s being ‘honest’. I feel sad for her as she doesn’t even seem to react to the name calling and plain rudeness. I can’t imagine the average woman dreams of finding a man like that to spend the rest of her life with. He can’t be mad if strangers as they same things to her as she experiences the verbal abuse first at home.

@ahtrebor724

2 жыл бұрын

@@kaynat.8166 No I wouldnt, but thats because im a straight black female lol. Idk maybe I think so differently from everyone else because I truly do want a Christian man to love me the way that he describes the love he has for his wife. Of course their beginning isn't ideal but he says towards the end of the video that he views love as a commandment from God. I want a husband who will love me day in and out not because of an initial attraction or the self- gratification of attaining me. but he loves because love is a commandment. Worldly love is fleeting b/ c its based on attraction and emotions. I don't want a love like that. I've had men be infatuated with me for weeks then disappear b/c love this world's idea of love is emotional and emotions are fleeting. I don't want that. Hope that made some sense.

Stephco, the fact you can pull so many beautiful words out of your vocabulary list to describe this couple is indeed a very unique skill set.

I don't have it in me either. I'm at that point where we need to both be in. I don't have time to chase no one and convince someone to love. F that!

@sholay706

2 жыл бұрын

But what about him chasing you?

@pelomk9022

2 жыл бұрын

@@sholay706 Personally I would never be with a man who chased me for too long. Once he gets his conquest he'll most likely try to devalue or discard me out of spite. Rejection can make people bitter.

@sholay706

2 жыл бұрын

@@pelomk9022 Then why are women preaching for men to chase them lol

Their video was very gaslighty and condescending. They chose to release the original video for public consumption. And they are very overt about the intentionality of every piece of content they produce. They make it clear that all of their content has a message, and that that message is meant to evoke a response from its viewers. So to now turn around and tell people to “mind their business” and “go to therapy” for responding sincerely to their media is beyond hypocritical. It’s also dishonest, disrespectful, and cowardly.

@LizNeptune

2 жыл бұрын

They (she) are beyond embarrassed so they had to do some mental gymnastics to try to convince 10s of thousands of level headed people to believe that we didn’t see and hear exactly what we saw and heard: dysfunction and toxicity and struggle love.

@pysq8

Жыл бұрын

💯 and this video opens with a clip of theirs which is captioned "if you black, we in sync"... and I'm like bruh. Such a poorly pandering narc!

He is simply saying that the only reason he is with her is because no one else wanted him. Looking at him I can understand why. Instead of being grateful that he actually found someone who loves him, he chose to hold it over her head.

In their defense: When it feels like the ENTIRE internet is coming at you and criticizing something deeply personal like your marriage and personality.. It's hard to react with grace and say the right thing. Most "famous" people are really just actual human beings-- but are stripped of all that humanity when they're in the public eye. I think they should have never published that video, absolutely- lol. But honestly I'm glad for it because it helped me shatter their perfect OMG HEALED BLACK COUPLE image

@LizNeptune

2 жыл бұрын

Good nuanced comment

@OpulentAristocrat

2 жыл бұрын

Factssss!❤️

When you PUT something out there for PUBLIC CONSUMPTION you should EXPECT critique, reviews opinions. They are selling a story for compensation. Those consuming have a right to review, critique, and reply. That's how consumerism works. The End.

Bw, please let go of struggle love. There was nothing positive about this man, he just knows how to manipulate !!!! Do not fall for it!!!! Let it gooooo!!!

@sholay706

2 жыл бұрын

How is this struggle love lol. She is living her dream and you are calling it struggle love lol. Guess that is why they are so many single BW all waiting for their prince charming

@CarmelQTful

2 жыл бұрын

I agree struggle love to the 10th degree

@heycris5833

2 жыл бұрын

I don’t think you understand how manipulation works. A man telling you 100% flat out how he feels about you is not manipulation lmao she simply didn’t mind how he felt about her:

@kmariamv

2 жыл бұрын

@@sholay706 a “love” born out of and supported by manipulation is struggle love. If this looks like love to you, you may have some reflection to do...from her end it was obsession and from his end ego serving.

@sholay706

2 жыл бұрын

@@kmariamv who cares what ur definition is lol. They are happily married and building a black family. While people like u who focus on definition are still single and dying alone

It was him singing and trying to be funny when she was talking about how hurt she was after their breakup for me.

This hair looks really good on you

@masstintin

2 жыл бұрын

She is glowing! Loving the new look

@XxMercuriiXx

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed

I'm exhausted for her and he's not even my man. 🥴 I hope by the time their kids grow up someone would've invented a way to scrub this from the internet....😬

@CrystalM1917

2 жыл бұрын

😭

I just don’t like this guy. He’s not even good looking. He should’ve been running after her from the beginning!

@rosedalinevaletine6931

2 жыл бұрын

It’s the ugly ones. I swear it’s an ego boost or something.

@sholay706

2 жыл бұрын

. How does his story affect you

@rootsofafrika

2 жыл бұрын

Your reply proves their point, focus on yourself and stop projecting, looks fade away, smh.

Yeah, I am not her too and I hope as black women yes , we don’t have time to give our all to a relationship with men or anyone. Life is toooo short to wait for a turn around. I know lots of black women who did what Fat has done and it didn’t turned out well.

I had more issue with the retelling of the story than the story itself. it's like the level of emphasis on not liking her...like damn. okay we get it you ain't want her. but that level of emphasis was never put to talking about how much he loved her. and I'm talking about the video itself. it was hard to watch ...and mind you I saw the video over a year ago, so I am not being influenced by groupthink.

You look beautiful girl!! This is another look. I couldn’t care any less about these two but I watched the video nonetheless because I care about your opinion lol 😂

As a college aged adult years ago, when I first heard of the story of Leah and Jacob of the bible, I knew true love was just a fantasy that often comes with disappointments and that was the moment the fairytale died in my mind.

@ughnotuagainughnotuagain4275

2 жыл бұрын

Could you elaborate on that? Leah and her father tricked Jacob when they both knew he loved Rachel

@adabekeethefirst8705

2 жыл бұрын

You know, I've always thought back to that story. How God supported Leah (by giving her children and keeping Rachel barren) even though Rachel was the one who was truly loved by Jacob. Rachel didn't even get the privilege of birthing the progenitor of Jesus (Judah). Maybe Life/God doesn't really care about what we consider 'True Love and romance'

Tbh this whole situation is trash. Plus she's never gonna leave him. Sometimes I wonder if this is a publicity stunt for a bag.

@Dekthagr8

2 жыл бұрын

Why is it trash? Because there wasn’t any fire works, butterflies when she met him? I prefer honesty vs being strung along and emotional invested. Do you want him to lie about their initial interaction? Women have no problem letting the world know they weren’t interested in their initial partner. Which is what he said. She adjusted. They built a friendship and now clearly love each other.

@shy_donut8307

2 жыл бұрын

@@Dekthagr8 He's honest about how he doesn't want her and is not attracted to her. She's clearly his backup woman and he gone leave her when he finds what he wants. That's not love. I'd rather be single than be in that shit.

@jadibdraws

2 жыл бұрын

@@shy_donut8307 right girl some of these women really do choose to suffer ow-wee.

@Dekthagr8

2 жыл бұрын

@@shy_donut8307 When they first met he was honest. And she adjusted accordingly. Y’all are choosing to hear what you want to. No one will force a man to do anything he doesn’t want to. I respect honesty. Women ask for honesty then get offended when it doesn’t look like what you thought. That’s why so many men lie and omit the truth. Anyways, I have 4 brothers, so I’m use to getting my feelings hurt and them being honest. Plus I’m African, we are blunt. 🤷🏾‍♀️

@coolcat6341

2 жыл бұрын

No she us not going to leave him cause having a man better than non in her brain,, it's the same logic that made her chase him...

i usually love your videos bc they are refreshingly honest and well balanced. but this one is kind of off for me. outside of how they got together, the biggest critique was how disrespectful and emotional manipulative he was coming across. and still does. idk if something happened but there is no reason to clean that up for him. i know he’s somewhat of a well known figure but wrong is wrong and there should be no hesitation to call a spade a spade. still much love to you & i will continue to support.

Honestly I have no issue. He gives her what she allows and if she likes it well hell I love it. My only gripe was with the statement he made when they were at a church function. He told her to go mingle but don’t go to far because he needed her. Which to me sounds quite selfish, you don’t want her yet you don’t want anyone else to have her because he can see her potential, and what she can do for him. He should have cut her off completely if he truly meant it but he didn’t because ultimately he needed to use her and that makes their love story sad. I hope it ends well I really do love seeing black love well love in general but really black love the most.

It's a breath of fresh air to see you always explain your opinion so graciously yet firmly. Love your videos !

When it comes to relationships/ marriages . To each it’s own . At the same time don’t put your business out here on Front Street, don’t tell the people to mind their business. Periodttt 🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️🤷🏿‍♀️

You have been GIVING us the looks!! Your ENERGY and PRESENCE has been totally different!! I will not be surprised if soon you tell us you in a relationship and after that married. You just sound free!!!

I’m not sure exactly why he calls her Fat but it’s not because her name is Fatima. Her name is Martika and I don’t think it’s a middle name either

@miacreswell5427

2 жыл бұрын

A few years back he said it’s because she has a fat head. 😂

@carmengoh9051

2 жыл бұрын

@@miacreswell5427 omg lol

Just another narcissist trying to cover his tracks after being exposed. Trying to protect his image 🙄

@shizzlemywizzle1

2 жыл бұрын

Eh, I think we need to stop labeling people we don’t like as narcissists. Sometimes people are just terrible and there’s no diagnosis or label for it. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a very real and serious thing. We can’t diagnose complete strangers on the internet. We have no clue what they’re actually like on a personal level.

@NowIknow24345

2 жыл бұрын

@@shizzlemywizzle1 I take it you haven't seen his other interviews. But hey, you are entitled to your option just as I am entitled to my option 🤷🏽‍♀️

@kmariamv

2 жыл бұрын

@@shizzlemywizzle1 it’s clear he has narcissistic traits though. You can have the traits without the medical diagnosis

I watched all of their Forever Twisted video series. Whew.....Toby has a personality that only Fat can tolerate and love. They made a video titled "The Art of Correction" where Nell is coming to Fat's defense against Toby's very harsh and public critique of Fat's performance during a rehearsal. Thank God for a friend like Nell who was able to help Toby see Fat's pov.

@ccebs8009

2 жыл бұрын

I really liked that video. It does show he is willing to learn and change when his faults are pointed out. You sometimes have to teach people how the treat you. People are not always aware of how they come off. So having good honest friends around is key. Iron sharpens iron

Man... I'm SOOOO GLAD somebody sent me your pretty privilege video... Thats how I found out about you... I love your videos (and your humor- girl, you're hilarious)...your voice is a much needed one in these KZread "sKreets" 😁 ...seeing your number of subscribers increase makes me so happy... Obviously, I dont know you, but you seem like a genuinely good person, that's just tryna make it in the world... No different from the rest of us, clueless folks lol... I just wanna encourage you to keep trudging forward, sis... I don't wanna sound cheesy or cliche, but all of the positive energy that you are putting out there and touching people with is bound to come back to you... All the best, your friend *in my head*😂

Off topic, let’s talk about your make-up game. Yes!! I’m here for it 😍

@violetfalana74

2 жыл бұрын

ME TOO!!!!

your social commentary videos are my absolute favourite! so well thought out and put together

Excellent commentary! You are long overdue on social media.

This was so beautifully articulated, Steph! You acknowledged both sides of the debate having valid points, which is a rarity nowadays. I definitely agree that the hyper vigilance is meant to protect black women from further trauma and humiliation. It's been 5 years so if Fat and their children are happy with Tobe, then that's all that matters to them. Nothing for me to lose sleep over. Different strokes for different folks ig.

Come through on the analysis! I also don’t have the fortitude for that kind of waiting and wishing. And you’ve really been glowing lately! You look absolutely stunning.

I’d never term my daughter to go anywhere with a man who tells her I’m gonna go find other girls.. you stay here and don’t talk to anyone because I MIGHT want you if I don’t find anything else…. They literally went to a party and he told her that Lmaooooooo nutty

Great commentary as usual Also your eyelook is sooo pretty !!

I agree with you 100%! I grew up with a slightly different experience than the “struggle love” story that so many people have referenced because in my community (I’m Nigerian Igbo specifically) men always chase women. It’s never the other way around, because men have to complete specific rites before they can even attempt to ask for your hand in marriage/pay bride price. Story after story I heard about how my father, uncles, cousins, family friends, etc fought and patiently waited to win over the women they wanted to be with. Some men even waited years just to get to even get to the friend zone. Because of this I never thought to “chase a man” and never will, however I do believe that in this particular case it did work out for Fat. Do I recommend doing what she did, no. Even she said she doesn’t recommend it, and she said don’t do what she did in their original video series. Do I aspire to have their relationship dynamic, no, but I don’t think we should judge her for chasing him or judge their dynamic. They appear to have built a friendship that actually surpasses the romantic aspect, which is part of why they joke like that (they joke almost like bros essentially because she was the homie). Regardless of how we feel about it what’s for them is for them, and what’s for us is for us. I’m not Fat, and don’t wish to be, but I still wish her and Tobe a happy marriage. I hope that they continue to grow in their love and raise their daughters well. I don’t think folks on the internet should be as emotionally invested in a relationship between two people we don’t even know personally.

The background is mint green. 👍🏾.... ELITE!! 😂

Steph, love your content! Just sharing some feedback. I think the blurred living room background in your previous video felt more warm and inviting than the green screen.

Honestly I feel like ppl made this way deeper than it was, she literally just manifested what she wanted and ignored the circumstances. That’s it there’s millions of stories on it

I love them. I pray the Lord continue to bless and keep them, but honey I do not have the emotional reserve to wait on any man. I thank God my husband and I were on the same page.

@bonitapandora

2 жыл бұрын

Amen sis! Blessings to your union.

I was hoping you would cover this super excited!!!

We’ll said. Well spoken. (As usual). You should definitely have your own podcast, if you don’t already have one. It would be successful.

The truth is often plain & simple there is no mental gymnastics to make it make sense. Yes many relationships start out with one of the couples does not like the other. What most ppl saw is that Tobe showed no change in his thinking. We still hear " I don't want you" when he speaks about or to Fat ( hate that we even call her this cause he said he calls her that cause she has a fat head). " Where is the " When I got to know her I saw she is awesome or I was dumb as hell then or I was not ready. He still to this day wants her to know HE is the prize. SHE is lucky HE chose her even though he does not want her. Let me put it another way: Imagine you applied for this job for years & years & they always rejected you. Then one day they call you for a interview. They call you & still tell you they are going to hire you even though they do not want you. Are we glad that you got the job you always wanted? Yes. Do we know you are more likely to be abused & treated badly & you are more likely to put up with it & even overcompensate cause you know they never really wanted you at the job? Yes.

@k3upikachu

2 жыл бұрын

Right!! It's like you get the job and then they announce, in front of the whole office, that they didn't think you were qualified or talented enough to work there but ultimately hired you anyway bc you reminded them how great they are (ego boost!) and that they realized it would prob be easy to exploit your labor bc you wanted the job so bad. And then, when the office reacts like, "wtf is this disrespect?" they say "ur just mad bc u've been turned down for a job before. u wish u were her" It's just so uncomfortable

This was such a great commentary! I feel like you covered all the key points greatly.

Idk miss ma’am, you are glowing these days, wyd??? YOU LOOK AMAZING 😍😍😍😍

I just came upon your channel recently and subscribed. I think you are so interesting and easy to listen to. You have a way with engaging with your audience and tell your stories in a very articulate manner. I also wanted to say I think you are absolutely beautiful @Oh Stephco

Honestly their imperfect love story doesn’t mean that they’re not in love or that their marriage isn’t great. I think his tone is what has people in shambles but I think they’re happy. I know plenty of stories when one person wasn’t attracted to their spouse and first but it grew. But yeah his attitude and playing around is what’s triggering people. Especially those that have been in situations where they waited for a man to change but he didn’t. This is their love story and people shouldn’t use it for hope for them or projecting their past love hurt on them either.

So go back to my emotionally unavailable and mentally abusive ex and DEMAND that he picks me. Got it. 🥴

@barelysanesociety5107

2 жыл бұрын

No!!! Lol! I see what you mean. I don’t agree with that behavior at all. Self sacrifice for no return.

@heathers432

2 жыл бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣

@ashd8368

2 жыл бұрын

😩 😭😂🤣

@ccebs8009

2 жыл бұрын

As they stated, they built a friendship over the years without benefits. They both dated other people, but remained close. They warn everyone at start of first video, not to do what they did. Just sharing their story. Watch the 10 episodes, their relationship makes more sense by the end

sooo I thought this video was about something else.. went back to the tittle and realized I read it as "to be fat and undress: the criticism"

@deevermont4293

2 жыл бұрын

Boiiii.. 😆 in your defense, that would be a video she’d make

Its the matching green background for me lol 😆

Seeing what you said here about people not liking "your" pretty privilege experience......i find some people are in denial about this actually happening (pretty privilege).

They'll stay together as long as he 1) Does not come across his actual soulmate. And or 2) Does not come across someone who he perceives her value outweighs the current public image he has cultivated with his wife. That could mean she would increase his earning potential. That could mean that he realizes the gravity of "in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, to death do you part" and does not want to fully support her when SHE is the one that needs it (men overwhelming tend to leave or stray when their partner falls on hard times or gets sick). But whatever reason he will be the one to break it off and I would not be surprised if that video is not used as the reason why.

@nzeadidnazi8410

2 жыл бұрын

We can't prove soulmates exist, do soulmates even exist in christianity? I don't think Tobe will ever leave FAT for another woman because their Marriage is a taboo in African Igbo culture/believe systems.

Two things can be true! Thank you Steph! 🌻

I like how you broke it down to give a concrete analysis

I love love love your channel. So much food for thought and similar experiences. A channel that speaks to me. Thank you ❤️

Thank you for doing this reaction justice ❤️

Loving someone because they love you so faithfully in my opinion is not really a strong foundation to build a family with. Kudos to them but I wish black women would stop treating these men like a prize and go where they can be celebrated. Manifest something BETTER black women. You have the magic, power, and talent to do so.

Side note… your makeup looks beautiful😊

I was waiting for this!!!!

I luv the way u explain things. Keep up the good work

Love this reaction to the reaction video! What are the odds that we could get the details on that wig?