Every woman should read the book “Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft… it is irrelevant if someone is a narc or not if they exhibit abusive behaviors it is in you best interest to remove yourself

@tisha812

5 ай бұрын

Amen! I say this all the time. We get so caught up in labeling people and trying to decide if they fit in a particular category that we don’t recognize the actual behavior. I’ll be reading this book you recommended as well.

@mariono244

5 ай бұрын

A life changing book, every woman should read this, abusive behaviour is prevalent

@gabrielle4117

5 ай бұрын

Thank you I went ahead and got this

@lizzza123ify

5 ай бұрын

Totally agree! Great book and eye opening.

@Gomlie1970

5 ай бұрын

This book is very good

Yep, Tony is on point. Plus the lady did say that when she realized he was lying she went along with it, which is crazy within itself.

@kaleshabrown

5 ай бұрын

Right, and then some of her own family even looked at her sideways upon her marrying him.

Yes Sir, because the wrong relationship will definitely affect your health... along with your mental and emotions

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

Exactly. It doesn’t not have to be physical. The stress can unalive a women through her nervous system.

Women that have really been with a narcissist know that this man is NOT. I’m speaking from experience. If he was a narcissist she would not be online telling this story comfortably.

@la6136

5 ай бұрын

Yes the narcissist I dealt with still tries to stalks me 7+ years after the relationship ended. They are another level of crazy. That being said people can show narcissistic traits without having the personality disorder. It's all on a spectrum.

@jennyking4691

5 ай бұрын

That part! Well said.

@queenkeesh8660

5 ай бұрын

He was a liar and manipulative that’s all I c not no Ted bundi wasn’t a killer 😅

@suziesmith8288

5 ай бұрын

Although physical abuse is worse than emotional. Emotional abuse can actually give people physical illness as stress and stroke can kill!! Especially when being with a narcissistic!

@Slayfear101

5 ай бұрын

@@suziesmith8288 I definitely agree

This is so true, I’m a psychotherapist and I shy away from diagnosing those who are not my clients. It baffles me how laymen are so quick to label someone as a Narcissistic,Autistic, etc. Even professionals with Masters degrees and MD’s are subject to misdiagnosing as there is a lot of overlap in mental health symptoms across different disorders… To be honest diagnosing mental illness is not a perfect science…. So for someone which no mental health background to get online and label people they don’t know with mental health disorders is ridiculous. SMH

@lala5061

Ай бұрын

This is true...I went to school for psych but I dealt with a lot of people with alot of sh*t and so many factors it's not easy and most people aren't honest about everything so it's difficult...u are right!

Tony, I agree this lady was a willing participant to the lies and games.

This is gold! And for those who have an ear to hear may you be released from emotional bondage in Jesus name

@married2purpose

5 ай бұрын

Amen

@canditate740

5 ай бұрын

Amen!!!! This word right here is one that can snatch someone out of making a crazy and life altering decision. I pray the right people hear it and are set free in their minds in Jesus Name!

There were a million red flags that were ignored. The lesson in the story is don't ignore red flags, run

Tony, if there is such a thing as a relationship pastor you are it. If ministries can have youth pastors, why can’t we have a relationship pastor? Tony, you are the world’s Relationship Pastor. The wisdom in this word spoke to my heart and my mind. Thank you, TG! This is what we need. God bless you!

Right! That man only got away w what she allowed. And deep inside her was a resonance of what's in him! That's why she stayed believing his lies.

@dpharrison7

5 ай бұрын

She didn't believe him, but she kept letting the lies slide because she was holding on to the delusion of what he promised

@RicaJames9405

5 ай бұрын

@dpharrison7 oh she believed him. When he made up that a man came over in a black car, she spent so much time tryna figure out who that could've been.. knowing dang well that man was lying! Then she said, "why would he lie about that",.. later to discover he wanted to see her reaction. She believed him or she wouldn't have spent all that time wondering who the imaginary man was n the black car!

As a nurse, everything you said was spot on with diagnosis and I’ve learned to disarm the lies and hold fast to Gods truth.

You are right Mr. Gaksins if I tell my story these women would not believe it and the man would bout be in jail. Lying does not equal narcissistic

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

Right. It’s a huge part of their game for sure, but that’s not it. I didn’t listen to the story, but it’s is a spiritual disorder also with Jezebel at the helm.

Having being in a physical abused relationship and being in a mental abuse relationship, I think it’s the healing process of a mental abuse relationship that’s hard to overcome because the words are very hard to be forgotten, where most times the physical will heal. After the mental abuse relationship I was almost at times wishing I was just hit because I had gotten over that and it’s easier to learn from physical abuse, I know for a fact you not gone hit me too many times but the mental abuse is coming in a tricky way which makes it hard to deflect… but when you become healed and healthy and get to know God you will never go through any ever again

@user-jo9kz5sq1z

5 ай бұрын

some women don't get the opportunity to heal from physical abuse their lives are taken. this is what tony is saying

Tony is right! Not once in her story did this man physically harm her verbally or physically. But the man was just a liar. A liar and a desperate woman. I had to listen to the story on 1.75X speed, but Tony brought me back to reality. I’d watch a movie about it, but I’m of over the story. She let a lot happen.

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

She was blessed to get out early if her story is true. Who know what could’ve happened if more time was spent with a liar like that.

Verbal abuse is very close to physical abuse. You’re intentionally hurting someone. Verbal/emotional abused people literally have brain damage for the trauma.

Yes , Tony , the attention started to become very fun for her! She's a great narrator, though.

I agree that physical abuse is terrible. However, emotional abuse is used by many to change the mind. Giving someone false hope is painful. This is why it says in the Bible that “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” I do think that people give other people too much power over you. However, it is the same with physical abuse as well. No one just wakes up getting upper cutted. Usually they start with emotionally abusing someone in order to weaken them and make them feel like they need this person.

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

Boom!!!! Emotional abuse is just as bad.

@sade_8637

5 ай бұрын

Well said!

@lala5061

Ай бұрын

Honestly that's only if it works on u...that don't work on every woman...so it can become physical more quickly because they know the other stuff won't work...because if 1. U know u fine and u ain't got no problems in that area understand they know that too 2. If they know in reality u really are a great woman in many ways they don't want anyone else to have u and 3. If they know your self esteem is just solid they know u can bounce and usually u tell them u good and they don't like that so the only choice is to go ahead and put that man strength on u cuz nothing else will work on u but that 🤷🏽‍♀️

Tony you are very wise and speaking words of wisdom. Physical abuse is far worse than verbal abuse. Who wants to fear for their physical safety everyday, end up in the hospital, go to work with a black eye, or worse dead??? 🤷

I be needing these little gems in the message! Thank the Lord for Tony Gaskins🙌🏾

I get exactly what Tony is talking about 💯 A big problem is most dont elevate to looking at non verbal communication ques from person vs. what they hear the person saying.. If a person is not paying attention to that they are missing so much real information that tells you more about the person than their words.

Man oh man I felt you when you said you can’t let other peoples words take precedence over your life. Needed it

It’s so crazy because I really understand what Tony saying. Because I had the same thought like he just hate himself it really ain’t have nothing to do with her. But she didn’t love herself and was desperate she attracted that. I feel for both of them. Everybody need healing!

I read the summary of the tik Tok videos and I definitely said that's all, I know people who go through way more. I'm not lessening her experience, I just think it's being hyped up more than it should

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

It’s easy on the ears from what I heard. From what I heard, it wasn’t life threatening so people can easily indulge.

The women that are saying they would choose physical abuse over being lied to are absolutely DELULU. Physical abuse, as well as emotional, verbal and mental abuse is something I would never wish on someone. I was physically, emotionally, verbally, and mentally abused by a for sure narcissistic 5 years ago and I’m still trying to heal and rebuild myself. There’s no prescription a doctor can write that heals scars from that type of abuse that can speed up the healing. Thank you for breaking down the different types of abuse and effects for the delulu people out there.

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

Right. Because narcissism is a spiritual disorder with Jezebel at the helm. Only God can help us heal through this type of abuse. It’s spiritual first.

@journeywithelyse5837

5 ай бұрын

And a physically abusive grown boy! Is also going to be a lier!

As someone who has been in an abusive relationship I agree with what Tony is saying. It started off nice but then the emotional and mental abuse started then physical. For me once it got physical I was out because I knew he would kill me if I allowed it to go on. When the mental and emotional abuse started I used to engage and argue but then I stopped giving him energy and attention and he would go harder to provoke me and try to make me feel bad and when he didn’t succeed he needed to get away from me and lash out on someone else who would feed that spirit. I recovered from the emotional and mental abuse because I know who I am and whose I am and anyone who treated me that way was obviously dealing with things internally that I could not fathom so I didn’t take anything he said in his fits of rage or his bating me to heart. I’m a very empathetic person so I used to let people go to far because I could empathize with their struggles but this situation taught me I can empathize but I do not have to attach myself to you nor try to counsel you I’m not a licensed therapist. Last thing once it got physical and I got away from him it took me a while to recover from the trauma of being chocked and hit by a man more so than anything he ever said to me. It was terrifying being physically abused. I literally left my apartment got a new car, phone and stayed close to family because I valued my life . Still to this day if I come across someone that remotely resembles him I turn and go the other way because I don’t want to ever come into contact with him again.

32:42 Tony said, “Words can not kill you. Words can only make you feel like killing yourself, or killing someone else. That’s the power of the mind; that’s the power of the tongue.” This man of God is dropping divine wisdom.

Thank you for serving us and sharing your wisdom! You are appreciated!!

This is why I have so much respect for Tony… He speak from and with experience vs someone who just comes into the game thinking they know everything…I can’t wait to share my story for God’s Glory🙌🏽👏🏽👏🏽

This hit home for me. I’ve been physically abused (jaw realigned and 2 black eyes) and I would never say I rather take physical abuse over emotional/verbal abuse. Be careful what you say until you’ve been in those shoes. I’m glad I was able to leave after the abuse happened. It happened only once and that was enough for me…..

At what point do you stop believing a liar? Even if you stay in the relationship with a liar, at some point you stop believing what the person says until the actions and outcome match.

I healed emotional abuse through emotional intelligence. “Sticks and stones break your bones but words they never hurt you” However both abuse tactics are hell, but RATHER👀 one is indeed above another

@married2purpose

5 ай бұрын

❤ This

Omg… to hear that some ppl think being lied to is worse than physical abuse 😳🧐I pray for our sisters. That blew my mind. We got to do better

It’s interesting to hear your point of view because I was not interested in listening to her story. As a survivor! I don’t find entertainment in hearing these stories. It took a lot of healing to be where I am today. This is such a healthy message 🙏🏽. I hope people are really listening.

@lala5061

Ай бұрын

Me either pisses me off! But it needs to be out there because it serious! But im also like that with kidnapper movies of children I just can't watch those At All gives me high anxiety and I would go psycho thinking about it can't watch it...

It sounds crazy logically that emotional abuse is worse but getting beaten as a child from loving parents you kinda get used to physical abuse it is definitely different when a partner does it but if you say you love someone and lie and cheat and have a whole relationship with someone it sticks harder than a slap. You remember words more than the actual physical altercation. God created this whole earth with words and we live off the word of God that changes the mind then the spirit. Words are powerful that’s why prayer is powerful. I know it sounds crazy lol.

The DEVIL LIE EVERYDAY‼️

@dpharrison7

5 ай бұрын

Every day

Thank you, Tony! I’m actually going through post partum and needed these words to keep from spiraling. Jealous family members using words to break me down, saying they wanted to hit me during my pregnancy was something I thought I’d never experience. But here I am, fighting with taking my power back from verbal/emotional abuse. I’ve got this! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

I wish I had heard these things earlier. I grew up with a covert narc parent and immediately moved in with another cover narc and basically ended up her slave for 8 years. Thankfully the only physical abuse I had was as a child as “discipline”, but wasn’t for disobedience. I struggled for years on and off under these narcissistic relationships. So sad.

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

Yes it sad when you have a covert narc parent. Then realize they set us up for failure from the beginning.

This is exactly what I’ve been saying it’s actually kinda of scary because some women don’t understand the ownership part. They don’t understand they can walk away.

Spot on Tony. Well said. As a relationship therapist I couldn’t have put it better myself. Thank you for your ministry.

Really great points, our intuition tells us the truth but when we ignore it. It gets quieter overtime.

What this man did is the same thing i went through with my ex over 23 years ago and as soon as i figured out he was a compulsive liar and believed his own lies i left him alone. He asked for my hand in marriage several times and i refused his proposals.

I went through worse with my ex. The reesa teesa lady said she got physical with that man & never mentioned him getting physical with her. I was shocked

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

Me too. I barely made it out alive.

Very good observation and clarification 🙌🏾

Tell it Tony.......absolutely correct as a professional I couldn't have put this better myself great job as usual 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

Thank you. I needed to hear this. Amen 🙏❤

I think they are referring to the gaslighting that's emotional abuse

Tony you’re teaching with wit and humor all day everyday!

Tony, you speaking Truth today!

Amen Tony! Every word.

Emotional, mental, and physical abuse is detrimental to you physically and mentally because, over time, it will break you down to nothing. Once you get to that point, alcoholism, drugs, and prostitution become away to suppress the pain of systematic abuse. Doing good work, keep it up.

Will you start doing the Talks With Tony Letters soon ?

I agree, physical abuse is worse than emotional abuse or being lied to. But getting back to the storyline (spoiler alert), Legion allegedly put his hands on his first ex-wife (Latoya)…Latoya and her son both stated that. Latoya stated that she didn’t file for divorce because she was afraid to…Legion had filed for that divorce. But I wonder if Reesa had stayed with Legion longer, would he have eventually started hitting her? I mean she did say he would get upset and defensive every time she questioned him or insinuated that he was lying. So like TG said, abuse often starts with the emotional abuse, then it eventually turns into physical abuse.

@atasteoftee

5 ай бұрын

Latoya or the son did not say Legion put hands on her. The son said he did not but he didn’t like the way Legion would talk to Latoya so he ended up put hands on Legion which resulted in him getting arrested. Also Ressa said she was not afraid of Legion. She said that he tried to intimidate her and she laughed in his face. She stayed longer because she was embarrassed. She didn’t want anyone to hit her with the “I told you not to marry him”

Tony, I’m so sorry that these people have even dragged you into this low-level conversation is such a shame because you have so much to offer us and there’s just still caught up in drama. There’s so many women out here including myself who have been through so much worseand who are lucky to be alive. You have so much wisdom to share. And these peoples ignorance is a distraction 100%.

Good video. A lie is not worse than physical abuse in general IMO. Verbal abuse can be just as bad but a lie does not equate to abuse. Depends on what kind of lie though. This is one of few lies that are worse than physical abuse: -husband acts as if he’s going to work everyday and is faithful to wife, but he’s been cheating on wife during the day with coworkers , prostitutes, other men, etc. Woman ends of contracting an incurable disease. Even in this example I wouldn’t say it’s worse than physical abuse. Instead I’d say it has the same level of detriment… and, I would still not say that physical abuse or verbal abuse is worse than the other. Abuse is abuse. Unless you’ve been through it, you may not understand that.

@miryland

5 ай бұрын

exactly! Tony missed the mark on this one

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

Boom!!!

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

Agree. Long term emotional abuse is just as bad. It’s the set up to physical damage.

@kaleshabrown

5 ай бұрын

​@@mirylandNo, unfortunately y'all did. He literally and clearly explained the detrimental levels and effectiveness of all particular forms of abuse. And/but in comparison to what the young lady on TikTok went through, does not appear to be a real form of emotional abuse. She was unfortunately a bit naive and gullible (ignoring red flags), and he played her with his constant lies and scams, which she (admittedly) chose to ignore ... on purpose.

@caramelmosaicmosaic7940

5 ай бұрын

@@miryland 😉lol. That’s aight… Can’t win ‘em all Tony. I kinda get where he going by trying to make sure women ain’t out here asking to get knocked upside the head. But….. as a collective we gotta be very intentional about letting women (and especially young girls) know that both physical and verbal abuse are not ok. A dude don’t need to put his hands on you for you to walk away. Like fa real… If it’s happened once , you should STEP. If it happens again and becomes a pattern… and you keep tolerating it , then it’s abuse and you shoulda been walked away cuz he just getting warmed up. Trust… Home girl , Reesa stayed way too long even for the 🤥 lying. Some of us (me included)have a low tolerance for B.S. so I walk away too quick sometimes but hey, I ain’t trying to catch a charge or go insane over no dude/nobody for that matter. So yea, if he seem “off” trust yo gut and walk away. No need for a 2 weeks notice….ya heard!

You make really good points! Great analysis

I hear she not gettn monetized I didn’t listen cus I went through issues in relationships as well she jus a good story teller that’s y people listen women all around world go through worse and gettn beat unconscious and get life long diseases from narcissistic abusive men

God bless you Brotha Tony 🙏 Great teaching ! KEEP FLOWING

My friend passed away from physical abuse. I've suffered verbal and emotional abuse in my past. I survived.

Continue giving us the raw truth Please!❤

Some people continue with the lies because they, too, have also contributed to the lies. It's no way I would allow a person to tell my family members lie. She went with the lies. She was living the dream in fantasies.

We have an update Tony! You are right he is mentally ill. Bipolar & schizophrenia. Scary he could have snapped at any point and physically harmed her beyond the lies

This is so poignant, that was a needed teaching. God bless you thank you

Question , why was she calling the realtor like they was married.. wasn't they only 1/2 months in? Can we talk about her over-domineering behavior?

Nope Tony your base line is not off at all; these people are. The ones who seem to be so vested in this 50 parts. I get the info from your videos. Couldn't get past 3 min of pt 1. The world sadly highlights the most irrelevant things of life. This story sounds like a Stanley Cup movement.. the world gone be over it in 2 weeks but it has clearly warped the minds of people smh. Other stories are way worse, we just decided not to make a tik tok reality segment of it. Bottom line is emotional and physical abuse are not the same. Clarity much needed and can't believe you had to break this down like this. I'm exhausted for you brother but thank God for his power of giving these messages to someone who can break it down just like this. We need it. God bless!

Right! Lies are not worst than physical abuse!! They have no clue!! They’re clueless and probably have never been in that position… smh

Be blessed Sir!

Amen!! Somebody ❤🎉🙏

Thank you Mr. Gaskins 💕

Hallelujah for this message Brother 🙏🙏

To believe that you are meant to get hit on is a lie in itself

Everything Tony is saying is correct, BUT she has documentation of her admitting that she knows he is LYING and is proceeding to still be in the relationship hence the title of her series also im on 6 and she admitted early on that she know their for she continued with his lye there for that is her problem of the acceptance of the lye. So in reality it all falls on her! Blessings 💜

BINGO!!! This why I don’t argue with fools labeling people I agree with you Tony👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

I believe Tony is about the truth. I don’t agree with everything and that’s ok. I appreciate the knowledge he is dropping. The thing about narcissists is that most are not going to go get diagnosed. So people are left to make up there own minds based on what the DSM 5 says. But, in my opinion, if they are consistent users and abusers, they are narcissists.

Omg! I felt the same way when she mentioned her birthday.

And again, Tony speaks the truth!💕👍🏽✅

The shade room reports the guy is threatening a lawsuit against the lady. Somebody said he on Canva creating a subpoena right now 😅😂

🙋🏽‍♀️Y’all know that we as Women don’t leave the first sign of Trouble that we see…if we did it wouldn’t be so many women with a story to tell we be 5 years deep still putting up with the same junk that started 6 months to year after we met the man hoping that in time he will Change

She did mention that she went to therapy but didn’t like the therapist before sharing the parts

Yes 🙌🏼 this was good !!

Tony make me see some things way deeper than deep & I love that because I don’t even know what a narcissist is but I knew it was him until I watched this video 😂 Tony you right that’s why i come to this channel all the time and another thing when I was watching her videos I felt bad for dude I’m like he really want to be this version of himself so bad he willing to pretend. He still crazy to me he real crazy

@akilahbatyah6505

5 ай бұрын

Narcissist have delusions of grandeur. Not saying he was cuz I didn’t listen.

I agree that physical abuse is more dangerous. Many studies show that physical and emotional/verbal abuse have the same effect and leaves the same scars on the brain. Most physical abuse starts with emotional abuse (which is how they trap women)- they just have an anger and outrage too. The emotional abuse that is attached to physical is equally damaging because the abuse ultimately makes women feel worthless and keep them stuck. Good conversation…

8:27am... "Yall gotta realize" that Tony did an amazing job breaking this all down! Tony, please add Yall Gotta Realize to the t-shirt collection!

Keep teaching TG ❤

Glad you are seeing through the bull Tony!

Update: I just saw an update by Reasa Teasa saying Legion's older brother call her to clear up some info. Turns out Legion was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia as a kid. His dad even came out of retirement to help afford his medicine but Legion refused to take them or continue to seek help. I low-key feel like thata how he waa able to fake those phone calls for so long. He was talking to the voices in his head😮.

Yes.. treat people as individuals, I can't stand when people are put in categories or jumping on bandwagons

Tony you are so right! I got the same notation! Especially when he responded to her videos as if he wanted some attention and the money! I agree with you Tony! He’s sad with a few issues that was giving the illusion of having more than he had and was lying about EVERYTHING! She’s not innocent. Idc! Idc! I’m not bashing her at all I’m simply saying I agree with EVERYTHING TONY GASKINS SAID IN THIS VIDEO!!! I only started watching the TikTok drama because of Tony. I’d heard about this lady but never entertained watching her videos but when Mr Gaskins started giving his thoughts I had to go see what was going on and of course once you start watching it you wanna finish to see if it’s more to it and it wasn’t! He was a pathological liar! Lied about everything. I’m glad the lady is better and got out of the situation.

Heavy on not telling people when your birthday is because they will look up your zodiac and try and find out things. I stopped telling people a lot of ‘normalised’ information about myself.

God is using you to free me right now 🙌🏾

Also tho, if the man is a narcissist most narcissist never go to therapy or anything to be diagnosed at all. So a LOT of narcissist walk around with that condition and continue to cause other people pain because they never get help. So tbh, even if he was one. We wouldn’t know because he would never get checked out.

She do need to take personal responsibility

😢 I have sympathy for anyone's pain and they choose how to process it. Matter of fact, I'm done listening to people who can't show any empathy. My mother is is narcissistic said some of the same hurtful words. Even the church said if he's no putting his hands on you then yall can work it out. I had to listen to God and gave me the truth about me and my life and the very next moment God set me and my children free from the monster I married. It was a miracle. And emotional, verbal, financial, mental abuse is JUST AS BAD, not the same but the results are the same if not more on it's victims. Bye

Very true

Apparently his brother said he (Legion) was diagnosed with schizophrenia

She changed the names of everyone, she said it was to tell her story as a cautionary tale, do not collect red flags and overlook things it only hurts you later.

Tony, you’re so smart. I love how you broke the difference down in the video. Oh and I have stories 3 times worse

👏🏾👏🏾💯💯👏🏾👏🏾

This makes so much sense

I agree with you Tony. Legion pretty much just laid around sick for most of the relationship. I think she totally overreacted by threatening to kill this man if he didn’t leave. I’m not saying she shouldn’t leave him but she pretty much knew already that he was a fraud. I think she could have given the man some time to leave because he did appear to be really sick. Women these days don’t even test these men to see if they have a relationship with God. We can see that she hasn’t surrendered her heart to God either because of the language she uses. The bible says “they honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me. We have to strive for holiness and be set a part from this world or Jesus will say to you “depart from me, I never knew you.”

he did not even steal from her