Korn is a reason why I am still here.. Nu-metal and mostly their "sad" songs were ment for us - troubled kids - to cope with situations which we had so little knowledge about.. I'm 35 now.. still fighting my demons from childhood - still single, still enjoying my solitarity but at least I am not suicidal..

@ericklandrud5356

10 күн бұрын

Same, 48 now... my first experience ever hearing KoRn was them opening for Marilyn Manson who opened for DanZiG And... as a musician at the time into that, KoRn scratched an itch that Ministry, Manson, Slayer and the harsher death metal couldn't reach... KoRn is hate, and pain, but with Head (let's ignore the stuff without him) it is also Love and Healing from the past injuries life deals

@joegasperoni1466

8 күн бұрын

Same bro

@alfonzomarranca8741

5 күн бұрын

Same, there was times I wanted to flirt with suicide to get back at my parents and give them a reason to love me

Something I don't see people comment on with this music video is that the red lights represent all of the other kids that are living in the same environment. As a kid who experienced and witnessed domestic violence & child abuse, it was nice to have that visual representation that I wasn't alone.

@kimjongeil

23 күн бұрын

I noticed that detail for the first time watching this video. I must have seen the music video dozens of time.

@pystoph3987

23 күн бұрын

@@kimjongeil Awesome to notice something new after so long

@user-rr9qx2iq3n

22 күн бұрын

I love you. As the same, someone needed to say it. Reach out friend. I fucking love you

@acatnamedscamper3307

22 күн бұрын

Like proffesor x and cerebro

@pystoph3987

21 күн бұрын

@@user-rr9qx2iq3n Much love to you too! All is well here and hope the same for you ❤️

Korn represented a lost generation of kids. Such an undercurrent of rampant abuse in all of its forms in so many households. So many of us had disassociated by our teenage years. He gave us a voice. Something to stand behind. Brought us to others just like us, and showed us we werent alone. The anger in their music was like a lightning rod for the anger we lost souls felt. Still to this day one of my favorite bands.

@Schmeralo

4 күн бұрын

❤❤❤

As a kid that delt with child abuse constantly your memories of happiness and childhood are gone. Suicidal thoughts were what kept me going in very dark times! I’m 42 and the happiest I have ever been.

❤korn helped save my life as a teenager❤

The saddest part is that Jonathan Davis has first hand experience in abuse as a child. I've been through my own trauma, but fortunately it wasn't this severe. My favorite aspect of this video is that the kid ultimately used the box (music) to get away. Music saved my life many times. I deal with mental health diagnoses. Music can be a huge safe haven for relating to or working through emotions. Music is the heartbeat of my life.

Directed by Fred Durst, hes in the video at the end very quickly when Jon is shaking his head at the camera. One of the most important bands of all time!

@heffatheanimal2200

23 күн бұрын

I always considered Dust to be another damaged-artist-stereotype. Even though he is a narcissist and an absolute a$$hole, he can be really gifted with his talents creativity

@user-zo5gv8ls7k

20 күн бұрын

​@@heffatheanimal2200Korn found limp biscut and fred then found staind... imagine that.. just like Trent found Manson

@SvenS2

10 күн бұрын

Cool! Never noticed that

Decades ago the very person who introduced me to these korn songs was my abuser, the irony is palpable

@user-mb5gw9yb3k

24 күн бұрын

Both my parents heavily used meth and introduced me to slipknot. on a certain level it feels like they wrote their music for the children of their fans. glad you got through it.

@stevenszn3330

23 күн бұрын

Not so much irony as much as it's likely passed down most of the abused become abusers and keep the cycle going cause its all they know by how they where raised themselves

@gloriabell8772

15 күн бұрын

I’m sorry

I grew up in a very abusive household. I disassociated so much that I can't remember most, if not all of my childhood. When I got stuck in another one, I "flirted with suicide", just wanting out. "No more pain. No more sorrow" is what I told myself. I did get help, hospital and professionals. It's been about 5 years, im so happy I was able to reach out.

Survivor... when you flirted too closely, you know what it means to have pushed yourself out of life in this world and woken up changed. It hurts, but living thru the attempt hurts more, so it heals... eventually Lost count of my battles, but never lost yet. I am alive after them for a reason ...to help guide others, apparently, in some ways Creativity is a way out of pain!!!!!!!! Falling away, from this world, to come into our own

This video is the embodiment of "find your tribe". The idea that family isn't blood [RED], but rather those who free you from pain. She stays behind until KoRn comes back into the box, The band represents her inside energy and will to escape her situation, the driving force that helps her finally open the window to make her escape into the arms of her new/true family. You're absolutely right where it continues off from Freak on the leash because it's a continuation of the idea of using art and creativity to release and/or understand the pain of life. Infact that's literally Jonathan's whole though process when it comes to KoRn lyrics in general. He's stated in many interviews before that they want to be the voice for the voiceless, a place for kids to understand they're not alone, that what they're going through isn't right, and that there is a way to escape it.

i did flirt with suicide like 20 years ago but not cause of this topic in the video but still. never told my mother tbh i dont think she could take it now so its my painfull secret i share to all of you. korn actually saved me from this feeling. it felt like i wasnt alone feeling all these feelings. my aunt kinda saved me she had korn on in the car 20 years ago and i looked them up and a whole world opened up for me.

@lithiumkc8

24 күн бұрын

Korn was my version of a therapist growing up. So grateful for them. I’m glad you are stable. Thoughts of suicide are so heartbreaking. Everyone should know that they are loved and everyone deserves positive support. 🙏♥️

This needs to be a live talk show. She's so smart , She could be great on TV if given the opportunity

@superblahman

23 күн бұрын

TV is a dying platform. KZread is where it's at.

Please more Korn ❤

I saw Korn live for the first time on the Twisted Transistor tour. It was like going to church. I felt all this negativity purged from my soul. Korn is definitely great for helping you deal with difficulties in life.

In the end, music saved her ❤

@frankhermansen243

24 күн бұрын

exactly

Jonathan Davis wrote this about his childhood. The final track is "Hey Daddy"... I strongly recommend finishing the trilogy.

@digthis18

5 күн бұрын

i was gonna say this but i thought id look first haha yeah hey daddy is for a lack of a better word intense

A thing I feel that is overlooked is the fact she has the band/music in the box and seeks them out in her worst times. Basically the music is there when you need it, also it can be a release/protection for those times and ultimately can help you escape the situation. It never leaves her and she carries the music with her. That’s my interpretation of the band in the box.

Lorna Shore - The Pain Remains parts 1-3. Could even make it a triple feature for the channel. It's really quite popular among people who tend to watch music reaction content and it deals with some incredibly painful subject matter, chiefly loss, grief and powerlessness and what that could lead a person toward. Might make for some very interesting discussion points!

@kaynesheldon4905

24 күн бұрын

Absolutely!

@AnthonyBusted

24 күн бұрын

She react to first part

@noided583

24 күн бұрын

oh awesome!@@AnthonyBusted

@user-zo5gv8ls7k

20 күн бұрын

Austin blows my mind

All the rage, sadness, disassociation, grief etc kids feel can all be worked out within one hour in a pit. It's a place to let it all go and truly be yourself.

@HeartSupport Korn got me through tons of abuse... I listened to Korn from the first album on. Music is therapy. Never thought of ending it by my own hand. I didn't care if someone else did, however. Which got me into some very dangerous situations (like picking a fight with a biker gang by kicking over all their bikes).....

I love how you, as a therapist, do not disassociate your feelings from what you are experiencing. I can imagine that in session, you have now choice, but to see your genuine reaction, you are probably a huge asset to your patients. Let me thank you for them

Been waitin for this react….. I LOVE KORN AND THE SONG AND THIS CONTENT

Crack The Skye by Mastodon. The drummer's younger sister, Skye, took her own life. The band wrote the song as a tribute. Brann (drummer) sings the clean vocal parts too.

I'm 52 years old. My father was a narcissist, so i spent my early childhood either being adored(i was the show pony child) or in fight/flight/or fawn. Ages from 14-17 were bad, real bad, and sadly predictable. The closet i ever came to false escape was a handful of acetaminophen. It wasn't a big enough handful, though. Made me sick as hell, and I remember laying on the couch and watching my nailbeds turn blue. I had to have an abortion 2 days before my 17th bday, and it scared him enough that he left me alone. I have never had any kind of therapy until the first of this year. Initially, it was for adjustment disorder to my recent multiple sclerosis diagnosis. Once I started talking about my emotions in general, everything else bubbled up. It turns out that cptsd has been a big contributing factor to my horrid health over the last decades. Ulcerative colitis, multiple sclerosis, anxiety, depression, and insomnia. I've never been able to regulate my emotions. I dissociate. I thought I was empathic by how well I read people's emotions and could quickly figure out what people need but no, I'm just scanning the room because everyone has to be happy so I don't get in trouble I'm happy now though. My family and I have our usual issues but my relationship with myself, my brothers, my husband❤❤❤, my sons, my DIL, and my grandsons is AWESOME. I'm so unimaginably happy it was not a large enough handful. Please talk to somebody. Staying is worth it. Find your way to happiness out of spite if nothing else. ❤❤❤

@MegsD79

23 күн бұрын

Sending you love, light and hope you are able to find some peace thru counseling! Also, sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs! You are a SURVIVOR - and you are not alone (your comment hit me in my soul and I can relate to a good portion of what you talked about.)❤❤❤❤

@thevilifyingforce

22 күн бұрын

I'm 40 and was diagnosed with MS last year and it'll be what gets me into therapy finally. I did a better job of trying to off myself, but it failed as well. Light and love.

@Momma_Gee

22 күн бұрын

@@thevilifyingforce sending you strength and perseverance, and wishing you all the best!!!

I was never "abused" by my family. I was never in domestic violence or anything like that. I just felt so broken inside all the time and I was my own abuser. I would mentally berate myself day in and day out. My inner voice would just come screaming and hollering at me as Id lay on my floor crying. After my first failed attempt I went to my bedroom and wept on the floor as I could hear my inner voice screaming that I was so pathetic and worthless that I couldnt even take my life without messing it up. All through my teen years and into my twenties ive lived like that. People would always tell me "dont beat yourself up, mistakes happen" and things of that nature. Meanwhile in my head all I could do was berate myself and make sure I felt as shitty as possible for making mistakes or just not being good enough. Ive never been abused by either of my parents. But if abuse is anything like the way I was treated in school and at work. I can definitley say I understand being abused. Too anyone like me, you arent alone. I get it, many days it feels like everyone says that but theyll never truly understand. They will. And even if they dont there are those who want to help because they shed a tear for every person who suffers in silence. I am that guy, I know how bad some days can be. And I want to be the voice that talks someone down from that ledge. I hope and pray no one ever has to go through that shit. Sadly I know they will, but I hope they have a friend to walk with them through the shit storm. Good luck to whoever reads this and I hope you have an amazing day🫰

Alone I Break and Thoughtless are also amazing

I've been there. Floating away from myself. Korn and family saved me. Truly. Keep doing these vids!!!

I've always taken this song to be a "we know, we care" type message, released in 1999 that's pre smartphone, and pre internet for most normal families, these days if you're a kid being abused you can google and seek help or forums and find support, back then, you kept it to yourself in the fear that anything you said would just get back to your abuser, this was Korn saying, we've been there, we get it, and we're going to get you through this

Thank you Taylor for reaching out to us. You are the best.. From my husband and i, we are sorry too. You make a difference

I was a teenager when all these groups came out. It was all I listened to and that anger/raw rage was the only thing pushing through those years of apathy/depression/suicide attempts. Without it, I just curled into a ball, unable to move. As I found my footing and purpose in my 20s, I was able to let go of the heavy music. Still love the classics!

Came home from school one day and this was the first music video I ever saw on MTV2

I think the part when Korn enters her room shows it’s louder. Growing up listening to Korn I used to crank it up at bad times as a release of anger to sing along, and Korn being in her room says to me that although it’s bad Korn is there for you. Music is a release.

@heartsupport you really need to do Korn's whole discography.

you are great and keep reacting to my favorites bands , love the reaction. appreciate

KoRn's music has been a therapeutic outlet for my for more than 20 years. Thank you for backing down their songs. I'm happy to have found your channel.

I always felt like those kids running from the house(s) are essentially the same ones who gang up and become the animated kids in the earlier Follow the Leader videos/artwork

Korn mudvayn and tool have helped me a lot throughout the year's interesting to watch your reactions

keep up the amazing work. make me bad, here to stay, alone i break, narcissistic cannibal, lets go, get up, never never, rotting in vain, black is the soul, a different world, take me, cold, you'll never find me, the darkness is revealing, idiosyncrasy, finally free, can you hear me, h@rder, this loss, let the dark do the rest, start the healing, worst is on the way. also what it is by jonathon davis from his solo album

MORE KORN!!! Bad ass band been a fan since 1994 helped me thru a lot

Shinedown, Staind, Tool, Korn, let's just go thru my early teenage (and still current) Playlist....at 35.

Hatebreed had a video similar to this I remember from when I was a teen "To the Threshold" Always have respect for anybody bringing attention to domestic/child abuse.

Was just listening to the song when I noticed you uploaded, it's my favorite song so thanks for reacting to it

Your reaction videos are so wonderful. You have a great soul. Thank you. ❤

First of all I love your channel and I love you !🤟❤️. I really feel a connection to you and your understanding of the songs that you listen to and your ability to express yourself to the viewers !

Thanks for doing this and all your videos. You open up the window to these artists' souls and really have incredible insights. I have dealt with suicidal ideation and attempted as early as 7. Thàt is one of the reasons I listen to this group. And other rock bands that talk about it. You are right. I just wanted an escape from the pain. Wow! I'm glad I stumbled on to this.

I have experienced abuse resulting in a myriad of mental health issues, PTSD etc. How you say that it feels like you're disembodied, like you're floating outside of yourself, that is so accurate. I've never been able to put it into words. Thank you. It feels nice to see people like yourself feeling the music the same way I, and I'm sure many other people feel it. Your reaction to this song helped me to feel just that bit more understood. Love your work.

Love your natural responses to Korn's music 🤘✊ Also, I just realized Korn comes in to protect & rescue the child! #storyofmylife 🥹❤

Thank you for your help resources and support for folks in need of HELP

I've seen this music viceo god knows how many times, but I never really noticed that the box she has is very symbolic. When she opens it up it's all her bottled up emotions coming out, and when she leaves and she turns back and it all goes back into the box, it's her traumas and pain going back inside her because no matter where she goes, it'll always be there.

I love your videos. Another great Korn song. These songs really helped me through my teens in the 90s. I used to record their songs off the radio wirh my tape deck 😂 Korn is my favorite band, and their songs talk about a lot of things that I experienced as a scapegoat. I didn't find the help I needed as a child like in this song. I wish I would have. No one believed me 😢

Korn is my favorite band. I give Jonathan the highest respect. There is a video where he talks about how he is struggling with depression. It inspires me a lot!

Been waiting for this react for good while

Claire Dunphy out here droppin knowledge on Korn 🤟🏽

Korn por siempre

Nice reaction and hard to watch. As a child you can't move once you're gone...easier said than done and being gone is a beautiful place to be sometimes.

I'm 45 now. This song was my life from age 5 to 18.

Loved the video, and love what you do. Just got here from a Ren binge on your channel. Flip side of the coin, but do you know how calming it is for me, knowing I can end myself and no one being able to stop me? It's like I always have a place to go, no matter what happens or how badly I mess up. This realisation has been my rock since early teens, and my further life experiences only solidified it. Ironically it's the thing that kept me alive at my lowest, and after I failed previous attempts. At the bottom I found solace, seeking what I once thought the end.

I found this Chanel last night. And my God it helps thank you ❤

Thank you Taylor for doing this song. I flirted with the big S a few yrs ago, but at the last second I spit the pills out. Since that nite, I've never felt that urge again. I don't know what it was, but I'm glad that whatever changed my mind, did. IMO the song, Thoughtless by Korn, would be part of a great trilogy. Hope you can get to that song one day. Keep up the great work 👍🏻

Some scars never heal, some memories never fade, you just try to become numb to the pain and pretend it's ok.

As someone that grew with music as a outlet from King Diamond to death core. Most of my issues an hate stem from being in the navy asking for help an not getting any. Got kicked out an since in 2000 people say its ok but its never ok. An Korn has been one of my outlets. Thank you for all you do helping the lost an misguided like an others.

I love your reaction to this video!!!

Been waiting for this one! 👍

I just think you are absolutely amazing, thank you

Ok I'm seeing this now as an important channel. A therapist who can relate to metal. That's big right there. Music has always been cathartic, and at least somewhat reflective of the inner landscape of the writer. Metal music is there to express pain, rage, frustration, defiance, rebellion. I've often thought of metal as a therapeutic tool. It's a gift to have someone knowledgeable and empathetic to dig into the feelings expressed in metal, and the feelings that arise from it. Metal can be an incredible catharsis. It can be a way of feeling some form of belonging, of being seen and understood. A template for rebellion. A shout of solidarity. I think in the right hands it can be an awesome therapeutic tool. You seem insightful and supportive. I'm excited to see this! Thank you for bringing this channel to the world! Big thumbs up! ❤

Jonathan David sings about his childhood, he went thru this stuff

But it can be comforting to people who have been through it or are going through it because we can identify with it and it makes us know we aren’t alone, that’s why Jonathan writes songs like this as therapy for himself but for others too

Love this song so much

I see another powerful message in the videoclip. Notice how the band is inside the box the child has in her hands, at the end off song you see the band surrounded with red lightning in the child her room and after the child escaped you see the lightning (band) going back in the box the child has in her hands this looks like a hidden message to me saying there is also escape in music when dealing with these kind of problems. I have dealt with depression and bad feelings alot but i always find strength in music to keep me going and not give up on life.

I am now but it’s ok no one. Cares, everyone will be happier

"Thoughtless" is another one you should definitely check out. Another great Korn sound, and the video is WILD. Another song you might really get into and have a good time picking apart is "Lift Me Up" By Five Finger Death Punch with Rob Halford.

Another great Korn track to check out that a lot more people should know is "No One's There." I feel like you would have an interesting analysis of this song.

I've watched this music video during it's release, Though I cried with your explanation.... I don't cry. My abuser is dead (after he attempted to murder me and my mother, it's idk some say it was karma.) I myself now as a man disasociate quickly and i will admit somedays are harder with coming to terms with it.... but I still deal with his slanders destroying my name. His friend's are a rough crew (bikers not chill ones) trying to cope with coming to the realization that i'm a murder survivor actually is heavier to hold then everything else bothering me (ptsd wise or his friends) people sadly don't take men seriously when they bring up this stuff.... well cry and rant over, Thank you. i needed that.

No one's lyrics hit kids of abuse harder than JD's. And no one can argue that.

This was awesome, well done

As a survivor of both physical and sexual abuse as a child and into my teenage years it led me to have thoughts of suicidal ideation and I also went through a phase where I was self harming but this is in my past and I chose not to be a victim and to not let these incidents own me and instead I use this as fuel for the videos I make on my channel here on KZread where I talk about mental health and inform people about mental health disorders.

This song helped me cope during my teen years.

Aaaah the days of the late 1990s and early 2000s when MTV played music and band's like KoRn, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park etc where on top of TRL.

I did not share the same hardships, but flirted hard for 10 years. Now its more casual

This song is so very similar to my early childhood that it's actually always been tough to watch this video but the ending is me too because I found a way out thanks to my father and family court saving my life

Heart support I love your mission much ❤️

carson daly had to intro this like 2 weeks back-to-back with the back street boys or whoever. the 00's was a weird era

great reaction

You should literally go down the rabbit hole from the first song off the first album.... And do a try not to cray ever for at least 4 albums!!!

Man, Korn is so therapeutic to listen to

I saw you for the first time, and liked your reaction so much that I subscribed. Some time soon you need to review the video 'Don't Close Your Eye's', by the band Kix.

This was the opening track of my workout playlist during my last tour of Iraq. This song always makes me anticipate 2 hours of pain, sweat and maximum effort! It's a banger! Oh, and you should watch "thoughtless" - it's another great track with "abuse and revenge" as its central theme.

Having a counselor at a DV shelter advise AGAINST an RO because he "...WILL find you and WILL kill you...". I will never forget those words. First time in her 10 years of specializing in this type of counseling she advised this. I knew that is what she would say going into the meeting, but I needed to hear it from HER. My child, 2 yrs old at the time, deserved better. So did I. I did not want her growing up thinking this was 'normal'. Difficult times to follow, yes. Not a lot of $, single parent, but HE was not there anymore. That gave me some peace of mind. I was very hyperaware, but we were allowed to be happy, finally. Almost 30 years later, he I'd still angry, I, yes me, ruined HIS life and I still am hyperspace of my surroundings. My beautiful daughter is engaged and about to travel abroad to get married and have a happy life with a great person 😃 I'm now concentrating on me. It was not at all easy but looking at my daughter, no regrets doing what I did ❤

I like the metaphor of the video . Korn is in the music box . So in her abuse from her father she opens up the box and looks to them . And even at her darkest moments of tears she sees korn in front of her as a manifestation of her overcoming her abuse . So korn is saying whenever your down open the music box (records or songs) and well always be here when youre going through your trauma. Been a fan since 94 . I got out of my hopeless abusive situation. You can too . Dont give up . There is a way out

If there's no Korn there would've been a lot of us on milk cartons.

I think It'd be worth doing Five Finger Death Punch's Coming Down, The Bleeding, Never Enough, and or My own hell. They deal with topics of suicide, mental illness, abuse, etc. Especially Coming down; I felt those first few moments in my bones as it's been a long time struggle.

@vinceearl4240

23 күн бұрын

Also A Little Bit Off

You should really look into American Head Charge... either "just so you know",or better yet... "all wrapped up". These will blow your mind!

This is genuinely turning into one of my favourite channels due to the content and your reactions. I’d like to recommend “Poet and the Pendulum” live at Wembley by Nightwish. It is not the normal song people start with when it comes to Nightwish, however it is the song that suits this channel the most as it deals with depression and struggle. It was written by Nightwish’s song writer the keyboardist Tuomas during the hardest time in the bands history and he basically ended his life in the song to stop himself doing it in real life, however the new song finishes positively with a new beginning. It is one of the best written pieces of music you will come across and is broken into Acts. I won’t say more about it. Nightwish hold the record for most reacted song in KZread history with “Ghost Love Score” (normally what people start their Nightwish journey with. However, as previously mentioned, “Poet” suits this channel perfectly, especially if the research is done on the songs meaning beforehand.

You should react to another Korn song , " Hollow Life" . This song talks about depression. Its a sad song but beautiful at same time.

Most of my days I often get feeling disassociated with myself because my childhood made me wish I could escape. By the time it was proven that I needed help away from it, I was mostly disassociated with myself. Music has this healing ability to me to help me through my struggles. I did the best I could to hang on and gotten myself therapy when I needed it. Sometimes the isolation abuse has me feel like I haven't had much experience with life enough to connect very well. I just do the best I can to survive and be myself.

@HeartSupport

19 күн бұрын

From GaryYounOG: @benjithefox1278 It sounds like you've been through a lot, and I truly admire your strength taken to navigate such challenging experiences. Music’s healing power is remarkable, offering solace and a form of escape when the weight of past trauma feels too heavy. It’s heartening to hear that it helps carry you through tough times. Dealing with dissociation, especially as a result of a difficult childhood, is incredibly tough. This coping mechanism, while protective at times, can make it challenging to stay connected with yourself and the world around you. It’s understandable that you might feel as though your experiences have isolated you, limiting your ability to fully engage with life and connect with others. This feeling of being somewhat outside of normal experiences is a common aftermath of enduring abuse. I'm glad to hear that you’ve taken significant steps towards healing. That’s a powerful decision and a vital part of caring for your mental health. You’re actively working towards recovery, and every effort you make is meaningful. You mentioned doing your best to survive and be yourself-this is incredibly important. Each day you continue to push forward, you are asserting your strength and your commitment to living your life despite the difficulties you’ve faced. It’s okay if the journey feels slow or if the path forward isn’t always clear. What matters is that you are moving, that you are striving, and that you are acknowledging your struggles while also working through them. Perhaps exploring new activities or interests could further assist in creating connections and enriching your life experience. Joining groups or classes that align with your interests, whether they’re related to music or something entirely new, can be a good way to meet new people and form connections. This doesn’t have to be a big commitment-a casual meet-up or even online forums and groups can be a starting point. When I’m under similar situations, I found volunteering to be beneficial as a way to step outside of my own experiences and contribute to something larger. This was incredibly fulfilling for me and it helped me forge new social bonds and add to my life experiences in meaningful ways. Thank you for sharing your journey with such openness. Please remember, your best is absolutely more than enough. You're doing what you can to heal and grow, and that deserves acknowledgment and respect. Keep taking care of yourself, and know that it’s perfectly fine to take things one step at a time.

@HeartSupport

3 күн бұрын

From Micro: @benjithefox1278 There is no doubt that you are doing more than enough to survive and to keep on seeking what life has good to offer to you, friend. Numbness especially is such a frustrating and difficult reaction to overcome, especially when it stems from trauma. Although it serves us and help us cope in adverse circumstances - or what feels like it in the present. I'm so proud of you for not giving up on yourself and for letting things such as music be a healing funnel to you. It's amazing what it can do. Rest assured that you are not alone. :heart:

Eidolon by Karnivool.. its a beautifully haunting song and i would love to get your take on. Its helped me through some really tough times, and maybe help some others.

Yeah my first memory was my dad beating up my mom and it led to a terrible life I got his addictive personality and really fucked my life up I’m 46 still live with mom at least now you go ahead and try to beat her now I was diagnosed in my 40s with ptsd I love your channel

@HeartSupport

22 күн бұрын

From GaryYounOG: @Mod45thc3d I'm really sorry to hear that your earliest memory involves such violence and that it set the tone for a challenging life. Growing up in that environment leaves scars that are difficult to heal, especially when those behaviors carry over in different forms, like addiction. Getting diagnosed with PTSD in your 40s must have brought some clarity, even if it felt overwhelming at first. Understanding the root cause of the struggles you've faced can sometimes provide a new perspective, but it's still a long road to navigate. Living with your mom and protecting her now speaks to the love and resilience that you have, despite all the challenges you’ve endured. It's inspiring that you're finding strength to keep going and that you've connected with supportive channels that bring comfort. Even when the journey is tough and filled with setbacks, leaning on resources that help you feel heard can make a world of difference. Your willingness to share your story shows incredible courage, and I'm grateful you're part of a supportive community. Take things one step at a time, and know that your past doesn't have to define your future. You're doing your best with what you have, and that’s a very brave thing for you to do.

@HeartSupport

22 күн бұрын

From Micro: @Mod45thc3d You have witnessed violence and brutality at such an early age, and it's truly unfair to lead a life that seems to be affected by this trauma, over and over. For what it's worth, I deeply relate to what you've described here - in my 30s, cPTSD, and first memory in life is my mom beating up my sister. It is so hard and feels so isolating when the foundation of your life has been met with violence. When, as you grew up, you also had to learn to survive and find your way in a world that felt truly unsafe, while feeling too broken and not good enough at the same time. It's painful to carry this narrative that your life has been conditioned by others poor choices and brutality, and that even decades after you feel the heaviness of it all. It's tempting sometimes to think about how some people know at least what life can be *before* knowing trauma. For others, traumas was foundational and there is no previous memory to hold on to. Beyond them, beyond us, there is what feels like a blank page to write on, which can appear to be so overwhelming at times. It forces you to ask yourself who you are, what you want from this life, and reinvent yourself entirely... both a beautiful perspective where there is hope to build, but also something that feels like a curse at the same time. What happened to you was deeply unfair, although as much as it has impacted you, your life or your story, it will never define *you*. You are more than what happened and the burdens you've had to carry ever since. I'm so proud of you for standing still, for seeking this diagnosis, for pursuing in life and not giving up on yourself. You matter, friend. You did 40+ years ago, and you still do today. Thank you so much for honoring us with the gift of your story and vulnerability here.

@jehanariyaratnam2874

4 күн бұрын

Hope you don't keep beating up your mum

Corn has been one of my absolute favorite man since I was little and a major therapeutic help. Another great song on the therapy aspect is Marilyn Manson - Into The Fire/Broken Needle - A Prequel Story The Tin Man. As well as King 810- a conversation with god.

Definitely went to another place when I used to be abused. Right around the time I had to miss school because Dad dislocated my jaw at the breakfast table is when I started doing it. Some beatings the moment they started I'd just shut down and not move for hours. It didn't stop until I was 15 and I finally fought back sending the old man to the hospital when I punched him in the chest so hard his heart went into an arrythmia. Big reason I don't hit folks and am super protective of my sisters kids.