The Avoidant/Anxious relationship is the real fun one lol

@photographyenthusiast9941

7 ай бұрын

Sounds like a blast.😬

@user-yx5tn3wt3n

6 ай бұрын

A mice and a cat

i am secure and been into therapy for several years doing the work, my partner is avoidant he is healing over time with our warming relationship, we discuss, we love each other, we laugh together and never take personally their issues. You need to give some space overtime to an avoidant so he can return back, they do think and understand what they are doing so over time it becomes less and less, they are going to get more vulnerable.

I love this video, I’m secure (used to be anxious) with a fearful avoidant partner. He does deactivate and we are long distance so it’s both easy and hard when he does deactivate. I have a complete life with enough support that I don’t NEED him. I def miss him but I’ve made a conscious decision to stick around because I love him and it would be so unfair to expect to rush someone’s healing timeline to fit my timeline and “agenda” I’m 34 and this is the first time in my life where I care less about my timeline and more about just the possibility of having someone in my life just because I love him. I’m totally aware that he might never be able to show up for the relationship but that’s secondary. The point is that I love him.

@daddycocopuffs4202

3 ай бұрын

I commend you for this! I am also in the same boat for 5 years since we were 18. I love her very much and am becoming better at not NEEDING her. We are currently broken up for about a month now but do both hope we can re kindle this fire and start fresh again sometime while I work on myself and she as well. Life in our 20s is very stressful and busy for both of us, but I think time heals all and only time will tell. Also I am very secure but became a little anxious because of her past behaviors so that's what I am fixing.

@AS-uv3jm

3 ай бұрын

@@daddycocopuffs4202 yes the 20s come with a lot of peer pressure too so I understand. We can only love without any conditions (esp those imposed on us and our relationships by the society) the rest is up to god/universe/fate whatever you believe in 😊 the good news is that you can only win when you live with this mindset.

@tammyb6201

2 ай бұрын

As-uv, this sounds similar to my situation. I met a beautiful man through a hobby we shared. We are both in our 60s and divorced, financially stable and lonely. Got to know him and love him so much over the course of a year spending time together and having fun with good conversations. I thought he felt the same so i finally told him how i felt and he completely shut me down. His attachment issues were so invisible it took me by complete surprise and shredded my heart. I love him so i still spend time with him even though he has told me he will not do a sexual relationship. Painful but i feel he is worth it because such a truly good person and makes me happy when we are together. Not sure where it will go, probably nowhere but if i can help him heal even a little i will do so.

@AS-uv3jm

2 ай бұрын

Yes and you can enjoy your time with him now and worry less about where it’s going 😊 I know this isn’t easy for a lot of us but we can make it easy by learning to give without expectations, as long as giving makes you happy of course and it’s ok if you ever get to a place where it’s not and you have to think differently. I’m proud of you for following your heart.

@lalaurlalala

13 күн бұрын

Wtf are you me

Hmm, in theory it makes sense and probably works more for low level avoidants. From personal experience as mostly a secure attached, signs of improvement from an avoidant are very fleeting. It's only a matter of time before old patterns take over. Most will need to commit themselves to therapy to help break their conditioning. From my understanding, avoidants rarely seek therapy because they do not view their behaviours to be problematic or harmful to themselves or to the people around them. I am not inclined to hang around as a result.

@Anna-ei9ng

Жыл бұрын

Couldn't agree more. I asked my avoidant ex to go see a physiologist, he refused. He couldn't see that how I was being treated wasn't normal. Sometimes all your "secure" reasoning and communication isn't enough, they hate you having needs and implementing boundaries - they see it as controlling or criticism. Everything needs to be smooth sailing (on their terms) I feel these types will make anyone anxious and made to feel crazy. Depending on the avoidant it can be emotionally abusive. I feel they can purposely withhold from their partner.

@sunbeam9222

Жыл бұрын

Yes think it really depends on how many avoidant traits they carry. It's a spectrum. I m mainly secure and test as 25 % avoidant I can recognise sone tendencies but some of them is not me. It will be a lot harder and imbalanced for sure with someone who is 80% avoidant for example. I dated someone who was way more avoidant than me in the past. I was a disaster.

@JupiterWaltz

11 ай бұрын

I agree with you at 100%. I did not tell my FA ex to see a therapist but i thought that with calm, patience, reassurance and love she will open up to me. Well, she began to open up, then she started to withdraw. It was like a step and half ahead and a step back. She viewed my availability as needy, my somewhat closness clingy and my love something that gave her anxiety and fear. She started to nit pick me, then she blindsided after the first ever "discussion". She felt i was controlling her and she felt smothered. She started to withdraw a few days before but it was due to work stress. I noticed it but i did not say a thing to her because i wanted to talk it face to face, just to reassure her that i knew that were difficult days for her and i will be there for her. I stated my boundaries and needs but she broke the most important. Just tell me if something is wrong and don't bottle up so we can try to find a common point. It was always on her terms and sometimes mine. Thank Lord i got a ton of patience.

@sairaphilip437

11 ай бұрын

@@JupiterWaltz Really sorry to hear about your experience. Must be painful after a ton of work on your part. I personally think people generally and avoidants particularly need very clear and assertive communication very early on when they push even small boundaries. And always be ok about losing them and mean it by never reaching out to them. Playing bad cop and reserving your calmness, patience and empathy for when someone shows they are truly committed to the relationship in the same way you are seem to be the way to go.

@JupiterWaltz

11 ай бұрын

@@sairaphilip437 Thank you for your empathy and your kind words. Well it lasted only 4 months, but i put a TON of work as you said. I always spoke to her in a very calm way and i told her in the beginning that talk to each other about problems is very important so we can face them together. I even remember one time that i told her that i would really like to see each other more often than 1/2 times a week, she snapped saying the she hates symbiosis. Never ever said that word to her. When she blindsided me with the sentence "I don't feel like to continue, maybe i don't want to lose my friends or independence" i told her "Okay, i respect your decision. Slavery was abolished long time ago so i can't oblige you to do something you don't want". Luckly i mantained my calmness and my soft voice during that. Oh should i add that i was blindsided because i was worried about her well being during one night? 2 minute max and that "discussion" could be resolved.

I feel I lean more on the secure attachment. I re-entered a relationship a little over a month ago with a dismissive avoidant and it was heartbreaking. We did have intimacy but in the end she would choose to avoid rather than grow. There's nothing more heartbreaking than leaving the person you love

Waiting for avoidant-avoidant relationship video 👏

@jhlfsc

Жыл бұрын

They probably just part as friends.

Thank you, this is very encouraging.

Interesting thank you for your refreshing and hopeful insights.

I was in this kind of relationship but I think my ex is more of a disorganized person. What happened is that our relationship was very warming and he ended up opening more & more because we trust eachother. But he kept in controling everything, the time we could have together having so many different excuses and even if he told me he sees himself married to me and willing to have a "big conversation" about a possible future, he never allowed this big conversation to happen and he never accepted to travel with me, not even to a 1 night camping weekend because he said that if he experiences this with me, it will naturally become serious and he doesn't want anything serious.

thank you

👍🙏❤️