It's sad the betrayed is so powerless to get the whole truth. It's like a second continuing betrayal.

@agoodgurl2k

3 ай бұрын

Agreed. And that fact makes it hard to heal from the betrayal, as well.

@judithmiller7308

2 ай бұрын

You can't trust someone withholding the truth. Nor should you ever trust them again.

It's downright frightening how easily they lie, too. I'm questioning the whole last 30 yrs we've been togther. I know of 2 long term affairs.

@missydodson1166

Ай бұрын

I feel you

@colleenapter4346

Ай бұрын

Me too!

I lied to myself so hard. I convinced myself that opening up to bonding with someone wasn’t an affair, because it was “just friends supporting each other”. I had no right to seek her validation, she had no right to see that side of me. I should have done the healthy, mature adult thing and sat down with my partner to discuss and work out the problems we were having at the time. I never would have believed in a million years I could be the unfaithful. I didn’t want to believe that I had done something so heinous. I really wish I had gone about this whole process differently, rather than allowing myself to fall into such a dark place that I couldn’t bring myself to work on healing. She warned me she was losing strength…yet I still couldn’t do it…not until the day she left. Too late to save my relationship, but I’m doing it anyway. I’m never going to be that man again, even if she never chooses me again.

Thank you for reaching into the core of this topic, while keeping it pinpointedly concise. To me it is one of most painful aspects of infidelity.

They lye because they have a lying spirit, they have given themselves over to it by their sin.

I am the child of an untruthful marriage. It is really difficult especially when it isn't talked about. I do it in therapy and just gotta focus on living my best life and being true to myself. All the best to everyone suffering.

@maketheworldabetterplace5624

3 ай бұрын

PS: I don't feel like i am keeping any secrets.

Love your work, Wayne! Grateful for it. Think the worst is those of us who lie and continue to lie - to ourselves … about our relationships. Or whatever. It seems the most destructive to stay self-deceptive. And the most difficult to be honest with ourselves. Listening to “our need to preserve our own image”… creating cognitive dissonance in our partners or families and “downplaying the gravity… underestimating the pain…” Thank you for the depth of this discussion.

This was the best review for me and hopefully by spouse will really understand the impact of continued lying and omission 14 months after DD.

My husband lied about his affairs for 2 years. I never knew anything. He's a very good liar. I was completely blind sided. And we've been married for almost 20 years. 😢

@elle7813

3 ай бұрын

I am so sorry. I understand your pain.

@MichaelSheehe

3 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through that too. I totally understand and know your pain. I hope you find peace soon. Good luck

@maryannchiquete3063

3 ай бұрын

I have gone through what you are going through now. I am sorry, it is the worst thing that can happen in a marriage.

@saladgirl2062

2 ай бұрын

I have been on the other end of infidelity , and my now ex husband justified his actions by telling me I didn’t meet his needs , so I was both traumatised by the infidelity and made guilty for it . He desperately did not want me to end the marriage but I could not forgive him for his efforts to shift the responsibility to me.

@IT_BABE

2 ай бұрын

Me too. Totally blind to his lies for 25 years

18 years Still Playing The Fool….

Thanks Wayne. I always get insight from your videos, and comfort!

Im sorry if this isnt on topic but hoping you can give me some direction. I am the unfaithful spouse, I had a number of unfaithful behavior years ago, that have just recently come to light. My betrayed wants to know everything I might have ever done. But I honestly dont remember everything or the timing. How can I disclose what I dont remember doing? I dont want to invalidate or minimize, but my spouse feels we cant even begin looking forward till she knows everything about my past. Sorry for the long post.

@RosalinaLout

2 ай бұрын

These Blogs have been such a blessing to my husband and I

@terintiaflavius3349

2 ай бұрын

Unfaithful behavior? You mean cheating. If you can't remember that is way worse because it shows that your internal compass doesn't exist. You don't remember cheating.

@KP-hv4tt

Ай бұрын

My husband has said he doesn’t remember certain details because they were years ago too before it came to light. No advice for you because all it does is piss me off to be honest. Y’all really have no idea the pain you cause to the people you claim to love. I am a completely different person now. I was happy, confident, trusted my husband with everything in me. Now I question everything, wonder everyday if I’m enough or if I am enough today will I be enough tomorrow, the list goes on. I hate what I’ve become. The sadness and hurt I feel is unreal and unexplainable. It’s been FIVE YEARS since I found this stuff out. FIVE YEARS. All I know is I love him, I’m glad I stayed, and I’m glad we are making it work but a part of me wonders if this whole I don’t remember thing and the unanswered questions might be keeping me here. Idk. Good luck. Try to remember. It’s the least you could do.

I needed this

38 years of marriage and I had no idea my husband was having oral sex with gay men. I found 6 years of text messages of it along with him talking about me in a bad way with so-called friends. He still lies and said the stuff in the text messages didn't happen. I spoke with the man and he said everything in the texts was true, which I knew from the beginning. Reesa Teesa's story has nothing on mine. I still have all of the text messages. I spent the first part of finding out trying to protect him. Big mistake!

Who betrays his partner after 31 years of marriage. He watched his wife literally come back from the dead and that’s what was more important to him. Needless to say, that was the end of our marriage. The actual end came when he physically abused me.

How long do you wait if they aren’t telling the truth?

Because they are jerks and don’t care

I would respectfully differ with your definition of “infidelity“ as being “the keeping of secrets“. A more accurate definition would be “not keeping your promises and commitments which pertain to your marriage relationship“. Lying, keeping secrets, inappropriate emotional or sexual intimacy, and sexual addictions are all out workings of not keeping your promises and commitments. Keeping secrets and lying are ways of covering up your betrayal of your commitments And in that sense are symptoms rather than a core issue. And keeping secrets are usually the first steps toward deception.

I've been waiting 3 years to hear any truth for an affair that lasted 4 years, keep going or give up?

@DogGroomer-hd1oj

3 ай бұрын

I gave up .

@thisislilyapple

2 ай бұрын

I gave up too. I didn’t regret it.

@cmockingjay7265

19 күн бұрын

I gave because betrayer wouldn’t be honest.