I'm not grieving the loss of her, I'm grieving the loss of the person I thought she was. That person never really existed.

@tamarajarrell6724

Ай бұрын

I know what you are saying that really hurts

@ShirleyMostert

Ай бұрын

True

@nemoneminis5559

Ай бұрын

Thank you so much for saying that--it's just what I needed to hear today in my own sadness after the one who seemed so loving for 3 years, and who promised never to abandon me, suddenly broke off all contact with me one day last Fall and went to live with another person he just met in another city. I've been devastated for months, and it's only recently that I've let myself start to think, to believe, that he's very simply not a good person. Not the person I thought he was or that he presented to me. It does hurt to come to that conclusion, but it is the right one and I think (I hope) it will eventually make the pain less. I just have to keep your phrase in mind. Thanks again, and all best for dealing with your own grief. You are not alone.

@anneyoung2310

Ай бұрын

Welcome to therapy. Seriously, we've all been there.

@doctorartphd6463

Ай бұрын

Finding out the entire "relationship" was an illusion and a lie. Glad I got out without too much financial loss. What a destructive, hateful parasite.

Their accusations are confessions. I strive to not take it personally and reinforce my boundaries.

@whistlinfreedom

10 ай бұрын

That's a very interesting take on the situation... their accusations are confessions... hmmm...

@istateyourname4710

10 ай бұрын

@@whistlinfreedom It aligns with projection. That what they're accusing others of~is what they're doing themselves.

@RondaKay

10 ай бұрын

That’s right I see it now too 😊😮😂 what a relief 😅 ❤ thank you

@saltlightandjoyministries4138

10 ай бұрын

Exactly. I wondered why he was accusing me of cheating on him from years ago. Come to find out he had been cheating on me! The accusations are confessions.

@daniellemcmaster965

10 ай бұрын

Same here!

Everything a narcissist accuses a person of is actually what they are. They project all their insecurities on you to make themselves a victim.

@SurvivingNarcissism

10 ай бұрын

It's their go to defense mechanism.

@mrkcioffi

10 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for all your work and expertise in this area. I have a sibling who is a hard core Narcissist and has caused great suffering for everyone she's encountered. I have learned to identify many behavior patterns by studying your videos. A wonderful, educational, and enhancing contribution. Thank you for your educational work.

@dennismclaurin1487

9 ай бұрын

In the case of a narcissist Jezebel type who wrongly and/ or wrongfully accuses someone, they're not the real victim or sufferer

@ShaynaShort-ix4uv

4 ай бұрын

​@SurvivingNarcissism how does this make them feel better? How does it lessen their guilt or shame?

@averagejane09

4 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Offense as a defense. They never make any real counterpoints if they are "defending" themselves.

They love to take what you’ve said out of context in effort to make their delusional points

@djneuner629

Ай бұрын

World salad

@justinekelly7137

26 күн бұрын

And it’s done with intention

1. STAY CALM 2. LOL, not rudely. 3. Walk away grinning. 4. Ignore them, smiling. They hate that.

I truly feel that the high percentage of narcs existing in humanity is why we can never have world peace, especially if we have big govts FULL of these people.

@SurvivingNarcissism

8 ай бұрын

You make sense.

@offenesohr4445

3 ай бұрын

wooow..! soooo on the point !!!

@CalmTurtle2023

3 ай бұрын

It's not just big government.... people in government come from people... US... is in YOU and ME and everyone around us. Human relationships are complex... we impact each other and vice versa. Saying "big govts FULL of these people" is the same as saying the population is FULL of these people. So it's true but best not to identify a group of people in a type of occupation. It's like saying "house wives are xxxxxxxx".

@annesherrod6009

3 ай бұрын

100%

@annemurphy8074

3 ай бұрын

@@CalmTurtle2023 It's true. People with these terrible disorders often seek out positions of power and the possibility of wealth. They don't care what they have to do to claw and fake their way into these positions and then they are really hard to get rid of.

How to deal with a Narcissist. 1) Remind yourself who you are dealing with. Refuse to be manipulated. 2) Stop justifying and defending. Your defense will never be good enough. 3) Become grounded in reality, even if it's ugly. Accept what is true. 4) Determine the characteristics you want to be known for. Write it down. A dozen items. 5) Anticipate in advance common scenes. Mentally rehearse. 6) COMMIT to CALM CONFIDENCE. 7) Move forward with your sensible behaviors. Your Boundaries and Actions. 8) Hoping they will change, is a failed strategy.

Doesn't matter what the truth is. All they want is the reaction.

@user-qd8tz8xz7y

3 ай бұрын

That's TRUE.

@ladygabi852

3 ай бұрын

So true

@thebjm1967

3 ай бұрын

100000 percent. It’s like a drug to them

@raygarafano3633

3 ай бұрын

They only like the truth when it is in THEIR favor.

@musicteacher5757

2 ай бұрын

gracegorman642, ABSOLUTELY. It's a dominance behavior. Your reaction proves to them that they can control you. Also, their core personality is self-destructive. By forcing you to react against your will and/or in self-destructive ways, they are trying to prove that their self-destructive drive is "normal".

So you've met my sister...

@wombewonderful8846

21 күн бұрын

And my brother…

@Mohini675

18 күн бұрын

Include my younger brother too. He is so shameless he behave this way in front of outsiders and strangers

@Kathleen67.

18 күн бұрын

Lol

@benjamingreer1660

15 күн бұрын

And a few of my fellow co workers...

@alexislee9763

7 күн бұрын

LOLOLOLOL 😂 are we related. My mother brother and sister

FYI/ HEADS UP ! What they're accusing you of doing, is What THEY ARE actually doing.

They're very good at accusing you of being the narcissist.

@dennismclaurin1487

2 ай бұрын

They're experts at teaching their wrong judgments, especially Jezebel types, as relates to Rev.2:20

@garyvalentini5598

Ай бұрын

Spot on. Been there.

@garyvalentini5598

Ай бұрын

Spot on. Been there.

@kimberly_erin

20 күн бұрын

I have been thinking i am the narcissist. I think I have tendencies but now I think I’ve met narcissists and they’ve tricked me. I’ve never accused anyone in a relationship. But I get accused of things all of the time and they don’t make sense. I will try to process these random accusations as possible confessions. I don’t argue with them anymore anyway. It goes nowhere.

@NomadicExpressions24

18 күн бұрын

Or the gas lighter

Most of their accusations don't even make any sense.

@dennismclaurin1487

3 ай бұрын

Especially if they can get the world to believe the damn lie The world listens to that crap, as relates to 1 John 4:5

I heard someone say that the narcissist loves nothing more than for you to participate in defending your personhood and your reality, because by doing so, they have successfully distracted you from your own life and pulled you into their web of self regulating through you. Even if it’s a short interaction. Don’t bite! They know damn well you’re a good person and that their maladaptive behavior is beneath you, but they don’t want you to know that! If you even so much as correct them, you’re snared. Tell them “I trust myself. I trust my version of events and I’m good with me. You have to live with your opinions and I don’t.” They will snicker and sneer and make comments, but there’s really nothing they can do with that statement. They are pathetic attention seekers, but their antics require your participation. You need to leave them, with a smile on your face, in their own dysfunction. I mean don’t pick up their dysfunction and try to hand it back to them. Just leave it at their feet without touching it, turn your back and keep it moving right on into your amazing life; literally and figuratively.

@amberinthemist7912

9 ай бұрын

They are energy vampires who feed off of you spinning your wheels in confusion and upset.

@gradetrend8138

9 ай бұрын

100%. THIS excellent post! The idea is to use this list as YOUR reference, not to go over it with THEM. Ignore/block/delete

@cori1302

9 ай бұрын

That is really good advice! ...You have to live with your opinions - I don't. And tell Yourself - I trust my perceptions of reality and who I am. Don't have to participate. Yup

@harleyanne3720

8 ай бұрын

Well said!

@jsf8145

8 ай бұрын

Yep. Pathetic attention seekers. Ego Maniacs. Over grow children needing constant validation

They are pathological liers, and the sad part about it, people who don't know, believe the lies🙄

@ZooxMaze

3 күн бұрын

Especially, when the person being programmed is your daughter and her mother is your ex...

Less words with them are better. Only problem is that when you don't react to their crazy nonsense they come at you harder.

@nicoleadams2321

3 ай бұрын

Yesssss. It’s so difficult.. 😞

@brianscott3392

Ай бұрын

Very well said, practice situational awareness then, 20’ minimum distance then there over. 🙂👍

@victoriabachlotte3321

Ай бұрын

So true! I'm being targeted by a narcissist I've known 30 years. She's my landlord now. I refused to engage in her arguments and now she's effectively evicting 4 people by staying in an un permitted apartment hoping all involved will blame me, as she does and that they will turn against me and be on "her side".

@lynettecaballero1660

Ай бұрын

So true!. If you don't react, they will just keep attacking, criticizing, goading you to get you to react so that they can feel a false sense of power and control. Control. My ex even admitted how he'd like to goad me and watch my reactions. These are sick and demonic evil individuals.

Narcissists also have a habit of putting words on your mouth that suit their narrative

Their false accusations that involve law enforcement are the worst! Such disgusting people

@susannakotoff7095

10 ай бұрын

or when its done in church people claiming to be christians

@dylannaenzo9737

10 ай бұрын

The worst is when they fire employees and lie to unemployment office about why ..... delays UI payments, although I have received all of my benefits, after the appeals were decided.

@garlickebagg

10 ай бұрын

MARKJAYW666 Making trouble on others To lose your job, housing, So many things that they Want you to lose, or to Lose access to. And they bring the shitt To you, then attack like Blitz. They always right, Don't let Truth get in the Way of emotional Badmouthing & Malicious Gossip. I feel your pain. 💜💜 Oh yeah, and they're Religious Zealots who Best you over the head, Because you must understand That They are really The Godd who you Must worship. They are so full of it.

@nateo200

10 ай бұрын

Yeah my mom literally had restraining orders against her from her co-workers, her best friends, and her entire close family + convinctions for DV and harassment and people still somehow think she isn't completely malicious. The cognitive dissonence is astounding.

@cazjay017

10 ай бұрын

From experience I agree. They’re also protected by the law.

Narcissists are starved for praise & attention. Don't feed them.

@dennismclaurin1487

3 ай бұрын

They want their victim's head on a platter And devour 1Pet.5:8 /eat up the sins of Hosea 4:8 the vulnerable

@user-qd8tz8xz7y

2 ай бұрын

Positive or negative attention!

@truthandreality4650

2 ай бұрын

Expose them for who they are. In that way you are educating and inspiring others to rise up. It is a huge problem.

The angrier they are, the slower i talk. I wont allow myself to be pushed. I wont allow my mind to be cornered. Try it.

@courtneycole235

2 ай бұрын

Love this.

@Stubbornclarity

2 ай бұрын

Thank you for your advice. Much appreciated ☺️.

@SolidSiren

2 ай бұрын

Careful with this. This is exactly how I am. The more insane they act, the calmer I react. But what that usually does is pisses the miserable asshole off even more. The abuse increases because they can't get a negative reaction from me. Next, I "don't care" because I'm "not showing any emotion". I'm "just an idiot with no thoughts". This can sometimes push them beyond the edge and end in violence. Be careful.

@Stubbornclarity

2 ай бұрын

@@SolidSiren wise advice. Sadists mean to have our very lives. They push for a reaction between they want to play victim. Still do not react. Simply say, I hear you loud and clear. And I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for. Also, pray. It helps calm the situation down.

@kssendthemamessage6818

Ай бұрын

@@SolidSiren Yes, be careful with that response. I have tried that, it makes them more mad, because they want you triggered, so then they can blame you for the fight. You described my same concerns exactly.

During the brain fog and stifling gaslighting it almost impossible to remember that your value is NOT based on their ability to recognize your worth.

As a family scapegoat growing up, and having chosen a narcissist in marriage, I have had false accusations leveled at me my entire life, and I thought I was alone. Thank you for expanding on this topic because it represents my whole life and it’s miserable to exist knowing that false accusations will come at any time, and with no regrets by the narcissist ever.

@SherryWilson-dk7bo

10 ай бұрын

Sounds like my life. Sorry, stay strong. ❤

@cyndim8785

10 ай бұрын

You are not alone. I was just told that my family is crazy guess what, he is my family. In 40 years he has isolated me from everyone in my family.

@wayneelliott1180

10 ай бұрын

Same here. It's not unusual for a survivor of the narc parents/family dynamic to choose partners that resemble the abuse. Some will never grow past it - but some of us certainly do!

@MT-tx7bu

10 ай бұрын

They won't change. Only thing you have is yourself. Take good care of your ❤️.

@kajenslv

10 ай бұрын

Thank you for supportive comments. I am healing from the narcissistic abuse and have been for four months. My husband believed that Google would solve any problem so he ignored very serious symptoms and angrily insulted me for daring to beg him to please call a doctor. In the end, he did not survive. The irony is that his narcissistic hubris eventually caused him to lose everything, and I was left in control and in possession of everything. But I am in counseling and working to repair my shattered self-esteem, and find the happiness that I have so long deserved. I know I will get there because I can see now that I was not alone in dealing with such toxic people.

We've decided the only way to survive is to have no contact with the narcissist in our life. Unfortunately, that means alienation from other family members as well, but it is the only solution. We've tried for 10 years to 'make it work', and it never does. Enough is enough.

@sharonjones5173

10 ай бұрын

Have had to do the same. You will miss them. They will never miss or care about you.

@jamjarthecat4205

10 ай бұрын

That often has to be the - I was going to say 'we have to make' but really when other people side with the narcissist they're also making that decision for us. It's sad but if that's what has to happen... so be it. I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 9 years and now see that my brother is a text book narcissist too since we've been dealing with our parents' estate after they passed. It's hideous but luckily my sister is 'normal' and we can support each other whenever he treats us like we're the idiots!

@jamjarthecat4205

10 ай бұрын

Unable to edit my reply to add that we are now no longer in contact with our nephews and their families.

@Sdtgfyu

10 ай бұрын

It also severely limits the dating pool. I refuse to be with anyone who wants to bring it BACK into my life through THEIR narcissists (parents, ex, kids, boss--I don't care, and I don't apologize.) I trust God to bring me the right man, no Narcs attached. I'll die alone if it means dying free.

@RepentTimeIsAtHand

10 ай бұрын

Yes. They serve satan and that is the truth. They are without natural affection. They pretend to have empathy but they do not. Mine just used my mother in a phone conversation...telling my elderly mother she would come over snd cook snd clesn for her and her husband...funny thing is my narcisstic adult child has never once visited my mother in many yrs now. My mother told me she has always felt something wrong mentally with my daughter. Hard to hear from my mother, but my brother says the same thing. My only child and I have given her my life. I have and would do it again take care of my grandson daily but my daughter only used me and my husband to get my grandson to a certain age so she did not have to do it herself. Now she has discarded me and caused my grandson to grieve me and I him. God is watching. My mother called me and said she had to placated my daughter because she feels my daughters mind is fragile and they have no intention of having my daughter come over. My mother is working on a sworn affadavit stating my daughter is unstable. My daughter is clearly a highly functioning alcoholic and substance abuser. She is mentally and emotionally abusive to my grandson to keep control. She refers to my grandson as her prisoner, he is now 8 yrs old. She runs a smear campaign on me and people tell what she is saying. Bottom line "No weapon formed against me shall prosper." I pray God take permission away from the demons that plague her and bring her to humility, true repentance and unto salvation In Jesus name Amen

Honestly, the narcissist thinking you’re an idiot is probably a compliment. 😅

The moment someone realizes you wont engage their irrationality, and their response is rage, is the only sign you need to know you're dealing with someone who is very unwell.

@SurvivingNarcissism

5 ай бұрын

Quite true.

@dennismclaurin1487

Ай бұрын

Jezebel types want empathy

No response. Turning your back. Walking away. Getting busy with a craft or hobby. Turning on a tv program. In other words, for that time frame, “they don’t exist”.

@hasansarhan9296

10 ай бұрын

Yes , 💯 💯 💯

@amandaliverpool3374

10 ай бұрын

❤

@Disobedientlygood

10 ай бұрын

💯 I do this all the time…I often walk away mid sentence or completely zone out 😏

@roxymovie3938

10 ай бұрын

My ongoing experiences with the time frame "they don't exist": 1. No response - Narc getting angry 2. Turning my back - Narc shouting irrational accusations at me 3. Walking away - Narc yelling at me with even more accusations

@tbunnyshy1

10 ай бұрын

@@roxymovie3938 I hear you. I go outside a lot. Its safe, quiet and there are neighbors around. There’s no rest IN the house.

They will never change. They will never be kind. They trick me into hoping they will be kind. They will never Love me.

@SurvivingNarcissism

10 ай бұрын

Narcissism can be understood as the absence of love

@elan007

10 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Absence of self-love, so nothing to draw from to love others...

@maryanndavis1546

9 ай бұрын

Perpetual petulant shame dumpers. Lost cause. But hey, I'm not. I am worthy of kind mutually respectful interactions. I can stand grounded these days and it's bc of your taking us to school Dr C. I now know exactly what Do NOT cast your pearls before swine truely means.

@debbievoss3496

9 ай бұрын

A sense of love.

@lisabrown9286

9 ай бұрын

“Kind” isn’t in their wheelhouse.

I am the daughter of a n elderly 89 yr old covert passive aggressive Narcissist. No contact for 3 yrs. She is dying now of cancer and is pushing her delusions accusations and outright lies and tentacles further into my family to hurt me. I have remained calm and not replied. It's a shame she never loved me. I always loved her. I am a good person. I am grateful my grandchildren will never know her. It stops when she dies. So sad but true. Hard to say goodbye to your mother that was never your mother......but I can't cry anymore.

@amybell4830

3 ай бұрын

My ❤️ goes out to you.🙏

@demondogmom7221

3 ай бұрын

My narcissistic female parent died at 99. Until the end she was angry, bitter and mean as a snake (sorry snakes). I consider the day she died as one of the best days in my life. I've never cried. I don't "miss" her. She was never a "mom", but she was definitely a real mother f....mother.

@insignia2543

3 ай бұрын

I pray for your strength and for your peace.

@lesjohn534

3 ай бұрын

It's so sad. It makes me feel so lucky to have had a non-narcissist mother.

@Stubbornclarity

2 ай бұрын

My mother died of cancer,riddled with malice and spite and fear. It was so scary to watch. I tried to be a comfort to her but she never stopped thinking of me as bad. I had to put up walls to protect myself. The " bad" thing I did was not allow her custody of my vulnerable babies. She was narcissistic and too selfish and impatient. I had to protect them from her.

"you are not dealing with an objective person, you are dealing with someone who has a hard agenda; and it's their job to explain to YOU what YOUR motivations are" . Oh my gosh, this is so true. So happy to now be in my own calm reality. Living apart from the irrational. I have processed the grief of lost relationship that was based on a false belief of who they were.

@Secretgeek2012

9 ай бұрын

Having to listen to hour long lectures on what I'm thinking and what my motivations were became a simple fact of my life, to the extent that I became so browbeaten I would find myself agreeing even though, in my heart I knew what they were saying wasn't true. Today, I told them I'm applying for divorce.

@supplynomore6471

9 ай бұрын

It is so gradual and so insidious. I was divorced in 2004, after 28 years of being ground down for my actions and HIS absolute certainty of my motivations. Never felt so free as the day I left and never spent another day disappointing him. @@Secretgeek2012

@maryfrances1307

9 ай бұрын

@Secretgeek2012 Don’t tell them what you’re doing. They’ll sabotage you.

@coachrebeccamachiela

9 ай бұрын

when he said that, it was so validating for me. Because no matter how honest and forthcoming I have been about my motivations for doing something, and they are most often benevolent motivations, he will not believe me and then carry on the conversation with HIS version/narrative of what my "True" motivations were (usually malevolent, of course), saying something along the lines of " I know you". and then from that point on in the convo, all of his accusations and insults would rest on his narrative of me and I would have to try to "convince" him otherwise so that the initial topic we were talking about was lost and now we were talking about how I am the problem in everything, which I know I am not..

@TheDivayenta

9 ай бұрын

I soooo feel you, Sis!

6) Commit yourself to calm confidence

@tbunnyshy1

10 ай бұрын

🎯

@goldas.4624

10 ай бұрын

For many in order to have that one needs at least weekly support from the family or friends

@dennismclaurin1487

9 ай бұрын

In my case, God has to take charge of this one Because I'm in the Devil's hands

@shelleyhayton9251

8 ай бұрын

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

@Survivin2Thrivin

7 ай бұрын

@@goldas.4624 I HAVE ALSO seen "the devil" in the narcs' details. Good riddance when you're able to escape the clutches

The most effective response I've used on my narcissistic mother-in-law was when I blocked her cell phone number. After 35 years of putting up with her phone calls & criticism I finally decided I'd had enough. No goodbyes. No grey rock. No explanation. I just blocked her. Best decision of my life. And then my husband called his mom and told her not to call me anymore -- to only call him.

@SurvivingNarcissism

10 ай бұрын

Boundaries!

@ru.m.6119

9 ай бұрын

congrats , took you a long time lol

@sandrabrookins3250

9 ай бұрын

I did that to my mother in law, unfortunately my husband wouldn't back me up. He kept on calling her. We were overseas and I didn't know about this until we came back from our duty station. I asked him to cut off communications with her and he refused. We would get phone calls from her. She even contacted his boss, telling him just how bad a wife and mother I was. It was so bad that we decided to not return to our hometown. We lived about 800 miles away from her. It took her years and years but in the end she destroyed our marriage. My husband started to act just like her verbally and physically just like her. He even would repeat the same accusations that she did. Eventually we divorced. THEN it was just myself and the kids. We didn't have the arguing or accusations in our lives that we had when we were all together. We had love and understanding in our lives for the first time.We also had food and a warm home. No we weren't rich. We didn't have a car, but we had each other and peace in our home. The kids would go to see their grandparents but I had no contact at all. The children finally see how she was and dropped her so fast. It made our lives much better in the long run.

@ironDsteele

9 ай бұрын

@@ru.m.6119 The appropriate length of time is no one's place to judge.

@gradetrend8138

8 ай бұрын

Exactly that's the ONLY thing that works with these people all they want to do is throw out false accusations so you will continue to engage in arguments sick !

I just don't grasp how a narcissist/sociopath can even reach the age of 50. How do they hold jobs at all, with this mindset? How do they not get beaten up repeatedly? No expert or psychologist has been able to explain that to me.

Unemotional detachment and avoidance is the BEST way to deal with those who have NPD. It also leads to better mental health for you!

@TheDivayenta

9 ай бұрын

Yes and it takes a lot if work when you have CPTSD from them.

@Angelsarenear277

9 ай бұрын

Yes that’s what I’ve done but still has given my mental health a crack or 2 I totally missed the person she was..

@TheMazinoz

8 ай бұрын

@@Angelsarenear277 Yes, I'm beginning to wonder if you ever recover. Try to move on with your life without them anywhere near you.

@MapleKlister

8 ай бұрын

Yes! That has been the most unexpected (but welcome) result of going gray rock/no contact. But watch out! She recently baited me (again), using someone else's email account (so it seemed like the baiting comment was from that someone else). God, they are devious!

@tinaureta9891

6 ай бұрын

POWERFULLY SAID! I totally Love this!!! I will say it to myself a Thousand times

You can respond calmly or not respond at all, but the rage and trouble they ambush you with does damage.

@SurvivingNarcissism

9 ай бұрын

Yes, you make sense.

@patriciawightman4561

6 ай бұрын

Yes and healing from the damage takes time apart and away from them as much as possible. Every minute, day ,week of distance is healing. Limit contact as much as possible. There's just no other way. Just my opinion.

@jumpinjohnnyruss

6 ай бұрын

You can try recording them secretly. I've been working on a hilarious video series of a narcissist I've been afflicted with. If you can derive humour from it their tantrums, you should, as long as you can compartmentalize them from the rest of humanity and not let your disdain for them bleed through. Make your relationship about comedy instead of about trauma. That's the choice they give you. Your mileage with this technique may vary, depending on the type of narcissist it is. I lucked out with an utter moron.

@nicoleadams2321

3 ай бұрын

I swear being calm just made him more aggressive, and I couldn’t take it. It was too stressful.

@dennismclaurin1487

2 ай бұрын

The great tribulation can result from narcissists- especially if they're Jezebel types. 2 Tim.3 mentions false accussers and lovers of themselves And Satan is called the accuser of the brethren ( Rev.12:10)

10:44 - "Hoping that the person is going to change ... is not a good strategy". Yep. 25 years, i hoped, prayed, only got worse. I wished I had known decades ago what I was up against. Thanks. Dr. C.

@margaretmlydon6910

10 ай бұрын

Hi pan-fried, that is exactly how I was for 36 years with my now ex. But he made it so easy for me in the end. I swore to myself , if he ruined another Christmas, with his rage and drama, that I was finished. Christmas 2021 my was drama and a half. Anger off the scales. After a very quiet dinner (he not talking to us), I went for a long walk in the rain. Came back determined not to stay around for another Christmas. I left in February 2022. At peace now. No eggshells, no rage no drama. Thank God.

@panfried7566

10 ай бұрын

@@margaretmlydon6910 my last straw was similar. Extreme rage for something not even worth to be angry for. thank you for sharing your story!

@ginafarley6190

10 ай бұрын

Don’t fault yourself for not seeing it sooner. Give yourself a pat on the back for seeing it and moving on. Change is never easy❤️

@yelodoggie

10 ай бұрын

Right? How helpful would this video have been 10 years in? 37 wasted years here with no idea how mentally ill she was. No tools. No idea how to navigate.

@mia_1969

10 ай бұрын

@panfried7566 you are not alone! I went thru 30+ yrs not understanding what was going on. My Life was HELL! All those precious years gone. I'm free now, thanks to many many YT vids where I learned about Narcissism. I'm thankful for the knowledge I have gained.

“Their accusations are confessions.” Is great! What we heard as kids was, “It takes one to know one.” As adults it is also called “projecting” accusing others of what they themselves are thinking of, or familiar with!

@donnaklammer2950

9 ай бұрын

Projection

@kristineoietibbits596

9 ай бұрын

“I’m rubber, yer glue, whatever you say sticks on you!” 💩 🎉🥳🔥 Let’s bring it on “Right back at you Satan!”😂 the demonic deception failed…game over you have lost.🙏✌🏻

@beatricelight8312

9 ай бұрын

My best friend reminded me of a famous quote: "That's who you are, but who am I ?" I keep this as a silent reply within myself because I know that saying it out loud to a narcissist would only incite rage in them.

@ThePossumone

6 ай бұрын

Love that - you are what you say you are - takes one to know one

@elaineclift2227

3 ай бұрын

Another one to keep in mind is that when someone points at you, 3 fingers are pointing back at themself.

I am SO GLAD that I'm out of that relationship. Thanks be to God! ✝

It’s very draining. And I have withdrawn from people. It’s hard.

@patriciawightman4561

6 ай бұрын

I have learned that withdrawing gives me solitude in order to heal. I think it's a good thing. Your mind's way of limiting the trauma and helping us find balance again. It is mental exhaustion, and please allow yourself the gift of solitude when necessary..

@nicoleadams2321

3 ай бұрын

Me too. I literally don’t talk to anybody any more and disappeared from my communities because I don’t know who to trust any more.

@2009jadeorchid

2 ай бұрын

It's the opposite of a truly caring person , they inspire , the narc instills self doubt and exhaustion

@pamelar5868

2 ай бұрын

❤😢

Don’t respond, and walk away, works the best for me. Only took me 50 years to realize there is a term for this unhealthy, bullying way.😢

@tundrawomansays694

8 ай бұрын

Walk away COMPLETELY and never look back.

@jackilynpyzocha662

6 ай бұрын

My dad's thinking, the nasty narcisssist!

@gracechua9571

5 ай бұрын

Just realized it's a nice way of bullying.

@Mudsome

3 ай бұрын

I got married to my husband at 20 yrs old, still together at 44 years. His behavior did not start until about 15 years ago. He had a bad back surgery done which gave him drop foot and tons of pain. He really changed from that point on. I totally understand the pain he is in, but I started seeing him use it for attention. His Mother was an awful Narcissist, and actually faked a heart attack the first Christmas Eve I hosted at my house instead of hers. Unfortunately I am seeing similar patterns in my husband, along with being told how I am a piece of crap. These videos are helping me through this, and I am preparing myself to leave him.

@matthewsheeran

2 ай бұрын

Same here. Turn your back on them. Unfortunately, such miserable nasty people tend to hang on desperately to the life they hate and live to a ripe old age: go figure!

Narcs know how to cry on cue.

@darleneengebretsen1468

3 ай бұрын

They are experts at producing what we used to call " crocodile tears", or fake tears.

@randideelancaster9904

Ай бұрын

I can do that and I'm not a narcissist, it's called being a good actor, basically pull a nose hair, or think of the worst thing you have ever felt and the tears come

@Kathleen67.

18 күн бұрын

My daughter brags about that ability.

The best thing I ever did before going no contact was laughing in their faces! Was having one of those inquisitions in a restaurant where I was the scapegoat... there were 3 of them arms crossed, the looks of condemnation etc...i saw it all like a movie. What a gift...they all looked so ridiculous and I just started laughing uncontrollably!!! You should have seen their faces. I actually thought my mother would stroke out... she kept saying stop and I gave her the teenager type "what"? The more she did that the harder i laughed!!! It totally blew their minds!!!

At what point is the narcissist finally either held accountable or exposed for their abuse of power, spiritual & psychological abuse, outright lies and CRIMES? It seems there is no one who can confront a narcissist with reality (not therapists, lawyers, "friends," subservients). It's astonishing.

@ElsieDee001

10 ай бұрын

God will give them their due in the end.

@sgueymard

10 ай бұрын

I ended up sending a Formal Notice to my own narcissistic sister, to stop contacting me. Of course she didn't. So i lodge a complaint for "criminal harassment" at the police station and a few months later, i found in my mailbox her Judgement: 12 months prison...

@sgueymard

10 ай бұрын

(But prior to that, i tried to help her for 30 years, and each time it was a mistake.) I regret not having done the procedure 30 years ago... She destroyed my self esteem completely.

@SarrenGames

10 ай бұрын

"It is mine to avenge, I will repay, says the Lord"

@stst77

10 ай бұрын

Sometimes we just have to wait till the judgement seat of Christ before any vindication comes.

If someone tells you the sky is purple doesn’t make it true You need to have a delete button in your life Some people do not walk in the light, you do not need to give your energy to them

I'm so sick of the accusations 😢 Truth is fluid to them.... It depends on how they feel in any given moment...

My fav has always been, “if that’s what you want to believe that’s not my problem it’s yours”

The narc in my life told me that I alienate everyone, that I could alienate a saint. I'm 77. I still have friends from nursery school, elementary school, high school, college and from every place I've ever lived. He has literally alienated two entire towns in Vermont. 😂😂😂

@TJ-so9xo

Ай бұрын

LOL Sounds like my life. My narc told me I create chaos and drama in everyone around me. He's the ONLY one causing any drama or chaos in my life. I am old and still have all my friends. My narc has gone no contact with every single person in his life he knew before he met his wife.

The first time it worked for me was when I said "you know what? You have every right to feel however you want to." They flipped.. started hollering and screaming and I said calmly "I understand you feel that way" They further flipped but I stayed calm. That was a turning point for me.

@SurvivingNarcissism

5 ай бұрын

You got it! That's delicate detachment

@fistymopar2356

Ай бұрын

When you validate their feelings, and they dig deeper, it becomes clearer and clearer who's really sad.

I ask my narc/sis "If I'm so terrible, why are you living with me and renting space from me?" Never an answer.

@kssendthemamessage6818

Ай бұрын

I would ask the same, deer in the headlights stare. Then it would be twisted as for what I said.

As one of the commenters said; Tell him I trust my myself, I trust my version of events, and i am good with me. You have to live with your opinions and i don't. With a smile

@user-qd8tz8xz7y

3 ай бұрын

GOD grant me the Serenity

@JessicaWarrenArt

2 ай бұрын

Yes I loved that

While dealing with a Narcissist, you will hear lots of accusations. Some of them are very direct, like "Your family is nuts!", "You are just like your mother/father!", others are more subtle, but repeated over and over again, like "I don't understand, why you are doing it like this?!" What impacts do these accusations have onto you? > Are you getting defensive? > Do you get angry? > Are you going to end up in arguments? > Do you withdrawl? > Do you appease? > Are you bitter and filled with contempt? What can you do most effective? 》Push your reset-button, cause you need to get your mind in the right place: 1. Remind yourself who you are dealing with 2. Stop justifying and defending 3. Become grounded in reality 4. Determine the characteristics you want to be known for 5. Anticipate in advance common sense, then mentally rehease your healthy traits 6. Commit to calm confidence ("I am comfortable with who I am.") 7. Move forward with your sensible behaviours 8. Set your boundaries 9. Individualize your own efforts Be aware: 》Narcs will never change 》They are playing their own inner chaos onto you 》Entitlement inhibits their objectivity 》They create tension, yet they are playing the victim 》For them truth is whatever suites them in the moment Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈

@aaronkwolfe

10 ай бұрын

You rock, Roxy.

@roxymovie3938

10 ай бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe Once again, thanks for your motivation on this one, Aron 🙏

@SurvivingNarcissism

10 ай бұрын

You are so good, Roxy!

@roxymovie3938

10 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks, Dr Carter! That's very kind.

@human-capital-

5 ай бұрын

This is a beautiful summary, Roxy. I'd like to borrow it and incorporate it into some of the discussions I have, and credit you. Would it be possible?

Their projections are confessions

@SurvivingNarcissism

10 ай бұрын

Precisely.

@ramonaschuler4134

Ай бұрын

Absolutely correct 👍🏾

At the very end of my marriage, I finally landed on "calm confidence". It felt wonderful! I knew he'd come at me with his crazy, and I simply quit reacting, defending etc.

@laurencmueller5963

7 ай бұрын

Me, too and it was very liberating. I no longer felt any need to "understand" him, what was wrong with him, etc. I knew he didn't love me from his actions, accepted that, and decided to move on with MY life. Very freeing.

@triciapotter3331

6 ай бұрын

I am trying so hard to do this. Tonight, sadly, I took the bait, reacted and have been in bits for hours. He took the advantage and I feel as though I am a massive problem. This is not living, its hell.

@laurencmueller5963

5 ай бұрын

@@triciapotter3331 - you can, and WILL, settle back and find your peace within. That will allow you to stop "taking the bait". I have complete confidence in you to have the life and peace that you deserve

@supplynomore6471

5 ай бұрын

Sadly I went toe-to-toe with my ex in the divorce, because I was the one who earned the majority of our asset base; though it was all earned after I married him at just over age 18. 32 years of relationship; the first 10 years were fun and entertaining but the years of child-rearing where I worked full-time and really raised HIM and our kids was not fun. as he aged, he got mean. OH how I wish I had had a resource such as this to give me CALM CONFIDENCE in a divorce. He pulled every trick, he was a dirty paranoid fighter and I gave up far more territory - just to get away.

@supplynomore6471

5 ай бұрын

@@triciapotter3331 It is hell, and they are vicious fighters.

why does nobody talk about when people faulsly accuse someone of being a narcissist not saying the accuser is or is not a narcissist themselfs but the effects it has on those who are faulsly accused and how to deal with it

I'm continuing to struggle with this but I'm learning. Any response is adding fuel to the fire. Sometimes no response is taken badly as well. However I've decided that being yelled at for walking away or staying silent is better than the other alternatives. Recently, I bought a cheap macrame bracelet with jade beads off Etsy to help me remember, JADE. Don't Justify,Argue, Defend or Explain.

@SurvivingNarcissism

10 ай бұрын

Keep leaning forward!

@elan007

10 ай бұрын

I LOVE the JADE bracelet idea! Brilliant! Beautiful! FYI - Jade is a highly valued stone that symbolizes gentleness, serenity, harmony, and balance - bringing balanced energy to your life and home. Jade has many meanings, including strength, luck, and good health. 👍

@plume1639

10 ай бұрын

Very clever and helpful to the rest of us!

@sallyb4871

9 ай бұрын

Shopping for something JADE right now - great, great idea! Go team healthy!

@jadeshaw3621

9 ай бұрын

I wondered what the jade was 😂brilliant x

Excellent, Energizing, and Uplifting session by Dr. Carter. If you are suffering from the psychological abuse of a toxic person, you owe it to yourself to watch this video.

@amandaliverpool3374

10 ай бұрын

Agreed 👍

@SurvivingNarcissism

10 ай бұрын

So pleased!

@caroleminke6116

10 ай бұрын

Nice shirt!

@VTH599

10 ай бұрын

What a great session. I have watched it a few times because it is spot on. I feel heard.

@AnnePerkins-po5jo

10 ай бұрын

@@VTH599 Yes, Dr Les just keeps getting better! I will listen to this again, and whenever I feel the need.

I’m finally feeling quite a bit better after the shock of the last incident. That means I’ll be receiving a dysfunctional surprise call any moment.

I got this line from my mother and sister several times when I was younger, “No one can tell you anything.” I was also told I’m too sensitive. Anyone had this told to you?

@jenster29

5 ай бұрын

Since day one ha. Its like my family motto " you're too sensitive" Only when i got older I started responding with " if I am then why are you being so insensitive?" Or " then just stop talking to me" They project and twist everything we say, we know those tricks too but we chose not to use them. I chose, in my 30s , to use them but only on my family members. You want to outcast me because i won't comply ? Fine I'm outcasting you for twice as long. Banned from me and my own family, my life Want to talk shit about me? Do it... you'll need to lie about me, I'll just tell the truth about you ( because they all have dirt) It was hard and it sucked and I didn't feel nice but it eventually "worked". They didn't change but the worst ones backed off. The flying monkeys are still around but they'll only hear how fabulous everything is and if the narcs come up, I'll bring up a specific example as to why I don't see them anymore... truth makes these people very uncomfortable

@trinidad2450

4 ай бұрын

@@jenster29 Oh boy. I want to encourage you that my mother and sister did change. Sometimes my husband tells me that I’m too sensitive, and I stop and think about it and I ask him what does he mean. I explain to him what I’m thinking about at the moment and it really helps to clear up any misunderstanding on both our parts. I’ve realized, at this point in my life, that I’ve been wrong about some people. When I’ve waited and said nothing, many times I’ve realized that I was wrong. What I’ve seen that really has helped me is to pray and ask God to help me be kind. This has helped me immensely. I’m not saying this applies to you, I’m only sharing what I’ve learned for myself.

@xxxx-qo9dh

4 ай бұрын

Of course

@jenster29

3 ай бұрын

@@trinidad2450 yes I understand and I'm so glad things have worked out for you and you family. Mine just got worse unfortunately but its OK. I have my peace of mind, they've all turned on each other since I'm not in the picture so it's just further proof that I need to keep my distance. I've also turned to prayer and it has been an enormous comfort. Best of luck in your journey , we all need it X

@trinidad2450

3 ай бұрын

@@jenster29 Most definitely prayer should be our weapon. There will always be people who will be problematic, but we can pray for them and ourselves. Thank you for the reminder.

They are not objective. Eventually, their opinions/false accusations reveal their own inner chaos 🎯 Feed them silence. Eventually, you see how irrelevant they are.

@dennismclaurin1487

3 ай бұрын

Jesus was wrongly accused ( Mat.27:12) God knows my case.

no response is the best response

@dennismclaurin1487

2 ай бұрын

That's how I feel about what I believe to have been secretly accused to the authorities by a narcissist Jezebel neighbor Jesus Christ was silent before his accusers (+ Mat.27:12)

In time, after 14 years of being accused of being such a worthless piece of trash....by an adulteress wife...... ....and when I FINALLY stood up to her for HER sake, and she left me..... I realized, (in time) my gosh, what love I had for her. It may sound arrogant, to a narcissist.... ....but again I say (IN TIME) I realized I MUST be a loving person to have endured all that witchcraft..... ...and never gave into hated against her, never struck her, never retaliated, never cheated...

My mother called me out of the blue one day and accused me of saying something to her she didn’t like - 30 years ago! When I told her I never said what she claimed, she said, “Now, now. You know you did.” Unbelievable.

Before 3years of age, I don't know who they blamed. My memories begin at 3. Since then They place all blame on me. They are always the victim of everything in,their lives. Learn to have no response.

"it's too bad you feel that way.". Best response ever to false accusations. They can lay out the poison but I don't have to touch it.

I read somewhere that if you were faced with a healthy person who had genuine issues with you, like unmet needs, crossed boundaries, anything really... They wouldn't spend years and years accusing you, degrading or ridiculing you and fighting you at every turn despite all of your best efforts. If your best was still not good enough THEY WOULD LEAVE. That was a huge eye opener for me so I want to share it for anyone else who needs to hear it.

I had 2 narcissistic parents. They aren’t capable of real love. My Heavenly Father taught me what love is like.

@SurvivingNarcissism

5 ай бұрын

So pleased you are on the other side of that issue! Your spiritual focus is vital.

For 6 years I was insulted, punished, isolated from my adult child and my grandchildren. You say detach: How can we detach from our own blood and our own family .

@judymiller5154

Ай бұрын

its a sad, sad situation. We have been shut out for 7-8 years by one son bcz we declined to cosign a large loan,, and recently "ripped a new one" by our other son who just had his first child whose birth he never announced and whose birthdate we dont know. He apparently got offended many months ago around when my husband was having surgery and then ignored all texts and a phone message until hubby sent Merry Christmas text and boom! a rant that seems to cut us off forever. I give it all to God and pray every night for them all to be blessed. You simply must forgive, release, and live forward in gratitude, always hoping for a resolution. God bless ❤️🙏❤️

Best way to identify narcissist. 1. They never apologize. Or it’s fake like I’m sorry you feel that way 2. They can’t take criticism. 3. They are never wrong. Will not admit making a mistake ever. 4. They lie and believe their own lies The danger is their lies to other people manipulation to turn others against you to punish you for not bowing down to them.

Limit all time with a narcissist. Close all entry points.

I went grey rock.. low contact... No contact!... Its amazing how they love playing the victim when they're the ones causing all the chaos!

After 5 yrs trying divorce, with every accusation you can think of including the law, and a few you haven’t thought of! I still answer the same way: I know what I said/did and I can sleep soundly with my conscience. Period!

I just lose my best friend and husband because of his false accusations…it hurts because I actually love him but I have to leave him because I just can’t take the disrespect and false promises

My second ex husband during our divorce told me I was such a lousy person and mother and are you sure you don’t want to stay together is what he followed it by. He didn’t get what I meant when I said Need a shovel?

1 honest 2 generous 3 loving 4 joyful 5 peaceful 6 good/virtuous 7 gentle 8 kind 9 focused (self -control) 10 persistent 11 resilient 12 hopeful 13 optimistic 14 helpful 15 forgiving

@KathrineJKozachok

8 ай бұрын

@@JJ-jn5lr In other words, how to use God's wisdom to be as harmless as doves, but as cunning as serpents. When you know who made you, and are able to discern the spirit behind the actions, you can no longer be deceived or manipulated. I am free in Christ to show all that I am, and not let anyone hurt me. 💟✝️💟

I am working on my desire to say exactly what I think about them when I am accused for calling out their lies and incompetence.

Gus moved ! 😂😂. First time I’ve seen him do that. Scratch , a glance , ‘oh, you’re still doing that are you ?’ And back to sleep 😂😂😂. Love it. 😊

After I quit playing into a family of narc's expectations for nearly 20 years, I finally said no. I was then accused of being mentally unhealthy, when most of the people surrounding this person are not mentally healthy. Pure projection! I am more mentally healthy than I have been since I was 18 and got myself into the mess that I was in. So glad to be mostly free by going very low contact. I do still work with some, but I can tolerate it a bit better since I don't have to live with it at home. I was pushed to the edge and finally had to say "NO MORE." It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but worth it for my sanity and peace. I now use this experience to let others know that they don't have to put up with being treated poorly just because people are family.

@jeanweber7899

8 ай бұрын

Especially if the family member, keeps you from your own granchildren, taking away gifts for them, and lying to them, about you. It's heartbreaking, to have to detach

@tundrawomansays694

8 ай бұрын

@@jeanweber7899We have the right and the obligation to protect our children from abusers. *Our parents are known abusers and as a result we will NOT expose them to our estranged parents who abused us.* The cycle of abuse ends here, now and with US. If we as adults can no longer tolerate your abuse and as a result you have destroyed your relationship with us, your adult offspring we absolutely will not expose children to your predation. This is a YOU problem.

@troll23-troll23

6 ай бұрын

@@jeanweber7899 I know your pain. And every little (second-hand) insight into how it affects your grandchildren is even more heartbreaking, seeing the next generation being messed up too....

@morebirdsandroses

5 ай бұрын

That has been a tough one for me too. Just realizing that people are not going to change, I can't help them...this is life-changing.

My feelings are if you dare stop being their supply or paying attention to them is when the false accusations begin. When they finally get it that your life is just fine without them it will so enrage them that striking out and emotional outbursts will be their recourse since they have zero control over their emotions and need to control everyone around them.

@eyesopen-paintbrush-full298

10 ай бұрын

That's a brilliantly described piece of insight! Congratulations. 😊🎉 Can I add, though, that there are "self-disciplined" narks whom I have, ahem, met...They are sometimes religious narks, "virtuous" or "Napoleon-type" despotic narks who want to rule & reign over their community/family with their version of the world, (which just happens to put you in the doghouse,) since you threaten their "ideology".. Deeply concealed in their psyche, behind the veneer of virtue/idealism, is that nasty mix of envy, victimhood, fury & superiority which they all contain...(Yawn..) I guess a prime example would be the characterisation of the Pharisees in the New Testament, who were shown to be murderous & mean-spirited, behind a veneer of extreme religious discipline, which had not purified their cruel hearts, or taken away their selfish self-righteousness.. always out to prove their superiority. .. compared to the characterisation of Christ, as Good Shepherd, who was willing to lay down His life, out of love, for His flock...

@jsf8145

8 ай бұрын

@@eyesopen-paintbrush-full298 Amen! So many Narcs in the Bible. King Saul. Haman. Jezebel. Pharisees. Herod the Great. Today’s increased level of Narcissism is not really a shock though. 2 Timothy 3 💯

@iowamom454

4 ай бұрын

Yep. This is where I am at.

@darleneengebretsen1468

3 ай бұрын

Restraing orders may be helpful.

but how can you not defend yourself when they trie to convince other people you are the physical and mental abuser and trie to put you in jail??

4:09-4:25 The main problem with a person who suffers from NPD is that they absolutely do not and will not have insight into themselves. It's unbelievable that someone cannot perceive themselves in this manner, but as long as it is you versus them, they will not attribute anything negative to themselves.

@BlackSheep380

2 ай бұрын

They perceive themselves....in you.

Run for your life should be your response!!!

@dennismclaurin1487

9 ай бұрын

What good would that do? Narcissists ( especiall y Jezebel types) have Huge followers ---once you've been wrongly accused to the authorities by narcissist Jezebel types

Does the narcissist really think their victims are idiots? Aren't they often triggered by other people's intelligence and confidence?

@cyny6305

6 ай бұрын

Good question. I think, as Les says either here or another session, the narc thinks that we think the way THEY do. It's completely bizarre and irrational, but they do. So they believe that we will rationalize things as they do. Maybe deep down they know that they are irrational but they do believe they are brilliant. So they don't think we're idiots, no. They think WE are the evil one but for them intelligence is bound up with 'evil intent' so our intelligence is as dangerous as theirs is. I don't even know if that makes sense. My narc sister does say that I am stupid and she believes it. At the same time she absolutely fears me because I have nearly four college degrees (so there must be SOME intelligence there), but to her it's a different kind of intelligencel. It is inferior to her greater kind of intelligence, which is (of course) underhanded yet also justified because (of course) I'm the evil one. It's so hard to explain these people, isn't it? Personally, I don't think they are simply disordered. I think there is something else there that defies 'science'.

@shannonjackson576

16 күн бұрын

My experience is that they are often attracted to confident and intelligent people, and once they have gotten their hooks into someone, they spend the rest of the relationship trying to break this person down. It's a game to them, and apparently, they the challenge. They must "win" at all costs.

Ive only met narcs in the last 2 yrs, albeit i dont socialize much, my best friend and bf ...one had me suicidal 2021-2023, the other ran off with a yrs worth of my income a month ago. Im so tired of falling prey, im gonna have a heart attack or stroke from being angry over injustices

My Mom always said “ Don’t Encourage Them “ 🎉

Aha, great episode! Bruce Lee spoke of this approach to conflict when he said "Be Like Water" “Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

@tbunnyshy1

10 ай бұрын

🎯 Precisely 😊

@elan007

10 ай бұрын

Great advice. And, IMO it depends on circumstances. I am a Cancerian mom of a Sag narcissist daughter. I've been like water with her for 40 years. A therapist recently said, call her out every time she is abusive. I texted her the other day: I see right through your passive-aggressive narcissistic abuse. Silence... 🙏

The playing victim is one of them

Has anyone else concluded that once you recognize you're dealing with an extreme narcissist, it is a waste of precious time to continue the relationship? I am there with my sister. I finally see her, there is no way she can change, and I am tired of playing a meaningless game.

It's really hard when the narcissist is a family member taking advantage of an elderly parent who is trauma bonded with them.

I wish I had access to your advice 30 years ago. I’m so glad I do now.

My daughter is a narcissist. She's 49 years old and has always been difficult. My mother and uncle loved teaching her bad words and encouraged her to act bossy. It amused them that this attitude coming from a little two year old child. When I tried to get them to stop teaching her to be naughty they would all come at me and since they were my elders I had to let them have their fun with my small child. My daughter was kicked out of daycare because she called the care giver a prostitute using the most vulgar version of that word. At school she would also insult teachers. I had to transfer her because she tried to recruit other kids to take over the class. As an adolescent she got into even bigger trouble. Psychiatrists said they could not diagnose her with narcissism because her behavior was normal as a teenager. As an adult she did have to serve time. I could never get professionals to listen to me when she was still young, to help me to deal with her, so she would grow out of her issues and now at 49 years old she is who she is. What my daughter really hates is any authority figure except for her grandmother who has always enabled her and would go against me whenever I tried to correct my daughter. My daughter had contempt for her teachers, for bosses, for cops and especially me. She refuses to follow orders because she prefers to give orders instead. She likes controlling people, so she doesn't like anyone in authority. That's what bothers her the most.

I have listened to this several times. It helps.Things being repeated helps me. My head gets confused when I enter into the narcissist thinking. This session helps me to get my head straight. Sometimes I need to detach. I am now in the place where everyone my narcissist knows comes up to me and they tell me he has shouted at them. I can’t even begin how many people he has upset. He is out of control. He still claims to be the victim and everyone else is at fault. It’s all confusing. Upside down and inside out. Absolutely no logic . His world is insane. Thank goodness for dr carter. What a haven. Judy from uk

My in-laws (12 of them and their flying monkeys) are toxic narcissists- I have the option of no contact so that’s what I do now

@TheMazinoz

8 ай бұрын

Yes, it seems to be a family pattern. The children learn it from their parents. I'm dealing with such a family right now, neighbours though, fortunately not relatives.

"Narrative in the moment" And it endlessly changes. After so much of it for so long, I have learned to silently laugh at it.

@nmHispana

10 ай бұрын

Yes, it went form the public narrative that it was serviced to the email (confession) narrative wasn't, then from being a "good deed" to a long winded rant about how I'd have been charged hundreds of dollars and with not even a thank you or an offer of a fifty dollar bill. Then triangulates others to testify on their behalf by inventing something they never said nor aware that they are being triangulated.

@wisconsinfarmer4742

10 ай бұрын

@@nmHispana I do not engage with narcissists. They are pigs in the mud.

my neighbor asked me "what's going on with your grass?" I responded "why do you care about MY grass?"

The psychological abuse, domineering dynamics, and imminent threats grew so unbearable that I started entering full on paralysis when he would enter a room. I finally left after that

It’s a shame that we need to seek counseling in order to deal with the crazies. But we do.

Listen to what they say, its actually what they have done or planned on doing, they also love to project their fears on to you as well

When I was finally able to recognize that he was not a psychologically normal person, it made all the difference. Everything I had ever tried had failed because it was all geared to how a normal person would behave or react. So I'd be surprised and confused when he didn't behave or react that way. Then one day it just hit me that he's NOT normal. I started making a mental note of how HE would behave or react. Then, miraculously, he became PREDICTABLE. What was funny was that he thought he was being so spontaneous or unpredictable, but I knew exactly what to expect. It gave me so much of my power back.

@melissathomas2314

4 ай бұрын

It really is a great thing when you can see what they're trying to do and not take the bait. Good for you!

Even when I try to be calm and collected I'm told Im cockey and arrogant. I can't win. Its not even about being a winner or looser, i just want a happy, healthy relationship with the person I married. I feel like there is a hole inside of me.

This is just in time! I have a custody trial next week and I know what some of the silly things that will be said, but I need to be ready to react well to the ones that I can't predict and will be so outrageous I'm going to have to really steel myself from any reaction.

@markjayw666

10 ай бұрын

I know how you feel. I take videos of ALL my visits. My wife is gonna look like the lying clown she is.

@whistlinfreedom

10 ай бұрын

It reminds me of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice and how useful a ladie's fan would be presently to conceal the raw anger in court that arises as many narc's enjoy triggering... speaking as a woman.

@snicksabea

10 ай бұрын

Practice. And good luck! Hope all goes well.

@dylannaenzo9737

10 ай бұрын

Don't act too happy in front of the narcissist. They get furious when you are happy. They are very sick.

@pjs2065

10 ай бұрын

I have been there. I was nervous leading up to the very important event in court. So stressful.!! However, when I got there a calmness came over me. I was rooted and felt a kind of freedom when it was my time to speak. This is because dear I spoke the simple yet very important TRUTH.!!!!!

This is so enlightening. Our beautiful boy began this dark path at a very young age. Following his biological father's footsteps. I've never had anyone understand who my adult child is so clearly. He is in his mid 30s. This has literally changed my life. His first doctor at age 11 said that our son had rare and dangerous signs, the inability to feel empathy and the inability to take responsibility. Then he told us our insurance would no longer cover a bed so good luck. We worked with therapists, doctors anyone willing to help. But he refused to take his medicine saying he didn't like how it made him feel and that he thought everyone was against him. Flash forward 30 years... He threatened our lives. In letters to us over and over again in graphic detail. He has these outlandish stories about us he completely makes up. And in return, he inevitably finds someone that believes him. This has been his strategy for a long time. He is incredibly smart. Yet also has the maturity of a 16 year old. We love him so much, we tried so many things, medicine, behavioral charts, doctors, therapists, holistic approaches, even a hippie place called the open mind center. Everyone would buy into his story at first. But within a few months they could no longer handle his behavior. He burns bridges and then finds new people who will feel sorry for him. We are so heartbroken and allowed horrible abusive behavior for 20 years from him because we understood he was sick and we still had hope he could get better. That hope is not gone. Actually we helped a group of people pay for treatment back in December. Within 2 weeks he was kicked out of 3 treatment centers. I still have hope he gets better but we will no longer remain his punching bag and after the death threats we became concerned for our families safety. Your words have been incredibly healing and while I can't afford therapy, I'd love to just at least send you a check or a thank you card for helping us think clearly and heal from this trauma.

@thecook8964

Ай бұрын

His brain is wired differently. Do some research. You are up against a wall. Protect yourself.

My son of 41 is a narcissist. I discovered saying, That your truth not mine, or, that's your perception not mine or, I know I'm a good woman. Which you can figure set him off. The more controlled I was the more vicious the words became.