Hi Kati. This has been a tremendous series. Thank you for today's discussion about toxic people (I call them poison personalities). I was seriously ill in 2017. I spent 3 months in the hospital. I got out to find that a group of my friends turned their backs on me. That hit me hard. It took a year for me to become involved with other people. Now, I am building a new friend base. Thank you for encouraging me to do so in a previous video. Now, I am happy again.

@brookerickert4046

5 жыл бұрын

"Poison personalities" i love that omg

@GB-sh9st

5 жыл бұрын

@R RQ idk I didn't find that implausible -- a lot of people react fearfully to people who have been committed or even voluntarily institutionalized, or who just behave erratically once or twice

@jeannieneuser5316

5 жыл бұрын

R RQ, I didn't find it implausible either. At one point in my life, my significant other was very sick, almost died, had a lengthy hospital stay... And all the people who I had been close to at that time felt overwhelmed at that event, didn't know what to say or do, so just found it easier to stay away. Once he was healthier and our lives were more stable, some came back around again... But it's a difficult action to forgive. I was not able to forgive the abandonment, but I think that is an individual judgment call.

@theresaleszczynski6273

5 жыл бұрын

Jeannie Neuser You hit the nail right on the head. I almost died and I spent some time in a coma. After 4 surgeries, even my family was overwhelmed. Thank you for your reply.

@theresaleszczynski6273

5 жыл бұрын

R RQ I replied to one person. I didn't ignore you.

I feel like I'm able to make friends but am not able to feel close to or supported by most people. I just end up feeling misunderstood when I reach out to friends and that makes me feel worse than if I hadn't reached out.

@evanmoskovoy6072

2 жыл бұрын

same same so I just play video games :D

@betulagir6897

2 жыл бұрын

Same here!

@kaznosa

Жыл бұрын

Mood

@bu4459

Жыл бұрын

Mao

@abbykoop5363

Жыл бұрын

Same. So I have pets.

I've had that "Parasite" relationship. What I hate is that when you finally stand up for yourself, they are able to turn it on you and make you feel guilty for hurting them.

@ChillConservative2k15

5 жыл бұрын

That only works with people who actually care and don't understand what gaslighting is.

@iuliuspro

5 жыл бұрын

That's the parasite. They use something in the host to keep the relationship going

@ikewing7587

5 жыл бұрын

@@iuliuspro I just ended a relationship like this. I didn't know it has a name

@oscy3000ds

5 жыл бұрын

Parasites love me. They abuse of my good nature and when I have nothing else to give and say No, they abandon me.

@cinnamongirl3070

5 жыл бұрын

No one can "make" you feel guilty. How you react to someone trying to force you to feel a certain way is your choice.

Sometimes Friends can provide you with more unconditional love than family can .

@fionafiona1146

5 жыл бұрын

Sometimes that's sad, often it's happy.

@Katimorton

5 жыл бұрын

Agreed! We don't get to pick our family, but we do get to pick our friends :) xoxo

@jkar1747

5 жыл бұрын

Preach, not all families are the same and yes they definitely can. Its happened to me, two of my close friends take me with them for the holidays and the family of one of them is very welcoming to the point where they let me watch a movie in their master bedroom the first time I came for Thanksgiving.

@waterblonk

4 жыл бұрын

But those kind of friends are exceedingly rare. Most people will go through life never having those kinds of friends.

@susannahXD

4 жыл бұрын

I read that as F.R.I.E.N.D.S. the TV show. I've got a lot of unconditional love (and endless laughs) from that show, so I liked your comment even before I realised what you actually meant haha

I don't have any close friends. Social media has made real friends few and far between. It's sad and l wish I could find just one really close awesome genuine friend.

@ieatgremlins

5 жыл бұрын

PiggyAzalea How does social media factor in? Not being an asshole, I am genuinely asking.

@SocialLocust

5 жыл бұрын

It's more of a cultural problem than social media.

@ZombieeGirrl1

5 жыл бұрын

PiggyAzalea me too 😔

@rahuljain2862

5 жыл бұрын

I know we may never meet but lets talk maybe on insta?

@Ilovevintage77

4 жыл бұрын

I agree 110% it’s supposed to make us more connected but really it’s made genuine connections very very hard people isolate themselves behind a screen. I am looking for the exact same thing I really hope that you find with someone just as I am looking for that for someone to I wish you all the best. I’m looking for a friend who appreciates someone checking in on them and would do the same for me has the time for friendship someone who is positive and caring

Unconditional friendship is rare. Friendship in America is more like networking. Useful at times yet super conditional, superficial and mechanistic. And lots of people do not have even that because of their low "networking" value or skills.

@michellegoewey2939

2 жыл бұрын

Yup

@laughoutmeow

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I’ve kind of become nihilistic to relationships because it seems to just be a business deal

@indridcold8433

11 ай бұрын

As a Canadian, there are some of us that are introverted an reclusive. My existence has had no interpersonal, social, interaction, since the 8th of August 2000 at 18:34, with no negative consequence. Not all humans require interpersonal, social, connections to successfully function within the perimeters considered for prosperity. It is merely a myth that all humans must function as part of a social herd, or require friends.

my problem is finding out HOW to make friends and develop relationships...it seems I'm a great acquaintance to most people. People never reach out, so I don't want to reach out on my mind. It seems I have a lot of one sided relationships.

@robertcollins7034

4 жыл бұрын

Snap same here

@majestic_fleur2899

4 жыл бұрын

Me too, I have the same problem

@snowqueen24

3 жыл бұрын

Me too.

@crishaneclarke6075

2 жыл бұрын

If most people only consider you an acquaintance you could possibly consider whether you give off a vibe that is interpreted in a way that says you are only interested in surface relationships. I know for my I definitely do that

@1kitts

Жыл бұрын

You said that people never reach, so you don't reach out neither. Try reaching out, and be patient with the process. Sometimes it takes time for some persons to trust and open up. I'm sure some of those persons feel the same way-- they want to reach out but don't because they are waiting for the other person to reach out instead. Take a chance, be vulnerable, and reach out. If you're rejected by one or by a few, don't allow that to cause you to stop, that's a natural part of the process. Keep going. Blessings and love.

I haven't made a friend as an adult...It seemed so simple when I was young.

@maggie0285

5 жыл бұрын

Right. People are too busy "adulting. " I can't get anyone to go on long trips with me but they will go with their husbands to places like Duluth Minnesota in summer with high temps in the 5o's. They passed over a trip to Daytona Beach with me for that.

@Max___818

5 жыл бұрын

I will be your friend.

@Max___818

4 жыл бұрын

@Battle Fiercely what do you mean "at what cost?"

@Max___818

4 жыл бұрын

@Battle Fiercely oh ok. 😊 I didn't get the sarcasm, I'm a bit slow. 😂

@devilsoffspring5519

4 жыл бұрын

That's because when you're young, you can just do something young people do together, and if you spend time with each other you might become attached. Normal adult life/stuff/concerns are dull and tedious, so there's nothing much to grow attached to each other about.

I as an older adult don t have any friends, I am not married. I have walked away from friendships I began to see as disfunctional. I think this stems from being hurt and bullied at school, being left out from former friendships or replaced. Now I have problems trusting and always wonder if there is an alterior motive when offered friendship. Mostly its ok, but there are times during the holidays when it gets lonely. I do still have some family which I still see, this helps.

@juliab.75

3 жыл бұрын

Aww i really hope and think that you may find friends in the future. Honestly I think it might help if you looked for friends a bit, you are probably used to not having relationships. So sorry this is happening, I think you have a chance for it to be better! Don't assume right away someone is going to hurt you when meeting people. 😊

@kanaler5924

3 жыл бұрын

I understand

@michellegoewey2939

2 жыл бұрын

This is SO completely relatable...unfortunately ☹️

@SHERRIEFOSTERCHANNEL

2 жыл бұрын

i understand

Never found real friends..they never were there when I needed tyem..they never provided support.

@isabellabihy8631

5 жыл бұрын

You need to reciprocate, that be there for the friends as you - apparently - expect from them. I sure hope I don't get you wrong. I used to have a friend (in school) who disappointed me heavily. Since then I have acquaintances. Also I find it "invasive" when someone wants to get closer. I get abrasive, to protect myself. I feel safer when no one will try to intrude.

@caitparker1603

5 жыл бұрын

@@isabellabihy8631 this is exactly how I feel when new people try to get near me,weather they seem genuine or not I still feel I have to put a wall up.it can feel kind of isolating but I always feel at the same time what choice do I really have

@potatoships9379

5 жыл бұрын

@@isabellabihy8631 I was there for them in happy and sad times...when I fell and needed a hand..they turned their back..and they back stabbed me..I am lonely..it sucks but real friends are hard to find. I try to cope with it.

@isabellabihy8631

5 жыл бұрын

@@potatoships9379 Oh yes that must hurt bad. But you made it and are here today. That is a huge achievement.

@LopsidedMoz

5 жыл бұрын

Just like my parents ahahaha /cries

I can't tolerate people anymore.I prefer to give my love and kindness to my cat.She is real and true.She appreciates all my efforts.She doesn't wound me or obstruct my path.

@Nicolinax

5 жыл бұрын

Irilly Dunno I completely understand you

@yellabyrd5821

5 жыл бұрын

@@Nicolinax That is because you are cooler than most people.Peace and contentment to you forever.

@Nicolinax

5 жыл бұрын

Irilly Dunno thanks ❤️

@_just_TK

5 жыл бұрын

Irilly Dunno I agree with everything u said except the last part. My cat tries her hardest to obstruct my path in the hallway every day! 🐈

@freethegays

5 жыл бұрын

My dog always obstructs my path but hes going blind so I don't blame him

They talk about the pitfalls of relationships, but not so much the 'importance of having friendship'. I'm at a point where I'm sick of the pitfalls and don't want friends. Too much work and will eventually end anyway. And would it be best to discover how to be happy alone and think of 'friends' as simply transient situations and not to become too attached to these passing friend clouds?

@yarielisdeljesus2901

5 жыл бұрын

fred miller 🙌🏻🙌🏻

@jeannieneuser5316

5 жыл бұрын

Fred Miller... I feel that way too. Let's hope both of us are... Wrong. 😂😂😂

@thisisntallowed9560

5 жыл бұрын

I feel like the bad sides of maintaining relashionships overwhelm the good things I can get out of a relashionship

@fcmiller3

5 жыл бұрын

@@jeannieneuser5316 Interesting that therapists encourage their clients to make connections, have friends, but a major part of a therapists job seems to be unraveling the turmoil and disasters created by RELATIONSHIPS. Jump'n Jesus...it's like the computer anti-virus companies who create viruses and then sell you the fix. Hahahaha..It's a mad mad world.

@gianna3267

5 жыл бұрын

I feel this way lately as well

I feel a little better by reading the comments. I was feeling so low cuz of my lack of close relationships, reading through the comments and seeing that there are many people out there in my same situation makes me feel a lot better.

I was in an abusive relationship and I try to look back at it with forgiveness because I learned so much from them. This thought helps me to let go.

I spent much of my life alone without friends or much positive contact with family. These days I never bother to make friends because I know what will happen. I'll go through a very bad time (I have cptsd) and rather than bother them with this, I deal with it on my own in silence away from them. I haven't had a real life friend in over a decade. Sometimes people are just too hurt to have anyone around them.

@guesswho5790

Жыл бұрын

I don't know if this is relevant anymore. Hope you are doing better now. I just wanted to say that I used to feel the same way and EMDR therapy helped me to heal from my trauma. Maybe It's something worth exploring if you haven't already! Hope things are better now

Sometimes I feel like everybody is trying to get a piece of you, or are only associating with you because they want you to do something for them.

I’ve been having a really hard time lately with how lonely I feel even though I have a few close friends, I just don’t see them very often. I am a total introvert but I still feel like I need a really healthy supportive friend group (just a small one).

@pauladuncanadams1750

3 жыл бұрын

Start up a card game night.

i have no friends edit: my dogs are my friends and are the only things i can trust people are draining and throw you away when they don't need you 😒

@randomcat4940

5 жыл бұрын

And i hav no soul

@flyaway9086

5 жыл бұрын

@@randomcat4940 Please get a soul.

@gothmedli

5 жыл бұрын

@@randomcat4940 thats kind of hot tbh

@niyareaction1685

5 жыл бұрын

And god to

@feigekatarina5745

5 жыл бұрын

Same. About a year ago, I had four friends. Now I have at most one, and our friendship is damaged by how far apart we are now days.

I have noticed that in my life I seem to cycle through losing all my friends and have to "grow" a whole new batch every 4 to 6 years. I'm 53 now. Up until this video, I took this as "proof" that there was something wrong with me. But now.....I think ìt may mean that I'm just not as willing to put up with toxic relationships. I am just NOT willing to trust someone again if they have proven themselves to be untrustworthy. And I don't take them back into my life unless they are willing and able to admit thier behavior and apologise, because I believe their behavior won't change without that self-awareness. I move on. It is lonely, I admit. I like people and I keep hoping that I will find a life long friend, but I'm finding as I age that that hope is fading.

@IsleNaK

5 жыл бұрын

Actually science is backing that. There's some sort of 7 years rule for relationships

@Ilovevintage77

4 жыл бұрын

Mistaria Spellsinger I feel exactly the same. Exactly. I long for a true blue friend. I make friends very easily but then they drain me. I find I give my all to a friend hoping they’ll do the same it’s silly but I’m longing for almost like “TV friendships “ which I know don’t exist but gosh I wish they did. Where the friends are loyal caring and really there for each other through and through. I have been working on being strong alone in my own skin. Being ok alone and being more slow and cautious building friendships since I’ve been finding they’ve been mostly others “taking” from me 80/20. And it doesn’t feel equitable or reciprocal. I truly wish you the very best!! You deserve it.

@pauladuncanadams1750

3 жыл бұрын

You grow out of relationships too, just like a wardrobe. Just think about these times in your life. They were probably transition periods. You were transforming.

Do a "toxic checklist" on yourself too so that you can get help for yourself if you are toxic to others.

@ZariBankhi

5 жыл бұрын

I second that!!! Ppl who are toxic never see it in themselves

@Katimorton

5 жыл бұрын

Agreed!! It's always good to look inward as well as outward when navigating relationships. xoxo

@NicoleCamileSantosAlexandre

5 жыл бұрын

@@ZariBankhi I actually do know that I can be toxic but I really struggle to change that. I wish it was easier /: Maybe Kati could make a video on how to be less toxic :) when you have GAD.

@emilyblanzy7426

5 жыл бұрын

agreed! even though A LOT of toxic people do not want to evaluate themself

@ZariBankhi

5 жыл бұрын

@@NicoleCamileSantosAlexandre & I'm that friend who tries to offer support &:fix ppl... it's crushing sometimes

Currently alone at my parents house. Absolutely no friends in this town. This video came at a good time

@snowqueen24

3 жыл бұрын

@K P Me too.

I’ve always felt like I’m different and people don’t understand me. 😕

@IsleNaK

5 жыл бұрын

Tested for ASD?

@tiffanysar-lecluze5679

4 жыл бұрын

Me too

I'm starving for social interaction. I've always had too little of it. I'm in a very bad way as a matter of fact.

@yellabyrd5821

5 жыл бұрын

So sorry.Peace to you

@somethingyousaid5059

5 жыл бұрын

@@yellabyrd5821 Thank you for the acknowledgement. I appreciate it.

@yellabyrd5821

5 жыл бұрын

@@somethingyousaid5059You are so welcome. I feel for you ,truly.I have severe issues myself which have always set me apart from others.Spirit hugs.

@Katimorton

5 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry you're having such a hard time :( I hope our online community can offer some support :) And I also hope my videos about making friends are helpful too. xoxo

@somethingyousaid5059

5 жыл бұрын

@@Katimorton Thank you ma'am for your support. And yes, your videos have been so very helpful to me for sure. It's through your videos that I have been educated a great deal about so much that I had not even heard of before. And so much of the information in your videos is so relevant to me only because it addresses some of the very problems that I have. So please keep up the good work that you do. And my best to you ma'am.

This explains how I never noticed the toxic relationship I had until it was over. But the thing that scares me is what if I can never get a healthy relationship because I made mistakes too that contributed in making it toxic. I'm working on my personality issues but I have so many things to work on I feel like it's going to take me my whole life to be the person I want to be 💔

Having friends is overrated. Depends what type of personality one has. Friends can be good or bad for people.

@gothmedli

5 жыл бұрын

agreed

@mellous5898

5 жыл бұрын

Agree

@IsleNaK

5 жыл бұрын

@R RQ what if you're autistic though....? Or an introvert...? Socializing is a pain then. Can something that pains you really be good for you....? I have friends btw. And yet I agree with the statement above. People are all different. Some long for contact and feel good if they have it and for some it's draining.

@adeimantusglaucon9732

5 жыл бұрын

@R RQ "Humans are social animals" - Not if the person is schizoid, and frankly our social needs vary quite a bit. Can anyone ever give advice without assuming their paradigm/narrative should apply to others automatically? Sheesh.

@tayphiri519

3 жыл бұрын

As an introvert with a history of chronic shyness, social awkwardness etc you would that I’d be in agreement however I am not.

After getting injured badly as a firefighter and being disabled, I ended up having to move across the country in order to keep a roof over my head. New to the region I had no friends, and unable to get out of the house often, making new friends was impossible. Spending 20+ hours a day in bed, no social life and no direct contact with friends is just miserable. Even though I had been in the same discomfort, having friends around offset that misery (as the saying goes, friends are therapy for the poor) and made life pleasant. Friends are so important in life.

@untitle161

8 ай бұрын

Thank you for your services❤️🌹🌻🌺🌼🌸🌷

It's nice to keep in touch with old friends, and see them from time to time. Its nice to occasionally hang out with new people that you have something in common with. Quite frankly though, I prefer not to put the effort required into socializing. I prefer my own company to that of most people.

"I don't need friends. They disappoint me"

@simp8966

5 жыл бұрын

Lol

@htttpxxx

4 жыл бұрын

they do tho

@j_freed

4 жыл бұрын

Of course, friends can never disappoint you - only your expectations of them. In life nobody owes you anything. There's no entitlement, nothing to GET when you are there to GIVE. *And when you just give, you have more to give than you did before.*

@maevemcd4692

4 жыл бұрын

@@j_freed That's quite insightful. But I was referring to a vine. My comment wasn't serious 😁

@asinglebraincell6584

4 жыл бұрын

*strikes pose*

I really don't click with many people and even if I do, they always turn out to be toxic so I'll just stay in my shell now.

I have aquaintinces. Havent had any friends since I was 19 and im 46 now. I find it easier being alone.

@violets9017

5 жыл бұрын

Me too ! I seem to have stopped making friends since school days ended! But yes, lots of acquaintances, some of whom I thought were my friends or that we were heading into friendship, only to realise in due course that they soon have become passersby in my life !

@kaitlindoesarts

5 жыл бұрын

I agree. Friends only drain me and waste my time.

@crowsbridge

5 жыл бұрын

same

@ieatgremlins

5 жыл бұрын

I hope it makes you happy

@solanaseraphina

5 жыл бұрын

I think as an adult it's okay not to have friends and just respect each other.

My therapist always parrots the "humans are hardwired to NEED social connections" but I've never felt the crave to have an active social life and hearing that, and his insistence that I'm just telling myself that as a defense mechanism, just makes me feel like something is seriously wrong with me. I rarely feel lonely. I rarely walk out of a social interaction feeling fulfilled and good about it. It's exhausting. I have friends but I don't have this need to collect people as a hobby and see them all the time.

@IsleNaK

5 жыл бұрын

Introvert? ASD? Schizoid?

@hotfudgecake

11 ай бұрын

​@@IsleNaKno.

I don't think there is any relationship more toxic than that of the drinking buddy. I'm trying to hang on to my sobriety, and one of my former drinking buddies has been knocking on my door. I don't want to turn my back on him, but I do need to set limits.

@Ilovevintage77

4 жыл бұрын

Tom Palmer I hope you’re doing well and hope you have set the self care boundaries for yourself with your buddy to Keep your sobriety. You’re not turning your back on your friend. You’re choosing yourself! He is responsible for himself. Please don’t let anyone guilt you and make you feel any other way. You owe yourself first and no one will care for you as much as you. You are very important. Please keep being well.

@pauladuncanadams1750

3 жыл бұрын

Take him to an AA meeting.😉

I'm an introvert, people DRAIN me! The only place I love to be is at the animal shelter where I volunteer! 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶 🐱 🐶

@devilsoffspring5519

4 жыл бұрын

I don't have any pets, but lots of people really like animals. Some people prefer them over humans! A nice dog or cat will keep you company without ragging on you about your job, how you talk, how come you do this, why don't you do that, and all that Human bullshit :)

I lost all my closest friends... and i have really bad moments, bc i feel alone.. with no one to talk with

@sezy2105

5 жыл бұрын

Chiara B. Going through the same thing. I can totally relate

@rachelheflin0584

5 жыл бұрын

I also going through the same thing that u are going through. My friend has passed away 2 years ago this July.

@sezy2105

5 жыл бұрын

Rachel Heflin, I am sorry for your loss. Hope you are doing well 🙏🏻

@chiarablocicci

5 жыл бұрын

Rachel Heflin i’m so sorry💔🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@willvandom5105

5 жыл бұрын

You can talk to a therapist, maybe you need it

KZread and a Gaming PC is all I need to live.

@musicboi9014

5 жыл бұрын

Omg I love your picture and name lol

@vernaharris4700

2 жыл бұрын

😀

I HATE that I hurt the people I care about. Not like physically, but like their feelings and by being a burden.... Sucks 🤐

Great topic and something I feel is important to cover because friends make amazing peer to peer support. A true friend listens to listen and not listen to reply, they definitely can help you grow! As always an inspiration for my channel and vids, nothing but support for you!

@Katimorton

5 жыл бұрын

So glad you liked the video and found it helpful :) xoxo

@EricBZink

5 жыл бұрын

Kati Morton it was good

I struggle to know who’s toxic and who’s not . I have borderline personality disorder so I doubt my own instincts. It’s making me feel very depressed not knowing who to trust .

@justmythoughts7381

5 жыл бұрын

It's so confusing I know. Then when you do have a friend it is, 'is it me? Or is it them?' Get told so many times it's me (BPD) I have given up.

@guesswho5790

Жыл бұрын

Also! I think the self-doubt that comes in the first stages of self-awareness makes us vulnerable to gaslighting. What helps me is to let a day or two pass and think about the situation objectively. Is there truth in that I could have done better? Have I really tried to mend things from my part? Could I try to communicate this better, assertively, not aggressive or passively? Do THEY see how what they did affected me? Do they want to understand me better? Personally, it all boils down to expectations. What do I need from them? What do they need from me? In a broader sense. Because not everybody is going to be our bff! And I think our expectations should fall according to the type of relationship we want and they want. I am currently in this transitional phase where I am extremely aware of how I make other people feel and how they make me feel. Now I wonder, does this relationship align with the changes I want in my life? Do I get as much as I give? Do I give as much as I take? Do I feel at peace in this person's presence? Do I feel comfortable communicating how I feel or what I think or what I want and need? Do I make them feel comfortable as well? All in all does this serve me. Like they said, do the positives outweigh the negatives? Because nobody is perfect, and we must accept the grey area we all fall into. Splitting IS a very frequent problem in BPD. And it affects our relationships more than we care to admit. So, I like to stay as objective and rational about specific situations that have either triggered something or that have been hurtful and sh!tty from their end. Because It's the only way I found, as of late, to really determine whether or not a person will be good for me or not. And I to them! Of course.

I dont think its necessarily my fault as such but it's hard to have this aspect when you literally can't find any decent friends/strong relationships.I know how important it is but literally can only rely on myself

@cjaquilino

5 жыл бұрын

Cait Parker I'm 32. And navigating relationships (friends, family, sexual/romantic) has been the most difficult area in my life. It's so hard. And it's the #1 thing to hurt my mental health.

@caitparker1603

5 жыл бұрын

@@cjaquilino omg I feel you 😂 I'm not even even that age yet but I can tell I'll always find that difficult.im not great with people because of how I've been treated.its still a learning progress though

@fabulo19

5 жыл бұрын

I used to feel this way. After moving to a big city, meetig people there and seeing a good psychologist I've managed to actually build some good friendships. I don't want to be the person who says "you'll find them eventually", but changing your environment can definitely give you more chances.

@deeshh1250

4 жыл бұрын

@@caitparker1603 you are pretty

I had a friend who passed away in July. She respected me and loved me. I feel like this video.

Kati eventhough I have never met you and probably we will never meet, you are almost the only person that makes me feel a sense of peace. Your essence goes across the screen. Your sole brings light to my life. Every time I feel down I click on your stories or videos and your voice calms me down. Thank you.

At 30 I find it extremely difficult to make friends, Socially I'm very awkward. I only have work acquaintances and no friends

@Katimorton

5 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry you're having such a difficult time.. I do have some other videos about making friends as an adult, and managing any social anxiety. I hope those help too! xoxo

@twiztidmomma22

5 жыл бұрын

Im 30 as well and have a hard time holding friends. They either leave, or i feel as though im too much of a bother and will shy away. Not everyone gets me or gets my humor. Its hard to connect when you feel like you aren't normal.

@DerAua

5 жыл бұрын

@@twiztidmomma22 Wow, I understand that so well.

@Max___818

5 жыл бұрын

I will be your friend.

I don't have friends and I feel fine. It is only natural for me. I like the freedom of it. I felt lonely before, but i learned to keep that under control.

I suffered depression after I moved to Canada I felt so alone and disconnected from society. My therapist after a week of therapy told me I had a task ;) she said “ but everything aside and your priority right now is to make friends, focus on that go out meet people “ I didn’t knew how important it’s to have people around you “friends”

@kaylakaymorgan

5 жыл бұрын

and how did it go? did you make friends? how did you do that, in a place where you didn't know anyone?

I really like the part about there being no villain. Really opened my eyes.

To be honest, it is really hard for me to make new friends and to keep the existing friendships going. Growing up, I was bullied by my peers and emotionally neglected by my family... The only time when I felt relieved, happy, free to be myself and to express my emotions was when I was alone in my room. Throughout my whole childhood and adolescence I cherished and looked forward to every moment when I would be alone. And it kind of stuck with me until my thirties - even though I might feel great when being with somebody, I still feel the best when I am alone and I tend to prefer my solitude over having friends...

The production quality on this is Supreme. This channel's come a long way Kati, congrats and all the best!!

@Katimorton

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks Yasir. We appreciate the kind words 🤗

I have no friends. None. Not a one. People don't like me but I don't know what I am doing to cause it.

@laurapaolacastrodiaz6958

5 жыл бұрын

Genie G same, you are not alone, im always left out, I have come to the conclusion that It is because im quite ugly and people think I have nothing to offer, but It does not hurt me anymore.

@sayitshay

5 жыл бұрын

me too

@sleepysheepgreen6755

5 жыл бұрын

Same here next year is my last year of collage and i dont have a single peoples i can talk only thing i can do is work you not alone and if you need to talk feel free to chat with me if not just know you not alone everyone having hard time like you and lets hope for best

@8iaventri999

5 жыл бұрын

Genie G same... maybe it's Asperger's syndrome? I have it, and it's gotten in the way of lots of my relationships

@montysmom3335

5 жыл бұрын

I don't have any friends either but I have to say I find it so refreshing ☺️

Another thing that can sometimes help in seeing whether you are in a toxic relationship is to take a week or so on vacation where you can't contact your s.o. (no cell phone service, etc.) Being away from the person like this can *sometimes* give you clarity.

I realize that as a 30 year old I don’t have any real true friends besides my family and significant other. Anybody have ideas on how one can just go make friends? After college they all just dropped off. And I don’t consider coworkers friends first (they’re coworkers first).

@guesswho5790

Жыл бұрын

An activity is usually a good place to start! Community service, dance lessons, gym, music and jamming... There are many things!

I’m a professional “acquaintance” 😬

I've found that the times in my life when I have been the worst came after a prolonged period of near total isolation. I can still be a trial to even the most sympathetic people. Personally, I don't need a lot of human interaction, but I do need to at least rub elbows with my fellow people. I really enjoyed this topic. It hit the spot.

Best conversation between two gentle ladies. I (m 17) have been applying the same method of writing down in a diary all my feelings. I introduce the background first, then the main problem, at last the solution or near solution points. It helps me a lot. Today I spent one hour & 10 minutes writing all the things bothering me. After that I feel so much relaxed. You know what I tried to tell about the method to a close one. But no attention or importance is paid towards my words. Okay their choice. But I really feel blessed that I could discover this method 12-13 year age.

I have made great progress in this area. My therapist originally told me that I "was a herd animal without the herd." Very true! I am doing much better.

I have animals friends, they are simply the best.

@DerAua

5 жыл бұрын

Yeah, they are happy just hanging out with you.

I ended a toxic friendship a few years ago. She had a really negative influence on my life and on my relationships with my real friends. I didn't really handle it well and didn't see it at first because we had been friends for a long time. I am glad that I am in a better place now. My life became so much better!

i LOVE THIS. I like the idea of no matter who is to blame because it could be both people., but it doesn't really matter because it is something to learn from either through self reflection, or what to look out for in the future. It can be a downward spiral when you just KNOW something is off but getting so concerned about who is wrong and who did what and yada yada. Some people are not your cup of tea, and you may not be theirs, pretty plain and simple. This is also helpful in TOXIC relationship to step back and please stop almost obsessing, about who is wrong or not because narcs can confuse the hell out of you, make you think you are the problem, gas lighting ect. sometimes its better to just leave. and your head will will become a lot more clearer.

Katie Morton, your videos, especially in this series, always come out when I really need them. Truly perfect timing! Thank you for everything you do for your audience! 💗💗💗

i like what you both said about ease. i've often thought and said this about my best friend: "she's so easy to love." even as an introvert who finds fairly many people draining, spending time with her always makes me feel happy and at ease. some people say relationships are supposed to be difficult, but the only difficulty in ours is that we can't see each other as often as we'd like to due to distance and our schedules.

' We fill roles to one another" I've often wondered about how a relationship serves us.

It’s my birthday and this just made my day thanks for the perfect bday present

@_just_TK

5 жыл бұрын

Melissa Hatfield happy birthday!!

Two of my favourite influencers!! Thank you to you and Alexa for the countless ways you have both poured into my life and continue to change my world. This is such a well-needed conversation and can’t thank you enough for being willing to unpack this in a way that helps us move forward. So much great application in this.

This video opend a part of my mind that has been closed for a long time! Thank you sooo much Kati this really helped my personal healing from a long toxic friendschip and discovering my own part in it

I used to love riding my BMX bike too! Recently started to ride again, it really does help. Great video, my girlfriend shared this with me and so glad to come across your channel 😊

@_just_TK

5 жыл бұрын

Ceilidh O'Sullivan Welcome to the Community!

This was amazing, so spot on to my life and situation, down to being treated for depression for years when it was actually burnout and a toxic relationship causing my depression.

@Katimorton

5 жыл бұрын

I am so glad you found the video helpful!!! xoxo

@twiztidmomma22

5 жыл бұрын

Sometimes i fear i will treat my depression and the toxicity that surrounds me will keep me there

@DerAua

5 жыл бұрын

@@twiztidmomma22 treating the depression will give you more energy thus making it easier to get away from the toxicity.

"investing more in passion" what if someone *doesn't* have a passion?

Looking the comment section, it surprised me how many people say that they don't have any close relationship... This is sad. I have one best friend and I know how much power and emotional support she gives me even if she is not saying or doing anything specific. This video reminded me to actually cherish this bond we have and contact her more often in order to keep in touch and support her by just asking how she is feeling and what is going on in her life. I also had a 'toxic' relationships which I realised was bad for me and another person only when I got hurt by their actions and attitude towards me as someone inferior to them. But I never though to search for the problem in myself as it is sometimes hard to asses your behaviour from outsider's point of view knowing your own thought process and reasoning and feelings. Thank you so much for making this video and I would love to see more of different points of view on this and other issues :)

A friend in need is a friend indeed. As years rolled by, only those friends who have gone through challenges with me can be considered real friends. Thank you for your videos, was struggling to find information on this for long time! 😊

I appreciate that you address burnout and how relationships can be affected. Sometimes it is less stressful when close friends actually feel the same values as you do. And as far as toxic relationships go, time outs do seem to help. I'm also glad you included H.A.L.T. (good reminder!) By the way, I am no expert but I have had a lot of toxic friends.

I've been on your channel since the beginning and it's amazing! I'm so glad you make these videos. I've learned a lot and it has made me reach out and get the help I needed. Thanks so much!!

Wow! So on point for me as I just had to end my toxic relationship after he emotionally abandoned me when my mom passed away. Thank you for confirming! ❤️❤️❤️

You always have the most informational and calming videos. I have my first therapy appointment this week and I’m really looking forward to putting in the work to fix these deeply rooted issues that I’ve experienced for years. I’m sick and tired of feeling the way that i do and i just want to feel okay again. Thank you for always putting out such powerful videos on mental tips, tools, and experiences ❤️

@_just_TK

5 жыл бұрын

Bones Rangel congrats on starting therapy!

This is a great video, Kati! Enjoyed very much. Thank you for all the work you put into these for us.

I only have one friend and I barely even see them and only text and I’m lonely

This video and conversation is so helpful. I shared it with a friend. It answers so many questions and not just about relationships. I will certainly rewatch it over and over again. Thank you 🌻

@Katimorton

5 жыл бұрын

Awe that is great to hear! I am so glad you liked it :) xoxo

I'm glad I found my forever people at a young age. It became extremely hard for me to trust people enough to be friends as I got older, due to some unfortunate happenings, but they've been there for me through everything and visa versa. We may fight from time to time, but we always make up and pick up like we never went any length of time without talking to each other. I'd be a completely different person without them and I am thankful.

Great video Kati, I am in my 60s and have found myself with very few friends. This has happened because I have walked away from some of the people I thought were my friends when I decided that I had enough. I realized that the respect that I was giving them I was not getting back. When I visited them it was all about them, they did not seem concerned about what I would like to do at all.

Thank you for mentioning burnout and to not try to repair a relationship when there is emotional abuse. So good to hear from a therapist

I have no friends,. I live in isolation. I can't stand talking to people so i just cut myself off from people. Things are much better now I have no friends.

As someone who really doesn't like socializing, or could even be said to hold most other people as god awful, how do I even motivate myself to connect?

Incredible work as always. :) I'm thankful for my friends and family.

I fear the endings of relationships. They are so painful. I decided that to avoid this terrible feeling, which pains me to the point of suicidal ideations, I've been alone for the past 10 years. Now, I am sick with loneliness...not partner loneliness but friendships. Now I fear rejection or failing at interpersonal relationships. What a mess!!! Don't worry I have providers in place to help me back to normalcy and what to do when my thought go to suicidal thoughts....black and white thinking. Thanks for the video!!!

This video has helped me a lot to reflect and be more calm with my decision to stop a friendship 4 weeks ago. It's still very complicated as we share two very close friends but this video has made me calmer with my decision to tell her that I wanted to solve the latest conflict we had, and to be acquaintances, since we share friends, but that I was not interested in keeping our friendship anymore. Even though I hadn't researched anything related to it (and came to this video unrelated to the former friendship I had with her) I even told her that I didn't think that we were good for each other. We had tried to solve our problems several times before and salvage the friendship but that it never worked in the long run. Still I felt like a horrible person and have been feeling like that every time I've remembered it for the last 4 weeks. So thank you two so much for this video :)

Thank you! I’m glad you addressed the shame piece as well as no one is immune from these relationships in this valuable conversation.

I'm recently separated from a toxic relationship of 20 years. The first few months I was a broken mess but I forced myself to join a few groups. Low and behold, I have more friends to do social things with than I ever have before. I have a whole network of support. I have 2 close friends that know my good, bad, and ugly. I also reexamined myself to address the toxicity in me. The video is superb :)

This is so helpful! I need to have a very difficult conversation this week to hopefully repair an almost toxic relationship. I’ve been really struggling to figure out how to go about it. Thank you for making this. I feel much more hopeful.

You are absolutely right Kati, Survival is mainly the reason, but also you have the ego that goes with it and both are interconnected

This really helped me a lot! Thank you! I've been feeling burnt out this week at work, and this also made me think about my friendships that I struggle with (and I think some might be some "bad recipes"). Thank you again!

Thanks as ever. Good video, but I actually don't crave any interpersonal relationships... it's hard work! Maybe I find having friendships difficult because the social cues are so difficult to navigate. It's hard to find a balance.

Thanks for continuing to make such helpful and positive videos.

This is cheesy but this whole friendship convo has me thinking of the entire Kinion community, especially the Facebook group. Thank you Kati!!!

Honestly, I wish I realized (as stupid as it sounds) that a person can be so used to bad treatment they don't notice it. I struggled with that, and honestly, I'm still hanging out with that toxic *friend*, I just can't even leave for personal reasons P.s. it's sad how some people can't just leave an abusive relationship because of the country they live in (*cough* me *cough*)

@c.m.mkup.

5 жыл бұрын

Sara animates [s fangirl] don’t make excuses for yourself. You don’t OWE them anything. If u don’t want them in ur life let it be known. And cut ties off. If they live with u. Speak to them about it and how draining they are

@RayserSilver199X

5 жыл бұрын

@@c.m.mkup. I appreciate the feedback, but I already tried to cut ties with them, honestly I just can't because of the country I live in. Thanks for the feedback tho And about speaking with them, everytime I tell them about how I don't appreciate their words and actions, they act so offended and blame me like usual

@katherinep708

4 жыл бұрын

I don't understand how your country has to do with you not being able to leave them? do you live in north korea?

I love your content. I find it very helpful and it adds to my efforts to find myself through psychotherapy. Thanks, God bless you! ♥️

I really enjoyed the content in this video. Great job Kati! Also, I am loving your hair!! It looks SO good.

I have damaged my relationship with my sister when I was at my worse. It's hard for me to have friendships people use me. But I have got a good friend she's amazing

I don't have friends in college, though I think it's so important.

@user-xn5bq8uo6o

5 жыл бұрын

Then let's be friends

@skinni_the_P00hBear

5 жыл бұрын

Odelette Blue Same

@dharavasishth

Жыл бұрын

It is like I have people I can laugh and talk but never bring up any heavy stuff it is like hiding your true mental state and your reality making it evn worse

No family, no friends. My husband is everything I have.

@pippipster6767

4 жыл бұрын

Let’s hope he didn’t arrange it that way.

@7YBzzz4nbyte

2 жыл бұрын

@@pippipster6767 Why would he? We're a few people without family (they died off, I had parents and grandparents at one point in time, obviously).

Funny because I’m dealing with this RIGHT NOW! Love the videos with Alexa! Shes amazing! -Jovanna

@Katimorton

5 жыл бұрын

Hey Jovanna!! I am so glad this video was helpful and timely :) xoxo

I really needed to hear this talk today, thank you so much for sharing.

Very glad they make a sharp distinction between toxic relationships and abusive relationships. Toxic has a possibility to heal (if both get metaphorical antibiotics-- therapy, medicine, better coping mechanisms, etc) but abuse is too dangerous. You've just gotta get out and focus on recovering yourself. Sometimes when a person says, "all my relationships become toxic," it's worthwhile to look at, how can I boost my metaphorical immune system? Because everyone has some negative traits, and the best relationships are ones where each person is immune to, or balances out, the negative traits in the other person. Whereas other relationships become toxic because, in part, I am highly susceptible to very specific kinds of toxic traits. Like, I am more "immune" to other people who have pessimistic

@Jonquil_Studios

5 жыл бұрын

attitudes, but susceptible to put-downs, etc.