I started telling myself mentally “you’re feeling angry and that’s okay” and it has helped me be with the emotion without acting on it. But with rage I feel like it’s like puking, I just scream it out

Overcast and rainy days soothe the daily buzzing and anxiety of my bpd symptoms. Such a helpful conversation and advice. It probably seems to simple to some but profound to me.

@user-no2mz9hl4f

9 ай бұрын

Sometimes something simple can also be profound.

Wow, the anger-shame spiral Lena described is a big lightbulb moment for me. I would add that, at least in my experience, the anger in response to shame is sometimes from a belief or anticipation that the other person is going to shame me for being justifiably angry. There have been many times when I raged at someone, and the moment they had a chance to say something they apologized. That always snapped me out of it and made me realize that I could have just set the boundary or whatever and that person would have respected it, no rage necessary.

The 'chronic invalidation' bit really hit home, especially 'I'll give you something to cry about' because I got that a lot as a kid! Even to this day if I get worked up over something, especially if it's something I'm passionate about, my parents will tell me to 'stop taking things so seriously', 'it's not that big of a deal', 'why are you so bothered by this' and it's infuriating. Related to what Lindsay said about acting, I've been part of AmDram groups since I was a child and one thing I've always struggled with is playing angry because of the shame that came with it I put a lot of mental energy into not getting angry, to the point of I struggle to express when I actually am angry

Can you do one with quiet borderline that anger avoidant ? I have a huge fear of saying no because i fear my anger, my anger was repressed for a long time and shame at a young age.

Yes! The injustice sensitivity for sure.

@HenryAndersen

3 ай бұрын

It is really impossible to stop myself whether it is towards others or myself. It can go as far as red rage exploding from within. It stops at the verbal level, at least. The problem is that it is sometimes perceived slights or injustice...

I keep this video in my pocket for instant group therapy chat. 😂

Omg Raf's story when he was 7, that is totally me at 7 at well. I remember I had insomnia a lot as a child and I couldn't sleep so I took a really heavy dress shoe and threw it down the hallway as far as I couldn't almost broke the French doors but it hit the little piece of wall that divided the French doors luckily and I was in so much trouble and I hit the little piece of wall that divided the French doors luckily and I was in so much trouble

Helpful episode on the link between anger and shame. I was literally thinking about this the other day

You mentioned feeling shame in response to anger, but I'm surprised no one mentioned that rage is triggered in response to shame. My understanding is that rage can be used as a smokescreen for shame. Curious if that explanation resonates with anyone.

@thebpdbunch

3 ай бұрын

We talk about this a lot in other episodes! Pretty sure we cover it in the shame episode. It’s definitely a thing that happens - Xannie says she didn’t know she felt shame for years because she would just get angry instead.

I have quiet bpd but I still relate to many of these situations. Thanks for sharing! Also I love Lindsey she’s what made me watch this ❤

So many useful nuggets from this episode! I really appreciate the nuance of this conversation.

❤

Xannie, how do you not turn the "It doesn't matter that I'm right" into further anger? I am at the point where I can see it's not effective to act in my anger, yet I then get more caught up in anger at the fact that my feelings / I don't matter. How do you use that as a quenching point versus a fueling point?

@xannibelle

9 ай бұрын

For me, I think it’s important to separate “it doesn’t matter if I’m right” from “my feelings don’t matter”. The fact that it doesn’t matter whether I’m right does not invalidate my feelings. My feelings are important even when acting on them isn’t effective. It’s really just about creating space to think a situation through, or recognizing that I need even more time and space to consider the best way to respond. So to that end, if telling yourself “it doesn’t matter if I’m right” makes it harder to take that space, maybe that’s not the phrase for you! We all interpret things differently, so it’s important for you to use whatever will actually help you.❤

@xannibelle

9 ай бұрын

I would also say that I try to take a perspective of judgement free curiosity with myself - so when I’m saying “it doesn’t matter if I’m right” it’s not coming from my inner critic. It’s coming from the part of me that is innocently curious about what is the most effective . It’s kind of hard to describe via text, but maybe I can make a mini video about it!

@user-dn8hd6xn1e

5 күн бұрын

Oh I love this question, there are so many different ways.

My BPD Rage got me arrested on suspicion of something in June 2022. I smashed a pain of glass and kept a bit and was shouting out and making threats but I didn't do it. They didn't have enough evidence but I learned to calm it down a lot. They thought I had been drinking but I hadn't. The Police can help to teach you though to calm it down. Xxxx

@noturbo

Ай бұрын

🫂🫂🫂🫂

Do any of you take medicine to help with these BIG emotions. I recently started taking Buspirone for anxiety, I was diagnosed a few months ago and was diagnosed with adhd a year prior.

@thebpdbunch

6 ай бұрын

Some of us do and some of us don't! Unfortunately we can't give much direction because the specifics vary GREATLY from person to person. Partly because each of us reacts differently to the same medication, but many of us also have different co-occuring disorders, which has an effect on which medications we take.

29:50 THIS anger expression isn’t always useful