Your self-love has to be louder than your desire to be loved.

@Viracocha785

28 күн бұрын

This is the one that trips us up the most. This should be your #1 priority always.

@MeettheCreatives

28 күн бұрын

love that

@kellymccance1342

26 күн бұрын

That'll preach!

@teejay4903

26 күн бұрын

Yessss!!! ❤

@wannabecarguy

26 күн бұрын

I learned about this stuff long ago. They might have created new terms which is alarming because books that were written about this topic will be overlooked.

Tell them a boundary and then sit back and watch them violate it on purpose

@cici77

Ай бұрын

Omg! That's so true! I only had one with my ex and it was like he was plotting for quite some time how to break it and get away with it.

@LovingLightx

Ай бұрын

So so true. As soon as my boundaries were crossed I said bye bye. I caught him by surprise by ending it very early and I’m so glad I was unwilling to stay for it to escalate, it will only get worse the longer you stay, cut them off early.

@cyndimoring9389

Ай бұрын

@@cici77 it's as if they're studying us all the time. Initially I told my ex narc. what my ex husband had said to me years ago that made me know for sure it was over. So the narc, a few years later when we were arguing, used that, word for word. Creepy!

@daughteroftheking6402

Ай бұрын

@@cyndimoring9389what was it? Can I use it lol

@GoWithDaFlowMo

Ай бұрын

And then act surprised when we pull back and as if we did something to them, we're the evil ones... Make it make sense... 😅😂

Best relationship boundary with a narcissist, to NOT have a relationship.

@lucacolucci9327

Ай бұрын

I AGREE!

@tmo.48

Ай бұрын

Amen❤

@CharysseSepiaBlackman11

Ай бұрын

🎯🎯🎯

@LuckyToucan-xs6ru

Ай бұрын

Well put and well said 🙏

@meganmck1473

29 күн бұрын

Yep 🎉

Don’t talk about your boundaries. Just set and hold them. Talking about them will only educate a narcissist on what your vulnerabilities are, and they will exploit and manipulate them.

@cinnflowergirl

Ай бұрын

I've found if I'm declaring my boundaries I'm either trying to control someone else's behavior or not taking responsibility for my own boundaries. Although the ultimate boundary is only allowing respectful and loving people in my life. 😊

@danastrickland5215

Ай бұрын

How do you set a boundary without saying what the boundary is?

@MelW669

Ай бұрын

I agree. Don’t let them know because they will act like they can somehow dance around them and use a back door to get around them somehow. It inspires their creativity and gives them a challenge.

@khoney32

Ай бұрын

I will set my boundaries up front from now on just to catch them doing what you just said so I can leave them, knowing who they really are.

@rosej5029

Ай бұрын

​@danastrickland5215 Something as simple as DOING THE ACTION of not responding to texts from him or anyone for that matter after 9pm. Instead, of FIRST VERBALLY saying to him or her "I don't respond to texts I receive after 9pm". You can verbally say the boundary after the potential narcissist has seen you practice it in real time. Another example is you leaving, if he's 1 hour late for date. When he sees you weren't there when he finally arrived at the location, and contacts you, that is when you verbally state, AFTER you've demonstrated to him in action, that you don't wait for more than an hour for late dates.

"don't let anyone treat you in a way that you would never treat someone else." That one made things more clear.

@sarahdarnell

Ай бұрын

Yes! Treat others like you want to be treated... Which means someone who cares for you will most times be doing this to you. Love your neighbor AS you love yourself... You can only love others to the extent you love yourself.

@clairehawkes1112

Ай бұрын

It’s interesting how we have different standards for ourself than the ones we give out to others

@ND-or5so

Ай бұрын

@PaigeSqu You don't know they wouldn't treat someone else that way, I think they would.

@ND-or5so

Ай бұрын

​@@sarahdarnell I dont see many abusers follow that

@PaigeSquared

Ай бұрын

@@ND-or5so it isn't about their standards, it is about our own.

Note to my self: IF I ever go to another family reunion, I will have my own lodging, and my own vehicle available to me 100 percent of the time.

@marrop2760

15 күн бұрын

that's what they teach in 12-step programs re: family.. Good for you!

@kellinachbar1962

12 күн бұрын

Absolutely! That's my strategy too! ❤️

“ if somebody doesn’t care about your boundaries, they don’t care about you” wow wise words

A tip for anyone still feeling stuck in a relationship with a narc like I felt I was a few years back is this. Expose them in a very simple way. For example, I signed a 3 year lease on a house with mine earlier than I wanted to, then later realized he was toxic and broke up with him but he wouldn't let me out of the lease and he wouldn't leave the house because he still wanted to be together. He would rage at ke for HOURS for breaking up with him. I held firm and wouldn't get back together just to make him calm down and have some form of peace, so he would continued to throw massive fits and scream at me for hours. I bought a lock for my door but he still would break into my room and attack me for hours. One day I had the idea of pulling out my phone and recording him when he was in a rage. The first time I pulled out my phone and told him I would post the recording online for all his friends & family to see, he instantly stopped screaming, turned and started RUNNING in the opposite direction of me, up the stairs into his room. The second time, same thing, instantly stopped screaming and RAN, not walked, out the door. I never had to record a third time between he not only left me alone but 2 weeks later he found a new place because of his fear of being exposed was so intense. Start recording people!!!

@tonygroves5526

Ай бұрын

Wow, wish I had known this. Thankfully NC for three years now.

@lpfx777

Ай бұрын

They can’t stand to be shamed

@couragefox

Ай бұрын

Finally some actionable advice from someone. Amazing

@bethanywilks1097

Ай бұрын

Careful. This move got me attacked and my phone taken. How are you going to call police if they take your phone?

@tiffanyanderson7094

Ай бұрын

@@bethanywilks1097 Sometimes we are unconsciously committed to being victims. Meaning we might consistently find excuses for why we "can't" get out. There is always a solution but for some we don't always see it because being a victim is all we knew/know and where we subconsciously feel most comfortable. It can be a scary thing to step into your own power. But I promise you there is always a solution. Cameras are cheap and designed small to be hidden. Or even if you have an old phone laying around (I have at least 2) then use an old one to record while having 911 on speed dial on your current phone. If he tries to attack you help will be on the way and he gets to go to jail. My ex mostly raged at me in my room after I got off of work, but he would also follow me around everywhere raging if I tried to leave my room. Sometimes I'd lock myself in the bathroom and he'd just be screaming through the door. You can totally record that and call the police at the same time. And this may sound silly that I didn't know this but I found out later that screaming is considered domestic violence, you can call the cops simply for him screaming at you, you don't have to sit there and take his verbal tantrums or wait until he hits you to call the police. If you're not trapped in a lease, have your own income and source of living, or maybe you don't have it together financially yet but have family or someone to stay with just get out asap

Best protection against narcissists (speaking from too much experience unfortunately) is being a mentally strong person with a strong personality, strong boundaries, a strong sense of purpose and belief in yourself. Even then some narcissists may view you as a challenge but they will usually give up pretty easily if you keep your focus on yourself - in a healthy way. Narcissists want people who will focus on THEM - not themselves. The best safety against allowing narcissists to get too close to you is to actually radically care about your own wellbeing 😇

@Portia620

Ай бұрын

They do as I’m super strong!!!💪 😂🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

@Portia620

Ай бұрын

Thanks as that is what I’m doing! ❤🙏🙏. God helps us as we deserve to be happy!!

@SomeBody-ce3gq

Ай бұрын

Facts!

@user-q992

Ай бұрын

Yes!

@tinukeajidele700

Ай бұрын

Absolutely!!! After experiencing this for many years, I am just learning this tactic now! I had severe self esteem issues growing up and that's how this monster entered my life. But through the trials & tribulations I have learned to be stronger each day!

Narcissist, takes your words, and turns them around to fit what they want you to be saying.

@godzillamanstreb524

19 күн бұрын

Exactly

@1974jashful

9 күн бұрын

Yes! This! They do not hear what you are saying. They twist it to suit themselves.

@Lexi_Con

3 күн бұрын

Yes, and many times they will do the exact same things they criticize you for! I know someone who interrupts a LOT & it's not even related to the same topic, like a 60 yr old man with no attn span. Yet when I simply agreed or asked a question to clarify something, he'd go into a rant about how much he disliked interrupting or say, "let me talk." Want to know what's worse than a narcissist? A drunk alcoholic narcissist! 😳😵‍💫🤦🏽‍♀️

Thank you! Healing from a 32 year marriage with a very charming covert narcissist. Your videos have shown me what real relationships should look and feel like. Thank you so very much.

@01splitpea

Ай бұрын

Well done, Jimmy. I wish narcissism education had been available when I was selecting my first husband. And, my second. Thank you for spelling this out for people, who still may not be aware they're involved with a narcissist. I wish you every happiness.

@kathysamson5691

Ай бұрын

I understand, 28 years myself. Wishing you lots of love and sending you warm hugs. We will get through this process.

@CH56786

Ай бұрын

Mine was 24 yrs and two brats who turned out just like him

@colleengreen7772

Ай бұрын

@@kathysamson5691 thank you. Presently In trauma therapy for PTSD, Abandonment and Betrayal trauma. Really tough road that I never dreamed I’d be on. Leaning into Jesus and holding onto hope for my future.

@colleengreen7772

Ай бұрын

@@CH56786 oh no. I’m so sorry for your experience also. My daughter is also married to a narcissist and she is losing herself and becoming an extension of him. Terrible for our relationship and my relationship with my two very young granddaughters. It’s so sad to watch. I pray that God will shine his light on her situation and my daughter will be able to see the mask before too much damage is done. Wishing you health and happiness on your journey.

Gaslighting is very subtle. Dangerous.

@sonofhibbs4425

Ай бұрын

It can even be done with nothing but a tone of voice…pretending to cover the misdeeds they did to you. They know, but they’ll act as if you’re the one reading too much into things. They’re testing you. To see how much you’ll take.

@Ana-yt7yi

28 күн бұрын

That's why It is so important to review from time to time to whom we give our confident.

“You can’t demand to be valued by someone who only cares about themself. “ …truth. Codependent no more. Great video!!!! Thank you!!!

"Boundaries don't require them to agree with them for you to enforce them" This is empowerment gold.

Grew up with a narcissistic mother, divorced a narcissistic wife. Recently came in contact with the person who wanted to be my friend and this guy did the equivalent of friendship love bombing. This time I understood what was happening and that explaining it to them would be worse than useless because they would just use it to make me feel like shit for not wanting to hang out with them. I don't trust him. When I explained that I was busy and needed my space, he pushed harder. I now understand that it is not just my right, but it is my healthy obligation to myself. Thanks for your support.

1. Talk about your boundaries. Pushes the wrong person away. Understand what you deserve and what relationship needs to be fulfilling and respectful. 2. Do not trust who lack accountability. 3. Vulnerable with you. Safe enough to be curious about each other lives/love. Take things slowly in the beginning. 4. Genuine empathy as a skill. Learn when it’s time to leave(doesn’t care about how their behaviour affects you, abuses you, neglectful, demeans, blame, gaslights, dismissive). Doesn’t have capacity to love. Look for honest, consistent with actions and words, repair conflicts with you, not confused all the time, desire to be safe place to be honest. Become person who stands up for themselves, who doesn’t need saving, advocate for legitimate needs and boundaries, desires respectfully , knows their worth and value, treats others with kindness, respect, consideration and understand its reciprocated in their relationship otherwise it won’t happen.

@user-us3st8qu2h

Ай бұрын

💯💯💯

@sweta2775

Ай бұрын

Thank you

Don’t think a narcissist is able to listen to this very deep talk! You’re wasting your breath because they have no empathy. They are not your project , your only option is to RUN! They don’t understand boundaries and will never know how to respect them. Stop caring! Stop explaining! Stop 🛑! Leave!

I can absolutely testify of the power of setting boundaries. In dating the man who is now my husband, we set all sorts of boundaries to protect our relationship. Neither of us wanted to engage in any sexual relations outside of marriage, and so I thought a curfew was wise. And he helped me stick with it, even when it was hard. And he always respected my body and person. The way a man touches you is very indicative of his respect for you, and I saw that he never touched me in ways that were inappropriate or sexual. Now, 4 years of marriage later, I am grateful for this absolutely wonderful man in my life!:). He is a loving father and devoted husband, and I am so grateful we set those boundaries that helped us draw even closer together.

@bingcherry2008

Ай бұрын

How wonderful for you!

@cherylannebarillartist7453

Ай бұрын

I’m wondering then, if your relationship with your husband is as you indicate, why are you listening to this video? I’m here b/c I wish to learn more about myself and how I fell vulnerable to allowing a narcissist into my life.

@aubripope7123

Ай бұрын

Probably for the same reason I watch most other KZread videos...It showed up and looked interesting 😅. Now, the reason I took the time to share my personal experience is because I feel that we are trained in society to feel like we can't set boundaries, and I wanted to add my own witness that what Jimmy was saying about boundaries was true. Regarding your own personal experience, you need to know that there is nothing wrong with you. I am sure you have a heart full of love. Unfortunately, abusers (and narcissists) use the genuine care of others to manipulate them. That's where boundaries are so powerful, especially up front; don't waste a single minute with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries or treat you or your person with respect. Love and prayers for you, dear friend. I hope you find the happiness and healing you are searching for. You are worthy of it.

@marydickson4763

Ай бұрын

This is such a wonderful and happy story. I hope more men like your husband exist where we can share values!

@iran-e-azad

Ай бұрын

Good for you if it is mutual! My wife also set boundaries about our sexual relationship with her and I tried to respect that and give her time and space. It went to a point where I noticed that my sexual needs are not met and whenever I brought that up I've been blamed of being sexual and devaluing love down to sexual activity. She thinks, the way she wants it, is enough. But it ended up to my resentment and after 15 years of marriage I came to a point that I am revising my relationship.

I found a MASSIVE tool to practice when I was confused and had low self worth. I noticed in therapy that my (now ex) wife would behave drastically different in therapy than at home alone with her. It was as if she was a different person, i jokingly thought to myself things would be fine if we had a therapist as a roommate. The tool was that I started recording our conversations (video & audio) because i wanted to demonstrate this difference to the therapist. She lost her mind when I started doing this. Blamed me for trying to manipulate other people to believing that she was a horrible person. My response was that the only thing I would be recording was how she behaved. So there was nothing to be embarrassed about but her behaviour. And furthermore if she didn't want anyone to see how she behaved behind closed doors, then why was she behaving that way, and why was it ok to treat me that way. She escalated further, but I gained a great deal of clarity from her apprehension towards being recorded. Recording someone is archiving accountability.

@marthawhite3353

15 күн бұрын

Classic sign of a narcissistic relationship, feeling the need to actually tape a conversation because what they say is not what they admit to later ("I never said that!"). Sadly enough, the unreality of the gaslighting behavior definitely makes sense to record them. These people are just so awful -

@Wellwouldyalookatthat

11 күн бұрын

This is where I’m at. He found out I was recording and took my phone and deleted everything. Then told his whole family I’m trying to set him up to get him in trouble.

@Trooperuss

11 күн бұрын

@@Wellwouldyalookatthat yup, that happens. Turns out reputation sabotage is a last minute attempt for control when they realize that you are getting wise. Its an attempt to discredit you before you have a chance to expose their behavior. Good news for you is that means that you are developing the awareness needed for a healthy relationship. Basically behavior carries more weight than words. It might be difficult, but moving forward, try not to get pulled into sabotaging their reputation nor getting defensive about what they say about you. People who really know you and care about you won't be swayed by rumor milling. And those who are, or who judge you based on what someone else says about you rather than your actions & behavior, weren't really that invested in you in the first place. If you find yourself confused by their words (or twisting of words) try to remind yourself that you matter. And people who matter don't deserve to be treated as such.

@Wellwouldyalookatthat

Күн бұрын

@@Trooperuss thank you. I originally started recording because I thought maybe I was losing my mind in remembering things differently than he was telling me. Turns out I wasn’t. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I’ve lost my entire network of friends but I have a big family who are super supportive and trying to help. Hard to reach out when under constant surveillance. Cameras gps checking phone records. But I’m figuring it out, some how still hoping for the man I had a child with to return but I’m convinced he was never that man in reality. I can’t believe this is my life now

@Trooperuss

Күн бұрын

@@Wellwouldyalookatthat Good for you for confirming your own sanity. Do you know that you never need to hide nor justify wanting to reach out to people you feel safe with or who care about you? You are worthy of feeling safe, and of having clarity. Rather than hoping he will return to being who you were initially attracted to, perhaps it is more productive to ask yourself which is more true: 1. Has he changed? 2. Have you evolved, and are now more aware of unhealthy behavior, that you were previously naive about? Sounds like you already know the answer. This is not your life! This is a moment in time. A clarifying moment. A starting point on the GPS path to your destination. You know, that where you are isn't where you want to be. That's a great start. You may need to get someplace where you feel safe, free from being watched like a prisoner. Free from being responsible for someone else's happiness. So you have room to breathe. So you can become crystal clear on the relationship you desire. Once you know what the relationship you desire looks, and more importantly feels like, then the choices you make for yourself moving forward will be as clear as a GPS telling you the next turn. Hope this was helpful. This reply was all really just a summation of what worked for me, wasn't insinuating that I know what you need. You are doing extremely well. The fact that you are finding content such as this, means you are evolving. Keep going, and the relationship that is worthy of you will find you. Regardless of who it is with. P.S. Meditation, first thing in the morning with the intent of quieting the mind chatter for just 20min, helped me find clarity from the absence of negative thoughts.

To add...if someone calls you names during a fight or demeans you in any way, that's their way of showing how capable they are of being disrespectful. It won't change. Run.

@brontec9769

6 күн бұрын

yep

I've just had another experience with a co-worker who totally disrespected me, bullied, and acted in a very aggressive way. It's a part time job, no real income from it, but I enjoy the time spent in serving the public. I refused to respond to this bad behavior. SO, I talked to the owner and ask for different days to work. Explained the situation with the co worker Have learned from the past not to argue, it's a no win situation. The owner agreed, and apologized for the person, with I told him was not necessary, this was for her to do. I refuse to he disrespected, critizied and bullied. I am worth being respected and valued. Thank you!

Boundaries are MAGIC. Setting standards and holding space for respect of self is sooooo important. Boundaries make healthy people feel really safe. When someone responds badly to a boundary it is a GOLDEN clue.

My Mom married a full-blown narcissist recently. Sometimes I work with him and I never let him get away with anything. I hold him accountable and he hates it

@pip000hi17

15 күн бұрын

pls keep this up on behalf of those who have been abused by these people👏👏

@Melody-hf1zn

10 сағат бұрын

...beware of the exhaustion that comes when silence becomes the main choice for survival in these types of relationships...Be gentle as a dove and wiser than the serpent...Boundaries are for You...and the other...🙏💪🙏

I've heard: "I'm sorry," quite often. But time told me that's just what needed to be said to obtain the desired reaction.

@annwallace3441

Ай бұрын

Yep. Narcissists are never truly sorry.

@Dolph-fe2ks

Ай бұрын

@@annwallace3441 I think they are... They just never Authentically Apologize 😉

@jts3505

Ай бұрын

"I'm sorry" can totally be a manipulation. My son's dad always took the blame in order to reel me back in.

@freezo244

Ай бұрын

It’s not an apology unless they try to make it up to you.

@Dolph-fe2ks

Ай бұрын

@@freezo244 How would you have them make it up to you?

People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Be smarter & stronger than these creeps.

Another thing narcissists do is look at you as an inanimate object, so if a plastic cup is cracked or broken it gets thrown out, that is how they see people, that is how they treat people when and especially if they find a new supply for their mountain-sized ego. Yet they find it difficult to be alone/single and not getting constant praise. They very much care how things "look" to others this matters to them a lot. They are also not very kind to animals and often neglect their children at home or are only pleasant when their child accomplishes something "superficial." Edit: will add that of course there are levels to this and not 100% of narcissists are exactly the same, but thwse are just some of the things to look out for.

@Portia620

Ай бұрын

Not all are superficial but the overt ones are!

@lumity238

Ай бұрын

So True, my Ex Narc would act like he was interested in the children Activities, but he always made up an excuse to be busy.

@Nerine98

Ай бұрын

Not all of them dislike animals, especially their own

@archerandthemouse

Ай бұрын

I don't know about that. I think they love their pets because they get unconditional love when they want it, they have to do the minimum, they can leave them home all day and the dog is always happy when you come home, and doesn't care if you give them just a morsel, they give you their whole heart.

@yazajag

Ай бұрын

@Nerine98 Definitely not all and of course there is a spectrum and there are levels to each individual.

I'm now put off by men who are very enthusiastic about me very quickly, who lovebomb me and really step on the gas. If you have no experience or are needy, you can think that's 'real love' - in adult eyes it's just 'absurd'. If you don't know me, you can't love me, can you? Personally, I don't care what makes men tick - even co-dependent people can lovebomb you. None of this works for me. I want a mentally and emotionally mature man by my side - or I'd rather be alone. And yes - setting boundaries separates the wheat from the chaff. You can't change anyone. I've stopped trying to change men. They are how they appear to me, and that's that. There's nothing more to know. The only question is: Is this good for me? Do I feel strong, safe and beautiful with this man? If no, I know what to do. Edit: I don't know how it is in the US, but here in Europe the use of swear words in a relationship is rather unacceptable. Nothing where you take a deep breath for 10 minutes and then move on. For me, the fact of being called swear words would be a reason to break up, not an annoying detail.

@a.b.creator

Ай бұрын

Same. I am in USA and the use of put downs or swear words is a reason to break up.

@msdemeanour

29 күн бұрын

My ex narc called me the C word once, after I cut him out of my life, he crawled back months later... Sure enough, he called me the same word after promising on his kids life he never would again 👀 These parasites have zero morals or class. And yes, I dumped the creep for good 🌻

I am 74 and just learned about 'taking care of myself'.. I always thought it meant being independent.

@Portia620

Ай бұрын

😢 sending love and light

@MZ-ol6bd

Ай бұрын

Exactly me, too, only I'm 71.

@fairy12324

Ай бұрын

Im 31 and my nana is 75 and shes been a victim of her time and horrible childhood her mother abandoned her and beat her she then had marry her abuser and then had a stillborn due to him terrorising her mentally and in every other area you can think of(in the 60s scotland) 100% narc my grandfather, but he reaped what he sowed in the end dying alone and his last days afraid. I listen to all the older women around me realising, due to trauma bonds and living in times where women had it much harder with almost next to no choice😢 and their own families dysfunctional attitudes. And societal condtioning to be damned if you do or damned if you dont as a woman. I sit and think of how i feel at 31 realising about self care and that i am never going to accept the unacceptable again. Narc abuse has driven me to suicde in the past. I am in utter respect for you ladies and gents and them. At finding yourself in your 70s and beyond. I wish lots of healing 🎉 your way and i hope yous get inner peace and a sense of safety and contentment❤ you deserve to have that in your life. I couldnt have lasted to my 70s with my abuser i salute you for being such strong people ❤

@cookiemama4

Ай бұрын

​@@fairy12324 ❤️🕊💜🕊

@valerieward4044

Ай бұрын

I am 77 years old. And right now about to get away. Thanks to some wonderful friends who love me & understand what I have put up with all these years. I am so thankful for all these KZread videos that having given me knowledge as to what has been going on all these years. Getting out while I still have my sanity.

It is so, so vital to hear a MAN deliver this message and bolster the good work of female counselors spreading this message. Thank you!! 🙂

@Ashley-id2cb

25 күн бұрын

Yes!!!❤

I told my 46yo brother I know he's a narcissist last september and I haven't heard much from him since. It's bliss 😂

@MelW669

Ай бұрын

I’ve wondered if I should do that to create permanent space, or if it would enrage him. I’m worried he could be vindictive!

@bestywiggins1843

4 күн бұрын

Wonderful, isn’t it? The hilarious part? They think THEY are punishing YOU with their absence! 😂

@mssavedin92

2 күн бұрын

@@bestywiggins1843 ha!

I have a friend who is going through a divorce after 36 years. I remember a few red flags from early in their relationship. Once, he was sitting behind her when she was driving on the highway. She accidentally left the turn signal on, and he became so irritated with her that he yelled and kicked her through the back of the driver's seat. Mind you, she didn't tell me about this. I was in the car with them, and I saw it first hand. I could never imagine putting up with such an abusive stunt. This wasn't the only incident I witnessed either. Imagine how much worse he probably behaved when others weren't watching. How I wish I had asked her about it or offered to help at the time.

THIS should be the most shared video on the internet.

I have stated my boundaries around people right away. They played me. They pretended to respect my boundaries and crossed them later harming me. I'm not giving details,, but predators are experts at pretending they care in the beginning,

@Nerine98

Ай бұрын

Damn... So what is the solution 😵‍💫

@rosendungu8051

Ай бұрын

Don't talk about your boundaries. That's your secret. Observe how their character is without giving them a marking sheet​@@Nerine98

@DR-bp6mx

Ай бұрын

That's exactly what Love Fraud Predators will do with your boundaries!! Thanks for pointing this out!

@dawnlinnell

Ай бұрын

​. If I wasn't in shock for a few hours, I would've called the police. He was scary and my friends and family guided me through.

@emmsue1053

28 күн бұрын

You're so right.

I told a man I’d been dating only briefly that I wouldn’t sleep with him if he was sleeping with other people. He was actually a very good communicator and well-practiced at being able to talk about things many other men would shy away from. So I felt safe creating this boundary with him. And he graciously wasn’t interested in that arrangement. It was a little awkward, but we parted ways very amicably. And it was such a good experience for me. Now I have no trouble expressing such things early on. I am not interested in casual relationships, and now I don’t waste any time or effort on men that aren’t interested in what I’m looking for. I truly respect that man and have no judgment about his dating preferences. And our open conversation was proof that men that know how to communicate and be respectful do very much exist.

@rosej5029

Ай бұрын

And that there are men who can be honest and succumb tobinstabt gratification regarding women bc he could have lied to you, like some males do, and said he's NOT sleeping with anyone else, so he could sleep with you. But instead he was honest with you and respected your standards.😊

@RodeoDogLover

Ай бұрын

@@rosej5029I know! I thought the same thing!

My dad was severely abusive and a narcissist. He charmed my mom and kept us all under his thumb. He passed away and I am free from his abuse. This is helping me avoid narcissistic relationship. You are the very few men I listen to and trust. Thank you!!

This man is brilliant. Thank you for adding DO NOT STAND UP TO THEM, face to face is NOT the time.

I talked about all the stuff....but it just teaches them what to hide

@Portia620

Ай бұрын

Great point and if they went to therapy!!!!! Oh my goodness ! An educated dark personality is dangerous!

@FaithfulandTrue949

Ай бұрын

​@Portia620 truth, especially with academic/counsellor trained sociopath. They can literally turn tears on and off to manipulate you too.

@michellerose7591

Ай бұрын

Absolutely as that’s what my Ex husband seemed to do so well…. Split 4 years ago my life is still not even close to prior to meeting him and spending almost 10 years… Never ignore the red flags 🚩 they are definitely right in our face from the beginning we just have to be more honest with ourselves & run 🏃 in the opposite direction… I’ve tried dating but feel I’m damaged as I run as soon as I see something to familiar. It’s hard being on my own tho I constantly remind myself how awful it really was to be with that person and how sad & angry I was most of the time around him… He was only ever sorry when I called him out, then it was a rushed I’m sorry “but” always a but after a sorry… Only sorry he got caught

@imthemom400

Ай бұрын

That’s TRUE

@a.b.creator

Ай бұрын

This has happened when i tried as well

His List of what repels a narcissist/toxic person: 0:42 1. Talk about your boundaries 7:34 2. Hold them accountable 12:56 3. Vulnerability on both sides 16:49 4. Genuine Empathy PS: I absolutely HATE when people (mostly guys) don't apologize for their behavior but for "the way I'm feeling about it"! 😅 Makes me go full she hulk!

Sitting here in tears. I told myself I wouldn't watch another video about narcissism. Some part of me knows the truth but it always gets an override from the part of me that says, "maybe its you, you are not nice, you are always complaining, you are never ok, you never laugh, you are not fun, you are too sensitive, too serious...." and sadly that voice is louder inside me. I had a crap couple weeks that have left me in this same depressed " how do I get out of this relationship" hamster wheel, where I beat myself up, cry, come undone, act like a crazy person ask for things, beg for things I need from a person I don't like at all. (its complicated). Today I clicked here and something resonated, maybe I am just ready to start doing thing differently, living a different way. He isn't a bad person, he works hard, he shares his paycheck, he is adventurous and the life of the party. He just isn't for me. I feel like a pet, or an armchair, a personal assistant. Some one he needs, but not someone he sees or values as a human being. Maybe that is dramatic. I feel physically ill every single morning. Like morning sickness with my babies. I don't look forward to the day even when I have something to look forward to. If he is not included, if he doesn't have better plans I always get sabotaged... I do it to myself. I think I am ready to start listing more, and hurting less...not sure how to move this ball forward but I have to try, I am not getting any younger. It's been too long.

@kathybrem880

Ай бұрын

Wow, I’ve felt that myself for far too long. Almost fifty years. My husband treated me like a bunch of body parts. He never respected my individual self. Finally when I told him to stop grabbing me between the legs, that it was disrespectful! He raged and said ‘fine! I’ll never touch you again’ and the last twenty years, he didn’t. I didn’t miss it at all. I took care of him while he was dying, I don’t even know if he appreciated anything I did

@emily43210

Ай бұрын

Wow. Hypothetically let's say some of it is in your head (though it probably isn't), if you feel physically sick and don't look forward to the day because of your relationship, it doesn't necessarily matter if it's in your head or not. If it all boils down to miscommunication or a bad mix of personalities, it's making you sick and it's making you feel awful. I also do that thing where I rely on other people to tell me if I'm being too sensitive or if my reaction makes sense, probably because I have some attachment issues. But if you're really trying to figure it out, you can list out his specific actions that make you feel more like a pet than someone who is valued. Because sharing a paycheck is something you probably do in a marriage, and being the life of the party can be nice, but that doesn't have anything to do with the way he treats you. You are just as valuable as the cool kid who is the life of the party, you don't deserve disrespect simply because you're not as "charming". If you feel sick and you're unsure of yourself I think you might be crushing and damping down your own identity and personality to conform to what you think he wants from you/to barely get through the situation. I have done that as well, taking treatment I hate and even smiling or laughing or "ignoring" it because it seemed better than facing it, and you feel super weak and you lose yourself because you're willing to be anyone and you're afraid because you think you can't handle it. Bless you, I hope you know you're valuable as the person you are.

@dawna4185

Ай бұрын

wishing you love and good luck!! it's a tough journey but eventually you will get to the place you want to be. ❤

@libbyneves5457

29 күн бұрын

A therapist can help you learn to stick up for yourself. Ask your doctor to recommend a good one for you.

@denisefeldmann8537

29 күн бұрын

Been through all this but you will get stronger I fed for you

One can speak to accountability all they want but if they are empty words, then it's time to go back to the drawing board. Truly narcissistic behavior is by definition unaccountable.

@StaceyAnne702

Ай бұрын

Well, if you say you won't accept something, it's up to you to refuse it, even if that means leaving the relationship. The narcissist will always try to get their way, no matter what the other person says.

@MelW669

11 күн бұрын

I literally had an ex tell me, “I don’t need you to hold me accountable.” And that was the final nail in the coffin.

They are the first one that is surprised when you leave. And they do move on quickly.

Sometimes narcissists take a lot of time to reveal their true colors. I knew a co worker for 30 years and considered him a friend. BUt the moment he became my boss his entire personality changed. When I did a little forensic work I realized that he had never had anything good to say about anyone we both knew. Including his wife. And his daughter. I called our producer and told him 'I cannot allow myself to be managed by anyone who cant manage themselves'. I didn't quit, I just didn't respond to his rage texts and messages. I eventually worked out a deal with the producer who paid me thru the end of my contract. I'll never speak to my former 'friend' again. I did run into him once and I looked right through him as if he wasnt' there. Because for me he never was.

@steggopotamus

Ай бұрын

Another thing I've found to detect them before they switch is they're obsessed with dodging blame. People pleasers are also obsessed with blame but they're trying to take all the blame, even if their not at fault.

Described my Ex and my mother! I had to take a deep look at myself to see why I ended up in an abusive relationship. Just because something's familiar, doesn't mean it's safe!

@notsureyou

18 күн бұрын

Familiar does not mean normal :-)

I, unfortunately, share a child with the narcissist in my life. He moved 3,000 miles away when he found out I was pregnant, so I thankfully don't have to deal with him very often. But the times I do are less anxiety filled thanks to videos like this.

@StellarHeron

Ай бұрын

As hard as it is to be left, the lucky ones are the ones left by the narcissist! You definitely don’t want them to hang around!

@Noa_Tay

Ай бұрын

@StellarHeron So true. It's bittersweet in terms of our child, but then I think of the chaos our lives would have been if he were still local. Yikes! I count my blessings!

@Rickettsia505

Ай бұрын

It takes a lot of planning and thought to protect your child from a narcissist's manipulation. Even if they don't want responsibility now, as the child gets older, the narcissist may be plotting to train them or use them at some point, or poison them against you. Keep records, get them a counselor in advance.

@lilc5353

Ай бұрын

​@Rickettsia505 no need mine died.

@Rickettsia505

Ай бұрын

@@lilc5353 🤣🥰 a good reason to celebrate 🎉

Better to don’t even engage. Run don’t walk.

The bottom line is, to know your needs and boundaries. We can't change narcissistic people but we can change how we choose to be treated.

I talked about my boundaries, I talked about my trauma. She used my trauma against me and violated my boundaries anyway.

@user-iu3cy2tx3c

21 күн бұрын

The point is to get away after that. It does not change them. It tells you who they are, so you can get away

@douxmiel792

16 күн бұрын

Yeap…

@indiesindie1984

16 күн бұрын

They're masters at using your traumatic experiences against you. They're soul sucking parasites!

@alakiahm8884

14 күн бұрын

The advice in the video is bad advice unless you can give firm consequences for transgressions I.e. completely cutting contact and they can't reach you. Narcissists can't do anything with the information out of the goodness of their heart. Unfortunately they are parasitic and only respond to consequences.

@Jan-qv8ku

12 күн бұрын

The point is that if she/he tries to break your stated boundaries, then you know they are toxic and to get out!

The narcissist in my life is my mom, and my brother is married to one so he's now whatever version of one a victim turns into after 24 years. I'm a late bloomer in "choosing me" and creating boundaries. After a single instance two months ago with my first time ever speaking to my brother about boundaries ("I am interested in having mutually respectful conversations and I'm on board when my input is included, welcomed, respected. I'm no longer willing to participate in non-productive conversations, which is when I'm treated with disdain and contempt both verbally and in non-verbal communication, when I'm cut off mid sentence and not allowed to finish, and when deflection off-topic goes into questioning or nit-picking and I'm pushed into defending mode over irrelevant little things such as why I parked in the place I parked."), he won't talk to me now. This is devastating to me. But I'm not going to rescind my new boundaries with him. Since I'm so new to this, I'm completely lost in what I need to do for me when it comes to my mom... Thank you so much for your videos. They are helping me so much... You are very much appreciated❤

@lilhawk81

Ай бұрын

Coming from a home where narcissism is present is a tough road. Have you thought about seeking therapy to help you navigate the path? Sometimes it helps to just have someone validate your feelings and remind you that the expectations and boundaries you have are not only reasonable, but necessary for your own mental health.

@tnelson5027

Ай бұрын

​@@lilhawk81 Your words are appreciated - thank you. And thank you for 'reinforcing' my thoughts on therapy... I'm looking at finances now in rearranging some things so I can afford to do so. Hoping, also, I might find support group meetings, maybe, that may be a little bit less in cost?!

@maya_unplugged

Ай бұрын

Sounds like going in no cotact could be a healthy option for you. All the best!

@lilhawk81

Ай бұрын

@@tnelson5027 talk to your Dr and check public health sites - sometimes one can get group or short-term therapy on sliding scale to your income. Also, online options can offer the same without the added cost of taking time off work and travel. You can do this!

@Theowlhawk

Ай бұрын

Narc mother, it affects your mental, emotional, pyscological, physical health, nervous system disregulation Spent 58 years on repeat, until my body said no more! So I tried to have, relate in healthy ways, but to a narcissistic person, you can't be you, you can't be authentic, they covertly punish you, when you least expect it. So exhausted, I walked away, full no contact, 9 months ago, it's a painful decision, she's elderly and last week needed help. I ignored, didn't respond. You grieving for someone , a mother who couldn't love you unconditionally as a child. A lost connection with most important person in your life. Radical acceptance ❤

narcissist kryptonite = video record every interaction 24/7

Some narcissists will test you on 2-3 date as it happened to me becuse they want sex quick. So boundaries will make them ghost you, better early than ever. Narcs hate boundaries.

@yazajag

Ай бұрын

Yes exactly 💯

@juliemoore6957

Ай бұрын

Amen. Better to lose them in the beginning than after 20 years and 2 kids.

@JamesTheSecond01

Ай бұрын

I want sex on the first date lol I’m not a narc I just want sex

@bigcraig79

29 күн бұрын

Or they want sex quickly to determine if you are sexually compatible or not. No chemistry, no romance

@mariefricchione437

28 күн бұрын

So true. They will pressure you to have sex in demeaning ways. Don’t do it ever!! WALK! They are pigs🐽

''Mature people take accountability and learn and grow. Immature people find a way to blame their behavior on someone else.'' ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I spent YEARS desperately trying to please my oldest sister, having so much anxiety trying not to set her off, inevitably setting her off, and blaming myself. It was an uneven relationship because I played the role of the pathetic flying monkey desperate for any scraps of positive energy thrown my way, but also probably feeding off of the negative attention too, somehow. Once I began to get some self esteem and put up healthy boundaries she had no use for me. It really hurt, but then I realized, after a couple of years, that I was healing and my life was going better than it was when I was constantly struggling to please someone who couldn’t be pleased. She tried to get back into contact with me by lashing out, and when I didn’t respond positively to that as I had in the past, instantly cowering and begging to be accepted, she really snapped and began a hate campaign against me. She tried to position herself as the leader of the family, having events and then not inviting me. Honestly, it was kind of freeing to see pics of all of these people all together and realize I didn’t miss them. They all agreed that she was horrible, but what could they do? She was the one who held the event, after all. Impossible for them not to go, right? lol. She’s had the nerve of trying to lash out at me from time to time, saying horrible things, but I would rather have no family than be forced to hang out with an abusive person just to feel “included,” going home in tears like I did after every single family holiday back when I was under her thumb. No thanks ❤

Too often the narcs best pick is “hoping” they’ll be “picked” “chosen”!!! Start shopping for what YOU want! Get off the shelf!!!! Be the shopper!!!

Got damn right! 💯💯 The BEST defense against a narcissist is loving yourself/your boundaries! ❤️❤️💯💯💯💯💯

@brontec9769

6 күн бұрын

And getting the hell away from them

My husband would never take a break and come back after 30 minutes it will be silent treatment for days and days

@idkwhodos2840

Ай бұрын

He did a video on stonewalling which may be helpful 👍🏼

@sharicoburn5475

Ай бұрын

Same. Covert Narcissist cannot discuss and resolve.

@skadi5802

Ай бұрын

Yep, my mom did the same. When I was a teen we had this really big fight which sent me running out crying and not returning for days. She didn't respond to my texts and never ONCE even asked where I was or if I was safe. I only realized how... weird that was, when I went back to collect some clothes and suddendly the landlady came out crying and gave me a big hug, because SHE had been worried sick that I might've got hurt...

@MelW669

Ай бұрын

Weeks even.

@kathybrem880

Ай бұрын

Mines done that for months at a time

I talked about my boundaries with my husband before we got married. When I got pregnant everything changed with him.

@FaithfulandTrue949

Ай бұрын

🎯 yes, they are jealous of the baby getting your attention and will covertly hurt their own children or not intervene when they need help as they want the child out of the way. I had to flee with the baby and a few carrier bags after this truth revealed itself. How niave I was , thank God for His mercy and Strength 🙏🏻

I did discuss boundaries, children, and my ideas of a partnership marriage etc., before marriage and he agreed. After we married he stopped wearing his wedding ring, it had to be his way or the highway, and he started with the disrespectful, controlling behavior. That is what narcissists do. They pretend to be one thing but once they have you in a relationship, it is completely different.

Just got out of a very short (thank God) time of dating someone. I knew, when a conflict arose and he became mean and accusatory, that I couldn’t live the rest of my life with someone like that. But you have helped me to see clearly the behaviors even before that that were signs I needed to get out. Thanks for your videos!

the absolute worst part of dealing with a narc is not truly knowing what a narc is, or how they operate.

The moment I realized I can’t fix the narc in my life, that’s when the guilt stopped controlling me. Keeping my distance now, and it’s a very healthy thing.

Unfortunately they are in my family. Yes, that was a plural. It is interesting to see the mechanics, but it is also sickening, tiring, and painful.

I just dawned on me today that the best way to recognize a narcissist is to show them a really, really heart warming photo of for example small puppies and watch their reaction. If they don't have a heart-felt reaction, you are most likely dealing with a narcissist, because they have NO empathy.

@Electric-Bird-Set-Free

Ай бұрын

I wish it were that easy… my husband has learned thru watching normal people how to move his face and change his tone and say “awwwe” But it’s nothing more than an act. Nowadays I just cringe when I hear that gross pretend ‘empathy’.

@LittleBarracuda

Ай бұрын

That is kind of stupid... I for example am autistic and i will almost 100% not give you the reaction you'd expect - letalone an emotional one. That does not mean i have no empathy (im overempathetic and its a key issue in my therapy currently) nor does it mean im narcissistic.

@barbaralyn7019

Ай бұрын

Also, in Meyers Briggs Personality testing there are types that are “Thinkers” and people who are “Feelers”. The Feelers are the Empaths, the ones that care about others, while the Thinkers do, their personality leans more to the less empathetic end of the scale.

@soniaprovard8259

Ай бұрын

Ooh! I like that test!! Good tip!!

@hollyh8509

Ай бұрын

@@Electric-Bird-Set-Freeexactly they are experts at telling people what they want to hear! Pure sleazy.

Jimmy I'm not sure that 30 minutes break is enough for someone calling you names. People who don't control their words tend not to control their acts, too. Calling names can be begging of abuse, we should immediately leave them. Agree with everything else

Sure wish I’d known this instead of the 10 years of misery, loss of my retirement, loss of family, loss of my children.

I finally realized my worth and what I give, do, and who I am in a relationship and left, went no contact. Nothing they can say or do will get me back, time to focus instead my studied, work, health, and peace of mind.

I said to my partner, "i dont want to have sex for at least 6 months, i want to get to know you first." I was 6 months out of a 3 month relationship with my close friend of many years. He was super abusive, and i was SA'd a lot. I really wanted to feel like i knew my partner before getting into things like that because i met him so soon after, and i needed time. He was angry and said that he could wait a couple of months. I bent to his will, and he was shocked when i broke down crying during the first time. He was confused about why i would slap him away when he came too close. I was working through PTSD. Btw he was a virgin... his whole life, and he couldn't wait 6 more months for my comfort. He did explain it's because he didn't want to be led on, but to me, that's not enough.

@AngelicaHutchinson1

Ай бұрын

Awww I’m sooo sorry you had to go through that, I pray that Jesus heals those wounds that the enemy used people to try n destroy you😔 I’m glad you are out strong & still living🥰. May Jesus use your what you went through as a testimony for others😊in Jesus name 🙏🏽❤️

@imageryamrc

Ай бұрын

he's a piece of shit, I hope you got rid of him. A decent and respectful partner will always agree to wait and you wouldn't even need to explain why you ask to wait. Take care.

@theladyamalthea

Ай бұрын

He showed you right then and there that he did not actually respect your boundary. Please leave this guy. I speak of what I know, and have also been sexually assaulted. They just keep pushing; they don’t get more respectful. I wish you much healing. 🙏🏻

@couragefox

Ай бұрын

Honestly making the man wait 6 months for sex in a relationship is often a trap for men. My first girlfriend did that to me. Told me she wanted her first time to be special, needed to trust me. After 7 months of dating, me providing for her etc she decided to lose her virginity to a random guy at a party. It absolutely crushed me. Women usually don't understand or care but this kind of thing absolutely destroys men. It's like the gender equivalent of a guy refusing to marry his girlfriend of 10 years then marrying his next girlfriend 2 months into dating her.

@imageryamrc

Ай бұрын

@@couragefox Wow how "relevant" to her comment! Instead of saying something constructive to a traumatized person, you made it all about you and your "tragic" lack of sex. (and 7 months = 10 YEARS? Narcissist's "math" lol) 🤣

Absolutely! If we don’t let ourselves be controlled from the beginning, then narcissists won’t want us anyway

@MelW669

11 күн бұрын

They stop being interested once they realize you aren’t able to be manipulated.

I distinctly remember a conversation with my ex where we were talking about how most people don’t carry cash anymore, and I mentioned that I try to carry at least a few dollars on me at all times so I can give money to unhoused people when I see them around town so they can get something to eat. His reaction was incredibly aggressive and hostile, telling me that I made him feel like an asshole saying that. At the time, it rubbed me the wrong way because of his tone, but I now see it as one small example of how he could never see outside of his own experience. Thank you for helping me realize that I don’t want to be with someone like that anymore

Narcissistic abuse… just because you are “used to it” and can “cope with it” DOES NOT mean you should see it as a pattern of relationship building.

Thank you for the video. Thats the route I took with my ex. He was always making it seem like I wasnt doing enough in the relationship although I was doing most of the work...he would make me out to be a terrible person so I said, "I dont have anything more to give so if youre not satisfied with me and you feel mistreated, I will bow out gracefully because I just want you to be happy even if its without me" He still deemed it as abandoning him.

@ND-or5so

Ай бұрын

@haneefah That's how twisted they are....

@libbyneves5457

29 күн бұрын

NICE!

Very powerful words. I don’t believe this was a coincidence that your message came up on my feed today. Thank you. Years of accepting love breadcrumbs (started in my childhood) through my 36 years of marriage. It’s decision making time on my terms.

Perfect timing. I did not know how to care for and about myself. I’m 56. I was programmed to be a victim which is an umbrella word. The pain is so severe it’s shocking and horrific.

Thank you, Jimmy, for this valuable upload! When I replace “narcissist” with “people with toxic behavior patterns”, this highly resonates with my experiences. Toxic childhood conditioning is a killer. I have doubted myself a lot as I attracted quite a few of that species in my life, making me question my sanity and worth. It took a long time before I started to set, enforce and live by my boundaries.

Yes! talk about your boundaries..what you need to feel safe and loved ...the only person who doesn't like when you set a boundary is a controlling person.

I was married to a fragile narcissist for 20 years, and while he frequently use threats of ending the marriage to manipulate, when i left he was entirely mystified. Now, 5 years later, he is still clueless, although i did lay it out for him, in writing. At first he insisted that i found someone else - the truth is i didn't even look at/for anyone - he just couldn't accept the idea that I would rather be alone than with him.

1:07 1:22 👏🙌👌Any relationship can fail because of the lack of compatibility but how it fails tells us much about if we are dealing with a narcissist or not.

Oh my mom is a narcissist AND is vulnerable. It’s always about her and her feelings. Shes the only one who’s allowed to be vulnerable and only her feelings and emotions are valid.😐

@kathleenbolton-schmukler5727

Ай бұрын

Same.. I went no contact with mine.

@AandM8

Ай бұрын

@@kathleenbolton-schmukler5727 ugh I can’t. I still have siblings at home. What’s really awful is one of my sisters called me one day crying to basically say sorry for how she used to think of me and our older siblings. She was too young (and a victim of the abuse) to recognize the problem and didn’t understand the fights and tension we us older kids had with our mom. She realizes she is co dependent and a people pleaser and doesn’t know how to stop fawning. She’s acutely aware of how much she walks on glass around our mom. And she feels pressure to not rock the boat right now. It’s scary cus I’ve never seen my mom this…verbally abusive and aggressive before. I’m genuinely afraid for my siblings (2 are high school, 1 middle school). I have no doubt this could turn into physical abuse.

@kathleenbolton-schmukler5727

Ай бұрын

@AandM8 if you’re in the USA you could let CPS know. Call them and report emotional abuse. That way there’s a paper trail.

@TimesUp8888

Ай бұрын

You just described my mom too.

@AandM8

Ай бұрын

@@kathleenbolton-schmukler5727 I’m just not sure about that route. CPS doesn’t exactly have the best track record.

Both my parents and my sister are narcissists. This channel has helped me so much to figure out how to handle them. Thank you.

Am I the narcissist? I feel like everyone I meet is a narcissist, and I"m starting to wonder if I"m projecting onto others what I am myself. I have not met very many people who are decent. Of course I feel that I"m a decent person, so I'm probably the narcissist. I have zero friends because I'm not interested in narcissists. They suck the life out of me. People are nice, and you let your guard down, then BAM! the agenda begins to reveal itself.

@RhymeandRamblings

Ай бұрын

I don’t think you are. Jimmy has videos on this topic and many of us feel this way. Narcissistic people can’t stand other narcissists from what I’ve heard. I think those of us who attract them are the type to try to believe the best about everyone. We have to learn discernment and how to listen to our gut when we meet people and have clear boundaries. I hope you find people you can trust! I’m in the same boat btw, starting over in a new city.

@michellerose7591

Ай бұрын

I feel the same

@ashleighwilliams1729

Ай бұрын

A narcissist would never introspect on their own behavior like you are doing. Most likely what is happening or has happened is someone has gaslit you, telling you that you are the cause, when, in fact, it is them who is the cause.

@mamathemeat

Ай бұрын

I’ve had similar experience… except for my business I have a lot of nice clients… but for romantic w men it’s been horrible and some friendships not all

@a.b.creator

Ай бұрын

I asked my counselor this because this weird town i moved to it seems all ive met are narcissists too, 20 yrs now ive been here...o thought od find a husband,but no way..so so many female and male narcissists. But she said no, she knows for a fact im not a narcissist..my mother is and somehow i subconsciously 'gravitate' toward them. (This town was also founded by bootlegger families...so, i may be surrounded by narcissistic families 🤕)

"Would you at least be willing to admit that if you had said what i heard, that was wrong." Dang. I needed to hear that. I will try to say that. Maybe it will go well. Maybe not. But it is a step forward. Thank you. We both love your content.

Actions are not words. So grateful for these helpful tips. Thank you

Also if youre a single parent your children should be safe and loved not neglected for anyone, not allowing them zo be abusive to you or your children. Children have boundaries too. Lets never forget this.

Overextend, over function to the point of exhaustion. Making up for slack. Yupppppppp. Constant gaslighting. He loves to argue and push and push and push. He grew up with an angry father with bad habits. His mom let his father do whatever. So many things in this video sound like my husband. I’m relieved that I’m not crazy in feeling unsafe around this. But also sad because well, now what? 😢😂 Thank you for this video. Eye-opening. Supportive.

Real empathy is; when my sister in law came to me so heartbroken that was going to file divorce after 40 years of marriage . We were sitting and talking in garden 6 hours . I didn’t said much but felt her pain and just listened. When she was ready go to home we both found on our legs red marks from mosquitos . So she was in emotional pain so much and I felt her pain so much that we both didn’t noticed and didn’t felt that were “eating alive” by mosquitos . This is Empathy

All of this….. yes! Taking anything “new” in a super slow manner while looking for genuine empathy will give you clear perspective over time.

This video has helped validate my feelings and actions regarding my parents. It’s like you’re speaking the exact language. The SHAME imposed. Never love, only shame. Thank you so much for sharing this information on this platform. I appreciate you!

My ex was borderline on so much of this. He could say sorry, but he was highly reactive, gaslit me constantly, and made me feel like I couldn't express my needs or I would be punished. 9 years later, I'm healing but man, the consequences - financially, emotionally etc, were grim. I can't believe how long I was dreadfully unhappy and how hard I kept working to make it work.

Well, in my case she won completely, I live guarded wether I want or not. My only dream left is becoming an hermit.

@GreySquirrel-xs5ki

Ай бұрын

Being a hermit sounds like the safest path but it cuts you off at the knees. Please consider living your life to the fullest. Years can go by that you basically live through but don't live. Twenty or thirty years down the road, don't realize that you missed out on the dream/ goal you had many years ago that would have made a happy life for you. I am a 74 year old woman who went through hell 30 yrs ago. I deeply feel what I have missed and regret that it took so long to heal. I think a need a cat- or maybe twenty.

One of the best videos I have seen on Narcissism. I have watched over 100 of them at this point, I think. This really helped, thank you.

Absa-frickinlootley true!!! Only through these videos, am I able to see what I went through for 9 years. So grateful that am no longer with that type of person.

Jimmy, you have helped me heal from lifelong trauma. Thank you. I'm 78 years old and can now (finally) understand my childhood misery from my father, my failed marriage to a narcissist husband, and my slowly distancing relationship to my son. You have blessed me beyond words. (note: I looked at this statement and immediately thought I must be to blame for these failed relationships, since I am the common factor.... then smiled and finished the post.)

Desperate to be heard. Exactly.

They don't always rage and explode. Coverts are passive aggressive and give silent treatment to punish you for calling them out

You need to call them out before they have taken away your freedom and have convinced you to give up your housing, your friends, and your ability to easily get away. You need to confront them in the very beginning and require accountability immediately. They will try to shame you into staying, but you just need to walk away. Do this when the confusion starts.

This one hit me in the gut ., which is 62 years old and ive never been able to put it into perspective just why I have had 6 narcissistic relationships I am 62 , single and have had almost everything taken from me I'm saving this video so I can listen to it again and again I wish I could find a therapist as wise and kind as you !

I'm a super empath; I always thought I was taking the higher road but all I was doing was hurting myself. I went through so much heartache with this mentality. Thank you so much for this!

You're absolutely right! Thank you for your videos I have often sent them to my husband but to no avail. He knows he's not doing right so he's just running like a coward to another state it probably is a blessing disguise but it's so hard because I am 61 years old and I've been married to him for 30 years

@theladyamalthea

Ай бұрын

It IS a blessing in disguise! You’re not dead yet, and you can enjoy the rest of your life in peace. Please get some therapy so that you can heal. 💜

I hear about BOUNDARIES. What is missng is a deep dive into what you mean by boundaries. This was used on me by an 18 year old who told ME that she was depressed and crying walking down to the water at 2 am by herself. IM A MOM!. You tell me this stuff and then GHOST me for weeks? I started checking her friends, the school etc. I had not heard from her, she wasn't replying to me or anybody else. So now, IM accused of not respecting HER boundaries by checking on her! She has not spoken or replied or written anything other than to say ( By text this last summer) Thankyou for coming to my graduation. mSo, Please don't just say BOUNDARIES. Clarify!

@Portia620

Ай бұрын

Great point!

@Morgan313

Ай бұрын

There are lots of articles online about boundaries.

I have become the monster now, i got so sick of all the bs and being called names that i thought F@*k it! Lets go then, its been a defence mechanism which has worked in a way but now im the problem and he selectively cant remember a thing hes done, theres no winning. These people are nightmares.

My narcissistic daughter would go for months seemingly normal. We feared what we knew would happen eventually and when that day would come it was a nightmare. She would become physically combative. I’m afraid of her and I haven’t seen her in two years now.