People with bpd are like little kids who have zero coping mechanisms, except perhaps self destructive ones. Used to be in and out of psychiatric clinics during my teens. There is hope and we can learn to navigate out of emptiness and darkness, which seems overwhelming when it happens. Recognizing depressive states before full blown depression is a game changer, also build skills and hobbies that you work either every day or almost. If you fear failure, don't try to run away from it, recognize it and realize that it's just a very normal experience that is a part of the journey. Same thing with, become aware of your triggers so that when it happens, you actually do have a choice, and you are not determined to repeat the same patterns. Another thing is relating to your childhood and the traumas that did or occur, or neglect.let your parents understand what they have done, ask them if they want to repent their evil doings,. If yes, forgive them, if no, then forgive yourself and mourn your losses, move on from them and build healthy relationships with a romantic partner and friends if possible.. if you really manage to let go of your past, that means you no longer are overburdened with shame, fear, anger, hatred etc. Now, you'll more and more live in the present moment and be happy with your romantic partner, your new hobbies and skills. No longer an addicted reactionary person, but a person aware and in control of your life and your mental states. Instead of experiencing life a predestined movie, it feels like you are writing, living it, editing it. After 3-5 years you will be somewhere you have been, almost magical. You accepted yourself and embraced life. For people bpd or bpd traits, the difference in life is amazing. This takes a lot of work and patience, awareness and sometimes sxhausting. The rewards, however are very much worth it.

@nikhook1114

Жыл бұрын

Well I must admit you have it summed up very well, but how do I get my wife into therapy? Cause if you talk to her, she says there is nothing wrong with her and everyone else has a problem. Its always up to me to keep the peace in the house and quite often I am unable to get thru to her.

@laurenlockridge5583

Жыл бұрын

🤍

@andrewsmith3257

Жыл бұрын

Yep :(

@ruthbarnes9999

5 ай бұрын

Nobody can get anybody into therapy. Therapy is very hard work and unless she realises she needs therapy and wants it. Noone should try to make her go because it would be a waste of time and money making her go. She wouldn't do the very hard work needed if u made her go. What u can do though is reflect on yourself and what are you doing. Are you enabling behaviour or are you triggering her. Dont reaft or get defensive is a good place to start. U say u try keep the peace. How. Think about your part in it. Perhapsyou couldgo to therapy. So you can learn how to deal with her. Im no psych. Just an everyday personwhohas had lots 9f life experiencesandtherapymyself. I hope this helps u in some way. ​@nikhook1114

helping my own brush with bpd and npd through these yeoman lectures. Such a wise man, also on the shoulders of giants.

I wish I could have someone Dr. Frank Yeomans assist me in integrating my full emotional self after everything I have been through. I really enjoyed how everything was broken down. I feel like I learned so much about awareness, and how to start looking into how my trauma is still holding me back.

This was a wonderful speech, thank you Dr. Frank. I sat there with my pen and paper and worked on some of my own internal conflicting views during the speech. I was particularly intrigued on the danger of this 'splitting' thinking in political or religious groups, who endorse fundamentalism. I wish they taught this in school, more people need to be aware that the world and people aren't so black and white but exist within the grey.

"The most dangerous people are those who give no clear signs that they cannot be trusted". This is gold. Exactly what I needed to hear.

@nemishasharma5737

11 ай бұрын

Did you take that as a truism?

@esma.ga5

6 ай бұрын

What does that mean? If you don't mind. Thank you.

@Nico1952

Ай бұрын

​@@esma.ga5 The woman speaks her mind: no one can be trusted, and some show it. But the ones who do not show they are not trustworthy, are the most dangerous.

Frank Yeomans is such a master

@yasminhabibti721

8 жыл бұрын

+Luis Valenciano Indeed.

In my opinion, Yeomans is a brilliant man in his field. I'm not educated nor have a degree...but I have studied psychology for over 15 years, spoken to psychologists and counsellors, even spent time in assessment facilities. I also suffer from depression and a personality disorder, thus I sought ways to 'fix' myself or at least find coping mechanisms as I was too afraid to talk about what was happening to me. But almost everything this man says resonates me with, whereas other professionals I've seen, other videos I've watched with psychologists talking about some of the problems I myself have, this is not the case.

Dr Yeomans...thank you. You and Dr Kernberg are truly gifted human beings. Not to mention the many others in your field.

I wish the questions were more succinct! This talk is one I keep returning to and learning from- so enriching.

What an incredibly balanced view of mental illness and a thorough explanation about the process of healing.

I WOULD LISTEN TO HIM TALKING FOR HOURS

This is ingenious, and requires VERY quick wit, combining “psychological jiujitsu,” so to speak, with a “no mind” approach for the therapist...I think as a professional, this would exhaust me. 😕 He is definitely a specially gifted, fortified, and skilled person.

“This is useless, you’re useless. I’m worse than when I started off with you. I’ve wasted my time, I’ve wasted my money” made me giggle but I don’t understand how someone can comfortable enough to say these things.

@verfassungspatriot

3 жыл бұрын

As someone with an avoidant personality I wish I could express something like this.

@niccolea2086

Жыл бұрын

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you’d be very aware of what type of person could say crap like that. I’ve no known someone with BPD but they too can be very narcissistic

@Medietos

Жыл бұрын

@@verfassungspatriot Yes, an if it were I, I'd say it was a compliment to the therapist that I was safe enough with him to dare say something like that. And healthy enough to be honest.

@Medietos

Жыл бұрын

@@niccolea2086 Hello, I agree that both types disorders can behave very obnoxious etc, but the utterance as such may be quite true and justified.And the patient may really see it that way, even if it is not true. And I 'd think that a good, skilled therapist would convey some useful elements pretty soon at the start. I certainly have had the experience in the realistic sense, although I don't think it would happen with this therapist had I got him and if he behaved like he does in the lecture here.I once had apsychiatrist I felt some trust towards and who was/seemed sensible, but he was not (available as) a therapist, just assessing and referring and eneded up betraying and leaving me, probably chosing loyalty to the colleagues, their system and machinery/interests over me as a client. I wasted 6,5 years in what I thought was real therapy, since that was what I applied for and since the psychologist did not tell me it was not until the end stage! When you said BPDs "can be very narcissistic", do you mean self-centered? Because that is not´rmal when one is in crisis and unmanageable state and maybe very aLonely as well. And everybody has some narcissism, that is human¨. it has to be distinguisghed from the actual (Malignant) Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the illness. Maybe BPDs can behave mean and malignant, I am not usre, but should think it is not as controlled, directed and conscious as in the NBP.It has different causes and meanings.It doesnät say in the DSM at least either. Have you experienced it as the same, or been the victim of one with a BPD who was harmful, evil , dangerous like one with NPD?

One thing I feel would be a good idea would be to have treatment which involves the family and loved ones who are ready, open minded, willing and wanting to help the patient beat this thing. Ways to cope and deal with and help their loved one get to a better place.

@willabestorms6059

Жыл бұрын

@@zpspiegel You may be the reason the family stays away… Family open. This may explain why you are the way you are and other family members may feel totally warm with you. In other words, how do you think you have all the answers when you’re not even trying, you’re running down your own endless hallway.

@Medietos

Жыл бұрын

@@BSmiths100 Yes, but all but impossible when very ill and the helpers harm one instead, make it all worse, don't examine and assess properly, misunderstand one and are to small. And not everybody has parents and others who are knowing psychologically-healing-wise. But maybe you mean practical help only?

Genius what Dr. Yeomans said at 1:07:00. Wow - "what makes it hard for you to be comfortable w/ that attunement?"

My sister literally did everything opposite from me and very loudly proclaimed it. She would bite her nose off to spite her face. If I said black she would say white. She was extremely oppositional and a rebel without a cause. She struggled making friends. Is very abrasive and equally rude to family and strangers like.

Love when Dr. Takes an object relations approach.

Do people living in Gaza have a right to any of this care and understanding?

How can i get the transcript of this video?

What is this man's Dr. James Giordano internal world? Watch his " The Brain is the Battlefield of the Future” and let us know what exactly does he suffer from?

Love!

Brilliant

are all of these on benzos?

“You fucking son of a bitch” gold

That womans voice introducing Dr Frank is really, really annoying...

@AnnaSzabo

2 жыл бұрын

I skipped that - unbearable

They are not met in theii personal needs wants and requirements. It is radical acceptance.

At 24:00 I learned a lot…

23:55

The joke about bankers being in it for the money on a conference in Israel is pretty funny I must admit.

She sounds like just like Fran Drescher's mother. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

@4:30 Yeomans: What would lead you to the conclusion you can't trust me? Borderline: "You don't give any sign I can't trust you; that's why you're so dangerous." (RED FLAG...BACK AWAY...and RUN!) Yeomans calls that "a trigger". I call that *a projection* (...or worse, a prediction of what's to come from the pwBPD). I see people with BPD as projecting their own dangerousness and lack of trustworthiness onto others because it is precisely who they are (despite their magnificient ability to appear entirely vulnerable, gentle, kind and innocent). There are characterological disorders: disorders of moral character (read: MASSIVE CHARACTER FLAWS) When you are a trustworthy, decent human being with a well-calibrated moral compass and empathy for others, your default thinking (your natural go-to ) is NOT to suspect others: NO. Truly decent, kind, empathic people have to work *very hard* to remember that not all people are good, kind, compassionate people, and they have to work hard to keep remembering it because their default or go-to assumption is that other people are just as kind and good and honest as they. Borderlines can behave...in moments....like they are decent, kind, empathic people, BUT that's only for a little while. It could be 5 minutes later, or 5 weeks later, or 5 months later, or 5 YEARS later, but it WILL happen. Sooner or later, their warped mind begins to project their own dangerousness and untrustworthiness onto you. When that happens, you better HOPE you're wearing your running shoes, that your cell phone is full charged, that your car keys are in your hand, and that the driver's side door is unlocked and all the others doors are locked, so you can make a quick, safe escape, leaving them behind. When someone with BPD snaps, they are FULLY capable of killing you or someone else. They know this about themselves, and it is the reason they believe this about other people even when it could not be further from the truth. It does not matter how kind, sweet, compassionate, or empathic they once were to you. In the blink of an eye, all that can and will fade away, and when it does, they can lunge in a heartbeat....and they WILL lunge in a heartbeat. A neuroscientist who studies the fMRI scans of people with Cluster B disorders was kind enough to warn me once. He said that you should never worry about distinguishing a narcissist from a borderline or a histrionic (back when it was still in the DSM), or an antisocial because when you look at their fMRI scans, their brain function shows up the same as a sociopaths brain. He went on to say that all the Cluster B disorders are various forms of sociopathy, and the only thing that distinguishes one from the other is what makes them behave like a sociopath. Let that sink in.... What distinguishes one Cluster B disorder from another is what drives them to behave like a sociopath. I am forever grateful to that neuroscientist and for his research with fMRI scans in Cluster B disordered individuals. Sometimes, when you least expect it, a total stranger will drop the most priceless and unexpected gift....right in your lap. Here is what can drive anyone with a Cluster B disorder to behave like a sociopath: narcissist - a very public loss of admiration [read: narcissistic injury] (trump, anyone?) borderline - fear of abandonment (fear of engulfment does not cause the same reaction) histrionic - someone usurping (them) the center of attention antisocial - losing power over and/or control of someone (or something) When any of these things happen, the person before you is morphing...right before your very eyes...into a sociopath, and they will later shift back into their more acceptable social mask that they wear daily.

@mackenziedoherty5204

2 жыл бұрын

what an incredibly unloving view. i hope others in the comments don't deny folks w/ bpd their agency and their RIGHT to change

@le_th_

2 жыл бұрын

@@mackenziedoherty5204 No one is denying anyone anything here. Can some people at the milder end of the BPD spectrum change? If they really want to they will. Can those at the more moderate to severe (or, god help you, malignant) end of the spectrum change? That is far less likely. Could a Jeffrey Dahmer have changed? Could a Jodie Arias have changed? Could any number of the domestic abusers that have BPD have changed and not killed their spouse/significant other? I don't enable adults. I hold them accountable for their actions and choices. It's not requisite that you do the same. I would not wish BPD on my worst enemy. I also would not wish someone with BPD on my worst enemy.

@ReinierMayer

2 жыл бұрын

I’ve got one of these. After wo years of mariage, she changed after a traumatic event. I’m the scapegoat now and can’t even finish my own sentences and thoughts. It’s getting worse to the extend she hears voices nowadays and attacks her mother and me as evil authority figures, and all people we love are used against us in her rants. With her is nothing wrong of course. I had a narcissistic father so I’m really struggling to keep my strength and not deteriorate is early childhood coping strategies. She always pushes me there.

@le_th_

2 жыл бұрын

@@ReinierMayer I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, and I'm especially sorry that your spouse has to battle her own demons in her head with this disorder. People with BPD test others; they test others to see just how far they can push you before you leave. This serves to fulfill their paralyzing terror of being abandoned, and they make sure that others abandon them by pushing them beyond their limits. It's a horrible test, but it is intentional. Your spouse wants to know if your truly love them unconditionally, and this is the nagging question every borderlines wrestles with inside their mind, each time they "fall in love" with someone. I personally believe they're incapable of truly "loving" someone, but I do believe they experience genuine moments (but it's not lasting love). It's a truly horrific disorder that your spouse did nothing to deserve, but it's a life sentence with which they have to live; they can never escape themselves. You, on the other hand, do have choices. You can stay or you can go. If you choose to stay, you'll need to get them into long-term (many years...close to a decade) weekly therapy, such as DBT (they call this the gold standard, but it doesn't work for all of them), psychodynamic therapy, schema therapy, transference based therapy (because your spouse is transferring a lot of their parental-issues onto you), or maybe a combination of them. Borderline Personality Disorder is a severe mental disorder, but it is a spectrum disorder, too, and some of them who want to get better CAN actually get better, but it takes time, trust, work, patience, and an understanding that change is not immediate but a process. Your spouse is emotionally a 2-3 years old child with almost no coping skills and a PARALYZING fear of being left, just like a little toddler when they go out to the store or shopping mall with their parent. Those feelings are REAL for them, just like they are for a toddler. They have to "grow up" emotionally, and although it doesn't take 18 years, it does take several years for them to get there. I wish you well, and understand how hard this is to cope with when you've been raised by a narcissist yourself. Good luck with whatever path you choose (and to your spouse, as well).

@SJ-um8zc

2 жыл бұрын

What makes a possible cluster B display sadistic impulse? that out of no where, an emotional enjoyment of your pain (whether that is to bring up a past hurt or devaluing some thing you value?)

knowledgeable but dry

@yasminhabibti721

8 жыл бұрын

+Dorothy Forgione Yes, a little bit.

@Nobody-Nowhere

3 жыл бұрын

i dont think he is there to entertain you

@ellenbruckermarshall4179

Жыл бұрын

A comment like those uttered by my students when faced with having to work at understanding complex material.

Brilliant