We're seeing the effects of this "gentle parenting" in higher ed. In my morning college class today, two of my students were giving a presentation. The clock said it was time to start, but the only students in the class were the two presenting, one other, and myself. One of the students presenting looked at me and said, "What's the deal? Why is no one here?" I responded saying absenteeism is a big problem on this campus. I went on to say, "I feel like students today want to get a degree without actually doing college." They all nodded. I had them go ahead and give their presentation, but the door to the classroom opened and shut about every 5 minutes of their 35-minute presentation as the rest of the class came in late. Back in the day, professors would lock the door so late students would not interrupt, but today I would get in trouble if I did that. Welcome to the modern-day college classroom...I'm starting to hear retirement calling my name.

@maritamuras8978

4 ай бұрын

Are you allowed to make going to class part of the grade (even a small part like 5 points where it can effect whether a student can pass or fail or the difference between an a A or B? I know that’s not always possible, though.

@Undomaranel

4 ай бұрын

Put it in your syllabus for presentation days. Back it up with the virtue of respecting other's time. It's one thing to respect yourself, but when you fail to respect your peers in a common classroom (you're all paying for) you go too far.

@reflectionsinthebible3579

4 ай бұрын

Wow

@mollygrace3068

4 ай бұрын

When did that start? I went back to school and finished my degree about ten years ago and we definitely had professors who did not let student in 10 minutes after class started.

@asvegas777

4 ай бұрын

@@Undomaranelbold of you to assume students read the syllabus. you can say it every day or tattoo it on your forehead etc and still find these supposed adults are unable or unwilling to pay attention or do anything. I teach undergraduate and medical students at a large university that is one of the top 10 in the fields I teach… it’s shocking how low the bar has gotten especially since the pandemic even more so

They’re confusing gentle parenting with permissive parenting. You should treat your children respectfully as people but kids need structure and boundaries and consequences. You’re raising children to be able to survive without you in the real world when you are gone and being permissive may end up delaying adversity and trauma until they are older.

@krissieklisowsky1277

4 ай бұрын

100% this!

@redjackal7823

4 ай бұрын

I agree. It’s more permissive than “gentle.”

@BrokeStudentBeauty

4 ай бұрын

Yes!

@missmoxie9188

4 ай бұрын

That’s not gentle parenting, that’s authoritative parenting. Which is what gentle parenting wishes it was

@ivfchic3316

4 ай бұрын

I agree, for me gentle parenting was about not being mean or nasty or bullying my child.....but there are always boundaries and consequences and I always say no....how will my child create safe boundaries for herself if she herself can't say no???

Not only do millennial parents make teachers not want to teach or quit, they make child free women like myself, not want kids at all. I have no desire to raise my children around kids like these.

@user-lw3ri8us4w

4 ай бұрын

this is what i'm concerned about too... my bf has been talking about possibly having kids after getting married and i'm just like... with the schools in this state?! i don't know about that...

@kerrihickman1413

4 ай бұрын

Have you watched, "Idiocracy"? The smart parents stopped breeding.

@yhwhschild5401

4 ай бұрын

Same. Cuz my kids would be raised with discipline. I believe in the old school way

@roundtwo3321

4 ай бұрын

That is the truth.

@aservantinbabylon

4 ай бұрын

@@user-lw3ri8us4w Homeschool.

My ex used to gentle parent. After two years of his three sons having multiple tantrums a day that prevented me from having any peace, I wondered how he still thought this was a strategy that worked. I kept having conversations like “This? This works for you? At what point is it supposed to kick in? When we get kicked out of the grocery store? You do realize the whole reason they’re constipated is because you keep letting them not eat vegetables, right? He’s 9 and can’t write an entire alphabet or read pre-school level books. Could this maybe have anything to do with the fact that you never make him practice reading and writing in spite of him saying he doesn’t want to?” Gentle parenting is the worst and I’m saying that as a millennial.

@ladonna1902

4 ай бұрын

Oh no. I would not be allowing any desserts, snacks, or treats until they at least tried some vegetables. I know kids can be picky and may not like vegetables. If they don't like broccoli, will they at least eat a salad? Also nobody would be playing with any video games or toys until they practiced their reading and writing.

@fairywingsonroses

4 ай бұрын

Same. My mom tried gentle parenting with my kid, and I almost ended up institutionalized because it forced me into a situation where I was dealing with constant fights and meltdowns. There was no peace ever! Gentle Parenting literally ruined my kid, it ruined my mental health, and it ruined my life. I had to quit working and pull her out of school because it got so bad. There are no words to describe how angry I am that this is my life now.

@leotardbanshee

4 ай бұрын

Permissive parenting is not gentle parenting and gentle parenting requires proper education or it won't be effective. You also have to be willing to talk to and listen to a child, explain things to them, ask them questions and hear their answers, and treat them like they can understand natural consequences. Most adults simply can't talk to children because they don't respect them and they are too distracted and impatient to even listen or pay attention, just like kids. Authoritarian and permissive parenting on the other hand are never ever effective and always lead to horrid consequences in adulthood.

@garyloss2878

4 ай бұрын

​@@leotardbansheeAuthoritative parenting is most effective.

@leotardbanshee

4 ай бұрын

@garyloss2878 if you want to never see your grandchildren or you want to pay for your kid's drug rehab sure it's effective but most people don't want that.

Gentle parenting is how you get narcissistic little monsters.

@callmeangie867

4 ай бұрын

Well, they had to learn it from somewhere, and I say this as someone with fierce narcissistic parents, which has made me have to unlearn many behaviors going into adulthood. The past three generations, maybe even more, have been encouraged to care only about themselves.

@HunkumSpunkum

4 ай бұрын

Children are naturally narcissistic. The problem is, that they are being encouraged/allowed to be unbearably so, with all of the authority, but with none of the responsibilty/accountability......

@Farcehole

4 ай бұрын

@@callmeangie867This is correct. Children learn behaviors, especially bad behaviors, from their parents. Full stop.

@jomoon1240

4 ай бұрын

She's not describing gentle parenting she's using it all wrong she's describing Permissive

@AliyahScott1621

4 ай бұрын

*permissive parenting

I worry that the lack of interpersonal skills, paired with the inability to hear the word "no" without a lengthy explanation is just going to create a world of rapists and incels.

@ryanbarclay7939

4 ай бұрын

Agreed. Isnt that "everything is a negotiation" mentality just oppositional defiant disorder?

@SDS-ee9js

4 ай бұрын

@@ryanbarclay7939 Yup, they’re basically giving their kids oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder.

@dark-xh7fs

4 ай бұрын

What if it does? Why specifically incel or rapist?

@matthewkeebler2326

4 ай бұрын

​@@dark-xh7fs I can answer that. It's because women aren't held accountable for their behaviors in the same way. If a woman hears no from a man it's called emotional/financial abuse and they are heroes (strong independent women) if they ignore it. If a man ignores no they are a rapist.

@thecreativebusiness1316

4 ай бұрын

@@dark-xh7fsbecause, typically, a rapist doesn’t take “no” for an answer and incels hate women who reject them.

I just went on medical leave last week. The stress was causing me high blood pressure and heart palpitations. A student was constantly disrupting my class, and I asked to speak to Mom. Mom met with me in person and started screaming me at and accused me of picking on her child. I asked for admin help and didn’t hear anything for a week and a half. When I was finally called to the office, I thought I was going to get a pep talk, but instead principal asked me to sign a warning letter which said I was the problem. I felt nauseous, went to the restroom, threw up, and got put on medical leave that night. This is probably the end of the road for my teaching career. Not worth it.

@abumohandes4487

4 ай бұрын

Don't give up too soon on the children. Remedial teaching can have its rewards.

@cryptameria666

4 ай бұрын

One door closes, another one opens. I don't blame you

@miriamcollins7587

4 ай бұрын

Yes, go find your peace. Life is too short.

@NuWaters

4 ай бұрын

Take care of yourself. I hope you feel better soon and that you find something else to do that is more rewarding because it is not worth it.

@roundtwo3321

4 ай бұрын

That is the standard gaslighting that teachers are expected to endure.

Hopefully the first time these kids are told "no" isn't on a date.

@MAJ4K

4 ай бұрын

😨 might cause certain laws to be more Lenient

@Nitra813

4 ай бұрын

That part

@joyfulhomemaker8053

3 ай бұрын

@@MAJ4K 💯 not to mention the way the new sex ed curriculums are laid out. The first time I looked at the CSE, I cried. It literally tells kids it’s normal and practically expected to have sex by about 4th or 5th grade (if not sooner). I cried because I thought, “this will create the ‘rape culture’ they’ve been claiming for so long”

@KaiTheMemeKing

2 ай бұрын

​@joyfulhomemaker8053 I'm speechless- HOW CAN WE LET THE FUTURE GENERATION LEARN THIS!?!?

@joyfulhomemaker8053

2 ай бұрын

@@KaiTheMemeKing Parents need to get back to parenting their kids. NO DEVICES. No excuses! No devices. They do not need them. My girls are almost teens and don’t even have access to devices. When they need a computer for homework, I am right there. When their friends come over, I have a basket for devices. NO DEVICES. And the kids LOVE coming here. They have fun! Get your kids out of public school but don’t stop there. GO TO YOUR LOCAL SCHOOL BOARD MEETINGS. My kids don’t go to the schools in our district but our money does! I am at nearly every meeting fighting against the CSE, CRT, the teachers union, red for ed, etc. and it sucks! I’m not going to lie! We often feel defeated but we need more warriors to come help fight for these kids! Our money is being used to abuse kids. And the reason schools get away with it is because parents are getting lazier and lazier. They can’t be bothered to stand up. So a bunch of us are out here trying to encourage others, come to these meetings. Your presence makes a difference. Just because you lose some battles doesn’t mean you give up the war.

I've heard people say "gentle parenting only works well with gentle kids." I think that's an accurate assessment.

@janeenjourney43

4 ай бұрын

After months of trying to help a student with autism learn successfully in my classroom, we actually had to transfer him to a special needs class. My gen Ed class was too open and free for him to feel safe and comfortable. He needed specific schedules and cues in a sped classroom. Just like that situation, gentle parenting misses the needs that lots of kids need to have boundaries set for them. It puts a degree of responsibility on kids to parent themselves and the kids who need someone to tell them NO are suffering

@baileymoran8585

4 ай бұрын

Yeah I was a foster kid who thankfully got adopted, and didn’t get diagnosed with bipolar disorder until I was a senior in high school, despite having a lot of therapy and social worker follow ups. I was pretty average as far as my shenanigans. I wasn’t an angel who never got grounded even once their whole childhood, but I wasn’t getting brought home in a cop car. Usually I got in trouble for being too independent for my own good, and for being highly impulsive. I needed supervision. Not like a friendly supervision but someone to make sure I wasn’t about to do something really dangerous just because I had an urge. I could have gotten in a lot more trouble if my parents never enforced rules. But I learned in high school ‘if I do it they will find out and I’m out of warnings.’ So I would opt out or do something less reckless. They also rewarded me for the things I did well. I rarely got in trouble in school unless I skipped class or something, and did well with grades. It was because the school also enforced rules. By the time you are 18, out of school, and either in college or working full time, most people haven’t fully mastered cause and effect even with perfect parenting… because they are young and inexperienced in life. So you should start as soon as kids can understand cause and effect.

@Cec9e13

4 ай бұрын

As I said FREQUENTLY when my children were toddlers, "Some parents give birth to golden retrievers. I give birth to pit bulls. They need a little more ... training."

@CandaceDreamer

4 ай бұрын

Different kids need different kinds of parenting at different times. Parenting is not one size fits all, and it looks different for every kid.

@rac1equalsbestgame853

3 ай бұрын

I am an autistic kid that despite my parents trying everything they could to make me "learn to be normal," be loud, constantly seek attention and basicly act like a sociopath, was a "seen but heard" kid that just wanted a quiet a corner to read and didn't press buttons unless told I could. Meanwhile my sister was all my mom wanted, she bullied and terrorized me through my entire childhood up until I was a teen and so numb to it it no longer gave her a rise to bully so she turned all the stealing, bullying and breaking my things _to my parents_ and threw a months long hermit tamtrum over having real consecuences for the first time after he whole life of gentle parenting.

Im retiring after being in education for 37 years. I was a teacher, a counselor and a principal. I left administration this year to go back to the classroom because I could not stand the bullshit anymore. The bullshit is so deep, and wide it would take a novel to describe. I went back to teaching music because I thought I could block it out. WRONG !!! I watch these poor classroom teachers dealing with all the same shit I tried to help stop.... but I could not stand seeing it everyday. The desperation these teachers face. The misappropriation of funds, the ridiculous class size.... And so on... Education is broken at the higest levels. It starts with the Federal Government down to the local school boards. It is sad. The system breaks those who care, and rewards the lazy, ignorant and complacent.

@miriamcollins7587

4 ай бұрын

Yes, it definitely rewards the lazy. The teacher who cares and has standards becomes the problem.

@brileyrichmond6618

4 ай бұрын

Change “book” to “library.”

@garyloss2878

4 ай бұрын

The really good teachers need to band together and rebuild the schools from scratch. Teachers have the power to change things if they would stand TOGETHER. That would take courageous and smart leaders.

@maryl234

4 ай бұрын

100% agree. Left after 17 years in Massachusetts and 25 years total. 55 came and I ran as fast as I could. I don't miss that BS teacher blaming one bit.

@lucycat4305

4 ай бұрын

It's the schools. Teachers are always so quick to blame everyone else except for the people who spend the most time with the kids (teachers).

I had a student move seats because she wouldn’t stop talking, and she literally went home crying, said a bunch of lies about me to her mother, and got me fired. Her mother literally ruined my life and me and my son were almost homeless (again), but luckily I got a job several hours away. Now I’m trying out catholic school so that I can be around adults with at least a little bit of a moral compass.

@TeacherTherapy

4 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry that happened to you! 🥺💙

@marcmeinzer8859

4 ай бұрын

That’s an incredibly grotesque anecdote but today pretty much nothing is unbelievable. Catholic schools have high staff turnover because they don’t want to pay you anything. It reminds me of the cartoon our captain on a merchant ship posted on his office door which showed a plutocrat in a corner office seated at an enormous desk speaking with one of his employees and the caption was “would you consider staying on if we paid you”?

@ameeradehming2505

4 ай бұрын

At this point, classrooms should have cameras to show parents proof of their child’s behaviour.

@yellowmellow4753

4 ай бұрын

Wow

@CandaceDreamer

4 ай бұрын

Yeah, this is my second year teaching, and each year so far, I’ve had a parent threaten to sue me. Luckily last year nothing came of it, but I didn’t stay at that school. This year, I guess we’ll see. I’m not too worry, because my mom works for lawyers and that won’t be a problem for me if it comes to that. On a different note, I’m tired of the different stressors I deal with daily and I just feel like I’m not living right now. I’m on autopilot trying to reach the end of another hard year. I don’t think I’ll teach next year. It’s just not worth it and is honestly just getting worse at this point. I’m just nervous about finding another job in my area that has insurance and can support my family and lifestyle.

As a teacher, I saw this all coming years ago. I tried to fight against it, because I wanted to make sure my students were prepared to be good citizens when they became adults. Then this year I realized that it was a losing battle. We can not help the kids with Gentile Parents. We have to focus on the kids who are doing the right thing in schools. So this year I completely stopped caring about the kids who don’t want to be here. I can only control the controllable. Which is myself.

@kcc879

4 ай бұрын

100% I reckon those that don’t want to be at school send them home and let someone else deal with them. Then we can teach those they actually want to be at school and get on with our job.

@halinailkiewicz6146

4 ай бұрын

couldn't agree more...

@vicioushummingbird7102

4 ай бұрын

I'm right there with you! 💯

@stevem79weprith47

4 ай бұрын

As an educator I cannot believe what I am hearing. You can't just write these kids off because they have behaviors. You all are letting the students run the school. Try getting to know their interests and aligning your instruction to include them. You must have them follow procedures until they do them right; they will get sick of them; that's ok. Keep going. Differentiate the instruction, get the parents involved, and bounce off ideas with other teachers in your PLC's. Work with administration; failure is not an option. I know that many of you are new teachers, and it isn't easy. You can be in control more than you realize if you make them follow procedures. Create a list of expectations for them.

@loosecannonK

4 ай бұрын

@@stevem79weprith47 it starts at home, baby and some of these parents don’t care. That’s why I left. It’s easier to be held accountable for someone else’s negligence and it’s simply not worth the stress when it’s becoming a major problem. Not new. Just tired and not paid enough and unfulfilled in a failing field.

My son has my ADHD and gentle parenting would never work. He is impulsive, is delayed in emotional regulation, and likes to be oppositional to get a rise out of others. Other parents think I am mean because I need to directly communicate expectations and there are immediate consequences for breaking rules.

@yaelfeder9042

4 ай бұрын

Is he not on medication? I know I should’ve been as a kid. I was a mess-and-a-half.

@ThisBraveHeart

4 ай бұрын

@@yaelfeder9042not good to put kids on medication.

@charlottevicarage1331

4 ай бұрын

​@@ThisBraveHeartUnless they need it.

@jinaolen786

4 ай бұрын

I'm a mean parent for the same reasons, lol My daughter also has ADHD and has blossomed as a result of being on medication 😊

@yaelfeder9042

4 ай бұрын

@@charlottevicarage1331 yep exactly I got on it in college and was able to finish my bachelor’s as a result. Had I been on it as a kid, I would’ve been able to take the advanced courses I wanted in middle school and high school.

gentle parenting is just a pretentious term for not parenting at all

@TeacherTherapy

4 ай бұрын

I've never seen it done well, but some parents swear by it. 🥺

@munimathbypeterfelton6251

4 ай бұрын

Bingo! Gentle parents are afraid of their kids in all ways and are looking for every excuse not to have to do the dirty work of parenting because they are truly incompetent but are too proud to admit it!

@KnowledgeSeeker78491

4 ай бұрын

Or a response to centuries of abuse parenting

@MumbikGrimbelt

4 ай бұрын

They’re creating teenagers with infant like behaviors.

@avlifesavers

4 ай бұрын

We're creating a whole society with infant like behaviors@@MumbikGrimbelt

There are serious dangers that come with negotiating everything. I've been in two situations in my life where a child responding immediately to "Come here" saved their lives. If the child had laughed and run the other way,in one case, he would have tumbled of a precipice, and in the second, run into the path of a moving car.

@TeacherTherapy

3 ай бұрын

Amen!!! 💯

@Patson20

3 ай бұрын

Thinking you can negotiate everything is how you end up in prison.

@milanka882

Ай бұрын

In the town where I live on the west coast of the North Island of New Zealand, gentle parenting is a pandemic. and I remember one incident that happened not long after I moved here. I was walking down the street, and this child ran onto the road… Probably no older than two years old. The mother ran out after the child, picked the child up, and as she was walking back to where I was standing, my jaw dropping it to the floor, she was lecturing the child about "Consequences", and going on and on with this lecture about the consequences of not doing what she asked of the child where the child stays off the road. Bearing in mind that this child is only a bout to all perhaps a little younger, I doubt the child was able to understand barely a word of what the mother was saying. This might offend some people, but if that was my kid I would've given them a good spanking. I know people have issues with spanking, but better spanking than a skittling. For those who take offence to why I would spank a child, a child that Young is not going to understand a long lecture about feelings and consequences, and you need to communicate to them very decisively that running out onto the road is not on, end of story. So therefore, it is better to spank a child that young for doing something that could threaten their life then allow their life to be threatened. I wish more people thought like that.

Why do the worst ideas always have the most innocuous sounding names, like "gentle parenting"

@incensemama450

4 ай бұрын

It’s culty isn’t it?!

@wiseauserious8750

3 ай бұрын

The worst people use the most euphemisms

If gentle parenting works so well (as these psychologists say) then why are kids so much worse behaved now than before? If this worked so well then society should be improving, but it isn't!

@aservantinbabylon

4 ай бұрын

These shrinks are the bane of our society. I saved a quote from a commenter from years ago that said, "Modern psychology is an intellectual fraud perpetuated on weaklings". That about sums it up.

@munimathbypeterfelton6251

4 ай бұрын

Gentle parenting can only work if the offspring are responsive to it in terms of them having quiet, attentive natures and not needing strict, rigid instructions and commands in order for basic morals to get through to them because the given kids themselves may be quick learners. But those are rare circumstances. Even the most angelic children are still difficult to raise. Basically, anybody out there who believes that gentle parenting works just wants to be their children’s friend. 🫤

@erbiumfiber

4 ай бұрын

@@munimathbypeterfelton6251 My daughter was in the "naturally quiet and attentive" group and did not need a lot of rules, etc. That said, at age 3, she was angry at my mother and kicked her. I picked her up and got in her face SO FAST and said we never, EVER do that. I also asked why, she said she was angry at Grandma, I said, nope, NO EXCUSES. Same for yelling or backtalk- I pointed out that we adults never did that to her, even when WE were angry. It never happened again. You need to set the boundaries early, even with the "easy" ones. That said, she is pretty smart, never happened again (she is 35 now, not a problem, even through teenage and young adult eras). But, yes, you need to be on guard for when they DO challenge you and make the guidelines of acceptable behavior clear.

@ToLoveIsToLive89

4 ай бұрын

Gentle parenting is not the problem. Honestly children being raised in homes where parents don’t want to actually parent, both work and then just let the kids look at screens after school, all of these are major issues! My husband and I gentle parent and our kids have never received anything but positive feedback from adults and peers! But I have always been a stay at home mom, I homeschooled them most of their life and really invested in teaching them to be good people. I have ages 10-17 and they are some of the best people!

@sorafanchick

4 ай бұрын

Overall, I believe it is parents misinterpreting what is meant by it on a clinical level. Or use the phrase to excuse their lack of effort because they actually have given up. Some parents just love their child so much they can't imagine they'd be imperfect which is why so many parents have embraced gentle parenting in the first place. They also may have felt their own parents were too strict and felt it made them rebel more or even feel traumatized. Ultimately, their adoption of it could be lead by guilt and not really a desire to make sure the child is a functioning member of society. Actual clinical "gentle parenting" is to provide structure and allow children to use critical thinking skills to understand why there are rules in the house and society while also not being unnecessarily cruel (for example, if an older child obediantly goes to their room because of a disappointment, but cries out loud, it would be cruel to yell at the child to stop crying. That should be the space they can do it). Standing up for your kid's disruptive parenting isn't a result of the clinical procedure of gentle parenting. Allowing a child to throw a tantrum in public is not it either. Showing a child there's a time and place for their feelings is gentle parenting. This does require that a parent allow them to cry in their room, or somewhere else, or keep a private diary etc. But it doesnt allow them to do it in public. And for good reason. The gentle parenting referred to in this video refers to a cultural umbrella term to describe a style of parenting today that helps parents avoid guilt, even if none of these parents have even heard of the phrase. Experts are not directing their actions at all. Their own daily life (overwork and personal background) are.

I resigned after 28 years as a teacher and school counselor. Every point made here is accurate.

I see a huge difference as a former teacher who is now a nanny for a homeschool family. These homeschool parents discipline their kids and have clear structure. Their kids are happy, self-disciplined, and emotionally mature. Then I go to the home of my own family members who have chosen to do “gentle parenting“. Their kids are the same age or older than the ones I nanny. I love my niece and nephew dearly, but they are emotionally and intellectually immature. They frequently have meltdowns and are unable to handle strong feelings, and they’re only able to handle conflicts more like a three or four-year-old instead of a six or seven-year-old. My sister-in-law will sit down and “explore feelings“ with my niece for half an hour or more whenever my niece complains of stomach aches because she doesn’t want to do something. My niece has learned that if she complains of a stomachache, she can usually get out of doing what she has to do or she gets at least gets a lot of coddling to coax her into doing it. That would never fly in this homeschool family (or any family with authoritative - not authoritarian, big difference - parents), whose kids solve problems better between siblings, are able to interact with any kids they meet whether older or younger, and are completely comfortable conversing with adults. I’m convinced that gentle parenting is a failure, because, as another commenter pointed out, gentle parenting is actually permissive parenting hiding under a new name.

@Pomoscorzo

3 ай бұрын

My uncle did "gentle parenting". As a child she was insufferable. As a teenager she was selfish. As an adult, she exploited him.

@lindseytotsch9599

3 ай бұрын

I'm a homeschooled adult. I just wanted to thank you for speaking on behalf of the parents of the children you nanny for! Homeschooling is such an amazing thing to do for your kids if you're able to! It teaches real life skills through real life experiences. My husband is a police officer and he believed in public schooling until he started being called out to the public schools. Now he backs me in wanting to homeschool 100%! Some of these "gentle parenting" kids are the most violent and explosive children. I don't even want my children exposed to them as much as I can protect them. My husband has gone to court on many occasions because gently parented teens refuse to follow the laws and even boast that their parents will pay the fines.

@elliebellie7816

3 ай бұрын

You are in a rare homeschooling family, then. Most homeschool children never actually get "schooled".

@milanka882

Ай бұрын

I noticed the difference among homeschooling families as well. One of my best friends has six sons she has homeschooled. Her youngest son is in his final year of being homeschooled. All her sons are not only doing well for themselves, but two of her sons that are in their late teens/early 20s are already dating, I think the older one of those two is engaged now. I know other homeschooling families through her and their kids are just a delight to be around. And that's coming from someone who is childless. Anyway, I have come to believe that the future of the West will belong to those who were homeschooled as children and come from healthy families where parents are parents and not the children's best friends, and where, nine times out of 10, dad was around and involved.

@Emily-cd4je

Ай бұрын

Gentle parenting is not hitting your kids and giving them structure. Permissive parenting is no rules.

Parent here. Four parenting models available (these are standard, not my invention): authoritarian (firm and uncaring/emotionally distant), authoritative (firm and caring), permissive (not firm but emotionally available), uninvolved (neither firm nor caring). Only one of these is even capable of producing pleasant, well adjusted, mentally sound, capable human beings. Children are people, too, and people need care and boundaries and discipline (self discipline is best, but if they will not discipline themselves, it must be imposed, hence police, courts, and prisons.) People feel better and are happier when they know what’s expected and are rewarded or disciplined based on whether they have met the clear standard. Love includes all three of these things - care, boundaries, and discipline. Do not speak to me of loving your child if you refuse to set boundaries and discipline him. You, in fact, hate your child.

@PauldeVrieze

4 ай бұрын

Reminds me of an observation some years back. There was a couple with their (young) child and the child wanted a candy. They said no, the child was upset. The parents didn't seem to understand that they could empathise with the child's feelings and comfort him without actually giving the candy. The child was really upset, but also needed to learn about regulating feelings. A "no" answer doesn't need to mean emotional distance.

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

​@@PauldeVriezeIn the real world, No is No. Nobody in the real world is doing all of that over "No.". It's best to prepare a child for the real world and if they hear "NO", oh well cupcake. Get over yourself. Everything doesn't need some highly "educated" PhD psychology evaluation. No is no and the end.

@PauldeVrieze

4 ай бұрын

@@robinsonfamily3948 It really happened (I think it was a 3/4 years old child). The child would benefit from some comforting for being told no (it was upset and not yet able to really deal with that itself), but not a candy (this would reinforce that no is yes if you cry).

@Andromeda-md6ch

4 ай бұрын

@robinsonfamily this kind of behaviour might wreck a sensitive child if done repeatedly. Wanting your child to just get over it really? Children don't respond really well to this. This sounds like authoritarian kind of parenting which is not going to do much good.

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

​@@Andromeda-md6chPeople like you have whiney kids who can't handle anything in life.

I see these behaviors among college students now. Each student thinks they should be able to "curate their own experience." They seem to be at war with the process of classroom learning itself -- refusing to get off their phones, listen, take notes, keep track of deadlines, etc. There is rampant cheating, of course, and a knee-jerk student desire to get faculty in trouble with deans. It's all wrapped up with the "student-as-customer" mentality, and colleges capitulate to the customers because they want to keep the tuition revenue coming in. Many admins are trying to force "gentle parenting" onto faculty as a pedagogy. So there's tremendous pressure on faculty to just be shock-absorbers for students' poor behaviors and complete lack of academic self-responsibility. Pressure to grade inflate and pass students along in the name of "understanding" and "extending grace." So the problem is like a can being kicked up to the college level. And no -- the students can't read, write, or do math! I feel sorry for whatever employers had to deal w/ these graduates!

@griseldaguerrero7199

4 ай бұрын

I can't believe this is also happening in college. It's terrible to think that many of these students will become Drs, nurses, teachers, lawyers etx in the future so easily with a degree without working hard to earn it since they aren't even studying learning and being trained properly to work our in the real world. We are all going to be so screwed.

@lisaj4441

4 ай бұрын

@@griseldaguerrero7199 Or maybe they won't become Drs, lawyers, etc. My CPA told me that they new college graduates can't pass the CPA exam. I've also read some articles reporting high failure rates for the NY, Florida and Texas bar exams. The results of this parenting/teaching style are trickling up to higher ed.

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

​​@@lisaj4441I was just about to say that they won't pass any required exams to get licensed in a field. So colleges can toss them along. Then the students will whine about not finding jobs & bashing college.

@whitebeads1

4 ай бұрын

They will and do fail at the level of professional certification exams. Since there is generally still so much money in and respect for STEM, they are often able to hold the line. It's less true for those working in direct care, like in nursing homes and with home health aides, because there are so many shortages. That is VERY hard work, and there should be a ton of oversight and pay, but there is neither. It makes me scared to get old in this country! In contrast, many states are completely waiving teaching cert's, licensure or even a college degree for k-12 teachers, since there is such a need for ANY warm body in front of a classroom. So if you get more uneducated people basically babysitting students, all these problems w/ behaviors and being academically behind are about to get WAY worse....

@MsJani70

4 ай бұрын

Absolutely. College professor here and this is 100% accurate

These kids will take leadership positions in a couple decades. God have mercy on us

@VitaminVision

4 ай бұрын

Probably not, I'm sure the AI will take the leadership positions instead.

@TheWatermelonSunrise

4 ай бұрын

They are not going to take any leadership positions. They have spent too much time arguing, instead of learning. So they will be at the mercy of those who brought the education to such a state on purpose. That's what these kids don't understand and if they do, it will be too late.

@MumbikGrimbelt

4 ай бұрын

They’ll be “Ditch Diggers”

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

They won't even be around long enough. Gen Z & Alphas unalive each other and themselves at a high rate. They can't handle anything at all & won't have a long life.

@ladonna1902

4 ай бұрын

These kids are not going to be fit to lead anyone. They're still going to be living in their parents homes well into adulthood. Because their parents didn't prepare them for anything.

Im a genxer raised by depression era parents. Im a second career teacher. Ive raised 2 children. I teach virtually now after 11 years of teaching. Believe me when i say that the public ed system is completly broken and our society is being systematically socially engineered for decline. Children crave consistency and firmness while they learn. This requires educated and confident adults to raise children. We dont have that. Our citizens are now eternal adolescents replicating themselves. Its a perfect formula for civilzation dysfunction and decline. All civilzations have rules that keep them functional. Human civilizations rise and fall and have a life span just like everything in the known universe. We arent cyber avatars with unlimted choices sprouted from a pod in the front yard. We are human beings that require certain societal rules based on behavior requirements and social expectations. Its a matter of civilization survival

@AmeliaLidstrom

4 ай бұрын

So refreshing to read a comment from someone who actually understands what a dire situation that this is

@AmeliaLidstrom

4 ай бұрын

I'm going to reply once more ... I agree, we are being systematically socially engineered for decline. I believe it is on purpose. I don't know if someone is going to come in and invade (I'm not nationalistic or anything at all but I'm trying to figure out what the plan is) or what, but our country will not survive much longer and that's a fact. These young people are supposed to be our future lawyers, scientists, doctors and nurses, teachers, police officers etc... IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Only people in education know how bad it is. I feel like all this illuminati stuff that's been going around is to distract from what the real plan is. But we won't be able to stop an invasion of some sort when it happens ... the people will be so incapable it's terrifying. Yet again... only people in education know how dire the situation is.

Gentle parenting involves refraining from saying "no", and instead to NEGOTIATE with a child???? O.o I've been told "no, we can't afford that" or "no, you don't deserve it" as a kid and grew up to be a pretty decent and financially responsible human being. Being told "no" teaches that no one gets everything they want in life. That not being given something happens from situations out of our control or as a consequence of our actions. There were absolutely NO negotiations between my mom and me. Her word was final. Spanking was the norm as a result of disrespectful or bad behavior. If I even got a note from school, I dreaded going home (it wasn't abuse by the way, I barely got notes from school). There was a time when my mom wanted to get me a Barbie doll for being a good student. However, my guilty conscience kicked in and I told her I had a note for talking too much. She was like "welp, guess we're going home. She ALWAYS said her eyes are the teacher's eyes and that was nerve-wracking in and of itself lol. But what you shared about gentle parenting makes sense. I have baby sat and tutored kids and have been just shocked at their confidence in wanting to negotiate with an adult. I would flat out say "no" and emphasize that my word is FINAL. Of course, they didn't like that but understood that I was very serious. Sometimes I notice that they had more respect for me than their own mothers. It was disturbing.

@AmeliaLidstrom

4 ай бұрын

When you said you tutored kids I read it as you tortured kids lol. Agree with your comment wholeheartedly 💯

@thedystopiandollhouse

2 ай бұрын

My SIL went in hard on gentle parenting techniques. All three of her children were behind their peers all the way through school, each being held back at least once. One wasn't fully potty trained until they were nine years old. At least once a week someone would have to go pick that kid up from school because they defecated in their pants. Now, two have dropped out of school and are making no effort to do anything. They still live at home without any jobs. They are up on the internet all night and sleep all day. The third is in their senior year, but struggling, and they have already been told they won't get to walk the stage at graduation and will have to go to summer school in order to get their diploma. Now that kid is talking about dropping out too.

(41 year-old, 14 year middle school veteran in a Title 1 school here)-Yes yes yes and yes. Enough is enough. Gentle parenting does not work for most. I cannot get kids to cooperate with simple requests, like sitting in assigned seats or put cell phones away unless I become authoritarian. You can tell they have negotiated and worn their parents down since birth. Our classrooms have become unmanageable and kids aren't learning what they should be. Team this up with whatever policies are being handed down at the state and district levels, curriculum that is not developmentally appropriate, and social media ruining kids and parents, and you have what we are all seeing. We need to "protect the learning" like we used to be able to do. Kids were learning and things felt safer. It was never perfect and teaching has always been hard, but this has to stop. Great video as always!

@RP-vy8st

4 ай бұрын

I'm so glad I grew up in the 80s. I was truly blessed to have experienced it

@a.p.2018

4 ай бұрын

so this was before your time but to be honest how much do we need to bring back the paddle

@thesensationaladventuresof1150

4 ай бұрын

Maybe some kids felt safe and learnt, but I did not. I had one teacher thing it was appropriate to have sex with me. Singling me out until he called me a harlot in the crowded hallway and I snapped, I didn’t get out of bed, I didn’t go to school and became very suicidal. In my next school, because my parents absolutely were not sending me back to that one despite not knowing the whole thing until I was 19, I was bullied, shouted at, needs ignored, called a liar, suicide and self harm attempts until in my past year two staff members thought it appropriate to seek a relationship outside of school with me. I was so desperate for connection I didn’t know better I agreed, and speaking with someone who wasn’t hateful wasn’t bullying me that was the best part of my day. Think about that, engaging with people who were abusing me, and the power they had, were the best parts of my day. The school found out about one, and I never told anyone about the other because his son was in my year and it would have destroyed his life. But it felt true at the time that I was danger to my head teachers male staff. I was the common denominator and because I was never taught I was allowed to question and ask why, I didn’t question this. I stopped questioning. I assumed my experience was the same as everyone else’s and it led to support needs being unmet for longer.

@kcc879

4 ай бұрын

yep , home sick today because I had the same class twice. Refusal to even bring a pencil in class, refusal to complete their assessment, refusal to sit in allocated seats. The students spoke in vulgar on disgusting topics which were aimed at me directly to be intimidating and bullying. No help from leadership. Other teachers on the ground were supportive and helped. I burst into tears talking to the year coordinator. I just can't wait to quit. But it's very hard and I just don't know what the solution is with these kids.

@maritamuras8978

4 ай бұрын

“Curriculum that is not developmentally appropriate.” Yes! They keep bringing the standards down to the next grade level and the next one. I work with middle schoolers and I see so much of what should be taught in high school and college in the 8th grade. It’s ridiculous! On top of that, there’s this idea that kids shouldn’t have a lot of homework. Am I the only one who remembers doing 2 or more hours of homework a night as a 7th and 8th grader? It’s no wonder kids can’t grasp the standards. We also wonder why kids never learned the basics in elementary. It’s because now we have lots of different things to teach that are brought down from middle school to elementary, so teachers don’t have the time to teach what’s truly important for that grade. It’s also the fact that they don’t make kids memorize their multiplication tables anymore, so they struggle in math from grades 3-7 and beyond. I’ve also taught kinder and pre-K. Don’t get me started on the fact that small children are expected to write full sentences. 😩

I homeschool and I do want to give my kids an education that is maximized by designing it around their specific strengths and needs. BUT the more I hear and see in the public school system the more I'm glad they are not in it. This kind of allowing a lord of the flies structure even rubs off on the kids with good parents.

@danellemichel

4 ай бұрын

I'm a homeschool mom too!!! Good job mama!!!

Teachers are there to teach class, not behavior. Period.

This is my 30th year, and my last. I have 4 months left. I’m happy to be leaving, but not because of the pay, lack of benefits, or lack of general respect. It is because of the behavior, pure and simple. I love to teach, but rarely get to do that. I spend all of my time managing behavior and arguing with 12 year olds. It has worn me out and given me heart palpitations. Time to look for a new way to use my skills. I genuinely pray for the future teachers and wish better times for them.

Millenial parents were miseducated by the education system as well.

In the adult world, you are expected to follow commands, obey authority, and face consequences. It’s silly that people think this is somehow “abusive” to ask of children. Not everything in life is a choice. If you want a paycheck, you listen to what your boss tells you to do. You don’t get to debate everything in the real world. The real world is going to become increasingly dysfunctional as these kids become adults.

@TrevorHamberger

4 ай бұрын

What's abusive is their children. They are verbally abusive to anyone who tells them no. A good portion of the reason I found this channel is because I dealt with these kids at the gym. They got me kicked out of the gym after they were verbally and physically abusive towards me. But what happened was they cried to the people at the gym so much that the people at the gym kicked me out instead of them even though I got assaulted by them. What I figured out is they were just verbally abusing the gym workers and that made the gym workers go on their side because they couldn't take the verbal abuse. So if anything at all the abusive problem lies within the actual kids who never were told no because it was deemed to be abused. I found this channel after I had to figure out why that happened to me. And what I found out is this is just carrying over from what's going on in our school system. And now it's going to be a huge problem in society because nobody's going to be able to deal with them I've also had instances in stores where I've asked for Gen z employees to help me and they basically just ignored me. They're all going to get fired for doing what they're doing at but there's going to come a point where we're going to need people to work jobs and they're going to be people who are incapable of actually working

@miriamcollins7587

4 ай бұрын

At this point, and I keep saying it, the adults have more rules and consequences than the kids do. It truly is a role reversal.

@RP-vy8st

4 ай бұрын

​@@TrevorHamberger remember, they are all going to become tik tok stars. No need to work 😂

@josepharmstrong6429

4 ай бұрын

Somebody who has actually been abused finds that to be absolutely braindead of them.

@TrevorHamberger

4 ай бұрын

@@RP-vy8st I swear to God I've seen one of them say "my plans to be an influencer didn't work so now I need a job". I see them on social media making jokes all the time where they'll contact the company and say sponsor me. Or they'll have their friends contact the company and say sponsor this person. They really have no idea that all these influencers are actually having their Rich parents pay for them to get view counts for their fake influencing abilities.

I was at a WDW hotel (the Beach Club) with my two sons (ages 7 & 9) enjoying a little pool time. It was empty other than a woman and her daughter (about age 5). I had rented water cannons for my boys and they were having a helluva time. The little girl flagged their attention and asked if she could have a water cannon. My sons were perplexed. The vendor to rent these toys was only a few steps away, why didn't HER mom get one for her? They politely declined and went on with their game. The girl interrupted again and asked for "a turn" with the toy. At this point I looked up from my book to where her mommy was seated. She was paying close attention to this interaction but said nothing. BTW, she was very well dressed with a Louis Vuitton bag set beside her. My sons declined once again but she simply repeated her request again. With an air of triumph the little girl then announced "I've asked you three times nicely. Now you HAVE to give it to me!" The mother sat forward with a smile, looking at my sons with expectation. Both of my boys looked utterly confused. They were taught to be respectful of all people but especially to adults. Did they really need to hand over a toy that had been rented for them?! I sat forward as well. My sons looked over and I simply shook my head. No, they were not obligated to do this. When they went on with their play, the girl began crying and complaining to her mother that this was unfair and she should intervene. I was astounded when she looked at her daughter and then very pointedly looked at me as though I SHOULD intervene! I didn't. The daughter kicked up such a fuss that she was forced to leave the pool area. Both my boys were subdued. They felt bad that they had apparently behaved in an unacceptable way. Since fun for the day was over due this unpleasant episode, we left the pool as well and went to our room. I explained to them that the girl was very likely a daycare kid who needed to be aggressive in group situations. This horrid woman was encouraging her daughter to be demanding and unfair. She clearly could have rented the same toy right there at the pool. Why bother, however, if her little girl could bully other kids into giving up what mommy was too cheap to provide? No boundaries, no rules, no adult guidance for these people. No matter how bratty, immature, or obnoxious their kids get, they simply shrug and make it someone else's problem. Ugh.

But to those teachers who doubt themselves or are gaslighted into believing they are too hard on the kids. Remember a well managed classroom is a safe classroom. Rules are really for the child's mental and physical safety. Just remember to be tough, but fair.

I work with teens in mental health. So much of what we do is teach these very skills that you are talking about. I also did foster care for a time and found that predictable care and schedules were really foundational in creating a safe and caring home for traumatized kiddos. I would encourage you to keep speaking truth.

I think you’re 100% correct the entitlement, the opposing authority and I’ve seen too many videos were teachers are getting beat up in the classroom. Breaks my heart. You seem like a wonderful woman and a good teacher, but I definitely understand why you left the profession..

Sounds like tern "gentle parenting" is a code word for coddling and enabling.

@akidodogstar5460

4 ай бұрын

Coddling and enabling leads to self-absorbed, entitled people with no self control, what could go wrong? It's like allowing a puppy to chew up your furniture and poop in the house and saying "It's ok, he is just being a puppy." By allowing it to happen you are reinforcing the negative behavior.

I tried the gentle approach… never again. My kid questioned everything and constantly tried to negotiate. Offering multiple choices for every single fricken thing is not reality. Nobody has time for that crap! Ugh.

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

​@@erinmelonBecause in the end, society wants to legalize pedos. They're blurring the line between adults and children and next they'll try to lower the legal age limit from 18 to get married or date. Children are children and need to stay in a child's place.

@dark-xh7fs

4 ай бұрын

​@@erinmelon but with that argument you can say that you should never argue with your elders. Like they have additional decades of experience more than you. Also how Old is kid in question? When they get the right to act in their intrest?

@Window4503

4 ай бұрын

That’s why you don’t do it for every single thing.

@fleurelise997

4 ай бұрын

​@@dark-xh7fsYou shouldn't argue with your elders when you're four. Or any age before you can explain concepts like governance or moral authority. If you can spell the word argument without errors, then perhaps 🙄

@PrincessJayJay17

4 ай бұрын

See, this is the issue. For gentle parenting you can say ‘you can brush your teeth now or you can stay in your room and miss out on your tv time because you took too long to brush your teeth and you won’t have enough time for a tv episode’ they have a choice and autonomy but the choice is the consequence. You can do this OR you can meet the consequences of not doing it. I am a very strict but gentle parent. I don’t hit my child and I validate their feelings and have age appropriate expectations but I also set hard boundaries and consequences and I am strict. You can be gentle and strict. Gentle isn’t permissive. Choices aren’t always broad. You can do this or deal with the consequence… IS a choice. I worked with kids professionally and gentle parenting works well but it has to be done correctly or it’s just permissive labelled as gentle.

Great! The millennials are raising platoons of super entitled sociopathic Karens. Our nation is soooo blessed!

@Tech.A

4 ай бұрын

Like they always say.... live, laugh, love 😅

@sandymastermind2669

4 ай бұрын

This is not only an american problem, here in germany the situation is the same. violence and disrespect from the kids; whining or threats from parents. This will escalate in a few years....

@RP-vy8st

4 ай бұрын

​@@sandymastermind2669 I think social media has a lot to do with these behaviors

@sharamusica

4 ай бұрын

lol like Gen z would be even better… y’all gonna be worse since you were raised waaaaaaay more entitled than the average millennial. Every generation gets more and more entitled. What happened to good old fashion ass beating and strict parenting? Went out the door with all of these new social languages and constructs and behaviors. Gen Z paved the way to babysit the feelings of people and never offend. Actually millennials started it. It Gen z put it into words ….

@beth8775

4 ай бұрын

For what it's worth, some of us still understand our responsibility as parents. Mine hears no plenty, gets grounded, and has chores. Everytime I see videos about how classrooms are today it blows my mind, and reminds me of all the reasons I chose to homeschool.

The parenting style sounds good in theory but it seems like the children are expected to rationalize and think through things like miniature adults..which theyre not. I mean, if the brain doesnt fully develop until 25, how can someone expect a child to do something like negotiate?

@munimathbypeterfelton6251

4 ай бұрын

Negotiating is a synonym for manipulation in this case. Children who negotiate are basically manipulators in disguise. They stop at nothing to get their way and unless the adults in front of them are firm with them, it’s a hopeless scenario.

@aleksandarkovacevic7138

3 ай бұрын

It is also very very hard. It require parent to be 100% focused almost all of the time. For most thats impossible

My mom did gentle parenting with my child, and it ruined her. I had to quit my job and pull her out of school because my mom validated and fed into every fight and tantrum over school. She told her she didn't have to go, that her teachers were stupid, and that her classmates were evil. She called the suicide prevention hotline after I forced my daughter to go to school after she said she'd rather die than go. I came home to a whole army of concerned medical professionals who were probably needed elsewhere. The result was daily meltdowns that lasted for hours, and I was always branded as the "bad guy" for not being more empathetic to them. I actually have PTSD from having to deal with so much conflict and fighting from my kid while being called abusive by my mom. We are homeschooling now, and I hate it, but I am genuinely afraid to put my kid back in school because I don't want to deal with the emotional fallout it will create. My own mental health just can't handle it. My mom is mostly out of the picture, and my parenting style is completely my own at this point, but undoing the damage that my mom's gentle parenting did hasn't been easy. My daughter fights with my husband constantly because he is a more authoritative parent, and I'm often caught in the middle as the more "democratic" parent. It's super frustrating. I wish all parents could see the extreme fallout of this style of parenting on kids. I was a teacher, so I saw it in the classroom as well to varying degrees. Though, I will say that as a high school teacher, it was a little bit easier to reason with students on why they needed to do certain things. It still made my job difficult (harder than it needed to be), but expecting kids of gentle parenting to react logically to stressful situations does not work at any age.

@elliebellie7816

3 ай бұрын

You waited too late to say goodbye to your mommy as the mother of your child. And quit your job to homeschool a child whose goal was not to have to go to school? What are you going to do when Precious doesn't want to get a job? Are you to work her job for her?

@fairywingsonroses

3 ай бұрын

@@elliebellie7816 I wouldn't expect you to understand, but yes. I quit my job to homeschool my kid who doesn't want to go to school because the alternative for me is suicide. I would work all day and then come home to nonstop crying and fighting. I couldn't afford to move out of my mom's house at the time, so I was stuck, and I legitimately wanted to die. Now that I have quit my job, I don't think I want it back. As much as I didn't want to quit, my life was miserable 24/7. I was so tired all the time, and I got to a point where I couldn't take care of myself or my kid, I wasn't safe to drive because I couldn't think straight, and I was in physical pain all the time. I didn't just quit my job to save my kid from not wanting to go to school. I quit my job because my life was literal hell. And my kid knows I won't put up with it forever. She knows that if she doesn't get herself straightened out with school, she is going to have to go get a job as soon as she is old enough and start paying for more things herself. That being said, she has autism and is developmentally behind, so a lot of this hasn't been by choice anyway. As someone who has autism myself, I know first-hand how hard it is to keep a job and do school because there isn't space for us in the world.

I'm a millenial parent, & i already 100% agree with what you're saying. The problem is that the children's mental health industry pushes this type of parenting, & we as parents have to worry that therapists will think we're child abusers when we don't let our kids have their way with everything. If our kids complain that we're "mean" because we make them do their homework, & it makes them "depressed" then we can get targeted as being "emotionally abusive," just because our kid is upset that they have to do their homework or other basic things like that. Just like the teachers' hands are tied, parents' hands are tied as well by therapists & CPS. I literally participated in a parenting class where the instructor, who was a therapist, was so extreme in gentle parenting that she said it was abusive of us to think children are capable of manipulating, or for us to call any of their behaviors "wrong" or for us putting them in a time out, because it would make them feel not accepted.

@RP-vy8st

4 ай бұрын

These psychologists and therapists are ruining our kids.

@venus5553

4 ай бұрын

Ugh I know what u mean , I have a nephew that has ADHD and behavior problems and can't stand that the therapist uses a baby voice , it irks me. Sorry for the rambeling 😂

@GracefullyAutistic

4 ай бұрын

Ugh, reminds me of one of the daycares I used to work in, and they highly discouraged us from saying no to a child, or even to call a child 'naughty' or something similar if they're behaving badly. And working there was extremely stressful, even though I was working with 15-18 month old babies/toddlers, which should've been fun! Unfortunately, between the daycare directors being very out of touch while simultaneously treating all of us like we were children ourselves, the ridiculously unreasonable rules and expectations we had to follow (they expected the classroom I worked with, which again was 1 year old babies, to have the same level of complexity/rigidity in their schedule as one would expect from Pre-K or Kindergarten), the appalling 2:12 (2:16 in preschool) adult to child ratio (which is unfortunately the norm for all daycares, not just this one 😞), and the very concerning increase in biting amongst the kiddos that we were not only too overwhelmed to properly handle, but we weren't even allowed to discipline in the first place, working there was nightmare. 😵

@RP-vy8st

4 ай бұрын

@@GracefullyAutistic oh my gosh I totally understand the biting! At my school one of the pre k teachers was constantly getting bitten by kids on a daily basis. He brought this up to administration and guess what they said? "Well, I guess you'll just have to wear a bite suit then". 🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻

@Feedmeyoubastard_00

3 ай бұрын

Are (small) children really capable of manipulating someone? This is a genuine question

It's really wild today's environment. All four of my Aunts were teachers but have been retired for a long time. One of my grandmothers was an English and piano teacher. She was extremely big on discipline. I can't imagine her listening to what's been going on in schools these days. Despite being extremely strict she was very well liked by at least some of her students. A bunch of them came and spoke at her funeral.

@erbiumfiber

4 ай бұрын

The strict ones were usually the best ones- orderly classrooms, everyone behaving, learning.

What all new teachers are being trained to implement in the classroom on the student disciplinary front is what is called Responsive Classroom. When I was teaching I never agreed with it in the slightest. It is very babyish and treats children like dogs rather than people. Examples: Instead of teachers telling students to be quiet or keep their voices down, the teacher must instead use the tagline “Silent voices”. 🥴 Instead of telling students to walk instead of run down the hallways, teachers must utter the refrain, “Indoor footsteps.” Now as if those one-line instructions are not already weak, teachers must perform these body percussive routines that really don’t work at all in terms of capturing and maintaining the students’ attention for longer than two minutes maximum. Examples: Clapping patterns (namely increasing the number of times in a row a teacher claps their hands and asks their students to repeat what they hear with their own two hands) “If you can hear me, clap once.” (Those students who are listening clap one time. And then the pattern continues with the number of claps increasing by one each time until the teacher believes that they have the students’ undivided attention.) Teacher: “Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba”… Students: (finishing the teacher’s ’sentence’) “Ba-ba!” 🤮 These methods that Responsive Classroom entail DO. NOT. WORK. They distract from the learning and encourage the misbehaving students to continue the misbehaving so that the helpless teacher can attempt to bring the class back to Earth by performing one or more of the above routines like a combination cheerleader-and-clown. It’s really degrading and no better than restorative circles when child bullies torment their victimized peers and the only solution to the ongoing problem is to have everyone involved discuss their feelings and let the bully off the hook time and time again. In a nutshell: children are no longer raised to be human. They are raised to be in denial of their negative emotions and experiences. They are not raised to serve or even think of others in the slightest. They are never encouraged to think long-term, only live in the moment and not a second earlier or later. They are told that they are perfect and flawless as people. Being positive and optimistic is not the same thing as spoiling others. No one can or will ever be happy every day of their lives. Kids need to learn how to deal with reality early on. Otherwise they will forever live in fantasy worlds and continue to think and operate unrealistically. Nobody wants that, even if they think they do.

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

Great explanation So they're being raised like dogs 😂 The "gentle parent" crew are the first to holler their "kids are people" while using animal tactics to raise them 😂

@munimathbypeterfelton6251

4 ай бұрын

@@robinsonfamily3948 You got it!

@munimathbypeterfelton6251

4 ай бұрын

@@erinmelonIf the teacher chooses or is trained to do so, yes; unfortunately. It is a ridiculous way to go and very degrading to teachers and the well behaved students all the while.

@marcmeinzer8859

4 ай бұрын

When teachers are expected to act like dweebs teaching doomed at that point if only dweebs would be capable to tolerating such nonsense.

I work in a public school as a contracted mental health professional- not a teacher- what i can't get over is that teachers refer to students as "friends" ie; "good morning friends", "quiet now friends" - when you call students "friends" it appears you take away a teacher's authority because if we are "friends" then implication is, a teacher and student are on the same level. - power differentials appear to be ignored or seen as a negative- nd i wonder if this is why teachers and older students (middle and high schoolers) have such terrible boundaries with teachers- everyone is a "friend "

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

Is that where students get that friend mess from? I substitute and one student said, "hey friend". I said I am not your little friend okay 😂 I don't play with these damn students.

@whobeyou5342

4 ай бұрын

@robinsonfamily3948 i would bet that is Exactly where he/,she got that. Blessings to you substituting!

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

​@@whobeyou5342I only sub special Ed. I don't fool with the general Ed. They're crazy 😂

@munimathbypeterfelton6251

4 ай бұрын

I have worked in schools like that. I would say that teachers are instructed by admin. to refer to their students as “friends” because “we’re all one big family here at school!” 🙄. Plus, there are always those gentle parents who believe that their children are their equals. 🙄🙄. One former teacher colleague of mine who never called her students her “friends” said that the word “friends” as a noun is now used as a generic term by classroom teachers to account for the multiple pronouns comprising the numerous gender identifications in society and childhood today. I.e. “Good morning boys and girls” doesn’t work anymore because it discriminates against those children who don’t identify as either given gender. That’s why all schools and other public institutions now have all-gender restrooms.

@daft_j

4 ай бұрын

we had to do this at my old job. i used to be a pre-k TA and that always made me feel uneasy. even worse when i forgot to code switch when i worked with 2nd/3rd graders. i understand telling the students (like itty bitty ones) to call other students "friends", but it fucks with your head

Yeah. I had a kid who refused to go on a fire drill because he 'didn't want to' and thought that I should stop the whole class and have a debate about it. The parent felt this was reasonable. So, guess how things are going to go in a real emergency? (Oh, and this kid has a host of other issues going on. Life is going to be a long uphill climb for this kid, whether they think it's fair or not.)

@munimathbypeterfelton6251

4 ай бұрын

In instances like that, I would always tell my students that they would have to accept the natural consequences if they didn’t want to comply with the protocol. I.e. “So you would rather burn to death instead of leave the burning building and get to safety?” Or, “Ok, but then you’ll be putting yourself in danger. Is that what you want?”

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

I swear I commented something similar. When I drove the bus and substitute teaching right now, these parents really think we're risking our life to explain things to their rotten demon in an emergency? A lot of kids will be left right there. If I say line up and let's go, that's what I mean. If they want their kid to question authority, they'll be sad when their kid doesn't make it out of an emergency situation.

@ladonna1902

4 ай бұрын

The student refused to leave during a fire drill and wanted to waste time debating about it and the parent was OK with it? SMH!!! I bet these same parents will want to sue the school district and teacher personally if their child gets hurt or 💀 during a fire or other emergency. Having a student that won't cooperate is a liability. Since the parents think it's okay and the admins didn't do anything about it. You should talk to a lawyer and see if there is any kind of legal documents can be drawn up absolving you of any responsibility if something happens to a student during a fire/emergency situation.

@Em_Elizabeth

4 ай бұрын

We were always told to treat fire drills like it's a real fire. Stay and you burn.

@juliafraa6419

Ай бұрын

Do they understand that in a real emergency that kids being left behind to burn in the fire? And if that happens guess whose fault that was? Parents

My oldest son was so tough. He would steal, lie constantly, was sneaky, would bully kids all before kindergarten. He was like a defiant, rude, kicking teenager who never left your side. It was exhausting. His preschool teachers were like we tried reward systems and time out 😂 he doesn't care. I'm thinking no kidding. You think I didn't try that?! I took away the positive rule approach. Instead of tell the truth....no lying! No stealing! No hitting, etc. He instantly knew what I was talking about and that he had been doing those. He would lose tv, have to do extra chores, and go to bed early if he didn't listen. I think the positive wording for rules confuses kids and they don't think it's wrong bc it's too fluffy. You need to be direct. At 5 he was like a completely different child. Does great in school, has friends, and most importantly I enjoy being around him. 😉 I should also add I'm also a teacher. We also are Christians and it makes a big difference bc we teach morals which most modern parenting dismisses. All that to say gentle parenting is a joke. In fact modern parenting in general is pretty awful. You just have unhappy parents and kids from it. I should also add I have 2 kids now. 5 and 2....i never bring screens. They have to talk and color/draw in a restaurant. I always get compliments how well behaved they are now. When I did take a stand back with my oldest I remember my mom calling me a "horrible mom" bc I told my kid we were leaving the park bc of his behavior. I paid my dues for doing the right thing and now she says how "easy" and "good" my kids are. *rolls eyes*

@blouburkette

4 ай бұрын

Not being Christian does not mean people are amoral. I've been an atheist my entire life and have fairly good moral judgement and a pretty fine ethics system. Stop virtue signalling.

@cashwalk7253

4 ай бұрын

@@blouburketteI don’t think they were trying to-I think the person was just giving context to their lifestyle, not implying that anyone who is not a Christian is incapable of moral behavior. 👍

@Handlehandlehandle320

4 ай бұрын

@@blouburketteis that all you got out of that post? I bet I know exactly what kind of kids you would/have raised.

@darlingdeb7010

4 ай бұрын

Beautifully stated

@fehyndana7725

4 ай бұрын

The positive rule approach usually works with girls but not boys. With boys you have to be more strict and direct in general in my experience

Homeschooler here. We teach the old school way, stuff gets removed or you earn them, lose privileges or gain them. Ultimately, it’s up to the individual child. If they choose to do their work sloppy and low quality. They get the wonderful opportunity to do it again, hopefully clean and better quality. Kids are required to read daily minimum of 60 minutes a day. They volunteer, play sports, attend outings, and much more but those privileges can get lost if they decide to engage in poor quality of work and behavior. All of my kids have age appropriate daily chores, even my toddler. I do run a strict, organized, ship here. I often get stopped by people and I’m asked if we can have a play date. I don’t mingle my kids with families who do not put the same effort into their own children. I want quality people around my kids. Bad behaviors do pass on to other children and I’m not having that. When we see uncontrollable children, we discuss the the situation, why it’s not good to behave that day, and we make it a learning experience. I love my family too much to not do my job as a parent properly. Our children represent our family and if they are out here acting a fool, then we are fools too because we have allowed that behavior as parents.

Dear God. I'd never heard of gentle parenting until now, but this is eye-rollingly familiar. Back in the early 1990s, working as a temp nanny while on a working holiday in the UK, I had the misfortune to be assigned to a Scientology family for a few weeks and saw this sort of parenting in action. On the very first morning school run, just as the mother was about to leave with the two kids (girl, 6 and boy, 8), the girl had a meltdown. The entire household came to a standstill for FORTY FIVE MINUTES while mum explored feelings and negotiated to get brat-girl out the door. During that year in England I was assigned to half a dozen or more families and these two hellions were hands down the worst behaved by far - an absolute nightmare to deal with every single day and I couldn't wait to get out of there. Not abusing or neglecting your kids is gentle enough parenting for me. I hope I never again run into one of these creatures - or their idiot parents. A parent's job is to raise kids that can function in society, not precious princesses who can't get through a day without disrupting it. Good concept - be gentle with your kids, don't break their spirit - but terrible execution if this is the result.

@RP-vy8st

4 ай бұрын

This comment should be pinned! I see this all the time in stores now, kids screaming and throwing fits while the mum just tries to quietly talk and negotiate with the child. Kid continues to scream throughout the store. No discipline whatsoever. Ugh 😩

@alistairogilvy7696

4 ай бұрын

@@RP-vy8st I see these, and think, 'around about now, my father would be reaching for his belt buckle'. Come to think of it, usually that was all it took: I don't actually recall it ever coming off tbh..it was the equivalent of mum's 'you just wait til your father gets home' lol - end of tantrum in both cases 🤣 of course, this was the 70s..different world.

@alistairogilvy7696

4 ай бұрын

You mention the mother - was the father also part of the household? Just reflecting on the reply I left to the other commenter on your post..

@RP-vy8st

4 ай бұрын

@@alistairogilvy7696 yep, I was an 80s child we still had discipline growing up. Of course their were still bad behaviors back then but it was nothing like I see today.

@RP-vy8st

4 ай бұрын

@@alistairogilvy7696 I never see the fathers with these screaming kids in the stores so I'm not sure

I've been watching it fail in real life. These kids are growing up to be narcissists thinking their feelings trump everyone elses.

Excellent video as always. I totally agree with you. I wanted to add that, contrary to modern day thinking, "discipline" is not a ugly word. I find a lot of my students who are gentle parented and allowed to throw tantrums, and have choices all the time, etc. are the most immature kids for their ages. Not disciplining your kids properly and efficiently results in a high level of immaturity and foolish behaviors. I have a large amount of 5th grade students who act more immature than my kindergarten students. They are extremely rude and disrespectful, and don't want to be told what to do. They literally act more immature than my 5 year old students. Not discipling your children properly is not helping them. Just giving them pep talks whenever they misbehave is not helping them. These kids are going to have to get real jobs in the real world someday. And I've also found with so many of my students, just talking to them and redirecting them does absolutely nothing when they are misbehaving. They dont care about pep talks. These kids need real consequences, not just being talked to. And like you said, gentle parenting may work on certain kids in a home setting, but to implement that in a public school classroom is nonsensical.

@leotardbanshee

4 ай бұрын

That is called puberty and that is just how 10 year olds act because of their current stage of development. A kindergartener halfway through the year will always be better behaved than 4th through 7th graders. They don't care about pleasing you anymore at that age, and they want to test boundaries because they are learning about themselves, how to act as individuals and how to make their own decisions. If you develop rapport with your older students by devoting two minutes a day to talk to one random student individually about whatever interests them, their dog, their little brother, their favorite video game etc. while they are lining up, putting things away, or when everyone else is working, and you remember the details and ask them about it again later, they will respect you and understand you are invested in them, and they will care when you are disappointed in their behavior and all you will have to do is make a face at them to get them to behave because they know you care, you believe they can be a great student, and your opinion of their behavior matters to them. It is called the two minute rule because it is not optional, and you always face the consequences of disrespectful behavior when you don't follow it.

@kris78787

4 ай бұрын

@@leotardbanshee lol, I'm a specials teacher. I see over 560 kids a week. Do you really think I have time to develope individual relationships with over 560 students? Sure that works great if you only have the same 20 students everyday, all week long. And you obviously have no idea how the kids at my school act. When I was in 5th grade my peers NEVER acted as immature and dumb as these kids do. I remember it well. It's like I'm living in an alternate universe from when I was growing up.

We’ve tried gentle parenting in the beginning with my first child… horrible! I don’t know how it works for anyone honestly.

So glad to hear other adults who agree that kids need boundaries

A great deal of parents these days parent out of their childhood trauma. There is a breakdown in the structure of the family. With that breakdown comes a lot of child abuse and neglect. That results in a distrust of authority. Parents of generation Alpha teach their kids not to trust or speak out against authority because many of them grew up in homes, where the parents were abusive. Some Millennial parents say, " I was abused by adults as a child, now that I am an adult, I am never going to let my child be abused the way I was."

@robinsonfamily3948

4 ай бұрын

I got whooped and I'm a millennial. My generation are a bunch of whiney weak people. They are fake "traumatized" by a spanking and now allow their Gen z and alpha kids to be out of control. The ones who got abused need to get therapy and not make babies.

@fairywingsonroses

4 ай бұрын

I think there is a lot of truth to that. That being said, I was raised in an abusive home, and gentle parenting has ruined my child and created an even worse situation where there is constant fighting and conflict. It's really burned me out as a parent, caused me to be deeply depressed, and I honestly hate parenting. I'm not even the one who introduced the concept of gentle parenting to my kid. Ironically, the person who is the strongest advocate of gentle parenting with my kid is my abusive mother, who I guess is trying to make amends for her own bad parenting. The point is that being raised in abuse sucks. No one should ever have to live in that situation. That being said, breaking generational cycles of abuse is more complex than simply doing the opposite of what was done to you. This is why it's so important to take parenting classes, seek out therapy, do your research, etc. By being too permissive, these gentle parents have created a situation that is just as bad. I personally have a terrible relationship with my child after my mom got done with her. I was also a teacher, and a lot of my students were difficult to manage for varying reasons, but as high school kids, they should have been able to be more emotionally and physically independent.

@freethinkinmelanin6795

4 ай бұрын

I hate parenting too. I guess I’d fall under gentle parenting (I’m not into labels or trying to fit into a box). I’ve raised my kids to express themselves. Some days I feel like it was a huge mistake. But idk. I observe people out of habit. I’m obsessed with understanding people and things. I worked with kids for 10 hrs before I had kids. With all generation after generation of parents wanting to eliminate “struggle” and give their children everything they never had, we were bound to get here. Children in a way are a reflection of larger society. All of those people who actually ran in the capital and caused damage and think they did nothing wrong, are no different than those children. And the reality is that nasty entitled people have always existed and they are in lots of positions of authorities and/or hold a lot of wealth. We live in a country that has always awarded those with the most abhorrent behavior.

@briannellewellyn6844

4 ай бұрын

Yeah, but they also can't tell the difference between abuse and discipline. They claim emotional abuse for having had rules growing up. They don't think children should have to do chores, so they baby them well beyond infancy. They say letting kids express themselves means letting them act out every single feeling in a huge way, which doesn't teach any regulation. It's ridiculous. I don't let my nine year old scream bloody murder because he didn't get what he wants. He has to do his school work and take care of his basic hygiene (including washing clothes and bedding, keeping a clean space) if he wants new toys and priveliges like gaming all the time. No exceptions. That is how it will be when he is an adult if he wants to have a functional life. Responsibility before fun and not just getting your way all the time. Kids need to learn that they aren't the most special person ever who deserves whatever they want.

@fairywingsonroses

4 ай бұрын

@@briannellewellyn6844 I think some of this comes out of overwhelm. I know my kid hasn't had to do a lot of chores, but that's because, until recently, I was a single mom working full-time. My schedule was packed, and I was always stressed and overwhelmed, and it was just faster for me to do a lot of things. I know that's not a good excuse, but when you can't even make ends meet, the last thing you want to do is spend more time and energy arguing with/teaching your kid how to do things.

The last thing you said is THE MOST important thing. "A lot of parents are burning out from this unrealistic parenting style and we're getting a generation of iPad kids because parents just cant keep this up." Thank you for this video.

@freethinkinmelanin6795

4 ай бұрын

I think parents have been burned out which is why it was so easy for almost every parent to over saturate their children with technology. I’m a mom. A single mom to be more specific. Gentle parenting aside, trying to work, stay on top school work and school events is exhausting as hell. Not to mention the mental and emotional toll it takes on us when we fall short and our kids are left out for whatever reason (ie not having someone show up for them or being unable to participate in activities due to lack of finances). I think school added a whole new layer of problems to our society, especially as time went on. Children of the working poor suffer tremendously. I don’t think some parents are using gentle parenting, they are just trying to make it through the day without snapping on their kid from feeling like they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. You let a lot stuff to keep from saying or doing something you can’t take back.

@carinaqiu5781

4 ай бұрын

then the next generation of kids won’t even have iPads and technology will have changed us all even more emotionally. Anyone who chooses to have kid(s) will be criticized as they navigate how to create new parenting strategies while simultaneously raising emotionally regulated kids with the backdrop of the broken education system.

I have seen all of this is my 35+ years in the classroom. The last straw for me was taking my high school choir on a trip to Disneyland. I had a group of about 10 kids that consistently didn’t follow procedures to meet up with the rest of the group to leave the park. The group and I had multiple discussions of how it was unfair to the rest of the group that was following the procedures. I told them there would be consequences when we got back home after the four day trip. We got back after the trip ((a 14 hour bus ride )) and I turned them into the principal. Come to find out the kids concocted lies about things I supposedly did! The principal didn’t investigate, ask the chaperones for the real story, or tell me specifically in their group lied. Their fake truths caused me to be relieved of my job for the rest of the year (8 weeks), cancellation of the choir’s spring concert, pulled them from singing at graduation, and unable to go to the final state competitions. I was told I was going to face severe punishment by firing (ruining my reputation) unless I retired. I had enough years in to do so, but not enough to get my full payout. But I had been scared by the principal about how I would be ruined (again, by NOTHING I did wrong). I retired and now can’t pay all my bills on what I get and will struggle til I die by the actions of those kids.

@carolyna.869

4 ай бұрын

Can you get re-hired so you can finish out what you need to do? Please try this! There has to be a way. Get the union to help if you can.

@sorafanchick

4 ай бұрын

@@carolyna.869 Unsurprisingly, some states don't have teachers unions.

@sorafanchick

4 ай бұрын

This is why we need stronger union reformation in the USA. It should protect teachers rights against students and parents. If we are accused of anything, there should be a procedure where both parties can present evidence, witnesses, and statements from all parties. With little protection, the kids run the school.

@LeddingGooo

4 ай бұрын

That is awful !! Shame on those kids!!

@emma2370

4 ай бұрын

Wow. I am so sorry.

My dad is a professor and has many stories. Recently a student emailed him and told him she’s not going to his class for a week because she’s super behind and needs to catch up. Another said they were going to Disneyland and wouldn’t be in class and got mad when they failed assignments. They always TELL him, never discuss, and he never knows how he’s supposed to respond to that. Like okay? But you’ll suffer the consequences.

I was a gentle parent until I started seriously homeschooling my 5 year old daughter... 100% when I'm in "teaching mode" I'm completely different than when I'm in "mom mode"... she's learning real quick she can't mess around with teacher mom like she can regular mom. It may depend on the child, but my daughter is really good at knowing when she's able to be a "gentle child" vs the child that can be told no and can follow instructions without negotiating. Very good video and I think you did a good job at getting your point across to any parents watching without sounding a certain way. ❤

Sadly, this style of parenting started with before Millennials started having kids. I heard my mom (Boomer), rag on this style of parenting, saying it was going to produce a generation of sociopaths. My sister is a Therapist, and has already said she’s going to be a mean mommy to my nephews. They’re not getting any smart devices until they’re 18. 😂

@dark-xh7fs

4 ай бұрын

Thats also bad. There is potential chance they Will be isolated, and simply not fit with the crowd.

@maritamuras8978

4 ай бұрын

Not giving a child a smart device is one of the greatest gifts she can give them. Why do kids need a smart phone or a phone at all? (I say this as a millennial). I teach, and I’ve seen the damages of kids bullying each other through texts, posting pictures, and I’ve seen the damages of minors already having addictions to disturbing images. If you want to know when your kids will be home, have them do what we did for most of our childhood: Use the school phone, a friend’s phone, or communicate with your kids your expectations beforehand. If they break your trust, give them a good old-fashioned grounding.

@OMGBEARS

4 ай бұрын

Based

@valeriaswanne

4 ай бұрын

@maritamuras8978 We used a phone for extra-curriculars (mom come pick me up) as by that time all the payphones were gone. My parents also got tired of me hogging the landline. This was before "smart" phones, and so the phone really was just that-- a phone. It made calls. I can't imagine what it's like these days, truly. I think social media is a plague upon humanity, yet find myself getting "in trouble" as a mom for "not engaging with the community" via the multitude of medias that society expects of me. People act like I'm a "bad mom" because I'm not on Facebook! It's simply ridiculous.

@plynn136

4 ай бұрын

@@dark-xh7fs Stop with the clown comments.

It is so very sad because these issues go far past education. In western society, we are in something like the spiritual dark ages. There is no sense of tradition or community procedure. If you think your individuality is so dang special, why care about anyone else anyway. If they are taught that only their personal feelings matter, then by consequence, these kids start to think that they don’t have to care for the feelings of others around them. In preaching “acceptance” and “empathy”, for everyone’s “feelings”, we have ended up creating little self centered brats. We can only pray now that the teachers hang in there alright.

Narcissists raising little narcissists. This isn't going to end well.

I am an English teacher living in Taiwan. I want to say thank you for this video and your channel in general. You sing my song and remind me that my end-goal is to get out of teaching children and back into teaching older teenagers and adults who make me feel like I am valued and my work has an impact on their lives.

@sorafanchick

4 ай бұрын

Even in Taiwan? We are globally screwed.

I don't teach anymore & I'm alot happier. Far too many parents think that their child can do no wrong. 😒

@hitest8925

4 ай бұрын

Far too many parents think that they can do no wrong.

I knew what gentle parenting was the moment it became popular... its a branch of the "self-esteem" movement (which studies have proven to generate narcissistic minds) which is a branch from Benjamin Spauks popular book (whose son commited suicide) in the mid-late 1900's. My dad, a boomer, was raised according to Benjamin S. method, came from a weathy family. He became the textbook definition of a "psychopathic narcissistism with sadistic tendencies". He was never told "no" and his mother "saved him" from every having to take accountability. As an teen/young adult, he completely wrecked his life with drugs, prostitutes, and high risk behavior. He mildly "sobered up" in his mid- 20s, and married my mom. But he was nothing more than a tyranical abuser to his wife and children. He was/is his own "god". He couldnt keep a job, couldn't create meanful relationships, and lived life chasing expensive hobbies (even when mom didn't have money to buy food, clothes, basic necessities for us kids, or even pay bills! She literally used old towels for diapers and food stamps when he'd drop $2,000 on toys... TOYS. Plastic bits of crap we were never even allowed to play with.) He was "incorrect-able" his needs/emotions were all that mattered, and let you know it the the most abusing ways. I could tell you stories they would make your stomach churn and your toes curl... In his 40s, when when he nearly, literally almost killed my 3 teenage brothers (for daring to protect their mother and stand up to him) the law/state got involved and removed him out of the picture with a fat restraining order. (Thankfully, he was a total coward when it came to threat of imprisonment) To this day, he still believes he never did anything wrong. His brain cannot fathom himself being at fault. "Gentle parenting" is a ticket to creating monsters. Its dangerous for the individual, the people they date/marry, and their own future children.

@munimathbypeterfelton6251

4 ай бұрын

Exactly. And the gentle parents have self-esteem issues themselves, so they don’t want their children to “suffer” similarly through such “strictness bestowed unto their little darlings.”

@MJ-jw8nb

4 ай бұрын

I wonder if there's a correlation to the kids raised by the "self-esteem" movement that are now adapting "Gentle parenting" or advocating for it if they themselves don't have children...

@juliafox52

4 ай бұрын

​@@MJ-jw8nbYes. They are now parents continuing the cycle.

Millenial single mom here and omfg the behaviour of some of my kid's friends is BONKERS. I see the effects of me not being authoritative (but also not overly gentle) and my partner (not my child's parent) is constantly telling me to have more discipline. He ain't wrong, this generation of video game identity politic parenting is fucked

@juliafox52

4 ай бұрын

That is why men are so desperately needed. Fathers are very good at setting boundaries and since so many have either been kicked out or otherwise not fulfilling the father role, kids are suffering as a result. I say if your partner wants to take that role, love and appreciate him for it and get out of his way: for your children's sake!!!!

And also the inability to cope with your own uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings/emotions is what happens if you are validating every single emotion/feeling that your kid has. Plus I think it teaches them that their feelings are the most important thing in the world and that’s why they’re more selfish in a way. And you’re going to deal with people who don’t care about you or your feelings at all whether you like it or not.

@darlingdeb7010

4 ай бұрын

This!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@Daniel-yl5jl1bi6q

4 ай бұрын

Yeah this whole movement where feelings are the most important thing in the world is ridiculous. Feelings exist in your own head and nowhere else. Life is a challenge and people need to learn to cope just like we've been doing for hundreds of thousands of years.

@SalivatingSteve

4 ай бұрын

Yeah I really despise this modern culture of validating everyone’s feelings no matter what. This isn’t just in gentle parenting, but we see it in the pseudoscientific “affirmative care” model.

@maritamuras8978

4 ай бұрын

May I add that they will also only care about if their own feelings are validated even if facts and truth don’t match up with their feelings?

I say this as a Gilmore Girls fan, Rory Gilmore is what you get when a child never gets told “no” or forced to confront adversity (ie being told she was not cut out to be a reporter.)

@LilLadyAy

4 ай бұрын

Both mother and daughter are an excellent example of gentle parenting as pushback, doesn't matter if the mother was a kid herself she had resources a lot of couples don't have, she chose to be the fun sidekick.

@EJ1443

4 ай бұрын

True but her mom was REALLY mean and horrible to her. Constantly looking down on her and criticizing everything (not in a polite expressing concern way, or constructive criticism). She was overly concerned about appearances as opposed to actually doing the right thing and telling your kid that you love her.

@EJ1443

4 ай бұрын

Also I think the fun sidekick thing was a byproduct of Lorelai having a child so young. Like it stunted her psychological development in a way.

@LilLadyAy

4 ай бұрын

@@EJ1443 literally everything I wrote, pushback and being a kid herself.

25 years ago as a teacher I knew what the problem was, but most won't say it, speak it, and usually double-think it out of their minds - that is to fix public education will require we start kicking kids out...permanently. It will be painful, it will mean many schools forced to shut down due to lack of enrollment. But the level of learning will go up drastically, the kids who remain will be sought after by companies and government. And after several years, parents will begin to understand. If they want their kid in school and getting high paying good jobs they'd better start putting some effort into raising them to be decent people.

@dark-xh7fs

4 ай бұрын

Doesn't china alrady have something similar? Like you have tons of kid strictly focused o education? They don't seem to be doing very well. They deffinitly aren't all working that high end jobs you speak of. Even if they clearly put a lot of effort in that. How many usefull skills school teaches you now? What kind of adventages someone educated in school have above someone who learned by himself?

@j.d.waterhouse4197

4 ай бұрын

@@dark-xh7fs You don't understand. The very reason schools can't teach "useful skills" is because teachers must deal with constant discipline problems and lack of interest or motivation by students. They must fight against both apathy and indolence, most trying to keep their heads above water to save their jobs. This is the point I was making

@dark-xh7fs

4 ай бұрын

@@j.d.waterhouse4197 i don't know man. Look china has those well focused Children - they do well academicaly but this doesn't translate to success on job market. Additionaly they lack social skills. Lets assume you Actived that School environment you speak of. In that case what are those Unique usefull skills that student can get access here? Is learning program up to date? Does it include objectively usefull things? Or simply at the end it Grants you just Another paper?

@Feedmeyoubastard_00

3 ай бұрын

Cool but the amount of unemployment and uneducated people will stay the same or even go worse.

I remember when I first started teaching - I was told two things. 1. Be firm but kind. 2. You don't negotiate with children...or terrorists. Saying No is a full sentence and is important for children to understand.

@elliebellie7816

3 ай бұрын

My child's teacher was saying things like lets all get in a circle, okay and didn't understand why some of them wouldn't comply. I said she is giving them a choice with the "okay" tacked on at the end to drop it and to firmly say everyone get into a circle. Kids started to cooperate.

I officially quit teaching this year and I'm going back into healthcare. It's so bad and I'm sad for the future of our society. The other day there was an 11 yr old kid in my neighborhood cussing like a sailor and I went out and asked him not to curse like that infront of the other kids. He told me he was going to do whatever the hell he wants and that he didn't have to listen to me cause I wasn't his mom. Then he proceeded to argue with me while cussing.... when I said I would find out where he lives and tell his mom. I couldn't figure out where he came from...ugh but honestly he just made me have PTSD from dealing with multiple versions of him in the classroom. His mom probably doesn't even care....These kids are really getting out of control. They don't listen to anyone and they truly don't care.

So. What happens when they get into the workplace? Clearly, they'll be in adult nappies.

@abumohandes4487

4 ай бұрын

Emphasis on 'they', because they cannot even determine if they are a boy or a girl.

@munimathbypeterfelton6251

4 ай бұрын

As someone who has a lot of Gen Z coworkers, I can tell you that supervisors of today are actually being trained to be more “flexible”, “understanding”, and “accepting” of their younger-age employees’ ways regardless of whether or not the employee is following the code of conduct on the job that they got hired for and subsequently paid to do based on their supposed skill set and desire to contribute to their professional surroundings productively and effectively. Many of my younger age coworkers continually call out for the day for no reason even if they had a weekend day off the day before, leaving the rest of us to do their job because they are inexplicably absent routinely. These same coworkers are also very poor with communication. Sometimes I have to track them down because they all of a sudden disappeared out of thin air when in fact they were just chilling in the staff room because they seemingly had nothing else to do which of course is not the case when one is on the clock. And if a younger-age coworker does not get along or agree with the boss, they make it their goal to get that supervisor fired rather than communicating with them in a professional manner. So yeah, the ramifications of gentle parenting have already hit the working world in ugly ways!

@VitaminVision

4 ай бұрын

They probably won't. AI will fill in for their incompetence.

honestly I am so scared. I am terrified. I am from Millenials generation, but we decided to raise our daughter in mostly old fashioned way (clear rules and boundries) with just a pinch of new age parenting (talking, explaining - espetially she is bilingual so that is expanding her vocabulary). I am so scared what she is going to experience and WHO WILL SHE MEET when she goes to school (she is 2 now) 😱 the school will be filled with brats, vandals, violent, out of control young people! I am so worried... how do I prepare her for this disaster... I don't know 😢

@lindenbree9188

4 ай бұрын

Sadly the only solution I can think of is to send her to expensive private schools. I hear those kids act less like animals. But obviously this isn’t feasible for everyone

@leonie7754

4 ай бұрын

you won't be the only one, see if you can find like-minded parents to hang out with early because if they can at least see other kids behaving correctly, then they will see that not all kids are badly behaved. This is kind of my plan for when my little one is born. Socialise early with the kids of like-minded friends and enforce the fact that not everyone might behave the same way, but this is how we behave. My mum would also tell me that it is important to hear the word 'no' and that I might hate not having everything I want, but that is set me up for being able to cope with adulthood. While I didn't emotionally care, I did understand my mum was doing the thing that was best because she loved me. Even if I was angry at her, I knew she loved me and it came from a good place. I think i'd explain some of that to my kid when they are old enough. However, she would also tell me that permissive parents didn't love their kids enough to discipline them though because it's much easier to just let a kid do what it wants than tell them off and that those kids end up being naughty at school and having rough lives as adults...I dunno if I'd say that to my kid mind you!

@stefanielozinski

4 ай бұрын

Start arranging your life so that homeschooling is possible, if there is any possibility of it. I feel horrible for the reasonably behaved kids forced to deal with their classmates.

@sonjaevans3858

4 ай бұрын

One word: Homeschool. Nowadays there are co-ops and microschools of parents and families that share the same values as you for their children that you can connect with. Public school is not the only option. If she is only 2 you have plenty of time to begin the process of planning and preparation. Don't be afraid. Find your courage and create the solution.

@nicolcacola

4 ай бұрын

Homeschooling or private school that enforces discipline.

Kids actually LIKE boundaries. They LIKE to have the parents as the "heavy." We always told our child if you're scared or feel something is wrong, blame us as terrifying parents who'll lay down the law if she doesn't comply. The reality was while we weren't gentle parents, we really just had consequences that fit the behavior that weren't negotiable. It worked. Our child's doing very well as an independent adult.

@feministmermaid4769

4 ай бұрын

I had an art teacher who decided she didn't like me and gave me bad grades. My dad went to meet with her to ask about it, but he approached it as a "I'm going to Put my Daughter on the Straight and Narrow" and asked her to show him artwork that earned better grades and to explain what this students did better.... The teacher stopped bullying me

@rosemariewalsh1246

4 ай бұрын

Sometimes it is a relief for a child to be able to say "No my mom would kill me" if their peers are persuading them into something they are not sure of. I am from Ireland and my children are now grown now but always knew they could say that. And they were told no many times.

Parents should get a telephone call to be a part of the teacher to child, corrective conversation during class time, EVERY TIME. They will quickly get tired of the time it takes to teach their child common sense. If parents don't answer that call, their child is sent out of the classroom. There is no time to raise someone else's child in the classroom.

@darlingdeb7010

4 ай бұрын

That's a great idea

@roundtwo3321

4 ай бұрын

@@darlingdeb7010 Thank you so much.

@doloreszombory9415

4 ай бұрын

Parents will find a way to Sue the school.😟

@roundtwo3321

4 ай бұрын

@@doloreszombory9415 Teacher's can start a class-action lawsuit, as well.

@plynn136

4 ай бұрын

@@doloreszombory9415 so.

I agree that there is a problem going on, but I personally think part of it is because many people are doing permissive and neglectful parenting and claiming that it’s ‘gentle parenting’. Children do need boundaries and to respect rules and authority. Some things will always be a no. I personally am partial between a mix of gentle and authoritative parenting. Although, they’re fairly similar in my opinion.

@Freddy3Jersem

4 ай бұрын

gentle is authoritative parenting.. permissive parenting is not gentle. It’s neglectful

I was a music teacher and as such, I taught the whole school, 700ish kids. The amount of time and energy I had to pour into conversations with students every day about the choices I made as the teacher in my classroom was unreasonable and exhausting. I am no longer a teacher. The demand for unlimited choices and unlimited chances by the current generation of students and their parents is bogging down education.

I can't speak for everyone, but as an autistic person, I don't think gentle parenting would have worked for me. Like with your earlier example, "Wouldn't your feet feel better in shoes when going outside?" I'd have said "No, I like being barefoot more" and walk out the door. Then the adults would probably have gotten mad at my "attitude" when they literally framed it as a choice! If time permits and they really don't want to make me, then they could explain the real reasons I have to wear shoes. Like the chance of stepping on dangerous things, the spread of plantar warts, the inability to access public buildings without shoes, etc. But this "it's for YOUR comfort" nonsense would have absolutely not convinced me. I'd have been very confused and frustrated if I was told everything is negotiable and for my benefit, while having to live within the societal rules I dislike. No wonder these kids are lashing out

@andjelabozic2317

4 ай бұрын

What societal rules do you even dislike?

@lindenbree9188

4 ай бұрын

@@andjelabozic2317 I was speaking on my perspective as a child. And that ranges from everything from being expected to stand in line instead of sitting, having to keep my voice down, not being allowed to ask anyone whatever invasive question I want, the entire concept of TMI, having to wash hands before eating when you use a fork so you don't touch the food anyway, not being allowed to go out in pyjamas, clothing stains being frowned upon, not being allowed on other people's lawns, and so on and so forth. If you want to know what societal rules I dislike NOW, I'm too busy struggling to get a job that pays a living wage to care much.

it's wild to me. back when i was 16 i was in charge of about 40 first graders for my church's summer camp. i was supposed to have an adult leader but that fell through lol anyway i could walk down the halls and hear other teachers screaming at their students. these adult leaders would come up to me and ask how in the world my class was so well behaved, followed directions, etc. and to me it was so simple. i didn't yell or scream or threaten. but i also didn't let them get away with stuff either. i held them to standards and they wanted to meet those standards for me. now, there are no standards and no one seems to understand that you can still maintain order, discipline, and set standards without being one to scream and threaten and make a child feel badly and affect their self esteem. setting high standards (but possible standards, no impossible) and praising them when they rise to those standards makes them more self confident, self assured, and adjusted.

@juliafox52

4 ай бұрын

That works with kids who have been raised well. It does not matter how well intentioned, calm, loving and standards based you are, if you have children who simply don't want to do whatever is being asked and have been raised to always get their way, you wouldn't even be able to handle a class of one when their screaming parent gets you fired from your classroom.

@promisemochi

4 ай бұрын

@@juliafox52 not every one of those 40 children were raised well. a lot of them came from pasts of foster homes and neglect in their history.

Small children get anxious with too many choices and lack of knowing who is in control. That's why they act out.

The future doesn't look good. How are employers going to deal with kids who didn't get out of diapers until practically middle school? This "gentle parenting" thing is awful. One time I met a young lady at my job, she was supposed to take phone calls from the media. She practically panicked when met with that expectation. She thought she'd just browse the internet all day. Later i learned her parents would keep her home from school anytime she had any kind of speaking assignment. Easy to see how her parents did her no favors.

@Lilytigers

19 күн бұрын

We deal with them swiftly , Verbal warning , verbal warning , then paper work , paper work , paper work , more paper work . Then that paper trail is the direct line to being fired . I’ve done that about 5 times this year so far and it’s as quick as 6 weeks . I’m not your mommy

Gentle parenting is ridiculous in my opinion. Kids need structure. You shouldnt be a dictator to your kids, but they also need strict boundaries and rules in my opinion so that they can learn how to be a decent person. A parent should be strict but also should let their kids know that they can tell them anything.

@Erastoneus45

4 ай бұрын

Children will not respect you if you do not have a firm boundaries to them and do not teach early to socialize them. Also, also some parents nowadays are giving these children tablets or phone very early on to get away from their responsibilities of raising them. Some parents are either negligent, super permissive or very overprotective and some believe that is totally raising then like is totally ok. My country though have one authoritarian side too were kids are to obey their parents or else would beaten up badly. I think this idea the one should be break all the conventions that defined traditional education blindly and believing not having structure is going to work out is not giving the good intentioned plan is giving not any fruition to healthy and responsible adults. I am one that was very smothered or overprotected by my parents and I used to study to the school when I was on special education abd managed to move up to a normal public school. But I had one issue and that was my socially skills sucked and I had low level of independence as my parents tried to solved my issues and never let me be fully independent. I have great teachers who cared about my education and pushed me further to be more than I believed that I could with my disabilities. I am adult but still struggle with some of these issues. The point is no matter if teachers or a school sucks badly, it is still parents responsibility to attend a child emotional needs, to instill them values, to guide them as much as possible and makes them be grown adults that can functions and be a positive net for society. Parents seem to forget their role on raising children and wants teachers, schools to do the raising for them.

@dark-xh7fs

4 ай бұрын

​@@Erastoneus45what if parent doesn't have enough time, or knowledge to rise them?

@Erastoneus45

4 ай бұрын

Good question though. But I believe they somehow can look a way to organize themselves for their children and if they do not have knowledge, they can look for some parental forums, books, family therapists or find some studies that could serve as way to be a better parent and find parent that have experience and knows how to raise and are good at it. But that is only if they have access to internet and their surroundings have good parents that raised succesful and healthy adults. About those without internet and not having good neighborhoods or place that have good parents to passed by or ask for advice, that part I am not very informed or aware how they can managed. I will though see if there is people who managed to raise well despite having those limiters and challenges. Btw, what was the purpose of that question? I am genuinely to know why. I assume you are a struggling parent trying to take space for your kids or you made that question as hypothetical case out of curiosity or playing devil advocate. But those are mere assumptions and not facts. Also , mind you I am not an expert and I just giving my thoughts which may or might not be based on reality or facts.

In my last district student failure rate was a huge concern. The school board put pressure on the administration and they put pressure on teachers to pass kids. Even with me reluctantly implementing policies like the 50 percent policy (all assignments AND tests are an automatic 50 percent even if they are not turned in at all) offering flexible due dates for assignments, (meaning no due dates) and endless quiz and test retakes, the failure rate in my 7th grade classes was over 50 percent. Many students couldnt be bothered to do any class work at all. My principal sent ME an email asking "How can I (the principal) support you (me, the teacher) in getting that failure rate down?" Well gee Ms. Principal, you want me to just hand out A's to everyone? She probably was just covering her butt for the superindent and school board who were demanding less student failure.

The truth is not negotiable. A life free of challenge is not a life at all. You can teach a pig what it is like to fly. Back it up to a precipice and give it a push. Eventually though, comes the ground. Are any of these soft parenting parents dealing with more than one child at a time? The hubris of these parents expecting that they have mastered the art of parenting to the point where they believe their approach is good for all children in all circumstances. Soon comes the ground, and when that happens you can be assured that these parents will blame the teachers for their parenting failures. I wonder how much soft parenting skills these parents will use when little Johnny is bouncing their son's head off the corner of their desk?

@tidycats151

4 ай бұрын

Soft parenting sounds more like raising feral animals. Heck, even pets get potty trained.

Just speaking as someone working in retail these little monsters are some of the worst things I deal with in a day. Once in a while one comes in that is polite and well behaved by those are the exception.

You hit the proverbial nail on the head. When we stopped disciplining children we as a society created several generations that have no sense of responsibility, think the world revolves around them and have no mental resilience. I firmly believe children need love, discipline, consistency and firm rules of behavior.

None of this will have any solution until the concept of public school itself is put under scrutiny

@TheCarnivoreSoprano

4 ай бұрын

I don't think people get that we are seeing the beginning of the end of public education.

@_pitschool

3 ай бұрын

@@TheCarnivoreSoprano This is the big secret that only a few have picked up on!

Every parent should have to watch this before even visiting the Primary school of their choice .Then they should have to sign an agreement contract before enrolling the child .

@dark-xh7fs

4 ай бұрын

What the content of this agreement?

In the uk there are 4 tiers of minimum wage dependent on age, the 4th is rather new. Many employers boast about equality and paying schoolage children the same as the adults over 25, everyone I have spoken to in hospitality and retail is furious at having to pick up the slack of bratty, rude, aggressive and clueless children who can't be told anything, these people can effect anyone minding their own business.

The worst is when your hands are tied, and your admin accuses you of having poor management. HELLO??? Edit: even worse, when your admin still allows COVID to be a valid excuse for poor behavior. Like, jeeeeeeeez, are we really still using that?? Everyone is looking for some sort of excuse anymore… because it’s easier than taking accountability for yourself. We’re doomed, y’all.

@kris78787

4 ай бұрын

I hate that too, it's not always a classroom management issue!

@kris78787

4 ай бұрын

@@rosierose2717 I have one class with 5 ese students in it. Imagine how difficult that is

@nancybartley4610

4 ай бұрын

I had excellent management. It was administration that had poor management.

@helixmoore7636

4 ай бұрын

I heard this is why teachers are quitting.

@nancybartley4610

4 ай бұрын

@@helixmoore7636 The saddest part of all the problems facing our country is that many of the problems originate in K-12. Even more significant, is that if behavior is corrected, the K-12 institution can be fixed. It will take about 10 years, but the problems in our schools can easily be corrected. Then it would take another 20 - 30 years for our country to return to functioning properly. However, within those years so much else is changing, like the national debt, wars, AI, etc., that fixing K-12 may not matter. That is the sadddddd truth.

The words "no" and "obey" are no longer in the common parlance.

@josepharmstrong6429

4 ай бұрын

Honestly, with the way things are going for the military too I think a draft seems like suicide.

@erbiumfiber

4 ай бұрын

My sister (daughter born in 1992) had a policy of not using the word "no." My daughter, born in 1989, learned the meaning of the word "no" as one of the first words ("ma ma, da da, no"). You don't need to scream it at them, just for their own safety (not touching the hot stove, pulling the cup of boiling coffee down on top of her, etc.). It's pretty straightforward.

@ztebazile

4 ай бұрын

@@erbiumfiber I'm a mom born in 1989 and I love saying No to my kid! Her friends are all out here being assholes eating candy on phones all day and she knows I ain't playing this game. I was raised in a time when we respected adults and some of the kids in her class are the rudest people I've ever met

@chelle967

4 ай бұрын

I remember when i was like 16 i was having some conversation with my mom and i said to her that it was hard for me to say no to people. Man she turned into a purple steamy demon after i said that. i will never forget that day....lol

@MsSilverTulip

3 ай бұрын

Don't teach kids to "obey". They are not dogs and always obeying adults makes them vulnerable to predators. I teach cooperation with reasonable requests.

Picasso has a great quote that is applicable to this “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” Children are not capable of the critical thinking skills, environmental awareness, other-people awareness, or even self-awareness necessary to successfully negotiate regulations, especially in structured social activities. Learning to follow is essential before learning to lead. Understanding the situation (life itself) is essential to changing it. If you don't know, and you start doing structural changes to something, then you're likely to collapse the whole thing. Then everyone, including you, suffers. Why on earth do we think its a good thing to never teach children how to handle expectations and disappointments? Gentle parenting, done well, is really a great concept. But foundations of structure have got to be laid first. We cannot be teaching kids that their wants and desires and feelings will always be the center of the world. Parents who do this are only in for heartache.

You made such great points in this. What people don’t understand is that kids are our future so they need to be well prepared and disciplined for the real world. When we’re old and gray and ready to retire, do we really trust our soon to be future adults to take over our positions and continue to positively improve our society??

I actually didn’t realise that this was gentle parenting, thank you for explaining it and so well too! Gentle parenting needs to be stopped because all it’s gonna do is create abusers, manipulators, violent etc people. Children need boundaries and discipline, I believe that it’s a form of love to teach your child boundaries for themselves and for yourself. I feel like gentle parenting is just laziness or fear of saying no to your child. If you fear your child, should you really be parenting? 😕 Anyway great video Trish 🩷

I’m so glad I watched this. Thank you. I did read one of those gentle parenting books because I grew up with very authoritarian parents and obviously my childhood was a nightmare and I didn’t want to raise my kid like that but I was also somewhat self aware that I’m prone to overcorrecting because of the black and white thinking my parents brought me up with. Gentle parenting really wasn’t working and I see a lot of kids being brought up with very selfish unbalanced attitudes. I realize my parents completely invalidated my feelings. But that doesn’t mean kids need ALL of their feelings validated and even so there is a time and place to process those feelings and it can’t be happening at the expense of others around them.

I 100% agree with you. Gentle parenting isn't preparing kids for the real world. Yes we shouldn't abuse kids, but at the same time they need boundaries and consequences.

Our poor teachers! I am not a Mom or a teacher, but find your content so interesting in that the voice of teachers is so often stifled. It's always "about the kids"...but what people don't seem to realize is that they aren't doing their kids any favors when they don't teach them how to function in the world. One day, these kids will grow up and they will be ill equipped to handle it! I honestly don't know how y'all do it as teachers! I would tear my hair out dealing with these kinds of things!

My child (13) tries to negotiate everything and I’m like “NO”! I do NOT have time to sit around and negotiate with a child. There is also absolutely ZERO consequences for kids actions nowadays! If a child never gets in trouble for their behavior then why would they try to correct their behaviors? I’m no Joan Crawford, but our jobs as parents are to ensure we are not raising disrespectful brats!

If “gentle” parenting becomes even more widespread,we’re all doomed

@kaylighboo1987

Ай бұрын

Permissive parenting *

A good parent cares about his or her children. Caring doesn't mean no rules, no restriction, no parenting. Caring means you try your best to prepare them for the outside world, the REAL world. I knew some parents who let their child sleep with them at 8 or 10 years old, parents who tried to pass themselves off as their child's best friend. Later on, these children get in conflict with these types of parents, 'cause they needed their parents to be PARENTAL figures, someone they could look up to in times of doubt. I saw a 12 year old spit in his mother's face in front of a whole family gathering just because she wouldn't give him ALL her attention immediately. She replied with a soft moral speech to reprimand him, a lot of good it did her. A good parent rewards true progress and restrains his or her affection when the kid behaves bad. There should be no excess in rewarding or punishing, that's when a bit of explaining and negotiation can come into play. If there is never any consequences, then there is no need to comply or readjust. Basic logic.

@Feedmeyoubastard_00

3 ай бұрын

When does restraining affection crosses the line of conditional love?

People comment all the time that my kids are so well behaved and “what do you do?” And my answer? You’re not gonna like it. Because sometimes they go to bed crying because I gave them a harsh consequence, and sometimes so do I because I hate seeing my kids cry. I have felt actual anguish in my stomach over having to harshly punish my kids (not hit so calm down). But guess what? Now they obey me the first freaking time and everyone loves it. So you want kids that behave? Be prepared for years of uncomfortable feelings, tears and begging. Get ready to question everything you do because you’ll be the only parent around you doing it. But it’s worth it.

@TiffanyRedGreen

3 ай бұрын

This brings back the point that 'tough love' is actually referring to how tough it is on the parent not the child.

My dad (boomer) was abused as a child and swore he would never beat his own kids (millennials) the way his parents beat him. He kept his promise and would punish us by forcing us to go to timeout or taking privileges away from us. I think he was a good man. That said, I did try his patience (dx ASD, ADD, ODD). I was the kind of naughty girl who took a reprimand as a challenge. If he tried gentle parenting on me, I'd have become an absolute tyrant.

Obedience is NOT a curse word!! Thank you