I am 20. I have suffered from OCD since age 8. What a coincidence. I am suffering from suicidal ideation. The thoughts build up in my head and it almost seems as if I’ve already carried out the act in my head. Constant, unrelenting taboo intrusive thoughts about HOCD, POCD, harm, beastiality, incest…, I’m so tired. I want to live without feeling like I’m in a panicked frenzy. I want to live life without the groinal response. I want to live life without attaching meaning to my intrusive thoughts. I have a therapist. I have medication. I have my lovely boyfriend and my family. I want to keep fighting but jesus is it hard.

@magicovento

6 ай бұрын

We're in the same boat 😢

@magicovento

6 ай бұрын

I suffer of Harm OCD + sexual OCD

@stacysingledecker7288

4 ай бұрын

Youre not alone!

I have just been talking to someone else who has OCD. It was like having a conversation with myself. She has the same type of OCD as me. I felt a connection. I play little movies in my mind where I kill myself in different ways. Electricuting myself in the bath, cutting my wrists in the bath, jumping off buildings. I get these thoughts when I am at my most low.

@umno9862

6 ай бұрын

me too! specifically at my most low

@bailey1493

23 күн бұрын

I relate to this. I just left a doctor visit and told her the exact same thing, that I play it like a movie in my mind. And you’re right, it’s when I’m at my lowest of lows 💔

Thanks for talking about this. I watch your old reposted livestream about OCD and suicide like every 3 months cause I just think it's such a powerful video... It's my favorite talk on your channel. You were the last panel at a conference about suicide and the only one about OCD. Your passion is amazing. Thanks for talking about it again.

You’re the best. Keep up the excellent work. You’re helping a lot of people!

Thank you so much Chrissy for this video. I contemplated suicide since the start of my taboo intrusive thoughts (rocd, existential ocd, real event ocd, schizophrenia ocd, harm ocd, ...). I did not know what was happening with me at that time and I kept it all a secret for a long time because, well, I was convinced I was a freakshow. The compulsions where ruminating, a lot of magical thinking, avoidance, ... Not the handwashing type of compulsions so you would know very quick it's ocd. It took me 6 years eventually in the dark. I knew something was wrong in my head. The worst was that I started to believe the thoughts and took them all as the truth and I became extremely tensed, very quickly annoyed and my whole body wasn't functionning properly anymore, had a tense neck, extreme weight loss, gut problems, ... . I thought I wanted to get raped (which I was at young age so that makes the exposure therapy even more difficult), thought I wanted someone else then my partner who I love so much, someone who was extremely dominant and not the kind type of person I like normally. It took me to points where I, looking back, sometimes believe I was starting to get even psychotic because I acted a bit on some thoughts (getting angry at my dog, being extremely nice to my boss and seeking contact with him who I thought I was attracted to, fantasising about things that scared the crap out of me or that would make my life miserable (but still my head told me that was what I wanted). Sometimes I even hope a little bit I had psychotic episodes because I am so scared that these thoughts would have been something out of the past I really wanted, I couldn't live with myself wanting to betray my partner for instance. Living with the groinal was so confusing so I was so sure this was all true. I wasn't able to live with myself any more, this was not the person I wanted to be and I was so scared that I was a potential dangerous person or a potential betrayer.

TY you Chrissie May god bless you. No matter how hard it gets I always thank god that I have people like you and “TheyCallMeJesse”. You guys battled HOCD when there was no internet and not people around the world you could relate too. Please continue to help us overcome this hardship.

Thank you for doing this. More will probably survive because of it.

Thanks chrissie- im so glad you are here! This was excellent

I'm glad you're with us also Chrissie! 🤗🙏🏼✝️

Thank you for this 🫶

Thank you Chrissie x

Sweet Chrissie Hodges.

Appreciate this I have these thoughts on a regular basis. They pass but really unpleasant. Triggered if I lie in bed too long ruminating.

Hi lovely lady only just found your channel good, good work you do here. Xxx

Horrible and tough - that's exactly what it is! Thank Chrissie for this video ❤️

Yes it’s when there’s no way out. It’s like survival mode, ironic

Thank you for this video today I came from a ward not long ago from having SI but thank you for this video and feel hope for recovery for me

thank you

Thank you

And that's the thing for me is I've had the thoughts in my mind but absolutely no desire. But then that doubt starts to play in your mind because that's the nature of anxiety and OCD. I think the suckiest part for me is I can ignore it for the most part and have ignored it for a good long time and then it crept back up but now it seems to be linked to anytime I feel anxious. Like before when I felt anxious I would just feel the anxiety go through the motions and it would dissipate now when I feel anxiety I have a thought that pops in my mind saying oh you want to die or something and it's like no I don't. So that starts to get a really annoying and taxing but I just have to unengage with anything that it throws at me.

Im not going mad, just in a living nightmare..where does it end ... thanks for your reassuring words😶

male(21), I've hocd i never had sex with girl but now i want to do but my mind is telling me what if i am not able to do or enjoy it although my libido is very good?

Hello, Chrissie. I am a 17 years old girl who suffers with OCD since age 6. My current OCD theme is harm OCD mixed with s*xual OCD. Almost a month ago i dreamed of my obsession and i got aroused during the dream, and the feeling lasted till the half-asleep state. I woke up and i was like: "i can't feel this, i can't feel this" and the more i did, the more i felt groinals and the feeling like i was liking that. Is that normal to OCD dreams arousal come to the half-conscious state, or i am a sade? This is consuming my brain, i can't live with this... i think about unaliving everyday. 😢