I had to cry hearing, "My child has to apologize for being autistic". Unacceptable.

@stephenieolson8535

2 ай бұрын

I really value hearing a meltdown described as “being autistic,” because it’s so stigmatized and seen as such a character flaw by others. It really is a normal physiological response to unbearable pressure or stress. It speaks more about what you’re going through than who you are.

@BlackPyramid-tn9ed

2 ай бұрын

'Poke an autistic kid' 'Poke an autistic bear'. You should be crying with laughter, it's hilariously bad.

@MarkDoif

2 ай бұрын

@@BlackPyramid-tn9ed boo, go home

@Bugg...0_o

2 ай бұрын

I have to frequently explain to my autistic child that "this is just some bull$hit that we have to do. You don't have to mean it. Frequently "they" (whoever in question) don't mean it. It's dumb social crap that's just games they made up," or "this is what they were going for, but this is what usually happens in reality," etc. I think it would have helped me growing up as an undiagnosed autistic child to have someone tell me the game was rigged, and not in my favor, instead of thinking we were all playing by the same rules. Idk how old I was before it occurred to me that people could be lying. Why? The teacher and my parents said lying was bad. So only bad people lie, so I didn't. And all the people around me aren't bad, so they wouldn't lie. I saw this sort of rule more like a fundamental nature of the universe, instead of a human crafted social rule that is frequently broken (despite us pretending it isn't. That's another thing in of itself, how we all collectively agree to pretend things are or aren't some way.) It's no wonder autistic kids have such a hard time.

@BlackPyramid-tn9ed

2 ай бұрын

@@Bugg...0_o See... undiagnosed. If you're undiagnosed, then logically... you don't have it.

Apologizing to the bully is bad enough,but it goes against the autistic individual's sense of justice and fairness...

@yuenmienyu

2 ай бұрын

fr it's like: me respecting and justifying what my bullies have done feels like I'm disrespecting myself and who i want to be

@Fenyxclips

2 ай бұрын

This is relatable. Had a bully once claim I was racist against them with no proof whatsoever about it. Was forced to apologize yet was also the one the whole school decided to bully.

@swordseye2

2 ай бұрын

There's way too much injustice around nowadays

@jan_kisan

2 ай бұрын

@@yuenmienyu exactly right!!!

@BlackPyramid-tn9ed

2 ай бұрын

Mate, you're lying about disability on the internet... so is this guy. This is your 'sense of justice'.

Been bullied most of my life. Wish I had been more like Conan and stopped the abusers in their tracks rather than masking up. My heart goes out to him, it's all so confusing getting into trouble for standing up for yourself. When I finally said No More about a decade ago, my eldest sibling (worst bully) turned my family against me by implying I was going crazy. Was a truly scary point in my life. I left the lot of them rather than get certified for denying them the doormat they were used to. Bit of a no win situation hey. Fight back and get in trouble, don't fight back and get abused. Sucks.

@1st1anarkissed

2 ай бұрын

I never fought back unless I "redlined" and then would be mortified that I broke my pacifism, something I was born with. It makes no difference either way because the bully's goal is a reaction. Theor power to manipulate you, in any way, even avoidance, is where they find their self esteem.

@cameronjohnston5748

2 ай бұрын

In the same boat, school and now society and neighbours. They all seem to enjoy stirring up trouble and blaming others, then when they get a reaction they don't like they all go what's wrong with them. Life sucks when dealing with people. They don't consider anyone else.

@merbst

2 ай бұрын

As a 5th grader, I snapped after months of having my backpack stolen, my books ripped apart, my papers & pens shredded & broken, my eyeglasses smashed, every day I was the legitimate target, because I was being singled out by my teacher, who encouraged the class to bully me, because she was a supremacist religious extremist who believed I was cursed wanted me to drop out. I was pushed over the edge when 5 boys a year older & 4 inches taller than me stole my lunch & ruined it, because every evening I was always so hungry that my hunger pains were unbearable waiting for my dad to bring home dinner at 9pm on his way home from work. I remember lunch period had just begun when the 5 boys saw their opportunity to jump me before I could sit down to eat when the 5 boys they jumped they had pulled me backwards & dragged me by my backpack away from the lunch table where I was hoping to eat my food to their favorite place because it was a blind spot for the yard monitors. They followed the same sequence of events & individual roles that they had on the one day every week so far that year, when they knew the lunch area would be unsupervised, they then followed their bullying ritual: 2 of them removed my backpack while the other 3 dragged me into the mud of the blind spot's ever-present puddle, then they would each take turns between kicking me and performatively destroying something from my backpack. Earlier in that day I had hidden a fist sized rock under the mud in anticipation. My memory begins when I begin to come out of the state of disassociation, aware of my fear, worried that I would be found. I believed that I had broken free from those boys, but they were chasing me, while my heart continued to race I hid in the narrow stinky alley where noone wanted to go because of the smell of trash bins. It was only then that I realized that I was holding a fist sized smooth rock splattered with blood. I carefully returned to the blind spot to retrieve my backpack & to dispose of the rock, because I was aware that the school considered picking a pebble up from the ground to be the same offense as bringing a weapon like a knife or a gun to school, resulting in a multiple day suspension. My parents had both often told me that if they had to take any more time away from working because the school had called again to say that they need to hear me apologise to them in person, or to bring another school uniform for me because I had "somehow" smeared dog shit up & down the front & back of the shirt & pants, both inside & out, or like that other time when a "scissor incident" had cut giant holes in my clothes, but they have no idea why I would do such a thing! (I was very adamant about assigning culpability to the real culprit, but no adults ever listened to me, they never heard. As a teenager, I became a hormonal monster full of too much testosterone, completely buff & ripped from ocean swimming. Every fall & winter weekday I spent 4 hours practicing wrestling takedowns & pins, or whenever the coach wasn't looking we studied the most gruesome forbidden holds ever conceived by sadistic soldiers & martial arts masters anywhere on earth, that instantly compel even the fiercest fighters to tap the mat to signal them begging for the swift mercy of a humiliating loss by submission, rather than suffer the life-long disability & painful disfigurement that would result from the crippling injury that waits on the other side of that hold's ultimatum. We studied attack diagrams, battlefield footage, "no rules" black market cage fight videos, & medical reports to learn how & when to apply forbidden bars, chokes, holds, hyperextension, locks, pressure points, on the joints, nerves, & blood vessels of the human body to transform our bare hands into lethal weapons as potent as any US Marine could be. Every day throughout high school I did hundreds of pullups, bench pressing twice my body weight, & running 8+ miles per day, I growled while I walked, and for the first few minutes after sitting down in class. Nobody dared to bully me, because I was absolutely dangerously insane. Now I am 42½, and in my more reasonable moments I wish I would not have taken things so far as I did when I was younger, & feeling that fear of fight or flight from the PDA & the trauma. I am lucky I never hurt anyone worse than I did.

@matiosmi137

2 ай бұрын

Damn, it must hurt as hell to have your sibling turn against you. I'm in the diagnosis process at the moment and for now no one is turning their backs on me, but if it happens, your example motivates me to be well prepared emotionally for that.

@merbst

2 ай бұрын

Long story short I messed up all 5 of those boys real bad, they were terrified to come within 50 yards of me the rest of the year. 🪨 I hid the rock successfully, so I didn't get suspended or expelled, so I didn't owe my parents $7000 in tuition that went to waste. I just had to eat my lunch in the detention room with a teacher every day, and go there for an hour after school every day. Those months flew by.

My daughter, 10, autistic, 5th grade is going through all this right now. What we are told by the teacher is “there is no bullying in my classroom,” “she’s making it up,” and “she needs to do better at being a friend.” As a mom who is also autistic, and went through this, I’m devastated. She is clinically depressed, and I have panic attacks every time the school calls because “she’s having a temper tantrum” (meltdown). At what point do the schools get in trouble for this crap? When do they start paying for the therapy, for the lost nights of sleep because I was holding my crying 10 year old? When does the teacher get in trouble for a saying my child acts like a baby? I’ve had it, but we’re in the thick of it. Sadly, I’m not alone, but at least I’m now validated.

@brittanydaniels1102

2 ай бұрын

@jendmiller If this happening at a public school in the US, you need to go to the principal of the school. Then if the principal won’t listen then go above the school since your daughter’s teacher isn’t listening when it comes to her being bullied.

@kdcraft89

2 ай бұрын

@@brittanydaniels1102 May or may not work to contact the principal. There was a music teacher who bullied kids, my daughter among them. I went to the principal more than once and he said they were trying to do something about it (but never did). I told her if he did that again, she could walk out of the class and I would back her up. When it happened again, she stood up and said, "my mother told me we didn't have to stay if he acted like this" she and much of the class walked out. (I never said they all could, that was her idea, haha). Eventually they did get rid of him, but why traumatize kids while doing so? My grown daughter is autistic, like me, but this was not diagnosed at the time.

@jan_kisan

2 ай бұрын

@@kdcraft89 wow, with your support your daughter solved not just her problem, but showed the way to other kids!)) that is so great and encouraging... i would've been proud to have such a classmate as a kid. you're both super cool.

@jan_kisan

2 ай бұрын

i cried reading this... this is exactly what i felt so sickened by as a school kid. like they are covering it up! and i am very grateful to one technology teacher who probably wasn't very happy with himself either, but who had the courage to stand up for the truth, and who explained it to all those kids what they were doing to me and how it might end for them, especially around lots of drilling machines and heavy metal bars. this one understanding and responsible adult in a two minute talk might have saved some lives and me from going to prison. why wasn't his attitude the norm.... and they were bullying the teachers too, and the teachers had nobody by their side either...

@misspatvandriverlady7555

2 ай бұрын

@milkdreams.never.fadeawayYep. Sadly, money is the only motivator for a lot of people… 😕

I'm an autistic woman aged 33. The worst for me is how people keep negatively interpreting me and small things that they think I say the wrong way seems to be enough that groups of people will band together and go out of their way to make life harder for me. It's like you say one thing in a way someone doesn't like and now they'll be negatively inclined towards you and somehow think that that justifies them treating you poorly. It's insane. I've thought about it and I think there's a scale of "obviously autistic" to "so good at masking/fitting in that you can't tell". The obviously autistic people are more often treated kindly because people can easily see that they are "different" and hence don't insist on negatively interpreting what the autistic person says or does. The one that is so good at masking that he/she can fit in and talk in a way that doesn't tick people off and hence is able to get by okay. But in-between those two is the grey-zone. Us who are not necessarily obviously autistic, but also not able to mask very well. We don't get the benefit of being "obviously autistic" or being able to fit in. Meaning we somehow keep doing the wrong things and people judge us for it. There's no patience or kindness because we're not so obviously autistic that people can empathise. We et negatively interpreted constantly and people actively dislike and mistreat us. Yet we can't communicate well enough to even explain it or fix it. It's just an everlasting cycle of trauma. It f*ing sucks to live in the grey zone.

@stephanie2814

2 ай бұрын

Yes, that is so true. I go through this too.

@swissarmyknight4306

2 ай бұрын

It really sucks to "mostly pass".

@Hallowench

2 ай бұрын

Holy cow, did I write this?? This has 100% been my lived experience since I was in grade school. The grey zone is the absolute worst!

@leannestedman6219

2 ай бұрын

YES!!! This has been me my whole life. Not only have I been bullied often in the workplace, I've also been very vulnerable to false or weaponised allegations of bullying, often by the same people 😡🤬

@mellowhny

2 ай бұрын

it's like the uncanny valley maybe...

Autistic kid being made to apologize for melting down after being bullied = immense shame for autistic kid. That is on top of all the awful overwhelming feelings they are already experiencing from being bullied. Decades later, I am finally starting to understand the impacts of this trauma and how it impacted my life.

I'm a primary school teacher. I'm currently teaching 9/10 year olds. An autistic boy that I'm teaching is currently being 'othered' by some of the other boys in the class. Like you said regarding your son, he thinks these boys are his friends but they have noticed that he is different and they have commented about him having "anger issues" etc., upsetting him further. It's such a heartbreaking thing to watch as he keeps going back to them but they seem to get a kick out of him getting upset. It's also difficult to manage as he has lashed out physically at them while they haven't towards him, so if broached with the parents, they could accuse him of being the bully when it's the furthest thing from the truth. I'm trying my best to manage the situation but to be honest, the whole school system is designed to benefit neurotypical kids and rigged against the neurodiverse.

@diarmuidkuhle8181

2 ай бұрын

It's not 'rigged'. It's simply that the school system, like everything else, is oriented towards the majority. And that's natural and logical. We happen to be a minority, and you can't expect a majority to cater to the minority.

@autisticcupofjoe

2 ай бұрын

@@diarmuidkuhle8181 Can't expect it but that doesn't mean I won't try to change it for the better, in whatever way I can! Advocators like Orion are doing such a great job getting the message out there. When I said "rigged", I don't mean someone set out with intent to favour neurotypical students over neurodiverse students. But there is a massive bias and the whole system is stacked against the neurodiverse.

@kdcraft89

2 ай бұрын

It is designed to try and make everyone allistic, whether they are or not. It's not even that great for most allistic kids, which is probably why some become bullies. I think I read there research on this, but don't remember that well.

@sirgalah561

2 ай бұрын

Us neurospicy people never win... I was bullied at school too.. I always thought it was because I had red hair, or it was my choice of friends (I later found out they were on the spectrum too).. Us "odd - out of the box" kids got picked on incessantly.. I didnt go home till it got dark most of the time.. The bullies would wait for me outside of school... The darkness hid my movements.. Mum n dad always thought I was up to no good till I was harassed by a bully in my own front yard.. He followed me home.. I hated school.. Now as an adult I prefer being alone..

@autisticcupofjoe

2 ай бұрын

@@sirgalah561 I'm sorry to hear that. You had it very tough.

It’s very common to be bullied by coworkers. I would NOT call them friends.

@E.Pierro.Artist

23 күн бұрын

Literally every job.

@SurprisedPika666

20 күн бұрын

Yes. Jobs have been the most painful. And everyone seems to misunderstand everything you say and do. Whenever you complain people say "just go to HR" which only works sometimes and being the job snitch doesn't win you any allies.

@E.Pierro.Artist

13 күн бұрын

@SurprisedPika666 them misunderstanding everything you say and do is a result of implicit discrimination, which is illegal in the USA and UK - not sure about other countries, though. In USA, the legal term for it is 'discrimination arising from a disability', and it's pretty easy to prove if you simply keep a detailed record of hostile behaviors and interactions and continuously report them to HR and your top boss (assuming they aren't the ones doing it) *in writing*. Also, keep a record of their responses, in writing (if possible) and if they try to avoid written communication, don't take no for an answer because that's illegal, too. In USA, of you raise concerns and the boss doesn't engage in an interactive process, in good faith, to alleviate the issues and make reasonable adjustments, they are violating the ADA and that's illegal, the same with HR. I'm pretty sure that it works the same in the UK, too, and some other 1st world countries. In USA, if you've exhausted all internal efforts, at your job, and they still aren't cooperative and receptive, they have violated federal law and you can go to an outside organization called EEOC and file a claim. EEOC will make one last-ditch effort, on your behalf, and if it doesn't work they will press charges and sue, on your behalf. If you need to go this route, make certain you've exhausted all internal efforts and have kept an accurate and detailed record to provide evidences. Best to check with Google Gemini if you need to know your country's laws on disability rights and disability discrimination. An easy way is to talk to Gemini and explain the situation, in detail, and tell it where you live, and ask it if what has happened is illegal and what to do about it.

@E.Pierro.Artist

13 күн бұрын

@SurprisedPika666 literally snitch, then if anyone treats you different for it, that's retaliation and you snitch on them for that, too. The law is on your side and you have rights. If it means cleaning out half the staff, then you're doing the company a service and the disabled community and society in general, because no one is benefiting from discrimination, not even the ones doing it (though they think they are). Not reporting it is tantamount to participating in it

@devthomaskutty550

9 күн бұрын

Yeah i go to school and my pupils how the hell are they ment to classmates when they bully me and make moderate depression. I have asperger syndrome and i should be treated with respect and support not with rude stares and verbal attacks.

It is like a description of my childhood....In Switzerland, we have something before Kindergarten, it is called "Play Group" in english and I got separated since then. I was always a quiet, never speaking and nice kid, but I got constantly bullied, from boys and girls aswell, and not only verbally, even physically. Once Ive got a tennis racket in the mouth, therefore my front teeth are crooked, I got beaten up with wooden planks, sticks, rocks flew in my direction, girls scratched me with their fingernails and so on. My father found me many times crying below a bridge and when Ive told what happend, then no one, even my parents, believed me.... Ive started with martial arts and the result was, that even more bullies appeared and they laughed and wanted to try out how good I am already am.....but then it was time to protect myself and you know what? Then I was labeled as the bully and the kid with an anger problem. I remember a conversation with a teacher very well, after she told me: "You was too brutal, you can´t do this to other kids." My answer was: "No one believe that I get bullied constantly, that I got beaten up with wooden planks and scratched bloody with girls fingernails (I was able to show them after I pulled up a sleeve on my shirt) and so it is MY Duty to protect myself how ever I think it is necessary."

@emilphant

2 ай бұрын

Absolutely badass, keep fighting for yourself

@AlexisTwoLastNames

2 ай бұрын

ugh the frustration you must feel… cuz i’m frustrated and mad. the fact that people don’t believe children when they say they’re bullied is baffling. why would someone lie abt that?? and apparently there is physical proof on you!

@notNajimi

16 күн бұрын

I’ve said this in another comment section, but people can’t ask for it so badly and then be upset when they get it yknow?

My son at his last school really struggled. He's nonspeaking, and when he's frustrated, he headbangs. When he's really pushed to his limits, he lashes out. At his old school, the staff and other students were probably genuinely afraid of him. Now he's been at his new school for 3 weeks and is thriving! His SIBs have significantly decreased, and the staff look at him with positivity. The environment makes such a difference. I'm sorry Conan is experiencing this. It reminds me a lot of me when I was in school. 💞

@sabrinasetzler689

2 ай бұрын

❤

@AlexisTwoLastNames

2 ай бұрын

it must be so scary to headbang as a response to frustration. i’m trying to learn as much as i can to reduce my ignorance which may manifest as fear or discomfort so that i can be an ally if i’m not part of the community. idk, i’m not sure and i’m awaiting the diagnostic phase. either way, comments like yours help me to understand a bit better. much luck and wellness to you n your son!

We're dealing with bullying and shutdowns at Kiddo's school. She's 12 and in the 5th grade, and shuts down and falls asleep when she is overwhelmed, or over or understimulated. We've been fighting the school and it's getting ugly. Lawyers are getting involved. It's exhausting enough just to deal with the "normal" level of bullshit with bullying and inaction with the school, but escalating it into legal action is wiping me out (I'm living with a chronic illness in addition to autism.) Everyone says, "oh you can just fight that, you can take legal action." But it's really, really hard when you're dealing with your own disabilities as well as your kid's, and you're completely on your own.

As someone that was bullied in school for being "weird" or "different" I can definitely relate to all of this, schools needs to get better at understanding how autistic children work and how to accommodate them rather than punishing them for acting out to things that aren't necessarily their fault.

@Crouteceleste

2 ай бұрын

Unfortunately only hard laws can curb the (neurotypical) human reflex of rejecting and actively harming anything that's different and so can (in their imagination usually) potentially harm the herd. I think (neurotypical) humans have survived even when they're so aggressive as a species because they banded together and adopted sameness as a defense mechanism. You're in my group = you look and act like me = you're safe to be and to be around = you're okay as long as you continue being the same as me. You're not in my group = you don't look nor act like me = you're to be crushed and crushing you brings me closer to my group because it reinforces our sameness. To me, it's why bullying, ableism, racism, fashion and technological trends, and even most wars, exist.

I think a lot of times the teachers are bullies too, it was like that when I was growing up,I had a math teacher take me out into the hallway and scream at me because I asked for accommodations while I was changing up my medications. She screamed so loud the whole class then knew I was on medications and what they were for. That was at Bridgewater Raritan high school in New Jersey. They had serious issues like this very commonly. Nothing was ever really done about it and I’m concerned these teachers are still there hurting generations of kids.

@i3ignorantidelweb43

2 ай бұрын

I agree, some high school teachers picked that i don’t really seem to understand situations (i am just slow processing) and scolded me or like told me i was bad. I wish I had known what autism was because i felt so bad for being “like that” and didn’t have a reason, when i knew about autism i found a bit of peace (i don’t have a diagnosis but i’m quite sure i fall somewhere on the spectrum)

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

I had a bully teacher in 3rd grade it was terrible.

@RobAnthonyDire

Ай бұрын

I had an evil teacher who would have shouting matches with my mother right outside of the classroom, and then tell the class how my mother and I were the problem

You just described my life. I am 42 and it is not getting any better. I hide at home with my dog and go weeks not seeing or talking to anyone.

@Hallowench

2 ай бұрын

SAME. But with cats. 😂

@leilameow9582

2 ай бұрын

This is why as an autistic person I will never have kids.

@t.a.4356

Ай бұрын

Why are you not fighting to make those others be the ones who need to hide? You ashame me

I’m going to be 53 this year. Been bullied all my life at home, school and work. I’ve been conditioned to believe I can’t “be myself”, even though I’ve been told to “be myself”. I hope it gets better soon for all who are bullied

@artwithmamafairybreadd

2 ай бұрын

You described my life..also bullied home and school…I had no safe person to run to….I went through emotional hell as a young person…. I’m 54 now….still feel my pain remembering all the loneliness and bullying I went through…so unacceptable…having a family proved nothing… It showed what being ostracised felt like

@tdsollog

2 ай бұрын

@@artwithmamafairybreadd I’m so sorry. It’s truly awful.

@BlackPyramid-tn9ed

2 ай бұрын

Go to therapy and move on with your life. You are too old to still be angry about school 30+ years ago.

@artwithmamafairybreadd

2 ай бұрын

@@BlackPyramid-tn9ed I never said I hadn’t moved on……just becuase I have painful memories??? I’ve still moved on..duh

@BlackPyramid-tn9ed

2 ай бұрын

@@artwithmamafairybreadd Um... are you insane? You're quite literally whining about it now Go to therapy... and the 'duh' after you're clearly mentally diminished, jesus lady

I love these videos because an unmasked,late diagnosed,autistic person,just being who they are with no editing,is something that you almost never see in any kind of media

@BlackPyramid-tn9ed

2 ай бұрын

You don't see lying about disability outside of KZread and Tik Tok at all... yeah, you're correct.

@supme7558

2 ай бұрын

It would be very annoying iftheye did

@sarahwardle5556

2 ай бұрын

@@BlackPyramid-tn9ed Who is lying about disability?

@BlackPyramid-tn9ed

2 ай бұрын

@@sarahwardle5556 Pretty much every KZreadr with a 'disability' channel... and almost everybody in the comments of those channels... and probably you... statistically speaking. They're lying about it... people in the real world don't lie about disability... it's kinda weird and gross.

@sarahwardle5556

2 ай бұрын

@@BlackPyramid-tn9ed So I am lying about a disability,as is Orion and many other disabled people?

This is so true! I was the quiet, nice kid, and I was bullied since I started school. I started just shutting down because so many times early on when I would respond or defend myself, I would be told I was wrong or rude and mean. Sometimes even told I was causing a problem or being too emotional.

@t.a.4356

Ай бұрын

Me too. Felt great when reacting as if they were complimenting me. Then they d say "it is no virtue" and I would call them crybabies or just say that I was already convinced of it being so without them insisting. Smugness.

I was bullied most of my life too. It also didnt help having to go to many different new schools... I was always the new kid & easy to pick on.

UNWATCHABLE? That sounds like a challenge! You're on!

@elizabethCorkins83

2 ай бұрын

I didn't even notice that, I had to check after I saw your comment lol...

@kdcraft89

2 ай бұрын

I like the "unwatchable" series best. I'm autistic, so I think it's a "double empathy" thing.

When you verbally stand up for yourself by pushing back with facts, you're told to just 'ignore it' and you'll be left alone. When I get told that, I say 'you obviously know very little about the human race' because if you do ignore it.. then people will assume you're an easy mark and keep bullying you. Before I learned to use my words, I would use my fists and the bully knew not to step up to me.

@kdcraft89

2 ай бұрын

In middle school I was bullied by a whole group of boys (I'm female), shamed, called names, etc. It was a vulnerable time in my life since my brother had died, and of course, puberty is a vulnerable time. They pick people who are vulnerable. I endured this for most of the school year, not wanting to burden my parents because they were grieving. One day I snapped/melted down and started calling them hurtful names, ones that dug deep. I had these names in my head already because I'd thought them when they bullied me. It was not something I liked doing and felt bad about. But guess what? They stopped bullying me when I shamed them in front of their friends. My whole life I've tried to be invisible, but if that doesn't work, I will try to strike back at bullies. Mostly I know who to steer clear of.

@LunarWind99

2 ай бұрын

@@kdcraft89 that's really interesting because I used to do the same thing, also sorry you had to go through that ❤️

This hit so home for me. I have grown up and struggled my whole life. I was very much bullied. I am now a teacher. I work as damn hard as I can to make sure at least my classroom is as safe as possible. The sad part is because of the limits put on educators it isn't enough. It is better than most but it isn't enough. I have had some successes as most of the kids who are different have told me my class is where they feel safe. I have been advocating for improvements for neurodivergent kids at my current school for three years. The sad part is even for me as an educator people don't listen. My school constantly does stuff that is clearly geared for neurotypical kids and potentially harmful to neurodivergent kids. I have said multiple times why don't you talk to the neurodivergent people on your staff to make this better? But yeh between this pressure and the attacks on public education in the United States I to am just completely exhausted.

@t.a.4356

Ай бұрын

Mandatory schooling is tyrannical trash and you know it.

Back in school I was bullied by nearly the entire class, including some teachers and I had meltdowns where I would become very aggressive. Once we all sat down in a circle at the gym and they asked me why I didn't fit in inside the community. I told them I didn't care about any of them. After all this time I'm starting to realize how bad they might have taken it. But I still don't give a damn. School was pure pain from start to finish. Dropping out was the best thing I've ever done in my entire life.

@LilChuunosuke

2 ай бұрын

If they didnt want you to say you didnt care about them, maybe they shouldn't have bullied you to the point of regular meltdowns. They got to feel a tiny fraction of what they made you endure in that moment.

@patrivolta2484

2 ай бұрын

​@@LilChuunosuke I suppose it's like you said, but in that moment the fault was all mine. I was the anti-social monster. I didn't even understand it at the time, but to them I was the wrongdoer because I didn't show enough interest in their community to be worthy of being a part of it.

@renroxhrd

2 ай бұрын

I don't think dropping out of school is necessarily a great decision either. At least get your GED online or something. It's really hard to get a decent job without graduating high school, unless you wanna be a TikTok influencer.

@patrivolta2484

2 ай бұрын

@@renroxhrd I did go to evening school afterwards and eventually got my diploma. I don't want to be a tik tok influencer!

@renroxhrd

2 ай бұрын

@patrivolta2484 I was joking lol. I'm gen z and that's all they wanna do these days is be influencers like that ain't gonna pay the bills lol.

ORION! Thanks for this video! I picked up my autistic 13 year old son from school on Friday and he was in a full on meltdown 😢. Apparently there is a mean girl at school that makes fun of him and records it with her phone. She gets off on getting all the kids to laugh along with her. I am livid 🤬. I just decided to find a school for high functioning autism where he can be himself ❤

@fabiana-dep

2 ай бұрын

Don't waste another minute of your life in that school. I took mine out, she studied and had activities on her own, and it was the best decision, now she is a very happy young woman, and she has almost no meltdowns. Autistic people do not need to be surrounded by too many people to be happy, just a couple is enough of friends and family who support us.

The reason the school's bullies are protected is that the staff is very aware that most of these kids have parents who will treat the staff very poorly (to stay family friendly) if they do something about the situation. So it's easier to deal with the bullied child parents.

I was bullied from the age of 5 to going to college about 16. I was petrified at school, and used to hide away somewhere where kids couldn't find me. Bullied physically and mentally.

This made me so sad. My autistic brother had these struggles at school, too. He melted down and when he did struck out at others. He was accused of starting fights all the time. But he was being bullied, I'm sure. This was before anything was known about autism. He was always seen as the "bad" one since he melted down so often. Sometimes other parents called the police and my dear parents (both autistic) had to deal with that. My brother was killed riding his bicycle before he turned 10, we never recovered from it. One reason I am sad watching this is because I realize he died thinking he was a "bad" child/person. I'm also autistic and my other brothers are too, but we learned to hide in the shadows. Probably easier as we are introverts. My brother who died was an extrovert, full of life, and likely had ADHD-hyperactivity as well. I and my other brothers rarely melted down because we learned to hide and stay invisible, though the youngest one got into more trouble when older. None of us thought our brother was bad, but we always worried he'd "get into trouble" if he didn't stay calm. No way to stay calm in an elementary school not designed for you. This all was before anyone knew about autism. You are raising awareness of this and doing all you can to make a difference for your son. My autistic parents had no idea how to deal with these situations, but they hung in there and did their best. God bless them.

Hey Orion, Derek from Scotland again here. Great video this. I was bullied throughout school to the point my undiagnosed autism caused me to academically withdraw. I was also fired from jobs through being bullied. Once for reacting to bullies who were adults and were bullying me in the workplace. The second occasion, management bullied me into resigning or I’d be fired. Having only been diagnosed with autism last year at 37, I wished I had known what I do now back then as certainly in those workplaces, I’d have taken them to the cleaners for it. People that bully autistic children/adults are scourge of society. Just the other week, I had some inconsiderate idiot call me ‘Rain Man’. Discrimination is still a societal problem and those responsible need to be exposed. Keep up your great work Orion. You are a godsend for our community 🙌😊

@malia4284

2 ай бұрын

Sorry about you being bullied in the work place. Not cool. I don't those type of people.

@stuartchapman5171

2 ай бұрын

It's often a subconscious act by weaker people. They pick on the outsider because they'll be vilified for picking on another member of the herd. I'm lucky enough to have a safe workspace and supportive social group. I hope you and everyone else finds this, its taken me over 50yrs.

Thank you for this. As a substitute teacher I have felt this so many times for the autistic kids in my care. I did my best to advocate for them, but it is an uphill climb every day.

As an Autistic person, I resonate greatly with this man, and his statements! #autismawareness

10mins in and I am thinking you are fresh off a school meeting where you and your son got railroaded. Tickles and distractions increase when I am tense. If I remember to relax, they ease up. Less itches and tickles if I remember to calm my body. Bullying? Yeah, mate, been treated like a whipping boy from day one to my elder years. I spend a lot of time with my dog.

@sirgalah561

2 ай бұрын

Thank god for dogs huh.. I too was bullied at school and later at work.. I always look forward to coming home to my doggo.. No matter how crap the day was she always makes me feel better.

I'm extremely fascinated that someone finally gets it! Do. Not. Poke. The. Fucking. Bear. I have been bullied from the moment I got here. My family, teachers, other kids (composed an anti Hannah song), colleagues at work, students at university, professors, bosses, partners in relationships, so called "friends", mental health "professional". And then people are surprised I'm 'defensive'. I can't tell you how MUCH willpower I have applied throughout my whole life to not punch people in the fucking face or light their ass on fire. I have however become very sharp in my words. Very to the point, nail in the wall style. Never without reason. I never say something that is untrue either. I have shook grown ass people in their very core, even as a kid/teen. As an adult I give even less of a shit. We *will* have that conversation. But I do understand you. It's very fucking draining. I'm scared of the day I have a child and they have to face this nonsense. But I guarantee you the people (and kids) involved will get a talking to they will never forget.

I’ve noticed how cruel kids can be and have been to my daughter and she’s only 3.5 years old and only just starting daycare/kinder. She might struggle understanding people having personal space or her being too much for some, and thats something we are working on but how hard is it for parents of neurotypical kids to teach them compassion, understanding and being inclusive instead of being nasty and cruel

@LadyGoddessSephiroth

2 ай бұрын

NT people can't teach their kids what they don't know.

@karenpublic3391

2 ай бұрын

In Georgia, USA it’s impossible. The neurotypical parents strive to raise the biggest psychopaths here

@BadMotivator66

2 ай бұрын

kids need to test boundaries to understand the world, however try to upset others to show off or to grab power, and some kids are just plain cruel...

@t.a.4356

Ай бұрын

If the beast needs pain, so does its pup, don't you think?

yeah, I was that kid, and I'm only finding out the truth in my 40s. I was gaslit my whole life and never had support. thank you, Orion, Hugo, and Conan!

I wish I had a dad growing up... But even more, I wish I had a dad like you growing up. I mean, I literally felt all this-and your son is really lucky to have a dad that not only care and advocates but actually does his research and fights for his rights. You are brave and rational and knowledgable, and I can hear your passion. I am 45. I was misdiagnosed and mistreated/bullied not just by kids my whole life. And though my mom was passionate and fought for me, they did not recognize female autism or C-PTSD, OCD, or Tourettes Syndrome or any of it when I was a kid. They called it ADD (ADHD now) and depression. Literally, the DAYCARE WORKERS called me "steamroller." That is so messed up. Orion, I think I picked well when I painted you as James Bond 007. Lol. Please, if you have the spoons, don't stand down. It may be prudent and beneficial to rally some other parents with the same issue. You could make a parent group- and then you would not have to bear all of the weight yourself. Just a suggestion-could look outside of your son's current school to build said network.

I get bullied online constantly, and I'm 49. I'm totally bedridden, so that's the only place I encounter other people. It sucks.

@kdcraft89

2 ай бұрын

I know it feels bad, but some of these bullies are more out there online. They can be anonymous, that's why. You can mute people on some sites, so you won't see their bullying. They won't know you don't see them so they will just be wasting their time. If you block them they will know. Maybe find online places where the mute is an option.

@CricketGirrl

2 ай бұрын

​@@kdcraft89it's like I can't even have a conversation with someone. I just got into with someone on one of Orion's shorts who claims "Asperger's" (she's a nurse and doesn't even know that it's not called that anymore) isn't an illness or a disability. I am so angry. I am a fighter, always have been, and I don't know how to remove that part of my personality. I can't volunteer anymore from bed. What do I fight for?

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

​@@CricketGirrl You fight for yourself. If you can't then take a break from the internet. Or at least watch something different.

Thank you. Most people seem to not see the truth the way you do.

@devthomaskutty550

9 күн бұрын

Yeah they believe in the comforting lie while we believe in the painful truth.

I still think of my bullies as my friends and it breaks my heart that they would hurt me. People around me keep telling me “no they are not your friends stop thinking of them as friends, they are bullies!”. Looking back every friend I ever had was actually my bully. When you said that it hit hard. 😢

In the 90s, when I was in elementary school(USA) I was relentlessly picked on by a few different students, and nothing was ever done about it. Eventually they just put me into a "special" classroom for disabled children. I still spent recess, or assembly with all the other children. I will never forget one instance where I finally had a meltdown in public. It was during an assembly for McGruff the crime dog(a silly mascot for the American police force) One of my regular bullies was behind me in line waiting to talk too the police officers, and receive our sticker badges. He was poking me, calling me names, and making fun of me. I finally turned and attacked him, in the middle of this assembly, surrounded by other children and police. The officers eventually pulled us apart, and we ended up in the principles office where those officers proceeded to yell at us both until I completely shut down. It felt like ages before my dad came to get me, and at least he defended me. First thing he asked the principal was who started the fight, and when he heard I was just defending myself, we left without another word. From that moment on, I knew I wasn't safe, that I was not protected by the school, or police. I think that was my moment when I put on my first mask. I became withdrawn and quiet, I stayed that way all through high school. Every time I can remember after that point coming out of my shell, I was abused again. 29 years old, and at the end of my rope, I started unmasking. I'm 36 now, and I want to say I'm happier, but I still don't feel safe. I see it in my niece's and nephews now. They are going through the same nightmare, and very little has changed. They make accommodations for autistic children, but it's not helping them grow, just segregation. At 18, the accommodations stop. You get nothing as an adult but a possible disability diagnosis, which restricts your life. You can't work full time, disability checks are unliveable, you can't leave the country. it feels like prison, which is why I have not pursued it.

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

You can leave the country. You can't move to certain countries. But it depends on the place.

I was lucky that I wasn't really ever bullied by other kids. I had been picked on lightly for random things like being interested in insects as a girl or liking to wear the same clothes frequently (they were the comfy ones!) However, I had been bullied or singled out by ADULTS when I was little all the time. Now I'm older I'm certain it's because I don't recognize authority or hierarchy like I was told to. Respect is earned, and not all adults are respectable. I was a polite kid, but I was covered in buttons that could be poked. I had been told that I couldn't feel stress, have migraines, feel worn out, have back aches, be out of energy because I was too young for that. But I did feel like that. I wish I had good advice or knew how to fix the way kids get bullied.

the bully is protected because they are winning at the social game of hierarchies.

@Anna-ww4pv

2 ай бұрын

No. The bully gets away with it because, they don’t want to deal with the bully parents. Schools in general are in decline.

@Knovastreams

2 ай бұрын

@@Anna-ww4pv i get your pov, and that applies too. 2 realities can exist at once! /gen

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

​@@Anna-ww4pv Schools have less physical violence between students in the USA. But a lot of verbal bullying still goes on.

@bruhmoment5974

Ай бұрын

​@@Knovastreams "/gen"💀💀💀 edit: of course you call your pets 'fur babies' 💀

It's like watching myself. Almost word for word. I cannot keep from crying. My experience in school. ✊✊✊

I think you are correct Orion. Bullying seems to be intrinsic, fundamental to most humans. But also your example of your boy calling the bullies his friends too. And it is not just friends, its the people sometimes you ought to feel most safe with who will do it too, and not just violently. Also a constant "lets go out and do this" or "Lets do that" and they should already be well aware you are autistic and you simply don't drop everything to do what they ask, or even sure if a planned visit to a place will necessarily be a go a week or month down the line because when you agreed to it you might feel hyped up for it but something could have happened to make you absolutely against going anywhere. And this results in constant bullying and intimidation plus guilt tripping because you refused or made an excuse to stay in. I understand it is frustrating but they just cannot bring themselves to understand us. They say they do, but they certainly do not. So your life is made a misery because of your own good intentions. Because I never feel I have bad intentions to begin with so logically to me I am being tortured because I felt suddenly unable to do what I said. A week is a long time in autism, so indeed, is an hour.

i'm sorry to hear your son went through this. my parents once went to see the school headmaster as i was being severely bullied. The headmaster looked my parents in the face and said 'this school doesn't have a bullying problem' my dad said 'if one child is being bullied, the school has a bullying problem'. i'm sorry to say this permissive attitude is pervasive for the sake of the school saving face and coasting. across multiple schools i found damn near every teacher or head of year as as useful as a chocolate teapot and i'm suprised in hindsight i didn't try to self-delete because i really did think about it.... a lot....

@devthomaskutty550

9 күн бұрын

Yeah principals are lazy and have high egos. You could go to a support group with other autistic people.

I was talking to my husband this morning about this video and the one sentence that is so important. "It's not strangers that bully you, it's friends" and my husband said YES! So why do they do it, people might wonder? Because they think they can get away with it. In a group of friends there is always a leader, the followers and the "idiot". Ever come across a group of friends where there was one person you thought he/she doesn't really fit in? That's exactly the one I'm talking about. In an adult scenario they are the gofers. The ones who do everything, because they are too nice or too scared to say NO! No, is the most important word anyone needs to learn and learn to say it with confidence, so it is accepted as the final answer. Having observed people from a very young age, I realised that being nice is a key to fit in, because if you are nice people like you. But it made me also very vulnerable. I wished, I had been told from an early age it is OK to say no to people if you feel uncomfortable about what they want from you. It's teaching boundaries. And with it comes confidence. Orion, teach your son it's OK to say NO to friends. And if he loses them over it, then they were never true friends anyway. I had one really good friend, who saw me having meltdowns. Nobody else ever did. They were not friends just people I spent more time with because they were less annoying or lived close by. I spent more time with a neighbour kid who was 3 years older than me and today I think she was also autistic. I mean when do you see a 7 and a 10 year old watch an operation on TV and have a discussion after. The likelihood there are other autistic kids in your son's school or neighbourhood are really high. Seek them out. Come together as parents and you will be a stronger force to make sure the school applies reasonable adjustments and that teachers learn about autism and what it means to be born with it.

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

People who bully you might pretend to be friends but they are not friends. Now I am not saying to drop a long time friend if they bullied you once. But if the person does it regularly they are not your friend.

I am so sad Conan is having to deal with these situations and also so happy that he has you as his dad. One hell of an advocate in his corner. Thank you for being raw and unedited, Orion.

Man, This one really had me on fire. I got up from the middle of my studio which I am currently rearranging and organizing while watching this and I completely STOOD over junk leaning over the desk uncomfortably getting a backache and carpal tunnel likely to really go off on this and share it and expand on it. And I am hurting now but you really set my childhood torch today. LOL. Thanks Orion.

@tjzambonischwartz

2 ай бұрын

Yeah, I'm feeling the same way. Hits me in the feels because he's describing my childhood only mine was undiagnosed. I'm unpacking the fact that I was never punished as a child for anything that wasn't a consequence of an undiagnosed disability and it's a lot to deal with

Hey Orion, you hit the nail on the head again man. This is what I have been going through my whole life. And not just me but my autistic children as well. I have lost count about how many times that I was called into the principals office for me and or my kids and had to explain over and over again about our autism and what would keep happening if the bullies didn’t stop.but we were always the ones getting punished not the bully. And as adults we are still scrutinised for being different.

Yes. A problem with me. I always end up getting scaepgoated and ridiculed and laughed at. But I've realize that's it's not autism's fault that people are garbage. I've learned to never blame it. Why should I shame myself for other's lack of humanity?

The only way for people to get bullying to stop is to get those people to fight back in kind against those bullies, it is the only language they understand and the only method that works. I had a kid try to bully me and i laid into him with a passion. Yes, i bore the brunt of the punishment from the adults but in the end it was worth it. I learned another valueable lesson that day: the saying that the ends do not justify the means is wrong and is a sign of those that are not committed to achieving the goals they value. A bully is a predator, they prey on those they view as weaker.

"Ok, number one....... I've forgotten." 😂 Most relatable moment.

We have the same problem at my sons school to. I live in Norway by the way.

This was cathartic to watch. Every second of school was hell. Getting up in the morning so exhausted and anxious I freeze and can’t get out of bed. It just drained me, and I only started being able to learn things at my full ability until long after college when I finally had the space to learn how I learn and relearn a love of learning that was snuffed out when I was growing up.

@carladelagnomes

2 ай бұрын

Man I sure do relate to this!

I love these unedited videos, I have a similar example of how I think and act about things that matter to me. I believe that people want others in Society to all be the same. To follow the current status quo or to behave like others around them. Acting as a social chameleon is exhausting. I am just sick of twisting myself into an emotional pretzel just to please others who really don't care about ME anyway. tell me I'm wrong.

@kdcraft89

2 ай бұрын

Reading your comment, I'm wondering if the problem is groups. I've had a few one-on-one friends in my life, and think they were autistic, too, that's why we clicked, though there are other personality traits involved, too. Mostly I prefer to be alone. Right now the social contacts I have are in groups and even if I like some of the people, there are those I can tell don't like me and it feels like subtle bullying. Not worth it because it takes time to recover. I don't think you are wrong to decide the amount of your precious energy you are willing to invest.

@t.a.4356

Ай бұрын

Up to you, it's your war.

So so sorry y'all are going through this. So thankful your boys have a Dad who can relate. I know it is uncomfortable for you to stim on camera, but it makes me feel less weird to see you do the same sort of stuff I do. Thanks friend 😊

I find myself apologizing for everything. I’ve silenced myself, made myself small and unseen, out of the way. I think I’m an easy target for manipulation and being taken advantage of because I’m naive and passive. I don’t feel 100% safe unless I’m alone.

@sarahodom7091

2 ай бұрын

I can relate but I'm changing these past couple years (I'm 54). I've been watching a lot of videos on how to handle narcissists (who are bullies). It's helping me! That said, I'm keeping to myself more, me and my dog. :)

@kdcraft89

2 ай бұрын

For decades I put myself forward because I was supposed to by allistic standards. And I also tried to remain invisible. I've been taken advantage of over and over. Not so much now. I've learned to use my anger that this and direct it at the manipulators. Not meltdown anger, something else. Still, being alone is where I feel 100% safe. I learned this during the covid shut downs. I think those shut downs were awful, but I did learn something from them, anyway.

Autistic adults face the same in the workplace, the narcissistic or other person with personnality disorder gets annoyed that the autistic coworker or subordinate is in it's team and bully it for weeks, months or years. Then the autistic person say or do one thing and gets fired for bad behavior. Seen it hundreds of times at this point.

I really appreciate you addressing this topic. I have experienced my fair share of these incidents with my 10 year old Autistic son here in the U.S. and our school responds basically the same as you described with your son’s school. It’s complete BS. Here in the U.S. there are all these so-called “anti-bullying” campaigns and policies in schools, but they have written such a ridiculous definition of “bullying” so that they school will never decide any incident matches that definition. I personally believe it’s just BS for show and the reason they have the definition so narrowly written is so that nothing will ever qualify as “bullying” and therefore the school absolves itself of any blame.

@kdcraft89

2 ай бұрын

In some ways, this has made it worse. They will claim to have no bullying because they aren't supposed to. But there is plenty of bullying.

@morvach3255

2 ай бұрын

I don't know if you already did it but, you may write every act your child talk about with context and precise date. It may advocat for the bullying? 🤔

I’m sorry Orion, I worked as a SN EA for 8 years. I reported staff for the bullying of non verbal students. In the end I was bullied out of the school. The education system is flawed. This same story happens at every school. Another school the bullies would say stuff to make another child react. I told the principal but he was still suspended. The law is worded in a way that the education system can twist it to their advantage. I realise now I was a “natural” because I am autistic. I knew what they needed before they asked.

Apparently I was cyberbullied as an autistic woman with five other diagnosis outside of autism by an autistic man on his Facebook page and through messaging him on LikedIn. I just wish the whole autism community would get along with each other than bullying each other online and in person. Bullying is not the way for anyone to solve problems especially when a lot of the bullying is also coming from this same autistic man who is also the leader of local to Georgia autism self advocacy group by and for autistic people especially when he calls himself an autistic self advocate.

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

Yeah, autistic people can be bullies too.

@markigirl2757

Ай бұрын

Who is this man I’m from Georgia?

Being in need of these extra things, when they got legs that can work. OH MY GOSH that parable is amazing. I get denied stuff I freaking need because I get told I dont deserve anything special... THEM NON DISABLED gets special help from the start.

I, an autistic adult, still remember being put into therapy when I was about 12 or 16 years old... to teach me how to deal with bullies... 6 months later, the therapist realized all of her tactics would not work to help me. I wanted to learn too because being bullied was so painful. But when the problem exists in the bully, and not in the victim, there isnt really much I could do when a bully would bully a statue if it fed them the joy they wanted. Ignoring the bully doesnt make the pain I felt any less painful. Yes I KNOW what the bully says isnt true. The FACT that the bully speaks untruths is PAINFUL. I get in trouble when people lie about me, so being lied about hurt me. Aged 47 now, being lied about still hurts. Suffering in silence was not the solution I needed. I needed to not be exposed to the bully from the very start.

In my case both students and teachers bully me. Students keep telling me my brain is weird and teachers laugh at me when i give answers. 😢 I cant be myself anywhere as kid i also got attacked. 😞 I wish we had ASD planet where no boring creeps live.

I'm an autistic boy, 15, and I was always picked on since elementary. I almost exclusively talk with people online, only talking irl when absolutely necessary. Some kid in my class started spreading the fact that I had asperger's syndrome, and it's been downhill since then. I had friends in elementary, but only for the first year. The second year was when other kids started making fun of me and excluding me from their groups. Later, when I was 14, they pulled me aside and said "Hey, wanna be our friend? We'll let you in the friend group if do some stuff", that stuff being me embarrassing myself so they could make fun of me behind my back. I only recently found this out due to a random student who said "Hey, aren't you that kid that did that embarrassing stuff for fake friends?". I replied saying "What? What do you mean? How did you know?". He replied "Dude, i'm sorry to tell you this, but they are making you do all that stuff to laugh at you". I thanked him and stopped talking to fake friends. They have since slowed down on the bullying, except one of them. One of my first friends since elementary. At first, she was nice to me, but now, she is constantly picking on me, making fun of me, constantly trying to embarrass me. I try to ignore her but she sits right behind me in class. I'm changing schools next year, hoping for something better.

My friends at school can best be described as "with friends like this, who needs enemies"

I've been bullied at home in school and it only made my sarcasm become a superpower. I actually thank them today. A few people stood up for me,today i support the downtrodden and hate all this hierarchie thinking that causes bullying in first place.Bullies are sadistic.

At 41 having a late diagnosis, a few of my long term male friends do make fun of me for being autistic BUT also tell me I'm not autistic I'm just lazy, dramatic, anxious etc etc. You can never win with some people no matter what age.

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

Friends? Are you sure?

Conan is lucky to have a dad who's a great advocate for him.

Orion, you're not unwatchable. I find you very engaging, and relatable. As an Autistic adult, that grew up with the torment and torture from bullies, my fuse has gotten shorter. I give people 3 chances nowadays. Past that threshold I'll just tell them to fuck off. It doesn't matter if they are friends or not, just fuck off.

Hearing what you said toward the end made me want to cry but in a good way. And just knowing someone understands how I feel means so much to me thank you so Much for sharing 💖.

My first bullies were my parents. They still are, but I have minimal contact. One email from them can cause a meltdown or depression episode, or both. I'm in my 50s!

@devthomaskutty550

9 күн бұрын

Avoid them they dont deserve the title "parents".

I'm an autistic, senior man. I've literally had to fight to keep from being beaten by bullies when I was a child, right in front of teachers. When I defended myself, (rather successfully, as my father taught me how to fight) guess who was in trouble?

My daughter has been expelled from school because she hurt a kid who tore off a drawning of her specific interest. Thanks for sharing so genuily your anger. I can't have access to mine because i blow in sadness and i have difficulty with my émotion, so yours is like healing 🙏

I was bullied a lot, Almost didn't make it through school because of it. Plenty of outbursts and I was alienated for most of my time in school. The fact the bullies got off most of the time but I got detention for fighting back occasionally is just plain stupid. Good news is alot of those bullies have met horrible fates so they got that karma back many times over. Made me numb by the end, lots of emotion left me leaving an even more logical and factual mind which is bad and good. Adults are way better at dealing with bullies, kids aren't though. They can't regulate as well and it's unfair to punish them for responding to an equally bad thing. If you're gonna punish the autistic child also punish the BULLIES that triggered it and make it a learning experience. Thank you for coming to me ted talk, it's been wonderful.

You don't know how much I needed to hear this today. Thank you.

As an Autistic person I love my sarcastic T-shirts because I'm too nice to be as sarcastic as I want.

Nothing has changed since I was in primary and secondary school in the 80s and 90s, the bully gets a get out of jail free card every time. All they see is the bullied kid reacting and he(I)gets in trouble, us autistic people need to come to terms with the fact that we aren't cared about, we aren't needed and we aren't wanted!

As for the song: Too bad bullies don't follow boundaries. That is what makes them a bully.

@science_bear

Ай бұрын

Not all rebels are bullies though, heck the boundaries society puts sometimes help bullies feel encouraged to do it. Societal homophobia for example trickles down to gay being used as an insult and for someone that is and/or appears to be stereotypically gay being bullied.

@Catlily5

Ай бұрын

@@science_bear I agree that not all rebels are bullies. I didn't claim that they were.

Thanks for posting this. I really felt when you talked about the kids being labeled as monsters. That's how I was treated in elementary school, but I went undiagnosed until 36. Now I'm watching my daughter get made fun of (she's the same age as Conan) and I'm really fearing what middle school will be like for her. I wish we lived in a more compassionate world.

When I got my diagnosis, one of my first thoughts was “For the rest of my life I will be apologizing for being autistic and having autistic tendencies that I can’t help.” I was already apologizing constantly, but it didn’t bother me as much when I thought it was my fault for not trying hard enough instead of knowing how hard I’m trying and knowing it will never be good enough because I’ll always be autistic.

I don’t support physical violence ever. But some bullies really don’t see their actions (belittling, excluding, mocking etc) as impactful until something comes back and … impacts … them. Kids need to get called out on their bs because their self awareness is limited. And if the adults aren’t going to call them out on it, well, then the kids that are getting bullied are either going to internalize it and learn to hate themselves, or they’re forced to be the ones to call out the bully. A child only has so many cards to pull in that category, and sometimes nothing else works and you’re left with rage or a meltdown.

As a child, (46 yr old) I was always told, “they are only picking on you to get a reaction, so don’t give them what they want, just ignore it” Needless to say I was undiagnosed back in those days, especially being female.

As an autistic mom of autistic kids , thanks for addressing this.

After 7 years in the public school system, we moved our child to homeschooling. You are so right to get frustrated as Conans' Dad. I am advocating our public schools make it manditory ALL neurotypicals take a class in Empathy and Choices. It is a choice to be cruel. #flipthenarrative

Mutual interests and needs: 1)not to be punched in the face 2)not to be bullied School, school never changes🙏

@devthomaskutty550

9 күн бұрын

School is a failure.

Gotta say this one broke my heart Orion, I empathise so deeply with your frustration. As I child I was bullied by peers and teachers alike through the 1970s & 80s, to the degree of significant physical illness, which actually caused the bullying to increase. As a mother, I then went through it all with three boys who are all neurodivergent in different ways, though not all diagnosed... My youngest, the most heavily bullied is now 24 and doing well for himself. But geez it was a hard painful slog. My boys are far from perfect and can certainly stir like all boys, but often it was a case of the bear poked and my boys coping all the blame. Your frustration is more than justifiable and it saddens me greatly that so little has changed in all this time. 💔

I have some thoughts that cam up when I watched this video that I wish to share. 1. It's like they went how can we make something that is in theory disadvantages autistic kids, and is in practice even worse. 2. Almost never give into what they want. Fight everything. Accommodations that were not available before, suddenly became available when I started to fight everyone at school. 3. Fighting disciplinary decisions is something that you're never told how to do. That process is also unfair but more fair than teachers on a power trip. 4. It's all performative.

I was gaslit from a young age to percieve myself as a monster. My meltdowns, my missing of social cues, my higher support needs, etc. were all framed as active, conscious choices made to inconvenience the people around me for my own personal gain. I became obsessed with being a good person from an extremely young age. I wanted nothing more than to correct these mistakes so that I could stop being punished for them. I was exploited for it. "If you actually cared about me, you would do my chores for me when you have free time so that I can relax!" If I pointed out that they never extended me that same kindness, the accusations of manipulation would come flying right back at me. My own parents accused me of parental abuse. Seriously. A 12 year old minimally verbal disabled child who spends all day reading fantasy novels in her room is abusing a 45 year old woman? How does that make any sense? But I'm still the monster in so many people's stories. People talk about me like I'm some sick freak who feigns weakness and distress to use people. Yet I always end up being the one crying myself to sleep alone in my room. I'm always the one doing the other person favors, asking them to please be more detailed about what I did wrong, trying to provide solutions to avoid ever hurting them again, etc. I've grown and improved as a person SO MUCH over the years because I desire nothing more than to be perceived as kind as I feel on the inside. But if I try to explain this to neurotypicals, they will always say things like "have you ever considerered you're the common denominator?" or "maybe you're just not seeing the situation correctly and don't realize how much you're hurting people." Neurotypicals have all these social rules for what makes a good person, but even when I follow all of them and the person crying wolf does not follow a single one, the blame is always put on me. The freak. It took a long time and decades of self loathing before I was finally able to accept that being good in this society does not matter if you act different. But I will continue to be good. At the very least, I want kids who were like me to have someone who is nice to them that they can look up to.

The problem is that the faculty will always be looking out for themselves. As soon as a kid (autistic or otherwise) does something that disrupts the norm, they get labeled as a problem (even if it’s not a documented label), and then the facility will start looking for any reason whatsoever to remove that child from their care / supervision. This happens due to their fear of legal repercussions, the fear of conflict, or even just to make their (administration and regular faculty) own life easier for themselves. Their is a huge need for there to be some mental health specialists that can advocate for the kids in their care and in such a way that they can not be pressured into compliance from the school supervisory staff. There should be an organization that is able to do the reverse, where the facility and administration can be held responsible for any demonstrably unfair treatment of the kids at risk. This would require higher pay for teachers and staff in order to make working with these kids more worthwhile in a financial sense. I don’t mean that they should make it to where the higher pay attracts money hungry applicants, but it might be able to be done to where it’s just enough of a pay bump to make people who are the most likely to invest more of themselves into the kids that need help want to give it a go, or keep going if they happen to already be working. The way it currently is, people who have the empathy and patience to actually make a difference find it so financially impossible due to the extra time and effort they would want and need to put in to their work but with the current pay, can’t make it work… and also that extra time won’t be compensated, therefore it won’t be worth it in the long run. If they aren’t compensated rightfully then even those who are currently good at what they do in regards to kids with special needs, will likely get burnt out bc they don’t feel valued by the community they work in, and they can’t afford to keep living their own lives, spending so much time and energy to the point that they can’t even get a second job to help pay their bills. This situation is hard, not just for the kids but for everyone involved who actually cares. Thanks for your videos, they really make me feel like I’m not alone. Orion is a cool ass name too btw. ♾️💚♾️

I'm 57 and have been bullied my entire life. The biggest culprits have been the governments they have caused me no end of stress and anxiety making me feel like a burden on society because I struggle functioning and holding down jobs. I never chose to be autistic, I have no control over it but apparently I am fair game for persecution and bullying!

I feel your pain. It never gets any easier. Unfortunately. 😢

@t.a.4356

Ай бұрын

But are you even upgrading your power of response?

@devthomaskutty550

9 күн бұрын

​@@t.a.4356no pain makes you weaker not stronger thats a misconception.

I have experienced this my whole life. I realized leaving the situation is better than asking arguing or fighting for civility. “Bloody Yes…”, to everything you said.

This topic reminds me that in any children series and "highschool" media the nerdy archetype is mostly making fun of autistic traits "Haha let's laugh at the weirdo he's bad at conversations with the opposite sex" "Haha let's laugh at the weirdo he knows a lot of random facts that we see as irrelevant" "Haha let's laugh at the weirdo he doesn't like how certain things feel to eat, he doesn't like when certain things touch him" "Haha let's laugh at the weirdo he hates loud noises" It feels like there's an entire industry of media making fun of us

Bullying has plagued all of my life and I don’t think I can deal with professionals who don’t really care about us. We are seen as worthless people. UK government calls us values. I’m pretty sure I’m the bottom of the heap. Stigmatised for being me. I’m tired of being forced to prove myself to everyone.

Thanks Orion. You explained this perfectly. I really appreciate your perspective as a father too.

I was wrongfully terminated when I reported being bullied. I had to explain to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) (not sure what it's called in Australia) that bullying is more than just name-calling. And this is the agency that is supposed to be helping advocate for disabled and other marginalized communities! It's a complete joke, and we autistics are the butt of it!

@t.a.4356

Ай бұрын

Whining does not get you anywhere, does it?

This happened to me in the 90s, kids stole my hat at school and i went to get it back the kids fought me and I got a detention with 3 years of my teachers telling me how disappointed they were that I'd changed so much and chose to be violent. I was 10 years old.

I hope teachers listen to this across the world to learn and understand more about autism, you have explained this issue so well. I love your example of comparing a child with autism and one with a wheelchair who both have extra needs, nobody denies the child in a wheelchair because the other children can’t use it at school, but the tools to support an autistic child from bullying is not put in place and then they are accused of bullying when they go into a meltdown as a reaction. It’s like blaming someone who is having a panic attack for not behaving normally

I haven’t been diagnosed but i have been bullied constantly. School, work, by ‘family’. The desperation you begin to feel when it’s seemingly inescapable is awful and sooner or later will set in if no one is around to help or to inform you “hey buddy, the way you are being treated is NOT okay”. You get used to it, and there is nothing worse. I stayed till the end and will take your sons advice with me on my road to learning how to protect myself/set boundaries now that i can finally have a safe adult in my corner: myself. Thank you for putting these important conversations out here Orion, I appreciate it so so much. Keep them coming.

I was bullied for being different in primary school, by quite a few different kids. At the time I felt it was mostly coming from a single individual. I only realised later in life that its was very likely the least coming from that person, and that person was probably another neurodiverse individual. I had accepted the culture of conformity so much that I saw the other different person as more to blame than the others.

Perfectly watchable. I felt like I was looking in the mirror, you know, when I have a rant. And the suddenly everything else annoys me, like clothing, hair in my face etc. I was "lucky" to be the tallest until about year 8. They didn't dare bullying me. I was the one protecting others who were bullied. I went to school with 2 physically disabled kids and to this day, I keep saying this was the best experience growing up. While in school, especially teachers would know when I thought they were being stupid. The thing is I didn't know for 60 years I was autistic. But I always felt like an alien who didn't fit in anywhere. After school I would come home go into my room and close the door. I would do homework and listen to music. I would be out for tea and then it depended on the TV program. But often I would go back in my room and listen to more music. Nobody had to tell me to go to bed. I would go the same time every day. When we moved home, which I hated, the new school, you had to stand up when you speak. I just couldn't. You feel like everyone's staring at you. Not sitting at the back made it worse. Thankfully we moved again, this time I was glad we did. I think the whole bullying is a solvable issue if only teachers would listen and understand the circumstances of a bully (often not the best home life), to be able to fix the behaviour. But also take autistic children serious and understand that an autistic child doesn't react unless it's provoked. There comes a point when the barrel is full and one drop will cause spillage. And that's when we behave out of character.