I'm Irish & live in Dublin. Due to circumstances beyond our control my father died in the emergency department of a hospital. It was awful. Once his body was released to us we took him home and waked him in the house for 3 days. Friends, family and neighbours came & helped us celebrate his life. I stayed up with him the night before his funeral. I talked to him, hugged and kissed him & traced every line on his face so I wouldn't forget an inch of him. Early the next morning I felt his spirit leave the house before his body did. Those 3 days having him home still brings me comfort over a decade later. I see more families here returning to the traditional Irish wake which I think is just beautiful.

@melissamiller2696

10 ай бұрын

As an anthropology student, I studied the funeral rites of the Marshallese people in the Western Pacific. They believed that the spirit of the person left the body on the third day, after which they could perform the funeral.

@michellem5801

10 ай бұрын

@melissamiller2696 Thanks for that, Melissa, that's really interesting.

@JaimeMesChiens

10 ай бұрын

Did you have to have him embalmed? Thank you for sharing so much. I think what your family did is beautiful. I am sorry for thé loss of your father.

@michellem5801

10 ай бұрын

Thank you. We did have him embalmed as was recommended. I'm sure you could probably opt not to have the procedure done, but we just went the advice of our funeral director who really did a fantastic job of taking care of Dad and us at the time. The procedure was minimally invasive on his body & having him embalmed meant that he just looked like himself (although a little paler than usual) for the time we had him home.

@MaureenMccloud

7 ай бұрын

​@@JaimeMesChiensis

My husband is dying at home. He doesn't want anybody here but me and his dogs. Wants no medical intervention. No one understands. I say - we r doing this the old fashioned way. He was just done. Said no more doctor visits, no ambulances - no hospitals - no one here but you and the dogs. Let me do this my way. So this video was extremely comforting to me. Thank you. I have been working with a hospice nurse long distance. She helps me a lot.

@byrondutel1439

Ай бұрын

i told my wife when the end is close I want no visitors except my 2 dogs

My mom was adamant that we open the window near her bed when she passed. This was to ease the comming and going of her spirit and spirit guides. It was beautiful as it was raining that day and shortly after passing the sky cleared and a bunch of birds kept stopping by outside the window.

@VirgoKat

10 ай бұрын

Nurses did this when I worked administration on the wards when patients passed away. 🪟 🕊

@1roze4me

10 ай бұрын

❤

@Wa3ypx

10 ай бұрын

I believe that is a Scandinavian tradition

@memedavis4228

10 ай бұрын

I open a window even when my pets pass.

@JaimeMesChiens

10 ай бұрын

I’m also an RN. We always open the window(s) to let the soul free. My late-husband told me that it was an old Irish tradition, but he was Irish, real Irish, so he kinda said everything cool was an ‘old-Irish tradition.’ Lol

I hate how our culture makes grieving seem bad, like crying is bad. My FIL passed away on Tuesday and my MIL is concerned that she won’t get through the day of the funeral without tears. Tears are healthy!

My family members had standard American-style deaths, memorials and burials. When my husband was dying, I threw his Bon Voyage party three weeks before he passed, so that everyone could say goodbye and also share stories among themselves, learning more about my husband BEFORE he died. It was very enjoyable, bittersweet, and healing for all, and several attendees said they wanted to do the same when their time came. I hope I am so lucky, too.

@mscatnipper2359

10 ай бұрын

Addendum: My husband died peacefully at a beautiful, welcoming, 6-bed hospice facility. I was with him every day and slept on a single-bed-size pull-out sofa in his room. At his death, I called my best friend, who came and sat with me, reminiscing about him, in his room, for five hours before we had the funeral home come pick him up. He was cremated at a small mortuary in his favorite rural town and his ashes were scattered in the mountains by a dozen friends during a weekend at a lodge, where we held his memorial service.

@carol.stoeser

10 ай бұрын

Sounds like the most beautiful and loving way to say goodbye to your husband. I am sorry you lost him, but am happy at how you treated his dying days.

@mississa-b

10 ай бұрын

I love this. It's so much better than the funeral and wake when everyone is sad and saying things about the person, and the person can't hear how they felt about them.

@donnagoetz3274

10 ай бұрын

Thank you for these videos.

@irenedavo3768

10 ай бұрын

Wow!

I was a kid when my mother told me this story. She herself was a kid, around 1925, in Belgium. One of the local farmers was dying, so everyone in the community came around to say goodbye to him. He was able to speak with everyone, even the kids. When he passed, everyone came to the funeral. Even as a kid myself, I thought that was a wonderful thing for the family and friends and acquaintances to say goodbye face to face, person to person.

I think death should be just another moment in the life of a community or family. It’s an event that happens in all places and peoples. It’s something we share. And everyone should support each other through it.

@hospicenursejulie

10 ай бұрын

Preach!!

@mickeyh.9892

9 ай бұрын

@@hospicenursejulie and supporting them to Jesus. That's what should happen. To bad a lot of people will not do that. It's a shame really!

I’m Albanian and every village had a group of women who would come to your home when someone died and sing lamentations (called kaba or miroloi). The whole village would walk with the family and carry the casket to the grave, while the women continue to sing lamentations. The orthodox priest will come and we have a special liturgy for the dead. It’s very beautiful. Everyone is crying, embracing, singing, and we spend hours visiting with the family. The women will cook extra food and share it with them for however long they need it. If she is now a widow, the men will help her with the heavy work her husband did, train her sons if she has any. This happens much less in the villages now. Many are almost empty. The whole country has maybe 2 million people now, mostly in the cities. Everyone has left for other shores because of economics. I’m sad because one day there will be no one left to remember the dead and honor the dying. It’s not a sacred thing to younger people. For people my age, we see it as naturally as pregnancy, which has rhythms and cycles until birth. Dying is the same in reverse. We’ve learned to see it as it’s slowly happening, prepare for it, and count it as a blessing that we can be with them through it.

@amypayne6367

6 ай бұрын

I am a Catholic...This is a Wonderful OrthodoxTradition....Wish it was this way for Everyone...So Supportive...!!!

I will soon be 78 years old. When my Grandfather died, I was only about 3. I remember vividly, my Grandfather lying in his casket in the front parlor of their older farmstyle house back in MN. There was a big family gathering of friends and family to view my Grandfather's body...with lots to eat and drink and stories to tell. Being so young, I didn't quite understand it all, but I'll NEVER FORGET what my Father did during this gathering. I was just a little tike, unable to see Grandpa in his casket. So with tears in his eyes, my Dad lifted me up so I could say goodbye to Grandpa. But what he did next, was a little unnerving. He put my little warm hand on top of Grandpa's cold, stiff hand, hoping that I might get an idea of what it means when someone dies. It's an event in my life that I will never forget, and I remember it vividly every time someone I am close to, passes away....and there have been many such times during my 78 years on this earth. 😥

My grandfather was decapitated in the coal mines. Even then my family was responsible for cleaning and dressing him. There were no funeral homes in dirt poor Appalachia. The whole town of Centralia came together to help. Now that town is known for the underground coal mine fire that has burned for decades.

@cindyingram4072

10 ай бұрын

Wow. That is moving on so many levels. My "people" were Alabama mill workers. They tended to die a slower work related death. Labor Day always seemed more like Memorial Day to me. Particularly since they were the back bone of progress, but also they generally were so poor the war efforts looked more like opportunity.

@DepDawg

10 ай бұрын

🙏🏼 😢 Such solemn memories you shared with us. Thank you.

@quasimodo614

6 ай бұрын

🙏🙏🙏

@RioGirl16

6 ай бұрын

Coal miners had a terrible existence, so much so that they started a war against their employers, that owned and controlled most of their lives. They were truly slaves of the era. It’s how and why labor unions started. I watched a few of Peter Santenello’s videos where he goes into Appalachian mountains and interviews those who’s families still work in the coal mines. Many had stories to tell. They are good, hardworking people despite the bad reputation they are given

@lulumoon6942

5 ай бұрын

Bless your Grandfather and family. Had something similar with mine, very different time. 🙏

For me, I don’t like seeing my loved ones laid out. I also don’t want my kids looking at me laying there dead. I want to be cremated.

@kathym6603

Ай бұрын

That's a good point. Things are different now a days and I can see why they did it in the past... there was no one to whisk the body away.

After my vet euthanized my dog, I asked her if she would crack the window. It is a Swedish tradition to allow the spirit to go free. Immediately felt the air move coming from under the closed door. It was awesome!

When my father died in 2021 he was creamated. Our family purchased a "memorial tree" to be planted in our local park. All my life we have had picnics and Dad walked our dogs daily thru this park. There is a small memorial plaque near the base of the tree. I love visiting the park. Now I can visit the park and remember my Dad.

Hey Nurse Julie, my family's of Irish extraction. When my Grandmother died from Esophageal Cancer in 1979; a fairly rare cancer back then. She was a smoker; she told of Irish folklore that when a person dies, birds will come and peck at the window as a way to direct the spirt that freedom is this way. When my Grandmother died; this was as hospice was coming into being in my community in California. We experienced six birds pecking at the windows; mainly her bedroom, but also in the living room. The tradition also continued because when my mother passed from Alzheimer's Disease in 2010. We looked up the Irish folklore; in Ireland today, it's quite common for the family of the deceased to bath, shave, and clothe the deceased and then they display the body on the dining table and decorate the table with flowers and lighted candles and the mourners can come in and pay their respects while the family are secluded in the living area. The mourning period in Ireland is three days; the family eat what's referred as the mourner's breakfast: Boiled Potatoes, Boiled Carrots, Boiled Onions and Boiled Cabbage. Tradition also dictates that on the third day at 10:00 a.m. the pall-bearers arrive with the casket. They load the deceased into the casket and carry the body to the local church followed by the mourning family, then the community. They celebrate mass and then they bury the body; in Ireland the mourning stops once the body is buried. We have some variation on the Irish Tradition for funerals; we however don't eat the mourner's breakfast for three days. In my mother's case, she experienced visions long before her death. My mother was first diagnosed as having Alzheimer's Disease in June 2008; after she drove Southbound in the Northbound Highway 101. The next day is when I took her to the neurologist; he was scarily accurate. He predicted that she would die on or near Easter 2010. She died the day before Easter; April 3rd, 2010. She died of from a small stroke followed immediately by an arrhythmia which killed her. But, at the exact moment she died, her spirit visited me, and said goodbye, like she did when I was a child growing up. It's still a memory that I refuse to share with others even among my extended family!

My grandmother told me her best friend broke her neck riding a horse when they were both 14. It would have been around 1924. She said the girl was “laid out on the kitchen table” and the parents had my grandmother come over to fix the young girl’s hair like only a best girlfriend can. I remember being shocked at that story but she said that’s how it was always done.

@ShelleybutyoucancallmeShell

10 ай бұрын

Your grandmother sounds wonderful. It must have been traumatic for her, but a last gift for her friend. Too many times, someone who is being 'laid out' doesn't look like themselves- the way their hair and makeup is done doesn't reflect the way they usually looked when alive. That being said, I am not a fan of seeing anyone's dead body.

@lulumoon6942

5 ай бұрын

I wonder if that kindness helped her with her grief over her friend, and others. 🙏

Sadly, at some point, death not only became very clinical, it turned into something 'unnatural' and extremely uncomfortable - as if it stopped being a natural part of life.

@niecythebudgetnista3223

10 ай бұрын

It became money making business 😞

We have a family cemetery far back in the woods of East Texas. We open the casket one last time at the graveside and we as a family, sing an old country hymn like "Precious Memories" or "Go Rest High on that Mountain" before closing the casket for the final time.

I love the black cloth to show you are grieving. When my mom died, I wanted the world to know this was a difficult time. I wish this was still done.

@queenmum698

3 ай бұрын

And if you don't have a black cloth, as Julie said, even black ribbon.

My daughter died from cancer at a hospice facility. Immediately after she died, she began to let go excretions from her mouth that had been slowly trickling out before her death. I had spent weeks trying to keep her face clean from excretions and the large volume at her death was somehow SO disturbing to me. I could only focus on how to clean up the mess instead of that she had finally passed. The hospice staff said not to worry, they would get her cleaned up. It's been almost 5 years now and I still regret not cleaning her body myself. I saw that her fingernails had not been cleaned up. I see now why some cultures have family clean and prepare the body. It would have been comforting to me to see her clean.

@RioGirl16

6 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry for your loss. I watched my parents lose my brother to cancer and it truly broke them. Even after 40+ years, they still never truly recovered and now my mom is in the last days of her life in hospice care. It’s comforting to me that she will soon be with him again but don’t get caught up on how your daughter’s “shell” looked. She was far from it. Her soul was no longer suffering and despite not knowing you or her personally, I bet if she could tell you, she would tell you the same thing. That was just a small moment in time in eternity. She’s not upset but i bet she would be upset to know that you’re bothered about it❤

Mom with lung cancer at home till last week, Dad till last 10 days stayed at home with us kids looking after them. My brother died this year, no funeral but a family get together sharing memories. I hate funerals, don't want one. My 9 year old Son's funeral with the smell haunted me for years. Funerals are horrible to me. The best is if you get to spend time with them while the person is dying, doing this provided peace to me. Insist on seeing your love one, prior to what they do at the funeral home. I would now want to be cremated. For my Brother we all got jewelry with his ashes and little urns.

@normanjefferychester882

10 ай бұрын

God comfort thee in Jesus name

@Crystal-pv1of

10 ай бұрын

So sorry for your losses. Just know they are feeling free

@DonnaMaldona

7 ай бұрын

We just had my mom’s funeral the director said the lily’s flowers smell terrible and make that smell. They are a beautiful flower but they shed and they stink it’s not the body..

@queenmum698

3 ай бұрын

​@@DonnaMaldona Thank you for sharing that.

This so fascinating. When my dad died, my husband and I washed him, dressed him then I actually laid next to him and just held him .He was so fragile towards the end that I could hardly touch him. By laying next to him on top of the covers, I was able to hold him in my arms. Maybe that sounds creepy but I knew that was the last time I could really hug my dad whom was my best friend.💙💙💙

@1968LTS

10 ай бұрын

Oh I wanted to add that he was able to see all his family and call his friends who live afar and say goodbye. It was heartwarming 💕

@alycewich4472

10 ай бұрын

I think it was lovely that you were able to do that without worrying that you would hurt him.

@queenmum698

3 ай бұрын

@1968TLS. That wasn't creepy at all. It was a loving gesture. When my Father was in his last hours in the hospital, the nurses pushed another bed right next to Daddy and my Mother was able to snuggle and sleep in his arms. What a wonder memory I have. I only hope I'm able to do the same with my Darling Husband because he is in the last stage of Alzheimer's and 2 other diseases. 😢

@kathycuster1714

Ай бұрын

Not creepy! My grandson was stillborn. I sat and rocked him and hugged him and kissed him and talked to him. I will see him again!

The women in our family always cooked for the family who lost a loved one. I was too young, but that is still always the first thing I think of when someone dies! And I really DO think that helps any family then or now!

@niecythebudgetnista3223

10 ай бұрын

Yes we still do that, but sometimes we cheat and purchase ' home cooked food' as most women work now

@MaureenMccloud

8 ай бұрын

D

My uncle died in 1948 and I recall as a very young boy that he was "laid out" in a casket right in the living room. People came and went for 2 days and after that he was buried. According to my mother this was essentially how it was done prior to the 1950's. It was the last "funeral" to be held inside the home for our family. Even my grandparents had a viewing in the funeral home. One of the strangest things I witnessed was my grandmother on the other side of the family take multiple pictures of my grandfather in his casket. Then, when the pictures were developed, she sent copies to multiple family members. I recall my mom kind of recoiling when she opened up the letter containing the picture. She said to my father and then to me, do you want this? We both said NO. She chucked it.

I am part of a community group that educates families how to care for their dead at home, with or without a funeral director. I have been to many “home funerals” and they are beautiful, and the family gets extra time to grieve at their own pace. And they do take pictures! Some do open their homes to the community. It is a very healing way to say goodbye, but does need education and community support.

@paulinehancock9818

10 ай бұрын

I would love to learn more about this way of honoring the dead and dying.

@theresabates7774

10 ай бұрын

​@@paulinehancock9818 home funeral alliance is a great resource to check out

@djondjon

10 ай бұрын

​@@paulinehancock9818 I would, too. I didn't even realize that this was still possible ... I figured there must be laws dictating that everything be handled by a funeral home.

@lulumoon6942

5 ай бұрын

LOVE THIS 🙏

I like the idea of bringing mourning back into the home. My earliest memory is of being in the parlor with my grandmother’s remains surrounded by pictures and mementoes. I would have been 3 years old, and remember being comfortable in the space. I far prefer that to the uncomfortable atmosphere of a funeral home.

I'm Irish, second generation on both sides, and we still do a wake, though not the raucous version once found in rural County Connaught. The funeral home, at my grandpa's wake, was a bit startled to see the grandsons assemble to sing "The Parting Glass", followed by "The Night That Paddy Murphy Died." They were prepared for the priest to lead the Rosary and the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, not so prepared for the two cousins with pipes and bodhran and the other cousins to start dancing in the next room. To their eternal surprise, the Requiem Mass the next day was as solemn and beautiful as such a service ought to be, with the same rowdy cousins this time singing the Miserere Mei Deus, a Cappella, perfectly. Personally I love the fact that our funeral traditions are not sanitized and wiped clear of reference to the fact that the person has actually died. We have a funeral, not a "celebration of life". Yes we do give thanks for the life that the person has lived, but we don't sugarcoat the mourning aspects either, and we do include children from a very young age.

@meljmcn

10 ай бұрын

Amen, thank you for sharing this is a beautiful way to say goodbye or see you later!

@CareyKuhlmey-qj5vi

10 ай бұрын

Connaught Is a Pro vince? Mayo is a County. God Bless

@cindyingram4072

10 ай бұрын

Perfection!

@Katsem

10 ай бұрын

I agree that a funeral mass should be solemn. I loved the old requiem high mass with the melancholy music. It made you cry and mourn. Not a fan of these rambling celebrations of life where people endlessly saunter up to say a few words. That’s for after the funeral, at the house. But that’s just me. Remembering someone should be positive, even joyful assuming the decreased wasn’t a horrible person. Saying goodbye should be sad.

@Katsem

10 ай бұрын

What great historical info. The part about the deceased holding the pose for obvious reasons and looking clearer than the living in a photo due to the shutter speed was very interesting. I do not like pictures of the deceased. I was shocked when my mother-in-law whipped out a photo of her mother in the casket. I guess it was customary among their family, which is Polish, to photograph the deceased even in the 60’s. I politely looked and probably made a comment that granny looked sweet. But it creeped me out.

I was brought up in the 1950-60's in the south, and the church and community would come and sit with the family. They also brought food. They would stay and clean after the meal. The funeral home would bring a black wreath and place on the outside by the door. The family wasn't left alone until the funeral and sometimes afterward. After the service and the family and friends would head to the cemetery. I remember people pulling their car over, and many would stand beside their car. Men removed their hats. Of course, this was small towns usually.😢

@cindyingram4072

10 ай бұрын

I worked for an attorney who had moved to Georgia from New York. He was pulled over by Georgia State Patrol for not pulling to the side of the road in respect for a funeral procession. Of course he took legal action over it. Couldn't see any reason for a three minute delay on his golf day.

@suzannerodriguez8600

10 ай бұрын

@MarilinMontana, we still turn our lights on and stop, right where we are, and wait until the funeral procession has completely passed. We still hang a wreath on the door, but it is now, generally, white carnations with dark green foliage. We still cook for the grieving family. Usually, the obit will state whether the family will receive visitors, the hours, the place, etc. I love our Southern traditions ( well, most of them).

@suzannerodriguez8600

10 ай бұрын

@cindyingram4072 , I can tell you that he most probably didn't make many friends where that happened! I can't fathom not turning my headlights on and stopping when a funeral procession is coming. It is just something you do. If you are late arriving somewhere, you simply state that you had to stop for a funeral procession. You can always tell when someone from another region is present. They'll blow their horns, scream at people to move, and try to get around people. We've found a lovely way of stopping that, in the area where I live. We turn our headlights on and simply stop in the middle of the road until the procession has completely passed. It's something that just comes naturally to us. It's about respect for the deceased and for their loved ones, and it means a lot to everybody.

@Wa3ypx

10 ай бұрын

It doesn't matter on the size of town. Its called respect. Something people don't seem to have.

@cindyingram4072

10 ай бұрын

@@suzannerodriguez8600 AAAWW I LOVE IT!!!!

Great video and I agree! Somethings that our ancestors did surround death should be brought back. When my little nephew died (8 months in utero) I drove 2 days to get to the hospital with my brother and sister in law. My parents didn't even bother to make a 7 hour drive until 2 days later and when they did arrive, my dad told my brother and sister in law that they can just "have another kid." The extended family only sent sympathy cards and one of our uncles asked me on the phone if the baby was "human." I was sick to my stomach. In the end, my brother and sister in law were so traumatized by how the whole situation, that they didn't want any family at the burial. I couldn't blame them. I wish my family wasn't so cold and actually had some heart felt and honoring traditions. 😢 It's been 13 years and I can still feel the pain and disgust. Yes! Let's bring back these honoring traditions! (or most of them)!

We took my parents into our home 5 years ago. My dad passed in our home at 95 & my mom is still living with us. I feel it’s the right thing for us but at times it feels lonely. It’s not a community effort as it once was. I would love to get back to that, especially after seeing first hand just how hard it is to be old.

I well remember visiting with families in their homes as their loved ones lay in state there. I grew up in a small rural community in Tennessee that had no funeral home, and it was an accepted custom into the early 1950s. I feel it was meaningful!

I remember seeing black wreaths on doors in the '50s in the South. It was also to show others to be respectful of the family's grief.

@janiewerner

10 ай бұрын

Yes….i was going to mention the black ribbon hanger on the door. Sounds very similar to your black wreath.

@HzFvr

10 ай бұрын

@@janiewerner 👍

Hey Julie I love your podcasts. We plant a tree or a rose or a favorite bush for the dead person and sprinkle some of their ashes around the plant. When it flowers, when the leaves turn gold, or when the new buds come out, we feel the love. I also used to buy bouquets for my mother. Now that she has passed, every time I walk past a floral display I pick one out for her in my mind.

@seeking.harmony

10 ай бұрын

Love this! ❤

I'm 63 and vaguely remember a in home casket/funeral up to the family plot and burial happened. I remember this was like a 7 day event. I don't know if they were embalmed but I guess they would have to for a 7 day event in the heat with just ceiling fans going. It was a celebration, everyone brought food and it was spread out in the kitchen to feed everyone. Us kids played in the yard while the adults sat on the porch talking, laughing remembering. I was very little, only 3 or 4 and it was a happy memory. Not the dread you feel going into the funeral home with that smell in them.

My grandmother, born in 1917, once told me that so often children died before a year old that it was common to not name them until they were at least a year old.

We need to bring back everyone helping each other

@hospicenursejulie

10 ай бұрын

Yes!!!

Id so love to see you and Ask A Mortician do a collab!

An odd tradition at deaths in my family was to hear, the oration my uncle (technically dad's cousin) gave on the spanking my dad got instead of him. Long story short, 3 people here, my dad Melvin, his cousin Ralph and his father Albert. Dad was spending the day at Ralph's and as boys do they were running around causing havoc. Which is normal except this was a funeral home. And Uncle Al demanded a certain decorum at all times. Well they had managed to get downstairs where most of the business was conducted and their loud antics increased. Finally Uncle Al had had enough and clomped his way down the stairs to rain holy terror into the demons. When he reached the bottom of the stairs an imp was just passing by at full trot Al reached out and assailed the impudent fool with a sound thrashing calling out "Ralphie how many times have I told you NEVER be rambunctious down here?" (with his words punctuated with his hands upon the evil doer's butt.) This was met with intense wailing and the words "Uncle Al I'm MELVIN!!" Ralph grew up and took over the family business and many of my father's relations utilized him. So it became common place to regale the clan with this family lore at family visitations. To add further creepiness to the tale it has become known as "the casket room story" Mel and Ralph have passed on. But I'll always cherish the retellings of this tale.

@cindyingram4072

10 ай бұрын

Love the story and your writing of it. 😂

Here in the South (SC), we still come together: sit with the family, cook/bring food, care for their pets, or anything else we can think might be needed. We also hang a boutique or wreath of white roses typically to let the community know to be respectful...

While these photos can be jarring to us today, I respect anyone’s grieving process. Photography was too expensive for many during this time. The expense was incurred in death to cherish a family’s last moments together in the physical world. Mourning jewelry and other Momento Mori traditions of the time are something I think should be more readily available today! Thank you for normalizing this topic and allowing us to come together as a community on this platform!!

Hospice has done a great job of enabling people to stay at home at the end of life. Years ago my husbands’ uncle passed away at home and was also waked at home. His home was an old house whose large foyer was used for that purpose. That was the only time we ever experienced an at home wake. I wouldn’t want the picture taking practice to come back, but glad that at home end of life is becoming more normalized now. I have been watching you channel for a while now and am thankful that I found it. You have helped me resolve some issues. Thank you so much for your candor and honesty.

I agree with communities coming together to support those who are grieving. I think it's even more important now when we are not always close to our families.

Death is a normal part of life and should be treated as such. Being part of a family full of Christian believers, I’m my family funerals are overall a happy time. While everyone is sad, and we all miss our dead relative terribly, we rejoice that our relative has entered into ineffably joyful eternal life, the worries and aches and pains of earthly life are over. We know that when hat day comes for us it will be the happiest day of our life. We who survive join together, share our heartache, our fears and concerns about moving forward without our loved one, we share memories, laughs, and tears. It’s always seemed to me to be a healthy way to deal with a terribly difficult reality. Personally, I’ve experienced the miraculous more than once. I heard in my head, ‘You need to check your Dad.’ I walked over to him, put my ear on his chest, and heard his last heartbeat. There are no words… . John Logan. Raleigh, NC.

I was at a funeral of a young Mexican man who passed away. The whole family was taking pictures with the body in the casket at the funeral home. As the only American who spoke Spanish in the group, I tried to explain to the others that this family was from the countryside in Mexico where they still stick to some of the older traditions. I think that having the dead body in the home makes death feel a little more normalized, as it should be. Fascinating stuff, Julie! Thank you!

@nataliehuntfox8772

10 ай бұрын

I took a picture of my son in his casket. I don’t openly share the photo because people find it weird or creepy. But I’m not sorry I did.

@heatherescontrias8218

10 ай бұрын

@@nataliehuntfox8772 I am so terribly sorry for your loss. To lose a child is an unspeakable pain. But you were one of the chief mourners. So, I think you had the right to do whatever you needed to. My friend's baby was stillborn. She took pictures that hang in her home. After suffering the loss of a child, no one has to right to tell that parent how to grieve.

@nataliehuntfox8772

10 ай бұрын

I agree with you 💯. I even dressed my son and combed his hair. Which was also something people tried to talk me out of but was my child and I needed to do that for him.

@heatherescontrias8218

10 ай бұрын

@@nataliehuntfox8772 I really admire you for caring for your son's body yourself. You had cared for him all that time. Why would you stop at the moment he passed?

@nataliehuntfox8772

10 ай бұрын

Yes! You get it!

As a former oncology RN, I took FML, and my late husband died of cancer at home with family surrounding him and in no pain. My late mother died at home of cancer, being taken care of by my sisters in no pain . They took pictures back then, according to my grandparents who were born on the 1880s as pictures were very expensive. So weddings and memorial services were when pictures were taken.

@suzannerodriguez8600

10 ай бұрын

I know a lot of people really freak out by the "death" pictures from the 1800's. There's something we have to understand. It wasn't everyone who could afford to have pictures made back then as photography was relatively new and expensive. Families simply didn't have snapshots on end tables, hanging on walls, etc. So they didn't have pictures to remember their deceased family members. They splurged at the time of death and had a family picture made with their deceased relative so they would then have one picture they could look at and remember their loved ones. As a mother and grandmother, I can not fathom burying my child or a grandchild and not have any pictures to look at when I wanted to do so. Times change, and so do our customs.

@alycewich4472

10 ай бұрын

@friesp - That was my thought also. Anytime anything new comes about, it's more expensive. Remember when computers were brand new? The took up whole rooms with special temperature control to keep them from overheating and were only used for businesses as they were exorbitantly expensive. The home computer had yet to be invented, and once they were available, few people could afford one. Now we can get one that fits in our pockets and is also a phone! My grandmother, the 4th of 14 children grew up dirt poor in South Dakota and was always careful with her money, but would send clothes. furniture and other things back home to her family once she moved to the big city and was gainfully employed. I remember her youngest sibling, a girl, was only a few years older than my grandmother's daughter (my mother). Grandma had gone and purchased two baby dolls as Christmas gifts and was going to send one of them to her youngest sister, but wanted to keep the best one for her daughter, my mother. A friend of Grandma's mentioned that while my mom would have other dolls in her lifetime, her sister would probably only have one. With this in mind, she sent to nicer doll to her sister.

I like the black draping to show that a family is in mourning. I totally believe in prayer and I believe that if people knew a random family lost a loved one they would be apt to pray for that family. In my family we take pictures of our loved ones in the casket, not to display but just to have. My mother had a baby by c-section who only lived for two days. Had we not had pictures of my sister in the casket, my mom would never have gotten to see her. Plus, since she was born before me, I’d have never been able to see her…and she was a beautiful perfect baby. ❤

I'd like to see natural burial permitted in every state and allow families to bathe and dress the deceased if they wish. Being legally required to farm the whole event out to funeral homes,.and requiring embalming and grave liners which people can't afford....that stinks.

@bettyboop3353

10 ай бұрын

As long the embalming process is required at the National level I don’t believe it can be forced on you. Embalming before the cremation makes absolutely no sense. The funeral homes are out to get people to pay extra anyway they can.

@cindyingram4072

10 ай бұрын

I think there's something missed cathartically if the body is whisked away so it's almost denied.

@rdangell2002

10 ай бұрын

Not every cemetery requires embalming or a cement vault. My husband nor I wanted either one. He passed a few weeks ago and our wishes were met. We had to look around at several cemeteries until we found the right one for us.

@arlenekrause7115

10 ай бұрын

Before my mom died, our hospice nurse told us we could wait as long as wanted to call in the death. She said too many call it in immediately and then later wished they could have had more time with their loved one. I’m so thankful she told us that!

@theresabates7774

10 ай бұрын

Taking care of your loved ones in your home for the most part is allowed. Home funerals are becoming more common again.

We need to normalize grief. I have noted that society seems to expect grief to be experienced at home, alone, quietly, within a set number of days [3], and then be OVER. Get back to school, or work, and get back to normal, at all costs! This is not possible, nor should it be asked or expected of people. Grief is an inconsiderate bastard who will tap you on the shoulder at the worst and oddest of times. Acknowledge your feelings, and do not apologize.

I’ve been watching your channel for a while because as a person who grew up overseas with foreign born parents, I view death differently than most.We’ve lost family members before - hospice was there, too. We all have an expiry date. Our mom is 93 this month and we are at a decision point for hospice. Although not all my family is agreeable to starting hospice right now, I think it will be soon. I say all this because we live in a time with nuclear families and tho many have extended relationships the “after” stuff is lacking. I would love to bring back the black banners to let neighbors know a person has passed. To acknowledge the passing of a community member. But, HOA rules may not allow them. Well, I know they don’t since the covenants specify what’s allowed. Sigh. We need to have a more general discussion about death and how to deal with it. Here in USA, we think death is not us, at least that’s what I see in my interactions with others. I wish for a celebration, not a funeral.

Thank you for this really thoughtful film. We lost my 82-year old father on 21st May in Edinburgh, Scotland. We were really glad that, though 'on hospice,' he was able to die in his own bedroom and in his own home, and that we were all with him. It was very easy, peaceful, and natural: no struggle, no agony. He was a native of the Outer Hebrides and we managed to observe many traditional island customs: after the funeral, for instance (public, and for everyone) his coffin was carried in procession through the streets of Stornoway, every man present having a turn at bearing it on a bier. And he was finally buried in a seaside cemetery in the village where he had been born: the eight closest male relatives got to lower his coffin into the grave, and no one left the cemetery until it had been filled in (all the men present, including me as his eldest son, taking their turn at lifting a shovel.) My only regrets are that, given unusual delay and the very warm weather - most folk who die on the Isle of Lewis are buried within four days; his funeral was held up by eight - I had to make the difficult decision to have his body embalmed; and that foolish relatives prevented the remains reposing in the family home on Lewis. My father's body was left in the care of funeral directors and spent the eve of the funeral in Stornoway Free Church. I'll be wearing mourning, whenever I have to dress formally - a black tie; a sober suit - till just after the anniversary of his death next year. www.hebrides-news.com/funeral-of-professor-donald-macleod-31523.html#:~:text=Mourners%20gathered%20at%20his%20funeral,and%20on%20to%20Scotland%20Street.

@pamelacarnes9652

10 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing

@johnnycrofter

10 ай бұрын

Thanks, Hospice Nurse Julie - how kind. It was a difficult time. @@pamelacarnes9652

I am a young minded 65 year old that started family caregiving when I turned 30 with my grandmother in a coma, at my house for 11 months. with my 4 year old son. This was our everyday life and why would it not be? Grandma loved me, cared for me as well as my son from our beginning of time so that was our privilege to care for her. Yes upon her death I gathered branches from the old cedar trees all around the homestead land made a wreath over barbed wire with a black bow and it hung on her door to announce her death. This was nothing new to our family just a passed down tradition. When one does a wreath with black and posts it on the door, fence, mailbox etc. it does allow for an inner peace for some reason that I can not explain. The one thing I found odd though was a picture I was always mesmerized at this same grandma's house from the time I saw it as a small child. It was a picture of a horse drawn wagon piled high with dirt, a number of small children around the wagon, a mother a father and a small child's coffin on the back of the wagon, glass pulled found with eyes open. Inquiring to my grandmother she explained her mother realized that they did not have a family portrait with this child, assuming money not readily available, the mother scraped up enough to pay for a photo, they all went back out to the cemetery and dug that child up had their family photograph taken and reburied my grandmother's sister. That was to the extreme for me but how do I think that when I am a proud owner of two museum quality original late 1800 coffins with the glass window. I guess death really is just everyday life for me. Lynn

@jenniewinchester8792

10 ай бұрын

Interesting. Thank you

My uncle just recently passed away a pancreas cancer and right before he died he said that he was seeing tracers white tracers and he thought those were his angels he also said he seen a ittle black dog and black birds flying around. He also told my other uncle that he didn't want to die and be a ghost. He was only 53yrs. We told him to go to the light, with Jesus ❤

I’m old enough to remember people being waked in their homes. Most older houses have wake rooms specifically for this purpose. When I was a kid one of my childhood friends was hit by a car n passed. She had an identical twin. It was extremely hard on her. I can’t imagine being that age n seeing your identical twin deceased. We were all friends. I remember going to the house to pay my respects alone. I was about 7 or 8. It was more personal than a funeral home. That tradition was on it’s way out then. It wasn’t common but definitely not unheard of.

@alexstokowsky6360

10 ай бұрын

A question. When the "wake room" wasn't used for a wake, was it used for something else? Was it just a small room for a laying out? Was the corpse left alone in the room?

@TallulahBelle3276

10 ай бұрын

@@alexstokowsky6360 , I’ve seen pictures of back when they were used instead of a funeral home and they were set up as a sitting room. When I moved into an apartment there was one in the front of the place off the living room. It’s an odd size n shape for a small bedroom. I asked the landlord about it out of curiosity n he told me what it was. I wasn’t sure if I believed him so I researched it. I was surprised n realized I had seen these rooms before in other homes. It’s just that nobody uses them for waking people anymore. The childhood friend who passed wasn’t in one of those rooms because their house was newer n there was no waking room. There’s always someone there with the deceased one. Her Mother didn’t leave her until the funeral. Her twin stayed as well. The family understood how hard it was for her. I’m sure there were other family members that stayed with her while they ate, showered, etc, so she wasn’t left alone. It was customary that they aren’t left alone during that time.

Victorian death culture is so beautiful. I was first introduced to it in college when walking around a small town and my friends and I found a little curiosity shop. It was full of death photos, hair jewelry, antique coffins, and all sorts of bizarre and macabre items. The guy who worked there taught us all about everything and was so passionate. It was fascinating.

As a former healthcare worker I’m all for dying at home. 👍🏻😊❤️ As long as we have help like you (Hospice) in some cases it’s doable. Unfortunately a lot of people fall through the cracks because even though they may be dying, it they don’t fit into the “ box” of medical conditions allowed they are pretty much left on their own. Families are no longer living close to each-other, and community where everyone looks out for eachother has gone wayside too. I for one am living my life and not doing the standard “:you need to be tested for everything route” I have no problem saying no to my MD and I try to take the best care of myself and my husband. When our time comes I pray that we go quickly and at home👍🏻

Beautiful video, thank you. My Mum died when I was 25, and my Dad died 22 months later. My sister, 24 at the time, is a palliative dementia nurse, and cared for them both in our childhood home, and when they died she washed and dressed them. I stayed at home and cared for her, and I have always admired and greatly respected how she was able to nurse both our dying parents for the three consecutive months they both lived after their diagnosis's. They wanted to be at home, surrounded by us, and it was wonderful they could have this. We also had a beautiful palliative nurse, a friend to my parents, visit every day. Having watched my parent's die, and experienced the utter pain of their loss, I have strangely not been afraid of death since. I have told my kids that when I die I want to be buried wearing cotton, in a hessian sack in the bush and have eucalyptus tree planted over my body. They can cut my waist-length hair and make belts out of it! :)

People have turned to cremation as traditional funerals with burial have become so much more expensive. I remember in the 1950s seeing funeral processions on the way to the cemetery with many cars following. Nowadays I never see the processions and the motorcycle escorts with Police officers to guide them nonstop to the cemeteries. When I was growing up I attended many funerals and burials, but nowadays absolutely none. It seems to me most of the younger generation has never seen a deceased relative or friend. With the rise in cremations without memorial services it has changed the attitudes and customs that use to show respect to family that is in mourning.

My whole life I have witnessed extended family and friends coming to basically say goodbye to the person, and being there for the immediate family in any way that they could possibly need. they were never alone. ❤️

I'm 47 and when I was younger -1990's, I took care of my grandma till she went to the hospital and passed away. Only a few days in hospital because of an aortic anurysm. (Spelling sorry) same with my uncle and mom. I feel so blessed to have been there holding her hand as she breathed her last. I also called her time of death. When my nephew Brandon was born with a birth defect, very physically severe. He lived 12 days. We were all up there for him. When things were settled, we all got to hold him, cuddle and sing to him. Let me tell you that was so HARD!!! When my husband passed away, I found him in bed. He looked so peaceful and he was listening to his favorite music when he passed. I miss him and my grandma the most, as we were closest. I love that in Jewish tradition when a loved one passes, the family and community from the Temple or synagogue come and clean the deceased from head to toe and then wrapped in a shroud before burial. I wish the family and community would be more involved. Rather than EW that disgusting. No, that is the shell of your loved one. It seems as if mourning is not a thing to do. And definitely don't be emotional. Really??? Now I will say that I would be uncomfortable knowing that so and so is either laying in their bed or out in the living room. Not for me. I love the thought of Celebration of Life services. I believe it's good to gather, eat, share great memories and laugh and cry. I also agree when losing your loved ones grief doesn't stop all of a sudden because the services are over. I believe that we should come alongside those people and continue to be there with a call, cry,coffee, sitting quietly or holding their hands. Emotions are tossed away and it feels like the person who died is also. Because it's icky. Well your loved one isn't icky nor seemed to be thrown out.❤

Julie I just love your videos! Thank you so much for all you share with us. I remember in college I was so thankful 30 years ago for a class on Dimensions of death and dying. And as you could imagine, there were not a lot of people! I have a question for you. Does music play a role for you in your patients’ home? I know when my grandma was passing away, she was already unconscious this point, that when I turned on her favorite Perry Como tape, the whole entire energy in the room changed dramatically!! Wow! It was like we had opened the windows. It was a beautiful experience. I’d love to hear you thoughts on having soft music playing for those who are actively dying. Thank you!😊

@melissamiller2696

10 ай бұрын

My mother was a classical pianist. For the months she was bedridden before her death, the radio was on the classical station every day. I could see her eyes move back and forth as she listened and took in the details of the music she had loved. It was playing when she died softly in the background.

In our family and community, the church the person is associated with will send flowers or a throw to the funeral home. They will go to the visitation/funeral and then provide a meal at the church if the family would like to have one. If they don't do a meal, then we usually take food to the house for them to have for those days between the death and the funeral. We also try to send food home with them after the post-funeral meal so that they don't have to cook for a few days. I wish we still had a tradition of a black band around the sleeve. I think it was a subtle sign that allowed even strangers to realize that the person might need a little more grace and help without the bereaved person having to explain it over and over.

I love the idea of the black curtains or black arm band. Sadly as it is, we have lost the sense of community, we have became very insular. For example, most times you wouldn't know of a death in the community until it came up on Facebook. Grieving is now done alone, behind closed doors, this is sad and unhealthy for those left behind. On a personal note, when a patient of mine passes, and family have left. I open their window, and talk to them while preparing for morgue or funeral home. Love your vids. Xxx

This is exactly how my small community is in Louisiana. Im blessed to have such amazing family and community here. Im 35 and have terminal cancer and every Sunday people come by before and after church to bring food and clean up the house. They know that I lost my parents and grandparents so I dont have much family. Sometimes I feel bad because I dont have the energy to welcome them but I know they understand. The best thing is that they are there for my 16 yr old son. In my family we leave a window cracked for 3 days after they pass. Im having a home funeral then will be cremated. Half of my ashes will be sent off to be a diamond. Im not sure what he plans to do with it tho. Set it in ring or necklace? We havent decided that. I feel blessed to have this time to plan everything for my passing. I think people should give more planning to what they want at the end of life.

Keep informing us! I am a licensed psychologist ,and a licensed Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, and pls continue de- mystifying death and dying!

My mom was in the e d of life time. She hadn't spoke to anyone at all. She had all the end of life stages. She woke up,sat JP and said Don't worry Leland, I'm coming. Momentelater, she passed. We were with us and going to heaven with her baby brother who she rIsed! I believe she saw him and he was with her!

Thank you for all of the wonderful information. I work in internal medicine and watching your videos has help me speak with families and help them understand what hospice is.

What a great topic. I think it's important for us to normalize death and dying. Thank you for bringing awareness to something we will all experience!

I have a photo, probably from the late Victorian era, of someone in my family, dead in their casket, surrounded by flowers. Apparently this was a common thing to do. A cousin of mine took a photo of my mother in her casket (in 1997!), and I was shocked. My daughter was horrified.

@bettyboop3353

10 ай бұрын

I don’t have a problem with taking a picture of the dead person. In the case of my sister the people who took a picture had not seen her in a long time. They wanted a lasting memory of her.

@KH-tt3wv

10 ай бұрын

For the elders in my dad's family, it was still customary to take pictures of the deceased in their casket well into the 90's. We have pictures sprinkled throughout the family photos of dead family members, and of living family standing next to grave memorials to document a "visit." There was also a tradition of purchasing a simple brass "casket cross" to display in the casket with the deceased, which could then be kept in the surviving family's home. I have a box of them that my dad inherited, including those for his parents. It's nice to bring them out and light a candle to remember them on their birthdays and/or death days. My mom always found these traditions creepy and a bit ghoulish (her family is Lutheran, and my dad's is Catholic. I don't know if that plays a part in these different approaches to death), but it never seemed all that strange to me. It's just as well, as I'll be the eventual custodian of these mortality-related mementos!

I have had many family members who have died staying in there home for a viewing. Spanish families usually always have there people die at home. We take care of our people, with hospice involved. It has always been the way we do it since I was a very young child. Everyone from young to old is involved with the process of a dying family member.

I like the flowers at the door put out in my area. Not crazy about roadside memorials. The day before my sister went into the ER with sepsis during chemo, a 17 year old boy hydroplaned at the end of my driveway and was killed. I knew sonething was was wrong when I reached out to my sister with this shocking and sad event and she didn't respond. Eight days later, she died. I dont mean disrespect to the boy's family who put a roadside memorial there at the end of the drive across the street, but that was in 2013 and every day I leave my home I'm reminded of the sequence of events which might sound self centered, but the family of the boy has focused on their other children hopefully, but the day is brought back to me daily. No offense. I didn't put up a memorial at the hospital where she died.

I would like to see a revival of the custom of family members wearing black arm bands when their loved one has died. It is a quiet way of letting others know one is grieving. I don' t know how long the arm bands were worn, but even if family members wore them at least until after the funeral, it would be a nice way to show respect for the deceased, and to allow others to express their condolences and support.

I still have my brother's favorite Harley Davidson shirt he was wearing for graduation pic. He passed in 1992 at age 19 in a horrible car accident; he would have been 50 on May 21. You don't forget.

Wow!!! Bringing up the black wreath jogged my memory!! I think the funeral home did that to my granny's front door when my mommy died in 1969!! I had buried THAT memory!!! Thanks Nurse Julie ❤

My mother in-love’s death was the first and only death I experienced in a home. She was weak and wasn’t doing well and was taken to the hospital where she was diagnosed with stomach cancer. She didn’t want any treatment because they told her it might prolong her life 6mths. She told the doctor God gave her a good life and she wanted to go home to be with her family. For two weeks my husband, two small girls, and I stayed at my in-laws house so my husband could be with his parents and 3 siblings all taking turns to help care for mom. We never kept our kids from the whole process. We were explained by hospice each sign and step of the death process. It was hard and sad, but it was the most beautiful death I experienced. She was surrounded by her children and grandchildren up until her passing. We all laughed, cried, sang, and prayed with her. I wasn’t in the room when she took her last breath. I had walked out to tend to the kitchen and my children. My husband and his siblings and father were in there. We had just all been saying our good byes after singing . One of our church pastors had also come out to be with everyone. It wasn’t until my father in-love knelt beside the bed, placed her hand on his head, land say his goodbye and told her it was alright to go that afterwards she took her last breath. My husband, who was very close mom and who, was the youngest, whom she chose to go against doctors advice and abort him, putting her own life at risk, was at her head and heard her take her last breath. Her skin was cream color and she looked so radiant and at peace. It was late at night probably in the early am, and the younger grand babies were asleep. The person who picks up the dead from the mortuary came out around 2ish am and prepared to roll her away and into the Hearst. He didn’t drape or cover her and allowed us to do a good bye procession out to the Hearst as he placed her into the back. He didn’t cover her still(zip her body bag up with her and the sheets inside) until he left around the corner when he stopped and got out and did it as he was further away from us. My little girls didn’t see grandma leave. The next day they woke up and walked their little selves down the long hallway into grandma and grand room grumbling and sad that grandma was gone, but when they reached her side of the bed and saw her body gone and the bed made, they gleamed with joy and said in a loud excited questioning voices,”Grandma went to heaven with Jesus?!” They were 2 and 3 years old and grasped the concept of Jesus’ death and resurrection and our own resurrection in death and to be with Him. They were no longer upset. We didn’t let them go to the viewing or the celebration of life and burial because I wanted them to keep the understanding they had without the confusion of the body still present without the spirit and know the truth about the spirit and soul. Plus I didn’t want them to see her that way but remember her alive and the peaceful look when she passed.Grandma’s gravesite was Know as Grandma’s garden and when they got a little older we let them know what happens when a someone dies and that the body dies but the spirit and soul doesn’t. They had very great understanding. At the viewing, an Aunt took pictures of my mother in-love in her casket with her makeup and everything and also of all of us next to her. I kept the copy and shoes it to the kids as they got older. I personally would have rather not had a viewing because I wanted to remember her last when she first passed and the beauty she had. She didn’t looks the same after her hair and makeup was done when she was lying there on the casket. It’s different to see someone in the home than after being refrigerated and prepare in that way.thats just my preference. I think it stemmed back when I went to my first funeral at 4 or 5, and I followed my mom up to the open casket and kissed the forehead of my great grand step father because my mom and all the family were doing it. He was very cold to the touch and hard and he didn’t look right. Also, my grandmother didn’t look right from When she first passed in the hospital to when we seen her in a wooden box at the crematory. I’m so glad my children’s first experience of death was twhen my Mother-in love passed. We did record memories of her during that 2 week time on hospice as well.

My brother died at age 40 and devastated our family. My dad took a picture and never told my mom. One day years later she went through the thumb drive from the camera. Well…the last picture was of my brother in the casket, my mom almost fell out her chair. My dad remembers funerals in homes and was brought up strict Catholic and they took pictures. Anyways, my mom and brother are finally together. I miss them so much.

@PastaMakerCordy-qy4uz

10 ай бұрын

I have a picture of my grandmother as a child with her brother and their dead sister in a stroller.

@loislynncameron9608

10 ай бұрын

I took a picture of both my parents in their caskets. I'm not even sure why, but I look at them from time to time.

I lost my mother-in-law this past January. She went into a coma of sort for about 3 days. Family came and went from the bedside. After she died, we were waiting for the ambulance service to come and take her to the funeral home. Me being the "Mayor of Realville" in the family said, "Its a shame. I bet nobody will send food to the house." "People used to do that. but no more" My wife argued that I was wrong. "People knew mom, they will send food or gift certificates for the grocery stores." She went as far to say "We need a note book to write down what people sent so to send thank you notes" "Who can we have to stay at the house to take things in?" I told her "We aint going to get one lousy meat tray" In the end, I was right. Nothing showed up. At calling hours, my brother-in-law says "Still waiting on that meat tray aren't you?"

@davidlincolnbrooks

Ай бұрын

"Mayor of Realville". Perfect description. It's the function I tend to hold in my own family.

This was totally fascinating. I liked the black curtain or wreath idea for identifying a family mourning the loss. The family pics with the dead one was a little over the top for me. The hair jewelry or pics I have seen before in museums. Too creepy for me.

@alycewich4472

10 ай бұрын

Back in that time, photography was very expensive. So I'm guessing that it was probably saved for weddings and funerals. Imagine not being able to have any sort of picture of your loved one. I think it's totally reasonable for them to have done so.

My grandmother told the story about the death of a sister. This was in the early 1900’s in the Canadian Prairie the baby girl died and it was winter, everything was frozen so they could not bury her nor could they have a minister preside …. they wrapped 8:15 her and put the baby in a dry well until Spring when they could bury her and have the minister come by. At the time they brought her up from the well all the kids (siblings) wanted to see the baby and they unwrapped her and she was perfectly in tact…her body had been frozen. It was a sweet gesture for kids and parents to know death wasn’t gruesome just something that just is part of how life goes.

I'm writing a story about twin's being seperated at birth. (One of the twins is in hospital, the other twin only finds out recently.) Twin in hospital is slowly dying. When she does die, the living twin cuddles her dead twin. Even taking a "selfie" with her dead twin. Learning it happened in the past is amazing for me.

I guess I'm an odd ball. I think because two eleven year old girls from families next door were killed in a car accident together in a car driven by one girl's father, I have always been very aware (I THINK I am anyway) that it's factual and real and I may find myself sick and/or dying at 62 tomorrow. But, despite my parents losing my sister young to cancer, my dad remained shocked about his own impending death and my 90 year old mother just can't believe she's in the shape she's in. Hell, I can't either - good shape for 70 years of smoking! I SO hope I am realistic, stay calm and accept my illness and ending with some monicum of grace I never had in any other area of life - lol.

My Dad always told the story of sitting vigil as a young Boy Scout with the body of his friend from his troop who had died. The Scouts all had shifts overnight at the home of the Scout. It had scarred my Dad I think.

I miss the traditional funerals and burials. When someone scatters the ashes, I have no place to visit and heal. Nowadays, nobody hardly puts any obits out, so you may never find out that someone passed. My husband and I will visit the graves of people and put flowers on the graves. It aids in the grieving process. We had a friend passed suddenly, and there was no service or memorial held. So we don't know what happened. It leaves a hole in the heart.

These photos are called Momento Mori, (latin for 'Remember that you (will) die, I think). Pretty common practice back in the 19th century but it isn't done as a formal practice any longer. They always strike me as so terribly sad but they took photos of everyone from dogs and cats to all members of the family. It was a strange tribute but it was all they had to remember what their loved ones looked like. The kid sitting in the chair looks like Jake Harper in Two and a Half Men.

I love Victorian funeral photos. There are a lot where you can't tell who is the deceased and who are the living. I also love Victorian mourning jewelry. I find none of this disturbing at all. In the Jewish religion, we still have the tradition of covering all the mirrors in the house for 7 days after somebody passes away. Also, washing of the hands when coming back from the cemetery before you enter the family's home. There is always a pitcher and basin outside of the loved one's door to pour water over the hands. There are still so many interesting traditions from different religion's, etc. around the World and I'm fascinated by it all. Great video!!!

I found a picture of my relatives in the early 1900s. They were at the graveside funerals of a relative. The casket was propped and tilted to show the body and all the relatives were lined up behind it. A photo op with her before burying her. I gave it to our counties historical society.

I watched my dad pass at t Home ,i didnt see mom pass but i was in the house, God bless you!

It still happends in Papua New Guinea; when my mum's sister was dying, her family and extended family came together to take care of her. My other aunties would feed and bathe my mum's sister and people all over the village would come and give food, help out with the house duties, and just generally be around to help and comfort my aunty and her family in her final moments. After my aunty passed, the extended family and people in the vilage still hung around to help for a while and until my aunty's family are okay enough to carry on. Because PNG is still a developing nation, the notion of family and village culture is still strong within the people's minds and hearts, plus there is a strong belief in the afterlife and consideration for all those that have passed on before us.

I think we have the attitude that we outsource death to hospitals etc. we distanced ourselves to ignore it.

When my dad died I went to taco bell. I was hungry. When done I drove around numb in circles then went home. My mom I kissed her eyes closed. Told her to come back in spirit when it's my time. I admit I lost it losingy mom.

When I was a kid, when a neighbor died, someone went and took up a collection to give to the family to use for the funeral expenses or anything the family needed. On the day of the funeral, everyone would bring food for the family so they wouldn't have to cook for all of the company or for themselves for at least a week. This is the kind of community things that should be brought back.

Unless one dies a relatively uncomplicated death, this dying at home business can be utterly overwhelming. Both my parents thankfully passed away at the hospital. Thankfully, because as my mom's sole caretaker I wouldn't be able to help her with the basics, like changing and repositioning her. When my time comes, I don't want to die at home -- unless while sleeping at night -- so as not to burden my children with the overwhelming tasks of caring for my "dead weight" body. Hospital is just fine, thank you.

When our loved ones passed, we'd all gather at my grandmother's house, bring food, and remember the good old days. The neighbors and friends would join us and stay to clean up afterward. When my grandmother passed, we went to her house as usual. As we waited for everyone to arrive, her 2 sisters joined us. As her first sister walked through the front door, she dropped dead on the spot. We no longer have gatherings at her house. ❤

@hospicenursejulie

9 ай бұрын

😳😳 💗💗💗💗

My dad passed away last year. Suddenly, we followed family tradition, and my friend, our local vicker, contacted the funeral company, and we had dad home in his coffin for 5 days all curtains drawn in respect and friends and family came to pay their respect, the community really pulled together around us and all the locals came to the funeral for support and respect

@info-world-hub7955

10 ай бұрын

Also, I have a cutting of my dads hair in a little bag to remember him by

I’m from Oklahoma and we are still largely Native American and still have home funerals in our small communities. I still remember when I was little my grandfather laying in the living room for days and the whole family being there and when I say whole family I mean like 50-60 people camped out on blankets in the house on the porch in the yard. I was like 4 years old and remember this so vividly. I’m 61 now. We ate our food setting right on the floor in front of him and laughed and played just like He was still there. I don’t remember anyone being sad. Then we went to the church and walked behind him to the cemetery. It’s not done as often but there are still some done still in our rural areas with the last elders left.

You are Awesome. What a great education you are giving society.Thank you.They say Irish and Newfoundland wakes was where real celebrations of life happened..I heard many stories.

I dont know what happened to rhe people who I thought were friends. But my gma/mom died 6/6/23 under hospice at home. But nobody has cared that im in deep mourning. She was a child care provider and raised half our town. Nobody cared. She was amazing

@louisedyer5307

10 ай бұрын

So sorry for your loss. Are you sure people know what has happened. I hope you fine peace in your heart soon.

@shannonlynch4598

10 ай бұрын

@@louisedyer5307 thank you for your kind words. Yes it was posted on Facebook by several family members. Even my next door neighbor who have been friends for 13 yrs hasn't said nothing but we stopped talking in May. I guess it's just a lonely world

@alycewich4472

10 ай бұрын

@shannonlynch4598 - I'm so sorry for your loss and the seemingly callousness of your friends. I have noticed that most people seem so uncomfortable with death now that they just avoid it altogether.

@shannonlynch4598

10 ай бұрын

@@alycewich4472 thank you. That is so kind. And accurate

I remember going to my uncle's funeral in Mexico. They lived out in a ranch, and the body was viewed at the house. I remember thinking how weird that a coffin was in the middle of the living room. I was around 8 years old. It was in the mid 70's. My mom wore black mourning clothes for a long time because she lost my dad, her mom, her brother, and her sister in law within a 2 year span. We were not allowed to watch TV nor listen to the radio during the mourning period, which I believe was 10 days. That was for each death.

I think life back in the 1800s would be amazing. My Mom was born in 1929, 2nd youngest of 10. My Dad 1920. My Mom had told me about the black curtains being hung, or as you said, whatever was available. I wish they would've talked more about life then or stories of my grandparents. Nowadays, people think it's morbid to go to the funeral of someone they don't know. I used to be that way. But now, if you think about it. I think it would be awesome. To think someone you don't know came to pay their respect and condolences to you and your family. They're aren't obligated to be there, there because they care. That would be the best support.

My best friend lost her husband. She had him cremated. She had some of his ashes put in a heart necklace for some of his love ones.

I have witnessed my family and extended family taking pictures with deceased family members by an open coffin since I was a child . At the last funeral it just creeped me out so much, I told my son and daughter in law not to allow anyone to take pictures of me when I die. It’s just weird to me. I feel if you want a picture with me get one while I’m alive.

So much of this is based on one's philosophy of death and dying. I'm not "creeped out" by anything you showed and talked about. But for me - first I have no nuclear family; no parents, no siblings, no wife, no children, no grandchildren. I have dear cousins and a very close church family. I only have about a year of living left; I have pre-arranged and paid my final expenses. After death, my body will be taken directly to a crematorium; no viewing, no clothes or pillows as if I were asleep, no "funeral." A celebratory "memorial service" instead. I will be cremated and I have arranged for the crematorium to take my ashes out to sea beyond territorial limits (for legal reasons) and spread them there. (I live on the East coast.) No friends and family weeping on the beach throwing flowers into the ocean. I will not leave ashes, "death photos," etc. I strongly believe the "keepers" are the memories of life lived together, stories shared of a lifetime of difficult times and happy times, and some photos of living times together; but no public or private "altars" dedicated to the one who is gone.

@alexstokowsky6360

10 ай бұрын

Yes, you nailed it. Funerals are for the living, not the dead.

@rachelmareywinn

10 ай бұрын

I love this. This is exactly what I've been wanting, but hubby gets upset when I bring it up.