The older you get the more you realize life is just about mastering the re-direct, the pivot, the comeback.

@Lauren-gs1eh

2 ай бұрын

I love this!

@amakiethagod5622

2 ай бұрын

you put it perfectly

My sister always says the quote “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now."

@pumpkin629

2 ай бұрын

I always say this quote as well

@luci4293

2 ай бұрын

That makes no sense lol cope quote

@muntu_2.0

2 ай бұрын

I've never heard that quote before, but it absolutely makes sense. Thank you.

@fordrivingandothers

2 ай бұрын

idk makes perfect sense to me@@luci4293

@GradGrows

Ай бұрын

Second best time is actually 19 years ago then 18...

being a "good kid" really does lead to so much shame. felt really angry and resentful in my early 20s cause i felt so repressed but not independent enough to do something about it. on substances and such, i always feel uncomfortable because i'm not interested but don't know how much of that is rooted in being a "good kid". anyways, always finding it hard to relate to my surroundings

@3mi3mi

3 ай бұрын

this is too real

@roser2058

3 ай бұрын

I relate so much to this

@kikibara1

3 ай бұрын

Yoooo

@labanhendricks7053

3 ай бұрын

You know what...

@pencilwisdom6161

3 ай бұрын

Umami have found my people

That " holding yourself up to a standard a 15yo set 🤨?" ..A gut punch, like.. who tf did i think I was 😂

Being the "gifted" good kid, only stood in the way of realising the potential everyone said I had. The shame and perfectionism sets you up for failure in adulthood. It makes you fearful of failure and shame and at the same time perpetuates those very things.

@eg4441

3 ай бұрын

the most irritating thing is realizing more and more that i'm causing my own problems. no one's holding me back but myself, ultimately. you're your own worst enemy

@Kayla.....

3 ай бұрын

​@@eg4441very true. I can totally relate to that.

@2Carlitosdiary

3 ай бұрын

I feel this and I be so critical of myself and be hating things I do I have to realize that it’s not me, it’s the voice of trying to be perfect for my family

@everyonesalama4447

3 ай бұрын

wow that first sentence is really something...

@lalailm

2 ай бұрын

Truer words have never been spoken

i’m about to hit 3 years no smoking!! believe me no one saw me getting sober coming, i was high 24/7 for years of my life. 24/7. years. if you’re thinking of quitting, just do it, trust me. smoking was a great way for me to cope and regulate my dysfunction and emotions for years, but it stopped serving its purpose once i realized that what i wanted, more than anything, more than getting high, was to be an active participant in my life. and i’ve been doing it, even though it’s felt hard, even though sometimes (a lot of times, especially towards the beginning) i was less comfortable. don’t stay numb. also as a sidenote you can become addicted to anything that you turn to in order to change your mood. become addicted to things that are healthy for you lol rather than just replacing weed with other stuff (i’m guilty of doing it with media consumption) :/ but, oh well, step by step. i’m looking forward to seeing what my life eventually looks like without a dependency to that either

“Living in the basement of myself” is such a profound statement. I can totally relate to that. This is so beautiful. So real, insightful & honest. I’m glad you’re doing better and thanks so much for sharing. May we come up for air from the basements in our minds.

the section about feeling addicted to stress and not deserving of peace.... thank you monica omg thought i was alone

@kayenjee

Ай бұрын

That. Literally writing notes for my next therapy appointment.

i am 23 and idk whattttt is going on, thank you for your wisdom

@monSoun121

3 ай бұрын

girlll me tooooo

@dedea0909

3 ай бұрын

Literally same, I say this to myself all the time

@boofboyriq

2 ай бұрын

23 and this is the most I’ve ever been confused in my life

omg yeahh girl addicted to STRESS. when i was living with my first bf smoking constantly during the pandemic (ignoring the voice in the back of head screaming telling me to stop) my ritual was that i had to take a bong hit big enough where i felt like i was actually going to die- throat completely closes, crying choking cough for a couple minutes, and then id be at the correct amount of fcked up. getting thru that point where i felt like i was gonna die was so delicious for me.

@ahem8013

3 ай бұрын

wow i appreciate ur videos so much 💜 needed to see this

Brianna W. talks about how we as humans at an evolutionary perspective are not wired to be happy. We are wired to be comfortable, because discomfort makes us feel as though our survival is at stake- however for people who have grown up in discomfort, that IS their comfort, because that’s all we know. Any action or moment of peace can be interpreted by our minds as a threat. It takes a lot of work to be okay with existing in a state of peace. And it also requires us to be uncomfortable in order to achieve that. I loved this video so much! First I’ve seen from you, and I’m extremely excited to see your growth and the life you continue to create for yourself. ❤

So much of this is a convo about late stage capitalism and failure of government and quite simply… being a person in America and colonialism

@prettyladdiee2261

3 ай бұрын

And when we can realize a lot of what we are up against isn’t our fault…we can relax and give some grace and not force ourselves to be a rat in a race

in my culture we were taught that all species have different frequencies. Humans in various spiritual journeys move between frequencies and plant medicine caters to this in terms of nourishment or enlightenment. A substance like mj has a fixed frequency but for some humans it brings them "high" when they were previously at a lower vibration. For some humans it brings them at a lower vibration which describes all the anxiety, unease, confusion and hyper-vigilance you spoke about. Hope this helps anyone else out there wondering why they don't feel better after smoking/drinking/consuming plant medicine.

@GabrielaHernandez-kg9il

2 ай бұрын

This is so interesting and beautifully put, if you don’t mind me asking, what culture does this analogy derive from? I totally resonate with what you said. When i smoke weed, i feel like everything comes up for me from my subconscious. I have felt like i even trip from weed, seeing myself and watching my life from a third person. It freaks me out.

@imdivyamenon

2 ай бұрын

I can imagine and relate... weed to me felt like a bad trip. Even mushrooms are much better even though they get a bad rep💀 My culture has roots in tantra - both Hindu and buddhist tantra.

This is literally my story too for the last few years…2020 broke up a lot of us. Our culture is very sick. Our country is dying. People are very superficial and quantify everything based on looks…and consumerism…so many of us disassociate because we don’t feel good enough. I also, feel you on the Cannabis, haven’t smoked to that extent but definitely agree sobriety is best for me too. Cannabis can rob us. I feel like a lot of people went in on substances with the pandemic…to distract from our lack of support, constant stress, rapid transformation through evolutionary Technology usage. These are going to be important times for transition and believe me I feel a great sense of burden for what it’s going to take to ground ourselves into reality…keep fighting🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌

Take it from a 61 year old woman, you are on a great path I am a musician and sobriety really does improve your creativity. Keep up the great work

this video felt like a personal wake up call to recontextualize my relationship to weed. thanks for being vulnerable and sharing ur perspective 🫶🏽

This is what youtube should be for, and it's amazing to see someone still doing it. Thank you for sharing yourself in this way

Girl this was so real.. I needed this. I am 23 years old and I stopped smoking for exactly 2 weeks today and realize how so removed I mentally was for the last 2 years from smoking. I had two panic attacks within the last 2 months of still smoking and I decided to stop. My life significantly changed. I can’t turn back. It became more of a burden than “fun”. I didn’t know who I was. I was frustrated with not being able to create but comfortable enough to stay stagnant. I never related to a video so much! Thank you!

I feel so seen. I gave up bud for Lent, and I feel like Rip Van Winkle stepping out of his stupor. I was a heavy smoker for 11 years. At 31, I'm finally able to be honest with myself about my clear dependency. My faith gave me the strength to take the leap. Dopamine Nation was a book that helped me, too.

@theholytrinity6720

3 ай бұрын

Congrats! Keep it up ... After I had a mental breakdown I came out losing weed and my relationship at the time as my vices. I have found so much clarity in going back to my religion for my own self as well as not smoking weed. For the first time in a long time, I am excited for the future

@everyonesalama4447

3 ай бұрын

brilliant book, Annie lemkie isn't it?

was listening to this while painting and started crying at the end. thank you

proud of your realization

@yassine8935

3 ай бұрын

Me to expect it really manifested with a dpdr panic attack that left me with chronic depersonalizing for the last 7months (to be fair retrospectively looking back I've always had dpdr due to childhood trauma but after 2022 my recent traumatic homelife) becoming a stoner definitely brought out alot of that trauma to the surface 😅. I can't lie I miss it but I even look back to vids of myself as a stoner and remember how anxious I was if I ever smoke again it would be very low thc with a whole Lotta cbd.

i felt this so much. being an artist, coming from an immigrant family, being a good kid and dealing with being so hard on myself as an adult, waiting til adulthood to smoke weed and it spiraling into a daily dissociative, deeply shameful habit. i’m just now recovering and trying to learn how to struggle through discomfort like you talked about.

i really relate to how you said weed was self-punishment because you were addicted to feeling stressed. it's the same way for me with substances, where the challenge of me freaking out and having to scramble to self-regulate and feeling paranoid is a familiar feeling, and it's comforting in a messed-up way. I've been completely sober since December so this video came at a good time for me

Wow this connects with me so much, I just stopped smoking in 2024 after YEARS of dabs. I smoked for the first time this year, last night as a treat for my birthday, I was alone and I was getting ready to go out, and I had the ugliest feeling, I had an instant wave of depression and I was really embarrassed by the thought of myself and how people see me in my life, I (for the first time) felt sorry for myself and I felt everyone in my life pity's me instead of looking at me as an independent, disabled but resilient human being. I've never doubted myself or my worth until I got high alone on my 30th birthday, and I had to talk myself out of it and big up myself up again and I feel better before I went out to enjoy my birthday, i'm grateful for this experience because now it's clear that I do not need this substance in my body and i'm better without it. I'm also grateful I found this video, randomly, the day after I felt this, to clearly affirm everything I was thinking/feeling, thank you for this!

i landed in the same place as you recently after these rocky two years during/post covid. the moment covid started my habits that kept me regulated went out the window I found bad crutches. it kept me from music and physics studies as well as having energy/confidence. it got to a spot where I had to be honest about why I started to attach to the habit - traumatic and prolonged stress. I started to ask myself the way a mom asks a child - "do you need a nap? do you need a snack? do you want to try an activity?" when I feel bad. it helped shift the focus from seshing my stress away.

@TT-xz5sy

2 ай бұрын

Love this!!

this video is so refreshing and i feel so seen on so many levels - it landed on my page in perfect alignment. I’m 24 still at my parents, unemployed after graduating in a field i nv fw in the first place and struggling to gain independence and go after what i want while being hyperaware of the destructive nature of western imperialism. It’s been so overwhelming battling personal issues at home and balancing this with gratitude for the blessings i do have. Thank you for this video. I’m not one to open about my struggles esp in the comment section of a video, but this was deeply moving and explained challenging living experiences in contexts that must be highlighted. It feels like ive saved myself from diving into another self improvement /enlightenment spiral by watching this

@scarletkittyeyes

3 ай бұрын

why are you me? 😭 i wish peace for both of us

@TALEI369

2 ай бұрын

I just turned 25 and am experiencing the same. We got this.

"I was addicted to stress" now THAT did something to me... this whole video has been an aspect of an expression that has been waiting to come out. like a sneeze. thank you thank you thank you for being able to process and render your experience, and put together your feelings, thoughts, and emotions, on this subject.

All I can say is wow. When you started speaking on being an influence to others and never knowing if you could be the one to positively impact someone else, something really clicked in me. Monica, your vulnerability, your wisdom and your work has positively impacted my life in a way you’ll never know. As an artist, a fellow painter and Caribbean gal myself thank you for your existence. Somehow you always upload a topic on something I’ve been contemplating myself and capture emotions I have yet to express, so eloquently. Whenever you upload, I will watch. The world needs people like you.

The pandemic really changed so many of us and our goals, timelines, lives. And I feel like sometimes people just don’t acknowledge. I’m still trying to get my life back.

Wow. Only about 40 mins in, but I can't properly express how comforting this is. Our experiences don't align 100%, but it makes me feel so much better about where I am now (not where I wanted to be... haha!) & to know I wasn't alone in the sort of feelings that led to my own smoked out era lmfao. Thank you for sharing

I am also an artist who has been dependent on weed for 3 years, and i’m not even 20 yet but have lived more life than most and I’ve been so fucking lost as a person, a young woman, an artist, a daughter a sister, everything, and i’ve been praying for guidance and i think this video is apart of that. everything you said i feel and it opens my eyes which i need right now to get out of this hole

I'm 22, and I was smoking about an oz a month which was too much for me after a while. I had a reality check and I realized I'm not making enough money to pay off my student loans, and I quit cold turkey. It's been really tough and I'm already so unstable as it is, but listening to this video while I started a commission helped me feel a lot less alone. I'm so stubborn that I've refused to get help because I thought I deserved to feel so ashamed of my actions and what I *haven't* done at this point, but today I finally bought a CBT workbook that many people have recommended to me. I want to get back into therapy as well so I can pull myself out of this deep emotional hole I've been living in since I was a kid. Thanks so much for your wisdom, I'm so tired of living like this man ://

I’ve been a big admirer of yours for the longest. As a kid from the Bronx, Latina and an artist that never was- I was so proud of you cause you really made it happen for all of us who didn’t pursue our dreams for the sake of complacency for our parents. It’s so refreshing to see that I’m not the only one navigating this journey the way you are and I’m not alone or weird or behind. Im right where I need to be and I’m figuring it out too. Thank you

When you were "in the basement of yourself" and parsing through the mud of all the things you said you would never be, that sounds like Jungian shadow work. I agree, I think it's like you're facing the Shadow of the Self, neuroses, fears, repressions, etc. It's so important to practice going into this with a determined mindset to love and accept yourself as these realizations emerge. Instead of "omg I've been holding onto that, I'm a (lazy/sick/selfish/weak/naive) person," instead you can have it prepared to greet this part of yourself with "wow, I can see how that made things difficult for you" (as you also mentioned, having the reserves to extend that grace and compassion to your lower self. just wanted to expand upon it)

i’ve smoked mizz za daily for about 2 years now, starting as a junior in high school. i’m in my second semester of college and i can’t bare the thought of continuing smoking into adulthood past college. i have nightmares about being an old fart and just smoking my spirit and potential away. i cant just enjoy it periodically or at my own leisure, it’s become obsessive and habitual. the cartdemic had me and in a chokehold and now i’m unlearning all of the reasons and desires for starting ouid in the first place. this video was so important, thank you.

I’ can completely agree ! I had a daily smoking 🍃 habit for 7yrs I am now 24 and got sober 3 weeks ago I don’t ever plan on going back it was so detrimental to my mental & physical health I also got really bad withdrawals !! Some KZread videos that helped me was “Addiction Mindset & HealthyGamer talks about weed”

Omg, "I can reframe who I am meant to be now that I have more context of what life really is." Thank you for this, I really appreciate the insight and feel validated hearing this idea of growth and outgrowing old narrative put so succinctly. Your statement is so inspiring and you're so right!

Monica , it is crazy how I was born and raised in a completely different society with a lot of cultural differences compared to the US, but I deeply resonate with all that you have said in this video, and also previous videos. I admire you so much for being able to articulate these hard to verbalize and sometimes abstract concepts. I feel a deep connection with you and I am so thankful for your videos and the art you put out. nothing but love for you

"The promise of potential" WHEW. This was brilliant and affirms a lot of what I have been feeling lately. Signs are everywhere, so thank you.

38:10 You could apply that logic to many behaviours...Back in the day our ancestors painted on cave walls, I would imagine they weren't making hundreds of cave wall paintings...let alone trying to make a career out of it...they painted at "specific points" in their lives to document something meaningful...whether it was the animals that brought them life...or the hands they use to fashion tools (cueva de las manos)...nowadays most art is just self-reflexive and (post-Duchamp's fountain) fundamentally meaningless

This video was so so incredibly brilliant. So many of your experiences sound so similar to mine. I’m only 19 and I can completely understand how I might go through similar patterns in the future. But your overall message of continuing to show up everywhere you go, no matter what, genuinely brought me to such tears. Thank you for your wisdom, your love, your art. Thank you for being you and for sharing this beautiful reminder 🥹🤍

Mamas im here! One of the few youtubers i keep on notification !

Im on day 1 of sobriety and this really spoke to me.. Thank you for sharing this and being so vulnerable with something that some can't even accept.

isn't it such a gift to recognize when something isn't serving you and be able to let go it! Really feel this, I am a year and several months sober and thinking I should stop counting. Anyway so good to be open and honest about this especially with a substance that people often underestimate. Anything can be addictive.

I resonate with this so much. I had to be honest with myself. I , too was a goodie girl and the oldest of six, never saw myself partaking in the things that I eventually did. I thought I was super wise but it was really just the protection of my parents influence. I never was faced with the temptation. Now I am 25, and see the dangers of having too much freedom, and how I have been living arrogantly because I thought I was immune to certain outcomes. just cause you have the freedom, does not mean you have to give into the everything thats out there. Plus its sexy to be disciplined and hold yourself to a high regard. It feels so great to return to self.

Monica, you are talking directly to me towards the end- I am actually a gardener who is recommiting to my plants and I just adopted a kitten! I'm glad you're back- I admire how you can speak this stream of consciousness in one take! You remind me a lot of myself, even our initials are both MH, I'm just a writer. lol I'm a few years older than you, and I have these exact conversations and breakthroughs with myself. In astrology, that late 20s era is called your Saturn Return and we have three throughout our life, god willing. Saturn is the Disciplinarian so these periods are meant to be tough and transformational. One the other side of mine, I've also been getting the call to be sober. Cigarettes have definitely overstayed in my life, and I finally feel ready to quit for good (for real!). It's a difficult habit to kick, but I'mma have to buckle in and get ready because they affect my self-image and are in the way of my health goals! I have fun with cannabis and recently tried shrooms, but I could only benefit from a break. It's been a looong time coming, but I finally feel like I'm ready to embody the woman I dream to be for ME... it simply doesn't feel good not to anymore.

The good girl rant hit me in the chest fr NEEDED THAT THANK U I’m 23 , in college and I’m facing a similar issue of knowing what my past was teaching me but the real life experience that make you apply those lessons are ….. SCARY 😂 , so happy you’re back 🧡🧡 I’m hoping I can finally end my “dependence” of weed this year

I feel the same exact way, I stopped smoking a month ago, the clarity is unmatched. ❤

Thank you so much for this video. Im at the same age dealing with the same thoughts and habits. Ive recently gone on a tolerance break because i feel like it doesnt do anything for me anymore. I have creative aspirations and havent done anything and i feel like losing time and wasting away. Im definitely addicted to stess, its the only thing that keeps me running. Its exhausting. I dont want to be stuck anymore, i dont want to be lost and confused. Im used to being someone with a plan and executing that. Im ready for breaking the cycle of robbing myself the joy i deserve.

One of the most relatable videos I’ve seen in a while. God is good

I was aware of how substances could affect the creative mind, but this video perfectly explained how I’ve been feeling for the last three years of my life. It’s like God and the Universe lead me to this video. Thank you so much for the word🤎

I had such horrible anxiety from weed, so glad you're posting again and more mindful of your substance use.

This is so profound and raw and real and existential. Thank you so much for your vulnerability, I'm sure it will speak to everyone who has struggled with major life changes in adulthood. I really appreciate you making this.

im turning 22, sitting in the computer lab at my university with my notes and textbook open for my class in auditing because I’m studying accounting and the question in the back of my mind is that I don’t know if what I’m studying is going to lead me to being content with life. But it’s a question I feel that I battle with over and over because I do have other things going on. I’m actively getting involved in campus life and the community outside of my university. I resonated with your message of being put on this earth to be of service to each other. I got it from my mom who is always thoughtful and my dad who has worked hard all his life to support us and their family back home. I am still young but I’ve already begun questioning if I have enough time. I do now and I will tomorrow. Thank you for sharing your perspective on sobriety, being a creative, and life as a human being. I hope to spread this message of light and hope and community with the people in my life now to build each other up. The analogy of showing up for people causing a ripple in the lives blew my mind because it’s so simple, being there for others is what where meant to do as social creatures. Once again thank you Monica for this video and wish you the best of luck with life and it’s challenges and if you’ve read this far, hug your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you 🙌🏼

I know we don’t know each other but I’m so proud of you for finding your way back to recovery and your creativity-and anyone else who reads this, I’m proud of you too :)

I'm 21 and everything you said deeply resonates. I've always known that I was going to be successful in my craft but the past few years I got so stuck in my head and became all the things I never thought I would. I lost trust in myself and I've been trying to pick up the pieces; it's been extremely hard to be consistent. I'm scared that I'll get stuck here but there's no other options for me so I have to push through. It's crazy how the things that make us feel so secluded are the things we can relate the most on

To someone coming outta high school early hearing this is life changing. Drugs has been something I’ve always been afraid of because of being a “good kid”… you put a lot of things in light most definitely about the truth around them that most kids wouldn’t even think to talk about. Thank you so much!

I can’t even form the words to explain how relatable this was. You said everything I feel/felt verbatim. It was like confirmation of what I know deep down.

Girl my gf recommended this video and I am so glad she did. This definitely resonates!

you are such a light !!

21 year old male, and I really resonate with almost everything you said in your video. Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey with the world and extending your hand to so many people. I felt so heard/seen when watching this video

Love the bloodshot eyes in the thumbnail. Nice touch. Made me click, made me laugh.

I'm so grateful for this video. Didn't know I needed it but DAMN! ❤

I appreciate your honesty. I just turned 25 yesterday and have been feeling existential. This has me crying. I know I was led to you for a reason. 💚

Very interesting how I became sober this year along the same timeline as you and had a lot of these same ideas bouncing around in my head. Really appreciate you and your videos, I really do think this is life saving, please don’t downplay your impact. God bless you !

at 46:10 when you said "you're 25 and you're living like your already dead" described a feeling i feel constantly and something I've said to myself but thought no one else felt that and I'm only just about to turn 18 so tysm for this!

Monica!!!!!! soo excited to see you upload! i always look forward to your posts! thank you for sharing and showing me what it's like to be a woman who can articulate herself. thank you for being you!!!! 💗💗💗💗

i really appreciate you making this. you’ve given me so much to think about wrt myself 💗

I go through this internal battle of not using marijuana constantly, which tells me I should let it go, at least for now. Something really just clicked watching this video. Thank you as always for being brave enough to share yourself and your journey. It has transformed something in me.

Monica!!!! So so grateful, I watched this a while ago and it hit me when you said “where tf were yall”and hearing your experience of getting everything you desired but still feeling that hole & that scared me. Recently I’ve been learning these expectations built by that overgrown 15yo are sabotaging my life. And I have an addiction to shame just after not getting things I desired as I was young, it feels like I tell myself how dare you enjoy yourself. This revelation at 22 feels late but I know it’s right on time and early even for some. I thank you so much for sharing, being vulnerable and being fearless in sharing your worldview. It has illuminated so much for me and really given me the courage to be sober and so FFR!

Thank you.

thank you for sharing your heart, soul, and TRUTH Monica!

this was so well said and so needed.... hoping this comes across anyone else that needs this

Your videos make me feel seen. That’s a feeling that saves lives! Thanks for being so vulnerable Monica ❤

You’ve gotten sm better as an artist technique wise! I been watching for years and ur new work moves me

This was so healing. Thank you. ❤️

thank u to the youtube gods for putting this on my recommended

Bro it’s so scary how many of us relate to this . We really are ONE ☝🏽

My spirit guides led me to this video. Thank you so much for this.

thank you for making this video, i relate very much to a lot of what you're talking about and i've been thinking about the same things a lot recently. this has inspired me to do something about it

You're right. Thank you so much for this video, Monica. I'm glad you're doing better. Thank you for showing up in my youtube algorithm. You're making a huge difference

Woww i needed this video and your realness so bad. You were not rambling, i listened to every word. Im 27 and going through the exact same thing. Thank you for persevering and continuing to show up, showing me i can too despite what weve been through or feel like weve lost! Youre a breath of fresh air

You always make these videos at the perfect time, thank you 🙏🏾

19:10 Let me get back to this place.. cause whatever this depression/apathy is.. It wont get better unless I start working out and eating right again! Why is the simplest things so hard to start sometimes.... I am doing it this week!!

Gracias Monica, necesitaba una charla así

On a similar journey currently, and it really hits home for me. This is the first video I watch that you made, but i think i will revisit your channel frequently when my faith in me is shaken. Thank you so much for your honesty and kindness in this video.

"the basement of my self" this reflection resonated sm. thx for sharing

This was so beautiful and helpful as an artist in her mid-20s, thank you so much

It's crazy because this came at the perfect time. Thank you for sharing!! 💓

I really enjoy how you speak about these kind of topics. It feels like you always hit that sweet spot of using direct, specific vocabulary about things that happen while still couching it in stories that make it super accessible and easy to understand. About this particular topic... I think about this a lot when it comes to my friends that constantly partake. Very recently, I've definitely had conversations where they allude to their intake being "too much", but there are just stressors that end up nudging them to smoke/vape. And I get it, things really feel bleak, so I generally just try to just "reward" better coping mechanisms by commenting positively when they tell me about that rather than express direct concern for what they were doing (weed or harder drugs). For my part, I'm like you in that I was always a "good girl" (though extremely precocious, haha), but I think the only substance I ever used as a crutch (in my late teens/early twenties) was alcohol. (Perhaps I had an inkling because that at some point toward the end of those times, I banned myself from drinking by myself altogether, and I've only loosened up on that in the last couple of years). I think I always carried some guilt about not making the most of those years but now, I find it a lot easier to see that I was trying to process some pretty tumultuous times/feelings in my own way. It doesn't hurt that I do tend to view the kind of self-reflection I do as a privilege. I'm so grateful to have the mental space to think about what I want to do and how I want to accomplish things, and it's nice to see that other people have a similar approach.

i love these long ranty deep videos so much ❤

this was a message. thank you.

I'm so happy your channel popped up on my feed. I relate to you in so many ways. It has, especially, been hard to find women from NYC on social media who speak on the topics you speak on... it's exactly what I've been looking for. You are very wise and so inspiring.

Waking up this morning and finding your video was a true blessing. Being a 26 years old gwurly from South America living in Europe, I can relate with almost everything you said. Especially the part about centuries of generational trauma that we need to break… thank you for bringing that up and showing how it’s all link to our mental health difficulties, struggle with loneliness, self-hate and self-doubt… I feel less alone, and my need for community has never been so important and this year this is one of my goal ❤

loved this video, thank you.

this was such a powerful listen. thank you for showing up in your truth and encouraging us all to be in service to ourselves and one another 💖 like this made me feel something so deep in my heart and i am thankful for you and your journey!

Sisss I related so much to this video- thank you for sharing this truth and this wisdom

I´m so thankful for your content and your perspective

This is everything I needed to hear. Thank you for what you do ❤️

Can't tell you how much I needed every word of this. Thank you girl. Xoxo