I feel like men & women could learn something from this video. Being nice alone isn’t the only quality that makes a good partner. Character, common interests, moral compass, chemistry, life goals, mutual desires, etc etc matters. Be more than just nice.

@ladyk7317

3 ай бұрын

Very well said thank you👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💋

As a recovering nice guy, I realize it is just a gateway for me being a codependant...wanting everyone to have a good perception of me

@TheAmandaSeales

10 ай бұрын

Ooohhhh! Good one!!! Introspective!

@luvthisway

10 ай бұрын

Yes!!

Amanda is so articulate and always hits the nail on the head.

Any time someone describes themselves as "nice", that's a NO for me. Be kind. Be a good Being. 🖤

@chikFromMTL

9 ай бұрын

Yes, be decent

@snijanafleur8442

3 ай бұрын

Thank you

My first ever tweet on twitter was to Amanda Seales who then was formerly known as Amanda Diva, the reason I sent it out, was to basically give her her flowers, if people truly truly truly understood, her passion and love for people, they would appreciate the person SHE WAS and the person SHE HAS BECOME! Amanda thank you! God Bless!!🤎

@jessicapatrickjessicataylo5285

10 ай бұрын

Love this woman!!

Being Kind and Nice are two different things. People are nice because they know what they bring to the table is not enough. Being " Nice" is a default way of being when you know many people do not want you around. Kindness is a constant state of being, its almost a personality trait, either your kind hearted or you are not.

@ladyk7317

3 ай бұрын

Thank you👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💋

Preach it, Amanda. The same rhetoric that is put on women for not dating good guys is dismissed when guys date only city girls. Even the not-so-attractive guys are looking down on women who are not shaped like an Instagram model, not high-maintenance, or who don't act so helpless. Let's face it. We are all shallow and selfish. We are in our own way and that is why a lot of people are not married.

I’m a good guy and winning. A nice guy has an other side of him that’s not so nice. It’s a put on. Genuineness wins all the time.

@TheAmandaSeales

10 ай бұрын

🗣️SPEAK ON IT

@RNBsingersarehiphopheadstoo

10 ай бұрын

@@TheAmandaSeales 🫡🌹

Having been in a committed relationship for over 20 years, my experience is that attraction and arousal waxes and wanes. Everyone has flaws. When initially attracted to a person, those flaws aren’t apparent, so the grass can look greener at times. Being emotionally available and vulnerable is the most important thing imo.

People can fake niceness. It's all about a person's character.

@chellefin

9 ай бұрын

Right! I prefer kindness.

I have had two "nice guys" in my life and they both turned out to be narcissist. They both had a emotional wall they never would let down and the rejection of that was hurtful.

I dated someone who was outwardly a “nice guy”. When things went sour, people swore it was me because I have a bad track record but I swear this “nice guy” was worse than the outwardly ain’t shit dudes.

@ChelleInTheCity

10 ай бұрын

SAME. SAME. OMG. Yes.

@ladyk7317

3 ай бұрын

The nice guy will smile in ya face ,kiss your lips ,tell you he loves you, put a ring on ya finger with plans of marriage, then you find out he's licking another women's cat box to grow his nasty beard...all this shit @ 53 years grown 🤷🏿💋and with dat I was gone 😄

No crumbs were left. So glad this was just covering all the bases and explaining how the system has created this problem where both sides are left unhappy.

Amanda, chile, that last part was a word! So many women, grow up not being seen. And for black women we spend our adulthood not being seen because society tells us that our character qualities don't fit standards of beauty. So we are ignored, overlooked, unheard, not taking seriously, disrespected, intentionally misunderstood, etc. So when someone "sees" us it can feel like the gates of Heaven have opened up, but unfortunately, that can also make us vulnerable to being used. Dating under an anti-black patriarchy is exhausting!😮‍💨

I feel like a lot of "nice" guys are nice out of manipulation and they think because they are nice you owe them something. I've also ran into the nice guy being nice because they know they are lacking in some areas. Sometimes somebody could just not be your match and it has nothing to do with you being nice or not.

Being "nice", "kindhearted", or a "good person" doesn't automatically equate to being ready for a relationship. A person is not obligated to let us into their personal lives if they believe we don't have certain qualities in place in order to sustain a relationship beyond being nice like being emotionally available, whole, and mature. A person also has a right to ask us our perspective on raising children, handling money, and other beliefs to see if they're compatible with us. When l was in my 20's l took rejection so personally as if it was an attack on me but when l got older l understood the importance of being ready for those things we say we want. Truth is l wasn't ready for a relationship in my 20's so l wouldn't have been good for any guy. Being honest about that is important whether man or woman otherwise we just are forever the victim in a vicious cycle we continually find ourselves in. This was just something l was thinking about and l just wanted to share.

@ra_bi_ah

10 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing. I think as more of us are choosing to do the work and to be honest with ourselves that we each tend to come to the same or similar conclusions. All the best to you in your life and journey 🧡

@sarahjackson1897

10 ай бұрын

@@ra_bi_ah Absolutely. Thank you sis. ❤

@Clau-chauNicol

9 ай бұрын

I agree. I think people often make the mistake of conflating romantic interest for the ability to be loved. There are many perfectly lovely people out there who would drive me up the wall if I married them. I'd probably drive them up the wall too. Heck, there are many people who are perfectly lovely who it would be a bad idea for me to even be friends with. There are a lot of people who can only sustainably care for each other from a distance, and that's ok.

@sarahjackson1897

9 ай бұрын

@@Clau-chauNicol Great perspective

@snijanafleur8442

3 ай бұрын

Thank you

"All Nice Guys. Don't finish last." - Grandma Melbia. Rest in peace and I know you Rest in my Atmosphere. ❤ James Cleveland!

I am lmao at the little kitten staring like, "Harpo, who dis woman and why is she so loud?" 😂

GIIIRRRLLL!!! Speak on it! A lot of women, including myself, used to think Drake was a nice guy! That. 👏🏽 Drake. 👏🏽 Was. 👏🏽 A. 👏🏽 Nice. 👏🏽 Guy. 👏🏽

@dawb86

10 ай бұрын

lol we tried to tell y'all, that fool the biggest player out of all of us.... 😂

@liljay0687

10 ай бұрын

Y’all don’t even know him, you sound crazy

Yesss Amanda!!! People try to make me feel guilty for dropping the nice guy like he's my only option! There was no chemistry!!! And no physical attraction...geeze

Sheesh!!! Amanda stay and I mean since day one, stay keeping it 💯 💐💐 Thank You.

I notice a lot of these “nice guys” are also not looking for women they are actually compatible with but they are basing their entire attraction on physical appearance. They are objectifying women instead of attempting an actual relationship and bond.

@jhux1515

9 ай бұрын

This!!!!

I love me some Amanda, Big Sis gives the best gems✨✨

Great episode,so many gems✨

This video was EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you.

This was so on! Addressing the structural issues is so important Thank you ❤🎉🙌🏽🎤☺️

Thank you so much for your Great gift ❤

Im always tuned in. And this was a great topic 🔥🙌🏾💪🏾✊🏾😎. I hope a lot of brothers tap in and listen

Thank you thank you Amanda my love preach girl❤❤❤❤❤❤.

Wowwww this was such a great episode!!! So many gems and quotables! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

I started therapy last year, and my therapist had me read the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. It’s really hard to unlearn those behaviors and I now see how toxic it can truly be. At the same time, I wish more women understood how it feels to be in this dating world as a guy with good intentions. I’m also neuro divergent which makes all of this even harder lol. It’s so frustrating. And I’m not taking away from any of what you said. But yeah. Thanks for the video!

Very insightful. Being yourself is alway the best advice. And men need to understand that the “bad” guys know how to act nice. It has to genuine and ongoing for it to mean anything.

@TheAmandaSeales

10 ай бұрын

🗣️🗣️🗣️

Preeeeeach Amanda!!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

I haven’t met a “nice guy” who was a nice guy. Nice guys are just that and the “real” good guys are not having a problem getting women, a lot of them are in long term relationships so they can cut it

@TheAmandaSeales

10 ай бұрын

🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️

My “nice guy” was so kind and attentive, yet had another full blown relationship going on.

you are so real!

Thank you for this

You got me as a new sub lil mama. Hearing someone speak from their truth is refreshing.

@TheAmandaSeales

10 ай бұрын

❤❤❤❤

This is the episode I didn’t know I needed.

Such a great episode!! 🎉🎉🎉

I like your style Amanda. Your a natural.

Hi Amanda! You went in, thank you for this. Can you please do Ghosting? 🙏🏽

this is my comment lol i enjoyed individual Amanda episode

@TheAmandaSeales

10 ай бұрын

I'm so glad to hear that! We want to do more

RE: on liking bad guys - if someone is raised around drama and trauma - seeking what they think is "excitement" is a toxic thing because we tend to (if you haven't worked on yourself) gravitate toward "home" drama, fights, no trust etc can comfort people who know nothing else. I used to have the "savior" complex thing - trying to save everyone I had the slightest feelings for and got burned over and over until I learned not to touch the stove because it came from always having to help my mom my entire life until age 32. Being an empath on top of that, I saw many dark days from age 13-33, then I started to LEARN and started to work on myself, I still have some work on trust and my own hang up on "I'm not loveable/ I don't deserve love" thing at 49, as life is constant learning, growing, changing with new information. I'm happy in my solitude for now and have been for a decade lol. Will I ever find another to share life with? I don't know, I'm not looking for it and am content - if it happens it happens.

The American Fiction ad playing on this video; *chefs kiss*

"ain't nothing wrong with being a good guy, but who are you trying to be good to?" That was a bar. 100%

this was a good talk, I enjoyed the breakdown!

this outfit you have on is so cute!

this is actually a very greattttt topic and you're so on Point with what you're saying

I think this is a good convo! Being a nice guy doesn't guarantee you anything - ive learned this myself.

Strong title, must see, and yes I feel powerful effectual improvements(io) from nice guys, we all aint tryna finish or finesse last tho….much love 2u and your podcast as well Miss Amanda Seale!!!

@ricardomayo8337

10 ай бұрын

That patreon is fire tho…

100000 thumbs up!!!

Both of y'all can get super saiyan together 😂😂😂💀

You broke that the F down. Bravo Ms. SEALS ❤😂🎉

I dated a “nice guy,” and he played me like a fiddle. It's a façade. 🤷🏾‍♀️

The amanda back scratch in awkward/ unconfortable situations has me dying

I love you Amanda

Thank you

I love your outfit, first! straight out the gate

‘Nice’ and ‘kind’ are different. Nice has an air of inauthenticity to it, ie we’re ‘nice’ when we need to be, in order to reach a goal, avoid conflict, etc. to be kind is genuine-it’s just a character/personality trait that exits despite circumstances or tha promise of some reward. Kind people are still kind when nobody lookin. Nice folx are ‘nice’ when they have to be.

speaking of nice v. good guys, liars, presidents, and the matrix, please consider inviting cornel west for an interview. that would be a marvelous conversation. you are fantastic. thank you for sharing your thoughts!

@TheAmandaSeales

10 ай бұрын

Meh...

@ch355_

10 ай бұрын

fair enough. thank you for the response (:@@TheAmandaSeales

At the end of the day.. it's all about being 'Equally-Yoked' !! ,

This is it ❤❤❤❤❤

The heart is just the heart; thoughts and feelings are just thoughts and feelings. Let things be just as they are.

You have to be with the GOOD (RIGHT) PERSON FOR YOU Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place. - Ice T

Gurrrrlllll you made some good ass points 🤌🏾👏🏾

Thank you for this video. I wish more people would stop reading books about tactics for getting a mate. The work has always been on yourself. No ficticious bait is going to lead to a lasting relationship.

I one million percent agree with you. The only thing I will say from a man’s perspective is that we don’t completely understand picking an Ahole over a nice guy. They might both have ulterior motives and not be “good” guys but at least one of them won’t abuse you 🤷🏽‍♂️

Interesting perspective. I counterpoint with a reading offering - Survival of the Friendliest by Brian Hare and Vanessa Woods. Good reading

You can be nice and kind but must have a backbone and not be a pushover.

you ate that!

Love you❤

@TheAmandaSeales

10 ай бұрын

🤗

Nice is an act and a choice KINDNESS is character

I loved this! By the way, can we see more of you kittens in the future please? 🫣👀🥹

Yess lol I was thinking about that guy😂😂😂

🔥🔥🔥

Hooked on anxiety and uncertainty and programming of undeserving

I use the square/rectangle angle as an analogy all the time for things 👏🏾😩🙌🏾😅

Cute kittens 😻

So much in this episode was spot on. I don't think I've really been seen in a very long time. (Sigh)

Am I the only one that got that cellphone comment?😂😂😂 I need more. I was telling my friends brother the same thing about nice guys.

16:58 My “nice guy” was definitely a narcissist! The love bombing was REAL!!!

This was such a good episode

🎯🎯 💯💯💯

You can absolutely notice a guy is physically attractive and still be enamored with your guy.....You're not dead Amanda just in a relationship......As Tiffany would say, "IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE IT'S.......FINE 😂 to me though attractiveness is about so much more than the physical appearance.....those intangibles like the vibe I get when I''m with them, the sound of their voice (that's a big one for me....his voice) his attentiveness genuine kindness.....all of that stuff is way more important than is he fine.....I am very atypical in the sense that I have to be connected to a person intrinsically, spiritually, and emotionally to even want to be physical in any way.....I mean ANY way.....I'm a Cancer I'm driven by the spirit of a person.....don't hug, kiss or try to do anything else with me otherwise if that intrinsic connection isn't there......maybe your laundromat bf is that way too........I think there is a misconception that guys are more visual and that they all want to rush to the sexual stage of the relationship but occasionally u do meet a guy that needs an intrinsic connection.....they do exist.....they're rare.....but they exist........I'm going to stop commenting now.....this is the second "book" I 've written u on this video.....

❤❤❤❤❤

doing my opinion to this conversation, I think it's important that we speak to the toxicity or problematic behaviors in instances like this, and less of the "archy" as a whole. There's problematic behavior in both patriarchy and matriarchy because both men and women are prone to be problematic. 9:02 This may be more of a general statement, but I thought it may be important to note. Patriarchy isn't inherently problematic. Matriarchy isn't inherently problematic. It's the people who may operate within these structures that can make it problematic.

Rare. Stunning in intelligence and beauty. Truth and logic really do go togeva. Both look good on u. Ur helping our people. Therapy apparently aint working for us. Back to the way of Black Jesus is the only way to happiness. Much love pretty girl. Mad respect. 😊

"Im every woman" ... ....hey you. ❤

Also heavy on they be BORINGGGGGG. I’m glad somebody said it. I like a lil spice!

🍿🍿🍿

Some guys do "nice" things to manipulate you or to guilt trip you into spending time/space. They may also be annoying af. Won't accept "no" and send you flowers instead.

❤

Wow. ☀️😄❤️💯🤭😌

Most of the nice guys Ive met are undercover Mean, Controlling and lack clear boundaries. Nice guy not so much.. .Lack of standards and boundaries... Covert narcissists.

Love this. Thank you! This means I can go back to being a toxic womanizer. 😂😂😂

21:10 oh god this is my situation right now 😭

This conversation needs to be had with men and multiple pov involved, cause a lot of this is off off base fr. A lot of men never said these things or think like this.

@TheAmandaSeales

10 ай бұрын

Do you date cus gendered hetero sexual men? No. You do not. I do not need to have a conversation with men about dating them.

@user-bx1bj4of7b

10 ай бұрын

@TheAmandaSeales With dating them, you can have your opinion. However, I'm talking about the nuance of some of these thoughts you're saying men have/heard. I think there should be men involved to actually, really, understand what is being said. Most men understand chemistry, Nobody is saying you should have chemistry because you're a "nice guy" that's not the message. The message is, why are certain women choosing drug dealers who are emotionally unavailable, abusers etc then complain about it when there were men who don't have those traits, don't display those traits etc...

🎉

this is so important to know I keep getting supposedly nice who I don't feel any attractive not because they are nice but no chemistry or you can this niceness is not their natural state