He should have led with his porn struggle. That’s the canary in the coal mine…has nothing to do with her being more affectionate. He doesn’t have a “low sex drive”…he’s trained his body to prefer fantasy to reality. Let this be a cautionary tale to ANYONE who views porn and thinks it’s harmless - you’re destroying your sexual mind and harming your future partner.

@tinam761

2 ай бұрын

Yep! There is a whole new generation of men with ED. Young men, that have destroyed their biggest sex organ … the brain 🧠

@fehyndana7725

2 ай бұрын

💯

@jared3235

2 ай бұрын

Hit the nail on the head with this one ☝️

@alladreamwedreamed

2 ай бұрын

A woman who wants it twice a day? She sounds like a dream woman, he should be grateful.

@user-ex6nd8dq8w

2 ай бұрын

Sure, porn can have that side-effect. In extreme cases such as this. The vast majority of men can wank all day in front of porn and still have a higher sex-drive than the vast majority of women. At the same time modern western womens' rabid promiscuity in their early 20s and even teens destroys completely not just their ability to enjoy sex (as they require then more "heavy stimulation" to get aroused, nasty stuff not referring to "size" and "techniques" but really to hybristophilic situations....) but first and foremost their ability to pair-bond since from the 4th man onwards, certainly form the 10th, they lose it completely and just treat men as resource objects solely. On average, the western woman has more than 10 past lovers by the age of 25 and average marriage age is today 30 to 31 for women. Totally wrecked. ....but yeah...let us concentrate about porn which destroys male libido as causes issues to 1%-2%, at worst 4% of couples, let us not talk about what women do and destroy their future partners, one of the root causes of the demise of 50% of couples. What a funny society we live in.

Man I never realized how much of a negative impact porn has on an entire generation of men.

@arimdu1408

2 ай бұрын

And women

@alysarae6141

2 ай бұрын

It's SO bad.

@brissamendoza129

Ай бұрын

Damn for me, I learned alot for porn tho I get bored watching it I want more sex tho my boyfriend low sex drive

@John.Christopher

Ай бұрын

Yes, spread the world before it dooms the ones you love and ruins their lives!!!

To the 29-year-old afraid of driving... Don't be ashamed AT ALL! I'm 34 and recently got my driver's permit. I'm practicing on the road a few times a week before doing the test. WE CAN DO THIS!

@hllymchll

2 ай бұрын

more people should be afraid of driving instead of road raging and literally toying with people's lives. I'm sure no phobia is wanted and can add hassle to your life, but a driving fear is totally valid imo lol

@wpbear1130

2 ай бұрын

I was 41 when I got my license! You got this!!

@KBHW2021

2 ай бұрын

I was 23 before I got my license. Even after I got my license I didn’t drive much at all because it always ended in me crying to the point that I couldn’t see, obviously that’s not safe, thankfully I had people in my life that kept encouraging me to keep trying. I’m 28 now and I’m sooo much better. I still get anxious more often than not, but now I know that I’m safe and that I’m doing it! The more I drive the better it gets. Also the driving test is way easier than it should be, so don’t worry too much about passing.

@N.Sutton

2 ай бұрын

You guys, I'm 39 and the same. I'm terrified. My husband is so patient with me. After listening to this, I will try again.

@_Becx

2 ай бұрын

I'm legally blind so I won't ever drive, but good on you! :)

Some men are out here dying of thirst while others are drowning 😂

@Jesmy_

Ай бұрын

😂😂😂

All these dudes ruining their life with porn

@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf

2 ай бұрын

Yup. That's the secret problem.

@elettramia6380

2 ай бұрын

And ruining their partners life furthermore. If you struggle with a porn addiction just stay single and don’t waste someone else’s time, because in the end that is all you’re going to do. I don’t care if it’s labeled and “addiction”, EVERY addiction is a choice!

@richardhands904

2 ай бұрын

If you have a hammer, everything is a nail. ​@@elettramia6380

@OopThereItIs77777

2 ай бұрын

Almost like that was the entire intent the whole time

@soulistic87

2 ай бұрын

Sooooo common sadly 😢

This is way more common than society teaches us. I also have a higher sex drive than my husband and having a conversation about expectations was so helpful. We met in the middle at 2x a week. And nothing on the side. Definitely no porn, it just ruins everything.

@berenikesdare

2 ай бұрын

You can never be sure I tell you

@benitadavis659

Ай бұрын

Only twice a week would drive me crazy. God hope it’s a few times a night twice a week for you sake

@JDB6320

27 күн бұрын

Seems to be a conversation only able to be had when it’s a woman with a high sex drive. Men know it’s best to not even bring it up because we know what’s going to happen.

I used to be this wife can’t tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep 😢

@RG-hf4et

2 ай бұрын

Why do you say "used to be"?

@hanashable95

2 ай бұрын

@@RG-hf4et cause I’m divorced lol

@janellesamuels3385

Ай бұрын

That’s embarrassing to be that thirsty

@hanashable95

Ай бұрын

@@janellesamuels3385 it’s embarrassing to think people with high sex drives are “thirsty” I’ve found a man who can keep up, he loves it. You sound miserable.

@hanashable95

Ай бұрын

@@janellesamuels3385 it’s embarrassing to think people with high sex drives are “thirsty” I’ve found a man who can keep up, he loves it. You sound miserable. Maybe you need to get laid?

I was ALWAYS made to feel shame because of this problem in my marriage. It was my problem. It made me feel like a freak or like I was broken As a female most people don’t even realize a lot of us have this issue.

@NunyaBitness-xq9ed

2 ай бұрын

Is aggravating for guys like me that have the same sex drive but are with a woman with a low sex drive. Sex isn’t everything but when both people are on the same page concerning sex everything else in the relationship can be enjoyed thoroughly.

@fehyndana7725

2 ай бұрын

Yeah and I had this problem in all of my relationships, except when I was dating a much younger guy, which doesn't work for a serious marriage :/

@anitaicenhour7084

2 ай бұрын

You are not alone, my dear.

@SK-et1lv

2 ай бұрын

Same girl same. When he knows he’s not fulfilling his end of the bargain he turns that onto you. Cant be anything wrong with HIM so must be YOU. If I can shame and embarrass and destroy you, I feel ok about myself. It’s not you. You are perfect as you are. He is too, but you just weren’t compatible.

@wgrady222

2 ай бұрын

I bet she doesn't work and he does lots of hours. Leaving him exhausted and she is looking for exercise and companionship.

This is me and my husband. There’s 11.5 years between us. But even from the start I have a way higher drive than him. I clicked on this video to see if it was him calling in. We’ll see!

@FreeTheCreativity

2 ай бұрын

:)) It's a serious topic. But the way you are following him around is a little bit funny. Like he can't complain

@valentinestar1668

2 ай бұрын

Lol I felt the same but I'm positive it's not my husband. We live in an other country 😅

@kiatequila424

2 ай бұрын

How didn't he notice this? I want to know how long they knew each other?

@GUITARTIME2024

2 ай бұрын

Are you staying in shape?

@calmingbabysleep1256

2 ай бұрын

You are 11 years older than your husband with the higher drive?

I am almost 45 and tomorrow will be my 3rd driving lesson!

@Qwackdawack

2 ай бұрын

Road trip coming up good for you!!

@Heuushbsu

2 ай бұрын

Good for you!

@wpbear1130

2 ай бұрын

You got this! I was 41 when I got my license!

Get your hormones checked, eat clean, lift weights, get sunlight

@user-qp2qe5gf9b

2 ай бұрын

All of this & then try to forget everything he’s learned from porn and let his wife lead for awhile, so he can relearn what sex should look like in marriage. Porn is not real.

@lucianaromulus1408

2 ай бұрын

​@@user-qp2qe5gf9b ive noticed this issue with a lot of people. They think P is reality and then end up frustrated in the bedroom

@kimdawcatgirl

2 ай бұрын

​@@user-qp2qe5gf9bYes! This!

@martusia4594

2 ай бұрын

It takes years to change the pathways in the brain, which were destroyed by porn. Just don't touch it and grow up people

@ilai7893

2 ай бұрын

Yeah it's a mix of fitness, clearing the deck when it comes to pr0n, dealing with your stress, adequate rest and nutrition/ hydration... etc etc. many factors

After 15 years of a sexless marriage my self esteem was destroyed, and rebuilding it is incredibly difficult. He finally caught on but in many ways it’s too late. Women: if you are in a sexless marriage-leave. Don’t have kids with him don’t wait. Leave immediately. You’ll be a shell of a person.

@annamann4544

2 ай бұрын

Hearing how seriously this man takes it, and that he is committed to fixing it is amazing. He isn’t defensive! Amazing. ❤❤❤

@annamann4544

2 ай бұрын

Of course Christianity and porn…

@HDGaminTutorials

2 ай бұрын

If sex is important to you yes for me i could care less i find conpanionship more fulfilling than having someone only want to bang me

@user-xd4pn9jz1i

2 ай бұрын

I keep trying to leave but he gaslights me and says don’t I take care of you? (Financially) and says all these things to make me stay with him. It’s tearing me apart and ruining my self esteem. We haven’t been on the same page for sex in 10 years.

@LaughingblueSu

2 ай бұрын

​@user-xd4pn9jz1i can you afford to live alone? Do you have a job?

I've never heard a man say that his love language was NOT physical touch. I guess I need to meet more people.🤷🏽‍♀️

@mooneyes2833

2 ай бұрын

My hubbybis words of affirmation and mine is acts of service, both of us have little desire to snuggle or cuddle...when he does the dishes and I tell him what a good boy he is... that's our flirting 🤣

@firefly9838

2 ай бұрын

I am a guy. I HATE physical touch but I still don't want to die alone. Been hard dating, but yeah we exist.

@nyc4233

2 ай бұрын

You definitely need to!

@aaabbb8812

2 ай бұрын

How can you not like to touch someone, but expect that person to feel aroused out of the clear blue and want sex???!!! Some people are sooo unwholesome. These are people who should not be married. They are maladjusted, I don't care what anyone says, that seems perverted and dysfunctional. How did these unnatural people even get in a relationship??!!

@aaabbb8812

2 ай бұрын

This guy is unfit for marriage. She needs to dump him and find someone else. He is totally emotionally disconnected from this woman. She deserves someone who is psychologically healthy and he is NOT it.

Dr John, please ask how young he was when he was exposed to porn. The guy is 31 and been married for a month. He probably has had a porn addiction for at least a decade. That is a lot of trauma that needs a lot of work and healing. You are right about the shame but porn IS the cause and the problem. I’m am a man who has had the same problem (exposed at 8 addicted for 30 years) but kept my addiction secret long into my marriage which is now heading toward divorce because of no intimacy and initiation on my part. Men, get help today! Porn will destroy your life!

@ElimEx1

2 ай бұрын

No it's not. The wife is the problem. She should have already known about the difference between the 2 of them and she should learn to accept things the way they are. Just like he has to learn to accept things the way they are with her. That's what marriage is. Compromise.

@tazzygal4951

2 ай бұрын

​@@ElimEx1 "It is what it is" isn't a compromise or solution.

@ElimEx1

2 ай бұрын

@@tazzygal4951 Acceptance of something you don't like in exchange for something else (marriage, financial safety, liking the person for other reasons) IS a compromise.

@brbsnortingcatnip

2 ай бұрын

@@ElimEx1 He said he didn't know sex with another person was going to be different, so it sounds like maybe they were not doing it before marriage... so how could she know that??

@ElimEx1

2 ай бұрын

@@brbsnortingcatnip I thought that meant sex after marriage vs sex before. Because it is different. Women change. But maybe you are right? Maybe they didn't do it before? That's a huge societal problem IMO. Way too many people never do it before so they don't know if they are compatible or not, if they have a drive mismatch, if they are turned on by the same things, same fantasies, same kinks, etc. Society as a whole would be better without this whole purity movement.

To the first gentleman who shared his story: You are an absolute hero. Overcoming all negative emotions related to admitting an issue and being so vulnerable openly is exceptional and act of true love for your wife. I cannot compliment you enough and praise you enough because many men are still hesitant to admit any issue even in front of their partner. I hope you will read this comment one day and see this: I admire your courage, character and love for your wife. You're an inspiration.

@aaabbb8812

2 ай бұрын

He would have been more admirable if he had not married her knowing he is so psychologically dysfunctional and unfit for a relationship, let alone a marriage!!!!! He married her knowing he was subpar and a creep.

I once heard “The Lord wants to stop people from having sex before marriage and the Devil wants to do whatever he can to stop marriages from having sex” he takes all the beautiful gifts that come from God and perverts them, in hopes to break apart marriages

@JozelleRenia

27 күн бұрын

This is a word !🙌🏽

I have a high sex drive and my ex never touched me for years! Yes he is my ex… I have been dating and it has been so refreshing to meet men with higher drive than me….

@christinajose285

2 ай бұрын

They are out there don't worry. My man was 37 when we first met we did it 2 -3 times a day up until the babies started happening.

@user-ex6nd8dq8w

2 ай бұрын

@@christinajose285 Let us not pretend that low sex drive is a shared problem among the sexes. Out of 10 people with low sex drive 9 are women, 1 is man. May more close to 29 are women, 1 is man. And for ages below 60 it is more often than not clearly a medical issue while with plenty of low sex drive women, it is just a natural occurence or the side-effect of having had too many sexual partners. Enough with this pretension that men and women are the same they are not. You average 60 year old man out there has a far higher libido than your average 20 year old girl.

@firefly9838

2 ай бұрын

Yikes

@firefly9838

2 ай бұрын

@@christinajose285 thats gross

I didn't learn to drive till 25!! I learned by teaching myself because everyone else gave me so much anxiety. Started with just driving up and down the street by my house, to the neighborhood tio a 3 minute drive to starbucks and it took me 3 months to get comfortable just doing that. Take your time bookie you'll be honking at everyone just like me soon

@Ravioli-uw9uy

2 ай бұрын

I was the same way!

Ladies! If his breath stinks, tell him! They would prefer to know, if there’s anything getting in the way of you wanting to kiss them! I tell my husband when his does, he argues with me and says no it doesn’t, and then goes and brushes his teeth 😂 And it’s a good habit to have to brush your teeth before being intimate! And if I wake up in the morning and he tells me my breath stinks, I laugh and say no it does not, and then I go brush my teeth. 😂 You gotta be able to be 100% honest with your partner!

It's too bad men who don't like sex don't marry women who don't like sex and vise versa. It would solve many problems. But it would require men and women to be honest with each other while dating. Yeah, like that's ever going to happen.

@karmicdreamer

2 ай бұрын

New dating app idea ? 💡 lol just nothing like Tinder pleaseee !! 😂😂

@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf

2 ай бұрын

It's viewing corn.

@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf

2 ай бұрын

​@@SarahConnor562Yup. The Midwest definitely ruins the scx drive

@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf

2 ай бұрын

Cornography is rampant.

@BlueBlossomsBlues

2 ай бұрын

Low sex drive in both sexes is rarely natural. In males it is usually due to corn - PIED and in females 9 times out of 10 it is hormone or health related.

I have definitely been there with my husband. I've found it usually means he's going through something he hasn't talked to me about. A few months ago, it was stress at work and once he opened up about it, we were right back in the bedroom. Sometimes your partner just needs reassurance that it isn't them.

@haploid2k

2 ай бұрын

No, it means he’s gay. When men are stressed, rough sex is literally the best anti-anxiety medication on the planet for us.

@janelleg597

2 ай бұрын

❤

@outsideview9052

2 ай бұрын

Excellent point about stress causing a man to not be able to perform in bed. It isnt clear in the video but was this couple sexually active with each other before they got married? This man could be experiencing a lot of stress about this new marriage, about his job or searching for a job etc. If this woman wants sex twice per day (is that in the morning and night?) then this man needs to realize that he can help her finish manually if he cant do so himself. Also, a high percentage of women actually cant finish during the act (or dont very often) and need help to do so. If she is a nymphomaniac then I dont know what you do because those women cant ever be satisfied. update: just think what women would say if it was the man who requested/required/demanded sex twice per day. They would think that he is controlling or objectifying her.

@marilynnelson3559

2 ай бұрын

Driving. I convinced myself at 17. There are a lot of stupid people Driving and there I can drive.... (no offense to anyone)

@hannahtaylor6520

2 ай бұрын

@outsideview9052 it could be a number of things, but I think doc was onto something when he pointed out the caller's shame about sex. And he said himself it's so different when it's real which tells me he had some solo time and didn't realize how exhausting real sex can be physically and emotionally. As for manually helping your partner, as a woman it's more about the connection for me and seems like from his wife's emotional response that it is about being desired for her, maybe even more so than the act itself. When my husband can't perform or isn't interested on the same level, my brain immediately goes to "what's wrong with me?", even knowing that it's likely an outside root issue.

Young boys (and girls)need to hear this message and see how much porn affects the mind. I feel so sorry for people going through this.

Been married 3 years and my sex drive is higher than my husband's. He was single for 10 years before me and used porn as his go-to. Porn has literally ruined real intimacy with a real person. I think they are used to just self-pleasure and not having to work for satisfaction. I can't say we fixed our intimacy. It Might have gotten worse since I've been pregnant now, but I think we do need to plan our intimacy out a bit more. Finding out what his needs are. Everyone has a sexual fantasy. Just need to work on it and communicate more.

@firefly9838

2 ай бұрын

Open your marrige💅

@thepuffinpanda9139

2 ай бұрын

​@firefly9838 That is horrible advice. Wow.

@jessicalarsen7094

2 ай бұрын

@@firefly9838 nope, I married my husband for better and for worse. I dont need anyone else.

@jessicalarsen7094

2 ай бұрын

@@thepuffinpanda9139 the worst advice ever

@thepuffinpanda9139

2 ай бұрын

@jessicalarsen7094 Proud of you girl. Some people give up at the slightest difficulty. This is why they will never truly accomplish anything in life. Putting in any kind of work is too hard for them. Hang in there. Keep going!

Sadly this has been my situation in most relationships, it’s wild bc I bring it up to make sure it doesn’t happen and we’re compatible and then bam.

@GUITARTIME2024

2 ай бұрын

What's your height/weight.

@KatM272

2 ай бұрын

@@GUITARTIME2024 what’s your height/ shoe size?

@christinajose285

2 ай бұрын

​@@GUITARTIME2024how many inches is your penis😂

@lindatannock

2 ай бұрын

​@@KatM272🤣👏🏻 He trolls everyone by saying these things. Just ignore him.

@KatM272

2 ай бұрын

@@lindatannock I couldn’t help myself lol a troll knows a trollolol 🧌

This should have been thought through before marriage. Its sad that people put their best foot forward making their partner think they are something they aren't. I think this man should have been more honest in the beginning with his wife.

@nyc4233

2 ай бұрын

It's not only a question of honesty maybe he didn't know he wouldn't enjoy sex that much! Things evolve for multiple reasons in a relationship! Maybe she wasn't so forthcoming about her needs! Why do you assume he was the one who wasn't honest?? She should learn to respect his boundaries!

@priscillaL83

2 ай бұрын

@@nyc4233 thats the consequences of pornography. Unfortunately it affects the marriage bed. And when thats not doing well the marriage might not last too long.

Oh no🤦‍♀️This young man went from one extreme side to the other. From porn addiction at a super young age, to serious recovery, and now he’s married with ZERO excitement for sexual intimacy now. SO FREAKING SAD, and also that just angers me because by him cutting that part off of his marriage now that he is consumed with “recovery” brain that has now deprived and stripped away his WIFE of sexual intimacy with her husband to the fullest extent. NEWLY married, in their early 30’s, and already there are sexual intimacy issues🤦‍♀️Good lord🙄

@texasdazzlers

2 ай бұрын

It’s not exactly one extreme to the other; it’s two completely different activities. If he went back to porn, all those neuro pathways that were wired for pleasure would probably light back up. He doesn’t know how to feel that for a real person, which is really sad for her because she’s a new bride who just wants to make love with her husband a lot, as newlyweds usually do. I hope they can recover.

@firefly9838

2 ай бұрын

I am a young guy, in good shape. Never watched any corn, but no interest in sex. Every person just assumes corn.

@texasdazzlers

2 ай бұрын

@@firefly9838 Did you listen to the whole call? He literally said he’s a recovered porn addict and is struggling with the fact that sex with a real person is different. No assumptions made.

@nyc4233

2 ай бұрын

He hasn't stripped her of sexual intimacy! They have sex he just doesn't want to have sex everyday twice a day! He's not an object! She should learn to respect his boundaries!

@brbsnortingcatnip

2 ай бұрын

@@nyc4233 Doesn't sound like he wants to do it at all, not just twice a day.

Why can he just not say “No, darling, I cannot do this sex on demand thing”. Women complain about that all the time and I feel men have the right to say that they do not want sex so often?

Not porn addiction again

@StoneAgeWarfare

2 ай бұрын

Some of us don't get lots of affection so porn makes sense one way or another. Not saying it's good.

@martusia4594

2 ай бұрын

​@@StoneAgeWarfarehow are u getting affection from porn 😅 it looks more like rape not affection

@karmicdreamer

2 ай бұрын

😆😆😆 It strikes again !

@martusia4594

2 ай бұрын

@@karmicdreamer I mean I don't know what's wrong with so many young guys those days... as if they didn't know it destroys their brain. Happy that I don't have such problems with myself 😅

@elettramia6380

2 ай бұрын

@@StoneAgeWarfarethe same excuse a heroine addict would make for themselves. It’s all about you, yet you don’t have enough self awareness to comprehend that you are your own worst enemy. it’s a narcissistic trait

Porn, thats the problem. Been there here too, he didnt want sex but he was happy to have his own sex life with porn.

@Lynetted79

2 ай бұрын

Selfish pleasure! They make terrible lovers!

This is a good one that should be paid attn to. He's in that age range where he's comfortable with pleasing himself and doesn't have a need for her to do it. And she's feeling like that's her job, but she's not needed. Kudos to this guy for calling in. Never thought I'd hear this.

I didn't get my license till I was 18. I had lost numerous friends in car accidents and was Terrified of the responsibility of people's lives. I pushed thru the lessons in one week instead of 3 then moved to So Cal with no car and didn't drive again. At all. It wasn’t until I was 26 that I moved back up to Northern Cali and got a car and actually truly learned how. Family Freaks you out. Going with an actual driving instructor makes a Huge difference. You can do it hun!

I am so excited to hear back from Katherine! Drive safe!

I don’t understand men that aren’t ready to go when his woman is. I’m always ready to go especially when the gate keeper is ready to go 😅 It literally takes crippling stress for me to turn down s3x 😆 I’m so used to hearing about women lacking a drive or making excuses. This is news to me

If you want to do something for your spouse you will. Not talking about bedroom so much, but snuggling. That's so easy to do even if you dont want to. I can say this because im that person. My husband loves to snuggle, i dont... so we compromise. Thats so easy to do for him, because he likes it. Sex is a little harder to learn to do for the other person, but that is also possible. I do that as well. Do it for your spouse if you care about them.

Great video. This is a tough subject and the doc handled is very well!

Did anyone else feel a little uncomfortable with kelly and johns back and forth in the beginning? John looked like he was holding back a lot.. 😂

@flashthecorgi2053

2 ай бұрын

Haha no I love it. It’s so brother/ sister banter. I always laugh at them! 🤣

@successfulperson3304

2 ай бұрын

Yes! I felt like there was a bit more going on than fun and games…Like he was actually annoyed with her.

@KittyKat-xg4tx

2 ай бұрын

@successfulperson3304 ya! Like she could of waited to say that off air instead of putting him on the spot like that lol

@justme8255

2 ай бұрын

She was out of line and unprofessional. Imagine if he had done that to her.

@BillionaireForever

Ай бұрын

I think he had issues with the idea that his coworkers need to think of tactics to make it on time instead of trusting him to be on time

Dr John and interaction with Kelly is really funny😅😅

I love listening to this because I’m newly engaged going get married in July and have an baby on the way in October I love laying in bed listening to this podcast ❤❤ it helps me to learn and grow as a fiancé and a mother to be.

I had that same phobia about driving. My dad wad an alcoholic. I did not drive until my 20s....counciling helped me overcome the problems that linked between driving and my dad.

@janelleg597

2 ай бұрын

Zero is an absolute. That's not what he said

Im gonna add, that I had this issue with someone, I felt very neglected, i tried to talk to him and got shut down repeatedly, funny thing is that shutting down was more damaging to me. I didn't understand and made it a me issue, then questioned is it a him issue, but i think the way I communicated that was calm but came with 'are you' 'why dont you' and eventually 'we need to' he once said to me 'i hate these talks, you blame me for everything' to me I was just communicating calmly. It caused me to not feel desired emotionally and physically. I don't blame him, I take ownership on the way my communication even though calmly didn't create a safe space for him. In the end though I could see I had more fight to save the relationship. I remember telling a friend I can live with less physical, I can't live with not being desired or having a romantic relationship full stop. And I left. I regret not leaving sooner. We didn't have tools to have difficult conversations. I existed next to him alone. So please please talk to eachother.

@Pebbles_DD

12 күн бұрын

I needed to read this. I hear you. Thank you.

Professional driving lessons help with anxiety knowing you have a professional sitting next to you and can take control at anytime.

Wow this episode brought me to tears. The woman who was afraid of driving. I was diagnosed with panic disorder. I had to do a bunch of exposures to cure myself of it. I asked my counselor if this could be coming from my childhood she said no. And no need to do trama therapy. My mother was also a really bad alcoholic.... wow. I guess it was healing to hear dr. Deloney on this one. BTW, I taught myself how to do exposures through books I read!!! My counselor did not show me. I am better and not having panic attacks anymore but wondering if the issues in my relationships and everything is from this unresolved childhood trama and if I should do some kind of direct therapy for it!! I wish I could talk to dr deloney

I remember our church counselor basically saying that my job was to 'let him lead' and that meant in the bedroom he had all the say. he refused to even discuss my wants and needs. honestly i should have left then. Basically sex became more about what he wanted instead of what I wanted and I learned to resent sex.

I went through this. Didnt understand at first, how is my partner not wanting to be intimate? It crushes you as a woman. I tried to let him open up, reassured him its okay and we could get through it together. It never got better. Just got worse.

I was waiting for him to say something about porn. My ex-husband was similar. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was definitely addicted to porn. One time, I was waiting outside of our office for him in the car and he ran upstairs to go to the restroom really quick before we were to head home. Tell me why inside of the car, because the Bluetooth was connected to his phone, I heard the sounds of porn! He had no clue until I told him I heard it when he got back to the car and to please not talk to me until the next day! I didn’t even yell or anything like that. I just cried and told him not to talk to me because we had made an agreement that he wasn’t going to watch it anymore. I was always very honest and so I was expecting the same from him. But anyway, I was always down to have sex. I was a virgin when I got married, so of course once that door was open, I wanted it all the time and after a while he didn’t want it anymore. It felt like it was a chore to him or something. As much as he said he liked having sex with me and that there was nothing wrong with it, his sex drive was super low, but I think it’s because you get so used to this microwave, popcorn way of having sex because it’s just quick and easy with pornography, but with a person, there are some other elements to it. Anytime I hear of a man having a low sex drive, my first question is does he watch porn? They don’t understand how that really messes with your sex drive. A lot of men walking around here with some form of erectile dysfunction because they can’t get it up with a regular person. Anyways, we’re not married anymore, but that wasn’t the only issue. It’s definitely not fair to your partner. Hope they can work through it

Did he just call him dr Malony? Haha

@hector8491

2 ай бұрын

Dr. "Are you safe?" Bologna

@heatherchandler1184

Ай бұрын

@@hector8491😭😭😭😭😆

Agree this man is amazing for taking steps to sort this out. Have had a lifetime of denial for all sorts of reasons.

I both love and hate seeing so many women with the same problem as me. I have been feeling so alone in this struggle. He’s never had a high drive, whereas I could go and never stop. It’s caused so many issues. And I want children! I don’t know what to do anymore.

@KatM272

2 ай бұрын

Same. for some reason I’m always stuck in this dynamic. And when for some reason I find someone with a higher drive, they have other characteristics I could run from. Where’s the balance??

@thisishisbubbles9362

2 ай бұрын

My husband is in the mood, maybe once every couple months. We have 2 children.

@joshdh46

2 ай бұрын

​@KatM272 I don't think the balanced guys are very active in the current market. Girls are into extremes, and I think us more moderate guys are focused on other things. The increasing social acceptance of super Low T guys is a problem.

@davidjonburke2729

2 ай бұрын

@@joshdh46 I hate this mantra lol I've been on T for almost 10 years I had a high sex drive before when I was low it made no difference. I've always had a very high sex drive.

@PainIntoPurposewithRobandAli

2 ай бұрын

Girl we need to exchange info somehow! I need a gf I can actually talk to about this!! Seriously!

Everyone is fighting a war you know nothing about. Thank you! So true!

I once dated a man, who only wanted to "do it" on Fridays for 30 seconds. I was out of there so fast, didn't you notice this before you got married? Also John women want to do it too because someone told her isn't true. We like to do it too.

@Xairos84

2 ай бұрын

There are two categories, "wanting to do" and "wanting to do it twice a day". Not saying that anything is wrong with her, but this isn't the honeymoon. between jobs, (possibly) a poor diet, little to no exercise, I can really see how twice a day is too much

@Wendywolf8

2 ай бұрын

Some people wait untill after marriage

@listrahtes

2 ай бұрын

​@@Xairos84 but he was like that from the very beginning. He only initiates sex 2x a week and that possible only out of wanting to comfort here. They are very different.

@sarahjoe2457

2 ай бұрын

I always say men think they have a high sex drive until they meet a woman with a high sex drive.

@user-uq3rx3gm6o

2 ай бұрын

People need to understand if they much sexually before they get married. sex is not everything in the relationship which means that if only sex is working well between you and nothing else is going well then the relationship will die. But if you match in everything else and sex is not good, then the relationship will die,too.

Caller 1. Build intimacy in other ways, from talking, laughing, and hugging, to praying, and other shared interests. I agree with Dr. John to seek counseling. There's a pattern in your head that needs to be overcome. You both seem so nice. Many blessings to you. To the driver: You're basically me. I got my license at twenty nine. I was terrified of driving, due to seeing many crashes, and my family being involved in them, one fatally. I'm still nervous driving, and worse as a passenger. It can take some time, and a lot of praying, but you can at least get to some level of functioning. You can do this. Since you aren't taking safety for granted, you might be a fair amount safer on the road than others who are overconfident, too. Take it slow, but move forward. You'll get it. ❤

My sister over came her fear of driving. She was as 32. Single. Take a bite at a time . For her the fear came from someone calling her on Making mistakes, making fun of her. I can’t tell you how proud I am . No one ever knew she called up a number. Private person taught her how to drive. It totally changed and liberated her life. That was the beginning, of her, finding herself, the freedom within that she needed for herself . And I am proud of you for getting the car and starting it up!

I used to have the highest sex drive. 6 kids later, It feels like a chore anymore these days to be intimate. 😔

@JJJ-zf8ri

2 ай бұрын

6 kids? It's amazing you have time to breathe lol, I'm pregnant with my third and I'm scared of having no sex!

@sarahalderman3126

2 ай бұрын

Do not forget that our bodies are always changing... maybe your intimacy needs have changed and something is missing now? My husband and I have 9 kids and both of our desires have morphed numerous times over the years. I hope things improve for you ❤

@marymcphersonwilkins2897

2 ай бұрын

How old are your kids? Please share how you make this work logistically :)

@montymython754

2 ай бұрын

@@marymcphersonwilkins2897Seriously.

@sarahalderman3126

2 ай бұрын

@@SarahConnor562 yup! 9 kiddo's here too and it goes up and down but once a day is the norm with a little extra on our free weekends... but that's because sex is our favorite shared activity... 😉

His sex drive will build up once his brain will be reweierd but that can take years if he avoids pornogrphy and has a healthy lifestyle.

This was the instance with my ex and it ruined our relationship. Dr. John hit the nail on the head

Its true about porn. It got to where my husband HAD to watch some to get started. I found it offensive after repeat offenses, but he could not perform without it. It shut him down completely....I was basically celibate 18mo.s before he died three years ago which puts me at 4.5 years now. Avoid porn and /or get rid of it.

Whoa- Was it just me or was that an incredibly tense moment in the opening when Dr. John and his producer Kelly are conversing? That didn't seem like a joke. Seems like there's genuine anger there for both parties. And without even knowing who is right, I can definitely say it's not OK to whistle at your adult co-worker as if they're a dog needing to be bribed with treats when it's really coming from a place of covert anger...

The lady afraid of driving should take lessons from a professional. She should call around to find a driving school that has experience teaching nervous drivers. Taking "lessons" from your family isn't working.

Not trying to belittle this dudes situation, but he literally hit the jackpot having a wife who wants more relations than he does! You chose well brother. Good luck on your issues, dont lose that incredible gift you were given!

@MatthewRichardson1

2 ай бұрын

Exactly. I'm pretty sure most men would love to have this problem.

Porn is such a thief for this generation.

@firefly9838

2 ай бұрын

Why?

lol when he said “she’s German” I lost it. I’m German and my husband loves how much I enjoy the bedroom 😂. Go Germany woo 🇩🇪. We can do one thing right I suppose

I just wanted to throw this out there for the bad breath thing. If somebody still has their tonsils and they get tonsil stones that can really make your breath nasty . Having a tonsillectomy will fix that.

@IFBBProYeo

2 ай бұрын

Those were my thoughts. It's amazing the person doesn't know! Also dehydration makes for nasty bacteria

@successfulperson3304

2 ай бұрын

Exactly!

@AshleySmith-ik2ec

2 ай бұрын

If they are in their 40’s though that’s a very very hard recovery. But tonsil stones are awful!!

I think there is a study that says it is important to do some 30 monutes to an hour of talknfaily, hugs about 5 to 10 minutes, and checking every half day to keep a relationship of the marriage kind. Some people need it and some people don't but good to practice.

This is pretty simple actually, they're basically sexually incompatible. This is very common with religious folk because they don't know how to talk about sex, or don't want to talk about it. and then they just get married. Fact of the matter is sexuality compatibility is super important In a relationship. Sure common interest, core values, character, upbringing is important like society says but.. if you're not equal in your sex drives it's just not going to work. But most of us don't live in a sex positive world where we can have these real conversations before we get married.

@thisishisbubbles9362

2 ай бұрын

It can work. You don't have to have the same sex drive for it to work. And most people have a higher sex drive before they get married.

@davidjonburke2729

2 ай бұрын

@@thisishisbubbles9362 its really not that complex. I don't know all the details I don't know if they had these discussions before they got married or even if they had sex before they got married....but, Some people have a high sex drive like twice a day lol! Some people don't.

@thisishisbubbles9362

2 ай бұрын

@davidjonburke2729 If the relationship is banking on sex, it is much more difficult when the sex drives are super different. My husband and I didn't kiss till marriage. He had a high drive at the beginning, but because of p*rn, it dropped out really fast. We aren't incompatible. He just has stuff to work through. And why is it incompatible when a man's drive is lower instead of a female's? Because most women have naturally lower drives than men. My drive is so incredibly high that it can be frustrating at times, but I would never think our marriage can't work because that had nothing to do with why we got married. It wasn't part of our relationship until after marriage. And yes, we talked about EVERYTHING before marriage. And we were both on the same page. But needing help doesn't equate to incompatibility.

@auemmjee

2 ай бұрын

​​​@@thisishisbubbles9362bottomline is that many marriages end due to sex life problems. Your husband may work through his issue or he may not. Meanwhile, you'll be frustrated. Perhaps for years. Marriage is a wild card.

@Boosted_aj

2 ай бұрын

@@davidjonburke2729the difference in drive can work. The problem is it’s very very hard and requires both people to not give up. Feelings that get burned that bad may not heal.

Have the same problem with my fiance :/ maybe he's overworked? Idk.... It wasn't like this 3 years ago. He's 5 years older than me. Looking forward to watching this episode 👍🏻

@MightyMako

2 ай бұрын

My husband always blames work, even when work isn’t to blame. Ya know?

@annamann4544

2 ай бұрын

Don’t marry him!!!! Unless he directly addresses it and agrees to work on it DO NOT marry him!!!!

@Boosted_aj

2 ай бұрын

For men it’s usually depression, anxiety, shame, or he’s being ungrateful due to one of those or that’s who he truly is. Always check out hormones. My gf became this way and it’s clear it was hormonal and her actions simply caused a divide since she didn’t communicate or know how. Working towards better together but I’m making sure she takes the lead. I let her know she needs to otherwise I’ll feel unwanted. So as long as they put in the work you can stay. Just make sure your happy in the end otherwise split for everyone’s good

@russholly

2 ай бұрын

​@@annamann4544 as someone who has been dealing with this for almost 20 years and now know of thousands of other women dealing with the same. I agree 100% that she should run and fast. Don't marry him unless he gets counseling and addresses it in detail before you link yourself to him for life or God forbid having children with him.

@HDGaminTutorials

2 ай бұрын

My job exhausts me (im a woman) and i have zero interest in sex after i get off work im physically and emotionally drained and sex when you are like that is not enjoyable at all

Infected teeth, not flossing after every meal, OR sinus-related drainage down the back of the throat, OR H. Pylori stomach bacteria overgrowth in stomach can cause bad nreath

@skrattherat1

2 ай бұрын

H pylori causes ulcers not bad breathe..

@Michelle-js5kh

2 ай бұрын

Tonsil stones, too!

@k9luver701

2 ай бұрын

I would approach it to the person as a potential health issue--honey, please get this checked out because it can mean an underlying health issue. That way, it takes it out that he is "bad."

I’m so thankful you brought up the sex schedule. My husband and I have to do that because he has no sex drive. It was so hard at first and I did feel like I was a failure. It’s nice to know others have to do the same thing. We have sex 3 times a month because of it. Before it would be months without sex. Definitely something that should be talked about before marriage.

@jennifermarie8707

2 ай бұрын

How does it work if one person doesn't want it? Doesn't that affect the other person's desire?

Caller 1: Definitely address the emotional side of things as John prescribed, but make sure you're taking care of your health as well. Don't be overweight. Get your blood work and testosterone checked. Even without these issues, you need to be aware of these things. I'm not a touchy person either, but I was able to work through that.

He's "not a physical touch person at all". They need an annulment .

@carolethomas9808

2 ай бұрын

Twelve thumbs up!

@eecneihappy

2 ай бұрын

Grass isn't always greener. New people, new potential problems. f this is the only issue, I think it might worth trying to work through. There will always be something, it might be something else or some other problem with new person they didn't have to deal with or notice, appreciate as non-issue for both of them with their new partners.

@GUITARTIME2024

2 ай бұрын

@@eecneihappy it's a core mismatch. He doesn't want his own wife touching him. They need to end this before future kids have to live in a resentful home.

@eecneihappy

2 ай бұрын

​@@GUITARTIME2024You might be right.. it is a shame they didn't know this before they got married 😢 Unless there was a switch and bait. Sad either way, hope they find happiness however they need to.

@GUITARTIME2024

2 ай бұрын

@@eecneihappy he shouldn't be married at all.

I was 41 when I got my license to drive. My sister is 41 and she does not have her license. She has had panic attacks when doing the drive test and has not been able to pass it to get her license. Katherine from Baltimore -- you are not alone!!!

I really feel for the woman who is afraid to drive 🥺 It's a combination of all the bad accident stories I've seen and heard about it that have kept me from getting into my car so many times and I hate it. I drive, but I drive very little and only when I need to.

Twice a day is a lot. No one else saying that?

Kelly is hilarious 😂 😂 😂

I had some anxiety while driving in rain/snow. I figured out it started from my mother, who was afraid of driving. Once i saw it as HER fear i was able to breathe my way through and learn to drive my drive...slow lane.

@itsbraelynn1395

Ай бұрын

❤

The last story. I was terrified of driving. I was afraid of a lot of things. I convinced myself I didn't need friends because I was scared of driving to places to make friends. Even if I could make friends I'd have to drive to see them. It really crippled my social life. But then I realized it wasn't just the driving. I was scared of a lot of things and that stemmed from more personal issues. However forcing myself to drive was one of those things that have me the confidence to face those issues. In the beginning it's going to feel like your brain is tearing your body apart but then you'll get past it and find that yeah, it's hectic and crazy out here on the roads, but you have the ability to handle hectic and crazy

Second call~ I wonder if the wife is finding her worth in the bedroom, and how much her husband wants her. This was me and I've had to work on it!❤

The 1st caller…aside from the porn issue, her wanting it 2x a day is way too much if he doesn’t want it too. It’s giving sex addiction. The bad breath thing…speak now or move on. I think if you go on 2 dates with someone and the breath still stinks just move on.

I thought I was the only woman on earth dealing with this. It's absolutely miserable not having ones sexual appetite matched. Especially as a woman because everything in us tells us something is wrong with us personally when our partner doesn't want us in that way. Terrible experience, would not recommend.

@lenitaa7938

2 ай бұрын

A good self-help book, « What to Do when He Has a Headache! »

Catherine: there are also many vehicles available today that offer driver assist features that could provide you an extra layer of protection while driving. This will not only add that extra layer but will also potentially help with anxiety. The technology with Ford is I believe copilot 360 and with General motors it is blue Cruise if I remember correctly.

I have a question about how you knew what to say you needed from your wife to feel loved. Dr. Delony you said that you and your wife sat down and agreed on 'terms' for each other to show love that you both needed. I don't know where to begin with that kind of list. Thank you.

@jakejaramillo9438

2 ай бұрын

Have you read "The Five Love Languages"? Like John said, it's a very good framework for how to approach this topic. As you read the book, it would be good for you to take time and reflect on situations that you personally would enjoy. No one ever tells us that we should even ask the question, "What makes me feel loved?" Many things in society are assumed to be intuitive but they really, really aren't. Have fun with the journey! May God bless you and your family. 🙂

@borderlinepersonalitydisordera

2 ай бұрын

​@jakejaramillo9438 Thank you for the recommendation. I've heard about it, read some info on it. I haven't read the book in it's entirety yet. I will put it on my list of books for the year.

That first guy sounded like he said "Dr. Maloney".

I’m the female in this situation and it’s so frustrating when everyone talks about doing the dishes. Please stop recommending this! These guys thinks that behavior REPLACES our true needs and then ignore making changes where we really need it. Trust me, we could care less about the dishes. We know that sort of behavior is them avoiding the real intimacy and is just one more act of rejection.

It is always the corn. It all goes back to corn.

Whoa Dr John jams Metal? I love Underoath!

For the lady who's scared of driving... i agree that she needs counselling for past issues, AND needs to see one who deals with fears/phobias. I also think she should take some driving lessons with a proper instructor, not family as it's stressing her out. Someone who's trained in teaching driving who has a proper learner's car with 2 sets of pedals. Thats how we learn in the UK, and it takes months to learn in this country. It takes that fear of making a mistake away, as they can stop the car if necessary! It'll help build her confidence up. By learning with someone outside the family she'll also lose that fear of feeling she's letting her family down, as they're watching her struggles. She's not. She just feels like she is! Wishing her the best of luck 😊🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

This breaks my heart. 😔💔

Twice a day?! I think that is unrealistic. The guy needs a day or two to recover. Geeze!

@successfulperson3304

2 ай бұрын

Yeah she has some sort of sex addiction….too much

Nothing is wrong with you, 2 people equals 2 different sex drives.

@Ndw1995

2 ай бұрын

Very true, I’m a healthy 28 year old guy, T levels are as they should be, And my sex drive is probably 10% of what it was in high school. Seems to be common amongst my friend group too. That being said, the wife wanting sex TWICE A DAY is pretty crazy. My high school self would have loved that marriage, but there’s no way I could do that either

@christinajose285

2 ай бұрын

Weak man weak. My man was 37 when we first got together and we did it 2 - 3 times a day until the kids came. All that porn in the formative years are ruining men's brains or something.

@Ndw1995

2 ай бұрын

@@SarahConnor562 I’m just going off of what multiple doctors have told me

@Prisnii

2 ай бұрын

@@SarahConnor562agreed! My Husband’s PCP told him his T-levels were normal. I was told by my brother to go to an endocrinologist and he bet my husband would receive a different answer. So he did and sure enough. His T-levels according to the endocrinologist were low and he has to get on HRT.

I laughedI cried. You're the comedian. I enjoy the most.

My first husband refused to have sex with me. Before we got married, we did have a good sex life, but once we got married, he wouldn’t touch me. He said to me “there are women for that. “I guess before we got married, I was one of the women for that. He was so messed up and messed up by his own family that we ended up divorced not just about sex, but many other things that came along with the package. I had no clue until we got married!

Shouldn't he get medically cleared first

@eecneihappy

2 ай бұрын

Agreed, it wouldn't hurt

Testosterone low? As a young man you should have doctor checked.

@firefly9838

2 ай бұрын

Lots of young guys don't have doctors

Desire, Excitement And playfulness Can be learned and practiced definitely.❤

First, I concur, kudos to that guy for calling to ask such a hard question, he greatly cares about his wife. I hate porn - it has ruined so many relationships and marriages. Porn screws up a persons brain and sense of reality when it comes to sex. Thank you for this conversation. My husband and I have been married 15 years and have two children…I just said to my husband the other day, I miss when we could just come home and get it on…sex is scheduled these days. It’s still enjoyable and exciting, so I’m thankful that we both understand at this point in our life that we have to put it on the calendar and send flirty texts throughout the day.

We have a bad culture of assuming the man is always the problem. The man either wants too much sex or not enough sex. He wither wants too spend too much time with his wife or not enough. He either works too much or does not work enough. It feels draining and exhausting. But that's why you don't read comments. So much externalized negativity. Its more important than ever to have a wife who wants to build together with you rather than blame you. The excuses are abundant.

@sarahalderman3126

2 ай бұрын

Maybe your focus of "blame" is the problem? Like what's with the "man is too much/too little", I mean the same could be said about women and is in plenty of spaces. However in a marriage it is based solely on the needs of just these two people, not men or women in general. Better to just remove the "should" aspect and talk to each other about what it is each of you want. There really is no right or wrong but there can be a right/wrong for each specific person.❤

@batkat0

2 ай бұрын

​@@sarahalderman3126 Right and the problem isn't what the man does or doesn't want. The issue is that we've created the expectation that men will always have a higher sex drive and women will always be blocking them because we're not sexual at all. So now, this guy doesn't fit the narrative and the both of them feel guilty. She feels bad because she thinks men want sex all the time and her husband doesn't want *her*. He feels bad because his sex drive isn't "masculine" and that makes him insecure.

@timkadri5851

2 ай бұрын

@sarahalderman3126 I don't focus on blame in my relationships. That is the point. You are debating a straw man argument, not mine. The keywords that I used were " build together."

@Ims963

2 ай бұрын

Completly agree, woman always point out, i'm a woman, we need to take more accountability

@karmicdreamer

2 ай бұрын

@@batkat0THIS 👆🏼Completely agree

God the condescension from John’s assistant? Feminism is a plague.

When I first started listening and heard him say 1 week after the wedding he didnt want sex, I thought "porn addiction" and I wasn't wrong. The wife is upset because she thinks she doesn't live up physically with the porn stars, and he thinks she's unattractive and not enough.

@jennifermarie8707

2 ай бұрын

Agree!

The Third caller regarding driving needs a somatic therapist to address her anxiety as her system is locked in a sympathetic fight or flight. She is a chest breathing and completely unregulated nervous system. See a somatic therapist and counsellor too

If shes shown physical touch ( im here with you) only through sex in the beginning - it registers as abandonment subconsciously to her when its withdrawn .

@maryannelawless4447

Ай бұрын

Good point! This is why it's important to discuss sex drive levels in the beginning

Wife should've been on the call as well. Twice a day would be exhausting regardless of desire and sex drive. Does she not work, have housework etc, of course hes tired. She has self work to do just like the husband does hopefully the husband didn't feel like he was the only one that needed to work on it

@annjensen795

2 ай бұрын

Not necessarily...they are in their honeymoon phase..... newlyweds often can't get enough of each other in the honeymoon phase...in this case the new bride is in this phase on her own...

@IFBBProYeo

2 ай бұрын

Girl I couldn't agree less!! "Aren't you too busy& tired?" Sounds like a downer 😅 Some people have a lot of energy - and they are NEWLY MARRIED! This should be the best time ever! You'll make or just take the time- 1st thing in the morning, lunch break, bedtime or after dinner, skip grocery shopping or an errand because you'd rather be home! You're in love! You're young! You want to give your whole self to the man you married! I think he was actually just making an example that she'd be great with 2x a day, not that it's happening, clearly it isn't. I'm 3 months away from 40, & my drive is as high as ever. Life is good! I am strides ahead of my husband in that way, & we had our own struggles. It was HARD. We both did work, bc of that we're in a better place & do have to schedule. Not being rude here to ya, just friendly banter in the comments! 🎉

@AZMR240SX

2 ай бұрын

He is the only one who needs to work on it. He has 31 years of shame and mixed messaging to sort through, and he seems to at least have his eyes open about it. When he can outgrow and discard the negativity instilled by his childhood, and develop his own ideas about sexuality, *that* is the time to decide if twice a day is just too much to ask. He doesn’t even know if he likes it yet because he’s so wrapped up in his head.