My mom told me I would be sad when she left but was able to be soothed. My caregivers were consistent in how they showed up. They didn't make me hide my emotions, they allowed me to be creative and they reciprocated their affection. I am also not clingy with friendships but I am a friend who shows up when it counts and checks in. My circle is small.

We have a grandson who has adjustment disorder with anxiety. He has been sick his whole life and had a bilateral lung transplant when he was 10 and now is almost 17. He has to know where I am at all the time. His parents are divorced and his mother is bipolar and his sisters also live with us now and we are trying to help them deal with what life has dealt them. It is complicated to say the least.

@LurkingLinnet

11 ай бұрын

Oh Good Lord! I wish I could do something to lessen the suffering..but the resilience that these people must have built over the years is am sure unmatchable. Sending lots of love and blessings. ❤ God Bless! I pray that better days are on the way!

@jeanmarieobrien8254

15 күн бұрын

I wish you all healing love and light including your daughter who suffers through her you had your grandchildren gratitude brings joy and staying in your now presence brings peace ☮️

I recently heard of one therapist saying that as adults different partners can trigger different attachment styles. It's an interesting view as a lot of people are afraid that they didn't develop secure attachment growing up so it's going to be like that in all of their romantic relationships whereas perhaps with certain partners they can actually have secure attachment. Obviously it's good to work with a therapist first but nonetheless we shouldn't worry SO much about our attachment style. I think that what helps is a compatible partner. At the end of the day, we can do so much inner work, therapy, reading etc etc BUT I actually believe that healing truly completes in a relationship.

@writeherstory11

11 ай бұрын

This makes so much sense Chris! I have been on both side of this coin and am currently in one with an individual without a secure attachment which affects me severely

@penelopefp

11 ай бұрын

My therapist thinks I'm bipolar 2. I've told them I only have issues with my partner. I never explode with annoying people at work, but people at work also don't criticize me and treat me the way my partner does. Doing couples therapy trying to work it out

@roshaniwagle3775

7 ай бұрын

I totally agree with this.

0:10: 🔐 Securely attached children show distress when separated from their parents, but are able to soothe themselves and are comfortable in relationships as adults. 3:25: 👩‍👧‍👦 Being a good mom involves a combination of playing with your child and being available for them when needed. 10:02: 👥 Adults with this attachment style are able to judge each relationship individually and are comfortable with closeness. 6:37: 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Parents should monitor their own feelings and maintain structure to foster secure attachment with their children. 12:21: 🔐 Securely attached individuals in friendships are reciprocal, maintain their own identity, and are able to support others without becoming overly emotional. Recap by Tammy AI

@azskinsfanhttr3494

3 ай бұрын

Cliff Notes... cool

sounds like secure attachment style is one to strive for on an ongoing basis . Thank you

@mikelisteral7863

7 ай бұрын

shame on you

@azskinsfanhttr3494

3 ай бұрын

Yes, very few people have that style. Also, most people have what is called a 'mixed bag'. The human psyche isn't easily placed into neat little boxes. You'll notice she didn't speak in 'absolutes' in the video.

My parents (stepdad) waited all day when I broke my arm at a wedding. It happened in the early part of the day but I was asked to sit down and wait and watch till the evening. I was around 7-9 years old As a parent I was mindful of my reaction when my daughter would fall or hurt herself. I tried to be calm and watch her react before I did.

Wow geez.... thanks for the leaving a kid at school reference. I noticed what my mom did was to literally throw me into kindergarten and into the arms of the teachers even as i cried and bawled my eyes out because i was scared, she ignored me because she had to rush to work (i was a kid, i didnt understand why she couldn't stay for awhile). I remember looking out the windows of the kindergarten classroom for many hours for my mom but she would never appear. A poignant memory was that a teacher recognise that i was very upset and crying for my mother for much of the day, she took me on a walk by holding my hand and showed me the other side of the windows within the corridor and soothed me and let me know that my mom will be back soon, after class and taught me to watch the clock on the wall and could look forward to seeing my mom again when the hands pointed to a certain time, that comforted me and i calmed down. She became my secure attachment figure on that day. Those memories still stay with me till today and thus made me an anxious preoccupied.

@azskinsfanhttr3494

3 ай бұрын

Actually, your attachment style was developed previous to the 1st day of Kindergarten. An attachment style isn't like a bolt of lightening. I am confident your anxiety was experienced in many other ways prior to your introduction to school. Give it some thought

@jaredt8526

17 күн бұрын

@@azskinsfanhttr3494 This is broadly true but there is also evidence to suggest that about 30% of people's attachment styles change over life, so there are other factors involved outside of infancy.

@azskinsfanhttr3494

17 күн бұрын

@jaredt8526 30% and it takes work to change those attachment style. Cognitively recognized . Most people don't understand this. Attachment Styles are ingrained

@jaredt8526

17 күн бұрын

@@azskinsfanhttr3494 The point was that they can change with life experiences.

@azskinsfanhttr3494

17 күн бұрын

@@jaredt8526 I'm not opposed to that thought. But recognizing it is a different reason.

So I think I was more of a fearful type but I developed to more of a secure. Sometimes I have come backs but I try to calm myself and I’m still developing. So now what I remind me more of is the secure!

I say thanks to the host for the last question.

My mom told me I would be sad when she left but was able to be soothed. My caregivers were consistent in how they showed up for me, and did allow me to do tasks on my own too. I think being an only child, allowed me the opportunity to not mind being alone. Now, I do think if someone isn't securely attached it can trigger different emotions that is from your baseline so you really need to be attuned to that. A anxiously attached person will slowly show controlling behavior and be very sensitive while a dismissive will make you think wanting basic connection is "just too much". Luckily securely attached people are flexible to an extent and if in love can really help others re-wire their expectations.

omg im very anxious and protective. I am learning SOO much out of this. I need to adjust my parenting style.

Thanks never stop posting these are so helpful

Thx very much for this and all the content! It is so important to understand the range of typical so we can gat a better idea of possible barriers or problems.!

Im a secure attachment style. My mom said as long as i was "singing" she knew i was happy on my lil world. What i craved was a healthy environment. Im empathic so i soak EVERYTHING in. I wasnt craving physical touch or coddling. I just want someone "around".

Great video

more interviews with dr judy please

When I read The Five Levels of Attachment by don Miguel Ruiz Jr. and don Miguel Ruiz, it changed my life.

I think now I have a goal to be in my relationship, i have been very anxious with my partner and im ashamed

What happens to a secure person if you end up dating for 5 yrs a person that is a very detouched avoidant. Can it change you, because Ive never been the same since they left because they didnt even break-up with me, it was so wired.

@ll-sz9fl

3 ай бұрын

yes, it may give you feelings that last, and stay clinging on to you. work it out in therapy.

Great videos, thanks. Allow me to add my opinion on how you responded to your nephew falling and hitting his chin. I kinda feel like your response taught him how to completely ignore his pain, stuff it and move on. Your dismissive style in action 👌😁 Maybe it's better to acknowledge that he might be hurting, address his pain calmly and encourage him to play again if it's not a big deal... what do you think? P.S. I have a fearful avoidant attachment, so no judgment whatsoever 😂

Who wrote the description?

@ll-sz9fl

3 ай бұрын

lol

@TheAnnihilator21

Ай бұрын

Just went to read the description "suffer from Secure attachment" 😂

Wat if idc if my parents are gone?

10:04 in adult. 13:10 13:20

Planned parenthood to concept then?

Damn, Dr. Ho is so freakin' fine.

Am I this or am I fearful?

@ll-sz9fl

3 ай бұрын

that's a questions only a fearful would have lol

@Eirini.e11

3 ай бұрын

@@ll-sz9fl good hahahhaha

No one turns out just fine….I take Bitcoin