My toxic trait is that I tend to avoid problems instead of face them head on. I’m working on dealing with life as it is.

@Saverinis

2 жыл бұрын

Me too. My avoidance has manifested now in avoiding the people I used to enjoy spending time with. Working on it :/

@2sense110

2 жыл бұрын

You should avoid problems. You should only confront the problems you can't avoid or should not avoid

@mariamshah338

2 жыл бұрын

@@2sense110 I meant that I avoid problems that aren’t going to go away unless I solve them.

@mariamshah338

2 жыл бұрын

@@Saverinis same. we’ll get there someday

@tamikasmith4219

2 жыл бұрын

Me too I shut completely down.

My toxic trait is that I easily get defensive. Whenever I feel wronged or like my words are being disregarded, I start to get impatient and I start to gain a rude tone, which I always feel horrible about after the fact. I'm learning to be more patient and to take my time before responding to people so I can find the best words possible to describe what I'm truly feeling.

@jennbrooms8058

2 жыл бұрын

I'm just like that 😭😭

@tishataray

2 жыл бұрын

Me too

@jjlovesgreentea

2 жыл бұрын

This is me 😭😭😭

@kizie2196

2 жыл бұрын

Same

@sylviaharriet

2 жыл бұрын

It's okay 😌 at least you're aware of it and willing to work on it 😊

I am good at the silent treatment. I hate that about me, and I know it's toxic...but it is how I deal with anger, frustration and uneasiness. This definitely makes people mad.

@roxjnie9028

2 жыл бұрын

@A C it is toxic, it’s a form of emotional manipulation. the silent treatment is different from a freeze response.

@-.-9436

2 жыл бұрын

I used to always talk back and argue but now i just stay quiet but i know i shouldn’t lol

@briannarobinson1107

2 жыл бұрын

Grow up.

@A22DNAL

2 жыл бұрын

It's a powerful one, too LOL

@Culimocumar101

2 жыл бұрын

Same to you,

My toxic trait is I have a hard time setting boundaries with people in my life.

Jeanie has really come a looong way in her growth from the early days on the show back when Tamar was still on here and the version of herself she's become now....she has transitioned beautifully in process of growth. 👍🥰

Yes anger is a secondary emotion !

@alexisking8495

2 жыл бұрын

Yes 👏🏽

@elevatedbyelle

2 жыл бұрын

nah sometimes i can feel anger if i’ve been abused or violated.

@apolloangel4754

2 жыл бұрын

@@elevatedbyelle exactly it’s secondary… so you feel abused/violated and that makes you angry. There’s always a root to anger

@kingdomheartscomments8742

2 жыл бұрын

Actually it's a primary emotion. In psychology, the five primary emotions are anger, joy, sadness, disgust and fear (like in the movie inside out), but yes, anger is often a reaction to underlying issues/feelings.

I love what Jeanie said about asking what happened in last relationship’s. I asked my husband why him and his ex split? I kinda already had an idea just from what I had to deal with. Every time he would say oh she didn’t do this or she didn’t do that etc etc….he never admitted his part in it. I’ll be honest that my toxic trait is I want to be petty when someone hurts me. I want to hurt them as much as they did me and I just wanna get petty. Yeah I’m working on it. Lol

@Noliving

2 жыл бұрын

I wonder how Jeannie would react if any of the guys she was dating said they had never been in a relationship.

@stacyr4768

2 жыл бұрын

I’m vindictive as well

@lilyzemengist8091

2 жыл бұрын

Relatable

@A22DNAL

2 жыл бұрын

That is one that can def do more damage than good! Whew!

@deannailer4297

2 жыл бұрын

R u a Taurus lol

I love this kind of conversation

@lk5393

2 жыл бұрын

Me too!!

@MARIARODRIGUEZ-xb5cb

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!!!

@UjumpoUnravels

2 жыл бұрын

Me too🙂

That’s the first thing I thought of when A was talking , a lot of ppl replace anger with embarrassment or hurt. Name the feeling. It’s a great exercise for children as well.

@adimfavourmaris4578

2 жыл бұрын

You'll lose good people so please do something about it

@Msladyrae92

2 жыл бұрын

@@adimfavourmaris4578 Not me , I def have been on the receiving end of it though. Displaced anger is no joke.

I learned anger is a secondary emotion. Sometimes it’s hurt or anxiety, that makes me overwhelmed and ppl or I just label it anger

Masking the real emotion with anger is the one for me. It usually happens when I feel powerless in a situation that concerns or worries me and I know how worse the situation can get.

I'm going to miss The Real! I hope you ladies find a way to work together again!

Acknowledgment is key i always say "When you know better you do better, when you do better you get better.

@ncz7

2 жыл бұрын

💗

Asking yourself “what changed my mood?” to get down to the specifics is SUCH a good idea. Ugh they’re always speaking facts. I’m gonna miss this show

~ "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." ~

My toxic traits are being controlling, easily irritated and very impatient.

My toxic traits are the fact that I can be a bit controlling at times and also I don't communicate in a healthy way. I hate confrontation so I avoid any issues that later bubble up into anger and then it starts an argument because I've been holding back for so long. I also need to let people have their space when we're arguing, I always want to "fix" the problem when it happens even though looking back I didn't have all of my thoughts together as well so having conversations at the moment was useless.

@colourqueen22

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my God are you me????? 😮

@Killerdolce1

2 жыл бұрын

Shall we start a support group for people like us?

@viviangonzalez2520

2 жыл бұрын

Omg this is my Man! He will Not let me have my space he wants to fix it right then and there, and I feel a Ball in my throat literally because I feel trapped and I can’t process anything ! I am left defeated, and then I get this ugly cry because I feel that he don’t listen to what I gotta say, he just want to keep the peace fast and fix it…. And I am left drowning in my emotions and suffocated.

@CharCharJars

2 жыл бұрын

I can relate for sure. My friend tells me to just wait because sometimes. I may not be completely ready emotionally, but I’m in a rush to make it right because it feels like it’s eating me up inside. Being mindful to pray first and give it a little time, without it being forever, because I don’t like feeling bitter either 🤷🏾‍♀️

At first...I was like "nah, I ain't got no toxic trait!" Then it hit me. I can be VERY dismissive! And I mean, it comes naturally!😂

I don't know if it's a toxic trait, it could be I guess, but I tend to let things build up and build up with me without expressing what is wrong or bothering me about the person/people or the current situation I may be dealing with, then when everything comes to a head I explode on everybody. But the reason I suppress a lot of my feelings is because I'm largely misunderstood. And no matter what I do to let my feelings be known, I get misunderstood. Folks just won't/don't get it. So it causes a lot of frustration for me.

@ML-ni1tk

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Tiffany, I feel you. Its frustrating and isolating to feel misunderstood, especially by those closest to you.I can't say I have the antidote to immediately solve your problem but I hope my words are helpful and encouraging to you. You are not alone, darling. God is always there for you. If you feel those around you misunderstand you, know that at the very least God is there. He understands and is willing to listen.I pray that you overcome this challenging time swiftly and those around you get to see and embrace your light and vice versa

@sstrugglinginthe

2 жыл бұрын

Girl same! People misunderstand or assume they know me better then I know myself and I get annoyed

@mikori120489

2 жыл бұрын

Me tooo I am like that. I can explain the best way I can and people either never believe what I am saying (depends on situation) or take my word another way which frustrates me and this always make me feel dumb. Because of that I get mad inside and don’t say nothing but will still think about it later. If the same person continues on acting like that and makes me feels ways I don’t want too and on top this person acts like he or she is giving me advise on how to speak, think etc.. this is when I explode and will stay in my corner because I am tired. Instead of people listening and understanding they already jump to conclusion and annoyed you more and don’t realize their behavior.

@TiffanyRayneOfficial

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you guys, I truly appreciate the encouraging words.

@victoriamciver9900

2 жыл бұрын

I am the same too girl don't feel bad!💖

I have a couple of toxic traits. One - I overthink constantly. I make up scenarios in my mind that haven’t even occurred, which lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. Two - when I’m an argument, especially when I’m angry and overwhelmed, I tend to allow my emotions to govern how I respond to situations, which lead to hurtful words, shame and regret, and hurt feelings. I’m definitely aware of those traits, and I’m working to overcome them. It’s easier said than done at times, but I will master it.

Wow…I was so helped by Adrienne’s comment on anger. I didn’t realize I mask so many of my real feelings by expressing them as anger when it’s actually not the root of how I’m really feeling after a person does or says something. I will try to use this to try to communicate better with my loved ones and those around me.

My good sis Jeannie got the heel game under lock and key.

I love this topic ... I'm too emotionally driven at times, sometimes I need to sit back, think and process before I react. Also the silent treatment was a toxic trait of mine in my last relationship but now that I've discovered the reasons why I reacted that way it makes sense, sometimes when we are with someone that displays certain behaviours we then start to develop toxic traits.

Mine is anger and control.. it's hard for me to get angry but when I do I blow up and that sucks for everyone else. As for controlling I like things done a certain way, a certain time and if u can't do it get out of my way I'll do it myself. and I feel better when Im in control of my environment.

My toxic trait is that I tend to bottle up my emotions when I should be letting them out! I try to spare feelings and have respect, when really, I could be vicious! But I just rather not say than say. This cn be bad and good.

I loved this conversation.

Mine is I am my own worst enemy. I am not kind to myself; I don’t speak kindly of myself and I let others try to dictate how I should be, which makes me want to people please. Hate that about me ..

@BriaBarrows

2 жыл бұрын

This 🙏🏾

I’m going to miss these ladies soooo much

Know it all. My mom always said I was not smart. So I research the hell out of stuff that I am interested in. I am judgemental because I want to surround myself with people who want to keep going and improving.

I currently struggle with anger, especially towards my brother & sister in law as well as my parents. But there's a good reason for it. My sister in law is immature and my treats like I'm lazy which I'm not even though I don't have an job (Just over broke) which I'm not. I'm not broke.

Very important to be self aware and work on becoming better 💯

Wow I love what Adrienne said! So true! We use anger as a cover

My toxic trait is that I dislike people. But, I love that about myself lmao.

@andreac.5596

2 жыл бұрын

Haha, that's funny

My toxic trait was always trying to help ppl heal and tryna come up with the answers. Like having a savior complex. At first its cool and you're there for them but then they get crazy attached and they weigh you down lol. N you soon realize I'm not qualified for this. Let broken ppl be. Don't involve yourself. Its not your job. N good Lord don't date them (with their ups and crazy downs)🤦🏾‍♀️theyre not fit for a healthy relationship

@naturalbeauty4892

2 жыл бұрын

@@LittleRedMadison I think the helping i wanted to do was more for me than it was about them. I think its kinda to feel like I got all the answers and you don't. Its my guess. All I know is its bad

@BriaBarrows

2 жыл бұрын

Yup! I had to learn this

Who ever embarassed , bilittled or rejected Adrienne, hurt her deeply. She is a pleaser, pick-me girl because of that

@susanjordan11

2 жыл бұрын

Where did you get that from? She’s happily married and Israel treats her great! Usually pick-me’s are women who say whatever to appease men even when it’s to their detriment. Seeking male approval etc.

@sadcatsam

2 жыл бұрын

I think Lenny ! She always mentions Lenny on the lowkey

@josephlovely7759

2 жыл бұрын

@@susanjordan11 Adrienne is always on men's side. She would also tone down to make other women like her. Yes, Israel is great with her but she's still insecure

@Max-ec2dj

2 жыл бұрын

I don’t really think so tho, i love psychology and very in to different attachment styles and personally i think she yes might be a pleaser (i think so because i can relate) and the thing she said about feeling humiliated or rejected i can relate to as well! It has something to do with trauma from childhood and not feeling good enough so you try to please and very unconfortable with confrontation. You can also grow up where you might have gotten criticised a lot for things and therefor might have harsh reaction to any type of feeling like you are rejected. But i would also say that it’s normal for people with a fearful avoidant attachment (the mix between being anxious and avoidant in relationstips) you might react bad when feeling rejected also. Oh and people who have this might fear relationships or that they don’t deserve love or that their partner will betray them och something, but in my opinion adrienne has gotten soo good in her relationstip with Israel and has learned to love her self and also has a more secure attachment style now. But i can be wrong tho this is just my thought

@yunidiar

2 жыл бұрын

I think it was a lot of situations that got her in that space but I think she’s owning it beautifully now In her thirties. And Garcelle brings that out of the girls. Everyone wanted to stay safe and cute for tv but Garcelle is unapologeticly her rubs off in a good way on them

My toxic trait is, overthinking all the time, being too self-conscious and not being able to be in the moment completely

Yessss I can totally relate with Adrienne about rejection and embarrassed shield with anger 💯😪💯

Loni's eyelash is hanging on for dear life

YAAAASSSSSS 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 YA’LL CAME ALL THE WAY THROUGH ON THIS ONE!!! *Was just talking about getting upset when people ignore me(don’t respond to me) & the real issue behind it is, I feel disrespected.🤯 Going to work on this starting today☺️ Look for the root & begin pulling it up

“What just changed my mood?” *exactly*

It’s a red flag to me when a gentleman suitor is blaming everything on his ex. Yes she could have been the devil but you chose her so what does that say about you and what you felt you deserved. Self awareness is important especially when you’re looking to be different in a new relationship

Powerful discussion…it’s important to have a retrospective analysis of ourselves…. And what’s more … to work on them

Gosh I’m gonna miss this show! Learnt so much from this.

I think I can be way too demanding of people re my expectations and dropping people like hot potatoes when they don’t do what I think they should.

@naturalbeauty4892

2 жыл бұрын

So honest of you. Thats deep introspection

When Jeanie said “when I was in my 30’s” I went 😳😳😳 I forgot she’s in her 40’s! 😍

My toxic trait is that I get extremely impatient and it leads me to get major anxiety and I tend to flip out. I feel Adrienne cus I get the same way. If I feel rejected or ashamed I lash out but digging deep like this makes me see why I act the way I di

Adrienne is so wise! I’m really going to miss this show🥲

This is powerful❤

My toxic traits that I am struggling with are I can be manipulative but to myself and I can be negative about myself and I am learning how to communicate my feelings and thoughts so I won’t stress myself out cuz that feeling does not feel good at all… like Adrienne I also deal really hard with rejection and feeling like I am not good enough for anything or anyone and I just realized that I can be jealous especially when it comes to relationships

The topics the ladies have been covering this season is so relevant and nessary but it works because the ladies are real and honest about how it worked in their real life experiences. Big mistake to cancel the show when they're finally hitting the mark that is not met on other shows by women of color, that have matured and are coming into their own like the viewers are doing as well.

I don't know about anyone else it's owning whatever traits I need to work on which is "anger" however I don't hide it to project. I don't tend to avoid talking about touchy subjects and that's one of my strengths. In introspect I would say not having expectation of how people should act prevents negative feelings when It's addressed in a healthy way.

Adrienne and Jeanni are more of what Loni is reading than they know. I don't think Adrienne sees herself, or Jeanni they are women who are very judgemental, have issues if you don't agree, are very phony etc. If anyone only sees the negative that you do or did are the problem but, refuses to see themselves. Many relationships don't work out because of that very reason. Many people believe they're perfect when in fact there is no such thing. Everyone has flaws but, it takes a person who knows themselves to own them. I confront issues head-on, speak up and own my mistakes. My husband says very few people have those traits. One thing I've learned in life is, that many people are phony, sneaky, and insecure most are not sincere at all. I never tell people anything I don't want repeated because they will repeat it.

I love these kind of topics!!!

Oh great topic! Speak more about this! A you made me really think 🤔

This was great!!🌸💞💚

Same here, rejections and being embarrassed.

You can tell nobody wanted to go first 😂 and Garcelle didn’t actually share one 🫣

@salfra4476

2 жыл бұрын

And when loni said one about her the other 2 ladies were like yeah that's us 2 lol I was watching this like they don't want to really admit their toxic traits and that in itself is a toxic trait lol

@ll9212

2 жыл бұрын

@erikverikv Because Adrian's very long winded! Always!!!😄

I can say I think I know what my toxic traits are but I wonder what those around me would say, because they SEE it.

Ladies are living to be able to share such “negative” personal information about themselves that others can try taking advantage of. They focus though on the people they are helping.

I am not sure if this was toxic but definitely giving someone more chances than needed when I told them about my boundaries and what i would and would not accept..Also shutting down when i feel hurt or betrayed and just not answering my phone because i feel too vulnerable.. and last but not least.. i was seeing someone and i wasn't ready to be with that person and we started getting serious but i was selective in who i told.. which is realized i should have never done that regardless of my reasons.. i just wasn't ready for the reaction from one of my friends.. but i should have made the one i loved feel 100% secure....I'm working on things 😊

I remember a job interview I had with my previous employer (a bank). They asked the infamous “what is your weakness?” question and after a long awkward silence of me trying to figure it out, I said I couldn’t tell them/didn’t know. It was awkward, but I got the job.

To Garcelle: I have that same exact dress!!! 😍😍😍 #GreatMinds #AndGreatTopic 😊

A few years ago I probably would have agreed with Jeannie that it’s a red flag if someone says their last relationship ended because of things the other person did. However, experience has shown me that when a relationship breaks down, there is not always 50/50 blame/wrongdoing. Also, there are a lot of people who will not disclose all of the details of why their last relationship ended. Some are dishonest and some have been burned and are cautious about who they share their vulnerabilities with.

This show actually got better after cancellation was announced

Loni with that word! GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES!

That just puts out aknot that you are shamed be invoices needed😎🥶

I can identify them and I’m working on it

Gonna miss this show so much

My toxic trait is that if we have a conversation we will always end talking about me and my issues. I don't listen to people. Where ever I go I always end up fighting with people. I am very judgmental. I see the bad in everything and everyone

My toxic trait: judgmental for sure or using discernment to condemn people in my heart without actually getting to know them . But not to name names: only two of the ladies were Real in this clip!

Dang this was a word… the show getting good now

I think adult should stop and think and figure out their own choices they made and separate their faults

My toxic trait is not dealing with conflict.. I hate dealing with people… I either agree just to have them be quiet or I walk away…

Its amazing how they all insist they uave none of these traits and if they do admit it they rationalize why it is ok for that behaviour

in another video adrienne said “it takes ALOOOT for me to get angry” and now she’s admitting to having anger issues smh 🤦🏽‍♀️ 🙄🙄🙄

Yes, I have a dark humour and passive aggressive

Im not going to lie i am judgmental but only when they do something that goes against my beliefs and morals. Like if someone i knew were to stay in a relationship with a man that is cheating on them i would totally judge just because it’s against what i believe in. If someone does something that’s different from my opinion i start judging. Im also very passive aggressive but only when i stated my opinion and someone disagrees with me thats where i get defensive about my opinion. I guess im just stubborn or really passionate about my beliefs or opinions on things.

I have toxic traits!!! I just don't know how to begin to be better.

i have non... but my toxic trait is not communicating my real feelings.... i keep them to my self.... but with my sisters i used to not control my emotions because she is colerica y yo melancolica flematica, so she had a stonger temper .... so it was hard to deal with her, so it made me have a strong temper towards her . ... and i am dry in my responses .... but now not anymore.

They would probably be more honest behind the scenes

Side note: Jeanie looking foooiiiinneeee

Loni laughing at her having anger issues was concerning and now I fear for James just a smidge more.

Nobody wants to come home from work and be controlled by a partner.

Love addriene speaks the truth🤍

Mine would be being self critical. A person could literally punch me in the face and I’d be like “sorry my face hit your fist” I’m working on this through therapy.

My toxic trait is not speaking up for myself and settling.

I think Im Controlling, judgmental but I think it’s really Critical of others (I say it all in my head) not because Im Frighten to tell them straight up I just no better. And lastly anger not to harm or angry for stupid things but when I’m gonna blow I will blow 🙈 but I do apologise.

i’m suppose to believe jenne and garcelle legs are the same shade? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 okay. heavy on the tanning all of a sudden are we??

Jeannie is correct. At least stride for perfection

Mine is saying no to my partner I always feel like I have to say yes or I feel bad about it

Can we please not cancel this show

I always want my bf to know why I'm mad without telling him why

I’m not ashamed to say this but my toxic trait is I throw rocks and hide my hands and I’m very controlling

Mine is over analytical and can be distant, Jeanie yours it controlling ohh Freddie lol , negative and anger, Lonnie is manipulative she always tries to manipulate a situation just cause she feels she can’t change it and also self centered, Adrian passive aggressive and sometimes does not speak up, Garcelle is petty at times and messy at times side bar nit picky. From my observations of y’all this is what I got

#Facts

My toxic trait is the victim card. 🥴 from my child hood trauma up until my senior year I was an victim of abuse and I used it as a gate way to be rude to other people. When people would get mad at me I used my victim card. I didn’t know I did it. I lost ALL of my friends (not by my attitude as hard as it is to believe) I would kiss my friends butt because that’s all the “pleasantries” I would recibe so I never knew how to treat people the right way. Fast forward to my first relationship he also had problems and I took his on too. Victim card was tossed out and I became a “nurturer” so much I lost myself I had my son got depressed and I had ALOT OF WAKE-UP CALLS. I have a lot of self awareness now and am a complete different person and some people in my life don’t understand as to why “I changed” so much. You get to a certain point in life when you have to realize the problems are not exterior but interior instead

Lashes are holding on for dear life

♥️ ♥️

Im controlling and dismissive.

Controlling. I believe I know what is best or how to handle any and every issue. Its a toxic personality trait BUT ironically it is one most of the people in my life contribute to. Dating issue? They come to me for advice. Business question? Belinda has the networking contacts. Employer complaints? Bee knows HR issues, let me call her. Money, men, family, friendships, etc etc.....They come to me. And I love it because I like controlling things. The real toxic part for me ( and I will keep it 100%) when people don't take my advice, I cut them out of my life. And I do so because I am so friendly and approachable I know that person I cut, will be replaced in a second. It's a messed up way to think.🥴

@helenmayberry6010

2 жыл бұрын

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