That first story SCREAMED grooming/abuse. She was 18/19 when she met him, and he was 28. That's a huge age gap. They were married when she was 20, and he was 30. Then, she gets into how he controls all the finances? This poor woman is going to need to do some major healing after this, and I hope she comes out okay.

@magdalenehagey4079

Жыл бұрын

I was side-eyeing that age gap too.

@ReigoVassal

Жыл бұрын

Yeah that's a really massive red flag dabbney somehow missed.

@ashleysalomon4349

Жыл бұрын

I wouldn’t call it grooming but it certainly was suspicious, I’ve seen stories where one person is much older than another in the relationship and the older person ends up dumping the younger one because they’ve aged a bit and goes after someone else. Or they just turn abusive in some other way shape or form.

@manchild8365

Жыл бұрын

Ten years isn’t that much of an age gap. It’s just simply the fact that she was 18, if they were 21 and 31 I doubt you’d have the same thought

@chiangelica8790

Жыл бұрын

A lot of people would still have that same thought if the younger partner is in their early twenties. That age is a huge developmental period for most people as most people’s brain development isn’t finished until 25. If you’ve already been an adult for 10 years while I’ve just reached adulthood, you’re either having a crisis about feeling old, an oblivious creep or an intentional creep.

"An afternoon is a long time when you can't count" is genuinely such an impactful sentence.

@analyticalchick3064

Жыл бұрын

As a nanny taking a nanny course, they actually talk about children having warped sense of time until about 5 years old.

@abiean222

Жыл бұрын

an afternoon is a long time even when you can count, jeeze, i hope those fucks who did that are suffering great misfortune right now.

@zrc1514

Жыл бұрын

@@analyticalchick3064 Even after that time means nothing to a child.

@analyticalchick3064

Жыл бұрын

@@zrc1514 children START to understand time about 5 years old but it takes a while to really get it.

My heart broke for the 2nd OP. He went through so much because his dad abandoned him. He's a much better person than I ever will be. Heck, it must have been such a slap in the face because the dad wanted OP to meet the happy family he built while OP suffered through abusive and neglectful foster homes. I bet "Dad" was only reaching out because he wanted something.

@KumiChan2004

Жыл бұрын

As much as that letter might have helped he should either give it him. Or just mail it to him. It might help him even more than just writing it down. And tell him that he'd rather not interact with him now.

@Bendylife

Жыл бұрын

if the dad is anything like my dad he probably is just totally clueless. he probably is getting all nostalgic and thinks that he's a good guy and that it's the 'right thing' to do, to connect with his long lost son. He's honestly probably an idiot.

@ladygiseler2187

Жыл бұрын

Maybe he needs a kidney or one of his other kids needs one. OP should just tell him to fvck off.

@Jo-yp8wy

Жыл бұрын

It was 10 years ago. Hope he's doing well.

@akl2k7

Жыл бұрын

Dear old dad probably wanted a kidney.

First story: 26-7 is 19. 35-7 is 28. 28-7 is 21. So OP was 19 when she met her husband, who was near 30. And her so-called best friend, then 21 years old, "knew (her) husband before (her) and they were incredibly close before (she) even knew him." What really gets me is the "I'm terrified as I've known him for most of my adult life and he is the only man I've ever been with." Girl, that is THE POINT. That is the ENTIRE point! THIS is why he waited until you were pregnant! He wanted you to feel trapped. He controls all of your finances and you don't know how to do anything FOR A REASON, and that reason is to keep you there out of fear! If you have that kid that man will make sure that you regret it every step of the way until that child is legally old enough to be let go of. Neither you nor that kid deserve a life like that. I'd be surprised if no one in OP's life told them this relationship was a bad idea. If everyone was cool with it, then everyone failed her. If she pushed on anyway, she failed herself. Either way, being tethered to someone like this via child is the absolute worst outcome, so I hope she gets out ASAP.

@WesternBache

Жыл бұрын

no hate, just information! the formula for the youngest you can date is (n/2)+7 the formula for the oldest you can date is (n-7)*2 n (age) is always rounded up to the next even number unless you are a teen it has to be a formula to avoid grossness

@gc6096

Жыл бұрын

Amen I hope someone maybe her mom and dad can help out with learning how to pay for the bills.

@peterzarelli1432

Жыл бұрын

@@WesternBache Yeah that formula really falls apart at younger ages, like the youngest a 12 year old can date is 13, but the oldest is 10... I think the math implies people under 14 should not be dating at all, which checks out.

@kranberry3318

Жыл бұрын

Thank you! I came to the comments looking for someone to point out ages here. I guess Rslash didn’t notice or pick up on it. A 28yo dude isolating a 19 year old girl like that? Yikes!

@nameofthename

Жыл бұрын

​@@WesternBache i kinda hate that formula bc it still results in some nastiness i did that formula and the youngest im "allowed" to date is 17, and the oldest is 28. im 21. there is no reason for a 21 year old to date a 17 year old, and 21 vs 28? one just started being an adult not too long ago and the other is nearly 30. no thanks 💀 of course i know this formula is simply a suggestion and that i don't HAVE to use it, but still.

I feel so bad for OP and his mother. As a former drug addict (2 years clean!) I can sympathize. That father tho, he deserves to rot in hell.

@breezy3392

Жыл бұрын

Congrats on being 2 years clean

@minnarosenqvistmr

Жыл бұрын

Congratulations! That's awesome! I'm 10yr in! Wishing you all the best!! And many more "clean" years, ahead..

@francescaperron2003

Жыл бұрын

@@breezy3392 Thanks:)

@francescaperron2003

Жыл бұрын

@@minnarosenqvistmr Congrats to you too! Thank you:)

@minnarosenqvistmr

Жыл бұрын

@@francescaperron2003 hugs! You're awesome! It's hard to get over all that, but it takes a special kind of strong,to make it! I'm wishing you all the best! You rock!

third/last story : NTA, you're allowed to have whoever you want at your party, just like they didn't invite you to their wedding. It's weird how they didn't invite you and then the reason being "you're too old" ... It's not like you're 60. They totally are narcissists.

@Richard_Nickerson

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, they're not even in different age brackets

@itzame2127

Жыл бұрын

It sounds to me like OP was making the Christmas party to expect things in return, not to have a good time with the people they like, at the end the wedding couple are asholes but OP was not making the party out of the kindness of his heart

@glennrishton5679

Жыл бұрын

Why does age even have anything to do with it? This is about a wedding, were parents of the bride and groom not invited? Aunts and uncles or grandparents? The reception however may well be different if there were actually a large age difference not 5-6 years difference. Plus using the age as an issue following the "small" 200 guest wedding excuse makes both excuses ring false.

@Richard_Nickerson

Жыл бұрын

@@itzame2127 Only makes sense if they *hadn't* already been hosting Christmas parties for years before the wedding.

@itzame2127

Жыл бұрын

@@Richard_Nickerson i mean that in general, not only for that particular scenario of the wedding, op expects people to reciprocate his hosting party and wasn't doing it just for the sake of giving people a good time

Honestly, I thought the last couple was just awkward, but then hearing about them throwing the party at the same time as OP just to take away guests just completely pushes it over the edge

@RobDaCajun

Жыл бұрын

They want to be vindictive and not admit they screwed up.

That second story is exactly why I want to adopt older kids / kids who've been in the system for so long. I just want to give them a safe home and a parent that will always be there for them. I hope I'll be able to do that one day.

@audreym3908

Жыл бұрын

My sister wants to do the same. The age range she's thinking of is 10-18.

@audreym3908

Жыл бұрын

I also want to too

@Univerzion

Жыл бұрын

Same, and I know it won't be easy either. A lot of foster kids, especially ones who have been in the system so long, tend to be more defiant. They do it because they likely think, "What's the use?" They'll age out and have no one, so why bother trying to make friends or have a family when they'll just be thrown out once they're 18. Most people foster babies or little kids because they feel it's easier and that those kids won't be as much trouble as a teen would. Which isn't true either. Those babies and little kids also have issues, and they'll also be as much trouble. Only difference is they're easier to control when they act out. The video "Child of Rage" on KZread is of a little girl who was r*ped as a baby, and at that moment of filming the only thing she wanted to do in life was hurt others, just like how she was hurt. Others likely would've seen her as a problem child, had her taken back by the agency, but her adoptive parents realized the issue and got her help.

@soulofflame9999

Жыл бұрын

I hope all of you commentors in this thread, past, present and future, succeed in your goals.

@emmadilemma4177

Жыл бұрын

my grandma did something similar she fostered and adopted two boys who became my adopted uncles years later, shes done so many things in life that I never knew that I inspired to be someday and adopting is one of them

Story 1: Why is nobody talking about, that OP met him, when she was 19 & he was 28? No wonder he is in control of finances and everything else. He manipulated a young girl into all of that & in the exact moment she had a reason to stay with him forever, he shows his true self. Disgusting.

@gamerplaytime8174

Жыл бұрын

Yeah I picked up on that quick she was groomed and it's I Obvious

@tully6648

Жыл бұрын

Not to mention that her so-called "best friend" he was close to was only two years older than OP. So that person he was already close to by the time OP and him met was 21 at the time.

@dudeorduuude5211

Жыл бұрын

Not grooming. Because you choose a baby bottle well into your 20s, doesn't mean life is that way. Meet a young mother then meet you.... one is an adult, and you are afraid to be an adult. While age brings experience and there are real gaps in life knowledge, stop infantalizing women. She is an adult and made choices that have consequences she has to learn from. She f-ed up by marrying someone who slept with her best friend. What did she expect? Now she knows the hard way.

@schokigirl1989

Жыл бұрын

@@dudeorduuude5211 no need to blame the victim. How exactly are you going to identify a person that is gonna cheat on you in the future? Most of the time you can't! And here comes the age into play. A person who is older & had more life experiences could have picked up on some red flags, but a 19 year old who wasn't with anyone else before couldn't. That's exactly why we saw this relationship as problematic. Is it grooming? I don't know, but he did definitely took advantage of her young age & no experience. So no, she didn't f** up anything, HE did.

@mariposa9506

Жыл бұрын

I think most people are talking about it.

I think the husband just played a super long con to secure a broodmare.

@gemrock

Жыл бұрын

Makes me wonder if the best friend couldn't have kids. So they came up with a sick and twisted way to have kids even choosing op for what ever reason for the future kids.

@minnarosenqvistmr

Жыл бұрын

​@@gemrock ouch, that would be a reality to consider..they sound absolutely toxic,the both of them!!

@RobDaCajun

Жыл бұрын

Makes sense. Why would Mia not only share her man, but also be so close to her “sister wife”.

@ramenbomberdeluxe4958

Жыл бұрын

@@gemrock Look, I understand that it’s not the best form to tell an infertile woman to “just adopt”, but seriously, to be so against adoption that you’ll pull off a scheme like this? Ugh! I know we don’t know the truth of the situation and if that was even a plan, but still.

@gemrock

Жыл бұрын

@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958 I'm hoping that wasn't the plan it was just a theory on my part. Unfortunately some people are nuts enough to try something like that. But either way that paire of exs would be worse kind of people to share a baby with. I hope if op did decide to keep the baby she has main custody with supervised visits.

Take note people: If your partner suddenly starts asking you for a poly relationship, there is a high chance that they are already cheating on you. It never fails.

@lizzymandile2022

Жыл бұрын

Polyam and open relationships aren’t the same. People can go into poly relationships and be completely happy. I’m fact, almost all relationships like that start after two people are together. The first relationship isn’t polyam or even open. It’s just cheating.

@goazer2

Жыл бұрын

Yeah if they ask this multiple times like the guy did your relationship is over. If they're not already cheating they will be soon and either way the relationship is on borrowed time.

@goazer2

Жыл бұрын

@@lizzymandile2022 The thing is that polyam and open relationships don't work. Anyone trying to do these things either has issues or is checked out of the relationship.

@morj5184

Жыл бұрын

@@goazer2 I mean, as somebody who is literally living in a polyamorous relationship that's bullshit but nice blanket statement

@goazer2

Жыл бұрын

@@morj5184 Well I hope you don't have too hard a time when you learn it.

During the ‘80’s and ‘90’s we gave a big Christmas party each year. As the years passed I realized that our friends started to think of this party as their party also. Around Halloween I started getting questions about when was our party scheduled for. The party was very labor intensive as well as costing quite a bit. I also noticed that we weren’t invited to any parties at their homes during the rest of the year. When I asked about it everyone was a bit confused because they considered our party as being everyone’s event so they didn’t have to reciprocate. One year I got fed up and we decided to not host that year. I actually got calls asking why we weren’t hosting the party but they were flabbergasted when I said that we were tired of never getting invited to anyone’s events during the rest of the year. Very few people were embarrassed, the rest were resentful that we cancelled “their” party!

@audreym3908

Жыл бұрын

What hypocrites. I would've invited you guys to my party, even if it was just a game night. And I would've also chipped in some way for the Christmas party, like bringing food/drinks, help decorate, or ask how much I should contribute financially if it was a hard year for you and your family. But given that I was born in the early 90s I don't think Monopoly money would've helped 😂

@stuckinmopro8533

Жыл бұрын

@@audreym3908 thanks, you’re a very nice person! I would have gone to your game night anyway, lol!

@It-is-me...Melsie

Жыл бұрын

Wow! That's so unbelievably mean! I hope you've got better friends now.

@katie6731

Жыл бұрын

What entitled jerks! You deserved better friends, since that group so rudely took you and your parties for granted. I can't imagine demanding that someone else throw a party and invite me. Those people had some serious nerve to complain to you. Good for you for confronting them! 💙

@21BUNNYLOVER

Жыл бұрын

That's so rude, how could they go to your party and never invite you to their parties. I come from a family that when you are brought in your treated like family and are invited to every holiday event.

The second story has me crying my eyes out. My father left me also, and I was raised in a very abusive home. I never went through what OP went through -- different things and some the same. A lot of this story really hit home.

i already expected that in story 1 OP's husband was cheated usually when a person is pregnant the chance of being abused is greater

The last story has a update where that newly married couple went to their former friends party and was told to leave.

@It-is-me...Melsie

Жыл бұрын

Oooh, that sounds spicy! I wish r/slash read that.

OP "I love my husband and all that he's done for me" what did he do for you?? 🤨 that's so suspicious! He controls all the finances? She was 19 and he was 28 when they met?? This sounds so weird, hope she's free now!

If the relationship wasn't Poly from the beginning they have no business changing it this late in the game. You have a wife who obviously wants to stay monogamous and you want to fuck that up because of what... sexual needs that don't have to be satisfied that you can do without

@dudeorduuude5211

Жыл бұрын

I suspect they were cheating all along.

@BILLCIPHER8

Жыл бұрын

Another person in the comment section said they possibly did the long con to get a brood mare. Which is real fucked up if that's the case.

@kp2223

Жыл бұрын

I think the friend is already pregnant and they need an excuse for how that happend

@Spanu96

Жыл бұрын

Does she really expect us to believe that dude never showed any red flags? We all know that women go only for preselected men, put an incel, or a dude that had one girlfriend at best who is 30+ and I can guarantee you she will reject him on the spot. She gave us just enough details where she is the only innocent victim.

@jellyjackcheese

Жыл бұрын

I agree, if the couple hasn't established that the relationship is allowed to become poly BEFORE they get together, then they have no business being a couple in the first place. Polyamory is something to discuss beforehand or very early in the relationship, not after five years and a marriage. EDIT: missing words

Yeah the foster care system needs to get a complete overhaul they need to do better.

@It-is-me...Melsie

Жыл бұрын

A big problem is there are not enough of the right sort of people that put their hands up to become carers.

@Iflie

Жыл бұрын

Yeah it's so crazy. I'm sure there is a lot wrong in ours too but in the U.S they make people who want to adopt a child pay as much as a whole few tries with IVF would cost or more. But then they place kids in houses to foster they must know are just doing it for the money and do not even throw kids birthday parties or christmas or let them eat what they want. Like the old baby farmers in the england.

@gc6096

Жыл бұрын

Agreed 100000%

@It-is-me...Melsie

Жыл бұрын

@@Iflie I think that unless a 'parent' gives up their parental rights and agrees to adopt the child out then the child is stuck with foster care. Some kids are stuck in the system for their entire childhoods with no chance of adoption and the security of a forever home because those that birthed them are too selfish to do the right thing by them.

@Iflie

Жыл бұрын

@@It-is-me...Melsie Yeah I'm amazed that they can take a newborn baby because the parent messed up so bad but then hop that baby from family to family when there would be dozens of families that would love to raise that baby right. Many kids are also taken from parents, put back with them again and again while they fail. Fosterparents have to sit and watch all that and sometimes that child dies a horrible death while no one kistens to the warnings of the foster parents.

Yeah, I would've gone full scorched earth on my father if he had abandoned me like that.

@melodysmusicaladventures596

Жыл бұрын

Same The whole “doing the right thing” is a black-and-white term when the reality there is no the right thing in this situation

@survivedandthriving

Жыл бұрын

​@@melodysmusicaladventures596 Agreed - I think, likely what you were indicating too, the only real 'right thing' is what is right for OP. In this case, OP did the right thing. I think that if OP had sent a message to the bio-dad in the hopes of apology or atonement on the part of bio-dad that might ultimately been more harmful to OP because it's unlikely bio-dad would have done right by OP in that situation. But, OP opted for 'here is the bad energy you dumped on me when I was four years old. You can have it back now. Deal with it. I have moved on and am happy in my life without you.' To me, that seemed like a healthy, 'right' way to go. But, I agree, even if OP opted to go the opposite direction, if that was right for OP then that was right for OP. As you noted, it's complicated when there is no objective 'right thing'.

@annabethrose2318

Жыл бұрын

Okay but as someone who has done this exact same thing under similar circumstances it hits so much harder in their guilt if you have the most politely worded most respectful letter because they know they didn't have a hand in raising the person you are today and have no claim over you and you going to watch their face crumble as they read it I just wish if he could have gotten that

@AyaReikoTripleElite

Жыл бұрын

We don't even know why the dad left. For all we know, he was in a worse state than his mom. Regardless, OP sounds like someone who should be in some form of therapy. OP has clear anger/trust issues, and there is always the danger of that not remaining focused on his dad.

Story 3: So they don't invite OP to the wedding, and then they complain when OP doesn't invite them to the Christmas Party, and then try to upstage said party. Like, the peck is their problem? Narcissism? And the "Slightly older" excuse that the gossiping came to a consensus of is also bizarre. Like, what's the problem with being a little older?

@thomasdr08

Жыл бұрын

They’re probably same-sex, DINKs, with a LOT of money. Nothing else makes sense

@Ikajo

Жыл бұрын

I'm wondering if the couple in story 3 is gay. OP didn't mention their own gender and used partner rather than husband or boyfriend. Which would suggest that homophobia might be involved.

@crimsonblood1173

Жыл бұрын

@@Ikajo It would make sense if that was the case but who knows they could just not like op and their partner 😑 but I like your theory

@SerenaSilverMoon

Жыл бұрын

@Ikajo In the update, OP said, "My partner stood by me when I told HIM..." So unless OP is female, then yeah, a gay couple. That they didn't want around for anything, other than to try and upstage OP at their own party with yet another announcement or something.

@Ikajo

Жыл бұрын

@@crimsonblood1173 I was just wondering since OP decided to not mention their gender. Of course, their "friends" were in the wrong either way, but if it just might explain the oddity of it all.

The way I would've made a scene at the restaurant if I was OP in the first story. "I'm pregnant with your child and you want to sleep with my best friend?! You are a disgusting man." and just left. The amount of disrespect the husband has been giving is astonishing.

S1 After the third ask, OP should have started asking her own questions. Mia and Husband are creeps. Why didn't they just marry each other?

@Tues48

Жыл бұрын

Cause op's husband wanted a younger woman to control. She was 19 when they first met.

@LLandS18

Жыл бұрын

​@Tamia Cook hopefully, she gets a pitbull lawyer and get what hers.

@OldManAndTheSeaOfTooManyCats

Жыл бұрын

OP should have been asking questions before she got married and ceded all responsibility to an abuser.

@akl2k7

Жыл бұрын

Somebody suggested that Mia may be infertile, and they wanted to use OP for that.

@luvondarox

Жыл бұрын

@@akl2k7 Sounds like Mia should have put her big girl panties on and asked her friend herself if that was the case. I wonder if that's ever gone over well? The whole thing is just horrendously distasteful.

I love r/Bestof, one of my favourites!

@GamerGrovyle

Жыл бұрын

Knowing it was BestOf i was giddy when I heard the title of the second post

@psiben99

Жыл бұрын

I get so excited when this category comes up!!

@Ivorila

Жыл бұрын

Sameeee

@iloveplasticbottles

Жыл бұрын

You can say it's the best of subreddits

@fishyfow3767

Жыл бұрын

*all of your favourites

They announced their engagement at Op's party they should have the courtesy to extend an invitation I don't care how small the wedding actually was it was Op's home and party that they exploited for their engagement announcement the very least they can do is invite Op to the wedding

I've heard the last story before, and there was conjecture that the offending couple never saw OP's parties as private events, but rather, a community event. Which, explains a lot about their behaviour, but still doesn't explain how they came to that point of view. My guess is that their brains are available for lease, but no-one's shown interest in taking occupancy.

story 1: rslash, thats not a poly relationship. it's just a 3some

@ladyofrillwater

Жыл бұрын

That's what I was gonna say.

@Ca1yps04

Жыл бұрын

Not even a threesome. It’s cucking 😅😅

14:00 They met at your party yet didn’t invite you. I met my husband through a Facebook group for those that lost a spouse. My friend told me about the group and invited me. I credited her with meeting him and marrying. She was not only invited, she was my maid of honor

The only reason he's reaching out now is because he needs something probably a kidney

@CooperGal24

Жыл бұрын

Probably a caretaker for his kids and himself and his new wifey. If that's true, then he's a complete entitled douchebag.

@Bmacthesage

Жыл бұрын

That's what I thought as well. There have been a few other stories Rslash has read that were like that.

@bibrod5384

Жыл бұрын

OP is just spare parts.

@BeanManolo

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, I remember a video he did (I think it was r/EntitledParents) where a couple showed up and basically tried to 'kidnap' the daughter they abandoned (it was on China, back during the only-child rule, and she was their second child) just to get the kidney for the son they had after abandoning her; Some people are disgusting, and shouldn't be allowed to have kids if they'll only treat them bad and go after them when they need something. OP's father in the second story isn't better than the foster parents that abused OP and only kept him for the check. OP's mother may have been a drug addict, but I can see she at least tried to be a good mother. His father on other hand deserves no sympathy.

@RadioOppy1

Жыл бұрын

Or maybe his other kids found out they had a sibling and now he has to put up a front to not seem like a shitty dad.

Story 3: I guarantee they brought up the Christmas party at their wedding, which I’m sure was awkward as hell.

@kranberry3318

Жыл бұрын

“Yeah OP’s Christmas parties are awesome! It’s so cool you guess met that way. I bet OP loves that story! Hey, where is OP? Are they not here?” Bride: [I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that]

the 2nd op is a better person than me considering i would have either told the man in his face about all the things everything written in the note or go into much greater detail of the horrors op suffered if i were in their shoes

With the story of the husband who kept on asking OP if she was willing to have 3-some the best friend. As soon as I started to think that the husband and best friend were getting together all that time, it was confirmed in the story that they were.

Fantastic video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times I cant stop thinking about her, I am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but I just cant, I love her so much, I don't know why I am bring this here for, I cant stop thinking about her

@juanderuano8969

11 ай бұрын

wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do I reach her?.

@juanderuano8969

11 ай бұрын

Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up now online. impressive

Story 1: OP the first step is to get out of the house explain to your parents what's happening move out of the house. Take some time to relax and clear your head of all of this, then really examine all your options, you have them you just need to examine them. Also don't talk to him outside of when you have to, he shamelessly cheated on you and the cover his tracks he tried to get you to agree to a three-way, this is the kind of guy that will do anything to get you back so don't let him get the opportunity.

@WolfgangDoW

Жыл бұрын

If she's on the lease she should not leave, cos the courts may give the house to him

@OldManAndTheSeaOfTooManyCats

Жыл бұрын

She has a tremendous deficit to overcome. Sounds like she’s never even paid a bill.

Ok, here's some odd timing. For years I went never hearing about poly relationships. Then I found out that my friend's wife was cheating on him during their whole relationship. When he found out, she said she wanted a poly relationship. He said he wasn't comfortable with that and suggested couples counseling. She got mad. Also, she told all of her partners that she's poly and that her husband was cool with it, when my friend had no idea. Now, he's in the middle of a nasty divorce. Praise God they didn't have children so she can't use that against him. Now for the odd timing: once this mess started, I started hearing story after story about a married couple, one wanting a poly relationship, not saying open, specifically saying poly, and it ruining everything.

@lofi_lowlife

Жыл бұрын

Yeah so I've been poly/non-monogamous for like...well over a decade. And I gotta tell ya, if you're in a monogamous relationship, it needs to end monogamous. Same if you begin a poly relationship. And people need to think about it! You need to know this is something that you want. For example, my sister has been with the same guy for like...almost twenty years? She's 100% a monogamous person. I'm not. Neither is a bad thing. But you can't just decide you wanna be poly while in the middle of a committed, monogamous relationship and expect it to work. Every one of these r/slash stories has confirmed what I already knew. Fucking sad, tbh.

@ismae-rienne4991

Жыл бұрын

@@lofi_lowlife man, u r a voice of reason. Thanks :)

@maxbaker7841

Жыл бұрын

@livingthelie Man, I love this. When I started dating my current girlfriend, I asked if she would be ok with a poly relationship. I am very poly. I have a lot of love to give and like having multiple partners. But, she said she wasn't comfortable with the idea of me dating other people, which is completely OK. So I'm not. I don't have to be in a poly relationship to be happy. It's not a deal breaker for me. So, I'm exclusive to my girlfriend, and she's exclusive to me. I would never ask, again, for a poly relationship because that was not the expectation we made with our relationship, even if I would like one. Period.

Last story: What are the odds that the couple that weren't invited to the Christmas party were going to announce the wife's pregnancy there and were upset that they couldn't get the hat trick?

"i want to consider the idea of a threesome" and I want to consider the idea of a divorce

I lost track of the number of red flags signaling cheating before the update on the first story. OP said no and that should've been the end of everything. With the second story, OP had every right to unload on their bio dad. His dad bailed on him in every way, even signing away his rights as a father and outright refusing to come to him when he had no one left, and just decides now is the time to enter his life? I will give OP props for going the way they did. Third story, it started as NTA and solidified into NTA because seriously? It definitely comes up as the other duo coming off as attention hungry. OP would've gotten a lot of it if they went to the marriage with people asking when the next one was and such.

story 2 hits close to home for me. My Dad left when I was 7. He left 4 kids and a stay at home mum with nothing in a country we had no family in and my mum had no work experience in. We lived in poverty most of my life, having to go to soup kitchens and anywhere there was a free meal just to eat every day. My mum would sometimes work from 7am to 7pm at night. One day when I was a teen he tried emailing me, most likely drunk and thinking this was a good idea. I did the same as OP and let him know how hard things been. His response? Oh well he's basically been a sugar baby to his girlfriend and I couldn't possibly know how hard it was to have to rely on her. He says as he lives in a cottage in Austria, goes motorbiking with friends, goes on fishing trips and writes poetry. 🙄 He blamed me for not keeping in contact with him when I was 7 in 2001. To say I have not much sympathy for the guy is an understatement. He was trying to get to know me again a couple years ago bit honestly I need an apology. I need him to acknowledge his mistakes. Other wise he will always be some weird stranger to me.

Last Story : The fact that the younger couple didn't in vote the very people who introduced them to their wedding is bizarre. There has GOT to be something else going on. Whether its was something intentional or an misunderstanding, but if its nothing... Its just weird.

Story number 2: OP is more of a man then I am. I would have been spiteful if I was in his shoes; I would have gone to meet his new family and told them the story right in front of the father, and then left right after.

Story 3: I don't think the friends actually value op. First, they get engaged at the Christmas party, which op seems to infer was unexpected, and because op didn't make a fuss, the friends just carried on, op's silence was probably seen as permission to them. They didn't invite op to the wedding because its the party which they care about, not op. They don't consider how not inviting op will affect them, considering the fact that op helped get them together in the first place. The party means more to then than op does, which is why they're showing blatant double standards to what op is doing

story 1: Pls don't bear this man's child. You will be held hostage to him forever.

First story. Stay with parents. Divorce. Abort. Cut all ties with the groomer.

The second story: as someone who has an egg donor and sperm donor I understand wanting to face them and tell them what they did. How what they did affect your life and how life was so cruel to you. They deserve to know and to at least feel the pain even just a shred of it.

Last story. There will always be people out here who pretend to like you so they have ticket to take advantage of you

Second story wow just wow I am seriously disgusted by op’s father abounded him and his mother letting his mother die and him in abused foster home and now he is coming back like a flower and have a relationship with him and his siblings nah op I love the letter you wrote to your father I hope it hurt him as much as possible

OP in story #1 If your partner or spouse ever gives any indication (no matter how small) that they are sexually interested in others/someone else, that is the end of that relationship. There is nothing you can do in that situation and you need to maintain your dignity and self respect. Don't put yourself through that. Ghost their ass.

That first story. I can’t be the only one slightly skeeved that this 28 year old guy was dating an 18/19 year old? Glad she is going to be running far far away

@abi_cat28

Жыл бұрын

Yoooo I was thinking the same thing!!

I feel bad for people who are actually looking for a poly relationship, but then get cheated on or is worried they'll get cheated on.

@dudeorduuude5211

Жыл бұрын

I don't feel bad for them. A messy love life is their choice.

@toes3286

Жыл бұрын

​@@dudeorduuude5211 any relationship can be messy, there are very functional and happy poly relationships where all involved communicate and trust eachother and there are nasty mono relationships

@dudeorduuude5211

Жыл бұрын

@@toes3286 I don't observe your fantasy.

@jellyjackcheese

Жыл бұрын

It's the people like the husband in the first story that ruin everything

@ItBePatYo

Жыл бұрын

@@dudeorduuude5211 It's not our fault you're narrow-minded.

My theory for the last story is maaaybe just based on ops language (using the term "partner") that op and his partner are maybe lgbtq+ and the couple didn't want them there because of it. Either bc of their own hypocrisy or maybe due to their families/other social circles. Another theory is that they're entitled and didn't want op to feel like they owed op anything (which imo is even dumber)

@thomasdr08

Жыл бұрын

My theory also!

@SerenaSilverMoon

Жыл бұрын

In the update, OP said, "My partner stood by me when I told HIM..." So unless OP is female, then yeah, a gay couple. That they didn't want around for anything, other than to try and upstage OP at their own party with yet another announcement or something.

@mariposa9506

Жыл бұрын

Well other than your theory we have nothing in the story to suggest this is the reason.

First story: yeah... I knew they were sleeping together well before it was said. Ditch them all. He's absolutely a grooming abuser.

I hate how adults reconnect with kids and say "meet your siblings "

I met my dad when I was 42, but he didn’t even know I existed. He was very angry that my mom never told him about me. But after a couple of days after finding out about me, he turned his hate to gratitude that she didn’t have an abortion. I, too, spent time in foster care but I was not mistreated, thankfully. They were fairly decent to me. I really feel for this young man and many, many like him. Whatever he chooses to do regarding his bio dad, he’s justified! I hope he continues to heal.

that man knows exactly what he is doing. he preyed on a younger woman he could control and got her pregnant hoping to solidify his control and get everything he wanted. this is SUPER common. Abusers do this so often that pregnancy is the riskiest time for a woman for murder and physical harm as well as other forms of manipulations, coercion, emotional and financial abuse.

So the Dad in the second story's response to being asked if he'd take in his OWN BIO SON... "Hey, OP. How are you? It's been SOOO long! I didn't NEED you because I wanted to live a NEW life! Right now, I'm living the PERFECT life with my NEW wife and children! But years have passed and you're an adult now. I was wondering if you'd be interested in having a better bond with me. We'll do Father/Son stuff now, and just laugh this ALL away!" Like OMG, what a DESPICABLE and DISGUSTING DEADBEAT DAD! He ABANDONED his son, WILLINGLY! HE'S the one who allowed OP to suffer years of HELL! At this point, OP's Dad isn't even a FATHER, and he's lost ALL respect and title in OP's eyes. And Jack here just decides that NOW is a "Great time" to get to know his son again, AFTER ABANDONING HIM TO YEARS OF ABUSE. Also, if OP thinks about it, he can take the foster system AND the so called foster parents to court and sue them for child endangerment, child abuse, starvation, imprisonment and more! The Dad DESERVES the karma from OP, but the foster parents AND foster system needs to be punished as well! I hope that someone will finally get the foster system straightened up: Better people, the place actually being a safe place for kids AND having the wannabe "parents" interviewed and investigated thoroughly, in case they're one of those people who only cared about money and using their kids as ATMs.

@moebiusjdx7288

Жыл бұрын

OP should have posted his letter all over his "father's" social media. His father deserved to be hurt for what he's done.

OMG! This is horrific. Me and my wife were foster carers for 10 years. One of our longest children is profoundly deaf. Me and my wife both learned BSL My wife is conversational, if fluid!! We are still in contact with EVERY long term child we've looked after...

I bet the OP in the party story isn’t heterosexual and that’s why they weren’t invited.

Story 1 sounds like text book grooming

"Welcome to r/BestOfRedditorUpdates, where OP's fiance wants to try a poly relationship." Oh, I can already tell where this is going.

I love these ''I want to try poly'' stories the most because I know that a cheater will get served a regret pie with no butter cream in it.

Story 1 I heard this one before. Anyone who asks For stuff like this you need to leave asap.

Have to admit I’m happy to hear she’s considering abortion… honestly if she keeps that child it would just be a reminder and probably be used to hurt her by him.

I really like when rslash covers bestof, but I wish these had more satisfying endings. I also hope all of these OPs are doing ok, especially the first story

Story 1 - Abortion. Get away from your Ex and his actual partner, you've been played this entire time.

@OldManAndTheSeaOfTooManyCats

Жыл бұрын

What delusion has she been living under? “I love my husband very much but he’s not remotely the person I thought he was.”

@critica77y77

Жыл бұрын

"I think abortion is the right choice for me." That's the most selfish sentence in the human language.

@jonsmith2832

Жыл бұрын

​​@@critica77y77 no it isn't

@critica77y77

Жыл бұрын

@@jonsmith2832 Well, could you enlighten me as to what could be more selfish than putting your convenience over an innocent child's life?

@AllenB-ji9rm

11 ай бұрын

​@@critica77y77it isnt a child its a zygote that doesnt even have higher thinking until many months in You would rather have a child be born jnto a broken home with a mother who cant support him splitting custody with a father who probably wont even love him or will continue to be an exploiting piece of garbage just so you can stick to your holier than thou christian values? That she should have to pick up the slack taking care of a child that will be used to hurt her while giving the father no consequences? You and your kind are the selfish ones.

The couple in the last story sounds like a friend I used to have. We were, in her own words, best friends, for 7 years then one day out of nowhere I started getting blocked on every form of social media and to this day, 3 yeaes later she's never told me why we are no longer friends...

@hurricanemarigolds2818

Жыл бұрын

Could it be that someone else fed her lies about you? That seems like the most plausible explanation.

@jennix8666

Жыл бұрын

@@hurricanemarigolds2818 Honestly maybe but I doubt it she was always kinda crazy irrational and easily angered for no reason. We had another male friend that she absolutely hated his girlfriend, now wife, because they apparently were sexting and he stopped that with her when he got with his girl

Story 2: Wow, the dad still expect him to think of him as a dad? I wouldn't give him the light of day!

Third story: OP's "friends" are narcissist hypocrites. They meet in OP's party, decide to invite (for what the gossip and OP found out) some random people instead of OP, get mad when OP decides to simply not invite them to his party, and then makes up their own party to try to 'steal' guests from OP's party? Won't surprise me if their way of acting ends up making them lose not only OP's friendship, but other people's friendships, and that if they ever get children, end up in r/EntitledParents somewhere down the line.

That last story is super weird. It’s like, okay you didn’t invite us to the wedding. But why? They just don’t have a reason on why not to. Not that it’s an inherently wrong thing it’s just super weird to not invite important people and to not have a reason.

If I was OP in s1... All I'mma say is that the intrusive thoughts would win THE MOMENT I saw them not only cuddled up, BUT HAPPY.

11:23 OP sounds like the one kind that would have made a wedding feel more special. Throwing in the same amount of energy!! Those two can get butthurt all they want about OP. They both refused to invite

Story 2: You have to wonder why stuff like this happens, like someone just up and leaves a kid. And the foster parents, why are there abusive foster parents?

@desireeloveros1055

Жыл бұрын

✨M O N E Y✨

@juliaboskamp9666

Жыл бұрын

that's the foster system it's so broken and they're looking for so many people to take care of foster children that they don't check whether the family is suitable so many children end up with bad families

@jeremypatrick5678

Жыл бұрын

Money is definitely part of it, but I don't think you can dismiss the innate human ability to bullshit ourselves. I would wager a majority of those abusive foster parents believe they're doing good. Believe that they are a positive influence in those children's lives. That they're providing for them, teaching them discipline. Which is chilling in a way I don't want to think about right now.

@desireeloveros1055

Жыл бұрын

@@jeremypatrick5678 Accurate but collecting a paycheck for fosters is a stereotype for a reason starting back from historical baby farming

We all love rSlash. Best way to start the day.

@Ivorila

Жыл бұрын

For me its the way i end the day XD i like watching the videos while eating dinner and then going to bed its become a habit that I’ve done in the last 2 years !!

I feel for OP in the 2nd story, and I have a lot of similar experiences with family, foster care, and still carrying these negative feelings all of these years later. I hope that OP can find the peace that they need, and build a better support system. Best of luck to you OP ❤️

That's god damn heartbreaking. F that dad. How even dare he contact OP as if nothing happened annd stirring OP up all again.

@RobDaCajun

Жыл бұрын

He’s older and wiser since he abandoned his first born. Having now actually raised his other kids has shown him that he’s a POS. He reached out to his first born hoping to get some absolution. Like “ even though you didn’t stick around my life turned out great. So we’re good. Thanks Dad” kind of self deluding bs. If the bio dad is a real prick. Then he read the letter, and after a few days. He’ll convince himself that abandoning that “little jerk and his drug addict mom” was the right move and he’s with his “real family”. I, also, want to say I don’t care what the reasons for his bio dad doing all this. I mean it’s more than likely was a drug addict himself. When the mom died that he himself was still strung out on heroine. But you know what? Don’t care. Everyone has an excuse for being crap.

@audreym3908

Жыл бұрын

@@RobDaCajun if he was, ok that's fine, but not his dad's side of the family?? That just broke my heart (unless they weren't good people either).

@RobDaCajun

Жыл бұрын

@@audreym3908 yeah, I agree. I’m proud to see he has turned his life around. Hope, he never looks back or spends time with his half siblings. It’ll just drive that knife deeper seeing they had a good life.

Fair Weather Friends: Ef them, they made a bad choice...they reap what they sow!

I'm surprised at how many of these threesome request stories are never shot down with, "No, I'm not Bi."

Story 1. There is a difference between a Polygamous relationship and just a 3some. This is the ladder. A Polygamous relationship is like a Mono relationship but more people are involved rather it's for Emotional or sexual support. And everyone knows about eachother and it was there since day 1💀

We just had Cyclone Gabrielle tear through our town a week ago, we had no power or phone coverage up until last night. Being able to listen to these stories again is a good step back to normalcy. We usually have them on while cleaning up after dinner. It's so good to be listening again!

On the last story, given the vagueness used of ‘partner’ and ‘they’ to refer to OP’s partner as opposed to ‘spouse’ ‘wife’ or ‘he/she’ I’m going to guess it is a same sex relationship and it could be that the friends didn’t want a same sex couple at their wedding, either for personal bigotry or to avoid offending bigoted family. Just a hunch.

The last story OP is the kind of guy who shares his home and lifestyle with friends and family, and while he's a very nice guy, I have zero doubt the couple at odds mostly see him as a benefactor versus a friend. Someone who, by spending time with them, they can enjoy things above their current affordability.

@Ikajo

Жыл бұрын

Does OP specify their gender at any point? If both OP and partner are men....

1st story: Man, what a way to spit on somebody's face. Now add on top they KNOW OP is pregnant. Wouldn't be surprised if they keep cheating since day 1 of their relationship. Some people are F up in the head man. 3rd story: My dad is literally the exact same, ditch my mom, sister and me, lived his life, then tried to scam my mom while still raising to kids, now, 20 ish years later, conveniently when me and my sister are fully adults, he wants to try to be a dad and "make amends, as well as to meet my half siblings", my sister was the first to tell him to eat dirt, I tried to give him numerous chance,but after numerous dissapointments, I told him to eat dirt as well and both are NC.. So,basically, nothing changed. Thankfully, my mom isn't a drug addict, and did raise me and my sister. I dare to say I am lucky. I am glad OP is doing better now. He definitely answer more mature than me, lol. 4th story: Lmao. Hey, they sow what they planted, you don't get to ghost someone then act surprise when they don't want contact either

I have friends who are in poly relationships. The thing with polyamory is this: Both partners must consent and if one doesn't want to, then either their partner must respect that or break up. I kinda suspected that the husband was cheating but wtf did he expect?? SHE'S PREGNANT!! She's more focused on their baby and marriage, not threesomes. Plus the friend knew better than to pull this stunt. I honestly won't be surprised if they get together after OP's divorce. I hope OP will be okay.

Thank you R slash, for never letting us down. Every morning I know I can start my day with you ❤ it’s awesome

All I can think of for that third story is that the husband feels insecure since his wife was friends with OP for so long (longer that he’s known her) or vice-versa with the wife feeling insecure about the husband.

As an adult who spent her time in foster care, that second story hurts me. People think of foster care as this great, wonderful thing for kids to have a family when 9 times out of 10 that "family" treats you as a cash cow. They get money to take care of you and treat you like shit whilst spending that money on themselves most of the time. I only had one good foster family when I was a kid, ONE! Out of the 10 families I had lived with, only one was nice.

It teaches them that actions have consequences and inviting them pretty much destroys the lesson that needs to be learned here

1st story, husband is human garbage. OP needs to leave him and the friend.

I needed to take a break after the "Meeting my estranged father", that one hit me a lot harder than I ever would have expected.

Second story: I would have accepted his invitation to meet my siblings. Commit to telling all of them all of your stories in detail. Affirm that your father is the one to blame and that you wanted to make sure they know what kind of man he is. Then, bid them good day and ask that they never attempt to contact you. But I'm Petty Betty ❤

As a poly person I dislike the fact that the first story was framed as being poly relationship, it straight up wasn't. It was about a guy cheating on his wife with another women. At most you could have said he was asking for an open relationship with that women, but he did it behind the OP's back which is not what being poly is about.

first story : Yep, not surprised they had been seeing each others behind your back. He totally wanted a 3 way to make it "legitimate". Divorce and abort, cut everything related to him out of your life. Disgusting behavior from both of them, like rSlash said, he got you pregnant just so you had more to lose and could be more easily coerced into it.

On the last story, I think that op wasn't invited because they dont really consider a friend to the point that they are baffled that he noticed he wasn't invited. They only like the christmas party because otherwise the issue would've come out before the chriatmas party invitations. If that's how it is, op is in his right to not invite acquaintances to his house

2nd story's OP doesn't wish any badness towards the "father" because of his own sake. He focus on his own life and happiness or otherwise he'll just dish on more anger and darkness.

I always enjoyed a good Reddit update

I have a hard time understanding how there are any abusive foster families never mind that there seems to be so many abusive ones, shouldn't there be some sort of screening process because it seems like anyone can sign up to be a foster parent.

@stevenstiffler6848

Жыл бұрын

It’s because they don’t care about the kids they just care about the money they get from the government

@Reuraku

Жыл бұрын

@@stevenstiffler6848 And I'm wondering why the government agency that is giving them that money isn't doing anything like screening to avoid what appears to be a pretty common problem.

@stevenstiffler6848

Жыл бұрын

@@Reuraku because all the pro life people don’t give a fuck after the child is born they only care about preventing abortion but once the kid comes out of the mom they’re on their own. CPS is a shit show and the government could give less of a fuck about unwanted children.

Story 2: it honestly blows my mind how people abandon their kids in times of need then 10 to 20 years later try to come back into the kid's life as if nothing happened OP suffered so much at the hands of the adoption systems and all that could have been avoid had the dad stepped up to begin with

2nd story: while I largely agree with the "bad person, worse father" take, Id argue this letter would do the job better than any angry rant. In person, there's several things that can mentally be cleared for the dad. "At least he looks well", "at least he's better off without me" etc. In something like this, none of that closure gets given. It's "Im not mad, just disappointed." Besides, a bad person then doesn't always result in a bad person now. On the offchance the dad actually became a better person, this will hit all the more hard.

Poly is almost always a red flag

@GROUNDHOGCULT

Жыл бұрын

Not always

@ryanburbridge5148

Жыл бұрын

No it's not Cheaters using poly as a way to continue cheating is.

@ModernUnit

Жыл бұрын

@@GROUNDHOGCULT “almost”’

@ismae-rienne4991

Жыл бұрын

The one person I know in which poly was suggested during the marriage, turned into "oh I've been cheating on u since we started dating. And I don't want to leave my high school boyfriend that lives in my old state" Man I feel bad for my friend that is dealing with this

@GROUNDHOGCULT

Жыл бұрын

@@ModernUnit Not almost?

First Story: Obviously OP's husband and Mia are having an affair together behind OP's back. This threesome is just do OP's husband don’t get labeled as a cheater. Aaaaand there it is. They were sleeping with each other behind OP's back. Get rid of both of these horrible people, OP should do what she has to do regarding her pregnancy, and get a lawyer Second Story: OP's dad does deserve to know that his actions (well inactions) caused his own son to have a living hell of a childhood. He can’t just abandon one kid all these years and then suddenly out of nowhere expect that same kid to be happy to see him and be in his life. OP is way more mature than a lot of people. I would’ve made him feel horrible for what he has done to me Third Story, NTA: So OP allowed them to announce their engagement at OP's house and Christmas party, don’t get invited to the wedding, and is expected to invite them to their Christmas party? No lmao. I would be petty like this too. Also, since when was 200 people considered "small". Yeaaaah these two are weird. They didn’t invite OP because OP is a bit...older? The fact they tried to host their own party and expected the guests to go to theirs but that didn’t happen is hilarious

These stories stigmatizing poly and open relationships are so fucking aggravating. I’m poly and have two partners. I came out as poly to my first partner but said I won’t pursue anyone else unless he’s comfortable. Months later, he actually asks about adding someone else to the relationship and ofc I said yes after a lot of talk with them! Now we just passed our anniversary of all of us being together! :)