I have OCD but I don't talk about it because everyone nowadays is "so OCD" because they like things organised a certain way. No one even knows what it means.

@Just-Darcy

7 жыл бұрын

Nami Heartilly SAME.

@katiieproctor

7 жыл бұрын

SAME. I HATE IT SO MUCH

@njb444

7 жыл бұрын

Ugh, truth. Everyone confuses obsessive-compulsiveness with anal-retentiveness, but no one understands how it feels to spend all your time trying to 'clean' your own mind of uncomfortable thoughts. It's like an itch that gets worse the more you scratch it.

@sleepyote

7 жыл бұрын

Same, they just don't understand what actual OCD is. They just think it's all about "cleaning and organizing" and it's not. -_-

@kmac6118

7 жыл бұрын

Nami Heartilly This shitty transphobic teacher I have rn said in front of my whole class "I'm not particularly OCD about things but I like my desk to be neat so I am a bit". I don't have OCD but it really annoyed me because of other comments she continues to make. My support teacher for trans stuff can't tell her to do anything because she's her boss. It's fucked and I am donnnee.

Thank you so much for sharing this. it's awful to be unable to function, and to have long term trauma. You're greyness is an interesting way to explain things. When I am in my "bad space" everything slooooows down to a crawl. I feel, for weeks, like I'm moving through sludge. and only the bad moments stand out in time, in my memory. Despite your own problems you are strong, beautiful, and wonderful. The act of your sharing is helpful to me and others as well.

@ninyaninjabrifsanovichthes45

7 жыл бұрын

Im going through a really bad case of depression and nihilism currently. I don't feel like anyone truly loves me. Not even my own family. And im a trans woman who experiences mild to severe dysphoria. And I have high irritability and anger issues to go with my depression. I barely trust anyone other than myself. Sometimes I wish I could just either A. give up on living entirely, or B. Just destroying the entire human race just to make myself feel better (yes, i have had genocidal thoughts and feelings, mostly because of my anger issues and violent tendencies). I don't know if anything will ever get better for me. I will probably be lonely forever. (P.S. Just a little side story, me and my class had to watch this puberty video in 5th grade and it was horrible. Afterwards, everyone else joked about it but that video scared me away from sex for life. I don't get why people would like that stuff when i absolutely hate it .-. I don't know. Maybe I'm missing something?)

@minamesparkletits6714

7 жыл бұрын

Ninja Dreemurr the Saiyan Oonce your in a therapeutic situation, life will get better, until then survive by any means necessary. I love you, and you are worthy and here for a reason.

@ninyaninjabrifsanovichthes45

7 жыл бұрын

Caitlyn Manes thank you so much! Though I am still SEVERELY against sex XD. I don't get the appeal of it. Plus i don't like the idea of having to take my clothes off in front of another person. I am rather self conscious. After my SRS I'll most likely be a lesbian but i don't know if I'll be more accepting of sex. But I don't get why people praise it as if it were the best thing in the world. I dunno. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks this? Wow i rambled on XD

@tuffmanchannel

7 жыл бұрын

Ninja Dreemurr the Saiyan Well, it's like masturbating, but it's better because: 1)It means that you're very very close to your partner, reaching an intimate level. 2)You don't know what your partner might do. The element of surprise is a big factor. 3)It feels good. Like...duh. That's what I can think of.

@sharpchivers2672

7 жыл бұрын

Ninja Dreemurr the Saiyan I can get where you're coming from. When i was in school i used to hang out with a group of guys including one that was a bit older than the rest of us. He sometime told us how great sex was and how we would enjoy it so much but... I never understood. I've been with my partner for 4 years now and i never really enjoyed sex with her. It doesn't mean i don't enjoy having sexual and intimate moment (And it seems i can give pretty awsome handjobs) but being at the very start of my transition i can see why i'm not into it when it comes to me. I'm still very incomfortable with my body. Luckily she doesn't mind too much and she has a rather low sex drive like me, so everything works out. So i'm trying to say is: You don't have to like it. And you can love and be loved even if you don't. Just don't rush and wait for the right person who understands and let you do the things at your own pace. Who knows, you might end up trying new things and finaly enjoying it. Such people do exist, just take the time to look for them. Don't give up hope. There are plenty of things and people in the world that are well worth the journey.

Nobody is perfect, I'm glad more people are talking about mental health so thank you Stef!

I actually hugged my phone in an attempt to metaphorically hugging you.I have been going to a psychologist since 2015 because of severe anxiety. At the time, I was having panic attacks very easily, mostly related to college. I could relate to you when you talked about finding out your low self esteem, I had the same shock. I struggled with low self esteem and anorexia when I was a teenager, and I overcame that, so I couldn't even accept at first I didn't love myself now. I had been so low it was impossible for me not to love myself, but I was wrong, and now I'm working on this. It's a long way and it takes time, and I'm happy you're getting professional help. We'll make it through. Love you.

Steph, you are perfectly perfect. "In a world of darkness we are drawn to the light, and you are one of the lights..."

I tend to only talk about surface stuff even with good friends. Loved this, and love you🌷

@ryanklotz309

7 жыл бұрын

I do too Amy, usually just talk about whats on the surface. Because I don't like drama. I don't want to risk saying too much, and revealing a bigger more in depth problem that I might be having. I also don't like confrontation. So there. You are not alone. :)

@tieiatalks

7 жыл бұрын

Scare Me Amy same. I think it's hard to feel comfortable talking about it.

@kaimana1932

7 жыл бұрын

+Scare Me Amy You and me both mate, you and me both.

@bruhkent6895

7 жыл бұрын

omg I love your profile picture of Sarah

The positivity in this comment section is so beautiful. 💙

Hey guys as serious as this video is does anyone else feel like the candle in the background is so relaxing?

This was so amazingly brave of you to do. Putting yourself out there, especially when talking about sensitive subjects, is so very scary. You're helping so many people by doing this. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. You have an amazingly beautiful soul!

When I first found your page I thought I would watch one video, But I got sucked in. Now your videos are my coping methods.... You help me so much more than you could imagine and you are an angel and the purest soul ive ever seen... I love you so so so much and thank you for making my every day worth living.

@zadianna2923

7 жыл бұрын

omg I feel the same way.

@stephaniemoulton

7 жыл бұрын

She is kind of fantastic, isn't she? :)

I am very lucky in that I don't have any mental illness, but I loved how sweet and truthful you are here and you inspired me to keep it real at all times! I have never enjoyed a personal video so much, thank u and take care x

I've been depressed since I was maybe 10 years old and now I'm nearly 18, in my last year of highschool. My mental health issues have kept me in my house, often bedridden, not eating, not showering, not looking after myself. School becomes an afterthought when I have to put so much energy into basic daily tasks. I've been like this since mid last year, the doctors have run out of options and I've been hospitalised 3 times. No one can fix this, for me it's a chronic illness I'll probably struggle with for the rest of my life. Sorry for such a downer of a response, but I just wanted to share my experience with mental illness too.

@beech2444

7 жыл бұрын

Lana Rose hey, I understand what you're feeling. things might seem hopeless now, but someday things will be better. you're stronger than you know, sending a lot of love, support, and positivity your way ❤

@Sepiafluxx

7 жыл бұрын

Lana Rose I second what Rachel said. There is always opportunity for things to get better. Always. Unexpected things happen, unexpected people can enter your life and brighten it. There's always something to look forward to, even if it's just eating a favourite food, reading a good book or watching a favorite movie etc. Creating little moments like that with yourself and finding comfort in those things you can look forward to has helped me personally. Thought I'd share ❤ Best of luck to you hun.

@iamellie1175

7 жыл бұрын

you sound like me :D

@InvisibleRen

7 жыл бұрын

Lana Rose I have had a similar situation. Apparently depressed since childhood but 11 is the earliest I recall. I'm 26 now. High school was my worst period and I too had trouble even going to school. Since then, I have tried many many different meds and been hospitalized 5 it 6 times. I know the feeling of hopelessness and thinking “I'll have to deal with this the rest of my life.” Indeed, it's true I'll deal with my illness for the rest of my life. BUT I won't always be depressed. Throughout the years, talk therapy has helped at times. But medicine has helped the most. A year or two ago, I started some meds which were amazing. My baseline was high and I was not okay with dying for the first time in my life since my depression started. But I had to change insurances and my new one doesn't cover that med, so I'm back to finding the right concoction again. I've been attempt-free for nearly 4 years now and since I stopped those awesome meds, I've had my low moments. But what keeps me going is knowing that I do have the potential to be happy again. Some things that really have helped me throughout the years are reducing stressors. School was always a major stressor for me because of some core beliefs I had about myself. For 12th grade, I transferred to an alternative school that had no advanced classes. It didn't affect getting into college later. Later, I took a year-long a break from college and working for the first time. Learning CBT techniques also changed my outlook on life and myself for the better and helped me cope with new stressors when I went back to school. So, therapy, meds, and if can manage, a major change in life can help. Again, there will be low moments, but all those things can improve your well-being and make most of life will be enjoyable and worth living. And you never know what the future holds. If my last attempt had succeeded, I would have never written a book and gotten a publishing offer. I would have never met my nephew. Even if it doesn't feel like it now, you have the potential to be happy and there will be things worth living for.

@lanarose7486

7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this thoughtful reply. I just came home from my 4th involuntary hospitalisation, and for the sake of my family and friends I'm going to try to stay here as long as I can. Hopefully something will change for me soon. x

I want you to know that no matter what you're going through, we're always here for you! 💕

I've struggled with both C-PTSD and an eating disorder myself (and have been in treatment for years), and I think it's important to learn to cope with both simultaneously, or at least keep the ed on your radar while dealing with the trauma. Most of the time your ed will get worse when you open up the wounds left by past experiences, bc yeah your ed is absolutely a coping mechanism. From my time in treatment (both inpatient and outpatient) I've always had the most trouble with my ed when I left it alone in favor of "focusing on the trauma". Of course your experience is totally understandable and if you believe in yourself and your ability to handle it, I'm not going to tell you you're wrong. But ed's really are usually the ones in control, and they will never let you believe you're sick enough for treatment. I'm 20 now and I've had mine since I was 12. I've never in my life believed I was sick enough, even when I was going to the ER. I honestly haven't met one person who has. Just something I feel like you might wanna keep in mind I love you so much and I think you deserve the best things in life, including safety and security from others and your own mind. And I'm proud of you for committing to the treatment you're undergoing now.

@jetbrown2125

7 жыл бұрын

cynder I also had an ED in my teens, bulimia. Once in a blue moon I'll slip up but generally speaking it's behind me. You are so right, it's a coping mechanism, and you can band aid the wound with CBT or w/e, but until you deal with those underlying issues, whatever they are, well- they'll still be there obviously

@ShadowsMelodie

7 жыл бұрын

So much eating disorder treatment stems around solely stabilization and that's why so many people have so much trouble staying in recovery. If you don't deal with the dysfunction that caused you to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms in the first place, how can you learn to function healthily? So it's definitely important to dig deeper than the obvious ed symptoms. On the other hand, it's important to make sure you're stabilized enough to handle the trauma therapy, emotionally and physically. You should expect to struggle with your ed when you're dealing with the underlying issues, but ignoring the ed all together in favor of those issues is rarely the answer. Your ed is often your voice. When it acts out, that means something is up and it needs to be addressed more than it is being addressed currently. I feel like I sound really pretentious right now, but it's something that's incredibly important to me after years upon years of struggling and seeing other people struggle with me. When I see people say things like "I can do this on my own", I see my younger self in pain, denying myself support. It's rarely a strength. It's scary, but I really think if everyone with an ed reached out, even when they felt like they could handle it or felt like they weren't "sick enough", then so many more people would stay in recovery. Unfortunately, part of the disease is secrecy and shame. But it's never too late or too early to start asking for help.

@jetbrown2125

7 жыл бұрын

cynder so right! So right

@ShadowsMelodie

7 жыл бұрын

You're definitely not the only one. A lot of professionals don't understand trauma like they should, and a lot of people suffer because of that. It took me years and multiple therapists for someone to be like "Hold up. I think you've had untreated PTSD this entire time." If you're able, please keep trying. There will be someone who listens. If you have access, find someone who specializes in trauma.

@ShadowsMelodie

7 жыл бұрын

If you feel like that's your best option, go for it! There are also professionals who focus on spirituality as a part of their treatment, if that's important to you. I'm not going to spout empty positivity if you feel hopeless for treatment, but if it's something you still want to purse, I do promise it's out there. Even if it's in the form of online therapy, self help guides, treatment centers, therapy from psych students if you live near a college campus, groups, online forums, etc.

I feel so similar to you. I stay up so late around 4am until I feel tired, then when I go to lay down, I can't sleep. I hate waking up and it takes so much to even leave my bed. I've been late to so many things and missed things recently because I wouldn't get out of bed. I haven't been drawing at all for months which is my favorite hobby I use to do all the time. I feel so tired, and like you said, I feel like everything is just dull. Nothing appeals to me or makes me want to go outside or do activities. I binge eat as well. I've been dealing with weight issues all my life, but recently it's gotten worse. I will try to not eat anything for the whole day, but then I eventually break last minute and eat so much. Then go to sleep right after so I won't feel bad (which makes you gain even more weight). It's been really hard, a lots going on right now. I have severe anxiety and it just makes it harder. But I'm still trudging on. So let's hope I don't stop.

@mar-k7104

7 жыл бұрын

Seeing how nice the comments on this video are I think I speak for all of us when I say your struggles are an obstacle that you are strong enough to overcome and thrive. I believe in your ability to become everything your struggles are trying to keep from you from. I also have anxiety and depression, I'm mostly okay now because I've had lots of help. So know you're not alone

@Evitaschannel

7 жыл бұрын

I have the exact same. But I am too afraid to pick up the phone and call my GP to make an appointment. And I've called before but I'd cry so much before the appointment that I just wouldn't go...

I LOVE that you're making videos that go deeper, other than just makeup videos, hauls, and stuff like that. You're real and relatable. I started crying a little because I experience the same feelings sometimes. You're bringing awareness about issues that truly matter. Thank you

I have CPTSD too. From childhood sex abuse and from rapes and assaults that have happened now later in life due to the choices I have made as result of the abuse as a kid.... it's hard to explain but what I did was normal for childhood sex abuse survivors. I am doing well now. I love how you are not ashamed and are open about it.

@annenonnymous8752

7 жыл бұрын

Schoolitdown22 that actually happens quite often with any disability especially the older you get.

@angeldream1

7 жыл бұрын

Kenna R im so sorry... i have a very similar life, i was abused from about age 5 to 23, and i am 29 now. i hope you are doing great now, please message me or come hang out on my channel i have a lot of videos about ptsd and DID , suicide, abuse, and healing and you would probably help people a lot of the ppl $ubscribed to me say my videos help them but sometimes i need like advice and stuff especially from someone who is healing, if you wanna email me hollisharb55@gmail.com if you want to tell me your story i will too. im so sorry again that it all happened to you :(

@daniellewaluchow

7 жыл бұрын

I don't know if I'm reading this right, but I sincerely hope you are not blaming yourself for the assaults later in life. No matter what decisions you made, that is never an acceptable punishment or act from someone else based on your choices. But as Stef said, Chin up

@rebeccasquier7403

7 жыл бұрын

wow you have such a testimony.

@PlanetGoddess

7 жыл бұрын

rape(s) AS IN MULTIPLE RAPES!? omg, I'm so sorry.

i'm so happy to see someone i admire talking about c-ptsd. not that i'm glad you have it, just that you're talking about it. i have c-ptsd as well and i feel very alone in dealing with it sometimes. i'm so happy for you that you're getting the help you need and i wish you the best going forward

You're such a fucking inspiration. I'm just blown away with how open and strong you are. Your positive and resilient personality is definitely going to impact me, and I'm sure many others, for a very long time.

I really identify with a lot of the things you're saying. I think it's so cool that you're sharing yourself with us!

I know often others' opinions don't have weight when you're in a low place, but every time I think of Stef in a passing thought, or I see something that reminds me of her I think.. "I love Stef, she's great." Not perfect just like me, but great. I support her and love to see her succeed, survive, and go through life empowered. Happy Womens Day bread mom.

@turbokiera

7 жыл бұрын

Same! Every time I see or am reminded of her, I think about how lovely and kind she is. She just elicits good vibes ~~

So happy to find someone I can relate to 💙💙💙

Thank you for your vulnerability and willingness to be so open on this.

you are such a strong person. Mental health is such a heavy thing to carry everyday. Hugs.

"You can have a wonderful life while dealing with mental illness. Good days can happen." is so relevant for me right now because I have amazing days and I'm so happy and grateful for my life but lately I feel as if a cloud is always looming over me. I really need to remind myself that I can still have happy moments. Thank you for this. It was actually really enlightening for me today. I love when you share your stories and I'm glad sharing helps you too.

I can relate quite a bit and I think it's really great that you're talking about this. It's really brave of you to talk so openly about this. It feels really good for me to see someone I look up to trying to work through this kinda stuff because it's like proof to my brain that giving up isn't the only option. I don't want this comment to put any pressure on you or anything to talk about anything I just wanna say thanks for being someone I can really look up to

I disagree with you when you say you're not in a place where you can help people. You are so empathetic and openminded, which is extremely comforting to us who need someone so sweet. And the messages you give your audience are inspiring.

It's nice to hear from someone who has the same kind of thing as me for a long time I didn't know what was up with me but lots of small triggers set me off recently and I was finally diagnosed with cptsd, I understand exactly what you're going through and it's refreshing to know that someone I look up to has the confidence to talk about mental health, I think it's really important for people to see that nobody's perfect xx

Off topic, videos starting- YOU LOOK GREAT

@gretawolff4357

7 жыл бұрын

I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THAT!

@cr0w3at3r

7 жыл бұрын

Sarah Bean i was going to say the same oml she looks amazing

@WeAllLoveHomeVideos

7 жыл бұрын

Sarah Bean This is almost exactly the comment I was about to write haha

@eneedham789

7 жыл бұрын

Comic Book Guy Rude. We don't need your comments.

@WeAllLoveHomeVideos

7 жыл бұрын

Comic Book Guy Check out her video where she talks about wardenbergs syndrome

I'm working on my mental health too!

Thank you for being brave enough to share your inner demons, Stef. Stay strong and know that you're beautiful! I've suffered depression, anxiety, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. My depression and anxiety was diagnosed about a year ago and it has gotten better, but as for most people that struggles with depression, it still makes itself known everyday. However, how major these problems seem to me, seeing as they managed to knock me out for almost 6 months, I feel like they are nothing compared to the problems around me. Inferior in a way. And as such I feel like I shouldn't complain, because "it could be much worse". I feel like I should be grateful. But I'm not, and as such that just makes my anxiety worse. My sense of worth isn't all that great either. Daily I'm thinking about what it would be like if I just took my own life, here and now. But then I start thinking about what I would leave behind and how it would affect the people around me, and that just starts up a different kind of guilt, shame and anxiety. I don't know. It sounds worse when I put my feelings into words, because in text feelings are more "raw" and often without context. But that's how I'm feeling right now, so I suppose it's not wrong. Well shit, it sounds like I'm complaining and whining. But it felt nice to say it. Thank you to anyone who read all this.

Im a care taker too. I had a best friend who turned on me for a new bf. She just used me until it didn't suit her anymore and she stole alot of my belongings rather then be an adult and get her own things. Your entire story in this video is parallel of my own life. I've starved myself, binged and didn't /don't value myself. THANK YOU for sharing this video. I'm positive that I have cptsd and I can now talk to my phyciatrist about it. You've shone a light on a problem I couldn't out into words.

Sadly if you live in the US and you can't afford $100-200 a session then you can't get therapy. There are community centers & churches that can help you find counselors that can help you to some extent. I'm very blessed because my psychologist since 2012 who I used to be able to pay, now sees me free of charge. Look for support groups, counseling centers, churches or even online support groups or hotlines. It's okay to need help and it's okay to talk to someone about your problems. It certainly doesn't mean your nuts it just means your human! 🙂

@miniponyasmr602

7 жыл бұрын

Matthew Scott it's the similar to the US in other areas of Canada. I'm from Alberta and therapy costs $180 per hour. Some provinces have great health care, while some have pretty crappy care.

@straypieceofseaweed

7 жыл бұрын

MiniPony ASMR it's free for me in Alberta

@matthewscott1091

7 жыл бұрын

MiniPony ASMR Its a shame that it's 2017 and mental health care is still thought so little of. Then again with whose in the White House I'm more worried about losing my actual healthcare. 😐

@caitlinscupboard5907

7 жыл бұрын

my insurance covers everything for therapy but I only get 12 visits a year.

@ElodiesLife

7 жыл бұрын

Matthew Scott I know, the US health care system is terrible, especially when it comes to mental health. I believe there's 2.6 psychologists per 1000 people who need treatment... and then most people can't afford it. I really hope everyone can find a way to work around it.

This is why I just adore you so much, you are one of the few people who is honest with all these things, all the good and the bad and everything in between. And on top of all that, you teach about all of it and help make these things less stigmatized, dispel the myths, bring the truths to light, you make things make sense. You've helped me so much, and what I love is that you're a lot like me, but even with the things I deal with that you might not, you still help me because my takeaway from your videos is just love and acceptance and the message that it's OK to be who I am and deal with these things. When I come to your channel, I feel safe. I know that I won't be judged here and a lot of times I get amazing replies to my comments. I don't know you, or anyone in the comments, but I really feel like you're a sister to me and they're all family. You've created this amazing space online, and fill it with such wonderful realness, I just can't thank you enough for that, for being brave enough to open up to the world about all the things in your life. You had mentioned that you hope your stories help people, and I just want you to know that they've helped me more than I can say. You are truly a special person Stef, and a blessing to this world and all the lives you touch, including mine :)

Thank you so much Stef. I've been dealing with a lot of similar issues to those that you discussed, and my hope that I'll be able to deal with them has been waning quite a bit recently, but this video gave me some of that hope back. I know you're still struggling with you're problems, but just knowing that someone else understands what it's like and has been dealing with it is quite comforting.

Thank you for sharing, Stef. You basically said just about everything that I'm feeling right now with my depression and anxiety. I'm sorry you're going through this too, but I'm glad you're talking about it because it makes it much easier for all of us to talk about it when one of us is brave enough to tell her story. I hope and pray we all feel better soon. Hugs.

As someone who suffers from the exact same mental illness it's great to hear you speak about the topic. You don't get to hear about it from other people much.

I love you bread mom

Thank you so so much for sharing all this, it means the world to know that you're comfortable enough with us to share. Thank you breadmom! I've got anxiety and depression as well as mild ptsd and a general slew of mental issues, from a combination of watching my mother hurt my sisters and father to generally having a bad state of mind. I can really relate to that grey feeling, as well as the difficulty getting up. I'll often lay in bed for 2-3 hours before actually getting up, and I only get up cause my dad (gently) forces me to. Aka he reminds me until I crawl out. Without someone there I'm pretty sure I'd be in the same boat. Thanks for creating such a wonderful community!

thank you Stef! I'm a visual person. too. I understand the feeling of life loosing color and being depressed and feeling worthless. but you mean a lot to so many. I'm so glad you are a voice for mental health awarness and seeking help. I'm so glad you are so honest and so real with us. you are so genuine and that's why I watch you because you are real. I'll take real over perfect any day

We will all love you while you learn to love yourself.

Stef, you and I have so many things in common, especially the complex ptsd stuff, how you've been feeling lately, how you see yourself, and even your relationship with food. I also had no idea I had c ptsd until I went to therapy too :O it never even crossed my mind. I don't even think I knew what it was? I never even knew how differently I was treated or acted until I was in college and all of these people were talking about their experiences with high school. Like,,, I was bullied at school, bullied at home, bullied by teachers, used and manipulated by people who I thought were my friends, and I was always in the office because I was either physically sick from my stress or crying. I also felt like I couldn't come out as trans until I finished school bc I felt like that would have added on to all of that bullshit I was going through. I just want to remind you that you are a very sweet and kind person and have helped me realize a lot of things about myself. You and the content you make really make a huge impact on my life. I hope you start feeling better soon! Take care of yourself girl! And thank you for everything you've done and are currently doing!

@ireallylovecilantro

7 жыл бұрын

Bunneri I'm a trans person with C-PTSD too! It took me many years of misdiagnoses to figure it out but I always suspected it. Don't feel bad for not knowing sooner! We have been through a lot and our hyperawareness can make us acute observers. Solidarity. 💗

Stef, the way you talk about how you view yourself really speaks to me and is something that I can very much relate to. Hearing that frame of mind be spoken about an put into words, makes me feel less alone, and more understood. Thanks for being so open and honest with your viewers. You're such a lovely human.

Thank you for your honesty Stef xx I have generalised anxiety disorder and have had bouts of severe depression since I was 14. It's so hard to open up about my vulnerabilities but people like you make it easier.

I love you, thank you for constantly helping your viewers 💕 you're wonderful babe

I love this setup a lot better than the blank white wall! 💕

I cannot thank you enough through words for this video. I have never related to something so much and the way you have conveyed your feelings is perfect and fuels me with relief. Stef you are BEAUTIFUL and so IMPORTANT to so may people. You are the most real person ever.

Oh! Thank you! I adore your videos because you are so full of truth all the time. You've just made me aware that I do have a binge-eating problem. I'm 36 and didn't even see it until you mentioned pasta, that's exactly what I do. I always think it's a good idea to let people know about mental health issues, small or large, I have anxiety and stress problems and am getting a little help here in the uk, coping techniques n stuff and I feel I've only sought help after seeing people like yourself open up just a little about life. Thank you Stef xx

I can totally empathise with the not trusting people out of fear of abandonment thing. Sometimes I wonder whether the people I call my friends really are my friends, because they leave me out of almost everything and care more about themselves than they do me. My efforts in a friendship go unnoticed all the time, and I have this irrational fear that I'm not cool enough and that they're going to abandon me for someone that they'd rather be seen with. It makes your self-worth suffer a lot, because you don't feel validated by the people in your life. You compliment and help them all the time, and they just won't do the same for you.

GIRLLL THIS LOOK. YES.

I was in residential eating disorder treatment this summer and am currently working through my ED and some other mental illnesses (including PTSD). I really really appreciate your honesty and frankness about mental illnesses, especially eating disorders. I truly feel that, as humans, when we share our pain and struggle, we can connect with each other on an incredibly important and visceral level. The opposite of depression is connection, after all. Thank you so much for sharing your story and for your honesty & vulnerability. I love you so much and I'm sending you all my positive energy.

Stef! I am so happy you shared this with us. And I can relate to you so much on a personal level. I feel your struggle, and confusion and I want you to know that all of us are here for you! You are such an inspiration to us all and we love you!

its not the first time I have this feeling, but after this video its even stronger: I would love to sit down with you on a cozy couch, with cuddly pillows and hot drinks and just chat. You actually talked a lot about my life and my feelings and I realized, that there are a lot of issues, that I should think about. Thank you for that and also for this honest and heartwarming video. Send you a lot of strong hugs

Thank you for sharing Stef, that's very brave of you. You may think you're not in a position to help others, but sometimes knowing that you are not alone is all someone needs. We all have our demons, I hope you can overcome yours, hun. P.S. love your videos, you are a top chick x

I have watched your videos here and there when they pop up on my recommendeds, but this. This made me cry. I have ptsd, I went through that grey area, I know my triggers and I know how to fix myself when I panic. But I don't talk about it, unless when i feel someone close should know. You are an inspiration. I crave being able to talk about my ptsd as if I master it, as if it's just a thing. Right now talking about it feels like reliving and I'm incapable of that.

Thank you for making this video. I am a new subscriber and I admire your honesty. I was also diagnosed with C-PTSD & OCD a little over a year ago after being in an uncontrollable, violent situation. Seeing someone speak about this in such a real and honest way is so refreshing, thank you so much for all that you do. I hope the best for you! 💕

I love how real you are. It's truly inspiring 🌸

@dididevrieskast6052

7 жыл бұрын

Also I feel so many of the same things.. I have ptsd because of sexual assault and other things, anxiety disorder, agoraphobia and avoidant personality disorder.

This was extremely helpful and brave of you to share. I adore you, Stef. You are so so beautiful inside and out. Much love! Xx

i really appreciate you putting yourself out there. I am having some similar problems and it's comforting to know that someone i look up to so much is going through something similar and still functioning. Love you bread mama thank you

Your explanation of feeling good about yourself on the surface, but feeling worthless underneath really spoke to me. I've known for a long time that I'm insecure and desperately want praise from anyone I consider to be "higher-up" than myself (teachers, coaches, etc.), but I always thought that I would know if I had any real self-esteem issues. You've got me thinking twice.

Thank you so much for making this video, you make me feel less alone in the world as a transguy with cptsd, an eating disorder and many other mental health problems, just thank you. this means so much to me and i love you a lot.

Thank you for making this video! My mother has C-PTSD (her brother emotionally/physically abused her and her sister when they were little) and I'm trying to understand her better because she doesn't like to talk about her mental health so I'm trying to find information about it.

You are a beautiful person Stef, stay strong and focus on the positive. There is so much of you I see in myself I'm not talking about your good ness but the things you see as flaws. you and a few others here on KZread helped me to find myself again nearly 14 years after I suppressed who I was and who I am now. Being free is amazing it has its ups and downs. Coming up again now after a very bad medication call by my doctor that left me asleep for 48 hours following 4 days with out sleep. Lots of love from not so sunny Wales, Love Beth Xx

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I have complex PTSD also from childhood traumas, along with a personality disorder. It's hard every day. Please know that I see value in you and you are amazing! You help people every day on here, and that in itself makes you amazing, along with all your other qualities that make you a beautiful person. ❤ you can get through this.

I deal with depression too. I don't see my worth either. I'm a caregiver, I'd rather give to others before myself. Always have been. I had someone tell me I was codependent, I had no clue what that was & as soon I read about it, it was clearly me. I take antidepressants to help stable my mind & thought which help, it's a mask, it hasn't taken it away completely, but it helps me function. I have binge ate before, made me emotionally & physically sick. I am a huge emotional eater, I'm still working on it but I'll eat when I'm sad or depressed about something. Now when I'm happy or busy I don't even think about food. I have a negative relationship with food, like I said I'm working on it.

Thanks for talking about this, Stef. We all should be more open about mental illness. I have C-PTSD from childhood trauma -- something really personal that I've been treating since I was 6 years old and I'm almost 30 now; homebound agoraphobic with the whole gamut of anxiety/chronic pain and anxiety. Nothing has helped yet but I'm still trying. I hope that I can have a couple friends one day and be able to have a minimum wage job and just support myself. Dating and having a family are probably not a realistic goal for me so for now... baby steps.

@TheEmeliexx

7 жыл бұрын

A Essaunce keep fighting i have social anxiety

Thank you for being so open with so many. ❤️❤️❤️ I'm sitting here listening to you with tears in my eyes. I too am in therapy, and am coming to similar realizations. Lol and I toke up. It truly helps with my anxiety and "mixed features" of my diagnosis. Severe depression disorder, anxiety, personality disorder with the mixed features I spoke of. I'm really tripping out Love! I too have eating issues exactly as you described. Peace and love to you Hun!

i haven't experienced everything you have but so much of what you're saying is stuuf that i have. thank you so much for coming out and starting this discussion! I'm getting better. ive cut of someone who was sucking the life out of me and im moving forward. but hearing someone else say they feel these thing too is amazing and i love you even more than before...

Bread Mom, thank you so much for this. I saw myself when you described having a hard time connecting to people because I've been dropped by so called friends over and over since I can remember. I was asked where I saw myself in 5 years and I realized that I didn't see anything great for my future because I feel like I don't deserve it and I'm not cut out to be successful. I'm not sure if you'll see this comment among the many others but I just wanted to thank you for opening up and I love you. Keep being amazing :)

@turbokiera

7 жыл бұрын

Yessss that's one of those questions that made me realize how bad my self-image is. I don't think 5 years ahead because I don't think I'll ever be well enough or good enough for it to be anything other than the struggle it's always been. I asked my best friend that question and she had more or less the same response. I'm not sure if it's generational to a degree, having to be a young adult directly into the recession and feeling hopeless, or if the individual issues we have heavily contribute to that. I hope you can get to a place where that question has more specific and exciting answers, and soon! You deserve it!

@reyeselizabeth26

7 жыл бұрын

turbokiera Thank you! :) I really needed to hear that

stef you are so beautiful inside and out

I normally don't comment on things, but I really felt a strong need to. Hearing you speak so openly made me feel more comfortable in my own mental illness. I go through a lot of the same stuff as you, but I always keep everything inside because I'm also terrified of people. If I don't tell anyone then they can't use it against me. To hear that someone is going through what I'm going through makes me feel a whole lot less alone. Thank you so much.

stef, this really just hit home for me. You are a really inspiring and well-spoken woman. I am on the road to recovery myself, and it has been rough. Nice to know we're not alone.

I honestly love you so much Stef. You're such an amazing woman.

Thank you for addressing this subject again. I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD as well. What you shared was very relatable; sleep issues, food issues, lack of motivation. In my experience people have been far more understanding of my being trans than of what it is to deal with PTSD. I find this to be true even when others maybe symptomatic of PTSD. There can be a stigma associated with PTSD that it is a weakness or just an excuse. I am also a veteran so I am around people with PTSD often at the VA hospital. I have also found most trans people I know have a PTSD diagnosis as well. Both of these groups have statistically higher rates of suicide. Go figure.

steph, you are so sincere and wonderful. hearing you speak on this deeper level always fills me with warmth because you are just so honest and so caring. i love you and you will without a doubt make it through this hump in your life c:

Thank you so much for sharing this. 💜 Truly. Your honesty and being real is worth so much - just like you. 💜

I feel the same way, exactly like you feel.. After my daughter passed away two years ago i felt i lost part of me and part of my husband, just so hard because she was so wanted and planned that it still makes no sense to me... Wish you all the best Stef

@dakotahope599

7 жыл бұрын

Sophia wish you all the best too x

Thank you for sharing this video with us, you're so strong. Also, looking beautiful as always. ♡

Stef your honesty and rawness is so powerful, thank you for your sharing!! It has taken me 52 years to find my own self acceptance!! You are so inspirational for others by being strongly able to share ur private life to help others love you so much xx

Girl, You are such a beautiful soul. I relate to you on every single point you've talked about. It's great to see youtubers being so vunerable and reminding others that they're human just like the rest of us. You are honestly one of my favorite people ever. You are amazing and you do alot to help your followers by simply relating to us. Sending tons of love your way

I'm in a similar boat, I've got borderline personality disorder (amongst other things, unfortunately), which I've read is similar to CPTSD. I don't know how true that is but I can relate to a lot of this, I won't talk about the abuse because it's terrifying and I'll just end up going on forever. But I'm truly grateful that you made this video.

@michaelatigerb0lts

7 жыл бұрын

I also (likely) have BPD. It hasn't been officially diagnosed yet, but my psychologist strongly suspects that it's the cause of a lot of my other issues, and after doing my own research the symptoms fit me so well it's honestly a little terrifying. But yeah I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone I guess.

@sundeity4

7 жыл бұрын

i have both bpd and c-ptsd and i do believe they are related (for myself anyhow). if you have the resources, you should talk to a professional about it. sometimes ptsd focused treatment works better than dbt.

@katelyns694

7 жыл бұрын

I have bpd as well, as well as c-ptsd and some other shit I don't wanna list out idk man my brain is a hellscape. Dbt probably saved my life though, it took over a year before my brain caught on to the skills but now they're second nature. I'd strongly recommend anyone with bpd who's thinking about trying dbt for it to give it a go, it helped me tremendously

@milithrusignuolo8590

7 жыл бұрын

Kayden yo I dropped out of dbt after two sessions (I'm also avoidant) but I'm thinking of getting the book first, then going back

I do wonder if I have PTSD? When I was young I was bullied for being much more sensitive through my school life and that made me be on my own much more. I came to study in UK at university and finally realised that I was transgender, I should have figured out earlier but didn't. None of these where really causing me any trouble, but on my second year the person I first told I think I'm trans that said to stay strong and that she would support me trough anything died suddenly at the end of my second year. Now I have jolts of anxiety at times fearing that someone else could pass away and knowing that it would crush me. I'm not really sure what the term for it would be, but its almost like flashes of panic and anxiety.

@kayerin5749

7 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry for your loss. That is so hard, to lose such a strong supportive figure. I am so glad though that she spoke out and told you she supported you, before her time was up. I don't mean to sound harsh, but we really all will leave this life sometime, and you were blessed with such a good friend. And there are others out there! Keep your heart open, because she wouldn't want you to close yourself off from future help.

Thank you for being so raw with your viewers. I have felt in the past that I might have ptsd but just brushed it off because I've never been to war or been in a life threatening situation like that. But I didn't know that CPTSD was a thing and it sounds like what I might be experiencing...might actually look into talking to someone, but thank you for being you 💜☺

My heart goes out to you! Thank you for being brave and sharing this personal information. It was just recently (with the help of a friend) that I realized that I have PTSD; so I can somewhat relate to what you are saying and feeling! You seem strong in your videos, so I am sure you will move forward through counseling and be the person you hope to be! Love your videos!

I just made such a similar video, except I couldn't stop crying. You're so strong💕

This made me cry really hard because I've been dealing with the same thing. And I feel like nothing can help me. Especially the friends thing, I lost my best friend of 8 years because we just dont get along anymore, shes different around me and has found new best friends and stopped conacting me and I'm trying so hard to act like it doesn't affect me and just in general I can't trust people, I literally only have 2 friends now and I feel so incredibly alone but I'm too afraid and shy to meet new people. I really feel like I'm not important to anyone like I can't satisfy anyone because I have no one and it drives me insane. This video really hit home.

@lilycollier4234

7 жыл бұрын

Misha Bear I feel the same. I've been looking for someone else who shares the same feelings, would you like to chat?

@lilycollier4234

7 жыл бұрын

Misha Bear sorry if that came off creepy or anything, it wasn't intended like that

@luna-qy5fg

7 жыл бұрын

Lily Collier No it wasn't creepy at all. I've really wanted to find someone who related also. Yeah I'd love to talk.

@lilycollier4234

7 жыл бұрын

Misha Bear do you have an Instagram account? That's what I use most often if that's good ☺️

@angeldream1

7 жыл бұрын

im here to talk too both of you

PTSD struggle is daily and it is real. Your honesty is refreshing and you are awesome. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for sharing! Yes, I believe your honesty about your own experiences is very helpful in a significant way. As I sat watching this video with my fiancé who also suffers from CPTSD, I felt so grateful for your courage because it serves such a critically fundamental purpose; reminding people who suffer that they are never really as alone as they may feel.

i love you bread mom stay strong

@danny_fanta_692_9

2 жыл бұрын

Dear Stef sanjati I have both gender euphoria and body dysmorphia there nobody is right happy now for twitch.

You're great stef and I enjoyed this video.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I too live with mental illness and am a proud advocate for awareness. This video just accomplished so much more than you will be told. You may have saved a life. tons of positive scenarios will be the chain reaction o your openness. I am happy you are receiving the help you need, I am excited for your future. Blessings

I appreciate you being so open about your life. These things are very personal and difficult I imagine to talk about so thank you for doing so in such a calm way. I relate to you too. I potentially have ADHD (though I've never been diagnosed so it's largely based on people around me who think I may have it) so I understand having difficulty relating to people or things around me at times. I'm also very visually minded like you. Like you I also feel better mentally when sharing my problems.

You're the kind of person that I would enjoy going to a movie with and just sitting by a kight and talking about sleeping dreams..

Thank you so much! I can recognise the whole sleeping cycle, and I still sometimes fall into it. I'm also fantastic at taking unnecessary naps throughout the day. I've found that a good way for me to fall asleep, is either to listen to a podcast or an audiobook, which, if I focus on the talking, prevents me from thinking too much and makes it easier for me to fall asleep. Thanks for this video, you're awesome

@foxbearchillinbytheriver

7 жыл бұрын

Asuki3905 I do that too! It helps soooo much. Plus it makes me more well read xD

@otrophic396

7 жыл бұрын

Asuki3905 oh I just listen to asmr. It relaxes me so much I drop off instantly. Maybe you should try it?

Watching this really gave me a lot to think about. I recently began therapy myself and I connected strongly to a lot of the things you discussed in this video. Thank you Stef, I really love you. ❤️

Thank you so much for making this video. I've always struggled with having no self worth subconsciously to the point where a simple compliment can put me to tears. This is the first time I've seen someone talk about mental illness problems that I deal with as well and this video gives me hope that I can be successful, even if my brain Is all messed up.

Wow, you covered some stuff that I haven't been able to put into words about myself...dang

Your cheekbones 😍

I also have PTSD, and everything you said really registered with me. Thank you for being so open and honest, it really helps. Stay strong Stef!

It is so nice of you to share your story. I'm 21. I have the same kind of PTSD as you but it's from physical and emotional abuse that has been going my whole life. I also have ADHD. I have trouble feeling motivated even though I know my dreams and goals in life clearly. I'm struggling to find myself and to be myself everyday, which makes it difficult in social situations. I guess it's because I was never given the opportunity to find and be myself because I'm being controlled, criticised and beaten constantly by the person closest to me, my mom. I am coping with it fairly well and I feel like I am progressing nicely. It definitely helps when I see strong and inspiring people like you. So thank you so much for posting your journey. CHEERS!