During fever and symptoms from my COVID-19 shot this week, I subsequently had some of the most fascinating dreams. This was the most interesting one.
I was sitting behind a desk in a vast office building. The office building was owned by the corporation that ran Earth. I wanted to know how everything worked- what was the meaning of life.
So I picked up the phone and dialed "Information."
I explained to the lady, "Hi, I would like to know the meaning of life, and how everything works."
She took this question very well, as if this question was asked all the time.
"Sir, usually we reserve that information but today we shall make an exception to the rule. All you have to do, is open the file drawer in the desk."
"Then what?" I asked.
She paused and said, "Then you have to catch the Shaggy Dog."
I was very confused, but she added, "Stay on the line, put the phone down, and open the drawer. If you can catch the dog, he will answer all of your questions."
I put the phone down, and opened the file drawer.
Out leaped the biggest, shaggiest, "Beverly Cleary, Ribsy-dog" I had ever seen.
As he exited the drawer, he pulled behind him a reverse tunnel of golden light and dancing visions. It's like the drawer was a portal to another realm, and the dog was tied to that realm, so the world he came from entered behind him like a big expanding funnel or tunnel. I could see all the answers hanging in the air... The origin of life, what happened to dinosaurs, all this cool, cool stuff expanding, mixing and growing like a moment from Charley and Chocolate factory. I was wonderstruck by the vision trail, but realized that the dog was moving ahead of me fast.
I started chasing the dog as fast as I could, and he was loving it! He took big galloping steps, and looked at me from over his shoulder with his tongue out.
We ran the length of the whole building. I was gaining on him, when the floor sort of curved around so that suddenly, we are coming up on my desk again with the file drawer still open, the phone still on the desk.
The dog leaped a big leap, and disappeared into the drawer. All the golden magic trailing behind him swirled around dramatically for a second, and then followed him inside. The door slammed shut, and everything was silent.
I picked up the phone, and told the lady, "I couldn't catch the Shaggy Dog."
The lady paused a moment, and when she spoke, she sounded sympathetic, "Nobody ever has. At least you got to see him. But nobody is ever going to catch the Shaggy Dog."
Then I woke up.
Definition of Shaggy-Dog:
-of, relating to, or being a long-drawn-out circumstantial story concerning an inconsequential happening that impresses the teller as humorous or interesting but the hearer as boring and pointless
-of, relating to, or being a similar humorous story whose humor lies in the pointlessness or irrelevance of the plot or punch line
Dog, spelled backwards, reads.... god.
©️ by Michael Burns, 11 May 21