Evita, These gifts that you share are cherished. I really enjoy all of the interview programs you have created and hosted, however, the most helpful, and most resonant are always these direct talks from you as a clear and authentic guide. Thank-you for all of your work, it is helpful beyond words. Love

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

There are no adequate expressions of thank you to share what this comment meant to me and how much it was appreciated. Please accept my most sincere and humble gratitude

Thank you for the clarity. " Tolerating is not putting up with" . I intend to accept my situation and now find the best and most loving way to handle it.

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome. Sending lots of love and courage your way :)

Thank you Ms.Ochel .

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

My pleasure, and thank you for your kindness.

Very insightful and clearly presented. Thank you.

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

My pleasure and thank you for watching.

Thank you for sharing Evita. Much love :)

@EvitaOchel

4 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome, Sabina. Thank you for your kind comment :)

Wise words Evita, i needed to watch this video to reaffirm my views, thank you

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your kind comment and feedback.

Great video. Wonderful. Now need helpful words on tolerating myself

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

You are very welcome and thank you for your feedback. As for that self aspect, ah yes, so important and integral to how we interact with others, and to the quality of life we experience. If I may suggest as perhaps a helpful resource for this area, my free ebook "Nature-Inspired Self-Love Reflections", which are meant to offer a simple contemplative practice to enhance this area: www.evitaochel.com/post/self-love-reflections

was just thinking about this and how i could better my communication skills with myself and others and this popped up on youtube...gonna watch now!

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

Always nice to hear about synchronicity at work :)

A Much needed message for tolerance, so true. Thank you!

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

Thank you kindly!

Thank you for this

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome, and thank you for watching.

fab advice x

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

3:44 minutes in very important compnent of the none aggression principles....

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for watching!

wonderful video and very timely, thank you, how can I approach my friend and roommate about cleaning his room (laundry) and car? It makes me uncomfortable having his cloths laying on the floor of the bathroom and having to clean up after him like he's a child everyday. He does give me a good deal for rent to stay monthly but I am basically the maid also...im basically his maid and dogsitter now and i tolerate it because it does not harm me but i have a hard time just telling him, "hey bro, spend 4 hours & clean your car and room and your life would be 10 times better overnight." Any suggestions Evita?

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your feedback and great question! Living with someone usually provides so many opportunities for personal growth and expansion, as long as we don't lose our sanity in the process ;) So first thing I always recommend in such cases is communication, communication, communication. This is the cornerstone of all successful relationships. As long as other people don't know how their actions impact us, they remain oblivious and trapped in their own routines without giving it a second thought. And our biggest downfall, usually, is assuming or expecting that "they should know better". Unconsciousness runs deep for most people today, where mindfulness needs to be a skill that is practiced. So anything we can do to bring awareness to situations or topics is always helpful. Now I know you shared it is hard for you to tell him.....any reasons why? (you can answer this for yourself as part of a personal reflection). Often we get caught up in the idea that we don't want to be the "bad guy" by saying something or sounding like a "parent" and so we stay silent, but by doing so we actually are hurting ourselves and the other person. Even if their habits don't bother them, the growing resentment within you will get reflected in the relationship sooner or later, and then nobody wins. Plus, it is simply not fair for you to have to stew in daily thoughts of dissatisfaction about the situation. I often ask people to estimate how much of their waking life goes to ruminating over things they are not happy with or about. It is a waste of our lives! That thought process could be spent in such better ways. So even though you may feel doing what you are for them is not harming you, if you examine your daily thoughts about it, you may feel otherwise. If you can walk through your place and feel at ease no matter what this person does and be a dog sitter for the love and joy of doing it, then that would be okay. But if you feel you are doing it only because you cannot speak up or say "no", then that is not a healthy action for you, short or long-term. So to engage in a dialogue, you can share as simply as is needed, such as - "hey look, if we are going to live together, we need to respect each other's space and lifestyles in the following way...." - "I'd love to make our living arrangement be the best that it can for both of us, so let's talk about how to make that happen....." Or you can share in a more serious manner if the situation ever calls for it, such as: - "I'd love for us to live together, but I cannot continue given these circumstances....if a, b or c does not change, I will have to....." On a purely practical level, you have a few options. You can try one or more of them, as may feel most right for you.... - Stop cleaning their stuff and see what it takes for them to take over. Often people will not rise to their highest potential as long as there is someone else doing the work for them. - Examine within yourself the discomfort. How much of it is real (i.e. you wishing to live based on your personal standards) and how much of it is imposed (i.e. picking, nitpicking or controlling the external in an effort to avoid any internal work needed). - If most or all of the discomfort is real, making a plan for effective change so you are not selling yourself short (i.e. settling for less than, putting up with, etc.), which reduces the quality of the life you could be living. Such a plan will have to involve communication with the other party on some level. - Allow their personal space (room/car) to be whatever they want it to be, but if they leave any of their stuff in common areas as a mess, move it to their room. Let it all accumulate there until they get the point or simply share that from now on you will move any mess of theirs from common areas to their personal area. - Set a consistent example yourself. Ultimately, setting out clear standards and engaging in open, honest communication is the key. Whether it is a friend, family or romantic relationship, the reason most people have many relationship challenges is predominantly because we do not communicate our standards and priorities or work together with the other party to make it work so that no one suffers, needs to sacrifice, build resentment, etc. Unfortunately no way of getting around any such situations in a loving way without communication. Best wishes :)

@flatearthsubgeniussociety6249

7 жыл бұрын

Thank you thank you thank you, ive done the first one where i stopped cleaning and he doesn't care, he's genuinely a slob and will live in disgusting near hording like conditions. So I just keep it clean myself daily...his friends have came over and all have commented how nice and clean it is now that im living here (LOL) but to hear him complain to me about rent # we agreed upon when im his dogsitter and maid is unacceptable...ty for taking the time out and typing that out for me to look back at and use, i will communicate some of the techniques to him and report back to you either on here or facebook

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome Dan :)

I'm a bigger fan of Zero Tolerance type policy.

@EvitaOchel

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing Nicholas.

Thank you. What if the others are making decisions that are not in my best interests and these decisions are affecting me? I know that I am a whole and complete being but I live in a society where there are many psychopaths running many of the institutions that create a social climate that adores and normalizes violence, lies, and manipulation. I still struggle with how can I tolerate these unjust systems and structures?

@EvitaOchel

6 жыл бұрын

This is a very common and valid challenge indeed, and one that becomes more and more pronounced the more we awaken and expand the level of our consciousness. I should actually do a whole video on your very questions alone, and will add it to my list when I get back into doing videos in a few months. For the time being, how any of us approach it will depend greatly on *what we are ready for* and *how much choice we acknowledge within our lives*. For example, some people may change their workplace when they see the corruption within it, other people will flat out change the country they live in if they do not resonate with its approach. Either way, it is important to remember, as I mention in the video, that to tolerate something does not mean to allow it (to destroy us). Let's say I am deeply disturbed by GMOs. I can complain and make myself feel horrible about them, I can hate and vilify the companies and people making them, I can feel helpless and hopeless and like a victim, etc. But none of this actually creates any effective change and only will destroy me in the process. So what would be effective is to look for what I CAN do. And the first thing is always to be the change ourselves. I can educate myself to make sure that I do not buy any foods/items with GMOs, and I can help to educate others. There are many other, similar ideas. Bottom line, by taking such action I am staying in a state of empowerment (not victimhood), I am not fighting against the system (tolerance), and I am being a living example of positive change in action - being the change I wish to see. A couple other tips.... 1. Change/create your own circumstances as much as possible and whenever possible. More often than not, we are actually not at the mercy of others. 2. Minimize participation as much as possible with any people, places or systems that do not resonate with you. (ex: there are for example many alternative communities springing up, where people are creating their own aligned approaches) 3. Don't tackle the giants and take on the weight of the world on your shoulders. Meaning, become really honest about what DIRECTLY impacts you. Not everything that we hear about or know about impacts us directly. Focus most on dealing with and changing yourself in regards to that which actually impacts you directly. There are billions of people on Earth, if we all did that alone, we would each be tackling something in all areas for effective change to take place. It is hard to understand why, what goes on on Earth is allowed to go on, but there is, as hard as it is for us to hear/know this, a purpose for this all too. One of which, is to find our way back to the core of our own power and potential.

@ilzitek2419

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much. Your answer totally makes sense, for decisions where I have a direct control over. However, I pay taxes - I am forced to do that. All of us do. You know what would happen if we would not. These taxes are used to fund military and programs that develop AI and all kinds of other programs that create education system that disconnects kids from their experience and brainwash them to view this world in 2 dimensional way. We fund the government that does not have our best interests in mind. We fund government that empowers corporations to rule our lives. We are feeding the system that is destroying us. I know it is because of the presence of Wetico. But how do we transform this giant machine that is so disconnected from people's actual lives?

@EvitaOchel

6 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome :) And yes indeed, the tax example is a common constraint because it feels so much out of our control given our current society and how things are structured. But even here, we do have various choices. I know a small percentage of people who are actively working to prove that taxes are not mandatory, as the government would have people believe, and some choose to go through court case after court case to prove their point, while not paying their taxes, etc. If this is how we would like to spend our time and energy, that is one option. Another option is to move/seek citizenship in another country that has a better use of their finances and systems. For example, many European countries use their tax dollars very differently than the US or Canada. A country like Costa Rica for example, does not even have a military. There are options like that as well, but even without taking such drastic measures, the "tax" topic is a giant, and one that can easily overwhelm us into various states of anger and depression. This is where it is important to step back and factor in what I shared in #3 of previous answer. A single individual, and even a group, is not going to be able to take on that kind of a giant without destroying themselves in the process. So we need other ways of dealing with it. The individual and the collective are both the weakest links and the most powerful instigators of effective change BUT it all depends on how they are each used. If the "group" goes with the "bad" choice we all suffer; if the "group" awakens and creates new solutions by taking different actions, we all benefit. But either way, these groups are made of individuals and therefore what we each do, how we each live, think, and interact will dictate which way the group goes. In general, no country or system on Earth as it stands, is perfect or will meet our individual needs ideally. Of course there are better and worse options, and I suspect you live in the US, which is riddled with some of the worst problems we have manifested as humanity. But it all is a reflection of our collective consciousness. As Tom Campbell perfectly puts it: "Things are as they are because people are as they are." So how do we transform the system/machine? One at a time. While it would be much faster and desirable to get large scale results, the way this reality works is that the Self is the focal point, and it is by going inward, not outward that we begin to learn and access the deepest solutions to all of our own problems. This is where ancient spiritual teachers and the philosophy of something like Buddhism is right on in helping people understand how their inner world is creating the external reality they experience. And so, we each have to find a way to bring inner peace into our Self and our life. This is why there is no one solution that fits all, regardless of the example, but rather each person has to find the path that creates inner wellbeing despite any outer chaos. Wishing you well on your journey

@ilzitek2419

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Evita. Thank you for your answers. You definitely have a great understanding. We are part of this web of so many interconnected parts, right brain, left brain, body, ego self, Higher consciousness, collective, earth, past, now, future, diverse dimensions, inner world, illusion of outer world, etc. It is such a miracle how they work together. I guess it is the journey within, we have to play our role to expand our and in such a way other people's awareness. I do love your videos.

@EvitaOchel

6 жыл бұрын

Indeed. Thank you Ilzite!

It's difficult to accept or tolerate racism especially when it comes from your immediate family. The only way I can accept them unconditionally or accept and tolerate their viewpoint is to keep my distance. They verbalize their views which offends me (is this my egoic self that is offended?) but I keep quiet. So in turn I have no family to speak if because I have to distance myself. Can you comment on how I can retain a close family relationship and not be offended by their viewpoints on race? Also, do you think it's my ego that is offended? This is a dilemma I have been trying to deal with for years. I only have them for a family...without them I have no family.

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

Sherri, these are all excellent questions and situations that impact all too many of us. The first and easy answer is that anytime we are offended by anything or anyone, it is only and always our Ego (identity). Our soul/spirit/higher Self has nothing to be offended about because it understands that all is, as it is, in that there is a purpose for the contrast and opportunity for expansion and highest personal expression in it all. And none of it and no one can diminish the wholeness of who we are. How they express themselves is their "karma" and but what we do in relation to that is our "karma". As we grow/age we form our own moral compass of what we think is "right" and "wrong" and whenever we experience situations that deviate away from our pre-defined ideas, they bring about feelings of discomfort. So what to do, especially with family.... The closest people to us are often our greatest teachers. And while there is a benefit to learning how to transcend family triggers, there is also a benefit to knowing when to release the stronghold of the family label, and liberate ourselves and the others. Many times it is society's conditioning that is strongly ingrained in us that "family" is for life and we should "put up with" a lot, just because it is "family". But that is not right. I highly recommend watching this clip I got from an event with Sadhguru, it is not very good audio, but the text is there too, to better understand family from a deeper spiritual/cosmic level, as it is often family that holds us back the most from our highest expression within any given lifetime: kzread.info/dash/bejne/aaap0seTd9G1fMo.html Ultimately, we have 2 main choices for any life situation: either change your circumstances or change your mind about the circumstances. With that in mind, in this case it would look as follows: 1) We accept others for who/how they are, but do not diminish our self-acceptance by putting up with environments and energies that are out of alignment with us. This is where it is our responsibility to take action, not expect others to change, and in this case remove ourselves from such environments/people. So you are on the right track by keeping your distance. This is an essential step in many cases, but one many people are not taking out of being "politically correct" where family is concerned. But family or not, it is abusive to us to put ourselves in environments that are destructive to us on some level. Not to mention, as I shared in the video, by participating (being in their presence) we also give the other party the idea that their behavior is okay (unless we speak up, more on that later). 2) We accept others for who/how they are, AND remain in their presence as an un-attached observer. This means we can observe another person's behavior without any judgment, discomfort or condemnation. Option 1, is usually the more common and practical option to take for most people. Option 2 takes more personal, spiritual work. However, if we cannot choose option 1 for any reason AND/OR wish to take our spiritual evolution and consciousness expansion to the next level, then option 2 is the right choice. With option 2, we work through our triggers by peeling by the layers to get to the root of our discomfort and personal Ego identification with any of the triggers to the point that there is no attachment or aversion left, just pure equanimity, awareness and observation. And finally even have compassion for the other individual. To imagine this in practical terms, imagine being in the presence of a 3 year old child. If they do something that seems harmful to themselves or others, we gently guide them with love and compassion, not condemn them because we recognize that they are still learning and growing. (Does not mean we would parent the adults in this case, simply to imagine the compassion that is possible if we view people from an emotional maturity or spiritual maturity age, versus a physical age.) So to sum it all up, which choice you may take will depend on what feels more right for you and to you. If you choose to participate, you also need to consider what would happen if you voiced your concerns and truths to your family. In some cases, you may inspire others, in which case it is worth it. In other cases you may get laughed at or yelled at, in which case it is not worth it, because what we are saying is so out of alignment from what those individuals can process. Many times we may not know what the outcome will be until we try. The most important thing in all this is not to get limited by the label of "family" because in truth, everyone is our family and the characters we label as family in this lifetime are just that "characters in this lifetime". This is not meant to belittle them, but simply to expand our awareness of the bigger point of all of this. We've all had many families and played many roles within each of them. The point is what do we choose now, based on what our awareness perceives and our inner being senses. We can make friends for example, that become more supportive and aligned with us than our family may ever be. We can connect with new communities of people too and have all the love and support we desire. There are so many options, and may you know that you are never alone. So be loving to yourself and others, but never at the cost of destroying some part of yourself in the process :)

@slporter722

7 жыл бұрын

Evita, I am so very grateful for your wisdom and the time you have taken to convey guidance on this very difficult life situation. I am sure this will help others too. At first reading your response I see that I have been on the right track but I need and will take the time to contemplate on a deeper level. Thank you...Sherri

@EvitaOchel

7 жыл бұрын

You are most welcome Sherri. Lots of love and strength