My daughter uses this song to help explain her feelings about a non romantic relationship betrayal 😞 music is powerful

@lyrablack8621

2 жыл бұрын

Intimate relationships are vital, regardless of whether they're romantic, sexual, platonic, or any combination thereof. A good indication of how well you'll do in later life is how much support you have from genuine friends

@callielayneherring5888

2 жыл бұрын

That's how I feel about Good 4 U!

@isobelduncan

2 жыл бұрын

Friendship break ups always hurt more than romantic ones.

@AmandaPanda531

2 жыл бұрын

i use a lot of the songs to describe how i feel about my father !! especially 1 step forward 3 steps back, happier, and favorite crime

@Ket6393

Жыл бұрын

It’s such a good analogy honestly.

“She’s like if Tiger was sad” 😂😂😂

I love that Jono consistently mentions polyamorous relationships when speaking about relationship issues. Because cheating DOES happen to us nonmonogamous folks. Sometimes we're invalidated when speaking about infidelity in ENM and I appreciate the thoughtfulness Jono has towards us in alternative relationships. ❤

@milomazli

2 жыл бұрын

OMG! Same here! I am so with you! I also feel so good about this! Finally someone who holds the door open while other people/therapist would be totally closing this out.

@abigailw4599

2 жыл бұрын

As a poly person agreed! So many people still dont understand that open/poly/non traditional relationships still have trust and boundaries that can be broken! Its not a free for all

@kant.68

2 жыл бұрын

Going poly is like free tickets to Cheatingland…I don’t even get why guys get angry

@kant.68

2 жыл бұрын

@@abigailw4599 Normal relationships or monogamous are PRIMARILY based on trust , commitment and exclusivity . If we just wanna bang people or don’t want to fully commit , than you just stay single. The poly stuff I belive is for immature people unable to commit or people who just love the thrill of casual sex

@AvaNightingale

2 жыл бұрын

@@kant.68 Lol what??? Like do you mean it's more common in poly cause I seriously doubt that.

When he cheated on me, I just left him. It was hard at the beginning, but looking back now I have no regrets. Thank you for another great video!

I'd say why she is so in tune with her emotions is because her dad is a therapist!

"Traitor" is such a relatable song because, especially now, so many people have bench-warmers. Definitely agree with the "afraid to be alone" reasoning.

i was the traitor. never cheated, but the connection was there before breaking up. that happened in my first teenager relationship like 10 years ago. i always regretted how i acted and how i didn't find a proper way to manage my emotions and actions. the first time i listened to this song, i fell in love with it bc of how raw and real it is. it's my second favourite of the album.

@CindyWarren2004

2 жыл бұрын

I think it would do you both some good to apologise to that person. I am glad you matured up and owning your mistakes now cause some people never do

@albaibanez1081

2 жыл бұрын

@@CindyWarren2004 oh, of course i did. instantly, and for the aftermath months. we understood that we had grown up and out in the end, and we became friends. we are still in the same group of friends after more than ten years and we are in touch and better than ever, how it was supposed to be :) i live now in another country with the who i think is the love of my life and she's engaged to an amazing guy that loves her lots! every time i go back home we try to meet. also she's planning to have a baby in two years or so and everyone in the friends group will feel like the uncles/aunties of that kid when he's born (including myself ofc) 😀 she knows i love her very much and i just wish all the best for her and her loved ones

@justjulijack

Жыл бұрын

So proud of you for being self aware and apologizing to the person 💗💗💗

Honestly this whole album has some amazing insights into relationships and growth. You literally see her whole healing process from a toxic relationship. I love that she still wishes him the best, refuses to disparage the girl he got with, and confronts her own culpability in how she gave him power over her to an unhealthy extent.

The line "I played dump, but I always knew." hit me like a ton of bricks on my first listen. I pretended that everything was normal, repeating "we'll work this out" mantra over, and over again as deep in my mind... I was literally theorizing which day everything would fall apart. The song came a little late after the breakup, but I'm pretty sure, I'd still jamming it anyway xD PS. Please do 10 Mins Version of Taylor Swift's All Too Well. I wanna see your thought on large age gap relationship, and her trauma from that song.

@missspecter8178

2 жыл бұрын

TAYLOR 🛐🛐

Love your analysis on "Traitor"!😍 You should definitely do "Driver's License" since it explains the aftermath of the breakup and Olivia won't see her ex because he's already found someone else which makes it more sad.

@samf.s8786

2 жыл бұрын

That's what normally happens... After a breakup. I am fascinated by this girl because tbh, I don't know if she had a normal childhood. Don't get me wrong I didn't have one either, but that was FOR VERY DIFFERENT REASONS. But then again, most of these "Disney kids" don't. She represents the loss of childhood through the eyes of GenZ. Again, fascinating (Not necessarily in a bad way, but it sure as heck ain't good either).

I've been on the other side of this coin... my ex was horribly emotionally abusive and I was walking on eggshells for a decade, unable to be myself or relax at all. There was physical abuse as well as financial control and infidelity on his part but the biggest thing was being made to feel stupid and useless. I told him I needed him to see a counselor, I tried everything I could to make it work. At the end I told him I was only still there because I had nowhere to go. I reconnected with my high school best friend after 25 years kind of randomly and I will admit that I began to have feelings before I left, but a lot of that came from being spoken to like a person and being valued as a human being. It wasn't so much a romance as it was just validation that I was worthy. It took a month to move in with my sister, six to get divorced and two years before I married my best friend. I wish things had been different but I don't regret my relationship with a good man that loves me.

Sour as an album shows a lot of emotions that people usually call bitter and petty. That, to me, makes it refreshing compared to the other "break-up" songs, because of course it's great when you can get over a bad relationship and learn from it, but it's a process that most times goes through those sour emotions and I love the way most of the songs on the album show that. Specifically Happier and Enough for You. Great video 💜

For most of my young adulthood, I was a serial monogamist. I was the "traitor." I was too much of a coward to leave my partner when I realized that the relationship was over for me, because I was afraid to be alone. I have since grown and worked on myself (and learned that, actually, monogamy isn't for me). And, I am deeply sorry for the way I ended those relationships and all the hurt I caused by immediately jumping into a new one.

@hopefullyhope3586

2 жыл бұрын

thank you for sharing! I'm proud of you for growing! :)

Jono's analysing Olivia Rodrigo's song? You already know this is gonna be some A grade content and I'm 100% here for it. LET'S GOOOOOOOOOO

It’s sad because I think so many people have been through this. I think a lot of people have been with someone like this who uses and discards people like we’re just nothing. Like we’re a tissue. And then they turn around and act like we!re the crazy ones and we’re jealous of them because we expected them to act humanely. As for media to look into, I think it would be interesting for you to analyze the scene in Spider-Man No Way Home where all of the Peters talk about the people they’ve lost specifically in the context that their deaths weren’t natural. I went through something similar (minus the superhero part) shortly after I started college and seeing that scene really hit me. Losing someone to murder or an accident is a very different feeling than a loved one passing away. I think that would be an interesting topic for a video.

I was the dude in this song when I was young. I was the girl a few times as well. It took a long time to figure out how to properly have and maintain a committed relationship. In my family, 100% of marriages had an expiration date and school advice on the subject was heavily marinated in religious dogma and PTA control. No wonder we spend our youth sharpening our teeth on each other. Awesome video, by the way. I'm enjoying this channel very much.

A lot of this advice is what I've been working through with my therapist after having my own Traitor situation. Its really affirming to hear all of this, since this song hit me like a truck lol

I'm glad I watched this over a decade after my own "traitor" situation, cuz I would be an emotional mess if this song came down then. Thank you Jonathan for breaking this down with your thoughts: a lot of people are going to find healing through this video. Also just to say yes, that person did end up feeling very sorry and guilty. I did talk to that ex much later about it and we both moved on in the ways we needed. Doesn't mean that hurt still isn't there though. I hope y'all find some solace one day, it does happen.

@jksperson7745

2 жыл бұрын

If you’re still hurting then you didn’t move on and you probably shouldn’t talked to them because that just reopens wounds and you honestly didn’t need to give him closer, he needed to give it to you but he didn’t, so it’s better to walk away from them as far as possible.

@annietan

2 жыл бұрын

@@jksperson7745 really? Hurt can still exist after you've moved on. It's not like you magically lose feelings of heartbreak or grief because you've forgiven somebody or sought closure, that's not how that works.

Honestly. In my first ever serious relationship..... I got into it knowing that my partner was prone to emotional infidelity. And that was on me. And in my second serious relationship, I didn't quite process the scope of how truly detrimental emotional infidelity was to that prior relationship....... and I chose to do the same thing. I had friends. People on MY side for the first time in forever and it felt really good. But that left my partner suffer alone in silence like I did before. We were very emotionally distant rather than intimate. Until there was no relationship at all. So that ended, too. Third time was the charm though. We truly became eachother's person. The one we wanted to tell all of our stories to at the end of each day. Especially through the 2 year period that we were physically apart. We were never emotionally apart. We felt safe to be entirely honest with eachother when we went through tribulations. We were mutually intimate. Knowing now how that feels, I couldn't imagine entertaining a relationship without that closeness. It's so important. It's so valuable. It's so life affirming and validating. Emotional infidelity steals that from you EVERY TIME. Wether you're the victim or the perpetrator. And it really makes me sad that I didn't understand what I was missing for so many years. That I didn't know what a healty relationship felt like. That others out there still don't know.

She sang the feelings I had with a non labeled romantic relationship And I held onto that agony and confusion how i could be so easily discarded for a close friend we both had that he SWORE he could never date for YEARS! And with her song, she released years of pent up feelings I had when even other close friends in the friendship had gaslighted me in my depth of my upsettedness. I only got REAL healing when she repeated my feelings back to me in this song 10/10

I'd love to hear you take a look at this entire album. The whole thing is like a masterclass in emotional vulnerability.

"Know that you are worth waiting around for!" Love this!!

3:24 "I like how he did not assume her sexuality"

I nearly was the boy in the song. I developed feelings for someone else and had the opportunity to cheat, but didn't do it, reiterated my underlying relationship problems, which ended in a consensual breakup a few weeks later (we're still friends, though). I never ended up with my possible cheat though, bc he had commitment issues, so karma hit me there. I learned from it and we all moved on with our lives in different directions. My ex and I are both in New healthy relationships and stay in good contact with no desire to try again.

* whispers * “It’s not happy” I kinda laughed

I did this. I spend time with a guy flirting with me, texted with him, while I was in a relationship. I broke up, waited a few weeks because of how it would look like, then started a relationship with him. Honestly, I didn't know, what I was doing. I somehow got caught up in this first relationship. I played a role, I played the girlfried for him. Even our first kiss - I didn't wanted it. That night a lot more kisses followed and I didn't had the strenght to say No. Nor Yes to more, that at least would have maybe be more fun. It was strange.. The way back home I cried. The next day I tried to write him, that I don't want a next date, but I failed. He was sad and I had the feeling, that this was my fault and I had to go further. ("Maybe I just have to get to know him better", I always said to myself. How could I dicide so fast? That's not fair, I thought.) So after that I was in a relationship with that guy nearly half a year. I did not notice, that trying not to be selfish made me extremly selfish, because all I wanted was not to be the one hurting someone. I didn't want to express doubt, I just wanted to say my opinion, when I was certain. I still don't know, how this could happen, it's so unbelieveable dumb and unhealthy. The other guy showed me, that my boyfried really don't understood me - how could he, I was playing a role... (Of course he had flaws, too, lied to me and some other things, but this does not justify what I did, no way, I know that.) The other guy simply was a better match, so I finally found the courage to say No to my boyfriend and broke up. He didn't see that coming. I actually had no respect for him, I don't know, why.. It was just wrong, since the first kiss. The second relationship was a mess, too. Nearly three years of growing disdain/contempt. And a few dates after the breakup.. After that my self worth was so bad, it hurt a lot. But now, finally, I seem actually to be able to have a healthy relationship. For 5,5 years now, and I hope forever.

I had the same thing happen to me. A girl he recently met (at that time) slept over at his place a month before the break up. He had a fwb relationship with her right after we broke up. I met her at a party 2 years afterwards and we talked, although he didn't physically cheat, he had told her that we had already broken up. We connected on many shared experiences and came to the conclusion that our ex is a trashy bastard because he apparently did the same thing not only to us but his ex after us.

Everytime that I check your videos I'm in tears lol. Thanks you for the work you put throught your videos. I was/am in a similar situation as Olivia and I thought I was going crazy and what you said in this video help me a lot. You make me realize that it's normal and valid to feel this sadness. Thanks you so much❤️

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 I’ve got to give you snaps! I have ALWAYS appreciated how intentionally inclusive you are, but I never thought I’d hear you talk about polyamory in such an articulate, respectful, and accurate manner. It really makes my heart feel hugged to hear you include me. ♥️

I had my heart broken when I was in my in my senior year of high school. It took me several months to fully move on but it was really rough. I had to see a therapist but I was really broken and I was coping in unhealthy ways. The funny thing is we weren't going out for very long but I had really strong feelings for this person.

I understand the point of the video is not to literally discuss these musicians' private life, but maybe it would be a good idea to emphasize that anyway since Olivia's ex already gets a lot of mean and abusive comments about the whole situation. In the end it's just a song, it may be partly fiction and even if it's not - we still don't know what happened between them. It's fun to use these songs as an excuse to talk about and analyse relationship stuff, let's just maybe not feed into the unnecessary drama that's causing *real people* harm. (Thankfully, I haven't seen any mean comments here so far! I just wanted to point that out)

@GirlDo3

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly. It's the perspective of one person only. Not everyone is a reliable narrator.

@RachMei

2 жыл бұрын

@@GirlDo3 omg yes I just learned about this in ela, both sides of the relationship are inherently biased and are going to tell their sides. We don’t know what actually happened.

@emptycarousels3950

2 жыл бұрын

I was going to make this comment so I’m glad you did!

@smileart37

Жыл бұрын

Glad you brought this up. Part of music is digging into the feelings wherever the take our thoughts, even if sometimes it's not true to one's experience, the other party's experience, each party's perception of the other's experience, and the overall factual happenings. This song is super relatable and puts me in my feels for a prior relationship, but like you mentioned too, there's more context to it than just what we get in this song, video, and reaction. I do agree it's a great video for takeaways on personal relationship considerations and growth. Grateful to see someone else mention the differences too.

@MiaRose02

Жыл бұрын

He's analyzing what he hears in this song, that's what this video is, nothing more. He did not say to send hate to this guy who was Olivia's ex... so he has no responsibility to tell others what to do with their life and their own time on the internet, most people don't listen anyway. Comments like this help to lessen this hate you talk about, but the burden to do so is not on him.

I've seen a couple of your videos, and I have to say, I really love the way you talk and explain the topics discussed, you seem like a person full of wisdom, thank you for your great insights

I love how you’re vulnerable and use your personal experiences to relate to whatever you analyze.

It helps me be myself seeing how unashamedly dorky you are on KZread for the whole world to see, I love it!

When my last ex broke up with me, this is the song that got me through that. The line "you bring her around, just to shut me down" always hit because she was always shoving it in my face. Despite the fact that she had only waited 2 hours to get with him, she expected me to be ok with her talking about it.

So many songs from this album helped me process a toxic friendship i got out of and SHIT, your commentary was spot on! It was probably the most deeply emotional relationship ive ever been in & we were both in low & stressful times in our lives & really depended on each other. But then when they got a new fancy job & i was still stuck, they slowly pulled away from me. I was giving everything to keep our friendship going & they just did nothing, i felt for months that they just didnt seem to care in the same way. I felt like i had been used & discarded when they started dating (& hadnt even told me, their supposed best friend) bc they didnt need me anymore. We used to text every day & probably the worst part was when i finally decided i needed to cut this relationship out for my own mental health & stopped initisting texts, they never once texted me to ask about my job or see how i was doing which just further confimed that 2 yrs of friendship meant nothing to them. That was 2.5 yrs ago & its not a viseral hurt anymore, but its still so confusing when i try to figure out if they were truly just using me from the beginning. Some people u will just never figure out. As much as that relationship hurt, i did learn lots of hard lessons & will never make those same mistakes again.

This was so great, i learn so much everytime i watch you. Thank you for saying it's not a virtue to love someone abusive and selfish and that love actually means humility and accountability.

Can you please react to the whole Sour album also? And I would love if you do Joshua Bassett’s trilogy: Crisis, Secret, Set Me Free. He’s Olivia’s rumour ex-boyfriend and the inspiration for most of the Sour tracks. I don’t really care about the drama, I just think they are both amazing artists and perhaps you can see his point of view as well.

Love your videos !! Please do more Euphoria reactions. You could watch every character’s introduction it usually happens at the beginning of every episode in season 1 😊

you could react to “secret” and “crisis” by joshua bassett, they show more his side of the story in the relationship. crisis is about the mass hate he received after olivia’s songs, and secret is about what he experienced in the relationship itself

@RachMei

2 жыл бұрын

I was going to say that! Also “Set Me Free” even thought it might not be about their supposed relationship.

@megana5326

2 жыл бұрын

YES OMG

I always thought about "emotional cheating", when more than having a confidante outside of the relationship, this friendship includes the underlying thought: "If I was or we were both single, we would be together." In my teens I was the third party to such a relationship, it was never said out loud, but we did flirt, no doubt and our messages caused a lot of havoc later on. Since then I think, if you don't want to cheat, you have to pull back the moment you feel sexually attracted to a friend or think about how a relationship with them would be better or something like that.

Jonathan, you reacting to music and songs is awesome. Music and songs are usually the one’s I go to when I'm having trouble articulating a feeling or looking for something relatable. So, having you react to it is eye opening

you remind me so much if my own CBT therapist and your videos help me remember my tools and self-kindness in between appointments :)

This song and Enough For You hit me so hard even though I am in a healthy relationship now because I definitely needed these songs when I was with and was getting over my ex. We were on and off for 10 years. He dated a lot of different girls, but would reach out to me whenever he was lonely. I was insecure and didn’t know what I deserved yet, so I always went back to him, but he was never really there for me.

@ashleysaa413

2 жыл бұрын

May i ask how did you get over him? How did you deal with the pain? I’m currently going through the same thing I’m scared to let go I’m scared to be alone but he was talking to other girls while we were together

@ashleysaa413

2 жыл бұрын

I just want to fix things, move past this because he didn’t physically cheat but I do acknowledge that I deserve better

@dots_com1386

2 жыл бұрын

@@ashleysaa413 Thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Just know that it is totally okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling right now. It is not an easy thing to go through, and certainly, letting yourself go through the grieving process is healthier than repressing or ignoring it. Right now it might be too difficult to do, think or feel anything else, so after you’ve grieved and felt your feelings, when you’re ready, I hope this advice will help. Also, it took me 10yrs, so take that as you will 😅 Please don’t be scared to be alone. It is far better to be alone and have safety and peace, then it is to be with someone and be stressed or anxious. It took me a while to accept that, too. It would come in waves when I would want to reach out, but I started to notice that the happiness of reconnecting was brief and then I got increasingly more stressed the longer we were in contact. When he would ghost me, it would hurt, but then I would be at peace again once the hurt subsided because I no longer had to worry about him. Each time the cycle restarted, my initial response was anxiety rather than happiness. I was only happy because I craved attention. It was only when I became happy with myself and really understood my worth when I didn’t need his attention anymore. One thing that helped me was something one of my friends said: “the person he was or that you thought he was doesn’t exist. he either never did, or he doesn’t anymore.” I found this very profound because we tend to hold on to the potential or ideal, but if it does not exist, then there is nothing to hold on to. Although it took me a while, I also had to accept that we just weren’t right for each other. What he was looking for wasn’t what I had to offer, and what he had to offer wasn’t what I needed. I also went to therapy not only to deal with the things that arose from that relationship, but to better myself as well. When we learn to love ourselves, that’s when we are truly at peace and happy. We no longer need validation or attention from outside sources. We are more capable of recognizing what is good or bad for us, and to set boundaries where we need them, and ask for what we need. Then, from that place I was ready to accept the love that I deserve.

@dots_com1386

2 жыл бұрын

@@ashleysaa413 I also just want to add that enjoying more consistent good times with friends and family was more fulfilling than the occassional good time with him. Realizing that and realizing that I was less stressed without him really helped me. Guess what I'm saying is try to look at what you do have and not what you don't have. The less you think about him, the easier it gets. I hope this helps. Take care and best wishes!

My first ‘relationship’ was in grade 8 that went into grade 9. He would send me pictures of him with other pretty girls. I clearly remember one of him kissing a girls cheek and another of him cuddling a girl at a party, but I wanted to do the mature thing and not be jealous because no one wants a jealous partner, so I brushed it off. A few weeks before he broke up with me, he sent the cuddling picture, then he broke up with me over Snapchat… :( I’m still mad at how trusting I was and that I let him walk all over me and my feelings

@sydney5878

2 жыл бұрын

@@doodlebop6520 AJHDSJO NOOO because why is this literally the same story!!! From the other girls, the snapchat, the jealously, taking him back, getting cheated and dumped... bro its word for word the same experience but seriously, I feel you. I was so incredibly heartbroken and I couldn't tell my family, so I suffered in silence. My parents wondered why I spent so much time in my room... girly I was crying every night wondering what I did wrong

You should do "Set me Free" by Joshua Bassett. It's a really chill-inducing, really good song, like Traitor. Plus, it's kind of a response to all the hate and death threats he got from the backlash of her songs. Plus he owns his mistakes and talks about his own heartbreak. I think it's interesting to hear what they both put out there. Though we will probably never truly know the truth like they do, it's valid to listen to both sides.

@bareheartpod

2 жыл бұрын

So true love both their music aside from all the drama, but there is an interview that Joshua did or an article (sorry cant remember properly) about what set me free is all about and if Jono listens to it I rlyyy rlyyy encourage him to read it before listening🤗

@belleomalley1022

2 жыл бұрын

I remember liking his music then recognising the name, googling it, then removing it from my playlist haha! I didn't like he was pointing the finger back and saying he didn't deserve the hate BC he was held accountable for making a selfish decision. There are lines where he does empathise but I feel like the majority of the song is about attacking her for speaking out. Rather him taking responsibility, empathizing, and taking his own ego out of the equation. That's how I see genuine apologies.

@marymohr2799

2 жыл бұрын

​@@belleomalley1022 tbh, I think that Josh had a right to respond. He doesn't entirely blame Olivia, and we don't know what actually happened. I can't say if either of them are bad people, or who is right. I enjoy their music, and I think that Josh's music is about the relationship but mostly the trauma of his and Olivia's private business suddenly being one of the most talked about thing. As well as his story as a survivor of SA, that's another aspect of his songs. Basically, I don't blame him for telling his story, and I don't think he's trying to blame Olivia for everything that happened, I read it as him recognizing that the break up sucked for both of them, but what happened to him after the songs released wasn't right

@williamalexander7481

2 жыл бұрын

It would be nice to see his response to it.

Fantastic video. It summarized so much that I already knew in my heart but when you’ve been cheated on, lied to and gaslit, or had it implied that it was somehow your fault, having someone like Johnathon to so succinctly and beautifully summarize what love, intimacy and cheating look like, is healing. As someone who was cheated on for years and didn’t know, this song hits DEEP. I pretty much transcribed the whole video for my notes x). -“Infidelity is when a need is being met outside of the relationship that should only be reserved for the relationship. There is sexual infidelity and there is also emotional infidelity where someone else becomes the emotional confidante besides the partner.” Infidelity is infidelity because it destroys intimacy, closeness and trust between partners. “ It is immoral and unethical to lead someone on when you know that they want a committed relationship and you don't, or you want one but you can’t handle one. “ -“This guy was never all in. They always had something on the side so that if this doesn’t work, I can have that. And that speaks to an insecurity- I’m not okay to be alone so I’m going to have them lined up so if one doesn’t work I can be in another. And what that means is that people are a commodity for me. They are a resource to be used up. I burn through one, I move onto the next one. And that is selfish. And that is not what a relationship is. That’s a transaction.” “If I cheat it’s not because something is wrong with the relationship; I cheat because of a lack of integrity. Now I may be lonely, I may feel rejected, I may feel hurt, or walked on. But I don’t need to betray a promise I made. No matter what is going on with the other person, I am responsible for me. And I can handle things or end things in a healthy way.” Most people have a choice between acting crappy and acting kind, and it is their character, not their circumstances, which is responsible for that choice. “It’s called a relationship, not a oneship. This is not just I’m looking out for me. If you’re only looking out for you, go ahead and do that. You have no business being in a relationship with somebody else. Because being in a relationship is looking out for someone else’s needs and wants…. It’s not a virtue to stay with someone who puts their needs before yours consistently.” -Love: “People who use and discard other people- that’s not love. Let’s talk about how we define love: Is it attraction? Is it this is the person I’m all about now? Is it I’m crazy about this person? Okay, if that’s in love, it’s shallow. We can have flavours of the week or flavours of the month and just burn through them or move through them quickly, but to me in love doesn’t mean just attraction or infatuation. This guy wouldn’t know in love if it kicked him in the balls. Because in love is selfless and sacrificing and loyal and true. She’s better off without him because this guy doesn’t understand how to love… the way she needs to be loved.”

Loved the video! I would love to see more ''music therapy'' ! Specially It Happened Quiet by Aurora, that song screams TRAUMA!

I loved this video because I've been the traitor in a similar situation and I have grown enough to realise a lot of these things about myself while also maintaining my integrity in the choices I've made

"He deserves a good ol' fashioned paddling." Never laughed more in my life, Jono. Thank you, haha

I got cheated on several times in my first relationship for two years. The relationship didn’t end on my terms but I’m glad it ended or else I wouldn’t have found my lovely current boyfriend I’m still with for three years

I would have needed this song seven years ago, because it describes perfectly how I felt when my two year relationship broke apart after we were long distance for almost a year. Before I left he promised that I was irreplacable and that he'd wait for me, but after we fought a lot and broke up, we didn't speak for a couple of weeks, then we had a final conversation and three days later he was in a new relationship. We were teenagers and I try to not hold it over his head that he was taken with emotions when he made me promises that he couldn't keep. But I still felt tossed to the side and instantly replaced when ut happened.

I was in a very toxic situation ship a year or so ago and ever since then I've been in a relationship with myself so to speak. I still have issues and wounds from that experience. But, by "dating" myself I'm trying to love myself in ways no one else could, so that one day when I'm ready to date again I'm coming from a surer yet stronger way in knowing what need in a partner.

This is such a powerful episode, thank you Mended Light.

Tysmm your videos are very helpful!

My husband of 16 years cheated. And mostly what I learned was to never trust with my ears. You know, when you know. Going mad trying to make him admit to truth is not healthy.

Loved this video analysis!! Please do more of these!

Please please please therapised how met your mother Topics: - Barney relationship with his parents - Ted's dealing with the loss of his wife - barney and robin relationship - Ted and Robin's relationship Big one - Marshall and Lilly's relationship Lastly - barney and Ted friendship

@theincredibleknuffibar4834

2 жыл бұрын

yasssss

Yaaaaas! Thank you for this reaction/analysis video. I love watching it. 🤟🏻😉🤟🏻

Loved this! Ooh, I really want to see you analyze something by Conan Gray. He's an AMAZING songwriter that hits deep emotionally. I recommend 'The Cut That Always Bleeds' from his debut album or one of his recent singles like 'Memories' or 'Jigsaw'. He and Olivia are quite close friends and seeing this reminded me of him.

@hazelyt6039

2 жыл бұрын

Yes memories !!

Your amazing I learned a lot from you , thanks🌹

I love ur phrase: " cheating is lack of integrity". Never saw it like that but i do now.

i completely love your analyses

Thank you for this.

Jono digging the guy being talked about in the song is satisfying 🤣🤣 And he's so polite and savage also with the paddling 🤣🤣

I had something that I feel is a little similar. I’d been dating someone for 3 years, we’d got engaged as well, always worked through tough times etc, it was healthy 99% of the time. They’d got a new group of friends a few months before the end of our relationship, who smoked fuck tons of weed, drank a lot and did drugs, something that I didn’t enjoy doing. They started coming to see me either high, drunk or both and it felt like I never saw them sober. I brought this up and they told me I was just being ‘against drugs’ or too anxious. We broke up and two months later, my ex started dating someone in that group who smoked loads and took drugs with them. It ended up making me feel like I wasn’t enough and they’d tell me I should be happy for them, meanwhile I was confused how they could move on from both a 3 year relationship and engagement within two months. They’d cheated on me before but we worked through that stuff early on. I genuinely felt that I wasn’t enough and that the relationship meant nothing to them when I found out, but I tried not to be mad and am on friendly terms with the new partner, it’s not their fault after all.

The aesthetic of the painting in the back is so satisfying.

What I like about her album is that, even if I can't relate, all her lyrics, the tone of each song, they all make perfect sense. And I feel like she makes good points that I just haven't heard in songs before.

Thanks for being a light when the world is scary.

This was fantastic. What a great song.

I love this channel! Keep it up :))

love the video!!!

YES to every word you said🙇🏽‍♀️

I feel so very seen. Thanks for doing this one. I spent many nights alone because my ex had other emotional confidents. I won't let that red flag go again.

I hate to say it but I relate to the hypothetical guy. I've been in a relationship where I was the "traitor" I've recognized where I've done wrong and have since rectified the situation with all parties involved and I'm not in any Relationships currently, at min 3:40 you say this guy isn't comfortable being alone and that is something I 100% relate to, it makes me weary and nervous to start any relationship now because I understand it has hurt people in the past. I'm not financially capable of getting a therapist or counselor for myself at the moment but I would love it if you could talk about something like this in a future video, you're incredibly inspiring and helpful and I really love and appreciate everything you, your wife, Alan, and your whole team does. Thank you guys so much!

I loved this one…I’d love to hear your take on the impact of military related PTSD and the impact on marriage and family.

Oh goodness this hits SO close to home for me, since all of Olivia's music more or less does really, but especially All I Want & Traitor. This helps tremendously (& so so much of what you said is quite similar to what my therapist has told me!), thank you so much. Also! The ending of the Traitor music video also confused me at first, but I thought about it in tandem with her other videos, and I realized something; Olivia's music videos tend to have lots of movie references. (Somebody call Alan!) Good 4 U has references to Audition & Jennifer's Body, Brutal has references to Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (I think), her De Ja Vu video also reminds me somewhat of the DCOM (Disney Channel Original Movie) Pixel Perfect from the early 2000's (which is beautifully ironic, considering where Olivia's career started). I've mulled over it a lot, especially in tandem with what you & others who've reacted to Traitor have said about gaslighting, and I believe the ending to Traitor's music video is perhaps referencing the ending of The Truman Show. I won't say anything about the plot of that movie, because to do so would be basically to spoil the entire plot itself (it makes sense in context, trust me), but I believe it fits quite well here, and I can definitely see what she means with it. Her ending on the line, "God, I wish that you had thought this through, before I went and fell in love with you"... the first time around, that line felt mournful & confused with a hint of anger, but the second time around, it somehow feels cathartic. Especially with her expression; it's like she's come to realize through going over her memories that the relationship was never as golden as it seemed, in which she puts the onus of the relationship's true downfall back onto him and comes to the acceptance stage of moving on. Hence why it's so poignant that Traitor is the fifth (yes, as in five stages of grief!) and final single/music video from her debut album SOUR. I don't know if it was necessarily intended that way, but it still has such a strong subtext there; one that definitely hits close to home for me as well. Its all helped me tremendously to heal in my own therapy & life in general. Olivia's about three or so years younger than me, and the amount of life experience she has at such a young adult age is astounding... but then again, people have said the same thing about me, so it gets me thinking... I guess its fine to say that my heart must be as big as hers clearly is, too. Not that this is about me obviously, but still... sometimes I wonder if she & artists in general know just know much they help and even save people like me, people in general all over the world, without even realizing it... just by being their authentic selves. It's truly amazing, honestly.

I would love love love to see your take on Eric and Adam in Sex Education and whether going from bully to boyfriend could ever work !

This exact scenario happened to me recently. It quite literally only took her 2 weeks to start publicly dating the guy she told me not to worry about. She was at his apartment the night she broke up with me, she came over and said she wasnt ready for a relationship 5 months into ours. Its funny bcs shes the one who initiated the relationship. I had nothing but forgiveness and compassion bcs i loved her and wanted her to be happy. 2 weeks later i saw them on the street holding hands, that same day she posted them on her instagram. When i told her that was cheating she told me she was aloud to change her mind. When she realized i wouldnt back down, she told me that it was my fault, that the real reason she broke up with me was because i “talk too much”. She tried used one of my biggest insecurities to justify her cheating, and she had no idea that i had finally pulled myself out of a deep depression and gotten my self esteem back. I dont want to think about what that would have done to me if i was in the same head space that i was in a few weeks before. Its crazy how the person you love and trust completely can become someone you don’t recognize within seconds.

I did something similar to what she's singing about and I didnt fully understand the effect my actions had on others. Thanks to this and cinema therapy's videos, I'm trying to be selfless and to change my behaviour for good.

You should do “enough for you”

11:33 hits hard. Been looking for years for someone to give me validation for what I felt during a stage in my life. I thought I was crazy, was called crazy too. Maybe I am not that crazy, maybe how I felt was valid. It affects me to this day, it changed who I was, how I saw/see the world. It still hurts even if things have gotten better.

ive been waiting for this hehehe

I felt this song in every ounce of emotion and painful trauma through infidelity and manipulation by being gaslit and guilt tripped in my first relationship. Naive me thought it was all my fault from all of the smear campaigns he did. I went through 5 years of that not knowing my own worth, value, and thinking I couldn't do any better. 5 years of him cheating and betraying me selfishly accusing me of being paranoid just so he could cheat and never changed like he said he would. At the end he used me up in every way possible until he couldn't anymore and walked away leaving me broken and still tried to use me until I cut him off entirely when I said enough was enough. I'm happy it ended, but the trauma and pain still remains inside.

I’m so excited.

Feeling like it's my therapy. Cz this same situation happened w me and I needed to hear this ty

I was cheated on. I wish I'd had a song or something like this to help me get over it back in 2007. (Found out later her best friend got her to sleep with this other dude while she wasn't 100% sober, and last time I saw my ex, she seemed happy with her new husband and kids. So I'm glad she's doing good, and I'm doing good with my current girlfriend of 11 years.)

While I was growing up, I learned to love people at their worst. That was what the culture said was true love. That's what the society and media said was true love. It screwed my relationship with my parents. I learned to prioritise their wounds before mine. I learned to walk on eggshells and faced a lot of abuse and neglect. And now, I've given up on one parent. I was trying to explain this to someone who is like a confidant of sorts for my family, and they said, that if it has a limit how do you know it's true love? How do you know for sure that you've loved your parents to the peak of how much you can love someone? It devastated me. It was right after my parent and I had a really bad quarrel because of his issues and because I was trying to draw a boundary. And it has happened a lot. This is the first time I've heard that loving people at their worst does not mean having to put up with abuse. And the thing is, I know myself. It will take me years to internalize this. But just hearing this breaks my heart. I'm 22 years old. 22 years and no one even touched on the fact that maybe someone's worst doesn't have to be them being abusive towards you? And all of them had the gall to make it seem like I'm the problem for not loving my parents for everything they did for me?

you asking where was this song when it happened to you is my feelings exaclty!!!! like i needed it 6 years ago 😂🙃

You’re so funny. I love it 😂

This came out at such a good time for me. I recently broke up with someone and found out that he started hooking up with someone else two weeks after (and this person had been making moves on him when we were still dating). I stand by my choice to end things, but it was still a punch to the gut.

“Mmm well. She’ll get hurt too” 😂😂😂

You should do Set Me Free by Joshua Bessett. He is supposedly the person Olivia is singing about in this song and it's an incredibly powerful song that shows a lot of his feelings and perspective on things.

This is great

Just a question: how would your advice (especially advice about emotional confidantes) change for a high-school age relationship? How much do you think a significant other should be a confidante versus other people in your life who might have known you for longer (parents, siblings, platonic best friends, etc)?

My ex would “cuddle” with my best friend whenever I got sick or slept in my own dorm, and would have full screaming fits when I told him that I saw her going back to her dorm without a t-shirt under her jacket with full hickeys. Only to find out after we broke up, that he was coercively assaulting her and manipulating her to lie to me about when they hung out.

@abbyabroad

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry, for both you and your friend. I’m in my thirties and just recovering from my own traumas, via this channel, actual therapy and the KZread channel “Dear Shandy.” Keep learning and growing! 🌺 Good luck to us both!

My daughter's dad was into gaslighting, emotional & psychological abuse, and very strong narcissistic tendencies. Her stepmother is the same. They were cheating with each other. We broke up over 6 years ago and this week the police have finally told them just to stay away from me, stay away from my house, no contact. 2 of them doing it. For 6 years. So physically at least, I should be safe, but my daughter still has to go there. I am currently in trauma counselling. After that, a 3 month break then into treatment for CPTSD. They did this to me with intention. These are not human beings.

I love hearing your takes on songs. Like movies it's how we emote or exercise inner demons through the catharsis of seeing on screen or hearing on the radio what we most identify with. As a musician, writer, and someone who loves poetry, prose, music, and film...thank you for doing these videos. More song ideas: -This is me from The Greatest Showman -How Far I'll Go by Alessia Cara -Rise up by andra day -Stronger by Kelly Clarkson -Bitch by Meredith Brooks -Brave by Sara Bareilles -Movin' On by Rascal Flatts -Hell No by Danielle Brooks -THe Boy is Mine (By Brandy and Monica...this one is from the 90's and I played it for my kids and they thought it was absurd. We laughed at the fact that two girls would fight over guy that obviously cheated on BOTH of them). It reminds me of that "If you like pina coladas" song from the 70's...that song is basically about two people finding out they both took out ads to find new lovers only to discover they answered the other's ad. So messed up.

When this happened to me I was the one who moved on quickly... because relationship A was abusive and manipulative, and I had moved on but he wouldn't let me go despite many conversations. Relationship B didn't really start for several months because I had no self worth left, but we were good friends first and some of the bonding with relationship B was because of the abuse of relationship A. I think it's really important to remember that there is another side to these stories. If someone moves on quickly, they may be the a-hole, but you may be too.

@ritaantosik6659

2 жыл бұрын

👏👏👏👏👏

When it comes to "emotional cheating" there can be two sides to the story and I'd take time to listen first to both having been in the similar position of the boy described. I am now with my fiance of over 3 years after splitting up with my ex of 7 years, my ex could very well say that I left him for my fiance when in realtiy I left my ex with intentions of being single and healing myself because he was abusive, my mental health was spiralling over being gas-lit into thinking that any issues I thought was in the relationship was all in my head so he didn't have to deal with them, telling him I was struggling mentally only to be told to carry on and that it'll get better rather than even being asked the reasons why I felt like I did amongst a lot of other things, do I regret now being with someone that supports, loves and cares for me equal amounts to how I do for him? No, I certainly do not. I was in conversation with my fiance as we'd been friends for many years and he was understanding of the fact that I'm faithful and committed to relationships and the only interjection he ever had on my ex and myself was trying to help me see the forest for the trees by reading into the way I spoke about my ex and realising there was a problem going on with me that I hadn't realised/wasn't ready to face yet, all of it came to helping me realise I was worth more and that I had someone right in front of me that knew I was worth more and wanted to treat me as such On the other hand, I can understand why when there is no issues that could contribute to it happening why it can hurt, I just believe that it's not as black and white as this video suggests