Thank you! I have found great value in the videos you share, and this one is possibly my favorite of them all! It almost brings tears to my eyes to see that there are people like you in the world who seek to build connections with others in the way that you do.

Main points of *Likes & Dislikes* exercise (to do when you and your child are both calm)3 do's: - *Reformulate / repeat* 2:33 - *Leave silences* 3:35 - *Guess feelings / needs* 6:35 and 3 don'ts: - *Do not educate* 4:39 - *Do not advice* 5:04 - *Do not reassure* 5:22 At the end do the check: - Are you complete? 7:44 And if the child is relaxed, you can ask at the end: - Would you like to hear me? 8:02

As a Kindergarten teacher it is very challenging to keep calm when there are so many emotions mixed in the classroom. Thank you!!

@vandijkmarianne1

6 жыл бұрын

Wow yes I can imagine that..I admire that you still do it!

i love how you translate the feelings and needs to create more connection with people who have not developed nvc literacy. also you gave him plenty of silence to reflect on his feelings.

Marvelous approach...If you haven't done one yet on how to use NVC on yourself that would be great. Basically uncovering your needs inside of a low mood state. Thanks you!

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. What a gift!

Omg it is time NVC had such beautiful resources! Congratulations!

Thank you. I'm new to all this, and I appreciate this as a simple introduction that I can apply right away. :D

Thank you so much for this. I’m a first time-parent with a toddler. I’m only now realizing that a commitment to non-violent parenting involves much more than just abstaining from hitting your child. I’m just starting to learn, and videos like this are so helpful!

@CupofEmpathy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful! Keep me posted how it goes for you.

This is beautiful, heart warming and educational ❤❤❤

This is brilliant. So helpful thank you. The relaxed face Thibo had at the end of the conversation was wonderful. Ultimate goal for my communication with my kids. He looked understood and connected so very relaxed.

@CupofEmpathy

3 жыл бұрын

Glad you enjoyed it!

Fijn! Ik was verbaasd toen ik ineens Nederlands hoorde, toevallig. Thank you, i learned a lot.

Awesome vid. Great how it was step by step with a child while you explained.

Thank you for your videos! I am in my training as a primary school teacher and find your videos very helpful. I still often find myself judging (especially praising) and giving unsolicited advice and I would like to become more conscious about this. Thank you for these wonderful practical examples. Greetings from Germany!

@CupofEmpathy

3 жыл бұрын

Happy to help! Good luck with your training!

Thank you for all of your amazing videos!!!

@CupofEmpathy

2 ай бұрын

you're welcome!!

I loved this demo. I loved to see the little one really listening to you and you sharing about things that were relevant to him, so it ended up being an opportunity to connect in a sweet way.

@CupofEmpathy

2 жыл бұрын

yay! i so enjoyed talking with him :-)

Empathy is a key to solving so many problems. And NVC is like a very practical tool to use.

I really like your videos on NVC! And I'm especially curious about the kids' angle now

Marianne wat vind ik dit mooi! Really beautiful to witness your interaction with young Thibo. Also the video with Laura and Jasper I appreciated, a lot I felt touched watching you all. I find true interaction and connection deeply important, it meets my needs for safety and hope for now and the future. I did my best giving some nvc style appreciate in this comment as I just watched the video.

@CupofEmpathy

3 жыл бұрын

thank you I loved reading your appreciation.

Very helpful. Thank you.

Thank you. This video is so appreciated. It helps us to accept and respect each other, no matter what age we are. I hope that we can guide our children safely to the understanding that empathetic people are a gift to the world, but often do not get the same level of empathy back since most people do not have such a high level of healthy communication. Since we model empathetic communication to our children, they can spread that to others and be the light of the world. I pray that their little hearts don't get crushed by others incapable of giving this back.

@CupofEmpathy

2 жыл бұрын

thanks for sharing :-)

A lot of this is really helpful for me as a teacher :) thanks

That was beautiful

Oh Marianne - What a beautiful thing you are doing to help continue Marshall's findings. Found out about NVC today, saw many of his videos and now subscribed to you. My curiosity - our struggles to transition from brainwashed repenting and violence to giving/receiving love and compassion.

@CupofEmpathy

2 жыл бұрын

thank you! Can you be more specific with your question, do you have a concrete example?

Just want to tell that I enjoy all the videos you share! They are super practical and fun to watch. I love the honesty, clarity, and beautiful energy that radiate from you. I’m looking forward to watching more videos on parenting;-)

@CupofEmpathy

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks Sophia! The next one about parenting will be in April, if you're not yet subscribed to my email list you could do that and Ill send you an email once it's ready: cupofempathy.com/

@nwillis6005

6 жыл бұрын

SophiaLong

this is soo helpful...

So appreciative. Thank you.

@CupofEmpathy

3 жыл бұрын

You are welcome!

I came across the concept of NVC with kids on a Tiktok channel and googled for more practical ways to implement it on my kids because we’re going through a rather emotional period. I am glad I found your video, I find it very enlightening. I am gonna study it a little further & try this with my 3yr old first born with NVC this weekend. Thank you!

@hongshan2993

3 жыл бұрын

I think I will write down a few topics and choose one for him finally and prepare my own answers first. Lol

I have been looking for more NVC videos, particularly for parenting. I am baffled that your videos didn't show up in my search, but grateful that I have found them now. My challenge wit my kid is that when I make observations he will try to argue with them. Things like: I noticed that you ate such and such.

@CupofEmpathy

4 жыл бұрын

It might be that your kid doesnt yet feel safe to share the truth (which happens to many kids)! I would brainstorm why that might be and see if you can support safety.

Thank you!

Thank you for very helpful and easy to understand sharing. It has helped me remarkably! may you be well and be loved.

@CupofEmpathy

2 жыл бұрын

😍

I had my first experience of learning NVC in a fabulous two-day course a couple of weeks ago - it was really quite impactful. Like finding the key to a long-locked door. I’ve found myself trying to harness it quite a lot since, mainly with family so far, and with surprising results (as in, it actually helped and made a difference!). However, two weeks on since the training now and it’s slipping away a bit so it’s great to watch your video. Particularly after a difficult exchange with my boy last night - we were both tired and hungry, I needed to get on and prepare dinner; he felt I wasn’t listening to him and was getting more and more irritated. Eventually, the penny dropped and I delayed my plan to prepare dinner, sat us down on the floor and spent 45 min trying to connect. I didn’t do a great job of it - I’ve got so much to learn! - but we did make a lot of progress. So here are two things I’d like to get your thoughts on: time is always the problem in human relationships and indeed NVC requires us to take the time, slow things right down, but we cannot always do that so how to overcome this? The other thing is that sometimes, however much I’d like to connect and do all the positive stuff, in the moment I’m angry and simply can’t be bothered (especially if I’m tired and hungry!). That’s me being very honest as ideally, I’d like to always be bothered with my boy - he means the world to me. My jackal self sometimes - maybe quite often - gets the better of me. Any thoughts?

@CupofEmpathy

6 жыл бұрын

Hi, I hear you're wondering about the time it takes to do NVC. I have the same experience that NVC 'takes time' in the moment, however, I notice again and again, that when I DONT use NVC, it takes even more time: conflicts or other dynamics recur, they might be dormant for a while but then they return -sometimes even worse. On the other hand, we dont always have the space to listen and connect with someone. There is a limit to our energy. And then we might react in ways that are not connecting. All we can offer ourselves in that moment is self-empathy. Compassion for the fact that we are not perfect. And that there is always the possibility of returning to someone to reconnect, say we're sorry. While babysitting I had a few moments where I exploded and apologized. The kids were very surprised, and for me it brought a lot of peace. I'm allowed to be human as a care-taker as well. Does this help you in any way?

@connectednature3585

6 жыл бұрын

Yes, thanks for taking the time. :-)

I love your video. Will be beautiful to have english subtitles to!

@CupofEmpathy

6 жыл бұрын

Hey Francesca, there are English subs, you might need to switch them on at the CC button..let me know whether you managed!

working in schools/garderies with kids for over a decade... yes, this one and the video with a triggered girl (and her brother) is what i do all day every day, hahaha... and innumerable more variations of it and levels of complexity... in street giraffe... in kids' giraffe... hahaha... with very little time and/or (waaaaay) more noise around... still, with experience it can be done beautifully... and all realtionships whether they are educational, therapeutical or other - are not a one-time event, luckily.... so there is time for re-connect or re-pair if needed... what a wonderfoull work... thank you for teaching so well how it is done!! i feel supported, empowered, connected, hopeful and safe(r) knowing that people like you exist in the world.

@CupofEmpathy

4 жыл бұрын

oooh thank you so much!! And I actually felt the same reading about the work you do. I hope my future kid gets to be with someone like you in school.

Thank you for this, you are wonderful.

@CupofEmpathy

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you Ms. J!

@timmcdillmusic

3 жыл бұрын

@@CupofEmpathy I don't have kids but ive been curious how to use nvc with kids. Still curious about how it works with toddlers and screaming...my roommates have a 1.5 and 4 year old who are screaming a lot

@CupofEmpathy

3 жыл бұрын

@@timmcdillmusic Screaming can mean so many things depending on what their parents are doing and how the character of the kids is..Im planning to do a Q&A on parenting/kids would you like me to try and answer more there? In that case would you give some more info? What happens literally in words and actions and what is your impression of what is going on? How old are the kids and the parents? And what is the living situation, how are they room mates from you?

@timmcdillmusic

3 жыл бұрын

@@CupofEmpathy yes. My friends are in their early 30s, and the kids are 1.5 and 4. If the 1.5 has something taken away, doesn't get what he wants, is put down, etc he starts screaming. The mom has good intentions and wants to make sure he is emotionally healthy so she doesn't want to ignore the crying (my mom told me she used to ignore us when we would have a fit, and in the end we rarely had fits), but in my eyes the mom and dad are just encouraging it by picking him back up, giving him the toy back, or panicking to find an alternative thing to pacify him. I notice when it's just me nearby the boy, he will start crying then realize it's me and immediately stop, I assume because he knows I'm not going to do anything about it. The 4 year old will cry if he has to turn off his TV show (I hate the TV/ipad for kids haha) and I sense that he gets his way more often than not, so the habit continues. I love the kids but am so frustrated to see parenting behaviors that I don't agree with and I get depressed because of how poorly it seems most parents are raising their kids.

@timmcdillmusic

3 жыл бұрын

I stay in their extra bedroom for a couple months occasionally when I'm traveling

I am surprised to see this kid's responds to your questions, so natural. At the end he came up with the frase: that's it, I think. (Having dropped the feelings for his brother). Wow.

Hi Marianne, I really enjoyed your video and have just subscribed to your channel as I look forward to learning more about non-violent communication. I was wondering if you have any tips about how to use non-violent communication with a 20-month old? Many thanks in advance, Lucianne

@CupofEmpathy

6 жыл бұрын

with a 20 month old you might not communicate a lot verbally complex things, but if you are truly spacious for your kid (which you get when you practice self empathy regularly), your kid will notice and feel safe without maybe being able to share much. Also it is helpful to not expect or ask things that kids at this age aren't able to do (well): sharing toys, waiting for things. For me it creates compassion for them when I keep this in mind. And you can still guess feelings and needs in your head, if you imagine they are to difficult for them to understand. Is this of any help?

I love your videos, your fan 12 years old. 😊😁

@CupofEmpathy

5 жыл бұрын

Hi Sarah, Im so happy to hear from you!! I feel honored to have a 12 year old-fan, I guess you are an exception with such a young age :-). Let me know if you have any feedback for me. ciao!

@sarahmuschelknautz19

5 жыл бұрын

@@CupofEmpathy thank you very much. I'm happy for you to put so much interest in other Kids 👍🏼😁

Wow. Can you train me how to have such a soft tone in my voice? I can do all you said and still do it won't because of my tone and rate of speech. You naturally sound angelic.

@CupofEmpathy

4 жыл бұрын

hahaha 'angelic', thanks! I think you dont need to sound angelic in order to create connection with kids. If your intention is to connect, to understand them, they will pick that up.

@greenlimabean

4 жыл бұрын

There are four types of people, just as there are four elements. Cup of Empathy is water, which is soft, flowing, blended, subtle, empathetic by nature. I am earth, which is bike, structured, reflective, inward, serious . My voice could never sound like hers. It's what you say that is important . Carol Tuttle on yt and livetyourtruth.com for more about energy profiling (the four types).

Hi ( : any tips for using NVC with younger kids? 3 year old? tantrums? less language? thank you so much xoxox

@DarkMoonDroid

4 жыл бұрын

My Youngest (between 3 and 4) understood and accepted this better than my older child (between 5 and 6). Unless you've tried it with them, don't sell them short. However, what I did do when my oldest was still an only child (between 2 and 3) was show her other kids playing and interacting from a window and talk to her about what we saw. Did you see Suzie take the ball away from Stan? See how Stan feels sad now? And see how he's getting angry now? While in my arms, she nodded. These are introductions to the language and it gives a foundation.

@aurelienyonrac

3 жыл бұрын

@@DarkMoonDroid 😍

I really learned a lot watching this. Especially what not to do! I'm wondering if you noticed how he wasn't looking at you much. I'm interested in this because I have a hard time looking at people because of ptsd. I have started requesting that people share the eye contact so that I can look at them sometimes. It really helps me to feel connected when people agree to this strategy. I'm curious if this would maybe help him connect to you. I'm wondering how this lands with you.

@CupofEmpathy

6 жыл бұрын

Hi Teska, thanks for sharing your story! I've noticed in most people that it's helpful for them to look away while they are doing self-connection (I do it a lot as well) - I imagine it's natural. That being said, YES I also belief eye contact can be really connecting and I love that you've found a strategy to deliberately get that more in your life. I find it inspiring to hear and to think that it might be applied to kids as well!

@TheHappyDreamCtr

6 жыл бұрын

The strategy that I prefer is when someone notices that I'm not ever looking at them they stop looking at me. Then I can feel safer and look at them usually. Like it's too intense to meet their gaze. But if they look away it helps me to connect better with them. Most kids seem to really appreciate this. Extending personal space to include eye contact also.

The link to kids ' needs lot bring me to a page with no link

Hi..thanks for the video..what if the child behave as if he dont like to hear me or show gestures despite me using nvc.

@CupofEmpathy

7 ай бұрын

Hi, that's a great question, please join my next webinar so i can get into that during my Q&A: cupofempathy.com/free-webinar/

by the way, for some reason I get a connection error when I click your link ... it works though if I replace the https by http ...

@CupofEmpathy

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much Xeronimo, I changed it, this will be helpful for many viewers..

@Xeronimo74

6 жыл бұрын

you're welcome :)

I'm wondering though if kids really have enough after you listen to them... Of course, it's better than giving unsolicited advice but I feel often they are looking to us for suggestions at how to handle things. I am a waldorf school teacher and we learn about the child's emotional body, that this is still being formed from their seventh year untill their fourteenth year and only after that can they stand on their own emotional legs more or less, or are actually beginning to learn how to do that. Before their 14 th year they still need examples most of all but also help at sorting their emotions out as I don't think they are able to hold overwhelming emotions on their own like we can as an adult, so they need our overview for relativation. I would then suggest always asking if they would like to hear the way you look at it or a suggestion...Holding space for it like you do also of course helps a lot.

@thedancinggymnast

3 жыл бұрын

Same. I feel like if a child says everyday 'so and so wouldn't talk to me or let me play' and the answer was 'and this made you feel lonely?' 'yes'. They are asking for advice on how to solve the problem and might not be satisfied by just being heard and reassured. It's not necessarily solving the problem that they have or can't think for themselves.

Could you add a translation in subtitles for this?? I don't understand the language but would love to know how the conversation is going

@CupofEmpathy

3 жыл бұрын

if you click cc there are subs!

@CupofEmpathy

3 жыл бұрын

sometimes it only works on laptop or desktop!

@acornsmarigolds6712

3 жыл бұрын

@@CupofEmpathy thank you!! ❤️ I appreciate that tip because it will help me gain more insight from the video.

👍

It's challenging when I get very angry with my daughter and ask for space and she won't go.

You Rule! lol

@CupofEmpathy

6 жыл бұрын

THANKS!

@VINCEGOESFISHING

6 жыл бұрын

Cup of Empathy I really like the videos you're creating. Do you have a Facebook page or something I can follow? My FB GROUP is called "Empathy Angels" you are invited to join :)

@vandijkmarianne1

6 жыл бұрын

I'm only reading your question now, YES I have a facebook group, click here to see it: facebook.com/cupofempathy/. And I just subscribed to your group!

Non violent communication raises spoiled kids that are not kind, very demanding, no discipline and want it their way all the time. Kids need discipline.

@greenlimabean

4 жыл бұрын

With the right parenting you can prevent most bad behaviour, so very little need for discipline

I can't understand what you are talking with the child. Could you please put the undertitel?

@CupofEmpathy

4 жыл бұрын

You can switch on the subtitles!

Sometimes I feel I'm constantly repeating myself or he doesn't hear me.

@CupofEmpathy

3 жыл бұрын

It helps with kids to really get close to them, put your face in front of theirs and say their name and see that you have their attention before making a request. If it's not a matter of hearing, but more of not doing what you want, there are some more tools needed ;-) Feel free to check my next NVC course, there is a module about kids too.

Thank you!