Another dynamic to this is that the enmeshed "surrogate husband" son rejects his non-narcissistic father so completely due to the overpowering fake love relationship he has with his mother. A malignant narcissist mother with no boundaries is the most dangerous creature known to man.

@seankalleyart2065

3 жыл бұрын

It’s brutal isn’t it. To make your way out of the muck to finally see & remember who is inside again.

@MrVsteel

3 жыл бұрын

It is near in approach to attempted murder when a medusa mother manages to enmesh boundaries within which overpowering mental justification to have children with her exists.

@etphonehome4511

3 жыл бұрын

Well my father WAS a narc, and very angry and scary....so as a kid I gravitated naturally to my mother, unknowingly that I was being used for her emotional needs and groomed to be her son husband. Two narc parents hooray....I hate them both now for using me....fml

@bobbyjackson5172

3 жыл бұрын

@@etphonehome4511 how old are you now and how is your relatiomship

@etphonehome4511

3 жыл бұрын

@@bobbyjackson5172 42, I haven't seen him in years

I had a boyfriend whose mother was one of these women. After 2 years I stood up to her. I thought I was very kind to her in "the talk", he broke up with me two days later. It broke my heart, but glad to be rid of the situation.

@reesedaniel5835

3 жыл бұрын

You dodged a huge bullet. Let the old bat gloat. She won't be gloating anymore where she's headed ; )

@godzillamanstreb524

3 жыл бұрын

You seriously dodged a bullet

@kateruterbories2692

3 жыл бұрын

@@godzillamanstreb524 I did!!

@judyscheiber3661

3 жыл бұрын

Good for you, Kate!

@dritanstojanovic4576

3 жыл бұрын

How many options and boyfriends are you currently dealing with. Go get a life

Before I married her son, My narc MIL said to me, "You're lucky I'm letting you have my son. Any girl is lucky I let her have my son." He was 24. I should have run then.

@anahoho74

3 жыл бұрын

Same like me

@yourme2

3 жыл бұрын

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Like Hell

@babyaron

3 жыл бұрын

Same my mil told me

@jessicad6131

3 жыл бұрын

My mother cried like a baby at our wedding. She was losing her mind. I didn’t know what narcissism was back then. Here we are ten years later and my husband still is employed by his parents, he is under their power and he is completely blind to it. These in laws want to see my children raised as if they were their own. I’m over here like no way do I want my narcissist in laws influencing my children. My husbands family is full of arrogant narcissist. 😖😳😬 the last people I want to influence our children is my in laws. 😔😔😔

@rohank9292

3 жыл бұрын

@@jessicad6131 never let how a narcissist thinks about children get in the way of how you think about them.

Some men boys never realize that his mom is narcissistic...theirs a codependent relationship between the both of them....Mom is the best she can do no wrong

@etphonehome4511

3 жыл бұрын

I realized it and see how sick and twisted she really is....master actress, master manipulator, and master liar....I hate her for using me for her emotional needs growing up....I cringe and get physically sick in her presence now. I'm a broken man now and will probably just live alone with a dog for the rest of my life.

@hannu3911

3 жыл бұрын

@@etphonehome4511 same situation, but i started traumatherapy and it helps

@thinzki44

3 жыл бұрын

AS a son of narcissistic mother we always think that we are not always good enough specially if your the scapegoat one.

@dougtheriault9854

2 жыл бұрын

My mother had me this way during my first marriage. By the second I had broken away and married a malignant narcissist wife enmeshed with her mother this way. Common was talking on the phone for hours a day. I’m now free from most narcissists in my life

@classicleslie6914

Жыл бұрын

@@etphonehome4511 I hate women because of my mother. I want nothing to do with women and I am very happy that I am also attracted to men (I am essentially attracted to both men/women) because I gladly reject women and embrace men. I use to think highly of women until when her husband left her she showed her true nature to me and I am her son. She did this to me and America. She is so vulgar tongued, never stop nagging, picking verbal fights, berating, criticizing, manipulating, making sexual comments, and touching me inappropriately like pinching my butt. She coerced me to live with her and use threats of homelessness to keep me bound but she also calls me a narcissist and I am afraid that if I leave her I would be a narcissist and be wrong about the way I think about her because she also deal with a lot of muscle aches, sprains, and plantar fisciitis. She keep using sexual insults and making similes of private parts and I really hate sex (at first I just didn't care for it but now I hate it and never understood it albeit I love children) by it and can't stand anything about it. I will never have sex and I am happy about that. I will happily be with a man over a women because I have had enough of women no offense. She knows I hate sexual comments, sex, and anything related to it so she uses insults around me and have a vulgar mouth. It's borderline incest 😫😫. She makes me slave over her. I got to do everything for her and she talks negative about males and men all the time. She is controlling/domineering and I hate it. Edit: Yes, I know I am wrong to despise women as if all of them are like that. I'm trying not to. I have been a target by women for some odd reason every since school. I have been bullied by girls more than guys and I had more guy friends than female friends. All of my gen siblings (all sisters) were treated better than me and my mom is straight but hates men more than I hate women. Though my sexuality is defined unconditonally as it is and have been that way since that day I discovered my first inclination at elementary, my preference has changed. I use to accept anyone I fall in love with and I have had crushes in the past with both but now I actively reject women (I'll only be friends with them) because of my mom and especially America but I still willfully want to keep the door open to them in hopes I have the right one

this describes my husband and his mother perfectly ...... he doesn't need me when all his needs are being met by his mother

@bipedalbob

3 жыл бұрын

All his needs? Eeuuwhh.

@Ridiculi

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah it's gross. 🤢

@moxig5717

3 жыл бұрын

Are you my sister-in-law? LOL

@asisiphodollyngqalo371

3 жыл бұрын

Very through😭

@VwapTrader

3 жыл бұрын

Give examples.

My Mom drives everyone batshit crazy. The thing is she is doing this to herself, and everyone within earshot suffers for it. Her mind is F-ed up with constant negativity. Nothing is ever good enough, she is never happy unless everything is under her imagined "control". I am trying to move to another country to get away from this entire F-ed up family, but currently am disabled. Please PRAY FOR MY ESCAPE! Thanks.

@raphael714

3 жыл бұрын

same

@CCelia1953

3 жыл бұрын

Omg my mother in law followed us from SA to NZ and the abuse never stops.. She is 98 ànd getting worse by the day🗣️🤐

@terrybrawley7164

3 жыл бұрын

I moved just like u are thinking. Give me a shout . I might be able to help u move to Belize. I'm a disabled vet and was in your situation.

@corporaterobotslave400

3 жыл бұрын

@@terrybrawley7164 really cool of you to offer. Yeah I hear Belize is really nice.

@corporaterobotslave400

3 жыл бұрын

@@terrybrawley7164 I just scribe-d your page btw.

This is my mother in law. She never respected my husband or his marriage. She scapegoated me and tried to destroy the marriage. Thankfully she got sloppy around my husband and he saw her for her true self. He confronted her and she played victim and blamed me for everything. Because of her refusal to take responsibility my husband cut her out of our life. Freeing but, heartbreaking at the same time.

@trinitylightsounds

2 жыл бұрын

Is he still not speaking to her?

@FairMaiden20

2 жыл бұрын

@@trinitylightsounds A few times but, he never started the conversation. If she calls him he only responds if he feels like it and that’s rare. If he does answer he asks her is she’s ready to tell the truth and apologize and if she says no he hangs up the phone. He’s fully woke about it now lol.

@trinitylightsounds

2 жыл бұрын

@@FairMaiden20 how long did he go no contact for? I am in the same situation with his mother. He sees right through her and understands what she did to him. The problem is that him and I know she will never change. He says he will cut her out of her life but I am worried he can't keep it forever.

@FairMaiden20

2 жыл бұрын

@@trinitylightsounds he’s only talked to her twice in person and once on the phone since we started attempting no contact( pretty sure it’s been 2 1/2 years) . All of those times were because my husband’s father is a toxic enabler and kind of manipulated my husband into talking to his mom. My husband and I both are at a point where we feel that we will stay no contact unless God works a miracle and she becomes and different woman. Sorry to hear about what you’re dealing with! It just sucks. I used to worry a lot too. It caused a lot of fights between my husband and I. Things got better for us when we stopped worrying and started focusing on boundaries and the future we wanted for ourselves.

@trinitylightsounds

2 жыл бұрын

@@FairMaiden20 thank you so much for sharing your story. It really gives me hope. We're in this together!

This was the biggest battle of my entire marriage.

She thinks she is his wife and I am his mistress...she and the whole family act accordingly.

@kateruterbories2692

3 жыл бұрын

It's creepy, isn't it? It's like everyone else is a zombie and doesn't see it!!

@jessicaberry87

3 жыл бұрын

Yep!

@Chahlie

3 жыл бұрын

Ugh, I married a narc and the caterers thought she was the bride....

@jessicaberry87

3 жыл бұрын

@@Chahlie Dang!

@dritanstojanovic4576

3 жыл бұрын

She thinks that you're full of bs and that you don't match her family criteria

Grew up with a single narc mom and just recently decided I had to cut ties. It was so messed up... all these years of deep mental abuse as her son. I'm trying to put myself together now. I pray I can love and be in a healthy relationship with a woman one day.

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

i wish my ex would realize this

@psychostranger2097

2 жыл бұрын

I am in same condition and I am 37 years old.

@TheStellarmanCo.

2 жыл бұрын

Same here I'm 39 now and just finally learning that I have to permanently step away for my Sanity and health

@superswag3252

10 ай бұрын

Please beat his as$

@patrickpatton7123

8 ай бұрын

Never look back, not even on death..... Im the scapegoat.....I don't even want a call when mine dies. But glad to hear u are free from the claws, I'm still trying to figure the rest out and it's been a few years.

I am 20 years old man.I’m been living with a narcissistic mother for 20 years . Found out at 18 years old. Since then I baught a car for 7,000$ cash. And since then I have got a scholarship to play quarterback at a college I am now at. They mooved me there and I am trying to recover and it so hard. Us narcissist sons are so sorry we act this way. I promise this will not be me ! Edit. To ALL WHO NEEDS TO SEE ....It WILL NOT, be EASY to escape the demonic influence under your mother and the thrill of them keeping you wanting there attention and love from them. They will try to keep you DOWN !!! financially, mentally, and even be abusive physically like mine , and of course verbally. You sons are going to need to DEDICATE yourself to getting out of that house ! But don’t rush it. One step at a time. For GOD is waiting for you to chase your calling. That’s why he gave you the nark mother. TO FIND YOURSELF !!!!!

@suryanarayanpadhi7591

3 жыл бұрын

You are fortunate that you figured it out early in your life.

@ferrdg6479

2 жыл бұрын

But if youre not responsible you will end up like axl rose i mean im in the same situation and just the idea of runing away from my family without taking resposability first just freaks me the fuck out because they will probably haunt me sooner or later and my relationships will suck and stuff

@Reereeboilesgo

2 жыл бұрын

@@ferrdg6479 everybody situation different. But the goal is doing something about it. ( i used my anger and loss of my mother acting like a demon, to train 4x IN ONE DAY.) so i never was really around her. You need let all this motivate you. And find away to escape. And lastly of course save your money. Get your vehicle. Next up. Maybe consider a apartment.

@amberh391

2 жыл бұрын

Congratulations! So happy for you!

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

Just the fact that you figured it out you are allready doing waaaay better than most

At first I thought his mother was so sweet. And she absolutely was, to my face. His whole family doesn’t understand anything about boundaries. I actually thought she should live with us in the beginning because I felt sorry for her. Thank you Lord I came to my senses. I have no contact with her. I will Will make the boundaries that work for me.

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

Jup. Same story. She was so sweet to me but she was oozing jealoucy that i have 'her husband' lol that witch won in the end

@katrinaseeley4864

2 жыл бұрын

Did we marry into the same family??? I’m currently pregnant and, though darkly humorous, she used to act like she loved me until we got married and I became a “threat.” Then it started with big emotional displays, paying for legal history to have an intervention for my husband which produced nothing, then tearing me apart, hour long sessions of how I need to change to fit in, boundaries are me taking my husband from her, to telling ppl I threatened her with a restraining order when I said I no longer wanted contact because it was unhealthy. After being mainly no contact for several months, she’s taken upon herself to convince my husband I am the narcissist and all these reasons he needs to leave me. It’s shocking… and almost comical. Unfortunately, the enmeshment has left me in a dead marriage. Sigh. If only I was more self aware and aware of the signs years ago.

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

@@katrinaseeley4864 i feel you girl. This is exactly what happened to me. The emotional displays... makes me sick. That woman is destroyung your marriage and she is loveing every second of it. Your husband is the one who is allowing this tho and yes you are right at the end of the day it was your job to see this before you got pregnant. But i get you the guy is super cute and nice and you fall in love with him, he is nice he is just a bit too attached to his mom and before you know it you are in it in the deep end and the evil old witch claims back what was hers the whole time. She has her son adicted to her valodation. If she is happy he feels like he is good and if she is unhappy he thinks he is a bad person. Your husbands whole identity is attached on his mother. Without his mother he doesnt know who he is. Thats why he is attached to her like that

@elizabethpaigemodel9024

2 жыл бұрын

@@katrinaseeley4864 I’m sorry for your situation. But that’s what they do. They turn things around and say that you are the narcissist. Believe me you are not, your eyes are wide open. And it’s never too late for you to be self-aware. Do what is right for you and your baby 😘😘😘

@harleyfsbo3027

2 жыл бұрын

@@uk9383 Attached! Good word 😂 Yep, it’s a leech party for sure!

Oh my effing God.. She described it soooo clearly. This is the best video I have seen so far. A narc I know treats her son like an extension of herself. It's so damn scary to see that. Knowing deeply that the boy is never going to have a life of his own... I almost feel sorry for him.

I chose my wife! I'm not looking back. I will say that you are correct on your assessment of men being unlikely to seperate with their enmeshed mother, but I overcame! My wife and I are Christians, and that helped a great deal because we study together. Also, we had to go through a couple of dark days where it could have went either way! So it basically took God, and a really bad night where we were placed at a crossroad! Since then we are happily married! I reached out to my mother recently. I have set strict healthy bounderies with going to Counciling being one of the conditions. She got angry with me, and we haven't spoke to one another ever since.

@outdoorlovecookinggf4646

2 жыл бұрын

the Bible is what helped me too.... similar situation. mom npd mother in law npd. Only God can help this!

@Stacy_SJA

2 жыл бұрын

But when did you realize that you were enmeshed with your mother? Was it brought up to you or did you realize something was off?

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

I so wish my husband did that. He didnt and the evil witch won

@exodusspeaks2618

2 жыл бұрын

Please pray for my husband, I’m a Christian and take my vows seriously 🙏😢

@RandomGuy-zb3gd

2 жыл бұрын

@@exodusspeaks2618 please pray for her everyone! ❤

I was married to such a man. To say I suffered would be an understatement. After 5 years of marriage, I filed for divorce. Never again.

@Contessa998

3 жыл бұрын

Was his name Stan?

@solidcatink

3 жыл бұрын

@@Contessa998 Ha ha, no

@Contessa998

3 жыл бұрын

Haha ok. I know a man who was married for five years, and he is enmeshed with his 96-year-old mother so deeply. It’s scary I feel sorry for him. I think when she dies, he will die.

@Chahlie

3 жыл бұрын

I won't even think about dating a man whose mother is still alive :)

@solidcatink

3 жыл бұрын

@@Chahlie I can't blame you one bit.

So many of your videos should be required as part of high school curriculum. God Bless you 💕💕

@rg2027x

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, they should be required. But Narcissism 101 won't be taught in schools since it exposes politicians tactic & manipulations used to control masses.... It would be giving away all their "secrets"! we're supposed to be oblivious to..and deceived into submission by.

@angieburnett4341

3 жыл бұрын

@@rg2027x 💯!!

@rg2027x

3 жыл бұрын

@@angieburnett4341 😺👍 : )

My ex MIL gave me tons of red warnings before I married him. My ex and his brother went through hell with her and still do. She is almost 90 and has two sons to herself because women left them. I stayed 27 years and was physically, emotionally, mentally and financially suffered from my ex. They send you many warning signs at the start. Don’t ignore the warnings. They go after kind loving people. They eat us alive. Run is all I have tell you.

I feel like you have been watching my life. This was so spot on. My husband and MIL are 100% married to each other. It feels like I am the “side chick” and she is the wife. I don’t like feeling like I’m the 3rd wheel in my own marriage. My MIL is very manipulative and my husband can’t see that she does anything wrong. He’s been groomed since birth to worship her. It is a very sad situation and I hope he sees the truth soon…

@anasimmons6007

Жыл бұрын

I feel your pain. I have been in the same situation.

@humb1089

9 ай бұрын

I could have written this 🙏. I felt so wrong all this time to be feeling exactly like you did. Felt like something was wrong with me.

@sahanashegede284

8 ай бұрын

Same situation here. My husband defends her.

@angelagrant2943

7 ай бұрын

SAME...just went through a divorce. Insest , perversion love

I’m a 23 year old male. This video has made me confirm my worst suspicions. My relationship with my mom has had zero boundaries for most of my life. Although I always had a gut feeling our relationship was unlike virtually any other parent/child relationship I saw among my friends, it’s taken me until now to realize just how unhealthy and to be honest, sickening, it really is. This video scares me a lot. It makes me worry that my childhood has permanently damaged my relationship to women. But I hope by learning these things and acknowledging the reality of my relationship with my mom, I can move past these issues and both live the life I want to live and be the person I want to be. I’ve also cut off nearly all of my contact with her and I pray this will help me as well.

@abowling5759

3 жыл бұрын

Good moves! You’ve already made some very important first steps...stay on track.

@JT-lt5gr

3 жыл бұрын

She'll get you to move back in with her after a while. Maybe after something goes wrong with your job or apartment or house or relationship. Keep your independence. Don't accept money, even a loan. Don't let her advise you on any aspects of your life.

@9kazcat

2 жыл бұрын

You are totally aware though and that is way more than most get. My ex will never break free from his mother. She slowly destroys every relationship he has and then when he's in a mess swoops him back up and regains full control. He cannot act like a man/adult as he's trapped in this totally dependent dynamic she's kept him in. He breaks free slightly every time he gets a new woman but he still acts like his mother is his first wife. I would never get myself in a situation like that it was most difficult 5 years of my life. He knows his mother is a problem but his dependency on her and her control will never end till the day he dies. You have this insight and acceptance that she is a narcissist he just wouldn't face the truth as she had made him so dependent he could never cut her out as he's too weak. He use to say to me "what if I cut her out then you leave me". This was a grown man in his 30s

@ConsciousYouthInitiative

2 жыл бұрын

@@9kazcat oof yeah, that sounds terrible. I can’t imagine what being in a relationship like that must be like. 9 months later though I’m happy to report that I’m doing better than ever in my life. I’m independent and rarely talk to my mom. I’ve opened up to my dad about my relationship with my mom and that helped out a lot. Obviously I love my mom and she’ll always be a part of my life, but I think I got lucky in being able to establish a boundary that was never set in the first place. It took being a more mature person then she is at 56 compared to me at 24 now. I’ve stayed away from any relationships for over a year and am extremely happy being single. I’ve just been working on myself in every possible way and it’s been amazing. To any men out there reading this and worry, it is absolutely possible to break yourself of this relationship dynamic. See it for how gross it is for the both of you. Find power within yourself. You don’t need anyone at the end of the day besides you. Once you break free you’ll feel stupid for allowing someone to have such control over you. You are the most powerful force in your own life. Never let anyone or anything, any relationship or any idea of what love is control you. You’re the one in control of your life and your choices.

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

@@JT-lt5gr exactly the advice thing is the worst

You’re very correct, at the same time you’re very wrong. I was in a coma for 34 years of my life, and five years in denial. However everything my wife told me was true and I finally broke away from my evil narcissistic vindictive mother who hated my wife because she took her brainwashed little boy and made him normal. I feel completely cheated from my own identity and most of my life. The hatred I have for my mother is intoxicating, but I never take it out on my wife or my daughter for it. It’s videos like yours that helped me wake up, and heal. Thank you.

@ralucaema3007

2 жыл бұрын

Glad to see an answer from a man who has been in this situation. Can you tell if there is hope for someone who is single to get out of this situation?

@_k911

2 жыл бұрын

@@ralucaema3007 Well I used to make excuses for not getting out of the situation years ago. The truth is it doesn’t matter if you’re single or not single. I would have rather lost it all and slept under a bridge 20 years ago and I would’ve been light years of ahead of where I am now had I not been crippled by these disgusting toxic people…. Run!

@proudexmuslim2354

2 жыл бұрын

@@ralucaema3007 i am in toxic relationship with my mom.i want to end it but when i try to leave her,i feel like a gravity pulls me towards her again.its just never ending toxic love.she also has financial power over me.and thats why she can still control me.i am a man and want to live alone healthy.😭

@MissSarahGM

2 жыл бұрын

You give me hope. How to tell a partner I think he's enmeshed with his mother and family? I am afraid he'll be defensive.

@_k911

2 жыл бұрын

@@MissSarahGM he’s enmeshed with his mother and his family because he’s wanting love and acceptance that he’ll never get. Oh by the way, 500 years later he’ll still be chasing them… They’ll always waive the carrot on the stick, meanwhile he’ll lose everything…

My grandmother and my dad's twin brother. She died and my uncle took his life a week later. I got the F away from the family after that.

@IvorMektin1701

3 жыл бұрын

@Belletaina Eventually you outlive all of them 🤣

@IvorMektin1701

3 жыл бұрын

@Belletaina Yep, the ultimate no-contact. The deprogramming will probably take the rest of my life

@IvorMektin1701

3 жыл бұрын

@Belletaina Thanx

thank you for this video, spot on. i was completely enmeshed with my narcissistic mother for almost 38 years. the woman had me brainwashed since childhood. pitted my sister and i against one another. i always felt it was my responsibility to keep my mother “happy” and she latched onto me for dear life. ive had so many setbacks mentally and emotionally because of this dynamic. when i finally got married and asserted my independence, the rose colored glasses fell off. she discarded me out of resentment. i finally saw the truth. life’s been much better without her. my relationship with my sister is stronger than ever. goodbye mom. 👋

That was my mom and younger brother. They acted like husband and wife. It was sick. I’m so mad at what she did to him. He died of a heroin overdose when he was 39.

@thedivinechic6613

3 жыл бұрын

Omg.... 😮😢 sorry.

@ralucaema3007

2 жыл бұрын

Omg..i am so sorry..i have a younger brother and same toxic relation between him and our mother

@proudexmuslim2354

2 жыл бұрын

@@ralucaema3007 some moms are overprotective toward their son than they are to their daughters.and its sick.its not healthy relationship at all.the electra complex shit or whatever it is,its not healthy and can result incestual or other toxic relationship among opposite gender parent child

@Prd64twl

2 жыл бұрын

@@ralucaema3007 I have an older brother who has an unhealthy relationship with our narcissistic mother. The relationship between he and I will become as unhealthy as the relationship between him and my mom if I allow it. I guess nothing is perfect, but it's amazing how I wasn't able to see any of this when I was around them all the time.

@gc8024

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry about that. To let you know. She would have never stopped. My mom near homeless now. After son cleaned her out.

This year makes 31 years that I lost my oldest brother to suicide.💔 I was 13 years old. Now in my 40s, I've come home and Im understanding and processing what he went through. I'm so sorry for what you went through Bradda, may you have peace and enjoy your eternal life in the Light of God❤️

@hrsinghpoint2240

5 ай бұрын

I'm single handsome sexy boy I need a mom

Giiiiirrrrrrrllllll YOU are looking TOO cute! Love the new look! 💗 Another excellent video!

I had a relationship like this, with a 36 years old man. I was clueless about enmeshed mother / son relationships and bought in to his story about him “just being close to his family”. His narc mother and emotional unavailable farther guilt trips, shame and manipulations ate away our relationship. He shamed me for not wanting to take part in this sick dynamic, be blamed me for being too emotional and demanding and not just hang out with his mother. Every week we would spend time with both farther and mother, hours on end. Birthday, holidays, special occasions what ever mother had to, to keep him in line. He would be cold and distant when we were visiting, barely talk or be affectionate - I felt like a buddy. So confused, because when alone he would be so different. Although he would always be afraid of intimacy or maybe didn’t learn how to. I felt so alone, confused and too much. But the truth is, he just didn’t evolve emotionally. He is a boy trapped in a man’s body. Emotionally stunted by his mother. So sad to watch. He told me a year into the relationship that his mother was his best friend and his soulmate. It felt SO icky and I should have ended the relationship right there. We broke up once and got back together, but parted ways after 2 years. He chose his family ones again on a holiday, after his mother, grandmother, me and him went to the beach. Me and my bf swam in the ocean and kissed, and short time after his mother self inflicted a injury, so he had to spend hours in hospital with her and once again I was left to myself. I could write a book about all the wired stuff that happened, but I spear you the gruesome details. I’m out and safe. Finally

@island4603

2 жыл бұрын

The dynamic is much like a cult, the cultleader (mother) and her worshiping cult member (son). It’s trauma bonding

@krithigachandrasekar4591

2 жыл бұрын

I could also write a book about this sick dynamic. I never knew about this dynamic before. I lost my daughter due to this sick relationship. Wish women get enlightened by this

When i used to hear about mothers like these or i came across this kind of behavior with others, i thought of this almost turning into incest eventually🤢🤮. It is very disgusting behavior, and no wise mother would raise her children like that.

I was married to this man! A narc family system and mother enmeshed man. Mommy dearest always came first, his opinions of everything in life matched hers. They'd talk like a couple. He'd tell her everything and tell me nothing. He lived with me only part time once we got married and started living together. He ate dinner with her every night. He now lives next door to her and is married to a woman that looks just like his mom. I mean really, that just wraps it all up in a bow. I was so happy to get away from him and that crazy family. She'd talk about her husband to him like he was a spectacle. He'd get under the covers with her (sitting next to her, not close) in her bed. (edited to add- I know this from going on a family vacation with his family. He'd disappear and I'd find him in the bedroom and they were just gossiping about things, and she'd say "Oh it's always like this at my house!") All the while he told me I was awful for saying anything about this stuff, said I just feel this way because I'm not close to my family like he is. I remember dying my hair and his mom saying to him "Oh it doesn't look THAT bad" like they discussed me and mocked me together! Always. People thought he was the nicest guy. I always thought something was wrong with me. He really had me believing that.

@9kazcat

2 жыл бұрын

I had a relationship for 5 years with a guy I'd say is borderline personality disorder and caused by his narcissist pd mother. She started off all nice to my face, but really she was slagging me off I later found out. She treated his daughter from his first partner like a god, but my son, who was her grandchild, got the most basic of scraps treated hundred percent differently and he went along with the whole thing. It caused us endless rows and she manipulated situation after situation for us to argue and fall out. Huge ones like booking a holiday for him and his daughter and her, but not his son with me, for his birthday and him clearing off with them leaving me with his son, told the day before. Inviting his ex wife and his daughter to a big family event which he went to with them, but me and his son not invited. Spent the whole time trying to get them back together. Then when I was upset about it, I'm difficult and controlling. When ever I confronted her she blamed me for his unstable mental health, so when I point out evidence he had it way before I came along so must be her, she would then try make out my mental health is bad. mummy always came first mummy was his wife. Terrified of upsetting her and would upset me first every time. But she tried to have all his family believing he was scared of me! When I said to her he will upset me before he dares to you, so who is he really scared of she blocked me and never saw her grandson again. She stopped him seeing his son to make sure I never went with him again and he's not seen him for a year but they both have his daughter all the time. It's terrible for my little boy but in the long run he is going to be better for not having the narcissist and the borderline in his life. His life will repeat. He gets a woman and is infatuated and breaks free from mummy a bit . Then her control and interfering destroys his relationship, then she swoops in and smothers him and he's all inlove with mummy again and 'rescued' by the witch. I know what you mean about them making you doubt yourself and who you are. It's gaslighting at its finest when you doubt yourself and who you are. Took me a long time to recover

@allie9015

2 жыл бұрын

Omg that is so creepy!! Do these men secretly want to sleep with their mothers!?! Seems so...

My future mother in law in 3 months is exactly like this and bullies me on top of it. I had to deal with this for 2 years but honestly … before my fiancé would never stick up for me and I broke up with him because the stress and anxiety related to his mom. He FINALLY then realized what he truly wanted (to have me) and started sticking up for me after we got back together. Ever since then he stands up for me to her and sticks by my side. He even told me “Leah you are first place in my life. My mom will always be second” and he even told HER that! We are Christians and I know God changed everything. He really did after much prayer and hard times. His eyes were opened and now He knows all her tricks and schemes and won’t fall for them. Otherwise I really doubt I could stay with him. It mentally takes everything you have to be in this

You described my ex’s mother. The problem he is so groomed that he won’t see this truth or acknowledge it. He literally moved back close to her as soon as I left him.

@claudiacebollero6944

2 жыл бұрын

I divorced and my x remarried within a year and his mother love bombed the new target and he just moved his mother into his home. So glad, I’m far away from this lunacy. I stuck with him 34 years, it turned into unbelievable abuse. She destroyed our marriage. Wish I saw this as a young bride, there were flags, but I was young. My advice, you see this dynamic- run!

@melissatorres1248

2 жыл бұрын

I think I'm gonna follow in your footsteps and leave my hubby because I don't know how much more of this I could take 12 years is enough.

@melissatorres1248

2 жыл бұрын

@Golden Leaves thanks so much for that I haven't had the courage to do so its been 12 years but it's time to go

@mypetrockowns

Жыл бұрын

This is my exact situation now…

Not even prayers can save a relationship with an enmeshed son. This will be one of the most damaging things you live through, if you live through it

@hannu3911

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you.

This is what ended my marriage and he went into become a massive alcoholic. So many creepy humans walking the earth. I’m so happy to be single and introverted

@VengefulPolititron

3 жыл бұрын

_Hey are you single?_ jk, internet joke.

@sadiranybreez

2 жыл бұрын

Creepy is the word for sure.

@laurapoulet

2 жыл бұрын

This is what happened to me. My MIL was horrible to me. Her perfect boy/son, my husband was a massive alcoholic, that kept getting worse. I of course got blamed for his drinking. He was an alcoholic before he met me though. His mother died recently and we just separated. I don’t think he’ll ever figure it out. I don’t want him back. I’ve moved on. He caused too much damage and hurt.

I was the black sheep the scapegoat the never good enough. My mother coddled my little brother so bad she drove my father away she drove me away because it was her and her son's home. It was their way or the highway and believe me it was a crazy way. My mother died in 2010 leaving my 40 year old brother the house with no job no visible means of support no idea of life and a van in the driveway that needed to be fixed three years prior to that. So in three months he lost the house and was homeless and on foot. I lost track of him the relationship was strained at best because he use me for an ATM and I know see after going through all the therapeutic listening and reading that I've been doing thanks to channels like yours that he was also missing the empathy chip. I tried and tried for years it really is like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall while you're bashing your head against it at the same time.

@reesedaniel5835

3 жыл бұрын

"And from such turn away...." 2 Timothy 3:5

@FrancesShear

3 жыл бұрын

I am glad that you are seeking help to heal from all that.

@yourhighness4746

3 жыл бұрын

Is very important that we don't choose our family and if by a random act of life they are a challenge, WE ARE ENTITLED TO RENOUNCE TO SUFFER, period........ When you age, you ask yourself, WHAT I WAS THINKING, wasting your life and happiness for NO REASON. Be happy, no matter what, MIND OVER MATTER, but in order to have your MIND, YOU NEED PEACE, AND HARMONY.

@abowling5759

3 жыл бұрын

Good work!

@69birdboy

3 жыл бұрын

Don't use bible quotes that can be used in anyway you please

My mother is an introverted covert narsisist. Before I went no contact with my parents, even while trying to go grey rock, my mother actively tried to break us up in an attempt to get me back in their house. Thank God I got away from my parents as I was enmeshed, even COVID helped. Having a strong wife and both our critical thinking helped but its really nothing short of a miracle that my parents didn’t just destroy all our lives

This what my narcissist wife did to my 2nd son ,I tried many times explain to him but the brainwashing is so strong he is totally blind ,and simple believe all the fake love she shows to him .

@killerkennyas

3 жыл бұрын

My son is doing the same with his narcissistic mom..unfortunately he jsut got committed to treatment program because he kept getting in legal trouble..its bad

I wish I had known this before allowing my narc mother in law to move into our house. After two long years of trying to shield my husband and son from her abuse, we are finally evicting her because she refuses to move out.

You just described my husband (whom I left 6 months ago) and his mother's relationship PERFECTLY.... He found new supply and eventhoug it was hard for me to accept, I'm blessed I finally can move on with my life. It was an unending hell...

Extremely predatory behavior on mom's part. It's unfortunate that it's not acknowledged as child abuse. Guys like this usually have a thing for women that are older than them to act out their Oedipus complex-like urges for their mother. It's extremely sick.

@Megdracula

2 жыл бұрын

It’s sick I don’t get it

@isay207

Жыл бұрын

Emotional incest

@missmarymack3457

Жыл бұрын

So true!

@sarahkorver2439

6 ай бұрын

So so true xx

You just described my ex-husband and his mother. It is sick, I had never seen anything like that before. My ex-mil hated her husband and pretty everyone else except her kids, she thought my ex was going to be her savior. He was suppose to rescue her from his father, she came between us. She even came between my ex and our children. She is an evil person. She will have to stand before God to answer for her behavior some day. The ex will too, he will have to answer for the abuse he heaped upon our children and me.

@nk-do2ir

2 жыл бұрын

Omg. I literally heard my boyfriends brother say that they have to “save” their mother from their drunk father. Wow

I just got out of a relationship with a man like that. On his own he’s very loving, respectful and sweet. His mother is just what you described and he’s not at a point where he can see that. So he couldn’t show up emotionally for me as a partner because she’s already exhausting him in that way. When he started to cleave after being in a relationship with me because I gave him the support to grow, she convinced him out of the relationship. And he’s so convinced that we’re too different and incompatible. But the real issue is her and her control over him. I feel sad for him tbh. Because he’s such a sweet, kind and genuine person and he deserves better than that. Unfortunately that’s something he has to give himself or stay in that situation for forever.

@selinapashova4387

2 жыл бұрын

Subhanallah. Do you think the best thing is to leave? We can't change an enmeshed man especially if he refuses to see how his mother is... Everything this woman said in the video described my husband and his mother.

@aishahkabir

2 жыл бұрын

@@selinapashova4387 I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I know how hard it can be. I think the choice of leaving or staying will be up to you. But I would say that one thing for sure is that you may have to accept that there is only so much that you can have control over or change. And then focus on what you can control. Most of the time what we have control over are our actions, thoughts, feelings, choices and decisions. It would be so painful to want to change him or even change her. I would just say focus on yourself. Try and see if you can meet your own emotional needs elsewhere. Friends, siblings, parents etc. Have a support system that’ll always be there for you emotionally. Work on yourself. Sometimes we inspire others through working on ourselves. Do all the things you love to do. Do things that you enjoy. Take care of yourself. But also be within acceptance of what he can and cannot do for you emotionally. When you reach that point, it will be clear to you whether you want to stay or leave. It’s really hard for me to tell you what to do because every person is different and every situation has it’s own uniqueness. But whatever you decide, do your best to show up for yourself and take care of yourself. Sending you big hugs and love❤️🤗

@tracymatherson8174

2 жыл бұрын

I could’ve wrote what you you just wrote. Word for word. Except his mother would call FOUR times a day 24/7! My ex broke up with me because his mother wanted to move back to town and needed a place to stay and since she didn’t like me, she told him to break up with me. And he did. A 56 year old man. He actually chose his mother over me. Now she’s living at his house. It’s sad, but he doesn’t see what’s really going on. I was very heartbroken at first. But looking back, I’m glad I’m out of that sick situation.

@missmarymack3457

Жыл бұрын

Sounds so familiar

It’s so sad to witness this between my husband and his mom. He’s such an empathetic and kind person, hates confrontation and seeks to please. She cries every chance she gets and he is always trying to pacify her. She has NEVER apologized for anything ever.. it comes out like “oh well I’m sorry YOU feel that way”.. and if he tries to disconnect by not answering her texts or calls, she ramps it up 1000%! Like bizarre texts to us both where she actually has “pretend” conversations with us. Like “how was your Dr appointment today?” “Oh great thanks for asking” 🧐🙄 I literally have lived like this for 15 years. So over it, or HER should I say.

Excellent, Jill. I suspect that the situation becomes even worse when the mother dies. At that point she can become a "saint", and her influence (hence the enmeshment) even more untouchable.

@reesedaniel5835

3 жыл бұрын

And if you are the Scapegoat, and especially the oldest and a daughter, everything wrong about the Queen Bee mother will be projected onto YOU. She will have the brother AND the husband/father projecting everything they hate about her and are too cowardly to stand up to onto YOU. Because YOU are "safe" for them to criticize and bully and dump their frustrations on because of their guilt for being such SPINELESS COWARDS.

@jessicamusicslife465

3 жыл бұрын

@@reesedaniel5835 wow this is spot on

@jamiecargill6664

3 жыл бұрын

@@reesedaniel5835 I wish I could like this a million times...AMEN!! Me and my sister-in-law were interchangeable for years. If it wasn't her it was me.

@jaykay3839

3 жыл бұрын

@@reesedaniel5835 Wow, this is what my husband did to me and he wasn't even the Golden Child. He was the Lost/Invisible Child. He used to tell me about how his mother didn't really care about him, thought we was stupid and a loser. He and his Scapegoat brother could never measure up to their Golden Child sister. My husband would project some of his mother's stuff onto me in the earlier years but I didn't connect the dots. In fact I didn't realize she was a Narc (or perhaps a sociopath?) until she got sick and started ramping up her abuse. Then once his mother got sick he stopped asking me if I was available when his mother invited us over. If she said jump, he asked how high. Then when I already had something scheduled, I looked like the jerk for cancelling their plans. 😠 Husband and I started fighting a lot. I dug my heels in to minimize exposure of our kids to the Narc and for that I was blamed for everything, called the Narc, I was the bad guy for no longer being a door mat and refusing to present my children to MIL at the end of her life to endure Narc abuse. I'd done it with my oldest child and was expected to keep allowing it with my younger ones.

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

@@jaykay3839 when i stood up tfor myself the old witch took back what was hers the whole time. mx ex broke up with me in 2 days

You look great! You also NAILED what happened to me. I actually feel kind of sorry for him. He never stood a chance. It is just so sickening. We moved with his Mom. Paid off the house. She was ALWAYS pulling him away. Staying at a college and having both of her sons sleep there with her! Then coming home, NOT bringing my brand new husband. Telling me she slept in his bed, like completely crazy! Was she trying to make me jealous? Why does she think this is okay??? I have always been with favorite sons, sure you know what I mean. So I thought if I just let her have some time she would appreciate it. She LOST HER MIND! Always comparing herself to me. Jealous she had bigger feet and calves and nose and she would say things like, "you just shine no matter what". Which sounds nice but NOT the way she said it. Like it gagged her! She would throw challenges at me, cooking cleaning, house stuff. I'd soar through them with flying colors, and she hated that even more. Was TRYING to set me up to fail! She ended up throwing screaming fits, like over a dirty bowl, (I of course I did ALL the dishes and she'd encourage him and his autistic brother, who I also cared for, think Cinderella, to trash the kitchen over the weekend. I once washed 55 spoons used in a two day period by three people imagine the forks, knives, plates, etc)), I mean for HOURS she would scream!!I finally started using my own power to call him back. After a period of time I didn't care. He genuinely brought me to his family expecting me to be brought into the fold and treated well. His father literally told him he wanted to kill himself when he met me! He never would have gotten his mother if not for a trustfund.His brother and father were so jealous that this has also split the family. That and the fact that we had been giving his mother money to put up for the family. Us, her, his autistic brother. She took ALL of our money, which was agreed to ONLY if we got the house. She then told everyone we were bullying and intimidating HER!! Yeah right! She has told SOO MANY LIES. It has split everyone apart. There is no hope for a fix as long as he is with me. Or maybe at all for him.. he NEVER stands up for himself.. The sad thing is after having a family like this it has NOT made him MORE independent. He is very dependent on me. I feel like I have been trying to teach him independence since we got together. I have literally told him you dont need them.. if immigrants can come here and make it so can you! He has started to believe that. He was so lost when I found him. It has come to a point where I don't care as much. He is staying by me, he was there, he KNOWS I treated his mother like a queen. He just isn't the type to fight back. I have gone NO CONTACT with her. She is always going around behind my back and causing problems. He had issues when he was younger and she would encourage this awful behavior to like get back at me for?? IDK. DARING to LOVE HER SON? Thank God, and I mean this so TRULY, Thank God I have been in a couple healthy relationships! I literally DO NOT KNOW what kind of head case I'd be if I hadn't. This would be ALL I knew and I WOULD believe there is something wrong with me! I really want to reach out, take classes and continue to pass this knowledge on. I am not sure if I can continue. So much has happened. I have been attacked, my children have been attacked. He has taken these cues that he was being hurt by her intentionally for the purpose of getting a certain esponse out of him. Part of him WANTED to hurt me because she did. I am just not sure you can unlearn this sort of thing! We have been married for 17 years. He is finally not really talking to her. Sadly it was ME who invited her back in for our children. I could KILL MYSELF for that! The ONLY thing that gets me through is the knowledge that I DID do EVERYTHING RIGHT. I did everything and a million times more than what any other girl would have. His brothe has boundaries. He is closer to his father and it was us that went and helped when they divorced and look what she did! She pitted him against his father. Used him up and now the gold digger is BACK with his father and what? They behave like he is a demon son and they are his PARENTS. Like they will just pretend that it is all his fault! So immature and self centered and just crazy! The WHOLE THING IS SO UNHEALTHY. ALL OF IT! I really want to sit down and write his brother a letter. Some things must be done yourself. There is family money and I think that is all the brother cares about. Plus he was really outshone by my husband the whole time they were growing up. My husband was the gorgeous one in sports.. The brother the smart geeky one.. So they are all reveling in it. I feel so guilty to leave him alone. He drinks and just won't finish snapping to. I have, sadly many times, told him that I cannot compete. I KNOW he won't be better off going back. Maybe I would be though. He will never make the effort to really deal with all of this. I cannot do it for him. This is why I WANT a coaching session with you! I have complex post traumatic stress disorder. I am sure part of him does hate me even though he knows it is wrong. What they don't get is how WEAK they ALL are to behave in this fashion. I really want to smear her. Put her on blast and tell EVERYONE about her lies. I am actually, thankfully articulate enough to actually do this. Why waste any energy on it. I guess to clear my own name. I was only diagnosed CPTSD (?) when I went to see a Doctor because I was genuinely afraid that I WAS crazy. Sadly, it isn't me. That would actually be easier.. It really is ALL of them. Another reason NOT to stand up. They surely all know, DON'T THEY??, that it is them? I mean this is just way more crazy than I could have ever signed on for. He IS trying. I just think it cannot EVER be much better than a black cat TRYING to be a white cat. Am I wrong? I am starting to find peace and believe it just is what it is. He will NEVER let me go. I am far to valuable to his own well being. if anyone had ever done all that I have for him, for me? I'd be grateful for LIFE. I feel he will only try to ruin me if I ever leave. I do love him very much but I have given 17 years. I love myself, too. Flawed human. I am genuinely the kindest person and this is a very hard world to get by in when you are so sweet and sincere. I KNOW it made his mother hate me even more. Like you behave better than most and people and they hate you for it. I think because they CAN do it, too. They are all just too selfish and self absorbed to do it. They DO NOT want you around outshining them with your own goodness. It is ENOUFH to actually drive you crazy! Literally. It is all just so unhealthy. Most of my family is dead and the rest are in Germany. I just have zero support system and only because I was so good to his family I really feel I need to start again. I just cannot accept my role and I can never, not forget, but just put it out of my mind for a time, as long asl I am with him. I am going to do a coaching session. Some guidance could possibly change my life. This kind of covers it all. Not really though. These people are worse then killers. They terrorize your life. I know I got the worst case scenario. None of this can be easy. They should be held accountable. Not just by God either. Sorry it is so long. I really want to write a book. I bought a laptop. I will never quit feeling sorry for him. At this point though I actually feel so victimized and mistreated. Your husband's role is to protect you. I can't help missing that. Plus it is kind of like I am his mom. Maybe he should just go back. If he is too weak to fight? Idk. I am going to look for a.link to the coaching sessions. He is always here on Sundays. Oh well. I NEED it more than most! Lots of Love. You finally have a rough over view. I really hope you can help guide me! You are doing great work. I want to do it, too. The make over is wonderful! You look very chic and young and gorgeous! I want that to be me. Over it and doing something to help myself and others fight these monstrous people!!! It feels.like the ONLY right answer! They are a lot of things but stronger than ME is NOT one of them. Thanks again!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Excellent video and so true!!! I always thought his anger was really at his mother, and not me.but he could not recognize it nor admit it as a possibility. She definitely was emeshed.💞

@digimonalvatrax2738

3 жыл бұрын

Hope you left

I had to cut out my mother from my life, because the reasons mentioned in this video. She kept reflecting her misery and toxic behavior on me. I think this is a wide spread problem, specially on divorced and single parent homes. I think this issue needs to be addressed to a greater public. If you don't escape from it your life is no better then that of a convicted jailbirds. In my case a younger women helped me to understand what was wrong in my life and im forever thankful to her. She became my teacher and guide to get out from a very abusive person. Sometimes the easy solution is just say "NO" to the mother and don't give way to her manipulations.

Wow. That totally describes my ex boyfriend and his mother. A girlfriend of mine compared them to Norman Bates and his mother

@godzillamanstreb524

3 жыл бұрын

Glad you said ex

@aarongerig9223

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly what I was thinking. Norman Bates or Ed Gein. My oldest brother is exactly like this. It’s really weird. Talking to either one of them feels interchangeable with the other. Almost like they are the same person in different bodies.

@abowling5759

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly!!

@JDS741988

3 жыл бұрын

😂

@warriormom5843

3 жыл бұрын

I refer to my husband as Norman to all my friends--EXACTLY!!

I escaped my single mother. I come from a family of multiple narcs and didn't realize it till a few yrs ago after escaping a super narc girlfriend who stole my daughter... my whole family is still friends with her like she hasn't destroyed a life bond... I dont associate with any of them any longer and have recently started educating myself... Jill your work is truly a blessing for me. I appreciate you

Girl...you ever need any “make your head spin” real life examples of this, just let me know. Lol. Divorcing THEM was the best thing ever! 🥳🙌😉

@roselikethewine

3 жыл бұрын

I'd love to hear your stories!! My boyfriend's sons live with their mom (one of them used to live with him), and they're in a LOT of trouble. Especially the older one...

@solidcatink

3 жыл бұрын

yep

@abowling5759

3 жыл бұрын

Contact on your divorce!

@songbirdforjesus2381

3 жыл бұрын

THEM....HYSTERICAL BUT SO TRUE

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

Oh girl i feel like our stories could compete in the drama department

You described me in your video. I was born in family of two narcissists - my father is covert, and my mother is overt narcissists. My father was better at manipulating her to his needs, and better at hiding his intentions. They produced three children. I am the oldest son. Funny, but now, with this information, I better understand what happened with me. My mother always had fights with my sister, and I was her emotional support. They always fought with my father. I didn't understand why! Why they're always fighting, why my mother always against my sister? My father would always triangulate us against our mother behind her back, and so I think now, my mother was doing the same thing to him. I didn't understand, why my father hated my mother, even though they lived for over 35 years together. The last straw to me was, when my mother told me that my father told her to go push the carts in one of their fights. I hated my father. Eventually, they divorced, my father found another woman to use, and dumped all the care for my mother in me. Also, he turned my sister and my brother against my mother, and me, as well, for standing up for her. I had to take care for my mother for a long time. I never really had any dates, because anybody who was in my vicinity, my mother would be sure to sabotage the relationships with. I blamed everything on my father for this, since it was his job to take care of my mother. But now I realize, it's not him, it's all my mother's fault. I did become like a husband to her, which was really taking a toll on me. I started secretly becoming an alcoholic, since it would help me to escape the loneliness, and the stress living with my mother. I realized, our dynamic is unhealthy for both of us, so, eventually I managed to find my own place to live. I know who my mother is. I don't confide in her as I used to anymore. I just regret of wasted time, but I'm learning now, how to live on my own. Thank you.

@ronfirek5824

3 жыл бұрын

Good for you. BLESSINGS

@lovelykiyah7415

2 жыл бұрын

Thats right boss up !

In my case I'm the only son, but I was always the scapegoat. My mother had a narcissistic partner & together they formed a Narcissistic Super-Ego, where she was subservient to him. She encouraged my older sisters to bully me as well, so I was always out-numbered. My formative years were a living nightmare! I've never fully recovered.

@monsterhunt8624

Жыл бұрын

This is exactly my story too

@flemutter7211

9 ай бұрын

Have you left?

This makes me feel really sad and hopeless... I grew up with basically no confidence as a man.. With extreme social anxiety.. When I was younger I think I naturally drifted away from my mom.. And she always seemed bothered by that and almost resented it.. She landed up turning my younger brother into her golden son.. And I was left to blame for all my issues that I had... She would emotionally abuse and out everyone of my family members against me.. By the time I was 16.. I used to sleep on the floor next to my dad.. Because I had severe nightmares and anxiety.. I had all the issues and my mom and dad never really asked themselves why I was in such a mess at such a young age... I always just kind believed my mom.. That I really was just a piece of shit and she had convinced everyone else I was to.. By the time I grew up and moved out with my fiancee.. I absolutely despised my mom and no one that knew her could understand why.. At times I even questioned myself.. And I was judged mercesly by father when I tried to speak up about all the hurtful covert things my mom did to me.. And my fiancee.. I often cringe having to go visit them.. I just kind of have to sit there and watch all this go down.. And still sit there and doubt myself.. Wondering if I'm just blaming my issues on them.. But there's just something twisted with the whole dynamic in that house.

@danika9411

3 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry. I hope you get better! I had a narcissistic foster mother and started to become bodily weak and got easily sick living there. It stayed that way unfortunately. I have no contact, that is all that helps. They will probably never realize how bad their dynamic is and also never apologize. I had bad anxiety, I still have it, but it's much better. You should look into trauma therapy. You could have developed ptsd. There is a danish therapist who wrote some books on raising children: Jasper Juul. He explains boundaries and what crossing them can do to a child very good. I was a girl and only lived with them for a few years. I have no idea what completly growing up with them would have done to me. Also trust your inner compass. It can be hard to feel yourself after narcissistic abuse, but trust that feeling. They let you sleep on the ground! That is not right at all! And thought it is fine, weren't getting you help. That sounds so toxic! I'm really sorry! I hope you can learn to live with it! I wish you the very best! ( English isn't my first language, sorry for mistakes! )

I spent 22 years of my life living this. I’ve lived in my home for 15 years but I didn’t get to decorate it the way I wanted it or pick a single wall color until after my ex husband discarded me. Everything had to be the way Mama wanted it.

@abowling5759

3 жыл бұрын

I’m glad you have your horses....

"she loves her for what she can do for her" this describes perfectly the relationship of my husband to his mother. Thank God he was able to realize this when we got married and now we are a united front to deal with her, he can see her manipulation and we make decisions together to manage her.

Ahhhh.... the 'son husband'.

I’m a INFJ empath. My mother was doing almost everything your describing. She used to have this rolling joke that I would always be around to take care of her and my half sister whom she had when she was 15. I could see what she was intending, and at a young age had made up in my Mind “you’ll never meet my wife or be at my wedding.” ℹ just split from my narcissistic satanic mother for the last time and it feels great. All narcissist should be left alone, emotionally and physically distanced from. Never care about them and when they get in trouble leave them knowing “You’re the cause now you’re going to feel the effects.”ℹ️💯✅✝️🙏🏿📖🗡👊🏿👌🏿👍🏿🥷☯️😎

@danika9411

3 жыл бұрын

ENFP here 😆 Hello! 🙋‍♀️ I had a narc foster mother. I only had her for a few years, but that was enough already! I'm a girl and was the foster child/ extension of herself to show how great she is and god forbid I didn't make her look good or worship her... I don't know what would have become of me had I stayed there longer. I'm so sorry for what happened to you! I wish you the very best from now on! There is so much time ahead of you and so many possibilities that you can take and have an awesome life! You got this 💪 It will suck sometimes, but you will be able to habe a great life regardless! I know INFJs tend to feel misunderstood or not fully understood, but you will find people who will get you and then life will become awesome! ☀️ ( English isn't my first language. Sorry for mistakes )

@psychostranger2097

2 жыл бұрын

I am 37 years old virgin male. I am an INTJ. Raised by single narcissistic mother.

@israelarellano5293

Жыл бұрын

You Bet. I'm the eldest of 7 She groomed me.to always be There for her She has been allowing All my younger brothers and sisters to get married and have kids But Me? She does not know that I have Other plans. I am not gonna be a looser first born. I hope my brothers can read this and Traduce this message to her

@isshedanniesim3324

Жыл бұрын

Period amen

I love your hair. You look fabulous and thank you for all you do!!

I've witnessed one of these sick relationships with a guy I dated about a decade ago. He was a 40yo firefighter, well paid, and his mother lived with him as she had for several years. She was also employed and could have afforded to live on her own. I'm pretty sure he had undiagnosed BPD & she had a constellation of problems including what I think was NPD. There was total enmeshment. He would tell her about our sex life in detail and he would casually leave porn dvds out when they should have been put away. It was gross AF. Over the course of a year, we broke up twice. I agreed to meet him at a restaurant to talk about possibly getting back together and she came with him. WTF. Stupid me, I agreed to get back together. One day, a few months later, his brother came to town for an annual visit & he brought his two kids with him. On that first night of their visit, my bf went out to his garage and hanged himself from the garage door track. His mother found his body the next morning. What a selfish PoS. There was a chance that those kids might have woken up and found his body. They would have been traumatized for life. I think it was by design that he waited until the mother and brother were in the house. He had unresolved anger issues with both of them. It was a sick situation.

My husband and I went through this with his mother and He is one of the rare ones who break free. She was tryin to break us up and it culminated in him telling his mother to never call him again. we didnt see or hear from her for several years, but his dad couldnt stand the lack of "family time" She probably made him miserable. He coaxed us back into contact with her. She continues to be a narcissist through the years and cause lots of trouble but at least we now have a united front against her. Right now i am in no contact with her cause im so tired of it all. It feels great.

This describes my grandmother and one of my uncles. On my aunt's birthday, he insisted on going to the restaurant his mother wanted to go to, not the restaurant my aunt wanted to go to! My father was also a narcissist, but not the momma's boy variety.

Narcissist Mother's are not walking in the holy spirit that's for sure. In the beginning when I first started dating my now Husband, I noticed him and his brother had a very bizarre relationship with their Narcissistic Mother. They treated her like she was their wife, They were buying her flowers and candy on valentines day and kissing her on the mouth. At one point my Husband made a comment that he loved this mom more than me. I had a private conversation with him and said listen this is not normal and if you love me and want to be with me you got to put a stop to this nonsense because it is not normal. I told him nothing wrong with loving your mother but love her in a healthy way. He actually sat and thought about it and took what I said into consideration and realized that something was not right with his mom and put her in her place. He set healthy boundaries with his Mother and she does not like it. His brother also put a stop to it because he knew something was not right got married and moved over an hour away to get away from his Mother.

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

I wish my ex would have done that. he didnt so hes an ex

@l.t.2356

2 жыл бұрын

We lived with my mother in law for a year when we got married. She always wore a negligee around the house and one day, right in front of me, as if in a trance, they kissed so delicately.

@AbsoluteMdot

2 жыл бұрын

@@l.t.2356 That is very creepy

@anewchapter1336

2 жыл бұрын

@@l.t.2356 Did you divorce? I saw my husband kiss his mother on the side of her neck from behind her when we were dating 24 yrs ago. I told him it made me feel very uncomfortable because it seemed sensual and he never had done that to me, and he gaslit me. I was too young and naive to recognize this as gaslighting. I am only now truly waking up to the deception and think he and his mother are both covert narcs. He has tried to be distant from her but never stood up for me with his narc family. His mother's sister is crazy and she and MIL have both been making nasty comments to our kids and my husband won't deal with it so I did and stood up to them all and have gone no contact so not MIL has turned husband against me and her mask has come off. I can't believe I have been getting played all these years to be their supply.

Wow! My last relationship to a “T”! Ive always told him that his mothers relationship with him wasnt healthy and she would blame everything on me saying I was pulling him away from her! Thank you Jesus for getting me out of that toxicity! 🙌🏼

My mother does that to my brother and then my older sister's did the same to their sons its hard to watch

@casestudiesinpsychology4930

3 жыл бұрын

Do the narcissist mother pamper their son?

My wife has my attention always. I'd rather be happy than be an addict or dead because of my mother. I never wanted to grow up in an abusive household. Constantly being watched, manipulated, attacked, and in a state of confusion. Almost 40, I've always thought of giving up, been fighting all these years to try and stay afloat. These people are no joke and will ruin your life. If they don't, they will die trying.

Hi I’m a new subscriber. OMG!!! My 22 year old daughter with her first love was in this type of relationship and the mental abuses just got harsher and more frequent. Narcissistic abuse is another form of bullying and bullying is against the law. Narcissists are committing these crimes every day and we are letting them get away with it. Thankfully finally my daughter understood that this was not normal and ended the relationship after 2 years. As a loving father I feel as though I failed in not warning my daughter about narcs. Thankful to this amazing video a lot of questions have been answered and we are now fully armoured. We now know what to be aware of and nobody in my family will ever be harassed, abused or bullied by any type of narcissist again. I came to understand that I along with our society that we are very ignorant about the narcissistic behaviours around us. Also there is most likely a lot more narcissists around us than we think. The abuse towards my daughter was undeserving, so please parents out there warn and protect your kids using this video. Narcissism is bullying and should never be accepted. Peace and love everyone ✌️❤️😊!!!!

1000% my marriage.

I am so glad I got away from a man like this.We dated a year, there still hope in the back of my mind that he will see one day but I'm not waiting. with these exact words told me he will never leave his mom to be with me. It broke my heart I'm so proud of myself for walking away.

This is the worst! I feel that I’ve been in a relationship where I’ve been betrayed repeatedly! The mother always causes problems and tried to include me in on their family business. I rejected and she started to hate me. She’s said so many horrible things about me to both, her friends and family. He says nothing but she’s set in her ways. This is definitely a relationship that I wish today, I would’ve skipped. His mom encourages him to betray me in so many ways and he cheated and she seemed To be proud as if... he had the upper hand in our relationship because he proved to her that he could mistreat me. He was so empty and I taught him so much. He seemed so lost at times about so many things. Sad thing is... his father loves with the mom but the father gives him or his brother nothing to grow on. He barely speaks to them. How that’s allowed, I don’t know. Also, his father had a son outside of their household and he treats that boy like he’s his father. He’s involved and communicating etc. it’s sad. I’ve lost myself playing housemaid and teacher and housewife to him. When I had a death in my family and went through a down spiral... his mother mistreated me and encouraged him to leave. It was horrible. When we are living in our own without his mother or her family... we are just fine. Whenever she gets involved she have other family members, her friends, her neighbors, etc. watching us or even me. It’s sad. And she constantly tells him that she will look out for him if I’m no longer around. So, now after all the mistreatments, I’m waking up and I’m tired. I given a lot.

My narcissist ex loved and hated his mother but defo worships her. It was always her first she could do no wrong. She would always message him when he was at mine asking when he was coming home. I found it weird how much she liked involving herself in our relationship. He does everything for her.

@rg2027x

3 жыл бұрын

I was in a similar manipulationship.... Where she would literally drop _everything_ on moments notice to serve mother. Then complain and badmouth her. But smile, act happy and positive in person to keep appearances. It was a bizarre dynamic...to me. Loved her mother one moment gushing incessant praise, yet despised her the next hurling insults ad nauseam. We'd be out to dinner, her mother would call right in the middle of our meal demanding she "pick up eggs from the store" "ASAP"..when her mother was *fully capable* of doing it herself. Suddenly dinner would be over, she had to leave immediately! to run to the store! for another "fools errand" thankless task. I'd get to hear how her mother spitefully found fault with the eggs, they weren't the correct consistency [??] and so on. No matter what it wasn't good enough. "That's just how she loves me".. Really? The cycle continued repeatedly non-stop until I escaped..With my cat, luckily. and whatever sanity I had left! 😂

@uk9383

2 жыл бұрын

same here. his divorced parents coud do the same exact thing and the mother would be the good guy and his father would be marked as evil

@hotcomodity21

Жыл бұрын

@@uk9383 why is it the father was the evil one??

@uk9383

Жыл бұрын

@@hotcomodity21 because his mom allways talked bad about the father and cried to her son how the father is abusive (which wasnt true) the mom is a drama queen and the son believes everything she says without question. She treats the son like her replacement husband. Now in the sons head the father is evil and everything he does is bad and in his head the mother is an angel that can do no wrong. So whatever the father does is labeled as evil and whatever the mother does is labeled as good because she is the victim and is 'just defending herself' when in reality the father is the good guy and the mother is just and evil manipulative witch that is emotionally manipulating her son by artificially making drama in his life and acting like a victim that needa to be saved

@missmarymack3457

Жыл бұрын

I understand your pain.

It's also important to note the fake excuses parents and sons will use such as false disabilities, money issues, etc. in order to mask the relationship. Great video, thanks.

My mother and brother had this type of relationship. Seven years ago, my brother passed. My mom passed a year later. She had a broken heart.

Thank you for explaining this. I am curious about the narcs family patterns. My narc husband had to ask his mother for approval to have children. After our first child was born, his mother came to tell me, that she would take our child away from me. It was shocking how she saw our child as an object that could be taken away. As if it were a handbag or some other object that could be used for her own benefits. Then I understood that something was terribly wrong with her. Only later did I understand that this is narcissism.

Nothing to add. EXACTLY. ON. POINT. ps - It gets worse as time passes and "the couple" test the water to assess how nice and forgiving you can be. They WILL cross all boundaries possible with you.

My only brother was a son husband. Mother passed away and it does not end. It only gets worse. Now, i get the feeling he wants me to be his boyfriend. I get the creeps around him. He has been gaslighting me in very clever ways and even orchestrated a plot to drive me crazy that went just as he planned.

Wow! This is/was my situation. His best friend even told us both at one point, that he will never have a stable healthy relationship as long as he has his mother next to him. He chooses her all the time and I was always put on a back burner. When they were fighting and he hated her, we did well. But when they made up I was ignored. She was jealous of me and hated me. But their relationship was disgusting and inappropriate on so many levels. I always said she viewed him as a husband figure and treated him as such! Plus they lived three miles from each other. A neighbor who I didn’t know last year told me to run and get away from her and take my ex narc with me. He just laughed but I found it to be a warning.

This is the best and most accurate video I have ever seen done on narcissistic mothers and their sons: thank you, Jill.

I really can’t thank you enough for this video! I have felt knots in my stomach for the last two days now all thanks to my lovely “future mother-in-law”. I am 9 days away from having my wedding. Before watching your video I just finished writing a message to my fiancé of 5 years a message that consisted of mostly everything in the video. He is sick with a cold and I knew he’s not feeling well and the reason why I didn’t want to bring it up last night. So I just sent a super long message informing him of how his mother’s words & Actions towards me have affected me. I am so upset and weirded out about the whole situation with his mom. Ughh I’m frustrated & annoyed. The first time she made my skin crawl and felt disgust was when she tells me that when he finally comes back home that she would be moving in with us AND that she’s going to have a separate room for just him and her where they can cuddle. “Excuse me!”🤢🤮 Because I don’t take 💩 from anyone and she’s no different , I told her “TF you are.. 🤣 No, youre not. You can go and live in your house and cuddle with your husband. You’re not living with us much less cuddling with my husband.” I know she absolutely hates the fact I don’t coward down. 2 days ago, she took it a step further by crying trying to make me out to the bad one(or as he said to me. “ you sometimes can be neglectful”). That was ridiculous and unnecessary for her to cry and complain to him about me not picking up her phone call. In my message I told him by agreeing with her about me being “neglectful” i Continued by saying. “i am marrying YOU. This is a marriage of 2 just me & you. THIS IS NOT AND WILL NOT BE A MARRIAGE OF 3, NOT ME, YOU, & YOUR MOM. IT WILL ONLY BE JUST ME & YOU - NO ONE ELSE. in the morning we are going to have to Somehow, some way establish boundaries in order for this to happen & for our marriage to work. Again, thank you and God Bless you for confirming that I am, IN FACT, not crazy!!! 😮‍💨😂🙏💛

Very interesting! What a complex mess. My NMIL stopped sending birthday cards for a few years and when my sister asked why I hadn’t rec’d one from her I said “ Hallmark doesn’t make cards that read- To my wonderful son on his wife’s birthday”. My sister and I had wine and laughed.

I have been married to 3 narcissists. The three things they had in common, just for starters, were 1. They ALL were idolized by their mothers, to a creepy degree; 2. They ALL were called by little boy, diminutive names by their mothers; well into adulthood & 3. They ALL were willing to literally cry like babies to get me to accept their bad behavior. Of course, they lied non-stop, & screamed, as you would expect with any narcissist, but the mother thing was absolutely central to them. Their mothers ALL wanted to marry them. No question about it! My second husband took his mother on a vacation to Las Vegas, without me, & when they got back she was absolutely giddy, saying, “EVERYBODY thought that I was “Sammy’s” WIFE!” And she was serious!

@choedesigns

2 жыл бұрын

Enmeshed men are not always golden children groomed by a narc mom, some of them are scapegoats, nevertheless still groomed by a vindictive malicious narc mom.

@musasayyaf3101

Жыл бұрын

Hmmm wondering, but I request all sisters to have knowledge to have good behaviour to your children so that rhe future generation could be good thanks sister .May the almighty bless you all amiina

Hi Jill, couldn't thank you enough for coming up with this amazing video. As you mentioned in one of your comments earlier that the enmeshed relationship between the narcissist mother and daughter is also on the similar lines. I am completely speechless now, each and every fact that you have said is true, you speak as if you were witnessing my situation alongside me. I am pretty sure most people can relate. I used to tell my parents that my narc's wife mother feels like that she has married me instead of her daughter, at least by her reaction I can say for sure that she wants me to feel that way and my narc wife felt like it's my duty to serve her mother. I can't describe that feeling in words honestly, I mean completely ignoring me as if I never existed and always worried and cared about her mother's need and desires, never cared for my feelings. I wasn't aware of the narcissist word also at that time. My father asked me what happens to such people when their narc mother dies and bang on, you have given the answer of that as well. Me and my parents are so grateful to you for this, you have helped us come out of this and healed our hearts. Thank you once again for this video. Means a lot to me.

Been here!!! Leave as soon as you see these red flags!!!!

I was feeling I was going off my head until I heard you yesterday. You have absolutely confirmed for me what is. Now I feel so at peace and I’m ready to close this chapter of my life and i thank god for you 🙏🏻❤

You are awesome! Never has anyone in my book ever completely nailed this subject. Got this type of mother with 2 of her son's on her coat tail and GIVE THESE MEN THE WORLD. Me on the other hand struggling single mom/daughter with a child with a disability and needs to pick both our moves every second of the day, thinking her actions are normal.

Thank you for sharing. I can relate to a lot of this. I was a mother enmeshed son for years. It bordered on emotional and covert incest as well. In addition to being narcissistic, my mother also has borderline personality disorder. When my parents separated I became the surrogate husband, which affected my sexual development and relationships with women. However, there is a good ending here, from dating I knew exactly what I didn't want in a wife, thanks to my mom, I chose a woman to be my wife, who is the opposite of my mom. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary. Still, to this day my wife and mom do not get along, there were too many argumentative events in the past, but it became obvious that my mom resented this "woman in my life." For the longest time, I cut ties with my mom but now, in her old age, we're trying to at least get along, with boundaries being drawn, there is hope for others.

Brilliant. That's my golden child brother. No contact. I was the scapegoat. The narc died but he CLEARLY hasn't seen the light

This is exactly the relationship between my narc mom & brother. He can't live with her ..can't live without her. He rages she rages. Very toxic.

On one of the first hangouts with my fiance's mother, she asked us "if the sex was good" I was horrified! She then backtracked and was like "well that is super important in a relationship." Needless to say, the past 4.5 years have gotten much worse and I am at a crossroads of should I stay or should I go? I'm slowly realizing that their "bond" is super toxic to not only the relationship, but she will try and break you, then play the victim, he will always give her the benefit of doubt over you because he needs the positive reinforcement as much as she needs him to be her everything. He is most likely talking about you with her in a negative light to feed her ego and his. You deserve better. They won't change and most likely when you recognize these traits in his mother you will start to see them in him as well. Brings a whole new meaning to mommy issues.

@Azeele

Жыл бұрын

I am dealing with this. My enmeshed boyfriend's mother makes inappropriate sexual comments. It's gross and he never speaks up. I feel so trapped and icky. I have a grown son and I would never do that to him but even if I did he would call me out on it and tell me to stop.

That’s my husband and mother in law. We lived with her for almost a year till one day i decided to pack my bags and come back home. It’s been 4 months and the things she said to me i wanted to tell her off but out of respect i held it in. She told me he will never go with you and look at you now, homeless. Well what they say is true, they will talk behind your back but god will bless you in front of them. I am now going to live by myself because i finally found an apartment but my husband refuses to leave her. It breaks my heart but i think i have to let it go.

What a great video! An often overlooked narc situation. Just excellent!

The trouble with narcissistic mothers is the sons also become the same way.

@leovasquez5501

3 жыл бұрын

Not all. Went no contact right before my wife and I had our first child. Been 10 years and would never go back.

All highly factual. Everything you said was the ex narc in my life and his mother. Hind sight is 20/20 and I understand everything I saw now in great detail after gaining the knowledge.

it took me 20 years but i left. people can change

Wow I totally love your hair. So cute 🥰

My ex husband told me once that his mother was going to be in charge of our children when they were born and she would dictate how they are raised as his mom knew how to raise children best. Good thing this stupid statement and many other similar ones finally opened my eyes to the asshole he is and the nightmare is his mother is. Never looked back since and I thank my lucky stars every day that those 2 horrible sorry excuse for a human are no longer part of my life.

My mother is narcissistic and I emancipated myself from her in my early teens. Thus, I avoided all that you highlight in this video knowing I was doing the right thing back then. It was an easy decision if you enjoy not listening to screaming, nagging, ragging, and . . .

You won't believe how useful and enlightening this video was to me!

Excellent video, thank you!! This is the best explanation I've ever heard from my boyfriend's mother. It's the weirdest relationship between mother and son that I've ever seen. Actually, I'm lucky enough to see it gets better. We live so far away from her, in another country. They talk by message all the time, it's crazy. She has a lot of health problems (A LOT) and then he grants all her wishes, but sometimes explodes with anger at her, and then he gets remorse and went to that circle again and again. The only reason that our relationship is better now is that we live alone without family and everything is so much better now, despite the fact that she still depends on him emotionally and financially. He grew up quite a bit living far away from her. I would say he is pretty good with me now, I couldn't complain.

I really empathize with your video and everything you do on here. My mother is a narcissist, I thankfully didn't turn out narcissistic. But I still have many wounds to heal with my therapist, with my mother it feels like my feelings are constantly invalidated even when using statements like "I feel like your comment was belittling to me". It seems that no matter how many boundaries I place or how many times I try to get calm she always finds a way to poke at me. Im highly considering dropping her and my mothers side of the family (atleast the narcissistic members) but im having a hard time, I want to do it in the least harmful way possible but i dont feel like that could be a reality. I feel like she is honestly a malignant narcissists and I wish to heal from this wounds as to not pass it onto my kids, they deserve a better life than I had, they deserve to be able to be themselves without fear of expression without fear of rejection at disappointing their mother. I dont plan to stop until I become as healthy as I can. I am 19 now and while i have had my ups and downs ive been in therapy for about a year and a half. Thanks for the video I really appreciate the help and knowledge to overcome my past.

Oh my god, what a brilliant video. This is me and my mother totally. 48 years old and 80 years old now. I've given up hope I'll ever get away or get married.

I was in a relationship with a man who moved me in with his mother, he was enmeshed with her, he lived with his father in a different home. Him and his mother would tag team me, one playing good narc, the other bad narc. They had me so broken by the time it ended 2 years later that I tried to end my life to escape the pain. Luckily I lived but months later I'm still waking up in terror, don't trust anyone and even though I will never know why, I ask myself every day why they picked me and why they did what they did. I was raised by narcissists and didn't see any red flags at all at the beginning, they were that good at masking who they were.

Men in these situations should be educated and enlightened about narcissistic mothers and not abandoned