Does this sound like your experience?
If it does, I want you to know:
👉It is not your fault
👉I believe you are a good parent.
👉I also believe your teen is a good kid.
I know it can be hard to see behind the opposition and even aggression, but it is there. I went through periods that are longer than I care to admit where I thought my son was not good.
Where I couldn’t “see” the human boy behind the fight/flight response.
Many parents of PDA children and teens experience this.
To make a true shift in my home I had to take a leap of faith, and the first step was opening myself up to seeing behavior through a different lens.
You can ask yourself:
What if this isn’t motivated behavior?
What if this isn’t under their conscious control, even if it looks like it is?
What if not reacting to your teen swearing in the moment - or even mindfully practicing de-escalation - can help them back into their thinking brain?
What if you did that over and over, until they started to experience felt safety in their body when they were with you, and you could develop trust?
What if that practice could sustain a virtuous cycle, bringing you both out of where you are now?
Often when we hit rock bottom it feels like the lowest point of our lives. And it may be. But it can also be an opening.
A “nothing-to-lose” portal where we loosen our grip a bit and think, “well I’m willing to try something different because nothing else has worked.”
A moment when we feel so isolated and misunderstood anyways, that we can say “f- it. I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore.”
Your story doesn’t end here, dear parent. It’s just an inflection point. And yes, it feels like shit and real-life storylines take too long with YEARS that feel like hell.
But you and your teen can make it out of this.
Xo,
Casey
✸Social media
Instagram: / atpeaceparents
TikTok: / atpeaceparents
Podcast for parents "PDA Parents": www.pdaparents.com/podcast
Podcast for parents "At Peace Parents": www.buzzsprout.com/2084398
✸More resources
Free resources for parents (Including #actuallyautistic pages to check out): www.pdaparents.com/resources
Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting: www.atpeaceparents.com/
✸Topics: PDA, Masking, Autism, Pathologicaldemandavoidance
pdaautism, autismawareness, autismacceptance, pdaprofile, autisticmasking, psychology, gaslighting, childdevelopment, childdevelopmentspecialist, specialeducation, speechpathology, occupationaltherapy, adhdawareness, adhd, sensoryprocessingdisorder, sensoryintegration, coregulation, polyvagaltheory, polyvagal, highlysensitiveperson, highlysensitivechild, oppositionaldefiantdisorder, spiritedchild, anxiouschild, autonomicnervoussystem, playtherapy