I'm blown away by the reception on this video, thank you to all the comments and kind words! I hope talking about it might help you, like making this video has helped me. I've got plans for some more essay-style content I'm going to be working on soon, about MSQ and some other topics in the same vein as this one. A few things I'd like to clarify for anybody watching this in the future: - You do not need friends to raid, I generally wouldn't recommend going into raiding as a friend group if you're serious about your progression and improvement. Casual friend raiding is fine too, and in my experience is a lot of fun! I like to be friends with the people in my statics as I feel it helps our group have good synergy and motivation to clear together. Clearing with people you've been through blood sweat and tears for is unlike anything else. - This can also be applied to real life, but other people in XIV don't define you. I really do think this game is worth so much more than the shit other people might give you in your time playing. I haven't let other people ruin it for me, I'm just worn out from things not always going well. Fuck em. Thank you for watching my video

@lodunost

7 ай бұрын

I left after getting stalked by a crazy chick. This will sound wild but they brought this into my real life. They made the mistake of finding my steam which was linked in my discord. Then from there find my wife steam account and messaged her. All the drama nearly destroyed my FC I was exiled for a bit. People I thought I was friends with overnight. People said some horrible things. I was kicked from discord and the FC. Eventually the truth eventually came out. I stopped play around April this year. After a year of just kind of logging in and doing a whole lot of nothing. I stopped leveling other classes and crafting. There was no joy in playing. I tried to find another FC but just stayed quiet. Even though most have apologized and things have moved on. I just don't know anymore. I have never had an issue in any game I have ever played. I started my MMORPG journey in Vanilla WoW and raided at the highest level. Got married to my wife who I met in game. I never had a negative experience until FFXIV. There is always a lot of drama around the game community. Especially the RP side of things. I would hear stuff all the time. I can't even bring myself to go back to FFXIV I let my large house go. MY old FC is still fairly active. They try to encourage me to go back and play with them. But after that experience I want nothing to do with the game. My wife who was going to play decided she didn't want any of what I experienced and has stuck with WoW. One thing I find in FFXIV is there are a lot of thirsty people in the game. I think we all at some point experience that social death. I play BLUE PROTOCOL Japan and it's fine. I enjoy playing with my friends overseas way more. Never have issues.

@Dragoon960

7 ай бұрын

Honestly- this video has stirred the spark within me into a fire. I want to revive my FC into the bustling hub it once was.

@BlazeBuds

7 ай бұрын

Yep found that out the hard way! Joined a raid group in an fc i was in and was friends with most people, I got annoyed in the end as I was getting called out and told to improve when I had upped my dps by 1500 and others had done nothing to improve. Long story short, I ended up falling out with 2 people in the raid group and lost every friend I had in the fc except maybe 2 people

@lodunost

7 ай бұрын

@@BlazeBuds That is a common story my guy. Back when I played WOW there were many that would puff out their chest. I foud a similar situation in FFXIV. Still I loved all the content. Challenge content is some of the most fun in games in my opinion. People can be stupid. They forget how to work as a cohesive unity and improve together. Most are too quick to aggravate the situation instead of find common ground and work through whatever problem they have.

@BlazeBuds

7 ай бұрын

Also are you Australian? You sound it. I have found the Australian community to be one of the worse in my experience and I have played on like 12 different servers

I’ve experienced social death in 14 countless times. Most commonly due to static and/or FC drama. Be very careful with online friendships. Cliques can change overnight. You never really know who you’re dealing with until shit hits the fan.

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

very true - unfortunately happens in real life as well.

@TheLastSane1

7 ай бұрын

This is true but I have also had online friends for years. My current longest, whom I talk to virtually every day has been ongoing for 21 years. But I have lost contact with virtually everyone else to some degree

@crye2122

5 ай бұрын

Nice pfp, and same. Hmu if you want to play the game together sometime ❤

@EddieCensored

5 ай бұрын

@@Dusklow Don't fool yourself, dealing with dirtbags is easier in real life because they can't hide like they can online. This game will die and when it does they will find another MMO to destroy as they always do.

@dougknapman7016

4 ай бұрын

Very true, I was an officer in a FC and helped set up an in-FC raid team for people intrested in raiding with another officer, then one day they were all online while i was at work and decided that would be the new raid time without me and then found a sub who became my replacement. I did all the crafting and helped with finding job resources for people, only to be replaced :( left the FC a week later cause I felt like after that people were avoiding me cause they knew I was annoyed and didn't want to have an "awkward" conversation with me

It's definitely the nature of online relationships being perceived as important as IRL relationships, but being much more volatile and erratic by nature. I've met a lot of great people on FFXIV and I still keep in contact with one of them, but it's hard to maintain a healthy relationship with people you haven't even seen yet. A lot of the friends I've met on there kind of fell off due to IRL drama, weird 3rd parties making the environment awkward, moving onto other games, or just simply meeting new people and disconnecting from their previous friends. And I never take it personally because people have their reasons much like I do. I just wish I can tell them all that I'm grateful for their time and wish nothing but the best for their lives.

@lodunost

7 ай бұрын

Been there and FFXIV is just a strange beast. I met cool people on FFXIV but negative experiences have made me not ever want to play the game again. If I do, I won't play the western servers.

@Kuroganemk2

7 ай бұрын

Never join a raid group with a couple :D

@N00bie666

7 ай бұрын

tbh it has nothing to do with them being online friends or not. there's obviously a lot of factors, but them being online friends is not one of them. infact its actually the opposite. recent studies show that online friendships tend to last on average 2 times longer than IRL friendships.

@The_Catman

7 ай бұрын

@@N00bie666 And friendships last longer than love couples. Relationship where you tend to invest more are more intense, but also more fragile, so they break up more. Why would you ever have a serious argument with someone you never met. You can't argue about their desire to move away from your city, or what you do in the weekends, or that one time you had a problem and they did not show up (because they can't) You expect less from them, so you invest less and risk less, so the relationship, officially, of course tends to last longer. I think the data you gave is not necessarily disproving @inplane9970's point. Depending on our interpretation of the same notion, it could actually prove it.

@inplane9970

7 ай бұрын

@@N00bie666 Depends on the kind of relationship. Platonic? Yeah I can see that since it's good to have friends to talk to. Romantic? Probably not. For me, it's very difficult to make online relationships regardless of the intent. My love language is very much physical presence (NOT physical contact since they're very different), so connecting with people who I can't physically be with is super difficult.

The absolute sheer unfiltered pure irony of endwalker's message constantly saying "you're not alone" as I stare at my screen knowing I lost all my friends in the game.

@Demonsta

7 ай бұрын

And the irony of this comment is that so much of endwalkers story revolves around reframing and recontextualizing a negative world view. :) You are NOT alone. Maybe you have lost the people you are used to surrounding yourself with, but look around - in FFXIV there are people everywhere, new connections waiting to be made, maybe some connections you did not realize you've already made. When one journey ends, a new one begins, the world is still there when you're ready to face it.

@XDarkEcho

7 ай бұрын

@@Demonsta Riiiiiiiiight. A game that doesn't really engage people to actually connect and form bonds naturally; where those bonds and connections will fall apart quickly. This isn't like olden MMORPGs where interacting with players was required in order to take on challenging content, let alone venture into the world. My time in FF14, during the 2.x up to Stormblood, I did come across and make friends and even joined a FC; but outside of a couple, and mainly my real life friends that played with me, the game felt hollow. Those interactions, felt more like going to work and seeing the same same co-workers, before ending your day going back home. They never truly felt like friends or people I bonded over my playthrough, because the experience in a game like this, is so come and go; thanks to content being instanced, and shared amongst servers too. To join in a raid, dungeon run, primal battle, etc and you never see those people again, hardly, unless you were on the same server and using a PF(but even then, you might not ever again engage with them). The game may be empty, and you may never be truly alone, but let's be real; when everyone's going about their own business, it's pretty empty. The only company you got is the sounds of the OST, possible ambience of the zone, and the many feet running about to point A to point B.

@ArchieGamez

7 ай бұрын

You can always make new ones 👍

@mlemlemmlemmlem

7 ай бұрын

go make some more friends lol

@omensoffate

7 ай бұрын

Endwalkera story is “hey genocide is okay as long as it’s not us”

The honesty is the part that resonates with me most here. It's like an unspoken thing we all have probably had a brush with in this and/or other MMOs. I'm on Primal myself, started the game during 5.2 and was caught up by the time 5.3 rolled around; things were different then. I'd have no shortage of people to hang out with or waste hours just sitting around and emoting with them, there was never any loneliness during those times. Years after, I can't look forward to seeing those people anymore as they've stopped playing entirely or they've gone their own ways to other Data Centers or Worlds, removed from our initial meeting space. Looking back on it like this, those hours spent with them weren't a waste, I was just unable to recognize it as such then. I miss those people, that feeling of smiling whenever they popped up in my chat or jumped around on my screen frantically. I miss those moments of discovery, not only in the content but with the people I was was growing fond of and learning more about what seemed like everyday. I wish to reclaim those days, but that's not possible-so instead, I'd like to meet new people and have new moments with them someday.

As someone who suffers from social anxiety, I've found trying to make friends in this game extremely difficult. So many times I join a new FC and the members are constantly voice chatting in big groups on discord, and I just don't know how I'm meant to just pop in to this established group out of nowhere and try to fit in. I try to chat in text chats in-game and on discord but I always feel like it's just small talk, and that I'm not really engaging with the group. I know that this is a "me" problem and the only way to fix it is to take the plunge and just try and talk and engage more but that's easier said then done. I wish I could just find a small group of people who I can chat with and hopefully become closer to over time, instead of just feeling like an outsider looking in.

@haleynaga5671

7 ай бұрын

They say "just join VC" lmao

@tazepsmg

7 ай бұрын

I struggle with the same thing as you. It's sadly the majority of the cases and we have to spend most the effort getting in with ppl and establishing a friendship. But It's not entirely a "you" problem. A group of people who are welcoming a new member, ideally, should take steps towards integrating you in. We did that in my previous FC. For example we would frequently shout in FC chat "who wants to do such and such?" Instead of making those plans exclusively in VC. Or would invite new ppl to VC or offer them to just join VC and only listen and type and talk when they are ready to. edit: typo

@docartyom7940

7 ай бұрын

and thats the thing i dont really like vc especially in this game and if there are like 20 people in the call at one time @@haleynaga5671

@Grimnoire

7 ай бұрын

Honestly, yeah, just join the VC. You have to get out of your comfort zone to make friends.

@Laurannah101

7 ай бұрын

I hate seeing comments like this. It's like saying " Just turn off your autism!" social anxiety isn't a 'comfort zone'.@@Grimnoire

A lot of what I feel and resonate with this video can be summarized by a Shadowbringers quote. “Remember that we once lived”. It’s a reminder of who we were. And our inability to move on. Our FCs have become our own Amurots. Maintained in remembrance of days we can no longer capture. Bonds become harder because we compare them to the past, and we are not new sprouts who can easily be bound to anymore. The enjoyment I get out of this game now is in the introduction of my favorite moments to new players. And bonding with them over that. And in the same way. The same person speaks on where to move. “What about. Merricidia?” The Crystal weapons? The baldesion annex? The deep dungeons. It needs fresh faces, new experiences, and a desire to struggle.

@MikaMausArt

7 ай бұрын

oof you hit the nail on the coffin with this one damn! Also bonding with sprouts with your favorite moments and guiding is an excellent advice, as some of us will graduate from XIV, new friends will come, and we will be here to accompany them along the way

This doesn't just happen in FFXIV. It's RAMPANT in WoW right now because of people leaving for other games and those who get left behind... end up in guilds full of names that never log in and it becomes a very lonely experience. I hope you're able to break through the inertia and loneliness to reach out again, but I understand and you have my sympathies.

I am sending a hug to everyone in the comments rn : It may sound sad, but I think that this is actually just something that happens in all MMOs. I've grown up playing MMOs (AKA since I was 7 and now I'm 26) (and mostly Ragnarok online) and I've had many, many ups and downs like that too. Had a small group of close friends, we would log in just to hang out for the entire night. One day my computer stopped working and I had no way of contacting them. When I was able to log in again, I was able to say goodbye to only one of them. Another time, I met someone because I accidently killed their target and I wanted to give them the drops- which he didn't accept. We spoke for years before he stopped answering. I was sad, of course, but I found that I liked the game so much that even though I was "alone" I didn't mind staying. I would leave my character on my fav cities and have the music as background while I did something else. I would start a conversation with random people sat by the main hub who I never saw again. I would give away some items to newbies because I knew I was going to grind them again anyway. All of these instances, be them accompanied or not, have made me appreciate the moments of quiet I can find. They are just as wonderful. I learnt to be alone but not feel lonely, to find serenity in the calm of solitude. Nowadays, when someone is passing by while I'm by myself, I will nod at them and sometimes they just sit by me and chat. I've never really had a big group that I got along with but the bond I had with the individuals I met were some I cherished deeply at the time. I hope this will help or give some new perspective to someone who needs it. Death is, after all, just a new beginning. To who or what, though, is not for me to say.

My FC imploded back in 2022, which was my “social death.” There was a bunch of drama and most members left en masse. Nowadays, nobody logs in anymore, and FC chat is a ghost town. I know I should leave, but I feel so much social anxiety about starting all over again. I still play from time to time to experience the new story content, but I’ve basically lapsed into being a casual player at this point, in a dead FC. I hope you do build up the courage to try again with another FC. I hope I do too. I think “social death” in FFXIV is much like a microcosm of losing friends in real life - it’s traumatic and takes time to heal. Even if these friendships are more limited than IRL friendships, we can’t help but perceive them as the same.

@mdoule

7 ай бұрын

The empty FC can be different kind of burden. The silence where once was lively chat can be crushing. My FC i've been in for like 6 years had some drama and most oldtimers left. And the newcomers were so quiet, no matter how you tried to engage with them. After few months I've realized that this silence is killing me and had to leave. And that did help. It helps to find perspective again, slow down, reset and maybe find a new FC after few weeks or month, when memories fades a bit. The cut helped wound to actualy heal, instead of festering in FC for old time sake. Just my 5 cents, maybe it will helps :)

@li-co

7 ай бұрын

What do you mean Burden, Courage? Just leave. What happens, happens. Just do it. Leave the dead FC, apply for a new one. People are odd? leave again and look for a new one. I did this and now found a really cozy FC with really nice people.

I have not had a single positive static experience. In my entire time playing FFXIV, either the static would get hard stuck and i would burn out, or it was a toxic group. The FC I was part of was severely cliquey and as more people joined, I felt pushed away, and hung out in vc less and less. I had been in that FC for a long time, and decided recently to leave... I transferred to Aether and it's just so much better than where I was in Primal. I don't know what happened to Lamia but it isnt what it once was. It feels lonely all the time. In the new world server i joined though people always chat abd interact. The NN isn't toxic, where in Lamia new members are advised to leave it. I have transformed my perspective on FFXIV from playing with friends to playing with whoever, and I feel a lot better about it. I demolished my house and i no longer feel pressured to log in, i log in because i want to and nothing more. I removed everyone from my friends list as none of them play anymore anyway. A complete fresh start for Dawntrail and my mental health is better for it As for statics, never again. I have been burned too many times and PF is easier to clear with. I had more luck with e8s in PF than I did with any static and it's sad.

I always try to remember for this game in particular is that life is moving from one small island of joy, losing it, then finding another joy, losing it, repeat again and again until the end. And that no matter how much I love an island it will always go away, but if I keep sailing I will find another one.

This "social death" is one of the big reasons I quit WoW. I had a really tight group of friends I raided with from BC all the way up until Cata. When they all quit I was kinda left out in the cold. Probably worse since they were mostly IRL friends initially who all moved to different parts of the US and WoW was how we connected. Realized the game itself wasn't keeping me around and I wasn't enjoying it as a game anymore. I tried to come back a few times but never stuck around for more than a few months.

This happens in every mmo and in life as well. When your social circle shrinks, you either adapt or find a new one. In every mmo I’ve played, there were social opportunities, people to talk to. XIV is not unique in this, in the good or bad aspects.

@prinstyrio0

7 ай бұрын

I was just about to mention this, it's something everyone goes through in some capacity, some more than others, but in online games like MMO's its an inevitable thing. I've likely gone through over 15 guilds in WoW alone since vanilla, 6 likely being major overhauls to my circle of friends. This adds up further taking GW2 into account where I played from release to 2nd xpac. It's sad and rough at first, but honestly through time you weed out people and return to some, now thanks to discord I got solid connections with several people I've met, but probably about 90% of the other friends I've lost contact, but still a good chunk of those I can likely hit up anytime and then start exploring their new friend groups as well which they've created and I find that exciting. Happens in real life too but I definitely think MMO's and online communities are more volatile. You can likely go through a whole lifetime of friends and interactions within 10 or 15 years of spending time online by how quick they come and go. They may be more shallow at surface level, but given how it's much easier to find people with similar interests as you online, they happen quicker and more frequently than RL.

@HooLeePhucingSheet

7 ай бұрын

I've had a better online experience with PSOU.

Been playing for almost ten years now, one thing I learned is don't put all your eggs in one basket. I've had friend circles come and go, but keeping myself open to new encounters keeps things fresh. I have only 1 friend still playing from the day we both first started and we formed a fc together. That fc is gone, so is the second, third and fourth we joined. The big fc I joined is all but a husk. I can remember times in friend circle cycles instead of patches. I also feel discord was the greatest blessing. Friendships last longer than the past because we stay connect even if not in 14.

This is a thing that we as a society have seemly forgotten about or just dont want to talk about, social groups can die and it's sad but you must move on. You will be alone for a time, everyone is alone at a point in their life do not be sad for what you have lost. it just makes your next friends more valuable

This was recommended to me and I find this as a common issue when switching to new games. You meet people, befriend them, hang out with them. Then a mess occurs later on that makes you feel defeated. You can always make friends, but you can't replace the friends you once had.

My social death came in the form of my previous fc. Ours was one of the most active on Aether about three years ago. With only a small fc house in Shirogane and three officers running the show, almost everyone knew Tsukuyomi's Grace. Unfortunately our leader, who dumped all her responsibilities on me and a two other friends I met through the game, took all the credit for what we did then tried to ruin our reputation when called out on it. A mass group of us made the collective decision to leave to form our own fc with me as their leader. Unfortunately when push came to shove, no one wanted to support my dream of getting that big fc up and running again and I was left alone with three inactive players in my fc, two of which weren't even part the previous fc. Despite having a medium house and committed myself to helping new players (because that's what I love to do most) I couldn't get anybody to join. Every sprout that was just starting out the game already had friends they wanted to join up with or wanted to do everything on their own. Which is perfectly valid, I'd be a lot happier in an fc with friends I already knew too. But because it's been so hard to make new friends and get an fc up and running all on my own, I've been very unmotivated to play. You can only advertise your empty fc in shout chat or /tell people personally only to get rejected so many times before you start to give up hope. And community finder is just a joke. No one really uses it and the few that do are only looking for statics for raiding or rp venues. To be clear, I'm still friends with everyone I was in Grace with. But we've all gone our separate ways in the sense none of us are in the same fc anymore despite playing together semi regularly. Some even moved server, then data centers once the travel system was implemented. I just wish things turned out different.

This hasn't happened to me in 14 since I've just been solo the whole time, but it has happened many times back when I was playing WoW years ago. It's unfortunately just the nature of the beast, I feel. I've had many strong friendships with people in WoW that lasted years, but would eventually just never talk to them again. Most of the time it was because of guild drama and break-ups. Other times it might have been because some people just grew tired of WoW and moved on to something else. I've been playing 14 for like 2 years, but I still find it hard to really socialize with people or get myself to join and actually active FC because of the social anxiety I get primarily based off of previous experiences in WoW (I guess lol).

"Many people are good at talking about what they are doing, but in fact do little. Others do a lot but don't talk about it; they are the ones who make a community live." Jean Vanier

@EddieCensored

5 ай бұрын

There is no gaming community. People need to accept that.

I'm so glad you've spoken about this because this is exactly what happened to me. Nowadays I just log in and check retainers or do roulettes or just stand alone in Limsa. I mean, it sucks, but I guess I'm kinda used to it at this point. I have put in effort to make friends again but to no avail, and I kinda realized that, if I'm meant to have friends then it will happen on its own and I can't force it. Thank you for speaking on this, it's good to know I'm not the only one.

It's interesting to see so many of us relate to this. I had to step down from my static due to IRL commitments and that was really the only socializing I did in game. I do miss that aspect along with raiding. My current FC I am a part of is made with some close friends but they rarely play anymore I did recently start an alt account for the heck of it and joined another FC who has made me feel so welcome and says hello to me whenever I log on. It was a pleasant surprise because I had never really experienced that kind of thing before

I feel you. I'm at the verge of quitting the game again because I feel like I don't belong anywhere or with anyone anymore. There have been times on my FFXIV journey when I was part of something bigger, but, life happens I guess. Those were some happy times though.

Thank you for making this video, like many others in the comments it really spoke to me. The part that I could really relate to was losing friendships because people took it personally when I didn't want to pursue difficult content with them. I personally have the ability to separate raiding from friendship, and it is very difficult for some people to be able to recognize that boundary. I lost a few friends recently because they took it very personally when I made it clear that I did not feel comfortable pursuing Ultimates with them. While I do enjoy raiding and playing with friends, in content with a large of a time commitment as TEA or DSR I don't want to run the risk of forming a group with friends and then being frustrated when we cannot make any prog due to a weaker player in the group. Their mentalities were vastly different than mine, as they pursued the game more leisurely and only log on to participate in their statics. Normally I would say that there isn't an issue with only logging in to raid with your group, however, these players did not have the technical skill to warrant NOT practicing their rotations or even experiencing more endgame fights before pursuing harder content, let alone logging in twice a week only to do an Ultimate. While a part of me feels bad for setting a standard for the people I raid with, at the same time I feel like it's common courtesy or some form of basic respect to at least be competent enough at the game to prog content without dying a minute in every pull. Luckily the members of my FC that I do raid with now are much more understanding and professional IMO with how raiding is handled. I'm honest and upfront about my mistakes, and I want the people I raid with to be the same way so learning can occur instead of hearing "it's the game's fault." Sorry for the wall of text, point is your vid really hit home for me ;-;

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

That's a shame I'm sorry to hear... personally I did run into a little bit of conflict when I started going off to raid on my own, and it did create a bit of a gap between my non raiding friends and I, but thankfully most of them were reasonable enough to understand why I preferred to put my prog first as my personal pace is a lot faster and requires a solid amount of existing raid knowledge that players without experience just don't have. I was also able to go back and raid with them in a more casual environment because it was something they were still interested in. I personally would never choose to raid with existing friends for my first prog unless I had a really strong motivation to. Im glad you enjoyed the video, and that things seem to be a little better for you now.

I'm speaking as someone that's still outside of the social thing, and might not ever *be* in the social thing, but there is one thing I will hold: It is integrity and sincerity that are ultimately the best building blocks of any longer friendship. May you find success and happiness regardless.

thank you for uploading this, as well as thanks to the comment section for sharing your stories people never touch on how hard it is to make friends as an adult, or how people mature in different ways and go on different paths, get into relationships and build new social circles, and how sometimes things don't end on bad terms - it's just moving along where life takes you We'll get through this tough period, I believe in every one of you, and I'm sorry to hear about any suffering you're going through in this time of loneliness, it's a lethal pain to feel disconnected LETS LOOK FORWARD TO WHAT JOYS AND THE BOOM OF PLAYERS DAWNTRAIL BRINGS TO THE GAME

ty for making this.. ever since my grandma got sick ive been more so just go straight home after work so its very hard for me to make irl friends. i played ffxiv for years now and i never felt like I made a bond with anyone. and the one time i did, they ended up not really caring about me and just used me until the chance arose to drop me. that hurt me so much that im scared . scared of getting hurt again, scared of not being liked, scared of coming off weird, not even feeling deserving of people's time. i dont want to let a few bad apples ruin my experience and thats why i still help people when i can but i just dont feel a sense of belongness. it's a cycle for me and knowing my grandmother wont be alive scares me because i know that inevitably ill be alone . i dont want to push my problems on other people so i dont really bring things like that up. i dont want to waste peoples time because i dont feel like i have much to offer. and its just is what it is.

newer 14 players experiencing content drought is wild

wow, this video really describes the feelings that i had in 2022 on FFXIV. i left my fc because someone there was making me feel really uncomfortable. however they were also in my static and i was unexpectedly removed from my static as well once the raid tier ended. i lost ALL of my friends as me and my static would do other content, and even things like watching anime together. that all went away in a blink. i felt like it was my fault for expecting that our friendship meant anything more than just being in a static together. i would log in and feel so angry and sad, so i unsubbed. i lost my house. it was my first time unsubbing from the game for a long period of time since i started playing in 2014. i came back this summer after i a couple of my irl friends decided to play and now the five of us have our own fc and we log in and play together most days. i feel much happier and i'm even thinking about getting back into raiding, but if it wasn't for them, i think i'd still be unsubbed. that being said, i'm definitely still feeling super apprehensive about interacting with people in the game again.

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

Wow that's horrible. What a bunch of assholes! I'm glad you were able to rekindle your experience with the game, with different people. Raids aren't going anywhere so you can jump in whenever you're ready ❤ Sorry about the house too F

I haven't had true friends in an MMO in ages. I used to be emotionally invested in guilds but I realized that if all we do together is play this one specific video game and have no other interactions outside of it, chances are it's not gonna be forever and in every case, it wasn't forever. People have lives outside of the game. Families, hobbies, friends, jobs, school, etc. Most players you interact with are one boring patch away from disappearing. It's just the way she goes. Nowadays, I just shout in town for a new guild and hop around until I find a comfy spot to chill and chat until it's time to move on again. When I was into FFXIV during the great Shadowlands exodus, I played on Materia because a friend of mine lives in Australia. It was a great time but it, too, was fleeting. C'est la vie.

"It probably doesn't make sense, but I feel responsible to stay when the rest didn't." Yes! I feel the exact same way! I was invited to play the beta with a group of LoL friends. The game wasn't even on my radar! And I'm the only one in that group that managed to stay. I got this far, no way I'm quitting now.

I started a new job, summer last year so for the past 6 months I've had to give up raiding. Working different shifts each week makes it so that I can't consistently participate in progression and thus I figured it's better to just stick with the regular raid content and quit savage altogether. It was fun while it lasted but at the same time you have to find your own fun in the game without relying on other people to make you happy. That's at least what I've concluded with. For Dawntrail and beyond I see myself enjoying the MSQ and doing the normal raids just casually, but raid nights and keeping up with friends in game, that's not really possible for me anymore.

Your video got randomly recommended to me and honestly, I'm so glad it did. I've been feeling this way for quite a while now as well. My old fc fell apart due to, well, not even drama reasons but simply no one but like six of us being online. These were people who went through expansion with me, taught me how the game works, showed me really cool places to hang out at, so those of us who were online a lot, were really close. We tried to keep it going for a while, raided, did roulettes, etc, but after a while we all knew it just wouldn't work. Though we made a sorta private fc for just us, we all slowly just stopped playing (work, life, simply needing a break, reasons like that) for a while and now it's basically a dead fc once more. I'm thankful that I found some friends who are into clubbing in ff and I hang out with them in that way but man do I miss being on call almost every day with my fellow fc members, joking around as we did treasure hunts every Sunday night, did mount farms and roulettes in the most bullshit of ways just because we knew the fights front to back, or just spent a few hours pvp-ing one another even though we were all pretty shit at it. I never wanna leave this new private fc, it's basically a monument to our friendship in my eyes but I do wish I could make more friends for raiding and just general content stuff again instead of logging and doing basically nothing until some of my newer friends call me to join them clubbing. I feel nothing but despair doing content solo or with randoms who probably won't even say hi at the beginning of a raid but perhaps that's simply a me thing. I really wish I could go back to the time we all played together, but I suppose the memories of it will keep me going on for now

@seekittycat

7 ай бұрын

I think there is nothing wrong with joining new friends to do new content you love. FCs are not just connected in game but on discord too and it's not like you'll never find your friends again if they ever return. For me I would never pay for a game just to feel alone, I hope you maximize your fun for your own sake.

what no bozja does to gamers

I can completely relate, especially the first time I experienced an FC falling apart (after becoming exactly the last type of FC I wanted to be apart of), but also as an Aussie on NA, hell even relate to your married-to-someone-that-barely-plays with my IRL partner, which made the loss of our FC even harder for me. I barely even played when EW launched, despite being so insanely excited before. When Materia popped up, I strongly considered moving but it was just cut off by meeting new people at the right time, that then went on to us forming our BLU/Ult static. At this point we have people from all timezones of NA, western europe and 3 aussies (me included) which makes scheduling a nightmare. I love this group and wouldnt trade it for anything, even with the trouble it brings. I guess this is to say, social death is only ever temporary. Opportunities will always show up in this game, and its something I'm thankful for beyond words, and hey if you ever wanna hang out with another aussie on at aussie times, and dont mind DC traveling to Crystal, hit me up.

A little video essay of sorts but I totally get this. I've experienced social death with many things, games, hyperfixations, the works, often after I've fallen out of a group I've spent a lot of time with. It hurts a lot really but... It's one of those cycle things I've had happen a lot to me at this point. Some things stick however and there are some communities I'm still in and they stick around but sometimes I just hit that social death and... That's just it... Honestly that's an excellent term for describing things. Excellent video!

this really connected with me, thank you for this.

This video hits hard. I've experienced it over and over again in this game and its really hard trying to get yourself out there again after it happens. Most of the time it's because people start dating and then cut everyone else off. The other times it's because I lost my static, they all moved on to different groups and didn't invite me along, and now they only log in to raid and then log off again. It's really hard to go from doing everything from roulettes to raiding with people and then suddenly... nothing. I feel left behind and like everyone's moved on without me. I've also lost friend groups because of drama and it implodes without anyone telling me anything. One time I was a part of a group who I thought were friends and they invited me to do alliance, and then proceeded to kick me from the party and go without me. It really does make everything else seem colorless, and I'm still trying to find motivation to do anything in the game because everyone is either gone or avoidant in my fc. It hurts to be left behind, and I really feel for anyone else going through the same thing.

Damn, as someone that's gone through this few times, and a fellow OCE player on NA, its pretty crazy how accurate this is. Having gone through combined a few instances of social death it really does take its toll. - FC and raid drama in SB - Bouncing between raid groups in SHB (chasing week one / World prog experience) whilst others were in sound places for the entire expac - My own (selfmade / managed) raid group letting me go after TOP due to issues with self deprecation and how I expressed it in raid comms / environment. - Current FC on life support with the break coming up but also players dropping off and moving away from XIV. I've found its really hard to pick myself up and keep going, between pieces of raid content or feel comfortable in my once pleasant friend circles that do still play semi regularly. Hell I feel I'm still in it now post TOP and still being on good terms with the majority of saids group. Its hard trying to find the drive to push oneself out of the rut and into a new space, but if anything knowing I've been through it before and made it through keeps me going. Pardon if this comment was a bit self vent-y, but if I can leave parting wisdom to others here, you can get through it, just gotta take some time to heal, grow from the experience move on or throw yourself into a new space. Don't let what has happened define what will happen.

The static talk really hit home for me. Recently dropped from my static after spending about a year and a bit (Most members had to move on with life) In the beginning I felt nothing but as time went on. Not going to VC with them. It really hit me hard one day. I've been torn between starting fresh or just giving up the raid scene even though I really enjoyed it with friends

This was a great video. It's nice knowing that there are others that feel this way. It's been something I've been fighting with for a while now.

Amen sister! I still play but I’m solo, and the only one in my fc. When I started the game on release way back when, god I couldn’t get a break from the social aspect of it. In hindsight, it was amazing. You are so right about cliques. The best fc I’m in on an alt character, feels like because they all know each other, they are exclusively in their own world. I know obviously, we need to try and talk, interact, etc. But back on release there was no effort, they were always ready to do something together. Really, now I just think it’s interesting how these things progress. Like it mimics real life in so many ways. Much love ❤

I'm a fellow OCE player with a main on NA. I recently left the first static I'd ever joined after playing with them since the start of endwalker. The static lead was one of the first friends I'd ever made in game and that static was basically my only social outlet in ffxiv since it was the only one I needed. The "friend" had a few red flags back in Asphodelos I should have listened to (he made someone in the static cry by yelling at her) but I didn't want to leave since everything else about the static was great. I thought that maybe talking to him in private about it would help but it only seemed to get worse to the point where almost every single session (4 days per week) he'd make some comment about how bad we were (everyone plays fine btw, its just like 1 or 2 mistakes and he goes off). One day we had a particularly off session on p12s p1 prog where everyone was making mistakes and after I wiped the party for the first time that session he, in the same extremely aggressive/angry tone he used when he made another static member cry, said our performance was "fucking pathetic" and was about to go off further until I told him to drop it. In that moment I realised I had to leave because I was miserable playing with him but in leaving, I also left my only in game social connections and I'm not close enough with anyone else in the static to keep in touch. I tried looking for another NA static but due to time zones, none of them would work out. I managed to find a static on Materia for my alt but they've very casual and they're so slow to prog that I got burnt out on raiding before we even made it to my p12s prog point. I also don't enjoy their company the same way I did with the other static so I just feel kind of lost at the minute. I'm hoping I'll be able to find a new static for next expansion that's more on the HC side to align with my goals but until then I'm just kind of in limbo and feeling kinda lonely.

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

I understand how you feel, sorry you went through that. toxic raid members are never fun. I understand making sacrifices to have better company, but it doesn't always work out yeah. Initially my Anabaseios group was supposed to clear in 3-4 weeks, and it was a late tier prog group since I couldn't finish the tier on launch, we're much further past that clear window now and I've stuck around because I genuinely enjoy their company a lot in a way I haven't had in raiding (or in XIV in general) for a while. Ultimately I'd like to stay on NA, but hopping from static to static because of my timezone has been exhausting. If I could play on Materia visiting with my NA character, things might be a little different, but transferring just isn't worth it to me, some of the reasons being what you spoke about in your comment. There's not really a HC scene there, and getting burnt on raiding is something I have to avoid in the future due to it being a massive burden on me in the past. I have a bunch of alts, but none of them are raid ready other than, well, my NA raiding alt, and leveling in this game drives me nuts. You'll find your way, I'm sure, there's lots of kind people that play this game just waiting to meet you. Godsspeed brother.

@dixiebellau

7 ай бұрын

Another oce member, materia as a whole just feels empty, I left for 11 months and came back, and it's still the same. Flooded with the erp crowd, which I want nothing to do with. Finding 7 other people that are capable and available at specific raid times is borderline impossible, with most of the good players already in committed statics. Xiv just lost it's appeal after the split from JP, all the communities and friends got split up and what was rebuilt fell apart fast. This is the first time in 10 years that I have no motivation to actually play the game.

@toriestrella

7 ай бұрын

yeah, I can concur Materia's kinda just dead in terms of raiding, a train of disbanded statics from unfinished tiers behind me. Current static is still going well, but has seen its fair share of stalling due to changes in member schedules, having to look for fills, people not progging mechs or actively deprogging on some nights, the shitheap that is Australian consumer internet infrastructure, a permanent fill seemingly having a rough few weeks and then having to bow out due to life......only tonight has one of our original leavers come back, but he's catching up quickly on P12S p1. Hopefully we can get him up to speed on where we are in p2 in another 1-2 weeks. But part of me does want to keep pushing on as well, so we don't deprog. I'm someone who tends to be ahead on mechanics and very quick to learn them to the point of explaining them and doing callouts, so I doubly want to get a move on. But beggars, choosers - I just hope it's smooth sailing ahead until the end of this tier.

I've experience social death in many games, groups, and irl - It's made me not trust that others will be around later, I've become a bit pessimistic about finding friends now. I feel defeated that I'll just never have deep friendships - even with the people that I've talked to for years now... I am waiting for the other shoe to drop because it always seems to happen. I still want friends, I still want to play games with people. I want to make content with people... But.. people have lives and there are more interesting people out there than me too.. So I just get burnt out, depressed, and withdraw more and more.. my social anxiety has just been the worst...sigh.

Oh wow. I’d love to discuss this further. This is great stuff. Thank you.

super super relatable, it feels absolutely gut-wrenching to lose people and friend groups over time to whatever the reason. I’ve lost touch with so many fantastic (and less fantastic) people i’ve met in this game and have so many memories and tales it’d be hard to recount them all throughout the years… thank you for making this video, it makes me feel a little less miserable knowing i’m not alone in this. cherish the people you’re still with and do tell them how much they mean to you sometime

It's very interesting how I was basically writing a comment with your video's content on it, and as I finish watching this, I basically realize that I'm not alone on my path along this game. I feel the exaxt same way towards the game and raiding, and I've gone through a very similar experience regarding FC/static breakups, and I was out for some good months after 6.11. I came back to the game by 6.2, but didn't feel as connected to the raiding scene, and heartbroken, I left again. I completely understand your circumstances, and I hope you find a path that suits you in time. I'm constantly not sure about what to do, but I try and find new experiences/people, and who knows 😅 now its 6.5 and I'm back again. I feel we have a similar mindset and thia video has really spoken out loud the words I could never do. Good work on this!

I understand how you feel, I've been through that. I used to be in an English speaking FC in JP data center however that FC died when 2 members (lovers) broke up and the FC literally split in half, taking sides. I stayed in that FC for a little while cause I was an officer but I've got no one to talk to so I decided to get out of that comfort zone and joined a full Japanese FC and I've had so much fun. Even though we don't do Ultimate/Savage raids like I used to in my previous FC. I thought it was going to be boring because I was so used to staying up all night just to prog Ultimate/Savage but I never knew just going fishing/maps/Unreal/mount hunt with online friends would be fun. And when they knew that I have a kid irl, they now refer to me as 「パパ」 or "Papa" as if I became their in game father. I've never felt so at home in an online game and I've been playing MMOs since the time of Everquest. I hope you find your spark and joy again in playing this game. Wish you all the best! PS, I love the Persona BGM

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

that's a very sweet story, thank you for sharing! I have hope things will improve for me socially in xiv someday

i enjoyed watching this video, related a lot thanks again for making it

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

Thanks for watching ^^

I think we experience the same feeling looking back on old friend groups when we move on in adulthood. It can be intense, especially when you don't make new friends to take the place of the old ones. You just end up sitting at home alone or playing MMOs by yourself. There are other games out there and there are other places to make close friends.

It's not just you. I've "quit" 3 times now, all because I've lost friend groups. I have BPD so losing friends hits extra hard for me and is agonizing and it's really hard to get back up on my feet. I have a group I've been friends with for nearly a year now and I love them to pieces but I'm always terrified that they'll leave. They got burnt out this tier and quit temporarily and it was terrifying for me. Thankfully they kept in touch with me and I'm teaching them UCOB now which has been a really fun experience. But ya, it's really hard. Btw, WoW used to be the kind of game where you could log on, jump in VC and hang out with people, but for me I haven't had that in wow since like.......Mists of Pandaria era? It's been a while, I feel like that kind of dynamic is just dieing out in general these days and it sucks =[

@Jack.Wilmslow

7 ай бұрын

Goodness, this experience matches mine pretty closely. Also Hello fellow BDP'bean.

@hermespymander9167

7 ай бұрын

I feel like MMORPGs are the most antisocial genre rn

Crazy seeing this video a day after I randomly stumbled upon a bunch of neighbors in our ward and talked and was invited to see their house, THEN I told my fc and we invited them to our house and we all made new friends and even are thinking about fc merging. All from me, deciding I needed something at the market board and finding them. It was so fun Edit: it seems this just heavily depends on your kind of social. It doesn't need to be tied to raiding or doing content at all, because at that point it feels like the content is the glue that's holding your friendships together. My fc and all the friends I make are not raiders, even though I am. (Our fc is also very small, like 20 people I think, which is a good thing. I have a connection to every individual in my fc and that wouldn't be possible in an fc with like 300+ players) I love the content but I also very much appreciate the time I get to spend sitting at our campfire talking, or sparking up conversations with strangers that might turn into a long term friendship. As long as people play the game, there's no concept of social death TO ME. It's obviously different for everyone, but it just saddens me to see that for topics like these, raiding and statics are always talked about as of raiding is the thing you guys even interact with each other for

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

The events I talk about in this video are referring to my non-raiding friend groups I don't have anymore, and the mention of raiding is to moreso highlight that I no longer have raid friends that I spend time with outside of raid, though this has changed a bit in recent weeks and I've spent a bit of time with them doing other things but nothing consistent. Raiding is a big part of this game for me but it's not every part of it that's for certain. I really miss the kind of fun you just described that exists in the more casual hang out sphere.

@warhead-2268

7 ай бұрын

thats a terrible idea. good luck

This is a really interesting experience to tell and I think you laid it out in fairly reasonable terms. In regards to the topic itself, as I get older I tend to see past times in waves or seasons, some good, some bad, some just OK, but most of all, always moving. Constant change for other people, for the circumstances and for myself. Learning to accept that, the ephimeral nature of those moments, relationships and life itself.

I had almost the same problem, I joined a FC on Aether and it was awesome for a few months until we got ourselves a house and then i started noticing that the FC leader never helped on the workshop or crops and because of his RP/DJ carrier he started to get a lot distant than usual. Me and some members left and made a new FC on Dynamis, but it didn't last long because of the server low population and fight between members over petty things (gil). I got tired and left, started jumping data center/servers until i found a linkshell on Primal that resonated with me, now i 'm having a good time with wonderful members. And even though we all are from different timezones i still got my first ultimate clear thanks to them, something i thought that i would never do in this game. It may take some time but don't give up on finding a new group!

This is very interesting! This is my first savage tier and it's pretty fun. I had a static, but life was being unkind or them and so they had to drop off. I think there's like only one or two people left and I'm not joining them for P11S progs cause I guess, I felt like the static didn't feel as full as before? Anyways, I don't talk to people in the game besides being polite and stuff and when I do get friends, I get really anxious and start thinking that they'll say "Hey" whenever I'm online or something. It's the most weirdest feeling of, "I want to be with people and socialize with them but I also don't want them to talk to me" I'm kinda afraid of hitting that point in the game where I'd be lost on what else to do.

I also feel this way, I stopped playing 3 years ago and came back 8 months ago now everyone I knew is gone, I’m at the point where I feel like my server is already cliqued up and antisocial, even going to events in different servers and watching so many people knowing each other feels lonely. I’m super shy and introverted. I’m not really sure how to make friends on ff anymore, it was sooo easy in arr and heavensward. People would come up to you and interact with you, it was never a dull moment, maybe I just got too shy for the game. I don’t want to give up, I just want some nice friends to be around!

I'm on my third FC in the past 5-6 years... the pattern before some unforgivable incident before a group break-up is always the same. 💔

MMOs are my favorite genre of video games and I've been playing them since my pre-teens. It started with Runescape and eventually Maplestory. Maplestory was the first game I ever experienced "social death" with because of Guilds ("Free Companies" in other MMOs are commonly called Guilds). There's a time where you log in everyday to socialize with Guild members and in-game friends and play the game together, and sometimes these periods could last for _years._ When they finally came crumbling down, though, it left behind a very empty feeling -- a feeling of loss as if I had just lost IRL friends. It's worse when relationships break down because of drama. Depending on the game, former friends can end up becoming relentless bullies who stalk and harass you as much as they can or try and ostracize you from everyone else. Two decades later, I'm still playing MMOs. I've played WoW, City of Heroes, Guild Wars 2, Spiral Knights, PSO2 (Both JP and EN), SWTOR, Tera, Neverwinter, Perfect World, the aforementioned RS and MS, probably others I can't think of off the top of my head, and now FFXIV being my primary MMO. After playing MMOs for so long, social death has just become something I accept as a natural phenomenon of playing MMOs. People come and go. Games come and go. I've found that when it's time to move on for whatever reason, how you feel when a certain period ends really depends on how heavily you invested yourself in those relationships. Over time I've come to not invest so much emotion into relationships in online games, and I end up playing these games more on my own rather than with a group of friends. Nowadays I tend to socially distance myself from exclusively in-game friends and I don't put a lot of effort into maintaining the relationships because I know they won't last, which ironically makes those relationships end quicker. I've become so jaded that social death is something I barely even think about anymore. On one hand, things don't feel anywhere near as bad when it's time to move on, but on the other hand, everything feels superficial and nothing feels like a community -- I never really feel like I "belong" anywhere, just that I'm simply along for the ride. Sometimes I wonder whether this is a healthy or a harmful mindset. Is this the fate of long time MMO players, or have I just gotten regressively worse at socializing? Whichever it is though, it feels sad to think about.

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

I think it is sad, whatever the answer is there. I've had online game communities in the past go through this process too and it's always left me feeling quite drained and, like you described, jaded even. I don't know the answer, maybe being along for the ride with the trade off of everything feeling temporary and superficial is a valid way of doing it. Hope all is well for you going forward, I know how you feel. Note: I did play TERA a little back in 2015, was probably one of the first MMOs I've played!

My FC is a crafting/social group but most of them wont log in anymore, mostly just chatting on discord and playing other games in their little cliques now. Im tempted to join a new FC and try to be social again for real but my gf is the FC leader and i dont want to lose the small plot we all poured so much energy into just because i was bored. So i log in and do my own thing, and hang out in the FC house alone. So yeah, i feel for you. And it sounds like youve been around the loop a lot more times than i have. But that also means that you know it gets better. Sort of like the line at the end of EW. "You gather pieces of happiness, precious and fragile, only to lose them and start all over." Or something to that effect.

A lot of my social life in game was broken up when the great server split from years ago happened. I was friends with a lot of people on old Diabolos and vice versa, and since the split I've never been able to "get back on the social horse", as it were. Being able to visit other servers and even data centers has been fantastic, but the other edge of that sword is that the sense of community isolated servers once had is no longer there; when you or anyone else can freely move between worlds and communities, it's considerably harder to become grounded and find a real place to belong. I had a hard time finding a place to fit in anywhere after the split, but "real life" and the inconsistency of my availability has made it all but impossible now. I really miss it, being able to raid, do group activities, or even just hang out or help the people I knew. I'm honestly not sure if I'll ever get that back in any capacity

I agree, it is hard to make friends. I honestly think about the friends I lost everyday. I don't think Ill ever have as much fun with anything like I did with them. I honestly loved spending time with them. I wish making friends was easier.

This video absolutely encapsulates my experience as well, even if it was for different reasons. Everything I’ve went through with this game, what it introduced me to, what it gave me, what it hurt me and broke me with; it’s been an wild ride and I honestly am grateful for it. I love this game, but I am also saddened by this game. We’ll see where the future in Dawntrail takes us all but I am hoping for the best. Learning to adapt to the volatile social nature honestly taught me A LOT. I may be slightly jaded, but I also refuse to give up!

What do they call it when you were never in a social circle to begin with 😅😢

@PabbyPabbles

7 ай бұрын

Social Unbirth 😂 (or soloing / playing with a few irl friends)

@EnochaSeine

7 ай бұрын

@@PabbyPabbles lol nice

So I'm gonna tell my story. I raided in both wow and 14 for about 2 months and those 2 months were the most mentally destructive period of time in my life because I pushed myself so hard and threw aways MY ENTIRE WEEKEND just to raid. This turned my entire perception of 14 to be very negative (I only raided in wow cuz I have good friends and have a place there). So I'm gonna say....PLEASE TAKE BREAKS. If you hit a point where your stuck somewhere and your mental health is being sacrificed for it, leave immediately....I had to learn this the hard way. When my static lead told me they were kicking me, I didn't mope or say it was unfair. I thanked him profusely because in the end, they saved me from myself

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

definitely take breaks! I realised after it might not have been made clear in the video, but the period of time I'm referring to when I said I was playing too much was before I started taking multiple breaks. I've been much less burnt out since I don't really play as much as I used to and have taken a lot of breaks in the past year or so 🙂- just relative to my time playing, before then I think I took a single break, and thus haven't had enough in my overall time playing, but things are good now and much more balanced.

@scorpiowarrior7841

7 ай бұрын

@OdakaMemeing I still play both but I just play 14 casually and dip in evrey now and then like I used to before I dove into savage. Kinda just accepted savage and the higher 14 content just isn't for me. Or my schedule.

@scorpiowarrior7841

7 ай бұрын

@OdakaMemeing depends on the difficulty. If you're in mythic yeah because of the whole arms race shit, but I was never interested in that and only do heroic 1 night a week....14 I did two days a week

I've been going through this for a bit. I just feel alone.

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

wishing the best for you

@elerranightheart

7 ай бұрын

@@Dusklow Thank you, I’ll be okay though

I started 14 with a small group of close friends who joined around the same time, however they’ve all since stopped playing entirely. As someone who struggles a LOT with social anxiety it’s gotten to the point where I don’t have a single name on my friends list that I actually know beyond ‘raided with once or twice’. I feel you as I’m also OCE on NA servers and playing both at awkward time zones and on primal which is less popular than aether it’s very difficult to find friends. I love the game, i love the raids, i love the story, i even love relaxing with daily roulettes, but it feels so hollow when the entirety of my social activity on the game is an o/ and a tyfp. I just don’t understand how people make friends on this game and its so demotivating to play this game that i love when it feels so empty. I know this a lot can be blamed on my “inability” to put myself out there but it’s scary to do so. I don’t even know why i’m writing this where no one will likely read it, but you’re not alone in this feeling. I hope you find what you’re looking for and gain the satisfaction and bonds that this game can and has provided before.

im a new player, played a year back who was introduced by a friend. Got invited to his fc to play together but after a while i stopped playing for another mmo at the time. I recently got hooked on ffxiv last month and I've been having a blast but I realized the fc I'm in is totally dead and I can't even visit the house cause I'm not done with heavensward. The friend I mentioned still comes online just to make sure the house isn't demolished due to inactivity so I'm sure it has a lot of sentimental value so I'm thinking about leaving after I get to visit the house just to see what's up. it's not my first time visiting the remains of other players in an mmo, theres this certain feeling of wonder of the people who came before me and left before I get to even interact with them, a melancholic feeling for a time I wasn't even a part of that is enjoyable some reason.

interesting commentary! I've had this happen to an extent, though I think part of this is just lack of goals to chase in FFXIV. It helps that a few of my group are trying out other games together in the wait for Dawntrail Hoping you feel better!

This video defines what I've been feeling for awhile now with ff14. I've tried out 3 fc's which may not sound like alot but for a introvert and when the fcs just got worse and worse it's alot. The first fc was a already established close irl group that I found on a fc finder page. And they raided and I wanted to try it out. They ended up ignoring me and when I ended up setting up a raid night with them they completely forgot about me and never had the raid night. So I left that one and tried my luck with a bigger fc. But it was kinda the same thing with it being so huge. I mean the weekend party's we're fine but Noone to really chat with. So after that one I joined this last one that broke me. They completely ruined the game for me now and I really don't feel safe or good logging into the game. It started out fine and I felt like I had finally found my place in the game. But then they asked me to help them out with very personal stuff for them. They told me they needed to talk about a certain person in their life and vent. I decided that well I'm there friend so sure I'll listen and do what I can to help. But this kept getting worse and worse. And I felt trapped being there psychologist. Everytime we hung out there would be drama and eventually one person got jealous of me becoming friends with another person in the group and started to shit talk me behind my back but then still wanted my help and ear to vent to. I had had enough after one particular thing happened when they basically banned me from leaving the fc. After one of the guys started to be creepy stalkerish to me and they asked me to still do content with him. And for a lil background info I've been stalked irl and had police involved and all of that so for that to happen to me in game where I'm supposed to be enjoying the story and making friends I quickly learned after that that they were not my friends and were just using me for advice and to shit on. This went on for about 6 months. And i stayed because i thought that they were actually my firneds and i felt for thier situation and wanted to try my best to be there for them but after they couldnt unerstand why i needed to leave the fc after one of the people in it was triggering me and even wanted me to still be around him and after how much i was there for them through all of thier shit. thats when i knew they were not friends. And also when the one girl kept being so fucking rude to me and shit talking to me i just decided enough is enough. So I wrote a message to them letting them know exactly how I felt and then left. Not gonna lie That part felt great. But then I havent been able to log back into my character because I'm worried that they can see when I log in because even though I deleted them from my friends list and blacklisted them I'm still on their list so It don't matter. And they can see where my character is. I keep reporting but that really doesn't do much and squareenix really needs to update there security for there player safety. I created a new character and was finally able to breathe some fresh air in the game, and it felt good it felt nice not having anybody following me and not having to talk to bad people. But I shouldn't of had to create a new character to solve this problem. But I hope one day I'll be able to feel like starting the game again and I will probably start from scratch and just never add anyone to my friends list to avoid any of this shit happening again cause I don't deserve this shit and I know that. I just wanted to be able to play the game and have fun. And hopefully meet good people that also just wanna have fun. I don't know when I'll feel like playing again but I hope to one day. I just wish I could kick feeling deflated by this and start to enjoy myself again. Sry for the drama trama dump but reading through the comments of others doing the same I felt like here's a good of place as any. But because of all of this I haven't felt like logging in at all. It sucks because I love the game, I love the story, I want to raid and beat hard bosses. But I can't do that by myself. And I don't know if I'll ever find decent people to play with that can be nice to eachother and just have a good time. And make good friends. But right now it feels impossible. I wish everyone well that's in the comments and if you are experiencing this I feel for you and hope that we can all find a way to play again sometime. May the new year bring new peace.

I reached my point of social death in the game a long time ago. Almost every social experience I've had in the game was incredibly and hilariously toxic. Even my old raid group turned out to be toxic in the dumbest way possible. I was removed from the group (they of course lied, instead claiming they were simply disbanding) because, and I am not even joking about this (although I wish I was), my frequent extremely high parses were making some of the other people in the group feel bad because they normally only blue or low-purple parsed. I legit got ejected from my static, who was also my primary friend group, for playing the game correctly. Rofl. And now? Yeah, I *don't* have a place in the game anymore. It's clearly no longer marketed toward me. The community having grown even more toxic since my heyday is just an extra coffin nail.

This video hit quite close to home, in many, many ways. My personal social death occured over the course of this year, honestly. I started playing in late heavensward 2016/17-ish, being invited by a south american friend I've known as my online friend for a while (Note, I live in Europe), and started on NA. I had a lot of social circles built over the course of two years, but because of timezones and other personal frustrations it all felt not real to me, I was content for most of the time to be on my own, and so I did just what I needed to. But at one point it got too much, so I decided to start anew, setting fire to all I had back then (FC I was part of, my own Shirogane medium that I painstakingly bought with farming/selling Materia and Night Pegasi I got from unbelievably high luck from PotD drops on the Marketboard) and moved to EU to start anew. Time passed and I found a FC with people I liked to have around, as well as reasons and motivations to raid, and even though my FC was just being built, I ventured into Savage on my own that time since I was content with that. I witnessed throughout Eden quite a bit, as I first did it through PF and then in Eden's verse joined my first true static and it blew up hilariously fast. There never was a time where I felt worse than that because I blamed my performance for it, but in hindsight I believe the difference in goals was what blew it up, as well as the skill differences between various players. I was sad about it but in Promise I tried again, and got past the tier (Way too late but better late than never!) and the static fell silently apart this time around. I didn't mind it, I felt like it was a natural thing to occur, so I pressed on to EW. In Asphodelos we had our first FC static with people we enjoyed having around and it generally went well until Drama occured, fracturing the whole FC apart, causing faces you've know disappear for ever, lost in time. I still felt headstrong and found one of my most favorite groups I ever had until my current one; my Abyssos static. I loved the time there, and even when I was tied with personal issues because of stupid shit, that group felt comfy. But after we finished everything, got our mounts and weapons, we just went all our ways. In silence. I felt saddened, but at this point I was aware that this is the dynamic of statics. I wasn't sure anymore what to do so after a series of really dumb and personal events, but I wound up in the remains of that first EU FC, with some people and newer faces. I hung out with some and with one I actually met, but because of differences socially as well as misguided communications, it basically destroyed the last ties I had to this group whatsoever, since I was reluctant to let things go. It was an eye opening experience to my personal perception of social dynamics, I feel, but I was forced to move on from it. I restarted in another FC that just had it's own drama arc, and it's more or less empty with smaller cliques still existing. I searched my own content between Abyssos and Anabosios, and found it with deep dungeons. I still carry the title as not only an achievement, but a personal note and perception of myself. It feels apt, but in a strange way. With the dawn of the last raid tier in Pandaemonium, I went with hope again into static searches, and found one. And nowadays I only have my Anabosios/DSR/Ultimate static which becomes more tight knit with each week that passes. We hang out outside of the game, we do content, we do all sorts of silly shit and it feels like a revival of my old FC times. But regardless of that, I feel still like I have little to believe that things stay that way, considering my path in this game, and given that I was more than one occasion responsible for bad things, I felt like it's my duty to stay in this game and at least make something right. And so over the time, I did just become more or less socially isolated internally but open to talk, with the helping hand, here and there. That is why I loved the recent MSQ so much, I suppose. I could relate to Golbez in the silliest way possible; "Nevertheless, I am the villain who wrought this tragedy. And in my misguided crusade, I compounded my sins. My place is not at your side." I've done seriously stupid shit sometimes without realizing, and caused some heavy damage, and I want to make things right, and realize shared dreams I had with people, doing content, getting things done, etc. If any of them could see me I would just say "How disappointed must you be in me. About the foolishness and futility of it all." However, I learned not to look too much into the past and just keep trying, because eventually something sticks. But I also set about to look at stuff in real life instead, trying with every day. Don't get me wrong, I love this game, but man did it teach me in ways I didn't expect. But I can't give up and will keep going really, there's stuff to do after all. Thank you for this video, and thank you for letting me talk a little bit. If you ever meet on Light pf someone who makes way too many Golbez memes, say hi to them.

the hardest part of finding new friends for me is that if they turn out tom be awful people or have awful ideologies that weren't shown at first i'm forced to cut them out, and erase all of the investment i put into them. It almost makes me not want to bother with new friends at all.

You and me are the same. All my friends have quit. Lost many friends over time/drama/moving on. I don't have any friends, I'm also in a social death. Your same motivation for playing is my motivation. But I have an extremely lonely existence in 14.

Hey, this is a really good video and it voices what I experienced in the game throughout pretty much all of EW really well, in a way nobody else has been able to. I 100% felt that everything felt colourless compared to how it was before, when I had that group of friends and a static. I didn't want to leave our dead FC because I was clinging onto the memories, wishing someone would log in again one day and everything would go back to how it was The only way I was able to get out of it and enjoy this game again was to break that cycle and leave. I joined a casual FC full of people who don't raid and he'll, most of them are sprouts who haven't finished MSQ yet. It's the best thing I ever did; I have the separation of end game content and a core friend group again who I can talk shit with, hang out in discord with etc. Even if this FC doesn't work out just knowing that there is still people for me to meet and experiences to have in the game outside of raid logging has rejuvenated me. But yeah really appreciate you sharing this ❤

I really feel this video. I typed a somewhat lengthy answer and deleted it because it'd just repeat what you already said. This entire video is so incredibly relatable. I too left behind a character on NA, and I miss just the same things you do. This is not just a you-thing. I guess many of us feel this way. I guess I am in that type of social death too. Fantastic video, thank you

I was invited to an FC for the first time a couple months ago while hanging out in Limsa. A gathering from the group handed out hats, and seemed to have a good time so I decided to apply, and got in. Turns out what seemingly was an active group was going through the same phenomenon as described here, a clan going through it's death throes. Real life obligations, people moving on from the game, and people having played through all content, so they had stopped playing. The entire Discord was like a historical snapshot on what I had missed on. Honestly, I haven't left the clan, but feel bummed out about doing everything by myself. Perhaps it's time to move on towards greener pastures, if such a thing even exists in this game. It definitely can feel lonely at times, seeing others socialize in hub areas.

I am stuck in this same kind of social death, I left an FC for mental health reasons and slowly they've completely isolated me. And almost nobody will talk to me about it, I'm not even sure why this is happening anymore. I changed server to Ravana, to get away from the anxiety of seeing people who used to be my friends hanging around in Limsa. But now I'm just in a sea of strangers and like you, only really play to raid (and recently PoTD, which has been a nice change). It's incredible how important social spaces are on FFXIV, without a community I feel completely lost. I hope everyone experiencing this is doing okay, and if you're on OCE feel free to find me- Y'koal Rinshi. Maybe we could do some treasure maps or eureka or bozja? Or even just afk in Limsa together. ♥

I've honestly just been chalking it up to autism/trauma on my end. I can make friends just fine in game but after a while i miss a queue or something and without a common goal they get bored of me or do upsettting things and I just. idk. this is my first serious MMO and most of my happiness these days is in raiding but when i'm not in the mood for that most of my casual friends log on for two days to catch up on MSQ and thats it :(

I find that most 'friendships' in 14 are of convenience. They are nice and friendly to you cause you are there. I left an FC cause of huge drama and everyone turned on me for nothing.

As someone who's played a bunch of MMOs over 20 years, it's just how it is, people will come and go, sometimes you're that person! I left a bunch of friends when I stopped playing WoW. The best advice I can give anyone is to always try to add new people to your life, have multiple friend groups (both in and out of games) and never ever feel like you have to stay! If you aren't satisfied with an FC or group find a new one. Keep as many old friends as you can, while adding new ones to your life.

Many seem to forget that it took some initial efford to find a group/friends in the first place. Assuming it'll always stay the same even if no more efford is put in. A simple "nice glam" in tells can go a long way.

I've experienced this multiple times over the 10 years playing this game. I've watched FC drama, static drama and more happen which led to the Social Death situation. Even when I was part of statics, and even though I'm in an FC, I spend most of my time on the game alone. Outside of static content I never had anyone to play the game with. I've tried what I can to get out of that situation. I've changed servers - which only led to me feeling more lonely and being unable to find an FC, tried having conversations with people in my FC - which usually goes ignored, tried making friends or asking people to run content. This game used to be an amazing social experience for myself, and for the first 5 years or so I was socially active. I don't know what happened, but since then I've lost that social aspect. Outside of roulettes it feels like I'm playing a solo player game.

I 100% really felt what you said in the video. I can definitely say you're not alone, I have experienced a similar timeline and now I maintain an FC that only has 3 people that login every once in awhile, I like it because it's drama free but I really miss logging into voice chat of friends who are just as eager as I am to get through whatever content is out there to work together with. I hope one day we'll find a way to make new friends.

Phew! I nearly freaked when I read the title because I just started playing 2 months ago. But I’ve been a gamer for about 20 years and have always played solo. People around me never game. I can’t drive or travel so I’m basically locked to the people physically around me. Combine that with my desolate social life after Cancer (and a bit before) and I feel like I don’t have to worry. And hey, I recently joined a FC with 8 members (including myself) and no one talks to each other besides the host and myself as far as I can tell. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand. That FC I joined, already is the most socializing in a game I have ever had. And it’s just me and her going what are you doing today and what the crap should I do. Someone basically accepts me because they can’t see the monster I am.

I've wanted to raid but was always told not to because I wouldn't be good enough. Tried doing party finder but I don't want to waste my time waiting around for people to help me learn when I can just do other things. Like trying to find an FC I can socially fit in, joined nine different FCs leveling them up to rank 30 while trying to feel a part of a group. No success still even after three years but I still try to enjoy the game despite how lonely I get.

@maximusbull9757

7 ай бұрын

Feel exactly the same way. Join FCs hoping that this time I'll form a connection with a group, but it just never happens. Hardcore content interests me but Id hate to be a burden on a group, so why bother even looking, right? Anyway, good to know someone out there is having similar feelings

God this video really resonates with me as someone that has been debating for a long while to leave their current fc/friend group, but feels stuck and scared to leave it, even though it’s not really something I enjoy anymore

My fc was dying for about a full year before me and a small group of friends decided to leave. FC owner basically said they'd come back, do events etc but never did. I'm afraid that I upset them by essentially convincing my friends to hop fcs but I really tried.. In the end, 4 people cant do 8 people content. We're in a new fc now, super active, really nice. Do stuff almost every weekend. This weekend we played "king of the castle". My old FC just- the owner decided to pull the plug after we left and the message, that my friend showed me kinda blamed us for leaving. oof..

Im a new player and its hard finding genuine friends who dont wanna groom get u into erp.ive learned to not wanna be social cause i cant trust people

@Dusklow

7 ай бұрын

gotta take the leap I think. The most social people in XIV around the starting city are usually roleplayers, but there's always the community finder website or even just looking through fcs when you see people running past you in less populated areas. I joined my FC through my friend, so if you know anybody else that plays that could be an option for you. good luck!

This video spoke to me enough to share my experience. I got into the RP scene around mid-2021. I met many people very quickly, where I was logging in and hanging out with them and not worried about content, raid, or anything. It was neat just to be in a space with others. After some personal events, my time spent doing RP diminished, and all those groups eventually separated (alongside mix-ups and drama as well) leading me to logging in and grinding out level 90 in every job. I honestly miss the game. I didn't quit because of those events. I want to log in. But it makes me sad and even more lonely by doing so. I've also been out of RP long enough that it feels awkward and weird to try to get back into, as I feel my writing is terrible and bland.

@elgatochurro

7 ай бұрын

Relax and enjoy it 😊

@thecthuloser876

7 ай бұрын

RP communities in general have a lot of drama but I think to a degree , the group had bad leadership if it got out to the public. I've played in a lot of different RP communities of the years and while drama is unavoidable, it should always try to be handled quietly.

I feel like I've reached my social death in this game a while back. I started in 2020 and it was the most magical experience I've had, and I even had a few good friends to experience it with! Unfortunately only months later, drama broke out again and again, and the group kinda dwindled down. I experienced my social death the same year I started. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to fully recover from it, even now. There are times I hop on with the friends that still play but those moments of joy don't last long. I'm a VERY casual player, one who prefers to RP, chat, maybe do some silly dungeon runs for nonserious reasons, but (no shame to those friends I still got) everyone else that still plays prefers doing high end content or be in a static. I tried joining them on the savage raiding content but I just....couldn't. The anxiety was crippling. It doesn't help that my social anxiety is very very bad... Aside from doing MSQ, I'm wandering a beautiful world by my lonesome with everything yet nothing to do, and I find it hard to enjoy it like I did in my sprout days. If it weren't for the fact that I'm the lead of an FC, with an FC house and a private house, I would've just quit. Even now as I talk about this, I'm not sure if I'll ever recover from it cuz I feel like I've tried every avenue to revive it. Sometimes I wish I could be that innocent sprout again.

FFXIV has been a big part of my social life, especially when I felt the lowest in terms of my social life. I had a few clicks at the start but eventually I met with this wonderful group of people, a portion of them one day randomly decided to form their own FC and I was invited to join as its core member. The formation of our FC, the the subsequent journey we had together building that FC was truly the most memorable time I had in my gaming life. The friendship and bond felt true and real, it very much is today, just not as strong. Things happen, we drifted apart and slowly one by one either stopped playing or left the FC. I still think of our time together fondly, and hoped that one day we could reach that level of 'family' again someday, but I know that it's just wishful thinking. I tried branching out looking for something similar, unfortunately, I was never able to find the same feeling. Perhaps it is my mistake for trying to recreate a 'lightning in a bottle' kind of friendship. I wish to find another FC to just feel home again. To all my mates from Famiglia Mart, you guys truly were the best and I pray that we all can find solace in the bonds we formed during our time together.

Do you guys have friends on XIV? Men, what a dream... I don't have any friends in the game or irl for that matter, is always has been me and the game only. And well, what can I say? I play the game alone almost all the time, not even in a FC I am. I like the role and story of the game so I just start an alt and start the game anew, just walking in the forest of gridania, me and my character, thinking about her backstory or the story in general, seeing how all those people talk with each other... in my case is not that strange for I have always been that, an observer. Me and solitude will be eternal companions, I know that. But for someone who is more social than me I can see how this could affect you. Cheer up, my friend, there is always a tomorrow, and when there is a tomorrow there is a chance to things go in a different direction. Best wishes. :)

"You gather pieces of happiness, precious and fragile, only to lose them. Then start again. On and on it goes, until death takes you into its gentle embrace." - Meteion Friendships don't always last. This is an unavoidable truth in life. Some may end dramatically and explosively whereas others just slowly fizzle out, but people change and those relationships will inevitably change with them. It's always sad to see friendships you cherish end and it's important to process that, but don't wallow in sadness forever. If you open yourself up to others, you will find more opportunities and new people to bond with and treasure. Don't give up. When you're ready, pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Life is too short to spend drifting alone.

This one was so relatable. I switched servers when that was an option to join my "partner in crime"'s FC, only to be kicked out after not being online for a bit. Losing those "friends" made me do the entire Endwalker expansion alone. Social anxiety is too real of an issue for me, and trying to find another group all over again is exhausting and scary. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Been playing since 1.0 . Everything you've said is on point and resonates. It is what it is I guess. Only regular thing is a static to talk to, everything else fades. Sometimes you get a core group and you organize other games to play together, that is what holds it between big patches/expansions.

I've never had a static or a FC to join honestly. Just sort of drift through the game solo style. I had the first conversation with someone for the first time in months just yesterday. It was nice, they were new and I was grinding an achievement when they started watching me.

Loved it, I agree with all your points. I was really attached to a core group and once they all slowly started to quit the game, it left me feeling very lonely and unable to try to fit in anywhere else. I'm sure i;'ll get over it eventually but i've been mostly a solo player since the end of Heavensward. I'm still around somehow just on a break. Been really enjoying deep dungeon but it would be nice to get back into the more social elements of the game. I appreciate your video!

i feel like its also due to the fact that the content we get in endwalker isolates players even more no exploratory zone is a huge one i remember at the tail end of shadowbringer bozja was still brimming with people and made the game more social in alot of ways endwalker has island sanctuary which is a solo experience and criterion small 4 man content there isnt alot of things that nurture that social aspect which is strange especially in an mmo hopefully dawntrail will bring back stuff like this i dont have the numbers but i feel endwalker has the deepest drop in player count compare to previous expansions

From my personal experience gaming wise, a variety of experiences with friends really helps bind people. My friends i met were through university at the archery club, but then we expanded our interactions with common grounds like gaming, eating, Airsoft etc. Final fantasy has the potential to fulfill this, but it is limited by general game fatigue. A key issue i have noticed from people in FF is that people don't really talk about things, life, or do stuff outside of FF in FF. Maybe try other things in game? I pvp when i login, but i only got into the scene thanks to the community run stuff, events, and friends in it. Otherwise the general PvP participants are as toxic as nuclear waste LOL. I'd say try clubbing/wallflower, but that'll likely trigger your social anxiety to the max without a friend or something to support you. I hope things get better for you! And in the manner of the silly wave, I salute your commitment and bravery of expression! o7

A lot of people seem to have had this happen to them. I was a person who stopped playing because the in-game drama literally traumatized me when it came to connecting with people. I haven't had online friends since then. But it did push me to get real life friends.