“Why is saying ‘I love you,’ so important to you? It’s just words.”

@geraldnykamp

Жыл бұрын

Wow, sounds similar. I couldn't say I miss you, because it made her feel guilty. 🤯 or she would say I have a hard time admitting I am wrong or saying sorry, or I don't take direction from you very well. She told me cards are just words on paper and then you throw them away. I never did that I kept them. Another comment she made was flowers just die anyway. I was so shocked I didn't say anything after the first time. I was just so confused at the time, ever since the discard I am moving forward with my life. I have to say, it's not easy because things still play in my head.

one of the most *'BLATANT'* characteristic trait of the *narcissist* . they do not *EVER* apologize, why? they do not *'believe'* that they could do anything wrong THAT they aren't 'entitled' to do

My Favorite Narc statement is always: “I never said that.” Gaslighting drives me absolutely crazy! Makes ya think your the crazy one.

@sheric4481

2 жыл бұрын

Oh dear, sounds familiar.

@JuanRodriguez-js6uh

2 жыл бұрын

I have heard this before

@KL-pq3mz

2 жыл бұрын

@@JuanRodriguez-js6uh - Me too.

@roseisrose8154

2 жыл бұрын

My Covert narc husband’s favorites are: “I never said that.” “I never did that.” And, “I don’t remember.” If he dies before me that last one will be the epithet on his tombstone! Haha!😉

@taom9004

2 жыл бұрын

EVERY time we tried to work through any of our issues: "That's not what I said." And I would say, 'You JUST DID! Word for word! Not TEN seconds ago!" Then it was, "Well, I didn't mean it." Over and over and over. CRAZY making.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” “I’m sorry if you were offended by what i said/did.” “I’m sorry you don’t understand.” “You must have misunderstood me.”

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You're on a roll, Kelly! Whew! You wouldn't believe the crazy comments that are coming in...or maybe you would! Dr. C

When you feel hurt by their sarcastic and tone deaf humor… but then then they go silent and act hurt by your reaction and when confronted, they chastise YOU for not caring about THEIR feelings. 🤦🏻‍♀️

@cymbolichuman433

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah...whatever...

@jenjencolorado

2 жыл бұрын

Yep 😕

The craziest thing I ever heard was the very last time I called and had a conversation with my narc. I said we have a problem with our communication with each other. He said” There is nothing wrong with our communication” I said “ Yes, there is and it is right there”. That was when I finally realized how futile it was trying to work things out.

@mystichealer2793

2 жыл бұрын

I had a similar situation before we got married. We even went to a counselor to talk about it. The counselor said there wasn’t a disconnect, I just didn’t like the way he was communicating. No duh! Sadly I had stars in my eyes and didn't pay attention. Futile is the right word. I am now divorced and recovering.

@KoolT

2 жыл бұрын

Yep

@conniedean3862

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds familiar, they're in denial

Absurd statements from my Covert Narc husband: The classic, “I didn’t say that!” “I didn’t do that!” I don’t remember!” He has played the amnesia card so much I truly think he either has a brain malfunction or has dissociative personality disorder. “Why are you calling me?”, his response on a few occasions when I called him about major events (like my car catching fire on the freeway or being sent to the hospital to have our second child). The closest thing I’ve gotten to an apology are: “I’m sorry you feel that way”, when he’s hurt me in some way. Of course, he’s not apologizing for anything he’s done but for me having feelings about it. Or, yelling at me, “ I said I was sorry!” like an insolent 3-year old. “You’re just like your Mother!” as if it were an insult - and in a time I was trying to express myself. Sad thing was, my Mom loved him and appreciated him and his fake persona way more than his own Mother did. After begging for transparency but then catching him in another lie, he’ll often say, “Oh, I didn’t know I had to tell you THAAAT!” After asking him to cool it with the flirtations, “Oh no, she’s so nice, she’s our friend (the women have never acknowledged my presence - certainly not MY friend). You’re just jealous!” Ick!

Re: an abusive father whose kids are afraid to be alone with him - please protect the children. My mother did not protect me

Absurd statement: "It's not a lie if I believe it when I'm saying it"

@roxannecox7861

2 жыл бұрын

Wow. 🤣🤣🤣

@karinberonius8799

2 жыл бұрын

Brilliant!😂

“It’s been six weeks since your mom died. When are you going to get over it?!” Of course there’s a library of quotes from him. This one topped the cake.

@Violets14

2 жыл бұрын

Horrible! I'm so sorry.

@petitefleur83

2 жыл бұрын

😱

@susancrowther6617

2 жыл бұрын

I had that too plus “you’re using your dad’s death to get sympathy!”

@DS40764

2 жыл бұрын

only six weeks,huh

@roseisrose8154

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry he said that. I’d hug you if I could. My sis-in-law is married to my Narc husband’s brother-a very overt narc. When her grandmother (her Mother figure who raised her - and who we all knew) died, he didn’t tell his family- didn’t think we needed to know. I felt terrible finding out weeks later.

She would always say when complaining about a service she was receiving "I'm not one for complaining but ....' then gives a long list of petty complaints. It makes us laugh because that's all she ever does is gripe nothing is good enough.

@chillijam897

2 жыл бұрын

Or when they say “I don’t want to sound like a drama queen”

@astrialindah2773

2 жыл бұрын

So strange isn't it? How they can literally have that opinion of themselves as they're doing the very thing that they say they don't do.. talk about crazy!

@deejames1st

2 жыл бұрын

Everything that someone says before the word “but” is a lie and doesn’t count.

Absurd statement: 2 days before my mother's funeral, my husband at the time, locked his keys in his car on a mountain bike ride with his friends 100 miles away. He asked me to drive up his spare key. When I arrived I was visibly irritated but said nothing other than I'll see you at home. The next day we flew to Minneapolis for mom's funeral which was scheduled for the next morning. That night in the hotel room he said that when we got back home, we needed to talk about whether or not we should get divorced (because I was irritable giving him his keys). After saying this he said: "Now that I've gotten that off my chest, this weekend is all about you." I was an emotional mess at the funeral but the silver lining of it all was that once I saw the depth of his selfishness, it was the beginning of the end of our relationship for me. It was still another 5 years before I left with several attempts, but I didn't know anything about narcissism until 6 months before I was finally able to divorce him.

@korab.23

2 жыл бұрын

My dad's passing was a huge catalyst in ending my marriage as well. The selfishness while he was dying, the Smug look as he came away after a eulogy where he drew tears from people... a list longer than I feel like typing. It's stunning how selfish they are in your most painful moments.

@yvonneflanagan2312

2 жыл бұрын

You’ve just reminded me of another awful situation! I was living in London and a year after my marriage my dad died of a brain tumour! I went home to Dublin and was there for his last days in hospital and did the night stints ! Ex flew home for funeral then back straight away because he said he couldn’t take time off job as year end! I came back a few days later…. It was Easter weekend. Finally I felt that now after pretty much being stoic and dealing with suff at home, I turned to him, and cried for the first time in the bereavement process! Narc husband stormed off upstairs, shouting at me that he had had a very difficult time at work, and was looking forward to the Easter holidays to relax and unwind, and he’s not PREPARED TO PUT UP WITH MY SHIT!!!! I then buried my grieve because he couldn’t deal with it!!!!! Oh my god!

@dreamingofnorthernlights

Жыл бұрын

@@yvonneflanagan2312 That's so sad. 😥

@MsJA-tw2rl

Жыл бұрын

@@yvonneflanagan2312 So sorry you have to deal with such wickedness. Scary how these wicked people marry and how they hide their narcissistic personality so well and for so long. I pray that God will comfort you and give you a healthy solution. It is disturbing how many people are dealing with narcissists in their lives.

@yvonneflanagan2312

Жыл бұрын

@@MsJA-tw2rl thank you for your kindness, he’s well gone now, I’m through the trauma bonding (30years together). It’s tough on one’s own, but nothing to living with the stress of somebody with a narcissistic personality x

“You think too much” Is my all time favorite 😆

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Inevitably that comment is make by a non-thinker.

@dawnbailey1132

2 жыл бұрын

That's what my husband told me frequently.

@ginkgo2021

Ай бұрын

Boy I heard that a lot too.

Got a good one that just happened this month.. My dad, malignant abusive narc, his first response upon hearing that my sister who is his caretaker (and handy on call “slave” to do his bidding at any time, the way he treats her) was in the hospital with broken bones from a head on collision at a red light, “ But she was going to help me clear out this dead tree on Saturday “…..yea, my sister got into a life threatening car accident and got broken legs on purpose just to inconvenience you. Could anyone be more self absorbed!!!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

It's all about me!

@jesstallfeather

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism it dadgum is (to the highest degree of absurdity!). Thank You Dr C.

@aliceinchains9357

2 жыл бұрын

I hear you! Really hope your sister is recovered now! Healthy (#TeamHealthy wishes from UK!) I'm another 'handy on call slave' to a covert elderly father... Recently; 'Dad, I won't be able to come over (2hrs drive) to do loads of utterly invented pointless tasks) , I need to go to hospital as my covid is pretty bad and I can't breathe. Father replies in an irritated way... So... WILL YOU BE ABLE TO COME OVER TOMORROW, AS I NEED SOME STUFF DOING? (He's perfectly able bodied...). No Dad, I'm being admitted... He then has full on meltdown as my worrying covid is INCONVENIENT to his next day's plans.... You couldn't make it up ..

@jesstallfeather

2 жыл бұрын

@@aliceinchains9357 thank you, sis is slowly adjusting, got a ways to go back to "normal". Sorry about your illness too, hang in there and keep to your boundaries for your own health sake :)

My mom, now deceased, would use a phrase when we told her of something that was new to her. She would seem to refute what we had said and respond indignantly, "Well! I never heard tell of such a thing!" When one of us accomplished something that pleased her, she would proudly smile and say to us, "Your mama didn't raise any dummies." When my brother, who she mostly admired, shared with her something in the news that he was disturbed about and asked her if she felt the same way as he did, she took a breath, glared at him and declared, "You're a kook!" We often heard her say to us kids while we were growing up, "You don't know what in the world you're talking about!" Forty years ago, when I was expecting my first child, I was excited to tell her of the first kicks I was feeling and how delightful I felt about becoming a mother and having a little one to raise. Instead of sharing my joy and being happy for me, she responded with ridicule. "To hear you talk, you would think you're the only one in the world who has ever had a baby." She seemed to compete with me, too. When I got a cat, she became a cat breeder. When I started collecting a few antique dolls, she got interested in the same thing and amassed a very large collection. When my children were babies, my mother started a daycare business. It seemed like whatever I did, she did it, too, and on a larger scale. Once she went to counselling with my sister and I. We were young adults and we girls told her in our session that we didn't feel like she was hearing us by the responses she gave. The therapist suggested she might want to consider using reflective listening - of mirroring back to us in her speech what she had heard us say to her. Oh my, did our mom get angry! She verbally lashed out at the therapist and went on a tirade of how ridiculous that was for her to do. She went so far as to discredit the therapist's professional credentials. The therapist responded coolly and professionally. She told our mom, "I am not going to let you wound me" My sister and I were shocked at our mother's behavior and proud of the therapist for standing up for herself. That was the end of counselling. Our mom wasn't willing to do any adjusting of her behavior. My sister, brother, and I all recognize we had a very difficult mother. I am certain she was a narcissist. Each of us fell out of her good graces if we dared to oppose her in any way - If we dared to have our own opinion that was different from hers. We three adult kids have become three very caring people who love each other and treat people with kindness and respect. I am proud of my siblings. Thank you, Dr. Carter, for helping all of us subscribers make sense of the nonsense and realize the true worth each of us has.

@roseisrose8154

2 жыл бұрын

How wonderful that you and your siblings became loving, sensitive, caring adults in spite of your Mother! That’s the greatest revenge!

@DS40764

2 жыл бұрын

Sounds familiar

@artistmaureensharkey5321

2 жыл бұрын

you're lucky your siblings are cool. Mine turned out to be flying monkeys and stuck with my very similar mother to the end, defending her fiercely.

@Hatbox948

Жыл бұрын

Oh man, some of your mom's responses were almost comical. Almost...

Me: reading quietly one afternoon Xnarc: "Stop reading all those books you might get ideas." Let that sink in 🤨

@Cekatu

2 жыл бұрын

🤣Thank you for the afternoon laugh.🤣

@ashleyeberry91

2 жыл бұрын

Hahahahaha so That's what the deal is, afraid you'll get ideas. Probably some good ones too because that person's busy making a joke out of you rather than expanding your mind. It doesn't matter, it can be educational or creative, but that's a lot better than spending time trying to pick on somebody else and making the comments. Can't be bothered to exercise more of that in their own life instead of sticking their noses in somebody else's book.

@ashleyeberry91

2 жыл бұрын

Hmm!

@laurengarrett9005

2 жыл бұрын

Oh yes self help books are a real thorn in their sides. I get the comment"cant u think for yourself instead of reading all your psychology books".

@cyndigooch1162

Жыл бұрын

Narcissist Free - almost He gave himself away and it reminded me of when my highly narcissistic sister criticised me for reading self-help books! I don't remember exactly what she said though. I was caught up in a horrendous cycle with her for many years, which nearly cost me my life, due to all the abuse and other issues. Luckily, she lives in another country and I don't have much contact with her nowadays, but she still manages to get me sometimes. I wish that I'd completely blocked her a long time ago. 😥

Why do they verbally throw up all over you, and then later act like everything is fine?

@ashleyeberry91

2 жыл бұрын

Well that's what toddlers do. When they get done throwing their little tantrums and putting stuff off on you and everybody else for not getting what they want, they get tired and want to be good. LOL The little ones have to be allowed to go through that since they don't yet know better totally, but some people never leave that stage or did but start going backwards. And after they get you going and make you react then they can straighten it up so that you're the one that looks bad, and suddenly they don't know what's wrong with you.

Statement I always got when I would debunk his false accusations “ I never accused you of anything. I just tell you what I think you did”.

Absurd statement by the narcissist: After three months of the silent treatment, a friend sent me a letter that began with, "Please allow me to speak"!!!???

"If that happened, I'm sorry". The closest my narc could get to an apology when confronted about an event that I can prove happened.

@mystiparker3935

2 жыл бұрын

Or “I’m not sure how I hurt you, but I’m sorry if I did.” This following me telling him exactly what hurt me.

@keepitreal7524

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly!

@geraldnykamp

Жыл бұрын

Ya, the whole "if" thing is particularly frustrating. I got that at the end of my marriage, then the discard.

@ginkgo2021

Ай бұрын

My closest apology: "maybe I could have handled that better" when referring to his filing for divorce before he told me he wanted a divorce, but AFTER he told his flying monkey buddies he was filing for divorce.

I was trying to explain to my dad that my mom (who passed 2 years ago) was very special to me. She was my best friend and I miss her greatly. My dad’s immediate response was “You know, mom used to have a hard time with people hurting her feelings. She would let little things bother her and she always wondered why I was so good at letting things go and not letting people get to me. I guess I’m just good with that kind of thing.” This response was totally disconnected from what I was trying to express. My dad doesn’t want to talk about my mom. He’s moved on completely and says that’s a chapter in his life that is in the past. When I was telling him how special she was to me, he chose to insult her on a perceived weakness he thought she had and then elevated himself.

@erikam3429

2 жыл бұрын

@@lifewithapurpose237 interesting. Thanks for pointing it out. I just changed it.

@bodymindsoul60

2 жыл бұрын

That sounds exactly like something my 35 old daughters father I left when she was 6 would say 😏Blessings 🙏

@astrialindah2773

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah they have no empathy or understanding of human feelings apparently.. unless it relates to themselves.. so sad.

@arnie8799

2 жыл бұрын

Sorry he didn’t validate your feelings of grief and expression but I’m wondering if you were really surprised at his behavior

@ashleyeberry91

2 жыл бұрын

I imagine it's difficult. It amazes me how even as adults they think there's no reason to keep from the trash talk anymore. If they even did it before that. I used to think I was privileged or trusted a long time ago if somebody could share stuff with me, so I never understood why it was such a big deal to manage that type of dialogue with kids. And now I understand because I don't want to hear anymore of it. I didn't necessarily want to hear it back then either, I just wasn't aware of it. I hadn't totally recognized that those boundaries are not to be crossed and they're not conversations we should be having. Now it's super hard to get away from it. I had to get around to this stage of life to figure out it comes with bad feelings and is an emotional burden. It doesn't matter who's doing it, it shouldn't be happening period. When they're already gone though too I'm sure it's even more hurtful.

Neither my ex husband, (Abusive Narcissist) nor I were virgins when we married. He was fully aware and made no issue of this prior to marriage. After marriage, he threw that fact that I wasn't a virgin when we married in my face many times. I would remind him, neither was he. He stated, "It's worse for a woman to not be a virgin than a man, After all the woman is the receiver and the male the giver."

Narc walked in when I was listening to another Dr. Carter episode, listened in for a bit, then exploded and said that Dr. Carter was the narcissist because he’s on KZread and “selling” himself to the public. The irony killed me.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Oh well.

@elizabethhuang9789

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for all your resourceful videos, Dr. Carter. After I picked my jaw off the floor, I realized it was a huge red flag and got the hell out of that relationship.

“I yam what I yam!” 🤷‍♀️ Always drove me nuts as an excuse for being the densest human on this crazy narcissistic planet

Go Team Healthy. Mind, body and soul. Shed the parasites.

As much as I appreciate all I've learned I'm still learning just how rotten I was treated lol. At 70 that is kind of depressing. Glad to learn that my shame and guilt was really generated by the narcissistic behavior of those I grew up around and then married one too. I am well aware of what I need to own myself but I took on so much that wasn't mine and to think I'm still perceiving that at 70 years old

@maryscott7179

2 жыл бұрын

I too, have realized how most of my life has been influenced so much by narcs. Being raised by one it seemed so normal. At approaching 70 this has caused considerable pain and grief but knowledge is power. For the time I have left I will never allow any, even the ones I cannot completely abandon, control my decisions and emotions. The sickest one realizes there's been a major change and they are noticeably nervous. So what, they can go play mind games with someone else. Your videos have helped me understand what happened and take back my life. Compliance has turned to something akin to pity at arms length. After all, I hope to live a long, long time. I'm a giver, no apologies, but I'll choose who is worthy of my time and effort.

Here is an amazing thing my NPD mom said to me when she was 70 years old. She had spilled some paint on my floor while "helping" me with my living room remodel. I knew it was an accident and wasn't mad at her but the fact that she couldn't say "Oh I am sorry" was so typical. I said to her "Mom, you know you have never said "I'm sorry" to me in my entire life." She said to me "Well, why didn't you tell me that when you were four!!" What the heck??? That makes no sense!!!

@cmdm3788

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh. 🤦🏻‍♀️

@theresamcgalloway874

2 жыл бұрын

Catch 22.

Another example of absurd statements from a narc: My bio-father physically abused me, verbally abused me, name called me awful names...at one point when I was approximately 18 years of age he said, pontificating about himself, how he'd never hit me and what wonderful father he was. That was 100% crazy making, and I am so glad I went no contact with him early. So glad there is life, peace, and hope after a toxic childhood.☺🙂😌💝🕊

My ex used to say “oh yeah. It’s all about you. “ and “I’m a giver.” Especially in the beginning. I now realize this was a tactic to manipulate me to be even more selfless and giving while he most likely laughed all the while as he continued to take take take and be all the more self serving. The mind games. Ugh.

This was a “non verbal statement” I received from my adult narcissistic daughter last Christmas: My daughter is married and has two young daughters. I babysit three mornings a week. During the cold months, I would take over an extra sweater and my old, comfy slippers to wear in her home. Both she and her husband are very controlling about every aspect of their lives, and in their home. They require people take off their shoes when coming inside the house-always. When my daughter saw my old, worn slippers I brought over, I could tell she wasn’t thrilled I was wearing them in her home, and my immediate thought was, “ Ill bet i get new slippers for Christmas!” Sure enough, on Christmas Day, i opened a new pair of expensive Ugg slippers, and then she told me the slippers were to be worn in HER house, and I was too leave them there!! So “ my” gift, was actually a gift to herself!!!

@surlif

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my! What if something should happen and they do not have all that money for all the expensive items they think they must have??

@yvonnebond9795

2 жыл бұрын

Whooo!!!!

@karlachancellor4072

2 жыл бұрын

If you were my mom you would get a pair of slippers for each home. Your daughter can afford two pair with all the money she is saving on babysitting.

@barbnauman705

2 жыл бұрын

@@karlachancellor4072 that is an excellent suggestion.

My absurd statement ..my former spouse used to constantly ask me to tell him how good he looked..when I stopped, he would say, “maybe if you told me more that I looked good, I wouldn’t need to hear it so much” WHAT?????? Man..that’s CRAZY

I spent my childhood with a mother who would pretend to faint everytime she craved attention. I became her target when I reached the age of 12. I carried such guilt because she always told anyone who would listen that I was the cause of the stress that caused her blackouts and I would invariably be told by my stepfather "look what your done to your mother!" I am now 65 and 6 years ago I finally connected the dots between my mother's lifelong behaviour and the word 'narcissism'. From that moment on I was free. Now, my 87 year old mother spends her life scheming and conniving and becoming more and more toxic because I no longer respond or react and refuse to be manipulated. Last week, having screamed at me for a full hour (I'm not really sure what it was about because it was all white noise after 10 minutes) ... when I did not reply, she yelled "WELL??!!!". I replied "Indeed. See you next week. Bye" and left. The silence was indeed golden.

@lifewithapurpose237

2 жыл бұрын

have a picture of 🎬 movie "Home Alone" when uncle says to kevin, "look what you did, you little jerk!" step-dad sounds like an *enabler*

@cynthiafortier2540

2 жыл бұрын

I would go no contact, you don't deserve that bullcrap. She needs a different punching bag, not you!!

@karinberonius8799

2 жыл бұрын

Priceless!😂 Bravo!👏👏👏

@cmdm3788

2 жыл бұрын

Hahahaha oh my goodness! My mom loved to yell and would go on yelling rants. I remember one time when she was yelling in my face and I looked at her and realized she had lost all control and she looked completely ridiculous! I swore I’d never do that to my children. I love that you saw the ridiculousness of the yelling and you stayed calm. “Indeed” is priceless and so appropriate. You deserve a gold medal for maturity, self control, and DRC. Keep up the good work! I support you on team healthy!!!

@roseisrose8154

2 жыл бұрын

Haha! Good for you and your healthy response! My Covert narc husband’s mother used to have “nervous breakdowns” -as she called them- in front of him and his brothers as children and then blame them for her madness. “This is all your fault!” Unfortunately, through either genetics or because of so much early childhood shame, husband has become a Covert Narc and hasn’t dealt as healthily as you have with the ridiculousness that was his parents. Pat yourself on the back- I’m sure it’s been a long journey for you. Keep up the DRC!!

Crazy things a narc says/does: The Narc has ridiculous lunatic fits of rage, then within a few hours to a few days he says he is "overcome with sadness" and "in dispair" and quoting scriptures about love and forgiveness to let me know that I am not pleasing God because I'm not forgiving him for his outbursts. These events are less frequent because I have followed through on the consequences I communicated. So now his smear campaign includes "she's mean", "she threatens me" "she's not cooperative"....and worse exaggerations and lies.

Here's what my daughter said to me after an arguement with her siblings, "You are the matriarch of the home and as such you need to order your other children to give me the respect, honor & worship I DESERVE!"

Crazy quote: Don't thank God thank me, I am the one that paid for it.

Absurd Statement: " I don't have an anger problem. When YOU get angry, I have no other recourse other than fight fire with fire." (i.e. your fault!) This was said after we were disagreeing on something and he lunged at me from across the room and shouted an inch from my face.

An academic who prides herself on being the faculty representative for EDI (exclusivity, diversity and inclusion), once said while talking to a small group of us: 'I don't want to step on any toes' and proceeded to step on all our toes. It is breathtaking how she continues to practice lots of aesthetic diversity in our department and leadership tolerates her foolishness.

My mother was talking about how forgiveness is weakness. If you forgive, you deserve all that you get. She then said "People are toxic, all people are toxic, life is, in itself toxic!" Life is, in itself toxic. What an outlook on life 😂

@roxannecox7861

2 жыл бұрын

That's really sad. My husband believes that too.

I told her about a creepy story about one of my friends when we were teenagers describing a two year old as “hot.” I told her that from that day forward I was never that close with that friend because what he said just made me too uncomfortable. Who talks about babies as being hot? When I told her this story, she said there was nothing wrong with it. She said it was just like saying a little kid is cute. Absolutely freaking not!

@ashleyeberry91

2 жыл бұрын

No that's sick. Takes a loooooong time from that age for hot and cute to mean the same thing. creepy and sick.

@kellyrodgers4961

2 жыл бұрын

I agree, that's just creepy and sick.

When I said to my narcissist “Stop harassing me and trying to intimidate me”, he said that he was going to get a Restraining Order on me for telling him to stop harassing me. He then proceeded to tell me how my setting of boundaries is the actual harassment, and his screaming and swearing at me, and violent threats, were a reaction to my behavior. Good news is, I got a 3 year Civil Harassment Restraining Order on him.

@karinberonius8799

2 жыл бұрын

😄👍

They expect to be loved, but don’t love in return. They are hurt that you have better quality relationships with other (normal) people, but they are not loving. They don’t know how to contribute to a healthy, loving relationship

My absurd statement..was when my former spouse used to want me to always tell him how good he looked..when I became drained from this, he would then tell me “maybe if you told me more how good I looked, then maybe I wouldn’t need you to tell me so much”…is that crazy or what??????

I am quite visually impaired which becomes an opportunity for him to act superior and show off his extremely exceptional vision. One time in the car he pointed out a bird on a fence. When I said I couldn't see it he said, "You can't see that?! You're just not trying!"

ExN would pin me in the bed so i couldn't move to get up to go to the bathroom. He also often laid his dead weight legs over me, applying pressure which bent my back in pain while i was trying to sleep. In both of these scenarios I had to fight to get him off of me. When I complained, "stop it, you're hurting me," he would reply with: "oh? It feels good to me. " (I'm 117 lbs, he's 185 lbs)

Easy. My narc said "your therapy isn't working because I don't feel better".

@karinberonius8799

2 жыл бұрын

I'm sorry. But...🤣

@mystichealer2793

2 жыл бұрын

Karin it is funny now! 🤣

@karinberonius8799

2 жыл бұрын

@@mystichealer2793 😂👍

@sharonsalyer4912

Ай бұрын

😂😅

My NPD mother told me I had caused my father's cancer, after my husband and I told her we could not dig a ditch for lines to her new house 200 yards from the road, over 2 hills, & around a pond. (We were 2 starting lawyers with 16 hr days.) I later learned that she got my father's 80 year old father (my grandfather) to do it. Despicable or absurd?

Here’s one for next week. I had a narcissistic Jewish friend who prided herself on being scrupulously religious when it came , especially, to keeping a kosher home. In the Jewish religion, you do not eat meat products along with dairy. They have to be separated. Even cooked in separate vessels with separate utensils. One day, we were talking on the phone and she let it slip that she’d just consumed a cheeseburger that she’d brought home from some takeout joint. I said, “Carol, I thought you kept a kosher home, no mixing meat with dairy.”She quickly let me know that she didn’t violate anything because she ate the cheeseburger in her living room, not her kitchen.”

@cynthiafortier2540

2 жыл бұрын

Omg!!

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

I think there is a rule somewhere in Leviticus that says it's ok to eat cheeseburgers in the living room.

@wallymarcel1

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism By the way, Doc, she’s a Texan. This happened in your state.

@victorianatheart7390

2 жыл бұрын

If it wasn't so pathetic it would be funny!

@booradley9063

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my. Soon-to-be-ex-husband was quite similar. He prided himself on biblical knowledge and said one day he would be a drunk preacher to show how easy it was to learn the Bible, as if that would project shame on someone else for not knowing what he knows while drunk?!?! It was ridiculous. Almost the equivalent of someone saying "I'll whoop you with my arms tied behind my back" 🤣 His go to insult was to call me a cantankerous woman anytime I set a boundary or had a disagreement. He also said our marriage didn't work because I was filled with demons of the Jezebel spirit!

This one really got me......"It's not your job to take care of that baby, It's you job to be my wife" The "baby" is our grandson and we are seperated now for a year and a half with him and his lawyer (who is just like him) are dragging everything out FOREVER! He has created a WHOLE NEW PAST REALITY. His alcoholism, rage / anger, bi-polar, depression, and other addiction (everyone here knows what I mean) had nothing to do with our issues. It was ALL my fault. Just crazy making.

Absurd statement from ex husband, (after the 13th fling with another woman and I finally left and filed for divorce) "If you had been a better wife and made my home life less stressful I wouldn't have had to seek out other women", while trying to hook up with me during his "committed" relationship with his mistress... Lots of contradictions there.

Before we got married I asked her to get an STD/STI test because she had been with quite a few guys. She took off the engagement ring, threw it at me and said that if I knowingly had an STD and told her about it she would be willing to take the STD/STI too because she loved me so much…………. Um…. No. She got the test done and thankfully it was negative. But man how I wish it was positive so that I left a long time ago. 10 years with her. I ended it with her in March this year.

"People are just mirrors in our life. So if I say something that hurts you, it's only because it resonates with your own core injuries and what you think about yourself." - my "mindfulness awakener" narcissistic ex partner

My boyfriend’s mom is a narcissist in my opinion. We have been together for 12 years and I’ve heard my fair share of absurdity. 1. Around the time my boyfriend and I started dating I came to his house. I was in the living room talking to the family and I was sitting on a chair. Afterwards I heard his mom talking about me to someone and she was saying “ Look at how she was sitting in the chair. Does she think she’s a queen or something?” All I was doing is literally sitting on the chair in no particular way. At the time I felt so self conscious and that was the start of me trying to lower myself when around her because I thought that was how I could make her like me. 2. I brought my girlfriend to my boyfriend’s house one day and his mom met my friend. I always noticed that she treats other people, my friends especially, better than me. I’ve also noticed that she tries to make my friends HER friends. So later that day after my friend left his mom starts an argument with my boyfriend. She’s telling him that I’m no good and that I’m ghetto. That he should start dating my friend because she’s white like him and they would look better together. 3. Before I went no contact she would start arguments with him in front of me and I wouldn’t say anything. Then she would turn the insults onto me even though I hadn’t said anything. So after years of this I decided to say something. There was a period of 2 months out of 12 years that I tried to argue and yell at her back but I found these videos and found a better way to handle the situation. So after I started putting the info of these videos into practice I noticed something new. She now has a complaint that I don’t talk to her. In my mind I’m thinking jeez this lady is impossible and I’m glad it’s over with her. When I spoke she told me to shut up constantly. When I shut up she complains that I don’t talk to her. My conclusion is she must want me to talk but only in a way she accepts. It points out the problem perfectly right there. She’s wants the relationship the way she wants it and doesn’t want me acting of my own accord. No thanks. The list goes on but these three things do stick out instantly. Needless to say at this point in life I am no contact with her since this time 2020. The cycle was too much for me because I realized that I was the one constantly changing myself to make the relationship with her work while she stayed doing all the same things. I think me trying so hard in the relationship emboldened her to push me more.

Thanks for a great session, Dr. C. Sometimes the answers are hard to hear, but like you implied, "Truth is love and love is truth;" You can't have love without honesty.

Thank you, Dr. C. I appreciate your "down home" attitude and southern drawl. Gives you the ability to advise with heart centered advice, in my opinion. Love Gus, and glad to know his name's origin. Thank you, for your transperancy and a big hug for your multiple insights into the snares of toxic narcissism. Sincerely, Kathleen

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

You are very welcome! And that virtual hug is received!

@karlachancellor4072

2 жыл бұрын

He is also easy on the eyes. Both Gus snd Dr. carter are cute.

Trying to have a constructive conversation is impossible

My husband called me Satan and rebuked me. He yelled while pointing his hand at my face “Get behind me Satan”. He has strangled me, grabbed and thrown things at me but he thinks I’m impossible to communicate with because I use “you” statements or I approach him to have a discussion while he is sitting and Im standing. Apparently this is a threatening posture. He actually really likes self improvement workshops and therapy. He cherry picks the things he learns to use against me and be superior.

the denial/manipulation will be taken to some crazy lengths in a relationship with a narcissist. my ex husband and I had a problem arise from him proposing to me at a very difficult time in our relationship (he was late filing his US residency papers) and he basically said that I, as a woman, should have proposed to him sooner… that I was the reason why we were not engaged sooner… totally irrational and crazy-making nonsense. that was just the beginning of him showing his true colors. after several years, I had all of my family and friends siding with me to help me get away from him, and he is still drawing out our divorce, saying that it’s me who won’t “give up everything and let him be free” (meaning 100% of our house and all of the furniture in it).

I have two absurd statements for you: My narcissistic ex-husband (now divorced from him) decided my then best friend was going to be his new love interest because I "no longer checked all the boxes and she checked the ones I was missing." Anyway so he told me: "I don't mean to be disparaging but she (my former best friend) is not much to look at" and that we (he and I ) could still have sexual relations "to help me heal" from the breakup of our marriage. But it would be an arrangement between him and I and she could not know about it. When I told him that I wanted nothing to do with either of those two fools, he threw a tantrum in the driveway and yelled I was throwing 20 years away. Then he pointed at my corgi (named Basil) who was asleep on the lawn and said "Basil, You are now dead to me because your Mama doesn't want to be friends with me." Thank you for all you do, Dr. C and snuggles to GUS.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Good grief!

@amandaliverpool3374

2 жыл бұрын

Wow!

@annette2153

2 жыл бұрын

@Cyndi LooHoo oh i ran. divorced him and went no contact.dont have kids so that's good

@annette2153

2 жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, Dr. C, he had hoped all 3 of us could live together...She had just left her husband, had no place to go, and I let her stay at our house. During that time my ex would love bomb her in front of me, then turn around and treat me like a piece of garbage. When I stood up for myself, his mask came off and he turned into a monster. I initiated divorce proceedings and it was finalized this January. Again thank you for all you do for us.

@geraldnykamp

Жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism how do you even respond to that.🤯🤯

When letting them know something they said hurt my feelings “I’m not responsible for your feelings.”

@jenniferdavis3483

2 жыл бұрын

Golly that’s such a tricky one.. I remember getting told that a lot but the hard thing is there is a little bit of truth in it. I guess that’s where having really good boundaries comes in (and not feeling guilty about it!) I wish you the very best and coming up with some good ones. I actually keep a list of good boundaries in my phone and review them periodically. That kind of immediate hands-on hints and help has been really good for me.

@jenjencolorado

2 жыл бұрын

@@jenniferdavis3483 yes, it’s true which is why it’s so hard bc on the one hand yes, and on the other hand wouldn’t you at least care about my feelings to want to talk about it and come up with a solution together? It took me a while to see what he was doing because I would just resign and take my feelings to God and personally deal with them, but it never made the relationship any healthier.

Once when I mentioned to my husband that I was upset because he interrupted me often, he actually did an Internet search and told me that the Internet said it is quite common for people to interrupt each other.... yes... but I would like to be able to open my mouth once in a while WITHOUT being interrupted. Apparently that was too much to ask 😅

@christinalw19

2 жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh, that is my major frustration!! Hardly ANYONE let’s you finish a sentence anymore. 😢🙏🏼

@jennifertyler3648

2 жыл бұрын

@@christinalw19 Exactly, it is frustrating! Especially when you're dealing with a toxic personality. You have to listen to them go on and on as your brain is melting. But they can't not interrupt you. 🙄

@laurelvance5533

2 жыл бұрын

I deal with this same problem

@amandaliverpool3374

2 жыл бұрын

Also an ex narc said to me, when interrupting, 'I thought you'd finished' I had been trying to take a breath!

@jennifertyler3648

2 жыл бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 OMG I heard that one also from the same person!

"you hold me back...." A man who brought 3 garbage bags of clothes, and a month behind in his rent to the marriage 28 yrs ago, now was a teacher with 2 degrees, 5 kids and owned a home, 2 cars holidays etc . Yeah... I hold u back! (although he wants to sell and divorce because of said statement) I said OK as I now know what he is and he's getting worse. Can't do the egg shells and moods anymore. Love from nz

Here is another one, said while we were dating (I should have headed for the hills at that point) I wont love you if get fat. I said that I thought he loved me for my personality. Having been caught with his cold soul exposed he corrected himself. "Well, I would love you but I wouldn't be happy."

@karinberonius8799

2 жыл бұрын

What a gem!

Thankful for your time and advice trying to help us navigate around these people! Married 49 yrs 🙄

@victorianatheart7390

2 жыл бұрын

32 years for me. Sucks that we spend most of our lives with someone so toxic. I'd leave if I didn't think he'd try and turn my kids against me. He'd tell them how broken hearted he was and how spiritually lost I was. He'd also try to get them to tell him if I was dating again (by the way, in terms of dating again I say NEVER AGAIN. All I want is to be free to be me 100% of the time in my own home.)

deny, blame, deflect, rinse, repeat

The last straw for me from my narc husband was this excuse when I caught him cheating for the last time “ I was only trying to sleep with her so I could buy her vintage motorcycle” That was it unbelievable absurd and I’ve been free now for eight months

It is so much easier to tell someone else they are in denial. Then say I AM IN DENIAL!! Now, with a true support system with the people you want to help you. However I might not need them too. They can destroy your life

Yes, investment in the children. I think it's important to let the children feel heard and like they have a valid voice. My experience is the narcissist is an expert at invalidation to a point that there's a loss of self. Regardless of whether or not the child has a correct understanding or opinion about something, they need to feel heard. They need to be allowed the space to grow mentally without suppression. Helping them voice thoughts, think through ideas and express them is critical to their development.

@susanscott4215

2 жыл бұрын

My Mother had her own take on the old saying, "Children should be seen and not heard". She would tell my brother and I, "Think whatever you want, but don't you dare say anything" and her personal instruction to me..."Sit down, shut-up and smile". Wish she had your enlightenment.

@allyfrasier6306

2 жыл бұрын

@@susanscott4215 my personal enlightenment came from growing up with a narcissistic father and although I'm sure she loved me, a very absent mother. I think that was her way of coping with how physically and emotionally abusive my alcoholic father was. Unfortunately, I went on to marry a replica of my father..loss of self is a familiar concept to me. I'm finally out of the over decade long abusive marriage and I'm finally learning how all the pieces of my puzzle fit together. I'm at the beginning stages of therapy. I'm scared of my road ahead, the mountain I have no alternative but to climb. I've finally come to terms with the fact that ignoring my past is futile. I have no choice but to work my way through the muddy water's and I'm holding onto a vision for a better future. It's going to take genuine commitment and work but it's my only way forward. Sweeping it under the carpet only got me so far. There's simply no space left unless I go out and buy a carpet 4x the size..the shrapnel left behind is what I now seek to find peace with..

I don't know if my neighbour was a narcissist, but something wasn't right, that's for sure. He was really creepy and used to lurk a lot. He liked to shake his dirty clothes in my face whenever he got the chance to. I tried to be polite. I asked him to stop. I tried to avoid him. The last time I met him, he followed me to the back of the apartment building, he actually chased me around the lawn, and again shook a dirty sweater in my face. I said: "Would you PLEASE stop following me! Stop shaking your filthy rags in my face!" His answer: "Well, you went here first!" Priceless!🤣🤣🤣 So I said I'd go to the police. He stopped following me, but targeted other female neighbours. But Karma got him in the end.

I once visited my Mom & Stepdad for a week last summer. A few days into the visit, my stepdad started hounding me about my wife's behavior, I told him "I didn't come here to talk shit on my wife, please stop". This sent him into an anger rage episode. I wanted to leave and go home, but I also wanted to stay with my Mom to enjoy time with her. The next day he cornered me into a room and insisted that I apologize to him for my behavior. I refused, and stood up and yelled at him, "No I will not apologize to you! I did not do anything wrong!" I had reached my breaking point. I sat back down and asked him to replay what had happened the previous day that got him so angry. As he was telling me what led up to it, I corrected him a couple times, and before he could even get to the trigger point, he started breaking down and crying. I then spent the next couple of hours listening to how rough his upbringing had been. That was the only time I have ever broken through to him, and had him acknowledge his behavior. But since that event a year ago, he has had pretty severe rage episodes with me just about every time we have to talk. I ignore him completely now. My mom is suffering from dementia, and he is acting as her caretaker, and he gaslights himself so much, eventually doing the same with my Mom, who eventually forgets that these events take place. He lovebombs her repeatedly until she believes his farces. It's so hard to hear my Mom repeat BS stories that I know he has ingrained in her mind.

@lifewithapurpose237

2 жыл бұрын

sounds terrible , your last sentence. feel same way with my (what looks like) soon to be ex-spouse, who betrays our children my bad-mouthing me, not only to them but to whomever is willing to listen. recently learned that children identify themselves as ½ with their mother and ½ with their dad. so when co-parenting whenever either parent BADMOUTHS the other parent, our children internalize this as: i must be all those *'bad things'* mom/dad is saying about my father/mother. when children do not get what they need from a parent, they do not hate *that parent* they HATE THEMSELVES

@CrzBoarder

2 жыл бұрын

​@@lifewithapurpose237 love the name by the way. One of my favorite lyrics from a song is "I heard the purpose of life is to live a life full of purpose". I'm so sorry you're now faced with that challenge. I will never understand how people feel the need to control another human being and if they no longer can develop so much hate and anger and poison their kid's minds. My advice would be, just be the best version of you that you can be. Kids can often be more observant than we realize & if you're able to be you, they will see you better.

It's very exhausting dealing with a narc their denial,double standards and unwillingness to be self aware while constantly blaming whoever or whatever for their f**k ups it's a deal breaker why can't these peoplp be jailed and put on probation fr dam near killing me

"Perfect." The most outrageous comment I've heard from a narcissist. "I'm perfect. "

@KL-pq3mz

2 жыл бұрын

Heard this one MANY times. Ugh 😑!

@justmichael6628

2 жыл бұрын

I've also heard it said the other way around . The narcissist saying , you think your perfect to the non-narcissist because they are able to shine the light of truth and knowledge for all to see the hidden ; unseen ; greater defined meanings and understanding's of perception , so that the narcissist is no longer able to cloak their faulted mentality .

@KL-pq3mz

2 жыл бұрын

@@justmichael6628 - And this is also how I have heard it! Yep. Narc to non-narc flipped around. Oof 😓

Soon to be ex-husband nar. Was ordered to go to anger management Same week he found out I was seeking a divorce. "You might what to take this class there are some women in this class because of rash decisions made in Anger."

Another thing that seems to go hand in hand with narc-leaning people is immaturity. That's often the first red flag from my experiences.

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

So true!

After cussing and calling me names he later came to me and said: I'm sorry for saying all those things to you, but you you make me so mad! So exhausting.

I told him I wont tolerate him yelling and screaming at me. His reply"i have to yell because you dont understand things" .

I don't know if it is too late to leave comments for next week's absurd statements (just discovered these live sessions..yay!). Absurd example: I had a professional situation where I needed to speak to my boss about someone who wasn't pulling their weight, completing the assigned tasks, on a project that I was appointed to manage. This particular person was buddies with the boss, he had a pretty entitled attitude and was difficult. When I shared the situation with my boss, seeking direction on how to handle the colleague's lack of participation, I was told, "Everything you do is to perfection, others just can't meet your standards." Initially, I thought I was being complimented. But afterwards, I realized it was an underhanded insult, my fault, and the issue was never even addressed. It was like being love-bombed and gaslighted at the same time. I guess we could say that I was gas-bombed haha Thanks Dr. C! #teamhealthy

@lifewithapurpose237

2 жыл бұрын

😆🤣 good one. interesting how they can do both at the same time.

Similar to your example, Dr. C., an absurd comment was when the narc's mask fell off the first time. She got really angry after I told her "No" about a request she had. (Didn't know about narcissism then.) To cover her ground, she repeatedly stated, a few times, looking me straight in the eyes, "I wasn't angry. I wasn't angry. I wasn't angry". I thought, "okay, you're crazy, too" and "tell your face". It was absurd.

"I'm a brilliant genius. I just can't get out of my own way.", "I'm sorry if you misunderstood what I said.", "You're either with me or against me.", "Who do you think you are?", "Don't be so sure about that.".......

Absurd NPD statements: 1) "You taught me every wrong thing I know". 2) "What reasonable person would pay attention to me? - follow up - "who said you were reasonable?". 3) "I never would have done it if it weren't for you, so it's 100% your fault and you owe me an apology" -- follow up comment - "I'll take half the blame". 4) "I sin less than you and I can prove it". 5) "God doesn't love you and isn't proud of you, and I'm going to stand there and watch him punish you". 5) "I never had a problem before you". So many more - I need to stop!

@MT-bc1we

2 жыл бұрын

I know what you mean. There's just too many. We could fill a book with them :)

@cathyw.7515

2 жыл бұрын

Ok, 2 more: "You can't handle the truth!" , and "It's not my fault that you believe me!"🤥😝. No one can make this stuff up!

My MIL has high narc tendencies. Our therapist suggested we get some books about BPD and NPD and do some research. Narcissistic all the way. We see the triangulation, the “playing victim” ALL THE TIME - so zero accountability, the lying, the “I didn’t say that”. My hubby is 7th generation farmer on the original homestead, and our children the 8th. My hubby is a farmer thru and thru and is excited to continue the legacy of the generations before. His narc mom (who is not the “legacy family) says, “we haven’t been in your house for years, you planted trees so we can’t see into your yard (they live next door with a vast green space in between), you park your vehicles so we can’t see into you yard, blah blah blah. Yes, we have set healthy boundaries and she does not like it. She has threatened to sell the legacy farm! There has been so many accusations, triangulation between my husbands brothers- but we see it now. We have learned and listened to Dr Carter and are educated on what to do. Going no contact/minimal has been the best thing- not the easiest, but we see the harm and drama she creates because we aren’t playing her game. To your question about what the narc has said: “Let’s just wipe the slate clean and go back to the way it was.” (NO! As Dr Carter would say). Oh ok, let’s just forget about all your emotional abuse, all the lies, the smear campaign, ya ok!! No way!!! There is never any resolution, just more accusations and problems she creates or is the author of.

absurd things they say..."why wont you forgive me for whatever it is you say I've done?" "Why am I always the liar?" "she cries at anything." "I didnt say that." 5 seconds after it came out of their mouth. so many more.... but I'm sure others will have the same things plus more that I cant think of right now!!

“ I never call you because it makes me sad to know you have ailments” Also being blamed for not having a close sibling relationship when they are the one not wanting it.

Hi to Dr Carter, Gus and everyone on this journey from UK. Love these chats. ❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism

2 жыл бұрын

Hello Christina!

@anka2112

2 жыл бұрын

Hello! ❤️

@nenasadie

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Christina - I am from the UK too. Team Healthy members are everywhere lol :)

@carenclarke6896

2 жыл бұрын

Love Team Healthy!

@sueschierer5777

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Christina, Dr. Carter, and friends in the UK. I have been to Huntingdon five times, and have grown to cherish all of the friends I met there. Love to all, Sue

I heard this all the time. “I’m not angry. I never get angry.” He was just “disappointed” or “frustrated”. I know what anger looks like. And anytime I pointed out that he started the argument and was picking a fight, he accused me of doing that. It was so blatantly obvious that he instigated it.

@AlwaysStampinVideos

2 жыл бұрын

The narcissist i deal with wouldn’t even admit being “frustrated” or “disappointed.”

Hello from Houston, Tx. There's a bit of a backstory to this crazy statement but I promise it's worth the read! I'm a Burlesque performer and had invited another artist to collaborate on a routine for what was to become a regular monthly appearance at a nightclub. While we're waiting alongside the mainstage for the headliner to conclude his set - a dj who'd been billed as just having returned from touring w/MADONNA in Italy - she starts to pitch a fit because of the set dragging on. Before I could stop her, she marches across the stage & tugs on the DJ's sleeve in the middle of his set and proceeds to angrily complain in his ear! I could only stand there, shocked and embarrassed as she stormed away and informed me she wasn't going to do the act anymore. I found out the following day, what she'd said to the headlining artist was "You dont know who I am but you need to wrap it up!" Fortunately, I was able to do the routine and it was well received so that fiasco just became a funny story instead of ruining my standing with the club owners but I had to share it with all of you as the best example of a crazy statement I have experienced. Hope you all got a laugh!

The truth about being healthy is that it's just something you can be proud of. It doesn't mean that you won't suffer.

MIL told my husband while fake crying….That she’s afraid God is going to “strike him down” for the way he’s treating her. He was trying to set boundaries and not be under her manipulation & control. She uses religion as a tool constantly. Just one of her “many” tricks she’s used for years. It sure gets old….

Absurd statement I hear a lot: “If I don’t remember it then it didn’t happen.”

Absurd statements made by narcissists. “ I have do everything for the condominium association” and then in the same sentence, “I have to do it because the condo management company will never get it done.”

Every time he forgot something he said, it was beneficial for him. He always said maybe senility was setting in. That is until it was something I said, and then he seemed to remember everything! Its been 3 months and sometimes I get lonely but I don't miss always walking on eggshells...

@nicolamills8003

2 жыл бұрын

Mine asked if I had alzheimers. Cos his gas lighting was confusing me.. Lol

I've just found out the narcissist, who always has to be heard over all the other noises in the office and loves to feel like she's put someone in their place, has told HR I'm "loud and smug".

The narc ex-husband said to me while his siblings spoke at the eulogy for his Mother, "I am in the best shape out of all of my family." Who in the world thinks about that, especially at a time like that? CRAZY!!!

When I suggested family therapy to my family the response was "definitely not". That says it all.

The most absurd comment for me was when visiting my newborn and I in the hospital after her birth, my mother in law said to me “you’ve met your purpose, you gave me a granddaughter” as if my daughter and i exist solely for her use. She said it while patting me (either on the head or back… I can’t recall but it felt very demeaning). Another was “I know I lie, it just makes things easier” after being caught in significant lies.

The most absurd thing my ex said to me is specific to my situation but maybe there is a general principle that can be referenced so I will mention it anyway. I have narcolepsy. One major symptom is that the exhaustion on an average day for someone with narcolepsy is the same as a healthy person who hasn’t slept in 48-72 hours. Obviously, some days I am too tired to do housework. Since he wanted a slave, not a wife, he accused me of being lazy, both before and after my diagnosis. After diagnosis he constantly accused mr of lying and faking my symptoms. Six months after I was diagnosed I met a friend who also has narcolepsy. A year or 2 later he started accusing me of conspiring with her to concoct the idea that I have narcolepsy. And when I pointed out that I was diagnosed 6 months BEFORE I met her he sarcastically asked what I based my idea that I have narcolepsy on then. I reminded him that I had been for FOUR sleep studies, 2 before diagnosis and 2 after diagnosis to test the effectiveness of my medication. He accused me of lying about the sleep studies. I asked him where he thought I was the 4 nights I spent at the sleep clinic, including one night my daughter was at the clinic with me, also being tested for narcolepsy. He just grunted and walked away. But anyway, the most ridiculous statement in all of that was his accusations, which continued until I went nc, that I had conspired with the friend that I didn’t meet until 6 months after diagnosis.

After about two months of us dating, I bought my first car. When I told her how much I got it for (which I thought was a great price) she got angry and started to cry saying, “You could’ve saved the extra few thousand dollars to buy me a ring.” I know folks… Red flags everywhere.

@nenasadie

2 жыл бұрын

Omg... at least you didn't have to run. You could drive away! lol (I seriously hope you did)

@keepitreal7524

2 жыл бұрын

@@nenasadie Unfortunately….. I married her…… (face palm)…. I know…..

@nenasadie

2 жыл бұрын

@@keepitreal7524 But you're here now. So there's a clear road ahead. Might be bumpy, but... we're all right here with you :)

@keepitreal7524

2 жыл бұрын

@@nenasadie Thanks so much! I really appreciate it. 👊🏽

after an emergency overnight surgery, i returned home after hospitalization, spouse verbally tears into me (for this, that, and the other). i asked if they were done that i was going to bed, told me no sit down if you care to hear more, i said what are you going to insult next 'my Integrity', they say: huh! you ain't got any, so i ask: tell me what integrity means to you. reply *"you don't even know, google it, find out what it is, tell me, then i'll let you know if you got any"* 🤣😆😅 this one is a keeper doc same one that says, *" I LOVE ME SOME ME "*

I hope that the parent does NOT make the children stay with the parent they are scared of!

One morning I came to the breakfast table and found my siblings eating leftover pizza and popcorn. When I went to get cereal I got beat up because IF mom came out of her room I eating actual breakfast food would make them look bad. Mom, oh course, was in the bathroom throwing up from the household stress and last night’s spicy pizza etc., and they knew that. Strange threads of delusion meshed in their heads calling themselves logic, common sense, or my all time favorite, “just knowing better.” The worst delusion of all is whatever it is that tells them they have the “right” to harm and victimize.

My husband who was a narcissist would tell me he was perfectly fine until I got home and I would say something he didn't want to hear and I caused him to have an ulcer (he was a heavy drinker) and that was his way to get out of a conversation he didn't want to have.