"If a man doesn't treat his wife right, I don't want to hear him talk about Christianity." -- D. L. Moody. A quote I just heard. It resonates.

@michellehill718

Жыл бұрын

Indeed! 🕊

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Makes sense, Aaron.

@deborahcollins1100

Жыл бұрын

This is a great quote but of course if I even repeated it to my narcissistic “Christian” husband he would answer “ oh you poor poor baby I treat you so bad! “. That’s one of his favorite sayings to me even after he head butted me five years ago. They are in complete denial about their extremely horrible abusive behavior

@keplermission4947

Жыл бұрын

You want to know a better 'talmudic' one? "If you want to know how a man treats his wife, just look at how he cares for his shoes". (And you never shine yours Aaron, they're not the cleanest of the block neither).

@houseplantnerd2872

Жыл бұрын

This resonates with me too. My narcissist is a born again Christian who uses her new found, shallow religious beliefs to attack me. While she insinuates I'm going ro he'll and need to be "saved" she's the least religious person I know. It's all for show. Fake. And then she has the audacity to try to use it against me. That was one of the many straws the broke the camel entirely. How can she claim to suddenly be deeply religious and still be cruel and mean to everyone?

There's just something so extremely calming about you and your channel. Not only are you providing amazing information, but you're doing so in a way that genuinely soothes my soul. Thank you for everything you do sir.

@JumpWatson45

Жыл бұрын

Yes listening to him is therapy for me bc I can't afford it.

This triggered a memory for me…so one day he was hammered drunk as usual and he was hyper focused on me and everything I was doing wrong as usual lol and he kept saying he had to put me through “boot camp” and by that he meant smacking me or hitting me every time he “felt disrespected” by me. Mind you I was just having a regular conversation with him. Horrible abuse. I believe that was the same day he spit chewed up food in my face and actually ripped my dress off of my body. He didn’t want me to look pretty so the dress had to go. Such a coward he couldn’t just say “babe can you change?” He ripped it off of my body and pushed me on the floor. So glad I’m out of that situation. And haven’t been hit or abused in almost a year-10 months now!

@grayrock179

Жыл бұрын

OMG! Hugs to you. Stay safe!

@tiffanyjohnson1676

Жыл бұрын

Sorry that happened 🌹 ❤️ Love peace ☮️ ❤️

@Hatbox948

Жыл бұрын

Wow. I think that goes beyond narcissism. It's out and out abuse. Thank God you got out.

Gus is a superstar! You are pretty good too. 😉 I love your genuine smile and joy you put into your introduction. God Bless!

Thank you so much, Dr. C, for all your work in raising public awareness about this life destroying personality disorder. The only way that humanity will ever escape it is by recognizing and refusing to allow it. I never heard of it until a couple of years ago. I just knew there was something very wrong with some of my relatives. Started watching your videos and you are describing the behavior patterns that I have endured for more than 60 years. Your work is so important ! Live Long and Prosper. 🖖

@henrykujawa4427

Жыл бұрын

I'd heard the word, and knew some of its general definition, but it wasn't until a long-time casual friend of mine got married SUDDENLY and her new hubby got VERY rude in my direction, that another friend said to me, "He sounds like a narcisist". That's when I looked it up, and suddenly got very worried, for her! I know she and I will probably never be a thing (we live 3000 miles apart) but I still occasionally say prayers for her well-being. These videos have been a real Godsend to me since I started working for a PAIR of narcisists. It started out with contrariness, then evolved into EXPLOSIVE anger, then a lot of other things. Since I found Dr. Les's videos, SO MUCH of what I'm seeing "makes sense" (or perhaps I should say, is more understandable).

@snowy4282

Жыл бұрын

@Henry Kujawa, I hope that you can find a better work environment. My experience is that when a narcissist perceives that they have power over another person, when they are in a position to destroy what someone has worked years to achieve, they show themselves to be bottomless pits of brutality. Listening to Dr C’s focus on calm, steadfast, healthy values and personal growth is the most effective strategy I have found. I wish his videos were required viewing for public schools. People need to know what narcissism is, and protect themselves from it. If people know about it and can identify it sooner, there will be fewer victims. Peace Be With You!

@dm3144

Жыл бұрын

Snowy, that is so true. I couldn’t have said it better myself. 45+ years I endured this insidious behavior and I’ve been no contact for 1 entire year. Couldn’t be happier, I feel like I’m in my 20s again!✌️ 🦋SURVIVOR🦋

@ursalaoutrageous9249

Жыл бұрын

@@snowy4282 so true what you say about narcissistic coworkers! I worked with such a person. His dishonesty was astounding. He spent most of his time taking strolls, shooting the bull, acting important, feigning ‘concern’ over production, writing in times when he was not present, working on football polls while the other three of us handled 95% of the work. Guess who got promoted to be our supervisor? After he got the power he wielded it like a club and our environment became extremely threatening and abusive. Our workplace changed into a snake pit.

I've gone no contact with my narcisstic father. He came at me with anger. Emails with threaths and commanded me to change my behavior. I ignored those emails. The last email he send, was all about him telling me he was sorry. I ignored that one too. I guess the only thing he is sorry about is that he can no longer control me.

I had a friend in junior high who had a tendency of being very critical of the way others handled things that she felt expert at. We renewed our friendship after 50+ years and her critical nature had blossomed into a narcissism that I could not handle. She seemed absolutely determined to change me into a person she could accept and became furious that she couldn’t. I wrote this in her honor: I’m perfect. I admire myself. I think that you should, too. I am just impeccable in everything I do. I’m disciplined in every way; I never make a mess. If I had a single fault, I surely would confess. You should follow in my footsteps; You’d do nothing but improve If you went by my example, If you followed every move. You’d do well to imitate me; My advice is tried and true. If you could just be more like me, You’d be a better you!

My ex narcissist used to and continues to say "Prove It". Even if you did they'd still deny it. They're so phony in front of others. I'm going to start calling mine out him and all his corrupt evil ways.

Dr. C, have fun on your trip! This feeling of being “free” when the narcissist is out of the room or not at the gathering hit home for me… it’s a sigh of relief when my narcissistic extended family member isn’t at a gathering. It feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders!!

When my narcissistic husband goes to bed which is much earlier then I do YES definitely the word FREEDOM best describes it for hours to come actually since I am a night owl thank goodness and we no longer share a bedroom for a couple years now which is wonderful too 👍❤️

@Ceceskitty

Жыл бұрын

Wow, sounds like my life here. I also am glad when he goes to bed, which is much earlier than me. I also am a night owl and sleep in a separate bed room from him. This life is so tiring.

@maryht

Жыл бұрын

This describes my life also, just waiting for him to go outside so I could breathe, or sing out loud, or cry a prayer to the Lord out loud. I felt like I was rarely able to be at home alone. So now I've been gone for a year, and divorced for about the last 4 months. I have to tell you that I still have anxiety and grief, it is different than the anxiety and grief I had living with him, but it is still very hard. I will say that there is less anxiety, it's just a different kind now. I seem to have really been attached to him, after having been married for 40 years. It's hard to adjust but I think it might be getting a little easier, it's just such a hard thing with him or without him, once you have been so entwined with them.

@RN-gx7wt

Жыл бұрын

@@maryht That's the cost of sticking around too long, it's damaging, and doesn't just disappear because they went to sleep, no rest for the wicked. Anyways leaving or getting divorce, is the way to go. Staying creates illnesses. No exceptions.

Injustice. The pain, frustration and even anger comes from feeling injustice and knowing full well what they say to me to purposefully be rude and mean or what they do to me to create drama and strife in my life is wrong and I didn't do anything to deserve it.

I'm so glad you taking some time for you Dr.C. We appreciate you and all your videos. You have helped me when I need to understand and prepare for being around a person that is narcissistic. When I have felt at my lowest and thought I was losing my mine it wasn't me at all. Thankyou Dr. C.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome, Rachel. You're why I do the videos!

@heathermixson1265

Жыл бұрын

I 2nd this!!!!!! Enjoy Vermont and its beautiful fall foliage, fishing, and food.....safe travels, Dr and Mrs C!!!!! [And Gus]💝

@dm3144

Жыл бұрын

That was a great comment, thank you🦋

Re: aging narcissists - they may not necessarily get worse but it’s important to note THEY DON’T CHANGE. When I told my aging mother I could not drop what I was doing (to comply with her demands) she responded with “then don’t come to my funeral IF I die.”

@summerbee9748

Жыл бұрын

I hate that for you! 😢 My mother was in my life but she was always more like a friend than a parent. She didn’t raise me and I basically went to see her when I was mad at my dad. She was always pretty cold and Unaffectionate towards me. I don’t know if she’s a narcissist but she was not a loving mother and this definitely sounds like something she would say. For the last three years I’ve had minimal contact with her and I think my life is better not having her in it. It really sucks because as a woman I need my mom and I envy those who have a close relationship with their moms. Anyway my point is I cut her off mostly and never looked back. Just wanted to share that with you.

@TWILLIE639

Жыл бұрын

@@summerbee9748 same here and thank you for sharing. Mom’s behavior toward me caused me to have this persistent “healing fantasy”for the last decade. With her last comment and I do mean last she discarded ME. I view it as my escape finally out of the scapegoat role so therefore I am honoring her silence. Dementia did not cause her to speak like that to me - it came up out of her cold black heart.

@deawallace3584

Жыл бұрын

My evil covert narcissist birth parent will have no funeral. Who would come--a handful to say good riddance and some flying monkeys. Thanks, but no expensive funeral circus needed for this destructive woman.

@AAXS-op1vo

Жыл бұрын

Wow. Yeah . . . that is a classic narc response. Lord help us all.

@TWILLIE639

Жыл бұрын

@@AAXS-op1vo seriously, who says that to their child? I’m in my 60’s and just the idea of my mother dying hurts terribly. That scary thought has been in my head since childhood. Maybe she’s not narcissistic but rather dysfunctional or mentally ill but no matter I’m too thin-skinned to take it.

"the minute you go off on a different direction, it's off with your head..." pretty much summarize the relationship with a narcissist.

So happy you're taking some time for you (and took the time to provide this to us beforehand). Thank you for all the support and tools you give to us. We appreciate you so much.

Biggest nugget today: Why do we feel so good when the narcissist is in a different place than us? 27 minutes in. OHH WHAT A RELIEF it was when I dropped the N off to an airport and had some FREEDOM of my own thoughts and space. Control is NOT a good thing. Going along to get along is NOT a good thing.

Recently visited my father and he showed me all the pictures hanging in the hallway wall and referred to it as “the wall of shame”. Good thing I don’t care about what he thinks or his rude comments. The pictures are of his girlfriend’s children, grandchildren and some of me. How nice of him. The feeling is mutual.

Narcissists see other people as objects, like we treat a phone or a computer, and 'teaching a lesson' is an attempt to make the object serve them properly.

Sending positive energy and appreciation out to Michelle, Dr Carter’s ☀️ Program Director. She doesn’t get as much air time as Gussy-Gus but she’s an important and valued member of The Team. 🌻 Thanks Michelle 🎉

The aging narcissist that I deal with definitely has Not mellowed with age. She has simply polished her tactics. Gone are the days when she could get away with literally slapping my teeth down my throat, so she does not mount physical attacks anymore. However, her mental attacks have become more frequent and insidious. At 88, with me as her 24/7 caregiver (servant, appliance, lab specimen), she has nothing more entertaining to do than hatch new schemes. She absolutely knows right from wrong, and chooses to do evil. All the rage, spit, and venom are still in there, but she has had a long time to hone her craft. More dangerous than ever.

@usernane3652

Жыл бұрын

dump her

Thank you Dr. Carter, it is a comfort to listen to you everyday. You are my support group. All the wisdom of your expertise gives me joy, although life with narcissists are for me I have been able to see through after years of it. HAVE A WONDERFUL VACATION IN NOTHERN USA. It is so beautiful there, especially this time of year the fall.The colors of the leaves are exquisite. May you and your wife have a beautiful week. I hope you catch some fish. Fishing is so much fun. Is Gus going with you? If not I would baby sit for you. All kidding aside I would, but I am sure whether he goes or not, he will be in loving hands. ❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for the well wishes, Anna. Gus will be staying with a young family that lives less than a mile from our house! He'll be well taken care of!

"I don't find this to be meaningful, I want to find a different purpose in my life other than keeping you off my back' I want to stitch this on a pillow cushion. It's brilliant, thank you Dr. Carter. whew, you find the words i need and they're powerful.

Awe Dr C You deserve a beautiful vacation- you get to see all the colorful trees. Have a fantastic time!!

I worked as a caregiver for a woman who I have come to believe was a narcissist. I had come to the decision that I needed to give my notice to quit working after nearly three yrs. Her disrespect was subtle. Just leaving absolute messes for me and not taking care of things she easily could but I thought we were on fairly good terms and she did a few very nice things for me like cleaning her home after I came back from surgery…. However when I gave notice she called the agency ( I worked as a consumer directed aide) and fired me, unfriended and blocked me on Facebook. Not long after tho she sent me a couple text messages which were very pointed and “ informative “ only. I finally blocked her since it felt so bad to be kicked to the curb when I had done so much for her and off the clock many times

My narcissist has also been diagnosed with OCPD. Life with him had been miserable and I have found it so hard to detach from him.

@RN-gx7wt

Жыл бұрын

Real chaos, what's the point staying attached regardless. Stop investing, Stop playing games, Stay away from their Reality, that's how you get rid of the hooks, you will finally meet yourself again at the end of that assertiveness.

@firedplay

Жыл бұрын

You're not alone. Like Rebecca Zung says, thr narcissist isn't eith you because you have so little value. It's because you have so much value that they glommed on to you.

@Brooke-ny1ib

Жыл бұрын

I cannot get away. I have nowhere else to go and he had made it to where I depend on him for everything. Money, good, clothes, hygiene, everything. I have detached myself mentally and emotionally and am actively looking for somewhere to go to break free from him physically.

I've heard of people being controlled from the grave! They're like you say, still in your mind!

Have a great vacation!🥰🥰

Have fun Dr C! Thank you for keeping us all focused on Team Healthy. (Love from Montana)

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Last year's vacation was in Whitefish. It was fabulous!!!

@angelawade1445

Жыл бұрын

I love Montana ❤️. Lived there as a teenager.

There’s another term for gray rock known as “BIFF” - Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm - great book by Bill Eddy … quick responses to high conflict people.

Oh, I love Vermont. You might be touching the leading edge of leaf-peep season! My mother is buried in Bennington and I used to travel up there often when I lived in south Jersey. I hope you enjoy your stay! It's beautiful country.

They have performance based "love". When you don't "perform" as they demand and expect, there is no "love". It isn't real.

I remember once my nephew was visiting my parents, and AG and I were there, and the conversation turned toward the question of abortion. This nephew is the product of someone making a decision about whether to have an abortion or not--I find it important to point out that choosing not to do what many people pressure one to do is as valid an option as any other--and his feelings on the issue differ from AG's (and my parents'). The two of them got into a discussion, until AG just raised his voice and talked over any opinions my nephew tried to express. Finally Josh just left the room, and AG started crowing about how, "I destroyed him!" and "He just couldn't say anything--I win!" and so on. After about 10 minutes I noticed my parents looking uncomfortable, so I said quietly, "Winning a debate with someone less than half your age isn't all that big a triumph," which mostly quieted him down, though he did keep chuckling all evening. I think we left shortly after that.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Good call to leave!

@wendychavez5348

Жыл бұрын

It took some time, but I got there!

Oh yes!!! And have so much fun on vaca!!! Stay dry - Tie a good fly and catch a big fish. We can’t wait to hear all about it!

Indeed! We absolutely do not have to respond in kind to how many narcissists may choose to continue treating us! That's what they do. Meanwhile, please do enjoy your quality time with your friends and family next week in New England Dr. Carter! Have fun! 😊🕊🌲🍂

So grateful I found you. Was really thinking I was all those things he projects onto me...unworthy, etc ungrateful, etc.i felt crazy. Really couldn't pinpoint the real issues here until I retired (early)a few years ago then busy life came to a grinding halt. Before that I would fall into the trap, take taking the bait. I can't leave, I'm 61 and poor ....he's not rich, but together there's a roof over my head.. I do a lot of grey rocking and avoid engaging in any way whenever possible. At the time of this writing I'm sitting on the beach on a solo vacation, and didn't tell him where I was going until the night before. Heck, there were times when I packed my car under the cover of darkness and just left out in the morning before he woke up. Figured there's going to be you know what to pay either way,so I'm gone! .enjoying life as best as possible. Thank you Dr C ❤️ andbe well fellow sufferers. At least now we know a bit more than we did, and learning how to cope. ,☮️

I you are so helpful ! You helped me to overcome the fact that i am all my life surrounded by these monsters... I am 61 now and just now i was awakening ! And educating about this horrible phenomena ....i didn't believe all my life this evilness even exsist .... !! But it is !! Anyway i am now focusing curing my wounded soul because i was very abused all my life & i have a lot of healing work ....

Gus is the best in the west. Have a safe and happy trip Dr. Carter. You deserve it because of all you do for all of us with your videos. I have always loved when he goes to visit his family and I just wish it was more often. Maybe this person is not used to making any decisions for themselves because the narc always made the decisions. I have an illness too called sick of the narcissist. Let that be your answer. Have a wonderful trip Dr. Carter, God bless.

Funny you say that about aging. I waited in hopes for thirty years for my husband to mellow. It never happened. Instead he found a floozy half our age and told me I was not submissive enough. Good grief, I was a compliant doormat for decades!

I’m working the the boundaries course This Is Me. Each module teaches me so much. I’m learning to change my attitudes and behavior. This course helps me know I have not had good boundaries my entire life. I feel sad for the controller/narcissist who can’t or won’t get help. I am accepting that sadness is part of the grieving process I’m going through as I continue to do daily work to recover. Accepting that so many people never get help, and continue to suffer is part of the process. Thank you for leading the way to understanding.

After 8 years with my husband I’m so tired. We get along fine as long as I don’t disagree with him. He makes all the decisions regardless of how I feel. I’ve told him that we need to make decisions together and be a team. He never responds to my request. How do you set a boundary on this? Our money is separate and we don’t have children together. (Mine and his are all grown) I always learn after the fact that he has made decisions without consulting me. I really want to give up.

@patriciafry8634

Жыл бұрын

Is there any way you can leave? You need a better future.

@karenharden6018

Жыл бұрын

Keep your $ separate.....go grey rock....make secret plans of life without him. Maybe he will leave you or best case, die. It is hard to walk away from security and real estate. I will pray for your strength.

@christinalw19

Жыл бұрын

What do you need him for? I wouldn’t stay since your children are adults. Life is short. He’s a control freak because he is out of control. Do something good for you. (He will cry and beg you not to leave, but he will not change. 🙄)

@aaronkwolfe

Жыл бұрын

Welcome here. You are among friends. I'd agree that teamwork in a marriage is a great thing (when it works). Sounds like the decisions aren't financial, at least. As far as the other decisions, you probably already know that which is allowed will continue. And it is making you tired, because it has. Have his decisions had negative consequences? Ones you could have foreseen and advised differently? Anyway, living alone is one thing, living with someone who makes you feel alone is another thing entirely. Sorry if I can't advise. Hope my input at least helped you realize you aren't alone.

@bonnystarkey1143

Жыл бұрын

You sound like me. Got along as long as I agreed with everything and didn’t have any needs. In my case he got more angry and violent and I had to leave. I started being assertive and he did not like it. So if you try to be your own person or assert yourself, be careful for rage and tighter control. I’m sorry but this is a good possibility. He wants to control you, so why would he accept you having a voice?

The comment about attention deficit disorder.. we are a United States Marine family my youngest son was blown up in Iraq and had has a traumatic brain injury which affects his short and long-term memory. His wife knew this when she met him. I even talked to her and asked her did she understand that this brain injury is one of the worst that they've seen at his particular VA hospital where you're not missing an arm or a leg. She told me she understood it she could take it it's okay. They get married and then they finally buy a house. I go out to visit them. Wife comes up to me and asks me how old my husband was when he came down with or was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Then she tells me how my son can't remember anything. She thinks he has Alzheimer's. I looked her dead in the face and said you knew he had a traumatic brain injury with long and short-term memory issues he's also almost deaf and he's blind in one eye. And I went on to explain that my husband was 70 years old when he was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. I also explained to her she's got at least 40 years before she needs to worry about my son having Alzheimer's. She got up and went in the house. That's a narcissistic move to try to use something she knew he had to attack him with to control him with and try to take over all the finances and everything else.

Thank you for all that you do. I always take away new strategies from you living with a narcissist, you are one of the best.

Vermont is beautiful Dr. Carter! Have you thought of the Adirondacks in upstate New York? It's a beautiful mountainous area with lakes, forests, rivers and valleys. It feels like a different world even though we're on the same continent. The landscape is breathtakingly beautiful! I was thinking of Gus recently and remembered what you said in a video of not caring what others think cuz Gus doesn't care what others think or say, AND he's completely happy. Every time he's napping behind you, I feel like I'm watching a little angel. He's so adorable. Thank you for all of these videos you've uploaded. It's been very helpful.

They enjoy hurting others…the game thrills them. They laugh as they insert the sword in your heart and leave you on floor to bleed out & by god if you get up they will put their foot on your throat. We learn to play dead.

Aging narcissist-- My mother lived to 97. I lived down the street and my sister and I became her daily helpers. I hung in because I wanted to honor my deceased father and do what was right. Otherwise my mother would have had no one. Hired caretakers disappeared when she died. I felt sad for her but did what I felt was right for me. Learned to detach, finally, and know her criticism was not about me but about her and her misery. My adult daughter seems to have inherited the traits of my mother. Having been raised by a narcissist, I wasn't a very good parent, so I did contribute, but life has clobbered my daughter over and over and she doesn't seek help to be a better person. Just her prescribed method for me to give her $$ or be a sounding board. I resigned when she was in her late 40s, but occasionally get manipulated to help. Dr. C, your support continues to help me navigate the treacherous terrain of dealing with a narcissistic child in her 50s. I no longer invite her to family gatherings or have her in my home. Everything is kept on the surface. I'm so glad the painful severance happened five years ago. I do get to decide! Whew!

Thanks, got copied in on that e mail, my experience with a narcissist is this, 1St I was puzzled, then after my research courtesy of your and others doing what you do, I found so many things in common. This led me to observe his actions, deeds and words and in so doing I realised the truth of your guide to this condition. And I remained socially polite but now feel it's true I am dealing with an immature and in many ways non-functional adult. His effect on his family is tragic to observe but I make my position clear to the adult and just try to be advisory and supportive to the children. Not being or wishing to be aggressive in any way but being a sort of safety net / refuge. Its the best I can do, in his Prescence I maintain a body language and conversation that keeps him off balance and unsure of his ability to say or do anything that has any influence on my direction or decisions. Which in truth is the case. I still deeply regret his treatment of those in his control but oddly if I pushed too hard in this matter, I would become him. Not something I want or intend to do, however with regard to a statement you yourself made re pre-teens, a child of his under age 10 exhibits much in common with his father's ways it's a little worrying. Anyway, hope this feedback helps, and thankyou Dr Carter. Chris.

Thank you I love ❤️ the elderly however unfortunately not when it a narcissist. They seem to have even more anger and outbursts not to mention the mentality that they are superior when they are the oldest in the room. Thank you Dr. Carter for your video today. Each of your videos I share with 2 of my dear cousins who have through your vidies that their mother has narcissist tendencies and have expressed how grateful they are for your videos. You have taught not only me but my husband, sister, cousins and friends!

believe me they get so angry that if you turn your back peacefully , they go up any road any way to get revenge. I have never known hostility so severe . they show no feelings no remorse and the lengths they go to to attack and character damage is so immense. its the lies and accusations with no evidence that they try and serve behind your back that really shows them for who they are . so firs the picture of all that's being discussed .

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

It's really baffling...your peace threatens them. Go figure.

They're sick people in denial

There was so much in this video I could relate to. I could go on for many long paragraphs to respond, but I think it's a lot easier to do so with the shorter videos. The main thing that stood out was "trusting yourself". I dealt with brainwashing from my father for more than 30 YEARS. It took me until I'd been in art school for 2 whole years (and some of the tragic events that occured while I was there, as a result of my not being able to follow my own instincts) that led me to realize I have VERY good instincts, and I NEED to listen to them whenever I can. It was 4 decades of dealing with my Dad that I think really led me, many years later, to going into home care, which I really love, apart from those days (weeks? months? years?) where I find myself dealing with now not one but TWO narcisists at the same time. I came very close the other week to asking my supervisor for another assignment, but it's a matter of pride with me to be able to overcome the repeated cycles on insane behavior (not everyday, if it was constant, it might actually be easier). The way I see it, these guys NEED my help, and I kinda doubt anyone else in my office would have the patience with them that I do! These videos are seriously HELPING me do my job!

@snowy4282

Жыл бұрын

@Henry Kujawa, I kind of doubt that most people have the knowledge, fortitude, and compassion to take care of narcissists. I hope the agency you work for is well aware of the situation you are dealing with. One of my elderly relatives accused her caregiver of all sorts of horrid things, including stealing and being “rough” with her. The caregiver refused to go back, and my relative spent her last years in a nursing home. Kudos to Dr C for his experience and insightful explanations of the fear and insecurity that narcissists hide from themselves. It reminds me that they are human beings and mentally deranged, rather than simply demons from Hell. Wishing you a clean and strong karma, now and always.

@henrykujawa4427

Жыл бұрын

@@snowy4282 Thanks for the kind words. I had to stop by my office today to fill out a yearly evaluation form. While I was there, I briefly mentioned the situation to our current "general manager" (a very nice woman who is definitely over-worked-- I've spoken with her maybe 5 minutes in the TWO YEARS she's been there!). And she said, "Henry, we REALLY NEED you here!" Man, that made my day. I can't remember anyone at ANY of my drafting jobs ever saying that to me.

@snowy4282

Жыл бұрын

@Henry Kujawa - Cheers ! Well done. That made me smile. Nice to know you are appreciated. ⭐️

absolutely derive pleasure from punishing - “I win amd you lose” after the last three day rage he had some kinda a weird smile on his face when he recognized I was hurt. Then the three weeks of the silent treatment when I asked what do you say was the trigger and it was something so little I said “ do you think days of rage broken things and vile name calling and ultimately hurting me was a reasonable response to me not turning on the car fast enough the answer was yes! What do you do with that?!?! It doesn’t matter if you say nothing or something it’s always your fault w a narcissistic person

@lynnebucher6537

Жыл бұрын

I had to accept that person wasn't capable of having a healthy relationship, and made and executed my breakup strategy.

Thank you Dr. C🙏 Have a nice and safe journey😉👍

Narcs love to take work outta town. Little do they know it’s a break for us!! I totally related to that comment. Do I care what he’s doing out of town. A big fat NO!! just happy he’s finding supply elsewhere and leaving me alone.

@Hatbox948

Жыл бұрын

So true. Mine was an OTR truck driver gone from Monday through Friday. He's retired now and home 24-7. It's hell.

Thanks Dr C this is my elderly Parent now and as I remember growing up. I send love to all victims off Narcissist Parents

@usernane3652

Жыл бұрын

thanks back at you!

Of course you’re in VT while TX has cooled down in the mornings. Enjoy your much-needed vacation from Bexar County, TX!

How can you overcome the lack of decency in a parental flying monkey, particularly when in private, they tell you they agree with you but then in public, they support the narcissist? This has continuously happened to me with my mother, who has always supported my narcissistic father and sister, regardless of how ludicrous her support for them has been? How do you overcome that sense of betrayal and indecency?

Received my first coffee mug today, Dr Carter! DRC stands for …

Hello Dr C and Dr Gus ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Woof

Happy Vacation...You'll love Vermont...

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Hope so, never been!

@i.m.watching5536

Жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism Me neither. Have a safe trip!

Omg, so true about stage moms. Poisonous.

"Don't make the success of your boundaries be contingent upon the narcissist's agreement, because it's highly predictable they won't agree with you." 🙌 I set a boundary with my narcissist, and she went ape-shit on me 😂 it took some real centering for me not to rush to the rescue and say I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you by stating a need! Takes a lot to overcome the sympathetic tendencies activated by narcissistic influence. On the other side of the boundary, I feel safer, healthier, and more aligned with my sense of self. I get my need met, and independently of that, my ex-narc is just as emotionally dysregulated as they were when I was allowing my boundary to be violated. In other words, it literally didn't make a difference to them (they were unwell regardless of my boundary) but the difference it made for me is that I now feel safer in my skin. Good luck out there, folks, be well. 💓

What about a narcissist that will not take responsibility and make any decisions. He sits back and will blame me if he feels it was the wrong decision but if I do something right he will never tell me. By not making any decisions, he must feel that is free from. Making mistakes?

I'm not sure how to feel toward my ageing stepfather. He's been emotionally and verbally abusive to me for 50 years. I've tried to have a relationship with him but it's been very difficult. Sometimes he can be so nice and other times just cruel. I put up with it for my mother's sake. She passed away in January. I have to admit, he's mellowed and has made some attempts to forge a relationship with me since then. I've visited him and we've talked on the phone over the past several months. Have even had some nice conversations, but there are still incidences where he's sarcastic and condescending. His remarks bring me right back to all those years of hurtful words and gestures. I don't feel like I can really trust that he's changed. Now that my mother is gone, I don't really want anything to do with him, but feel bad because he seems to be trying. My brother and sister talk to him often during the week. I don't feel like I want to do that for fear he'll say something nasty or put me down in some way. I don't want to be mean, but I've been down this road before where he acts nice, I get sucked back in, only to be hurt again by his comments.

@usernane3652

Жыл бұрын

dump him

Enjoy your break Dr C you really deserve it!!!🙏🏽

Great video Dr. C.! Thank you! 🙏❤️🐾🐾

I really appreciate you being there on team healthy! You are a sanity saver!

Good on you Dr Carter I hope you enjoy your well-deserved break!

More n happy be here with ya Dr C. and everyone free to be community of course. ❤ healthy

Have a wonderful and relaxing time on your vacation. Hope you find some cooler weather. Thank you so much for your classes, they are very informative but most of all helpful.

Darn I missed the live stream and the chat. It's always helpful to chat with others facing the same issues. Thankfully there is always the replay. Vermont would be beautiful this time of the year with all those beautiful leaves changing colours. Stay strong and stay true to yourselves.

Thank you Dr. Carter!! I look forward to your videos, podcasts and weekly chats. I’m glad to see you’re taking some time off!! Enjoy your vacation and rest well!!

I can attest to the fact that my 70 yr old narcissistic husband of 37 yrs has definitely getting worse if that’s possible ! And he keeps saying that he is retiring soon! Hope you Dr C and your wife have a wonderful vacation in Vermont . It should be getting very beautiful up there now I believe. Is Gus going too? ❤

@Jewels1573

Жыл бұрын

So sorry you are having this issue. Praying for your peace and for wisdom. 🙏🏼

Glad to see you again Dr. Carter, so glad!...🙏💕 Greetings and blessings from Europe

Thanks Dr Carter from Sydney Australia. Love your messages 😊

Tuned in to see Gus.

Hello Dr. Carter awesome you truly deserve a VACATION enjoy team healthy...

That is so wonderful Dr C. Enjoy your vacation, have fun and stay safe. Until you do your next live feed I will be watching you on KZread channel.

All the way through! You're talking about my parent!! Right down to telling me how to parent my own children and telling my husband how wrong we are as parents! My kids are GREAT kids and of course we parent our way. I am a huge advocate for grandparents to take that step well back and let the parents parent and grandkids. My mother doesn't do that! And because of this insufferable suffocation, we've gone no contact - the kids are fine with it and my eldest has already told her grandmother she wants nothing more to do with her (she's now nearly 20) and of course it's ALL my fault!

Hi Dr Carter!! Hi Team Healthy! So happy to be here! ❤. Enjoy your wonderful vacation! That is exciting!!

You do what you're told you followed their playbook or you get punished. My narcissist is a neighbor. He told me to take my bird feeders down even though I'm allowed to have bird feeders up. When I did not put my bird feeders away he poisoned my grass and told me I was making him do that. His exact words were I want you to know you're making me do this. You do what they tell you to do or you get punished and it's your fault that they have to punish you. That is their rule book that is their Bible that is their Creed. You will do what I tell you to do or I will punish you but I want you to know you're making me punish you for disobeying me. It doesn't matter if it's a spouse a parent a child a work associated deal a neighbor a communal narcissistic neighbor who's a bully they all work by the same philosophy. It's not their fault that they're being assholes you're making them do it

Thank you, Dr.C, have a great vacation!!! 😊

When I took the “nonetheless” approach with my husband, he told me I’m trying to “act like the man” in our relationship and said I must be “transgender” 😂 … dang, is there nothing they won’t say?

@bereal6590

Жыл бұрын

Oh yeah, the stuff I've heard from my parents. My mom told me because I didn't like the treatment from my father and an uncle that I'm a man hater. So basically I have to take everything everyone dishes out or I hate them. That's one of many...... Btw all I said was I felt they didn't care how I felt. Apparently I wasn't being understanding enough! ✌

@1strights

Жыл бұрын

Apparently not.

@Hatbox948

Жыл бұрын

It was a weird thing to say. My defensiveness would kick in, and that's when you really just need to let it roll off your back.

Love your videos and teaching...Thank you. I am from New England (Boston) but moved to Oregon and married a fly fisherman...have brothers in Vermont and New Hampshire...so I hope you have a great time on your vacation there! GOD BLESS YOU...So enriched by the team healthy concept...grew up as an identical twin in a household where dad was angry a lot...learning now to set boundaries and go by different rules. D R C. : )

I am so amazed about what I hear about narcissistic behaviour. It’s an experience to be in a relationship with someone with so many of the traits I hear about. I have gone grey rocks before I ever heard the term, to save myself the grief of engaging in useless attempts at getting confrontational. Have never felt so disrespected. After listening to your words, Dr. Ramani and others, I found the courage and determination to end the relationship. It’s early stage withdrawal, hoping for a peaceful end. What I learned…..pay attention and get out early. Life is too short to be unhappy. Thanks for providing some insight and solutions.

My narcissistic ex-husband greeted me the other day in text by saying “Hi Sweetie”, I simply ignored it and answered the question about our daughter. The emotions I felt then and after, I really didn’t realize I still had. Thankyou for this video, it was helpful…..if you have additional insight please share. Thank you. Deb

Hi Dr Carter! Good for you for getting away and enjoying, friends, food and fly fishing! Ben & I missed the live version but got so much out of it. Thank you👍🏻👍🏻

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

So pleased, Linda!

Hi Dr C I want to thank you soooo much for your you tube videos. I started watching several years ago. It validated my suspicion that something was wrong with my Mother. I’m a classic scapegoat at 60 years old. Mom has triangulated both my siblings, father , cousins and is working on my youngest daughter. I am now 4 months in professional therapy to deal with the damage that started when I was 3 years old. Thank you

Thank you for all your helpful information I particularly enjoy the end of these video where we are empowered to join team healthy. I am on the team now. Thanks. Have a wonderful vacation. Spring here in NZ the lambs are as cute as Gus. 🙏

Thank you Dr. Carter 👍🏻 Have a nice vacation ☘🐞 Will continue to watch your videos

Thank you for the Midweek videos Dr. C. Appreciate how you can acknowledge the toxicity without going too deep while giving positive advice about how to handle it.

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Thanks, I like this format!

Thank you so much for your wealth of knowledge, i feel so validated now that I can put a word to what I am feeling. It is my first time writing you, and I have so much to unpack… 21 yrs married to a covert narcissist and we have 2 teen girls who are dispirited and discouraged (one is on medication for depression, and they both don’t want to be around dad. He has spring-boarded his entrepreneurial business off of my finances from the beginning and now my credit score is rock bottom and I cant even get a credit card. I have no friends (he ruined that) or family to move in with. I don’t know how to leave him for lack of finances (he is in control of what we do have) . He is bankrupt so my leaving will infuriate him and makes me very anxious. I feel so trapped, and angry with myself for being weak. 😢He uses my name and banking for all business needs cause he has no bank account. I feel used, like a convenience “partner” and nothing more. Everything has to be done HIS way. What are my options? Thank you so much.

Such a good video. Thank you. I had to do what my ex said. Had to run everything by him or be met with rage. Yet he would say he loved me. You are a great help. Thank you.

You are the BEST, Dr. C. Have an absolute wonderful time on your vacation. You so deserve it!!♥️♥️♥️

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much. Laura!

@laurasteinbuch9988

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much and Gus too🥰♥️🥰♥️

Hope you have a wonderful holiday Dr. C 🙏🥰

Your channel is a godsend

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Pleased!

Have a great vacation ❗️blessings to you and family💕you have been such a great help to many people

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much! We leave this afternoon and return in 8 days!

Love you Dr C ... Thank you so much for the excellent content. 🤗

Thank you so much for your expert insight and advice. God bless you. Have a great vacation!

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

Enjoy your well deserved holiday Dr.C 👍

Wishing you a lovely holiday and safe travel, Dr and Mrs C