Also I think the comments really highlight how important your content is and how many people feel seen when you speak honestly about mental illness. But most importantly I hope that verbalizing how you feel is helpful for you.

@AtibaVV

6 жыл бұрын

marinashutup verbalizing helps me. But I probably won't make a video about it. I'm Claudia makes video it's like she gives me a voice

The idea that there’s a certain “look” to someone w/ mental illness is soooooo prevalent in medical practice holy shit. When I first went to my GP about my anxiety/OCD symptoms I broke down in tears in the doctors office. the doctor honest to god said I had mild symptoms and that it looked like I functioned well enough because I was a med student who wasn’t failing their exams? I looked over his shoulder and he’d written a comment on my physical attractiveness in the examination section which didn’t help my feeling that I was being fobbed off as just another anxious young woman. 🙃🙃

Please don't stop making these. I am so alone. None of my friends and family understands and everybody dismisses my suicidal thoughts because I present a certain way. Even my boyfriend doesn't understand. He is trying but he can't understand. Please never stop. You make me feel less alone.

@roxyhart5692

6 жыл бұрын

Hey. I, too, am alone and I am in therapy and heavily medicated - and just like you, people don't take me and my suicidal thoughts seriously because of how I present. I hold down a job - not fulltime, though, and the rest of the time I am all alone. So of course no one has insight. So you're not alone. Like, I'm sorry this wasn't very uplifting and all but I read your message and felt a bit like... I don't know. There's someone else whom people don't take seriously.

@JillianDominique

6 жыл бұрын

You are so loved. I appreciate you!!

@AlbertaJenn

6 жыл бұрын

Frederika Adamčíkova Chronic depression here. You are not alone. 💙

Plz never stop. I love you, and thank you so much, you truly are an inspiration for people like us! Truly thank you.

hi claudia random anecdote I asked my friends to hang out with me today and they ignored my text and hung out without me so im hella sad but your videos just made me feel so much better. you're a blessing

@shawnbell6392

5 жыл бұрын

I just returned from an evening walk with a half moon in the sky and seeing wild rabbits. Reading your post I wanted to make you the first person I have told about my walk tonight. Best wishes and keep feeling better.

@natascha701

5 жыл бұрын

Shawn Bell that was lovely you’re a gem thank you

@cateriley6015

5 жыл бұрын

These comments are making me melt. Gee, stop it, you guys!

really wish a lot of mental health workers would listen to this

Claudia, thank you for sharing your life with us despite how difficult it must be to be vulnerable online. Your videos helped me so much to understand the people around me who are struggling with mental health issues. I hope and pray that you get better. You are my absolute favourite youtuber. ❤💜💙

Yes! I was just talking about presenting differently than how we feel on my mental health blog. I have depression and no matter how horrible I feel, I will always shower, always dress in clean clothes, and always put on a smile before I leave my house. I don’t want to let my depression be shown as to not being anyone else down. I was told by a past therapist how she thought I was managing really well and functioning fine. It’s difficult to hear that when you know how much effort it took you to present that way.

I don't think its silly at all to be motivated to stick around for emmerdale or other fictional things. I've been using movies and books and other fictional media as a bribe to stick around since 2014. I keep a list in my phone actually of things I'm sticking around for and look at it when I'm low to remind myself. i usually get a little thing of ice-cream when i finally watch or read it too. its more effective for me than just "oh you have so much to live for, think of sunsets" like i had a little party for myself when i watched dirty computer and it was so healing bc i wasn't sure if i would make it through the spring. but here i am. and you are too.

16:30 I HAAAATE Donald Trump with a burning passion but when they tried to diagnose him, I felt the same way. It felt like they were promoting the ableism that people claim to be against (ie: against trumps ableism)

Also OMG YES the link between social justice and mental health and talking about intersectionality is SO needed thank you i relate to this on an otherworldly level

Thank you Claudia I am someone who has bpd who is also on a waiting list. I also have a supportive family who try and their best and have medication that isn't working at the moment. My local gp most of the time doesn't take me seriously. Because I don't cry in appointments or worry he thinks that means I don't have depression or a panic disorder even though I've been given medication for it. Also when I tried to self harm he didn't take it seriously and a week later I was in a mental health ward at a hospital because I'd self harmed. It's really reassuring to me that someone is in such a similar situation to me is speaking out for all of us who suffer with this. When you say everything you say it makes me think that I'm not going crazy and there are people out there who are going through what I go through. Thank you so much keep doing what your doing. Not only with the mental health but with being a strong feminist and everything else you do. Xxx

I’m really glad you’re getting into treatment! and that your access is being fast tracked (I know the NHS is somewhat infamous for its long waiting times for mental health treatment) Therapy and treatment (both pharmaceutical and psychological therapy) is the thing that can help the most really Also I can relate to that bs doctors have about “your distress is normal coz you’re a teen” like no I’ve been super unwell and unsafe and been seen as not actually unwell. I’ve also had a previous psychiatrist not realise how unwell i was because I was dressed nicely (it was the only thing i had to dress well for since I was spending all day every day in bed doing nothing but watching tv and eating) I had to push him to get me admitted to a psych ward (i had seen a psychologist in the last few days who had said i needed to be admitted because I was so unwell) I spent 6 fucking weeks there because I was so unwell and needed a lot of support. I can heavily relate to that dismissal of distress/mental illness due to dressing well. Sorry that got personal aha, I’m glad you’re getting treatment and I really hope it helps and you get good clinicians!

I appreciate your videos so much. What you may think sounds like unconnected rambling is, to me, a string of brilliant, insightful descriptions of what it's like to deal with mental illness. You were part of the reason I started a KZread channel, and you continue to inspire me. Keep fighting.

I´m really glad, you and your videos are back online! Just wanted you to know that!

My brother constantly calls me a lazy attention seeker who needs to just get a grip and it's just so dumb. I don't even care after a lifetime of bullying from him. He means nothing to me lol. My parents don't act upset or concerned so at least I don't have to feel guilty about that.

@AlbertaJenn

6 жыл бұрын

pink custard Choose your own family. Surround yourself with caring people who get it. 💙

@cgreen5913

5 жыл бұрын

Welcome to the club

last year i had a full on breakdown again, hospitals cop cars ect no help just the nurse telling me i was wasting a bed. broke down shortly after and got a year of probation. now im just waiting for that to be over but then what, i feel empty but everythings funny. thanks for making these videos though, you help more than you think

I've had experiences with mental health professionals that were so traumatic that I have to have therapy now (luckily with a much nicer counsellor) to get over the ptsd I have from it! At the beginning, it was a lot of not being taken seriously- I was told I wasn't underweight enough to be worried about it (I was already underweight and my depression was making it difficult to eat so I was only getting worse) and put on a 4 month waiting list, then later on I saw a private psychiatrist who was honestly terrifying- he kept reminding me that he was giving me a discount so I could be there in the first place so id better be grateful, threatening me with horrific descriptions of mental asylums and saying that was where I was going if I didn't improve soon and repeatedly asking invasive questions about sex when I'd said they made me uncomfortable.

@zompired2998

6 жыл бұрын

Emily Millward that's terrible, I'm so sorry you had to go through that ❤️

@AMOEDEN888

6 жыл бұрын

I can so empathize with you. I went through similar situation . They ignored my issues of a lifetime of every imaginable abuse including being a survivor of human trafficking at age 17 and yes , I was diagnosed with BPD but they also said I was making up stories for attention. Canada is far from having a great mental health system .

People are most comfortable with standard depression and anxiety. Any illness that displays much fluctuation, complexity and unpredictability is too much for many people. Keep doing what you do - and don’t be silenced!

There's so much wisdom and truth in just this one "rant".

Thank you for speaking up about these things! I'm not from the UK but in Germany mh services and professionals really need to improve as well! (TW) When I first went to see a therapist after 10 years with mental illness I told him about my suicidal thougts and something about my mentally abusive father and he just said 'I can't help you. I think you should stop blaming other people and start looking for the problem within yourself' (I now know that I have bpd and ptsd and blaming myself for everything is a big symptom or both of these anyway). It took me 3 years and my condition getting so much worse to find the courage to get help again. Also a really common thing with in mh services is 'you don't have an ED, you're at a healthy weight'. Has triggered countles relapses :/

Around the 17:40 mark broke me. Needed the words to express how i'm feeling at the moment so much. Thank you.

I have BPD too and I completely understand everything you're going through I'm so sorry for you! Just finished intensive therapy and I feel a 1000 times better

Your makeup looks pretty great btw.

@angeloffish

6 жыл бұрын

It does. Her earrings are nice too. 💕

Thank you so so so much for unprivating your videos! I've missed you unbelievably much Claudi! Xxx

Good luck Claudia, we’re here to support you, thank you for everything 💗

Love you so much Claudia. You’re videos have been important to me for so many years. I hope your treatment goes well. You’re one of the strongest people I know, you can do this!! xxx

Thank you for sharing these experiences. Your videos always give me such comfort in the situations I have found myself in and questioned hundreds of times over.

Thank you for making this, it's so important

This video and some previous ones has really helped me feel less alone.Thank-you for putting your views out into the world gal, it’s hella empowering!

these videos are honestly so good, thank you

Thank you so much for these videos, it must be so hard for you to bring yourself to do it when you’re this low but I genuinely feel that 100% of the things that come out of your content are helpful and relatable, they’re things that needed to be said and you’ve worded them perfectly 💞 and knowing that in some way this helps you as well brings me so much joy. Looking forward to the next video 💞

Claudia, thank you for sharing with us. Your voice is so important and necessary.

It's super validating for me how you speak about what you know about yourself and know you're feeling. I've BPD and I think may be much earlier along sorting through my heavily ingrained negative worldview-like things.. I'm always fairly terrified of speaking about what I feel and it is very painful when I do to have it ignored, denied or just misunderstood.. so, thank you for doing that. It's validating in a way not much else has been yet. And your vids give me hope.

I'm glad that you're talking about how you really feel, glad that you're able to express yourself without masking, glad to know you're safe, and I love seeing that you're helping others by being open as well as feeling like we can be here for you too. I wish you all the best, keep up the good fight, we're here for you

I'm glad a lot of your videos are up again! Love you so much, Claudia 💖 Thank you for what you're doing, it is important 💕💖

Claudia, you wonderful brave strong person! Just hang in there and know you are not alone. Your videos do help other people, like me, and make them feel understood, less isolated. Thank you for carrying on even though it is really hard sometimes and we also love you loads.

OMG thank you for this! I've basically nodded my head off my next watching this! I know all of these feelings & problems all too well. I am very much a proponent of "whatever works" and if Emmerdale is what's keeping you going right now, run with that. Really hope your appointment is helpful and you start feeling better again soon. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, they remind me that I'm not alone & that other people are living with BPD. That feeling of community is invaluable to me.

I just added you on Twitter after watching a few of your videos and appreciate them so much. The bit at the end is so real, sometimes you need a reason to stick around and if you invest energy in fandoms, you will yourself to be here to see something happen. Many times i've got through tough patches because I need to see something happen to a character in a show like Emmerdale or EastEnders. When few other things get you through that period, having one little thing, no matter how small to pull you through when others fail is a blessing.

I needed this video very much today. :) Thank you soooo much, Claudia!

Bloody love you, Claudia!! Please, keep making these videos but more importantly, keep pushing on!! xxxx

Thank you for validating all of us with BPD. Please don't ever stop sharing. Your honesty helps those of us with BPD feel less alone and understood. Thank you! This has comforted me tonight!

Claudia, you are very much appreciated 💖

Love you 🌸 thanks for making your videos ✨

We love you too Claudia! You are such a strong person and you have helped so many people (including me) in so many ways that it's really inspiring. Thank you for everything. Bad times will definitely pass. Get well soon! xoxo

Lots of love, I hope you'll feel better!

I'm glad you're making some sort of progress, anyway :) I hope you manage to move forward as much as you feel able to over the next few weeks, and that you manage not to let things hold you back. I love watching your videos, there's somehow always something relatable in them, even if they're not specifically about problems I'm suffering personally. And it's great that you're using your unique perspective to help other people, and do something positive.

I’ve followed your channel for years, and I hope that you please, PLEASE remember that you are beautiful and that you are loved. Your feelings are always valid. You are SOOO special. You are brave. You are talented. Your beauty as a person shines through to all of us - both in your personal life I’m sure, but also here on KZread. Never forget that 💜💚💙

watching your videos helps me so much. thank you! i have such a hard time articulating about my BPD but you put it all into words perfectly.

I hope you get the help you need and feel better soon 💜

I adore you so much, Claudia. As a fellow bpd sufferer I can understand so much of what you're going through... and I'm also currently in a low point in life as well. The ignorance surrounding our needs is so great and so so damaging. But thank you for spreading awareness, it's very important that other people see us beyond the diagnosis. I think I've said this before, but I hope one day we can talk, maybe be friends. I think we'd get along well. Sending you loads of love and hoping you feel better soon 💕💕

I really hope you are feeling well. Thank you for your videos.

this video is so important n it makes me feel so validated

so glad to see you back again! i missed your videos. hope you’re doing alright! 💕

You are so good at formulating things. I really really admire you for your bravery and strength, Claudia. I’m so glad you’re still here, and that you make these kinds of videos. It truly sucks when professionals, who are supposed to help you and at least try to understand you, drag you further down by dismissing everything you say because ‘oh well, you appear to be fine!!’. Sending lots of love xx. And I hope the therapy works out well for you!

Sending you love. We care about you a lot.

Thank you for this. I needed this today. It has helped me make an important decision moving forward when it comes with my mental health.

What a brave, intelligent, sensitive and thoroughly likeable person you are. I wish you all the best.

Love you too Claudia!

Thankyou so much for making this video and all of your videos , I can really relate to this I have just been diagnosed with BPD and I am trying some medication to see how I get on and I just wanted to say thankyou for making these videos because it really helps me to know I am not alone and other people struggle do struggle with similar things to me and also I hope the rough patch you are going through will lift alittle bit and get alittle better ❤️❤️❤️

Yay your videos are back I hope you are well and thank you for putting your videos back online thank you ❤️❤️❤️

thank you for this video claudia, love you

Happy to see you back.

You are such a wonderful being and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your vulnerability and openness! 💖 I literally cheered and thanked you when you talked about the way the physical appearance distorts the other person's perception. I notices very clearly how my psychiatrist reacts when I show up with open hair or colorful clothes and immediately jumps to telling me how I seem to be doing better. Last time he did that I was actually at such a bad place that it felt really bizzare to have him say that, to see how off his perception was just because my (rather wild) hair was flowing freely. I now always wear black and my hair in a tight bun. Lesson learned....

I’m so happy you’re back!!!! I was really worried about you when you privated all your videos, because you seemed to have been in a bad place mental health wise. I hope you’re okay and that life (and the internet) are treating you as well as you deserve. 💜

Please keep going. You are so strong.

Girl, you're back! When I saw all but one of your videos gone I got scared thinking something happened to you! Glad you're back.

I feel this so so strongly. I experience all the signs and symptoms of BPD, but because of how I present myself to doctors and professionals (quiet and polite), I've been unable to get an official diagnosis on multiple occasions, despite trying my best to convince them how bad it was. When I've told therapists about it, IF they believed me, they started treating me differently. I had one therapist who apparently had an ex-friend with BPD, who she obviously held a grudge against. So she would say underhanded horrible things about how we over-exaggerate things in our minds, etc. I definitely started doubting my reality even more while seeing her.

Thank you so much I needed this

//TW//Honestly this is so relatable to me. I recently went through a month long period where I went to the hospital every week feeling incredibly low and suicidal, and was turned away after a few hours each time. One lady told me I was faking it and trying to manipulate my way into the hospital to avoid my life...After I tried to walk in front of traffic one hour before... Crisis teams rarely took me seriously before my BPD diagnosis but now they take me less seriously when I mention it. Luckily I finally found a good therapist and psychiatrist who have helped a ton ------------Thank you for making these videos, Claudia, they are really important and I think can help a lot of people feel less alone. I'm glad you are able to see someone soon and I hope it helps!

You're such a strong person and I tell myself that if you can survive ur illnesses, I can survive mine as well. I hate that you have to go through the darkness, and I really hope that you can get better and feel more happiness very soon!

God you just say so well everything I feel.... I appreciate that

I am on the same medication!! I get the hot flashes those never go away. I’ve been on it for years. I also have this weird feeling sometimes where I feel like my Brain is floating in my head.... it’s usually when I’m trying to sleep. I’m not sure how to explain it better than that... but over all that anti depressant helped my mental state. You seem like you are doing a bit better from you’re last video. It’s so great you’re actively seeking help. You are doing everything you can do & this is wonderful. Thinking about you.

Thanks for updating us all xx

I relate so much to everything in this video, especially the angry, flat, mood, but I've been doing better recently :) It's isolating, confusing, and just all around shit, but it will pass. I'm sending you love and I hope things start getting easier soon.

I found your channel through Doctor Who content (which was excellent by the way) , but I stuck around for so many more reasons. Thank you for making content like this. You make some great points here, and I hope the venting helped you, and I want you to now that it helps other people as well. The honesty in your videos hits home for me, and as the comments here show, many others as well. You are an inspiration.

Very happy that your videos are back up - I have been a bit worried. From what I know, I feel like we’re similar, and it matters to me a lot that you are okay. xxx

SO DAMN RELATABLE. And great timing too. Thanks for this💕

Sorry, to hear you going through that. :-( I hope everything is better for you now. :-)

kindness goes a long way!!!!!

Thank you for this. I wasn’t diagnosed for so long because I didn’t look, talk or behave like a normal depressed person. No one believed me because I always present in what I want to be more acceptable or inconspicuous in the way I appear.

I really hope your therapy stuff goes well and helps. I know how you feel. I've been feeling extremely low and bouncing back and forth between wanting to move forward in my life and accomplish things but struggling to find motivation.

Very well said, I've been struggling with mental health problems for years and it can be a long and hard road, however there are people who can help. The crisis team can be very helpful, but just like any job there will be some folks who aren't suited to it, but don't let that get to you. I think your doing good, having BPD is one of the hardest mental illness to deal with, so I wish you all the best.

God, I feel you SO HARD on the venlafaxine side effects, making any changes at all with it sucks a giant bag of dicks - making sure I take my meds is one of the few things I'm actually responsible with in managing my mental health, because missing even one dose makes me feel so ill it writes off the whole day. I really hope they settle down for you soon, and I'm glad you're still safe and getting help

This is so spot on! I feel everyone who doesnt quite understand mental illnesses should watch this.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Welcome back Claudia

You said a lot of awesome stuff in this video Hope your appointments go well

I just love how opinionated and passionate you are. I hope you feel better soon.

mental illness is so baffling and the world doesn't make it any easier.. this video is really valuable to others who will share some of your experiences and it's amazing that you're making this right now. good luck

"WHAT IS THIS?!" i love how you express all the contradictions and doubt inherent in this state of being. Thank you for putting this out there. The conversation must be expanded x

I can't watch this type of video at the moment, but thank you for speaking out. Also I wanted to say that your perfectly matching lipstick and top/dress(?) combo makes my autistic head very happy. You're one bright star!

@angeloffish

6 жыл бұрын

I noticed they matched too.

Everything you talked about is so true, when you're mentally ill, anything from small daily tasks, to rude doctors can tip you off and send you off in to a downward spiral. During those times especially, i tell myself that no matter how much hate i feel towards myself in this moment i need to atleast shower/eat/sleep/journal. Because it always passes, but in the moment it's just like all common sense is gone. I think that's the most difficult part, it's so hard to properly rationalize because you feel so awful and then you think that self destructing is a rational idea somehow, because your mindset shifts so much with your emotions

My mum always thinks that if I’m low it’s because of exams or etc.

make-up stigma is the worst.

Your amazing!! I relate so fucking much like wow you've worded all of my thoughts and feelings completely well. Keep going Claudia❤

I remember that klicking/ whooshing in my ears / head from certain meds . Dr's ( psychiatry) irritate me when they act like they know it all and know me better than myself. Love you loads and holding sacred space for you . Angel hugs n Blessings I also don't have much happy childhood memories , I didn't even go to my prom .

Glad your doing better, and I’m on the same med as well for my BPD!

We love you Claudia, continue to fight! You're doing great with this video! You continue to help people through your experience. About therapists, some are pretty bad. One told me I basically would never date somebody "normal". Well is he wrong? Not really, when one checks my Tinder history.... Anyway... But 2 therapists in the same place are very nice. I always dress well to get out. When I smile, people say oh you're doing great, but that's not always true.

Hope you feel better soon ❤