I have high standards because my parents settled with each other and I ended up having a chaotic childhood🙃

@fopefoluwa2896

17 күн бұрын

Speak on it 😭

@_aoe

16 күн бұрын

Wow I’m the exact opposite I had a great family life and I want that for myself too. Great that you’re breaking that cycle though

@DianaRamirez-sm5nx

10 күн бұрын

Same here

@KaiKailuv

10 күн бұрын

Real

@shizz3907

7 күн бұрын

I have high standards for personality, and decent standards for physical attractiveness. Basically I am not exclusively looking for a greek goddess of a woman, but more like someone who really values morals and virtue that I am at the very least attracted to physically

One perspective that I really enjoy is: focus on becoming a better lover instead of asking for one.

@afrofaeries

16 күн бұрын

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

@KnightBurgundy

14 күн бұрын

Yes

@tinydreamerrr

14 күн бұрын

yes yes yes !

@casper1343

12 күн бұрын

how do u do that

@joycekellyVas

9 күн бұрын

@@casper1343 getting to know yourself, going to therapy, understanding what you need and how you respond to the needs of other people. Becoming someone that you would like to date.

took a shot every time i heard “you don’t find love you build it” and had to stop by half way through the vid

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

🤣

Most people claim they have high standards. But truth is they are afraid and dont qualify for the standards they set for themselves. The standards is a wall of fear. Because when they meet the person that meet those standards, they self sabotage or they do not qualify for that person

@jemappellemerci

16 күн бұрын

Personally I do have high standards that I do meet myself (despite my flaws, of course). Thing is if I met someone who meets my criteria, it’s always going to feel weird because there’s like this list to check off, and I feel like that would be unfair to them

@heavenlysenju9948

6 күн бұрын

All, checklist. No chemistry. People have high standards but completely forget the human aspect of a relationship. Never considered that the perfect guy might be boring, awkward, loud, quiet or other any number of things that might make two people incompatible that have nothing to do with status and morals, it's just who they are. And what if the other person just doesn't like you. Then what? You might be the biggest, juiciest, peach that ever graced the god's green earth, but buddy likes mangos. You think he's gonna change his taste buds for you? Maybe he might, but doesn't that defeat the purpose of not accepting anything less than ideal? Not to mention THE BIGGEST ISSUE. A lot of people with high standards just don't know HOW to be in a relationship anymore. All those standards have kept you single for so long that now... All you know is how to be single. All you like, is being single. You don't have room and don't want to make room in your life for someone else. Not even prince charming.

@HenriqueM-jh1ye

6 күн бұрын

Most of those standards are superficial - Tall, Handsome, Rich... They are not focused on engagement.

@zero1188

6 күн бұрын

@@HenriqueM-jh1ye basically everything but Character. Then want to claim he was a narcissist when he was the same person from day one they just ignored it

@lynnes1864

2 күн бұрын

Depends on the type of standard. Standards should not be about traits but about how you want to feel and be treated. You need someone who will make you a priority and never settle for anything less. But you can "settle" on things that don't matter

Met my husband on a dating app, and as much as I adapted my approach over several months to try and find a better fit, I met him based on chance, very little information and it came down to a gut feeling. We decided we wanted to be together based on how we negotiate conflict. As much as we got along and laughed a lot, knowing we could work together through anything is what made it easy to commit. While it's good to have boundaries, having too many rules makes it a perfectionist fantasy, which leaves little room for people to be themselves.

@proniaantolia9568

13 күн бұрын

I agree! Perfection can easily unbalance flexibility

@MaximumDull

13 күн бұрын

@proniaantolia9568 💯 also going into it prioritizing your expectations or way of doing things might make it so you miss out on learning a new shared approach. Both people should feel respected and heard while negotiating what works best, which will always be different based on the demands of the relationship, that will change over time.

Disorganized attachment also exists, it's a mix of both anxious and avoidant.

@chantalreneehayles7976

5 күн бұрын

Lmaoo I think I have that 😭😂

Matthew Hussey is so right on the money in his comments. Love isn't like going to the gym or making a goal of saving money or travel or whatever the goal is. We are not in control of who we meet in our day to day lives and it can feel frustrating and discouraging to go day after day, year after year without any interest from the opposite sex or any dates. I'm not sure I would want to give up my art goals for unconditional love, though. Art is so much a part of who I am, especially my poetry. My poetry and comedy is how I express my spirituality. I hope that rare man who would encourage me to pursue my dreams is out there.

@ashleighcalvert8937

4 күн бұрын

I 100% agree. I have kind of figured out that I don’t value love over find my purpose and pursuing my dreams. I constantly put that first, because you CAN find just anyone even a good person for you but I don’t value love more than being true to myself.

This creator is absolutely right when she says dating *IS NOT* effortless, that it is work, but totally wrong when she says love *IS* effortless. Love, like any feeling, is fleeting, and because of that is more of an action than a just a feeling. There will be points in time of a long-term relationship, especially one of decades (15 or 20 years+) where you may not feel as a attracted to, or affectionate towards your partner, but in those moments loving them is still doing the work. It is still showing up for the relationship, communicating the issues, doing the small and large things that make a relationship work, and if none of those things can fix the lack of affection or emotion then yes, love can also be leaving that person. ALL OF THIS IS EFFORT. Even when you decide to leave someone you've lost emotions for it is actually an act of selfless love, and it will hurt like hell for the both of you, so many people decide to stay after reaching the point where leaving is the only loving option left because of their selfish desire for comfort and staying with what is familiar whilst hurting their partner at the same time by doing so. If you go into relationships thinking that love is effortless, the you are not mentally setting yourself up for the realities of a loving long-term relationship like the ones many of our grandparents or even parents are in.

Settling is a bad or a good thing depending on your definition. Some people want the world, others want compatibility

@233kosta

11 күн бұрын

People's definitions of "settling" also differ. For example, in this context it appears to mean "settling FOR second best" 🤔

Im a 23 yr old guy...i never dated or had a relationship. I tried everything Ive enhanced my physique, went to therapy, part of a uni society and it feels like im always losing. I stopped trying to go for dating becaude what you call luck is gambling my mind. I desire a relationship yet i have a 100% rejection rate, dating emotionally and mentally drains me and i know landing a good partner is terrific, yet the gambling required is just creating drawbacks for my wellbeing.

@Goldarlives

14 күн бұрын

Brother, I feel your pain. One thing I can say is that you MUST be happy being single, because women want to join you in your happiness, not fix your depression. Learn to get your emotional needs and companionship from your male friends and you’ll be in a much more secure place mentally.

@wanderingwisp4542

12 күн бұрын

Relatable. Just don’t do date anymore that now I just experience extreme boredom about dating as I know they’ll reject something eventually, so I just mentally checked out. Learn to be your own best company, I find reading really enjoyable and meditation too

@233kosta

11 күн бұрын

It's not worth the effort any more. Too much risk, too little reward. Find something better to do, you'll be happier for it.

@davedsilva

7 күн бұрын

Relationship = Married with kids then divorce. It's expensive. Isn't it better to focus on free, regular, no commitment roster sex? That's what all these Boss Babes seem to offer. I speak from experience. Just be upfront and offer fun locations that women love as found in romance novels.

@AmazingRebel23

7 күн бұрын

Im trans so I can relate. I dont know how to find a demographic of women who would date a trans guy but aren’t woke enough to still let underage feminists on the internet dictate what opinion they’re allowed to have today. I just need a girl who doesn’t think there are more than 2 genders and doesn’t dress provocatively in public.

yup, the possibility of meeting sb who is highly compatible with you exists. yet let's not put the "right person" on them. anything good in life takes time to nurture. in the end, i hope you can be you when you are with them (with the right person it is not supposed to be this hard, yet aware of your own past ghosting). be kind to yourself, always

People are not attracted to the right person. They run into the right person a couple times a week lmao

@jojoveller6893

16 күн бұрын

Exactly

@UdoADHD

3 күн бұрын

Actually, you probably come across people you find attractive everyday you leave the house. The problem is - it’s just not possible to talk to each and everyone of them!

@zero1188

3 күн бұрын

@@UdoADHD i meant on a character level not just physical

@UdoADHD

3 күн бұрын

@@zero1188 Even harder! How can you talk to all those people to even find out? Don’t be hard on yourself.

My standards are literally just cute, healthy, sober, kind, honest, understanding, and employed. That’s freaking it.

@giacomobandini969

2 күн бұрын

And what you offer in return?

@fiftyzanes

Күн бұрын

@@giacomobandini969 um probably the same things???

@giacomobandini969

Күн бұрын

@@fiftyzanes probably. So you are not sure. You pay more attention on what you want to get than what are you offering. That Is the root of the problem, i think.

@fiftyzanes

Күн бұрын

@@giacomobandini969 i said "probably" because i'm talking about a stranger so it would be ridiculous for me to speak with absolute certainty. most of the time, the standards people hold others to are the standards they hold *themselves* to in the first place (which is literally mentioned in the video), hence my comment. lastly why are you making assumptions about me when you know nothing about me?

@goldfish3858

Күн бұрын

add attentive and non-neglectful to that list

I think this is why I’m happy to be a Christian. Not to force religion or anything, but accepting Christ helped me to prepare myself to be a future wife. I never got a date, never had sex, never even had my first kiss! I’m 19 and I know I shouldn’t worry so much about dating, but it’s still a valid worry. My parents also both died when I was 4 years old, so I don’t have any parental figures to go off on. Now, I think to myself, “If I was a man of God’s wife, how would I be?” I started to cook more at home, I got into my Bible more, I started praying behind closed doors, I dress more comfortably, I spend 2hr a day on my phone, I started attending therapy, and etc. Of course, within Christianity it’s a reminder that marriage is not promised to everyone. However, even if I never get married, I get comfort in knowing that I’m bettering my life compared to making relationships a 24/7 idol. There’s a guy from my college ministry I’m talking with and we’re going on a date in two days. I’m very excited and I hope it goes well. If not, God’s plan is greater than mine. :-)

@fauzianalwoga1002

11 күн бұрын

Please tell us what happened after the date

@fauzianalwoga1002

11 күн бұрын

Please tell us what happened after

@afrofaeries

9 күн бұрын

@@fauzianalwoga1002It went great! We’re texting frequently and I just got out of church service with him! We’re going to Denny’s :-)

I really pray for someone who is not toxic 😢. Am not ready for any kind of drama especially now when my mom whom i would ask for advice from is no longer here

You truly cooked with this take, good to know there are others in my generation who actually have an open mind and knows how to communicate well! Gen z has a lot of emotional & psychological turmoil to get through. people think that wanting things like love or "settling" and its honestly sad. Relationships are arguably the most important thing in our lives. Whether they be romantic ones or Platonic ones they are super important. one of things I've notice is that people often downplay the importance or romantic relationships. i understand people may have had a bad experience or even a bad breakup, that said you can't allow that to rip you away from you having another opportunity to form a loving, heathy bond with a new romantic partner. Love is beautiful and having someone you can go home to, rely on, talk to, bond with and start a family with is just purely amazing. Thanks for this great video, Christina!

Really solid advice. Personally this is why I don’t use dating apps anymore; they put a lot of pressure on having to form a relationship instead of the founding the friendship first

omg this is what ive been thinking a lot! relationship is all about working out, that's why it needs commitment. love your video!

thing is, my parents fell in love at first sight and r still together, tho that was in their late twenties and before that my mother did go thru a lot of not so good relationships with way older man/cheaters. She didn't even think she was gonna get married, she completely accepted that faith and just then, she met my father.

This video literally speaks my mind. I have been a maximizer for the longest time, whether it's food, buying stuff and I started becoming a maximizer in friendships as well which just hinders my ability even more to build a romantic connection. Woooow, this video really openend my eyes, thaaank you Christina, love your videos

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

my mind was blown learning about this too! so glad it helped u

You are on Point!! As a guy that have been in a long term relationship I really raise my standards that high, honesty, judge less, come to conclutions less, and knowing that you are the same as others and I am only human not a god im only human I make mistakes.

somehow my low-attention span watched this whole video. loved it and subscribed

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

this is a huge compliment

Well I’ve been single for 9 years and actively dating all types of people so I don’t know anymore. I recently gave up dating apps and I still meet people without apps. I told my friends something is wrong with me. The guy who said nothing is wrong with me we briefly dated. He told me whenever someone likes him he loses interest. The guy I dated after him broke up with me and he said he doesn’t feel a big spark and that maybe he should be more patient. The guy before him told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious when he met me but got into a relationship a few months later. Guess I’m really unlucky.

@steeveolivier2847

14 күн бұрын

I think you met people that have a wrong view of what loving someone for the long term is. Dont try to find someone you'll get in touch with someone that has the same values and appreciates you for who you are naturally.

@KaneYoo-po1sd

13 күн бұрын

​@@steeveolivier2847 no she doing stuff too them that she don't realize a lot of the time people walk away cause we r the problem

@MelModica

11 күн бұрын

You will probably meet someone when you’re not looking at all. Give it to God/the universe. A lot of people don’t meet a good partner til they are older after 30 and 40. Whether single or committed make the best of it. Focus on the pros of being single.

@thehappyproject7117

10 күн бұрын

@@MelModica most of the men I met I wasn’t looking. I never attract men when I’m sad or depressed about being single. I attract these men when I’m happily single. I’m usually hesitant in the beginning because I don’t want dating to interfere with my happiness. They are usually persistent and once I start to feel comfortable with them they fade or ghost.

@HaleyMary

6 күн бұрын

I find that it doesn't matter whether I show interest towards a guy or not. They seem to lose interest anyway. I've had a guy ask me out where I felt enthusiastic to go out with them and then they just never mentioned the date again and never made a plan and then there was another guy who asked me for coffee saying he was very into me and I was being ambivalent, saying I didn't know him well enough to know whether I liked him or not and then he never followed through with a coffee date, so I think if a guy isn't in that relationship state of mind, nothing will happen.

📌 stamps 0:00 - intro 01:17 - you want luck but you don’t trust it 05:02 - you don’t find the right relationship, you create it 08:29 - you don’t find love you build it 11:19 - perfect partner vs good enough partner 17:49 - settling isn’t bad 22:09 - relationships aren’t special

@yruheregoaway

16 күн бұрын

Hey uhm whats the movie at 0:17 when the girl leaves the table?

My biggest issue is I'm just never given a chance. I went on my only date ever last month (a week before my 31st birthday) and it went well but she just got too busy to hang out again. I'd love to get another chance with a girl but it just seems impossible at times.

dating apps have really fucked with the way people see dating. they scroll through profiles like they're online shopping, they have lists of requirements like theyre making a fucking sim. please remember the other person is a human being too

This video is gold and resonates with a lot of what I've been saying on my channel. Your story telling ability makes you really easy to listen to and I hope you get more and more successful.

Hey, as a maximizer and a perfectionist to the core but as a person with secure attachment and the desire to always make it work it ends up being such a confusing place where I'm always anxious I might be making a mistake because of X, Y, Z, trying perhaps to fix the person or "level up" the person like I do myself and ultimately having it be the burden of the relationship. I wish I could accept my partner, but that would mean first accepting myself and my own flaws. But I do believe everyone settles in a way, and being with someone human and flawed is much better than being with someone "perfect" and not knowing when the other shoe is going to drop.

This was the first video I watched of yours and I loved it! You’re so enjoyable to watch and listen to. I’m so glad my algo pushed this on me 😅 I learned so much thank you 🙌

This is a date video I can get behind.

you are so underrated

Listening to this made me anxious … I didn’t think this much about my decisions and I didn’t know most people did

@yelloneklonate8852

18 күн бұрын

So you're not overthinking dating? How is it going for you?

@chikamsoodume3601

18 күн бұрын

Well … I just follow my gut . If it clicks it clicks . If it during , it doesn’t . The irony is , a lot of men seem to be more attracted to me the less I have cared

@bluebutterfly5062

16 күн бұрын

I think you've figured something out that we've all forgotten.

@MelModica

11 күн бұрын

@@chikamsoodume3601it’s true the less you worry the easiest it is because you come across as cool and relaxed and confident! Just be yourself unapologetically and eventually you will find a match!

"most relationships don't really suffer from a lack of chemistry, they suffer from a lack of foundation"

Honestly I think ppl should go for whoever gives them the spark. The ppl that don’t are the ones who couldn’t get who they really wanted to they gave up but deep down that’s what everyone wants. Most couples are boring bc most ppl are not with their first choice but have to rationalize that they made a good choice to feel good about their decision making. I’m all for ppl being honest and going after what they REALLY desire. With time the spark will go down for every relationship but at least you know you lived a life going after what you actually wanted

@Luna_lotus.

13 күн бұрын

I feel...character comes first than attraction. To speak of it clearly, just because he and I have a spark doesn't mean we are a better fit for each other. He might have some questionable habits that might hurt me and the family we might create. Sure it might get boring once in a while, but I wouldn't ever want to compromise a peaceful life with a chaotic one. I would prefer practicality over the fleeting Attraction based one. It's just a personal opinion tho.

@oOOoOphidian

3 күн бұрын

It's important to mesh well and enjoy each other's company, but often a spark is just what people mistake anxiety for. Seeking out that anxiety is what gets you stuck with people who treat you poorly, it's exciting because they aren't showing up for you in the way you need, so you are always left wanting more.

Please invest in a good microphone! Your videos are extremely high quality but the sound quality is something that can turn someone off from your videos instantly.

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

i literally have one in my basket i wasn't sure whether to buy, this is my sign 🙌🏾

@irene4633

19 күн бұрын

True also she has some diction problems which can be fixed easily. She has a beautiful voice though ❤

@jemappellemerci

16 күн бұрын

@@ChristinaAaliyahyes absolutely, I love listenable videos and your video would’ve been exactly that if it weren’t for the audio quality 😅

Thank you for creating this video! While I’m not interested in romance, I believe that most of what you said can easily apply to friendships as well!

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

Totally! Just curious, how come you're not interested in romance?

@SharaiLunn

20 күн бұрын

@@ChristinaAaliyahI’m aroace!

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

got it! i'm glad this was helpful

hey ! I love what you do and i think it would be great to also upload your videos as podcast. I often find myself just listening and doing something else and it's great !

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

noted! i can totally make this happen

great vid girly keep them coming!

This is very similar to dating here in Asia. Most people here don't run after the elusive perfect partner.

You just need to understand the right person is not necessarily who you picture in your head. It's the person who makes you a priority and inspires you to do the same for them. That's the only standard you need and nothing less will do. If they won't make you a priority they are the wrong person. Always! And ditch the apps. The reason why people say "it'll happen when you least expect it" is those people have fun hobbies that are also social and give you opportunities to meet people without dating being the primary goal. I met my husband at karaoke but yes luck is a part of it. When we met, my usual bar was having a band so I went to a different bar for karaoke and there he was!

I met this video at the right time 😊 your videos are always make me think

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

food for thought 💭

So… great video but I just wanted to provide hope for the romantics out there - my husband felt like love at first sight. Literally met randomly at an event and he felt like the one and he ended up being the one. 💍 ❤️

love your content hope u get more subs soon!

This video just made me realize how much I love my boyfriend and how afraid I am to be left behind by him.

No such thing as unconditional love between men and women. That's fairytale nonsense.

Absolutely amazing video. Thank you.

watching your video is like a therapy. I always questioned myself, why am I still single, I'm the problem maybe? I admit I didn't meet as much people. so how do I mingle and know each other lol. this video is like a reality check. all of my friends most of them are married with kids. I'm in my 30s, never been into relationship and I just fell really behind in life. of course I want a life partner. life is meant to be shared and I find life is more meaningful if you have somebody to share. that just me tho. and my good friend said, don't focus too much on settling down. there must be reasons why I am become today. I have yet to find the answer. I hope this waiting game would be worthwhile 💔

Sounds like with traveling. You do enough planning for a guideline and the rest is your adventure for better or for worse.

Women tend to put high requirements, men tend to drop them too low.

@polija9898

13 күн бұрын

It really dopends on the person, men drop their expectations too low when they only want a quick sex not a long-term relationship

this was such a good video!

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

thanks! means a lot

0:18 what tvshow or movie is that?

'meeting the right person'.. is a myth? what do we think 👇

@Otani_Garage

19 күн бұрын

I think a lot of people are too quick to pass on someone that could be great for them. It takes a long time to get to know someone honestly, and let’s be real, we are not showing much of ourselves on dating apps anyway

Yeah I agree to an extent that relationships aren’t that special however I feel with that mindset, you set up yourself to get hurt too. My last two relationships. I didn’t put any pressure on them, hurt one person and hurt my self the second time so I kind of get why people are cautious

love is not effortless. Love is about the willingness to put effort into someone and the choosing of someone. Even if you effortlessly want to chose someone, it still takes effort to love them. love is something you do not something you feel.

The video is so well made :)

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

thanks cristina !!

Because of your video, I kind of understand this. Thank you.

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

no problem :)

Thanks for checking me and my lists.

What's the name of the podcast??

This video just auto-played, I didn't expect to be this called out by it! So maybe fate is real 😉 Great video ❤

im just watching this on a whim cus nice thumbnail but the audio in this video is peaking a lot and just kinda hurts to listen to but this is a good video!

Im so used to making a decision and bring mad about it later

I love your hairr

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

thanks i just bought it 💅🏾

11:40 that’s not crazy! That’s actually very reasonable. Unconditional love is a life goal for most people anyway. That’s my life goal for sure. To love and be loved is literally the purpose of our existence as human beings. Everything else is ancillary. Just the icing on the cake. But the cake is gross on the inside no matter how much icing you put on it. It’s not going to be edible.

she be calling ppl outttt

It sounds like neuroticism... You are very young you haven't really experienced life yet and major traumas. So the neurotic behaviour is still strong within you.

You need to change your perspective on what “right” is. We are all fallible beings with our own issues, baggage, and red flags. If they’re meant for you the problems they have will be worth the effort of dealing with, and overcoming together. Being in their presence will feel natural as well. Having a relationship with someone you genuinely have a deep connection with will and should improve your life overall.

I’m definitely a maximizer and it sucks. I get along with most people and I guess have less of a deep relational style, so I really don’t feel like there’s a “special” relationship out there for me that I couldn’t find anywhere else. Like I could be with someone 20 years, leave that relationship, and be like “oh I’ll find someone else”. I don’t really think monogamy is in my nature, but I want a family, and I want someone to navigate life with. I just haven’t met someone who I feel is worth that. When things get too challenging, I’m like, “ok I want to be happy and free, I don’t need this.” And I leave.

I don't think anybody believes there is such a thing as the right person. But there is such a thing as the wrong person tho.

Love your look ❤✨✨

Wait aren’t you from geeky med? I didn’t forget to do the chest expansion exam because of you ❤

So this is the fincel side of KZread

I don't see what's crazy with choosing an unconditional loving partner over a house or travel. The house and travel is special when you have someone to share it with, the struggles and the good times. Lonely life on the top is a mere placeholder. Great relationships (not only romantic) are much better predicators of happiness and even longetivity.

Girl you should start a podcast thank you you have helped me so much❤❤❤

@ChristinaAaliyah

20 күн бұрын

I'm planning to! 👀 Stay tuned

Good message intent but you need to work on your script there was a lot of word salad in this video where you didn't really say anything of value. I like the line about treating dating like shopping. Also settling is bad tho imo. If it's the wrong person, you'll end up in a messy divorce. Problem is "well I wanted a guy w a 6 pack who makes 6 figures and he's not that" isn't settling to me that's hinging on superficial characteristics.

I'm accepted perishing alone at this point. Now I'll give into a short life hedonism

Great Video!

Long story short its not worth it

True

What to do when I don't even have any friends.

.