What a wonderful story of recovery. Thank you for sharing

Ben, I am sure that your courageous and open sharing of your story is inspiring other male and female survivors to "come out" and start their journey towards healing.

Thank you Ben for sharing with us. I love you brother.❤

Thank you for sharing your story. One day I will find the strength to share my own.

The disconnection because you know you have something you can’t talk about. Spot on man.

Ben Thanks for sharing. I am two months into my recovery and the advice to be patient is well received. I have denied for so long that it affected me that I am working to be patient to explore where I need healing and repentance. strength on your journey.

in tears watching this... I could have said this word for word. i think this is the first time i have cried since i had a breakdown in my car 6 months ago when my healing journey started. like Ben, I was in denial for so long (took me 27 years to disclose) and i really thought the healing process would involve me just attending few therapies and i'll be 'cured' after akin to going to a bootcamp. boy was i wrong. he's right this is a lifetime process. i'm working on ignoring the inner voices that had kept me confused, unhappy and isolated for so long but they do come up every so often trying to drag me down especially when i'm at my most vulnerable. the walls he talks about, i have those too and slowly i'm learning to bring those walls down but at the same time develop a healthy boundary and i'm finding that delicate balance of being open but not too open quite tricky to do to say the least but i think i'm progressing with help of my therapist. my childhood experience really messed me up as an adult. among other things - a) i find it really hard to concentrate on my studies, b) i cant do full time work (currently employed as part time - but after watching this vid i feel like i should disclose my situation to my manager so maybe she can understand why i cant do full time work and why i'm not progressing as much as i would like in the workplace and why i'm always using up all my sick leave - cos i'm severely depressed. i'm sure she will be supportive.), and c) i have very little hope in me ever being in a romantic relationship (i still view myself as 'damaged goods' and who would want that). Thanks Ben for sharing your story, I've been to group therapies and have heard many survivor stories but I connected with you the most (pretty amazing considering this is via youtube) cos every word you said rings true for me. Thanks and best of luck.

@survivorsare7939

6 жыл бұрын

Ryan, thanks for taking the time to watch this video and to share with us. Healing is a lifelong process, and we all need to love and support on this journey. We like what you say about breaking walls down while maintaining healthy boundaries. That's a balance many of us survivors are challenged to find. We're happy to hear you're working with a therapist with whom you feel you're progressing. We empathize with you when you say your abuse really messed you up in your adult life. There are many who feel similarly to you. But we hope that you don't give up because healing, even with its continued highs and lows, can really change things in your life. We like to remind ourselves to take this journey one step at a time, do the best we can and hope for a better future. We're proud of the work you're doing and assure you that you're not 'damaged goods'. We know that healing is a lot like learning to love ourselves, which allows us to form connections with people that we never thought possible before. You're welcome! I'm glad you were able to connect with my story. Sometimes it's scary to share it, and I wonder if it reaches anyone who needs it/can relate. I, too, could relate to what you shared in your comment. It's nice to know we're not alone. Best of luck to you too! - Ben Also, if you're ever interested at some point in sharing your experience as a survivor and your healing process, we'd love to help you share your story on our blog. Visit our website to contact us if you're ever interested: survivorsare.org/blog.

@ryanc3595

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks so much for replying. It means a lot to me. There are times when I think what is the point of living when you have this much baggage to carry but I'm realising that there are far more positive aspects in my life and that they far outweigh the negatives. I have an 18 month old niece that I adore so much and would love to be a part of her life as she grows up, I have a supportive group of friends, I love my family and I have travelled to different places around the world and would love to do more of that. I, too, would like to be a voice of support for people out there who have gone through or are going through similar experiences. Thank you for sharing the link. Will definitely check it out.

@survivorsare7939

6 жыл бұрын

We're so happy for you Ryan! It's always helpful to remember the positive aspects of life. It can help weather the bad.

For me, I wasn't trying to be "macho" or wanted to toughen up. For some reason, and I have no idea why, it never entered my mind until my late 30's. I mean, it was like I almost forgot about it until then, but not because I was trying. Then for some reason, roughly about 37, it started to resurface - the thoughts, the flashbacks, nightmares, remembering the tastes and smells. Just unreal. The only thing I can think of is I had a physically abusive father and that may have taken center stage and I repressed memories of my sexual abuser. Then, as I got older, memories of my father dissipated and were replaced by the person who molested me. I dont feel ashamed in the slightest and could care less what folks think of me because of it. I was 8 yrs old when I was being raped - I was a child, I never asked for it. All I can do is take responsibility for me. Cant be responsible for anyone else. I make enough mistakes as it is :)

@canadarocks838

5 жыл бұрын

I'm not ready to say a whole lot about what happened to me but I just stood up and came out with it a little over a month ago. I did the same as you. I dont remember having to do anything to bury it. It just kind of happened. I had a flashback and I realized what it was and tried to bury it back down. That didnt work. I had buried it for 33 years. Got into an argument with my gf and it came out. I've just started to try to get my life back. I hope all is well with you. Thank you for sharing your story as well.

@johnathanstevens8436

10 ай бұрын

Your mind will sometimes try to hide traumatic memories as a way to cope and protect you. When you are so young you potentially have no other defense. It may take a while, but you aren't alone. It can get better. As an adult I eventually found some role models who were kind, caring AND strong. Who used whatever strength they have to lift people up rather than tear them down. That to me is what "being a man" is really about. A partner who is patient and kind in terms of intimacy also helps.

Men statistically take longer to disclose on average than women, if it all. I never would have disclosed if it hadn’t been for my ex-wife. During a custody dispute, she messaged my mother and opened up that can of worms. My ex-wife weaponized my abuse. I had never told my parents. Happened when I was 16. I was around 40 when my family found out. It takes courage as a man to talk about this stuff but I don’t blame men for not wanting to talk about it, it is used against you, you are shamed, blamed, or labeled as “weak”, even if it happens to you when you are young. I wasn’t an adult. I was abused by a man twice my age.

Thank You For Your Courage - Men Sound Up Please -

I watched this bc I believe my Gson may have been assaulted when he was four. After the death of his Aunt, he let us know through tears that a male family member had taken him into the bathroom when no one was home and choked him. He was quietly crying, I'd never seen him cry as a young man, and then I had to ask him if anything else happened...he said no, but I can't help feeling there was more. What advice would you give on this? Or anyone, please advise.