Suuuuch good advice in this video. Only thing I have to add is this: If you have a writer friend who is there for you when things are bad (rejections) but ghosts you when things are good (offers, good publicity), RUN. That's not a friend, that's a person who is ruled by competitiveness and must be The Most Successful One in the Room.

@RachelBateman

2 жыл бұрын

Yesss this is so, so true!

@citizenothegalaxy

2 жыл бұрын

interesting take. thank you michelle!

@davidpo5517

2 жыл бұрын

That’s not inherently true, some ppl are just used to handling more negative situations, but don’t know how to respond to overly-positive ones.

If you're just getting started, a great way to build the foundation of your writing network is to check and see if the county you live in has an Arts Council. Someone advised me to do this and at first I was all "Sheyeah right, this is a very rural county, I'm sure they don't have one." But they did! Not only that, but said Arts Council had a Writers Guild associated with it. Who knew? The members of this group have not only turned out to be great friends (Seriously, with VERY few exceptions, Writers are the Nicest People I Have Ever Met!) but each one of them knows someone who knows someone who turned out to be a big help in moving my own career forward. And they just do it, often without you even having to ask them, because they are passionate about the art of writing.

@bodine219

2 жыл бұрын

amazing tip -- I will be checking thank you!!

@jacobgamber5407

Күн бұрын

That's really cool! I might have to look into that.

I have absolutely NO writing friends, so I’m curious as to whether that’s good or bad. Sometimes I feel alone, and sometimes I feel like I’m right where I need to be. Can’t wait for this video!!!!

@thups9552

2 жыл бұрын

I have zero as well

@expertionis794

2 жыл бұрын

None of my friends even read. It's awful asking them to read over things lol

@JN-hg5wn

2 жыл бұрын

Same here 👍🏻

@ryzikx

2 жыл бұрын

I'm in the same position as the first two replies 😂

@itslizzieann

Жыл бұрын

Same here, sometimes it takes the pressure off, other times I feel so lonely and strange for having no one there for me 😭

I helped form a writer's group in 2017 and we're still going strong. Zoom meetings during the pandemic of course. As of now, we have three men and four women. Some published. Some not. We have a non-competitive atmosphere and work on the same assignment each month to write outside our comfort zone. We published our first anthology. Check your public library for a writer's group. If they don't have one. Start one.

@liegeman717

2 жыл бұрын

That's an idea.Thanks for this, John. I might try it!

@Renovator26

2 жыл бұрын

@@liegeman717 One caveat: You must foster a non-competitive atmosphere. We do this by having members send in their submissions for a critique. At our meeting, the group each go over their critique and discuss the piece and the critique in turn. Then the author gets to "defend" his/her piece and respectfully agrees or disagrees with what's been said. You will need a facilitator or group leader who is either published or has experience as a writer and can steer the critiques away from any personality problems. We take turns in suggesting the assignment. eg. this month it's writing a short story or essay beginning with a single line: "It was love at first sight." I chose a humorous approach using the desire to acquire a classic car as my theme. 500-word limit. Members working on long-form fiction or non-fiction can ask for help and receive it on a one-to-one basis or a group session. Writers are notoriously hard to organize - herding cats is an appropriate cliche. A writing group with a deadline fosters discipline and the camaraderie that goes with struggling to be a good writer. Good luck. Let us know how you make out?

OOFT, have been thinking about this topic since the court documents from the Bad Art Friend article came out (and we saw JUST how bad those Larson groupchats were). Really made me disappointed in some big writers I once respected a lot. Glad to see you covering this topic, because we definitely need to step back sometimes and re-evaluate exactly how we're interacting with friends/acquaintances.

I've dealt with an aspiring writers' group that totally imploded due to jealousy over one member's book deal and bad-mouthing certain group members to magazine editors. Trust me, the horror stories are real and the weirdly immature posturing will make your head spin. Adult fantasy and sci-fi writing circles are just as nutty as any other genres'.

@goodgrief888

Жыл бұрын

It’s sad how often people let their insecurities fester, nurturing those insecure feelings until they’ve actually convinced themselves that others success is a way of keeping them down.

Loved this... One note, subtweeting on other platforms is not good either. That one hit home for me, because I'm guilty of talking about a person or group of people indirectly on my Instagram stories. I'll phrase it as a problem I'm experiencing to warn others of, but it still leaves other people wondering and just makes you look like a petty, drama loving person. Another reason why it's so important to have that private, trusted friend to vent to, because your followers don't need to know it. Definitely making "you will never regret not subtweeting" my new mantra as well!!

@AlexaDonne

2 жыл бұрын

I have also had to resist Instagram Stories! It's always like "what am I really getting out of posting this?" ... and I've ended up pulling back from social media generally b/c it just exhausts me (and a huge part of that is all the social stickiness!)

@oddsox-sensei

2 жыл бұрын

@@AlexaDonne Social Stickiness. I love that. I'm not going near that topic, it's just too socially sticky! hehe

Alexa Donne: the wise older sister that authortube needed

@sassyblondewriter8239

2 жыл бұрын

I have definitely had to message people who are being obnoxious in a large group chat and had to have the "Hi that's not what this is group chat is for please stop or people will leave"

Shy introvert totally here for the "how to make friends" part 😆

Wow, this is so scary. I’ve just had an uncomfortable experience with a writer’ s group that turned out to be one person who asked for way to many details of my book. They also asked for a printed copy so they could critique it in their leisure and get back to me. I declined the offer. I just wanted to write a book, possibly find an agent, and get it published. I didn’t know it had to be an journey that I had to share with so many other people other than hopefully readers. I now have a written novel that I think is good but was not confident enough to query without other people than family’s opinions on it. I live in a very rural area and had a hard time finding the so called writer’s group that I did. So I’m going to blaze ahead with the querying and hope for the best. Thank you for covering this subject. I will let you know what my results are. Good luck to all you writers. I think the whole writing experience was one everyone should feel the rewards of. I loved it and am continuing to write.

@AMMA83

2 жыл бұрын

It's quite unusual to ask someone in your writers group for a printed copy to critique...IMO you don't *need* to share the journey with a whole lot of writers, I haven't watched the whole video yet but I'd say this - there are published writers who don't have many writer friends and even if they do, they didn't need them - they just chose to. So if you want to do this more 'solo' that's fine too. Leaving my writers group was a good move for me, and I ended up getting agented before all of them. For them, being in the writers group was a great thing and they benefited from it. The point is everyone's experience and needs will differ.

This was such an interesting video, Alexa! I have had both good and bad experiences with writer friends... on the one hand, my writing has led me to meet my very best friend in the whole wide world; and on the other hand, it has led me to make extremely toxic friends who have definitely left me burned, and whenever you brought up red flags, they kept making me think of this person who did so many of these things, and it took me years to realize this. If I'd had this video sooner, I would probably have ended that friendship a lot earlier, and I'm hoping this will help other people realize this about people in their lives who may be like this and help them get out of those situations earlier than I did. Thanks for covering this!

My "pro tips" for joining a writer group: join a small one. Huge groups are tempting, but easy to get lost in and drowned out. Plus there's more chance of finding people you just can't stand. Also go in with no expectations. No one there is required to read your work or buy your stuff. Just be genuine and make friends.

I think I've seen every one of your videos. Some a few times... looking forward to this one! I love networking tips. Really appreciate you, Alexa

Love this topic. Years ago I started an IRL coffee & writers group. Didn't last long because, poets, fiction, romance, and non-fiction writers, did not make good, ahh, coffee fellows. Fast forward about 20yrs, one is a very successful writer, around 20 books out. Another got a very large advance, but it fell through. I'm neither. :) One thing I did learn is blunt, honest critiques are not welcome by all. Although note, the now successful people, did appreciate honesty, back then. The rest, I pissed off. I've learned some people take critiques super personally. Note to self, watch Alexa's Critique Partner video, before looking for friends. Love the info on social climbing & performative friendships. I had no clue. I'll do my best to keep a look out for good eggs. Daria!! I was outwardly more Jane, but inward, more Daria. :)

@AMMA83

2 жыл бұрын

I agree with honest critiques but I prefer my critiques to be kind and honest rather than blunt and honest. Blunt isn't necessarily unkind but I feel it can be unnecessary and has a higher risk of offending people. You can say the exact same thing in a gentler way and the person will still understand it. And while some people may take critiques personally, some people are a bit too personal when giving them and it's bordering on rude. People are all so different though so it's definitely a good idea to consider that when giving your critique.

@paintedcrow

2 жыл бұрын

I think a writer's group needs to be clear about what styles of critique they use, and when, and toward whom. There are writers who straight up don't see their book's flaws and appreciate honest critique; there are very self-critical writers who wilt under harsh criticism from others; there are newbie writers who really just need to keep writing in order to improve, and who benefit a lot from encouragement. Everyone's different, and it's not always a bad thing not to want blunt feedback. :) (...also, some people's feedback can get prescriptive, which isn't always welcome. Telling someone about a problem is different from trying to tell them how to fix it, or worse, trying to rewrite it for them.) Personally, it derails me to get intensive editorial feedback before the first draft is done--I'll want to stop and fix it when really I should just be writing to the end. My writing group mostly just gives me reader reactions and encouragement so far; I haven't been with them long enough to see their feedback on a finished draft, but I have a feeling one of my friends has a talent for it. ^^

@oddsox-sensei

2 жыл бұрын

​@@megantvenstrup7687 @Peaches I agree. I think I thought I wasn't being personal, but doesn't mean the person didn't go there. The last group I was in I stayed more positive. I noticed they were all super positive with each other, and just followed suit. Unfortunately, they were too all positive for me, so I left.

@oddsox-sensei

2 жыл бұрын

@@paintedcrow As Megan implied above, probably the best thing to do is give positive at first, and slowly dole out the criticism (small tests) to see how each person takes it. I remember saying to the people I offended, something like listen I'm not published or anything so this is just my opinion.. But yeah, hard to know how a person hears, and digests, what you say. I wasn't know for being super soft, but I've aged well. I hope! LOL

I think this video marks my first time of ever being early enough to click that little bell on top to set a reminded for me, when your video is ready to be watched & I am looking forward to this topic!

I'm going to be honest. Social climbing is such a foreign concept to me. I grew up with a sociopathic mother and a psychopathic father. No joke. Not being mean. Just facts up in here. It was horrible. Everything was always a mental game and emotional battle to remain mentally sound between the constant gas lighting. All that to say- I'm not great at social networking- wasnt in high school either. I was just kind and friendly to everyone. So if you are scrolling through the comments and are scared about social networking- yall....all you have to do is be genuinely kind and friendly. It goes a long way and sometimes all it takes!

@jacobgamber5407

Күн бұрын

Couldn't agree more! Found this comment encouraging.👍

I love that you talk about taking your shot and putting yourself out there. I love how encouraging you are. Genuinely. It reminds me of something I do myself I refer to as a moment of bravery. I cant remember a time where I took advantage of a moment of bravery and then regret it after. So, for anyone scrolling in the comments, I second this!!!🙈❤😂

I have a writer friend from high school and it is so true. She actually helps edit my work where my other friends just want to say "its so great!" Sure sometimes it can rub u the wrong way but I'd rather a friend get these mistakes before an editor gets to it. Great advice on the "you won't be friends with everyone" my poor people pleaser heart wants all my peers to like me, but not everyone is going to. I do think its nice to have a seperate writer friendship and everyday friendship... or even friendships in another area. I have a friend who writes screenplays our work is different enough that its not an issue and writing isn't our connection point but she gets it

AM LOOKING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS! Looking forward to learning more about making writer friends because I have absolute zero!

@Aurora-ns2mg

2 жыл бұрын

Me too...I'm writing my first horror novel. So, finding other writers friends wouldn't be the worst thing 🥲

@BarrettLaurie

2 жыл бұрын

Writing sprints and productivity videos were a great way to make online writer friends for me. In person critique groups were good for this before the pandemic. On my little channel, tiny by Alexa comparison, we do a monthly critique group with the goal of connecting writers with CPs, betas, cheerleaders etc. Good luck finding your writing crew!

Thanks for the fantastic video and your pearls of wisdom! I resonate with your approach in assuming the best of others and preference of tight knit support groups/1 on 1 friendships. Performative friendships are definitely something to watch out for, I find it very easy to get jealous of those... only to find out they were secretly dysfunctional all along! It's a good reminder to value the friends we have and not get swept away by 'grass is greener on the other side' mentality.

I've made some great writing friends...I've also had to cut one off because non-writing chat was affecting my mental health to the point where the writing benefits just weren't worth it anymore

Pitch Wars helped me find my writer people. It’s evolved into a great group, and it’s been amazing having a whole group of writers in the same point in their journey to talk to. ❤️

This is so fun. I haven't written since college and hardly ever *read* fiction anymore, but got this fascinating video recommended just cuz I love drama enough to have watched her kidneygate video twice lol 🍿

I love these discussion videos! I think it's do interesting friendships that develop like this, and it feels similar in someways to KZread friendships. I have made a few real friends who are important to me through the community, but there are also casual friends and acquaintances. Occasionally you get weird vibes or know people who ditch friends when their channels blow up and that rubs me the wrong way, though some things do naturally taper off. Interested to see more like this!

I'm a Daria as well. Kinda feel like a lost cause trying to make friends. Not giving up though. You have a lot of good advice.

@harleyandrada3220

2 жыл бұрын

can someone please tell me what this whole Daria thing is? I'm seriously lost.

@dorothyinman4632

2 жыл бұрын

It's a Adult TV show from the 90's

@harleyandrada3220

2 жыл бұрын

@@dorothyinman4632 oh that's why, i'm a 2000nds baby, thank you.

so therapeutic and reassuring, applies to struggles in creative fields in general, ty!

Very useful video! I found that being in writing communities on Tumblr has been mostly negative :( I think sharing my stories with family and 1 or 2 close friends saves my sanity.

I love how honest and raw you are! 😊

I love the way you talk about the organic evolution of friendship. I've never put words to the structure of friendship before and I'm in love with how you've described it. Especially defining the different types of friendship. I think this a lollipop moment for me. I'm polyamorous and the way you have talked about the differences in types of relationships really fits with how a lot of polyamorous people navigate their different types of romantic relationships with their different types of partners. At least tangentle. ❤ I love listening to your thoughts!!!

This was so helpful not just on a professional level but personal. Such great advice all around. One question I do have is I have joined a very amazing FB group a published author started. One of the members compiled a group of us to start our own rom-com romance slack group. You mentioned not having a group too large. I'm questioning the size of the group after this but am not sure if I should just join and observe for a bit. I have a tendency to trust people way too soon in general. I don't want to lose the chance of networking and making my work better but don't want to get burned either. I have not spoken to any of these women personally before this invite.

@AlexaDonne

2 жыл бұрын

Oh join! Just don't think of it as Fort Knox for information :)

Man, this looks helpful, I don't have any friends let alone writer friends.

@Aurora-ns2mg

2 жыл бұрын

You write?

I'm taking notes. I love your content. And the cat and the wine and the honesty. All super helpful for us struggling wordsmiths.

Can’t wait. A nice Saturday morning talk with the always, awesome Alexa Donne. It’ll be informative, and awesome as usual.

A lot of good tips. Thank you for the advice.

Misread the title as "Making White Friends" and did a double take lol.

@carebait

2 жыл бұрын

CRYING HAHAHA

Maybe Alexa would consider a vlog on "Writers' Groups - are they any use? How to start and run one."

Wow, this is a lot. Great video, Alexa. I have to be honest, and say that I always just thought Subtweets were Twitter threads, where you reply to yourself multiple times to start with, so that you can use more characters. I Googled the term, and I was naive. I guess Subtweets often are threads, and somehow, I got confused. Gen X. fail??? You educate me here. 🤔🥰❤💝

“My revenge is friendship” is such a great line 😅

As usual, awesome video Alexa ! Thanks

Please make a 2024 critique partner video! That'd be super helpful. I need that blunt, honest criticism to sharpen my skills, and I'm certain I'm not alone

You might be surprised to know these facts apply to publishing industry regardless of country/language :))) I knew some authors who had this shady side to them (talking behind each other's back but publicly on social media 😂💀) that when I decided to write my novel in English I watched for those signs of toxicity. I knew some of the stuff u mentioned by watching panels and interviews but still learnt more. What u mentioned about Twitter can also apply to tiktok now, where it's easier to create content on impulse. I've watched interviews from authors who acted like besties and I know a few in particular who not so subtly throw shades at each other on their social:)) It was heartwarming to hear a pro speaking about these stuff rather than sweep it under the carpet or even normalizing it. Thank u🙏🏼

I wish I would have known some of these general friendship guidelines when I was in middle and high school 🥺💕 would have saved some hurt feelings along the way!

not me yesterday researching this... Alexa are you a mind-reader?

I love your personality❤️ And very informative video. Thank you for all your effort😌

this was so great, Alexa. Totally spoke to my experience.

Thank you so much for all of your videos!

Regarding the subtweets, I couldn't help but think, "I'll never regret not being on Twitter." 😆

Some of the inhibitions about having writer friends comes down to plain jealousy. We have a saying in my country called tall poppy syndrome. People will drag you down and villainise you if you try to be too ambitious, too successful, too rich, too better than everyone. Very similar to cancel culture. If you dare to have a voice there's a fear of being ostracised.

I joined a writing group through an acquaintance - who proceeded to literally steal my writing and put it in their 'updated' draft. They have since had a publishing deal on a different book they wrote, but it makes me wonder who else they stole from to get that deal 😑

I have friends in similar industries (they're gamers trying to enter the game creation market, I'm a writer) and while we have a lot of things in common (tropes, writing story lines, etc), there's always a kind of distance? Our mediums are different so there's a few things that don't translate well or can't be communicated. This video really helped with understanding the friend making in the writing industry. Still terrified of Twitter so I'm going to try another way to make writer friends 😆

Can you make a video about agents and editors posting manuscript wishs/wishlists or just ideas they think would make cool books on Twitter? Do they actually reflect what is trending? Just general thoughts on that. Thank you :) your videos are super helpful.

I’m attending MFA in the fall and as basically the only people who’ve “got” me are other writers, I am PUMPED UP

Harry Potter fandom is my FAVORITE. 🥰🥰🥰 Sirius Blacks daughter is my all time favorite trope for fanfiction!!😂❤🙈

I am watching this in order for me to help find where to make writer friends, I may have a couple but having at least one more would be nice, besides that I'm a very shy introvert who always had this problem of making friends.

This is right on time ❤️

I know this sounds mean, but what would you say about finding beta readers or critique partners who are just not in the same level as you in writing ability? I mean in a grammatical sense. How do you think you should navigate essentially saying "I don't have the time to teach you how to write a sentence". That seems like the most awkward thing to me, and from what I see in Facebook writing groups, it's not an uncommon issue.

@AlexaDonne

2 жыл бұрын

OK I'm a terrible person and adult but when I got into a really bad match or two way back when, when it was early exchanges of work... I'd do light line editing and then not offer to CP further ha. Because exactly--that's not what I was looking for. Soooo yeah sometimes I'd just ghost no regrets. (I'm terrible) I started seeing better results with matches when I looked for CPs more exclusively in trad pub/querying spaces (ie: people w/ complete manuscripts preparing to or already querying), and I also find FB is MUCH more of a mixed bag, re: levels, depending on the type of writing group you join.

@quentaron3869

2 жыл бұрын

I've given detailed advise for a couple chapters, then some general advise. Healthy boundaries are always a must and no one is entitled to your time.

"Be a good egg." Kinda like "That'll do, pig." 🤗

Any friends I've made from my writing has been the non-fiction. My fiction is so bad even my own family won't read it. If I had a girlfriend and wrote a fiction novel, she would read it, cry tears of blood, and break up with me, because my ability to write fiction would cause her PTSD on top of bleeding from the eyes, and she would go to the mental hospital from having to be subjected to how horrible my fiction was where she would rock back and forth on the toilet until she tragically passed from a simultaneous organ failures from hallucinations of the end of the world because a printing press made my god awful book. But my non-fiction is alright so I don't have to work on that as much.

I've had both good and bad where I had some friends who are authors who are supper supportive and I was supportive of them, and then others who thought they were better than me because they were published, and would often criticize me for writing romance or typical tropes.

Used to be we only found out the mean girls hated us when we happened to overhear them in the girls bathroom.

You are right....there is a lot of back stabbing, jealousy, snobbery, clique type of thing going on in the industry, social media platforms and groups. Yeah, you had mentioned it a few times in your channels. Damn, it is like being at school, he said this, she said that. Alot of mouthy stuff too. You know, it is like being back at school and yeah, this is hard to grow platforms if you don't fit it. Apparently you can''t do this, you can't be that, you don't friend that person, she said this....alot of playground antics. So many fine weather friends and those who pretend to be your friend. It is crazy you know.

You look so pretty in this color! 🤩

I had a shit time in high school, fights everyday and all I did was run gambling pollysheets even the staff owed me money. After I got looked up I went into total isolation and I went back and read my old alan moore and sandman comics. That's when I wanted to be the writer. Popular people didn't faze me.

I’m active in music Discords and sometimes I try not to mess with drama but my friends do and it’s literally so crazy and hard to stay out of everything

This feels like a talk you should have with a middle grade student.

I live in a VERY small and isolated island, and I am VERY introverted and not excited about building any new relationships because they just drain me like a desert. Do I have to get a network of writers besides the working space in order to succeed?

There is a not insignificant part of me that wishes Alexa would include links to her clothes. A winning discussion with a winner of a top!

@AlexaDonne

2 жыл бұрын

99% of the time it's Torrid! This is from a few seasons ago so not on sale anymore sadly! One of my favorite tops.

Darias UNITE!!! Dated?!? What are you talking about, Alexa--no comeback; Daria never left. 😝😎🤓

Yep.

I hate to say this, based upon my own small experience and watching from the sidelines back in the day, none of this surprises me. lol

Socialization.....reasons why this is a scary concept!!!

ugh i hate networking so much rip rip

Okay that’s my cue: HEY ANYONE WANNA BE FRIENDS???

"A ton of us are anxious..." Genuinely my favorite line.

sad to report the high school mentality also shows itself in law school 🙃

♥️♥️♥️

Reminding me I'm super glad that I am not important enough for any of this, lol

Friendship is scary. Lots of toxicity out there.

I know this isn't a new video, but how do you feel about authors following random people who have things like "writer" in their bio and unfollowing you if you don't follow them back? I've found good reads through this, but it comes off a bit tacky to me if I'm being honest.

"Its like watching a trainwreck in slow motion" We had a group of 14. It took 1 person. A SINGLE person to be just so disasterously immature. And then everyone fell apart.

Alexa: We all have that precious friend that is too nice for their own good Me: Def not me

My worst fear is another author/someone in the industry making up lies about me out of jealously or spite to get other people in the industry to hate me, not want to talk to me, and ruin opportunities for me. I know it's a weird fear but it's a fear I have.

I imagine there have been tons of people who have tried to get in your good books just to take advantage of your platform, Alexa. I hope they got a hefty door slammed in their scheming faces.

Good advice but dear god no more sipping coffee sounds

How come you're not traditionally published?

@AlexaDonne

2 жыл бұрын

I am traditionally published! I have three books out and another out in 2022 :)

all my friends that i have made through liking writing have been evil

31:55

show us the caaaaaaaaaaaaat

Those you meet on your way up are the same people you’ll meet on your way down. Be kind.

You have to talk to people to make friends? Ew. 🤣

I’m an author, but I can’t stand artists. We’re the worst

Alexa Donne has more access.

my neurodivergent ass watching and taking notes because i have no social skills lmao. im not an author but i would assume this really applies to any interest you share with someone if theres money or status on the line lol

I recently reconnected with my BFF from college, and I was excited to find out that she, like me, was trying to switch gears from her toxic career that she was totally burnt out on, had reached a dead end with (hers - Hollywood film productions; mine - the Art World/Museum and gallery world) to try her hand at serious writing. She, on the other hand, apparently immediately went into competitive mode and started saying weird unsupportive things to me like “OMG you have so many hilarious stories! You should paint about them.” 🤔🫤😮 This after she and I had spent a couple of afternoons going very deep about how traumatizing the worlds of these careers had been to our lives. She had gone into how toxic Hollywood is, and I had made it VERY clear that I quit my Art Museum job and studio painting “career” (or lack thereof) a couple of years ago because the extreme elitism was making me literally sick. What I failed to say when she so helpfully suggested that I paint about my hilarious stories was, “Or here’s an idea, how about I write them down and try to get them published??? Or would that somehow be not ‘staying in my lane’ because now that you s come back into my life I should take a back seat to you because you now OWN writing?”

this is such a great discussion video!! before I participated in the online writing community, this was one of the things that terrified me the most, especially after seeing how big and messy issues can get on twitter 🥲