As we say in Texas "as we say in Texas".

@wyattteague6508

2 жыл бұрын

L

@stillhere1425

2 жыл бұрын

As they say in Texas “You can’t beat perfection.”

@MourningNihilist

2 жыл бұрын

Good one “good one”

@stoodmuffinpersonal3144

Жыл бұрын

The infinite loop, the Ourobouros. "as we say in texas: as we say in texas, as we say in texas, as we say im texas-,"

I once saw a shirt that said: "I'll believe corporations are people when the State of Texas executes one."

@TheJerbol

2 жыл бұрын

Amen brother

@bensmart3520

2 ай бұрын

Enron bby

"why use a nutcracker when you have a sledgehammer" A recipe for a truly disturbing Christmas ballet.

@writerinprogress

2 жыл бұрын

"And now we present 'The Sledgehammer Suite,' starring Michael Myers and Darcy Bussell!"

@m0L3ify

2 жыл бұрын

Kind of like when I played The Nutcracker in the 8th grade play and the Mouse King's sword broke in half during our fight and I just kept swinging and he was terrified 😂

@Aredtyg

2 жыл бұрын

Tchaikovsky x Mahler

@robertofontiglia4148

2 жыл бұрын

A re-imagining by Peter Gabriel

"For every rat you do see, there's 50 you don't." Conservatives in Texas should remember this, right after they say "Don't go after the police, it's just a few bad apples."

@ambatuBUHSURK

2 жыл бұрын

blue apples

@MrAwesomeSaucem

2 жыл бұрын

He said ranch - but I think rats works better hahaha

@Fernball21

2 жыл бұрын

@@MrAwesomeSaucem You think so? I hear "For ev'ry rat 'chyu see, there's 50 you don't" I don't hear an "n" sound between the 3rd and 4th words.

@Tsukuyomi28

2 жыл бұрын

A few bad apples ruin the bunch

@MrAwesomeSaucem

2 жыл бұрын

@@Fernball21 It's hard to say - I watched again and it sounds like there's a CH sound, but that might just be his accent. Also because its Texas, I wouldn't be surprised if it's ranch. But who knows

Here’s an oldie but a goodie , “ in texas there’s three kinds of sun , sunshine , sunflowers and sunsofbitches “ ………

@adrianguinn3331

2 жыл бұрын

classic here's another "might? mites grow on chicken asses. cept stalagmites, ear mites, and dyno-mites"

"All hat no cattle" is a good one ngl

I'm very interested to know what in the hell Texans are confusing for Polar bears

@rusparr2528

2 жыл бұрын

@@judacia Alamo is Spanish for poplar trees. That must be where the bears are.

@notlikely4468

2 жыл бұрын

A cousin of those cuddly Eucalyptus Bears...

@fightclub6291

2 жыл бұрын

We’re pretty drunk….

@niccast0

2 жыл бұрын

IDK. But they seem to have also confused a map of the state of Washington with their own home state (or else they think that's where polar bears come from) 😜

@tuckerbowen4626

2 ай бұрын

I assume it's their version of "when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras"

Having lived in Texas my entire life I can definitively say no. No we don't say any of those things in Texas.

As we say in Texas, "I'm an out-of-touch rich person desperately trying to sound working class."

@niccast0

2 жыл бұрын

Reminds me of this bit from America (The Book) about George W: “This Connecticut-born, Yale- and Harvard-educated multimillionaire son of a former president ran as an outsider in 2000. Many experts still wonder how the f*** he pulled that off.”

"That ain't no polar bear." I'd sure like some context on this one.

@marcelofa89

2 жыл бұрын

It's something people in Texas say when they see a bear, and they think it's a polar bear but it ain't

@jakepullman4914

2 жыл бұрын

@@marcelofa89 Thanks for clearing that up.

@nsnopper

2 жыл бұрын

I need to ponder that.

@JAEWST

2 жыл бұрын

@@marcelofa89 you sir, are a genius

@AH-te5gs

Жыл бұрын

Someone approached Trump from the back.

We can come up with new sayings like "That news source you watch is about as reliable as a Texas power grid."

"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, 'Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me, you can't get fooled again.'"

@ray.shoesmith

2 жыл бұрын

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

@fredocarroll

2 жыл бұрын

@@ray.shoesmith "Too many docs are getting of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all over the country."

@ryanwagner656

2 жыл бұрын

we wont get fooled again

@kailexx1962

2 жыл бұрын

Ah, quoting G.W. Bush. Never gets old.

@HarryLovesRuth

2 жыл бұрын

To be fair, Texas is kind of Tennessee's fault

One day when I’d just moved to Texas while honking at a person who cut me off my friend told me we don’t honk at people here in Texas, we’re the friendly state. I said well we honk at people in NY to let them know they can’t drive. She said well you keep doing that here somebody is likely to shoot you. I said let me get this straight, I shouldn’t honk my horn because in the friendly state of Texas I’ll get shot at for doing so?

@tjwash5118

2 жыл бұрын

@Splitter thanks for your permissions

@tjwash5118

2 жыл бұрын

@Splitter honey, you know an awful lot about me from a casual KZread comment that was 29% humor. Your insight is amazing. Any honey, people who start sentences with honey sound so condescending. Unless you’re from Texas bless your heart.

@tjwash5118

2 жыл бұрын

@Splitter you’re too funny for words. I have no idea what you are talking about with missing comments, if there are any I have no control over that. A KZread conversation chain isn’t so important to me that I’d edit it. And with that, over and out.

@Patfettx

2 жыл бұрын

@Splitter Splitter, bro, you're blowing a fuse over this person's telling a simple story that happened to him while in Texas. You're telling him that his threshold for what counts as jerk behavior must be low... do you even have a threshold or are you always that expressive? Maybe you're the weird one, condoning shooting people over a honk because you're a bad driver. What is this? Stupid Apologist?

They forgot "when people are suffering because you stripped away all the power grid's regulations, just go to Cancún"

As we say everywhere else, “Don’t go to Texas”

@jfm14

2 жыл бұрын

Truth!

@SIS3W3N

2 жыл бұрын

As a resident of Austin, I can assure you that you have not said it enough. They're still coming. Stop them. Traffic and housing prices are beyond ridiculous.

@khirsah666

2 жыл бұрын

@@SIS3W3N It's same for almost everywhere. Millennials need homes too you know.

@wta1518

Ай бұрын

@@SIS3W3N All that could be solved with some transit oriented development.

@SIS3W3N

Ай бұрын

@wta1518 Could be, but it won't. City and state governments have refused to make the right steps for over 25 years and neither show any indication of improvement.

The guy at the end just smiling with a slow "...no-" was really funny.

As we say in texas: "I haven't ever heard of this gibberish"

@guccideltaco

2 жыл бұрын

I've lived here for 25 years, and haven't heard ANY of these (of course, I've lived in the RGV and San Antonio, so it's a little different).

@SIS3W3N

2 жыл бұрын

I've been here my entire life. I've lived in rural east Texas, the suburbs of Dallas, and the city of Austin. I've heard 4 out of the entire video.

As a native Texan, some of these, sure; but others....idk wtf they're talking about!

@confusedwhale

2 жыл бұрын

As we say in Texas, make shit up ' cause it doesn't really matter.

@michael_mcgowan

2 жыл бұрын

Same. "All hat and no cattle," is the only one i've heard.

@SerenityNow9015

2 жыл бұрын

To me it sounds like some of them are attributing “as my Grandma used to say” to “as they say in Texas,” because they think everyone else in Texas talks just like their meemaw did.

@niccast0

2 жыл бұрын

​@@SerenityNow9015 They're attributing “as my Grandma used to say” to “as they say in Texas,” because they think it'll win them political points.

@niccast0

2 жыл бұрын

@@SerenityNow9015 Your comment reminded me of how, growing up, my mom (from Nebraska) would frequently say things like "waste not, want not. That's what grandpa says" or "eat well, get well. That's what grandpa says" ;)

As a native Texan, the only one I instinctually knew was "all hat and no cattle"

Chuck Schumer getting “all hat no cattle” wrong is GLORIOUS For non-Texans, it’s basically “all bark no bite”

@SIS3W3N

2 жыл бұрын

It's more like calling someone a poser, which makes it hilarious to see all these white-collar pansies using it.

@Bremend

Жыл бұрын

I don't think there was anything more Chuck Schumer-esk possible in this clip

As they say in Texas: „What the f are they talking about?!“

that alligator-humming bird bit

“Why use a nutcracker when you have a sledgehammer?” Because why would I want to smash the nut when I want to eat it? Using a tool that just removes the shell is way better

@bobbyfeet2240

2 жыл бұрын

You are, perhaps, unfamiliar with Texans? You're not wrong, but good luck convincing them.

@jamestlangham

2 жыл бұрын

Thought the guy was gonna say why not use a gun lol

@iguacu3517

2 жыл бұрын

#thatsthejoke

@larryrowe5259

2 жыл бұрын

Why use a BB gun when you have an AR15.

@GusCraft460

2 жыл бұрын

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing.

When the Governor of Texas first stated talking about secession, I called his office. Told a secretary: "OK. Go, just go."

"as we say in texas, if grasshoppers had shotguns, crows wouldn't fvck with em"

"Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine." "Let me tell you how the cow ate the cabbage." "He's not just stingy. He's tighter than Dick's hatband."

Ones that are actually said in Texas: "Don't piss (in my boots/down my back) and tell me it's raining." Translation: Don't bullshit me. "Come and get it." Usually refers to a large homecooked meal. "Don't let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass." Translation: Don't talk shit if you can't back it up. "All hat, no cattle." This refers to posing as a cowboy when you've never worked cattle, so it's a bit ironic seeing it used by suits. The rest I've never heard before, and I've been around long enough that I would have heard them if they were at all common.

@marcjohnston4271

2 жыл бұрын

Or the variation, "Come and Take It," which is about taking your guns away.

@SIS3W3N

2 жыл бұрын

@@marcjohnston4271 More of a slogan than a saying. Its roots significantly predate Texas. The first use in Texas history was the Battle of Gonzales, when the Federalist Mexican Army attempted to seize a small artillery piece commandeered by the Texian Army.

Here in Fort Worth we say none of those things!

"There's an old saying in Texas: 'Fool me once... uh....'"

Thank you Chuck 🤣🤣 Dying

Another thing they apparently say in Texas, "screw children, I want an assault rifle"

Love John Oliver. Guy could make opening an envelope entertaining.

The only reason to move to texas is to be able to say "as we say in texas"

I think he probably meant “come and take it” which is for guns. “Come and get it” is for supper.

YESSSSSSSS.

I’m from Texas and I have never heard ANY of these “sayings”…

That ain't no polar bear lol

As we say in Philadelphia, "Fuck what you heard."

Things they say in Texas...I think the book depository would be a good bet...

Just add a spittoon spit before the punchline, then it is truly accurate

Geoff you do a great service to the stoner community

Born and raised in Texas. Almost 50. Nobody says this stuff.

LMAO i just moved to Texas and this hits different now

@guccideltaco

2 жыл бұрын

I've lived here 25 years, and never heard ANY of these.

@danitho

2 жыл бұрын

@@guccideltaco I've heard a couple of them. Guess it just depends on where you are and the people you talk to.

"Why use a nutcracker when you have access to a sledgehammer?" What? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. What are you going to eat if you use a sledgehammer? Woody paste...? Or is this a euphemism for "We turn something with some value into useless crap with a single swing"

Dont 👏 let 👏 your👏 alligator 👏mouth👏 overload 👏your humming bird 👏rear end👏

@datgrrl5698

2 жыл бұрын

Grow the fuck up and use your words not fucking emojis

@MJFallout

2 жыл бұрын

I can't hear you over the sound of me embroiderin' that shit on a tea cozy right about now. yeehaw.

No we don’t

As they say in Texas, "Please help me I'm in Texas."

0:16: as we say in Texas, ‘why use a tool designed for the task, when you can use a gesture of wildly over the top and self-defeating violence that makes you seem like you’re compensating for more than just being a wealthy out of touch pundit?’ Nah, too wordy.

"aint much for book learnin"

Other things we say in Texas: You mess with the bull, you get the horns. It's hotter'n a fresh f'ed fox in a forest fire. It's hotter'n two muskrats f'n in a wool sock. It's hotter'n a French w*ore on dollar night. I'm busier than a one-legged man in an a$$ kicking contest. It's colder than a witches t*t in a brass bra face down in the snow. He's as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

@gilbertosalas6476

2 жыл бұрын

You forgot one “ why do birds fly upside down over abbott’s house ? …….. nothing worth S**TING on ! !……….

@billybobjoe1335

2 жыл бұрын

You just wanted an excuse to use that last one. Granted, it is a good line.

@Tonyhouse1168

2 жыл бұрын

“Oklahoma, where the men are men and the sheep are scared”

@susanmsmugler7327

Жыл бұрын

@@Tonyhouse1168 Now see, I’m a native Texan. But I first heard that one when I went to West Virginia! 😂🐑 😂

It’s true, everything really is stupider in Texass.

@SIS3W3N

2 жыл бұрын

Calm down, bigot.

That did not help Chuck Schumer's cred.

@susanmsmugler7327

Жыл бұрын

Neither do his little red old lady spectacles, but he’s holding onto them too…😂

What so great about dumb ol' Texas? ~ Patrick Star (from SpongeBob)

Been in Texas for decades. Those are all new to me except come n get it. Clearly those bozos have out southerned me.

All hat no cattle is dope tbh

Hey hello! Is there any way you can upload (or share with me a file of) the recent section about trans kids (in episode 11) I am useless at technology and don't even have an hbo account, it's just that my kid is trans and I'm desperate to share it but don't know how.

Schumer! XD

Vote blue

I need to use that “don’t pee on my boot and tell me it’s raining.”

@jfm14

2 жыл бұрын

That's the only one I've actually heard before, but hey... I don't live anywhere near Texas.

@SIS3W3N

2 жыл бұрын

Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining.

Stop doing this to yourself. It's not worth it.

As we say in the rest of the world: "Your state sucks."