Hello, Big Thinkers! We would love to hear your stories: did you or someone you know have to face this choice? How did you go about it? P.S. Remember, this is just one person's opinion, so it's ok to disagree, as long as we are leading an open discussion.

@Gbengadewoyinopencourse

4 жыл бұрын

They often choose to have children first then futher career wise later which is often devastating and they end up raising kids all their lives.

@Gbengadewoyinopencourse

4 жыл бұрын

I think all he is trying to say is that you can't be 100% at anything if your priorities are divided. Men are often lacking at home cuz they have to make money

@moonlily1

4 жыл бұрын

Big Think, please feature people in your videos who are credible and qualified on the subjects which they are speaking on, please don't pander to popularity. Mr. Peterson is a social psychologist who is primarily known for dabbling in moral and political philosophy, subjects in which is not educated, as well as dabbling in pseudo science and lying about his credentials, falsely claiming himself a neuroscientist and an evolutionary biologist and using fairy tales and the bible in conjunction with scientifically false arguments, like the whole "lobsterian" debacle. I'm sure you're well aware that his is not respected among the scientific community and his base are right wingers and incels, for emotional and political reasons rather intellectual ones. You are damaging your credibility by featuring him in your videos. As a matter of fact, Jordan's statements are counter to actual studies that find that women are who are child free by choice are actually generally happier than women who do have children (Psychology Today). So anyone watching his videos should take his statements as merely a personal opinion and not a qualified professional or academic one. And to answer your question, nearly every single woman in this economy has to work whether she wishes to or not, and every single working mother aside from the extremely wealthy who can afford nannies struggles with balancing both of these priorities partly because of anti-family corporate culture, an idealization of motherhood which results in much guilting and shaming of women struggling to balance these obligations, and because men, generally do not contribute equally to caring for their own children and maintaining their own household, even when they and their partners work equal hours, or even if they actually work more than their husbands. Women and men participate equally in the economy, yet women still shoulder the vast majority of the world's unpaid labor. Every single woman I know who has children deals with that, whereas men do not face an equal number of demands and are able to have a family and children without feeling torn and pressed to make sacrifices, thanks to the burdens shouldered by women. Which is a reality Mr. Peterson is never going to address, because it doesn't suit his agenda or fit into his narrative.

@SatishKumar-uz7io

4 жыл бұрын

Only flaw in what he is saying is a single man in is 40s who is highly successful in career may feel the same way. I left to the US for higher studies on scholarship at 29 and got placed in well-paying job post-graduationon at 31. I spent my money on gadgets, food, movies, got a new car, traveled to a few places and sent home gifts. But the excitement of " I made it" only lasted for a year or so. At personal front I felt stuck and dating was so not easy. I remember feeling empty admist all the aderaline rush. I am currently dating a Indian girl so things are better but If someone like me stayed single till 40 and never had a family, I could see them going into depression for sure. Many in quest of success focus too much on career and miss out to develop social skills for dating or to show/manage emotions. Both men and women are victims of it.

@moonlily1

4 жыл бұрын

@@SatishKumar-uz7io Well, but that's not the only flaw in what he's saying. He's saying women need to be reminded that their reproductive capability is finite and focusing on career may cause us to bypass the opportunity to have a family. We DON'T need to be told that because we already know AND people tell us this CONSTANTLY anyway. You also don't need to talk to people about their reproductive plans because they're none of your business. He doesn't address the reasons that women view family and career as either-or (because men don't contribute equally to childcare and household duties so women have to sacrifice disproportionately within the relationship) and assumes that getting pregnant is the only way to have a family, when millions of children in foster care are praying for a permanent home. People should have children when they are ready to financially and emotionally, and those times aren't also going to match up with peak fertility years, but that doesn't mean you can't have a family.

"The reason you get paid for your work is because you are doing something that you wouldn't choose to do if you weren't being paid". That statement is actually harsh, but actually a fact and real....waoh

@royalwithoutcrown161

3 жыл бұрын

I was thinking I was the only person who caught it. Pretty harsh AF.

@tulipanrosas

3 жыл бұрын

I don't agree with him on this one. You study a career to feel acomplished at the end of your life, it's not a punishment. Try wasting your oppurtunities and you will become resentful when you get okd

@louieg7676

3 жыл бұрын

@@tulipanrosas Have you ever been in a workplace or are you a student? Even with salary, most people hate their jobs, let alone do it for virtually for free just to feel "accomplished". Speaking of accomplishment, finding happiness is an accomplishment too, even if it means being a stay-at-home mom or a farmer.

@royalwithoutcrown161

3 жыл бұрын

@@tulipanrosas if money ain't a byproduct of whatever you do - it's a job not a career.

@emilyvfletcher9519

3 жыл бұрын

Depends what you do for a living

I have no interest in children but it's pretty obvious having a "career" is not the most fulfilling thing in life.

@johnbull1568

3 жыл бұрын

I'd bet cash money that no-ones last words were ever 'I wished I'd worked more. . .'.

@allisonjonesphelps2860

3 жыл бұрын

SAME.

@meadowsanddawn7464

3 жыл бұрын

Same

@staceye2851

3 жыл бұрын

I feel the same way. I'm 52 but look like I'm in my late 30s and people still tell me it's not too late for me to pump out kids I don't want. That should be the first thing we get society to change. Stop talking to women like that! Stop. It's none of your business. I find it's not men doing it. When men do bring it up, it's usually after they wish me a happy Mothers Day and I tell them I'm not a mom. But it's non-stop from other women. Miranda from Sex & The City was right -- motherhood is a cult. Moms seemingly are always on the hunt to recruit. Women who do this need to knock it off.

@matheussanthiago9685

3 жыл бұрын

@@johnbull1568 I think Tezuka's words were actually something of the sorts but then again, an exception that confirms the rule

The flip side to this comes from stay at home moms who don't have a life outside of the family and when she becomes an empty nester she suffers from depression and loneliness. Balance is the key. The acceptance of the fact not everyone is made for parenting. Great video thanks for posting

@moulikaroy2366

3 жыл бұрын

We should always find a balance. Either or is never the answer. Striving to create balance is the answer.

@songs4thesoul

3 жыл бұрын

@@moulikaroy2366 thank you for your comment. I totally agree.

@skryvazena6548

3 жыл бұрын

Or vice versa:a career woman who works from home and get depressed because sometimes she would feel lonely and want to have a companion like a husband or a child.

@songs4thesoul

3 жыл бұрын

@@skryvazena6548 Thanks for your comment.

@nachannachle2706

3 жыл бұрын

Great point. But it comes down to the individual's own sense of actualisation. Empty nester syndrome is the sign that the parents' lives weren't balanced in the first place and that they got distracted from thinking about it so long as they had their children with them. Usually though, if you have children after age 30, you already have a pretty good idea about what you can do with your life later on; once your kids leave. :)

My mom is 60 and have 4 kids she said motherhood is NOT for everyone. Being a mom is a lifetime commitment, she’s happy to be a mom but it didn’t fulfill her life she let go a lot of opportunities and dreams for her family, she has a lot of if only. That’s why she is very supportive of me of not having children. She says at the end of the day what is important you are happy, contented and no regrets. we are filipinos btw.

@jldp24

3 жыл бұрын

As opposed to working for a corporate and not having kids?

@samanthakiu4055

3 жыл бұрын

@@jldp24 used to work n d government but now i have my own business, and yes i love my life now esp diring d pandemic without children!!!! You have no idea how hard it s for parents here n d Philippines to be d teacher and at d same time the parent hahahahahah All my friends r going crazy!!!!! Hahahahahah They’re like you r so lucky u dont have kids hahahahahaha

@jldp24

3 жыл бұрын

@@samanthakiu4055 well good for you if thats what you want.

@patricemarie2960

3 жыл бұрын

Important life choices, and sharing! Life didn't offer many 1950's women, any real choices about their lives! Even if you do not have biological kids, you can make other ... very beneficial maternal, spiritual contributions to the world! God bless! 💗👍

@patricemarie2960

3 жыл бұрын

@Wake No. Trust God first! Be appreciative of the life you have! Good, interested, and supportive folks ... create nice families! If you don't find the right life partner .... for you, better you remain single, .... and make another kind of meaningful life, with God's help too! It's a beautiful world ... to know this is always possible! 💗

I just wanted to add something to the table. It's so important to plan these things and talk them out with your partner as well. My parents haven't been great at talking about kids before having any and now their relationship is completely broken. They fight every single day. My mom does everything (cleans, pays the bills, makes food, takes care of me and my brother, and that hasn't been easy because we have some health problems and they were worse when we were young, she did everything alone, my dad only used to drove her to the hospital sometimes). Dad doesn't even know what being a parent is. He is always mad at us when he has to drive us to school. He gets mad when we need any kind of help around the house really. He is always shouting at us. He has developed an alcohol problem as well. They want a divorce, we want a divorce too (we the kids) but they can't get one because we (the kids) would both want to live with our mom but she doesn't earn enough money to take care of all three of us. So their life is a mess because dad never really wanted to be a parent. He wanted kids, but he doesn't want the responsibility of being a parent. Make sure you want to be a parent as much as you want to have a kid. Don't be like dad. So just to make it clear: Some people are just better off not having any kids. They are just not made for it. It's gonna make the families miserable and they'll make their lives miserable as well.

@bat-amgalanbat-erdene2621

3 жыл бұрын

Hey, I'm from the other side of the world, but growing up my condition was exactly the same as you. Now, I, my mom, and my younger brother are all doing great, recently moved into an apartment I and my mom bought. Things can get better if you work hard. Don't give up. If your dad doesn't earn anything, I think you all should divorce. Btw, my parents divorced when I was 12, I wholeheartedly agreed with that. Now I'm almost 24.

@eneveasi

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like dad is a big baby

@ts4gv

3 жыл бұрын

@@eneveasi Thank you for the analysis

@elisabettadiac8641

3 жыл бұрын

@@eneveasi yup. My mom even points that out to him quite often.

@elisabettadiac8641

3 жыл бұрын

@@bat-amgalanbat-erdene2621 That's the problem. My dad owns the house and makes the money we live off from. There are also "social problems" if you could call them that. Our house is like "the meeting place" for all our family and friends. It's like the fun house. All of it would be ruined if they were to get a divorce. My mom doesn't want to risk it, even if he is the biggest pain in the butt ever and he treats her horribly most of the time. I think she just sucks it up for us. I don't know if it's worth it though. They have been fighting for as long as I can remember.

I love being a mom! I don't miss the career. Lost my job due to economy/pandemic and that's ok. Love being home with my child.

@adriancoach9427

3 жыл бұрын

Do you have a kids?

@miguelhenriques3308

3 жыл бұрын

Admire your view. But unfortunately we do need money to have at least a dignified way of living, did you get another job yet?

@tj6544

3 жыл бұрын

Most people are a few pay cheques from homelessness.

@samuellomgkumer8066

3 жыл бұрын

Cheers to you lady

@kriptoniteXD

3 жыл бұрын

My mother lost her job during the subprime crisis in 2008, it was the best thing that ever happened to us. We lost wealth buy gain happiness, fulfillment and most important of all I gain a mother that was 24 hours for us.

This is the problem, everyone else is trying to tell someone how to live their life and what they should think and believe, whether it is marriage, love, dating, sex, career, parenthood, etc... . A full filled life is unique as the person who is living it. LIVE YOUR LIFE, BE HAPPY AND DO NO HARM.

@cottoncandace7704

3 жыл бұрын

Well said 👏

@EsotericOccultist

3 жыл бұрын

We're telling people what to do because they are doing harm though. For example single moms. They're harming all of society with their poor parenting. That's why we're telling them to make better decisions.

@JR1481M1

3 жыл бұрын

@@EsotericOccultist Ok first of all, NO you can't tell anyone what to do because you are not living their life nor do you contribute to their life. Secondly, not all single moms are bad parents, just like all non-single mothers are great parents either. That is such an ignorant comment to make. There are different reasons why a woman would become a single mother. For example, she may have lost her husband at war, he may have died unexpectedly, or he was an unhealthy and abusive person for the child or he decided to leave and want nothing with the child. You don't know the circumstances that have led that person to become a single parent. Also, it takes two to have a child, unless you are taking unnatural measures. So, why do you think Single MOMs are harming society and not SINGLE PARENTS or not BAD PARENTS. I am curious to know your reasoning. Whatever single mom who you consider a bad parent doesn’t reflect the entire single mother community.

@jeffreyagu2221

3 жыл бұрын

@@JR1481M1 I wish people can accept the truth even though they still want to live how they want. Live how you want but accept the consequence at least. In response to your single mom's question: According to the US Department of Health, Center of Disease Control, Justice and Behavior, National Principal Association, Texas Department of Correction and USDHHS Bureau of Census..... 66% of children who commits suicide are raised by single moms. 90% of all homeless and run away children are raised by single moms. 85% of children behavior disorder are raised by single moms. 80% rapists are raised by single moms. 80% children with anger problems are raised by single moms. 71% of all high school dropouts are raised by single moms. 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse are raised by single moms. 68% children raised by single moms are likely to smoke, drink and use drugs. 70% of youths in state-operated institutions are raised by single moms. 80% of all children in prison are raised by single moms. 53% of girls who got married as teenagers are raised by single moms. 711 times more likely for children raised by a single mom to have children as teenagers and 92 times likely to get divorced. Girls raised by single moms are 2 times likely to be sexual active. Children raised by single moms are 3 times likely to be poor, 3 times likely to be a victim of child abuse, 3 times likely to engage in criminal behavior, 60% of their marriage collapse within 15 years and finally 50% of childrend raised by single moms has not stepped foot in their fathers house.

@JR1481M1

3 жыл бұрын

@@jeffreyagu2221 cite your sources because this looks like false statistics. please bear mind that it takes two to have a child. I would have to ask where is the father in all this? Everyone wants to blame the single mom but not the absent parent

I have studied science of happiness, I want to add some scientific findings and perspectives here. People want easy truths, but the reality is much more complicated. Humans are complex and diverse, and there are many types of happiness. Parenthood can be all, positive, neutral or even devastating. I want to share some main findings from the happiness science on parenthood here: 1) General life satisfaction: (Only) in the first 1-2, fresh parents report on average a higher general life satisfaction. Most are excited and happier - but only in the first 2 years. The statistical findings are consistent, throughout the 2 years, the satisfaction falls slowly back the individuals (genetic) base line level. The main reason in short: parents adapt (call hedonic adaption). Statistically speaking, after the first two years of parenthood, parents stay on the average level of their baseline happiness. This perspective says: For most parents, parenting has only a (!) short term positive effect (max 2 years). In a long run, children do not increase the general life satisfaction. The satisfaction stays on the base line level for the next 20 years. 2) Emotions: Parents report both - higher negative and higher positive emotions - after the birth of the child. This is not a contradiction - positive and negative emotions are (!) separate systems. While enjoying time with the child causes a lot of extra positive emotions, parents face a lot of more stress, burden, duties and complications. In short: Parents feel more joy, but more burden and stress - at the same time. 3) Changes in other life dimensions: Children lead to significant changes in many other life dimensions. Important to note: How the change looks like can be very different, depending on every human. People report differences in the dimension of finance, spouse relationship, sexual life, friendships, free time/leasure etc. Common changes are: less time, disrupted sleep patterns and fatigue, more financial stress, loss of distant friends/friendships. Some report a worse relationship with their significant other, some a worse sex life. While the negative changes rather outweighs the positive, parents report high levels in meaning/purpose though (point four below) 4) Meaning/purpose: Even though parenting is indeed hard and demanding, many parents find a lot of meaning and purpose in raising their children. Purpose is a separate and special type of happiness dimension. Having purpose in life can Summary: Parenthood and the effect on happiness is complicated. I remember reading a book that took (!) 200-300 factors into account, trying to figure out what factors lead to more happiness, what factors lead to more suffering and what factors are redundant. In short: It's complicated - and everything is possible. I hope these scientific perspectives could add some value here :).

@missbee9140

3 жыл бұрын

I have never met anyone who isn’t glad they had children - even those who aren’t happy with how they turned out.

@abigailowusu4866

3 жыл бұрын

@@missbee9140 I've met a lot of people who regret having kids to the extent of mistreating them or neglecting them.

@somethingcooliguess

3 жыл бұрын

For #1, is this really a 2 year thing or is it a coincidence that's when children are starting to run around and have tantrums? For #2, as someone without children, I cannot feel the level of joy as a parent can, and I do believe them when they say it's worth it. I feel like a picky eater that simply hasn't experience extremely delicious food. But it's a matter of if that experience is very important to me. At this time, I'm fine not experiencing that profound level of joy.

@fehyndana7725

3 жыл бұрын

@@missbee9140 yeah because people can just openly admit that they regret having their children, right? Lmao You will get crucified and blamed a terrible person if you express feeling that way. I have two close friends who told me that while they love their children more than anything else, they wouldn’t have them if they could live their life all over again. Parenthood wasn’t worth it for them. If you want to hear more honest stories, the Facebook page “I regret having children” has hundreds of it.

@ibperson7765

2 жыл бұрын

Would be interesting to have any of those results subdivided by single- vs two-parent. Or by both work, one works and which one, etc. Single vs two in home seems to be the biggest factor

I am German and I live in Greece and people here usually plan their lifes including being a parent. And that includes men, because most Greek men are very dedicated to their children and grandchildren. My husband and I both work reduced hours in order to share household and parenting (we have two children now aged 11 and 15). We first tried the classic arrangement of me staying home and him working full time,but he was unhappy and I felt like I was getting dumber every day. So I started working part time and he quit his job and found something with less hours. And then he kept reducing and I started adding hours to my worktime. At the moment I work more hours than him and I feel like for us this is perfect. He is much better than me with keeping the house clean and helping the kids with their homework and I love my job. So I think this is not just something women should think about, but all people.

@jprob2443

3 жыл бұрын

This concept is not an option for Americans. Two part time jobs will not pay the bills.

@helgaioannidis9365

3 жыл бұрын

@@jprob2443 so who takes care of the children?

@janeddooee

3 жыл бұрын

@@helgaioannidis9365 Either one parent stays home, the retired grandparents watch them for free, you pay almost a whole salary’s income to daycare, or you find jobs that have staggered shifts so that someone is always home with the kids, but the parents don’t see each other much.

@helgaioannidis9365

3 жыл бұрын

@@janeddooee thank you for answering. To me this sounds like between one works full-time and one stays home or both work full-time and pay one salary for daycare and both work reduced hours I pick the last one. I mean,we don't have much money that way, but we have a good life and both have a close relationship to our children and pass on our knowledge and values to them.

@jaciemokidm609

3 жыл бұрын

@@helgaioannidis9365 I'm in the US and we are doing it traditional. I am a full-time housewife/mother and he is a full-time breadwinner. I have a master's degree in business, but once we had a child I realized I wanted my kids to have a parent there with them all the time. I'm currently planning on homeschooling. Thankfully my husband is basically his own boss and has flexibility to choose his hours whenever. He helps at home when he's here and we alternate giving each other breaks to ourselves. It worked out well for us to take the route of more money, especially after coronavirus hit. US policy on that has sucked. And you never know when the economy could take a dip. This is just our vision though. Everyone goes with what works best for them. US policies to accommodate working women with families are crap compared to those in places like Europe. Most women here go back to work within one month of childbirth. Even as early as 2 weeks.

I completely agree. I live in South Korea now, and here men thank women for their sacrifice of giving up their career to stay home and take care of children. This is such a noble and respectful attitude compared to what women face in the west, where staying at home with children is almost considered lazy.

@letshavefun5210

3 жыл бұрын

It's not considered by men but by feminism

@lotuswolf1518

3 жыл бұрын

No staying at home to look after kids is never lazy or not having kids or not having a job isn't lazy

@hinahinananoha7783

3 жыл бұрын

What you are describing sounds horrid. Men must take care of their kids as much as women do, not expect sacrifice and a servant of all work at home.

@a.humphries8678

3 жыл бұрын

I live in the west. Yes, people tend to think it's a waste of time, being lazy and really put no value in it. I'm thankful i have the opportunity to stay at home with my children. I think it has great value. I look at it as an investment in my family and in my children. It's not all about me, and life is sweet!!

@instagamrr

3 жыл бұрын

@@a.humphries8678 It absolutely makes a massive difference! When I see what kids achieve here in Korea versus the west, I realize we’ve got it all wrong. Personally, I’ve decided I will not have children unless I can stay at home with them. I’m glad you’re able to be there for your kids 😊

My coworkers with children are exhausted. Especially right now that they work from home. The kids don't understand what it means to have mom working at home. During our Zoom meetings they cry, shout and want to be in the meeting. I feel so bad for these ladies. I give them so much credit.

@yivunqp963

3 жыл бұрын

It is difficult for them, but the truth is still their kids are disrupting those meetings. And making it more stressful for all the meeting participants. All these are going to accumulate to make it even more undesirable for workplaces to hire mums

@ASmith-jn7kf

3 жыл бұрын

Someone has to tend to the children, how is that fair to have someone who depends on you to take care of them to be waiting for hours on end for you. They should have someone watch them or not work. I don't get it. I don't understand people, who have no problem with birth control, have children that they can never be with or properly raise.

@MVBNov

3 жыл бұрын

The pandemic is just making evident what it happens behind the curtains. It upsets me that -in my case-, mostly men taking part in meetings discuss "trivialities" for ages. Every parent, at least the ones with small children, really know the value of time. Is not about sitting for hours getting "nothing done" and do so just to fulfill the "emptiness" of others. Children, we liked or not, are the future. So, I still do not get why tasks that are traditionally considered as "female" are not properly valued: like taking care of children, older family members, household, and so on. ..it is work, it is hard, it is exhausting and it's very relevant!!!!

@yivunqp963

3 жыл бұрын

@@MVBNov It all sounds like trivialities, but if that happens in meetings. It really means that none of the managers really know what needs to be done and they are sounding each other for office politics.

@MVBNov

3 жыл бұрын

@@yivunqp963 yes. But in these times things should be managed more efficiently. If there is a meeting agenda, which should be the case if you are a good manager, the meeting will run smoothly. Everything can become relevant, but under the current conditions one must learn to prioritize. A meeting protocol can be easily sent per E-mail and be further enhanced in case of discrepancies or doubt. This would ease so much the life of parents with small children and save such uncomfortable and unnecessary moments. But is just my point of view.

I think the biggest benefit of a woman having a career is the security she gives herself. Otherwise she’s dependent on what her husband can give her, which is completely in his control. She’s also at a loss of her husband cheats on her or decides to one day leave her. And I say this as a wife and stay at home mom. My life isn’t bad and my husband brings in enough money. I don’t regret my choice to live this way. Just saying that it can sometimes be a little unsettling when I realize the fate of my life is in his hands.

@antavasvoice

3 жыл бұрын

You should do low risk investing - just for you. Your account, your money. A wife should always have her own. And of course, a good life insurance policy on your husband as well.

@MisterSolitude

2 жыл бұрын

the problem is, the western secular system has nothing in place to protect mothers. other than alimony.

@athena3865

2 жыл бұрын

That happened to me. Now in my 60's, I am struggling in an apartment. All that motherhood and wife business got me this. Ladies, don't let it happen to you.

@Pwnsweet

2 жыл бұрын

This is only a concern if you chose poorly in your life partner. If you chose well, you have no reason to ever worry about going without

@LiliCottageCoreWhore

2 жыл бұрын

@@Pwnsweet that’s bullshit and you know it. People change. They are also good at hiding their true nature until they know they have control.

Yeah but motherhood isn't for everyone. Some women just don't have that urge to have children and that's also fine. Better to not have children then to have kids you never wanted.

@Rojomanzana438

3 жыл бұрын

True,but I think it's fair to say it's the minority of women who are like that.

@dawne5139

3 жыл бұрын

Yes, I know a woman who never wanted children and is very happy she never had them. She is an extremely nice person, but I have noticed that she really does not care for children. She is nice to them, but you can see there isn't a connection.

@kathleenjohnston3582

3 жыл бұрын

@@dawne5139 yeah I think it's okay to not have a need for children and not want any harm to come to them. I don't hate kids but I simply have no desire for them. People who really love kids and actually want to dedicate their lives to their children should be the ones who have them. Not because society says so.

@somethingcooliguess

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah, if you’re resistant to having kids or don’t feel ready, people say that will change once the kid is there...that’s a pretty big gamble and affects every aspect of your life for 18+ years and the psyche of an entire human being. I’d rather regret not having kids than have one that doesn’t feel wanted.

@t-.-t.

3 жыл бұрын

@@dawne5139 lmao. I'm 33, and have never held a baby in my life. I really don't feel any happiness when I look at kids/babies. I have 0 urge to hold or play with them.

Not all women want to be a mother. But the overwhelming majority do. And this “motherhood” job is a long term, demanding, can’t-quit job. Many emergencies and lots of obligations that interfere with a secondary job. You can’t be equal if you can’t give 100%. Now - men who choose parenting above career are at the same situation exactly. They will get paid less and promoted less and later than men who don’t .

@vigneshmohan6831

3 жыл бұрын

First of all being a motherhood and parenting child is not a job.. its a pleasure.. pleasure women always find while they give their love and care.. second of all men can never be successful as a women.. parenting and looking after kids..!! Only women in late 30s know what it's like to alone without any kids running around them..

@wolfspain7385

3 жыл бұрын

Preach

@Amaury5k

3 жыл бұрын

Lmao and those women are the most depressed, what they gonna do be happy working when they no longer procreate while their friends have kids lmao smh

@vigneshmohan6831

3 жыл бұрын

@@stevewalker6240 That's what clinical psychologist do.. they take majority in account.. and minorities... well you think they are unique... But god only knows what they sacrificed in their life in order to be soo "unique"... You know why majority of them don't choose to be unique.. cause it takes so sacrifice... That "minority" of people have no idea how much they have to bare it in order to be in such

@vigneshmohan6831

3 жыл бұрын

@@Amaury5k i think they will feel more isolated when they choose to work for longer hours.. when their friends and neibhours don't.. but I think they "some women" enjoy the kinky feeling.. where there are lots of men around.. and they become the center of attraction.. which is not a good think

I did not go into a career for fulfilment. I did it, so I can be self-reliant. Jobs are not perfect but they offer much more freedom and flexibility (and less means to control you) than being part of a traditional nuclear family where the man is the main provider.

@chandirani3293

3 жыл бұрын

Woah very very well said sister. You summed up why women need to work and why women started to want to work in the first place. Most men control and treat women badly if they didn't earn money 100 years ago and it's still true now. Women need financial freedom , if something happens to the man who will they rely on ? It's easy to find a good job than.a good man for sure. Not saying we don't need men but it's easy if we don't rely on him for money.

@yashivuvbolshomdomenakholm8274

3 жыл бұрын

There's a difference between a career and a job... For one of them, a person does only for money. The other a person would do it regardless of being paid. I believe marriage or the "nuclear family" can have the same type of concept, because not every marriage is the same (just as not every friendship/relationship is the same). You choose what kind of marriage or family you have. It's completely rational to believe a person can choose whatever they want to do with their life (married or single... Job or no job). Adults have choices. What doesn't seem logical is to assume one will be controlled in a relationship/marriage. It seems more of a perception issue on your end. Could be from experience. But it sounds like it's coming from a place of fear. For that, I'm truly sorry if that is the case. But adults do have choices.

@rondolo1

3 жыл бұрын

@@yashivuvbolshomdomenakholm8274 you don’t have complete control over what kind of family you have.

@yashivuvbolshomdomenakholm8274

3 жыл бұрын

@@rondolo1 And you don't have complete control over a job either... Even if you own your own company. Life is full of surprises.

@rondolo1

3 жыл бұрын

@@yashivuvbolshomdomenakholm8274 true, but difference with a job is that *usually* you can walk away from a really terrible one and find a better one.

I'm a career woman, at her early 40's, single, no children. Just want to say, of course I long to have a family, however, sometimes a woman can not find or meet the right one during her twenties/thirties to get into a marriage/family. I had many friends back then, but no one fell in love with me and vice versa to the point of wanting to get married. I don't understand why, I didn't specifically pursue a career, but I couldn't let my self depend on others or my parents which would happen if I did not pursue a career. This career vs motherhood is not really that helpful. It gives some insights, but at the end not everyone can get what they want in a perfect timing. I did find love at my late thirties but it was a one-sided if you want to have a love-based marriage life. So, I might be too ideal, but I had this small experience that even a relationship does not guarantee a happiness. It's always come back to our own self as how we find our own happiness regardless career or motherhood.

@waiki8223

3 жыл бұрын

Amen, so well said!!!!

@AJayQDR

3 жыл бұрын

My wife and I met in our late 30s, got married and been in a happy marriage since then, we went through years of assisted reproduction nightmare and gave up eventually but we have come to be in peace with it now. She was just like you. But I was different, I listened to the wrong people, I spent my 20s and 30s thinking marriage is not for me and I will stay happily single forever... so I think it’s important to talk to younger people about the importance of marriage and children, many young men and women need to hear this coherently from intellectuals like Dr Peterson

@skryvazena6548

3 жыл бұрын

@Afix Thank you for your wish. I agree that to live alone the whole time is not nice and for some people, including me, it could bring loneliness. But, to live with a person who is not compatible with you can bring loneliness, too. Yeah, it's not an easy thing.

@drshohinidas4051

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@cassycookie9558

3 жыл бұрын

@@griselgriselda2901 I'm 26 turning 27 and guys are still like this. They just want to have "fun".

The reason why parents don't have those conversations because so many women were unhappy with only having motherhood. The grass isn't necessarily greener on the otherside. Sometimes it's harder to start your career after your children are grown and out the house. I recommend balance. Think about what is important to you. But don't buy the lie that career isn't important because you may look up later and hate that you didn't do all the things you wanted to do. I had my child at 30 and still miss the things I could have done. Or you may be the woman who chose career and miss family. Find a balance. Right now I'm a mother and I figured out how to make both work for me. And no, I'm not saying my way is the way. For others, it's one or the other and not both. Again, figure you out.

@moisesfrias1117

3 жыл бұрын

90% of people didn't do all the things they wanted to do

@mikochild2

3 жыл бұрын

@@moisesfrias1117 that's such an over simplification... I may have generalized, but it doesn't take much to get the point. Not doing a few things you wanted when you're free and single and not doing what you wanted because you have to be responsible for children or you're worn out from a husband and children are not even in the same realm...

@StayGOALden

3 жыл бұрын

WELL SAID!

@malakatan3235

3 жыл бұрын

It is hard if only one person working in many modern societies

@moisesfrias1117

3 жыл бұрын

@@malakatan3235 Women double size the market job, when abundance of resource the price of that drop

Even when women do stay home it’s nice if they can have something to fall back on. I went to college and worked and now focusing on my kids. Each year as they get older I add more things that interest me back into my life. It’s hard to be balanced.

@amal-ti2zz

3 жыл бұрын

My wife and I have been trying to find this balance, and it's really hard

@NM-ru2qj

3 жыл бұрын

Women should definitely have something to fall back on in case things don’t work out as they hoped. But family should always come first.

@TB-rx1ue

3 жыл бұрын

Love this video! The title is misleading as he speaks to more than motherhood vs career. So basically there are dimensions of life... 1. Career/interests, 2. relationship with your kids aka motherhood/relationship with friends, 3. relationship with your spouse, and 4. childhood or growing up in a family. If you miss one of these, you won’t feel complete. And any one thing won’t complete you. You’re more than a career woman, mother or any label. You’re a woman that is multidimensional. Shocking I know? I think people are multifaceted and I love that he talks about this. Its important to understand your calling in your season of life. It’s hard to understand WHEN the ideal time for motherhood is. 20s? 30s? The case for 20s is that you’re more attractive, fertile and healthy likely contributing to better DNA of your children. Case for 30s is you know what adulthood is and how to raise well adjusted adults. I’m rooting for the 30s as I prize maturity, self awareness and emotional/financial stability , but I understand that some things were designed to operate better in the 20s. Lol If you think your relationship with your spouse is everything... you become needy and unattractive. If you think kids are everything, you’re in for a rude awakening when they leave and start their own life. If you think career is, you will face disappointment. But life is, all of these things. :) people need to stop using reductionist titles on videos but hey that's what gets views you know...

@agees924

3 жыл бұрын

It really doesn’t have to be one or the other. So many successful businesses women have happy families. I agree that it is important to have an education or something to fall back on, for most of history women would be stuck in abusive marriages or with cheating husbands because they had no way of leaving. I don’t know why so many people act like men can have a career and family but women can’t. Most men have kids before the age that a woman’s childbearing years are up anyways, so it’s not like guys have some big advantage to women in this department. Especially if your kids are public or private schooled. That’s 8 hours of the day right there.

@TB-rx1ue

3 жыл бұрын

@@agees924 I think you’re out of touch with reality. Elementary school here starts during work hours here, and ends during work hours. School hours weren’t designed with working mothers in mind, nor were doctor or dental visits, or sick kids...

As someone without children I notice that colleagues with kids have to jump through hoops to be able to work and look after children. They also get lots of perks and advantages and people without kids need to step in and cover for them alot. As a bigger societal issue you can see the huge problems with family structure not existing and people being told that it doesn't matter anymore and somehow a single mom working provides the same support as an entire family. It's madness.

This is very interesting. My husband and I were able to make it work, but it did require a lot of focus, familial support, and some serendipity. 1) I was able to graduate with my PhD at 26 and immediately start in the workforce (industry, instead of academia, as it provides a better work-life balance). 2) I met my husband at 20 and we got married at 26. We were both on the same page about kids (he loves them) and spending (both frugal). We decided that in our life, we wanted to prioritize having kids and volunteering/charity. And he is a wonderful man who is fully involved in every aspect of our life; being married to him is one of the biggest blessings of my life. 3) Although I am in (sadly) a niche career, my husband is not, so he's been able to change jobs in the metro area and no one has had to give up a job to follow the other. 4) We have family nearby to help. 5) I have never been "all career"; that's pretty much idolatry. My identity and worth is in Christ. I had my kids at 28, 32, and 36. Currently, my husband and I are working at home while homeschooling our oldest two. It's hard and not the ideal choice, but an amazing opportunity to help them develop a (hopefully) lifelong love of learning.

@MVBNov

3 жыл бұрын

Your life is really an exception. You have good luck. Very nice.

@Ikaros23

2 жыл бұрын

Finaly somebody who admits they have " family nearby to help". Great contribution to the discussion

@alexmorton4991

2 жыл бұрын

Hello Katherine, how are you doing?

@athena3865

2 жыл бұрын

@@Ikaros23 I am that family that everyone runs to...In another state, in my 60s. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Stay single and childfree...You will be much happier.

The most important job a person can do...raise a child into a decent human being

@christopherlarsen7788

3 жыл бұрын

And damned few are qualified for this job! Perhaps it is best that so many men and women are realizing their loss too late in life to attempt it. Yes, there are fewer children now, and that will have a sad impact on humanity, culture, economics, and more. But...at least those people raising children love what they do, and they're good at it. (Or at least far better than the others!)

@feltuzok

3 жыл бұрын

And it's not being promoted much...

@theanshumansahu

3 жыл бұрын

That is correct, but before that, we have to gain a good amount of certainty that we are decent too and that we have come out stronger and learned from our mistakes and might not accidentally or subconsciously teach something to kids that might stray them(not saying that straying from a certain path is wrong, rather, understanding our own capability to have a feedback loop when we stray and teaching that feedback loop to kids.)

@annagoula5605

3 жыл бұрын

If raising a child is the most important thing "a person" can do, then why is Mr Peterson's speech focused only on women? Aren't men considered "a person" fit for this "most important job"?

@feltuzok

3 жыл бұрын

@@annagoula5605 the thing is that you can still have a baby even if you don't want to marry or even commit to anyone as a woman. If a man wants a baby, he can't go to a sperm bank since he does not have a womb. So, maybe they can adopt but that's not the best solution. Also what if you and your partner are trying to make a baby but you two give up after trying 2 years because you can't have a baby? I think that'll make you very unhappy. So that's really the problem that when you say as a woman that you don't want kids then you are taking the ability to give birth away. I mean if most women decided to not want any kids then you are basically taking away the baby making from men without asking them first. And I think thats why people say that you are selfish. Like, what would happen if over let's say, 1 year, the women who says that they don't want children, their numbers grow to 80% or higher? I think people, especially man would be angry with them. Because that's like a selfish thing, you don't share what you've got, what I don't have and maybe what I need.

The only lie is that women aren't 'real women' if they don't have kids or they're 'useless' if they don't have a career. As women our society makes us feel that we have to do both, but that's not always possible. I've struggled with this myself as I had to leave my career to raise my son. I just couldn't do both financially, mentally or physically as I had recently been diagnosed with a chronic illness. Ladies, 'you do you' and don't let anyone make you feel less than a woman..you are a Superwoman 💪🦸🏼‍♀️

@donelmukiza2357

3 жыл бұрын

Let me ask you something. Where is the husband?

@lilyarios1026

3 жыл бұрын

@@donelmukiza2357 What husband?

@planetruther

2 жыл бұрын

@@donelmukiza2357 🎯

@vinaydhiwar8604

2 жыл бұрын

You would get destroy in any work field

@kiwi0019

Жыл бұрын

I needed that....thankyou

I knew from childhood that I wanted to be a mother over having a career. I know it’s not for everyone but it IS or at least should be an actual choice. I’ve had to rise above people trying to make me feel bad for not wanting a career. My husband and I came to an understanding early on that was MUTUALLY agreeable and we have both been extremely happy with our arrangement.

@amandaneumann5452

3 жыл бұрын

@Cute Monster I wasn’t shamed for wanting children, but for ONLY wanting children. I was letting womanhood down for not wanting both children AND a career.

@alexmorton4991

2 жыл бұрын

Hello Amanda, how are you doing?

@cosmo588

Жыл бұрын

I knew I wanted to be a mum and have a career haha. But parenthood comes with sacrifice so I just need to be realistic, and remember there’s nothing stoping me from establishing my educational roots now, and getting the job I want when I’m older.

@theCosmicQueen

Жыл бұрын

i always wanted that too. To just stay home, have kids and be the best mom and wife ever. all around me there was NO support for that ESPECIALLY my mother. And i am a baby boomer . it was already starting to infect our nation then.

I grew up around women who had children and their own businesses, which gave them the flexibility to do work that they enjoyed and raise their children. I wanted to follow their example so I chose to have a home-based business.

Im one of five girls, our mother could not cope so me and my elder sister took over raising our three youngest siblings. As a young adult 3 of my siblings had children, I was very active as an aunt, I love the bones off my nieces and nephews. But now when I think of the possibility of having my own, I’m burnt at both ends of the candle. Not all women have an infinite baby wanting shelf life, the can burn out their maternal resources.

@DB-sy6xc

3 жыл бұрын

My mom is a drug addict and I’ve been caring for babies since I was 5, Then I started having my own at 16. I enjoy it but I’m done having any more at 27. It’s wearing me out.

@joyandpeacefullaughter5307

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly my thought. This is where I strongly disagree with Jordan. While I love kids, the thought of being financially stable and living a quiet life is stronger than the thoughts of pooping out little ones and going though the process of rasing them. I wish it was possible to pay good people to raise our kids without having a guilty conscience or coming off as a bad person.

@elizabethrobinson7148

3 жыл бұрын

And yet, it's important to recognize that how you feel right now is not how you will feel forever. The reality is, when you're 30+ it becomes increasingly difficult to have your own children. The option gets taken away from you. Unfortunately, a lot of women don't realize that until it's too late.

@carolinesampson4936

3 жыл бұрын

By being a siblingparent to your own siblings, not just one but THREE, you have already felt the experience (/burden) of motherhood. Not fully. But in part. You must be exhausted and maybe even feel like you need to nurture your own self as the child you were, who was forced into a role of responsibility very early in life. I am not surprised you feel burnt out of maternal resources. You are amazing.

@fatimamakki8827

3 жыл бұрын

omg i totally relate to you , i raised my siblings and i m still raising the youngest brother( i am 24and he is 4 , i ve been rainsing since i was 12 and in addition to that i have a 18 years old sister who has mental problems so i do everything for her, the bathroom , cleaning her and feeding so bassically i raised 4 kids) , I havent found a job yet due to the economical crisis in my country but I am finishing my second masters degree and a diploma in multimedia , i feel like i didnt lived my age yet, i love kids and i really want to have my own when i get married but i just dont think i still have energy to do so

Men have discovered this and often express the sadness of focusing on their career and not knowing their children.

@danielebasile3957

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly. I feel guilty if just one day I work a lot and I don't dedicate time to my kid. It is like im missing a part of his life which won't come back.

@SeanMTV

3 жыл бұрын

thats why i am not having kids fam

@johney3105

3 жыл бұрын

not as much as working mothers

"No one ever talked to her about the fact that she eventually would want to have a family ?" Really ? Did this patient live outside of our human society ? Wherever I go on this Earth I and every woman of childbearing age I know has been asked by random strangers and their mothers. Still I wouldn't need any one to ask me, when you know, you know.

@AJayQDR

3 жыл бұрын

Nobody that she would listen to. I was exactly in that lady’s situation years ago, educated and successful career, nobody in my circle ever suggested I should get married, even get a girlfriend, on the contrary many were telling me I am living my life to the fullest without knowing anything else about my private life. Family and relatives, sometimes strangers like my gardener would tell me to get married but I never considered their advice. You can call it arrogance but I think we are all this way. I needed to hear it from someone “my level”. So yes I would also tell people that nobody told me to get married.

@kyipasbeautyminati4172

3 жыл бұрын

I was not taught by anybody... I learnt from KZread and got married soon

Are we having this discussion with men too?

@silvya6502

3 жыл бұрын

thank you that needs to be said

@l.a.w.79

3 жыл бұрын

Amen!!!!

@xeik7482

3 жыл бұрын

Now that you've said it.

@ASmith-jn7kf

3 жыл бұрын

Men can have children at any age with no damage or danger to them physically. A woman's time to birth children will end and become more difficult with age. If you want to be delusional and think that there's no difference between men and women, that's your choice. But it's reality. You should base your feelings on facts and not feelings, it's illogical.

@yr2180

3 жыл бұрын

Men think different. Women feel different about career vs motherhood

Have a career or don't have one. Marry someone or don't. Have kids or don't. Listen to a clinical psychologist or don't.(no disrespect to Dr. Peterson) You do whatever you feel like you are meant to do in this world.

@My_randoms01

3 жыл бұрын

The best comment so far !

@sabs4415

3 жыл бұрын

Totally gerardo...the only comment that makes sense here....let the woman do what she wants to do and I don't believe any woman saying no body told her she had to be a mother...a woman knows very well what she knows and fuck the society...they don't come to help a woman when she is cheated on and left by her husband ...she has to take care of herself.....a woman knows what she wants in her life n plz don't blame a woman n tell her she is only borne to have a baby...she can have both career n a a baby or just one of these and that's her choice

@catudalnguyen7964

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly, it all come down to being your own individual, that’s all

@waiki8223

3 жыл бұрын

Totally agreed! Plus, life is full of nuances, not just black and white

@thecallitaspadechannel2794

3 жыл бұрын

Agreed. But don't complain about the consequences that come with said decision. That's usually the most annoying thing that's been happening more and more now. Someone makes a choice and wonders why they don't get the benefits of the other choice that they didn't make. That's hypocritical and selfish as hell.

Idk my mum is stay at home, she's 50 now, all her kids are grown. Parenthood isn't particularly fulfilling either tbh

@killerscrop

3 жыл бұрын

Probably because you're a huge disappointment! Oof if that hurt you, sorry, but you're wide open. Haha

@aysoodaagh3167

3 жыл бұрын

True. Parenting alone can not be fullfiling.

@nadir2k

3 жыл бұрын

did you ask her?

@KJ-ci7td

3 жыл бұрын

@@killerscrop you sound like you need therapy. You probably went through/going through a lot. May Christ help u

@rtavicaz

3 жыл бұрын

@Angela I had some time to be a stay-at-home mom meanwhile my son was of infant through preschool age. I really value that time I participated in his fundamental upbringing and I took pride in our home, routines, cooking, and looking out for our general health and well-being. Now that my son is of school age and functioning more independently, I am pursuing my career; I have continued concerns for his education, but I feel in either work or home, I am right where my family needs me to be and it has been very satisfying/ fulfilling. This might not be what everyone does, but it has worked out well for me and my family. I feel dignified in whatever work I have set myself into.

Straight fact about me: Im divorced. I have a kid. My ex doesn't give any ally money. My career has been saving me and my daughter for 11 years. For me domino effect was that, if the man cannot value ur motherhood, he will not support u to be the "home mother", by being the breadwinner. When his support gets off, i have to take on his role of breadwinner, then take on my role of mother at home. In the meanwhile, my ex, is enjoying life, spending his whole salary on himself and relaxing with girlfriends. Easy to say "motherhood".

@TILLEYJS

2 жыл бұрын

You picked him. Take ownership of your bad decisions.

@TILLEYJS

2 жыл бұрын

@A Pagan Feminist no. Take ownership of your breeding choices. You know... Be strong and independent. That's part of the recipe. Making sure before you commit to something.

I am 71 and a woman. I started working straight after graduating from university and kept working for 42 years. I reached the highest positions that could be reached in my profession (both by men and women). I have two children and three grandchildren. Looking back and listening to what Jordan just said.....I hate to think what my life would have been If I did not have a fulfilling and rewarding profession.......I shudder, really !!!

@Zeeno

2 жыл бұрын

Seems what he says is wrong?

@mihaelatudor2417

2 жыл бұрын

@@Zeeno Giving advice on such matters is a no-no for me. People are so different, partners are so different, families are so different. This is life ! A trial and error journey :))))

@aloowalia2849

2 жыл бұрын

@@mihaelatudor2417 do you have any regret in life so far I wanna know how you manage motherhood and carrier both

@mihaelatudor2417

2 жыл бұрын

@@aloowalia2849 I was lucky to have been born just after the war. To have started in life surrounded by people who only knew work and family. No consumerism, nothing wasted, trying to better ourselves through education. I think I was also lucky to have been born in Eastern Europe (not a joke). Because the party policy was that women were equal to men, and it never crossed my mind that it is otherwise. I had my first child after 7 years of marriage because I thought that we were then ready to take on new responsabilities. We had 7 months paid leave in the first year of the child's life (now they have 2 years), and every time the child was sick I could stay at home with pay. The kindergardens were free and they would keep the child until 5 pm. The elementary school also served hot lunches. So there was a lot of help from the state. Medical care was covered by the state insurance. Education was free. Families were nearby to help when needed. But I think that what helped me most (comparing to what I perceive to be today's problem), was the fact that when I decided to have kids I committed 100%. I was not raised with the idea that I have to "search for my hapiness, do only what makes me happy, live for the moment"... My success in career came after my kids went to college. I had a very good track record, and I had already moved organically up the ladder. To become member of the board and top executive in a financial institution at 46 years old is just right, I think. So, no. I do not have regrets. I could not give more than I did. Gladly. So I am ok :)))))

@aloowalia2849

2 жыл бұрын

@@mihaelatudor2417 oh that's great then

Parenthood matters. Why aren't fathers part of this equation?

@museitup4741

4 жыл бұрын

Because they don't have to sacrifice career to be fathers

@halguy5745

4 жыл бұрын

@@museitup4741 yeah, an absent father

@lukegibson9410

4 жыл бұрын

Different from what feminism has told you, biology affect women and men differently. A man does not have a time clock to have children, women do.

@SatishKumar-uz7io

4 жыл бұрын

It is not about just biological clocks. Are all single men in their 40s who dont have partner or kids happy. A steady partner with kids is a good life for men too

@xdorijanx9

4 жыл бұрын

It's easier for us men because we have a longer time frame by which we can become fsthers

If you choose to become a mother or a father, having a succesful career can't be your priority because you have to take time off the workforce and stay at home with your children when they're young. Putting children first and career second is the duty of all parents regardless of gender. So, I find the title of this video weird. I think it should be "the lie of career vs. parenthood"

@HovercraftEDM

4 жыл бұрын

This is why people criticize him. This is simply veiled sexism; his point here is not exclusive to women, so why does he specifically make it about women? Especially when the main problem women are fighting internationally is the expectation that they are supposed to be mothers first, not breadwinners. If his message really is "creating a family is just as important as having a good career," then why is he only targeting women?

@Tomn8er

4 жыл бұрын

@@HovercraftEDM he's speaking in terms of averages, not for each and every individual. And it's pretty obvious that in most cases where a parent takes time off work to focus on raising children, it's the woman.

@HovercraftEDM

3 жыл бұрын

​@D L Men and women are biologically different and that is science, and no one is beefing with science. However, men and women are mentally different mainly because of societal structures. The factors that make men and women different mentally at birth are absolutely not as significant as Jordan likes to make them sound. That is the idea we are beefing with and that is what Jordan either doesn't understand or doesn't want to accept. Men and women in our societies grow up differently and with different interests because of what general society believes men should be and what women should be. Society tends to believe men should be scientists more than they believe women should be scientists. This results in gender roles and gender norms. This means that we could have way more women in STEM fields and way more men in arts fields, but we as a society expose boys more to interests like computers and technology and girls more to interests like art and cooking. This is all purely societally constructed. This is why you have this push for more women in STEM fields, politics, sports, etc. We want to counteract this societal priming so that women are not discouraged from joining certain fields just because those fields are viewed by society as "men's jobs." Women are not biologically less capable of exceeding in these roles, and the fact that women do not pursue these roles as much as men do is not a biological matter. It's a matter of societal priming. When you grow up only seeing male doctors on TV, your society only puts value on male sports, and you see so many more stay-at-home moms than stay-at-home dads, all of this is going to have an influence on the jobs you will be able to see yourself in as you grow up.

@marcospizarro7890

3 жыл бұрын

i think you are absolutely right, although mother are crucial than fathers they are both irreplaceable but they probably wanted views

@Xavier-lk4gs

3 жыл бұрын

Because men and women are not the same. We are different. The way men think about kids and women think about kids is different. Men can work more without being emotional about their kids. Women can't. It's because it's in a woman's biology. She would rather see her kids more than the father. It's not easy to be a mother and a worker. And so many women nowadays are being taught that it's not important to have children and that a career is enough to make life good. Well, it turns out that they are wrong. Women need to have kids. It's something that they only can do. Motherhood is important to women. If u are a woman, and you don't want kids, by all means don't have kids. But don't you come crying later in life regretting. Peace.

There’s no perfect solution, but it seems that the woman is always blamed for her situation. If you marry young, not knowing yourself or the partner well, not having an education or career, you run the risk of divorce and becoming a single parent with no way to support yourself and the kids. How does anyone know with certainty that they have found a life long partner? Yet a women who invests in an education and career, has learned what the world is really like, knows herself and sets a standard for what she will tolerate, may find herself older and alone because the world has decided she is no longer worthy due to her age. Could it be, that men just don’t want to deal with women who don’t tolerate bad behaviour? Younger women to,erase because they haven’t learned to assert themselves in relationships. But at the end of the day, the women with a career, she can support herself financially and find happiness depending on how she chooses to view her status as a single person. She could even afford to adopt a child as a single parent. So the joke is really on the men who scoff at women after a certain age. If he scoffs at a women’s age, he will scoff at his wife when she turns a certain age, even if he married her when she was young. The truth is, everybody ages, it’s all just relative.

@Booboo-dl1vw

2 жыл бұрын

Any chance you know what were the divorce rate before 1965? Were marriages successful back then? By success I mean life time partnership. My guess is that divorce rate was low and marriage rate was high back then as compared to today. Also adopting a child means you are going to be a genetic dead end. If you are happy with that then I don't see any reason for not adopting.

@TijaunaK

2 жыл бұрын

@ Andrea , This is only comment I have read that makes any damn sense.

@athena3865

2 жыл бұрын

Advice from divorce attorney: Don't get married.

@mafame6767

2 жыл бұрын

@@Booboo-dl1vw In the past, women had no way to a good life except through marriage, and when this life was with a bad husband, there was no way out because she had no financial independence and the social pressures of a divorced woman were hell. So locking up a woman and blocking all the ways to get her out of her situation is the reason for the low divorce rates, but were these families a healthy environment? Were these women happy? What is the point of marriage if one partner is stuck and unhappy? And why is divorce considered bad if the children are in an abusive environment?

@Booboo-dl1vw

2 жыл бұрын

@@mafame6767 what's happiness?

Wow, he said women have a psychological problem if they don't want kids? Seriously messed up. He is effectively saying you are only sane if you want kids. Most girls are taught by society that marriage is their greatest goal actually, which is sad.

Just to clear something up: this was recorded 2 years ago. Peterson is 57 now, in the video he states he is 55.

@jamestenney1471

4 жыл бұрын

Frank T. And he’s been undergoing treatment for his physical dependence and this isn’t his “comeback”

@AdamPitas

4 жыл бұрын

@Frank T. Peterson hasn't made a public appearance in a very long time because of depression, medication, side-effects, botched treatment and now more side-effects. He's recovering, but he's not back.

@regislafrance3667

4 жыл бұрын

@killbotone No sugar coating here, addiction is a side effect of drug treatments.

@mmartinisgreat

4 жыл бұрын

Also he's a drug addict. And Christian fundamentalist.

@regislafrance3667

4 жыл бұрын

@killbotone Withdrawal is by definition a side effect of using drugs. As far as your disagrement with the treatment you are welcome to argue that with his physician and him. I gone through a few episode of anxiety and i was prescribed medication every time. So i would very much like to see the study that says anxiety drugs don't work.

I'm a full time mother, graduated but no extra education. My family looked down on me because I was limiting myself, but honestly I love what I'm doing. The two women specifically who judged me ironically both split their time with their kids and working lame jobs that I would never find fulfilling (bookkeeping and managing for old navy). What is so special about those jobs that I'm missing out on? I do teach piano on the side, because I have a knack for it. I didn't immediately love it but now I look forward to creating little musicians to beautify the world.

@lotuswolf1518

2 жыл бұрын

Ugly radical feminists who can't find a provider traditional guy Now want to bully happy stay at home moms Just don't be frnds with such negative people All unable incel guys in my college bullied me for not being ambitious My now bf a doctor ( surgeon ) Just doesn't care about me working or staying home

@safwa8449

2 жыл бұрын

Lame jobs? Really? U know this is opposite of radical feminism which is equally bad

@laurajoosse3529

2 жыл бұрын

@@safwa8449 you're kind of right. They have every right to find those jobs fulfilling. I personally would hate that lifestyle, but whatever. The point is that they tried to say my choices weren't glamorous enough.. and their jobs aren't too fancy either. I dont feel enticed whatsoever to give up the life I have, to work at old navy. 😂

@stephaniecrumpton2133

2 жыл бұрын

@@laurajoosse3529 I had the same thing happen to me.

@kacatx91

2 жыл бұрын

@@laurajoosse3529 I totally get why you got defensive! They should not have judged you. We should embrace our differences and all do what works for us, which is not the same for anyone! The truth is you and the working moms are all doing a great job. Everyone has their own reasons for making the choices in their life. Women need to stop tearing each other down and recognize that both routes have their positives and negatives. Because no circumstance and no person is perfect. We do what we think is best for ourselves and our families. There should be no pressure for a women to work if she doesn’t have to. I used to be so consumed with getting a high paying job only to realize the immense amount of pressure and stress that juggling career and family creates. It’s not for everyone. It’s a beautiful thing to watch your children grow up and have the opportunity to mold them into good humans who will serve God and their community. Working moms probably long for that and maybe feel resentful. Let’s give each other grace no matter what the circumstance we’re in. This life is hard and it is short. That being said, I ask you to consider not fighting fire with fire. Meaning don’t sink to their level and call their jobs meaningless. They’ll only continue to criticize you if you criticize them. Let’s stop the toxic cycle if we have the power to!

Also I think that society puts the entire responsibility of parenthood on mothers, and almost entirely relives fathers from being a good parent, and spending time with children. My Dad was never available in my childhood, he was too busy working, I barely saw him and he never took time off his work to spend anytime with us, we never went on trips, vacations, parties etc, and we barely talked, I learnt almost every thing after the age of 10 via the internet. So what I am saying is that having kids is a responsibilty, and both fathers and mothers have to put some time off work to be with children and not only mothers alone. Maybe it can be that the mother works during the day and the father works during the afternoon and evening. And also not everyone needs to be a parent. As it is we are overpopulated, so plz dont say we will go extinct if some ppl choose not to have kids.

@birderhiking1323

2 жыл бұрын

Modern feminism has practically all of society believing men and women should be the same. Not talking about equal but THE SAME to be clear. Most men aren't nurturers and thrive when providing. Force a man to be a mom and you no longer have a man.

@birderhiking1323

2 жыл бұрын

I actually think we agree. Yeah they parent but in their own way. It's Different from the nurturing a mother provides. It's not neglect. The fathers role is equally as important and they should be present.

@cd0u50c9

Жыл бұрын

Not familiar with the concept that your father was most likely killing himself at work to provide for you and the family, huh?

@rb7454

Жыл бұрын

We are NOT overpopulated! Population is actually shrinking, especially is developed countries. America is only growing In population due to immigration not procreation! This is a huge problem in countries like Germany 🇩🇪

@theCosmicQueen

Жыл бұрын

yes. and, where are the grandparents? until recently, they used to be nearby and taking care of kids also.Teaching things to them.

It’s very interesting to hear a male’s perspective on women’s career vs motherhood. Yet after watching, I wish more people could expand the narrative, not only addressing “motherhood” but “parenthood” instead. Why do we need women to think twice about career or motherhood ambition, but men don’t? It’s really feeling like someone’s pointing his finger away from himself here.

@hameedalsowaidi8491

2 жыл бұрын

Cuz we both know the father wouldn’t do be able to do half of what the mother does if he becomes a house husband. He might be competent but he is a guy in the end, he is not so gentle and caring like a mom. Hence, if one has to leave their career, it would be the mom. The guy can do his universal purpose and provide to his family

@DiehlStacey91

2 жыл бұрын

He's literally talking about women right now, not everything needs to be about all sexes, all the time.

@sonderexpeditions

2 жыл бұрын

And then men get mad when mother's day is more honored and respected. Studies show even working moms who outearn their husbands spend more time with children than the fathers do. No excuse when the woman is the bread winner or equal. It's so much easier for men to be pro children because they're not doing the majority of raising. Fatherhood often plays a passive role in many children's lives.

@DiehlStacey91

2 жыл бұрын

@@sonderexpeditions I don't think anyone is pro or anti children because of the amount of work they're personally accounted for. Or at least, they'd be in the minority. Truth is every bit of effort that goes into raising children is a blessing, voluntarily adopted responsibility that feels effortless. I think it's a part of our biology that makes us feel that way. For the mom even more-so! Mom carries baby in her body for 9 months, she is biologically obsessed with her baby for lack of a better word, because of the evolutionary process (moms were the last line of defense for their children, inattentive moms children died, and didn't pass down their genes) . This applies for fathers too, but maybe not equally, I don't know, it would be interesting to find out! My point is anything that is a choice is affected by our biology, biologically it makes sense why a mother may be more involved in her childs life on average more than the father.

@kyrman6038

2 жыл бұрын

Men can have a kid at any point. Women have a window of opportunity they need to pay respect to or else they miss out.

I don't think I've ever met a career driven man, who hasn't reconsidered the balance of his work/ family life by the time he was 30 without presuming he is psycopathic.

@AbsoluteZero6714

2 жыл бұрын

I agree, as a guy. As someone who’s never had strong, if any “career” goals, I always knew that being a husband and a dad would be my focus in life.

@automnejoy5308

Жыл бұрын

Thanks for catching the blatant misogyny. Crazy how so many seem to have missed it.

Be a mother when you feel ready to be responsible for a life or more if motherhood is what you want. Motherhood can also come from adoption and other means. I am actually thankful I wasn't a teen mother or something like that though.

@shyamp992

4 жыл бұрын

When a mother gives birth to a child, there is a huge surge of oxytocin in her body, which is similar in animals as well, to form such a bond with adopted kids is not very easy especially with busy lifestyles.

@alalducente

4 жыл бұрын

@@shyamp992 can you talk to my mom about that bond...

@mischiefmanaged3715

4 жыл бұрын

@@shyamp992 If you were to mention about oxytocin, I would rather chuckle. I, for one, don't necessarily want to be (bonded) with people I sleep with despite sharing oxytocin with them... Also, you may be in for a surprise for the fact that a lot of biological mothers treat own their child(ren) like shit. Many children have developed trauma from maternal/parental abuse and even have to dismiss their own mothers/parents.

@shyamp992

4 жыл бұрын

@@mischiefmanaged3715 but they can't abandon them even if they want to and have no feelings of guilt and I'm certainly not talking about you and your personal life. It's rather a broad statement.

@shyamp992

4 жыл бұрын

@@alalducente did she abandon you right after birth?

Im a 36 year old woman I don't feel this overwhelming desire to have baby. I am happy doing my own thing. Is Jordan Peterson a mind reader who is able to tell what every woman is feeling and thinking? I can't relate to what he is saying.

@AJayQDR

3 жыл бұрын

He talks about most women, not everyone. Also who knows what you will think 10 years from now when you no longer have any chance to conceive, most people think differently when the door is permanently shut. Finally he is a psychologist, his clients tell him that, the same client will probably tell everybody else she is a strong woman happy to have an education and career and so on.

@tantiss99

3 жыл бұрын

I love how he is just taking case studies from his own practice and generalising it to all women. There’s a lot of women in the world who don’t want children. I guess we all have “psychological problems”.

@AJayQDR

3 жыл бұрын

@@tantiss99 as opposed to your “a lot of women in the world”. Choosing not to have children is against everything the nature stands for, from the first living organism billions of years ago to us humans today. It’s understandable for whatever reason you choose to be childless but don’t get offended if someone says it’s unnatural.

@sapphire8644

3 жыл бұрын

@@AJayQDR I really don’t care bc you can’t make me and put me down for it.

@OlivePapyrus

2 жыл бұрын

@@AJayQDR Death is also natural. Not everyone is happy to die.

I have no interest in having kids or having a “career.” I have an interest in flexibility, living my passion (music, the arts), nurturing my relationship(s), travel, and whatever else makes me happy. Yes, I chase happiness. The folks saying you “shouldn’t chase happiness” are either miserable themselves and want you to be miserable or equate happiness in with instant gratification, and those are not synonymous.

@fabriceizzo2922

2 жыл бұрын

Let me guess, you are in your early or mid twenties.

@chlorine5795

2 жыл бұрын

@@fabriceizzo2922 She's 46

@deniseludwig-vandyke6791

2 жыл бұрын

That's fine but how do you pay for it??🤔

@CLmssan

2 жыл бұрын

@@chlorine5795 she’s aged but hasn’t grown

@chlorine5795

2 жыл бұрын

@@CLmssanBy What metric are measuring "grown" or "maturity"...Maybe she is the mature one that she doesn't need to be emotionally dependent on anyone and people who think otherwise are not. Or may be not. Do you ever question yourself? Or do you feel whatever you think is true ? And you got the secret to a "good" life ?

I miss your work and energy prof. Peterson. Hope everything is going good in your family and that you'll recover asap.

My aunt never has kids and was very career oriented. Never had a long term relationship either. Always wondered if she ever felt unfulfilled, but I think she still found a great workaround for it. My mother was single from when I was 5 and my sister was 2 onwards, so she was a really busy woman. My aunt really took care of my sister and I, spent a lot of time with us. Even now 2 decades later we are still really close with her and are the closest family she has. I'll always be grateful for what she did when we were young but I think she'll always be grateful for having someone to care for, I think it meant a lot to her. So JBP is right in that men and women are often better off with children, but I think there are always unique ways to find a fulfilling connection

@PG-qn8od

3 жыл бұрын

I agree, humans want and need connection. That connection can be having own kids, or caring for nieces and nephews. Everyone needs to decide that for themselves in an honest introspection and reflection.

@somethingcooliguess

3 жыл бұрын

I think that’s what this video is missing. He talks about the 4 points (1) career/education, (2) friends, (3) family:parents/siblings/KIDS, (4) relationship. Some women don’t even get (1). So he’s fine with ignoring this pillar of fulfillment? (3) is family. Any family. But his argument is about motherhood. Why do we need to isolate and declare these kids are MINE and not recognize other close kids from siblings or cousins? And he ignores how having kids can affect (4) relationship.

@t4txt4tn69

3 жыл бұрын

You are so right. I am one of those aunts who never had her own children nor wanted to but I feel SO blessed to be an important aunt to my two nephews. When my sister thanks me for the 1,000th time for the things I do I thank her right back and mean it with all my heart. Despite my contributions, I feel like I've cheated somehow because I got to experience a sort of motherhood as a backup mom without the full-time commitment or money worries and I know it has made a tremendous difference in hers and their lives as well as mine. Symbiotic. I think that young mothers--especially single mothers-- need to think twice about moving far from family or think about moving back home if they need help--even if when family can be judgemental and condescending at times. Just having grandparents around can make a world of difference.

@staceye2851

3 жыл бұрын

I'm the aunt to 6 nieces and 6 nephews. I was never at a loss for long for a diaper to change or a warm hello hug from a family child. I got that all out of my system before I turned 18.

@catudalnguyen7964

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story :)

There is an important situation here: one may want to have kids, but if there's no steady money stream, that's difficult. As well, finding the right partner, one that really wants to raise kids with you, instead of you raising their kids alone, is more difficult than expected. I've seen too many single moms struggle (and sometimes they have their partners right there) to actually want to become one of them.

@florencelee4391

9 ай бұрын

Yes, being married and having children is the easiest for the parents and children.

My daughter in law felt tremendous social pressure to return to work after her first child. Even though they didn’t need the income, she felt guilty about not “being enough” to work and raise their baby. 6 years later she’s the one with the memories or her two children’s first steps, words and endless hours of family time. Neither she nor my son would have changed a thing.

I completed a law degree then trained as a chartered accountant with a top four accountancy firm in my 20s. Advised many Ftse companies. I always wanted children and a family and had my son at 33. I love being a mum. I genuinely feel so happy and satisfied being a mum!

@zakirchoudhury9206

3 жыл бұрын

It’s not that you are happy. It’s that you weren’t discouraged from having those thoughts when you were young. Girls today are going to be having a tough time in their 30s

@prab1349

3 жыл бұрын

@@zakirchoudhury9206 so you know better than her how she is feeling? Interesting!

@zakirchoudhury9206

3 жыл бұрын

@@prab1349 You should stop projecting your past trauma into your current life. It's affecting your happiness and contentment. you went out of your way to misinterpret my comment. my comment clearly stated that her decision isn't important, what is important is that she was not pressured into making that decision, all options were presented as equally acceptable to her. These days, people making the decision to align with what might be traditional gender roles are judged passive aggressively.

@prab1349

3 жыл бұрын

@@zakirchoudhury9206 What are you talking about who is projecting trauma?! The lady was saying that she was happy with her current life, and you said to her it's not happiness etc etc as you know better her feelings than her just from a youtube comment thats why I said interesting because therapist spend years with their clients just to know what they are feeling. And you booom got it from a youtube comment and now you are talking about my traumas 😂😂😂

@zakirchoudhury9206

3 жыл бұрын

@@prab1349 I did not discuss her in the slightest. i just said that it is good that she was in a space that she could make such a choice without judgement. my comment had nothing to do with her decision and everything to do with her right to make a decision without any outside pressure. You are just trying to find a way to label me as some kind of sexist idiot. what exactly is making you go so far out of your way to misinterpret what I am saying to fit me into this judgemental box? if you say it's not some past trauma, fine. but what is making you do this, why do you have a chip on your shoulder?

Oh my, I remember when I was younger, none talked to me about having a family, having kids, expect one person: a boy in my class who were very philisophical at that time (who I ended up in a relationship with

@peterking7165

3 жыл бұрын

As a Father there is nothing more fulfilling than being a parent for myself. All the best

@ditarezkiautami8753

3 жыл бұрын

Totally agreed. The choice is up to the individual, but at least, every woman should be enabled to see the joy from both sides (being a full-time mother + wife and being a woman/mother with career). Thankfully, I think women have seen and heard a lot about this as historically, that is what most women are told about. About how they are going to have babies and raise children. Next, as how Peterson always loves to talk about, we need more stories and encouragement for every man to to start a healthy relationship, healthy marriage, to enable men to care for their children, to make time for their children, to encourage their children to think about having healthy family of their own in the future.

@DB-sy6xc

3 жыл бұрын

It’ll be okay. It does hurt but it’s very exciting. You’ll forget about it quickly. Just breathe, relax and let it hurt. It’s just how life is.

@instagamrr

3 жыл бұрын

Do you have the link or remember the name of that video from the woman talking about the pain of birth? I’m totally terrified too and would love to see it!

@raeannaroylance5401

3 жыл бұрын

Birthing a child is more intense than any extreme physical sport!-and the prize is AWESOME.

Coming from a mother who left her career in medicine this was very true for me. At 19 I was only career driven and by my second child i was nearing my 30s. I could not bear the priority my career placed over my family. Being told I will have to leave my infant at 4-6 weeks and jump back into the hurricane of training, I could not see anyway in which giving up this critical period of my children’s lives would be worth it in the end. There was no room for any other priority in my medical training. Time is money become very true for me and I picked time. I understand there are different view points and mine is on the rare side. But I also think not if people are truly honest with themselves.

@un6982

5 ай бұрын

Thank you for your story ♥️♥️♥️

@user-qv7cr1sn8w

5 ай бұрын

This hurts to read because I want to be a mother and a doctor💔 I know that I want a husband that’s going to parent as much as me but even if that I want to spend enough time with my future children:(

@AP-xe2yt

5 ай бұрын

@@user-qv7cr1sn8w hi! Wow I forgot about this comment. I would like to tell you that you very much can be a mother and a doctor. I do not want to discourage you in that. I had my first child before medical school and my second during. I could have complete but I would have given up more time than I was willing during what I consider to be crucial years for a mother to bond with her child. I could have waited like many other women until after my training was complete. But this is all just my opinion and my course of events. Many mothers are doctors before, during, and or after medical school. But before entering training or having children make sure you analyze yourself deeply as to what kind of mother you want to be and will your career course allow that or when will it allow that and can you wait. There are many things to think over. I wish you the absolute best! And I hope whatever choices you make bring you peace and joy! At the end of the day it is just a job and I hope not anybody’s everything. I do not regret my decision and know many mothers who carried on training also do not.

@nal004

4 ай бұрын

Thank you please tell your story to young women. Pretty much all the girls I meet, including my very recent ex, just do not understand the vision. And I don’t get why working is so important to them. They don’t understand that the only reason I’m working in the first place is to impress the girl. So why are they competing against me in gaining resources?? The whole thing is backwards! It’s making it impossible to date and frankly if we’re not dating and reproducing that’s it… like that’s it for everyone everywhere…..

@sreyanandhini3944

4 ай бұрын

So why are men forced to leaver their father hood and become working man.. men can leave their jobs and look after their children na

It was the reverse situation for me. I was raised in a religious community and taught that having kids is my life purpose and I missed the boat on education and career. The struggle is finding something fulfilling, and there's a lot of bad information out there. Employers give you a false sense of career opportunity and educational institutions are expensive and there is a shortage of high-quality educators. I did a semester at UMKC Bloch school, they were promoting that they were ranked the #1 business school in the country, which is nothing short of laughable. 10k towards a boot camp at UT, actually had a wonderful instructor, and he was fired halfway through the course over political nonsense.

@cgortz89

Жыл бұрын

Sorry to hear it was hard the other way around too. Thanks for sharing to bring more to the picture.

@xcaliber4141

Жыл бұрын

Do u have a family

I stayed home. Worked out of house as a consultant, and the wife went to work. Raised two kids. Just gotta be flexible.

@inajosmood

4 жыл бұрын

Oh wait, not everybody can do that Enjoy being a mechanic and taxi driver and having no money or capability for investment in new degrees

@jbw6823

4 жыл бұрын

@@inajosmood yea I worked 20 years as an engineer/scientist first. Had the kids late.

@prblmchild83

4 жыл бұрын

@@jbw6823 you must trust her with your life to do so, I wouldn't like to depend on a women for survival, most of them move by instincts and passion, so most of their actions are merely whims which can change at any moment. I guess your wife is different, good for you

@procerusgigas

4 жыл бұрын

@@prblmchild83 What part of "I worked out of house as a consultant" did you not understand? How does he depend on her for survival?

@prblmchild83

4 жыл бұрын

@@procerusgigas i assumed a consultant couldn't have a steady income, therefore the wife had to take the role of provider by working a stable job.

Not every woman wants children or has maternal insticts. Moving on lol

@lotuswolf1518

3 жыл бұрын

True, not every woman knows or has a good career or a well paying white collar job

@gotnochill1924

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly, i was feeling like an alien, whilst reading people comments about giving up their career and embracing motherhood. There is nothing wrong about that, but not everybody is built to the same mindset. I would prefer to stay alone, and continue my career, which I had gained with all of my sweat, blood and tears and had been dreaming since childhood.

@bolotabr12

3 жыл бұрын

Well said 👍😎

@DD-xu3dp

3 жыл бұрын

@@gotnochill1924 exactly, also a man speaking of female preference is just a paradox within itself. A lot of women have fulfilling lives and love their jobs, to say that they are lying to themselves is simply wrong. I suppose we could also say that every man with a career is suffering because he is not a daddy? Lol its just wrong

I love my career, my freedom and my independence. I work when I want, take holidays when I want, sleep when I want, see my folks when I want. I’m free.

@elo2626x

2 жыл бұрын

Singleness = loneliness, depression, porn addiction, drug addiction, masturbation addiction, suicide, self-harm...etc

@Hexxus245

2 жыл бұрын

@@elo2626x I’m not single. I’m a 31 yo woman in a 6 year relationship to give my previous post some context. I see the struggles of others, people who have a kid or kids they didn’t really plan for or think about too deeply, expecting it to just ‘work out’ even though this is just a gamble at best. Said couples usually split up, leaving the mother single and often times forced to raise raise said kids either alone or with difficulty. That’s not for me.

few days sago, while visiting my gynecologist, i heard a young women saying " BUT I DO NOT WANT TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER, my mother was, mothers of almost all my friends were single mother....." men are not responsible, society teaches them to use women and when a problem occurs they just run away. i do not think that ignoring this fact is helping anyone, mr. Jordan !!

@HassanAli-rb5hq

2 жыл бұрын

This is why in islam men are told if you want to be with someone you have to commit. Not go on dates but ask for her dad for permission and then talk to her. Once you get married it's an obligation on men to take care of her. It's a sin if you don't make her happy, don't give her time, don't support her and take care if her needs. If you think about it this is a wisdom behind why sex before marriage is prohibited. So men do not take advantage of women. So women are not left alone to raise a child , work and etc.

@LT-et5rr

2 жыл бұрын

@@HassanAli-rb5hq yeah, and then she shows too much skin on her ankle by accident or looks to long at another man and he beats or kills her. There’s always a catch.

@HassanAli-rb5hq

2 жыл бұрын

@@LT-et5rr ur saying the religion teaches that, bc extrapolating rare cases to an entire faith is unfair

I am 39 and married, but motherhood is not what I want, and sometimes I ask myself if there is something wrong with me. But my feelings about having kids haven't changed till now, I just do not have that need. Well 🤷‍♀️

@luluo315

2 жыл бұрын

There is NOTHING wrong with you!

@LT-et5rr

2 жыл бұрын

I feel ya. I’d like to get married, but I don’t want kids. It’s hard to meet a single guy who isn’t already a dad ( not for me) or isn’t looking to have kids. Oh well.

@veganbutterfly3652

Жыл бұрын

Society expects all women to have the same desires and goals...it's insane!!! While men can choose different goals and it's okay... i am glad this BS is changing.

@astridbauer8986

3 ай бұрын

No everyone (male or female) wants kids, let alone loves them. In the past, there was no way around it since contraception wasn't an option. Out of sheer biology you one day most likely had them, whether you wanted them or not. Elizabeth Badinter, a french scientist, showed that "motherly love" wasn't even discussed before the late 1700s, early 1800s and children were often put into the care of others, even if there wasn't a (financial, societal) necessitiy. So not wanting/loving children was ALWAYS a "thing". in the past people simply couldn't avoid it. Today they can. Let the man have his opinion. He is entitled to one. But don't confuse his opinion with science.

@sohammanna7929

3 ай бұрын

There is nothing wrong with you. We are not robots to have same programming in us. But what Dr. Peterson is saying is just a general statement about women as a whole.

At 39 she realized she wanted to be a mother? And someone else is to blame? What has happened? Doesn't anyone want to take responsibility for their actions anymore? Is every woman is meant to be a mother? Why do some push the idea that if a woman isn't, she should feel unfulfilled? Life is so much more complicated than that. Women get to have a life outside what used to be the norm if they want it. It wasn't that long ago that a woman either got married or stayed with their parents because of the limited careers available to them. I'm grateful for the change. I never thought I'd be a mother. But I became one at 33 and again at 39. I continued to work because I had to. I did the best I could to be a good mom and a good employee. I'm sure both suffered a bit but nothing that seems to matter thirty years later. You make your decisions, you take responsibility, and you make the best of the choices you've made. Life is too short for regret.

@tonycatman

3 жыл бұрын

I don't think Peterson is making the case that things should be regretted, or clocks should be turned back. He's making the case that young women of today (in fact, it was the same 30 years ago) are sold into the idea that becoming a mother is 'giving up' to an outmoded societal norm, and that the best thing a woman could do would be to be a 'career leader'

@annagoula5605

3 жыл бұрын

@@tonycatman But why are they "sold into the idea"? When a young man starts his career is he being sold into the same idea? Peterson starts his argument taking for granted that women are not eligible to choose for themselves, and that they are sold into something. 19 year old women have the capacity to make choices for themselves as well as 19 men. They are responsible human beings as well. Mr Peterson seems to ignore the fact that women are capable of choice in the first place. Too much empathy. Maybe his love life wasn't the best. He wouldn't be the first.

@jeannedarc5351

3 жыл бұрын

@@annagoula5605 if a person can believe that women once weren't given the choice to do anything *but* be a wife and mother, surely it follows that young women can be made to believe that they weren't given the choice to be *only* a wife and mother. If men take awhile deciding to become fathers they still have that option. Women don't. And it takes awhile for young people to buck their social narrative, if it takes 10 years for a young woman, that could be too late. So yes, it's very bad that girls are taught that they can take their time to decide, but primarily they should be concerned with careers because it is a lie, they do not have the time to decide, biologically speaking.

@tonycatman

3 жыл бұрын

@@annagoula5605 Yes, that's correct. Men and women are sold into the same idea. But men and women are different. Men can't perform the same astounding miracle that women can. I'm not just talking about the gestation of a child, but the instinct for rearing. Procreation only needs one man for, perhaps 200 women, so the 199 less genetically fit men need to perform some kind of a proxy service to the offspring. We build things to serve our offspring and its mother. The average man is stronger than 99% of women - this is how we were selected. More or less every roof, in every culture, everywhere in the world was built by a man. As for your second argument about agency and capacity. I pretty much agree with this too in principle. If you infantalise a group of people, you invariably do the group a disservice. But we aren't talking about 18-year-olds. Imprinting starts at school much earlier than this, and, as Dawkins has pointed out, our default mode is to accept and obey authority Imprinting continues through peer pressure much later : an anecdote. I was at lunch with 4 or 5 girls from work, we were about 20. One of the girls said that her ambition was to get married and have a child. The shock among the group, including me, was palpable. It was as though she had said "I'm planning on giving up on doing anything useful with my life". I suspect the reaction would be the same today.

@oreoluwa_aaa

3 жыл бұрын

@@tonycatman I quite agree with your last statement, but as a fan of Peterson, I wish he'd talk about parenting versus career. It's almost dehumanising men because it asserts that they cannot fell the joy of fatherhood (of the mere raising of a child not the provision aspect that people think is the only applies to men) and are only doomed to a life of performance.

I interviewed dozens of "ideal" mothers before I got married. The majority said that they wished they never had children but couldn't say so publicly lest their children find out. I have never wanted children, but I've been told my whole life that I'm defective for feeling that way. At thirty, successful in my career, content, and blissfully married, I have many close female friends. Only one of them is pregnant (and happily so). No one else currently desires motherhood. None of us are defective.

@lotuswolf1518

2 жыл бұрын

Definitely Don't have kids if u don't want Also u can adopt at 45 if u want no biological clock there

@lotuswolf1518

2 жыл бұрын

@sasha I think in india many women don't even want to get married or probably adopt kids They still get married and have biological kids

@lotuswolf1518

2 жыл бұрын

@sasha many women regret not having kids or regret not getting married Many want to get divorced too In india traditional non sense is something we gotta put up with

@lotuswolf1518

2 жыл бұрын

@sasha men also suffer from pressure of having kids after getting married Men also have struggles n pressure India puts pressure on evryone equally

@nonosfavorites

Жыл бұрын

I totally don’t believe you.

He didn't talk about whether women feel, more or less rightfully so, that they have to choose between motherhood and having a career. He just said that women who don't choose to become mothers are either mentally ill or end up regretting their choice. It would seem he doesn't look at motherhood as a choice and hence thinks society should make said option more attractive to women by reducing the cost choosing it entails. And yet, birth rates are plummeting in all developed countries. Strange. Women must have gone all mad.

I think quite the opposite actually, i think we're being fed this story how motherhood will make us feel complete and accomplished, and if you disagree then its as if something is wrong with you

@jenkins5265

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly! Why are women all judged so harshly for not wanting to be mothers. Not all of us want a child. I know plenty of women who have never wanted children.

@PG-qn8od

3 жыл бұрын

I agree, maybe it's all about how you deliver the message... as in that "becoming a parent CAN be a fulfulling thing and option, that one should at least think about deeply", rather than "if you don't produce kids you will regret it later". I also think it ties in with what Peterson said quite a few times, that to live a fulfulling life you need to take on some responsiblities, and caring for kids can be one of those, that most people chose some time in their life, while others decide for other responsibilites.

@jeannedarc5351

3 жыл бұрын

Probably depends on the culture you live in. I was taught college and career were the most important.

@elijahwise3060

3 жыл бұрын

It's ridiculous, nothing will fulfill you totally, like JP said you have to have all 4s at least. It's kinda obvious honestly.

@PG-qn8od

3 жыл бұрын

@@elijahwise3060 how can you say that? feeling fullfilled is quite subjective or not? as in you can have everything and still feel unsatisfied and lacking in life.

Why doesn't he speak about father's paternal fulfillment?

@prittyugly86

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!!!

@thecallitaspadechannel2794

3 жыл бұрын

Isn't it obvious?

@azuresky4984

3 жыл бұрын

@@thecallitaspadechannel2794 no it’s not.

@muzar155

3 жыл бұрын

They provide for the family

@muzar155

3 жыл бұрын

@@azuresky4984 it is

I think part of the issue is that women have been told for so long that all of their fulfilment has to come through having a family. Career and education were not open to women and so the ability to decide how to prioritize career and motherhood is a very new problem. However, it is important to recognize that women are not a monolith and so their answers to that question will not all be the same. When some women say they do not want to devote their whole existence to children then we should believe them, similarly if they want to priorities their family over their career we should respect that and trust that they know their own desires. There is far too much pressure on women in all directions to do and be everything and it is exhausting. The paternalistic attitude that says "we need to tell young women what they want so they don't make a mistake because we know better" is exactly the problem.

@paulaaquino

Жыл бұрын

Perfectly put!

Well in all fairness I’m not sure how I feel about another man discussing women’s life. I once read a post by female and it went something like “I’d be more interested in being a parent if I could be a father”... Women are not poor brainwashed creatures and I think most of us know exactly what we’re doing.

I am from India, a country which considers it womanhood as second-order citizens, slaves and facilitators to men's needs and fantasies. It has been so for ages and things are slowly changing, at least in my state, Kerala. With jobs and financial independence, with a place where one can illuminate oneself other than one's own house where the woman has to slave away, she feels energized and alive. Looking from my context, what you have spoken is regressive. Finding balance between job and family should not be a woman's responsibility alone. Men should share the load and the family as a whole should be supportive of the needs of each other. This is a personal choice and I don't think this is a "lie"!

@drshohinidas4051

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely. You are right.

@vishalv9699

Жыл бұрын

Please follow celibacy and remain bachelor in your whole life.

@prasannathapa1024

Жыл бұрын

I am also from India, people give seats to ladies in cabs and busses, women are mostly called madam, while guys rarely get called as sir. Some states have free travel in busses for women. Wherever there's a physical fight amongst women. All the men straight up stand away because they are afraid to get mixed in a heated situation, the public will always beat up men but for women it's not the case. Further more we worship many goddesses and associate femininity with wealth, I certainly don't think it's womanhood as "second order citizens", or men think of women as something to facilitate our needs or fantasies. In fact most of them are afraid of women. Yes there are criminals as well but again they are everywhere. Financial independence can be achieved without a career as well. he is not saying women should leave their jobs and become mothers. When we are young we tend to take risks and become career oriented but what he says is that it's not going to be the same as ever. People might want to have a family for a healthy living, women especially should understand this and prepare in advance. So that when the time comes they can easily take a stance if not be both. Like someone can go full focus on a career and earn as much money as possible in their early days such that the return on investment can make them financially independent assuming for the worst case scenario if they choose to be a mother later and lose the husband due to some misfortune. The balance between job and career is important for men as well but the bond Between children and mothers is closer than the father, in case of divorce women tend to get their children to be with them in almost all cases then the father. They are biologically created to nurture children while man is there to provide resources which makes them less available for it. I don't think it's regressive it's more about telling people in advance what you later will feel in life and take better decisions.

@vishalv9699

Жыл бұрын

@@prasannathapa1024 Absolutely right

It's not about only motherhood. It should be "PARENTHOOD" cause it's important for both men and women to have kids at certain stage and don't push the entire parenthood on women.They both have equal responsibilities on their children Please admit it.

I think the lie is that you must commit to only one path. It's okay to have children late in life, its okay to have a career late in life. If you're worried that you'll be less successful than others in either regard your first step is stop comparing your story to others'. You don't have to be young to be good at something, just be a good person. That's what matters.

The problem is in the dichotomy of "career VERSUS motherhood." Do most men struggle with "career VERSUS fatherhood?" Of course not. The lie of the career being the main life's fulfillment is neither a male nor female issue - it's a societal one. I know plenty of men who, in their 30s and 40s, find themselves suffering from that very angst. The main difference with women, is that they need to figure it out a little sooner, since their biological clocks run out a lot sooner. A man can figure out he's unhappy with his career, say, in his 40s, and still very easily pursue fatherhood at that juncture. Not so, women.

@lotuswolf1518

2 жыл бұрын

Children born to old parents have birth defects My dad was 42 when I was born I am autistic 😠😠😠😠😠I hate capitalism

Women please be financially independent, whatever you chose to do. Don't depend on anyone

@alieninthecaribbean

3 жыл бұрын

THANK YOU! Very dangerous advice telling women not to be concerned about being educated, accomplished at an income-earning skill of some kind and having their own career or revenue stream and just totally relying on a man to provide for them. He could die. He could leave. He could become abusive. He could become disabled. What then? Also, children GROW UP AND LEAVE! What will these women do with the TWO LIFETIMES before them?

@deliarebaudengo5440

3 жыл бұрын

I honestly have no idea about how so many people seem to find this same old bullshit from Peterson useful or interesting. It's literally the same old traditionalist mysoginst soup, just slightly microwaved. Are young people really not able to see it?

@deborahglnt

3 жыл бұрын

The thing is I am not at all against being a mother and a wife but I am concerned about the message that women should be dependent (especially financially) on their male counterparts. Stuff happens in life and you need to provide for yourself.

@alieninthecaribbean

3 жыл бұрын

@@deborahglnt EXACTLY! Thank you! I think motherhood is one of the most important roles a woman can take on her life. I support motherhood by women who choose it from a place of true selflessness (I am not being a mother for MY personal gain, to have someone to love me or for emotional fulfillment or otherwise but because I KNOW I can provide a child with the OPTIMAL conditions for human development) and self-awareness (These are my strengths, weaknesses as a parent and I know what I need to work on). This is exactly why taking a gamble with her entire financial and social security by relying on one man and having zero other means of support is reckless. Too many horror stories of mothers finding themselves ALONE with kids and no safety net and insufficient education or skills to be gainfully employed. The kids end up suffering!

@emilyvfletcher9519

3 жыл бұрын

Totally agree.

I don't think "women are being lied to". Women don't need to be encouraged to be mothers bcz the biological clock ticks louder than any external noise. We forget that everyone isn't born rich or into financial stability that is likely to provide them with greater options, many have to struggle like mad to have a stable life. Young middle class couples don't have an option bcz everything is getting more and more expensive. Also as an individual I would like to use my talents as well. So yes motherhood and career are a point of conflict but what of those who absolutely love what they do? Leaving that can crush them.

What's wrong with not having children if you don"t want any?

Ok, but to be fair, we can’t honestly say that children would’ve made her happy either. The reason nobody encouraged her to embrace a family is because raising children can be really, really hard. I have 3 kids and I love them. I celebrate when other women are having children but I can’t say that I would encourage anyone to do it especially if they’re expecting children to make them happy because that plays out real fast.

@4dd4m4d

2 жыл бұрын

true story and very brave of you to say this... children will not make you happy but just for a short period when they are young... BUT it gives fullfilment to your live as you grow old... you know that you gave life to someone who is now doing stuff that you are proud of (if htings go well)... no f you kid becomes a failure then thats a pain you cannot recover from...

Only flaw in what he is saying is a single man in is 40s who is highly successful in career may also feel the same way. I left to the US for higher studies on scholarship at 29 and got placed in well-paying job post-graduationon at 31. I spent my money on gadgets, food, movies, got a new car, traveled to a few places and sent home gifts. But the excitement of " I made it" only lasted for a year or so. At personal front I felt stuck and dating was so not easy. I remember feeling empty admist all the aderaline rush. I am currently dating a Indian girl so things are better but If someone like me stayed single till 40 and never had a family, I could see them going into depression for sure. Many in quest of success focus too much on career and miss out to develop social skills to date or to show/manage emotions. Both men and women are victims of it.

@LaitoChen

4 жыл бұрын

What flaw? Men weren't the focus of the video

@TheAmandad123

4 жыл бұрын

Satish Kumar , Yes I agree. I do lots of vision boards and the like with my boys and discuss goals with them. Because I grew up in family without growth mindset. It would be nice if my boys use time wisely they can have spiritual fulfillment, career and family. I’d hate to see my kids struggling at dead end jobs or not having family

@TheAmandad123

4 жыл бұрын

We need balance to be truly happy

@mscir

4 жыл бұрын

What are you talking about. There are women 25-35 any highly successful man can attract and marry and have babies with. Maybe he needs to learn how to flirt an relate to and understand women better due to lack of experience, but that problem is very easy to solve. Books and videos and classes abound. Perhaps you need to work on yourself a little more.

@BexxaAnn94

3 жыл бұрын

Not a flaw just not what he was talking about.

I am so happy I never had kids when I see my friends struggling with kids with autism, hyperactivity, defiance, chronic illnesses etc. Happy to go home to peace and quiet. Nothing lasts forever but peace is fundamental.

@alexislane1035

2 жыл бұрын

You would not exist if your parents had this attitude so at least be grateful they didn’t think like you

@wo1vereen

2 жыл бұрын

I have a child and I have peace.

@AlanaL3

2 жыл бұрын

I think one day you’ll think differently. Selfishness is never ultimately fulfilling.

@serenasmith1662

2 жыл бұрын

@@AlanaL3 are u kidding? Children didnt chose to be on this earth and maybe never wanted to. Why call someone “selfish” because they’re responsible enough to clear their mind up and be responsible. Do u rather see kids in the streets because their parents cant bear of raising them up? At least dont judge...

@God.sDaughter

2 ай бұрын

@@AlanaL3 How is she selfish for not wanting children?

I have to be honest, I don’t quite get it. Why would someone "wake up" at thirty-nine and discover they would have wanted kids and why is it other people's fault that they didn't talk to her about it? If you really want kids you usually think about it before your fertility starts to decline.

@ABC-ho5jo

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly 🤣🤣🤣if all the women were like the one's he describes humanity would be nearing extinction

@amarants2423

2 жыл бұрын

Adoption is an option.

@sonias9722

2 жыл бұрын

@@amarants2423 most people would rather have their own kids if they want them

@sonias9722

11 ай бұрын

@@snotrohmitabc123 I don't think I have any significant lack of knowledge regarding these matters, my point was, usually people consider having babies at the age when they are fertile. Some people know they want kids from very young age and some make the decision in adulthood. So I don't believe it should be a common occurrence for someone to wake up at nearly 40 and be shocked that they didn't have kids. As it is general knowledge today that you should start trying kids before 35 at the very latest, there's really no blaming someone else if you did not think about it before late 30s.

@snotrohmitabc123

11 ай бұрын

​@@sonias9722 There are females who usually consider having babies knowing the biological clock. Those are the smart, fortunate ones with a plan as you said. They know because they are healthy individuals who were likely raised from a healthy functional family with a good father leading it. I'm from the camp that honestly did not know this information. I learned it all 10 months ago from books by myself. I was not raised with this knowledge. Came from a broken home, uneducated parents and I spent years hating family and scared of marriage. I did the work, matured and now I'm here 10+ years later. JP's message helps people like me wake up when you are not fortunate enough to have people in life like him to do you that favour at the right time. There are more women 35+ who don't know this knowledge like me and need to hear it.

I'm 34. Still career focused and no interest in family nd kids. I travel a lot and live my life. Woudn't wanna change it.

@sapphire8644

3 жыл бұрын

@Zen Diab woah... 🤯 how do you know? Are you a psychic? 🥴

@alexmorton4991

2 жыл бұрын

Hello Lea, how are you doing!

Thank God I realized my fulfillment was not going to be in my career when I graduated college at 22. When I finally got my degree, I didn’t care at all. I took a week to really think about why it didn’t mean anything to me, and what I actually wanted, and one month later I met who is today my husband. We have an 8 month old son and I’m a stay at home mom. Best decision we ever made 😁.

@kafka494

3 жыл бұрын

Basically same story as you! I felt nothing at my graduation. It took me 2 years to realize that I don’t care about having a career and let’s face it, how many have jobs and not careers? Me and my husband are excited to have kids, but we’re waiting till we’re a bit more financially stable :) I’m glad you’re happy being a stay at home mom. I live in one of the most liberal states in the country and I’ll def be judged for not having a “career”

@2014kaydee

3 жыл бұрын

@@kafka494 thank you and good luck to you and your husband!

@lexieneil9055

3 жыл бұрын

How did you meet him ?:)

@2014kaydee

3 жыл бұрын

@@lexieneil9055 believe it or not we actually met on okcupid back in 2014. I think that’s before online dating got tindered and people still put effort into profiles lol. We know four other married couples who met on the website too.

@EM-tc7nl

3 жыл бұрын

I feel like this is me now. Almost graduating, no Idea what to do after that. I don't think any career is fulfilling for me

Without delving deep into the potentially more controversial aspects of motherhood which Dr Peterson speaks about here, his point at the end about career being the primary purpose of life being a lie is actually something I think is really important to acknowledge, because I think in today's work it's pushed far too much and I find (and experience myself), other equally fundamental aspects of life aren't given the importance they deserve. Dr Peterson has also had a huge impact in my life in general, I really like his book and his talks about being a person of character and taking responsibility for my life is something I wish more people would pay attention to.

@mymarginalia8349

4 жыл бұрын

Everyone kind of says career is not that important. (Even though they might not act like it). And character development is extremely important, the old "know thyself". But do you agree that he should be saying this about motherhood? I'd say that's counter to taking responsibility. That's just becoming SOMETHING because others are saying I should. Whether that SOMETHING is a career or child, what's the difference? Out of all the "controversial" things he says this is the only one I don't understand. In other videos, he uses himself and his love of children as an example.

@regislafrance3667

4 жыл бұрын

@@mymarginalia8349 I dont agree with that acknowledging your biology isn't saying you have to become mothers. It's about living with your choices. We are telling young women can be everything and motherhood tends to be looked down upon as internalised patriarchy. The truth is if you are fulfilled by you career or anything else for that matter great but understand your limitations i.e. most women who don't have a child will have to adopt when they past their forties if they want one. If a video on youtube convince anyone that the only way forward is parenthood then they need to grow up.

@mymarginalia8349

4 жыл бұрын

@@regislafrance3667 But they'll need to grow up even if they need to be told they will have to live with their choices! They'll need to grow up even if they need to be told by a video on youtube that they will have to adopt after a point. That's the whole issue. If he's not saying "the only way forward is parenthood", then what is he saying. That at forty you can't be a mother? You don't need to say that, we know, that you need to pick motherhood early if you want it, we know that. In a realm of youtube videos, if anyone needs to be told any of this, needs to grow up indeed.

@regislafrance3667

4 жыл бұрын

@@mymarginalia8349 You have it completly backward. He is a psochologist who has treated many many high level career women who were seeking psycological help because they were realising that if they want a child now it can't be the natural way. Not judging why this is happening but it also happen to coincide with the time women are becoming infertile. Now as you said she can still be a parent so maybe this is not rationnal or maybe now she needs to go through a hellish adoption system which may be no comfort at all. But i think most women understand the concept of adoption fine so the best we can say if you believe people who tell you should live one way or not another you should also consider what you want and try and do so before it gets too complicated to change?

@mymarginalia8349

4 жыл бұрын

​@@regislafrance3667 What do I have backward? "But i think most women understand the concept of adoption fine so the best we can say if you believe people who tell you should live one way or not another you should also consider what you want and try and do so before it gets too complicated to change?" I agree with that, But that's not what Peterson is saying.

I can say, and I'm using the same anecdotal and non-statistical reasoning that he is using, that everyone I grew up with in my conservative hometown assumed that I WOULD just get married and have kids and, as I approach 30 now and only get more sure of not wanting kids (I honestly hate kids), I've only heard people say "oh you'll change your mind" like they cannot FATHOM a woman who does not want kids. Like they don't even believe me saying I'm not interested. Peterson, who has never had a woman's experience, really thinks the problem is we are fed NOT ENOUGH bullshit forcing us/guilting us to be moms... I fear for the society he is insinuating.

@pigeonsoul1672

2 жыл бұрын

I know right, why do these people (JP included) have the audacity to tell women what they (will) want in life to feel fulfilled?

I can't imagine losing job ..I am a mother I love my kid dearly.. but my career empowers me to have basic human dignity and rights without which nobody will respect you..

@lotuswolf1518

2 жыл бұрын

Eeww elitist capitalist rude person

@MsFlamingFlamer

4 ай бұрын

You honestly believe people won’t respect you if you don’t have a career? You need to surround yourself with better people if they are going to treat you that way

Interesting video. Female self-identity and fulfillment, or even human self-identity and fulfillment is what one makes of it, really. We make career and/or wife & motherhood roles bigger deals than they are. Feminism made having a career a big deal in reaction to being a housewife, rightly so at first. I am a woman whose marriage AND career fell apart, so now what? (Marriage due to ex's addiction issues, career due to covid.) I am 41, divorced and without a career. And yet, I am not depressed or unfulfilled at all. I derive a lot of meaning from life beyond the roles and identities. I like to learn new things and want to travel more. A woman can derive a lot of joy from being a SAHM, if that is what she chooses and wants wholeheartedly. (And she has the economic support to do so.) I don't judge or disrespect that choice to personal fulfillment. I feel the same about a woman who loves her work. I know I loved mine. Many get so caught up in the scripts and what we SHOULD do, rather than what we really want to do. Many of us also have no idea what we really want until we journey to it either. In my case, the script has been flipped a few times and I had to keep adjusting and reframing. I wanted kids in my 30s, but thankfully that didn't pan out for me considering who I was married to. I also have no regrets about not having them. Life is what you make of the cards you are dealt. Meaning and fulfillment come from unexpected places if we let them.

@denasedaghat1122

3 жыл бұрын

Totally agree with u

@timesup2812

3 жыл бұрын

Love your comment! Very well put❤️

@monikaseidenberg5403

3 жыл бұрын

Fully with you, but I think, the question is, where do you find orientation for what is important in life?

@mariezenaida

3 жыл бұрын

@@monikaseidenberg5403 Orientation as in a plan? A guide?

@monikaseidenberg5403

3 жыл бұрын

@@mariezenaida as: how do I know, what my values are? In a certain sense guidance or coaching. Parents can be such guidance, but there are parents who don't reflect on their values and pass that exact phenomenon on their children: values without reflection, values for others from others instead of my values, my inner believes, that give me strength and support.

Just because I don't want a typical career doesn't mean I want to be a mother. Women are not driven by their uterus.

@MsFlamingFlamer

4 ай бұрын

Peterson never said those were the only 2 things. He actually lists 4 things. All he was saying is career is rarely a human being’s magnus opus which is true of most people.

Oh man I feel this in my heart. I was put on the go to college and get a job track, to be completely honest it is the most miserable I've ever felt. I'm now creeping up on 30, while I'm married my need for having a baby is so high. My husband keeps thinking I can put it off and he wants me to keep working and focus on a career but it eats me up inside feeling barren and useless. I want to raise a child, I want to care for a home, I want to farm and provide healthy food for my family. I think a huge majority of women actually feel the way I do but we've been brainwashed into thinking money and a career will fulfill us.

@littlecat5293

7 ай бұрын

Not to sound rude but the clock is ticking if your husband keeps delaying you having kids leave him and find a new man .

That is great speech. But to be a good mom, you need a good husband. And its hard to find these days. A great gentleman that loyal to his marriage and passionate with his family.

@johniewalker4356

2 жыл бұрын

In the current climate there is 0 incentive to prove that you are good man, you will regardless be labelled bad or be fucked by the family courts. You’ll have to dig deep and show respect and understanding before one shows you.

@syedharis1906

Жыл бұрын

good men arent marrying.... sorry to break it to u... they have seen the light and dark aspect of western marriage laws...

@eilexion

Жыл бұрын

@@syedharis1906 yes your system is so bad for marriage. Fortunately i live in a country where marriage law is NOT a heavy burden for man.

@tromboner6061

Жыл бұрын

deflecting responsibility..typical

@hanalala3164

Жыл бұрын

@@tromboner6061 bah. Plenty married m en are lazy or cheats

"The reason that you get paid for your work is beacause you're doing something that you wouldn't choose to do if you weren't being paid for it."

@yashrathore3609

4 жыл бұрын

Actually this is the wisest stupid thing, cz this is common sense and works on very little areas , and also it doesn't applies to those working as designers, artist or most teachers or nurses or Scientists , publishors ..well the list goes on!

@r.s.4174

4 жыл бұрын

That is stupid. You get paid because you create value for other people. A lot of people do that while enjoying it.

@kysvatnik

4 жыл бұрын

@@r.s.4174 There's a reason he added the word "generally".

@CrystalTrinidad

4 жыл бұрын

Yash Rathore i can’t speak about creatives but those of us in the medical field definitely would not be working if we weren’t being paid.

@regislafrance3667

4 жыл бұрын

@@yashrathore3609 Really how many of them work for free?

In my daily adventures with my 3 children ages 4 and under. The majority of negative remarks I receive are from young women. They say things like “Close your legs.” “Why do you have so many.” “When are you getting a job.” I’ve had young men approach me and ask how they can convince their wife to have children. Young women today seem to be brainwashed in school. That home making is lowly, having a family, getting married is oppressive. I literally can go to a museum in the middle of the week.

@sydelle3941

3 жыл бұрын

More power to you! Kids are a huge blessing!

@angieo1305

3 жыл бұрын

@Dark Abyss absolutely agree on that. Welfare is bad.

@gabriellacatalini1220

3 жыл бұрын

How rude. I would be full of admiration for you! I don't have kids, would probably have been perfectly terrible at it, so I'm even more grateful to women who have had them. There's no reason to be censorious. Or say oh, women with no children lead empty lives. Can't we all simply have different choices and, with luck, choose wisely what's best for us?

@tany2191

3 жыл бұрын

this is SO annoying. You're obviously very privileged to not have to work, and not be on welfare. Most women cant have that, most women have to work to provide for their families. Nobody has ever said motherhood is lowly that's bullshit.

@somethingcooliguess

3 жыл бұрын

Where does this happen? I can only picture it if the kids are running around with tangled hair and wearing pjs with last nights dinner in public. Not saying this is the case, but that’s the only scenario I can imagine even thinking these things! Remotely put together kids make me think “dang, that’s so much work” and great polite kids make me think “dang, that’s SO much work. Props to the parents.”

Never ever leave your career for children, it's important to be there for them, but more importantly be independent financially. If you are not that what guidance are you going to give your child, I mean no Mom is going to tell their child, study now get a job for yourself and then leave it like Me.

@kylestephens9593

2 жыл бұрын

How many women (goes for men also) actually have a career type of work, Aswini? Most cases we're talking about a job. A job, not a career. Boring, low to mid level paid stuff that you can't grow in position - that's a job. You CAN have kids and family life and have a job. Everybody does it. But you can't have a "career" and have kids. It's too much strain both ways. If you are a woman and you have bright career - ok maybe it's worth it to follow that path to see where it goes. These are raree exceptions, 98% of the working women just do some 9 to 5 light job or even part time. And I don't think you're talking about these. :)

@kylestephens9593

2 жыл бұрын

@Surbhi Yadav good for you, but you're the rare exception. if everybody, or even a majority were like you, you wouldn't be born, i wouldn't be born and the us as human species would just perish. :) some ppl don't wanna have families, they only care for themselves and nobody else. we're lucky that the percentage of these ppl is so low. beause if a lot more people only live for themselves, many businesses (including essential services) will start to have a real big shortages of workers. why? these people work the hours that they work and the type of job that they work because they have families to feed. if they only work for themselves they will work part-time and most likely will pick something that they enjoy. it's not gonna took a lot of time before we end up as a 3rd world country where no essential service is reliable or even exist, and after that we're gonna slowly age, as no new people are born and nobody can care for the elderly. the end will be a miserable one :)

Then how do you explain all the unhappy women who had children early in life and then want to escape that later in life?

@niltomega2978

Жыл бұрын

I have not met these women. I think they are outliers, anomalies. Besides, you don't really make any sense. If you have kids early in life, they won't be around "later" as they will all be raised by age 40-45.

Sometimes You cannot force it If you don't have someone to get married to, to have kids with, you learn to enjoy the life you have, not what you don't have. Life is a present (now) before being hopeful for future Just my 2% Shalom 🥂

@waiki8223

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!!! Exactly my thoughts and situation!!!!

@usfslk

2 жыл бұрын

You mean women can't find a suitable partner? What a joke

@BritneyThomas-zr5yf

4 күн бұрын

This is the best comment yet ❤❤❤

I do agree with what he's saying however impractical it may seem. Me and my sisters were taught to work hard study hard and get to a place of security in chaotic economic times. Noone spoke of families,babies or finding a partner.

@Nokss87

3 жыл бұрын

😂 😂 😂 You're saying exactly what he's talking about...you're the example.

@vanessac1721

3 жыл бұрын

Well, an issue is that even if you find a partner, that is not guaranteed to work out. And if you are financially dependent on them and have no skill base then if divorce does come knocking you can be left in a really bad situation. So, it does seem incumbent on women to be able to be independent in case of this eventuality. However, this work towards independence can be counter productive to finding a partner/having kids. So its almost like you are damned if you do, damned if you don't.

@blah6720

3 жыл бұрын

First world country people have that privilage majority of female of world are pressure to have families and are meant to have it as their only goal. The opinion is subjected only privilaged societies.

@26salamanca

3 жыл бұрын

@@vanessac1721 agreed👍

@vanessac1721

3 жыл бұрын

@@blah6720 That is a fair point. Women in 1st world countries are definitely comparatively privileged in that they have the choice to pursue a career and independence whereas there are millions of less fortunate women all over the world who do not have that choice. Ideally every woman should have that choice but also that women should not feel pressured to go with one choice or the other (by society etc). Work or motherhood should be equally seen as viable and worthy pursuits. Its a difficult one.

I went the other way… 3 kids… now 44, separated and no career… didn’t finish high school education… that’s hard too.

@korzinietz2136

2 ай бұрын

feel bad for you

So, Here I am in my mid fifties and i have been a mom for 30 years. I'm physically worn out with the usual diseases of aging ie...diabetes, glaucoma, neuropathy, ptsd, bipolar. I started baby sitting at about 13. I got my first part time job in my mid teens and have worked for pay approximately 35 years . I also put myself through college. I did everything that I was told to do to "succeed" My question? How many years is a woman expected to work outside the home to have any chance at a pension that's above poverty level? I'm currently in the process of Social Security Disability approval and I'm terrified that even that modest benefit will leave me homeless and eating cat food to survive ,and what if I don't get approved? I mean being a mom is a job too. I did something productive in addition to paid work. I will probably continue on to be a caregiver to my elderly mother and grand children. This is all work but not recognized as such by the government. What happens to us when rent and food is more than our pensions?

@paulaaquino

Жыл бұрын

Exactly, he forgets that women also need money to pay for stuff..

@MsFlamingFlamer

4 ай бұрын

@@paulaaquino he never said women don’t need money to pay for stuff. He was only talking about how career is sold as “fulfillment” which is generally not the case for most people

LOVE JBP, however have to disagree with him on this point (for me personally). I am a thirty year old female, and must be in the tiny minority of people I guess that career is fulfilling enough for me. Zero desire to have children. Can't stand them. Never want kids.

@Gabster1990

3 жыл бұрын

Same. I just like having a job that pays enough for me to live comfortably and to travel. If I want kids in the future, I don't mind adopting.

@somethingcooliguess

3 жыл бұрын

I’m 31. Married and we just bought a house. On paper, we’re ready. Neither of us have that yearning for kids. My mom is on our case every time we talk because she wants grandkids. Thats not a good enough reason to have kids IMO. We may get that urge or we may not. And IF that time comes we can try or we can adopt. I’ve got nieces and nephews so I know the ugly dirty side of child rearing. I wonder how many women that want a cute baby have kids in their life. Or how many of their mothers kinda brush that whole part off.

@somethingcooliguess

3 жыл бұрын

@@Gabster1990 Girl, I just wanna enjoy my work and travel to Europe (when it’s safe and open to)! Disposable income FTW!

@kanagawayarichin

2 жыл бұрын

You use your job like a social club. It’s not about the actual work. It’s about communicating with people.

@God.sDaughter

2 ай бұрын

@@kanagawayarichin As if she doesn’t have other people outside of work to communicate with? 🤦🏾‍♀️

I’ve been a stay at home mom/wife since 19 years old. It was really rough in the beginning because I was raised with the mindset that if you don’t work or go to college you’re lazy. I’ve had plenty of people tell me that I was throwing my life away and there’s so much to be doing in my 20s. But everyone one of those people failed to realize that I wanted to get married, I wanted to start my family, and I wanted to be a sahm because I felt that was best for my family. It does make me sad that people feel like choosing motherhood over a career life is missing out on life, especially when there’s much more to life than working.

@raeannaroylance5401

3 жыл бұрын

So many people would roll their eyes at my decision to marry early and start having babies young. But young moms get the last laugh; they are still young enough to be an active person in their grandchildren’s lives.😎

@ayasguitar8718

3 жыл бұрын

Not all people have a desire for a familly and children like you do. People are different some people like living alone like me.

@hinahinananoha7783

3 жыл бұрын

Doesn't it makes sense to do both? You don't need a huge career or pay, but you still can work at what you like and bring more to world.

@Keepinitreal55

3 жыл бұрын

I think the reason people say that. Is because most 19 yo don’t know if that’s actually what they want, and they choose it because it seems the easiest way. Going to college and getting a degree is definitely not easy. And just makes you a more well rounded person in general. I think you’ll have more to give to your children when there’s education and experience

@somethingcooliguess

3 жыл бұрын

@@MB-fk5mg It depends on what you major in and what type of courses you take of course. Juggling school and athletics is a challenging feat, so props to you for that. I don't think a person is throwing their life away for having children, but the timing is an opportunity cost for certain experiences and growth. You can broaden your way of thinking, gain exposure to different subjects, and interact with people very different from yourself. You can travel and make a few life mistakes which won't affect a child. It's no question that giving birth and raising a child are difficult. But I can't really see how you can broaden yourself when you're dedicating so much time and of yourself on a child. And if you became a SAHM after college, those years and experienced have already shaped you and your mindset vs. your mindset from graduating high school.

My mum went out to work and left me with my grandmother who essentially became my ‘mother’ as she was at home with me 5 days a week and did all the things a stay at home mum would. I’m now a soon-to-be mum of 3! I’m staying home and I’m LOVING it! Couldn’t care less about a career. Even when I was a teacher before kids I wasn’t interested in ‘rising up the ranks’ all I cared about was how my students reached their goals in learning and became critical thinkers! Would always celebrate their individual achievements. This made an impact on them as they still stop me to say ‘hi’ at the shops it’s lovely to see but nothing beats being a mum at home! I truly am thriving! I love seeing my kids learning and growing, I see it as my responsibility to bring up the next generation of strong independent and critical thinkers!

I'm 56yrs spent the last 16 yrs being a mom at home, gave up my career for my husband and kids. Now I'm left with nothing. My ex husband left me for a much younger woman. My kids have grown up and I'm a grandmother. Where does that leave me. Wish I had stuck to making a career for myself. I always wondered how far I would have gone. I can never get those career days back. I love my kids, but being a woman is not only about kids, it's about how you can be an awesome mom, housewive, and have a great career. A lot of women are doing this and I think it's great. Do it all you can do it.

@lotuswolf1518

2 жыл бұрын

Alimony exists

@alexmorton4991

2 жыл бұрын

Hello Kim, how are you doing?

@alexmorton4991

2 жыл бұрын

I’m very sorry Kim but believe me you’re the best and continue loving your kids, he doesn’t know what he deserves more, you’re beautiful

@Delete240

Жыл бұрын

This happens to everyone in life at some point. One day, you become irrelevant to even yourself. It’s an unfortunate fact of life.

@theCosmicQueen

Жыл бұрын

you are at an advantage and do not know it. your child and grandchildren will be there for you when you get older. that is beyond value. bu t make sure you don't distance yourself from t hem. Also. our system has given women the shaft again, by not allowing fair division of assets in a divorce. for the women who stayed home to raise kids, they aren't supported in divorce as well a s they used to be. If anything, you shoul d have had more kids! as they are you r treasure that will grow and the more the merrier. for older age. Maybe revisit your divorce with a better attorney too. Get alimony. or more of it. Get a good old fashioned judge.

I'm not a big Jordan Peterson fan, but I feel like this is one of his more salient, sensical moments. I feel the same way as the woman in the story from 1:08 - 1:22 when she expresses that she didn't feel like the option was given to her. Looking back I don't think anyone had expressed the concept that there were expansive realm of possibilities other than the standard of getting married, having kids and working. Im happy now as a married father of four, but I suspect there was a lot more luck involved in getting to my position of happiness than anyone else in my position would care to admit. I wish I was given options and I work hard to make my kids realise that they don't have to get married, have kids, etc OR they can- BUT IT DEPENDS ON WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT. I suppose Jordan is making a point here in favour of 'knowing thy self', by promoting deep consideration of the possibilities before you regret having made, or failed to make, an important life decision.

@penisher1450

4 жыл бұрын

You are a woman and a father huh? I guess that makes you a gender bender, you should take Peterson's advice hack of your manparts or stop pretending to be who you are not ;)

@BMTroubleU

4 жыл бұрын

@@penisher1450 Penisher if you're trying to be funny, then that's ok. If you honestly think I said I was a woman, then you need read more carefully. I wrote "I feel the same way as the woman" I will take some responsibility for the misunderstanding due to the "having children" part of my comment, that might have obfuscated things.

@penisher1450

4 жыл бұрын

@@BMTroubleU Oh you are a man that feels like a woman, got it ;)

@debbielee8578

4 жыл бұрын

No one told me anything about how I would feel as I got older. No one ever encouraged me to have children and stay home to raise them. There was always this conflict in me concerning what I was hearing from my parents, grandparents and the society around me. The biggest revelation to my astonishment was how badly I wanted to stay home and raise my daughter. I couldn't believe how strong my feelings were to do that. No one understood, especially my husband. The thought of being the sole provider scared him to death even though I was willing to cut back any way possible. In another video JP explained what happened to me. Having a baby literally changes a woman into a new person. And I believe this new person was who I was meant to be! I think the same thing happens with men. They literally change when they have a wife and family to provide for and to protect. This has been my experience. I'm 65 and I worked for a construction company for 30 years with mostly men. I'm an example of discovering the truth too late for myself, but I pray someone young reading this will at least consider my perspective when making decisions that last a lifetime.

@BMTroubleU

4 жыл бұрын

@@penisher1450 you cheeky devil- misunderstanding me for comedic effect. You really are internet funny. Almost all emotions permeate human class, culture and gender. many even through to other species of animals. "We all bleed the same colour" - Madonna

I think people don't realize how much of a feminist message Jordan Peterson is actually spreading. As a clinical psychologist he knows the norms, and social pressure that has arrived on women around the world. He wants them to have better life goals and vision, the ability to work and earn their top spot. He has instructed and helped people find their career goals, this isn't blanket advice.

@Raymal100

4 жыл бұрын

As much as women try to escape social expectations of motherhood, they run into the modern feminist expectations of career. "Out of the kitchen and into the office." (I'd say coal mine but they don't seem to want to go there.) JP is right in posing the question for women to ask themselves. Asking the question of where you find purpose is what the point of this video is as a counter to modern feminism's consistent career pushing. Shame these other commenters are so confrontation, they don't get the chance to see the value in it.

@steven5054

4 жыл бұрын

Just make sure they don't wear makeup, or Peterson will have another sexual misconduct accusation. But remember, it's the woman's fault.

@JamesJohnson-kv7hw

4 жыл бұрын

@@steven5054 your point is not relevant to this specific video. Try to comment on another one :)

@carlosbanderas4238

4 жыл бұрын

@@steven5054 wtf. This comment IS so unnecessary.

@marshalldavout7113

4 жыл бұрын

@@carlosbanderas4238 It is very necessary.

I make my own money incase my husband abuses me or abandons the family. If he leaves the family, you have no choice but to be the breadwinner. Men are unreliable.