Imagine being a 10,000 year old chaos space marine, that has centuries of battle experience, but you get dunked on by some dirty peasant with a flashlight and a dream.

@MakeLoveNotWar687

3 жыл бұрын

Imagine trying to destroy those dirty peasants home world and failing twelve times

@Ashtor1337

3 жыл бұрын

And faith in the Emporer

@cryamistellimek9184

3 жыл бұрын

Failbadon the armless be like.

@AbyssWatcher745

3 жыл бұрын

Imagine losing to hit and run tactics of a bunch regular humans *cough* iron *cough* warriors *cough*

@MrRobot-0

3 жыл бұрын

And a fuck ton of artillhery shells

I remember a joke about the differences between Guard regiments. Three Commissars, a Cadian, a Catachan, and a Kriegsman, are discussing which one leads the bravest men. The Cadian Commissar explains that his soldiers daily stare down the horrors of Chaos and hold the line and fight. The Kriegs Commissar says that his work is trying to keep them from charging against the enemy and dying. After a bit, the Catachan Commissar says "Watch this" and tells his troops to do 100 jumping jacks. All at once, the Catachans respond "Go fuck yourself."

@D.V.McAwesome

3 жыл бұрын

"Three Comissars enter a bakery..."

@aliciamozomartin2911

3 жыл бұрын

catachan was my least favorite regiment, today that has changed

@finaladvance5085

3 жыл бұрын

Thats pretty funny

@lucascoval828

3 жыл бұрын

Then they pounded off in unison.

@voorlees9368

3 жыл бұрын

You aint gonna beat the catachan mfs

“Fear old men in a profession where men die young.” Then an old Kriegsman must be fucking terrifying.

@nicholasjoseph9062

3 жыл бұрын

No country for an old Kriegsman

@AGrumpyPanda

2 жыл бұрын

In the Rogue Trader campaign I'm playing in, my Arch-Militant is a kriegsman who lived long enough to earn settlement rights. Aside from my most loyal protector, he's also my vintner.

@lordfelidae4505

2 жыл бұрын

God. That’s a fucking cryptid right there.

@Brainflayer

2 жыл бұрын

The only kind of man who could earn the respect of someone like Sly Marbo.

@indecisionator

2 жыл бұрын

cant get scared of something that doesnt exist

"They once named a bridge after Sly Marbo. They had to re-name it once they realized no one would cross Sly Marbo."

@lonewanderer1328

3 жыл бұрын

Rambunctious Koala slymarbo is just all the warp fuckery of the emperor personified

@NacnudPinky

3 жыл бұрын

@Rambunctious Koala AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

@defaultthedude

3 жыл бұрын

The chaos gods still exist because Sly Marbo is merciful and give them a chance for redemption

@iglidor

3 жыл бұрын

WRONG! They had to rename it because no one was able to find that bridge!

@JohnBoulden

3 жыл бұрын

Accurate

"Guardsman. Do you see that enemy stronghold?" "Yes, Commissar." "I don't want to." "Understood, Commissar!"

@ryanadams0922

3 жыл бұрын

*covers window with shades* There now you don't see them anymore

@samuraibear5102

3 жыл бұрын

@@ryanadams0922 gets blamed for being a smart ass

@Pachiku93

3 жыл бұрын

*proceds to fix bayonet and charge the fortress *

@unwillfullyignorant7805

3 жыл бұрын

Just press the *Death* button

@CruzRoman3211

3 жыл бұрын

*sounds of PURE IMPERIAL BOMBARDMENT INTENSIFY*

"Look if you charge that chaos dreadnought you have a 99.9% chance of death but if you don't charge you have a 100% chance of me shooting you, so your choice." -Commisar orison during the battle of reggal 199-7

@francescolombardi3438

3 жыл бұрын

the numbers don't lie

@NotTheIRS

2 жыл бұрын

@@francescolombardi3438 And they spell disaster for you! At sacrifice!

@danghostman2814

Жыл бұрын

Sergant Reddac was later captured by the Inquisition and sentenced to five consecutive death sentences. Though after bringing him back to life the fourth time, the Psyker got a bit tired. So they showed some leniency for his prior good conduct and let him off the last one. And threw his corpse into an incinerator. This is an example of the great kindness of your Inquisitorial betters, so be thankful and generous this Sanguinala.

“I have lost 50 men in this past hour. They wore the name of my regiment, they cried out our creed, each of them feared death but still marched onto the field as if it did not exist. Armed with plasma and las they fought the enemy. Each one of them a veteran in their own right. The enemy lost 10 of their marines. Such a defeat on their part must have been so embarrassing.”

@ngominh259

Жыл бұрын

No lie, losing 10 CSMs to take out 50 Guardsmen is incompetence at the highest degree.

@vaporsouls6752

Жыл бұрын

@@ngominh259 plasma weapon teams are no joke

There once was a Chaos Knight, a Dark Eldar, and a Guardsmen around a campfire. The Choas Knight bragged about how he killed three space marines with one bolter shot. The Dark Eldar bragged about getting a sister of battle to consider the emperor wasn't a God for a whole minute. The Guardsman didn't say anything, he just walked away from the corpses he was with.

@LiamDillen

2 жыл бұрын

Damn

@edmaldonado8207

6 ай бұрын

Metal

"Whenever Saint Celestine is on the battlefield all the guardsmen are like reinvigorated with this HUGE HOLY FEELING" 😏😏😏😏

@michasalamon8315

3 жыл бұрын

Nah. They all get this „Oh shit! We all gonna die!” If Celestine shows up, it means the shit is fucked. Bayonet charging a chaos titan has bigger survival chances than fighting with Celestine in battlezone.

@michasalamon8315

3 жыл бұрын

And Cadia Falls 😏

@tylerkarnes2947

3 жыл бұрын

Emperor help me, for the sins these guardsmen are about to think up.

@michaelalridge1509

3 жыл бұрын

@@michasalamon8315 *crying intensifies*

@Captain_Flippers

3 жыл бұрын

They all be simping for celestine

Ciaphus Cain, the man who was so badass he's the only man who despite being buried with full military honors, is still listed as an active service member.

@DetectiveLwegi

3 жыл бұрын

Listen he doesn't stay dead like every one else does

@FamousPotato420.5

3 жыл бұрын

If I recall correctly, They listed him dead so many times that they made a special exception: He is not to be listed dead, even if stated otherwise.

@rerako4755

3 жыл бұрын

Ah yes, Commisar Cain Who's dodge rolls would land him straight into enemy lines and would put a Kriegsman to shame. Who survived a melee with a Kornate space marine, Tyrannid Patriarch, and Ork warboss. Who tried to shoot himself and killed a dark eldar. Who leads a regiment that actually is two regiments in one(Male/female), and actually doesn't take heavy casualties. This is not even mentioning the juicy bits. The Imperial saint of Luck: CIAPHAS CAIN HERO OF THE IMPERIUM!

@MrMoustaffa

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah Im surprised they didnt talk about Commissar Cain, those books would be right up their ally

@nicolas44991

3 жыл бұрын

@@rerako4755 don't forget about smashing a sister of battle

Wasn't "The planet broke before the guard" come from the fact that as the planet was falling apart you could still see lasguns firing on the chunks as they were drifting away?

@TehBenju

3 жыл бұрын

yup continent sized pieces of rubble scattering from the impact, and you could still see lines of guard firing at the enemy

@Volvith

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. Planet was being torn to shreds from a Blackstone Fortress, an ancient supermassive space station the size of a small moon, crashing into the planet so hard the planet literally cracked in two. Fucking asteroid size chunks just flying off into space, magma spilling everywhere, the entire planet turning into a volcano while everything chaos and their inbred nurglite mother is trying to murderfuck everyone into nonexistence, *_and the Guard still stood their ground, even when the ground literally seized to exist._*

@lordfelidae4505

2 жыл бұрын

@@Volvith even when the line itself broke, they grabbed it in their bloody, calloused hands and *fucking held it.*

@bigmaxporter

2 жыл бұрын

@@Volvith god that is so fucking cool

@Nempo13

2 жыл бұрын

Cadian Trooper: "My world was besieged thirteen times, more than once those sieges reached the surface. They tried to wipe us out and failed. Every time. It took them crashing a superweapon into my planet to destroy it, and we still fought on the surface as the planet was breaking up, and had broken up. I am one of the few whose unit got boarded on the evac ships and offworld before that. I watched it happen. As the planet had been destroyed, the atmosphere going away, you could see the las fire on the ground, either going towards the traitors still there, or to the traitor ships in space. The planet broke, but we didn't. So how dare you tell me I don't know your pain. I know it, I _watched my world die_. And we still fought, and we will still fight. And as long as one Cadian still lives, Cadia Stands. What do you have to say, coward?"

I'll never forget this time I played Imperial Guard against Chaos Daemons and it was such a slaughter, by the end of it there were only TWO models on the 6'x4' board; a Daemon Prince and the last guardsman of the last squad. For 3 turns, the Daemon Prince kept whiffing its attacks, and this single guardsman took wound after wound out of the Prince. In the end, the Daemon killed the guardsman, but only had a single wound left, and I still think about that brave little guardsman who went toe to toe with this giant prince and just wasn't taking any of his shit.

@hiddenbladestudios7248

10 ай бұрын

The death of that guardsman was enough to make Sly Marbo cry.

@ShawneeLad117

7 ай бұрын

Daemon Prince: Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Why can't I hit him?! Shit!!! Guardsman: For Creed! For Cadia! For Holy Terra! For the Emperor!!!

@DustyLizard85

7 ай бұрын

@@ShawneeLad117 LOL damn right! One in a million game, that one. We still occasionally bring it up many years later.

@James-pt2vk

7 ай бұрын

Dark souls in 40k

@mobius273

6 ай бұрын

Reasons why 40k needs roleplaying :0

One guardsman is not a big threat. The problem is, it's never just one.

@cryamistellimek9184

3 жыл бұрын

One man alone may not a chance against the horrors of the galaxy, but no man fights alone when he stands for the God Emperor.

@GrimReefa808

3 жыл бұрын

Isnt this the exact same quote for Orks?

@fnglert

3 жыл бұрын

@@GrimReefa808 Would work for nids too. Any swarm army really.

@couchpotato5592

3 жыл бұрын

Hummiez **snorts** wer derz wun derz a hundrad of dem

@Magnusthepapa

3 жыл бұрын

"you are but one, we are many"

"What is the strongest weapon of mankind? The god-machines of the Adeptus Mechanicus? No! The Astartes Legions? No! The tank? The lasgun? The fist? Not at all! Courage and courage alone stands above them all!" - Lord Solar Macharius

@antonymash9586

3 жыл бұрын

Nope; tanks may crush men, artilary may crush armies and exterminatus may crush worlds. However infinate paperwork is the anvil on which the imperium crushes souls.

@derekharris5625

3 жыл бұрын

@@antonymash9586 beautiful bureaucracy

@antonymash9586

3 жыл бұрын

@@derekharris5625 Infinatly complex, ever shifting and dencer than a neutron star; truely the great work of the Emperor.

@watchingvideosalot3960

3 жыл бұрын

Awesome quote

@JuanPalomoM

3 жыл бұрын

Nope. It’s Sly Marbo.

"any who scoff at the power of a lasgun has never run through a field of a thousand of them" I was literally playing a game against a friend the other day. I had 30 gaurd arranged in front of the cover he was hiding behind, and a leman russ and two sentries flanked behind it pointed directly at him. To quote him, "I'm more afraid of the storm of lasers on that side, than i am of the mechanized war machines on this side, I'm staying here". Never underestimate the humble lasgun.

There's a story of a guardsman fighting a chaos cult. A saint wakes him up from his slumber. His head aches and he complains he unable to lift his sniper rifle. The saint produces a bolter and tells the guardsman to fire his sniper rifle. He musters the strength to do so. When he looks through the scope, he sees the cult's leader with a clear path. He pulls the trigger and the leader's brain matter decorates the surroundings. The guardsman looks around, and he sees the statue of a saint, the same saint who "encouraged" him to shoot. The guardsmen takes satisfaction in this, and lays back down to sleep. Later, when Imperial forces discover the dead leader. They determine the shot came from a sniper rifle, however, a corpse with the back of its head blown off still gripped the rifle.

@muttproductions2536

2 жыл бұрын

"Even in death, I still serve..."

@Si_Sireeni

2 жыл бұрын

What story is this?

@guardianofthetoasters2323

Жыл бұрын

Damn any source?? Love to read it

@imnotbobbarker

Жыл бұрын

Was that in gaunts ghosts?

@therek4793

Жыл бұрын

@@imnotbobbarker idt it was gaunt's. That named character had ran from the battle, the statue chastises him into shooting the enemy leader with a piece of her clothing she gives him to wrap around his custom sniper rifle. When his friends come to pick him up, they excuse his absence as him getting a better vantage point, and he goes along with it. When he looks back, the stone statue has a torn piece of fabric the same as the one she gave him.

One of my all time favourite Guard badasssness stories: Pavel Leforto, random ass guardsman from the Erebus Defence Legion, fighting against 'nids on Tarsis Ultra alongside Ultrasmurfs and Mortificators. Just a regular dude with a lasgun, a wife and kids, not even specially talented or brave, goes against endless waves of biomass-eating bugs. He holds the line, gets knocked down a bit, picks himself up minus the lasgun, picks up a rocket launcher from the dead hands of another guardsman, and shoots a feckin' Carnifex in the face point blank, saving Uriel Ventris' ass in the process, knocks himself out from the blast. Eventually, he recovers and gets a purity seal from Ventris.

@JerrodKane23

3 жыл бұрын

I was wondering who was going to mention the adamantium balls of this badass. Even Ventris was like "Shit, we missed one."

@JJumper8888

3 жыл бұрын

This old man was an absolute chad, really loved his scenes in the book

@mortemtyrannus8813

3 жыл бұрын

Getting a purity seal is like getting a participation medal. Getting a purity seal when you're just a regular human, from a company commander of one of the First Founding chapters, however...

@romankvapil9184

3 жыл бұрын

@@mortemtyrannus8813 A purity seal as a regular guardsman is a massive deal. It would make even the toughest members of the Astartes look at him twice in shock, especially when they hear HOW he got it.

@crashfan6443

3 жыл бұрын

Which book please?

The Tallarn Desert Raiders defeated the Iron Warriors during the Horus Heresy. The Iron Warriors determined Tallarn was a strategically important base and virus bombed the planet trying to get rid of them. They didn't realize though that Tallarn had an extensive bunker network across the whole planet, but most of Tallarn's people survived the exterminatus. The Iron Warriors landed expecting there to be no one, but they landed in a planet wide hornets nest and this started the largest tank battle in Imperial history still 10,000 years later. Tallarn won the battle and kicked them off the planet. Also Tallarn is allied with Craftworld Biel-Tan because of some ancient war they fought on the same side in against Chaos, so they're probably the least xenophobic Imperials... they have a mutual defense treaty with them.

@jamesm783

3 жыл бұрын

Biel-Tan of all craftworlds? color me impressed, those guys are almost as xenophobic as regular imperials

@steveyblunder7460

3 жыл бұрын

Plus they're all a big bunch of Pious fucks

@codyarcher3263

3 жыл бұрын

@@jamesm783 and tallarn is also noted for being even more fanatical then normal.

@SusCalvin

3 жыл бұрын

@@jamesm783 Rogue Trader-era stuff was funkier. It wasn't weird to meet a space elf at the bar.

@Ninjat126

3 жыл бұрын

@@SusCalvin I'd also call it more interesting. Like, the Imperium are usually a bunch of fascist fanatics, and the Eldar are usually a bunch of racial supremacists, so what's different here with this space elf and this space bar? I've always liked the idea of random Orks showing up in Rogue Trader retinues and/or Guard battalions, too. If you're recruiting and an 8' Ork stomps over to your desk and demands you let them fight for you, who the hell would be suicidal enough to say "no"?

In the first Dawn of War game your space marines find two guardsmen surrounded by ork and eldar bodies. The guardsmen are deep in enemy territory, lost contact with high command, missed the order to withdraw. So they decided to just fortify the hill they were on, and sat there for a week fending off ork and eldar attcks. From the bodies it looks like there was a full squad but the two guys are the only ones left by the time you find them.

@talenloracus7891

2 жыл бұрын

I think its a week, but still : chads

@tybaltmarr2158

2 жыл бұрын

​@@talenloracus7891 yeah i think you're right 👍

@Bigmanspeiner

Жыл бұрын

Absolute gigachad energy was radiating from those guardsmen.

@Falcone45

11 ай бұрын

Are they a heavy weapons team?

@tybaltmarr2158

11 ай бұрын

@Falcone45 nope just two dudes with lasguns and lots of sandbags

About Guardsmen basically attacking their commissars is honestly not unheard of. It's one of the reasons why Ciaphus Cain always tries to be inspiring instead of threatening. As he mentioned that commissars have a tendency of being found dead at camps with las-shot wounds, because the regiment he was part of got tired of their shit. Rather have 20 guards rush into battle because the look up to you, than out of fear. And about Ciaphus Cain. There was a story where he literally stared a deamon princess in the face and didn't even flinch. Mere inches away from her and he remained calm (Mostly thanks to Jurgen) All while another commissar beside him was shitting his pants from fear and could barely even stand. Or the time when Cain single handedly takes on a Ork Warboss. A Warboss who've been leading the charge on an entire planet. An Ork who was several times larger than a regular ork. He knew he had to take him alone as well, as Jurgen didn't want to step in. Because if Jurgen had, all the orks surrounding them would have jumped in and attacked them both in mass. There's literally a religion following Cain because the imperium thinks he's such a massive badass and it's even sanctioned by the ecclesiarchy. Or the fact that even when dead, he's is listed as "On active duty" since he's survived so many presumed deaths.

@JakeBuilds

2 жыл бұрын

Frak this. [The book of Caiphas Cain]

@kurtgeraldtomada4451

2 жыл бұрын

Caiphas Cain the Chad

@Dracobyte

6 ай бұрын

Good to know that!

Guardsmen in a nutshell “Fear the old man in the jobs where young men die” If a guardsmen lives long enough, they can come up with more effective plans of attack compared to their bosses.

@BLOODKINGbro

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah those that survive are hard mfers

@Ashtor1337

3 жыл бұрын

That's just the military.

@dancingimmortal448

3 жыл бұрын

I mean look at creed he has his white hair, and what did he learn to do in his long guardsman life? Hide a titan in a fucking bush

@jamescawl6904

3 жыл бұрын

@@dancingimmortal448 a hudred baneblades waiting to ambush behind a light post.

@gentleshark972

3 жыл бұрын

I´d imagine a 40-year old guardsmen is sometimes more competent than space marines. Because space marines are accustomed to power. Normally even if their plan isn´t perfect they´ll still win simply through power. Whilst the guardsman is accustomed to fighting impossible odds again, and again, and again. If they survive so long they´ll have to be the most cunning bastard in the universe.

In the book Eisenhorn: Xenos, a few guardsmen conscript newbies survived against an alien race called the Saruthi who could bend space around them. After a while Deathwatch Astartes veterans were called in by the Inquisition. While the newbies were now used to the warped space around them and could kill Saruthi effectively, the multiple 100 year old Astartes forged to perfection couldn't hit anything. One guardsmen, again this guy is like 16, jokingly gave advice to the Deathwatch marines. They were livid. Absolute bad ass.

@whocareschris

3 жыл бұрын

Expirience outranks everything

@Wyatt-kj7ou

3 жыл бұрын

"In my book experience outranks everything."

@Zakvadr1995

3 жыл бұрын

Space Marine: OH JUST SHUT UP! (Switches to full auto)

@HeroAndReporter

3 жыл бұрын

Imagine being an astartes. Decades of Combat experience. Master crafted for war. Stuggle against this Xeno species. A young guard walks up to you. Tells you to just ‘git gud’

@corrat4866

3 жыл бұрын

@@HeroAndReporter id rage quit

During Horus Heresy, when the Big E couldn't bring himself to give the final belt spanking on his son, a singular guardsman tried to protect the Emps, Horus laughed it off and killed the guy effortlessly but it gave the Emperor the will to use the belt on Horus. This singular guy became an Imperial Saint for the Guardsman, I think.

@nedcurfman3486

2 жыл бұрын

Yup. Ollanius Pius, who, despite GeeDubs attempts to retcon him into something waaaay lamer, like a Custodian or a Perpetual, is still basically the patron saint of the Imperial Guard

@battlesister1559

2 жыл бұрын

@@nedcurfman3486 him being a custodes kinda kills the whole thing tbh... Ollanius Pius being a perpetual should be alright if he had no flashy powers or anything, just a dude but even so he knew he would die the moment he faced Horus so despite it all he died like a true guardsman, what a legend

@R_Caine

Жыл бұрын

Imperator Class Titan sized auramite balls on him for sure.

@andrewgause6971

Жыл бұрын

@@battlesister1559 Yeah. The whole reason thst his death snapped Big E out of his reluctance to go full ham on Horus was *because* he was just a guardsmen. He was an ordinary human who, on his best day, and on Horus' *worst* was absolutely no threat to Horus. Horus killed him for no other reason than the fact that he could. And that was what made the Emperor realize, in essence "the son I loved is gone and is never coming back" and he just obliterated Horus' soul there and then.

@federationsoldier6833

5 ай бұрын

" I Dont even knwow ho that guy was..but im so fucking angry" big E- seconds before beating horus into a pulp

"Sly Marbo is believed to be the reason the Tyranids have fled to our galaxy. He got here first" "Tzeentch made thousands of plans to slay Sly Marbo, all of them have failed." "Nurgle hates Sly Marbo with a burning passion, because he will never rot and die." "Khorne both loves and fears Sly Marbo, he loves the bloodbaths he causes but fears the day it's only him and Sly Marbo left." "The orks don't believe Sly Marbo exists. The fact that he does regardless is terrifying." "It's speculated that the silent king did not see the Tyranids in the dark void outside the galaxy, instead he met a ship that sent a message, "My name is Sly Marbo, I am the last of the old ones. RUN"" "Alpharius and Omegon created the marine look alikes to hide from Sly Marbo because they owe him money."

@marsultorem3207

Жыл бұрын

I'm gonna ask it Slaanesh?

@alexmartinez5859

Жыл бұрын

@@marsultorem3207 “Slaanesh admires yet despises Sly Marbo for the fact that he can cause excessive pain to an enemy without killing them, yet do it so quietly.” I don’t know. This is my go at a Sly Marbo joke.

@imperialguardsman5726

Жыл бұрын

​@@marsultorem3207 i mean slaanesh is both extremely horny for and extremely terrified of sly marbo

@marsultorem3207

Жыл бұрын

@@imperialguardsman5726 yes

Man *didn't cry at Titanic Girl "do men even cry." Man *the planet broke before the guard

@thatoneguy7765

3 жыл бұрын

FUCK YOU! I'M NOT CRYING! YOU'RE CRYING!

@bengrogan9710

3 жыл бұрын

CADIA STANDS!

@midgetydeath

3 жыл бұрын

*CADIA STANDS!*

@morrogin5986

3 жыл бұрын

Caida stands....for now

@JJumper8888

3 жыл бұрын

@@morrogin5986 maybe nuke it again to make it even more dead?

Bricky: * talks about taking 10 guards and using special strategies to shoot 37 times * DK: OOoooOoo Bricky: yeah that only kills like 2 space marines DK: OH

@xyzen9673

3 жыл бұрын

Considering space marines are equivalent to living gods to them, thats a pretty big deal.

@jakubp.6987

3 жыл бұрын

Those guards was obviously heretics!

@lyravain6304

3 жыл бұрын

​@@xyzen9673 Basically this. Astartes can YEET tanks, move fast enough to dodge live fire and are tough enough that a direct hit from a tank doesn't necessarily take them out of a fight. But ten guys with flashlights can kill'em by bringing in enough dakka to cover them in lasgun fire until they find the one weakpoint they can poke through.

@xyzen9673

3 жыл бұрын

@@lyravain6304 dude, i know.

@lyravain6304

3 жыл бұрын

@@xyzen9673 I know and agree. Expanded as to why so much as killing 2 Astartes is so hard.

"Some think of Ollianus Pius, and some of Ciaphas Cain, Of Yarrick and Sly Marbo, and other greats the same. But of all the world's great heros There are none as glorious as the row row row row row row row row row row of the Imperial Guard." ~Commissar Digby

@adenkyramud5005

3 жыл бұрын

The greatest commissar to ever serve our glorious emperor.

@nedcurfman3486

2 жыл бұрын

@@adenkyramud5005 gotta destroy those captured heavy bolters. There might be heresy afoot.

The "all guardsmen party" made me respect the guardsmen. Ciaphas Cain said something very telling about Guardsmen and Commissars. If the guardsmen really hate their commissars, the commissar will die a glorious death in battle miles away from the enemy.

The thing you need to understand about that "try charging into a 100 lasguns" quote is that this wasn't said by some Imperial Guard commander; it was said by a champion of Chaos. The enemies of Man know the might of the Astra Militarum all too well.

@edgusmus7882

2 жыл бұрын

Not just something like a chaos marine but a chaos *CHAMPION* that says it all really

@mr.pickles9791

2 жыл бұрын

When it is serious even the Chaos champion says it. Imagine las guns getting more stronger with the 100 guardsmen still on it. Oh boy , the chaos marines straight up fuck with astartes than the Militarum.

Hippit hoppity this trench is now my Property -Krieg Guardsman

@TheGreatTrialawaits2339

3 жыл бұрын

Yes

@zazempireorigin7818

3 жыл бұрын

Korpsman

@teodorofreiberger2438

3 жыл бұрын

always has been

@kriegsmensoldier8996

3 жыл бұрын

Indeed

@Malkavius2

3 жыл бұрын

and it only cost 250,000 guardsmen to get it

I remember a book called Fifteen Hours about a guard regiment holding the line against the Orks, called fifteen hours because that was the life expectancy for a fresh soldier into the front line. The story is told from the perspective of a fresh soldier joining a squad to replace a member that was KIA and the Orks definitely were not comic relief in that story, absolutely savage.

@Sorain1

2 жыл бұрын

As monumentally depressing as that book is, the opening hits the hardest of anything I've ever read. "It's not like these numbers matter." - The Administratum scribe who set the books plot in motion.

@RepKyle95

2 жыл бұрын

@@Sorain1 yeah, that was so fucked. Honestly, though, it really makes you think about war irl as well. Like, just think about the people who are actually *sending* the soldiers into the meat grinder. They're sitting happily in their homes, often rich as hell, enjoying life while people sacrifice their lives on the front line. Kinda deep.

@the_mini_axe2817

2 жыл бұрын

@@RepKyle95 15 hrs is higher than what the life expectancy of pilots in the air was during points of WW1 and WW2

@RuralProgressive

6 ай бұрын

First book imperial guard omnibus my fav guard story

As the old comic strip pointed out "While a single lasgun don't do diddly... 50 lasguns, that's a whole lot of diddly." (slightly paraphrased)

@troglodytesrus

3 жыл бұрын

Haha loved that one. Tsoalr?

Official petition to start calling the fans of this show the "Adeptus Actualis"

@lucascoval828

3 жыл бұрын

How could you have done this? I can't believe you've done this.

@lkmdude8094

3 жыл бұрын

Signed

@Kustom1995

3 жыл бұрын

You've got my vote

@jakubp.6987

3 жыл бұрын

agree

@scottlock8584

3 жыл бұрын

Signed

Sergeant Lukas Bastonne is such a Badass. He's a Cadian noble, which granted him automatically a high rank in the Imperial Fleet, but said "Fuck that" and joined the Guard as a rank and file guardsman. Due to his excellent memory, Lukas managed to bring victory to every battle he was in, by basically doing the Lord Commander's job for him on the ground. He remembered the orders with pinpoint precision. This sounds like an OP MF, you might say. And indeed, the Lord Commander recognized his awesomeness and put him in the lead of a Stormtrooper squad. But his excellent memory is also a terrible curse, since Lukas remembers every single faces of the soldiers he could not save from terrible deaths. One such was when he dragged a Stormtrooper back to a dropship in order to get medical attention for his men. It turned out that Nurgle had tainted him, so Lukas had to execute the man himself. Rumors have that his back is filled with tattoos of the names of his dead comrades, each and every one he couldn't save, as a mark of respect to the dead. He's an old-school Guard character that stopped getting rules/being mentioned after 5th Edition, which is a darn shame if you ask me.

@GlueEater-ix9gl

3 жыл бұрын

Sound lika an awsome dude

@timothywillox8564

3 жыл бұрын

God damn. And here I am with bugs whose leader just exists to get the shit beat out of him by named characters.

@Dragonspirit223

3 жыл бұрын

@@timothywillox8564 Tyranids are sad to me, such an interesting concept, but they need, in my mind, a story, an overarching goal to be revealed that makes sense (no Pacific Rim 2 BS). Maybe I'm to used to Imperial stories (most of the armies I play are Imperial), but I can't help but look st the nids and feel like all they need is either a goal or a history (they technically have a goal: eat everything, but I mean like motivation. Are they truly animals that never stop consuming? Or are they pawns for another race? Are there more Hive Minds attacking other galaxies, or is there only one that consumed the rest of the stars?). Maybe I should go back to my Guard stories, not interfere with other races and factions stories.

@pocketmaster100

3 жыл бұрын

yeah, he is the one who inscribe/tattoo the name of his dead soldier on his chest to remember to avange them. he is baddass.

@EyeKracker83

3 жыл бұрын

they really should bring him back in some way, Black library novel would be cool, piece of wargear in the new codex, awesome, a proper model and rules though, Emperor help me I would gladly accept him into my ranks because I know he will get shit done.

There was this one Cadian tank commander in the battle of Iax in the Book Godblight who rammed his tank against the greater Demon of Nurgle Ku'Gath pinning him to the ground and then jumping out of it and stabbing the SECOND FAVORITE DEMON OF NURGLE in the eye with his power sword and banishing him. Absolute Chad

This has already been commented I'm sure. And I'm gonna paraphrase heavily. But a commissar stared down a demon, and was like, you're a millennia old paragon of woe and war, immortal and powerful beyond anything we can imagine, fighting alongside superhumans with hundreds of years of war experience. This guy is a baker. That one's a farmer. They're regular people, and they're holding the line. What's your excuse? Demon.

Ollanius Pius , Hero of the Imperium, and the man who stood before Horus to defend the Emperor himself when the Emperor was wounded. The man who when he was cut down by Horus causing the Emperor to finally let loose on Horus. He stood up to an absolute god, the CHOSEN SON OF CHAOS AND THE EMPEROR. AND HE HELD THE LINE. The Imperial Guard holds the line, never give up, never surrender. Ollanius Pius is the absolute most badass Guardsman of all time.

@KhaosAdmiral

3 жыл бұрын

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING GUARDSMAN. He's spent months fighting a grueling war in which his enemies are demigods allied with daemons, and now he's found himself in the closest thing to Hell he's ever known. He probably wasn't even supposed to get teleported up to the arch-traitor's battle barge in the first place, and just ended up in the wrong place at the worst possible time. Somehow he's survived horrors beyond comprehension to make his way to the very bridge of Horus' flagship. He saw a veritable angel call upon Horus to answer for his crimes, and he saw that angel die as messily as any guardsman. His Emperor - who he fervently believes is a god incarnate, even if he's not supposed to - lies mortally wounded, and Horus, perhaps, has taken a moment to gloat before he strikes the killing blow. And yet there he is, standing, all alone, between the Warmaster of everything humanity have ever fought against and the greatest beings amongs all humanity, if even not godhood. His armor is slightly more effective than tissue paper, his weapon slightly more powerful than a flashlight. A single electrified claw from Horus' weapon is bigger than his entire body. He stands before a being infused by the dark gods with incalculable power, that can and will obliterate his soul with no more effort than it would take him to swat a gnat. Nothing he can do could possibly make a difference. He could run. He could turn his weapon on himself. He could give in to the insidious whispers that echo from the ship's corridors into his mind. Ollanius Pius does the duty his Emperor requires of him. He dies standing and holds the FUCKING line.

@guardsmanlars6797

3 жыл бұрын

Sourrounded By Giants, He Stood The Tallest!

@raycearcher5794

3 жыл бұрын

If we live it means we win and we can do it again If the enemy kills us then we died gloriously for the Emperor If you guys accidentally explode us then we probably deserved it so it's fine WE LITERALLY CANNOT LOSE

@BajoniGoblin254

3 жыл бұрын

Its even more badass because Ollanius stood against the literal Satan worshipping demigod that is Horus, knowing full well that he is gonna get punted into the floor, while he couldve easily joined Horus and stayed alive, and maybe became a daemon prince or some shit but no. The fucker was like "fuck you Horus imma give Emps a reason to spank you!"

@CruzRoman3211

3 жыл бұрын

You mean ollanius “big balls” pius?

It's a well known fact that in the movement phase sly marbo's figure is lifted and the player is required to move the table 6 inches in the appropriate direction then the figure is placed back down.

@korvincarry3268

2 жыл бұрын

And if playing on the floor, you must move the house

@jocosesonata

2 жыл бұрын

@@korvincarry3268 *planet

@thenoseplays2488

2 жыл бұрын

Because nobody moves Sly Marbo except Sly Marbo.

"The killbots had a preset kill limit, knowing this I sent wave and wave of my own men after them until they shut down." -Zapp Brannigan

There is one part in Cadian Blood where a squad of IG destroyed a DeathGuard dreadnought, but throwing explosives at the plasma gun as it vents, igniting the fumes. After crippling it, one guy run behind it and climbed to the front and placed the lazgun in the nought's viewing slits, unloading the whole mag into the pilot.

@evilsclone2499

2 жыл бұрын

Imagine being a century old beast of metal and pain made from the cream of the crop alien hunting superhuman. And having some hairless halfway climb on your holy body before lighting up a flashlight in your visor

@The_Bird_Bird_Harder

2 жыл бұрын

@@evilsclone2499 Death guard. Bloated heretical mutant.

@brucewayne5281

2 жыл бұрын

@@evilsclone2499 (laughs in kronate) it’s blasphemy! I Love It!! (

@SimonCarl93

2 жыл бұрын

Wouldn’t that be in the hundreds of shots? Depending on how much he shot and setting of the lasgun.

@Nempo13

2 жыл бұрын

@@SimonCarl93 Tuned to maximum strength setting, you would be lucky to get more than 20 shots.

Story for Tallarn Desert Raiders: Back in the Horus Heresy, the Iron Warriors required another staging ground planet, which happened to be the planet of Tallarn. Rather than invade the planet, the crazy Marines decided 'screw it, just bomb'em' and dropped a Virus Bomb on it. The Iron Warriors had to wait days for it to be habitable for them to even walk on it (as the Virus can penetrate Power Armor), and when they did, the planet was turned from a lushious world into brown sludge, gasses sparking explosions at the nearest fire, turning it into a desert world. And the Tallarn were still there. Reinforcements arrived as fast as they could, landing the safest thing they could: Tanks and Guardsmen with masks. But these are Space Marines, specifically the siege Legion, this should go one sided, right? No, the Tallarn lashed out with more ferocity than a Mother Bear for her cubs, striking key targets before hiding freaking Leman Russ Tanks in the sand. The Battle of Tallarn was less a battle for strategic value, and more a battle for revenge, hurt the marines who dared kill your family, your friends, your livestock, your homes, *your planet* . The Guardsmen of Tallarn, now called the Tallarn Desert Raiders, pushed back the Iron Warriors, after they were virus bombed from orbit and driven underground to survive even the first day. Talk about a shameful day for Chaos Space Marines

@AhmedMostafa-ir2bl

3 жыл бұрын

How much year did the war in tallarn last ?

@Dragonspirit223

3 жыл бұрын

@@AhmedMostafa-ir2bl I assume anywhere between 1-2 years.

@AhmedMostafa-ir2bl

3 жыл бұрын

@@Dragonspirit223 I seriously doubt it have to at least took 10 years For the spacemarines to give up right

@Dragonspirit223

3 жыл бұрын

@@AhmedMostafa-ir2bl Problem is, I can't find any official 'start/end date' seriously, I just skimmed the Wiki for an estimate and the best I could find was 193 Days in the fight for when the Imperial Fists ran a special mission that would 'decide the fate of the battle'. Because that's a little more than half a year, I made the estimate of 1-3 years due to reinforcements and the like, as well as Warp Travel being dodgy to say the least. Edit: I said 1-3, I originally said 1-2, figured I'd make a point about how this is just an estimate, it should also be noted that this was during the Heresy, they might not have had 10 years to fight, even if they wanted to.

@AhmedMostafa-ir2bl

3 жыл бұрын

@@Dragonspirit223 ok m8 I see your point

Caiphas Cain - Hero of the Imperium, the only living being to enter Necron teleporter and came back alive. He killed a Khorn Berserker in a melee combat (with a bit of help from his good friend Jurgen), was fighting side by side with space marines on a few separate occasions and managed to liberate a planet from orkish occupation without any help from the Imperial Guard. Also, there is a cult dedicated to him, which is approved by Echlisiarchy.

@pantherjoseph

3 жыл бұрын

“And the Saint doth said ‘Frak this!’ onto the she-daemon and smote her with his blade.” Or something like that, it’s been a while since I read that book.

@alexandreogrande2100

3 жыл бұрын

My friend I present to you scout Sargent Mkol, he kill a fucking caos dreadnoght with only a laspistol and a poisonous cactus, infiltrated a chaos battleship and killed the anarch (together with brim milo) and outstealth a dark eldar mandrake

@pappajudas9267

3 жыл бұрын

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate the fact that Jurgen in his own right is a badass.

@ladywaffle2210

3 жыл бұрын

"Blood for the blood god!" "Fine! He can have yours!" -Caiphas Cain, facing down a Khornate Bezerker

@stalinsoulz7872

3 жыл бұрын

@@pappajudas9267 krieg hero Jurgen?

I just remembered one. A small strikeforce of Ultramarines were sent planetside to aid the Imperial Guard. A squad of Ultramarines got lost in transit and stumbled across a unit of Guardsman and their Chimera transports, the Guardsman agreed to take them to the outpost base and became very chummy with one another. When they finally reach the outpost, the Commissar is a real hardass whose about ready to discipline them for their tardiness, not shoot, just work them hard into the ground, and one of the Ultramarines stands up and starts making a point on how important it was that they work together and just how much of a service they had provided and that it would be remiss of him to punish such fine Guardsman. And after the Commissar leave, they agree that standard line troopers hate being chewed out by superiors, regardless if they're Guard or Space Marine.

@evilsclone2499

Жыл бұрын

Demigods and regular men both agreeing that upper management is shit. That's just peak 40k lmao

Honorable Guardsmen: Storntrooper André from the armageddon steel Legion. Only Guy which survived beside exclusiarch Grimaldus from the Black Templar when the entire Chappel came down on them after they where making a last stand against the Orcs in Hellsreach. Later on he was tricked onto the BT Battlebarge acompanig Grimmaldus onto the next Crusade. Also the only guy which does not give a fuck about speaking his mind in Grimaldus presence. Kind of a guy you simply cant get rid of which can crack jokes with a funny french accent in every situation. It takes a lot to get respected by not just some normal Chaplin but the damn Exclusiarch of the Black Templars. André was invited to the Battlebarch for sightseeing by a Black Templar when the Barch left for its next Crusade without him noticing. Grimaldus was glad to (finally) get rid of André when leaving Armageddon. So it was prank from a fellow BlackTemplar when inviting André. So now hes still stuck with him. It is said that even Highmarshal Helbrecht thought it was funny. And damn, stuff that Helbrecht finds funny, you can count on one Hand. So we now have a simple Stormtrooper which has the honor to accompanie the BT on a Crusade (even if it is against his will).

@lordfarquad8913

2 жыл бұрын

What book is this from

@timhurl1514

2 жыл бұрын

Elder Maxson the book is called Helsreach

@logansommer3459

2 жыл бұрын

@@lordfarquad8913 there is a helsreach video by Richard Boylan which is a cutdown version of the book. read or listen to the book first then watch the movie.

A great character that was omitted would DEFINITELY be one Commissar Cain. HERO OF THE IMPERIUM, and walking imposter syndrome!

@dalekrenegade2596

3 жыл бұрын

Perfect.

@Khronik_

3 жыл бұрын

mood kindred

@TheSkeletonVA

3 жыл бұрын

His books are so much fun too. I feel like they would have a ball with them on the show.

@myth5588

3 жыл бұрын

@@TheSkeletonVA literally blackadder in 40k, so much fun

@matasbagdonas6014

3 жыл бұрын

I imagine he might be one of the characters that will get their own episode

Fun Fact: Commissars are not exclusive to the Guard. They also oversee Planetary Governors, ensuring Imperial orders are carried out regardless of local customs. Example: Commissar: "Governor! Segmentum Command needs a Guard Regiment ready to be shipped off world by sunset. See to it!" Governor: "But thou shalt not take up arms on Emperor Day" Commissar: [Draws pistol] "... Vice Governor, see to it!" Source: 6th edition Codex: Militarum Tempestus. It also gives a look at life in the Schola Progenium as well. for those who want to read it themselves.

@gokbay3057

3 жыл бұрын

Navy has commissars too.

My favourite guard story is from the Jopall Indentured Squadrons during the third War of Armageddon (Quoted from their wiki page): A small squad of low-ranking Jopall officers managed to isolate a tribe of Orks who had somehow obtained several Imperial vehicles. These troop transports were painted with crossed axes and hung with skulls, but unlike the rusting, smoking heaps the Orks normally employ, these were well-maintained and comparatively clean, hinting at the presence of a somewhat technically-oriented Ork leader. Masquerading as liaisons from Von Strab's (Former planetary governor of Armageddon who sided with the orks) Personal Guard, the Jopall officers negotiated the unauthorised transfer of three Imperial Basilisks and a substantial amount of artillery shells with a high-ranking Ork mechanic. The Mek, as it called itself, was allegedly frothing at the mouth with excitement, and after thoroughly checking the Basilisks it paid the Jopall cadre substantially for the artillery pieces. However, the Basilisk's undercarriages were each strung with thin lines of plastic explosive covered in dust and grime. As soon as the cadre of Jopall officers were safely ensconced in the spires of Tartarus, observing the Mek proudly parading his newly bolstered artillery battalion to the Greenskin Warlord Morbad himself via a satellite camera, the remote devices each officer carried detonated the plastic explosives. This triggered an explosion just destructive enough to detonate the Basilisk's ammunition, causing a chain reaction that consumed a full sixth of the Orks' artillery. Despite this success, Armageddon High Command deemed the voluntary loss of three Imperial Basilisks unforgivable, and the officers were summarily stripped of their rank. However, the soldiers in question now number among the most popular of their entire company.

@kevincass9917

2 жыл бұрын

I forgot about this story! Man, Jopall's soldiers are some bad motherfuckers.

@Darqshadow

2 жыл бұрын

Damn bureaucrats. Tanks can be replaced, entire worlds not as well

@Minotaur-ey2lg

2 жыл бұрын

Today I learned that the Jopall Indentured weren’t just made up by TTS.

"You either get really good at smoking meats or you become a huge WWII buff." Guilty on both counts. To be fair I loved WWII history even in high school, so I guess I always had the soul of a thirty year old and now my body has finally caught up.

@airplanemaniacgaming7877

Жыл бұрын

Same here, but I'm only a bit past the halfway point.

@The80sWolf_

Жыл бұрын

You mean you loved the american version of ww2

@hfar_in_the_sky

Жыл бұрын

@@The80sWolf_ You meen like the exploits of Polish resistance fighters and British mad science lab devoted to inventing weapons of sabotage? Yes, very American

Fans: Can we get some new Imperial Guard models? GW: Sure, here's some Ultramarines. Fans: No, I wanted Imperial Guard. GW: You spelled Ultramarines wrong.

@madmanvarietyshow9605

3 жыл бұрын

How about a range refresh for Eldar, new Tyranids, new Khorne Berserkers and Noise Marines, or two wound CSM? GW: Oh yeah here's your new Ultramarines Primaris Leiutenant you asked for. 😉

@michka841

2 жыл бұрын

"Ultramarines are from the Imperium, they probably guard stuff, therefore they are the imperial guard. Now buy or fuck off"

@JustaGuy_Gaming

2 жыл бұрын

Don't be Silly GW just doesn't give us Ultra Marine models. They also stop production on older Imperial models and ban them from the game. All hail the Primus Marines! The most broken thing since the blast template was removed.

@19kp.

2 жыл бұрын

I just checked there’s no firstborn marines anymore on the gw store so I’m going full banana bois

@lordfelidae4505

2 жыл бұрын

@@19kp. don’t forget to 3D print them!

There's one story about a pdf trooper who saved a space marine. This madlad ran through mortar fire multiple times to get ammo for the marine, while fighting chaos insurgents. Guy got severely injured but after the battle the marine found the trooper and gave him one of the marine's purity seals, since marine couldnt have maintained the position without the help of the pdf trooper.

@Darqshadow

2 жыл бұрын

You can bet your ass that Marine has his name as part of the Chapters histories and is damned respected for it. That's a level of dedication and courage that even the marines respect above anything else

@Mistheart101

2 жыл бұрын

Do you know what story that is?

@nedcurfman3486

2 жыл бұрын

@@Mistheart101 from other comments I’ve seen, it appears to be from Warriors of Ultramar, with the Marine in question being Uriel Ventris

My favorite guard related quote is from a lord militant iirc. He was told that for every square foot of a planet it would take 10 guardsmen. He simply asked, "How big is the planet?"

"Glory to the first man to die!" *Bang* "Glory to the commissar!"

I can't remember the name of the dude, but there was this Vostroyan Colonel who led a tank regiment that was on this big 'ol battleship that was being absolutely OVERRUN with daemons. Seeing this situation, this absolute chad called up the battleship's commanding officer and got permission to conduct a RUNNING TANK BATTLE INSIDE OF THE SHIP. The conversation went something like this iirc Vostroyan: "Sir, my boys and I are sitting on our asses outside of our tanks and want to muck in" CO: "Of course! Pick up some lasguns and come help out!" Vostroyan: "HA, I meant in our TANKS, Sir!" CO: "...FUG it, why not- HAVE at it!" Vostroyan: "HAHA, BLOODY GOOD" They all were ultimately torn to shreds, but that's beside the point.

@bladestormviking

3 жыл бұрын

hey, it frikkin worked.....

@JackwagonInc

3 жыл бұрын

@@bladestormviking As a last middle finger and show of defiant badassey? Absolutely. As a method of actually clearing the ship? Less so. It was never explained how many they killed or if they successfully cleared any of the ship, but I like to think they made a good show of themselves and dished out some punches before their sub-optimal demise. In their defense there were a LOT of daemons on the ship. I'm surprised they could even maneuver considering how those tanks had to carry the extra weight of their massive balls. Even though it ultimately didn't work, it's still BY FAR one of my favorite stories of the IG.

@joshuamarvin7400

3 жыл бұрын

"They all were ultimately torn to shreds, but that's beside the point." This line appears a LOT in imperial records.

@JackwagonInc

3 жыл бұрын

@@joshuamarvin7400 if we're being honest that's essentially Krieg in a nutshell lmao

@leek.3671

3 жыл бұрын

@@JackwagonInc Omg, I fuckin LOVE this story. I've never heard of it and now it's up there as one of my favs because holy shit those guys were badass! What a way to go down!

We are going to shell that position and charge but don’t stop the artillery-Krieg guardsmen

@krillnyetheshrimpguy6152

3 жыл бұрын

Director what are you doing here, Class A personnel are forbidden from going into the field.

@milesadelman3342

3 жыл бұрын

@@krillnyetheshrimpguy6152 if bright can post memetic images on 4chan I can comment on KZread videos

@cumulonimbusapothecary1079

3 жыл бұрын

"We are going to shell the battlefield and charge, but not in that order."

@bgcvetan

3 жыл бұрын

Alright how can you have 3 hours old comment when the podcast ended 31 minutes ago + 80 min podcast lenght ?

@andreipintea9333

3 жыл бұрын

@@milesadelman3342 no argument to that, damn...

My favorite IG quote is actually from one of the video games, said by Lord General Castor to Sergeant Merrick, one of his subordinates. "Merrick, a Guardsman's life is to die. My job has always been to send them where they can die. I'm not afraid to spend men, but I never waste them!" IGs are often kinda joked and memed on for literally doing the Zap Brannigan "Throw wave after wave of men at them!" jokes. It's both more true and less true than it seems. They will often be sent to their deaths, but a smart general who uses the Guard well will make sure every single one of those deaths is worth it in the end.

Ah, the Imperial Guard. In a universe where everything else is a genetically-modified super soldier, an alien race with technology indistinguishable from magic, actual demonic horrors from Hell, or an intergalactic eating machine, these men take to the field with a flak jacket, a glorified laser pointer, and _balls of steel._ I don't play Guard myself, but I remember reading one of the Codexes and there was a crew roster for the Baneblade. There's a squad of like twenty people operating those things. One of the crew positions is a _cook._ Baneblades are so big they have a _kitchen_ in there. I don't know if they changed the models, but the old Catachan Command Squad was a bunch of movie references: the Captain was R. Lee Ermey, the heavy gunner was Arnold Schwarzeneggar from Predator, the radio operator was Willem Defoe from Platoon, etc. Sly Marbo is literally Rambo. Literally, just switch the R and M.

@Nempo13

2 жыл бұрын

And the Sly is because Stallone's nickname is Sly.

You want a story? Sure: The fight between Scout Sergeant Mkoll & Dark Eldar Mandrake Skarwael. Excerpt (Spoilers for Gaunts Ghosts Novels): He passed through shadow and firelight, bending light and sound around himself as he moved. His chameleon powers segued him into walls and doorways, like a specter from the afterlife. 'There!' Skarwael turned and flowed back through the night. At last his peerless skills as a stalker had paid off. There was his adversary, huddled down behind a railing, trying to hide. You were good, Skarwael conceded. A pleasure to hunt, a pleasure to test my skill against. But you are no match for a mandrake. Don't move. I will honor you with a slow, delicious death. Skarwael lunged with his sacred knife. The boline stabbed through the railings and speared through lifeless cloth. Surprised, Skarwael dragged the cloth through the bars and sniffed it. A cloak, an empty cloak, made of some camouflage material. He turned and saw a rifle aimed at him. "You're good"' said Mkoll grudgingly. The single las-round hit the mandrake between the eyes.

@Headsetmeister

3 жыл бұрын

The Gaunts Ghost series is amazing. My favorite one is Necropolis. Where they have to defend that hivecity against this chaos army that took over every single citizen of that other hive city.

@AzelRavenWood

3 жыл бұрын

I have not read those books, but damn, that was hype!

@IceLizardsUnited

3 жыл бұрын

@@AzelRavenWood Gaunt's Ghosts are a great series. It follows the Tanith First-and-Only, which is a Celtic-themed Imperial Guard regiment. Bunch of cool stories and moments like the above-mentioned one.

@TheEFRoommates

3 жыл бұрын

Don't forget the time Mkoll took down a chaos dreadnought by himself.

@ulharr

3 жыл бұрын

@@IceLizardsUnited you had me at Celtic guard

"As they left that blighted battlefield behind, a clear and proud cry could be heard, over the howling winds and the cannon roar. It was a shout of defiance, bowed but unbroken: CADIA STANDS!"

Books about the imperial guard are some of the best books out there, my favorite has to be Gunheads, which is just about a leman russ armored regiment fighting against orks and at one point a kasrkin (who are better than scions imo) was ripping ork teeth from bodies saying that when orks find bodies with no teef they see it as bad luck

@kevincass9917

2 жыл бұрын

One of my favorite books of all time. You think Lenck deserved to get his ass beat by Sergeant Wulfe?

“Alone, faced up against all the horrors of the galaxy, one guardsman can do nothing. But a guardsman is never alone. He has his squad, his fireteam, his platoon, his company, his battalion, brigade, and regiment. Behind him, tanks grind mountains to dust as artillery shatters the sky and jets slice the clouds. The crack of millions of lasguns ring out, letting the enemies of the Imperium know that they have come here to die.”

Prior military here, ammo troop. Cleaning is what you do between operations to keep the troops busy. You don't want the troops to have spare time if you can help it. We get in trouble if given too much time to think.

@hitokiriizo

3 жыл бұрын

Marines also play naked sleeping bag chicken when left to their own devices.

@JohnBoulden

3 жыл бұрын

@BenjaminTheRogue HUA

@Cairo40000

3 жыл бұрын

@BenjaminTheRogue wait you're an NCO? If China or some alien race invades us can you launch a giant bayonet charge into the enemy while making your troops scream "for the emperor"?

@robomaster20

3 жыл бұрын

Got to make sure those Axe Wielding Enlisted Deviants can have time to do drugs

@Kobold1650

3 жыл бұрын

Bored soldiers do unfortunately have a nasty habit of entertaining themselves with very fragile and very expensive peices of equipment. If your soldiers are bored you will run through your budget with frightening speed.

The mental image of billions of men entering a D-Day style fucking apocalyptic warzone to fight literal gods and devil's, it's crazy even crazier when you realize that these soldiers will win, as regardless of the casualties these men fight with humanities only indestructible sword and shield. Courage.

@Cairo40000

2 жыл бұрын

Not to mention the fact that that apocalyptic level battle with millions of men charging head first into hell fire is considered regular.

Imperial Guards when the see Sisters of Battle show up during a fight "DUDE THERE ARE CHICKS WATCHING!"

Sisters of Battle not only are regularly fighting alongside the guard, but also their medics are regularly what functions as guard medics. Sister of Battle Hospitaller function like apothecaries, basically. Minus cutting you open for gene seed. They genuinely go. " Your arm is too wounded to be fixed? Here's some local anesthetic. I'm cutting it off at the elbow and giving you a quick prosthetic, then sending you back into the field after you adjust to it. "

The Kreig and Catachans are awesome but the unit that made me completely want a guard army is Colonel Bane and the Mordant Acid Dogs. Chased Chaos into the warp and returned. Too angry to be corrupted.

Don't forget Commissar Cain! The hero of the imperium. The man, the myth, the legend. He believed himself to be a coward despite being one of the best swordsmen in the guard (he scratched a techmarines armour in a sparring match), he frequently worked with Inquisitor Vail, and he worked with the Valhallan 597th. Classic imposter syndrome with this one.

@jierdastormcrow

3 жыл бұрын

And, forgot to mention, while he believes in the emperor, he firmly believes that the emperor has better things to do. Except for when it comes to making his life difficult

@rachnussouldrinkerlibraria5640

3 жыл бұрын

When you hate yourself but are too noble to let people die

@jierdastormcrow

3 жыл бұрын

My suspicion, is that he is secretly as good a man as people think he is

@aconcernedcommissar6261

3 жыл бұрын

Don't forget that he was probably in a (as close as a inquisitor and Commissar can get) romantic relationship and is worshiped as a Saint by some Tallarns (probably meaning there is a small Cain warp entity moving around)

@pappajudas9267

3 жыл бұрын

He took out an Ork warboss in single combat and went toe-to-toe with khorne berzerkers.

This one is from the table top: A lone Krieg guardsman, rolling a 2 on insane heroism and killing a genestealer in melee. The battle was a blood bath. Above the hill stood a severely wounded Hive Tyrant. Staring down on the last remaining soldier. The tyrant charges, the guardsman over watches. A 6 to hit and a 6 to wound. A 1 on a 2+ armor save from me to fell the beast.

@Sorain1

2 жыл бұрын

I can just picture the Krieger swapping lasgun cells and calmly reporting "Position secured." Because it's Krieg, this is just the everyday, nothing special.

@airplanemaniacgaming7877

Жыл бұрын

@@Sorain1 all you hear from the Vox line from that area is just "Position secured. Trooper requesting orders."

The Praetorian Guard, where during Big Toof River they were forced into a last stand and arranged their vehicles into a circle and fought against an Ork onslaught to the last man. The commanding officer Ter-Ay would survive the battle and 10 years later, charge a giant Tyranid by himself saying "Let me go to my fate brothers... I must have peace from the ghosts that haunt me."

@Si_Sireeni

2 жыл бұрын

TERRY NO

A guardsman checks how long he's been in the guard by how thin his book of TP is. Real Guardsman Vets have several empty binders hanging from their belts as a show of the shit they've seen.

@Aredel

2 жыл бұрын

And expelled

@airplanemaniacgaming7877

Жыл бұрын

Ah yes, the Guardsman's Uplifting Primer, also known as "The book of shit to laugh at and wipe your ass with."

here are some guardsmen and commissars with a brief description: -Second Lieutenant Miranda 'Mira' Nero: Held the guard together after the command staff had been killed by a ork WAAAGH -Commissar Ciaphas Cain: A heroic Commissar that thinks himself a coward, thou many of his actions contradict this -Mentioned Ciaphas so Gunner Jurgen: the aid of Commissar Cain, is very overpowered and a Blank

@openfly4u

3 жыл бұрын

A blank with a porno slate addiction. XD

@KingTigerGuy

2 жыл бұрын

ah yes, best girl Mira.

@windwalker5765

2 жыл бұрын

In the future of 40K, Cain's Valhallan regiments should operate as a combined-arms division: 597th Infantry, 425th Armored, and 12th Field Artillery. Stick Sulla in overall command...

@ngominh259

Жыл бұрын

@@windwalker5765 Sulla retired. I suppose a novella detailing a joint op between all these elements would be cool. Holding a transportation hub and mounting counterattacks against heretics, then reclaiming the city would be a great campaign. The Commissars in charge should probably all be Cain's students.

Let me share my favorite Guard story, Bricky. During the Sabbat Worlds Crusade the Tanith Ghosts were deployed to a planet named Phantine as part of an effort to take out a Chaos Warlord named Saggitar Slaith. The first leg of this involves dropping in to this city on a mountaintop to retake it. There are a few problems with this, though. Problem One comes in the form of the drop itself. To catch the enemy by surprise and so they have the best chance possible the Ghosts are airdropping into the city *at night* in pitch black darkness. The book this operation takes place starts with them drilling and practicing this constantly. Problem Two would be who is currently holding the city: the Blood Pact. Now, most of the Chaos forces the Ghosts had fought up until now during the Crusade were by and large cultists. The Blood Pact were different. They were a Khornite cult that was organized, equipped and trained as a proper military fighting force, putting them on par with Guard forces in terms of competence and tactics. Each one of them each one was sworn to their Archon's service in a ritual where they would slice open the palm of their hands on the Archon's sharp, jagged power armor. These are hard motherfuckers down to a man. Third is a bureaucracy screw-up. Before the operation the wrong type of lasgun batteries were requisitioned for the regiment. Essentially they got supplied with D cells when their guns took Cs, so on top of everything else now the Ghosts don't have ammunition for the assault. Stashes that individual soldiers have are gathered and divided across the regiment so everyone ends up with on average *two clips of ammo* for the entire assault. After that it's going to have to be all sidearms, "trophy weapons" anyone happened to have and just plain knives. So the Tanith Ghosts are dropping from the sky in the middle of the night, are fighting a well trained and drilled Chaos army and have *no goddamn bullets*. And they win ANYWAY. They resort to close combat with bayonets and knives when they run out of ammo, they scavenge from the enemy. One Tanith Scount in particular- MkVenner- held a staircase *by himself* as the rest of his squad advanced by using his lasgun with bayonet as a staff to fight the Blood Pact to a standstill. The Tanith First and Only get spat on a lot by their fellow Imperials for looking dirty and seeming like a bunch of backwater yokels but time and time again they display skill and competence and get the job done against overwhelming odds.

Fun Fact about the planet Armageddon. It used to be called Ullanor and it was the capital world of the largest Ork Empire since the days of the Krork... then Big E found them.

Lasgun volleys are like building a bonfire entirely out of matches.

@sethkeown5965

2 жыл бұрын

perfect analagy.

Commissar Jaes "Jellyfish" Quallen - Poor lad got send by his rich aunts to Catachan, who betted how long will he survive. He outlived them bolt.

@mharizsaifuddin7059

3 жыл бұрын

Where hes from ?

@Cairo40000

3 жыл бұрын

@@mharizsaifuddin7059 Terra probably

@natanlopes5254

3 жыл бұрын

Where I can find this lore? 😮

@korstmahler

3 жыл бұрын

Source on this? I could use more Catachan vs Commissar conflict. Cain's audio drama interactions with them are great.

The lasgun is actually pretty powerful, it’s just that the foes it was originally made for were far weaker. It’s not that the gun is weak, it’s just that what it is going against tougher enemies.

13th penal legion is one of my favorite bits of Imperial Guard lore. Basically, they round up the criminals and run them through trials by fire where they go through shitty battlefields and if they live long enough, they get to partake in a suicidal mission where if you survive, you get a pardon. If you die, you also get a pardon, so that tells you about the survival expectations. The best part is that the sort of guys who end up surviving long enough to get a pardon tend to be so fucked in the head that they will tend to relapse to their old habits and Colonel Schaeffer who runs the penal legion keeps a keen eye on these guys with the hopes of dragging them straight back to the penal legion the moment they slip up because they are so useful. Of course, if you do slip up, you are stuck there for life till you die for the Emperor. Just like he wanted in the first place. The books on the 13th penal legion are fantastic, especially when during an assassination mission they talk about how degenerate the Tau are for having motion sensors on doors and water faucets.

Calls magazine a clip. Machine spirit detonates magazine.

@brilobox2

3 жыл бұрын

Its neither, its a battery. Curb your pedantry.

@AbyssWatcher745

3 жыл бұрын

Power pack would be more accurate.

@josephnigel8811

3 жыл бұрын

@@brilobox2 gonna call the Mechanicus on me patrician? This lowly guardsmen doin his duty. I pray to my flashlight and red grenade box like everyone else.

@leechowning2712

3 жыл бұрын

Back in the 80s nobody could understand. I challenge you to say something starting with "alexa". That is the early example of a machine spirit. They use robots to build robots, and the machine spirits are remnant semi-intelligences from those days. So yes, we pray to our gun. So do you when you forgot your keys in your car. "Alexa unlock car".

trazyn is gonna be inspecting his collection one day and just find a baneblade popping out from behind Creed's now empty stasis pod.

"You see, Necrons have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down." Commissar Zapp Brannigan

Bullet point summary of the life of a Cadian girl (think her name was Lesk) from the Cadia books - as a small child: stare into the Eye of Terror and tell Abaddon to get lost (failure = probably death) - childhood: not stated, but most likely basic training as you said - age 15/16: get shipped out as a white-shield (private/recruit) and fight off chaos marines - age 17/18: see your planet get destroyed and be the laughing stock of all other regiments - age 18: be the Sergeant of a squad built from whatever random survivors the higher-ups could find from other destroyed squads, and then deal with their trauma and insubordination without getting yourself and your men executed by a commissar, who hasn't sated his bloodlust properly for a few years All this is also commonly known as "Tuesday"

@MommaFox343

2 жыл бұрын

Lesk is hands down my favorite character. Imo best book series especially about IG. Hope they come out with book 4

"Have you ever seen violence against kids and it made you laugh" Finally, something i can get behind

@Kfaircloth13457

2 жыл бұрын

I have 3 kids and I laughed hard.

*Guide to getting the most likes in a 40k comment section:* ___ - Say the Planet Broke before the Guard did *(Guaranteed to get the most likes)* - Yes Inquisitor this [insert] right here - Fix bayonets - Something-something Exterminatus - Something-something Krieg - Something-something Heresy - Praise the Emperor with any quote from the wiki - Scream any quote from the wiki - Scream any quote from DoW ___ I'm sure I missed a few but its pretty much every comment I see in 40k videos so lol

@andiwandfahren7876

3 жыл бұрын

welcome to a fanbase where every insidejoke has at least 3 books of lore behind it.

@Aconspiracyofravens1

3 жыл бұрын

@@andiwandfahren7876 or its a throwaway joke from tts

@vilnish2377

3 жыл бұрын

@@Aconspiracyofravens1 or never changed since ages and is becoming seriously dull

@lovebunny2652

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah it's fucking tiring to scroll down a 40k video's comment section and read the same shit every time no matter what the subject of the video is.

@john-marccartagenas6706

3 жыл бұрын

To be fair the imperial guard ones work with the topic this time around

Talking about the loyalty of the guard always makes me bring up my favorite Regiment, The Miasman Redcowls. Other guardsmen, who will charge to their deaths without question, will revolt outright when paired with the Miasman's for the simple reason that the Redcowls stink to high heaven. They utilize flamers with special fuel that burns green and is absolutely intolerable to people are aren't from their own regiment.

@airplanemaniacgaming7877

Жыл бұрын

Miasman....... stinky bois........ Ah, they have a MIASMA of stink.

This is why I love the Guard. They are the true heroes of the Imperium. Everyone loves the Space Marines cause they are super soldiers and basically machines build for war. They have no fear, feel no pain, and are designed to be the best and blessed. But the Guard isn't 'built' for anything. Against impossible odds, horrifying monstrosities and literal gods, normal mere mortals with nothing special, specs on the ground, drops in the ocean, indistinguishable from each other, fight through and win. For 10.000 years they held the line and not brake. Go ahead, say the line broke.

So here is something from an Eldar Farseer, talking about the might of the guard. Basically, a single guardsman is not a threat to the Eldar, because of their foresight a thousand guard aren't a threat, or a million guard. Most of them are unskilled cowards. However, inside those useless masses, are the heroes. the guard who will not run, and stand on the machine gun despite their wounds, the guard who will dive on the plasma grenade and save his entire squad. The tank driver who will sacrifice themselves ramming into danger. The hardest job of a Farseer when fighting the guard is finding and accounting for these heroes, before they can do something you don't expect, and turn the tide of battle.

Fat Geralt was a chad and he punched that child out of self-defense.

@JustAJauneArc

3 жыл бұрын

Chad, based and redpilled

@aetherius6221

2 жыл бұрын

@@JustAJauneArc based and fatpilled

@chefyboy2748

2 жыл бұрын

@@aetherius6221 Turkey based and fatfilled

@aetherius6221

2 жыл бұрын

@@chefyboy2748 good one lmao

In a world full of super soldiers, demons, monsters and gods, nothing is more terrifying than a normal human willing to stand up to them.

"the heroes aren't just the people who made it through, they're also all the men and women who died to get them there" a quote that I think fits with the guard

Ciaphas Cain who once stopped a brawl to the death between two regiments by yelling about how much of a mess they'd made and ordering the ringleaders to go get mops and buckets. They were all so confused they complied. Oh and once tricked a Drukhari into leading a hoard of Tyranids into Commorragh via a webway gate.

A smaller story from within the lore event known as "The Seige of Vraks": Extremely simplistic overview is that there is a traitor bishop controlling the populace of the heavily fortified armory planet known as Vraks, and the Imperium really doesn't want to lose the tons of wargear in the vaults of said armory world. Anyway... After an ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE multi-day artillery bombardment, followed by a charge by the entire Kreig frontline, one infantry regiment manages to take an enemy frontline bunker structure. Unfortunately for these guys, the previous bombardment left the artillery in a state of being incapable of providing support fire (in order to prevent more enemies from piling in from their side). These guys were locked in for weeks with a large permacrete complex full of a neverending supply of people that wanted them dead, and the fighting was brutal. When their lasguns ran dry, the Kreigers looted the enemy autoguns. When the autogun ammo ran low (and the autoguns themselves had their barrels warp beyond use from the heat of the sustained fire), they started allowing the enemy to get as close as they could afford so that they could run out to loot more armaments and munitions. Of course they were forced to engage in melee on many occasions when they were completely out of ammo or the enemy got too close. By the time rescue arrived, they were down to a single squad with only a flamer that was falling apart and makeshift melee weapons (as their bayonets and shovels had broken from overuse long ago).

@rachnussouldrinkerlibraria5640

3 жыл бұрын

Never thought a kreig shovel could even break?

@jefflee4527

3 жыл бұрын

@@rachnussouldrinkerlibraria5640 I guess it goes to show how long the fight was

@lyravain6304

3 жыл бұрын

@@rachnussouldrinkerlibraria5640 The shovels broke before the Kriegers cared...

@leechowning2712

3 жыл бұрын

Surrender... To the heretics? Shovel that.

@rachnussouldrinkerlibraria5640

3 жыл бұрын

You summon a daemon? I Raise you one shovel

Imagine the look on the face of a Chaos Space Marine; 10,000 years old, having survived countless planetary slaughters, powered by the dark gods of Chaos, seeing a 19-year old guardsmen jumping on him with a primed Melta-grenade.

"One lasgun doesn't do diddly, 1000 lasguns? Thats a whole lot of diddly."

I was playing a friend's guard army in 7th edition, and my favorite incident was a sergeant who just wouldnt die. He death or gloried a predator tank for 3 rounds

They say upon completing training for the Imperial Guard, soldiers are given 3 things, a T-Shirt, a Flashlight, and a Wheelbarrow to carry their massive balls.

Something I've been theorycrafting a little bit is running like a 30-man squad of Conscripts then using an order to double their shots. In the right situation, they'll be able to fire *120* shots. Given, they won't hit well and there's a chance they won't listen to the order, but hey

Honestly my favorite line about the baneblade as an individual unit is that one from Dark Crusade I think it was, where you tell it to attack, or it gets a kill or something, and the voice stab just goes "WHO'S DYIN' NOW, EH? *WHO'S DYING NOW?!* "

Do the story of the Guardsman who stood between Horus and Big E. Absolute hero he was.

@monsterhiddenfromthesun210

3 жыл бұрын

Too bad he got fuckin' Annihilated.

@RustyKnightGaming

3 жыл бұрын

@@monsterhiddenfromthesun210 bought the emperor enough time though

@Cryothia

3 жыл бұрын

Already done in the Horace Heresy episodes

@Steir12

3 жыл бұрын

​@@RustyKnightGaming He didnt bought the time for Empy but rather served as a nudge in right direction for the Emperor was hesitant to kill his beloved son and didnt fight back at full force. After Horus killed that guardsman Emperor accepted the fact that he was beyond redemption.

In the "Let the Galaxy Burn" Story collections there is a short story where a guardsman kills his Commissar to save a planet of mutants that were loyal to the Emperor. It's a really early story, but I think it shows guard do have choice in their lives.

@dathore

3 жыл бұрын

I remember that one, was the minotaur dudes in the heavy gravity planet, if I recall correctly, the commissar got eaten by something, though the guardsman didn't help him either.

i remember a story: orc invasions, guards hold the ground day after day heavy casualities holding out. but then the run out of ammo, and the normal soldiers have a flash of fear in their eyes until their commander/commisar steps forward determained raising his empty las pistol to the nearest attacking orc and goes "pwie" (shooting sound) and the Orc just drops dead, reinvigorated the guardmen see this and all go back to hold their position, pointing their guns at orcs and going "pwie", fending off the orcs anew. Time passes and the men have gotten hope in holding out until they see a mob of orcs running towards them carringing others on top and on the fornt and on the side of the group of their kind, and as usual they open fire, but nothing happens. thei get worried. and then they try again, each time more desperate to see an orc fall, until a faint voice carries over from the orcs "i am a tank, i am a tank..."

The absolute best example, to my knowledge, of the Guard standing the line where the Astartes have failed happened on Vraks. I believe it was the Red Scorpions has been deployed to open a breach in a wall and hold it and they succeeded in doing so but those 100 Space Marines where cut down to less than a quarter of their number before the Inquisitors and their personal storm troopers arrived, which bought just enough time for the grenadiers of Kreig to advance onto the breach and not only take it but move into melee with Chaos Daemons that were pouring out of a rift. Sometimes when even the Emporer's sons are no match you need to call in the Guard to kick someone's head in and take names