I dated an avoidant guy for 3 years. He would distance himself, put walls up and actively sabotage our relationship which was LDR btw. Sometimes, he would break up with me and get back together. I tried my absolute best to be understanding, caring and nurturing. Sacrificed my own needs to make more room for him and gave my all at the expense of my own mental health. Eventually my anxiety got really bad and i ended up having a panic attack because he was hostile towards me. Of course I left. He texted me earlier this year saying he misses me and everything and i showed those texts to my now boyfriend. NEVER take people for granted and always leave vicious cycles like this. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.

@kaviya4760

Ай бұрын

True😢

@fruitsarelife7073

29 күн бұрын

Similar story 😢i also broke up

@kswissu72

24 күн бұрын

Leave that nonsense where it is. It will do you more damage than good!

@ngoctrantran8538

24 күн бұрын

Thank you for sharing your story so I know I’m not alone

@hoelythoughts1318

12 күн бұрын

@@kswissu72 i 100% agree with you. Lesson learned.

She found someone else and I found myself. During no contact, I got back in contact with myself.

I think its a lot easier to move on if they are not sending breadcrumbs. The breadcrumbs keep us stuck and thinking maybe they still have feelings for us and will come back

@PhilipLoader

Ай бұрын

I agree. Might I suggest use 'blocking' phones etc so they can't easily breadcrumb? Unfortunately, most of the comments on this subject assume we're fully healed and mentally tough....not true. Best of luck ❤

@Greentea4591

Ай бұрын

@@PhilipLoader Thank you, I don’t block anyone though unless its spam/ someone I don’t know lol. If someone is saying something to me I want to know what they are saying. I also think it looks immature. I don’t need to block him. I could tell him I don’t want to hear from him again ever I am DONE with him forever and I can stop using his credit card and he most likely won’t contact me anymore. Who knows. Its also my fault that I sort of still keep the door open for him I think and I still maintain a connection to him by continuing to use his money. Its easier if u were married and you get alimony legally. I feel fortunate he is voluntarily providing me alimony since we were together for 11yrs and he used to fully support me. He isn’t someone I want to block or cut out of my life 100%. I would like us to be able to contact each other if its important and be respectful to each other

@healingwithcharlie

Ай бұрын

Agreed! For me though that was the most challenging part. Mine wasn’t breadcrumbing me, it was their absence that pushed me to my limits which helped me to see where I needed to work on myself

@creatureofstyle

Ай бұрын

​@@healingwithcharlie I agree, this is where I'm at too. At first I was so angry at his silence and that made me anxious so I did all the wrong things too. Thankfully he's ignored me enough now that I'm finally at radical acceptance and I have a feeling it will work the same for me, he'll probably come back or I'll randomly run into him about 8 months from now lol Sure wish I would have gotten it together a lot sooner 🤪

@mp4455

Ай бұрын

It’s not easier…. Whey u really love them but they can’t stand or hate u, it hurts

The avoidant traits...realizing that you abandoning yourself focusing on trying to make the relationship work. I think thats an important key I need to explore. Thanks

This is amazing, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am going through the no-contact phase right now. My ex is more avoidance and I am more anxious. We are not contacting each other for a month, he only wished me happy birthday on my birthday. I found him in the concert last weekend, and I am so happy to hear he is healing all his previous wounds by going to therapy weekly. We are only in the first month, and I hope him nothing but happiness. And for me, I need to heal my own wounds as well, and if we are meant to be together, we will see each other again. Good luck for everyone who are going through the same phase, its hard, but you have to take care of yourself first❤️

@healingwithcharlie

Ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing your side! I wish you all the best on your no contact journey :)

@Gbb93

Ай бұрын

Don’t count on it. Even if they’re open to it again, they’ll likely do the same thing. Not just because of their avoidance, but also because their fear that if you broke up once, you’re not meant to get back together.

@robruss62

Ай бұрын

And if he doesn't appreciate you, or can't grow up, find a guy who does, and don't be afraid to look at your circle of friends. Passion can easily come out of that

@MadisonEstes

Ай бұрын

​@@robruss62Passion can but so can settling, which leads to resentment and broken friendships. Plus no one ever talks about how it screws up your friendship if it doesn't work out, or how it can mess up your mutual friendships. No thanks.

@robruss62

Ай бұрын

@@MadisonEstes Risk is in everything; and chances are friendship gets ruined anyway. Might as well give love a shot.

Nope don't want my ex back (At least as she currently is, unlikely to change though), she was nice and all but just not worth another heartache, only took 4 months before it became 'overwhelming' for her, avoidants don't last long because they don't communicate their problems during the relationship, it all came out after, which helped me grow and resolve my own problems, 2 months no contact and counting. Good luck to those that want theirs back, I salute you.

@tgpomy

Ай бұрын

Was yours also just a steep discard? She told me she loved me the night before and then it was just over with no remorse. She went back to an ex almost instantly and blocked my number. Going on two months NC.

@yobo1528

Ай бұрын

​@@tgpomy She told me she "*cking loved me!", then broke it off the next day, but was crying her eyes out and very emotionally distraught. She blocked me after a week of being hot and cold, been no contact since. It sounds like you got love bombed, so sorry dude, I hope everything works out for you.

@maheshbhatt8115

Ай бұрын

So bad They are keeping you for their problem solver and for support I wish u get stronger to fuck off those girls from your life and get better person so u can live a better life

@tgpomy

Ай бұрын

@@yobo1528 Yeah, this was after she came back around once already (4 months, then a 2-month break, then 2 months) too. Part of me does still love her but I'm over it now. Everything happens for a reason - I wish you the best too man.

@sagovana

Ай бұрын

​@@tgpomy This just happened to me too. 1 month dating and 1 month relationship. Went to stay with her for a couple of weeks. Everything was brilliant and we got along really well, no issues or anything. Always telling me how great I was, that she wanted to be with me forever, that she loves me, asking me if I love her, planning the future, and we even book a holiday. She dropped me at the train station, kissed me passionately, told me she loved me. The next morning I got dumped.

This might be weird or selfish for me to admit. But to know a lot of people in here are going through something similar or even worse than me gives me a little peace knowing someone could feel the way I am feeling. Seeing a lot of you strong people here is encouraging and inspiring. Hope you all feel better soon

@FriendMariaAdrianna

20 күн бұрын

This is one of the main reasons KZread helped me more than therapy

@Kavilion

3 күн бұрын

I think that’s the hardest part of being thrown away by an avoidant. None of my friends or family understand why I’m in so much pain over a four month relationship. People in comment sections understand the deep, dark experience of being ghosted when everything was going perfectly. In comment sections I don’t have to worry about sounding crazy.

After a relationship for nearly two years, and in reality it did not exceed three months due to the on and off .He came back after seven months and was trying to communicate daily, but he disappeared again, and I could no longer tolerate this behavior, especially since I spoke to him that how harmful this behavior is to me. I blocked him from all sites. I miss him now but I can't stand it anymore

Why would you want to get an Avoidant Ex partner back? They may change for a short time, but they always go back to their avoidant personality. It just becomes a cycle.

@vop1551

Ай бұрын

That’s a close minded thought process. If you’re capable of growth, why is the person next to you unable to do that as well? Avoidant personality isn’t the end all. The end all is an avoidant who refuses to acknowledge they are.

@vickibazter3446

21 күн бұрын

Why would you judge people?

@user-fp8bw2iz5n

5 күн бұрын

Right?! If you love yourself there’s no way you can tolerate this. They may change but it’s too late bc my feelings are gone.

@Fouttahere921

4 күн бұрын

@@user-fp8bw2iz5n And that ex should understand and respect that! I think we can learn to understand actions and tendencies without excusing them- How you felt due to their actions is completely valid and they should never make you go through that again. If they realize how damaging their actions were and how skewed their thinking is, hopefully they will change to work on that and can offer you a better version of themselves if you accept that change and return the feelings of trying again in the future. But if you have moved on and don’t wish to risk it, then your ex should respect your choice and move on too. It comes down to if you still want the person you loved at the core and believe they have worked on those hurtful tendencies so that the relationship can truly be healthy. There are instances where some people have not changed or are actively being manipulative, but I don’t believe that’s the case with every avoidant. I say this as one who genuinely wants to do better and hope to still be regarded as someone capable of positive change.

Do not take back an avoidant ex .. your life will soon be miserable again and again . They are not worth it . Save your sanity and time .

@mp4455

Ай бұрын

I’m trying to do this now

@karltan9461

22 күн бұрын

Learnt that quickly. You'd think they will muster up the courage to CHANGE when they are made aware of their issues. You'd think an adult would see the light that its sensible not to suffer internally for the long term. You'd think some internal processing has happened. No, they just continue on their journey of external validation via whatever avenues, work, social media, travel, working out, cheating, hobbies.....anything to escape self reflection and processing their buried emotions. Its a hopeless cause for most of them.

Your story is very informative. I have been in NC since my FA ex monkey branched to another after a mostly good four-year relationship/situationship with me. He began the slow fade after expressing deep feelings for me. He wanted to be friends, but I declined, and let him go without tears or drama. I have tested 70% secure and 30% FA myself. By doing inner work hours each day I have been able to heal from the breakup and my own attachment issues. We have texted occasionally, but no real interaction. I have no idea how his life is going. I doubt he is doing any inner work. Although I still have love for him, I don't want him back. I can emphasize with his wounds, but realize it would not work with us without a lot of work. I am sure he still has love for me, also. It's been almost a year since the breakup. I still watch videos because they are very educational in understanding attachment issues. I am unwilling to go through the pain a second time, and am moving on with my life without him.

You're a gem. No wonder she came back. Blessings to you and on your precious relationship.

I'm glad your story worked out, and I sincerely hope it continues to stay good. I wished mine worked out too until I saw him enter a new relationship less than a month after we broke up.

I’m learning about myself as a 20yr old “avoidant” girl, and I both love and reallyyyy not like the way you’ve been talking about your ex not because I disagree but the contrary! It’s painfully and embarrassingly true and I see myself in her as I see my ex in you; I was the one who ended things each time and afterwards he would reach out in elaborate ways and I’d end up going back because I thought “who would ever go the extra mile for me? This means he loves me” which may or may not have been true- I see now that he was actually anxiously attached. I didn’t know about attachment styles up then, I only knew I was able to separate myself more emotionally than him and wondered why, but your entire channel is literally encompassing me and voicing my logic in ways I never realized! And so I thank you so much for helping me become emotionally intelligent and see that I’m not hopeless, and there is possibility of connecting healthily again later on! We’ve been no contact for almost a year now, I’ve passed through the phases you’ve described in your video on Avoidant exes during No Contact lol and to be able to see the other side of what he is possibly going through is…. educating and valuable. I saw things more black and white before- telling myself “We’re fine and that’s it, never going back again”. But, I want to work on myself and offer them (well whoever I date) a better version of me that is secure and mindful of how my actions and words affect them and to consider their attachment styles too. I fear this is common sense duh ofc you want to be the best version of you in a relationship, but I’m really speaking it so that I ensure I improve on my tendencies and allow myself to be in the loving relationship I always envisioned out of my grasp. I’ve never dumped like this before, and I might regret it but I’ll say it- I hope, I can be with him again. I hope he’ll be able to offer me better from our teens and I’ll make sure to be ready to offer him better from my part as well. As much as I’d like to move on and think nothing of him- reality is that we were a good match! Right person, wrong time maybe, and I’ll allow myself that room to consider reconnecting. At the same time, I know my brain will do what it must to protect me from rejection/disappointment, and I’m equally accepting moving on entirely. Ugh, anyways I’m binging the rest of your videos and can’t wait to grow alongside your channel! Thank you

@elona8491

4 күн бұрын

I just read your comment and I’ve rarely seen an avoidant person commenting under a video like this. I thought about my avoidant ex when I read it and I wish her the best. I just wanted to say that you’re on the right path to heal your attachment issues if you can already be so reflective about it. Good luck 🫶

@Fouttahere921

4 күн бұрын

@@elona8491 Thank you so much

Thanks for this video. It provides a workable alternative to other ' cut them off' vidoes . Be blessed

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.

@kanereall

Ай бұрын

I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.

@MoloSaidu

Ай бұрын

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?

@kanereall

Ай бұрын

Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

@MoloSaidu

Ай бұрын

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

@HElSENBERG

29 күн бұрын

Walk away and don’t look back. She ist just one of 3,5 billion females on this planet

Thank you so much for sharing the experience. Need to hear more about the outcomes of doing no contact.

This is a great video. I think my ex and I will likely take the same path so it gives me hope... and honestly I'm really anticipating and looking forward to the relationship being much better and stronger. I had already come to the conclusion that would be the case because the first time around was such a dumpster fire lol (on both sides, we were both tripping over our baggage and each other's baggage... sighhhh). Thank you so much for sharing your experience!

That is a very positive story Charlie, probably the first positive one I've heard of an anxious avoidant style getting back with an avoidant. My avoidant (I am of an anxious style) ghosted me 6 months ago out of the blue after a 4 mo. relationship. I really should have noticed the signs beforehand but refused to give up. I somehow think this short term relationship is may not be enough for him to come back. I had just started dating after my husband passed away 6 years prior. I always showed him true love and caring the whole time, but he kept pushing me away. I did write a couple of e mails, texts and even sent him a song but nothing worked. I still think of him but I have begun to date someone else . Your video was great, but if my relationship was one sided this whole time I am ready to accept the fact that I have to live without him. Once again, thank you for this video, out of all the ones I've seen from different youtubers, this one does give people hope.

@djtiger15

Ай бұрын

Didnt he tried to re approach?or did you followed a proper no contact?

@Mellie726

Ай бұрын

@@djtiger15 no he did not try to contact me yet, and yes I have followed a proper no contact.

@healingwithcharlie

Ай бұрын

I hope it helped! It seems you have some exciting prospects so I wish you all the best with those :)

@Mellie726

Ай бұрын

@@healingwithcharlie Thank you Charlie!

@maheshbhatt8115

Ай бұрын

​@@Mellie726but u are dating new and thinking about him hoping he will come back and that's way u will ruin new one life and as today u are In painful condition similar way new one will be in that situation so please if date new one then forget old one make new relationship good

Thank you for this. I came across your video at the beginning of my NC. I found them day 1 and learning about this has helped me understand better. I was feeling severely depressed today and this helped. Not because I hope we get back together but because I am trying to work on myself and be better.

Going through no contact so far I got through the first month. I’m trying to keep busy and work on myself. It’s been hard not to text or call him but it’s slowly getting easier.

I love your video, bro God bless you and your relationship

I am happy for you!

Excellent advice and bravo to you for doing the work . Thanks for sharing ❤.

@healingwithcharlie

29 күн бұрын

Thank you! Hope you found the video insightful and helpful for you :)

Voice is calming my man

@healingwithcharlie

29 күн бұрын

Thank you kindly! :)

Thanks so much for you're story. So envious of you. Wish my FA would come back. Sadly, I don't think I'll every see her again. So very, very sad 21 months post breakup.

@hamzael2200

Ай бұрын

that's almost 2 years, bro you need to take her out of the pedestal

@healingwithcharlie

Ай бұрын

I hope it helped! I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to be envious. It’s great to be together again but there are still present challenges so it’s far from perfection, but it’s helping us grow as we overcome them. I hope you’re able to find that again when you’re ready

@Gbb93

Ай бұрын

Regardless of attachment, women usually don’t come back. Idk why, just the way it is

@hspinnovators5516

Ай бұрын

​@@Gbb93not true depends on what happened in the relationship, how long, if the guy was going to commit etc

@theultimate577

Ай бұрын

Lets move on from these damaged girls, they treat us like crap no matter how good we treat them, we deserve better

I think you need to understand why the avoidant is the way they are, and they need to too. Often it goes back to childhood and this needs to be faced to improve. If there is denial the cycle of contact and non contact will continue. If you have compassion for the reasoning, and they work on this with therapy, when they go quiet it is easier not to panic and carry on. I completely agree with working on yourself. When you first meet an avoider I think you become anxious but you can get back to secure. If you can do this the time of no contact gets shorter and eventually trust on both sides bonds the connection. It takes viewing from the outside (like a Birds Eye view) to see the issues on both sides.

@Flufero23

Ай бұрын

One can understand and empathize. After the breakup, I started studying attachment styles. As I worked as a therapist before retirement, I know that unless folks work on their issues, either in therapy or introspection, the cycle will repeat over and over again. Healing happens at the subconscious level. It is up to each person to decide to heal. If one wants to stay around waiting for them or trying to persuade them, be my guest. Or, move on. I chose to move on.

@djloopz56

Ай бұрын

@@Flufero23 completely agree. All work , no matter what it is needs to come from within. And if this leads to working together on a relationship it is possible but it has to be a joint effort

Good stuff thank you

Did you get them to talk about what they would change to make sure the same things didn’t break you up again? Did you introduce them to their attachment style somehow they could work on theirs?

@healingwithcharlie

Ай бұрын

Ironically, they first introduced me to attachment styles well before we broke up. We definitely had conversations about the past relationship and how we wanted our new one to be different, but also offered each other strategies and solutions to help each other soothe if we find the other person becoming triggered.

@sebbylondon

Ай бұрын

That’s amazing! Altho it’s crazy how even though they knew about attachment theory they still allowed themselves to be directed by their triggers. I do think knowledge of attachment theory is essential for avoidants to start to heal… GOOD knowledge of course, and compassionate, like your channel. If they want to know, that is, otherwise they’ll “avoid” and will just feel criticised and run

I've been in no contact for a few months and although I still have feelings for my ex, it's become clear to me why the relationship ended. I was the one who made all the adjustments to fit her needs and now that we're apart, my needs have once again become important to me. She briefly reached out to me about a week ago but not sure getting back together is in the cards for either of us. I'm dating people now who are a better match and I think I'll be happier with someone else in the future. Not sure what might happen if she eventually comes back but changes would have to be made and I don't think she's capable of that.

no contact is the absolute best way to get your ex back...its hard but she will come back if you stay away

@basharalbutseggs8056

13 күн бұрын

Does it work on avoidant men.. I know they’re more hard headed. It’s been two months of no contact and he hasn’t reached out and it’s starting to break me thinking he might not ever reach out. After the breakup I unadded him off social media and he made his account public and posts regularly, even pics with songs that were “our song” and he posts more than he ever has.

Did she get into a rebound or date other people during the breakup?

4:55 or so. Christ I’ve been there. I think we were on the phone and I started tearing up and we decided maybe talking in person was the solution. I sent her a story (I’m an amateur writer, what can I say 🤷, I’ll be straight forward in the future) and she touched on every one of my insecurities. It was right before spring break and I think I cried and obsessed over her the entire week. I wanted to ‘atone to her and God’ (Christ I was so emotional, Jesus.) and told her as much. That was some 4 months ago now. If I see her it’ll probably be like no time passed at all, and if not, I’m not too opposed to having someone I can miss in my life.

My ex is an avoidants that hates losing control... No contact helped me grow.. gain confidence and love myself more

I went no contact and didn’t work. Now it’s been 20 months and nothing. Not like I was sitting around waiting but nonetheless still nothing. Safe to say she’s not coming back. But I know this was a possibility when I went no contact. I stand by my decision to go no contact. She ghosted me and under this particular circumstance it was unacceptable.

@mrbravosworkshop

Ай бұрын

How long were you together?

Sounds like an oxymoron. I went no contact with an avoidant it's been 3 years of no contact. I guess I'll post another update next to confirm there is still 😅 no sign of him.

@mp4455

Ай бұрын

Yep time to let that go … I’m giving my person 2 months … if I hear nothing in 2 months he’s dead to me and blocked

I got stonewalled on our anniversary then dumped by getting removed off everything shortly after. I was blocked immediatelly and stayed blocked for 5 months, then i got unblocked for 2 and now im blocked again on everything. All this time, not a single word, like i dont exist. It hurts so much

So how do we handle an ex that after no contact comes back very strongly and emotionally? Do we reject them? It’s hard not to give in and dive back in to the relationship

@hspinnovators5516

Ай бұрын

Pace them and share you don't want the love bombing

@MadisonEstes

Ай бұрын

You are lucky. I'd love for my ex to come back strongly. My advice is take it slow. Tell them you want to take it slow. Go on dates, no sleepovers for awhile. No sex for awhile. Communicate your intentions to take it slow and what that means to you, but don't make a big deal about it. You can share a little bit of your anxiety if you have some about the relationship, but don't share too much (save that for your therapist or a close friend) and try to keep the mood pretty light. Eventually you might share some videos on attachment disorders if they are open to learning about things like that which might help the relationship work better a second time. Try to avoid making big declarations of love and if they give those just keep reminding them you care about them but want to take it slow for the sake of the relationship. Be receptive and flattering but I wouldn't reciprocate that energy back as that seems to be what triggers an avoidant to leave. Take care and good luck!

I dated this guy for 7 months and he promised marriage and I thought he was serious about me based on how he treated me, but then I learned that he went around and pretended to be single all this time he was dating me. I broke up with him after 7 months of dating because he fooled me all this time. I wonder if he will ever regret doing this to me. He's blocked me everywhere, he's been avoiding me and my questions. I wonder if he will ever come back and apologise

wow, 7-8 months... i am at 6 months since the breakup, first 3 we just kept the snapchat streak but no chat, then total silence. Reached out a month ago and she seemed ok with meeting up, but i rushed and then i said what i actually wanted and she said that "at this moment i am not thinking about this option"... I thought that after 6 months things should've been different, but apparently not. On the other hand, she muted my stories but keeps looking with a fake account (before i reached out), which i find odd, but i really want to detach and go on with my life. Tbh i have no hope that we will cross paths again, but who knows. She knows that im working on myself, went to therapy and all that, so i am not just sitting around and waiting.

@MadisonEstes

Ай бұрын

If she wanted to, she would. She's keeping you around as an option. She might come around but she might not. I don't know why people play games with their exes heart but it sounds like that's what she's doing. I'm sorry.

It is so hard doing this... I feel falling apart..

So you're saying the Avoidant healed their attachment issues and trauma? I find that difficult to believe in 7 or 8 months their attachment was healed. Or were you anxious to get back with them?

@hspinnovators5516

Ай бұрын

It's possible to do with hard work that's focused but not unlikely on an avoidant side

@Apbt-rv7zw

Ай бұрын

That's what Avoidants avoid... Hardwork

@MadisonEstes

Ай бұрын

You can't really work on being better as an avoidant unless you are in a relationship. It's like trying to work on conflict resolution without having anyone you have conflict with in your life. Except for extreme avoidants who have problems in even their platonic relationships. But an avoidant can't really work on dealing with scary feelings like intimacy unless they are in an opportunity to have deep, intimate moments with someone. I guess they could practice with friends, like revealing vulnerabilities to them and/or practicing setting boundaries. But some people seem to think you just go to therapy and medicate and cure your attachment style in a vacuum and that's doubtful. Also, I don't think you are ever "cured" of your attachment style, you just learn new techniques to handle your feelings.

@nickus51

Ай бұрын

I would say it is less about healing your attachment, but being more self aware about it, what triggers you, how your attachment wounds impact you etc. This way you can conciously step, self sooth and approach situation from healthier, more secure perspective.

He broke us up 2 months ago but would text me every few weeks and it would lead to sex talk and how much he missed it but no intention of returning and resolving anything. So I sent him a video of me crying and telling him how difficult it had been for me, then I went into no contact. It was not to manipulate him back but to not let him get away so easily without seeing my pain. I felt so used. I really just want to move on now.

@maheshbhatt8115

Ай бұрын

So sad to listen that God bless you

@deborahkalavrezou2385

Ай бұрын

@@maheshbhatt8115 Thank you and God bless you too

@maheshbhatt8115

Ай бұрын

@@deborahkalavrezou2385 I'm no one to say anything but I'm saying please don't attend anyone who just want to use you i understand how attachments or love or betrayal hurt move on in your life and think u didn't do bad u r good and you will get good person god bless you God is graceful sometimes we didn't understand his msg

@maheshbhatt8115

Ай бұрын

@@deborahkalavrezou2385 welcome

@cyberzenASMR

Ай бұрын

Appears he was more manipulative and narcissistic then just “avoidant”

Great video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

@user-qq5fy4nh8v

Ай бұрын

i have been in such a situation. i love my woman and unfortunately we separated about two years ago, but i could not let her go, so i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back, now we are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.

@TerryN.Bologna

Ай бұрын

wow, please how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach him?

@user-qq5fy4nh8v

Ай бұрын

Dr Ben Spell Castle is the advisor I use. Just research the name. You’d find necessary details to work with to set up an appointment

@user-qq5fy4nh8v

Ай бұрын

you can look his name up online and you will find all you need.

@TerryN.Bologna

Ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing. I curiously searched for his full name and his website popped up after scrolling a bit.

Sounds like a new buzz word - Avoidant 😂

@healingwithcharlie

Ай бұрын

Avoidant attachment, also referred to as Dismissive Avoidant attachment, was first presented in 1969 by John Bowlby

I think that my ex is an avoidant, it’s now been 2 weeks and 3 days since we broke up and last friday she blocked me on instagram after I posted a picture of my team winning on my story. I have been in no contact and I feel really confused why she has blocked me even though i have not reached out to her.

@hspinnovators5516

Ай бұрын

They are overemotional and hurt

@Lguida

Ай бұрын

@@hspinnovators5516that’s what i’ve been thinking but I don’t understand cause she broke up w me yk. like im rlly j trying to give her the breakup and show her that I respect her decision and she goes and does this, it feels personal yk like if she is trying to poke at me

@SanDmaNTheFreakTrucker

Ай бұрын

She still has feelings for you. Give her time. Eventually you will be unblocked.

@pacosandoval4090

Ай бұрын

Because there in it for distance and irritation

@MadisonEstes

Ай бұрын

​@@hspinnovators5516I hate people using the word overemotional. You have no idea if her reaction is appropriate to the situation or not. Science tells us that we usually don't heal from an ex unless we don't see or talk to them for a long time. Her reaction is actually the appropriate one.

Did your ex date someone new quickly after you broke up? My dismissive avoidant ex started dating someone 2 months after he ghosted me (and we were planning on being engaged this year)… It’s been 6 months now since the breakup, and as far as I know, he is still with her. It’s still incredibly painful for me.

@healingwithcharlie

Ай бұрын

Nope. Mine leaned more avoidant then and preferred time alone and independence. Work was consumed a lot of their time and focus. Sorry to hear about your experience, I hope you’ll get through this when you’re ready. Wishing you luck and happiness!

@scottverge938

Ай бұрын

My ex wife was in another man's bed the night she left and celebrating her freedom. She's went on to have multiple threesomes with her roommate and has random sex with men even while friends are over visiting. I don't think she's in a relationship but she does have a fuck buddy that comes and visits her from out of town in addition to the randoms and her roommate. Probably more I haven't yet heard about as well.

@mp4455

Ай бұрын

I’m so sorry that’s the worst … I had an ex that moved on 2 months after we broke up too… he was a narcissist. When I found out he moved on so quickly it was months later but still that really hurt and makes u think… did I mean anything ?

@sarahamelia4101

Ай бұрын

@@mp4455 I’m sorry that happened to you. I know how much I mattered to my ex - we were living together and he was researching engagement rings before he ended things with me. It’s just hard to understand how he could move on that quickly. I hope you are able to heal. It’s still a struggle for me.

My ex partner said he didn’t want to be friends and his actions pretty much show he despises me. He’s so cold and distant. My last effort was I asked if we could just have a nice dinner somewhere , no agenda, he chooses the place and my treat, he said no… that was my last attempt. Now we are full on no contact bc of course he doesn’t talk to me… doubt he’ll come around … right?

@chiobabe2180

Ай бұрын

He doesn’t want you. You’re offering to take a man on a date AND PAY ? hunni it’s giving desperate. He’s not interested at all. STOP reaching out . He’s probably out chasing down another woman

@mp4455

Ай бұрын

@@chiobabe2180 he was… ur right. Found that out just recently . It was my last hope to try to make peace but this is why u can never ever go back to an avoidant. Let them be. Screw the no contact and let it go.

Yeah but did she sleep with others while you parted....the reason I asked is ,there are alot of women who say we were on a break ...it's not a break if she broke it off to try out others....I believe you can take any ex back as long as you didn't sleep around and neither did she...if you either have then your second best...I hope for you she didn't sleep around...

Interesting story! I recently went to visit my ex - we have been apart for just under a year. She moved back to Spain and I stayed in the UK but we have been in regular contact. Neither of us were ready to let go. In Feb this year she asked if we had a future together - I said I saw myself with her but to be with her would mean that I would have to give up everything (house etc) to move out to Spain and start a life out there. It all seemed too much so I said that I couldn't do it. About 3 weeks past of no contact and she started messaging me again, we were still chatting the way we were before. Fast forward to the start of May and she said she missed me, so I asked if she'd like me to go and spend a few days with her in Spain. We spoke about the trip and she said it was best to have no expectations and I said I would go as friends when she asked me why I was going. In reality I wanted to see her as more but I didnt know how I would feel for sure so I didnt tell her. I didnt ask what she would like me to go as. We both agreed we'd be happy to see each other regardless. I went to see her and we were having a great time but 2 days into the trip I found out she was going to see someone else in the USA on the same day I was leaving. When we were organising the trip she had said she was going travelling but hadn't said where. In the end I discovered she was going to see another guy who was a "friend" that she had met earlier this year. Obviously I was devestated and I just shut down and tried to squash my feelings but the reality is that I fell in love with her on the visit and I had gone to get back with her but not told her. She asked me again what the situation was but I just couldn't tell her how I felt my head was all over the place. She went to the USA and spent 6 days with this guy, didn't stay with him as far as I know but when I told her how i felt on her return she said she had moved on and got "closer to him and didn't expect it because he was just a friend". I am so confused because the 4 days we had together everything was really good and I had plans when she visits the UK in July to tell her how I felt, and have her stay with me. Obviously the way I have dealt with this feels very reactionary to her but it was the last night we spent together that made me feel like it could work. The night was perfect we had an amazing time. Now I've told her how I feel she says she feels totally overwhelmed and weve been no contact for 10 days. I am completely lost, I feel played but also feel like we are both confused and have done things because we were unable to truly communicate our feelings. What should I do?

@lnnerCore

Ай бұрын

It's time to move on, there's no way to know if she's in her hoe phase or if she's actually forming a new intimate connection with a new guy. If its meant to be in the future and the connection with you was stronger than with anyone else then she will come back. Like the video says, in order for a possible future for you two together you'd both have to already be over each other, else there's resentment in the way. Forgiveness liberates the soul and removes fear. If you were spiritually and emotionally ready for her you wouldn't be here unfortunately. Stop giving energy to these anxious thoughts and instead, use it to do the things you like and when you finally forgive yourself you'll find the certainty that there's a reason she did or she did not come back. Time heals all wounds. You've done the right thing by cutting all contact. A couple months from now the thought of a future with her will be gone and you will feel truly happy once again. Be strong.

@MadisonEstes

Ай бұрын

Dude, that is 100 percent your fault for not manning up and telling her how you felt. You played all these head games with her and told her you wanted to be with her but wouldn't move for her, then you tell her you want to spend time together without expectations but secretly you are testing your own feelings and had the expectation that if you felt strongly enough you'd get back together even if you didn't have a plan for the future, and by the end of it you have feelings for her and don't tell her, then you get mad at her for not reading your mind and for her moving on which she had EVERY right to. You are the toxic one here. Get therapy. She had every right to act the way she did and you have no right to act like you're a victim. Also was she confused about her feeling or was that just you and you are projecting that feeling onto her? Sounds to me like she just wanted you to commit and moved on when you didn't.

@MadisonEstes

Ай бұрын

My advice to you is move on from ber, and from now on, communicate what you are feeling and your true expectations of someone, not telling them whatever you think they want to hear. Also don't date someone in a other country, that is needless complications and it seems like you already make things complicated. Also some therapy might help.

@0l0dom40l0

Ай бұрын

@lnnerCore thanks man. I have come to the same conclusion myself. I feel so stupid for the way I have behaved and regret all of it but that's part of life I guess.

@0l0dom40l0

Ай бұрын

@MadisonEstes thanks, I'm not trying to play the victim at all I am aware that I have made all the mistakes you highlighted. I kmow that she hasn't done anything directly wrong and she was free to move on because I didn't tell her how I felt. It is just the timing of it that has been difficult, seeing her re kindled all those feelings and more. I was trying to start a fresh. We both had an amazing time and it did feel like everything was behind us when we were together. I regret not telling her but I was scared that she didn't feel the same. I guess in trying to protect myself I have hurt her and I've hurt myself in the end anyway. It's a hard lesson for the future, I will consider therapy.

Mine came back and rejected me again after an event that we had together .

@djtiger15

Ай бұрын

How long was the rekationship and how long did it took?

@Tryyy123

Ай бұрын

@@djtiger15 every time it lasted 6 months then pushed me away then get back and when things get close discard me again

@djtiger15

Ай бұрын

I had a three months realtionship and its been 45 days of no contact,but once she love bombed me,later on lost attraction because i loved too much and cared,became clingy,should i keep hope or its gone for sure(when i stopped watching her storues,she also stopped but started watching them again after few days)now i just removed her from instagram.....

@nadirahmuhammad747

Ай бұрын

Same

@karltan9461

Ай бұрын

​@@Tryyy123its ridiculous isnt it. You would think it only requires the minimum self awareness for someone to know their conflicting patterns of behaviour. You would think some internal processing has taken place when they come back each time, some reflection. Nope....the things they do, the stuff they say, speaks otherwise.

No contact can be seen as manipulation to get the person back. The distance is good because it helps you get over the person. My avoidant refuses to talk and live in the same neighborhood, go to the same church and are part of the same club.

@MadisonEstes

Ай бұрын

No contact is not manipulation. I think you need to talk to a therapist about what manipulation is. No contact is a healthy boundary. That's like saying no sex without commitment is manipulation because you are trying to get the other person to commit. But that is another boundary, not manipulation.

@flowersforme375

Ай бұрын

@@MadisonEstes Anyone who puts fake blood on their face as their profile photo need not give any advice. 👎🏿

@scottverge938

Ай бұрын

It's absolutely not manipulation, it's called respecting yourself. Why would you continue to talk to someone that discarded you? What would be the point?

Sweet dear… being bi or gay is ok, but thanx for the vids

100

Unpopular opinion. People label others as ‘avoidant’ when in fact they just didn’t want you enough. I bet that same person will come across someone they will call the avoidant one.

@thelaziestbee

29 күн бұрын

I think so, yes. They just aren't into that particular person that much.

@garden6300

29 күн бұрын

@@thelaziestbeeand they build this world of fiction to justify why, just to avoid the painful truth

@thelaziestbee

29 күн бұрын

@garden6300 yes, the mind usually tends to come up with the most complex explanations not to face reality. Sadly.

@youtubeaccountserio2633

4 күн бұрын

What would an avpd say

I love you ❤️